IZET KIKO SARAJLIC

NEKA NAM OPROSTE TRAVE

Trave ce nas moliti da ih gazimo svojom mladoscu.

Trave ce nas moliti da ih darujemo njeznim sonetima.

Mi cemo ih gaziti zakasnjeli i gorki i pjevat cemo im

o nepovratnim odlascima, o uskracenim uspomenama

i molit cemo trave da nam oproste za mnoge rijeci,

za mnoge gorke rijeci koje necemo znati presutjeti.

VEĆ NAGLAS…

"Već naglas su te brezama recitovala moja predvečerja.

Već nista u mom životu nije bilo važno tako kao ti.

Već sve oko mene je bilo samo dio opšteg mita o tebi.

Već nijedan drvored kojim si prošla nije se zvao prosto drvored.

Već sve je znalo da ćeš doći.

S nebom plocnici već su se u život kladili da si tu negdje.

Budućnost je imala hiljadu imena i tek posljednje bilo je usamljenost.

Budućnost je već oponašala tvoje pokrete i tvoj hod."

VOZOVI ĆE NAS ODNETI U POSLEDNJU JESEN

Vozovi će nas odneti daleko, predaleko,

jesen će nas, zašto baš jesen, otpratiti u poslednju tamu,

mislićemo o prošlom životu u kom smo ostavili (ipak) nešto svetlo i meko
i izgledaće kao da niko od nas nikada nije stavljao svoju nežnost na pikovu damu.

Negde iza nas

neka ruka će možda ostavljeno zaplakati.

Negde ispred nas

zemlja će čekati na tela mladih vojnika.

Vozovi će nas odneti daleko, predaleko,

u poslednju jesen,

a vetar će mesto nas pevati

poemu
mrtvih
ljubavnika.
DA JE MLADOST PRAVO MLADIH LJUDI

Da je mladost pravo mladih ljudi

zar bi sijedi uzdisali za ljepotom?
Juče još ja sam se radovao da ću jednom biti starac.
Dosta i te mladosti s gitarama i brzopletošću!
Avaj, mladost me ničem nije naučila.
S godinama vidim da sve manje godina imam.
Vršnjak sam one djevojčice što juri u saonama.
Mila, stani. U budućnost uvijek ćeš stići.
Bio sam u njoj. Divan predio,
ali nigdje nikog od onih koje sam znao
u vrijeme dok smo svrgavali bogove
i bili čuveni po brzopletosti.
Mila, stani. Uvijek ćeš stići da postaneš
udovica budućeg vojnika.

DRUGA LJUBAV

Ako bi se kod mene jednom, ma kada, javila druga ljubav

biće joj teško sa mnom.
Ona će morati da ima isto lice kao i moja prva ljubav.
Isti čuperak. Isti prćasti nos. Istu boju očiju.
Isti hod. Iste navike. Istu čak i adresu.
U stvari, to i ne bi bila moja druga ljubav.
To bi bio prosto nastavak moje prve ljubavi, moje jedine ljubavi.

(1965)

SARAJEVO

Sad nek spavaju svi naši mili i besmrtni.

Pod mostom kraj II ženske gimnazije nabujala Miljacka teče.
Sutra je nedjelja. Uzmite prvi tramvaj za Ilidžu.
Naravno, pod pretpostavkom da ne pada kiša.
Dosadna, duga sarajevska kiša.
Kako li je bilo Čabrinoviću bez nje u tamnici!
Mi je proklinjemo, psujemo, a ipak dok pada
zakazujemo ljubavne sastanke kao da smo u najmajskijem maju.
Mi je prokljinjemo, psujemo svjesni da od nje nikad
Miljacka neće postati ni Gvadalkivir ni Sena.
Pa šta! Zbog toga zar manja biće moja glad
za tobom i manje moje gorko pravo
da ne spavam kad svijetu prijete kuga ili rat
I kad jedine riječi postaju ne "zaboravi" i "zbogom"?

Uostalom, možda ovo i nije grad u kome ću umrijeti,

ali u svakom slučaju nije zaslužio jednog neuporedivo vedrijeg mene,
ovaj grad u kome možda i nisam bio najsretniji
ali u kome je sve moje i gdje uvijek mogu
naći barem nekog od vas koje volim
i reći vam da sam sam do očajanja.
U Moskvi to bih isto mogao, ali Jesenjin je mrtav
a Jevtušenko sigurno negdje u Gruziji.
U Parizu kako da zovem hitnu pomoć
kad se ona nije odazvala ni na pozive Vijona?
Ovdje, zovnem li topole, svoje sugrađanke,
i one čak znaće šta je to što me boli.
Jer ovo je grad u kome možda i nisam bio najsretniji,
ali u kome i kiša kad pada nije prosto kiša.

Sestre

Kod Jesenjina se bile

Šura i Kaća.

Kod Majakovskog
Ljudmila i Olja.

Kod mene
Nina i Raza.

I - sve su umrle.

Raza i Nina
u razmaku od pedeset dana.

Umrle
ili ubijene bez metka?

Moram negdje potražiti

novu sestru.

Ja jednostavno ne umijem
da ne budem brat.

POSVETA

Posvećujem ti svoje oči, svoje usne, svoje zube.

Pjesme? Šta ćeš od mojih pjesama pisanih jer nisam znao ćutati?
Šta ćeš od mojih pjesama koje ne mogu da te ljube? 

Tako je dobro što nismo ni ptice ni bogomojci u predvečerje

i što nemamo krila već ruke.
Posljednje što nas čeka ne može biti naša smrt., jer želje naše krvi negdje su moraju nastaviti.

Ti si žena, mala,
ti si mala žena,
i jedan besmrtni avgust donio te u moje balade.
Ostani s mojim Volim koje će nadživjeti sve moje tužaljke, sve moje promjene.

Kraj mojih očiju ostani.

Nadživjećemo sebe, ne samo u humci svojih grobova,

jer znali smo, znali smo, nježni i oholi,
bježeći od noževa i granata ubiti u sebi anđele
i opet ostati anđeli.

Budući, potražite nas nekad u nekom crvenom traganju,

samo tijela naša ležaće pod nijemom zemljom,
ali gazite tiho,
da ne ranitenaše usne,
i naše mrtve poglede da ne zgazite.
(1955)
Izet Sarajlic: Na sve spremna budi

Na sve spremna budi. U noći nekoj

kao djevojčici pričaću ti bajke i skaske.
Drugi put ću zaželjeti da odem daleko, daleko.
Do Aljaske.
Nekad jednostavno neću ti doći
i na stolu uzalud čekaće me tvoje ruke i čaj.
U društvu s brezama šetaću u noći
a ti ćeš misliti da je zauvijek prošao naš maj.
Na sve spremna budi. Na smijeh i na suze.
U životima našim tek prvi čin je gotov.
Da bih bio muzej, ako želiš da budem taj muzej,
prethodno moram da budem Ljermontov.
Prethodno moram da ti napišem stotine ovakvih redaka,
jer u stihu ništa se drugo i ne dešava sem ljubavi i vjere.
Tako je bilo u doba predaka,
tako će biti i hiljadu godina poslije naše, poslije tvoje i moje ere.
Pa ipak, na sve spremna budi, jer zajedno nam je i da čekamo i da spavamo,
da strahujemo za sunca, za srne, za snove.
Preostaje nam još toliko toga, a u našim glavama,
na žalost, mjesta nije samo za stihove.
Nekad možda neću ni primjetiti bore na tvom licu,
ni bijele epolete snijega na tvojim ramenima kad uđeš s ulice.
Nekad tvojim ćerkama zaboraviću da ispričam "Snježanu" i "Crvenkapicu"
i četiri zida naše sobe učiniće ti se kao četiri beznadežna zida tamnice.
Ponekad pomislićeš da odumirem kao država,
ni Danton, ni Hajne, ni Goran,
i to ja, koga si za besmrtnog držala,
na koga sam i sam bio ljubomoran.
Na sve spremna budi, na psovke i na madrigale,
na suze i na pisma što preklinju i prijete,
ali ruke koje su mi se jednom predale,
te ruke su svete!

TRAŽIM ULICU ZA SVOJE IME

Šetam gradom naše mladosti

i tražim ulicu za svoje ime.

Velike, bučne ulice -

njih prepuštam velikanima istorije.

Šta sam radio dok je trajala istorija?

Prosto tebe volio.

Malu ulicu tražim, običnu, svakodnevnu,

kojom se, neopaženi od svijeta,

možemo i prošetati poslije smrti.

U početku ona ne mora imati mnogo zelenila,

čak ni svoje ptice.

Važno je da u njoj, bjezeći pred hajkom,

uvijek mognu da se sklone i čovjek i pas.

Bilo bi lijepo da bude popločana,

ali, na kraju, ni to nije ono najvažnije.

Najvažnije je to

da u ulici s mojim imenom

nikada nikog ne zadesi nesreća.

LAGANO S TUGOM

U prozorima kiša, kao neki zaboravljeni marš.

Ponovo jesen, opšta jesen, klasično doba elegija.
Otići ću malo na stanicu da se priviknem na
rastajanje.
Ako se ne vratim, ostaće moje pjesme da lutaju ovim
gradom.

Bila je nekad ta mladost, u nekom prastarom juče.

U srcu vašem i mom, bila je, ostala, i biće.
Ja odlazim ali neki isti ovakvi kao ja ići će možda
umjesto mene na groblja pogubljenih da uče
sintaksu odanosti.
Moje pjesme stajaće im na raspolaganju.

Ja idem, vrijeme je. Ja već sam, rekoste, prošlost.

Pozdrav svemu novom što je došlo da nježnuje i voli.
Mene nikad više niko ne može nazvati počasnim
imenom balavac,
privilegisanim, kao kad kažeš: Proljeće!

Kako sad zavidim tom balavcu Izetu Sarajliću iz VIIa,

koji u naslijeđenom vojničkom šinjelu
i nesvjestan pogrešne upotrebe najdražeg glagola voljeti
polazi u osvajanje svijeta.
Ja nikad više ne mogu da napišem svoju prvu elegiju.
Ja nikad više ne mogu da imam sedamnaest, ni
dvadeset pet.

Ja idem. Zar već? Zar sav da pređem u sjećanja?

A toliko toga je ostalo što sam želio da kažem.
Ja idem. Ja sam još tu. Ako dođete u Tvrtkovu 9/3
častiću vas čajem i uspomenama.
Ja sam još tu. Minutu ćutanja za mene!

(1959)
Ipak, elegija
Prošla godina, ma koja godina,
ona na putu ili ona kod kuće.
Prošle godine, kažem, mesec je ličio na nerođenog sina,
ti si imala nove papuče
i govorila “danas”, sad govoriš “juče”.
Prošla godina nije išla u frizerski salon
da bi bila što lepša, kao kod parnasovaca.
Kao i pretprošla, i prošla godina uostalom
bila je sva u znaku poljubaca.
U znaku tebe. U znaku praporaca.
Kako li će tek divne biti sledeće godine,
makar me zvezde i ne priznale za klasika.
U jednoj od njih možda ću i da poginem.
Oplakaćete me – ti i poneka jasika.
Kako li će tek divne biti sledeće godine!
Prošla godina ni izbliza nije nam donela sve.
Koliko je samo bilo “Međutim” i “ali”.
Ali i onaj sneg, kažem, i onaj sneg
pod kojim smo zajedno koračali
izgleda da je dovoljan da i za njom žalim.
Možda zato što je bila sva u znaku tebe,
tako da sam je i najsumorniju mogao nazvati martom…
Kao u kakvoj romansi, unapređivala si vrapce u tetrebe
a negde su nam se grozili novim ratom…
Možda zato.

Ljubavna pjesma šezdesetih godina vijeka

Teško je ljubavi, sve teže.

Odsvirane su njene mazurke i polke.
Gle, i srednjoškolke
od ljubavi bježe.
Ljubavi je objavljen rat.
Totalni. Do istrebljenja.
Šta mi da radimo sad,
mi iz Trebinja?
Mi iz avangarde,
mi koji se od mature
spremamo za barde,
za trubadure?
Teško je, teško je ljubavi.
I dokle ovako, dokle?
A ti meni uštipke praviš,
praviš šnenokle,
a ti izlaziš na balkon,
pušiš cigarete,
mila moja provincijalko,
ti kao dijete
vjeruješ u “Vertera”, u kolače,
u tu tugu što nas oboje steže,
i ja plačem, plačem, plačem,
jer teško je ljubavi. Sve teže.

Sutra će se ljudi…

Sutra će se ljudi sastajati ispod plastičnih lipa,

iz upotrebe možda će izaći i mrtvačka kola.
A mi smo imali sreću: ovo prava mjesečina za nesretne sipa
svoju svjetlost preko našeg bola.
Mi smo imali sreću. Nas još uvijek može da obraduje maslačak u polju,
a u sutrašnjim rječnicima jedva ako riječi maslačak uopšte bude.
Progres se toliko rašepurio da se ja bojim da je na pomolu
vrijeme u kome ćemo dobiti i prve umjetne ljude.
Oni će imati sve kao i mi, svoje klubove, svoja svetilišta.
Imaće svoje pjesnike, poneki od njih možda će i vaseljensko ime steći.
Igraće golf, skupljati marke, organizovati festivale, posjećivati pozorišta.
Imaće sve kao i mi, samo što “Ja te volim” neće znati reći.

When I was younger, the whole "you gotta love yourself before you can love others" thing
sounded like bullshit. But I'm older now and I've been down a few rough roads, and you
know what? IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE.
It's like this: Let's say that you aren't exactly filled with self-love. You have a negative self
image, your esteem is shit, and you have a lot of negative self-talk going through your head.
And let's say that for whatever reason, the girl of your dreams (for the purposes of this
scenario, the girl of your dreams will be played by Christine Hendricks, because goddamn!
youknowwhatI'msayin?) falls head over heels for you.
So there you are, lying next to the buxom redhead of your dreams, awake and thinking. Are
you thinking to yourself, "I am a stone cold pimp!" NOPE. You're going to be thinking, "How
did I get this lucky? What the hell does she even see in me? There's no way this is going to
last." And then, without even realizing it, you're going to start sabotaging everything. You'll
grow distant. You'll start to lose respect for her because somewhere deep in your mind is the
thought, "How could someone like her ever love a loser piece of shit like me? She must be
retarded." You're destined to fail.
The other side of the coin is that you end up with whatever partner you can get. You may
want that girl of your dreams, but you don't feel you deserve her, so you settle down with
the weird girl who posts a lot in r/BeautyInDarkness and has encyclopedic knowledge of all of
Sylvia Plath's suicide attempts. You may not be crazy about her, but at least she's with you,
so you can proudly proclaim you have a girlfriend. And she won't leave you because she has
her own co-dependency issues to deal with. Now that you both have each other, neither one
of you have to actually deal with the problems you have. Unless you wise up, you'll think that
this is what love is.
I hate to admit it, but I've been through some really bad relationships. We're talking
emotionally abusive, manipulative, crazy women here. And you know what? I felt like that
was the best I could have. That I was even lucky to have those horrible bitches in my life. I
ran my goddamn heart and soul through fucking broken glass for them. I worked so hard to
make things good because I didn't want to lose what I had.
There was another girl I was with for awhile. She wasn't that hot in the physical sense, but
she treated me better than any girl before or since. And you know what I did? I shit all over
all of it. I became distant, treated her offhandedly, and practically lived up to the cliche of the
loser boyfriend. If she hadn't had her own esteem issues to deal with, I think she would've
dumped me a couple years sooner than she did. (Years later, I saw her again and gave her
the longest, most sincere apology I've ever gave anyone.)
I look back at those times and I'm embarrassed by it. Fucking angry too, if I'm being honest.
I wish I could go back to my younger self and smack him around some. "Quit fucking around
and get your shit together! You're way more awesome than you realize and here you are
squandering your potential! You're too good to waste these good years like this!"
If I had "loved myself," I never would've stood for the shitty treatment I got, and I never
would've been a shitty boyfriend and husband to the girl who actually treated me like a king.
I'm thankful that I'm on the right path now, but damn, I wish I had understood the memo
years ago.

When is the one the one? When is it working? Well, you're right. It's not easy to know. You
certainly don't just "win" at marriage by finding the 'best' girl. Its a process.

~
Best way to explain marriage is to liken it to a job. Every day you go to work and every day
you are rewarded. Sometimes you need to work harder for less, some days you do nothing
and reward falls around you. Some jobs have long hours, some have lots of travel, some are
short contracts where you walk away with a lot of knowledge and some jobs you quit after
years, bitter and angry.
But here's the real reason why a relationship is just like a job. You don't get handed a prize
on your deathbed. Your reward (payment) is given out every day. In laughter,
companionship, shared burdens, intimacy, trust, etc...
Marriage is a commitment to one job for a long haul. We hope / say forever (or at least the
foreseeable future) but in reality we choose to turn up every day and do the work required.
Some people stop turning up and still get paid, others are fired or others still quit (divorce)
because they're not getting the reward they want / need / believe they've earned.
So here's the big question: Is this the job you want to do for the rest of your life? (AFAYK)
If You're young. You probably haven't traveled widely yet or met a lot of people, worked
(literally worked) in many companies / roles or, as you say, met many different people yet. If
you're old maybe you know yourself and your content.
The more you know yourself the more you know what work you enjoy and what rewards you
desire.
I would suggest that before you marry you should have worked in many relationships. You
should be sure that the reward you're receiving in this relationship is the one that best meets
your desires and needs.
Only when you're sure of this can you commit properly. Not a leap of faith, but a calculated
choice. The choice to be happy, to work hard in your relationship and know that even in the
dark days it will be worth in on the average, the choice to know you fought past easy options,
instant gratification and popular opinion.
This may not sound like real love. It might sound like a calculated and cold approach to
romance. But follow it and one day you'll say to a woman: (or man)
"I searched the earth. I met everyone I could. I discovered who I am, what I want, and what
I have to offer. I avoided the easy options. I stayed strong to peer pressure and media
stereotypes. I ignored fear, and loneliness, and nagging mothers. I did this so that when I
met you I would know that you're the one I want. And this is the relationship I'm going to
work on, every single day, with all my effort, because I know its the one for me, and I
believe in you."
And THAT is the most romantic thing I could think of. I know it's kept me happy.
Oh yeah, I could go on about the crazy communication / what people really mean when they
call their So their best friend but I've typed enough for now. Unless you want more.
Goodluck!
TLDR; Relationships are like jobs. Figure out what you're good at / enjoy because its hard to
quit when you've promised them half of everything you own.

Once, after a particularly devastating breakup almost exactly like you've described, someone told
me, "You'll start to heal when you recognize that he was a soulmate of yours, but not the soulmate".
They were using the word soulmate in a context I think is particularly meaningful - that sometimes people
come into our lives and they have a distinct bond with us, a purpose that is far-reaching in its implications,
and they are a mate (friend) of our soul because of what they teach us about ourselves, about life, and
ultimately about love.
The mistake basically everyone makes is thinking that people who are a soulmate (those meant to come
into our lives, teach us things, and then likely leave), are going to stay forever.
A quote from one of my favourite books, Everything is Illuminated, "So many people enter and leave
your life! Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in!
But it also means you have to let them go!” Grief is often the price we pay for love, and being open to
having loved someone and thought they were the one for you is the flipside of disappointment and
heartbreak. You can't be open to one without the possibility of the other, and it sucks, and sometimes you're
going to feel like you want to give up entirely because that reality is too hard to face, but you have to listen
to that little voice inside you that keeps saying there's more life to live and love to receive out there than
you can possibly imagine.
Unfortunately, a specific person's overarching purpose in your life can only be seen in hindsight, and in the
meantime, you're going to have a whole lot of negative emotion and pain that will block you from being able
to see the blessings in the situation, and that might silence that little voice of hope for quite awhile. Love is
like a drug, and a breakup as emotionally harrowing as the one you're describing is like a junkie coming off
of some serious drugs after a long, long time. When I went through that breakup I mentioned above, it
really helped me to remember that I was essentially fiending for a "love fix", and so my brain was
going to think thoughts and try to make me do things that it would rationalize as a way to get back
the "drug" I thought I needed to be happy (i.e him). That included thinking there was never going to
be anyone else out there for me.
But I took care of myself, allowed myself to grieve and to not be okay, and stopped thinking about my ex
through rose-coloured glasses. After roughly a year I realized that my ex's purpose in my life was this: he
and I were deeply similar in many ways I liked, but also many ways that hurt to acknowledge. Things like
his depressive nature, selfishness, and ability to just brush off people who cared about him so deeply were
things I swept aside or tried to rationalize away while we were together, but after time and careful reflection
I realized that deep down, I was like that too, and I didn't like it at all. He was a mirror for me - he showed
me all the ways that I was awesome, and all the ways that I was awful. What I took from that breakup
was what kind of person I wanted to be, the person any future partner of mine would deserve, and
that I was already a person who was able to love very deeply, and that's a very beautiful thing. I also
learned to hope that by changing my own beliefs and behaviours and becoming a better version of
myself, I would eventually have someone come into my life who was even better (and better for me)
than my ex.
As I grew and changed over time, learning to treat myself better and to find happiness and joy in life again,
I attracted a higher caliber of people into my life, mostly because I was able to actually recognize what kind
of treatment I wanted and deserved. Because I became more authentically myself, the qualities and
characteristics I wanted in a partner became clearer than ever before, and eventually I found people -
romantic and non-romantic - who fit me way better than that first guy and those around him. I look back on
that relationship and breakup and now think, "Wow, thank God I didn't end up with him, because I wouldn't
have become who I am today". It's awesome.
Use this as an opportunity to exercise your hope and faith muscles. You're gonna be okay.
tl;dr - Sometimes people are meant to teach us lessons, not be our life partner. When you find the
blessing, you'll start to heal. Healing will change you, you'll become more of who you're really
meant to be, that will bring even better people and more exciting opportunities into your life.
Everything will be okay. 'This is not the end, it is not even the beginning of the end. But it is,
perhaps, the end of the beginning.'