Approaching Is Easy If…

1. Have the basic SKILL SET to begin talking to a stranger. You must first “appear” in
the persons social radius, letting them know somehow you intend speaking to them, give
them a moment from an appropriate distance to check to see that you are a friendly, not
hostile stranger, then you must deliver your first words at the appropriate volume and
tone for the setting. Many times clients feel the girl wasn’t interested in them, when in
fact it was quite clear to me eight feet away that her initial response was welcoming, she
just became uncomfortable when she could not hear them clearly. Other times the
approach is too sudden and shocks the girl and the energy of the interaction never
becomes comfortable.

2. BODY LANGUAGE is crucial on approach, simple things like hands in pockets,

(some say a prehistoric reaction that you may be carrying weapons)arms folded, poor
posture or fidgeting can doom even the easiest of approaches.

I watch my clients carefully in bars, bookstores and in the streets and give them feedback
and coaching. It astounds clients how easy approaching strangers can be and how
receptive they are when you are shown precisely how.

I have traveled constantly for nearly five years and most of the time I have entered a new
country on my own. I am sure that on average I have approached more than two strangers
per day, some days when get lost I may talk to 20, but even just two a day would amount
to 3500 approaches. I am not a big fan of detailed maps or following guidebooks and
found the most efficient way to get up to date, relevant and expert opinions is to ask
locals. If I can approach skillfully, it is the best way I know to make new friends in a
hurry. For instance, I would suggest those visiting Paris in August begin with a friendly
“Bonsoir? Parlez-vous anglais?” rather than something in English to help avoid a spot of
French saliva on their faces. This is a fine example for this article, because once someone
is taught how to approach correctly, they will find many Parisians are not hostile at all to
“polite” tourists, they are proud of their amazing city and can be amongst the most
welcoming and gracious of hosts.

3. The confidence and TOOLS to effectively START AND SUSTAIN GOOD

CONVERSATION. Real confidence often comes from knowing what do. I have and
teach skills such as good use of open ended questions, effective LISTENING for free
information, vacuums, good eye contact and kino, required to deepen and sustain a
conversation with a complete stranger.

As I have the tools to build a good conversation I am infinitely more confident and
successful at beginning one. Please see my articles on “Transitioning to a Natural
Approach” http://charismaarts.com/blog/James/196 and
http://charismaarts.com/blog/James/197.

4. Have the RIGHT ENERGY AND STATE OF MIND for the particular approach. This
may be the most important of all because, if you get this right the rest of this stuff may
even fall into place on it’s own. I have a number of exercises I use to get my client’s
energy and state of mind right for the approaches we are attempting. I have seen my
client’s mess up most of the rest of these six points and still do really well because they
have a wonderful warm, confident friendly energy about them and the stranger welcomes
this into their day, or night or life!

5. DO NOT PROJECT SEXUAL INTENT, try not projecting an obvious sexual or

romantic agenda before you have uncovered a real reason to be romantically interested in
a girl. You are just a friendly, social guy chatting with another stranger. When you have
uncovered things you find attractive about her, it is highly recommend you DO project
sexual or romantic intent with kino, eye contact and an appropriate statement of intent.

Beautiful, desirable women with a healthy self image are not often attracted to guys who
are attracted to them solely on the basis of their physical appearance. I believe these
women are biologically programmed or have discovered consciously or sub consciously
though experience, that the guys who are immediately interested in them purely because
of their looks tend to be loosers. (sorry, less desirable men)

A man with things to offer a seriously beautiful women, who has already had more than
his share of women of her calibre, would surely want to know more about her life,
hobbies, interests, IQ, sensuality and character before he starts to drool down his chin,
fantasizing about waking up one sunny morning, spooning against her magnificent ass
and then…………..

Yes, like nearly everything in social coaching, this rule does not apply 100% of the time,
but the few exceptions I have seen have been extremely confident, charismatic men, far
more handsome than I. Please note I am writing this assuming you are looking to meet
women with a healthy self image at or above your relative “social level or value”.

As an aside, I tell everyone who cares to listen that virtually nothing in this industry,
applies 100% of the time to 100% of the people. At a recent seminar, the great man
himself, Wayne Elise, piped in and corrected me; “everyone should always keep their
nose hairs trimmed 100% of the time.” I stand corrected and I’m still giggling 48 hours
later.

A Charisma Arts bootcamp will significantly increase your approaching and conversation
skills and you will be better able to start and sustain more great interactions with people,
and yes more hot girls.

A text from my last Private Instruction client says it well;

“Thnx for showing me how 2 open a new chapter in my life!”

6. TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU CARE ABOUT. One of the biggest things that drags
guys energy and self confidence down is trying to discuss things they don’t care about to
impress women. This is setting you up as a needy individual from the word go, she will
sense this. Our boot camps teach the skills to begin a conversation with strangers. It is a
good idea to think about things you like to talk about with women. You might like to talk
about your passion for deer hunting and your technique to behead the deer with your
trusty hunting knife and the process to preserve the head so you can mount it above your
fireplace. If that’s your idea of a hobby, then well um….er, I would suggest you don’t
talk about it with a women you just met and would like to know better. Talk about
“attractive women friendly” subjects that you are also into. Wayne (Juggler) has a list in
his absolutely fantastic e-book which I trust you have all bought and read at least three
times!

I suggest clients then come up with a couple of open ended questions on these subjects
they enjoy. For instance I love travel. If I am talking to a 20 yo I might ask “Tell me
about the place most want to travel too?” If the girl is 28, I am more likely to ask “Tell
me about your favorite travel experience.” So when an interaction is hitting a flat spot I
usually try to steer the conversation towards things I like to hear about. PLEASE NOTE
how I said HEAR about. I want to get them to do the talking. Before guys had all these
methods and techniques of meeting girls, I believe they just used to talk about things of
mutual passion. It may be old school for the online generation, but it sure is my personal
favourite.

7. IF YOU FIND HER DULL AND BORING, WALK AWAY, yes even if she is Miss
Latvia in a Versace number made only of baby pins. A simple “have a good night” with a
tap on the shoulder usually suffices for me. Notice I am as honest as possible, I’d never
say “nice to meet you” if I did not mean it. Don’t give up straight away, I’ll usually try a
couple of open ended questions about my favorite subjects, make statements and a
vacuum or two. Ask “who’s she’s here with” and “how do you know each other” also.

Walking away does one major thing, it stops you getting needy, try hard energy from
struggling away where you are not welcome and not progressing, other girls notice and
can often sense it on you. If you leave on decent terms you might still win social proof
brownie points for talking to her in the first place. Also, you if you leave on a good note,
it is usually easy to come back, believe it or not! Remembering her name a massive help.

Walking away when things got dull has really worked in my favour once or twice. Go up
and confidently talk to an obviously smoking hot girl, get the conversation to a level
where you are welcome, do not project any sexual intent and then walk in five minutes
because of boredom. I guess I am sort of saying to her:

“Well you do look really nice, but you seem rather dull and this conversation has become
a tedious, I think I’ll go chat with someone else, bye”.

She’s perhaps thinking “where did he go?”,

“Wow this hasn’t happened to me since Year 9,”

“Where is that confident guy?”

“What did I do to turn him off? May be he didn’t like me? No,that is impossible, every
guy on this planet, well the straight ones, would kill to be with me. Oh god was it my
breath, I knew I should never have had garlic prawns,”

“I’ll have a chewie and go see if I can find him”

“And I’ll bring my super hot model girlfriend who I almost trust and she’s just started
dating a rock star anyway, to try and make him think I know a lot of cool, beautiful
people, I hope he likes me this time. He was soooooo handsome, I think?”

(Please don’t do this as some sort of contrived strategy, but remember if she is hot and
dull, you are still allowed to walk away politely)

8. DON’T DO STUPID OR SOCIALLY AWKWARD APPROACHES which display

your lack of consideration for other people and drag your own energy down.

I have heard many a story; guys reporting walking in off the street sitting down, without
asking and interrupting two hot sisters, their little brother and their mother, with forks in
there mouths at funky street side restaurant, to deliver a female opinion opener, or the
guy wearing the flashing red necklace, an ill fitting shinny black polyester suit coat and
some dopey loud T-shirt, who crosses the road and runs after the 5’11 beautiful girl
dressed in a fine suit who is powering down the street, stuck to her phone, looking
stressed. He catches up, taps her firmly on the back, frightening her as she spins around
in shock, only to announce “You are…. so…. beautiful, I just could not allow myself to
go on living if I let this moment go by without chasing you down to tell you this” or
something equally nauseating. She is walking so fast because she is running LATE for an
important client meeting in her new job. She is on the phone to her boss apologizing
profusely; some mindless dork just stopped her in the street and asked directions to the
nearest Starbucks. After she graciously stopped and took some of her now precious time
to help this stranger, he joked he wasn’t interested in her answer, he was just “flirting
with her” and called her a “bad girl, whose boyfriend is clearly not spanking her hard
enough” and then asked for her phone number. Infuriated and stressed, she walked too far
and missed her 3.30 train.

Could someone practicing or teaching this socially inept and retarded behavior have ever
actually dated a single really beautiful woman in their lifetime? If they had, they would
know that this sort of thing is NOT at all funny or flattering for girls like this in most
cases. I guess paparazzi are fun for many new minor celebrities but ask a major A-list
movie star, they are probably the bane of their existence.

Even if you are so selfish you don’t care about other people, I think these rude
approaches leave guys with BAD FEMALE ENERGY and experiences. I don’t want start
on my “too much time meditating in India spiritual theories”, but I think if you do a few
of these really bad approaches you will start to exude a really weird, needy, freaky vibe
that women can smell from twenty feet away.

As I have said before, most decent guys find their success and results come from good,
not bad, social skills and friends and interests.

I know someone is reading this saying they did some sort of crazy approach and it
worked. Well great, I am sure anything can work, particularly if you have and can
maintain the right energy as I said above. When you say it worked, what do you mean,
did you become intimate with her? Was she a positive addition to your life? I too have
had some success with some socially silly or crazy things I have done at a super high
level of energy, but please note it is usuallly at a point when I am getting plenty of the
horizonal good stuff already, but I DO NOT recommend these crazy approaches as an
effective way to build your social skillset.

Picture this; a beautiful girl, with a nice family and great successful friends, has recently
found herself single. She goes for coffee with her best girlfriends/mother and father/big
brother and talks about this guy she just met who is taking her out alone this Friday night.

“Wow, so where did you meet him? School, the gym, through friends, not another one
from a bar I hope? You know guys you meet there don’t respect you darling”

“Oh, I was on my cell phone walking down 8th Street, he ran up from behind me, he
startled me a little at first and then he told me that ‘I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever
seen in his life, and that he just had to chase me down to tell me this, or he knew he
would regret it every day for the rest of his life’. So I gave him my number and he is
picking me up, Friday at 8.00pm.

What do you think her friends and family will say to her?

I think when you are learning you should make EVERY single socially acceptable
approach you can and ZERO socially unacceptable ones.

A Charisma Arts bootcamp will significantly increase your approaching and conversation
skills and you will be better able to start and sustain more great interactions with people,
and yes more hot girls.