For this short personal reflection piece, I want to focus on two elements that felt particularly

salient to me as I was going through the modules. First, I will discuss my understanding of

grief in the context of my values and life perspective. Secondly, I will reflect on my

relationship to the role of lived experience worker.

Understanding of Grief

I am an Orthodox Jew, therefore religion and theology play a very significant role in how I

understand and relate to the world as well as dictate my values. As an emerging Social

Worker, I feel the need to qualify that this is very much an internal, personal reality.

Judaism is not a proselytizing religion, and I believe that, like any other relationship, an

individual’s relationship, or lack thereof, with Gd and religion is a a personal choice. That

being said, my personal meaning making is very tied to and deeply guided by Jewish

theology.

In Jewish sources there is an idea that when grief or tragedy strike, a Jew does not ask ‫ַלמה‬

lamah (why), but ‫ ְלמה‬lemah (for what). We ought not to ask why this terrible thing

happened, but what do we do now that it has. Rabbi Joseph Dov Soloveitchik expanded this

most powerfully in Kol Dodi Dofek (2006) where he wrote about his own emotional

response to the Holocaust, when half of the Jewish nation was killed, including many of his

own family. He said that, as humans, we have a natural instinct to try to justify tragedy, to

find the hidden meaning behind it which gives our suffering purpose. However, he saw this

as an unproductive line of thought. We should question, challenge, and hold to account the

individuals and the systems that allowed tragedy to happen. However, he was making a

metaphysical statement: instead of explaining why it needed to happen, we should use our
emotional and mental energy to make something positive for the world in our situation. This

is not to say that we should fight or flee from the storm of feelings which stem from grief.

Rather, we should use those emotions and thoughts to create meaning in our lives.

This conception permeates Jewish thought, from the prophets and the Rabbis of the Talmud

to modern thinkers like Edith Eger and Viktor Frankl, who articulate the idea that instead of

finding an explanation for horror and loss, we should seek to use it, with all our experiences,

to imbue our lives with purpose and love going forward. Personally, this is the framework I

use to approach grief, loss, and tragedy. Pain is an intrinsic part of the human experience,

we cannot escape it, but we can choose to do something with it. In the famous words of

singer-songwriter and poet Leonard Cohen: “there is a crack in everything, that’s how the

light gets in.”

The Role of Lived Experience

At the point of writing, I have watched module 4 at least 6 times. These 21 minutes and 08

seconds have deeply unsettled me, which Bec Moran said was precisely the point (Martin,

2022). However, I have not been able to fully articulate a reason.

Like many, I come to this class with my own lived experience of trauma, grief, violence, and

horror. I have worked hard to understand how these experiences have affected me, what

role they play in my life, and how they inform who I am and what I do, particularly as an

emerging Social Worker. Yet, as Robyn Martin (2022) attempted to explain, I see these

experiences as separate, but not detached, from my professional identity.

Throughout the modules, lectorials, and tutorials, the powerful and important role of lived

experience has not just been explored as an academic reality but demonstrated as a
powerful force in real life. I was intellectually aware of this truth, but the experience of this

class has shifted how I relate to it in ways I cannot yet name. Perhaps it was the experience

of having professors, academic role models, be so intentional and raw with their own lived

experience. Maybe it is just the coming together of the learning I have done through the

entirety of this course. But, after watching the module I felt shaken.

I will admit that this has made me feel anxious, and at times almost physically ill. I feel

pressure, even a duty, to use all my experiences to the benefit of others. I know Robyn,

Misch, and Bec (in the recordings) have stated numerous times that there is no expectation

or requirement that we share our lived experiences. Yet, simultaneously, the power of lived

experience has been highlighted continuously, as Bec said, “use of lived experience in an

artful way is a shortcut to transformative learning” (Martin, 2022, 9:20). Even this very essay

is one where we are meant to explore and expose ourselves.

I get it. I understand the power of lived experience and that often it can be the most

effective tool. And yet, even the thought of sharing some of my stories makes me feel

fatigued. The risks, the nakedness, the potential for shame spirals, it all feels like too much

to traverse. For all these reasons, I feel stuck. I feel unsure of where my experience should

sit or what I should do in relation to it. Where is the line between safe and effective

practice?

Thankfully, I know this is not something I need to figure out today. I will continue to explore

the questions and the unsettling feelings that have arisen. I will try to name them and

understand what is causing them. I will use the tools I have gained through this course, both

modes of critical thinking and access to physical resources. I will also lean on my external

support systems as I continue to decipher this. Currently, I feel that this course has cracked

some of my protective armour, it might take me a minute to adjust to the light.

Citations

Cohen, L. (1992). Anthem [Song recorded by Leonard Cohen]. On The Future. Columbia

Records.

Martin, R. (2022). Module 4 – Lived Experience [Lecture recording]. Canvas @ RMIT

University. https://rmit.instructure.com/courses/94179/pages/module-4-lived-

experience?module_item_id=4338499

Soloveitchick, J. D. (2006). Kol Dodi Dofek, Listen my beloved knocks (D.Z. Gordon, Trans).

Yeshiva University. (Original work published 1956).