John Gottman

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John Gottman

John Mordecai Gottman

Born
April 26, 1942 (age 80)
Dominican Republic
Nationality American
 Psychologist
 Researcher
 Author
Occupation
 Public speaker
 Therapist

Known for Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution

Spouse Julie Schwartz Gottman
Children 1
Academic background
 Bachelor of Mathematics-Physics
 Master of Mathematics-Psychology
Education  Master of Clinical Psychology-Mathematics
 Doctor of Clinical Psychology

 Fairleigh Dickinson University (BS)

 Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MS)
Alma mater
 University of Wisconsin (MA, PhD)
 Academic work
Discipline Psychology
Notable works The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Website www.gottman.com

John Mordechai Gottman (born April 26, 1942) is an American psychologist, professor emeritus of
psychology at the University of Washington. His work focuses on divorce prediction and marital stability
through relationship analyses. The lessons derived from this work represent a partial basis for the
relationship counseling movement that aims to improve relationship functioning and the avoidance of
those behaviors shown by Gottman and other researchers to harm human relationships.[1] His work has
also had a major impact on the development of important concepts on social sequence analysis. He and his
wife, psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman, co-founded and lead a relationship company and therapist
training entity called The Gottman Institute.[2] They have also co-founded Affective Software Inc, a
program designed to make marriage and relationship counseling methods and resources available to a
larger audience.[3]

Gottman was recognized in 2007 as one of the 10 most influential therapists of the past twenty-five years.
[4]

Contents
 1 Personal life
 2 Education and work experience
 3 Studies
o 3.1 Predictions of divorce
 4 Independent studies testing Gottman marriage courses
o 4.1 Building Strong Families Program
o 4.2 Supporting Healthy Marriage Project
o 4.3 Matthews, Wickrama and Conger
 5 Relations and effects
o 5.1 Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution
o 5.2 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
 6 Practical solutions
o 6.1 Therapist education
o 6.2 Pre-birth workshop
o 6.3 Self-help books
o 6.4 The Gottman Method of Relationship Therapy
 7 Awards and honors
 8 Works
 9 See also
 10 References
 11 External links

Personal life
John Gottman was born on April 26, 1942 in the Dominican Republic to Orthodox Jewish parents. His
father was a rabbi in pre-World War II Vienna. Gottman was educated in a Lubavitch yeshiva elementary
school in Brooklyn. He keeps kosher (the following of Jewish dietary laws) and observes Shabbat, a day
dedicated to religious worship and rest.[5]

Over three decades ago, he married Julie Gottman née Schwartz, a psychotherapist. His two previous
marriages had ended in divorce.[6] He has a daughter named Moriah Gottman.[7]

John and Julie Gottman currently live in Washington state.

Education and work experience

John Gottman received his bachelor's degree in Mathematics-Physics from Fairleigh Dickinson University
in 1962. In 1964, Gottman earned his master's in Mathematics-Psychology from the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology. He received an M.A. in Clinical Psychology-Mathematics in 1967 and his Ph.D.
in Clinical Psychology in 1971 from the University of Wisconsin.[8]

At Fairleigh Dickinson University, Gottman worked as an instructor for the mathematics department, a
research assistant for the department of physics, and a researcher for the school of engineering. At the
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory, he worked as a computer programmer and mathematician. He was a
program evaluator and research designer for the Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction. 1981,
Gottman became a professor of psychology at the University of Illinois. Additionally, he was professor of
psychology at the University of Washington, Seattle for 16 years. From 2002 until today, Gottman works
as the Emeritus Professor of Psychology for the University of Washington and as the Executive Director
for the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle. Alongside his wife, he is also the co-founder of The
Gottman Institute.[8]

Studies
Predictions of divorce

Gottman developed multiple models, scales, and formulas to predict marital stability and divorce in
couples. He has completed seven studies in this field.[9] Some of Gottman's most popular work comes from
his research regarding newlywed couples.

This work concludes that there are four negative behaviors that are most likely to lead to and therefore
predict divorce. These are: criticism of a partner's personality; contempt, which is usually derived from a
position of superiority; defensiveness; and stonewalling, which is displayed through emotional withdrawal
from interactions.[10] Typically, these are actions made as a result of feeling overwhelmed by criticism
coming at them from their partner.

Stable couples handle conflict in gentle, positive ways and are supportive of each other.[11] In Gottman's
book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work he addresses some standard tools that these couples
implement to stay together, from taking the time to continue building a friendship with their spouse, to
honoring and respecting their spouse.

He developed "The Gottman Method Couple's Therapy" based on his research findings. The form of
therapy aims to increase respect, affection, and closeness; break through and resolve conflict; generate
greater understandings; and keep conflict discussions calm.[12] The goal of The Gottman Method is to help
couples build happy and stable marriages. Gottman's therapy model focuses more on the process of
conflict within the marriage, and less on the content of the conflict.

John Gottman conducted a study based on oral interviews with 95 newlywed couples. His predictions are
based on perceived marital bonds. Couples were asked about their relationship, mutual history, and
philosophy toward marriage. The interview measured the couple's perceptions of shared history and
marriage by focusing on the positive or negative qualities of the relationship expressed in the telling of the
story. To measure each spouse’s perception of the marriage and each other, the interviewer listened to the
couple’s negative or positive experiences. Rather than scoring the content of their answers, interviewers
used the Oral History Interview coding system, developed by Buehlman and Gottman in 1996, to measure
spouses' perceptions about the marriage and each other. Therefore, the couples' perception was used to
predict whether they would gain marital stability or end up divorced. The more positive their perceptions
and attitudes were about their marriage and each other, the more stable the marriage.[13]

John Gottman’s models partly rely on Paul Ekman's method of analyzing human emotion and
microexpressions. Ekman’s research was primarily based on observing the micro-expressions to determine
whether somebody was lying or telling the truth.[14]

The original study was published by Gottman and Christopher Buehlman in 1992, in which they
interviewed couples with children. A posteriori modeling yielded a discriminant function that could
discern those who had divorced with 94% accuracy.[15] Since Gottman believed that early married life is a
period of adjustment, and perceptions are being formed, he sought to predict marital stability and divorce
through couples' perceptions during the first year of marriage.[16]

In 1998, Gottman developed a model to predict which newlywed couples would remain married and
which would divorce four to six years later. The model fits the data with 90% accuracy. Another model
from Gottman can determine with 81% accuracy which marriages survived after seven to nine years.[17]

Gottman's follow-up study with newlywed couples, published in 2000, used the Oral History Interview to
predict marital stability and divorce. Gottman's model fit with 87.4% accuracy for classifying couples who
divorce (or not) within the couples' first five years of marriage. He used couples' perceptions about their
marriages and each other to model marital stability or divorce.[16]

In a 2002 paper, Gottman and Robert W. Levenson perform a regression analysis of a two-factor model
where skin conductance levels and oral history narratives encodings are the only two statistically
significant variables. Facial expressions using Ekman's encoding scheme were not statistically significant.
[18]

Gottman developed what he named "The Four Horsemen": 1. Criticism, 2. Defensiveness, 3. Contempt,
and 4. Stonewalling, as ineffective communication styles that contribute to marital dissolution. Gottman
claims that one of the highest predictors of divorce was the presence of contempt, which he defined a
spouse viewing themselves as better than the other spouse.[19][circular reference]

Independent studies testing Gottman marriage courses

Building Strong Families Program
BSF 15-Month Impact Report

Independent research on the impact of Gottman's marriage strengthening programs for the general public
has further questioned Gottman couple education programs.

The largest independent evaluation of a marriage education curriculum developed by Gottman was
conducted by Mathematica Policy Research[20] at nine sites in five states. The study was titled, "Loving
Couples, Loving Children,"[21] and was a federally funded, multi-year Building Strong Families Program
study contracted by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and
Families. The study group included low-income, unwed couples.

An impact report released by the Office of Planning Research and Evaluation[22] showed that the
intervention had no positive impact and, in one case, "had negative effects on couples' relationships."[23]

Supporting Healthy Marriage Project

An ongoing study by Manpower Development Research Corporation (MDRC),[24] known as the

Supporting Healthy Marriage Project (SHM), is evaluating Gottman's "Loving Couples, Loving Children"
program among low-income, married couples. The multi-year, random assignment study is funded by the
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families. In an early
impact study on the effectiveness of "skills-based relationship education programs designed to help low-
income married couples strengthen their relationships and, in turn, to support more stable and more
nurturing home environments and more positive outcomes for parents and their children," MDRC
reported[25] "Overall, the program has shown some small positive effects, without clear indications (yet no
clear negative proof) for improving the odds to stay together after 12 months."

The program is still ongoing.

Matthews, Wickrama and Conger

A study published by Matthews, Wickrama and Conger, based on couples' perceptions, was done in 1996.
The study showed that spousal hostility and net of warmth predicted, with 80% accuracy, which couples
would divorce or not divorce within a year.[26]

Relations and effects

In multiple analyses, Gottman has shown a plethora of relations and effects in marriage and divorce, some
in peer-reviewed publications, while many others appear in Gottman's own books. Among those are:
  The physical elements in marital conflict (i.e., physical effects are central to the inability to think,
etc., in conflict situations) for which he advises a 20-minute cooling period or physical relaxation.
[27]

 The effects of "bids for connection." That is the smallest bids people do to connect and how the
other reacts. For example, happy couples do have many more "bids for connection" when together,
and much more "turn towards" response, and much, much fewer "turn away" - the most negative
reaction. The book dedicated to this element is "The Relationship Cure."
 The concept of "trust," which Gottman defines as having each other's backs.[28] He explains that
some ways this can be achieved for couples are through "creating shared meaning, making life
dreams come true, managing conflict, using a positive perspective, turning towards each other
rather than away...sharing fondness and admiration", and continuing to get to know the other.[29]
 The neutral effect provides a way out of negative interactions as most interactions do not transition
directly from negative to positive. The degree of neutral effect is often overlooked as a predictor of
relationship success due to the very fact that the neutral effect is simply neutral.[28]
 The dynamic to cause divorce in the short term is different from that causing divorce later. Early
divorce is characterized by the "four horsemen" of bad fighting, whereas later divorce is
characterized by lower positive affect in earlier stages of the relationship.
 Anger is not always bad for relationships. Happy couples are as frequently angry as unhappy
couples. It seems that how people react to anger and how destructive they get is the crucial factor
rather than the frequency of anger or fights. Gottman even says that anger is functional in
marriage. The reason for anger being functional is because there is a reason behind the anger.
Gottman describes anger like this as an iceberg where the raw feelings cannot be seen. Anger is
what is emerging from these raw emotions.[30]
 The "three functional styles of conflict management in couples' relationships" (Avoidant,
validating, and volatile) as well as the dysfunctional style he refers to as hostile.[31]
 69% of happy couples still have *the very same* unresolved conflicts after 10 years, yet remain
happy because they do not get gridlocked in the conflict and manage to get around it.[32] When
Gottman refers to gridlock, he is describing the "rigid patterns" that couples can get stuck in when
dealing with conflict.[33]

Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution

Main article: Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution

Gottman's Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution[34] states that there are four major emotional reactions
that are destructive and thus are the four predictors to a divorce: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling,
and contempt. Gottman calls these four predictors of divorce the “four horsemen” of marriage because
they herald trouble for a marriage. They are a part of the Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution because
they build upon each other. One behavior leads to the next, resulting in more hostility and less
communication in a relationship, ultimately, leading to emotional separation and dissolution of the
marriage.[35]

Criticism

The first indication of the cascade model is criticism. Criticism is an attack on a person's character or
personality. One way to differentiate between a criticism and a complaint is in the way the statement
begins. Relationships that tend to stay together begin conversations like these in what Gottman describes
as a soft startup, or a tactful, respectful way of speaking, rather than in a harsh startup, which typically
incorporates broad absolute statements such as “you always…” or “you never…”[36] Couples whose
relationship tends to be more negative engage in criticism of one another more frequently. Frequent
critiques and attacks relating to this tier can lead to other behaviors that are set out in the cascade model.

Defensiveness

Defensiveness, the second tier of the cascade model is a response to pathological criticism. A partner in
this phase will attempt to make excuses or even shift blame from themselves to their partner. This phase of
the cascade model can also cause their partner to feel that they are not taking their concerns seriously or
that they are avoiding responsibility.[36] This is characterized by a deflection of criticism and an avoidance
of responsibility. Counter attacks and criticism of one’s partner are characteristic of defensiveness.

Contempt

The third tier of the cascade model is contempt which is derived from a mentality of superiority.
Pathological criticism of one another and responding to this criticism with defensive behaviors can lead to
contempt. Contempt results from a lack of respect or acknowledgement. Contempt may include sarcasm,
cynicism, name calling, eye rolling, mockery, or hostile humor. A general indignation and lack of respect
characterizes interaction in this phase of the cascade.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is the final tier of the cascade model and is a response to the first three tiers. It is
characterized by the building up of mental and physical barriers to avoid interaction with one's partner. An
attempt to appear busy or other means of purposely avoiding contact are employed and very little
communication takes place. Communication that does take place is not meaningful and can often be
destructive. This often occurs when an individual feels overwhelmed, and it is strongly related to the
experience of emotional flooding.[37]

Flooding

Emotional flooding occurs when a person feels inundated with sudden negative emotions and behaviors
(often the first three predictors in this model,) and it leads them to promptly end or avoid further
interaction with their partner. This experience can diminish their ability to communicate effectively, and it
may compel them to stonewall or exhibit other avoidant behaviors.[38] Although flooding is not one of the
main four indicators of divorce, Gottman indicated that it was an important factor in this model. His
research also noted that there are gender differences related to flooding; specifically that it is a more
common experience for men.[39] It has also been linked to an increase chance of intimate partner violence,
possibly due to the decreased capacity for appropriate cognitive functioning and the inability to cope with
conflict that is indicative of flooding.[40]