Farni 1

The Stand-in

The Noodle and Company shop looked like it did every Wednesday. There were
only a few customers in so late to closing. Some of the kitchen staff had left already and
the ones that remained were prepping for closing. My favorite employee, Mo, looked up
from wiping tabletops as the familiar shop bells blew my cover.

“Hey Bill, we are almost out of pad thai for the night but we have plenty of the pan
noodles still out if you want those,” he gestured to the noodle bar.

“Ahh that’s fine. I was actually feeling the pan noodles today anyway,” I lied. From
where I stood, I could see the pad thai was too low for me to risk it.

“Okay man, give me a sec and I’ll bring it out for ya.”

I slid my debit card next to the cashier’s stand and grabbed a drink cup from the little lid,
straw, and napkin station.

I pressed the cup against the drink dispenser. Nothing. I tried a few more times to
make sure. They were out of root beer. What a crime. I finished filling my cup with Sprite
and raised it to my lips to take a baby sip before I put the lid on. This is when I felt
something off. With my cup still tilted up to my face, I could see, out of the corner of my
eye, a figure watching me. I felt it. I paused, tried to ignore it, and then a chill went down
my spine. I had stalled a few seconds so I tried to make it look natural. I took a sip and
then smelled my drink and took a sip and casually smelled it again to make it look less
weird. That person doesn’t know me. What if I had bad taste buds and needed to smell
my food. Like that could be a thing.

I tried to turn slowly to not draw attention to myself. I caught a glimpse of this
peeping tom during my turn. I could make out that this person was a middle-aged
woman with brown medium-length hair. And she was looking right at me. Women didn’t
usually look at me. Although I was twenty-two, I looked twelve and was an all-around
goof to the people who knew me.
 Farni 2

I looked for a table farthest away from this ma’am so I could enjoy my weekly
noodles in peace. Although the table I chose was far away, it was pretty much directly
across from her so that I could monitor to see if she was still watching me. I had settled
in at my table when Mo brought my food and debit card back.

“Hey Mo,” I whispered. “Have you seen that customer across from me?”

“Yeah? I’ve seen her around a few times.”

“Well, if her eyes were lasers, I’d be a freaking hole right now man.”

Mo discreetly stole a glance by turning around and faking like he was popping his back
and stretching his arms.

“Billy, I think she’s into you,” he faked a serious look that spread into full amusement.
“Just go for it dude. Who knows? You might be her type.” He winked as he pulled away
from the table.

Maybe she was into me. I hadn’t thought of that. I had nothing against dating someone
older anyway. I didn’t care how people perceived me socially or romantically, that part of
me had died.

With newfound confidence, I decided to not ignore this woman. I openly started
checking her out from across the room as I ate my noodles. She was decently attractive
with a rounder figure that made her look mature. I could tell she hadn’t dyed her hair
back in a while because there were streaks of gray showing through. It was a gray that
looked pretty on her. She didn’t appear self-conscious at all about eating by herself like
people my age did. She looked comfortable at her table close to the window.

I could tell she was wearing some expensive-looking jewelry so I guessed she
might be settled with a stable job or maybe had from a rich family. The moment came
when our eyes met and she gave me a look that rekindled my previous wariness. She
was staring at me like she was giddy. I used to get this look from people who make fun
of or laugh at me. I looked at her back for a second and widened my eyes like a visual
expression of “hmm” and went back to eating my pasta.
 Farni 3

I stole another glance at her after a few bites. She was insistent on looking at me
with a smile. We did this a few times. I looked up and caught her smiling at me and I
looked down to eat my noodles. Up smile, down noodles, up smile, down noodles. By
the time I had finished my bowl, it was very obvious she was into me. There was no way
I could just walk away and pretend as nothing happened.

I stood abruptly and made my way toward her table. I extended my arm to shake
her hand but to my horror, I realized my move was premature. I drastically
underestimated the distance between us and I still had a few feet to go. So with my
frozen arm still stuck out, I hobbled over to her table.

“Hello there, um, I’m Bill. I couldn’t help but notice you over here.” I flashed a smile and
then automatically licked my lips. I felt the nervousness creep up my throat. I was
always terrible at talking to people I didn’t know. By this point, the woman was so
incredulous, I don’t even think she noticed how awkward I was. She was just beaming.

“Hi, I’m Susan,” she offered her hand to shake mine.

Although her enthusiasm was beyond bizarre, I felt the tightness in my throat release
some.

“So is this your first time eating here?” I motioned a little with my hands. WHAT IN THE
HELL kind of question was that?? Of course, it’s not her first time! Mo literally said he
had seen her. No, she’s stalking me. She probably knows where I live. She’s probably
in here every week and my dumb ass didn’t even notice until today.

I waited for the answer like I didn’t know.

“Oh no, I only come in here sometimes. This is one of my favorite spots to get food
when it’s just me,” she smiled again and shrugged her shoulders.

She was either oblivious to my awkwardness or just REALLY easy-going. Or my

stalker, I couldn’t decide. I didn’t know what to ask first. Why are you so happy to see
me? Did you know I was coming here? But, I didn’t reply. I just let awkward happen to
see what else she would say. She caught on and immediately became self-conscious.
 Farni 4

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep staring earlier but I thought you were so handsome... and
you looked like you were into it,” Susan raised her eyebrows which made for a very
smug look.

ME? HANDSOME? OMG was she flirting with me?? Wow, Mo really was right. My
peanut butter brain could hardly process what was happening.

“Oh well, you too...Uh-I mean like you’re handsome too.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! This
is a grown woman!!

“I mean pretty! You are really pretty,” I faltered.

Unlike others in the past, Susan didn’t ignore my awkwardness. She seemed to
be amused by it and maybe even like it a little? She laughed and I noticed the wrinkles
around her mouth and eyes. She was attractive in an unconventional way. Unlike
women my age, she carried herself with confidence and not because she thought she
was pretty. I could tell she didn’t look in the mirror too often.

“Such a nice compliment, my goodness! Aren't you a nice young man! I haven’t been in
the dating world in some time so I don’t hear those things these days.” Her eyes were
boring into mine as she pressed her lips together, waiting for my response.

“Me neither so I get that. I haven’t been really the dating type but I mean it, really.” I
shrugged. Oh, dude. That sounded so pathetic.

“Oh? You must be older than you look then. How old are you hun?”

Oh crap, crap, crap. She’s asking my age. She probably thinks I’m a teenager
which makes this even weirder. No no, she knows I’m older. She’s just making sure
flirting with me is even legal. That’s good like that’s what normal people do. I took a
silent deep breath to compose myself.

“I’m twenty-two. I’m studying Finance,” I try to stay cool by looking away for a few
seconds. I rack my brain for another compliment to keep my momentum going.
 Farni 5

“You must be younger than you look then because I would have never guessed you’ve
been out of the dating world.” I grabbed the closest empty chair at her table and took a
seat, trying to keep it smooth. The look that flashed across her face crumbled my ten-
second facade. I mentally kicked myself so hard, I almost winced. I freaking insulted
her! She must be younger than she looks?? Oh, Billy, you screwed up.

“NO, no omg I meant like you look so young so you must be older than you look…..
too,” I licked my lips again. This was going so bad.

She laughed and gingerly placed her hand over mine.

“Relax, hun. There’s nothing to be nervous about. Why don’t we link up later? My lunch
break is about to end but I’m free this evening and I’d love to get to know you some
more. You can come over to my place and we can have ‘“fun.”’

She even did the air quotations and everything. It was all so surreal. This grown
woman wanted me to go home with her. I replied without thinking.

“Sure, you know, what the hell, I’m down.”

“Here, let me give you my number so I can text you where to go and everything.”

This was all happening so fast. What if she lived far away? I didn’t even have a
way to get to her place. I walked everywhere.

She finished adding me as a contact in her phone and I heard my familiar text
tone go off. I looked down at my phone to read “It’s Susan! 1082 Border Dr.” I looked up
to see Susan beaming again.

“Great, you’ve got my number now so if you get lost, you can just call me.”

“Great.” I felt as someone had reached into my chest and was squeezing my
heart like a stress ball.

__________________________________
 Farni 6

I arrived at her place via Uber. I stepped out of the car and immediately took in
the spacious neighborhood. The sidewalks were immaculate and the hedges in front of
every home were perfectly manicured. Very well off indeed. Susan’s house appeared to
be one of the smaller homes with four sets of windows on each side of a brick landing in
the middle. She had a thinner pathway leading up to her front door where two music
note statues stood at the end straddling it.

I sent her a quick text: “Here” and started walking toward her solid wood, double
doors. What was I expecting? Sex? A blow job? Those probably weren’t a great idea.
Hell, this whole thing wasn’t a good idea. I was gambling on a pretty hefty risk of getting
robbed or killed. But, whatever. I guessed she hadn’t seen my text yet so I knocked
loudly on one of the heavy doors.

“Comingggg” I heard a shrill call from inside. Before I could fully consider running in the
opposite direction as fast as I could, Susan’s beaming face greeted me. She had
changed from her business-casual blouse and pants into a sophisticated-looking black
dress that had only one strap over her left shoulder.

“Hey you! Come in come in! It’s just me and the dogs tonight.”

I looked down to her two very obese terrier dogs wagging and writhing in
happiness to see me, one white with tan spots and one brown all over. Great, maybe
she’ll feed me to them. I walked through the doors and took in her foyer. Everything was
poshly decorated with expensive-looking paintings. There was a set of shiny wood stairs
to my right and a modern, comfortable-looking living room to the left. However, what
stood out the most were the photographs everywhere. There had to be dozens. And, all
of the same thing. They were all of a teenage boy who looked strikingly similar to me.
Susan was in some of the photos and some were just portraits of the boy. Most of them,
though, were smaller pictures in frames randomly scattered over the walls and on
nearby tables. Who the freak is that? I made my way to the couch and gingerly sat. Her
dogs got to me first, jumping all over me and licking my face.

“Don’t mind them. They just LOVE new people.” Susan had made her way into
the kitchen, which was directly behind the living room I was in. I became more annoyed
 Farni 7

and scared by the second, this was a terrible idea. I was in a stranger’s house being
tackled by two dogs the size of small children surrounded by photos of a boy who
looked exactly like me. Susan seemed to notice my stiffness.

“Billy, you can take a seat at the table to escape those doggie kisses if you’d like hun.
I’m preparing supper and it’s almost done. Do you prefer honey or butter on your rolls?”

She’s asking me about how I like my bread... What on earth. I didn’t expect this
to be a dinner date. She probably thinks I’m so underdressed right now. I got up to the
table, which was a perfect square, and noticed it had cushioned stools instead of chairs.
Somehow, this made me feel better. Easier to get away if I wasn’t committed to a chair
with a back and arms holding me. Susan had just finished filling up empty cups with ice.

“How.. was.. your...day then?” I couldn’t decide what to do with my arms so I just
propped them under my chin like I needed head support.

“Oh, it was fabulous because I got to meet you.” Her bracelets jiggled and clanged as
she spoke with her hands “But then I had to go help some clients close on a house so of
course there’s always work to do. But I did want to show you something, dear.” She put
down the oven mitts she had just grabbed and disappeared back through the living
room and foyer.

I felt something wet hit the back of my leg and I froze. What the-. I shoved my
arms forward to push my stool from the table and heard a loud piercing squeal. It was
the brown fat dog shrieking like a demon now because my chair had hit him.

“Jesus, calm down buddy...shhhhh...shhhh it’s okayyyy. It’s okayyyy.” I cooed as

I tried to quiet the high-pitched cries. “Where’s your friend huh? You’re okayyy. You’re a
good boyyy. Shhhh” I stroked his fat rolls as I glanced around to locate the other one.

It wasn’t until I noticed the back of the top couch cushion wiggling that I realized
where the spotted tan one was. He was vigorously humping a couch throw pillow with
his thick neck craned around so that he could make eye contact with me. Oh my God. I
don't know how much more of this I could endure. The brown dog had settled into
whimpers when Susan reappeared.
 Farni 8

“Billy, look! What do you think?” Susan was holding what looked like to be a game
board box. It wasn’t until she moved her arm to motion me closer that I could read the
title, “Stock Exchange the Board Game.”

She got me a gift? I thought “fun” was like hooking up or bonding over mixed
drinks or cheap wine. Stock exchange? Why did she get me this? Older people must
think my generation can’t handle money. Wait. Was this a double entendre for
something?

“Ha-heh that’s so cool!”...Not... “What’s it for?” I tried to feign enthusiasm the best I
could.

“It’s for us to play, silly! You mentioned you’re a finance major so I saw this and thought
‘Oh my gosh, Billy would love this!’ You’d be so good at it, hun.”

I took the box and it was so light, it felt like it would float away if I didn’t place a
hand on top. She’s obviously a gift-giver.

“Thank you, Susan. This was such a thoughtful idea.” I felt my face muscles working
overtime to prevent a wince. And, I didn’t mention playing it with her.

“I’m so glad you said that. I think we’ll really enjoy it. Anyway, enough of this, you ready
to eat? We can finally sit down and chat without the whole noodle shop watching us.”
She squeezed my arm twice and flashed a tight-lipped smile.

We talked over dinner and everything started to feel normal again. Susan asked
me about my degree and I told her my plans to work with a hedge fund company my
father co-owned in LA. She told me about her work as a real estate agent and how she
ended up in her nice neighborhood.

“You never know. I was the number one realtor for years and they still didn’t give me the
bigger closings. It turned out to be less about my talent and more about seizing the right
opportunity. How to get the right house at the right time.” She had finished eating and
sat across from me with her second glass of wine now missing.
 Farni 9

“Soooo, it sounds like you got lucky,” I waved my fork around in the air for
dramatization.

We sat around a little longer chatting about lighter topics. She mentioned her
favorite restaurants in the area, which happened to be a lot of my favorites too. When
the next casual break happened in our conversation, I tried to clear my throat a little.

“So, who's that boy in those photos. Is that your son?” She immediately froze.

“Oh God no!” She had knocked the table a bit so her fork had fallen to the ground. She
started mumbling as she leaned over to get it. She was definitely spooked. Did I say
something wrong? Was it wrong to assume that was her son? She wouldn’t stop
mumbling and fidgeting with her dinner dishes and utensils at the sink. I brought her
wine glass over. This was so awkward. It was like a switch flipped. I could barely make
out what she was mumbling. Something sister. We were doing so well and I had to just
screw it up like that. Classic Bill. Classic screw-up Bill.

“Hey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to touch on a sore subject or anything. Why don’t we sit
down and try to watch a movie or something? I placed my hand on her back and she
just looked up and nodded.

Neither of us talked while she scrolled through Netflix to pick something. I tried to
take in my surroundings a bit more but my mind was racing. Why does she have so
many pictures of that boy? Where is he now and why won’t she tell me about him? She
eventually decided on a movie I didn’t know.

Susan then curled up next to me and I felt it appropriate to put my arm around
her. My heart was pounding so hard, I could barely hear her comments about the
movie. It was time. I had to make a move. She was fragile and we were having such
great conversations before all this. I could fix it. I could do it. Just kiss her Bill. Be a
man.

“Susan?”
 Farni
10

“Hm?” She turned her head around toward me and I didn’t hesitate for even a second. I
grabbed her face with both my hands and kissed her. She looked astonished.

“OH Bill!” She started sobbing uncontrollably.

“I’m SO sorry,” she wailed. Tears were streaming down her face as she turned to face
me.

“What’s wrong?? You’re sorry? I’m sorry! I didn’t know it was the wrong time. I-I-
thought it would make you feel better!”

“Noo-ooh-oh-ooh oh-oh. It’s-it’s me. I-I-I’m so sorry!,” she wailed. She was becoming
hysterical. “This isn’t me! I don’t ever ask people over.” Her words tumbled out. “My son
was murdered and he looked and sounded incredibly similar to you and I just wanted to
bond with him one last time. I saw you at the shop and the resemblance was so striking,
I couldn’t stop watching you-you were looking back at me and I thought it was a sign
that my son wanted me to heal and I felt like I had to win you over and now I just feel
like shit for leading you on and pretending to be interested and hol--.” Her crying and
heaving had gotten so bad, she couldn’t even get the words out.

Wow, this was so sad. And she didn’t even like me like that. What a pathetic
idiot. Who was I kidding? Her son? Did I seriously think this woman was into me? You
were a stupid boy. Stupid, stupid, stupid boy. God, I was an idiot.

I held her head against my chest as she cried heavily for forty-five minutes. She
eventually collected herself and while dabbing her eyes, politely asked if I would leave. I
nodded my head woodenly and told her to call or text me at any time. It felt like the right
thing to say, the only thing to say. She apologized profusely as she followed me out of
the house. She had nothing to be sorry about. I was the one who should have known.

After that, I never heard from her again. I recently tried to reach out, with much
caution, to see how she was doing. There was no response. I know I am an emotionless
bastard but that haunted me. I still hear the sound of her crying in my head when I’m
trying to sleep sometimes. If you have a loving parent or family member, you just never
know when they’ll be gone forever.
 Farni
11

_______________

I drove into her neighborhood the other day out of curiosity. I saw a van parked
where I had gotten out of the Uber that day. I decided to park my car and wait to see if
something would happen. Not even ten minutes later, a young lady holding some sort of
supplies walked out of the house and toward the van. It wasn’t Susan. I decided to try
my luck. I opened my car door and jogged toward the van.

“Hey wait up! Can I speak to you for a minute?

The lady had stopped to watch me.

“Sure, who are you?”

“I’m Bill. I’m an old acquaintance of Susan’s. Do you know her? Does she still live
here?”

“Oh yeah. Hi, I’m Jennifer. Yes, I clean her house every Wednesday. Uh she’s been
living at this house ever since her identical twin and nephew, who used to live here, died
in a car crash a long time ago.”

My breath caught in my throat.

“That so?”