INT.

KINGS CROSS STATION, LONDON - LATER THAT

DAY

MICHELLE and MAUD walk around searching for something.

MICHELLE
I feel sure I left my spoons somewhere around here.
MAUD
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly
spoons.
MICHELLE
You know nothing Maud Rabbit.
MAUD
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, TOMMY appears, holding a pair of spoons.

TOMMY
Looking for something?
MAUD
Crikey, Michelle, he's got your spoons.
MICHELLE
Tell me something I don't already know!
MAUD
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
MICHELLE
I know that already!
MAUD
I'm afraid of dust.
TOMMY
(appalled) Dude!

While TOMMY is looking at MAUD with disgust, MICHELLE

lunges forward and grabs her deadly spoons. He wields them,
triumphantly.
 MICHELLE
Prepare to die, you mean parsnip!
TOMMY
No please! All I did was punch a bunch of babies!

TONY enters, unseen by any of the others.

MICHELLE
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those babies were
defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me!
Michelle England defender of innocent babies.
TOMMY
Don't hurt me! Please!
MICHELLE
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these spoons on
you right away!
TOMMY
Because Michelle, I am your father.

MICHELLE looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects

herself.

MICHELLE
No you're not!
TOMMY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

TOMMY tries to grab the spoons but MICHELLE dodges out of

the way.

MICHELLE
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, TOMMY slumps to the ground.

MAUD
Did he just faint?
 MICHELLE
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a
more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly spoons.

MICHELLE crouches over TOMMY's body.

MAUD
Be careful, Michelle. It could be a trick.
MICHELLE
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Tommy
Bond is dead!
MICHELLE
What?
MICHELLE
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

MAUD claps her hands.

MAUD
So your spoons did save the day, after all.

TONY steps forward.

TONY
Is it true? Did you kill the mean vampire?
MICHELLE
Tony how long have you been...?

TONY puts his arm around MICHELLE.

TONY
Long enough.
MICHELLE
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Tommy Bond.
TONY
Then the babies are safe?
MICHELLE
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable babies enter, looking relived.

TONY
You are their hero.

The babies bow to MICHELLE.

MICHELLE
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The
knowledge that Tommy Bond will never punch babies ever
again, is enough for me.
TONY
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the babies passes MICHELLE a gold necklace

TONY
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
MICHELLE
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

MICHELLE
Well, if you insist.

MICHELLE takes the necklace.

MICHELLE
Thank you.

The babies bow their heads once more, and leave.

MICHELLE turns to TONY.

MICHELLE
Does this mean you want me back?
TONY
Oh, Michelle, of course I want you back!
MICHELLE smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

MICHELLE
Well you can't have me.
TONY
WHAT?
MICHELLE
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a vampire to
death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like
that.
TONY
But...
MICHELLE
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who
stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Maud.

MAUD grins.

TONY
But...
MAUD
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
TONY
Michelle?
MICHELLE
I'm sorry Tony, but I think you should skidaddle.

TONY leaves.

MAUD turns to MICHELLE.

MAUD
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
MICHELLE
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly MAUD stops.

MAUD
When I said I'm afraid of dust, you know I was just trying to
distract the vampire don't you?
THE END