Stress Management

How
Feeling to Deal with Constantly
Overwhelmed
by Rebecca Zucker
October 10, 2019

Paula Daniëlse/Getty Images

Summary.   The cognitive impact of feeling perpetually overwhelmed can range

from mental slowness, forgetfulness, confusion, difficulty concentrating or thinking
logically, to a racing mind or an impaired ability to problem solve. When we have
too many demands on our... more
Our work lives have become increasingly demanding, presenting
us with ever more complex challenges at a near-relentless pace.
Add in personal or family needs, and it’s easy to feel constantly
overwhelmed. In their book, Immunity to Change, Harvard
professors Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey discuss how the increase
in complexity associated with modern life has left many of us
feeling “in over our heads.” When this is the case, the complexity
of our world has surpassed our “complexity of mind” or our ability
to handle that level of complexity and be effective. This has
nothing to do with how smart we are, but with how we make sense
of the world and how we operate in it.

Our typical response to ever-growing workloads is to work harder

and put in longer hours, rather than to step back and examine
what makes us do this and find a new way of operating. I have a
few clients who fit this description. When we started working
together, they each had already resorted to getting up at 4 AM to
do work. Sue, who works for a tech company that recently went
public, is leading many simultaneous projects and is fearful she’ll
miss an important email. Ajay, a senior leader at a late-stage start-
up, needs the extra quiet time to try to make a dent in his ever-
growing to-do list, but feels like he’s trying to dig himself out of a
hole that just keeps getting deeper. Maria, a start-up co-founder,
felt constantly overwhelmed as her company started to scale.
While CEOs of trillion dollar companies like Apple’s Tim Cook,
wake up at 3:45 AM, most of us don’t have quite this level of
responsibility.

The cognitive impact of feeling perpetually overwhelmed can

range from mental slowness, forgetfulness, confusion, difficulty
concentrating or thinking logically, to a racing mind or an
impaired ability to problem solve. When we have too many
demands on our thinking over an extended period of time,
cognitive fatigue can also happen, making us more prone to
distractions and our thinking less agile. Any of these effects,
alone, can make us less effective and leave us feeling even more
overwhelmed. If you are feeling constantly overwhelmed, here
are some key strategies to try:

Pinpoint the primary source of overwhelm. Ask yourself the

question, “What one or two things, if taken off my plate would
alleviate 80% of the stress that I feel right now?” While you may
still be responsible for these items and cannot actually take them
off your plate, this question can still help you identify a
significant source of your stress. If it’s a big project that’s almost
done, finish it. Or, if it’s the sheer size of the task or project that is
overwhelming you, break it down into more manageable
components, ask for additional resources or renegotiate the
deadline if you are able — or all of the above.

Set boundaries on your time and workload. This can include

“time boxing” the hours you spend on a task or project, leaving
the office by a certain time, or saying no to specific types of work.
Ajay realized he was spending a significant amount of time
mediating conflicts between various team members, which was
not only an unproductive use of his time, but also reinforced their
behavior of escalating issues to him instead of learning to resolve
these problems themselves. Saying “no” to these escalations and
setting expectations that they do their best to work out these
issues before coming to him, created more breathing room for
him to focus on his priorities with fewer distractions.

Challenge your perfectionism. Perfectionism can lead us to

make tasks or projects bigger than they need to be, which can lead
to procrastination and psychological distress. As things pile up,
the sense of overwhelm grows, which can then lead to more
procrastination and more overwhelm. Sheryl Sandberg famously
said, “Done is better than perfect.” Know when “good” is “good
enough” by asking yourself, “What is the marginal benefit of
spending more time on this task or project?” If the answer is very
little, stop where you are and be done with it. Part of this is also
recognizing that we cannot do everything perfectly. Sue was
finally able to accept that sometimes an email will be overlooked,
and that if it’s important enough, the other person will follow up
with her.

Outsource or delegate. Ask yourself, “What is the highest and

best use of my time?” Activities that don’t fall within your answer
can be taught and/or delegated to others. This can include
managing selected projects, delegating attending certain
meetings, having a team member conduct the initial interviews
for an open position, or outsourcing the cleaning of your home
and meal preparation. Maria had the revelation that she should
delegate the weekly Sales meeting that she had always led to — of
all people — the Head of Sales! She realized she had hired this
person over a year ago but was still clinging to certain
responsibilities that “she had always done,” and had never fully
empowered him, for fear of giving up control. In the end, she
admitted all she really needed was an email update. By letting go
of this one task, she freed up 52 hours a year to focus on other
high-priority strategic issues.

Challenge your assumptions. If feeling overwhelmed is an

ongoing struggle, it is likely that you have assumptions that are
keeping you stuck in unproductive behaviors. Kegan and Lahey
refer to these as “Big Assumptions.” For Sue, it was the belief that
“If something falls through the cracks, I’d fail and wouldn’t be
able to recover from it.” In Ajay’s case, it was his belief that “If I’m
not there to help others, I won’t be needed and people will
question my value.” For Maria, her assumption was “If I lose
control, others will mess up, and the company will fail.” While
these big assumptions felt real to each leader, these limiting
beliefs were not likely 100% true and kept them stuck in old
patterns that significantly contributed to their sense of
overwhelm. By identifying and debunking these beliefs over time,
they were able to broaden their previously contracted view of the
world, which in turn allowed them to reduce their overwhelm and
provided them with a greater sense of agency.

While we may all feel overwhelmed from time to time in our

demanding work and personal lives, employing the above
strategies can help mitigate the frequency and extent to which we
feel this way.

Rebecca Zucker is an executive coach and a

founding Partner at Next Step Partners, a
boutique leadership development firm. Her
clients include Amazon, Clorox, Morrison
Foerster, the James Irvine Foundation, Skoll
Foundation, and high-growth technology
companies like DocuSign and Dropbox. You
can follow her on Twitter: @rszucker.