I’ve come to realize how hollow I am on the inside, I’ve become so fragile a single crack could

break me, even so my heart continued to pump and my respiratory muscles were able to do
their job. However, I didn't expect that the single crack would be my sister's words. she
thought that the old me would never be so self-loathing, so pathetic that I could walk
through a glass door despite seeing what's ahead of me. It was sad not to be understood.
The first finals in my first medical year turned out to be Pandora's box. After three days, I am
supposed to go to the exam hall and fill the exam paper with the right fancy medical terms.
But my situation was dire. I have been trying to fix the situation and stuff my brain with
information and lectures but all my attempts had no promising outcomes and to be honest,
there were no outcomes at all. My failed attempts kept knocking my head like a hammer
until it fell on one of these heavy medical textbooks. "I’m alone and I hate it. Being alone
makes me feel empty. I'm sick of trying to wear my mother's sweater like it's my destiny to
be a doctor while my knowledge about medicine never developed through the entire year.
Those years were supposed to be the best, rather than that, I'm suffocated. This place makes
me feel like Sisyphus and I will never reach the top." Those words were born from a moment
of rage as I responded to my sister asking if there's something wrong. "it's expected. You
were a mess and depressed through the whole year. Stop being whiny and study like you
always did." She answered in those cold words and created a disturbing silence, it was like
talking in space where there's no air for my voice to travel to her and we weren't on the
same spacecraft. I left the house trying to end that disconnected conversation. While I was
walking, I realized that I was a slave to that hidden part of me that little, afraid thing. That
thing made me sweat heavily, shake and hesitate at the most important point of my life. I'm
finally aware of the problem and I'm no longer this young thing, and I don't believe in fairy
tales and "perfect" isn't in your vocabulary. I did go to that exam with only a determination
to end my misery by leaving this specialty. I know what's the problem and that knowledge
sets me free.