Pain So Familiar and Close to the Heart

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/40040121.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/M
Fandom: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Relationship: Steve Harrington/Maxine "Max" Mayfield
Character: Steve Harrington, Maxine "Max" Mayfield
Additional Tags: Bonding, Grief/Mourning, Platonic Kissing, (platonic-ish), Making Out,
Friendship/Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Banter, Angst and
Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Series: Part 3 of Steve & Max
Stats: Published: 2022-07-03 Words: 1520

Pain So Familiar and Close to the Heart

by musicboxmemories (KendraLuehr)

Summary

Desperate in her grief, Max seeks a reason to feel. Steve just wants to be a good friend.
Mild sexual content warning.

Notes

Note: Even though this is mostly platonic, the kissing part gets a little sexual before it
stops, so if you're not a fan of this dynamic in "that way," you might want to just skim
through that short bit. Otherwise, enjoy! <3

P.S. I also wrote most of this before the ending of Vol 2, and tbh, I still want to focus on
Max's grief/trauma from S3 rather than delve into S4's whole new level of horrors, so that's
why this isn't quite up to date.

See the end of the work for more notes

Life had grown static. Where Max once saw vibrant color and excitement, only apathy now
reached out its violent tendrils to greet her. She no longer cared – she no longer enjoyed life, and if
she did, she immediately felt guilty for gleaning any sort of pleasure. Because why should she?
There was absolutely no reason why she should be alive when Billy was dead – when it was her
dark thoughts that had brought him to his grave.
Intent on clearing the horrors from her mind, Max snuck outside and then got onto her bike,
foregoing all caution as she sped off through the moonlit town. Although she was aimless in her
path, her surroundings grew decidedly familiar, and before long, she found herself parked outside
of Steve’s house, straddling her bike and appraising the large structure with caution. He certainly
lived in a castle compared to her parents’ dump. She knew he wasn’t the type to judge based on
money and class, yet she still couldn’t help but feel self-conscious standing there with her holey
jeans, hand-me-down-bike and threadbare t-shirt. They were from completely different worlds, and
yet somehow, somehow, it was Steve she believed would understand her the most.

Nudging out her kickstand, Max dismounted from her bike and then crept over toward the pool. If
she remembered correctly, Steve’s bedroom was somewhere close by. Though to her surprise, she
realized she didn’t have to search far once she spotted him reclined on a fold-out chair, nursing a
beer bottle and humming along with a portable radio. His sneakered feet tapped up and down, his
free hand drumming against the chair’s arm while the song reached a crescendo. That was when a
twig snapped under her foot.

Freezing on impulse, Max stood there wide-eyed, embarrassed as Steve turned and beheld her over
his shoulder.

He squinted at her, bemused. “Max?” There was an inebriated shine to his eyes, but otherwise, he
didn’t seem particularly opposed to her being there.

Gnawing on her bottom lip, she nodded and stepped forward. “Hey,” she softly greeted. “I couldn’t
sleep. Do you mind if…? Um…”

“Sure,” Steve agreed, a slight waver to his voice. He reached over and patted a neighboring chair.
“Have a seat.”

“Thanks,” she mumbled. This was stupid, she thought. It was so stupid that she’d come out all this
way, thinking he cared about her problems when he had his own shit to deal with. He’d been at
Starcourt too – he’d been hurt too, so why did she deem herself special?

“I’m sorry,” she finally said. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Why not?” Gaping up at her, he waved a hand. “Don’t be stupid, Max. Come and sit down. I’ve
got beer and Bowie…or whatever’s playing right now, I can’t really tell over the pounding in my
head.”

Slowly, a wry smile tipped the corner of her mouth and Max moved over to him, having a seat as
he set an empty bottle onto the ground. “Can I have one, too?”

Steve snorted. “Nice try. I may be a bit blitzed, but I’m not that far gone.”

“It was worth a shot,” she quipped. Expression turning more serious, she asked, “Are you okay?”

He shrugged. “Never been better. You?”

“Yeah…same,” she murmured. They both shared a somber, meaningful look, and then she clasped
her knees between her hands. “I hope it’s not weird that I came over.”

“Why would it be weird?”

“I dunno, it’s just…I’ve never really talked to you alone before.”

Steve shrugged. “So?”

“So, I thought you might feel weird about it.”

He huffed, promptly looking away. “Nope. I think after all the shit we’ve been through, ‘weird’ is
the absolute last word I’d use to describe this visit.”

“Yeah…” Max nodded, anxiously twisting her hands. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Hesitant, Steve looked her way again. “And you’re sure you’re okay? I mean, I’m no expert or
anything, but I’m pretty sure moonlit bike rides are for people with a lot on their mind.” Slowly, a
wry smile curved his mouth. “Well, either that, or they’re complete psychopaths, but I’m not one to
judge.”

To his surprise, Max’s chin wobbled, and then she ducked her head downward and started to cry –
and not just cry, she sobbed – several harsh, ugly choking sounds catching in her chest as she
sniveled and shook.

“Oh, shit…oh, shit,” Steve swore. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry, alright? Whatever I said, I’m an asshole
and I didn’t mean it.”

Max clapped her hands over her face, trembling and shaking her head as he unsteadily rose and
moved to sit alongside her.

“Max,” Steve coaxed, carefully placing a hand onto her shoulder. “Hey, look at me…c’mon.”

She shook her head again, still keeping her face covered.

“Hey…” Gently, he took hold of her wrists and pulled her arms downward, revealing to him her
red, tear-stained face. Lifting a hand to cup her cheek, Steve commanded her attention. “Tell me
what’s wrong.”

“Steve…”

“Tell me.”

Chin quivering, she miserably choked out, “Everything. Everything is wrong, and I can’t do
anything to stop it.” Avoiding his gaze, Max dragged her sleeve across her eyes and whimpered.

Steve’s arms came around her then and he tucked her head beneath his chin, a knot forming in his
throat as he whispered, “Yeah. Everything is wrong, isn’t it? And I’m sorry for pretending like it’s
not.” He swallowed. “I just…I didn’t know how-”

“It’s okay,” Max choked. “Nobody knows how to act around me.” She sank forward and
practically melted against his chest, her shoulders heaving along with her gut-wrenching sobs. “I
just…I-I don’t know what t-to do…”

“Don’t do anything,” Steve instructed, his fingers gently running through her hair. “You’re allowed
to do nothing, Max.”

“B-but I didn’t do anything before,” she moaned, “and now Billy…” Her throat closed up around
the words and she sniffed, drawing a hand over her mouth as if to swallow back the confession. I
didn’t help him. I let him die, and it’s-

“Not your fault,” Steve cut in, his tone stern. “It’s not. I mean, shit, Max, do you really think you
could’ve done any better against that gigantic monster? You’re kind of a twig.” Hoping to lighten
the mood, he squeezed one of her flimsy biceps and smiled. “You’re one of the bravest people I
 know, got it? Maybe the bravest.”

Max scoffed, though she was finally smiling too. “Thanks,” she murmured. “You know… You’re
actually kind of great.” She paused. “Well…sometimes.”

Steve grinned. “You were doing so well with the flattery too. Why stop there?”

Slowly, her smile faded. To her vulnerable, touch-starved mind, the query had sounded more like
an invitation than a joke – a beckoning that made her heart tug and scrape against her ribs.

Don’t stop there – I need you, I need you.

With her hand fisting the material of Steve’s shirt, Max lifted her chin and pressed up into the
welcoming slant of his mouth. She heard him inhale in surprise, startled, and clumsy in her
inexperience, she angled in with increasing ardor, the taste of beer and her own tears flavoring the
kiss as she impatiently tugged his hair.

His hands were on her cheeks then – gentle, cautiously cradling, and it emboldened her
exploration. If she had to feel all of this emotion at once – way, way too much of it – she damn well
wanted to feel something good.

Touch me. Please, please touch me back.

Steve, however, was far too stunned to react in any certain way. He didn’t move, didn’t breathe, if
only to ensure he didn’t hurt her – didn’t break the already fragile cracks in her heart.

Her kisses were sloppy and eager, adding too much tongue as she straddled his lap and attempted
to grind down into his cock.

Breathless, Steve finally broke the kiss and shook his head. “No, no, wait,” he whispered,
soothingly running his hands along her back.

“I don’t want to wait,” she whispered back, nipping at his throat. “Can’t we keep kissing?” It
doesn’t hurt when we kiss.

Steve shivered. God help him, something inside of him didn’t want to wait either. This was wrong
– it was wrong. Max wasn’t that much younger than him, but she did trust him, and it bothered him
to think she might be too vulnerable to be thinking straight.

Cupping her face, he shook his head again and brushed the hair back from her eyes. “No,” he
persisted, his tone gentle, but firm. “Not like this, Max.”

The needy look in her eyes faded, and an embarrassed heat flooded across her face. Unbidden,
fresh tears filled her eyes and she whimpered. “Oh, God, I…I’m so…s-sorry…”

“Hey, hey, no,” Steve soothed, still stroking her hair. “If things were different…I-I mean…”
Trailing off, he offered a helpless shrug.

With a tearful smile, Max nodded. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Same here.”

Slowly, she re-entered his arms and Steve cradled her against his front, pressing his lips to her
forehead as the stars blurred overhead into several dizzying, obscure spots of light.

End Notes
End Notes

Title from "Without You (Acoustic)" by Breaking Benjamin:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfugT0eZMbQ

This honestly took me forever. I'd written up to the part where Max said she was worried
the visit would be weird, and then I was essentially stuck until Vol 2 came out. After that,
all the angst came pouring forth lol. This was originally going to be a lot more shippy, but it
ended up being a weird blend of platonic and shippy, so hopefully both sides of the aisle
aren't too disappointed. Hope you enjoyed, regardless! <3

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