Mean Vampire

A Screenplay by Random Writer

EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE, LONDON - AFTERNOON

Admirable lawyer MRS MICHELLE ENGLAND is arguing with

remarkable detective LORD TONY FERGUSON. MICHELLE
tries to hug TONY but he shakes her off.

MICHELLE
Please Tony, don't leave me.
TONY
I'm sorry Michelle, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more
brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of
running away.
MICHELLE
I am such a person!

TONY frowns.

TONY
I'm sorry, Michelle. I just don't feel excited by this relationship
anymore.

TONY leaves.

MICHELLE sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, bold lawyer DI MAUD RABBIT barges in looking

flustered.

MICHELLE
Goodness, Maud! Is everything okay?
MAUD
I'm afraid not.
MICHELLE
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
 MAUD
It's ... a vampire ... I saw an evil vampire punch a bunch of
babies!
MICHELLE
Defenseless babies?
MAUD
Yes, defenseless babies!
MICHELLE
Bloomin' heck, Maud! We've got to do something.
MAUD
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
MICHELLE
You can start by telling me where this happened.
MAUD
I was...

MAUD fans herself and begins to wheeze.

MICHELLE
Focus Maud, focus! Where did it happen?
MAUD
a library! That's right - a library!

MICHELLE springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

MICHELLE rushes along the street, followed by MAUD. They

take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences
along the way.

EXT. A LIBRARY - SHORTLY AFTER

TOMMY BOND a mean vampire terrorises two babies.

MICHELLE, closely followed by MAUD, rushes towards
TOMMY, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

MAUD
What is is? What's the matter?
MICHELLE
That's not just any old vampire, that's Tommy Bond!
MAUD
Who's Tommy Bond?
MICHELLE
Who's Tommy Bond? Who's Tommy Bond? Only the most
mean vampire in the universe!
MAUD
Blinkin' knickers, Michelle! We're going to need some help if
we're going to stop the most mean vampire in the universe!
MICHELLE
You can say that again.
MAUD
Blinkin' knickers, Michelle! We're going to need some help if
we're going to stop the most mean vampire in the universe!
MICHELLE
I'm going to need spoons, lots of spoons.

Tommy turns and sees Michelle and Maud. He grins an evil

grin.

TOMMY
Michelle England, we meet again.
MAUD
You've met?
MICHELLE
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young MICHELLE is sitting in a park listening to some jazz
music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees TOMMY. She takes off her

headphones.

TOMMY
Would you like some barley sugar?

MICHELLE's eyes light up, but then he studies TOMMY more

closely, and looks uneasy.

MICHELLE
I don't know, you look kind of mean.
TOMMY
Me? No. I'm not mean. I'm the least mean vampire in the world.
MICHELLE
Wait, you're a vampire?

MICHELLE runs away, screaming.

EXT. A LIBRARY - PRESENT DAY

TOMMY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
MAUD
(To MICHELLE) You ran away?
MICHELLE
(To MAUD) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

MICHELLE turns to TOMMY.

MICHELLE
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this
time!

MICHELLE runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

MICHELLE
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with spoons.
TOMMY
I'm not scared of you.
MICHELLE
You should be.