Trai n wi th

Style Matters Online

Con t en t s
INTRODUCTION
ABOUT STYLE M ATTERS ONLINE
BEFORE THE TRAINING SESSION
THE CONCEPTS OF CALM AND STORM
STARTING OFF THE TRAINING SESSION
AWARENESS AS GOAL
INTRODUCTION TO SCORES
zoom
HIGHEST SCORE IN STORM
LOWEST SCORE IN CALM
STYLE COM BINATIONS
STORM SHIFT
RESOURCES FOR FURTHER STUDY
FOLLOW-UP
ASSIGNM ENTS

By Ron Kraybill, PhD. Copyright 2018, updated 2020. May be reproduced for
personal use, but all rights are reserved. Info at w w w.River h ou seEpr ess.com
You can download this guide at bit.ly/TrainOnline2020.
Download the 40 page Trainers Guide to Successful Conflict Styles Workshops that
accompanies it at bit.ly/StylesTrain. Both are free.
 Tr ain w it h St yle M at t er s On lin e

INTRODUCTION
This is a guide to training with the Online Version of the Style Matters conflict
style inventory. It provides a step-by-step outline for a workshop of one and
a half to 3 hours long.
Designed to augment the Riverhouse Trainer 's Guide to
Successful Conflict Style Workshops, this guide outlines a
workshop built around the detailed score report that the
online version creates. This guide presents a teaching
sequence but does not deal in depth with the concepts
being taught. For that and for many additional ideas for
presenting materials, setting up exercises, and leading
discussions, see the comprehensive guide. Click on the
image at right to download a free copy.

ABOUT STYLE M ATTERS

Style Matters Online is the most advanced in a family of three conflict style
inventories. The same inventory is
available in print and PDF versions
as well. Guidance for training with
them is available in the Trainers
Guide mentioned above.
The Online Version of Style Matters
combines the power of digital
support and data analysis with the simplicity of use and cultural flexibility that
are trademarks of all three versions.
With a dedicated dashboard (infographic here), trainers can with a single click
send users an emailed invitation to prepaid access. Users click a link in the
invitation and land, automatically logged in and ready to start, on the first
page of the inventory. If you're using coupon code access, see this
infographic for guidance.
Taking the inventory takes about 10 minutes. Trainers can track who has
taken the inventory and send reminder notes to laggards via their trainer 's
dashboard.
After answering 20 questions, users receive a detailed score report, created

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by an algorithm that analyzes scores for patterns. Six to 8 pages in length, the
score report reviews the strengths and dangers
that come with every person's scores and
provides detailed suggestions for optimizing a
user 's responses to conflict. (Sample copy
here).
BEFORE THE SESSION
Review the assumptions below about
requirements for a successful workshop:
Volu n t ar y par t icipat ion . This outline
assumes motivated learners motivated to take
Style Matters out of their own interest in
learning or self-improvement.
Scor e r epor t in h an d. Users must have already
taken the Online Version of the Style Matters
inventory and have the score report on paper
(preferably, so they can make notes) or on
screen. View options for getting the Online
Version to users here. Order the Online version
in quant it y here.
Han dou t s. You can do the whole workshop on
the basis of the printed score report alone
without additional handouts. The outline
below assumes this. But if time allows, the
workshop will go deeper if you also use some
handouts. You can download these free (to
you, please do not circulate them in PDF) and
and photocopy them for your users to provide
indepth info about each of the styles.
Download handouts. (Password to open the
PDF is: st ylem at t ers)
An in f or m ed t r ain er / con su lt an t . You'll need
a good grasp of core concepts of conflict styles.
Take the online inventory yourself and study
your score report so you know it well. Useful
resources:
- Intro to Conflict Styles slideshow in Powerpoint or Prezi.
- Online Style Matters Tutorial.
- Trainers Guide to Successful Conflict Style Workshops.
- Annotated bibliography on conflict styles.
Key Poin t s Abou t Style Matters
Style Matters is a five-styles conflict
styles inventory ideal for use in
classroom, consulting, and
organizational settings. Refined in
twenty years of experimentation
in North America and abroad,
Style Matters brings unique
features into one affordable
package:
- A research-validated
questionnaire;
- A 6 page Score Report that
highlights a user ?s
preferred styles of dealing
with conflict in settings of
Calm as well as in Storm;
- Online tutorial for solo
learners;
- Cultural adaptability;
- In-depth info and practical
tips for bringing out the best
in each style;
- Discussion questions for
groups;
- Trainer?s Dashboard for easy
management of users.
Style Matters is based on the
Mouton Blake Managerial Grid,
as is the Thomas Kilmann Conflict
Mode Instrument and Jay Hall?s
earlier Conflict Management
Survey. Or der h er e.
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 START WITH AGENDA REVIEW
Review time frame (typically 1-2 hours)
Review agenda for this session:
a) Overview of conflict styles framework
b) The impact of stress - Calm Style vs. Storm Style
c) Awareness as the Goal (not Perfection)
d) Overview of scores
e) Highest scoring style in Storm
f) Lowest scoring style in Calm
g) Additional resources
h) Follow-up

PRESENT THE STYLES FRAM EWORK

Time: 10-15 minutes
Background Reading for Trainer: Short essay here. Also, view the Intro to
Conflict Styles slideshow (see below) to get a good grasp of the framework.

The conflict styles framework is simple and clear - perfect for visual
presentation. Sketch it on a whiteboard as you talk or use the free Intro to
Conflict Styles slideshow on the Riverhouse site (in Powerpoint or Prezi, which
is like Powerpoint with movement) . There is a copy of the five-styles diagram
here and also on page 4 of this guide if you want to print it out.
Note:
Th r ou gh ou t
After reviewing the framework, ask: Does the logic of the five styles framework
t h is docu m en t
t ext in it alics, make sense to you? No need for them to understand details of the styles yet,
like this, but make sure users grasp the core concept of ?task (or goals) vs relationship?
in dicat es w h at and how the priority we give to these affects conflict style.
you m igh t say
as t r ain er t o a
gr ou p.
CALM VS. STORM - THE STORM SHIFT
Time: 3-5 minutes
Background Reading for Trainer: Essay on Weathering the Storm Shift

We experience conflict in two settings, Calm and Storm:

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- Calm describes small disagreements, when there are differences but no big
emotions. McDonald?s vs. Burger King? Walk or take the bus? Meet at 2 or
at 4 pm? Your Calm response is the conflict style you use when your rations
are moderate and your rational brain firmly in control.
- Storm describes conflict after there has been effort to resolve things with
no success and you've become anxious. Stress and emotions have entered
the picture and they are changing how you function. (Option: refer to the
diagram of the brain near the end of the score report.) Your Storm
response is the conflict style you use in this intense setting.
Some people have the same conflict style in Storm as in Calm. But many make a
noticeable change in conflict style. We call this the Stress Shift (or Storm Shift).
This inventory scores you in Calm and Storm and measures your Stress Shift. We?ll
come back to that later. Does the concept of Calm and Storm make sense to you?

AWARENESS AS GOAL
Time: 3-5 minutes
Background Reading for Trainer: Principles of Wise Response to Conflict in the
Style Matters Online Tutorial.
Before we look at scores, there?s an important concept to understand: There are
no ?good styles? or ?bad styles?. All five of the conflict styles have particular
strengths and limitations. When we look at scores, it?s like measuring your foot
size so you can get the best shoe size, or the color of your hair and eyes, so you
can pick clothes that bring out the best in you.

Whatever your numbers, there are strengths that come with those numbers and
unique challenges that come with them. The goal is to be aware of these, to know
your habits. Then you can use your strengths better and create strategies to
address the challenging areas. You can't change the size of your foot but you
can, with effort change your conflict responses.

INTRO TO SCORES
Time: 5 minutes
Background Reading for Trainer: ?Interpreting the Numbers?, pages 18-19 of
the Trainers?Guide to Conflict Styles Workshops (download free from Riverhouse
ePress). Note that that guide is written for the paper version of the inventory,
whereas this outline supports the online version.
The Numbers. We start with an overview of scores and then fill in the details.

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Circle your lowest style in Calm settings in the chart and your highest in Storm
settings. If there are 2 or 3 styles with the same score, circle all of them. Some
people have style combinations. We?ll discuss those later in the report if you have
any.
We will look first at your highest scoring style in Storm, since this is the style that?s
most active when you are upset and under stress.
Then we will look at your lowest scoring style in Calm, since this is probably the
style you use the least.
Why examine only the highest scores in Storm and the lowest scores in Calm?
There are in fact other useful numbers to ponder. For example, the highest
score in Calm is worth noting for many people, as it reflects the state we are in
as we deal with routine issues and problems hour by hour across a normal
day. And the lowest score in Storm may reflect a style under-utilized in Storm
conditions.
The only reason these scores are not addressed in the score report is the
limits of time and attention. The existing score report is already plenty long
for workshop purposes. We made a pragmatic decision in creating it to
choose a small number of significant scores to focus on and we think this is
enough for an insightful learning experience about conflict style
management. But if you have time and
inclination to go beyond the report, by all Abou t t h e Discu ssion Tools
means do so!
The discussion tools described at
HIGH SCORE IN STORM left help learners reflect on
strengths of a conflict style. The
Time: 10-25 minutes tools are:
- Open Comments
People learn best when they feel confident - Round Robin in Small
and appreciative of their strengths. For this Groups
reason the section on the strengths of a - Caucus groups organized by
Styles
user ?s Storm style come before looking at
- Sharing Personal
"Costs of Overuse". This sequence lays a Experience
helpful emotional foundation for a more
critical look at this style, so do not rush it. It These tools also work well for other
begins with several minutes to review and topics that follow. If time allows,
use one or several of them in the
appreciate the strengths of a user 's highest
sections below on Costs of Overuse,
storm style. Steps to Maintain Balance, and
Appreciate Strengths of Highest Scoring
Style in Storm. Go to "Your Responses in Storm" in the score report and your

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highest scoring Style (or styles) in Storm. In the report, review the list of strengths
that typically come with this style. Do you recognize any of those in yourself? If
you have more than one style in which you score high, that's great - it means you
have above average style flexibility. In this case, to keep things simple, choose the
style that you think is most comfortable for you and study it.
Invite comments out loud about the strengths of this style. If you are doing
this one-on-one, the user can address this to you. If in a group, it works well
to form small groups of 2-5 and invite people to go around their small group
one by one and share with others what their highest scoring style(s) is and to
review strengths that they see in themselves in this style.
An alternative to the above is to designate five locations in the room, one for
each style, and invite people to join with others who favor that style to reflect
on it.
If you have time, invite people to share, with you or others in a small group, a
memory of a time when they used this style in a way that reflects the
strengths listed here.

Costs of Overuse of this Style. The danger with any style that we score high in is
that, since it is so familiar, we may over-use the style. That means, we use it in
situations where another style would be more appropriate, or we turn up the
volume too high in using the style. The next section in the score report is ?Costs of
Over-Use?. Review those and note any that you recognize happen for you. See
text box on Discussion Tools above.
Steps to Maintain Balance. Review the list of suggestions and consider what
might help you avoid over-use of this style. See box on Discussion Tools above.
Support Strategies for this Style. Each style thrives in the presence of certain
conditions. There?s a list of those conditions for your preferred Storm style. Review
those and note ones you think would be especially helpful to you. Those are things
that other people could do if they want to help you function at your best, without
distress. These are things we would obviously not expect a distant opponent to do
for you, but people who live and work with you and want to help you function at
your best would benefit from knowing these things about you. See box on
Discussion Tools above.
An additional exercise to consider: On the Riverhouse website there is a
MySupport page with resources that make it easy to create a list of support
strategies tailored to a user ?s preferences. Creating such a list is excellent
preparation for a conversation in team settings or between work/domestic
partners about how to support each other to function at their best. Users

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simply go to that page, copy and paste a list of suggested support strategies
for any style they want into a Word document and then edit, deleting those
that aren?t relevant and adding any they want. That edited list can then serve
as foundation for a positive and empowering exchange.

LOW SCORE IN CALM

Time: 10 minutes
In Calm settings people are normally at their best. Without the distraction of
strong emotions, it is easier to choose responses rather than just react. Calm
settings give you opportunity to expand your range of conflict styles by
experimenting with greater use of styles you have not used much.
Benefits of Your Lowest Scoring Style. In your score report, review the benefits
of your lowest style in Calm in the section, ?Your Responses in Calm ?. Circle or
make a note of the benefits you recognize may be missing in your life. (Trainer
then invites user to share and briefly comment about these with the trainer or
with others in a small group.)
Ideas for Strengthening Your Lowest Style in Calm. Continuing in the report,
the next section suggests ways you could strengthen your lowest style in Calm.
Study those and note those that appeal to you. (Trainer invites brief comments
by user or, if time allows, gives a few minutes for discussion in small groups. )

STYLE COM BINATIONS

Time required: 0-10 minutes
Some users (about a third) have comments in their score report under a
heading, Style Combinations, just before the section on Storm Shift. This
happens if:
- Certain patterns are present in scores (for example, if someone scores
low or high in the same style in both Calm and Storm).
- If scores are equal or nearly so in two or three styles. (In this case the
comments come at the end of the section on Highest Score in Storm.)
Ask users if their report has comments on combinations of styles. If so, invite
one or two to read their comments aloud and/or ask if they have questions.

STORM SHIFT NUM BERS

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Time: 3-10 minutes

Background Reading for Trainer: The essay, How to Manage Your Storm Shift
in Conflict Resolution, describes the Storm Shift and how to manage it.

Have users review the section ?Your Storm Shift? in the score report. If the
Storm Shift for a user is only one or 2 points, there?s no need to spend much
time here. But if the Storm Shift is 3 or more points, invite user comments (to
you or to others in a small group): Are he/she/they aware of a shift in conflict
style when conflict heats up (self-awareness being the most important step
towards managing the shift)? Which of the suggestions in the score report for
managing the Storm Shift seem useful?

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Time required: 0-10 minutes.
Some users may be glad for suggestions of additional readings related to
conflict styles. There are dozens of free web resources on conflict styles and
conflict resolution annotated on resource page on the Riverhouse site. As
trainer you may want to click around on those yourself.
Every one of the five conflict styles is valuable and worth learning to do well.
You could easily spend a fruitful hour in a training setting on every style.
When should we use Avoiding? What would it look like to use it skillfully,
gracefully, effectively? Same for Directing, Harmonizing, etc.

That said, the style that for most people brings the greatest rewards for
further practice is Cooperating. The skills required to do it well can be easily
re-directed to enable skillful management of any other style.
For those who want to do further work on personal communication skills for
effective use of the Cooperating style, the Nonviolent Communication
Network is a well-regarded resource based on the writings of Dr. Marshall
Rosenberg. You can sign up for free monthly or weekly postings of ideas for
improving communication here.

FOLLOWUP
Time required: 0-10 minutes

Our patterns in conflict are largely based on habit. Even if we are highly
motivated to improve our patterns, it doesn't happen overnight. It's true, of
course, that people can get a clear idea in a two-hour workshop of how they
would like to change. But actually pulling those changes takes a lot longer.

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By Ron Kraybill, PhD

So followup activities greatly raise the likelihood of real growth and change. As
trainer you can plant seeds for such followup by offering them some
suggestions for followup activities. If you have participants spend some time
in pairs or small groups to discuss followup, or give an assignment, you may
plant the seed more deeply
Some ideas for followup:
- Share your score report with someone who knows you well and invite
their feedback. Consider having them take the inventory as well and
making the discussion two-way.
- If colleagues have taken the inventory, schedule a time to jointly review
score reports and discuss ways to incorporate insights gained into your
ongoing work.
- Write a journal entry or paper reflecting on your conflict styles.
- Write a memo of advice to yourself about strengthening your responses
to conflict, based on insights gained from the score report and
discussion. What are the things you'd recommend working on in the
coming month? Be specific about with whom, when, where, and how. (If
you as trainer are in a position to do individual follow-up, reviewing such
a memo would be a great place to start conversations later. Eg: let's
review your "Memo to Self ". How do you feel you are doing with it?")
- Identify a gap in your skills that you'd like to address. Do some research
on the web (see, for example, the resources mentioned above in the
"Additional Resources" section) and find some reading and exercises
that would help you address this gap. Select someone you trust to be a
partner to you in this. Tell your partner about what you are doing. Make
a point of discussing your experience with your partner at least once a
week for at least three weeks.
- For colleagues from the same organization, Ralph Kilmann's essay, "The
Three-Day Washout Effect After a Workshop" has excellent suggestions
for facilitating ongoing conversation among colleagues who have taken a
conflict style inventory.

ASSIGNM ENTS
If you are a teacher or professor, you might want to choose one of the

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By Ron Kraybill, PhD

following assignments for a paper.

Assign m en t On e: Wr it e a Ref lect ion Paper : Write a paper reflecting on your
score report (at college or university level, perhaps 1500-3000 words in
length). Use the score report as a resource in writing if you agree with the
report. If you do not, draw on your own best self-assessments.
- When you are in Calm conditions, that is, when differences have just
surfaced and emotions are not yet high, which conflict style or styles
are you most likely to use? What are the strengths of this style or styles?
What are the dangers of over-using this style?
- When you are in Storm conditions, that is, when previous efforts to
resolve a conflict haven't worked and emotions have escalated, which
conflict style or styles are you most likely to use? What are the
strengths of this style or styles? What are the dangers that come with
over-using it?
- Drawing on the feedback in the score report and/or your own
reflections, what do you see as personal growth areas for yourself in
improving your conflict management abilities?
Note to trainer: Depending on how big you?d like the assignment to be, you
could to ask learners to also connect their reflections to an actual situation.
You could add a sentence to the each of the first two areas of reflection
above: Give an example from real life experience that illustrates your behavior.
In the third area, you could add this sentence: Name a situation in which you
expect your efforts at growth to be challenging. Describe how your past behaviors
would cause you to act and then describe what you would like to do differently in
this situation in the future that would reflect personal growth for you.
An additional task you could add: Ask students to discuss their score report
with someone who knows them well. The assignm ent m ight read: Discuss
your score report with someone who knows you well and whom you trust ? a
family member, friend, or colleague. Invite this person to comment from their
general observations of you. Using the report as a resource, what do they see as
your strengths in conflict? What do they think might be ?growing edges? for
you in strengthening your responses to conflict? Summarize your learnings in
your paper.
Assign m en t Tw o: Apply Con f lict St yles Fr am ew or k t o Per son al Con f lict .
In this assignment students write an account of a conflict they?ve been
involved in, using the conflict styles framework to describe what was going on.
Text of the assignment: Write a reflection paper applying conflict styles insights

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to a conflict in which you were involved that was distressing for you.
- Which conflict style or styles did you use? Did this change over time?
If so, why? What impact did this change in style have on the dynamics
of the conflict?
- Did you under-use or over-use any styles?
- Are there any tips (see the list of Support strategies suggested for your
high-scoring Storm styles in the report) that, if the other person had
followed, might have assisted you to function better?
- Choose another person who was central in this conflict and comment:
What style or styles was this person primarily using? How did you
respond to this style? Can you offer any tips for yourself (based on
this experience and/or what you?ve learned about conflict styles) about
what to do or not to do that might enable you to achieve a better
outcome with this conflict style in the future?
Assign m en t Th r ee: Discu ss Con f lict St yles in St u dy Gr ou p or Wor k Team .
Whereas the above assignments are for individuals, the following is a joint
earning exercise for a group, such as a study group or a work team.
Text of the assignment: Take the Style Matters conflict style inventory and print
out the score report. Read it on your own and underline things you think are
especially valuable in understanding you. If you disagree with the scores,
revise them in the chart on the first page of the report to reflect what you
think is more accurate.
Bring your marked up score report to the group session. Go around the
group with the questions below, one question at a time, giving each person
about 5 minutes to comment in each of the four rounds. If your scores are
equal or nearly equal in several styles, choose one style to highlight in
responding to each question. If you get stuck answering any of the questions,
feel free to invite others to assist you in answering.
- My Calm style of dealing with conflict is? .. Benefits of this style for me
are? . Benefits for others when I use it are? . Dangers or costs of
overusing this style are? ? ..
- My Storm style of dealing with conflict is? . Benefits of this style for me
are? . Benefits for others when I use it are? . Dangers or costs of
overusing this style are? ? ..
- Things that others around me can do when there is conflict that will
meet my conflict style preferences and make it easier for me to
function at my best are? .. (As a resource for this, review the sections of
the report titled ?Support Strategies?)
- Something useful I?ve learned from our discussion about how others
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function in conflict is that? ?

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