Chatroom A Play by Enda Walsh Samuel French, Ltd.All rights Incorporated International copyright secured CHATROOM There is amovie screen us. There are six identical orange plastic seats ina row at the very from of the suge. There sanyo mwine gap benween each seat The Lights come up ‘The song “Oompa Loompa sung by the Oompa Loompas fiom the Alin “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” is heard Duwing the song Willian, Jack, Eva, Emily ane Laura, all abou fifieen the other, ending They walk casual , stop, turn cn face the nadience. They stand there fr while an iook at the audience. They then look at each other. They seem to be sizing ‘each other up. in wisn they wall owas leaving the far x one empty. This should all They sit as the Oompa Loompas' song comes to an end ‘Oompa Loompas (recorded) Compa Loompa doompadee doo, Dee got another puzzle for you, Oompa Loomps door If you are wise you wi Who do you bl Pampered and spoi Blaming the kids You know exactly wh ‘The mother and the fcafs? Why the green hair? Why -2Can you sce where I'm going 's my original point about these childrea's writers! As boy who shares a giant bed with his grandparents — four ith those orange mic He's draggedthroughthetabloids with pacdopl ‘They make shit outotThis J. Rowling woman! She isthe enemy. She shout be taken cut, Erased. Removed Exterminated A sigh pause William Wel, ar you interested? Asligh pause Emily Yeah. Eva You're six years of age and that's a critical age. Emily Ofcourse. Chatroom 5 ‘Eva_ And the video with her at school in her school uniform and piguals Emily She looked lovely. Eva You wanted to beber, didn't ya? [Emily She didn’t have her tits dane then’? e. Cenainly 2 B-Cup, deo — wasn't ita bit videos were all about that joumey from girl to woman Emily Yeah. Eva_ And it sor of felt good, dn’ it? Like Britney Spears was a part period and listening to 'm Not a ig“Thanks Britney. My sentiments nery over that betrayal some pervert record git in the western wort a tongue-flicking,crop-topped-belly-button-pierceltempiress6 Chatroom, Emily Heve you got your belly-buton pierced? Eva Yeah, of course. Eva But don’t you think the fans realized that they were being ‘manipulated’ — that they made a stand against that pervert record producer. Emily Britney got bum Eva Britney was thick. Emily She made her money, ‘gently pull her to one si Tm going w hug her, move my face towards llcome when some teenage “Yousoldmy childhood Chatroom, 7 Emily. better go. Its boon very nice talking to you, whoever you Eya Can wetalk some more? hadan argument with my bitch-mother ‘and I'm feeling terble Emily OK. (Pause) So what do you want to talk about? Pause. Eva thinks and decides Eva Marder Music Jim walks on stage and stops. He faces the audience and sighs. He walks 10 his seat next to Laura and sits ‘The music euts ou and the Lights cross-fde o Jim and Laura Jim Maybe I shouldn't even be in this place. I don't know whether it's that serious yet. Laura (directiy) There isn’t ascale of depression here. I'm here atthe ‘ther end and I'm here to ten to you. If you want to talk Tim, then talk. IF you don’t then don’ttalk. Apause im Right Laura Doa'tbe nervous Jim Valk then, Laura OK.8 Chatroom A pause Jim Pim Roman Catholic — and it’ last Easter — and ahhh — and cevery year our pais docs abig Passion p ‘mother's very active in the church, She's the Virgin Mar. Laura Which would make you Jesus Chris mn Jim And my whole family get involved. I’ve got three older brothers ‘andthey’re Roman soldiers They re very broad — not ek ei Op fe ne eh ao0 (Chatroom Apause Laura The rule in the room is we don't give advice, We just listen, Jim OK. Apause ‘So what about you? Do you have anything you wan to share? Laura iven, Jim No problems? Laura OF course ...butI prefer to listen to other peoples” Jim What do you get out of that? Laura I'm not too sur, Aslight pause Jim Knowing that there areotherteenagersstrugeling probably makes ‘you feel better about your own problems, Laura No, Appanse Jim These are very strange places, aren’ they? Like I std 1 don't ‘know whether I should be really here. Whether it's that serious yet Jim “The rule in the room is we don't give advice.” Fine. (He sighs Pause) Have you been to many suicide chatrooms? Laura Yes. Jim And 6o they help you? ‘Laura Who said I necked to be helped!? pause Jim Can I know your real name? Laura Youcan call me Laura. ‘Jim Butis that your real name? Chatroom u Laura Maybe. Jim What city are you from? Laura It doesn't matter. None of that really matters. You just neod to ‘know that there’s someone listening to you. That's enough, isnt it? Jim Tsuppose. Apause Apause Laura Tell me about the day your father went missing ‘The Lights change Music plays for some time. We watch the six do nothing. The music cats abruptly The Lights change; Wilean, Jack, Eva and Emily are lit William We need to set res. Emily Why? [Eva We don’t use our real names, We don’t say what schools we're ‘we're from the same area and that’s enough, Just Is. It gives us more freedom. Emily Emily. Eva How do we know you're not wo middle-aged men trying to get ff chatting up two teenage gts? William Fow do weknow you're nottwo frustrated housewivestrying to take advantage of two innocent alr boys?2 Chatroom Emily Are you liar boys? Jack Are you desperate housewives? Emily Eva shes Ne Wiliam ) “osetier) No. Jack Twas an alter boy. William Ob, fuck. ‘Jack No, Lquite liked it. Ely Ths ery ou Eva How long did you think his? ack Several months Emily And the whol altar boy thing? Jack Four year. Eva Fouryears? Emily Are you religious now? William 1 rather noe talk abonx religion. You ether do oc you don’t ive. End of discussion Bua (io herselp Dick ‘Chatroom 1B now each others views on boring issues lke re Emily Oh right So what's mine? Wiliam (quick) You're disillusioned withthe oficial Church and yet you remain spiritual and have defined your own persoral religion based upon the simple idea — that pope sould be nice tocach oes. A slight pense Emily Bastar. Eva laughs William its acliché. We're all elichés William A pain in the ase. Eva Apatt from that, William I'ma cynic. Pm an angry cynic. Eva Very atractve. William I'm net interested in being anractive. Why should Tbe? Eva Because attractive people go further... William Yeah I think I glanced at that article in one of my sister's magazines [Eva People see acynicasablackhole. They're nothing, While aperson \whomight beattractiveorcharming... Well,they’reat te very centre of things — changing things — manipulating events. What are you Duta bad smell? William ‘That's very kind of you. Eva. You know what I mean William Well that'stherame of this room, isn'tit?"Chiswick’s Bloody Opinionsted"|“ ‘Charoor th: punks wat have teenagers achieved in the ‘Nothing. id punks achieve something’? ‘They made their mark! They were angry and they showed it Emily. My mother was a punk, We've got this photograph From 1979 ‘and she's gota coldsore on her cheek the size of a tennis tal. Quite know what 'm talking about? Eva Yeah. Ido, Is ‘an anci-war march and for an 0 [felt really powered. But it was just IL Inthe grea big, it was just one hour of saying tha [believed in Emily William (19 hinsei Oh, please Eva I suppose the rest of tho time we're sleepwalking and waiting for something to happen instead of making something happen. It would be so grea to accomplish something important. To have a cause. Jack William wants to assexsinate LK. Rowling nity and Eva kaegh he adults suppor these writersto write these pointless fantasy so that children have this eulesy warped idea of Eva Would you ever kil anything, Wil William No, Any idiot can kill something, Where's the glory in that? Jack Aren't you meant to say that each life is saced?16 (Charoom Enily Exactly Eva That's cp. ‘William Therearesomepeopleandlifeisjustwastedontbem.Tenerists, dictators, racists, Jack PE teachers. Emily laughs William They don’t do anything. They suck all the goodness out of Eva We're looking fora cause? William Chatroom ” Jack We'reall abitfrustrated. Eva Ifyou have any causes handy feel free. Apause Jim Can we talk about our problems here? Eva Oh God. A pause, Willian laughs a litle William Have you got problems, Jim? Jim Yeah, Lo. Emily Are they big problems? Jim Well think so. Big to me anyway. ‘William And you want us to isten wo these big problems and give Look I'l g0 to another room if you want. Jim Yes? ‘Music plays. They do very litle, Maybe they get up. The music cuts out18 (Chatroom The Lights reno to them Jim So I've been bullicd all the way through primary and now in {uany-looking soit goes Jim How do you mean? ‘William You're aenuinely depressed. Jim One hance percent gente! t'm no ae ofthese peopte who Hess oa i ar Cooma ce ae like that. I actually can’t it music to feed my depression. ean ‘wrong word —bur you knew what Jack No, Hkaow irs erap .. just want to know what it feels like to Sim, A pense Williams ace thes ona look of exasperation William Well, Jim? Mil omen of bead sexs ke a A slight pause Jack I'm only repeating ‘Fim The food comparison probably doesn’t work. William Sehizophrenies often say they fee like a mixed salad. Eva, Jack and Willian laugh, Jon smiles Bmily You sound sweet. Do you have a gifiend? William Oh, wait a second! We're hereto give Jim some advice Brmily. 1 jusi wanted to know if you had anyone close to you. You ‘don’t have anyone in your family to talk 0 — so I thougit maybe anv undersanding girliend would help yout. William Jesus,Emily if you deen istening to im forthe fsthouryou ‘wouldnt as that. Jim doesnt have our normal eenagey problems I's nota problem that canbe solved by aquick fel outside the chip With just getting up in the morning and acing into another one of his shity days! im Tm pot that bad. Bya Maybe think before you speak, Emily! Emily You have no idea wh Eva Well byacommentlike of'a good gil. Emily I didn't mean.. ld becured by the heart20 ‘Chatroom, William Sorry sbout tis Jim.. William Wharsthe worst that’s happened to you? Jack Oh come on guys.. be ‘William Scutfed you ‘you up from Pizza Eva Or maybe: fat preppy arse was buckling is back: Jack Hoy! William Shut up, Jack! had anorexia, you know! wat Sim What cause?” Emily What, Sim is your cause now? Chatroom 2 William We're heres huncied per Jim's feeling cut up over someth advise him, understood? Eva That's right William We don treed any chaft Jim doesn’t need some ex-anorexic- pony-tider whining litle TV Digest sound bites! Eva Putsimply — William Piss off! A pease, Willian and Eva laugh, Emily looks very upset Eva {s she gone? ‘William Hardly mates Jack I thought we were supposed to befriends. she didn’t mean what you think. oneed to defend he, Jim. She's not needed. terrible, You shouldn't have said these things. [Eva Forget about her. She's debris, We'te here for Jim. Wat about Can we step into Kyle's Chatroom? 1 want 1 private, Apanse2 (Chatroom Jack OK, The Lighs go do ion “That was all abit rd, Eva Well, you don’t have to worry about that now. peta should I wait forthe two boys king at each other forthe frsttime, you know, He asks me 1 say T want to go and soe the Chatroom the 200 and I go straight to the penguin ga — looking at he penguins — back with my chex ice. And he goes. happy looking at the penguins but sokok forkin freuatirgabo says, “So long cowboy. (He snailes a lide) He was nice. (Pause) | ‘get the key from under the mat and open the door ane go inside the hhouse. And I’m alone there. [take off my cowboy clothes and hang Eva looks bored lupa bit. See how Far he'll go. Jack says nothing ‘Are you there, Jack? Are you with the cause, Jack? “Many” voice) Oh, ck?m4 Chatvoom Apause Jack What next? Watian smiles ‘The Lights change. Music plays ‘They rearrange themselves sothat Eva. and Willamaresitting nether side of Jim, with Jack siting just away frome them. produce small noicboots. Jim (in duonbshow) tls take notes ‘Afier one cn half mbuates the music cuts Daring the following Evuand Winn read out thei noes Eya_A lower-micklle-clas family wit above her status. Hence the extr-cu ‘mother having notions activities The rugby, the horve riding, the rowing classes William Ex cetera, et cetera, et cetera. ya At the age of four and you realize thatthe children on your street laugh at your brotbers for their aggressive social climbing — William — andthe people intherowingclub laugh stthem for wearing the pikiest clothes. Eva Your first feelings of anxiety when you understand that you are living in a family hated by everyone and that you are one of them. Jim Right. William You decide to stay indoors. But being the youngest brother tobrothers buik on the rughy field! they adopt you as their plaything ‘nd later their punch bag. Eva_ At the age of five you go back outside to play with the other children — William — only to see that bonds of friendship have already been formed) — Eva — and there is litle room fora small tubby toddler who has an Unbealhy obsession for pen William You are all alone but you do find a frend in... Ahhh? Chatroom 25 Jim Timmy. Eva (sighing) Litle Timmy Timmons Jim Yeah. William A tiny six-year-old with severe bronchial problems who has ‘o drag anoxygen canister behind him. When he other children play roxd-foeaball — Eva — youare watching Timmy 'smotherslap phiegmoutoF Timmy's chronic lungs and into 2 Tesco bag, Willian Watching tis at the age of six you have your firs thoughts work in a petrol station, ending all her dreams of the posh life and throwing hero a depression eased only by — William — Gin and tonic — the tonic being — Eva — Valium. William. Your bestfriend Timmy dies, not fiom the tragic weakening of his hu ing Ford Mondeo which Natens histaing oxygen Timmy walking zombie-like through the mean ves) Bight and all) ‘make contact with your ded by placing leaflets on Jim Is thet importa?26 Chatroom Eva Oh, definitely! ‘William’ You briefly tum to religion and take pact in a Passion play ‘where you realise that you hate Jesus Christ only slightly ess than {You hate your meth, the Virgin Mary. Eva Atthiiteen you read your first pom which only creates more of distance between you and those girls you will never get to touch, William You tate youre! ‘other people entirely. im (aimost hyper-venti Eva The nexttwoyearsarca ide to stop communicating with directions. tail of home-made beer, the odd ier of aggressive self-analysis ‘A pause. From nove on Eva anit William are nox reading from their Fifteen years I's so depressing it would make very funny musical ever been given a chance. For some ‘one who always gets bum cr what people have done to those thingsisn'tsomethingyou pointless question, Stupid even, ‘William What you are feeling right now, this moment, that’s all that ‘matters. Concentrate on thal Jack But ry and think more postive ‘William Jack! a shit You're just highlighting all the shit thar's listen to me. Things have been herd, Lean see William You don't cate about Jim, im Yes, care! ‘William Why don't you tll him what you said to us caver? Jack What are you taking about? Eva. From the ouset Jack's been seying tht you sounded ikea spoilt, lite twat who needed a kick inthe arse. Fim You said that, Jack? ‘Jack No! William He can’t be tusted, Jim. Ho's one of these hard-working lower-lass types. Does . everybody's friend, He's aback Jack Fuck off ‘Eva Nothing worse than someone ashamed of their background, is lBvn What oes in ea he super ek von? William Some whingeing twerp. Eva Some midle-class quack ‘William A gutless jbbering child.2% Chatroom Eva Oncof life's morons. ‘William A spoilt imbecile. Eva Amollycoddke spastic ‘you worthiess piece of shit! Why don’t you take your backside and just fuck offback downstairstoanevening Jack (snapping) Fuck it The Lights go down on Jack William So somy you had to hearall hai. Jim Andlhe seemed like such good person. William Fknow — and you think you know someone Eva Continue then, William. that will get all those people in your past back. Jim How do you mean? Apause How do you think you would hurt your mother forall those years of neglect? Al hose years she treated you like nothing. Chatroom 2» Apause Jim I'vebeen thinking about if she came into my room inthe moming, andif Thad done somethin se) Like maybe I'vecut my wrists ortaken pls or something... I can imagine her fce, Eva Bitch. William She'd be crushed. The guilt would kill her im Yeah, | suppose it would Apause if 'm ready to do that Wiliam cond Eve look iritared. A pause, Wiliam settles hinself But we've been giving up our time and listening to you forthe past _ few nights, haven't we ‘Wiliam Twant youroask yourself twoqvestons before you gotosleep eh. Doyou havea pee peer wie eigenton daa Chaireom seadsihemiback.Suedenty to hist. Jimfinsheswritingthequestions hen: ‘something's got his artention. He loo im 1¢st¥00 elockinthemoming endmy mothersousdehoovering the stairs and landing. Tonight my three iio brothers ealed mea brown sauce on my quiche (A stig pase) beter go. Thanks guys. William Sweet dreams. Jinn stands up cel moves cava from his seat Eva He's ours ‘Musicplays;the Prodigy's "SmackMyBitchUp” serean cand Eva burst out kaughing The music ends abt ong. Wiliam ‘The Lights eros fade o Jack, Emily and Laura Laura The rule in the room is we don't give advice. Jack He spoke about you. He spoke about this pace. Laura Ican’thelp if you're not here for anything else Emily Buthe ‘i Laura Ihe last thing he nex is someene eve giving is. It doesn't help, me, that someone is listening 0 them because they ei ‘have anyone or they actually don'thave anyone. That Jack But right now the only people he has are two strangers who want tosee him do ne to himself Lan t 20 into thor rooms any more. There's too much shit pple get hun. Lau stands covey frora her seat. She's agiated. A pranse ————— ‘Chatroom 31 Jack Christ. Are you stil there? Laura? Laura, please? Laura If you want to pass on my e-mil cantrustine! famatrustworthy persan. Wii weall need io dohereis, take our heads out of cur arses and try and do fucking somthing! Leura remains silent Emily Are you there?! ‘The Prodigy’s "Smack My Bitch Up” restenes fem where it was cut place their seats to face those of Emily and Jack. lmonlyright tobe abitmorecritcal now that too shy, too aggressive, can't stop eating, ate too cranks Eva — blah blah blah blah blah blah — William Before you know it the teddler’s ten years old and let's say Eva Ohy William ‘The ten-year-oldis this big mouth o feed. This ever-growing child who disappoints, causes Worry and sucks your money. Yout parents’ hopes are already on the next blob because atten years of fagea person is made, a characters developed, Eva The damage is done. as with me. ine whet the teenager means to its parents fa ten William A teenager isa sub-person? Eva Not hat Britney used the lyric"sub-peson” William ‘This hormonal mess. boy-men, a girl-woman. We're Hike thought things through — we'd be babies ‘Mond ily grown adults on the Tuesday, because 1g else in between is this long list of fumblings, mistakes and baa! skin. Eva On the bad skin! William ‘The teenage years Eva And the voice we have, William. William What [Eva_Any voice that hasn't been shaped by some shit children's writer Chatroom 33 ‘orsome draining pop star. just seen sa jk isn’t ine all those forgoxten teenagers you'd be speaking for ‘yourself publicly. You'd be a hero. legend, Eva Very brave. Very romantic. Sexy even,a4 Chatroom Fim Yeab, I suppose. Bya Itsort of sccms right that he remains alone. That people see him dle tke th Apause ‘Jim Well I'm usually lone anyway so... And forthe past few weeks | don't like being out in public places so much, Seems easier fT do here, Can you get a webcam to broadcast it? Jim My brother Jonathan has one. William Perfect. Aslight pause Jim Of course he'd kill me it he found me using it ‘William Well, we wouldn't want that happen, would we? Eva Itsortof steals your thunder. ‘Jim Yeah, Willian Laura Jim, A pause Eva And who are you” Emily She's come in with Laura I’ve spoken with Jim before. We know each other. William You're a fiend of his? Chatroom 35 Laura Why exactly are you harassing him lke that? William We're here for Fim. Do you know what sate he's in? Laura Tenow he’s not fling well Eva What? Laura He hasn't been feeling good about himse! feels detached. lonely. He Ie: Thatsuicideis somerorancicgesture. Like one iteen-yearo’s death willbe held upby otherfifteen-year- ‘olds and celebrated for something. Will make a big statement forall those “trapped” average teenagers! blob who's moulded ir pty child and sent on a set pattern through life. If you! itwill happen. William It will happen! Choices are made and choices will be made ‘ead itinabook orsomething, “cause im'sfarelesstoyou —36 Chatroom Willian Eva, come ont Eva (oberself) Ai fuck this, Braexits in other people's bitch? You talk about life of possibilities, choice, love, happiness. but I bet you'd like nothing 1 world of sad, morose fificen-year-okis draining an about their pathetic lives. Well, why not support those who want to kill aren't they? The publi face oF our gloom, printed inte papers an sheownon he lly They need oursipprttodthe brave thing — do thedecort thing To getrid ofthe chaff and make auc evolutionary teenager Sod the doen thing, you worthlesscow'! Next timedon t ‘ery out to Mummy and Daddy! Just do it! im (ques) Stop A pate {Fm fifcen and my lite is mine to do with it as I please Apawe ‘Chatroom 37 Jim Five of us ave from the same area. Tomorrow at one o'clock 1 ‘want you tobe atthe MeDonai’s on the High Sueet. I want you to because I can’t be in my bedroom any more. Maybe I'll do ly bu [ want you to see me do it. ‘Laura Jim, I'm sil here to talk to. A pause ‘Jim You know I don't think Tan listen to any more talking, Apanse Lets finish this, Lawa places 6 te fl \was happening in Earl's \ith his young son which got me thinking about me and dad and the ‘o0and the cowboy outfit — and al that. Seemed appropriate that { ‘would see them. Typical. In the bus I started to think about al those8 Chatroom thousands of teenagers who kill themselves every year: Someboxly ‘would be ki ‘thers would have it all planned out. And a because — they realy are very ill, And some The fo may ented Ard sand inking about al the f fiends who are let bet the bus and walked through the streets and imagin of the dead teenagers looking at me, And what were they thinking? like they all follow me down. the High Stret and into McDonalds. And they watch me buy some chicken nugeets and a Coke and finda table. And the angels sec me taking out my camera, 1 give the camera to this ten-year-old boy to hold. el im 10 point itat me and the table. but 've been very sad about things. And probably like thousands of teenagers who get depressed. I's al Chatroom 39 ‘enough for me to know that someone is therefor me and someare is listening. But Thad todo. nen my father left and it’s ‘and I can't understand why mess you up fora long time. and wearing a cowboy outit and looking at made to grow up so fast, But was, And ‘andtriedtofind answers, buthonestly ine) [just want my childhood back. Flster arnd quickly tantly) Thanks for sending the Apause Nillmetal sbou someting? ng) What will we talk about? A pease. Jim thinks really hard40, Chatroom Jim Bunny rabbits, They both smile ‘Music: Wheatus are heard singing “A Litle Respect" From above, bubbles float down on ther, Laura catches one in her hand ‘The chorus pumps in Black-out “A Line Respect” continses through the curtain call FURNITURE AND PROPERTY LIST Onsigge: Six identical orange plastic sets Personal: Wiliam: notebook and pen