[MONDAY] I had to sing a song in my musical theatre class today and my nerves got the best of

me. I finished the song but I end up having an almost panic attack after because I have really
bad stage fright. Also there is a girl that heavily bullied me and all my friends in high school in
that class. She has been trying really hard to get under my skin so she does things like moves
my stuff to sit in my seat, or ignored covid precautions to sit directly in front of me. Today she
sat directly in front of me and when I messed up I saw her smiling and laughing like it was be
greatest thing that ever happened to her. It didn’t help my nerves but after the class I realized
you have to really hate yourself to find that much joy in other peoples failure. She is also trying
to tell people I bullied her in high school (which is one of her bullying tactics) but people here
actually know me and they know I would never do that. I cry like three times a day there is no
way I have the ego or the mental capacity to bully someone. Regardless the girls actions still
hurt and they did not help my crippling stage fright. So, instead of letting her make me sad and
scared, I decided to focus all that energy into recording and producing a song. The song I am
doing is Sweet Willow from Willow the Musical and there are five different parts I have to learn.
Including five part harmonies. It’s going to be hard but extremely fun and I can’t wait to hear the
finished project!

[WEDNESDAY] I am part of a show called Ramona the Pest for Ghostlight, the student run
theatre at Old Miss. I play Ms.Quimby (Ramonas mom), Beezus (Ramonas older sister), and I
am also Ramonas understudy. Our props manager is in my writing class and I had no idea until
she was talking about dying a Barbie doll's hair green. I private message her and was like “hey I
am also in that show!” And she said “yeah! Momma Q!” I don’t know how she knows me or my
character name because I haven’t seen this girl in my life. Her name is Kacey. Anyway, we start
filming for the show soon. It’s all over zoom. We have to paint our own backdrops and we are
having a virtual painting party Sunday so that’s going to be fun. I miss doing plays on stage, I
think the thing I hate the most is how there is nothing to do. Like I am not on for a lot of the show
so when my camera is off I just play on my phone, if we were in a real show I would go help out
tech with costumes or lighting or sound or set. There was always something to do but now there
is nothing to do. I hope things go back to normal soon.

[THURSDAY] My roommate put on the Blair Witch Project while I was putting together my
calendar today. I learned two thing: 1) I hate suspense. And 2) I hate when people yell. So it’s
only natural that I would hate the Blair Witch Project. It mad me so anxious the entire time I
wanted to just turn it off but she wouldn’t let me. She was making me watch it because I had
never seen it before. It’s a great piece of cinematic work and was one of the first found footage
films ever. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the impact this film had on the cinematic universe
and I respect it. I just don’t like it. It’s scary and I get sad thinking how their parents will never
get to see them again, they never get to graduate and grow up. The fact that they just went into
the woods to film a project and are now probably stuck in an afterlife purgatory as the witches
gremlins for the rest of eternity is sad. Also I am working at a summer camp in North Carolina
over the summer and I will be camping in the middle of the woods multiple nights so that movie
just made me more nervous. Every time I close my eyes I just see the Mikey dud standing in the
corner. Not fun.