Pera eases a meePart 2 Building Skills LOOKING AT THE ORGANIZATION OF AN ESSAY Example essay question and response Read the question below and the example essay that follows. Question Introductory paragraph 2 Some people believe that mothers should not work. Others argue against this, Consider the problems that a working mother faces. Do you believe mothers should work? Nowadays it is very common for mothers to work outside the home. Whether a woman should stay at home or join the workforce is debated by many people. Some argue that the family, especially small children, may be neglected. However, many women need to work because of economic reasons or ‘want to work to maintain a career. I believe that every mother has the right to work, and the decision should be one that a woman makes on her own. But first she should carefully consider the many problems that she might encounter. The major problems 2 working mother faces concern her children. She must either find a reliable person who will be loving toward the children or a good day-care center that the children can attend. Ifa child gets sick, the mother must make special arrangements for the child to be cared for at home, or she must stay home from work herself. While at work, the ‘mother may worry about her children. She may wonder if they are safe, if they are learning the values she wants them to have, and if her absence is hurting them emotionally. She may also regret not being able to take them to after-school activities or participate in family activities with them. Even though a mother is frequently forced into working for economic reasons, she soon discovers that there are added expenses. The biggest expense is child care. Another expense is transportation, which includes not only going to work but also ‘getting her children to school or day care. This may include purchasing and maintaining a car. Yet another expense is clothing, such as a uniform or business suits, to maintain a professional appearance.Conclusion After a mother takes into account all of the above problems and pethaps other problems unique to her situation, she must decide if a job outside the home is worth it. Ibelieve that even though she faces major obstacles, these obstacles are not insurmountable. Many mothers do work and manage a family very successfully. In conclusion, it is a woman's right to make this choice, and only the woman herself should decide this matter. Analysis of the example essay ‘Study the following analysis of the example essay you just read. Introductory paragraph Notice that the essay has an introductory paragraph that states the general topic: working mothers. It addresses the question directly and shows both sides of the argument. It states the author's opinion that every mother has the right to work and that the decision to work should be a mother’s choice. It then tells the reader that the essay will focus on a specific idea or the controlling idea: the problems that a woman must first consider before making this decision. The sentence containing the controlling idea of an essay is called the thesis statement. The thesis statement is usually the last sentence of the introductory paragraph. Developmental paragraph 1 ‘The next paragraph in this essay is the first supporting or developmental paragraph. It supports and develops the controlling idea of “problems” that was identified in the introduction. The topic sentence (the first sentence) of this paragraph introduces the idea of problems concerning children. All the other sentences in this paragraph describe either a problem concerning children or a detail explaining a problem concerning children. Developmental paragraph 2 The next paragraph, or second developmental paragraph, in this essay also supports the controlling idea — problems ~ that was identified in the introduction. The topic sentence of this paragraph introduces the idea of problems of added expenses. The remaining sentences in this paragraph describe either an added expense or a detail explaining the added expense. Conclusion ‘The last paragraph in this essay is the conclusion. The conclusion restates the topic of working mothers. Again, the controlling idea of problems that face a working ‘mother is repeated, Also, the opinion that it shouldbe a woman's choice is restated, Al of these restatements use words that are different from those used in the first paragraph. The last statement is the concluding statement. It completes the essay.Part 2 Building Skills PRACTICE WITH PREPARING TO WRITE Before you write your essay, you need to analyze the task and organize your ideas. Analyzing the task Start by reading the question carefully and analyzing exactly what it is asking you todo. An example follows. Question Modern technology has brought about changes in the roles of men and ‘women, Discuss some of these changes. Do you think these changes have been beneficial? This question is about changes in gender roles caused by technology. It asks the writer to: * Discuss some of these changes ‘+ Give an opinion about these changes Organizing your ideas Making a mind map will help you generate ideas and organize them. In your analysis of the question, identify the topic or idea that you need to discuss in your essay, Write the main idea you need to discuss in a circle in the middle of your Paper. Write down any related ideas that come into your head. Use circles, arrows, or lines to link your ideas. Afterwards you can go through your ideas and pick the ‘ones you want to write about. You will have to do this quickly when you do the TOEFL independent writing task. A model of a mind map appears below. idea idea idea oe idea Be t 7D rs i eset aoe \ moe idea be! idea Xs Leb baimahppeeoaseoaescoes te bs ee ideaExercises W7-W9 Use Exercises W7-W9 to practice the preparation skills for the independent writing task. EXERCISE W7 /dentifying topics and tasks Read the question. Write the topic {what the essay should be about) and the task you are being asked to do. In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic a successful student must have? Describe the characteristic and give reasons for your opinion. Topic: the mast important characteristic for student success ‘Task: _descrbe characteristic and give reasons forts importance 1, Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Smoking should be banned in all public places. Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion. Topic: Task: aes 2. Compare the advantages af marrying at a young age to marrying at an older age. State and support your preference. Topic: Task: 3. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A university education is necessary for success in today’s world. Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion. Topic: Task: EXERCISE W8 Making a mind map Choose one of the questions in Exercise W7. What do you need to focus on according to the question you chose? Put that idea in the middle of your page and make a mind map of ideas. Do not worry about whether some ideas are important or not. You are trying ‘to generate as many ideas as possible. An example of a mind map appears in the example box on the next page. It is based on the question in the example box in Exercise W7.Part 2 Building Skills In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic a successful student must have? Describe the characteristic and give reasons for your opinion. ‘You could decide that diligence is the most important characteristic for a student to have, Ask yourself, “What are the reasons that diligence is essential?” and then start your mind map. with professors with classmates reading lots of books writing papers Sight Bi Tots of homework assignments) ———> lab experiments gain knowledge and skills reasons why diligence is important, noise parties quizzes haben This mind map shows that the writer has decided on the characteristic diligence and has mapped the reasons that diligence is an important characteristic for success. EXERCISE W9 Checking the ideas on your mind map Review the mind map that you drew in Exercise WB. Decide which ofthe ideas that ‘you wrote support the point you want to address in your essay. Cross out ideas that are not important or relevant.reading lots of books writing papers ®K (lots of homework assignments) ———> lab experiments gain knowledge and skils reasons why diligence is important, ager ental noise parties quizes midterms ‘This writer wants to focus on reasons why diligence is an important characteristic. | Distractions docs not qualify as a reason why diligence is important and has | been crossed out. Discussions are not homework, and those ideas have also been | crossed out. PRACTICE WITH INTRODUCTIONS An effective essay begins with an introduction so that the reader knows what the essay is about. Guidelines for writing good introductions are presented below. ae ‘To write an introduction for the independent writing task, follow these steps: 1. In the first sentence, introduce the general topic. 2. In the next sentence, narrow the topic down to focus more on the question. 3, Restate the question in your own words, in statement form. 4. Write a concluding sentence that indicates the controlling idea of the essay. This is the thesis statement.Part2 Building Skills Read the question below and the example introduction that follows. Question _ Living in an apartment instead of a university dormitory has advantages and disadvantages. Discuss some of the advantages and disadvantages of apartment living. Then state and defend your preference. Introduction ‘When a person decides to enter a university away from home, he or she must also consider living accommodations. Although most universities offer student dormitories, students frequently opt to live in an apartment. While there are ‘many advantages to apartment living, there are also disadvantages. Before a student decides to live in an apartment, all of the aspects of that kind of living accommodation should be reviewed. 1. The first sentence introduces the general topic of university living accommodations. When a person decides to enter a university away from home, he or she must also consider living accommodations. 2. The second sentence narrows the topic down to apartment living. Although most universities offer student dormitories, students frequently opt to live in an apartment, 3. The third sentence restates the specific question. While there are many advantages to apartment living, there are also disadvantages. 4. The fourth sentence is the thesis statement. It gives the controlling idea of the essay. Before a student decides to live in an apartment, all of the aspects of that kind of living accommodation should be reviewed, Tips for writing introductions ‘When writing an introduction for the independent writing task, remember the following things: Keep it simple A good introduction strengthens your essay. However, it is better to use your time writing the supporting paragraphs than spending too much time on the introductory paragraph. Be sure it addresses the question fully Your thesis statement introduces the topic of the essay, It includes a controlling idea that focuses your essay. You may want to use one of the following phrases, or ones similar to these, to focus your essay: the reasons for the ways/methods of the causes of the different parts/kinds/types of the effects of the characteristics/traits/qualities of the steps for the problems of * the procedure for the precautions for the advantages/disadvantages of |_the changes to‘Your developmental paragraphs support your thesis statement. If you support a thesis statement that does not answer the question, you may not get credit for your essay. Exercises W10-W14 Use Exercises W10-W14 to practice writing introductions. EXERCISE W10 Writing introductory statements On the lines below, write an introductory statement that states the general topic for the question you chose in Exercise W8. In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic a successful student ‘must have? Describe the characteristic and give reasons for your opinion. ‘The general topic that you are asked to discuss is characteristics of successful students. That general topic is stated in the first sentence. EXERCISE W11 Narrowing the topic Reread the statement of the general topic that you wrote in Exercise WIO. Narrow the topic by focusing on the main point of the question. On the lines below, write a ‘statement that focuses on the specific point you will be discussing. ‘The general topic was introduced in the statement: In order to be successful, a student must have certain characteristics. ‘You write a statement that focuses on a specific point: —Pechaps the most important characteristic is diligence EXERCISE W12 Writing your thesis statement Look at the statement with the general topic that you wrote in Exercise WI0 and how you narrowed the topic to focus on the main point of the question in Exercise W11. On the lines below, write a thesis statement that: 1. Will guide the essay toward answering the question 2. Can be supported by the ideas you generated in your mind mapPart 2 Building Skills ‘The introductory sentences from the example boxes in Exercises W10 and WI are: In order to be successful, a student must have certain characteristics. Perhaps the most important characteristic is diligence. Now you could write: Being diigent is essential for many reasons, This thesis statement tells the readers that the essay will discuss the reasons why being diligent is essential to a student's success. Reasons is the controlling idea that focuses this essay. EXERCISE W13 Improving your introductory paragraph ‘Reread the introductory statements in the example box in Exercise W12. What needs to be added to make a complete introductory paragraph? ‘To make a complete introductory paragraph, you could add: * A definition In order to be successful, a student must have certain characteristics. Perhaps the most important characteristic is diligence. A person who is diligent works hard in a very careful and steady way. Being diligent is essential for success for ‘many reasons. * Another sentence that narrows the topic In order to be successful, a student must have certain characteristics. These characteristics include such qualities as motivation and intelligence. However, perhaps the most important characteristic ofall is diligence. A person who is diligent works hard in a very careful and steady way. Being diligent is an ‘essential characteristic for many reasons. Reread the introductory statements you wrote in Exercises W10-W12. Ask yourself the following questions: 1. Have T introduced the general topic of the question I have been asked to answer? 2. Have I narrowed the general topic to a specific topic? 3. Would a definition or further explanation improve my introduction? 4, Have I included a thesis statement that tells my reader exactly what I am going to discuss? Rewrite your introductory statements in paragraph form, adding any improvements or additional information you think is needed,EXERCISE W14 Writing introductory paragraphs (On your own paper, use the steps in Exercises W8-W13 to write introductory paragraphs for the other questions you analyzed in Exercise W7. Make a mind map for each question and write each introductory paragraph on a different sheet of paper. You will have an opportunity to complete these essays after working through Practice with Organizing and Writing Developmental Paragraphs, below, and Practice with Conclusions, p. 404, Example introductory paragraphs for the three questions from Exercise W7 are on pp. 568 - 569. PRACTICE WITH ORGANIZING AND WRITING DEVELOPMENTAL PARAGRAPHS The body of your essay should contain at least two developmental paragraphs. Each developmental paragraph should have a topic sentence that supports and develops the controlling idea presented in the thesis statement of your essay. The ideas in cach paragraph should support the topic sentence of that paragraph. Writing developmental paragraphs To write effective developmental paragraphs, follow these steps: 1. Use your mind map. Your mind map will help you focus on the ideas that support the thesis statement in your introduction. 2. Write a topic sentence for each paragraph you plan to write. Each topic sentence should relate to your thesis statement and introduce what the paragraph will be about. Ifyou find that the topics you want to discuss do not support the thesis statement you have written, revise your thesis statement or reconsider your topic sentences, 3. Write ideas that support your topic sentences, The topic sentence for each paragraph tells the reader what the paragraph will be about. The ideas stated in the rest of the paragraph should all relate to the topic sentence. Read the following example paragraph: Hobbies are important for many reasons. First, a hobby can be educational For example, if the hobby is stamp collecting, the person can learn about the countries of the world and even some of their history. Second, engaging in a hobby can lead to meeting other people with the same interests. A person can also meet other people by going to parties. Third, a person's free time is being used in a positive way. The person has no time to be bored or get into mischief while engaged in the hobby. Finally, some hobbies can lead to a future job. A + person who enjoys a hobby-related job is more satisfied with life.Part 2 Building Skills ‘The topic sentence tells the reader that the paragraph is about hobbies. The controlling idea is reasons they are important. Alll of the sentences that follow should be about reasons for the importance of hobbies. However, the sentence, ““A person can also meet other people by going to parties,” does not refer to the reasons hobbies are important. This sentence weakens the paragraph and should be deleted. 4, Add details. To write a more fully developed paragraph, you need to add details to your supporting ideas. Your details can be facts, examples, personal experiences, or descriptions. Read the example paragraph below. The topic is the Smithsonian Institution, and the controlling idea is reasons for a visit. The supporting ideas and details are labeled. Topic sentence ‘The Smithsonian Institution is worth visiting for a number of reasons. Supporting idea 1 The Smithsonian Institution comprises various muscums that offer something for everyone. Details — facts ‘These museums include the National Museum of History and Technology, the National Aeronautics and Space Museum, the National Collection of Fine Arts, the National Museum of Natural History, and several others. Supporting idea 2 A person can do more than just look at the exhibits. Details—examples For example, in the insect z00 at the National Museum of Natural History, anyone who so desires can handle some of the exhibits. ‘Supporting idea 3 ‘The museums provide unforgettable experiences. Details personal _In climbing through the Skylab exhibit at the National experience Aeronautics and Space Museum, I was able to imagine ‘what it would be like to be an astronaut in space. Supporting idea4 Movies shown at regular intervals aid in building an appreciation of our world. Details description In the National Aeronautics and Space Museum, there is a theater that has a large screen. When the movie is shown, it gives the viewer the feeling that he or she is in the movie itself, either floating above the Earth in a hot-air balloon or hang gliding over cliffsExercises W15-W23 Use Exercises W15-W23 to develop your skills in writing developmental paragraphs. EXERCISE W15 Writing topic sentences for your developmental paragraphs In Exercise W9, you crossed out all of the ideas in your mind map that did not support the main point you chose to cover in your essay. On the lines below, write a topic sentence for each of the developmental paragraphs that you have decided to focus on after refining your mind map in Exercise W9. It is not necessary to have more than two or three paragraphs to support your thesis statement. I. _One reason a student must work hard is the number of assignments that must be completed. a According to the example above, the topic for the developmental paragraph is: one reason to work hard, The controlling idea is the number of assignments. IL. _Another reason for a student to be diligent is that there are many tests to prepare for. According to the example above, the topic for this developmental paragraph is: another reason to be diligent. The controlling idea is that there are many tests to Prepare for. L 1 uw. Iv. EXERCISE W16 Checking topic sentences for your developmental paragraphs Reread the topic sentences on student diligence in the example box in Exercise WIS. Answer the following questions: 1. Is the number of assignments to be completed a reason for a student to be diligent? 2. Is the number of tests to be taken a reason for a student to be diligent? ‘Compare the topic sentences you wrote in Exercise W15 with the thesis statement you wrote for your introductory paragraph in Exercise W12. Answer the following questions: 3. What are the topics presented in your topic sentences? 4. What are the controlling ideas in your topic sentences? 5. Do your topic sentences support your thesis statement? Rewrite any topic sentences that do not support your thesis statement.Part 2 Building Skills EXERCISE W17 Writing supporting ideas Use your topic sentences from Exercises WI5 and WIG to create an outline. Write your supporting ideas in the order you want to present them. Check to make sure that all the ideas support the topic sentence that you wrote. You may have fewer or ‘more ideas than the number of spaces given below. 1 _One reason int must work hat 1¢ numb snment that must be completed, A._reading lots of assignments B. _writing papers C._doing lab experiments II, Another reason for a student to be diligent is that there are many tests to prepare for. A._weekly quizzes ————____—_—__—_—_—— B._midterm exams C._final examsEXERCISE W18 Practice in adding details Write one sentence that adds a detail to each of the following ideas. Use facts, examples, personal experiences, or descriptions. 1. The capital city of my country is, 2. My favorite pastime is reading. 3, Itis important for me to score well on the TOEFL test. 4, Allong vacation at the beach is a nice way to relax. 5. Habits such as smoking are hard to break. ‘Many bad traffic accidents could be prevented. 7. Modern architecture has its critics as well as its admirers. 8. The suburban shopping mall has taken away a lot of business from city centers. EXERCISE W19 Adding details to paragraphs Many paragraphs can be made better by adding details. Look at the example box below. Asking and answering the kinds of questions shown in the box will help you strengthen ‘your paragraphs. On your own paper, rewrite the “weak” paragraphs shown on the next page using the ‘questions as a guide for adding details. Although seat belts have been shown to save lives, people give a number of reasons for not using them. First, many people think they are a nuisance. Second, many people are lazy. Third, some people don't believe they will have an accident. Finally, some people are afraid the seat belt will trap them in their car, All of these reasons seem inadequate since statistics show that wearing seat belts saves lives and prevents serious injuries. ‘The paragraph can be improved by adding details to answer the following questions: * Why don’t people like seat belts? * In what way are people lazy? * Why do people think they won't have an accident? © Under what circumstances might people get trapped?Part 2 Building Skills ‘Now read the paragraph with added details. Notice how adding answers to these questions has improved it Although seat belts have been shown to save lives, people give a number of zeasons for not using them. First, many people think they are a nuisance. They say the belt is uncomfortable and inhibits freedom of movement. Second, many people are lazy. For them, it is too much trouble to put on and adjust a seat belt, especially if they are only going a short distance. Third, some people don’t believe they will have an accident because they are careful and experienced drivers. They think they will be able to respond quickly to avoid a crash. Finally, some people are afraid the seat belt will trap them in their car. They feel that if they have an accident, they might not be able to get out of a car that is burning, or they might be unconscious and another person won't be able to get them out. All of these reasons seem inadequate since statistics show that wearing seat belts saves lives and prevents serious injuries. 1. When you plant a tree, you are helping your environment in many ways. Your tree will provide a home and food for other creatures. It will hold the soil in place. It will provide shade in the summer. You can watch it grow and someday show your children, or even grandchildren, the tree you planted, ‘* What kind of home would the tree provide? ‘+ What kind of food would the tree provide? ‘* What kind of creatures might use the tree? + Why is holding the soil in place important? * Why is shade important? 2. Airplanes and helicopters can be used to save people's lives. Helicopters can be used for rescuing people in trouble. Planes can transport food and supplies when disasters strike. Both types of aircraft can transport people to hospitals in ‘emergencies. Helicopters and airplanes can be used to provide medical services to people who live in remote areas. ‘In what situations do people need rescuing by helicopters? ‘* What kinds of disasters might happen? ‘+ What kinds of emergencies may require people to be transported to hospitals? ‘+ How can helicopters and airplanes be used to provide medical services for people in remote areas? 3. Studying in another country is advantageous in many ways. A student is exposed to anew culture, Sometimes he or she can Jearn a new language. Students can often have learning experiences not available in their own countries. A student may get the opportunity to study at a university where a leading expert in his or her field may be teaching, '* How can exposure to a new culture be an advantage? + How can learning a new language be an advantage? © What kinds of experiences might a student have? + What are the benefits of studying under a leading expert?writing EXERCISE W20 Further practice in adding details to paragraphs The following paragraphs are weak. They could be improved by adding details. On ‘your own paper, write questions about details that could be added. Then rewrite the paragraphs, making them stronger by inserting the answers to your questions. 1. Even though airplanes are fast and comfortable, I prefer to travel by car. When. traveling by car, I can look at the scenery. Also, I can stop along the road. Sometimes I meet interesting people from the area | am traveling through. I can carry as much luggage as I want, and I don’t worry about missing flights. 2. Wild animals should not be kept in captivity for many reasons. First, animals are ‘often kept in poor and infumane conditions. In addition, many suffer poor health from lack of exercise and exhibit frustration and stress through their neurotic behavior. Also, some animals will not breed in captivity. Those animals that mate often do so with a close relative. In conclusion, money spent in the upkeep of zoos ‘would be better spent in protecting natural habitats 3. Good teachers should have the following qualities. First, they must know the material that they are teaching very well. Second, they should be able to explain their knowledge. Third, they must be patient and understanding, Last, they must be able to make the subject matter interesting to the students. EXERCISE W21 Adding details to your developmental paragraphs (On your own paper, write detail questions about the supporting ideas you wrote in your outline in Exercise W17. 1 One reason a student must work hard is the number of assignments that must be completed ‘A. reading lots of assignments B. writing papers C. doing lab experiments + What kinds of reading assignments are there? * _How will these readings be different from reading for fun? + What kinds of papers might have to be written? » _How long will the papers have to be? ‘* What kind of lab work needs to be done? EXERCISE W22 Completing your developmental paragraphs (On your own paper, use the supporting ideas you wrote in your outline in Exercise W17 and the detail questions that you wrote in Exercise W2] to write your developmental Paragraphs.Part 2 Building Skills ‘One reason a student must work hard is the number of homework assignments that must be completed. Most of the homework will be reading assignments. Besides the reading assignments in the textbook, a student may have to get journals or articles from the library or online to supplement the readings in the book. Because this kind of reading is academic, a lot of critical thinking is, involved, and the student must work hard to understand it. In addition, there may be papers to write. These might include summaries of the readings or reports on. research done in the library or online. Furthermore, there might be lab assignments. A language lab might require the student to listen as well as to read and write. A science lab might require the student to do experiments that will require writing a lab report. EXERCISE W23 Writing developmental paragraphs For more practice, write developmental paragraphs for the introductions that you wrote in Exercise W14, p. 397, You can refer to the original questions in Exercise W7, p. 391 ‘Model developmental paragraphs for the three questions from Exercise W7 are on pp. 569-570. PRACTICE WITH CONCLUSIONS So far, you have practiced writing the introduction {which restates the question and states the controlling idea) and writing the body (which discusses the question}. An effective essay also includes a concluding paragraph. A concluding paragraph summarizes your ideas, It is important to have a conclusion. Without one, it may be difficult for the reader to know whether you have completed your essay or simply run out of time. To write an effective concluding paragraph, follow these steps: 1, Restate the thesis statement in different words. 2. Restate the topic sentences from the developmental paragraphs. | 3. State your opinion or preference, make a prediction, or give a solution. ! 4. Conclude with a statement that sums up the essay. When writing a conclusion for the independent writing task, remember the following things: Keep it simple A good conclusion strengthens your essay. However, it is better to use your time writing the developmental paragraphs than to spend too much time ‘on the concluding paragraph. Be sure it completes the essay Your concluding statement tells your reader that you are finished. Be careful not to include new ideas in your conclusion, which could make your reader think you are moving on to another topic.Exercises W24-W28 Use Exercises W24-W28 to develop your skills in writing coacluding paragraphs. EXERCISE W24 Restating the thesis statement On the lines below, rewrite the thesis statement you wrote in Exercise W12, p. 395, using different words, ‘The original thesis statement wa: Being diligent is an essential characteristic for many reasons. ‘The restated thesis statement could be: In conclusion, students have good reasons for being diligent. EXERCISE W25 Restating the topic sentences of the developmental paragraphs On the lines below, rephrase the topic sentences you wrote for your developmental paragraphs in Exercises W15 and W16, p. 399. The original topic sentences were: (One reason a student must work hard is the number of assignments that must be completed. Another reason for a student to be diligent is that there are many tests to prepare for. These topic sentences could be restated as follows: Students must complete a large number of homework assignments and exams, EXERCISE W26 Writing a concluding statement (On the lines on the next page, rewrite the sentences you wrote in the two exercises above, and add a concluding statement. Your concluding statements should restate the general topic expressed in the introductory statement that you wrote in Exercise W10 and the specific topic that you wrote in Exercise W11. ‘The general topic and specific topic of the essay was: «In order to be successful, a student must have certain characteristics. Perhaps the most important characteristic is diligence. The concluding statement could be: It is very important that a student develop the characteristic of diligence if he or she wishes to succeed at studying,Part 2 Building Skills EXERCISE W27 Improving your concluding paragraph Look at the concluding paragraph you wrote in Exercise W26. Ask yourself the questions below and rewrite your paragraph accordingly. 1. Have I restated the thesis statement from my introductory paragraph? 2. Have I restated the topic sentences from my developmental paragraphs? 3. Have I concluded by repeating the topic of the essay? 4. Can I improve my conclusion by using pronoun references, rephrasing key words, and using connecting words? ‘The concluding paragraph for the example essay about the importance of diligence is: Students have good reasons for being diligent. Students must complete a large ‘number of homework assignments and study for many exams. It is very important that a student develop the characteristic of diligence if he or she wishes to succeed at studying. ‘This paragraph could be improved by using pronoun references and connecting ‘words and by changing words and phrases to avoid repetition In conclusion, students have good reasons for being diligent. They must complete a large number of homework assignments and study for many exams. Thus, itis of utmost importance that students develop this characteristic if they ‘wish to succeed in their studies.