Unit 1.

2
Knowing yourself
Consider this question: Do you know yourself?
Most people will say, “Of course, I know myself. I know where I was born, what I look like,
how I sound, how I think, what my goals and beliefs are. I know what I’m like.”
Next question: Are you the same person today that you were five years ago, and will you still
be the same person five years from now?
This question makes most people re-evaluate their claim that they know themselves.
We may have an idea of what we look like, but others may not see us the same way.
We may know how we sound; others don’t hear our voice as we hear it.

In all fairness, we can’t claim any credit for where we were born. We had no say in the
matter. However, the culture in which we were born has shaped our thinking, beliefs, and
goals. We are a product of our culture.
We speak a language, follow a certain religion, follow specific traditions, think and behave
the way we do because our culture has taught these things.
We need a fuller understanding of “self”. Our self is the driving force behind our
communication.
Self consists of three aspects.
Self-Awareness
Self-Concept
Self-Esteem
ACE = the three sides of self.

When we make social comparisons we compare ourselves to people that our culture has
placed on a high pedestal. Thus, we’re destined to fall short and feel insecure. Social
comparisons are like comparing apples and oranges.
You don’t have to compare yourself with anyone else. You are your only competition.
You are more knowledgeable and are much smarter than you were five years ago. You will
be capable of earning more money five years from now than you do today. Pay attention to
your success and your achievements. That’s all that matters.
Look up Self-concept and Charles H. Cooley, and his notion of the looking-glass self.
Look up self-fulfilling prophecies. Avoid these at all costs.

Your actual self is what you really are. Assess yourself honestly.
Your ideal self is what you’d like to become.
Your ought self is what others may want you to become.
People are the happiest when they are the gap between the actual self and the ideal self is
narrowed. Until we reach our ideal self, we are going to experience self-discrepancy.
Learning to improve your self-esteem.
Assess and evaluate your self-concept.
Analyze your actual self. Don’t lie to yourself. You don’t need a mirror to look at your actual
self.
Be critical of your ought self. Is it really your goal or is it being imposed on you? You are the
one who is going to live your life. You should decide on your goals, your future, your
profession, and the choices for your life.
Evaluate and redefine your standards. Set realistic goals.
Develop an action plan. Set short-term and long-term goals.
Diversify. Think of life as a flower arrangement. It does not have to be only roses. Add
different colors and different flowers. Engage in various activities and hobbies. Experiment.
Take risks.
Influences on Self
Gender
Family and significant others
Language
Culture
As humans, we co-exist with others. We need to get to know them and let them get to know
us.
Disclosure is how we share our self with others.
Social penetration theory (Altman & Taylor
Onion and the layers of self.
Johari's Window and the four quadrants.
Public or Open area
Hidden area
Blind area
Unknown area

Also review: Online self and Improving your self