The Sputnik // Thursday June 30

11

OPINION

Lin Abdul Rahman // opinion@thesputnik.ca

How to think and talk about Brantford

Lin Abdul Rahman Section Editor (The following is a sarcasm-laden satirical piece inspired by Binyawanga Wainainas How to Write about Africa, published in Granta 92) When you picture Brantford, confine your imagination to the immediate downtown area. Do not entertain the possibility that there might be other places outside the boundaries of the Laurier campus. Treat the microcosm of the downtown area as a representative of the whole of Brantford. Ignore every other structure except the methadone clinic in St. Andrews Church, the bus terminal and Victoria Park where the locals often hang out. Their antics will give you plenty of fodder to gripe about this insufferable town. Never fail to express your disdain for the locals. Always imagine them in shabby clothes, unkempt and dirty. They can never have any purpose for being in the downtown area except to loaf around and harass students for some spare change to buy liquor or drugs. Students should always be used in reference to the far superior race of humans attending classes at Laurier, Nippissing, and in some instances, Mohawk. They can never be confused with locals. The constituents of those categories can never intermingle. Never entertain the possibility that a local can be a student at the same time for the two exist in distinct universes. A student will never be caught dead doing something a local does, like hanging out at the Brantford Public Library. When talking about the library, always picture it as a place completely disadvantageous to learning, especially for students. Emphasize how you, as a student, hate spending any amount of time there, where theres a possibility you might cross paths with the locals. Dont forget to gripe about Laurier Brantfords dismal catalogue in the librarys basement, even though youve never made use of it in your studies, and have access to the entire racks of three other university libraries, all of which can be delivered to campus. Never fail to mention the juvenile delinquents who also patronize the library. Always assume that theyre illiterate. Complain about the noise they make and how hard it is to study there, even though youve only ever spent a few hours at the library, at most, during your entire career as a student. If youre at a loss for descriptors, simply use the term typical to describe all things negative. Dont forget to complain about the locals who spend all their time at the library reading newspapers and magazines and socialize. Always assume that they are homeless, unemployed and, if you want to sound even more discerning, unemployable. Demonstrate your insight on Brantford by commenting on the teenage mothers wheeling their baby-laden strollers around town. Talk about how young they are and how unfit they look to be parents. Remember to cite the fact that Brantford has the highest number of teenage pregnancies in all of Ontario, even if youre not entirely sure where you got that statistic or if its still relevant. While on the topic of statistics, also remember to mention the fact the Brantford was once ranked as the most dangerous city in Canada. Perhaps it was the most dangerous city in Ontario, but that doesnt matter. The statistic was based on a survey carried out by Macleans magazine several years ago, but that doesnt matter either. What matters is that your disdain for Brantford is statistically supported.

Notes from the Gold Coast: A lesson in patience

Lin Abdul Rahman Section Editor It has been over a month since I first set foot on Ghanaian soil and, I must say, my urge to do everything fast has been greatly reduced. Thanks to the laid-back pace at which virtually everything is done here, I no longer feel the need to rush things. I came here in mid-May with four other students as part of the university internship program run by Journalists for Human Rights. Three of us, including myself, are posted in Kumasi, a metropolis approximately 250 km north of Accra. This is the fourth week that Ive been working as an intern at Luv FM, a local radio station. The learning curve during my first week was a steep one. There were many adjustments to be made to my expectations and my behaviour. There was the constant heat, the stifling humidity, the strange food, and the foreign (re: local) language, not to mention the myriad body language and expressions I just couldnt grasp fast enough. The most challenging adjustment I have had to make, however, has to do with my patience or lack of it. Things seem to happen at a different pace here in Ghana. Foreigners have an expression for it; GMT Ghanaian Man Time or Ghanaian Maybe Time. I got my first lesson on GMT during my first week on the job. I accompanied one of my colleagues to an opening ceremony for the Jubilee Oil Exhibition at the Kumasi Centre for National Culture. As we were driving out of the office, I read the programme for the event and noticed that it was scheduled to start at 10 a.m. It was currently 10.45 a.m. Alarmed (unreasonably, I now realize), I noted this to my colleague. He simply shrugged and told me not to worry. The event probably hasnt started yet, he said. He was right. As it turned out, we were far ahead of time. The opening ceremony actually began at 12.30 p.m. after all the respected dignitaries, including the Regional Minister, arrived. No one seemed overly bothered by the delay, apart from my colleague who had to meet the 2 p.m. daily news deadline. The same laid-back pace applies to the food here as well. Street vendors are one of the more common places to get your daily meals. Many of them operate from make shift wooden carts displaying the words fast food on the front. However, the food is anything but fast. For almost every night since arriving in Kumasi, I have been going to the same fried rice vendor for dinner with my fellow interns, Chris Tse from Carleton University and Leah Wong from Ryerson University. Every night we would be invited to sit on a wooden bench behind the stall to field questions about our order fried rice with beans, cream (mayonnaise), pepper and chicken (for Chris). It takes about 10 minutes for our order to be ready. This is despite the fact that the fried rice is pre-fried in bulk and our order is the same every night. Not that Im complaining, mind you. A month ago my inner road runner would have balked at the Ghanaians lack of urgency that accompanies everything I do back home. Ive learned that, even though theres no rush in getting things done, things do get done here all the same. The food gets served, goods get delivered and children get to school just like anywhere else in the world. Now I enjoy the calm that I feel when I get up in the morning. If I miss my trotro (minivans packed with extra seats) to work, Id simply wait for another one to come by. After all, whats the rush? I might be a little late getting there, but Ill get there eventually.

Letter from the editor

Greetings, and congratulations on choosing Laurier Brantford for your postsecondary career. This special edition of The Sputnik is all yours, guided to help introduce you to both the City of Brantford as well as the Laurier Brantford campus. Using our experience and knowledge of life in the Laurier Brantford community, we have set out to honestly answer some of the burning questions you may have as you anxiously wait to begin your university career. In case you are wondering what exactly The Sputnik is, let me introduce us to you. We are an editorially independent student newspaper representing the student population at Laurier Brantford. Yes, I did say editorially independent. That means that though we operate in cooperation with the university via contractual obligation, we have the freedom to print whatever we want, however we want, about whatever we want, without pressure or fear of repercussion from the university, or anyone else for that matter. However, that being said, we consider ourselves a serious contender to other local newspapers and also are a proud member of Canadian University Press, and therefore hold our content to nothing but the highest professional, legal, and ethical standards. We consider ourselves journalists, not student journalists, and therefore carry the responsibility that title bears. We do not publish libelous or slanderous content, we research and fact-check our stories to ensure accuracy, and just like any other major publication you may read, our goal is to publish fair and balanced stories that allow you to draw your own conclusions. We try to tell you what to think about, not what to think. In the broader sense of things, The Sputnik is just one publication in our parent organization, Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publications. WLUSP is a multifaceted media organization, and we work closely with out sister paper in Waterloo, The Cord, our literary magazine, The Blueprint, and our ever-expanding radio station, Radio Laurier. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, first of all, I want you to get to know us so that when September rolls around, you remember to pick up The Sputnik every second Wednesday to keep on top of whats going on campus, in the city, and what matters to students on a broader level. Our stands can be found in most non-residential campus buildings, as well as various spots in the downtown core. Pick it up and read it in class, at the coffee shop, hell, even in the bathroom. We are the heartbeat of the university, and want you to be informed. Secondly, I want you to work for us. The benefits of working with The Sputnik, I can safely say from my three years of experience, are endless. Aside from working with one of the best organizations on campus, The Sputnik has provided me the opportunity to meet and hold relationships with a broad array of people Id otherwise never had the chance to meet, within the university and the community. Upon graduation, you can list your time with The Sputnik on your co-curricular record, which is greatly beneficial both for applying for jobs or a graduate school. And lastly, if you do have aspirations to be a journalist, The Sputnik has in its short history moulded many writers who now work in the industry or have been published across the nation, and abroad. However, dont think that only journalism majors can apply, as we have writers from across all programs. All we ask is that you are dedicated, engaged, and passionate. So, if you have a hunger to write, to uncover the truth, or simply to become active in the university community, fill out an application come September. And if not, well, just let us deliver everything you ever needed and wanted to know. I look forward to seeing you in September, or if you would like to get in touch with me before then, you can e-mail me at EIC@thesputnik.ca, or drop by our office in Grand River Hall next time youre in town for a tour. Enjoy the rest of your summer, and know the best times of your life are waiting just around the corner. Welcome to Laurier Brantford. Kyle Brown, Editor-in-Chief, The Sputnik