I stopped talking to mom since she brought Yamaku up.

She gave me my spoon back, but the message stuck.

As time went on, the summer I hoped to spend with the girl I loved passed, the usual bright days
giving way to gray skies.

I didn't mind the change, it doesn't matter to me. I'm stuck here either way.

Mom got used to having me around, so she extended my stay all the way through the recovery period.

I traded in my casts and medication for ridiculous exercises.

It's the beginning of September.

"Hey Mikhail, mind if I ask you a question?"

"Hm? Go ahead."

We alternate between his shogi and my chess. Today is his day. I can't hope to match him in the
general's game, the same way he can't take me in the ancient game.

We still try though, there's always the chance the other messes up.

"You think people can die happy?"

It's a ploy to throw me off my game. I won't be defeated that easily.

"Maybe, if they die well."

"What, fighting dragons?"

"No."

He makes his final move, cornering me. One more move, and i'm done. Goddamn lance.

"You said happy, right? You can't be happy when faced with humanity's greatest fear."

"Mortality, huh? But you're still wrong."

I give him a dark look. It's not enough that he's humiliating me in the game, but he has to be an ass
in conversation too?

"Oh, so tell me of your happy death."

He tilts his head to the side, sizing up the board.

"The lance screwed you over, you know."

"Bite me."
Bringing his hand up to his mouth to silence a chuckle, he makes the finishing move in tandem with
his answer.

"Saving someone's life. That should make you happy. Losers clean up."

I smirk, realizing that I've pulled the same trick a few days ago.

"Good game."

He stops, turning around.

"I have an idea, let's do something nice for someone."

"Why bother?"

"Hell if I know, I just feel like it."

I open my mouth to speak, but find no words.

Living life on a whim. Is that what we've come down to?

Nothing makes any sense anyway, why not indulge myself with the ability to act out on my whims?

Living like that will surely make me feel content...

"Alright then."

We made our way to the children's cancer ward.

I don't know why he had to go that grim, but I kept my mouth shut.

Children half my age going through so much pain and misery, just by random chance.

If something like that can happen to anyone, why struggle to create anything?

What takes years to build can be undone in seconds, just like that.

Innocent lives slowly snuffed out under the weight of a lethal condition.

We chose to play.

What little light we could bring into always darkening lives, we brought. Games of tag, hide and seek,
and even soccer.

Two boys with nothing better to do, sharing their time with the children.

Their smiles and laughs, despite the obvious side effects of the chemotherapy, seemed so familiar for
a reason.

I never much cared for kids, nor did I appreciate being one as much as I should. Sometimes I wonder
how different I'd be if I was allowed to enjoy a normal childhood...
Eventually, my mother's minions chased us off.

It's been raining.

Every day now, for at least a week.

Kyo says it's a bother, I appreciate the change. The always sunny weather was starting to get on my
nerves.

I never got around to asking him why he's here.

He disappears every once in a while, coming back like nothing happened.

I could just check his charts, but it would feel like betraying his trust.

Today though, he seems to be down for some reason.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, man."

He looks over at me, smiling faintly. There's definitely something different about him, but I can't place
a finger on it...

"Sorry, spaced out. You were saying?"

"Checkmate."

"Oh."

He inspects the board for a second before concluding that I am, in fact, telling the truth.

With a shrug, he starts clearing the board.

"Dude, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Come on man, you can trust me."

"I know, but I need you to trust me."

With nothing else to say, I accept defeat, despite getting the checkmate.

"Hey man, let's go to the roof."

"You do know it's raining, right?"

He glances at the window, but the darkness outside makes seeing even the drops on the glass a
difficult task.
"Come on, I'm really in the mood for a nighttime view."

"Whatever man."

We grab our coats and start clambering up the stairs.

The nurses are easy enough to avoid, and the door is always unlocked.

We step out onto the roof, careful to avoid the large streams of rainwater.

"Check out that view."

Indeed, from up here, the lights reflect off the drenched streets, giving off the impression of a raging
inferno below.

Even in the distance, the short buildings that serve as the business quarter are glowing, illuminated by
the near endless neon lights.

The sky above is an inky black, with no stars in sight.

I place a hand on the cold, damp rail, if only to feel the cool sensation.

"So, what's your plan?"

"My plan?"

"When you get out."

I decide to ignore the fact he so bluntly compared the hospital to a prison. After all, I call my own
room 'the cell'.

"I don't know. Go home, hope I find my way."

"That's weak."

"Oh? Tell me then, what's your big plan?"

In the dark, I can't see his face. Still, I can feel that he's smiling.

"Find a girl with long chestnut hair, get married, and have kids. I'll finish college and get a job as a
manager in some tried and tested company."

I can't help but laugh. It's the classic fairy tale ending.

"Seems nice."

He doesn't answer for a while, instead just pressing against the railing.

Every once in a while, lightning rips through the sky, illuminating the roof, its rumble echoing
throughout Shiogama.
"You should come up with a plan. Even if you don't care, you have no right to throw away your life like
that."

No right? My life is mine to do with as I goddamn please.

"What's it to you? Don't tell me my mom got you to try and convince me to change schools?"

He turns around to face me, but I can barely see him in the dark.

"Mikhail, think about what you're doing with yourself. Are you ready to throw in the towel, to let this
place completely bleed you of the will to live?"

I let go of my rail, moving up towards him, grabbing the same fence rail he's been leaning against.

"You think I lost my will to live? You know that..."

What?

I've got nothing.

Over the past few weeks, I've become just another shadow in this hospital, an insignificant bit that
can disappear and be forgotten in the blink of an eye.

He's right. I might not be suicidal, but I'm not really living, am I? It's this place... I thought it was
purgatory. It's actually hell.

"I..Damn..."

Kyo heaves a sigh, rocking back and forth, as if trying to dodge the raindrops.

"We're in the dark, you know. Both of us."

He shifts like that some more, finally settling down.

"But it just takes a flash of light for things to become clear."

On cue, lightning ripples once again through the sky, and I see his face. In that one moment, I piece
everything together.

His mood, his eyes, the children, the hospital...

The eyes of Sakuraba Kyo are no longer foggy. In his gaze a fire rages, willing to consume everything,
if only it wasn't held back by...something.

He takes a deep breath.

"Mikhail, isn't this an amazing view?"

It's just the street below, illuminated by the newly installed lights.

Hurried pedestrians dash across it, the same way they always do when it rains. A lone girl is taking a
casual stroll in the night, hiding under a navy blue umbrella.
"I don't understand. What's your point?"

He chuckles, placing an arm on my shoulder.

"Nothing, I was just trying to recreate this epic scene from this one movie..."

That explains it.

"I'm not having any part in this anymore, you're crazy."

"Come on man, wasn't it epic?"

"I'm going back to the cell."

He shrugs.

"I'll stay here a bit longer, alright?"

I nod my head, and retreat into the dull, but dry hospital building.

"Oh, and Mikhail, did you know I have four sisters?"

I grin, waving my hand at him as he turns back towards the street.

One has to wonder what's going through that boy's head. Sure, sometimes he's serious, but mostly ,
he's a fool.

His eyes were so different...

I don't know, maybe it was the light. I'm probably just imagining things.

He'll just get a cold, the idiot he is, and I'll have to put up with his sneezing tomorrow.

I have breakfast alone.

The rain has finally stopped, but there's no sign of Kyo.

Idiot probably got sick...

I bob and weave through the morning wave of interns and nurses, making my way to his room. Just
as I'm about to enter, a familiar voice calls out my name.

"Mikhail, good, I found you."

She's wearing a scowl, not even bothering to hide the toll this kind of life is taking on her.

"Good morning mother. If I may ask, why were you looking for me?"

"Would you like me to be blunt?"

"When aren't you? And what's this all about?"

She adjusts her glasses, immediately tucking both hands in her pockets afterwards.

"Mr Sakuraba committed suicide last night by jumping off of the building's rooftop."

My heart skips a beat, my mouth opening slowly in shock. Her voice unchanging, mother keeps
talking.

"The boy aimed for the fences below. The fall broke his neck, severing the spinal cord. He died
momentarily."

But...why?

Why did he do it? Was that what all his deep questions were about?

"I...I don't understand...why..."

"He suffered from an advanced brain tumor. He failed to mention that it rendered him blind in his right
eye?"

"Wait, so he..."

"And that the cost of his treatment was slowly draining his family of almost all their money?"

She pauses, slightly lowering her head.

"If they kept it up, his sisters surely wouldn't be able to attend college."

"..."

Saving someone's life. That should make you happy.

All this time, he was suffering, and I never noticed.

I know, but I need you to trust me.

Kristen was right, I am selfish. I couldn't see what was right before my eyes.

Mikhail, think about what you're doing with yourself.

Ever since I came here, I've done nothing but feel sorry for myself, wasting time and making excuses.
I let my life become this pointless cycle; not doing anything, and then feeling bad about it. And now
Kyo is dead.

He didn't die for me...but despite that, he tried to save me as well.

My friend...

I leave the hospital on a Sunday.

It's raining again, but I have an umbrella, so it should be alright.

Dad's in town, so he'll pick me up and drop me off at the cemetery. I'll pay my respects to the boy
who saved my life.

After that, I'll be taking the Tohoku main line to Sendai, and from there, a bus to Yamaku academy.

Maybe it's a mistake, but I can't go back. There's nothing left for me in Shiogama.

Kristen...Kyo...

I will remember what you gave me...but for now, there's nothing left except to keep moving forward.