Dwight Hall - Marriage - Is It Still Necessary - Remnant Publications (2012)

Coldwater MI 49036
Marriage Text.indd 1 9/24/12 11:35 AM

Copyright © 2012
by Dwight Hall
All Rights Reserved
Printed in the USA
Published by
Remnant Publications
649 East Chicago Road
Coldwater MI 49036
517-279-1304
www.remnantpublications.com
Editing by Debi Tesser

Copy editing by Andrea Alexander
Cover design by David Berthiaume
Text design by Greg Solie • AltamontGraphics.com
ISBN: 978-1-937718-64-0

“F ive times,” he said. My eyes widened. The
man was telling us the number of times
that he’d been married. He continued to say that
he still hadn’t found happiness. What I heard next
I would never forget.
At that time my wife Deb and I were visit-
ing our relatives in another state. We woke up
that morning excited about visiting their church.
When we arrived, a nice couple asked us to come
join the pastor’s study class. As we took our seats
in the crowded class, I realized that the study was
on marriage and divorce. I was anxious to hear
what was going to be said about a subject as im-
portant as marriage. The pastor went from couple
to couple with the questions, “What do you think
about marriage, and when would it be appropriate
to get a divorce?”
The comments that followed astonished me!
Then a man who had had his hand raised for a
while blurted something out with such certainty
that no one would even think to question him. “I
am on my fifth marriage and time will tell how
this one will work out,” he said. I sat there spell-
bound. What came out of his mouth next I can
still clearly hear today.

4 Marriage?
“God wants us happy!” he said. “Even though
this is my fifth marriage, if I am not happy God,
does not expect me to go through life unhappy.”
As I sat there trying to comprehend what had
just been said, I was rudely brought back to reality
by a jabbing in my ribs. While I was still trying to
figure out if I had been dreaming, Deb said, while
still jabbing me, “You need to say something.”
I looked at her in disbelief while saying unmis-
takably with my eyes, “You have got to be kidding
me. I am a visitor here and don’t know anyone.
I am not about to get mixed up in this. Even if I
did say something, what could I possibly say that
would make any difference?”
As I was telling her this with my glaring eyes
another thought suddenly popped into my mind
that I also tried to convey to my now agitated wife.
“Let the pastor take care of this. It’s his class. He
knows what to say about marriage and divorce. I
mean, this is a big thing in today’s world. He knows
exactly what the Bible says about this whole mar-
riage and divorce thing.”
Just as I was finishing these well-intentioned
thoughts the pastor said, “It’s so nice to have visi-
tors today. Maybe we can get another point of
view.” I froze. “NO, Lord!” My mind said this so
loud that I was sure the whole class heard me.

Is it Still Necessary? 5
The much-dreaded question came to me like
a freight train breaking the silence of night. “So,
what do you think about what has been said so far
this morning?” the pastor asked. Like an on-and-
off switch in my mind, instead of telling the Lord
not to have the pastor ask me such a question, I
was pleading and asking the Lord to give me the
wisdom to answer this question. The Lord says in
His Word that before we have asked, He has an-
swered (Isaiah 65:24).
The words came to me and, before I had time
to reconsider, I said, “I don’t think it matters much
what I think. I have heard a lot this morning of
what many of you think, but I do know what the
Bible says in Matthew 19:3–9:
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him,
and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to
divorce his wife for just any reason?”
And He answered and said to them, “Have you
not read that He who made them at the begin-
ning ‘made them male and female,’ and said,
‘For this reason a man shall leave his father
and mother and be joined to his wife, and the
two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are
no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what
God has joined together, let not man separate.”

6 Marriage?
They said to Him, “Why then did Moses com-
mand to give a certificate of divorce, and to
put her away?”
He said to them, “Moses, because of the hard-
ness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce
your wives, but from the beginning it was not
so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife,
except for sexual immorality, and marries an-
other, commits adultery; and whoever marries
her who is divorced commits adultery.”
When I had finished reading, the room was
quite silent and the pastor was now glaring at me.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that he was
not happy with my answer. After he spoke a few
choice words, he went on asking other people in
the class and, needless to say, he did not ask me
another question.
I went home a few days later but could not get
these plaguing thoughts out of my mind. I kept
thinking, “I know what the Bible says, but why
then are there so many questions on this issue?
Have times changed and the Bible is out of date
and, therefore, meaningless in the area of mar-
riage and divorce? God does want us to be happy,
and the pastor went to school so that he could
understand the Scriptures.” As I pondered and

prayed about all these thought-provoking ques-
tions, I decided to study this subject out until I
had answers that would not only satisfy me but
could also stand the test of scrutiny.
The first item I needed to deal with was the
Bible. You either believe it is the truth and is time-
less, or you put it in your good-book category. It
did not take but a nanosecond for me to come to a
decisive conclusion on this first and most impor-
tant item. God does not make mistakes, and He is
not the author of confusion. The Bible has stood
the test of time and always will. The very princi-
ples in the Word of God are from God and will
never get old or outdated. Just the fact that Jesus
Himself spoke those words in Matthew 19:3–9
was like Him saying to me: “I will take care of this
vital principle Myself.”
Then I moved on to find the answers to the
other questions that had been plaguing my mind.
I got on the Internet and did some research. I
found that roughly fifty percent of marriages
end in divorce in the United Sates.1 This is quite
a high number, and this does not account for
people living together without a marriage license.
Some statistics show that the divorce rate is al-
most the same among born-again Christians and
non-Christians.2 Whether or not this is true, the

8 Marriage?
divorce rate is clearly way too high if you consider
yourself to be a Bible-believing Christian.
The man in the Bible class had said that he was
on his fifth marriage and that God wanted him to
be happy. As he said this, I thought, “Will he ever
find one that will make him happy?” As I was do-
ing my research, I found out why this man would
be hard-pressed to come up with “Mrs. Right.” US
studies show a significantly increased rate of di-
vorce “when a comparison is made in 1st, 2nd and
3rd marriage breakups in America. The marriage
breakup rate in America for first marriage is 41%
to 50%; the rate after second marriage is from 60%
to 67% and the rate in America for 3rd marriage
are from 73% to 74%.”3
Wow! So from these statistics, this man will be
less happy with each successive marriage. I came
to the stark conclusion that God’s happiness is not
founded in men’s or women’s ways. Then I came
to the final study. I needed it to help find not only
the answers but also the solution to the marriage
and divorce question. I wanted to see what some
of the key reasons for divorce were. After doing a
little research, this is what I found.
In the study “People’s Reasons for Divorce,”
208 people responded that their reasons for ending
their marriages included infidelity, incompatibility,

drinking or drug use, growing apart, personality
problems, or lack of communication (listed in or-
der of most commonly reported cause).4 These
were just the first six out of the eighteen reasons
for divorce listed in the study.
In the past, I have given marriage counsel-
ing to couples who came to me with their trou-
bles. I have often seen that after people get mar-
ried, the novelty of each other wears thin. They
begin thinking that they might have just made a
big mistake. They are unhappy and discouraged.
Eventually, the thought of divorce creeps into
their minds. It is looked to as an escape from an
unfortunate and uncomfortable situation. Then,
many end with the self-justification “God wants
me to be happy.” With that comes one of the other
most repeated statements I have heard. It goes like
this: “We thought we were in love, but once we re-
ally got to know each other, we found we were just
not compatible.” This process of thinking obvi-
ously isn’t making successful marriages.
In my marriage, some of the very same ar-
guments that I found in my research surfaced
like a nuclear sub. I saw so many marriages fail-
ing around me, and I didn’t want to be like that.
It frustrated me when I got angry with Deb,
too. I wanted to be like Jesus, to find something

10 Marriage?
that worked and have a happy home, but at that
point in my life, I just didn’t know how. I knew
the Bible could be trusted, and I especially knew
it was right. However, the big question I had was
“Why then, if we were Christians, was it not work-
ing out?” I could have blamed it all on Deb—well,
at least ninety-five percent was her fault—but in
my heart I knew that wasn’t true. It had to be at
least fifty-fifty. When I was really honest with my-
self, I came to the conclusion that it might be a
little more me than her. I knew I would have to
dig deep to find the solutions we so desperately
needed. The first and foremost question I wanted
answered was “Why marriage?” Maybe it would
be better to never marry. I know God instituted
marriage. I always thought that He made it be-
cause we were not happy or because we were lone-
ly. What I found out took care of almost all of my
previous questions.
Why Marriage?
When the Lord created the world, He made
Adam before Eve. Adam named the animals and
walked around the Garden of Eden, but there was
something missing. God said, “It is not good that
man should be alone; I will make him a helper
comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18).

God could have made one complete being like
the angels. We know that the angels are perfectly
happy and are not married (Mark 12:25), but God
does everything for a purpose. It wasn’t because
man was lonely that God created Eve. Adam had
many animals to keep him company. He had an-
gels to converse with. He even talked with God!
Also, we need to look at the timeframe.
Adam did not have close to enough time to be
lonely. God, in His awesome and infinite foresight,
knew that after sin mankind would need to learn
how to love selflessly—he would need a helpmate.
Through Christ, two sinful humans can grow to-
gether and draw strength from each other as a team.
God knew that a family would be the perfect way for
selfish, proud man and woman to learn how to love
outside of themselves. This was to be part of their
training in order to be restored back to God’s image.
One of the reasons why God created two gen-
ders was so that we might learn how to love self-
lessly and to grow together as one in preparation
for heaven. This is the spirit of heaven—selfless
love and being in harmony with God. After sin,
we had to be brought back to this heavenly atti-
tude somehow. Marriage and family were created
by God to refine us in this way and to help us learn
how to love selflessly.

12 Marriage?
One of my favorite authors, Ellen White,
tells it this way: “By it [marriage] human love
is refined and purified, elevated and ennobled.
Human love can never bear its precious fruit until
it is united with the divine nature and trained to
grow heavenward.”5
Spouses help keep each other on track. They
help reveal hidden flaws. Of course, this can be
frustrating most of the time, but it provides the
opportunity for character growth.
In building our first home, we soon found that
our tastes differed on a number of items. I wanted
a green countertop, and she wanted another color.
We couldn’t even agree on curtains.
Sometimes Deb would suggest that I put a door
here or there, or do something different on the
house. Having grown up around construction all
my life, I basically knew what could and couldn’t be
done, but Deb had no concept of what was going on.
“Boy, that’s pretty stupid,” was my standard re-
ply to many of her suggestions. Then we would
get into an argument. Part of the problem was
that self—not Christ—was the foundation of our
marriage. Since I was not connected with Christ, I
took my frustrations out on my wife.
All of us are born with deficiencies. It is so
easy to make excuses for them. For me it was

my temper, and from the beginning I nurtured it
weekly until it was just part of my life. Like Adam,
I kept telling God that my temper is because of
the woman He gave me. I thought, “If she would
just open her eyes she could see she is most of the
problem.” To top off this already boiling problem,
God had to design us so that we could have chil-
dren who take on our characters. Ouch! He sure
knows how to grab our attention. Yet, if we would
look at this whole plan of marriage and family in
the right way we would see very quickly that this
whole thing was for our eternal benefit. The fam-
ily unit when understood is one of the greatest
blessings God could have given us.
“After he begot Methuselah, Enoch walked
with God three hundred years” (Genesis 5:22, em-
phasis added). Did you catch that? After Enoch
and his wife had Methuselah, Enoch walked with
God. This is because “a three-fold cord is not
quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Marriage and
the family unit are what Satan sought and still
seeks to destroy. The two distinct roles that God
created—man and woman—are being blended
together, and this places us off balance. God’s in-
tended family unit can’t teach us as He originally
planned if we do not try to fill the roles that He
created for us.

14 Marriage?
I started realizing that because I was often only
thinking of myself, I was blinded to the greatest
gift besides Jesus that He could have given me.
If Satan can keep us blinded and distracted from
the real issue of marriage and family, then he has
us. God gave us these to help restore our image,
whereas Satan has perverted and blinded us so
that we think we are better off without anyone, or
at least the one we have right now. As Paul stated
in Galatians 3:1: “O foolish Galatians! Who has
bewitched you that you should not obey the truth,
before whose eyes Jesus Christ was clearly por-
trayed among you as crucified?”
You can see why normally more than one
marriage does not get any better. Why? Because
we want to have it our way, and then we become
so unbalanced.
Why Arguments and How to Avoid Them

The biggest battle we ever have to fight is with
our own self, but what is the second biggest battle?
It is with our spouses—the second self—because
they reveal so many things to us that we know
we need to change. We are sharpened by each
other like nothing else. They expose our best and
our worst; they show us what we need to refine.
Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron; so a

man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” I
have sharpened many things in my lifetime. Every
time I sharpen my lawn mower blades on the
grinder there are lots and lots and lots of sparks.
However, at the end of this process the blades are
sharp. Do you get the picture?
When I stopped trying to protect myself, and
realized that my spouse was the best teacher I
had, Deb and I found that we were not enemies!
Indeed, we loved and still do love each other very
much. Now we can work for each other’s salvation
because we see each other in a positive rather than
in a negative way.
Ellen White explained this idea. She wrote,
“Eve was created from a rib taken from the side of
Adam, signifying that she was not to control him
as the head, nor to be trampled under his feet as
an inferior, but to stand by his side as an equal,
to be loved and protected by him. A part of man,
bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh, she was
his second self; showing the close union and the
affectionate attachment that should exist in this
relation. ‘For no man ever hated his own flesh; but
nourisheth and cherisheth it.’ ”6
One lesson my wife and I learned was the
value of praying together. We learned that, as a
Christian couple, we could not afford not to pray.

16 Marriage?
We also learned that praying together and for each
other was, and still is the very best way to settle
our disagreements. How well we both remember
the first time I said, “Let’s pray” right in the mid-
dle of a major disagreement.
“Sure, let’s pray,” Deb snapped back, and
she was pretty sarcastic. “That’s going to solve
everything.”
In spite of her rather low opinion of the idea,
we did kneel down and pray together. I prayed
first, because she really wasn’t in a praying sort
of mood, but by the time I got done praying, her
heart was broken. I want you to know that not
one time during this prayer did I pray that Deb
would be more understanding and be a better
wife. My whole prayer was to ask forgiveness for
my misunderstanding and irritated response. I
asked the Lord to help me be a better husband.
We learned something that day about praying to-
gether: when we ask God to help us understand
each other’s point of view, and pray for His help
in resolving our differences, we’re not mad at each
other anymore.
God intended marriage to be a lifelong bless-
ing for both spouses. In order for us to give and
receive the best, we have to have a good amount of
communication. Quality time set aside to spend

with each other will provide us the opportunity
to ask each other—in a loving spirit—how each
other thinks, feels, and needs. This will help us
to see what we can do to help our spouses and
our marriages.
“A husband and wife should cultivate respect
and affection for each other. They should guard
the spirit, the words, and the actions so that noth-
ing will be said or done to irritate or annoy. Each
is to have a care for the other, doing all in their
power to strengthen their mutual affection. I tell
you both to seek the Lord. In love and kindness do
your duty one to the other. The husband should
cultivate industrious habits, doing his best to sup-
port his family. This will lead his wife to have re-
spect for him.”7
We need to realize that we are a team, and we
are both on the same side. If we receive our part-
ner’s complaints with a humble spirit, and if we
communicate our own complaints with a loving
attitude, we can help each other to become better
people and happier spouses.
A few years ago, I sat down on the couch with
my wife when we were both in good moods. We
discussed how each of us think, feel, and need.
We discovered that I was treating her how I would
want to be treated. If she were in a bad mood, I

18 Marriage?
would give her space. I didn’t know that, because
God made us differently, we need different things.
She needed a hug and comfort in these times, not
space. In most cases, when guys have a bad or
stressful day they want to be left alone for a while.
So when I saw Deb stressed, I treated her like I
would want to be treated—I left her alone. When
she was stressed, she wanted me to come up to her
and put my arms around her and say, “Deb, I love
you and will be here for you. It will be ok.” On the
other hand, she treated me like she wanted to be
treated. You see, we think of ourselves, but God
wants us to start thinking more about others.
Quality time and communication can make
all the difference in a marriage. When we make
an effort to love our spouses selflessly and care
for their needs, it will likely be reciprocated and
our marriages will grow. “Love begets love.”8 Too
many times we wait for the other person to make
the first move.
On one beautiful snowy day Deb and I were out
taking a walk together even though it was twenty
degrees below zero. The sun was shining, and we
were hanging on to each other’s hands having a
wonderful time. We did not even feel the cold.
Until Deb said something, that is. I can’t even re-
member what she said. But whatever it was, I took

it wrongly. So I snapped right back. Within just a
few seconds, we were both feeling pretty irritated.
Pretty soon we dropped hands, and because I nor-
mally walk faster than Deb, I was getting ahead.
Deb really felt like I needed to apologize, but she
didn’t think I would because I was quite stubborn.
All of a sudden she realized just how cold it was,
not only outside, but on the inside as well.
I was having a real struggle within my heart at
that moment.
“She started it, so she should apologize,” I said
to myself, and I had no intention of being the first
to break the ice this time. Then God started to
work on my heart.
“What are you doing, Dwight?” I could almost
hear Him say.
“It’s her turn to apologize, not mine,” I stormed
back. The Lord still tried speaking to my heart.
“But Lord,” I complained. “It seems like ever since
I made the commitment to walk with You, I am al-
ways saying I’m sorry first. I thought this was a two-
way street. It’s just not fair. Aren’t You working on
her, too?” All of a sudden I thought of when Peter
asked the Lord, “What about the others?” Christ
told him to basically let Him take care of them.
“You are the priest of the household, Dwight.
How did you react when she said something that

20 Marriage?
irritated you? Did you snap back at her, or did you
do what Jesus would do?”
“But she’s going to think I’m a wimp,” I argued.
“That I’ve really lost it when I apologize first all
the time.”
“When you give your heart to Jesus, you aren’t
worried about self anymore,” I seemed to hear.
“You quit worrying about what people think, and
do what is right.” So I stopped in the snow and
turned around and waited for her to catch up. I
said, “Deb, I am so sorry. Will you forgive me?”
At that very instant I could see tears stream right
off her cheeks.
“I am sorry also,” she said. Even though it
was twenty degrees below zero, it is amazing
how quickly you can warm back up. Then I said,
“Honey, let’s pray right here.”
So we knelt and thanked God, right then and
there in the middle of that snowy road, for work-
ing in our lives and teaching us that it is a sign of
strength and growth—not weakness—to be able
to say you’re sorry and mean it. Because of my
surrender, God spoke to Deb. It broke her heart
in a way that might not have happened otherwise.
Although this seems like a small incident, it
was a really important moment we both remem-
ber. There was a time in our relationship when we

might have let things go on, all the while harbor-
ing unkind thoughts toward each other. Instead,
we have learned to take care of it when God asks
us to. Sometimes it is right away. Other times, it is
when our hearts are subdued.
We have found praying together to be very
helpful in our relationship, yet it is surprising how
skittish many Christian couples become when you
even mention the idea. Sadly, we’ve found that
most husbands and wives don’t pray together.
When you first get married, there is an ini-
tial excitement. When that wears off, many times
spouses are just doing their thing, and there’s not
a real bond between them. Praise God, praying to-
gether can bring that back. When that happens, a
marriage just gets better and better.
God loves to see a husband and wife experi-
ence a marriage that lifts each other up. “God
made from the man a woman, to be a compan-
ion and helpmeet for him, to be one with him, to
cheer, encourage, and bless him, he is in turn to
be her strong helper. All who enter into matrimo-
nial relations with a holy purpose—the husband
to obtain the pure affections of a woman’s heart,
the wife to soften and improve her husband’s char-
acter and give it completeness—fulfill God’s pur-
pose for them.”9

22 Marriage?
Marriage is often a war between two people,
but this was not God’s original plan. “When the
divine principles are recognized and obeyed in
this relation, marriage is a blessing; it guards the
purity and happiness of the race, it provides for
man’s social needs, it elevates the physical, the in-
tellectual, and the moral nature.”10
For many years I always thought that weakness-
es would someday just “go away.” Unfortunately,
they seemed to just get worse instead. It was like
that in our marriage as well. On the outside Deb
and I could put on “smiley” faces, and it even
looked like we got along. In our hearts though, it
was quite a different story.
I always said I loved my wife, and I did, and
still do, very much. I always said I would do any-
thing for her. When I said that, to me, it meant
climbing the tallest mountain or swimming the
biggest ocean. You know, something big. When
my wife asked me if I could help do the dishes or
help can fruit, love took on a new meaning.
When you are dating, it seems like you think
about all the “big” things. After you get married,
it’s the little things that mess you up. Like putting
the top on the toothpaste after you use it.
Even though I still do not do the dishes very
often, the willingness principle is what prevails. It

is the surrendering of self that made this possible.
I realized that the little things add up. Love isn’t
just about the big stuff.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not
envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is
not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in
iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all
things. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4–8).
All of this might seem like a lot, but when
you ask the Lord to help you every day, and you
practice it every day, it becomes a part of you.
Creating a habit of loving, like encouraged in
1 Corinthians 13, takes time, but what a difference
it makes in a marriage and family!
Even when you are hurt, God says, “Be angry,
and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on
your bed, and be still” (Psalms 4:4). Even if your
spouse has done something wrong to you, “Do not
be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good”
(Romans 12:21). When bumps in the road come
up, we should not be so quick to run away from
each other. One of the amazing things about mar-
riage is being able to lean on someone when life
gets you down. God says that one will chase a thou-
sand and two ten thousand (Deuteronomy 32:30).

24 Marriage?
What a promise! If we will work in addition God
will work in multiplication.
When Is It Time to Say Goodbye?

People choose to seek a divorce for many dif-
ferent reasons. In the study referenced earlier, there
were eighteen reasons altogether that people gave
for their divorces. God gives two appropriate rea-
sons for the separation of husband and wife: death
and adultery. Although this might seem a little too
idealistic and confining to some people, God tells
us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean
not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).
Spiritual adultery is something we have all
committed (James 4:4), and yet Christ still mer-
cifully and longingly tries to work with us. Ask
yourself this easy but revealing question, “When
should Christ divorce us?” When you look at
James 4:4, it says that each one of us has commit-
ted spiritual adultery. How many times have you
been a friend of the world? How many times have
you left Christ and took your walk alone? Yet as
many times as we have committed that adultery,
Christ continues to woo us. Amazing grace!
Still, so often we have so little love for our
spouses and are ready to hang them to the high-
est tree for everyone to see their disgrace and our

righteousness. If someone is repentant and devot-
ed to turn from his or her sin, should we not fol-
low Christ’s example of forgiveness and mercy? Of
course, trust does not easily return once broken,
but marriage is a commitment to someone that
lasts forever. We should not be looking for a rea-
son to get a divorce. Think about why the spouse
committed adultery. There is no excuse for an af-
fair, but if his or her partner was pushing the other
away for the past while, there certainly isn’t only
one person at fault here.
A few years ago, I knew of two people who
were struggling with their marriage. The hus-
band had committed adultery, and he was being
shamed and criticized by their friends and church
family. He had clearly sinned, and the sin was be-
ing made quite public. However, what was un-
known to most of the people was what had been
happening behind closed doors for many years.
The home was far from a pleasant place.
The wife had constantly grieved the husband
about every little thing. She expressed little love
and complained a lot. She was a burden for her
husband and made his shoulders heavy. He didn’t
look forward to going home. This by no means
gives an excuse for his behavior. One sin does
not justify another. The point is that the marriage

26 Marriage?
falling apart was not his doing alone. Once the
wife found out about the adultery, she was ready
for a divorce. This should not be the attitude in a
marriage. Loving spouses do not look for a way
out and jump ship once it’s found.
The Bible warns against circumstances that
might lead to adultery. Paul said, “Because of sex-
ual immorality, let each man have his own wife,
and let each woman have her own husband. Let
the husband render to his wife the affection due
her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The
wife does not have authority over her own body,
but the husband does. And likewise the husband
does not have authority over his own body, but the
wife does. Do not deprive one another except with
consent for a time, that you may give yourselves
to fasting and prayer; and come together again so
that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack
of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:2–5).
Although divorce is biblically justified when
adultery is involved, marriage vows mean that the
couple will always work on the marriage in love,
no matter what trial is thrown at them. There are
other reasons why a spouse might seek separation
from his or her partner—such as abuse. However,
God does not deem this an appropriate situation
for divorce.

Many times people choose to marry someone
without thinking beyond their present emotions
and feelings. When these fade and they are left
with the day-to-day experience of marriage, they
start eyeing the option of divorce. However, this
was not God’s planned outcome for marriage.
Although the specific marriage might not have
been God’s ideal plan, since the union was cho-
sen, it cannot be broken in God’s eyes. Even if a
couple realizes that they aren’t very compatible,
if they look to God they can grow together and
make their marriage work.
“Though difficulties, perplexities, and dis-
couragements may arise, let neither husband
nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a
mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all
that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the
early attentions. In every way encourage each oth-
er in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance
the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual
love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead
of being the end of love, will be as it were the very
beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship,
the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of
the joys of heaven.”11
God implemented marriage as a sacred union
that was designed to help us mature into people

28 Marriage?
with a characters like Christ’s—humble, loving,
and self-sacrificing. Divorce is too often seen as
an easy way out. God knew that marriage would
be hard for us, but working past the tough times
together as a team and learning through them is
one of the key gems of marriage.
“A woman may be legally divorced from her
husband by the laws of the land and yet not di-
vorced in the sight of God and according to the
higher law. There is only one sin, which is adul-
tery, which can place the husband or wife in a po-
sition where they can be free from the marriage
vow in the sight of God. Although the laws of the
land may grant a divorce, yet they are husband
and wife still in the bible light, according to the
laws of God.”12
It’s Never Too Late!

A number of years ago I was speaking in
Florida. My message was on this very subject. I
pleaded with the congregation that marriage no
matter how tough it might seem to be, it was God’s
way of restoring His image in us. It was because
of our problems with each other, that in reality, it
was actually for our benefit. I begged the people to
quit blaming their spouses and realize that Satan
was not only trying to destroy their marriages but

their eternal salvation also. I asked them to make
amends with their spouses. I encouraged and chal-
lenged everyone to take the first step. Don’t wait
for the other one to start the forgiveness process
first. If you do this, it will probably never happen.
My ending statement was to forgive now before it
could forever be too late.
When my message had ended and I was eating
lunch, I had a woman who was in her sixties come
to me and tell me that she had truly been blessed
by the message. I said, “Praise the Lord!”
She looked at me and repeated the statement
only with more passion this time. I looked at her
and said, “I am so glad you have been blessed.”
With tears forming in her eyes she said,
“Brother Dwight, you don’t understand, this mes-
sage was for me!”
Then I knew that she had something to share
with me. I asked, “Why was this for you?”
She then began to tell me how her husband
and she had been married for more than 40 years
and the last 25 of those years they had not even
held hands! She went on to say that their son had
gotten bitter with the church and Christianity, had
left, and never came back.
“We have blamed each other for this since it
happened, and that was 25 years ago. We hardly

30 Marriage?
talk to each other. We just coexist in the same
house. We believe in the Bible principle of not get-
ting a divorce, but I believe this has been a hun-
dred times worse. Your message today broke my
heart. I am going to go home and take the first
step and ask for forgiveness,” she said.
I could hardly believe what I had just heard.
Friends, if we will ask God in humility and hon-
esty to help us even after 25 years. God can mend
our broken souls.
In this world of selfishness God is working on
restoring any and all who will follow Him. He is
coming soon, and He has given us so many tools
to work with. It is not the doctrine of marriage
that people need now as much as a demonstration.
Deb and I are a long way off from perfection, but
the example of our love for each other has been a
great help to many married couples.
Learning to Walk With God is a book that I
wrote. It shares our testimony and goes more in
depth into these vital and much-needed practi-
cal principles. In this book Deb shares from her
perspective—a woman’s point of view—and I
share from mine. I want to personally encour-
age each of you to look at your spouse as God
sees you. Ask God to help you lose sight of
self and see your spouse as a builder for your

character. As you begin to do this and look to

Christ for answers and not yourself, I know
you will be blessed! Don’t put it off!
Endnotes
1 Diana B. Elliott, Tavia Simmons, “Marital Events of
Americans: 2009,” United States Census Burea, U.S.
Deparmtnet of Commerce, http://www.census.gov/
prod/2011pubs/acs-13.pdf (accessed August 7, 2012).
2 “New Marriage and Divorce Statistics Released,” The
Barna Group, http://www.barna.org/barna-update/
article/15-familykids/42-new-marriage-and-divorce-
statistics-released (accessed August 28, 2012).
3 “Divorce Statistics and Divorce Rate in the USA,” http://
www.divorcestatistics.info/divorce-statistics-and-divorce-
rate-in-the-usa.html (accessed August 28, 2012).
4 Paul Amato and Denise Previti, “People’s Reasons for
Divorcing: Gender, social class, the life course, and ad-
justment,” Journal of Family Issues 24, no. 5 (July 2003):
602-626, doi: 10.1177/0192513X03254507.
5 E. G White, The Adventist Home, 1st ed., 99.
6 Ibid., 25.
7 E. G. White, Testimonies on Sexual Behavior, Adultery,
and Divorce, 80.
8 E. G. White, The Desire of Ages, 519.
9 The Adventist Home, 1st ed., 99.
10 Ibid., 25.
11 E. G. White, The Ministry of Healing, 360.
12 Testimonies on Sexual Behavior, Adultery, and Divorce, 78.

A Young Man’s Journey
into the Path of Light
D o you want to walk with God? To have Him as your
personal friend, like the Bible heroes of old? This book
shows the way in a practical, life-changing manner. This
story isn’t about a church, denomination, or Bible-thumping
theory. It’s a journey. It is about learning to walk with God—
something you can do right where you are.
REMNANT
PUBLICATIONS
by Dwight Hall
To Order Call: (800) 423-1319
www.RemnantPublications.com
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Coldwater MI 49036

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Why Arguments and How to Avoid Them

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When Is It Time to Say Goodbye?

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It’s Never Too Late!

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character. As you begin to do this and look to

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