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2020 MILITARY
MARRIAGE SURVEY
COMPREHENSIVE
REPORT
ABOUT
M
ilitary Marriage Day is an American holiday established in 2020 and celebrated
annually on August 14th. The holiday was founded by Bree Carroll during her
time as the 2020-2021 Armed Forces Insurance Air Force Spouse of the Year. To
combat the consistent 3% divorce rate in the Armed Forces and de late the even higher
divorce rates directly impacted by deployment, the Military Marriage Survey was
circulated. The goal of the survey is to inform the support and resources needed by more
than 1.5 million military families that the holiday and other military marriage advocates
aimed to support.
The 2020 Military Marriage Survey was conducted between October 1st - November 30th
2020. Participants span all branches of the United States Armed Forces and includes a
range on marriage durations. The survey e ort was conducted with a team of military
spouse volunteers and veri ied by Doctors of Philosophy in their respective areas of study.
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Bree Carroll, B.S. Civil Engineering - Military Marriage Survey Designer & Director
Mrs. Bree Carroll is the Founder of Military Marriage Day and 2020. Bree grew up
in Paterson, New Jersey and attended Panther High School, a S.T.E.M. academy
sponsored by NASA. She graduated with a B.S. in civil engineering in 2010 from
North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University. Bree was immediately
accepted into the U.S. Air Force PALACE Aquire program as an engineer. She has
served eleven years of civil service and has lead Civil Engineering Squadron’s
Portfolio Optimization and Operations Engineering elements.
As the 2020-21 Armed Forces Insurance Air Force Spouse of the Year, Bree is a
proud wife and mother of three. Through her platform she advocates to
strengthen military marriages. As a volunteer she supports active duty service
families as a Key Spouse, Strategic Advisor for Every Warrior nonpro it, and
AMPLIFY Mentor with Hiring Our Heroes.
Dr. Tanoa Williams is the Curriculum Lead Faculty for Health Programs and a
Professor at Columbia Southern University. Tanoa grew up as an Army brat, and
after completing high school in Fayetteville, NC, attended East Carolina University.
She graduated with a B.S. in 2003 and commissioned into the U.S. Air Force as a
Services O icer. After separating from the AF in 2006, she and her husband went
on to several other duty stations and are now stationed in Minot AFB, ND. John and
Tanoa have 3 children.
Dr. Williams’ research experiences include health literacy research among military
members, health literacy among college students, and community health approach to teen pregnancy and
academic success. She has consulted for several organizations including the Brevard County Health
Department, Melbourne FL, Misawa Chapel Women’s ministry in Misawa Japan, and the North Dakota Health
Department. As a military spouse and a female minority leader in her ield, Dr. Williams provides a unique
perspective to research projects and community initiatives.
Jenna Soliani, B.S. Secondary Education, M.S. Library Science - Survey Analyst
Mrs. Jenna Soliani earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Secondary Education Social
Studies from Central Connecticut State University in 2015, and began a ful illing career
with the Department of Defense Education Activity (DoDEA) at Lejeune High School
aboard Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune. Pivoting from the ield of education, she
obtained a Master of Library Science degree from East Carolina University in 2020. With
ive years of experience in education, she has gained the knowledge and skills to
develop e ective programs, manage various projects, and bolster community
engagement. She aims to serve the military community and build outreach programs
that bene it all populations.
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction 4
Methodology 5
Executive Summary 5
Participants 7
Military Marriage Quality 8
Resource Quality 9
Military Impact On Marriage 13
Internal & External Impacts on Marriage 14
Future & Perspective 21
Next Steps & Conclusions 22
INTRODUCTION
The 2020 Military Marriage Survey provides a comprehensive understanding of service
couples relationships and challenges encountered by our active duty, reserve, guard and
retired veterans. With a participant size of 512 participants, the survey provides insight
into service marriages from Army, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marines, Navy and National
Guard. Couples are re lected in a range of zero year (soon to be or newly married) to
couples with more than ifteen year of marriage.
Intentionality is a leading value for Military Marriage Day. More than just a holiday, the
celebration acts as a springboard to launch additional e orts to support the military
marriage relationship. Through strengthening these marriages our military families are
bolstered with greater stability. Most importantly this ripple e ect builds up or Armed
Forces and strengthens our national security.
The 2020 survey was designed and analyzed by a team led by Bree Carroll, Military
Marriage Day Founder. The survey results are intended to:
• Identify key impacts on military marriage to e ectively target services, resources and
programs that support the needs of service couples.
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METHODOLOGY
The 2020 Military Marriage Survey is composed primarily of qualitative or open-ended
questions. Unlike more common demographic or quantitative studies, this survey aims to
get a better understanding of the “what” and “why” surrounding military marriages. With
this approach the survey generates data that are rich with perspective and experiences
and provide a greater diversity of topics to understand and evaluate.
Within the survey some questions are quantitative in nature, such as multiple choice.
These were used to segment the participant group to ind commonalities within the data.
While these quantitative questions provide great value, the qualitative data is the heart of
the research e ort. The study uses qualitative data to accurately identify the relevant
factors that are a ecting military marriages. The qualitative method used also allows this
study to be valid and reliable for future use.
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY
Military Marriage Day is in its second year of celebrating military marriages and providing
service couples with educational and experiential opportunities to grow and sustain
healthy relationships. In 2020, the irst year on Military Marriage Day, the Military
Marriage Study was conducted to provide a comprehensive understanding of the
experiences and challenges encountered by military married couples. The survey o ers
crucial insight and data to help inform national leaders and resource provides with a
greater depth of understanding than a traditional military marriage demographic report.
With this data an informed approach may be taken to support military and veteran
families.
The 2020 Military Marriage Survey presents an opportunity to increase dialogue within
the military community regarding internal and external challenges that service couples
face. Acknowledgement of these factors allows for better resource funding and
development, an informed mission impact and a proactive responsibility to the service
couple. The desired outcome is a focussed approach to lessening relationship ending
impacts. By highlighting areas for improvement and o ering solutions to lessen
relationship ending cycles, the survey’s indings will be used to strengthen the service
community through healthy and sustainable marriages.
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OVERVIEW OF MILITARY MARRIAGE SURVEY FINDINGS
Military marriages have a range of experiences that parallel that of the civilian
relationships. Military relationships are exposed to more frequent relationship stressors
due to the impacts of regular relocations, deployment and high pressure situations due to
mission requirements. This is why our service members careers rank amongst the top 10
jobs with the highest divorce rates1 by age 30.
MARRIAGE RESOURCES
Resources may be used to support the relationship, yet respondence felt resources were
highly quanti ied as average and below. There is opportunity to improve accessibility,
awareness and diversity of marriage resources.
1Ryan Morris, “What Jobs Have the Highest Divorce Rates? (It's Not Looking Good for Trades...),” Zippia, January 27,
2021, https://www.zippia.com/advice/divorce-rates-job-industry/.
PARTICIPANTS
The 2020 Military Marriage Survey
was conducted over a two month
timeframe. Within that timeframe
512 participants answered questions
focussed on their marriage
experience, resources and factors
that impact the health of their
relationship. Respondents provided
a range of experience from soon to
be married/ newly married with zero
years married to respondents with
ifteen or more years of marriage. Concerning race and ethnicity, our respondent
population parallels that of the total DoD Force percentages with majority members who
report themselves as White (67.6%) with Black, Hispanic, Asian and Biracial groups
represented in the respective descending order. Many couples noted that their
relationship included two di erent races.
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Benjamin Karney, a longtime researcher of military divorce trends, analyzed that the
overall divorce rate is higher for enlisted troops, at 3.5%, compared to the divorce rate for
o icers, at 1.7%, regardless of gender in his 2019 review of data provided by the
Pentagon2. Also, the notable 2017 Armed Forces Health Surveillance Branch data
evaluated deployment impacts to the military divorce rates, with the highest rates (14.6%)
with that of the Air Force.
2Amy Bushatz, “Divorce Rate among Active Duty Troops Remains Stable,” Military.com, September 23, 2020, https://
www.military.com/daily-news/2020/09/23/divorce-rate-among-active-duty-troops-remains-
stable.html#:~:text=The%20overall%20divorce%20rate%20is,the%20Marine%20Corps%20at%203.3%25.
RESOURCE QUALITY
To better identify the factors that support the health of military couples, the evaluation of
resources is required. Respondents detailed the type of resources and the quality of
those resources that they’ve utilized by answering the following questions:
“How would you describe marriage resources you’ve utilized during active duty,
reserve or guard service?”
The resources that were identi ied were broken up into ive resource types:
3Chapman, Gary D., and Jocelyn Green. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Chicago, IL: North ield
Publishing, 2017.
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“What is one thing that is missing from marriage resources?”
Within the 512 responses, common words were used to describe the gaps in military
marriage resources.
“Honestly, I think it's getting the information out there. I've been told about some great resources (marriage
retreats, conferences, etc) but I never actually see them “advertised." I usually hear it from a friend that
heard it from a friend and it's already full!”
Childcare was heavily addressed and directly ties to the availability barrier.
“Childcare. We believe in working on a marriage continuously, but have little available time to partake”
“Babysitting resources - other than care.com or FCC providers if you're lucky enough to have them in your
instillation”
Awareness & advertisement is noted and points to the respondents lack of knowledge of
resources, desire to have a clear and easy place to ind them.
“Easy access to marriage resources for military families. Most places you have to dig to ind the resources.”
The need for support via groups and/or from leadership was clearly communicated.
“Small support groups. Small groups for people to feel more comfortable about sharing there struggles as a
military spouse”
Retreats & counseling were requested by many respondents and some speci ied it be
non-religious in nature.
“Retreats and trainings are provided but they are limited in the number of people they can help. Marriage
guidance and training should be o ered to all married couples as often as they do inancial trainings”
“8 years ago the army conducted getaway marriage retreats, and as far as I know, those no longer exist. I
think that’s a real shame”
“Counseling or help before things get really bad. Sometimes you just need a tune up and that would keep
you from ever reaching total engine failure.”
“Our current base has not o ered regular marriage retreats and such like some other bases we've been
stationed at.”
Diversity & inclusivity was a common highlights the whole in resources for certain marital
groups.
“I feel like it’s often geared toward enlisted or newly married couples. My husband was enlisted for 11 yrs
before becoming an o icer. I feel like we often get left out of things. But now that he is a supervisor for
many and leading bigger projects it’s more important for us to ind time to date each other and talk.”
“Accessibility for all. Just because we're a higher enlisted family doesn't mean we don't want resources.
Parents need those marriage retreats more than young newly weds who haven't been in the trenches of
toddler and pregnancy and deployment all at once. Date nights don't happen unless grandparents are
around. “
“Consistent access to councilors well versed in the speci ic challenges of military life and especially navy
speci ic since it feel like most focus on a type of deployment/work environment that is wholly di erent than
the majority of Navy rates will experience”
Respondents for this section point to an outside concern that impacts the e ectiveness
of marriage resources. There is evidence of a lack of trust and con identiality
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surrounding the use of installation provided resources. Responses also show concern for
repercussions that may be taken against the active duty member.
“Real deal discussions about the unique challenges of military marriages and families. No sugar coating it.
And real deal options for our service members to seek mental health treatment. I believe my husband has
undiagnosed ptsd and depression and he would never go for help because he says it would make him less
of a man and he’s afraid it would’ve jeopardized his career.”
“A safe place.”
The responses are almost evenly split. The highest group at 36.1% did not feel like their
marriage was valued, followed by 35% who were unsure. The smallest group at 28.9% did
feel their military leadership valued the marriage relationship. This range in response
shows an opportunity for action amongst leaders on all levels.
MILITARY LIFE
Some would argue that marriage is just marriage. That the military lifestyle does not
impact the construct of the marriage. To determine if this generalization is true the
question was asked:
“Do you believe military life plays a major role in the success or challenges within your
marriage?”
A 72.3% majority responded yes, military life plays a major role, while 12.9% believed that
it does not. The following sections will detail the types of impacts respondents identi ied.
Further exploration of speci ic military life impacts may be included in the next round of
studies.
INTERNAL - FULFILLMENT
An internal factor that was addressed in the survey is ful illment. Ful illment is de ined as
the achievement of something desired, promised or predicted, as well as, the meeting of
requirement or condition4. The desire, requirement or condition is set by the individual
and thus ful illment is personally perceived and is an internal factor of feeling. To
determine the internal impact of ful illment on military marriage, the following questions
were asked:
“Do you believe your personal ful illment or achievement impacts your marriage?”
4“Ful illment - Dictionary De inition.” Vocabulary.com. Accessed August 11, 2021. https://www.vocabulary.com/
dictionary/ful illment.
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In all response groups, employment is a constant measure used for ful illment. This
further supports the need to tackle the challenges of spouse employment,
underemployment and licensing as a means to enhance military families quality of life
from more than just a inancial bene it. The results re lect that greater attention should
be made to the correlation of marriage ful illment to individual role/career ful illment.
Yes
“I have been able to attend college while work a nice job, aiding me in achieving goals I have that work with
the military life.”
“I have a career and don’t rely solely on my husband. We both equally support our family inancially as well
as physically and emotionally. We equally take care of the children. “
No
“I’ve had no career, no stability, moved more times than I can count, have been through 6 yearlong
deployments, all while having 3 kids in 3 years and essentially doing it all on my own because he’s either
gone or working 14-16 hours a day.”
“I started out feeling personally ful illed but over the years I just felt beat down by moving, problems, tdys,
deployments, anxiety, depression, ptsd”
“I’m not me, too much doing and caring for others that I’m always in the back burner.”
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Maybe
“My capacity to feel “ful illed” has to be reinvented at every duty station. And like all things military, just
when you’re in the groove or think you’re where you’re meant to be...new orders. 7 moves in 10 years”
“I have achieved my goals but almost lost my husband along the way being a minority male civilian spouse.
There are de initely bases and missions he would prefer that we don’t go back to. “
“While I have achieved plenty, I haven’t done all I could have if we were not military. I wouldn’t have had to
put so much on hold if he hadn’t joined.”
EXTERNAL - EMPLOYMENT
The internal thoughts and feelings have a direct link to external factors. One common
factor is that of employment. Previous studies indicate unemployment and under
employment rates for military spouses at a rate three times the national average5. In this
study many participants correlate the internal factor of ful illment with working.
Over half the respondents con irmed that they have consistently worked with 58.2% Yes.
Still 38.7% responded No and 3.1% responded Maybe. Those who responded maybe did
not resonate with the consistency that the survey question was requiring. Many had
careers or jobs, but noted underemployment, needing to stop working due to having
children our other military related circumstance.
5“Dod to Induct New Partners into Military Spouse Employment Partnership.” U.S. Department of Defense, December 8,
2020. https://www.defense.gov/Newsroom/Releases/Release/Article/2438540/dod-to-induct-new-partners-into-
military-spouse-employment-partnership/.
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We see in the
chart that 145
respondents were
“unable” to ind
positions or
continue their
career, where as 11
respondents
“choose” not to
work. Even for
those who
considered the
circumstance a
choice, feedback
was provided that
indicates that the choice was made based on doing what they believed was right for their
family. Having to make the choice at all is still an impact based on the military lifestyle.
POSITIVE FACTORS
To identify the factors that positively impact military marriage relationships we asked:
“What was the biggest factor that impacted your marriage positively?”
Eight common factors were consistent with our respondents. These factor categories
include internal and external impact factors. Note that the greatest impact areas that
positively contribute to the relationship are internal factors. In addition, military e ects is
a notable category amongst this grouping.
Support (External) 10.8% : Similar to the resource category of support, this category is
inclusive of military and civilian counseling services, family, friend and command
support.
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Communication (Internal) 17.6% : Responses plainly state this impact area which
describes the impairment or exchange of information or news.
Faith (Internal & External) 9.4% : Similar to the resource description, these responses
focussed on belief in God, faith, religion (speci ically Christianity).
Bene its (External) 8% : Responses included stability factors found in Tricare, VA Loans
and steady income for the service member.
Friends First (Internal) 4.8% : This category identi ies commonalities of those who waited
to marry, established their relationship, or focussed on betting themselves as individuals
before or throughout their marriage.
Military E ects (External) 9.8% : Responses include military impacts such as PCSing,
deployments, frequency of relocation, and military values.
NEGATIVE FACTORS
To identify the factors that negatively impact military marriage relationships participants
were asked:
Based on responses,
ten categories were
determined. The
smallest segments
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included alcohol (1.2%), metal or health related factor (1.8%), and cheating & dishonesty
(2.4%). The median response categories were common factors like money (3.2%), stress
(3.4%), and family, friends, leaders and persons outside of the relationship make up the
other category (9.8%). The largest segments all are directly related to military life.
Stability (10%) references strains on the relationship due to moves, inability to plan or ind
work. Non Communication (14.8%) covered the segment of ranged from interpersonal
con lict to full breakdowns in communication. Work (22.8%) references mission impacts,
schedule con licts and the lack of employment experienced within the family unit.
Separation (29.1%) was the highest category and includes the negative impacts as a result
of time spent apart, TDYs, and deployments as well as separation from support systems
like maternal or paternal families.
Con lict is a normal part of any relationship. To assess the pain points within the military
marriage the question was asked:
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Dispute pain point were segmented into eight categories. These categories included
communication, feelings & preferences, family & children, inances, responsibility &
teamwork, sex & intimacy, priorities, time & work, and none (respondents felt they did not
argue). The top two segments that make up the primary causes for military couples
arguments surrounded priorities, time and work and inances.
COVID-19 IMPACT
The impacts of COVID-19 were captured within the survey data. With the baseline year
occurring in the middle of a pandemic, respondents were asked:
The following chart shows the range of responses provided. The highest responses were
seen in “We are closer” (31.8%), “We are more stressed” (22.1%) and “No change” (16.6%).
Still the data shows that separations have occurred due to COVID related conditions and
that some did not feel safe. One respondent admitted to being sexually assaulted during
quarantine.
Impact %
No change 16.6%
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The overwhelming majority were hopeful concerning the future of their relationship.
Considering other areas of the survey that o ered less favorable responses, this provides
valuable insight on the overall tone of military marriages despite the negative attributes
at play.
Ending the survey on a high note. The goal was to allow respondents to put the military
marriage experience in their own words. Data may point to the challenges and provide
insight to the quality of the experience. The datas use will be helpful in improving that
experience. Still the character of military marriage is revealed in the responses that detail
why military marriage is important. A random samples of responses is provided below:
“A strong home life/marriage allows a sailor to focus on his/her mission without emotional baggage
e ecting their work performance.”
“Military marriage is important because active duty members are happier when their families are happy.”
“Without my husband it would be hard to do my job in the military while having kids”
“The Soldier needs someone to lean on and communicate with during this stressful job"
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“I would think that if a service member is happy in their marriage they’re more likely to be a competent,
productive member of the military. All marriage is a gift to us from God and is important and therefore
should be limitlessly valued. Military marriage is especially di icult though because of the demands placed
on military members and their families.”
“Idk”
“Marriage is important. The military life is a chapter and will eventually end. Then what? Marriage is there
for the long haul.”
“Our members need a sense of stability and our marriage gives him that.”
The 2020 Military Marriage Survey is in the irst year of its conception. This means that
there is an opportunity to improve upon the questions and reach for a more informed
data set. The baseline year was a success with 512 participants. In the years to follow the
goal will be to reach 10% of the military married population.
NEXT STEPS
Include additional questions for more diverse marital groups to include heterosexual and
homosexual relationships.
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CONCLUSIONS
Successful and functioning marriages play a signi icant part in mission success. This
research has exposed several areas and challenges that have been going on for many
years within military families. While the military has made several adjustments to the
“system” to assist couples and families, there is still a need for more support and
availability of resources for spouses. Targeting spouses is an important, but sometimes
overlooked task. When spouses are comfortable and feel like they have connections, they
are better able to navigate and succeed in their relationships. Oftentimes, spouses are
left out of the loop as to what resources are provided and how to access those resources
at their local duty station.
As indicated in the inal portion of his research, when the marriage is strong, the service
member tends to be higher-functioning and e ective. Therefore, it is necessary to
communicate the resources available to spouses so they feel empowered to get help they
need, especially when they are separated from the member due to mission requirements.
As pointed out in this research (p.15-16), spouses feel that having a career or job is
important to personal ful illment. One area of focus that can be addressed in future
research surrounding military marriage and spouse work/career is the lack of child care
on a large number of military installations. In many instances, it is di icult for spouses to
work because there is a lack of childcare in their area. Further exploration of this issue
could directly impact military marriage success.
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