ASSIGNMENT:

Question: What are three different types of communications and

which one of These Communication Styles Do You Tend to Use?
Dr. Matthew McKay writes that there are three styles of communication: passive,
aggressive, and assertive. We all employ all three styles in different situations.

And I would tend to use assertive form of communication in my professional and social
life in order to convey clear, crystal and crisp (3Cs) information.

Passive style

Passive communication and behavior involves allowing your own rights to be violated by
failing to express honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs, or by expressing your thoughts
and feelings in an apologetic manner that others can easily disregard. When you use the
passive style, you don’t directly express your thoughts, feelings, or needs. When using
this style, you may try to communicate indirectly, with a smile or whispering something
snarky under your breath. Your body language is slouched, off to the side, downward-
looking, or maybe you use a soft, wavering voice.

When using this style, you may be acting as a good listener, but may not speak up
directly, or rely on others for what you want to say. When you speak in the passive style,
you may use qualifiers such as, “I’m no expert but…” or “I’m not really sure but…”

Aggressive style

When you use the aggressive style, you are more than capable of stating what you think,
feel, or need, but you do so at the expense of others. When you use aggressive
communication, you rely on sarcasm or humorous put-downs and are likely to go on the
attack when you don’t get your way.

When you’re using this style, your body language is firm, solid, narrow eyes, raised
voice, abrupt. You may begin sentences with “you” and often stir up guilt and resentment
in others. When using aggressive communication, you are so intent on being right that
you probably don’t hear what others are saying.

Assertive style

Assertiveness is communicating and expressing your thoughts, feelings, and opinions in a

way that makes your views and needs clearly understood by others, without putting down
their thoughts, feelings, or opinions. Assertiveness is the ability to express our thoughts
and feelings openly in an Honest, Appropriate, Respectful and Direct way. It can be
HARD to do, but it gets easier with practice. In assertive communication both individuals
are considered to be equally important.

When you use the assertive style, you make direct statements regarding your thoughts,
feelings, or needs, while also taking into account the rights and feelings of others. When
using this style, you listen attentively and let others know you have heard them. You’re
open to negotiation or compromise, but not at the expense of your rights or dignity.

Assertive communicators can deal with criticism effectively, without becoming defensive
or hostile. Your body language is erect, but relaxed, modulated, and firm. You make
direct eye contact, showing openness and honesty. When you’re using the assertive style,
you can make clear, direct requests, refusals, and compliments. You can start and end a
conversation. And you can more effectively express yourself and get your needs met.

Common Barriers to Assertiveness:

Some people fear repercussions of acting assertively or may lack the skills to express
themselves effectively. They may believe that they don’t have the right to be assertive.
Communicating assertively will not guarantee the other person will change his or her
behavior and give you what you want, but it will help you establish limits and boundaries
with others.

XYZ* Formula for Effective Communication:

The goal of the XYZ* formula is to express the way you feel (internal world) in response
to other’s behavior (external world) in specific situations. You are the only person who
has access to your feelings. Others have no access to your internal world. The only way
they will know what you are feeling is if you tell them. Similarly, you only have access to
other people’s external world. It is very easy to make a mistake when trying to guess
what others are feeling or intending.

I feel X when you do Y in situation Z and I would like *

I feel angry when you leave after work and I would like you
your socks and to put them in the
underwear on the hamper.
bedroom floo
I feel worried when you don’t call if you are staying and I would like you
me late at work to call as soon as
you know you will
be late.
References:

1. Hunter, C. L., Goodie, J. L., Oordt, M. S., & Dobmeyer, A. C. (2009). Integrated
Behavioral Health in Primary Care: Step-by-step Guidance for Assessment and
Intervention, American Psychological Association.
2. Pipas, Maria & Jaradat, Mohammad. (2010). Assertive Communication Skills.
Annales Universitatis Apulensis Series Oeconomica. 2. 17-17.
10.29302/oeconomica.2010.12.2.17.
3. Jane. (2019, April 20). The Three Basic Communication Styles. Jane Taylor |
Mindfulness & Compassion Teacher www.habitsforwellbeing.com.
https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/the-three-basic-communication-styles/