"Why I Abandoned Papism" by Bishop Paul Ballaster-

Convolier
johnsanidopoulos.com/2009/08/why-i-abandoned-papism-by-bishop-paul.html

Bishop Paul de Ballester-Convallier: A Contemporary

Neomartyr of Orthodoxy 

(25th anniversary of his murder: 1984-2009)

Introduction

By John Sanidopoulos

This year marks the 25th anniversary of the death as a martyr of the late Bishop Paul de
Ballester-Convallier (1927-1984). As a memorial to him we reprint here a brief version of his
book which explains why and how he was converted to Orthodoxy from Roman Catholicism.

The article below of the then Hierodeacon Fr. Paul Ballester-Convollier was published in two
follow up articles by Kivotos magazine (July 1953, p. 285-291 and December 1953, p. 483-
485). Previously a Franciscan monk who had turned to Orthodoxy, Bishop Paul was made
titular bishop of Nazianzus of the Holy Archdiocese of North and South America with its seat
in Mexico. There he was met with a martyric death.

1/13
The news of his murder was reported on the first page of the newspaper Kathemerini
(Saturday, February 4, 1984) which says:

THE GREEK ORTHODOX BISHOP PAUL WAS MURDERED IN MEXICO

As it became known from the city of Mexico, before yesterday the Bishop of
Nazianzus, Paul De Ballester of the Greek Archdiocese of North and South
America, died. He was murdered by a 70 year old Mexican, a previous military
man who was suffering from psychiatric illness. The funeral was attended by
Archbishop Iakovos who was aware of the work of the active bishop. It should
be pointed out that Bishop Paul was of Spanish origin, was received into
Orthodoxy as an adult and excelled as a shepherd and author. The Mexican
authorities do not exclude the possibility that his murderer was driven to his act
through some sort of fanaticism.

Bishop Paul was a native of Catalonia, Barcelona and studied in seminaries at Athens and
Halki. He was ordained in Athens as a deacon in 1953 and as a priest in 1954. His ministry
as a priest was first in Constantinople (1954-1959) and then in the Greek Orthodox
Archdiocese of North and South America (1959-1984). In 1970 he was consecrated titular
Bishop of Nazianzus (in New York) with its seat in Mexico. His work there as a churchman,
university professor and voluminous author was brilliant and conspicuous, but unfortunately it
was sealed with his premature death. He was murdered after the end of the Divine Liturgy in
the city of Mexico in 1984. His funeral was attended by Archbishop Iakovos who praised the
exceptional work of this vibrant bishop.
Bishop Paul of Nazianzus not only proved worthy of
his calling, but also became a witness of Orthodoxy for dying a horrible death while in faithful
service to the Church. In a recent visit to Mexico of His All-Holiness Ecumenical Patriarch
Bartholomew in 2006, the order was given to Metropolitan Athenagoras of Mexico and
Central America to transfer the relics of the late Bishop Paul of Nazianzus to the Metropolis
and laid to rest at the monument of this Bishop that lies in the front court of the Cathedral
Church of Saint Sophia which was erected by this ever-memorable hierarch.

I have corrected some of the typographical errors of previous translations of this text for it to
make more sense and be more readable. 

2/13
Why I Abandoned Papism

By Hierodeacon Paul de Ballester-Convallier

1. How It All Began

My conversion to Orthodoxy began one day while I was re-ordering the Library catalogues of
the monastery I belonged to. This monastery belonged to the Franciscan order, founded in
my country of Spain. While I was classifying different old articles concerning the Holy
Inquisition, I happened to come across an article that was truly impressive, dating back to
1647. This article described a decision of the Holy Inquisition that anathematized as a heretic
any Christian who dared believe, accept or preach to others that he supported the apostolic
validity of the Apostle Paul.

It was about this horrible finding that my mind could not comprehend. I immediately thought
to calm my soul that perhaps it was due to a typographical error or due to some forgery,
which was not so uncommon in the Western Church of that time when the articles were
written. However, my disturbance and my surprise became greater after researching and
confirming that the decision of the Holy Inquisition that was referred to in the article was
authentic. In fact already during two earlier occasions, namely in 1327 and 1331, the Popes
John XXII and Clemens VI had condemned and anathematized any one who dared deny that
the Apostle Paul during his entire apostolic life was totally subordinate to the ecclesiastical
monarchical authority of the first Pope and king of the Church, namely the Apostle Peter. And
a lot later Pope Pius X in 1907 and Benedict XV in 1920, had repeated the same anathemas
and the same condemnations.

I had therefore to dismiss any possibility of it being due to an inadvertent misquoting or

forgery. So I was thus confronted with a serious problem of conscience.

3/13
Personally it was impossible for me to accept that the Apostle Paul was disposed of under
whatever Papal command. The independence of his apostolic work among nations, against
that which characterized the apostolic work of Peter among the circumcised, for me was the
unshakable event that shouted from the Holy Bible.

The thing was totally clear to me who he was, as the exegetical works of the Fathers on this
issue do not leave the slightest doubt. "Paul", writes St. Chrysostom, "declares his equality
with the rest of the apostles and should be compared not only with all the others but with the
first one of them, to prove that each one had the same authority". Truly, together all the
Fathers agree that "all the rest of the apostles were the same like Peter, namely they were
endowed with the same honour and authority". It was impossible for any of them to exercise
higher authority over the rest, for the apostolic title that each had was the "highest authority,
the peak of authorities". They were all shepherds, while the flock was one. And the flock was
shepherded by the apostles in conformity by all.

The matter was therefore crystal clear. Despite this, the Latin teaching was against the
situation. This way for the first time in my life I experienced a frightful dilemma. What could I
say? On one side was the Bible and Holy Tradition and on the other side the teaching of the
Church? According to Latin theology it is essential for our salvation to believe that the
Church is a pure monarchy, whose monarch is the Pope. This way the synod of the Vatican,
voting together all the earlier convictions, declared officially that "if any one says ... that Peter
(who is assumed to be the first Pope) was not ordained by Christ as the leader of the
Apostles and visible Head of all the Church ... is under anathema".

2. I Am Addressing My Confessor

Within this psychological disturbance I addressed my confessor and naively described the
situation. He was one of the most famous priests of the monastery. He heard me with
sadness, aware that it involved a very difficult problem. Having thought for a few minutes
while looking in vain for an acceptable resolution, he finally told me the following that I
confess I did not expect.

"The Bible and the Fathers have harmed you, my child. Set it and them aside and confine
yourself to following the infallible teachings of the Church and do not let yourself become
victim of such thoughts. Never allow creatures of God whoever they may be to scandalize
your faith in God and the Church."

This answer he gave very explicitly and caused my confusion to grow. I always held that
especially the word of God is the only thing that one cannot set aside.

Without allowing me any time to respond, my confessor added: "In exchange, I shall give you
a list of prominent authors in whose works your faith will relax and be supported". And asking
me if I had something else "more interesting" to ask, he terminated our conversation.

4/13
A few days later, my confessor departed from the monastery for a preaching tour of churches
of the monastic order. He left me the list of authors, recommending that I read them. And he
asked me to inform him of my progress in this reading by writing him.

Even though his words did not convince me in the least, I collected these books and started
to read them as objectively and attentively as possible.

The majority of the books were theological texts and manuals of papal decisions as well as
of Ecumenical Synods. I threw myself to the study with genuine interest, having only the
Bible as my guide, "Thy law is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my paths" (Ps. 118:105).

As I progressed in my study of those books, I would understand more and more that I was
unaware of the nature of my Church. Having been proselytized in Christianity and baptized
as soon as I completed my encyclical studies, I continued with philosophical studies and then
as I speak to you I was just at the beginning of the theological studies. It consisted of a
science totally new to me. Until then Christianity and the Latin Church was for me an
amalgam, something absolutely indivisible. In my monastic life I was only concerned with
their exterior view and I was given no reason to examine in depth the bases and reasons of
the organic structure of my Church.

3. The Preposterous Teaching About the Pope

Exactly then, within the bouquet of articles that wisely my spiritual leader had put together,
the true nature of this monarchical system, known as the Latin Church, started to unravel. I
suppose a summary of her characteristics would not be superfluous.

First of all, to the Roman Catholics, the Christian Church "is nothing more than an absolute
monarchy" whose monarch is the Pope who functions in all her facets as such. On this Papal
monarchy "all the power and stability of the Church is found" which otherwise "would not
have been possible". Christianity is supported completely by Papism. And still some more,
"Papism is the most significant agent of Christianity", that is "it is its zenith and its essence".

The monarchic authority of the Pope as the supreme leader and the visible head of the
Church, the cornerstone, Universal Infallible Teacher of the Faith, Representative (Vicar) of
God on earth, shepherd of shepherds and Supreme Hierarch, is totally dynamic and
dominant and embraces all the teachings and legal rights that the Church has. "Divine right"
is extended on all and individually on each baptized man across the whole world. This
dictatorial authority can be exercised at any time, over anything and on any Christian across
the world, whether lay or clergy, and in any church of any denomination and language it may
be, in consideration of the Pope being the supreme bishop of every ecclesiastical diocese in
the world.

5/13
People who refuse to recognize all this authority and do not submit blindly are schismatic,
heretic, impious and sacrilegious and their souls are already destined to eternal damnation,
for it is essential for our salvation that we believe in the institution of Papism and submit to it
and its representatives. This way the Pope incarnates that imaginary Leader, prophesied by
Cicero, who writes that all must recognize him to be holy.

Always in the Latin teaching, "accepting that the Pope has the right to intervene and judge all
spiritual issues of each and every Christian separately, that much more does he have the
right to do the same in their worldly affairs. He cannot be limited to judging only through
spiritual penalties, denying the eternal salvation to those who do not submit to him, but also
he has the right to exercise authority over the faithful. For the Church has two knives,
symbols of her spiritual and worldly power. The first of these is in the hands of the clergy, the
other in the hands of Kings and soldiers, though they too are under the will and service of the
clergy".

The Pope, maintaining that he is the representative of Him whose "kingdom is not of this
world", of Him who forbade the Apostles to imitate the kings of the world who "conquer the
nations", nominates himself as a worldly king, thus continuing the imperialism of Rome. At
different periods he in fact had become lord over great expanses, he declared bloody wars
against other Christian kings to acquire other land expanses, or even to satisfy his thirst for
more wealth and power. He owned a great number of slaves. He played a central role and
many times a decisive role in political history. The duty of the Christian lords is to retreat in
the face "of the divinely appointed king" surrendering to him their kingdom and their politico-
ecclesiastical throne "that was created to ennoble and anchor all the other thrones of the
world". Today the worldly capital of the Pope is confined to Vatican City. It consists of an
autonomous nation with diplomatic representations in the governments of both hemispheres,
with an army, weapons, police, jails, currency, etc.

And as a crown and peak of the almightiness of the Pope, he has one more faithful privilege
that even the most ignoble idolaters could not even imagine - the infallible divine right,
according to the dogmatic rule of the Vatican Synod that took place on 1870. Since then on
"humanity ought to address to him whatever it addresses to the Lord: 'you have words of
eternal life'". From now on there is no need of the Holy Spirit to guide the Church "into all
truth". There is no more need of the Holy Bible nor of Sacred Tradition, for now there is a god
on earth based on the infallible. The Pope is the only canon of truth who can even express
things contrary to the judgment of all the Church, declare new dogmas which the faithful
ought to accept if they do not wish to be cut off from their salvation. "It depends only on his
will and intention to deem whatever he wishes, as sacred and holy within the Church" and
the decreetal letters must be deemed, believed and obeyed "as canonical epistles". Since he
is an infallible Pope, he must receive blind obedience. Cardinal Bellarmine, who was

6/13
declared a Saint by the Latin Church, says this simply: "If the Pope some day imposed sins
and forbade virtues, the Church is obliged to believe that these sins are good and these
virtues are bad".

4. The Answer of My Confessor

Having read all those books, I felt myself as a stranger within my Church, whose
organizational composition has no relation to the Church that the Lord built and organized by
the Apostles and their disciples and as intended by the Holy Fathers. Under this belief I
wrote my first letter to my superior: "I read your books. I shall not contravene the divine
warrants so that I may follow the human teachings that have no basis at all in the Holy Bible.
Such teachings are a string of foolishness by Papism. From the provisions of the Holy Bible
we can understand the nature of the Church and not through human decisions and theories.
The truth of faith does not spring but from the Holy Bible and from the Tradition of the whole
Church".

The reply came fast: "You have not followed my advice," complained my elder, "and thus
exposed your soul to the dangerous impact of the Holy Bible, which, like fire burns and
blackens when it does not shine. In such situations like yours, the Popes have pronounced
that it 'is a scandalous error for one to believe that all the Christians could read the Holy
Bible', and the theologians assure us that the Holy Bible 'is a dark cloud'. 'For one to believe
in the enlightenment and clarity of the Bible is a heterodox dogma,' claim our infallible
leaders. As far as the Tradition, I do not consider it necessary to remind you that we should
primarily follow the Pope on matters of Faith. The Pope is worth, in this case, thousands of
Augustinians, Jeromses, Gregories, Chrysostoms...".

This letter accomplished to strengthen my opinion rather than demolish it. It was impossible
for me to place the Holy Bible below the Pope. By attacking the Holy Bible, my Church was
losing every worthy belief ahead of me, and was becoming one with the heretics who "being
elected by the Bible turn against it". This was the last contact I had with my elder.

5. The Pope is Everything and the Church is Nothing

However I did not stop there. I had already started to "skid due to the skid" of my Church. I
had taken a road that I was not allowed to stop until I found a positive solution. The drama of
those days was that I had estranged myself from Papism, but I did not accost any other
ecclesiastical reality. Orthodoxy and Protestantism then were for me vague ideas and I had
not reached the time and opportunity to ascertain that they could offer something to soothe
my agony. Despite all this I continued to love my Church that made me a Christian and I bore
her symbol. I still needed more profound thinking to reach slowly, with trouble and grief, to
the conclusion that the Church I loved was not part of the Papal system.

7/13
Truly, against the monocracy of the Pope, the authority of the Church and of the episcopal
body is not intrinsically subordinate. Because according to Latin theology "the authority of the
Church exists only when it is characterized and harmonized by the Pope. In all other cases it
is nullified". This way it is the same thing whether the Pope is with the Church or the Pope is
without the Church, in other words, the Pope is everything and the Church is nothing. Very
correctly did Bishop Maren write, "It would have been more accurate if the Roman Catholics
when they recite the 'I Believe' would say 'And in one Pope' instead of 'And in one ...
Church'".

The importance and function of the bishops in the Latin Church are no more than that of
representatives of the Papal authority to which the bishops submit like the lay faithful. This
regime they try to uphold under the 22nd chapter of St. John's Gospel, which according to
the Latin interpretation, "the Lord entrusts the Apostle Peter, the first Pope, the shepherding
of His lambs and of His sheep", namely, He bestows on him the job of the Chief Shepherd
with exclusive rights on all the faithful, who are the lambs and all the others, Apostles and
Bishops, namely, the sheep.

However, the bishops in the Latin Church are not even successors to the Apostles, for as it
dogmatizes: "The apostolic authority was lacking with the Apostles and was not passed
down to their successors, the bishops. Only the Papal authority of Peter, namely the Popes."
The bishops then, having not inherited any apostolic authority, have no other authority but
the one given to them, not directly from God but by the Supreme Pontiff of Rome.

And the Ecumenical Synods also have no other value than the one given to them by the
Bishop of Rome, "for they cannot be anything else except conferences of Christianity that are
called under the authenticity and authority of the Pope". It would suffice the Pope to exit the
hall of the Synod saying, "I am not in there anymore", to stop from that moment on the
Ecumenical Synod from having any validity. If it is not authorized and validated by the Pope,
who could impose this authority on the faithful?

6. The Frightful Answer of a Jesuit

I almost gave up on my studies during that period, taking advantage of the hours that my
Order allowed me to retire to my cell, to think of nothing else but my big problem. For whole
months I would study the structure and organization of the early Church, straight from the
apostolic and patristic sources. However, all this work could not be done totally in secrecy. It
looked obvious that my exterior life was greatly affected by this great concern which had
overwhelmed all my interest and sapped all my strength. I never lost an opportunity to inquire
from outside the monastery whatever could contribute towards shedding light to my problem.
This way I started to discuss the topic with known ecclesiastical acquaintances in relation to
the trust I had in their frankness and their heart. This way I would receive continuously the
impressions and opinions on the topic which were for me always interesting and significant.

8/13
I found most of these clerics more fanatical than I expected. Even though they were deeply
aware of the absurdity of the teaching on the Pope, being stuck to the idea that "the required
submission to the Pope demands a blind consent of our views", and in the other maxim by
the founder of Jesuits: "That we may possess the truth and not fall in fallacy, we owe it to
always depend on the basic and immovable axiom that what we see as white in reality it is
black, if that is what the hierarchy of the Church tells us". With this fantastic bias a priest of
the Order of Jesus entrusted me with the following thought:

"What you tell me I acknowledge that they are most logical and very clear and true. However,
for us Jesuits, apart from the usual three vows, we give a fourth one during the day of our
tonsure. This fourth vow is more important than the vow of purity, obedience and poverty. It is
the vow that we must totally submit to the Pope. This way, I prefer to go to hell with the Pope
than to Paradise with all your truths."

7. "A Few Centuries Ago They Would Have Burnt You in the Fires of the Holy
Inquisition"

According to the opinion of most of them, I was a heretic. Here's what a bishop wrote to me:
"A few centuries ago, the ideas you have, would have been enough to bring you to the fires
of the Holy Inquisition".

However, despite all this I intended to stay in the monastery and give myself to the purely
spiritual life, leaving the responsibility to the hierarchy for the deceit and its correction. But
could the important things of the soul be safe on a road of superficial life, where the
arbitrariness of the Pope could pile up new dogmas and false teachings concerning the pious
life of the Church? Moreover, since the purity of teaching was built with falsehoods about the
Pope, who could reassure me that this stain would not spread into the other parts of the
evangelical faith?

It is therefore not strange if the holy men within the Latin Church started to sound the alarm
by saying things such as: "Who knows if the minor means of salvation that flood us do not
cause us to forget our only Savior Jesus...? Today our spiritual life appears like a multi-
branch and multi-leaf tree, where the souls do no more know where the trunk is that
everything rests on, and where the roots are that feed it."

With such a manner we have decorated and overloaded our religiosity, so that the face of
Him who is the "focus of the issue" is lost inside the "decorations". Being therefore convinced
that the spiritual life within the bosom of the Papal Church will expose me to dangers, I
ended up taking the decisive step. I abandoned the monastery and after a little while I
declared I did not belong to the Latin Church. Some others seemed prepared until then to
follow me, but at the last moment no one proved prepared to sacrifice so radically his
position within the Church, with the honor and consideration they enjoyed.

9/13
This way I abandoned the Latin Church whose leader, forgetting that the Kingdom of the Son
of God "is not of this world" and that "he who is called to the bishopric is not called to any
high position or authority but to the deaconate of all the Church", but instead imitating him
who "wishing in his pride to be like God, he lost the true glory and put on the false one" and
"sat in the temple of God as god". Rightly did Bernard De Klaraval write about the Pope:
"There is no more horrible poison for you, no sword more dangerous, than the thirst and
passion of domination". Coming out of Papism, I followed my voice of conscience that was
the voice of God. And this voice was telling me, "Leave her ... so you may not partake of her
sins and that you may not receive of her wounds".

8. In the Bosom of Orthodoxy

Secondly, as my departure from Papism became more broadly known within the
ecclesiastical circles and was receiving more enthusiastic response in the Spanish and
French Protestant circles, so was my position becoming more precarious.

In the correspondence I received, the threatening and anonymous abusive letters were
plentiful. They would accuse me that I was creating an anti-papist wave around me and I was
leading by my example into "apostasy" Roman Catholic clerics "who were dogmatically sick"
and who had publicly expressed a sympathetic feeling for my case.

This fact forced me to leave Barcelona, and settle in Madrid where I was put up - without my
seeking - by Anglicans and through them I came in contact with the World Council of
Churches.

Not even there did I manage to remain inconspicuous. After every sermon at different
Anglican Churches, a steadily increasing number of listeners sought to know me and to
confidently discuss with me some ecclesiological topics.

Without therefore wishing it, a steadily increasing circle of people started forming around me,
with most being anti-papists. This situation was exposing me to the authorities, because in
the confidential meetings I had agreed to attend some Roman Catholic clerics started to
appear who were generally known "for their lacking and weakening faith regarding the
primacy and infallibility of the Highest Hierarch of Rome".

The fanatical vindictiveness that some papists bore against my person I saw fully expressed
and reach its zenith the day I replied publicly to a detailed ecclesiological dissertation which
they had sent to me as an ultimate step to remove me from the "trap of heresy" that I had
fallen in. That work of apologetic character had the expressive title: The Pope, Vicar of our
Lord on Earth. And the slogan that the arguments in the book ended up with, was the
following: "Due to the infallibility of the Pope, the Roman Catholics are today the only
Christians who could be certain for what they believe".

10/13
In the columns of a Portuguese book review, I replied: "The reality is that due to this
infallibility you are the only Christians who cannot be certain about what they will demand
that you believe tomorrow". My article ended with the following sentence: "Soon, the road
you walk, you will name the Lord vicar of the Pope in heaven".

Soon after I published in Buenos Aires my three volume study, I put an end to the skirmishes
with the Papists. In that study I had collected all the clauses in the patristic literature of the
first four centuries, which directly or indirectly refer to the "primacy clauses" (Matt 16:18-19;
John 21: 15-17; Luke 22: 31-32). I proved that the teachings about the Pope were absolutely
foreign and contrary to the interpretation given by the Fathers on the issue. And the
interpretation of the Fathers is exactly the rule on which we understand the Holy Bible.

During that period, even though from unrelated situations, for the first time I came in contact
with Orthodoxy. Before I continue to recount the events, I owe it to confess here that my
ideas about Orthodoxy had suffered an important development from the beginning of my
spiritual odyssey. Certain discussions I had on ecclesiological topics with a group of
Orthodox Polish, who passed through my country, and the information I received from the
World Council regarding the existence and life of Orthodox circles in the West, had caused
me a real interest. Furthermore, I started to get different Russian and Greek books and
magazines from London and Berlin, as well as some of the prized books that were provided
by Archimandrite Benedict Katsenavakis in Napoli, Italy. Thus my interest in Orthodoxy would
continue to grow.

Slowly, slowly in this way I started losing my inner biases against the Orthodox Church.
These biases presented Orthodoxy as schismatic, without spiritual life, a drained group of
small churches that do not have the characteristics of the true Church of Christ. And the
schism that had cut her off, "had made the devil for their father and the pride of the Patriarch
Photios for mother".

So when I started to correspond with a respected member of the Orthodox hierarchy in the
West - whose name I do not believe I am permitted to publish due to my personal criterion
that was based on those original informations - I was thus totally free from every bias against
Orthodoxy and I could spiritually gaze objectively. I soon realized and even with a pleasant
surprise that my negative stance I had against Papism was conforming completely to the
ecclesiological teaching of Orthodoxy. The respectable hierarch agreed to this coincidence in
his letters, but refrained from expressing himself more broadly because he was aware that I
lived in a Protestant surrounding.

The Orthodox in the West are not at all susceptible to proselytism. Only when our
correspondence continued enough, the Orthodox bishop showed me to read the superb
book by Sergei Boulgakov titled Orthodoxy, and the not less in depth dissertation under the
same title by Metropolitan Seraphim. In the mean time I had also written specifically to the
Ecumenical Patriarchate.

11/13
In those books I found myself. There was not even a single paragraph that did not meet
completely the agreement of my conscience. So much in these works as in others that they
would send to me with encouraging letters - now even from Greece. I clearly saw how
Orthodox teaching is profound and purely evangelical and that the Orthodox are the only
Christians who believe like the Christians of the catacombs and of the Fathers of the Church
of the Golden Age. They are the only ones who can repeat with holy boasting the patristic
saying, "We believe in whatever we received from the Apostles".

That period I wrote two books, one with the title The Concept of the Church According to the
Western Fathers and the other with the title Your God, Our God and God. These books were
to be published in South America, but I did not proceed with their release so that I may not
give an easy and dangerous hold to the Protestant propaganda.

From the Orthodox side they advised me to let go of my simply negative position against
Papism, in which I was dirtied, and to shape my personal "I Believe" [Faith or Creed] from
which they could judge how far I was from the Anglican Church as well as the Orthodox.

It was a hard task that I summarized with the following sentences: "I believe in everything
that are included in the Canonical books of the Old and New Testament, according to the
interpretation of the ecclesiastical Tradition, namely the Ecumenical Synods that were truly
ecumenical, and to the unanimous teaching of the Holy Fathers that are acknowledged
catholically as such".

From then on I began to understand that the sympathy of the Protestants towards me was
cooling down, except of the Anglicans who were governed by some meaningful support. And
it is only now that the Orthodox interest, despite being late, as always, started to manifest
itself and to attract me to Orthodoxy as one who was "possibly Catechumen".

The undertakings of a Polish university professor, whom I knew, cemented my conviction that
Orthodoxy is supported by the meaningful truths of Christianity. I understood that every
Christian of the other confessions is required to sacrifice some significant part of the Faith to
arrive at complete dogmatic purity, and only an Orthodox Christian is not so required. For
only he lives and remains in the substance of Christianity and the revealed and unaltered
truth.

So, I did no more feel myself alone against the almighty Roman Catholicism and the
coolness that the Protestants displayed against me. There were in the East and scattered
around the world, 280 million Christians who belonged to the Orthodox Church and with
whom I felt in communion of faith.

The accusation of the theological mummification of Orthodoxy had for me no value, because
I had now understood that this fixed and stable perseverance of the Orthodox teaching of
truth was not a spiritual solidified rock, but an everlasting flow like the current of the waterfall
that seems to remain always the same yet the waters always change.

12/13
Slowly, slowly the Orthodox started to consider me as one of their own. "That we speak to
this Spaniard about Orthodoxy", wrote a famous archimandrite, "is not proselytism". They
and I perceived that I was already birthed in the port of Orthodoxy, that I was finally breathing
freely in the bosom of the Mother Church. In this period I was finally Orthodox without
realizing it, and like the disciples that walked towards Emmaus close to the Divine Teacher, I
had covered a stretch close to Orthodoxy without conclusively recognizing the Truth but at
the end.

When I was assured of this reality, I wrote a long dissertation on my case to the Ecumenical
Patriarchate and to the Archbishop of Athens through the Apostolic Diaconate of the Church
of Greece. And having no more to do with Spain - where today there does not exist an
Orthodox community - I left my country and went to France where I asked to become a
member of the Orthodox Church, having earlier let some more time for the fruit of my change
to ripen. During this period I further deepened my knowledge of Orthodoxy and strengthened
my relationship with her hierarchy. When I became fully confident of myself, I took the
decisive step and officially was received in the true Church of Christ as her member. I wished
to realize this great event in Greece, the recognized country of Orthodoxy where I came to
study theology. The blessed Archbishop of Athens received me paternally. His love and
interest were beyond my expectations. I should say the same for the then chancellor of the
Sacred Archdiocese and presently Bishop Dionysius of Rogon who showed me paternal
love. It is needless to add that in such an atmosphere of love and warmth, the Holy Synod
did not take long to decide my canonical acceptance in the bosom of the Orthodox Church.
During that all-night sacred ceremony I was honored with the name of the Apostle of Nations,
and following that I was received as a monk in the Holy Penteli Monastery. Soon after, I was
tonsured deacon by the Holy Bishop of Rogon.

Since then I live within the love, sympathy and understanding of the Greek Church and all
her members. I ask from all their prayers and their spiritual support that I may always stand
worthy of the grace that was given me by the Lord.

13/13