UNKNOWN: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.

But she had an enchantment

upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was
locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave
knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed.
She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower. For her
true love and true love's first kiss.

The voice laughs. A big, green hand rips out a page of the book and shuts it
closed.

UNKNOWN: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of -

We see an outhouse and hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Out steps SHREK, an
ogre, who tugs at his underwear and shakes his foot of the page still stuck to his
shoe. He looks lovingly at the swamp he calls home, and goes about his daily
routine. This includes taking a mud shower, brushing his teeth with bugs, bathing
in a muddy pond, gathering giant slugs for dinner, and painting a warning sign.

In a nearby village, an angry mob gather up to go after Shrek. At night they gather
their torches and pitchforks and enter the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning
signs. Shrek sees them after investigating the commotion, rolling his eyes. The
villagers stop outside Shrek's home, unaware that Shrek is sneaking up behind them.