Sin Eaters

by Anna Ouyang Moench

contact:
Ally Shuster
CAA
212-277-9000
ally.shuster@caa.com

“If you work with garbage, you will get dirty.”
characters

Mary Lee - late 20s, any ethnicity

Derek (doubles at times as Gary, Michael, Steve, and Reesie) - late 20s, any ethnicity

offstage characters (recorded)

Reesie - recorded until final scene

corporate@noreply.betweenus.com

indiamart.com/corporatecounseling

Steve

Michael - recorded until final scene

note
Transitions between scenes should be instantaneous, even to the point where one
scene is still ending as the next begins. This is important to the rhythm and pacing of
the story. Design and staging can lean toward the abstract in order to accomplish this.

 1

1. Home

A grim apartment in Staten Island. MARY and DEREK sit opposite one another at a
rickety table. They have their glasses raised in a toast. Somewhere in the apartment, a
guitar case is propped against a wall.

DEREK

A toast.

MARY

Yes!

DEREK

To you.

MARY
To us. To us getting the fuck out of here.

DEREK

To us moving forward.

MARY
Forward into a decent apartment.

DEREK

Forward into whatever comes. Together.

MARY

Together.

They clink glasses. They drink.

Derek looks at Mary in a sexy way.

DEREK

I’ll forward you into whatever comes…together…

MARY
What?

DEREK
I don’t know. It was sort of a sexy joke?

MARY

(laughing)

It was bad.
 2

DEREK
Yeah. Okay. That never happened.

MARY
Okay.

They clink glasses again.

DEREK
When do you start?

MARY

I don’t know!

DEREK

How do you not know?

MARY

Is that dumb? I didn’t ask. I just heard I got the job and then it was like
KSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
In my head. Just like KSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—

DEREK

Because you were so excited.

MARY

So. Excited.

DEREK

This is big.

Derek holds his two hands up in the air like the bottom of a frame.

DEREK

“Tech!”

MARY

Tech! I mean. I’m basically a temp. But they have this really cool incentive program
where they give you a big bonus every year if you stick around.

DEREK

Do a good job, and they could promote you! Go full time, get benefits…

MARY
God, I never thought I’d miss being an assistant.
 3

DEREK

You don’t. You miss the money. You were miserable.

MARY

I thought it would be easy to get into something new. But basically everybody wants you
to have done the job you’re applying for for five years. This place is totally happy to train
me, though!

DEREK

And what are you doing?

MARY

Well…

DEREK

Oh, right. KSHHHHHHHHHHH—

MARY
No, no, I know what it is. I just can’t talk about it. Just to do the interview I had to sign an
NDA.

DEREK

It’s me.

MARY

I know. But they specifically said I couldn’t talk about it to my partner or children or any
family members or friends or acquaintances or strangers or the press or anyone I might
know on social media.

DEREK

Wow.

MARY

I know.

DEREK

What are you doing?

MARY

Derek.

DEREK

Fine. Fine. You be the big shot NDA-bound tech mogul, I’ll just be here, collecting my
unemployment checks and gigging at the bar.
 4

MARY

You got a gig??


DEREK
…no.

MARY
You will.

DEREK

I know.

MARY

Maybe go to some open mic nights. You’re so talented, people will see you and—

DEREK

I got it, okay? Just…I got it.

MARY

I know you do. It’s just. Now that I have a job, I feel like—

DEREK

You haven’t started.

MARY

I just know what it’s like, I mean, I was in a bad place.

DEREK

Oh, I know.

MARY

It is so easy to just stay home and be like “fuck it.”

DEREK

I’m not like “fuck it.”

MARY

No, no, I know you aren’t, I’m saying I was. I was like “fuck it.”

DEREK

Okay.

MARY
It just took everything I had to get on craigslist and be like “okay, what’s up?”
 5

DEREK

Right.

MARY

And when I did? Boom! Tech job!

DEREK

Tech temp job.

MARY

Really?

DEREK 

No, you’re right. It’s great. And you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m being a dick.

MARY
You used to do catering stuff. They liked you.

DEREK

I hate catering.

MARY

I know.

DEREK

Hate it.

MARY
I know. But. Maybe it would be worth it. Just to do it, you know. Part time. Or. Even full
time, but temporarily. Just to help get us out of here, you know?



DEREK

Staten Island not doing it for you?



MARY
Please. I’m not saying we move to Brooklyn. I’m saying we get out of this shithole. We
can stay on the larger shithole, just in a nicer shithole on top of the big shithole.

DEREK

They haven’t been so bad lately.

MARY

When I was leaving to go to my interview the other day, Michael was in the hallway with
his gun.
 6

DEREK

Why, was Reesie beefing with him again?

MARY

He was hearing knocking on his window. There was nobody there, obviously.

DEREK

Jesus.

MARY

I had to convince him to put his gun away. He’s like “Okay, I’ll put it in the safe.” You
know what the “safe” is?

DEREK

No.

MARY

His kitchen cabinet. Then he sits me down and tells me this 20 minute long story about
his mother dying last week. Maggots in her legs.

DEREK

In her legs??

MARY

Apparently you can get maggots in your legs if you have diabetes or whatever.

DEREK

Really?

MARY

That’s what he said. He’s crazy though, so who knows.

DEREK

PTSD doesn’t mean you’re crazy.

MARY

I guess not. I guess maybe you can get maggots in your legs.

DEREK

God.

MARY

Poor guy.

DEREK

Maybe I’ll bake him something.
 7

MARY

You really should. He would love it.

DEREK

He must be so lonely.

MARY

I know. It’s so sad.

A moment of respectful, sad silence for Michael.

Suddenly, a commotion offstage.

REESIE
(offstage)

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHER FUCKER! FUCK YOU!

A door slams.

Mary and Derek sigh.

DEREK

It’s so sad.

MARY

It really is.

DEREK

Where are her kids, you know?

MARY
I know. I think about that all the time.

DEREK

If my mom was holed up in her apartment all the time, I’d go check on her.

MARY

You’re such a good son.

DEREK

One time I actually did.

MARY

What?
 8

DEREK

Check on her.

MARY

What? When?

DEREK

Early on, before you moved in. She was watching “Friends” at like a billion decibels so I
went up there. She had her door wide open, and she was sitting on her floor watching
“Friends,” eating popcorn, and holding a big ol’ statue of the Virgin Mary like it was her
kid or something. She invited me to join her.

MARY

Did you?

DEREK

Actually, for a little while, yeah. But I think she was taking her meds back then, she was
a lot more functional.

MARY

Yeah.

DEREK

Sad.

MARY

So anyway, what I’m saying is, with me making 20 an hour and you doing catering
shifts, just temporarily, just to save up for the broker’s fee and the security…

DEREK

I guess.

MARY

It’s doable. It’s totally doable.

2. Between Us

A brightly lit space. A large whiteboard at the back of the space, or maybe where the
audience walked in. A soft, syncopated chorus of clicks fills the air. Written on the
whiteboard:

Mary enters and surveys the landscape. Cubicles as far as she can see. She finds an
empty desk. But there is no chair. She turns to a nearby cubicle, its occupant is hidden
behind its walls.
 9

- PORNOGRAPHY
- GORE
- MINORS
- SEXUAL SOLICITATION
- SEXUAL BODY PARTS/IMAGES
- RACISM
- HATE SPEECH
- BESTIALITY
- ANIMAL ABUSE
- TORTURE

- GO TEAM!

MARY

Hi, it’s my first day? Is there a…

A wheelie chair is shoved out from the cubicle. Mary catches it.

MARY
Thanks.

Mary sits down at the desk. She clatters the keyboard, logging on. A blue light shines on
her face.

Click.

CORPORATE@NOREPLY.BETWEENUS.COM

DEAR MARY LEE,

WELCOME TO THE BETWEEN US TEAM! WE ARE PSYCHED TO HAVE YOU ON

BOARD! AS YOU KNOW, BETWEEN US IS AN ANONYMOUS SOCIAL
NETWORKING PLATFORM THAT ENABLES USERS TO CONNECT VIA PEER TO
PEER INTERACTIONS IN ORDER TO DISCOVER THE INTIMATE, UNSEEN AND
UNKNOWN WORLD AROUND US! AS A CONTENT MODERATOR, IT IS YOUR JOB
TO MAINTAIN THE STANDARDS OF OUR COMMUNITY BY CAREFULLY
CURATING CONTENT TO ENSURE A SAFE AND FUN SPACE FOR OUR USERS!
WE COULDN’T DO WHAT WE DO WITHOUT YOU!

CLICK BELOW TO ACCESS YOUR QUEUE. YOU WILL SEE A FLAGGED POST. IF
THE FLAGGED POST VIOLATES OUR CONTENT GUIDELINES, CLICK TO
DELETE. IT’S THAT SIMPLE!

THANKS SO MUCH!
 10

LOVE,
THE BETWEEN US TEAM

Click.

MARY
Jesus!

Mary reflexively turns her face away in disgust and shock. She glances forward into the
blue light again, then turns her face away just as fast.

MARY

Ugh!

Mary turns to the next cubicle.

MARY

Hey, uh…

(reading from his name plate)

…Gary? Would you mind taking your headphones…

…I just found something really disturbing? It’s, um. It’s a photo of…

Ping! Mary looks back at her screen.

MARY

Oh. You just emailed me.

(Reading from the screen:)

“If you have questions, call Steve. Extension 2637.”

Mary looks over at Gary’s cubicle. She almost speaks, then thinks better of it. She
clatters her keyboard.

MARY

“Thanks.”

Whoosh.

Pause.

Ping!
 11

MARY

(reading)
“Np.”

Mary glances over at Gary’s cubicle, then picks up the phone. Dials.

STEVE
(through the phone)
Steve.

MARY

Hi Steve, this is Mary Lee? I just started today.

STEVE

Okay.

MARY

Okay. So. I just started going through my queue, and I found something really
disturbing?
Uh.
It’s a close up of someone’s arm. They’re in the bath. It’s like they’re taking the photo of
their arm, like a point of view shot, in the bath. And there’s a bunch of really…
deep…
cuts. In their arm. Bleeding. In the bath. In the water. The water is all red with blood. And
the cuts are bleeding. A lot. And the caption says.
“Bye.”

STEVE

Okay.

MARY

Right.
I guess my question is…what…
what do I do?

STEVE

Gore. Delete it.

MARY
Right, okay, but like. What else?

Steve sighs, audibly annoyed.

STEVE

Else?
 12

MARY

Like do I call someone?

STEVE

Who?

MARY

Nine One One?

STEVE

And what would you say?

MARY

Someone’s…committing…suicide?

STEVE

Who?

MARY

…

STEVE

Where is this person?

MARY
…

STEVE
Gore. Delete it.

Click. Dial tone.

Mary puts the receiver back on the hook.

She looks back at the blue light. Takes a deep breath.

Click.

Mary turns her face away from the light again.

MARY

Ugh!

3. Home
 13

A few days later. Mary and Derek at the table. Mary has her glass raised. The air might
be just a little hazy with second hand smoke.

DEREK

I don’t want to.

MARY
Come on!

Derek raises his glass.

MARY

Congratulations!

DEREK

Thanks.

MARY

It’s just temporary.

DEREK

Yeah.

MARY

It’s money coming in.

DEREK

Can you not try and put a good face on it?

MARY

…sorry.

DEREK

Sorry.

MARY

It’s a good thing.

DEREK

I don’t really want to be celebrating my ignoble return to catering.

MARY

There’s nothing wrong with honest work.
 14

DEREK

I know there’s nothing wrong with it, I just don’t like it and I don’t want to pretend like me
going back to my old boss on my hands and knees and having him shit all over me for
an hour before giving me my old job back is some huge accomplishment.

MARY

Okay.

DEREK

I’m sorry.

MARY

No, it’s fine. I get it.

DEREK

I love you.

MARY

I love you.

Derek fans the air.

DEREK

This is so gross. I feel sick all the time. You know how I keep getting colds?

MARY

If I get lung cancer when I’m sixty I’m going to be so pissed.

DEREK

Open a window.

MARY

It’s cold out.

DEREK

Lung cancer!

MARY

I thought we were going to try not turning the heat on.

DEREK

We can afford it. I’m working now.

MARY

It’ll just take longer to save up. So we can get out of here.
 15

DEREK

Are we really arguing about this? In October?

Mary gets up and opens a window. She exits to the bedroom.

Derek pulls out his phone and starts staring at it.

Mary returns wearing a sweater. She sits down at the table. She waits for Derek to put
down his phone. He doesn’t.

MARY
Uh…hello?

Derek looks up.

DEREK

Sorry.

Derek puts his phone away.




DEREK

Just got this new app.

MARY

What is it?

DEREK

Between Us?

MARY

Oh.

DEREK

You heard of it?

MARY

Uh, sort of. I think so. I haven’t really tried it.

DEREK

It’s cool. You like put anonymous thoughts and photos and videos and stuff online and
other anonymous people look at it. I dunno. It’s kind of cathartic. Helps pass the time at
work.

MARY

Yeah.
 16

DEREK

You wanna see?

MARY
Eh.

DEREK
(staring at his phone, laughing)
This baby’s tasting a lemon for the first time, it’s adorable.

MARY

Play something for me tonight?

DEREK

Nah.

MARY

Please? Play “Lungs.”

Mary brings him his guitar.

DEREK

I don’t feel like it.

MARY

Come on. I love that song.

Derek sighs. He plays a few chords listlessly.

DEREK

Eh.

Derek puts the guitar back.

MARY
It might be good for you. To keep playing.
Help keep you, you know. Sane. Since your job…

DEREK

Fucking sucks?

MARY

Lots of people hate their jobs, Derek.

DEREK
Cool. That makes me feel better.
 17

MARY

You don’t have to let it bother you so much.

DEREK

I’m cutting off parts of my life and selling them to the highest bidder.

MARY
That’s what a job is.

DEREK

That doesn’t bother you?

MARY
I want my life to get better, and money is how that happens. If that means enduring
something for a while, so be it.

DEREK
Your job must be more fun than catering.

MARY

It’s…challenging.

DEREK

Challenging is good.

MARY

I guess.

DEREK

Believe me. It’s good.
You like it?

MARY

I’m not sure.

DEREK

It’s a start.

MARY

Yeah.

DEREK

It’s weird that I don’t know what you do all day.
 18

MARY

I don’t really know what you do all day.

DEREK

Sure you do.

MARY

In a general sense, yes. But what you actually do? Moment to moment? No.

DEREK

You wanna know what I did today?

MARY

Sure.

DEREK

After I prostrated myself at the feet of Will Kay in the morning, he sent me to this party
at MoMA. I stared at a temporary wall for four hours to make sure it didn’t fall down.

MARY

Huh.

DEREK

Made twenty eight bucks an hour. Plus, five hour minimum, so I got an extra hour of pay
while I was coming home.

MARY

Wow!

DEREK

Yep. Big bucks. But I blew most of it on the champagne.

MARY

Oh.

Mary looks in her glass.

MARY

I thought it was prosecco.

DEREK

Oh good, I’m glad I spent ninety dollars on it.

MARY

I thought we were saving up.
 19

DEREK

I thought we were celebrating.

Mary raises her glass again.

MARY

We are.

After a long moment, Derek raises his glass, they clink, they drink.

MARY

What were you supposed to do if it did fall down? The wall.

DEREK

I didn’t ask.

4. Between Us

A few days later. Mary stands near one of the cubicles. She grips her own elbows in an
awkward “standing around” posture. She is singing “Happy Birthday.”

MARY
(singing)

—PPY BIRTHDAY DEAR
(quieter)
MEHHMEHHH…
(louder)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

Mary claps politely. She mills around a little. Reaches into the cubicle and gets a small
square slice of white sheet cake on a white plastic plate, with a white plastic fork.

MARY

Thanks.

Mary takes the cake back to her cubicle and sits down at her desk.

Glances at the next cubicle over. Holds out the slice of cake.

MARY

Do you want this?

Silence. Mary puts the cake down. Picks at it with her fork.
 20

MARY

Gary, when’s your birthday?

Silence.

MARY

Mine’s in November. Coming up. The big three-oh. Then it’s Thanksgiving. Then it’s
Christmas. Then it’s next year. Isn’t that crazy? Time really flies. Are you doing anything
fun for Thanksgiving? I guess probably not, since we don’t get time off. Not that I’m
complaining. It’s great to have a job. Even this one. Not that I’m complaining. I like
Between Us. Working here, anyway. I haven’t used the app yet, have you? It’s like the
last thing I want to look at when I get home after looking at this all day. Maybe I should,
though. See what the deal is. It might be nice to see some of the normal pictures. Not
just the flagged ones. Kind of a relief. To know the world isn’t full of monsters. Or. At
least isn’t entirely full of monsters. Anyway. It’s a great job. Great industry. Tech.

Silence.

MARY
That a podcast you got there…music, or…an audiobook…?

Silence.

MARY
Well. I guess I should get back to work.

Nice talking to you.

Silence.

MARY

Okay.

Mary takes a deep breath. Exhales.

Click.

She winces a little.

MARY

Okay. It’s just a dick. That’s all. It’s just some part of someone’s body. It’s no big deal.

Click.

Winces.
 21

MARY

Well…two consenting adults, at least.

Click.

MARY

Man, guys love to put pictures of their dicks on the internet.

Click.
Click.
Click.
Click.
Click.

MARY

Dick, dick, dick, all dicks…

Click.

MARY

Ugh!

Mary covers her face and watches a video, wincing, through her fingers. She slowly
becomes engrossed in the video and removes her hands from her face.

MARY

Jesus.
You have to really really want to behead someone to behead someone.
That is not easy.
Physically.

And probably otherwise, too.

Oh, there it goes.

Click.

Click.

Click.

Click.

Click.
 22

Hours pass. Mary keeps clicking.

The day ends. Mary stands up. Stretches. Takes her coat off her chair. Puts it on.
Powers her computer down. She looks into Gary’s cubicle.

MARY
Hey Gary?
You ever go home, after an eight hour shift of staring at porn, torture, abuse, and
murder and think
Who are these people all around me on the subway? Who are they really?
Or sometimes, don’t you look at someone and think
My God. I know him. How do I know him?
And then you realize
Oh. I saw him fingering a three-year old while masturbating.
Sorry.

Mary looks over at Gary.

Why am I sorry. You don’t give a shit.

You don’t listen to a word I say, do you, Gary?
You just sit there with your headphones on.
Ignoring me.
I could howl like a wolf.
I could shit my pants.
I could scream.
And you wouldn’t care at all.

Silence. Soft, rhythmic clicks come from Gary’s cubicle as Mary stares into it.

MARY

Have a good night.

5. Home

That night. An empty bottle of wine and two empty glasses sit on the table. A half-spent
candle burns next to it.

Mary straddles Derek on his chair. They are making out.

From upstairs, the sound of farting.

Shitting.

More farting and shitting.

 23

Derek and Mary stop kissing and look at each other.

Farting.

Mary leans her face into Derek’s shoulder.

Farting.

Diarrhea.

DEREK

Music?

MARY
Sure.

Derek grabs his phone and scrolls through his music.

Diarrhea.

MARY

Anything. Seriously. Anything.

Derek puts something on. It plays through the phone’s tinny speakers. Mary and Derek
start kissing again.

An incredibly loud fart. Derek pulls away from Mary and grabs his phone. Turns off the
music.

DEREK

I’m sorry, I can’t have this song associated with…that. In my mind. I just can’t.

Diarrhea.

They sit there. The mood is killed. The onslaught continues.

6. Between Us

A week later.

Click.

MARY
Dick.
 24

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Vag.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Beheading.

Click.

MARY

Dick in dog.

Click.

MARY
Dick in kid.
 25

Click.

MARY
Dick in vag.

Click.

MARY
Huh. Two dicks in vag.

Pause. Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Turtle sex? …Okay…

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dead baby.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY

Torture video.

Click.

MARY

Car crash victim.

Click.
 26

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY

Dick.

Click.

Ping!

MARY
Ooh new email.

Click.

CORPORATE@NOREPLY.BETWEENUS.COM

HEY GUYS! HOPE YOU’RE HAVING AN AWESOME DAY! JUST A REMINDER THAT
THE PRODUCTIVITY CHALLENGE KICKS OFF TODAY! REMEMBER TO REALLY
GIVE IT 200%! BETWEEN US RELIES ON REAL-TIME, CURATED ENGAGEMENTS
BETWEEN USERS, AND YOU ARE WHAT MAKES THAT POSSIBLE. FIRST PLACE
PRIZE IS A FIFTY DOLLAR GIFT CERTIFICATE TO STARBUCKS OR A SKYPE
INTERVIEW WITH THE BETWEEN US CONTENT MANAGERS HERE AT H.Q.,
WHICHEVER YOU PREFER! GO TEAM!

MARY

Are you doing this productivity challenge, Gary?

Ping!

CORPORATE@NOREPLY.BETWEENUS.COM
FORGOT TO MENTION, RANKINGS THUS FAR ARE AS FOLLOWS, DRUMROLL,
PLEASE!

IN FOURTH PLACE…ROB SILBERMAN!

IN THIRD PLACE…PRISCILLA NG!

IN SECOND PLACE…MARY LEE!

 27

AND IN FIRST PLACE, LEADING THE PACK…GARY BOWMAN!

Mary looks over at Gary. Clicks back to work, going faster than ever.

MARY
Dick.
Click.

MARY
Dick.
Click.

MARY
Dick.
Click.

MARY
Dick.
Click.

MARY
Dick.
Click.

MARY
Dick.
Click.

MARY
Dick.
Click.

MARY
Dick.
Click.

A white hot light bursts from her screen, illuminating her face. Mary stares into it,
squinting to make sense of what she’s seeing.

MARY

Oh my god. Is that…
Derek??
What the fuck?? What the FUCK.

No. It can’t be.

 28

It can’t be.
What are you doing?
What are you…

Mary watches whatever she is seeing, horrified.

Something happens on the screen. Mary covers her mouth with her hand.

MARY

Oh. God.
Oh. God.

I am not seeing this.

Click.

A silence. Mary collects herself.

She looks back at the screen.

MARY

Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

7. Home
 29

That night. Derek and Mary are having dinner. Mary looks up at him, staring at him
when he isn’t looking. A long silence.

DEREK

How was work.

MARY

…Fine.

DEREK

Cool.

A blood-curdling scream rips through the room.

MARY

You?

DEREK

Eh. I hate it.

MARY

Yeah.

DEREK

At least I got a big fucking tip.

MARY

How big?

Derek pulls a giant wad of cash out of his pocket and drops it on the table between
them.

MARY

…That’s a big fucking tip.

DEREK

Yup.

MARY

They give that to you for catering?

DEREK

Sometimes.

MARY

Seems like a lot.
 30

DEREK

It is. I do good work.


What?

MARY
Nothing.

DEREK

You don’t believe me?

MARY

I do.

DEREK

So? What?

MARY

You never got that kind of tip when you were catering last year.

DEREK

Economy’s picking up. People are getting more generous again. It’s nice.

MARY

How much more do we need before we can get a new place?


DEREK

A lot. I did some research, we’re paying a solid six hundred dollars below market value
here. And even if we find a place we can afford month to month, we gotta have first,
last, security, broker’s fee…that’s like ten K in cash just to move in. Plus moving
expenses. It’ll take a while.

A tremendous crashing sound. Like someone tipped over a bookcase holding a

thousand crystal vases filled with nails and dice and oil.

DEREK

Maybe we should just wait till Phil evicts her.

MARY

Phil is in jail.

DEREK

Lisa, then. Whatever. You know what I mean.
 31

MARY

Lisa’s just as bad. She doesn’t give a shit. I’ve called her so many times to complain,
she doesn’t do anything. I think it’s because Reesie’s black. Lisa hates anyone who isn’t
black.

DEREK

That’s racist.

MARY

I know.

DEREK

No, no. You are being racist.

MARY

It’s racist to say a black person is racist?

DEREK

Kind of.

MARY

That makes no sense.

DEREK

Also, she’s nice to Michael. And Michael isn’t black. Michael is Hispanic.

MARY

Latino.

DEREK

What’s the difference?

MARY

Lisa’s only nice to Michael because the Army pays his rent.

DEREK

Michael wasn’t in the Army. Michael was in the Marines.

MARY
Look, whatever. Whatever. Who cares. I’m racist. Lisa’s racist. The only person who is
not racist is you, and Michael was in the Marines or the Army, and he’s Hispanic or
Latino or both. Who cares.
I just want to get out of here.

DEREK
Hey.
 32

Don’t worry. Tech! Remember? Once you get that permanent gig, we’ll be set.
Productivity challenge, right?

MARY

Right. Productivity challenge.

DEREK

Promotion!

MARY

Interview.

DEREK

Getting the interview is half the battle. You’re so good at interviews. Everybody loves
you.

MARY

Aw.

DEREK
I mean it. Look out, Gary.

MARY

Yeah.

DEREK

I’m sure you’re great at the job. Whatever it is.

MARY

I don’t know. It’s really tough.

DEREK

I wish you could just tell me about it.

MARY

Yeah. Me too.

DEREK

So tell me.

Silence. Mary thinks about it.

From upstairs, a wild, insane, cackling hyena laugh.

MARY

Hey. What time did you get home?
 33

DEREK

Why?



MARY

Just curious.

DEREK
I dunno. Five?

MARY

I thought you got off at one.

DEREK

I did.

MARY

Okay. So. What were you doing between one and five?

DEREK

Why?



MARY

Why why? I’m asking about your day.

DEREK

I just walked around for a bit. It was nice out.

MARY

Four hours nice?

DEREK

I walked around. I went to a coffee shop. I returned that stack of library books that we’ve
had lying around forever. I called my mom. Then I got home. Maybe around five, maybe
a little earlier. Maybe even four. I didn’t check. Oh, and I stopped to get some parsley.

MARY

Oh there’s parsley in this?

DEREK

Yeah the green stuff.

MARY

I was wondering what it was.
 34

DEREK

It’s parsley.

MARY

I like it.

DEREK
Yeah, me too. I’m always like “whatever, parsley,” but then I use it and I’m like, “okay,
parsley.”

A shuddering thud above their heads. Their light flickers. Mary looks at the ceiling.

DEREK

Fuck her.

MARY

What would she do if I just went up there and shot her in the face?

Silence.

MARY

Nothing, I guess. Fall down. Start bleeding out of the giant hole I just put in her face.

Maybe shit herself.

Sometimes people shit themselves.
When they die.

Mary chuckles at the thought.

DEREK
(disturbed)

What are you saying?

MARY

It just occurs to me sometimes. You know.

DEREK

I don’t know. No. I don’t.

MARY

Never mind.
Hey.
What do you think about porn?

DEREK

Porn?
 35

MARY

Yeah.

DEREK

I…

MARY

Do you ever watch porn?

DEREK

No!

MARY

No?

DEREK

Never!

MARY

What’s your opinion? Of porn? In general.

DEREK

It’s so fake. And unappealing.
I don’t like it.

MARY

Would you ever do it?

DEREK

Do it?

MARY

Fuck someone on camera.

DEREK

What? Why?

MARY

Would you?

DEREK

No.

MARY

Even if you got paid a ton of money?
 36

DEREK

Never.

MARY

What if it was a million dollars?

DEREK

Not even then.

MARY

A billion.

Silence.

DEREK

Well. A billion is a lot.

Maybe.

Silence.

MARY

Would you fuck a kid?
For a billion dollars?

DEREK

Whoa.

MARY

I’m just asking.

DEREK

Why?

Silence.

DEREK
Is this about us?

MARY

Us?

DEREK

Us not…
 37

MARY
…

DEREK

Us not…….

MARY
…….

DEREK

Us not having sex enough?

MARY

Are we not having sex enough?

DEREK

Can you remember the last time we had sex?

MARY
Yeah.

DEREK

When was it?

MARY

Recent enough. Last week?

DEREK

No.

MARY

I think it was last week.

DEREK

It was last month. Because after we did it, we got out of bed to write our rent checks.
Actually. That reminds me.
The rent is due tomorrow.

MARY

I’ll write a check in the morning. Remind me?

DEREK

I’m reminding you now.

MARY

Set an alarm.
 38

DEREK

You set an alarm.

MARY

Come on.

DEREK
Ugh. Fine.

Derek sets an alarm on his phone.

MARY

I guess we should have sex, then.

DEREK
I don’t want to if you don’t want to.

MARY

Clearly you want to.

DEREK

Do you want to?

MARY

Sure.

DEREK

Really?



MARY

Sure.

DEREK

Really?

MARY
Sure.

Sobs from upstairs. Heaving, wrenching, larynx-ripping sobs.

MARY

Let’s do it.

DEREK

Well now I don’t want to.
 39

MARY

Fine, let’s not.

DEREK
I don’t watch porn, Mary.
I promise.

Mary nods. Derek stands up and takes his and Mary’s plates offstage to the kitchen.

Mary sits alone at the table. From upstairs, a mournful wail. A howl.

8. Between Us

The next day. Mary leans in, clicking through images much faster than before.
Searching for something.

MARY

No.

Click.

MARY
No.

Click.

MARY

No.

Click.

MARY
No.

Click.

MARY
No.

Click.

MARY
No.
 40

Click.

MARY

No.

Click.

MARY
No.

Click. She shoves her mouse away and stands up, frustrated. She paces in her cube.
Regards her computer.

MARY

Hey, Gary? Do we have some kind of retrieval system? If we accidentally delete—

Ping!

Mary doesn’t even open the email.

MARY

Yeah, yeah.

Mary dials an extension on her desk phone.

STEVE

(on the phone)

Steve.

MARY

Hey, it’s Mary.

Steve sighs.

STEVE

Yeah.

MARY

So I know if I see something illegal, I should just—

STEVE

Delete it.

MARY

Yeah. But that’s just because we don’t know who to report, right?
 41

STEVE

Just delete it, Mary.

MARY

I know. But what if I know the person?

STEVE

Know them?

MARY

What if I know who they are? And where they live?

STEVE

A lot of people start to think they see people they know.

MARY

I didn’t think I saw him, I saw him.

STEVE

A lot of people think that.

MARY

I know what I saw. I know I saw…the person I know. And he was. He was. He was. With
a boy. A young boy. Too young. The boy was gagged, and crying, and as he…as he did
it he closed his hands around his throat and he squeezed, and he tried to fight him off
but he kept squeezing and his lips turned blue and then he stopped fighting him off. And
that’s when I deleted it. There was still another minute on the video.

I can’t stop thinking about it. About what I saw. And what I didn’t see.

Silence.

STEVE

I’m going to put you in touch with Counseling.

MARY
That’s not why I—Look, should I call the police? Is there any way to go back and get
something that I already deleted? Some cache or something? You know, for evidence?

STEVE

Just talk to Counseling.

MARY

I’m not making this up. I know what I saw.
 42

STEVE

Talk to Counseling.

Click.

Ping!

Mary clicks to open the email.

CORPORATE@NOREPLY.BETWEENUS.COM
DEAR MARY LEE,
IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION THAT YOU HAVE ELECTED TO MAKE USE OF
OUR CORPORATE COUNSELING SERVICE! GOOD FOR YOU! WE ARE PROUD
OF OUR COMMITMENT TO CARING FOR OUR EMPLOYEES! PLEASE COMPLETE
THE FOLLOWING SURVEY SO WE MAY BETTER SERVE YOU BY PAIRING YOU
WITH A TARGETED COUNSELOR WITH THE IDEAL QUALIFICATIONS FOR YOUR
UNIQUE NEEDS!

YOU WILL BE REDIRECTED TO INDIAMART.COM/CORPORATECOUNSELING. IF

YOU ARE NOT REDIRECTED IN FIVE SECONDS—

INDIAMART.COM/CORPORATECOUNSELING
PLEASE COMPLETE THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS.

I FIND MYSELF UNABLE TO SLEEP:

MOST NIGHTS
SOME NIGHTS
ONCE IN A WHILE

MARY

I sleep fine, while I’m sleeping. But every morning, usually between 2 and 4 AM, Reesie
starts screaming. The walls in our place…it is like she is inside my brain. Screaming and
screaming. I don’t know how she can scream so loud. And so long. Every night. But she
keeps screaming. An hour. Two. She could have been an opera singer. If she wasn’t
fucking insane.

Most nights.
To answer the question.
I find myself unable to sleep:
Most nights.

INDIAMART.COM/CORPORATECOUNSELING
I THINK ABOUT SHAMEFUL MEMORIES:

ALL THE TIME

 43

SOME OF THE TIME

ONCE IN A WHILE

MARY
…Some of the time. All the time. Some of the time.
Some of the time. Once in a while. Depending on the day.
Some of the time. All the time.

That time I stole my cousin’s favorite CD. That time I cheated on my college boyfriend.
That time I read his journal and found out he cheated on me too. That time my dad
walked in on me masturbating. That time I farted in class. That time I got so drunk I
threw up all over the bathroom and my roommate had to clean it up for me. On her
birthday. That time I had sex with a guy I didn’t want to have sex with, just to get him to
stop asking me to have sex with him. That time I was so broke I didn’t tip my cab driver.
But what was I doing, taking a cab, if I was too broke to tip? The amount of tip-related
shame in the world…they should just pay people the amount they should be paid so we
don’t all have to agonize over tipping.

Some of the time. I don’t know. Why are you asking?

Some of the time.

INDIAMART.COM/CORPORATECOUNSELING
I BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE GENERALLY:

GOOD
EVIL
SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE

MARY

Um…

INDIAMART.COM/CORPORATECOUNSELING
I BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE GENERALLY:

GOOD
EVIL
SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE

MARY

Hmm.

INDIAMART.COM/CORPORATECOUNSELING

I BELIEVE DEREK IS GENERALLY:

GOOD
EVIL
 44

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE



MARY

What?

INDIAMART.COM/CORPORATECOUNSELING
I BELIEVE DEREK IS GENERALLY:

GOOD
EVIL
A NICE GUY
CHEATING ON ME
A SNUFF FILM PORN STAR
A PEDOPHILE
A RAPIST
A—

Click. Mary closes her browser window.

A moment.

A deep breath.

MARY

Dick.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY

Dead dog.

Click.

MARY
Dick.

Click.

MARY
Torture.
 45

Click.

9. Home

That night. Derek paces. Mary sits at the table. Derek is talking very quietly, but
furiously.

DEREK

What would we have done?

MARY

I don’t know.

DEREK

What the fuck would we have done?

MARY

Yeah, I don’t know.

DEREK

I was like “Reesie, what the FUCK! The whole place smells like gas! You can’t leave the
gas on all day! You fucking chain smoke! Which, by the way, um, COULD YOU NOT?
Some of us don’t want to die of cancer!”

MARY

What did she say.

DEREK

What do you think.

MARY

“Fuck you, you mother fucker, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you?”

Derek jabs his open hands towards Mary then slaps them down at his sides again.

MARY

It might be good.

DEREK

Good?

MARY

If she just burned the fucking place to the ground.
 46

DEREK

All our shit is in here.

MARY

Our shit sucks.

DEREK

My laptop.

MARY

Fine, so take your laptop to work with you.

DEREK

I can’t do that! Are you insane?? Do you know the kind of people who work in catering?

MARY

Fine! So buy a new laptop! You’re always complaining about how shitty your laptop is!

DEREK

It’s not the laptop, it’s the FILES! The FILES!

MARY
IF YOU AREN’T BACKING YOUR FILES UP TO THE CLOUD YOU DESERVE TO
LOSE THEM!

DEREK

YOU THINK I’M SPENDING MONEY ON CLOUD STORAGE?? I’M TRYING TO SAVE
UP TO GET US OUT OF THIS DEN OF MISERY!

MARY
YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT??

DEREK
I DON’T KNOW, DO YOU??

MARY
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I’M DOING?

DEREK
I DON’T KNOW! YOU SIGNED AN NDA, REMEMBER????

REESIE

(offstage)

SHUT THE FUCK UP!
 47

MARY

YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

REESIE
(offstage)
FUCK YOU!

Mary jumps to her feet and flings opens the door to the landing.

MARY

REESIE, YOU ARE A PATHETIC LOSER AND YOUR CHILDREN HATE YOU!

A silence. Mary waits by the door, listening.

Sobbing. Sobbing. Painful, painful sobbing.

Mary closes the door calmly.

MARY

Ha.

She sits back down with a smile. Derek stares at her.

MARY

What?

Derek doesn’t respond. The sobs continue through the rest of the scene.

MARY

Oh. I checked your browser history. You do watch porn.

DEREK

…

MARY

Hot Sluts Get Reamed?
Barely Legal Gangbang?
Tight Virgin Pussy?
Just Turned Eighteen, Ready For Cock?
I looked at that one, she’s obviously not eighteen, by the way.

DEREK

What the fuck is wrong with you?
 48

MARY

With ME? You're the one watching fucking kiddie rape porn! What the fuck is wrong with
YOU?

DEREK

Okay, that’s not what that is and you know it, and it’s just a…just a…it’s just
something…it’s a FANTASY.

MARY

That’s your fantasy??

DEREK

No, of course I don’t want—it’s—no. No.

MARY

You literally just said it was.

DEREK

You keep catching me off guard! I freak out! You just come at me out of nowhere and
then I just react and then you’re like “Are you lying?” and then I have to stick with the
story and back it up and then it’s too late to…I didn’t think you’d go…you checked my
browser history??

MARY

What else are you lying about?

DEREK

I’m not lying—

MARY

I saw you.

DEREK

Where?

MARY

Online.

DEREK

What are you talking about?

MARY

I SAW YOU.

DEREK
Mary—
 49

MARY
What happened to that boy?

Derek stares at Mary.

Silence.

MARY

Tell me where you got that money.

DEREK

I already did.

MARY

Tell me where you got it.

DEREK

It was a tip.

MARY

For what.

DEREK

I’m not going to keep explaining myself if you aren’t going to listen—

MARY

Tell me.

DEREK

Four years, Mary. Four fucking years together and you don’t believe me when I tell you
—

MARY

TELL ME!

DEREK

I GOT IT FROM CATERING!

MARY

You’re a fucking liar.

Derek shakes his head and exits to the bedroom, slamming the door.

10. Between Us
 50

The next day. Mary stares into her screen very intently and deliberately, taking the time
to study each image before deciding what she sees.

Click.

MARY

…Dick.

Click.

MARY

…Some guy drowning four kittens.

Click.

MARY

…Some guy fucking some white girl in the ass.

Click.

MARY

…Shit. Okay. That’s Derek.
That is Derek fucking an Asian girl in the mouth till she throws up. Derek is making her
lick her vomit off the ground. Derek is cumming in her hair.

Mary peers into the light.

MARY

Maybe it’s not him.
But.
It really looks like him. It looks exactly like him. How many people in the world can look
exactly the same?

Mary grabs her phone and pulls up a photo of Derek.



Hey, Gary? Do you think this looks like—

GARY pops his head over the cubicle wall, taking his headphones off. He looks just like
Derek.

(Because Gary is played by the same actor as Derek, but also because Gary looks just
like Derek.)

Mary looks at him, startled.

 51

GARY

Looks like what.

MARY

What are you doing here?

GARY

Working.

MARY

You…work here?

Gary gives her a funny look.

GARY

…yyyyyes. I’ve worked here longer than you have.

Silence.

MARY

…Gary?

GARY

…Mary?

Silence.

GARY

What did you want me to look at?

MARY
…uh…nothing. Sorry. I got a little.

GARY

Happens to me too. Too much screen time.

MARY

Yeah.

GARY

You’re catching up.

MARY

I know.
 52

GARY

But I’m going to win.

MARY

We’ll see.

GARY

All in good fun. I’m going to the kitchen, want anything?

MARY

No thanks.

Gary exits. Mary stares after him for a long moment.

11. Home

That evening. The apartment is full of smoke.

Keys in the lock.

Mary opens the door and sees the smoke. Smells it.

MARY

That fucking bitch.

Mary enters the apartment. Slams the door shut. Locks it. Opens all the windows. Gets
a towel and starts fanning the air.

Downstairs, the sound of Michael’s door opening.

MICHAEL
(offstage)
REESIE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!
IS THIS FUCKING VODKA???
YOU POURING FUCKING VODKA ALL OVER THE FUCKING HALLS NOW???

REESIE
(offstage)
FUCK YOU, MICHAEL!!

MICHAEL
(offstage)
YOU MAKING ME MOP UP YOUR FUCKING MESS NOW???
 53

REESIE

(offstage)
FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!

Fast, heavy steps running part way up the stairs. Threatening.

MICHAEL

(offstage)

CALL ME FAGGOT AGAIN! CALL ME FAGGOT ONE MORE TIME!

Silence.

MICHAEL
(offstage)
That’s what I thought. Fucking bitch. Gotta mop up your fucking mess. Goddamnit.

Footsteps going down the stairs slowly.

The smoke begins to clear. Mary finishes fanning the air.

Mary sits down.

Sounds from downstairs of Michael getting his mop and bucket out.

Eminem/Rihanna’s “Love the Way You Lie” begins to play, at a moderate volume.
Michael sings along as he mops.

From upstairs, Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” begins to play. Loud. Incredibly loud.

MICHAEL
TURN THAT SHIT OFF!

Mary props her elbows on the table. Leans her face into the towel. Covers her ears with
it.

The Eminem song gets louder.

The Adele song gets louder.

Mary puts her face in the towel and screams.

The Eminem song gets louder.

The Adele song gets louder.

 54

Mary stands up. Goes offstage. Returns with a heavy metal bicycle pump. Heads
toward the door. Stops, looks at the pump. Puts it down by the door. Goes offstage
again. Returns with a cast iron frying pan. Looks at it. Puts it next to the pump. Goes
offstage again. Returns with a large kitchen knife. Looks at it. Looks at the pump and
the frying pan.

The door opens, the songs get even louder as it does. Mary raises the knife a little,
instinctively.

Derek enters. Stops when he sees Mary with the knife.

DEREK
(inaudible over the music)
What are you doing??

Mary doesn’t lower the knife.

DEREK
(inaudible over the music)
Hey!

Mary doesn’t lower the knife.

DEREK
(inaudible over the music)
What the fuck is going on?

Mary lowers the knife.

MARY

(inaudible over the music)
I was cooking dinner.

DEREK

(inaudible over the music)
What?

MARY

(inaudible over the music)
I was cooking dinner.

DEREK
(inaudible over the music)
Sorry, the music, I can’t…

The music and lights cut out.

 55

Reesie lets out an anguished cry upstairs.

MICHAEL

(offstage)

YOU TRIPPED THE FUCKING CIRCUIT, BITCH!

REESIE

(offstage)
FUCK YOU!

MICHAEL
(offstage)
FUCK YOU!

Derek closes the door.

MARY
I was cooking dinner.

DEREK

Oh. I already ate. At work.

Mary nods and exits with the knife.

Derek notices the frying pan and the bicycle pump by the door.

12. Home

Later that night. The apartment is dark. Mary is at the table, clicking away at her laptop
rhythmically—working remotely.

A drop of water plunks onto the floor next to her.

Another.
Another.
Another.

Mary looks up.

The drops come faster and faster.

The drops become a stream.

The stream becomes a torrent.

 56

Mary clutches her laptop to her chest and scrambles to her feet, backing away from the
water.

The furniture is soaked. Papers. Photos. Derek’s guitar.

The light flicks on.

Derek gapes at the devastation. Mary and Derek look at each other.

Derek runs to the door, flings it open.

Derek runs up the stairs, out of sight.

Banging.
Banging.
Banging.

DEREK

REESIE!!

Mary stares at the water pouring in.

She drags the table out of the way of the water.

Opens her laptop. Tries to log on. Fails. Tries again. Frowns and peers at the screen.

MARY

(reading from the screen)
“VPN client password incorrect??”


The water keeps falling. Derek keeps banging on Reesie’s door. Mary tries different
passwords unsuccessfully, cursing under her breath.

13. Home

The next morning. Mary sits rubbing her eyes at the kitchen table. She’s been here all
night. Her phone is to her ear. Her laptop is on the table.

Everything is still wet.

STEVE

(on the phone. He sounds just like Derek.)
Steve.
 57

MARY

Steve?

STEVE

Yeah.

MARY

Sorry. My phone makes everyone’s voice sound really weird.

STEVE

I’m Steve.

MARY

Right.

STEVE
And you are?

MARY
Oh, sorry. This is Mary Lee?

STEVE

Oh. You haven’t logged in yet.

MARY

That’s the thing.

STEVE

Mental health day?

MARY

No, I’m sick.

STEVE

Still think you saw something?

MARY

(suddenly furious)

Fuck you, Steve! I told you, I’m sick!

Silence.

MARY

Sorry.
Sorry.
 58

Steve sighs. Mary can hear him shifting in his chair. He speaks more quietly.

STEVE

Okay. Look. Back when I was a moderator I saw the neighbor’s psychotic kid put my
new puppy in the microwave. Turn it on. You know the rest.

MARY

Jesus.

STEVE

Rushed home, crying the whole way. Ran into my house to get my lamp. I had this
heavy lamp. Figured I’d knock the kid out with the base then use the cord to hang him,
make it look like a suicide? Anyway. Ran into the house to get the lamp. The puppy was
fine. He’s seven now. The dog, I mean.
The kid got into Princeton. Theater major.

MARY
He’s fucked.

STEVE

Yeah, his parents are kinda disappointed.

MARY

Yeah.

STEVE

I’m saying it’s a hard job. You eat the weirdos’ sins so normal people don’t have to. It’s
not for everyone.

MARY

I can do it.

STEVE

Take the day. Relax.

MARY

I’m really fine.

STEVE

You sure?

MARY

Yeah. Plus it’s the last day of the productivity challenge, so—

STEVE

You want to work remotely?
 59

MARY

I’ve been trying all night, but I keep getting kicked off. It says my VPN client password—

Steve sighs.

STEVE

Hold on.

Silence. Clattering over the phone.

STEVE

Try it now.

Mary types in her password.

MARY

It works.

Click. Steve is gone. Mary puts down her phone and bends over her computer intently.

MARY

Okay. Time to catch up. Watch out, Gary. Palo Alto, here I come.

Gore!

Click.

MARY

Dick!

Click.

Ping!

CORPORATE@NOREPLY.BETWEENUS.COM

CONGRATULATIONS TO GARY BOWMAN, WHO WORKED THROUGH THE NIGHT
LAST NIGHT TO CLINCH THE WIN! GARY WILL COLLECT HIS STARBUCKS GIFT
CARD, AND RIGHT IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS! GINGERBREAD LATTES ARE
ON HIM!

MARY

Damn it!

Mary slams her laptop closed.

 60

MARY

(an unstoppable torrent of fury)

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! That fucking motherfucker! Fuck you, Gary, you
piece of shit! I hope you get cancer! I hope your mother gets cancer! I hope your cancer
gets cancer! FUCK! Fuck you, Steve! Telling me your fucking stories like some fucking
asshole, tying me up on the fucking phone, wasting my fucking time! You fucking
fuckhead! I hope your dog gets a twisted bowel! I hope your neighbor’s kid gets
meningitis! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

A knock on the door.

Mary looks up, frightened.

Another knock.

MICHAEL
(offstage)
It’s Michael.

Mary relaxes. She gets up and opens the door. Michael is standing there. He looks just
like Derek.

(Because Michael is played by the same actor as Derek, but also because Michael
looks just like Derek.)

Mary takes a step back from the door. She starts to close it. Michael stops the door with
his hand.

MICHAEL
Hey, hey, you okay?

MARY

…Michael?

MICHAEL

Yeah.

MARY

Sorry. You look…different.

MICHAEL

I lost some weight.

MARY

Good for you.
 61

MICHAEL
Sorry to bother you.

MARY
That’s okay.

MICHAEL
Water’s coming down into my apartment.

Mary points to her ceiling and her wet apartment.

MICHAEL
That fucking bitch.
Sorry.

MARY

No, it’s fine. She is a fucking bitch.

MICHAEL

You didn’t clean up?

MARY

I’m sick.

MICHAEL

Oh no.

MARY

Yeah.

MICHAEL
You see a doctor?

MARY

No.

MICHAEL
Too right. Fuck doctors. I got three pieces of shrapnel in me. One in my jaw, one in my
guts, one in my shoulder. The VA doctors only took two of ‘em out. Been waiting to get
the last one out for two years. Fuck doctors.

MARY

Which one’s left?

Michael pats his shoulder.

 62

MARY

Does it hurt?

MICHAEL
No shit it hurts.

MARY

I bet.

MICHAEL

Once they fix me up, though, I’ll be like the bionic man. Titanium.

MARY

That’s cool.

MICHAEL

Want me to help you clean up?

MARY
No.

MICHAEL

I’ll help you.

MARY

It’s okay.

MICHAEL
You’re sick. I’ll help you.

Michael comes into the apartment. He looks around.

MICHAEL

You got paper towels?

MARY

In the kitchen.

Michael goes and gets paper towels. He starts cleaning up the water ineffectually.

MARY

I’m not really sick.

MICHAEL
Mental health day?
 63

MARY

I don’t know. I just. Couldn’t go to work. But then, my VPN client wouldn’t let me connect
—it’s just a bad day.

MICHAEL

Been there. The day after I shot this insurgent? Turned out to be a pregnant lady.
Fucked with my head.

MARY

Oh. Okay.

MICHAEL
Tried to pretend I got the shits. Keep me at the base the next day.

MARY

Did it work?

MICHAEL

Nah.

MARY

Was she really an insurgent?

MICHAEL

Oh yeah.
Still, though.
You don’t wanna shoot a pregnant lady.

MARY

No.

MICHAEL

But what can you do?

MARY

It’s your job.

MICHAEL

Exactly.

He dries Derek’s guitar case.

MICHAEL

Don’t hear him playing much any more.
 64

MARY

Yeah. He hasn’t been.

MICHAEL

I used to have one of these. Pawned it when I went into the Marines. Figured I’d buy
another one when I got out. Never did.

MARY

You can play it if you want.

MICHAEL
Yeah?

Michael opens the case and looks at the guitar. He takes it out and sits on one of the
chairs. He checks the tuning. Mary watches him.

MICHAEL
Sorry, I can’t sit right with…you mind?

Michael takes his handgun out of his pocket and places it on the table.

He plays “Lungs,” by Townes Van Zandt.

MICHAEL

(singing)
WON’T YOU LEND YOUR LUNGS TO ME,
MINE ARE COLLAPSING.
PLANT MY FEET AND BITTERLY
BREATHE UP THE TIME THAT’S PASSING.
BREATH I’LL TAKE AND BREATH I’LL GIVE
PRAY THE DAY’S NOT POISON
STAND AMONG THE ONES THAT LIVE
IN LONELY INDECISION.

FINGERS WALK THE DARKNESS DOWN

MIND IS ON THE MIDNIGHT
GATHER UP THE GOLD YOU’VE FOUND
YOU FOOL, IT’S ONLY MOONLIGHT.
AND IF YOU STOP TO TAKE IT HOME
YOUR HANDS WILL TURN TO BUTTER
BETTER LEAVE THIS DREAM ALONE
TRY TO FIND ANOTHER.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Michael stops playing.

 65

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

They look at each other. Michael puts the guitar down on the table.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Michael suddenly stands up. He rushes to the door and flings it open. He runs up the
stairs.

MICHAEL
HEY BITCH! YOU BETTER SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I WILL FUCKING STRANGLE
YOU!

REESIE
FUCK YOU, MICHAEL! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!

MICHAEL

OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR!

REESIE
SHUT UP!

MICHAEL
OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE—

The sound of the door being wrenched open. A sickening CRACK, then a crumpling
THUD.

A bloodied two-foot tall wooden statue of the Virgin Mary comes crashing down the
stairs. It lands outside Mary’s open door.

Silence. Mary stands, frozen in place.

Slow, heavy footsteps on the stairs.

Reesie comes down the stairs. She looks just like Derek.

(Because Reesie is played by the same actor as Derek, but also because Reesie looks
just like Derek.)

Mary backs up, bumping into the table.

Reesie picks up the statue. Holds it by the base, so the Virgin Mary is upside down. Like
a baseball bat.
 66

Reesie stands in the doorway, looking in.

MARY

What did you do??

REESIE

Fuck you!

MARY

Reesie, what happened to Michael??

Reesie comes into the apartment. Closes the door behind her.

REESIE

You think you know me, but you don’t know shit.

MARY

(shouting upstairs)

MICHAEL??

REESIE

SHUT UP! You’re always sniffing around, thinking you can catch me out, going through
my things when I’m not home. But I’m always watching you. I watch you eat. I watch
you sleep.

MARY

Derek?

REESIE

That’s not my name. You really didn’t know me at all, did you, Mary? But now you do.

MARY

I’m gonna call the cops.

REESIE

You can’t prove shit.

Mary picks up Michael’s gun.

REESIE

Oh. You gonna shoot me now, bitch?

Mary aims the gun at Reesie.

REESIE

You’re too pussy to shoot me.
 67

Mary pulls the trigger.

Click.

Silence.

Reesie laughs. Laughs and laughs.

She lifts the Virgin Mary into the air.

She swings it at Mary’s head. Mary ducks and runs offstage into the kitchen.

Reesie runs after her.

A scream. A long, horrible scream.

Sobbing.

Gasping.

A smaller scream.

A smaller scream.

A smaller scream.

A long silence.

Mary emerges from the kitchen, covered in blood. The kitchen knife is clutched in her
hand. Her face is calm.

The front door opens.

Derek walks in, holding a plastic bag of takeout. He looks at Mary.

Mary looks at Derek.

MARY

Oh. It’s you.

Mary raises the knife a little.

MARY
It’s you, right?
 68

DEREK

Yeah. It’s me.
I brought you soup.
‘Cause you’re sick.

MARY

Oh. Okay.

Mary looks back toward the kitchen. She looks at the knife in her hand. The wheels are
turning.

MARY
Okay.

Mary suddenly hugs Derek. He holds her. Looks around at the upturned furniture. Sees
the knife.

DEREK

What…happened?

MARY

I think I need to quit my job. It’s driving me crazy.

DEREK

Really?

MARY

I think it’s making me a bad person.

DEREK
(kindly)

No.

MARY

(honestly)

Yeah.

DEREK

Well. Okay. If you really think so.

MARY

I really do.

End of play.