Modern kids are good kids

Jens Lindberg Jensen

Our sophisticated children

Kids in Denmark are far more skilled today, than when I was a child. They have a better
understand of who they are. Are far better at expressing what they want. Think more deeply
about things and in greater detail and complexity. Treat each other better and less crudely.

This is a general process that cuts across the barriers which otherwise divide children. No matter
whether the kids are more or less gifted or come from better or worse homes, they have a
sophistication that their parents did not have.

Better parents for each generation

The cause for this phenomenon is that parents tend to get better for each generation. We are
better than our parents, our parents better than our grandparents, grandparents better than great-
grandparents and so on.

This ´mechanism of improvement´ is something that is known from almost all areas of human
society – parenting included. Sometimes there are also setbacks of course, caused by wars,
political repression, economic downturns, environmental disasters and other factors. But in
general, all things being equal, people improve their skills throughout their lives and new
generations are more advanced than their parents.

This is in no way a criticism of my parents´ generation – actually quite the contrary. I was born
in Denmark in 1983. My peers and I, who grew up in the 80s and 90s, had an incredibly safe,
stable and loving childhood, provided by some of the best parent generations to have ever
existed.

This upbringing meant that kids from my generation – taken as a whole – grew up to become
caring, respectful and very decent adults. These qualities we have taken with us in our parenting
and have influenced our kids with.

Then and now

1
The biggest difference, compared to when I was a kid, is that children today are much more self-
aware. Kids today have a reflective approach to themselves, other children, adults and the world.
And they seek, rather than simply accept, answers about what they can and cannot do, what they
are allowed to and what is right and wrong.

When I was a kid, children didn’t ask themselves these questions. Back then, in the 80s and 90s,
kids simply were, without asking why the world was the way it was. In school we politely did
what the teacher asked us to do, ate without objection what was put on the table for dinner and
went to bed when our parents said it was sleepy time.

Today, on the other hand, kids question most things in life, and then it is up to the grownups to
have a proper answer ready. This way of talking with kids means that they are constantly trained
in independent thinking, and that they are practicing the ability to determine right from wrong. In
addition it makes them feel respected as autonomous individuals, who cannot be bulldozed by
others simply based on age and authority.

Children invited in
The reason for these differences in personality is that kids today become far more involved in
live and vibrant conservations with adults. This is particularly true at home, where kids grow up
in decidedly democratic families, where parents actively encourage them to form their own
opinions.

Compared to this 80ies kids grew up in a much more fixed setting, where we received plenty of
love, care and affection, but at the same time did not question our mom and dad´s decisions.

In addition parents today are extremely attentive towards their children. They worry profoundly
about their everyday wellbeing and will themselves take action and fight for their kids, if they
feel that something is not right.

Contrary to this 80ies parents would be far less inclined to intervene, if there were problems with
school or other places with authorities involved. Kids would receive plenty of love and support at
home, but when they were out they had to adapt to the existing rules and for the most part
themselves handle any problems that came up.

Spoiled brats

Today´s kids, and their parents, have received plenty of criticism over the past 10-15 years from
various sources. According to this line of reasoning, parents do not know how to raise their kids

2
anymore. Modern kids don’t have any impulse control. And in school they are impossible to
educate, won´t listen and talk back.

This critique is however misguided – and not particularly surprising.

This negative press rarely comes from parents, kindergartens or the clubs where the kids play
football or badminton. Instead, the criticism typically comes from the schools and the teachers –
and usually not the young teachers, but those who have already spent two or three decades in the
system and can remember the time, when Jimmy and Anna did what they were told.

The cause for this pattern is not difficult to explain. The criticism does not come from parents
and kindergartens where a democratic approach is used. Here children for the most part are not
forced to do things, are allowed to have an opinion and to express that there is something they do
not want to do.

This is fundamentally different to school, where kids of all ages are forced to sit and do stuff,
which they have no interest in. Where children are not encouraged to form their own opinion.
And where kids expressing dislike of doing something is frowned upon.

Here, the children´s lives up until now collide with the old-fashioned methods and rigid thinking
of the school. And then it cannot surprise that the children have a hard time fitting in – or that the
teachers think, that they are wildly annoying.

Home with mom and dad

It should be pointed out that the vast majority of childish behavior, which kids today are accused
of exhibiting, is shown at home with mom and dad. But this is exactly because it happens at
home, where kids – at all times – have behaved differently.

Parents and children by definition have an unprofessional relationship to each other, and that
these new generations will try to take advantage of the extra freedom, that they have been given,
is only to be expected. This does not mean that parents should just give in. On the contrary they
should try to resist and to insist on what is fair and reasonable.

However, this more demanding behavior at home does not change that kids behave better in the
arenas, where it matters the most – away from home. No matter whether we talk about
friendships, other adults or how they generally interact with people, kids today behave more
mature, considerate and thoughtful than my generation did.

Child today, parent tomorrow

3
Today´s kids will be tomorrow´s parents. And their upbringing indicates that they will become
better parents than their own mom and dad – who themselves were some of the best ever.

The only thing that can prevent this is of course all the other factors that influence kids. This is
particularly true for the education system, particularly in the public sector, which is still based on
outdated ideas that most of society, and parents included, have abandoned a long time ago.

Furthermore there is the possible danger of social media sites, whose focus on showing a
spotless, but untrue version of oneself goes again the ´believe in yourself´ and ´you are good
enough, as you are´-values, which the kids have been brought up with at home.

So the situation is not black and white, and the future is not linear. But all things considered, I
remain very optimistic about modern kids and believe that they will be even more responsible
adults and even better parents, than we have been.

Because they bring with them such a good and loving baggage from home. And because the for
the most part undeniable forces of history, based on fundamental truths about human nature, tell
us that people better themselves throughout their lives and that new generations will be more
advanced than we were.

Copyright © Jens Lindberg Jensen 2018. All rights reserved.

globejens@hotmail.com