Contents continued Beer, Beer, Glorious Beer 48 There’s a Leak in It 49 He Went Thataway 50 He's Potty 51 Sitting Pretty 52 ‘Always at the Ready 53 Captain Hook Outdone | 54 Drink, Anyone? 55 Instant Midget 56 Pop Record 57 ; ‘Anyone for Square Dancing? 58 Wobbly Gin 59 Heavy Smoker 60 Bottomless Glass 61 How Do You Do? 62 Knife Through Arm 63 ‘The Good Evening Bowler Hat 64 The Half Crown Hat 65 ” ‘The Giant Dummy 66 nf Smoke that Cigarette 67 Hairy Legs 68. - ‘The Cut Flower Gag 69 Cuff Off 70 The Tin Lid Bra_71 A Trick Glass 72 Drunken Ingenuity 73 ‘The Fright Wig 74 The Comedy Library 75 Pepys Diary 75 Plumbing for Beginners 76 Ghost Stories 76 How to Mend a Fuse 78 Moby Dick 79 Cowboys or Indians? 80 The Long Book 81 Ankle Socks 82 Odd Socks 83 Playing Cards 84 The Mousetrap 85 The Policeman's Helmet 86 The Beetle Killer 87 Contents continued ‘The Jigsaw Puzzle 88 Patent Alarm Clock 89 Obliging Trousers 90 The Musical Toothbrush 97 Knife for Eating Peas 92 ‘A New Type Birdcage 93 The Cup and Saucer 94 ‘The Spaghetti Fork 95 The Soap Saver 96 ‘The Coat Hanger 97 Jumping Stool 98 The Snake Basket 99 Iced Lolly 100 Flat Beer 101 ‘The Impossible Bottle 102 ‘The Moving Hat 103 A Trick Dagger 104 ‘The Shoplifter’s Delight 105 Digital Dexterity 106 ISee I See 1See 107 Sword into Body 108 Jumbo Thermometer 109 ‘The Talking Picture 110 The Long Glove 11 Breakaway Wand 112 The Collapsible Seat 113 ‘Another Snake Basket 114 Headless Man. 15 ‘Another Headless Man 116 Giraffe Neck 117 Growing Arms 1/8 ‘That Magic Ball 119 ‘The Mirror Waistcoat 120 Sherlock Holmes 121 Portable Rain 122 ‘The Bang Gun 123 Roll-Up Dickie Front 124 Hop to lt 125 Banana Banana 126 ‘The Upside-Down Walking Stick 127Contents continued ‘The Stand-Up Coat 128 Wobbly Music Stand 129 ‘The Collapsible Music Stand 130 A Balancing Feet 131 ‘The Instant Nose Wiper 132 Hula Hula 133 ‘The Tidy Box 134 A Spectacle of Yourself 135 The Wimbledon Glasses 135 Mother-in-Law Glasses 136 Light-Up Glasses 137 F-Spy Glasses 138 Pop-Out Eyes 139 Eye Eye 140 And So to Bed 141 On Spec 142 Big Smoker 143 Hello, Sailor 144 Long Tongue 145 Fresh Air 146 ‘The Indian Love Call 147 Full Marx 148 Battery Props 149 All Alight 150 Ting-aLing 151 ‘The Blushing Heart 152 ‘The Light-Up Bow Tie 153 ‘The Fez is Familiar 154 ‘The Swinging Bra 155 The Telephone Walking Stick 156 A Hair Raising Experience 157 Hankie to Match 158 Spring Sausages 159 eee ae: LECERETOCLAT a pee Rot ABS oF Introduction ‘What is a Comedy Prop? A simple question perhaps, but the answer may not be as simple as it seems. A quick answer could be, any prop which gets a laugh, but thisis not necessarily the case. Take a imple straightforward everyday object like a beer bottle, Not a particularly funny object, you might think, and you would be right. But, in the hands of a comedy specialist, this simple inanimate object could be made to appear to have a life and mind of its own, with all of its interests directed against the performer, If, for instance, the performer were to get his forefinger stuck in the neck of the bottle, the ensuing struggle to remove his finger from the neck of the bottle could, become hilarious. If, in a last wild attempt to achieve freedom, he succeeded and at the same moment the bottle dropped on his toe, resulting in him hopping around the stage on one foot, we have a situation comparable to many a scene in the old silent movies. But a beer bottle is not a comedy prop. In one of his many films Charlie Chaplin, as a pawn shop proy tor, was offered an alarm clock to be deposited in his.emporiim. Naturally, he had to examine it first. Now that doesn’t sound like much of a plot for a comedy scene, but it will remain forever in the themory of every comedy bull who ever saw it. With the aid of wtn opener he takes the clock to pieces, examines its insides, and after failing to put it back together again, reluctantly declines to acceptit for deposit. Chaplin's antics throughout the whole scene are unfor- gettable, But an alarm clock is not a comedy prop. In this instance, as with the beer bottle, it is a prop used for comedy purposes, a description which could be used for any object. tis a well known fact that anything which is too small or too large for the purpose for which its intended will create a laugh or, at the Teast, raise a smile. A hat which is too large o.too smail for the person wearing it looks ridiculous, therefore funny jn the eyes of the beholder. But if the same hat was worn by someone else and it fitted perfectly, it would no longer look ridiculous and would not ‘warrant a second glance. Which brings us back to a prop which is not, funny in itself being used for a comedy purpose. So-0-0-0-0, what 1S a comedy prop? There may be no simple 7answer to the question but in an attempt to find one, the followin, has been concocted: “A comedy prop is an object which has been invented, devised, ith no other purpose than to make Someone laugh. It has probably no other practical use, an! il une can be found it is entirely coincidental!" In short, itis a prop whose sole purpose on this earth is to erento a laugh, preferably with an audience. The comedy prop is not new Phenomenon, it has been around for a long, long time, ‘The fit ‘Somedy prop is, to recoin a phrase, “lost in the mist 2 ‘The jester’s slapstick, or the earliest version with an animal blqdiler attached to the end of it to magnify the sound asi strikes the recip ient of the blow, must be considered as one of the earliest comedy Props. Missing from this book, quite deliberately, are large scale prop such as collapsible stairways, breakaway motor cars, props which require trapdoors in the stage, or any other props which would be beyond the scope of the average performer to cither use or build, Many of the gags described have been perforined at some tainers, The ball isnow in your court—make’em laugh, .- eee 2 PURUREREE LLL LETTTTET TERE ECEEEttE The Butterfly Fluttered By This prop butterfly is capable of many uses. Essentially itis a piece of tissue paper, twisted to resemble a butterfly, attached toa longish length of wire. The wires important, It must be thin, flexible and black. Florist’s wire is ideal. You will have to experiment with the Jength of wire required but around eighteen inches (46 centimetres) is about right. Attach the butterfly to one’ end by twisting the ivire around the centre of the two wings. Place a small piece of tubing on the other end of the wire. About half an inch (1-2 centimetres) long will be plenty. Hold the tubing between the thumb and forefinger so that the wire is standing up straight in the air with the butterfly upper- ‘most. You may have to balance it a litle if the wire is flexible. Now roll the tubing quickly between the finger and thumb. This wll cause the wire to revolve first one way then the other, and the butterfly will dart about in a most realistic fashion.Magician? For anyone Who does a comedy snasic act or includes this type of his regular act, this Fei must. Reaching inte he pulls the the performer takesout’ Nery slowly and with a look aces @abbit. Nota nore, abit, buta flat ome centie emarking, “I told my wit? {0 take him out before she sent this suit umbretta iy 1 tosses it aside, ee OM 8 piece of imitation White fur stuck to a fF reann® S4%€ shape, Two gan eyes are added lism, rds in. motThe Drinks are on Me ‘A bottle and two glasses are on a tray. One glass is considerably smaller than the other. Offering someone a drink, the performer asks them if they would like a small one or a tall one. When they reply that they would like a tall one, the performer fills the taller of the two glasses and offers it to them. “like a small drink myself” he says, filling the smaller glass Replacing the bottle on the tray he lifts up the small glass to drink from it and itis seen to be much taller than the so called taller glass, The tray, unknown to the audience, has a hole cut in it and the really tall glass is placed in this hole so that it will sink downwattly leaving less than half its length exposed on top of the tray. ‘This piss is already primed with liquid up to the level of the tray only, so that it will appear empty.,A cloth is fixed around the ede of the tay ing the lower half of the glass from view. 12 eee set AUVUULULT LETTE Assistant off-etage pulls thread to make hat jump off. i Jumping Hat Placing his hat on a chair, the performer turns to fuce the audience. As he does so, his hat jumps off the chair and lands dn the floor, Picking the hat up he replaces it on the chair and again it jumps off the chair when he isn't ooking, Thisis repeated at intervals through- out the act if necessary. ‘The hat is operated by means ofa thin, black thread which is fixed to one side of the seat of the chair. It travels across the seat of the chair and off into the wings. An assistant offstage holds the end of the thread, When the hatis placed on the seat of the chair its placed on top of the thread. The assistant gives a sharp pull in an upwards direction and the hat will be tipped off the chair. BA Spherical Phantasy A ball is placed into the top of a clear plastic tube which is sitting on ‘table. On command the ball will rise and fallin the tube.’The laugh will come when the performer exposes how the effect is by lifting the ball out of the tube on the end of the thread and swinging it around in the air. The illustration almost expiains all there is for you to know. One end of the thread is attached to your waistcoat, and the other end is, stuck to a ping-pong ball with a piece of white sticky tape. The ball ix dropped into the tube. By leaning backwards littl, the thread will be pulled taut and:the ball wiil be drawn upwards in the tube. By leaning forwards, ‘owards the tube, the ball will sink down slowly in the'tube, 4 TUCECCEECELECUELEEL LETT TTT TT AST aaa Putt thread frm Coat: Let go an it Flies back. sleight on other end under coat) Threadbare An old gag is to have a white thread showing on your sleeve and when someone picks it offit gets longer and longer and longer. This is achieved by having a reel inside the jacket which unwinds as the thread is pulled. A simpler and more practical variation on this idea is to fix a thread to your jacket so that six inches (15 cent showing on the outside of the jacket. A further ¢ centimetres) are hanging down inside the jacket. of the thread you have a small weight attached to it ideal. You pick the thread off your jacket and as you do it gets longer. Looking at it in surprise, you let go of the end of the thread and it flies back inside the jacket but still leaving six inches (15 centi- metres) exposed on the outside of the jacket. Tie a knot in the thread at the point where you wish it to stop. 1sWilting Flower ‘This isa flower which is held in one hand. At any time the performer wishes, the head of the flower droops down in comical fashion. It can also be made to rise slowly. You will need a piece of metal or plastic tubing the same thickness as the stem of a flower, about three inches (8 centimetres) of coiled ‘spring which is a tight fit over the outside of the tube, an artificial flower, a piece of thread as long as the flower stem and a small brass ring. inserted into the spring. One end of the long piece is now inserted into the other end of the spring, so that you now have a long, ste with a flower at one end and the spring about three inches dow! from the flower. The thread is tied to the stem above the spring, If you now pullon the thread, the head of the flower will bend over ‘To hide the thread from view, drill a hole in the tubing below the spring and insert the thread through this hole and out the botto end of the tube. Tie the ring to the thread at this point. You will nov be able to hold the stem near the bottom and insert your litte finger into the ring, and operate the prop one handed. 16 coer S66 VECCECEEECECE ELECT TCC The Levitation ‘This is a real old fashioned music hall classic. An assistant is lying down covered with a sheet. The performer folds down one end of the sheet so that the assistant’s head is showing. He folds back the other end of the sheet so that his feet are aiso on display. Waving his hands over the assistant the performer commands him to rise. The assistant starts to float upwards horizontally. Suddenly the sheet slips off the assistant’s body and drops to the floor, exposing the fact that he is standing on the floor and holding the two broomsticks ‘out from his body with two shoes fitted on the other ends. The assistant should be lying on a settee with his feet on the floor over one end of the settee. When he floats up off the settee it will be forwards and upwards motion. As he apparently floats forwards away from the settee the performer can accidentally step fon the bottom of the sheet, which should be large, and as the assistant moves away the sheet will be drawn off his “body'? 7nail moves ianer slide Carpentry the Easy Way A true, visual comedy gag which can be performed silently or with appropriate patter. The performer exhibits a piece of wood abo three feet (91 centimetres) long. He holds the wood at its centre in his left hand. He raises his right knee and places the wood against the knee. The right hand now commences to move asifit were holding suw and cutting six inches (15 centimetres) from the end of the wood. Suddenly. a piece of wood six inches (15 centimetres) drops of! the wood —but from the opposite end to that which has apparently been sawn. The wood is one inch square (6 square centimetres) wi channel cut in one side for the whole of its length. A thin strip of wood which will fit into this channel is also required, plus a three foot (91 centimetres) by one inch (2-5 centimetres) length of thin plywood. Both the channelled wood and the plywood are eut into two pieces. One piece is six inches (15 centimetres) long and the other is two six inches (76 centimetigs). The longer piece of plywood has i slot cut in it two inches (5 centimetres) long by a quarter inch (six centimetres) wide. A screw is inserted into the thin strip of wood in such a position that it will coincide with the slot in the plywood. ‘The fe @ eces es AVUUUTTULLLALADDDDDT TTS ASSSSESTSST whole is assembled as shown in the illustration and the short piece is, placed on the projecting thin strip of wood. Ifthe whole is held in the left hand and the left thumb pushes the screw alongside itsslot, the thin strip of wood will be withdrawn into the body of the wood and the short piece of wood, having been deprived of its support will fall off the end. The plywood should be glued to the channelled wood. A Tricky Table This a-magician’s table which, when an object is placed upon it over to the side and deposit the object on the floor. You can ther purchase a magician’s table, or use the base of a microphone or a straightforward musie stand. ‘The central column of the table has to be cut in half and joined again by inserting the two parts of the column into the opposite ends ofastrongcoiledspring. They shouldbeavery tight fit. If you now place an object in the centre of the table nothing will happen. Buti you place the object close to the edge of the table, its ‘weight will pull the tabletop over to one side and the object wil top. You will have to experiment with different objects to find the amount of weight required to operate the table. If the object is too light, nothing will happen. [fit is too heavy the table will topple too quickly. Ideally you should be able to place something on the table and as you turn away from it, it should start to swing over slowly. Once the object has slipped off the table the central column will straighten up again to its original position. Ifthe object is breakable, so much the better. 9Pg Huseal Cow Yaw Da The William Tell Overture This is simply a violin with cord elastic strings. Announcing that he will give a rendition of the William Tell Overture, the comic pauses for the pianist to give a rather flowery introduction to the picee, raises the bow asif he is about to play but in fact hooks the enxl of the bow into the strings. He pulls it down like a bow and arrow, releases, it andit flies up in the air or off into the wings. The important thing about this gag is that it should be presented straight as if you really were going to play the violin. 20 —_ = - -_- —_ _ _ —_ — —_ —_ —_ _ —_ —_ - —_ — - -_ _- -_ —_ _ _ _ -_ - - -_ @ euro cunlaner om The Tale of a Seat ‘This is ideal for anyone who plays the piano. The performer looks around for the piano stool, but there is none. Undaunted, he tucks the tails of his tail suit under him and sits on the tails which remain rigid. ‘The tails themselves have been sewn together to form one large tail. The lining is cut away at about waist level and a large board as, illustrated is slipped down into the tails. Note that the board has a ‘shelf’ across the top, otherwise itis liable to be rather uncomfort- able. aelastic, ittached to Geile of hat. after production The Patriotic Magician Removing his top hat the performer reaches into it and produces string of flags. At this point the hat is held in the left hand and the right hand is holding the end of the string of flags. The right hand ‘now releases its grip on the flags and they fly back into the hat to the performer’s amazement. ‘The string of flags is sewn as shown on to a length of cord clastic. It should be good quality elastic that will stretch to several time: length. The flags are sewn on in such a way that they can only be displayed properly when the elastics ina stretched condition. 2. AVAL Light Ale Removing a light bulb from his pocket, the performer unscrews the cap and pours himself a glass of beer from the bulb: “What kind of beer is that™? asksa second performer, “Light Ale of course’” he replies. his is really a visual pun, The method speaks for itself. although alittle care must be taken in the making of this prop. The screw cap. oF bayonct catch cap has to be removed from a light bulb, and the inner, working section of the bulb knocked out Another and perhaps simpler method is to drill right through the contacts at the end of the bulb and break away the inside workings ‘This means that you will be unable to remove the eap before pouring, but a cork can be substituted and removed as required. 23la Daee’ Ton Herea Mela Lee ae dt Smoke that Cigarette cole The performer takes a puff on a cigarette and retains the smoke in his mouth, He raises his left arm so that itis sticking out straight from his side, He now raises his right hand to his mouth and blows smoke down his right sleeve and as he does so the smoke appears from the left sleeve in a stream. A length of rubber tubing is responsible for the transportation of the smoke from one sleeve to the other. It must be strapped to both, wrists and travels up one sleeve and across the back and down the other sleeve. The end of the tubing which is attached to the right wrist should be fixed in such a position that itis easily acces the mouth. There must be no delay in the presentation. The hand approaches the mouth, you blow, and the smoke is ejec immediately from the left sleeve. rr eeecs eee AVUUUUUC CEREAL Room Service ‘This prop consists of a telephone hand receiver which has had a length of black rubber tubing inserted into the space in which the wire is normally placed. A rubber bulb is attached to the other end of the tube and filled with water. The tube isarranged in the handset so that when the bulb is squeezed the water will be ejected from the piece end of the handset. The bulb is placed in the pants pocket and the handset is placed in the inside jacket pocket. In perform- ance, mention the hotel you are staying at. “Unbelievable room service. I rang up the other day .. look... 'll show you” Reach into your pocket and bring forth the handset and at the same time place the other end in che pants pocket ready to operate the bulb ,. “Hello, hello. Is that room service? Send me up a Scotch and soda please?” Lift the handset up so that the earpiece is six inches from your face and squeeze the bulb anda stream of water will be ejected from the earpiece into your mouth. “Thank you;’ you reply into the phone and replace it in your pocket. ‘An addition to the above is to yell into the phone, after you have had the drink, “What about the soda?” and repeat the squirting proces 25The All-in-One Disguise You need an all-in-one false beard and moustache for th type which is built on a wire framework is best. Normally this type of disguise has two wires which hook over the ears to keep it in position. These two hooks will have to be cut off with a pair of wire cutters. ‘You now fix an imitation cigar in position between the moustache and the beard, at the exact point where the mouth is, A short length ‘of wooden dowel, painted to resemble a cigar isbest. Thisis fixed to the disguise by means of a few wire staples. The cigar itself must protrude inwards for an inch (2-5 centimetres) or so, to enable it (0 be gripped firmly between the teeth. Simply by placing the cigar in your mouth, you don the disguise When someone addresses you, you remove the cigar from your mouth to answer him and your disguise is exposed. one. The 26 - ~- —_ ~- _ ~- -_ ~- —_ -_ - -_- — - -_- -_ - —_ - - - o-7 - - - -_ Applause Please This prop gag is in the form of a new invention, especially devised for presenting to lazy audiences. It consists of a pair of white gloves with a large but weak spring attached between the palms of the two gloves. When the spectators wear gloves it makes it much easier for them to clap, Another presentation of the same gag is to explain that they are given out to television studio audiences who are asked to applaud as. the star appears, and once they start applauding they find that they can't stop. “That’s why you hear all that applause from studio audiences when you're siiting at home watching TV." 27Milking Time It is possible to blow up a rubber glove until it reaches the proportion of a football. The fingers will project stiffly outwards from the body of the glove and resemble, quite realistically a cow's udders. This in itself is quite funny, but if you place an empty glass on the floor and proceed to milk the “cow’* and the glass fills up with milk, it is éven funnier. The glove itself is of the normal kitchen variety, but coloured pink or yellow. To “milk” it, all you require is a rubber bulb with a short length of small bore tubing inserted into it. The bulb is filled with milk and held in the hand. The hand which is holding t takes hold of one of the “udders” and pulls, and at th gives the bulb a squeeze. A thin stream of milk will be e the bulb looking for all the world as if you are milking a cow. 28 —_ —_ - -_ _ —_ —_ -_- al —_ -_ - - - - - - -_- - - - - Pm Off This is one of those gags which belongs in a domestic comedy scene. Although itis extremely funny, it has to be placed properly, and in such a Way that it is totally unexpected. Imagine the situation. A husband and wife have a row, and the husband starts throwin; things into a suitcase until itis full. He tries to close the case but itis too full. The wife sits on the case to help speed him on his way. The case is eventually closed. The husband stands the case upright, looks at his wife and says, “I'm off;" bends down, picks up the suitcase and the handle comes off in his hand, He exits unaware of the fact that he is holding the handle only. ‘The explanation hardly seems necessary. The handle is removed from the case and replaced again but this time is held lighly in Position with two pieces of sticky tape. 29A Sock in the Purse ‘This is another one of those zany visual gags. Removing a purse from his pocket the performer opens the catch, looks inside and reaches into the purse to remove something. As he docs so, th body of the purse lengthens to reveal the fact that it isa sock, with a purse frame fitted across the mouth of the sock. ; To make this is simply a case of finding the right size purse, removing the frame from it and sewing it across the mouth of the sock. 30 HTN The Boomerang Hat ‘To perform this gag you will have to pick your venues, as itis not the kind of gag that can be performed anywhere. What happens is that the performer tosses his hat out into the audience with a spinning motion, As it flies over the spectators’ heads it creates an are and returns to the performer. ‘The method is simple. A strong black thread is attached to the centre of the crown of the hat. The other end of this thread is fixed cither to the ceiling or somewhere up in the flies if you are performing in a theatre. [tis not as easy asit looks, and does require a certain amount of practice to get it to spin in an arc. One very effective presentation is to toss the hat out to the audience, walk across the stage and catch it on its return just as you reach the ‘opposite wings to exit. unFlying High ‘The performer removes his coat, which immediately floats upwards in the air until it flies completely up out of sight. The motivation for this is our old friend, a length of black thread. There is a wire frame across the shoulders of the coat, so that the coat retains its shape as, it floats upwards. A simple wire coat hanger would sctve this purpose admirably, but make sure that it is sewn into the coat to avoid the coat slipping off the hanger in mid-air. 32. -_- - -_- - - - - _ -_ = = = - - — oo Scrambled Eggs Most comedy acts, when conf i . fronted with donni it uniform, are almost duty bound to wear a vast omen gay ribbons. This gog {really an extension of that thought, in that thone sll ms can be made to light up or flash on and off as ‘The medal ribbons are in fact I are in fact painted on a sheet ic. This last sheet is fitted toa eardbourd shape which cove es ‘lb. The switch to operate the light bulb isin the jacket pocket 33Handy Ist perf. “Would you like a drink of XXXX?" 2nd perf. “Yes thank you. Where did you get XXXX? It's difficult to get hold of these da Ist perf. “Oh! I got it from a friend of mine. Mind you he didn't ‘want to part with it, but I got it As the last line is delivered, the performer reaches into his brie ‘case and removes a bottle of XXXX and the audience can see that there is a bloody hand cut off at the wrist still grasping the bottle, This is, of course, a rubber false hand which has been glued to the bottle plus a little splash of red paint . ‘The gag itself can be applied to practically anything which is in short supply. 34 -_ —_ —_ —_ — —_ -_ -—- —_ —_ - -— -— -— —_ — Zipper Banana ‘This is just what the title impli lies. A banana with zippers ont actual skin ofthe banana is male of yellow material he fon Ghee inside of areal banana is placed any time in the act you can reach into i ich into your pocket, remov. banana, unzip it ake abit, zip the banana up spainaner nde im Your pocket, to be repeated again later if necessary 35Missed Again ‘This item is ideal as a crossover gag, One centre stage. A second performer, who should if possible be a little shorter, crosses over in front of the other, wearing a top hat. As he passes, the first performer takes a swipe at the top hat. As he docs 0, the top hat collapses on top of the other performers head, causing the first man to miss and spin around, pethapstaking a fall. ‘The top hat is actually an opera hat of the type which will fold flat. Most opera hais are held upright by means of four stems hinged at the centre with springs attached. For this effect you will have 10 remove the lining of the hat and remove the four springs. In this condition, when the crown of the hat is pushed out, the hat will remain upright because of the four hinged stems, but the least little touch will cause it to fold up again. In this instance, a strong black thread is fixed to one side of crown of the hat threaded down through the brim, up again through the brim on the other side and fixed to the crown. You have in fact created a sort of lose chinstrap of black thread, ‘The action of placing the hat on the head will force the stems into.an upright position. If the thread, which is hanging under the chin, 's pulled sharply, it will pull the hat flat on top of the head, former is standing 36 _ _ _ —- _- _ -_- —_ -_- —_ -_ —_ - _ - - - - - - -_ - -—« - -_ in action: | eu ay The Third Leg This is an extremely old visual i igi tal gag which probably originated in a Russian folk tale. The performer isseen to have three lege Hie cas walk around the stage without any hindrance, and with a little care and rehearsal, can perform a simple dance. : modus operandi is quite simple. A length of broom handle {asa shoe attached toone end. A single leg froma pair of trousers is then tied to the broom handle so that it will hang down in a natural Position tet the top of the shoe. It may be nevessary to pad the room handle out a little to give ita thie! i trouser leg may fap around too much, BOERS the , The top of the broom handle is held in the right hand against t nieie leg. You now don an avercoat with a eta int the rignt gleeve, A matching glove is worn on the left hand. ‘The coat is Buttoned up and the resulting effects that you have three legs, The tummy right leg is made to move forward with the real left leg. T ‘means that the two legs will travel forward simultaneously leaving the centre leg, which is the real right leg, behind. As the dummy fat Jes and the real let leg touch the floor, the real right leg 8 forward between those two. This is repeat the effec ofa three legged man” nS STePented and will ive 37A Utility Prop This is quite a simple idea which can be very useful in a comedy sketch, It can consist of practically any type of container with a lid ‘The illustration depicts a snake basket. When the lid is removed froni the snake basket, a large snake suddenly makes its appear ance, frightening the performer who quickly slams the lid back on the basket. This can be repeated ad lib. ‘The snake is attached to the lid by means of a length of black thread. When the lid is lifted off the basket it will pull the snake's head and part of the body up into view. ‘The beauty of this effect is that the snake makes its app after the lid has been removed. There isa delay of a second « giving it the appearance of being self propelled. The same y can be applied to larger props such as a large basket with a gorillas head making its appearance, or a smaller box with a rabbit popping up. 38 eenee: 06386 COCECELTT TUES SS SSSTSSSS SS SSSSSE SST ET Ear Ear ‘The large rubber ears which can be bought at novelty shops should never be overlooked. They can be the source and inspiration for many gags. For example, in a sketch, anyone playing the part of an elderly person can have an ear trumpet with a large ear attached to the open end. ‘AS a crossover gag, one performer can continually walk across the stage with a transistor radio held to one ear. This is repeated several times until the first performer stops him and says, “What's the idea of all this walking back and forward?” The second performer stops and removes the transistor radio from his ear and says “What?” — exposing the fact that he has one very large ear which has been hidden by the transistor radio. 39Rigid Toothpaste A very funny prop indeed, is this one, where the cap is removed from a tube of toothpaste and the toothpaste pops out of the tube by itself, straight upwards, and remains in this position. For platform purposes it is advisable to use one of 1 economy size tubes, or better still, to use a shaving cream tub which is even larger. Open the bottonrend of the tube, scoop out all the toothpaste, and wash out the tube itself. Reseal the bottom end of the empty tube by folding it over as it was. ‘You will now need a slim metal or plastic tube which is scale: ‘one end. Into this tube is placed a spring. On top of the spring placed a short length of wooden dowel painted white to resemble toothpaste. When the dowel is pushed down and released, it will POPUP again wi his metal tube is now inserted into the neck ofthe toothpaste tube and pushed down. The dowel will naturally pop up. Push the dowel down and place the cap on the toothpaste tube to hold it down. When the cap is zemoved it will pop up. A length of thread can be atached from the bottom of the dowel to the bottom of the ‘metal tube to prevent it popping out of the tube completely. 40 _ _ _ _ “- _ -_- —_ -_ _ -_ - -_ -_- -_- -_ -_ r. false hands or gloves real hands in “puppets — rae oxmos BRIN hos Sace Een velo tans Ca are Animated Puppets Can you imagine a man holdi n holding a tray in bot i Puppets wigle around the tray with apes we, ha is gractly what happens with the next prop. ee illustrations should make everything cles With a glove sewn onto each sleeve tomake Rangear ene ee hands. The coat has two holes cut through th neck band to support itis placed in frontet ihe are now pi Steagg,” Pinned to the tray to make it look aif the tay sbeing head 4aThe Breaking Bow For any comedian who plays the violin, thisis the almost perfect gay, It is a bow which falls apart just as he is about to play. ‘The construction of the bow is simple. All you need is a length of metal or plastic tubing about a quarter of an inch (6 millimetres) in diameter, a piece of white elastic three eighths of an inch e jetres) thick, a length of metal rod which inside the tubing, and two small blocks of wood, ‘Cut the tubing in two about one third of the way from one end. ‘The two small blocks of wood are fixed to the two outer ends of “bow” with an impact adhesive. The rod is now inserted into the shorter tube and the longer tube is placed over the rod. to represent the horse hair. Note that it must not be stretched too tightly. If the bow is held in the hand with a short piece p horizontal it will appear normal. Ifthe short end is pointed upwards, the metal rod will slide down inside the tube and the bow will Lill apart in two pieces. If the clastic is stretched too tightly this will Prevent the rod from sliding freely down the tube. iting down or 2 -_ -_ - <_ —_ - _ _ _ - - _ - - UTTTETTET 3) MKS aleyont — sadir Tbe The Boxing Glove A classic joke indeed. A box with a lids picked up, the lidis opened. and a boxing glove pops out and punches the performer of the nose. ‘The mechanics of this effect are quite simple. The size of the bon depends upon the size of the glove, but the illustration will make everything clear. Fixed to the inside bottom of the box is a length of electrical conduit tubing. The plate which holds this tubing in place to the bottom of the box isa standard electrical fitting from your nearest electrical supplier. An almost similar length of aluminium tubing Which i a loose fit over the other tubing is also required. The glove is placed over one end of the aluminium tubing and ticd firmly in Position, to prevent it slipping off. Assmall hole is drilled in the aluminium tubing at the opposite end from the glove. A short length of string is tied to this hole and the other end of the string i fixed to the inside of the lid of the box. The action oflifting the lid willpull the glove upoutofthe box, ‘The lid of the box should be at the side rather than the top. When the lid is raised the glove will be pulled out of the box hort. ontally. The lid should be raised quickly with a sharp movement to Jerk the glove out of the box 43Chain Smoker A large prop cigar is shown. On being asked if he smokes many of them, the performer replies, “Of course I do. I'm a chain smoker!" Ashe says this a large chain dropsout from one end of the The cigar is simply a piece of cardboard postal tube painted to resemble a large cigar. The chain is concealed inside the tube and anchored to one end with a piece of thread to prevent it falling out of the tube completely. A slight tipping action towards that end of the cigar is enough to tip the chain out of the tube. “4 qu duplicate —“Tlower on elastic It’s that Flower Again Simple but effective. The performer removes the flower from his buttonhole and tosses it aside. Suddenly, another flower makes its ‘appearance in the same buttonhole. Both flowers are of course artificial. One of them is attached toa length of black elastic, the opposite end of which is pinned to the jacket behind the lapel. The length of this elastic will vary according to the person, but it should extend down behind the lapel for about six inches (15 centimetres) at least, to give ita reasonable amount of stretch. It should, of course be threaded through the buttonhole first. By pulling the flower away from the lapel you shouldbe able to place the flower under the left armpit. A second flower can now be inserted ‘into the buttonhole. After this second buttonhole is discarded, it is simply a matter of raising the left arma little and the other flower will fly into position. 45Chicken Sandwich I restaurant or ¢ derogatory remarks about the local rest then, the performer ‘ae alan thick sande taokat tha :. “L asked them for a chicken sandwi ney gave me this Ashe delivers the last word, he Separates the two slices of bread and exposes the fact that there is a whole chi ti fing with a small piece of ‘rThe chicken is'made from white toweling with a smal piece of red felt added forthe comb. The les ofthe chicken are male from yellow tape. Theslices ofbresd could be real bu ifyou intend tose than once it would be advisable to make then fron oad. sulauly printed to resemble the veal hing compete il large crusts. THAAD ratchet wheel Steel spring The Watch Winder ou will have to be abit ofa handyman with metal make thivnext Bh i Gould be more than worthwhile. It isa small guiget hich is held concealed in the hand with a wheel, which ateen wound op! TeProduee very loudly the sound of a watch being wound up. jThe point ofthe gig is that the performer removes his watch from fis Pocket. tooks at it, and starts 0 wind it up. The surprice commen Goin the volume of sound emitted from the watch: The sound sy Sra coming from the watchwinder which is held in the haved which is miming the action of winding the watel The illustrations should éxplain the manutueture of the watch: Pinder. It consists of two pieces of metal with 2 ratchet wheel between them, When the wheel i turned by a thumb it wil ee iBainst short length of spring steel, and produce the sound. Note jaa the spring steel is fixed to a small block of wood by mere ne impact adhesive. When the whole iy assembled it should be held together by 1 rivets, 7Beer,Beer, Glorious Beer You will have to visit your friendly neighbourhood joke sh make the next prop, which is ideal for a drunk routine. Hold beer bottle, the performer attempts to drink from it, discovering in the process that it is empty. Turning the bottle upside down, he looks upwards into the neck of the bottle as if it were a telescope. Lowering the bottle to waist level he looks down at it and as he docs 80, a stream of beer shoots upwards from the neck of the bottle into his face. . The bottle is actually made of rubber exactly as sold by joke shops. Inserted into the neck of the bottle, and out of sight, isa cork with a hole drilled through the centre. If the bottle is filled with water and the cork inserted into position, you will find th: possible to turn the bottle over and the liquid will remain inside the bottle. Ifitstarts to dribble out, the hole if the cork is too larg The principle is the same as the vinegar bottle. You can turn it ‘over but nothing will come out until you shake the bottle. In this, instance, you just wait until the bottle is in the eorrect position and give it a sharp squeeze, Result? A very wet face. There’s a Leak in It Picking up a bottle and glass the performer pours himself a drink. He places the bottle on the table and as he does so a stream of water is ejected from the side of the bottle on to the floor. Placing the glass on the table he picks up the bottle to investigate the problem only to find that there is now a stream of liquid pouring out from the side of the glass. Alll you need is a clear plastic bottle and glass with a small hole drilled in each about one inch (2-5 centimetres) from the bottom ‘ake the bottle and fill it with liquid, not forgetting to hold your finger over the hole as youdoso. Once the bottie is full, place acork in the neck of the bottle. You will now be able to remove your finger from the hole and the liquid will remain in the bottle. If you remove the cork, the liquid will run out of the hole. Place the bottle with the cork in position on the table with the glass alongside it ick up the bottle in the right hand, and with the left hand remove the cork. One of the right fingers must be covering the hole at this point. Place the cork in the left hand on the table and pick up the sass in the same hand, making sure that one of your fingers is over the hole. Pour the liquid from the bottle in the right hand into the 49glass in the left hand. Place the bottle on the table: assoon as you release your grip anit it will start to spurt. Look at it, look at the glass, place the glass on the table and pick up the bottle. The glass will now be spurting liquid. Make sure that both bottle and glass are near the edge othe table so that the liquid will fall to the floor. He Went Thataway is another one of those zany gags, which should be done on the t when no one is expecting a gag. In effect, one person is standing with an umbrella and a second person asks him a question, In reply, the first person turns and points with the umbrella — which point the audience realises that the umbrella is not all that it seems to be. ‘The “umbrella” is simply an_old walking stick cut in two and joined together again with’ a piece of string. A length of black material 18 now wrapped around the stick to make it resemble an umbrella. As long as the umbrella is hanging down it will appear normal, but as soon as itis raised to point with, the bottom hall will remain vertical. 50 UUUUELTULSUSSUSSUSSSUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE S \ He’s Potty The first performer dashes across the stage carrying a tray upon whch ena ep Stes he ae tying wy yon the potty exposing the fact that it Has no bottom” Ast performer: “This is no good, it has no bottom. Jd performer: Oh no. you pu your own bottom ont, is is an excellent crossover type gag for a double act, A tra plus. plastic potty with the bottom removed isallyouneed. 31Sitting Pretty A perfect piece of business for a pantomime is this prop scat, Note from the illustration that it projects an extra foot at one end. Two people are sitting on the stool, but there is enough room on the Projecting end for a third person, The third person sits on this end ‘A few moments later the first two rise and the seat tips up depositing, the third person on the floor. ‘The real secret is in the presentation. The gag is so obvious that everyone in the audience knows what is about to happen. The trick is to delay it as long as possible. When the first two rise the third person rises with them. This can be repeated several times. The payoff comes when the third person secretly turns the seat around, but unknown to him, one of the others turns it back so that at the climax he is the one'to fall. 52. —_ - - -_ _- _- _- —_ _ - - - -~- —_ —_ —_ — -_” ~ Always at the Ready ‘The performer enters wearing an overcoat, hat and gloves. He approaches. hall stand, removes hishat and hangs ton the hat rack. He removes his overcoat and hangs this up also, but as hedoes so the audience see that the gloves he was wearing are also hanging up, on the end of his sleeves, ‘They are, in fact, attached to the ends of the sleeves. It is important that the gloves themselves should be of a larger size than the performer would normally wear and be very loose fitting to enable the performer to slip them off his hands easily as he is removing the overcoat. 33Captain Hook Outdone This gag is similar to the above but more specialised in that itis best used in a pirate sketch, or by an impressionist doing the infamous Captain Hook. i ‘After making his entrance, the performer, complete with pirate hat, patch over one eye and hook where one of his hands shoukd be approaches the hat rack, reaches up with his hook, hangs it on the rack and walks away from it leaving his coat hanging on the rack by the hook, The coat should be very loose fitting, again, toenable the performer'to slip out of it easily. 34 Drink, Anyone? the course of a sketch, one performer is drinking a glass of beer. “The second performer remarks on the fat that he Basn t gota drink can't afford one. The first performer says, “Have half of mine ‘old boy," — at which point he removes a knife from his pocket. cuts the glass of beer in two, from top to bottom, and offers “hall” to his friend. ‘The glass is actually a plastic one which ready been cut in half, and both halves made into complete containers by sticking a sheet of thin plastic to each half of the glass. When the two halves ‘me held together as one, it will look perfectiy normal, and all that the performer is required to do is to place the blade of the knife between the two halves and slice the glass in half 55Ee) Instant Midget An extremely funny bit is Instant Midget, provided it is placed properly in the act. One performer berates another and continuous ly hits him on the head with a mallet, so that he gets smaller and smaller untit he is standing only three feet high. All that is required for this bit is a loose fitting jacket. ‘The type with large patch pockets will be found most suitable as the performer can place his hands in the pockets and control the tioning of the front of the jacket. The jacket itself is split from Just below the collar, down the centre seam at the back of the jacket, to the bottom hem. Six press studs are sewn into place and will hold the split in a closed position until required By placing the hands in the pockets of the jacket and pulling forward away from the body, the press studs will part, so that as the performer bends his knees he can pull the front of the jacket down ‘over the front of his knees ‘The resulting picture is quite comical especially if the “midget” breaks out into a Charleston type dance. 56 _ _- -_ _ —_ —_— -_ -_ -_ -_ -_ -_ -_ —_ —_ Pop Record Picking up a tong playing record, the performer | it names the title which should be by awell known popotes Seddon there is a loud popping noise and a cork pops out from the centre of the record. “I'S @ pop record,” he remarks. ild's pop gun is responsible for this effect, ne of the record isenlarged to enable the pop gun tote ered through the hole. The use of an LP record ensures a little more cover for the hand which is holding the pop sun. 57Anyone for Square Dancing? This is two gags in one. An LP record sleeve is displayed and raze. Removing the rn wade to the latest Square Dancing cr ing th fecord from the sleeve, iis sechtobecquare Herarkng that they also supply shoes with the record he produces a pair of are soles. a te fecrd sls apiece of plywood painted gloss black wi hole dill in the centre and a label from a real LP ace “he shoes are normal with a square piece of plywood added to ea 58 UUUTSTEATTT his is another of those pro, id add one of those lit the finale is reached. Itis simply a cowboy pistol which has hea she barrel lengthened by introducing a length of coiled spring over the barrel of the gun. When the gun is carried ina cowboy holster itwil ook normal and only when the gun is withdrawn from the hole pill it be noticed that it is longer. As you wave the gun around the barrel will wobble from side to side. The spring itself is from a chest expander. (You can buy a spare spring rather than the whole expander.) The same idea can be applied to a rifle. Simply cut the barrel off short and replace it with the spring. 59Heavy Smoker “T really like this place, everyone isso nice. Do you know, assoon as I walked in the door the manager offered me a cigar:” At this point the performer removes a cigar from his pocket. “He told me he got two for ninety-five pence?” (Smell cigar) “I think I got the fivepenny one?” ‘The cigar is now tossed aside to Jand on the floor with a thud. Looking at the cigar the performer temarks, “He must be a heavy smoker” ‘The ‘cigar is actually a piece of lead piping covered in brown Paper. 60 tort Bottomless Glass A good bottomless glass can be made from a clear plastic one, Practically any saw will cut through it and it need take no more than ‘a few minutes to prepare. Many different gags are possible with the aid of this prop, apart from the obvious one of trying to pour a drink into it. ‘One performer asks another to hold the glass on the palm of his hand. The first performer now cracks an egg into the glass, drops the shell in on top, lifts the glass off the second performer's hand and exits, leaving him with an egg dripping from his hand. ‘Another gag for two people: Pacing the glass on bis hand the first performer drops a ping- pong ball into the glass. He now places a book across the mouth of the glass and asks the second performer if he can remove the ball from the glass without removing the book from the mouth of the glass. After the second performer has admitted defeat, the first performer simply lifts the glass off hishand and hands the ball over. oHow Do You Do? Get hold of an old wig — the untidier the better —and sew it to the inside of a hat, so that it hangs down all around. If you fi impossible to get a wig, sew a number of lengths of crepe around the hat; even wool would do at a pinch, When the hi worn it will look as if you have long, untidy hair Walk around shaking hands with everyone and each tim: shake someone by the hand raise your hat with the other ha Bag is much funnier, of course, if you have a bald head, but absolutely necessary. isnot a Knife Through arm This could of course be the Knife Through Head or the’ Sword ‘Through Body. Whichever weapon is used, itis cut from plywood ‘and fixed to a metal band. The length of the metal will depend on ‘whether itis to go around the head, arm or body. The blades should be painted a silver colour with a few touches of red at the appro- priate points to represent blood. They can be used to make the performer just look funny, or can be built up as follows. Straight man: Kindly leave the stage. Comic exits and a pistol shot is heard offstage. Comic enters with a sword sticking through his body and staggers across stage screaming. Comic: I've been shot, I've been shot. 63S The Half Crown Hat ‘This is very similar to the Good Evening Bowler Hat, but in this instance the hat has been cut right across the centre from side to side, and one half discarded. If one half of the hat is placed in position at the front of the head it will appear normal, but if the performer turns to one side the audience willsze that iti onlyhalfa hat, Removing the hat, the performer remarks, “I bought this hat before decimalisation..\ it only cost halfa crown... have another ‘one at home just the same!” The Good Evening Bowler Hat ‘The illustration will tell you all you need to know about this gag. ‘The crown is removed from a bowler hat, and provided you dark hair it will not be noticed at a quick glance that anythit amiss. ‘Simply by raising the hat to say, “Good evening” will expose the fact that all is not as it appears to be. This is particularly suitable for people with thick bushy hair. of 65 _ — _ -_ — —_ — — -_ -_ - — —_ — _ —Poene Ser The Giant Dummy Ifan adult performers dressed as.a baby and wheeled on in a pram, the use of the Giant Dummy is natural. It consists of a large roun piece of plywood with a ring attached and both painted either or blue. ‘The business end of the dummy is made from a weak coiled sp covered in a light brown material, with a hole at one en Iength of wooden dowel rod is fixed inside so that when the sp ‘compressed and placed up against the “baby's” face, he can grip the dowel firmly in his teeth. It will ook forall the world asi the baby is sucking a large dummy. ‘When the dummy is pulled from the baby's mouth the spring will expand and it will look as if this very large dummy has come from inside the baby's mouth. 66 ON, ges % fotos Z| Ae 2 V3 i t \ HN thread Smoke that Cigarette Ideal for the drunk act or silly-ass type of perf is I br the dounk y performer, this Shecially prepared cigarette case need take no more than a few Open a cigarette case and attach a thread across it from one si to the other, holding the thread down at either end ty apiece of sticky tape. Note that the case is not opened out fully. Place several cigarettes on the thread and close the case carcfully so as not to squash the cigarettes. If you now open the cigarette case the rettes will tumble outwards. 0eos? Laoey” eee Hairy Legs ‘There are many instances in a comedy sketch where one needs to undress. Usually to add a little more hilarity to the proceedings the comic will wear gaudy underwear or have something funny writter across the bottom. Hairy legs are an alternative to both of thes ideas. The title is self descriptive. When the performer removes his trousers he has very hairy legs. The method for achieving this effect is very simple. All you need isa pairof ladies tights or as the Ameri- cans call them, a pair of pantie hose, one large needle and some black or brown dark wool. Cut the wool into lengths of 1-¥0 inches (5 centimetres) and with the aid of the needle stitch and! loop them to the tights as shown in the illustration, 68 aaaarea ee0080 -_ - - ome —_ -_ -_ — The Cut Flower Gag ‘This is a real oldie, but it still works. A single stemmed flower is offered to someone in such a way that they have to take hold of the stem at the lower end. As soon as they have taken it the performer tums away from them, taking the flower with him leaving the other person with the stem only. The stem is, of course, cut in two and is, held so that the two ends are together. Another version of the same gag is to cut the stem from a wine sass and offer someone a glass of wine. They take hold of the stem and as you turn away with the bowl, you drink the wine. The same principle can be applied to a botile. Itis possible to buy in practically any large department store a bottle cutter which will a bottle in two. If you part fill the lower half and hold the upper half in position as you offer it to someone, it will appear normal. ‘The other person takes the bottle by the neck, leaving you with the lower half to drink from. 69Cuff Off: For anyone performing a burlesque type of act wearing white tic and tails the addition of this gag to their repetoire is sure to enhance the act. : ‘After removing top hat, gloves and walking stick, the performer continues by removing his shirt cuffs and tossing them aside. As they hit the Hoor they make aloud clattering noise This suc to the fact that they are made of tin, There is no need to go to the trouble of having these specially made. All you need is two tin cans of the Fight size, With the aid of a tin opener you remove both top and bottom of each can. A coat of white paint will complete the j admirably. 70 —_ ~- -_ _- -_- -_ -_ _ -_ -_ -_ — - _- —_ The Tin Lid Bra This is exactly as the title implies — a bra made from two old Pot lids. It is ideal for use in a comedy sketch in which a man is dressed up as a woman, a situation dear to the hearts of many famous comedians. In the course of undressing, such as in a sketch which takes place in a doctor’s surgery, the bras exposed. Additional mileage can be had from the gag if, with the addition of music the artiste is performing a comedy striptease act, during which he could take hold of the two pot lids by their respe handles, one in each hand and bang them together like cymbals in time to the music. ninverted plastic glass ceonitel hess ag a Se A Trick Glass This is a trick glass of the type which will enable the performer to apparently drink a large quantity of beer, when in fact he is only drinking a small amount. It will also enable him to apparently drink a whole pint of beer in one go. ‘You will need a one pint beer mug and a glass which will fit com- fortably, upside down inside the beer mug. Allyounced donow isto cement the glass into position with one of the modern impact adhesives, leave it to set and you are ready. There are many different adhesives to choose from, so make sure that the one you use is recommended for cementing glass together and is water tight. the glass with a dark coloured beer or liquid. The glass can be filled right to the brim and it will appear to be a full pint. It is a perfect prop for the chairman in the old time Music Hall type show where he can ‘drink’ pints of beer all night long. 2 seeese 660688 - — ? ui Drunken Ingenuity In the course of a comedy sketch in which two people are drinking, ‘one of them eventually collapses on the floor in a drunken stupor, He keeps trying to reach upwards to get his glass of beer off the table top and fails continuously. Eventually he places the handle of his into the glass of beer and places the other end of the stick into his mouth and starts to suck. The beer flows out of the glass down the inside of the walking stick and into his mouth. ‘The ‘walking stick’ is, of course hollow tubing and should be adc with the handle bent over just alittle more than normal so that, it will reach almost to the bottom of the glass. The smaller the diameter of the hole through the walking stick, the easier it will be to get the liquid flowing.“to dlarity: eight bald ang 0 hinged a 5 thread 0 The Fright Wig Normaily a fright wig is a rather difficult prop to make, but for the last few years there has been on the market, and freely available your local joke shop, an imitation bald head which is an ideal base upon which to puta fright wig. In addition to the bald head y need a quantity of crepe hair the same colour as that used around the edges of the bald wig. Glue the crepe hair to a piece of cardboard and attach this to the bald wig by means of a cloth hinge. Also attached to this piece of cardboard is a small piece of metal, glued in position and small hole drilled through it, to which is attached a length of thin, but strong, black thred'é, ‘The thread is allowedlto hang downwards at the performer's back. By pulling on the tiread, the front end of the wig will be pulled up and by releasing the thread it will drop down agi “ e- oo - = a - - -_ —_ -_ —_ - The Comedy Library inary is a series of books, each one di "laugh. ‘They can be used individually or several together to create 4 short routine, In practically every case it is simply a matter of picking up the book, reading the title, opening up the book and lctting he action speak for itself. The books themselves should be 4 large as possible without being ludicrous, Pepys Diary This tome is a normal book with a large k ‘hole shay kor Ri hein Ag aarti oexpose the keyhole and atthe. ve tine the bone yen eye level and look through the keyhole. © —eore Alternative titles: The Diary of a Seaside Landlady, The Diary of a Chamber Maid. 8Plumbing for Beginners After reading aloud the title of the book, Plumbing for Beginners, the performer opens the book. At that moment a large ch complete with handle, drops down from within the pages. Againitis simply a matter of cutting.a hole in some of the pages to accommodate the chain and handle. An extra effect can be added by going through the action of pulling the chain and having the sound effect of a toilet being flushed fed through the sound system, Ghost Stories This prop is a little more elaborate than most of the others, but is well worth the trouble of making it up. It consists of two fairly lange pieces of cardboard cloth hinged together and covered to resemble a book. On the outside in large bold letters are printed the title words, GHOST STORIES. Aitached to one side of the book is part of a false hand, either fixed with drawing pins or glued in position. Inside the “book” a length of ribbon or tape isattached to both sides. The ideaof the tape is to enable you to open the book and hold the book in one hand only. The faise fingers at the other side will make it appear as if you are holding the book in both hands. In performance, the book is picked up in the right hand with the false fingers on the side away from the audience. As you open the 76 _ —_ = _ = _ _ = = = _ —_ —_ book you turn to face the audience with the book opened out fully As you do this, the right hand is drawn inwards towards the book. ‘You now start to read from the book: “And as he lay there the dead hand started to crawl over the bedclothes towards him. It was unbelievable, a hand, unattached 10 any body, creeping towards him, (aside 10 audience) @ load of As you iire’saying this the audience sce a hand appear up from behind the pages of the book with fingers moving menacingly. You continue, “Suddenly it grabbed him by the throat” — and at that moment the hand grabs you by the throat, you scream and toss the book aside. ‘The hand is of course your own right hand. The size of the book will cover the arm and wrist action. 7How to Mend a Fuse ‘When the book is opened, the right hand reaches into the pages of the book and produces a lighted candle. Once the candle is brought into view the stage lights should be dimmed asif he lights had really gone out. ‘The book is really a wooden box decorated to resemble a book, A cigar box is ideal. Inside the box is a candle with a red match replacing the wick. ‘The match should be forced down firmly inside the end of the candle. Also inside the box is a length of sandpaper glued down firmly. All you have to do is pick up the candle and strike the match on the sandpaper. 8 -_ -_ -_ _ -_ —_ _ _ _ _ -_ _ —_ —_ —_ — —_ ad Moby Dick This book could be the real thing with a large hole cut into the pages, In the hole isa rubber bulb with a short piece of metal tubing Inserted into the top of the bulb. The tubing should be taped down to prevent it from moving, When the book is opened, your thumb presses dovin on the rubber bulb, cuusing a jet of water to be shot tte the air. Note that the end of the tubing is bent over at right angles to ensure that the jet travels upwards. The book itself should be ‘opened so that it is parallel to the floor. 79Cowboys or Indians? For this book we actually reverse the presentation procedure, that the action takes place before the title of the book is disclosed, Picl book is?” up the book, you look at itand remark, “I wonder whi ‘You now open the book and there is a large pistol repor Tossing the book aside you remark, “Must bea Wester A -22pistol, loaded wit book and the ablank, is concealed in acutout crispulledat the appropriatemoment. 80 this see Seeecee: STULUERSOOULLANT ODD TORNED DODD bbb NDT The Long Book ‘The long book is simply a very long narrow book made from two pieces of wood hinged together and decorated with coloured paper to resemble the real thing. “This one is designed for reading in crowded trains” As you say this you open the book and pantomime the action of reading the book as if you were in fact, in a crowded train with your shoulders drawn inwards.no feet... Just ankles, Ankle Socks Lifting up his trouser feg a tittle to expose his socks the performer enquites of his audience “Do you like them? They're the v thing, Ankle socks... No feet, just ankles” As the last remark is made the performer suits the action to the words and reaching down he takes hold of the top of one of the sacks. and pulls it upwards, exposing the fact that itis simply just that, the ankle only of a sock All that is required is to cut the foot from one sock and pce the remaining ankle in position, making sure to tuck the bottom cae into the top of the shoe. 82 eece eencce: 6 CECEETTEL ETT E CLT TT EEE Odd Socks 1 s gag is very similar to the previous one in that it uses the same ticle of clothing,. namely a pair of socks, but in an entirely ifferent way. In this case, the two socks worn are of two widely contrasting colours. Hitching his trousers up a little to show the socks, the performer states, “Aren't they pretty, Eh? I have another pair at home just like them!" 83iviatince maath organ i™ cut-out cards. Playing Cards “This is simply a block of wood, exactly the same s70 1. 4 This J pith a hole cut in one side and a mini harmonics werted into carer sfe, It is elued in position in exactly the same way 3% for the Musical Toothbrush. playing card is glued face down to one sive of We wood and ann Pe playing card is glued face up to the ote site, BT the arate appearance of a complete deck of cards. ed it MWata be placed into a card ease. Ope performer says that they, 2 atest thing Performer ct amhich point he removes the deck from the ¢ os it to his lips and starts to play the ears a enneeeer 00000000 PUUUULLEUUUEE ETAL The Mousetrap This consists of a small double-sided ladder with a platform a the tape Note that one rung is missing partway down one side of the 1 opointing out that this is something that mankind cannot do tarot. an ingenious new type of mousetrap, the performer offers Yo demonstrate how it operates. seane imply place a small piece of cheese on the platform. this will of course, attract the mouse, who will have to climb up tis Initicr to get the cheese. Once he has eaten the cheese the mense aie esoeta the ladder on the other side. Now what the mouse does Mit dere is thal one of the rungs of the ladder has been removed), and wh ches this point he will slip and fall through the Wer, and inadish of icecream, catch pneumonia and die”The Policeman’s Helmet This one is a quickie, a throwaway gag. All it realy is, is a police- man’s helmet with two straps attached instead of the usual one. As the helmet is exhibited, the punch line is delivered, “Look at that. ..A lielmet for a policeman with a double chin!” To topicalise the gag, any other type of headwear with a chinstr could be used, such as a fireman's helmet, bearskin hat, or an army steel helmet. 86 ed — — _ —_— —_ -_ -_ -_ -_- _- - -_- -_ — -——_ take five blocks of weed Nand 6. a 7 3 z put beetle ples | Hit hard with block A The Beetle Killer Explaining that over the years he has had many requests trom a few people, the performer diters to show the result of a tremendous Wun of trial and error in his quest for the perfect beetle ‘Showing two blocks of wood the performer draws attention to the fet that one piece of wood is boldly marked with a letter A, whilst the remaining block of wood is similarly marked, but this time with the letter B. To exterminate a beetle, all one has to do sto place the bbcetle in a central position on the biock marked A and to strike it sharply with the block marked B. “It doesn’t hurt at all....as long as you don't get your fingers in between the blocks.” ext 87solutions The Jigsaw Puzzle ‘This is probably one of the simplest items in the book to construct Paste a picture ona sheet of stiff cardboard and cut it into two pieces similar to the shapes used in commercially manufactured jigs puzzles. , Hold the two pieces, one in each hand, about eighteen inches (46 ‘centimetres) apart and as you bring the two hands together slowly to make the pieces fit you remark, “How about this? A jigsaw for busy people.” e e @ e e e _ —_ os _ — —_— — —_— — — -_ -_ _<— —_ —_ — — Patent Alarm Clock Seven or eight candles are needed for this one, each candle being of different length, from about two inches (5 centimetres) up to nine or ten inches (23 of 25 centimetres). If you can have them displayed in a row on a table or a long length of board, so much the better. Explain that this is a new type of alarm clock. Each candle will burn for a different length of time, the smallest one, for half an hour, the next largest one for an hour ete, How it works is that you choose the Jength of time you wish to sleep, light the appropriate candle, stick it in your ear, lie down and go to sleep. When the candle has burnt itself out, you'll wake up. 89sting wire at trouser. bortons Obliging Trousers ‘The performer explains that one of man’s greatest problems modern times has ben his inability to keep the bottoms of his trousers dry in wet weather. He then demonstrates his latest and rreatest idea by walking up to an imaginary puddle. Ashe apparent ly steps over the puddle, the bottoms of his trousers jump upwards to his knees. This effort with a ring of wire, one se attached 10 the botte bottoms will be lifted ap achieved by stiffening the bottoms of the trou wnt into each trouser botton. Stings By pulling upwards on the strings, the ds. 90. -_ -_- _ - - - -- =~ _ -_- --_ om mini bacon The Musical Toothbrush ‘This should be made as large as possible, perhaps twelve to fifteen inches (31 to 35 centimetres) long. It is carved from balsa wood, with the bristle painted section painted white and the remainder a bright colour such as red. A hole is cut into the bristle section anda mini harmonica is inserted into this space and glued firmly into position, Sample patter: “You can clean your teeth and play a tune at the same time.” oerates drill holes to hold peas ce oO SeGSCS Knife for Eating Peas ‘This can be cut from balsa wood and painted with a silver blade and a black handle. If you are a real handyman, the blade a section of the blade can be cut from aluminium with two pi balsa wood one either side, to form the-handle, “What happens is that you place the peas, one at a time on these holes, hold the knife up to your mouth and eat them one at a time like thi : ‘As you are explaining this you should be performing the actions with imaginary peas. of 92 \ \ RAR A ANS WN i A New Type Birdeage best way to make this item is not to make it at all. Visit your est junk shop and buy any old birdcage and remove the bottom ize is not too important just as long as it is large enough to be “The major problem with all pet owners is that ' have to have somewhere to keep their pets. For instance, ifyou ‘own a bird, then it follows that you must own a birdcage. I'd like to draw your attention to my latest invention, This is a very special type of birdcage. This is a cage for budgies you can trust.” During the delivery of the dialogue the cage should remain siting ‘ona table, The fact that itis minus the bottom isonly revealed at the moment you deliver the last line. 93hole in base of cup. fea gees into Baucor Blow on ta and drink hs from saucer PP ettoe fee % if cup yy The Cup and Saucer ‘Three items are required for this. A plastic cup from which the bottom has been removed, a saucer tomatch, and a bath plug with a length of chain attached. The cup is placed on the saucer in the normal fashion, and, holding the end of the chain, the bath plug. is lowered into the cup followed by the chain, A key ring attached to the chain prevents fumbling inside the cup. The bath plug should be quite a loose fit in the hole at the bottom of the cup. In performance, the saucer, containing the cup of course, should, be picked up and held in the left hand, with the handle of « pointing to the right. Explain that this is your very latest invention. A.cup and saucer which will automatically cool your tea for you. “Alll you do is reach inside the cup, pull out the plug, (suit the action 10 the words) and lift the cup off the saucer like this (do so). ‘The tea will run out into the saucer. All you need do now is to give a gentle blow and drink the tea from the saucer, like thi ‘On delivering the last line the saucer should be raised to the lips as, if you were, in fact, drinking tea from the saucer: 4 AUTUTITTSUIIS metal handle fo The Spaghetti Fork ‘The accompanying illustration is almost self explanatory. Cut the handle end from an old fork and replace it with a length of stiff wire, by either soldering it to the fork or by sticky tape wrapped around both several times. Now take a length of tubing — plastic, wood or metal — and push the wite through the tube. The wire which ‘emerges at the other end should be bent into a turning handle as in the illustration. you now hold the tubing in the left hand you can turn the handle with the right to make the business end of the fork revolve. In per- formance, the fork should be held in the right hand with the turning ulle concealed in the fingers, ample patter: “This fork has been especially designed for eating spaghetti. All you do is hold the shank like this, turn the handle like all yourspaghettieating problems aresolved” 950 ce, « The Soap Saver ‘Sample patter: “When you get near the end of a bar of soap you are left with a piece which is too small to0 use, so what do you do? You throw it away. Right? Well that can’t happen with this soap before the bar leaves the factory they cut it open, take out a small piece in the middle and throw it away:” ‘Suiting the action to the words the performer opens up the bar of soap, takes a small piece from within, tosses it aside and closes up the bar again. A\ll you need is a bar of soap, the thicker the better, which has a smaller piece of soap inserted. If you intend to use the gag repeated Iya similar prop could be carved from basa wood andy inted to the colour required. 96 e@eneeee eeee808 - - -_ <_ _ ~< -_ —_ —_ —_ The Coat Hanger Another use of those zany quickies, designed to get a short sharp laugh before you proceed with some other more profound thought. The prop consists of a wooden coat hanger from which the hook has been removed and replaced by another hook which is three feet (91 centimetres) long. The prop should be held at the business end ‘of the hanger with the hook projecting upwards into the air. nig due this round the back ofthe clreus...t'sa coathanger for 97Jumping Stool ‘An excellent item on which to close an act. You just step on the Stool which immediately collapses, so that itis flat on the floor. As Soon as you remove your foot the stool will jump straightup into the air to a height of perhaps six feet (183 centimetres), to be caught one-handed as you make your exit. Four pieces of wood are required, approximately one inch by half an inch (2°5 by 1-2 centimetres). The length is entirely dependen upon the height you wish to make the stool, butt should be no more than around fiftcen, inches (38 centimetres) high. A metal rod quarter of an inch (6 millimetres) in diameter is used to keep the ceross supports apart and is held in position by two nuts. ‘The sei itself is made from a strong canvas type material with two large hems, one at either side. Two strong pieces of elastic are threaded through the hems and attached to the top ends of the cross pieces by staples. The seat should not be attached in any way tothe elastic. elastic sewn to ‘cloth Seat of steel 98 e220 —_ -_ _ -_ - - - -_ - = - - - - = -- - Qe Re 0 arm penaa hole at rearof basket and into cloth snake sleeve The Snake Basket ‘A wickerwork basket with a hole cut in the back i i I in the back is the first require tent, You wil also needa prop snake made fom cloth, open stows end wih a comedy snake's head at the other. The open end is placed inside the basket and sewn around the hole to keep it firmly 1n postion, Your hand is inserted into the hole atthe back of the asket until it reaches the head of the snake. Th Dusted up out ofthe basket to sway around, denrnaeas is made so that the mouth will open and close by movements of the fingers and tum, quite a fot of comedy stuations are possible.:For instance, in attempting to coax him out of the basket you can place a banana in the basket. The snake suddenly pops up ‘out of the basket, tosses the banana away and retreats out of sight 99.Iced Lolly Sample patter: “The trouble with my wife i that she Keeps Boing fhrough my pockets at night when I'm in bed. Nomatter how fy (0 Hide tay money she finds it. Last week I had a great idea: 1 hid age fom of the fridge. Yesterday my litle boy walked in and said, ‘Look what I found in the fridge dad—an iced lolly” JR pound note sandwiched between two pieees of clear Plast and ¢ lolly stick added to one end, is all you need for this laugh: maker. 100 Flat Beer “This is particularly suitable item in a venue which has a bar in cither the same room or adjacent. {Don’t think 'mcomplaining, butthe beerinhere’sabit flat ‘As this line is delivered you reach into your pocket and produce a flat glass of beer. This is made from clear plastic with enough space idle to hold a small quantity of a dark liquid. The edge of the itlass” issealed around the edges with a small space left open at the top. This is to enable you, to both fill and drink from the “glass 101The Impossible Bottle Youmay have tobe something of handyman io make this item. It is actually a bottle which refuses to be poured from. Every time you attempt to pour some liquid into the glass, the neck of the bottle turns upwards. * ‘A metal tube, a wooden ball and a short length of broom handle —to represent the neck of the bottle — are required, plus a short length of steel rod, (a fairly large needle, with both the eye and the point removed might do). ‘A thin hole is drilled through the ball. The “neck” of the bottle is now glued on top of the ball. The ball is inserted into the top of the tube. The thin rod is threaded through both the ball and two holes which have been drilled through the tube near the top edge. Ideally ‘ou will also need some kind of a weight on the underside of the all: you will find that a heavy washer will do nicely. ‘The whole lot should be painted a glass black to resemble a bottle. If you hold the bottle in the right hand in a normal upright position everything will appear OK, but the moment you try to turn the bottle to a horizontal position to pour from it, the ball will revolve on its axis and the “neck” of the bottle will appear to be trying to avoid the glass. 102 2020000 see00080 2 elastic The Moving Hat You place a bowler hat on your head and as you are talking the hat will rise upwards. Suddenly noticing what is happening you push or pull the hat down again on to your head. A few moments later it will start to rise. This can be repeated at will “The method is extremely simple. All you do is to sew a length of strong elastic across the “mouth” of the hat. The hat itself should be reasonable fit: not too tight, not too loose. Placing the hat on your head and this will stretch the elastic. Just leave the hat there, aftera few seconds the elastic will gradually pull the hat upwards. The ition can be speeded up by raising and lowering the eyebrows. 103