12 Phrases That Will Help You

Resolve Any Conflict  

Conflicts are an inevitable part of any workplace and a constant

source of stress for many leaders. Conflict resolution is an important
skill for any leader to master.

Like many other challenges, conflicts can actually present

opportunities for positive change. Effective conflict resolution can
build deeper relationships and foster more effective communication.
One of the issues many leaders face in conflict resolution is simply
knowing what to say. Here are some effective phrases that I have
coached my clients to use in times of conflict. Try them out the next
time you’re faced with a conflict:

I sense that you’re feeling emotional about this topic. Is that

right? Sometimes to break tension you need to label the emotion.
Never ignore emotions, because they will only escalate. Labeling
acknowledges what the person feels without judgment, helping them
feel recognized and acknowledged and decreasing their tension.

Let’s take a breather before we think this through. Sometimes the

best thing to do is to take a break. The word breather is deliberate—
giving pause to the situation and giving everyone involved a chance to
take a few deep breaths.

Thank you for your candor—I appreciate your feedback. Most

people who tell the truth don’t receive appreciation. The best way to
resolve conflict is to remain open to all feedback, because resolution
requires that people tell it like it is.

I recognize your efforts and hard work. Most people are

appreciated only for results, not for the effort that they put in—
especially if that effort was part of something unsuccessful. If you
appreciate someone’s effort you are telling them they are valuable
even if they haven’t succeeded. Helping people feel appreciated and
valued can establish a positive connection and help open up common
ground.

Let’s work on this problem and fix it together. This phrase is important
because instead of placing people on opposite sides of the conflict,
you are signaling partnership. It shows that you care not just about
resolving the current conflict but also about building and maintaining
a spirit of collaboration.
 Tell me more—I want to understand. Most people speak to be
heard, but few take the time to understand. This phrase is powerful
because everyone wants to be understood. It doesn’t mean you have
to agree, just that you are willing to hear them out.

Let’s see what we can do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

When you express concern for the work without placing blame, you
shift the discussion from a defensive back-and-forth to a prevention-
focused exploration.

What can we do to change the situation? The important word in

this phrase is we—it’s not about what you can do or what you can tell
them to do. Using we signals collaboration instead of hierarchy and
problem-solving instead of finger-pointing.

Yes, you’re completely right. If you are miles apart, find something
you can agree on together so you can start the conversation with this
phrase. When people feel heard and validated, they’re more likely to
engage in a constructive dialogue.

I wasn’t aware of this—tell me more. Stating your ignorance is

sometimes a good place to begin defusing a situation. Stop talking
and really listen; let the other person know that you are interested in
what they are saying. Keep asking questions and listening
empathetically until you get to the root of the conflict.

I am with you on that. It can be hard to hear yourself being blamed,

but your willingness to be held accountable can work wonders. If you
let people know you are with them, you can not only resolve the
current situation more readily but also avoid future confrontations.
:
 How can I support you? This phrase is one that every leader should
use over and over and over again—in conflict, in dialogue, in
conversation, in all communication. It eases stress, defuses conflicts
and sets a positive tone for relationships.

One of the biggest mistakes leaders can make is trying to avoid

conflict. Dealt with the right way conflict can be a force for positive
change. It opens the channel to better communication and stronger
relationships.

Lead from within: The bottom line is that conflict will always exist,
but a satisfactory resolution and positive outcomes are within your
power.

#1  N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R
The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your
Greatness
 

After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world,

Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying
on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive
reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists.
Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

B U Y N O W (http://amzn.to/2nfhSuL)
:
  

Additional Reading you might

enjoy:

12 Successful Leadership
Principles That Never Grow
Old

(http://www.lollydaskal.com/wp-admin/post.php?
post=15333&action=edit)
A Leadership Manifesto: A Guide To Greatness
(http://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/leadership-manifesto-
guide-greatness/)
How to Succeed as A New Leader
(http://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/succeed-new-leader/)
12 of The Most Common Lies Leaders Tell Themselves
(http://bit.ly/1WMJdN6)
4 Proven Reasons Why Intuitive Leaders Make Great Leaders
(http://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/4-proven-reasons-
why-intuitive-people-make-great-leaders/)
The One Quality Every Leader Needs To Succeed
(http://bit.ly/1T5QQiV)
The Deception Trap of Leadership
(http://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/14510the-deception-
trap-of-leadership/)

Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

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Lolly Daskal is one of the most sought-after executive

leadership coaches in the world. Her extensive cross-
cultural expertise spans 14 countries, six languages and
hundreds of companies. As founder and CEO of Lead From
Within, her proprietary leadership program is engineered to
be a catalyst for leaders who want to enhance performance
and make a meaningful difference in their companies, their
lives, and the world.

Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and
Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of
The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com,
Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others.
Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness
has become a national bestseller.

Communication (https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/tag/communication/)

Conflict (https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/tag/conflict/)

Lead from Within (https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/tag/lead-from-within-2/)

Leadership (https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/tag/leadership/)

Phrases (https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/tag/phrases/)

Success (https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/tag/success/)

1. Kathleen Paris (http://kathleenparis.com) 01. Nov, 2019

Thank you for this excellent list of helpful things to say in conflict situations. You
are so right that conflict avoided is conflict escalated while a conflict successfully
resolved can be the start of something positive. If memory fails in a conflict
:
 situation, “Tell me more” is a great standby.

Reply to this comment

2. Andres (http://www.Andresvaldes.com) 21. Nov, 2019

This is a fantastic list! Saying “you’re right” is probably the toughest one in heated
conversations, but you’re right.

Reply to this comment

3. Thomas Trang 22. Apr, 2020

Studies have shown that ‘Conflict of interests’ do happen in the workplace.  Thus,
many employers encourage their employees to exchange ideas, to express their
concerns, and to work together.  Furthermore, we are hired to perform the jobs
assigned to us, and together, we make a difference.

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