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 Copyright ©

Published by Ruth Ijere

2020 Nigeria.
08134762115, ijereruth99@gmail.com

All right reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or

modified in any form, including photocopying, recording or by any
information storage and retrieval system without the written
permission of the author.
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 TABLE OF CONTENT

Forewo

rd

Acknowledgement

Introduction

Part I : Parenting for next Gen

Part II: Break the old; build a new.

Part III: Partnering and Partnership.

Prayer

Confession

FOREWORD
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 Mysteries are the discoveries of secrets, unraveling of deep truths and
unlocking of doors to assess new realms or heights. If everyone
understood that our lives are interlocked with our environment and
that we are a continuation of a generation that probably still live or had
past; we would make the best of our existence. Also, if we knew, we
are a part of the generation not yet existing; we would be more
deliberate about certain choices and certain lifestyle now. This is the
mystery this book unravels to the reader.

The grace of God is the fulcrum of which a person can break free from
disadvantaged traits and also make deliberate choices of his or her
existence. No one can by chance or coincidence make the best of his
present life for the next generation without the place of grace which
exposes a person to principles that help overcome certain obstacles.

This book is about you; it is about your present situation, it is about the
choice you are about to make, it is about the result of your choices. Let
no one deceive you, there are many things to learn in order to
overcome and this book teaches you a few of those life lessons about
you.

You are a mystery you yourself may not know about; you are the
product of the choice your parents made. You are making choices now
and the result can shape the character and temperament of your
children. Why then do you think it is not necessary to discuss these
matters?
If you are a child of God; you are already an overcomer in
disadvantaged traits; but this little piece, serves as a manual to make
you aware and help you enforce certain principle to enjoy the reality of
living your best for the next generation.

You will do well to keep an open mind and further ask that the Holy
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Spirit illuminates your heart to receive God’s counsel through this book
 for such a time as this. Too many things are at stake in the matter of
parenting for you to become casual, the society we live in and the
legacy we leave is dependent on parenting and that is what this book
addresses.
No one is too young to grasp the truth that lies in here because every
stage is covered therein.

I hope we all receive this timely work with a humble spirit; as it will do
us a good.

Femi Akinsuroju
Pastor
Foursquare Gospel Church, Anifowoshe Ikeja, Lagos
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
 This book is an evidence of the scripture that speaks of "a treasure in
earthen vessel". I thank the Good of all creation and His Spirit of truth
and wisdom that helps a man do the extra ordinary. I am thankful
because heaven chose me to be a custodian of some of it's secrets. A
big thank you to Pastor Oluwatimlehin Adigun for giving such a writing
assignment that provoked the quick release of the content of this book.

Thanks to my mentor, Pastor Femi Akinsuroju for proof reading and

giving the book's foreward. Thanks to my best God, Elizabeth Kosoko;
for God indeed hand picked you for such a long season of my life and I
remain grateful always. I'm thankful for Moses Daniel; who helped me
see a need to come up with a material on an issue of this kind: you tend
to always remind me that this is a topic I'm passionate about.

I cannot but also thank my siblings; Mr. Chidi, Mr. Emeka, Mr. Moses,
Mrs. Comfort, Mrs. Chinyere, Mrs. Mary, Mrs. Glad and Miss. Esther for
all believing in my writing gift and pushing me to keep writing. To
everyone who keeps cheering me on, you are very well appreciated.
You mean more than you know to me.

You all remain my link to reaching the world through writing.

INTRODUCTION
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 With my two decades and some years living on Earth, I have noticed a
pattern of life repeating itself, and life events being passed from
parents to their children. I have seen habits that were not deliberately
taught by parents to their children rub off on these children. And I have
noticed some trends over and over.

While some cultures believe in generational curses or blessings some

culture do not take cognizance of this beliefs yet the same principle
continues to dominate the lives of both sets of people. Life, has a way
of showing man what sowing and reaping is about. Nature speaks
volume about the place of deliberateness, whether one is intentional
about their life or not is irrelevant, because NATURE ABHORS SPACE,
something will necessarily fill that void. And this is the reason why
anyone who builds must know WHY he builds and WHAT he builds with,
and perhaps most importantly, WHEN to begin to build.
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(Part I)
 PARENTING FOR THE NEXT GEN.

Have you ever made these statements either out or in your mind? “I
will never be like my dad when I become a father, I will never be like my
mother when I become a mum, I will never treat my children the way
my parents treat me.” If you have, then you may be in for some
surprises.

From the study of man and his environment, it has been discovered
that the home (family) is the first agent of socialization that a child will
encounter. The idea of socialization is a broad one. There are things a
child is not taught by members of his family but which that child
subconsciously picks up merely by the reason of living among them.
These subconscious matters are some of the major factors that end up
determining the attitude, beliefs, responses and total disposition of
that child as he or she grows into adulthood and later leaves to make
his own home. In other words, what I am saying is that most of the
things we will ever see you do as an adult are the things you picked up
from either mum or dad or both mum and dad. For those who succeed
in not picking up all sides of mum and dad, it came from a deliberate
mind shift and constant practice of the new life they desired so they
experienced a shift into the person you have seen them become today.

There was a research made on the life of Jonathan Edwards on www.

Familymatters.com. It was tagged “personal growth”. The conclusion of
that work was to tell that “how parents raise their child- the love they
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give, the values they teach, the emotional environment they offer, the
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 education they provide influences NOT ONLY THEIR CHILDREN BUT THE
FOUR GENERATIONS TO FOLLOW, either for good or evil”. Reading the
work, it came to dawn on me again that legacies are legacies because
whether you are aware of them or not, if you are not deliberate about
them, they will be passed down through generations after you. You
can’t beat this thing called legacy by just mere wishes. Your inactions in
being your best for your generation is also a legacy you will be passing
to the seeds from your loins. And if any seed will try to change that
legacy, it will be from another level of influence that that person
encounters and consciously, consistently, patiently, subjects himself or
herself by allowing for a mind and attitude “surgery”. I call it a surgery
because, it comes with pain, you have to be willing to endure and
undergo a healing process. You may be tired sometimes when you try
to do the needed activities and exercises required to experience that
SHIFT you desire. The legacies we are definitely considering here are
those for people who want to change their lineage stories from being
“just there” to “truly living”. People; currently married, single or anyone
who desires not to make the mistakes they have come to see and know
that their parents made in raising them and who do not want to just
pour same on their promised seeds to come has a lot of conscious work
to pay attention to as well as some levels of new knowledge to be
exposed to and give their minds to allowing make a twist against what
they used to know as the normal in order to transit into a NEW
NORMAL. Until this happens (by “this”, I mean the new normal
becoming the most desired and most practiced lifestyle), every words
said and prayed in contrary to the training they’ve known will only be
mere wishes that will remain impossible for beggars to ride on; since
they cannot become horses.
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(Part II)
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 BREAK THE OLD: BUILD A NEW

If you are among those desiring to raise new and lasting legacies that
will cause a need for a new research to be conducted by family life
researchers and students, then you will have to take these few things
to be mentioned in these pages more seriously than you have ever
said those words. Be ready to embrace the work and tasks expected.
You will be doing this so that the work of transformation is less or
removed for the generation soon to sprout from you and also
lessening if not eradicating the scars that would have come with the
hurts that come with being in dysfunctional or not so ideal homes and
parental environment.

First, you must admit that you are part of the problem. If you
refused to agree to this, you will be expecting the change from
other members of your home but never seeing yourself as a part
of the problem. Seeing yourself as a part of the problem doesn’t
mean the same as you being the source or one of the sources of
the problem. Do you know what seeing yourself as a part of the
problem does to you? It instantly begins to make you take
responsibility to change things from where you can. You won’t see
it as their business anymore but your business. And because it is
your business, your mind moves from talks like “why did I come
into home like this?” to “what have I been sent into a home like
this to solve?” You will begin to seek counsellors rather than
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consolers. You will begin to seek solutions rather than seek a way
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of escape. And this is where some young persons make the

 mistake: they run or let me say move from home and go to stay
somewhere (just anywhere far to help them FORGET the trouble).
They get married and realize kind of too late that they had just
given themselves a fast mode into raising a home so identical or
maybe worse than the homes they were coming from. Some of
them then get frustrated out of guilt and stop trying by no longer
blaming their parents but themselves for allowing what most of
them might now refer to as “generational curse” catch up with
them. Other young people at this point begin to seek prayers and
maybe psychological help which they get rather too late but not
without redemption at last.

2. Expose yourself to a family (or families) that you admire.

Expose yourself to their kind of environment once in a while. Be
sure that you have it in mind to prayerfully take note of the things
you see them do. If you can, you can let some older members of
that home know why you are coming near to them so that when
you ask some questions, they are not shocked and will be free to
help where necessary.

Finally, you must be very ready and willing to allow God work on you by
exposing you to being challenged in your family, friendship and
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leadership. You must allow God’s Spirit to show you how to build
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 healthy relationships with people in your life. If you are truly a student
under God’s transformation class, you will begin to realize that as you
commit yourself to building these healthy relationships around you,
you begin to learn to be more patient, more loving, less critical and
exercising more self-controlled. In order words, you begin to grow in
the fruit of the Spirit and then your choice of a spouse becomes more
of attracting your kind than merely praying for and wishing for what
you may have been fantasizing as the “ideal partner” for the new family
of your dreams.

In conclusion, to raise a new generation that is new indeed from the

inside out is very much dependent on who you attract for a spouse and
who is as well attracted to you for a spouse. And who you attract or
become attracted to will in no wise display your generational legacies
now to your first, second, third and fourth generation. Below are some
prayers and confessions I have drafted to help contribute to your
coming mind shift.

Part III
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PARTNERING and PARTNERSHIP

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 Who you walk a journey with is equivalent to the kind of history such a
journey will produce for you and the world who would be opportuned
to listen to that history being told. It is believed that an average human
CAN RUN, but it is also believed that not every average human RUNS
with a VISION.

The vision has been communicated in the first two parts of this book.
So we move to the place of RUNNING. When you run alone, you
definitely know that you'll be able to run FAST. But this is me asking
that you do not run alone (I'll explain some whys below). It is best to
RUN with a partner who is in partnership with you and constantly
Partnering with you.

Partnership: an association of two or more people as partners.

Partnering:

Partner: a person who shares or is associated with another in some

action or endeavor; sharer; associate. It also can be used to refer to a a
spouse; a husband or a wife.

Other words from partner are TEAMMATE, ASSOCIATE, COLEAGUE,

ALLY, COMPANION, FRIEND, CHUM and so on. But for our study, we'll
be taking the word TEAM MATE.

In team mating, age becomes cancelled, the goal of the team becomes
the focus for respect, understanding, forgiveness, cooperation,
brainstorming, planning outings and every other feeling and signs of
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togetherness.
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 Two Major Partnership (TEAM MATING) will be our focus in this
session. They are;

1. Partnership by friendship and

2. Partnership by marriage.

In my few years on earth, I have come to realize the power that these
two agents contain in making or marring the family frontier. Both are
interwoven in each other. In that it is in true friendship that marriage is
established (this ought to be but has not been so for so a lot of
marriages we see around us), and marriage is also sustained with the
continuity of friendship by both persons involved. Let's check out some
scriptures that talk about this kind of partnerships:

Amos 3:3:

Two people will not walk together unless they have agreed to do so.

(ERV: Holy Bible: Easy-to-Read Version)

Ecclesiates 4: 9-12:
9.Two people are better than one. When two people work together,
they get more work done.

10 If one person falls, the other person can reach out to help. But
those who are alone when they fall have no one to help them.
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 11 If two people sleep together, they will be warm. But a person
sleeping alone will not be warm.

12 An enemy might be able to defeat one person, but two people can
stand back-to-back to defend each other. And three people are even
stronger. They are like a rope that has three parts wrapped
together—it is very hard to break.
(ERV: Holy Bible: Easy-to-Read Version)

In life, man when he was created, was created to be an interrelation

being. This means that man was created to relate with another. Man
wasn't made to be alone. First, He was created to relate with his
creator. Second, others, Third, with himself or herself. Once this is not
known nor well understood, this becomes the bed rock of many other
mistakes that such a person will continue to make through his living on
Earth.

Man to relate with himself: you were created to have some time with
and for yourself: man was created to have a mind that can think for him
and help him choose.

A thinking blind man is better than a non-thinking man who has got
eyes. Why? Because the eyes of your mind is what moves you to action.
If the eyes of your mind do not see, it won't move. A blind man can ask
that he be taken to where the eyes of his mind is leading him to. But
man with a eyes but a blind mind is in even bigger trouble as he would
spend if not the whole of his life roaming about from childhood, to
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teenage into adulthood and till death calls. What is the state of the
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eyes of your mind? The eyes of your mind gives you a reason to
 consider constant self-appraisal and self-development. The eyes of your
mind helps you know when to pause and think. The eyes of your mind
helps you learn what each season of your life might be expecting of you
as output. The eyes of your mind helps you know who to partner with
in the external and ex-terrestrial.

Man to relate with God: this cannot be overemphasized. While some

people realize the need for a relationship with God early some others
realize late and the unfortunate ones fight this realization till their day
of death. When the Creator made man, He made sure that man carries
in Him a void that keeps him restless till He realizes the only thing
withheld from Him is the REST of a being Mightier and larger than his
own thoughts. Agreeing to walk with God is the best gift you can give to
you. Agreeing to share the same bed of thoughts with God brings you
to a life of consistent and constant victory over the throws of life and
evil. Choosing to put on the armour of grace that God presents is the
constant strength you'll need when you're left all alone and the battle
of life chooses you. He keeps you warm, strengthens your heart to fight
strong, and then makes His angels minister unto you after every battle:
you conquer constantly. In your relationship with God lies your
WHOLESOMENESS. Life itself wears men out, and each man will always
need someone stronger, wiser, bigger, faster, mightier, than himself to
help RESTORE and keep him stable here on Earth. Lest that man be
battered by life and is made nothing but a pile of ruins.

At creation, God gave man wealth, riches, honour, wisdom even

beauty: which man can draw from as long as he follows the creator's
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principle of sowing and reaping. But this one thing, man has to embrace
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 through FAITH. And this one thing is a relationship with the Creator,
God. Man just needs to acknowledge and believe that He exists and
that He is interested in the affairs of man. But will not force Himself on
man. He can wait patiently for man. But the longer it takes you to
respond to His call, the longer you remain in your misery. It does not
mean that a relationship with God dispels misery from appearing but
He comes and dwells with you in that misery that you no longer can
focus on the effect of that misery because your gaze is now on Him.
And since you are no longer giving such misery any attention, such a
misery leaves you alone and goes elsewhere. In the long run (the period
differs for each person), you try to look at where you used to see such
misery and it is gone.

[looking away from all that will distract us and] focusing our eyes on
Jesus, who is the Author and Perfector of faith [the first incentive for
our belief and the One who brings our faith to maturity],

(Hebrews 12:2a: Amplified version).

As He keeps you warm, you tend to forget the cold, because your only
thought is now on his hugs and the smell of his presence. And in no
time, you can't remember there was ever a cold freezing you a while
ago.

Talking about the Creator for me is inexhaustible. He fills everything

with the reality of his existence and person. I'll just conclude by letting
you know or even reminding you that there are countless rewards in
having a working everyday relationship with the Creator, God, His Son
and His HolySpirit. The journey becomes a journey with friends who can
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see from the present your future and have gone ahead of you to
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smoothen the path and will constantly ease the burden of the road by
 giving you wings; sometimes a new one and sometimes their personal
wings.

But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in
Him]

Will gain new strength and renew their power;

They will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles
[rising toward the sun];

They will run and not become weary,

They will walk and not grow tired.

(Isaiah 40:31: Amplified version).

He is your Father and your Creator.

He made you, and he supports you.

He protected them like the pupil of his eye,

11 like an eagle when she makes her young leave the nest to fly.

She stays close to them, ready to help.

She spreads her wings to catch them when they fall

and carries them to a safe place.

(Deuteronomy 32:6b, 10-11. EVR)

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 Man to relate with others: Even God wanted a man on Earth that
would oversee his works on Earth. Not because he does not have the
power to, but because he wanted to help man understand the power of
inter-dependency. If one will chase one thousand when alone. Two
separate individuals will chase two thousand when their catch is put
together. But when two people chasing the same thing together bring
their catch, scripture says that they will be recording TEN thousand: a
catch for ten people chasing separately; two people as a United force, a
team will chase and catch what ten great chasers will catch if they go
on separate routes. What does this teach us? Having a true partner, a
teammate is not merely being with someone but connecting on major
levels with another (till your pairs of eyes become SINGLE) and running
in the same shoes but with well thought out and arranged functions.

Someone said something that "where you currently are today in any
area of your life is as a result of the people you spend the most part of
your life with. And the state and quality of your life five years from
now will also be as a result of the people you are already spending the
most of your life with." No man rises by mistake, peradventure he rises
by mistake, he will not be able to reproduce such success again and so
His trophy is passed on to the next man who can trace the process of
his victory and even reproduce that victory over and over again. Who is
your company? When you think about marriage and who to marry what
tops your list? And how many of your current friends can without stress
beat that list? I am asking all of these questions with the hope that your
list will not contain superficial and ephemeral matters as a top five.
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 It is my prayer for you and me that our lives be filled with suitable helps
in the name of Jesus Christ. A great and purposeful marriage is a
miracle on Earth because “one will chase a thousand, two will chase ten
thousand.” If one chases one thousand on his own, and then the other
chases another one thousand on her own, the result when put together
will be a 2,000. But if they combine efforts together, as the bible says,
they will chase 10,000! That means their strength will be multiplied just
as a result of creating a purposeful bond of one FAITH, one HOPE and
one LANGUAGE.

The first thing is that you must from now as a single person or newly
married (as the case may be) determine and decide that you'll do all
that is in your power to make sure that becoming one with your spouse
is one of your most valuable look out when you look to choose your
spouse or continually choose your spouse ( for the married ones
reading this). Two can only be better than one when you start
becoming an entity. Two will not be better than one when the two are
still functioning as individual entities on their own. In some marriages,
the couples are so independent of each other in a very unhealthy
manner. They bear the same name but have different visions. Some live
in the same house but each person is doing his own thing. You wouldn't
say they are really one, would you?
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 THE VALUE THAT DRIVES YOU IS THE VALUE THAT MAKES ALL THE
DIFFRENCE.

Your values help people know and perceive what is in the core of your
being when we talk about how you see life and what aspects of your
life is core to you. Your value is the price you have fixed on the things
that matter in life and those who do not really matter in life. Everyone's
value differs. But some persons value (s) are so in line with a few others
that once you encounter them, it gives your life this much joy and
strength to forge ahead even when you become weak to continue. I am
speaking to those who have got rare values that constantly keep them
disciplined and constantly winning through life. Values of these such
are; integrity, peacemaking, excellence, loyalty, cleanliness, love,
charity, generosity, family, friendship, support, prayer and so on.
Likewise, if you live a life of little or no rare values, you give yourself no
reason to desire change and be a part of it. And in the long run, the
little you have will slip away from your hands into those who have
praise worthy things to offer.

You can never get parenting right by being careless with your values
and that of your circle of friends. If you have no boundaries in your life
you will not appreciate friends who have boundaries and definitely will
not see a need for a spouse that is boundary conscious.
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Your values can be towards what you read or watch, what you can
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never read nor watch with respect to God and the destined purpose
 you have been called to fulfil. Remember that behind everything that
works is someone making it work.

What is your standard for having friends? For your space or circle of
friends will set the pace for what you will look out for in whoever you
plan to do forever with as a spouse and the co care taker of your
children to come. Your value will determine who you easily allow into
your space or circle of Friendship. And your space or circle of friends
will set a pace for what you will be looking out for in who to do life with
as a spouse. Some things a person should no longer be in your life as
they have passed their season in your life and may not be able to
respect your new values. You must be able to discern this set of people
and separate them from the new set of people who will help you
become strong in your new values.

Finally, you must know that there is a kingdom that wars against the
pursuit of a successful parenting. This is a Kingdom that knows that if
the family frontier is stable, the world will be a stable place. Once your
value becomes very scary and seems impossible for you, then you are
short changing the possibility of good guys or ladies coming to you for
pure friendship: this automatically makes it impossible for you to
attract them in your mind.

There should always be things you never joke with your life and
choosing your friendship and those you do life with is one big factor.
Remember again that behind everything that works is someone making
it work. There is always a price to pay if you must continue to establish
foundational values NOW and till you exit this world.
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 PRAYER:

Dear Lord, it is your will that I raise godly seeds that will bring glory to
your name and hope to the world. It is your will that I live my life
enjoying the spouse of my youth till your second coming. It is also
your will that my life is lived in the knowledge of your love and
thought towards me. I have also come to realize that I need your help
in this walk into destiny, procreation and teaching my household to
know and walk in your life and light. Dear Lord, I come in full
surrender to your help and teachings. I ask that from today, you will
begin to bring to me every material, persons and experience that I will
be needing to be the daughter, son, mother, father, sister, brother,
husband, wife that will attract your kind of legacy and the blessings
that come with such legacies. I ask that you help me not give up when
the journey to a new normal begins to get tough and appears
hopeless. I ask that my root grows so deep in you and that you keep
my gaze on you till I can truly say that I am the new normal. I ask that
you strengthen me by helping me to be the change that I desire to see
in my home and around everyone connected to me. It's in Jesus name
I pray. Amen.
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 CONFESSIONS:

I am the seed of Abraham. I am taught of the Lord, therefore great is

my peace and undisturbed composure. I am surrounded with wise
counsels and counsellors. The strength of the Lord has made and is
making me wise. I carry seeds that will bring honour to God and be
honoured throughout the world. My words are life and my actions are
light. From today, I begin to attract the God kind for marriage. I
attract the God kind as friends. And my life takes a new normal to the
glory of god and the salvation of my generation. Whatever wrong
identity that my family has been known for in the past is being
cancelled and a new recognition is emerging. Henceforth, our home
becomes healthy: words of life are dished daily there, songs of healing
fills the lips of all, contentment and hope become our dining rule and
with Joy (the joy of the Lord) do we approach matters. My siblings are
called by a new name. My parents are healed from the inside out and
I am trained by the Lord Himself. Our wombs begin to carry and bear
wise children who will hate evil and love righteousness. I declare that
I attract and am attracted to the God kind for companionship,
fellowship and training. My pleasures become the pleasures of the
noble. My mantra shall henceforth be “the one who has been nutured
by God and who has received its name from heaven”. I begin to live
out my true name: the one heaven called my family from the
beginning of time. All these I declare and I begin to see by the power
of Christ in me.
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 KEYWORDS: legacy, parenting, family, mind shift, surgery, become, God
Kind.
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