The Art of Atomic Habits: A 21st Century Guide To Easily &

Effectively Building Good Habits & Breaking Bad Ones

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 Table of Contents
Introduction.................................................................................................................................................4
Chapter 1.....................................................................................................................................................5
Facts about habit.........................................................................................................................................5
Chapter 2.....................................................................................................................................................9
The impact of habit on us............................................................................................................................9
Chapter 3...................................................................................................................................................12
How habit is formed..................................................................................................................................12
Chapter 4...................................................................................................................................................16
What are Good Habits?.............................................................................................................................16
Chapter 5...................................................................................................................................................20
Changing habit...........................................................................................................................................20
Chapter 6...................................................................................................................................................23
Why little changes make a difference........................................................................................................23
Chapter 7...................................................................................................................................................27
Becoming a better person.........................................................................................................................27
Conclusion.................................................................................................................................................31
 Introduction

The satisfaction we feel in doing what we do well, even shuffling the cards, attracts us to routines and
gives them natural power.

Habit confers a certain security on the living: the expression "I am used to" reveals a skill or a knowledge
that reassures. Habit is therefore reassuring in the sense that it perpetuates the familiar, the everyday
that stands in the way of moving novelty. It expresses the persistence of an intellectual or bodily
balance. 

Moreover, it is the result of an acquisition, which distinguishes it from the instinct which is innate. As a
more or less unconscious process, it is also distinguished from intelligence. Neither should it be viewed
as a “confirmed trend”. One should not confuse the training to continue the act which characterizes the
habit and the training to begin it which is characteristic of the tendency. He is; finally, note that habit
affects the different aspects of existence: there are habits of feeling but also of thinking; there are habits
of acting but also of understanding. 

In a nutshell, it can't be reduced to a single function. It appears to be an acquired and largely stable style
of feeling, perceiving, acting, and thinking. In this book, you will be introduced to habits and it formation
and various solution to breaking bad habits.
 Chapter 1

Facts about habit

Habits are self-reinforcing patterns that assist us in our daily lives. Our routines not only control our
behavior but also how we think and feel and how we deal with others and ourselves. Our dear habits
whether good or bad, we all have them and new ones are always added. Some support us and help us to
live an easier life and others seem to really slow us down. Our habits largely determine our life for
better, or for worse.

Habits guide us through the day

In every new setting, we develop habits. New ones are added every day, throughout every stage of life.
Without a doubt, we develop key automatisms to help us navigate our daily lives. When we get dressed,
which pant leg do we put on first? How many times do we chew before swallowing a slice of bread with
jam? When brushing our teeth, which side do we start with? We undoubtedly learned a lot of these
rituals as kids and have been doing them every morning since.

As a result, our habits take over 30 to 50% of our daily decisions. We have time to plan our day and
make crucial decisions while the everyday activities run on autopilot: When must I collect my child from
daycare? Should we spend our money on a new automobile or a family vacation?

The habit loop: stimulus, behavior, reward

Every habit follows a looping psychological pattern. First, the brain looks for a triggering input in the
environment. This could be a common occurrence or a state of mind such as anxiousness.

The brain then performs the behavior associated with the habit, such as grabbing a cigarette. "If it
succeeds, the brain's reward system kicks in, which relaxes many people and makes the brain happy.

We quickly become aware of behavioral habits at the latest when smoking, an unhealthy diet or lack of
exercise puts a strain on our health. Thinking and feeling habits, on the other hand, usually run out of
sight. We have thousands of them.

The so-called mental habits sometimes show up together with behavioral habits. If a person, for
example, plays with their hair or bobbles their foot during a presentation as a behavioral habit, there is
generally an emotional habit behind it: the individual becomes apprehensive or anxious in certain
situations.

Thinking habits reflect attitudes and values

Anyone who thinks their views are always the outcome of thorough thought is mistaken. We try to
employ rational thinking as little as possible because it consumes energy in our brain. Thousands of
thought routines, on the other hand, run through our heads daily. We automatically judge what are
ethically right and bad, as well as our own and others' perceptions of ourselves. When a new individual
enters the room, our thought patterns automatically appraise him. We frequently fall into stereotypes
rather than reevaluating each individual.

However, our thinking habits also influence how we evaluate our own abilities and knowledge. They
determine whether you value order and think timeliness is important, for example. Our thought
patterns influence how we react to unpleasant news or suffering, as well as how we interpret rejection.
Do we, for example, have a tendency to brood over our worries, or do we have faith that things will get
better tomorrow?

Some people have very negative thinking habits, whenever you look at yourself in the mirror and are
dissatisfied with the sight; you fall into negative thought patterns.

Why habits are vital and indispensable

Habits have a bad reputation: If we keep opening Facebook instead of working productively, it can
repeatedly trigger stressful emotions and gobble up time. If we leave the water running in the shower
while soaping and brushing our teeth, we are harming the environment. When we sit on the couch in
the evening with bags of chips in hand instead of going to the gym, they have an impact on our health.

The majority of our habits are reasonable; they allow us to exist amid the world's complexity. Our brains
would be completely overwhelmed by the deluge of stimuli and situations if we didn't have
automatisms.

The importance of habits in our lives may be demonstrated as early as the first years of life. Behavioral
researchers have found that children who lack routines in their daily lives, such as established meal
times, develop anxiety about new and unpredictable situations and are less confident.

Only individuals who have had the same positive experience over and over may establish trust. For
example, the more a child practices riding a bicycle, the less terrified they are of crashing. Habits provide
us with a solid foundation that allows us to remain calm in unfamiliar situations.

It is similar in relationships. The bond between mother and baby, for example, is strengthened when the
baby learns regular care and safety from the mother over vital needs like hunger satisfied. The more
often we are encouraged and comforted by our partner or a friend, the more trust and loyalty we
develop. Habits help us to establish stable relationships that do not break into an argument.

 There are a few interesting facts about a habit that not many know, but which are important to know to
score in your fight against bad habits or in developing new, supportive habits.

Habits cannot be shed

Once stored in the brain, habits can no longer be erased. The pattern is firmly anchored; this is one of
the reasons why it is so difficult for us to get rid of old, annoying habits. But what we can do is change a
habit; habits consist of the following three building blocks:

 Trigger
 Routine
 Reward

Our routine is triggered by a certain trigger, such as a certain time, a certain location, a person, etc.
Now, by adopting a new routine around the familiar trigger, we're transforming the old, annoying habit
into a new supportive habit.

New environment

We can best change habits when we move into a new environment - i.e. on vacation, at a new job, a
new apartment, etc. Why is that?

As stated above, habits are triggered by so-called triggers and these triggers are followed by a routine.
These triggers occur again and again in the same pattern, for example, every time we get up and sit
down at the kitchen table; when we come in the front door; when we walk past the candy bowl, etc.

There is a certain trigger and we automatically fall into the associated routine. But when you are on
vacation or in a different, completely new environment, your known triggers usually disappear for the
time being.

Our brains aren't on our side

When it comes to change, our brain is by no means on our side, on the contrary, it will do everything it
can to stop you. Why?

Well, because changes meant an absolute show of strength for the brain. That is why our brains prefer
to look at how it can avoid this show of strength and save energy and that is by letting the habits, i.e. the
automatic program, continue.

Half-day on autopilot

According to a study, up to 45% of our daily tasks are made up of habits. That means that we are
practically on autopilot for half the day on the one hand terrifying, on the other hand, great when you
consider that you can acquire positive habits and thus use half of the day to improve your life. Just how
does it look in reality?

Quite often unpopular habits creep into our everyday lives that consume a lot of time, are not very
productive, and do not really have a positive effect on our lives.

It takes 66 days
It takes an average of 66 days to acquire a new habit or to change an existing one. Many believe it is 21
days. In most cases, however, these only apply to getting used to one thing and no longer finding it
totally awkward. However, the automatism only starts from approx. 66 days.

Chapter 2

The impact of habit on us

Confrontation with new and complicated things requires awareness, attention, and concentration, the
brain, therefore, strives to make everything routine. Habits are cheap both metabolically and
neuronally. This is an advantage because we no longer have to think about basic behavior, such as
walking. We have more mental energy available to do other things. In this way, even in stressful
situations, we can be sure that we won't forget to brush our teeth or find our way to work.

Habits navigate us through life. Without them, our brain would be overwhelmed by the details of
everyday life. But it is precisely this trick of saving energy that makes it so difficult for us to change our
behavior because this control lies in an area of the brain that is not consciously controlled. Children have
to learn this behavior first; for them, entering the bathroom in the morning automatically leads to
nothing. And when you brush, you quickly forget some of your teeth or brush twice. Only after many
repetitions does the process become a habit.

The number of habits increases with age. Adults get used to dressing a certain way, smoking a cigarette
with coffee, or sorting out trash. We grow into operational structures and into certain roles. In the
beginning, we thought about how we should behave in a meeting or how the budget should be divided
and at some point no more.

Habits are little addictions, if we have the experience that a certain behavior leads to a reward; we
repeat it as often as possible. The trick is that the brain amplifies what it knows at some point: it
releases messenger substances that make us feel particularly good. For example, when brushing your
teeth, the reward may be feeling good about having smooth, clean teeth. Rewards create a neurally
anchored desire, they change the brain, and they are self-sustaining.

In its uniformity, habit gives us stability. The feeling of security is important right at the beginning of life:
for children, the fairy tale always appears in the same wording as a breather. In a world full of news,
every syllable is predictable for a while. And later, in old age, when seeing and thinking become more
difficult, independent everyday life is often only possible thanks to routine actions.

But habits also have a downside; without our noticing it, they limit our perception. They make you
inflexible and rigid. If we are very familiar with a path, for example, the one to work, we walk it for years
without even noticing what is happening to the right and left of us and without asking whether there is
perhaps a better way in the meantime. People with highly routine behaviors forego information when
they have to make a decision for or against their habit and then usually decide in favor of it.

The fact is that we need habit

Habits determine our everyday life; some make it easier, some are even vital, but some are also harmful
or annoying. It depends on whether they are in line with our goals or just rob us of energy and time,
even damage our health.

Without habits, we would be lacking in routine. Are you successful or not? Result of your habits. Are you
happy or not? Everything you do, everything you are, is the sum of your habits.

Habits on one hand are blessings, on the other hand, a curse. Habits help us in everyday life and are
important to make them easier for us because not every decision is made from scratch over and over
again. On the contrary; about half of our everyday actions are not based on conscious decisions, but are
habits. Many habits have a positive effect on our lives and can be maintained for a lifetime. However,
there are always habits that are harmful to our health in the long term and thus trigger dissatisfaction or
even illness. But once a habit has developed, it is very difficult to develop it back again. A majority of
people fail more often when changing their lifestyle habits. Rather than adapting them successfully in
the long term. Resolutions, especially at the beginning of the year, are often discarded after a short
time.

As soon as habit are an integral part of our life, they can help us to achieve our goals. But what if our
long-term goals no longer match current habits? How can preventive especially harmful habits be
changed again? Are we entirely solely responsible for achieving our goals? Or maybe we let our
environment influence us? It is no secret that people strive for social recognition, the need to belong,
and established that there are connections between the need for belonging and interpersonal
behavioral reactions. Does this mean that our social contacts influence us in making changes in our
lives?

Habits are the frequency of previous behavior with the addition the more often, the more likely it is a
habit. Another concise definition defines a habit as a tendency to repeat the behavior when the context
is stable. Two characteristics can already be found in this definition: repetition and the stable context.

Another understanding of habit goes back to the idea that a habit is a learned automatic reaction that is
always triggered by a certain stimulus. Habits can also be defined as goal-independent stimulus-reaction
patterns that are formed through the frequent co-activation of behavior and external situational
conditions. Or as a learned disposition to repeat a behavior based on certain stimuli of the situational
context. These stimuli automatically trigger the behavior.

Another way of interpreting habitual behavior is to see it as a script or behavior template. In a scientific
sense, habit is the result of slowly accumulating associations that accumulate and are used in a slower
learning procedure. In other words, a knowledge structure stored in the form of a script which due to its
high availability, can be automatically triggered in regularly occurring, everyday situations. According to
this, habits can also be seen as mental shortcuts in a decision-making process, which means that you act
exactly as you previously acted successfully in the same situation. A script not only works precisely in a
certain situation but can also be transferred in such a way that when a certain situational trigger occurs,
this behavioral rule comes into effect.

Habit is also the tendency to show behavior that is often shown in a certain situation even in this
situation, even if in the meantime another behavior is preferred. These behaviors are triggered
spontaneously by a certain situation and then largely uncontrolled by the consciousness.

Aims and Effects of Habits

Probably the greatest effect that habits bring with them is the relief of the brain. Because they run
without a lot of thought and with little awareness, everyday habits reduce fatigue. They are largely
functional and the automatic triggering of an action, which is often rated negatively, has a great
advantage in everyday life and is very efficient. So that not every decision has to be made anew,
behavior is carried out in recurring situations that lead to satisfaction of needs with a sufficiently high
probability. Habits are quasi-cognitive abbreviations to save mental resources.

If one regards habits as well-structured patterns of behavior that are supposed to result from the
interaction between society and individuals, then habits contribute to the stability of tradition, social
norms, and values. They not only help us to regulate our life and well-being but also protect us from
illness or damage. They have a "significant influence on our quality of life.

A habit can be just as much a curse as it can be a blessing. One and the same habit can be in our favor in
one case and negative in another. This phenomenon can be explained using driving a car. In the first few
hours of driving it seems impossible to drive, shift gears and keep an eye on the traffic with all the
different signs and dangers at the same time. After many hours of practice, this view changes, because
the brain has got used to driving a car and can now do different things with different thinking bases at
the same time. Adjusting the radio while driving is no longer impossible, the habit you have learned
seems to be a blessing. But later at some point, you drive so absently that in some cases one can no
longer remember the way. If a child ran in front of the car during an absent phase, this could have
dramatic consequences. Thus, the same habit becomes both a curse and a blessing.

This consideration can also be transferred to the achievement of goals. As already mentioned, most
habits serve a goal at least in the development phase. It can therefore be said in any case that “helpful
and practical habits” can contribute to achieving our goals and thus we use our time and energy in a
goal-oriented manner. Other habits, on the other hand, make us work ineffectively and distract us from
our goal because one cannot always move forward and make progress if one does the same thing over
and over again.

Another effect of a habit, and probably one of the main reasons why we do it over and over again, is
that the need for a feeling of reward increases. If you look at habits i.e. first the trigger, then the
reaction, and finally the reward you can see that we carry out every habit in the hope of a reward.
Depending on how strong the feeling is, it can make us addicted, which reinforces the habit and the
repetition is only a matter of time.
 Chapter 3

How habit is formed

Each of us implements a certain number of habits daily, which allows us to economize on our cognitive
resources, significantly speeding up the information processing process. When a behavior becomes
habitual, the concept of automaticity assumes greater salience rather than that of frequency of
emission, which remains a priority in the consolidation phase. In the presence of a habit, the intentions
of the moment have little influence on the emission of the behavior. In a situation where the will conflict
with a habit, it is more likely that the behavior proceeds in line with the latter.

The concept of habit has assumed considerable importance in the field of mental and physical health. In
fact, it is easy to understand how understanding the functioning of habits can help in promoting
individual well-being, establishing or consolidating functional behaviors, and interrupting or modifying
maladaptive behaviors.

The main components of habit

The signal: a particular condition, external or internal, that activates our "autopilot". To best identify a
signal, five important aspects have been identified: the place where we are, the time of day, our
emotional state, the people we are with, the previous actions we have just performed;

The routine: the actual automatic behavior, which occurs after the signal. The routine can be physical
(actions), mental (thoughts), or emotional (emotional response);

Gratification: the biochemical reaction that follows the behavior and reinforces it. Gratification can be
external, but also internal: feeling pleasure or avoiding an unpleasant sensation, are very reinforcing
consequences, even greater than extrinsic ones.

How is a habit structured?

Devoting attention to the process of habit formation, emphasize the importance of constant repetition
of behavior in specific contexts over a long period, noting an average timing of 66 days. This data
assumes importance on a motivational level, where it is expected to obtain consistent changes in
shorter periods. Omitting behavior from time to time does not compromise the whole process, a
consideration that fits perfectly into the general process of change and helps not to consider the
imperfect implementation of the mental plan as a total failure, thus avoiding the interruption of the
mental plan.

When a new action is performed, a mental association is created between it and the circumstantial
situation (antecedent or signal), whereby the repetition strengthens and establishes this connection in
the memory, making consequently, alternative actions less accessible when the same situation recurs.
Therefore, when the signal reappears, the response whose bond is stronger will be more likely to be
emitted, until it assumes the characteristic of automaticity. The power of this memory trace explains
how difficult it is to change a habitual behavior, even where there is intentionality in doing so.

Stages of habit formation

If it were enough to gather the will and stick to the new behavior for just 21 days for the habits to
become permanent, everyone would be happy. In about six months, the world would be close to
perfect. But it didn't happen. Day 21 is just one of the myths we humans believe so easily.

Each of us has a whole list of qualities that I would like to possess, to form a habit, for example, early
awakening, proper nutrition, and many others. I think you have no less. Someone may want to quit
smoking or start a worthwhile business. But why are these habits still in the planning stage? It's not
about time!

Time to change your life

The widespread belief that it takes 21 days to form a habit arose from the experience of plastic surgeon
Maxwell Maltz In 1950 he noted that it took patients at least 21 days to get used to a new appearance
or amputation.

Maltz suggested that the changes in the psyche occur in at least 21 days. During this period, a mental
image is formed that obscures the person's past habits. In 1960 his book "Psychocybernetics" was
published and this idea penetrated the masses. The world has begun to speak of "21 days" as a sort of
immutable deadline beyond which the result awaits us. But after a while, instead of success, people
were disappointed. Few have managed to change themselves.

Psychologists at University College London examined how long it takes to acquire a new habit decades
later. For 12 weeks, they observed the conduct of 96 people. Some had to drink a bottle of water during
lunch, others exercised 15 minutes before dinner. On average, according to their data, a habit forms in
two months (66 days). However, for each person, depending on the type of habit, the amount of time
required varies greatly. Psychologists say it can take 18 to 254 days. It's not three weeks, it's eight
months!

Look at the root

Not everyone can change themselves in eight months, either a year or a year and a half. It's probably
not even a matter of time. So what? It seems to me that there is no time between the factors needed to
establish a habit. There is the power of desire, the degree of thinking, and the severity of the changes
needed.

When we talk about a habit, we mean something useful that will help us overcome ourselves. Nobody
wants to deliberately start bad habits. Bad habits are acquired automatically and it is not difficult. It's
worth it to be amazed, and that's it!
Good habits are always overcome, which requires psychological and physical effort. Climbing is always
more difficult than rolling down. To make these changes permanent, psychological strength is needed.
And when the changes get more serious, more strength will be required. But sometimes it happens
naturally. There are people who, after serious life vicissitudes, immediately get rid of their bad habits.
Moreover, they notice that it happened easily.

Someone after reading a certain book becomes a vegetarian in one day, someone has quit smoking. And
this happens naturally. This happens when a person's degree of thinking increases sharply. For him, a
new habit immediately becomes part of his worldview. And it doesn't have to count 21 or 66 days.

You may want some changes but are not ready for them. This, for example, applies to those who start
smoking again after some time. His voluntary efforts have been exhausted and he has not yet changed
dramatically to make this new habit natural. Then go back again. So I want to believe in 21 days, but,
unfortunately, everything is much more complicated. Climbing is always more difficult than rolling
down.

How the process goes: from training to sustainability

However, there is a small nuance. In 21 days, it can only form a habit. But it will take 90 days for it to
become stable. Plus, if you fail even for one day, you'll have to start all over again. You have to be
patient and motivated. The following is very important! You will only get used to doing something new
when you understand the benefits. Nothing will happen if you begin participating in sports only because
it is fashionable. But when you realize that this will make you feel better and make you feel more
cheerful, and then playing sports will become a character trait and part of your lifestyle.

Any habit should be beneficial and enjoyable, physically and mentally.

Let's say you decide to run in the morning from tomorrow. But it's not that easy to force yourself to do
it! After all, drastically changing your daily schedule is next to impossible. Therefore, let's find out what
methods can be used to develop and strengthen a new habit and how to further work on ourselves.

Methods to form a new habit

Working on new skills requires perseverance and self-control. Desire is not enough. There are several
methods to simplify the task:

Verify: Making the decision to do something is already a big step. Don't set goals that will drastically
change your lifestyle. First, tell yourself that you will try. And if you don't like it in 21 days, stop doing it.
This will greatly increase the efficiency of work on yourself.

List: If you want to change something, but haven't decided exactly what, make a list of options. Then,
next to each one, write down its benefits and think about if you need them and if they will bring
pleasure. Choose the one you want and start with the simplest one.

Plan: To do something, it is important to know exactly how. Prepare a detailed action plan.
Visualization: This is a must when working on a new habit. It will be easier for you to portray your
results on paper. You will see what you got and how much is left. Any method works: notes on the
phone, a notebook, or even a poster on the wall floor.

Time: To help the subconscious mind quickly adopt new skills and actions, try doing them at the same
time every day.

Perseverance: It has already been said that after the time runs out, you can stop mastering a skill if it
doesn't suit you. But you can't do it after a couple of days or even a week. After all, only in three weeks
at least you will understand yours or not. So patience and more patience! Test your willpower too.

Motivation: A simple "I want" is not enough to achieve a goal. You need the motivation to have
something that satisfies you. For example, promise to buy yourself something after 21 days. Or give
yourself small gifts every day: candy or a trip to a coffee shop.
 Chapter 4

What are Good Habits?

Linked to situations and triggered by external circumstances, habits are behaviors that become
completely automatic after being repeated constantly over a long period of time. This means that in
some very specific situations, we automatically always do the same thing: it can be eating chocolate or
going for a morning run when we are still sleepy. Anything we do regularly in recurring situations is a
habit.

According to the psychologist, our daily actions are a habit. This is smart enough because it saves the
brain some neurological and cognitive resources; it can be said to work in low-power mode.

Why are habits good?

Habits are used to structure the days and offer safety, thus simplifying life: doing something because it is
a daily routine saves energy and time. Imagine having to decide every day whether to shower, brush
your teeth or how to put one foot in front of the other. But there is a sore point: the brain cannot
distinguish good habits from bad ones.

We establish what is good or bad based on the actions we have internalized in our life.

Your habits are healthy if you play sports and eat healthy without having to think about it, simply
because it is your routine. In a nutshell, going too fast food or preferring a poke bowl depends on what
the brain identifies as good; whether your conscience agrees or not is another story.

Good habits make you happy because by definition are in harmony with their personality and perception
of themselves. When our behaviors reflect our values, we feel internally balanced and we are happier
and more satisfied. Bad habits have the opposite effect, they cause an internal conflict to fight against
and create a state that is known in psychology as cognitive dissonance.

Good habits or bad habits contribute to determining successes or failures in life. Paying attention to
behaviors that have been recurring for a long time, perhaps since childhood and those that have been
acquired over time, invites us to carry out an exercise in introspection, to stop and stop a little in the
rhythm of life that is carrying.

Certainly, many of the behaviors that lead to bad habits are unconscious, but if some are detected, it
will be a step forward to begin to eliminate those habits that impair good development and
performance in daily life.
Bad habits are tough, make the journey uphill and move away from personal growth goals. In a more or
less conscious way, we find ourselves wasting time and energy and living everyday life with an
underlying sense of frustration.

But when can we say that a habit is bad? How to distinguish a good habit from a bad one? In a few
simple words when a behavior does not lead to anything positive for oneself or for others then we are
talking about a bad habit. Bad habits are aimed at giving rewards by making as little effort as possible.
Although these do not require commitment in the long run they become only a burden.

Let's face it, however, bad habits affect everyone, and not only are some of them much more
widespread than we imagine. Just think of procrastinating, eating quickly and without enjoying the
moment, smoking, using your cell phone overly, complaining and the list could go on and on.

According to a study conducted at Duke University, 45% of our behaviors are habitual. This means that
one action out of two is done without thinking about it. In light of this, it is easy to understand when it is
essential to break the vicious circle of bad habits.

Good habits are those that contribute to personal growth, one of their main objectives is to improve the
quality of life, in addition to causing satisfaction and a feeling of achievement and accomplishment.

The benefits that good habits bring as a consequence are extraordinary, although they require these
fundamental aspects: Willpower, Discipline, Perseverance, and Daily goals.

Habits as the key to a full and successful life

That good habits promote a successful, productive life is nothing new: from. Oftentimes, when you
examine the lives of successful people, you will observe a set of habits, i.e. routines that frame each
successful person's day. Many of these people work very intensively and often more than we normal
citizens do. Isn't it surprising that they still take the time and the leisure to live their good habits so
intensely and to consistently defend the time of their routines, which is often referred to as "sacred"?

It is precisely these people who understood what Aristotle already formulated in the 4th century BC:
“We are what we do repeatedly. Excellence is therefore not an act, but a habit” This is how we shape
and shape our day with our habits to a much greater extent than we think. Most people pay little
attention to this fact and let everything go as it happens. So we often walk sleepwalking through our
lives.

Routines create security and structure in turbulent times

In fact, the energy with which we start the day in the morning, the fundamental vibration, determines
how we will feel throughout the day. Successful people know this phenomenon very well and often take
the first one or two hours of the morning just for themselves and their morning routine because
especially people who have to be very productive know how important it is to take good care of
themselves first.
Good habits, which are also cleverly combined, form the framework for an active life. Routines and
rituals provide security and trust. You can let yourself fall into it like a soft bed. The big trick is, once they
are installed they are no longer tiring!

Both the emotional positive and the negative coloring disappear with integrated habits. The
uncomfortable feeling of tormenting yourself to jog out of bed in the morning diminishes and the
overcoming becomes less. However, you will not feel particularly exalted every time you do the 10-
minute morning meditation. You need to know this when setting up habits. So exactly when a habit
begins to feel more neutral, such as daily brushing your teeth, then it has reached the depths of the
brain, from where our autopilot can do its valuable service.

The subliminal impact on your life is enormous. You realign yourself and show your subconscious daily
through your good habits what is important to you and what you want more of in life. With this clear
marching order, it can then begin to reorganize your life in such a way that things suddenly fall into
place and your days feel lighter, livelier, and happier. And the people around you notice.

The benefits of good habits

It gives us a sense of security

If you are a mother, perhaps you know how important it is for newborns to create a daily routine to
make children learn to recognize sleep / wake rhythms, the change between day / night to understand
when it is time to do a certain action (eat, sleep, take a bath). With the succession of activities dictated
by a certain recurrence, the child understands that it is time to go to sleep because he has had a bath,
has had his feed and has been read the story of the good night. If you skip one of the steps you
create chaos and dispersion in the child, he no longer knows at what moment he is and what to
expect. Knowing what to do in advance conveys peace of mind and control over the management of our
time.

Increases our self-esteem

Having a battle plan, following it to the end and being able to conclude all the activities that we have set
for ourselves leads us to great recognition for our effort. Our self-esteem immediately receives a great
benefit. We feel gratified for having accomplished what they had planned.

It allows us to align with our natural cycle

Each of us has different life routine and consequently different habits. Regaining one's nature and
cyclicality, especially for us women, is important. Over the years our cycle changes, the rhythms and
times of our body change, which has very different needs. Realigning ourselves to our time cycle allows
us to be more connected with ourselves, according to our beliefs and priorities.
It helps us to control our actions

Having habits helps us to keep things to do under control, selecting only those that are priority for us
and for our well-being. When you know exactly what to do you are more motivated and centered, the
chaos is thus managed better because you are able to line up the actions to be taken to finish your work.

It saves time

Our brain is a complex machine but at the same time it loves comforts. He doesn't like to get too tired;
he always has a lot of things to think about. He likes habits because they save him time and above all
energy that he makes available to something else.

Once the new habit is part of our system it will be easier to do that action, we shouldn't think too much
about it and it will be done in a shorter period. Of course, it will take some time to implement and each
one will take a different time to make it their own. Here another very important element comes into
play: consistency.
 Chapter 5

Changing habit

Changing behavior is difficult, especially if it is deeply ingrained in us. Looking in the mirror, on the other
hand, we can all identify a bad behavior we'd like to break. As the year draws to a close, we resolve to
start or quit doing something. We start off well, but after a short while, we go back into our old
behaviors.

The good news is that changing a habit can be done in several ways. It's not always the will that's
lacking, but the strategy. Obviously, work and endurance are required, but without an effective
approach, success is much more difficult.

Aspects of cognition, emotion, and volition all play a role. The ruling establishes a necessary but not
sufficient precedent. It has been determined that the objective of changing a habit passes through six
stages based on human behavior analysis.

The measures that must be taken to break a habit

Planning ahead of time

The signs whispering in your ear are the first step towards changing behavior. A subtle voice informs us
that we have a negative or positive habit in our lives. Others, at times, and ourselves, at times, are the
ones who comprehend. The point is that at some point, the notion emerges that there may be a
behavior that we should remove.

At the same time, the facts are being denied. Sometimes there is a lot of resistance. We hunt for
justifications to justify our behavior or dismiss those who urge us to change. We, humans, have a
predisposition to maintain things the same, so the prospect of a major change is unappealing at first.

Deliberation

This is the most time-consuming step in the habit-changing process. It can endure months, years, or
even a lifetime. It starts when a person realizes that he has a habit that is negatively impacting his life
and that he has to change it.

It's also when you resolve to make a change and put in your first attempts to succeed. There is no longer
any room for denial. However, there may be a lack of drive or difficulties determining the best course of
action.

Realization
This stage is marked by deliberate, direct, and ongoing efforts to effect change. A strategy is devised to
achieve the goal, and it is frequently influenced by the counsel of people or information acquired. Even
though it isn't always a drastic transformation, there are visible results.

Consolidation frequently fails because the preceding procedures were not done appropriately. Some
people want to begin the process by achieving a goal, which is incredibly tough and almost invariably
fails. In any case, the outcomes are evident at this point.

Maintenance

The acquired habit is maintained during this stage, as the name suggests. The idea is to maintain the
new habit over time and naturally incorporate it into your daily life after abandoning the old one. There
is a greater sense of safety and confidence.

New strengthening habits must, however, be established for the new behavior to be sustained over
time. If the end goal is to quit smoking, for example, we might combine this new habit with some
physical activity. Another crucial part is to keep motivated and constantly reward yourself for your
accomplishments.

Relapse

Relapses are an inevitable part of the habit-breaking process. The human mind does not work linearly;
instead, it employs ascending and falling curves. Even if the relapse is severe, it does not return the
person to the beginning of the recovery process. The distance you've traveled so far has aided you in
resuming your journey at a much speedier rate. It's preferable to start over at the beginning, with the
preparation step.

It's also crucial to avoid self-punishment. On the contrary, it is beneficial to encourage and motivate
oneself rather than allowing doubt or a lack of trust to control your mood. Always look into the cause of
the relapse and look for risk factors.

It's not simple to break a habit, but when we do, we feel more self-assured, optimistic, and confident in
our talents. Then, of course, we improve our quality of life by removing possibly dangerous components
from our environment.

Changing one's attitude and character

It's all about habits! You may have heard statements like "certain qualities of us can be changed; we can
improve, but the character..."

Everyone is born with their own personality; in fact, the word "character" comes from the Greek word
"imprint," implying that it refers not only to something innate but also to the imprint that the
environment in which we grow up, as well as the people we interact with, has on us. The stimuli we are
exposed to.
Character is therefore not a fixed structure but changes according to the adaptation between our needs
and the reality that surrounds us. This is why the phrase "I am like this" cannot be justified nor used as
an excuse not to change.

The same goes for all those people who define themselves through phrases such as I have a bad temper,
I have a strong character, I am closed in character, I have a shy character, etc.

Our mentality and the strength of habit

The truth is that our character is shaped by our mentality and our behaviors, which in turn are
conditioned by our beliefs, which ultimately lead us to act and react to everyday events. Beliefs that can
be defined as empowering or limiting are so powerful that they have a huge impact on how you value
opportunities in life, the decisions you make at work, and in your relationships. Our mindset and habits
define the confidence we have in ourselves, as well as how much we believe we can or cannot do
certain things.

So we can have an attitude turned towards the possibilities, of being able to learn, change, modify and
overcome defeats and failures, as well as we can have a mentality that makes us live situations with
difficulty and victimhood, tending to blame outwards. or to ourselves and feel guilty.

So if we look at all this more from a scientific aspect, character, mentality, and habits are characteristics
that are developed through our life experiences, but above all of how we interpret these experiences
and the meaning, we then give them.

But what does science teach us?

It teaches us that if you change the track of your thinking and therefore create new synapses and
connections, the more you retrace the new ones, the old ones will tend to become weaker and
eventually disappear. So everything is resolved through awareness and deciding to give different
impulses through our thoughts, giving more proactive responses to the events that happen to us,
bringing the teachings home.

What we call bad temper is therefore simply the result of bad habits.
 Chapter 6

Why little changes make a difference

We often find it necessary that great successes take great actions, but the truth is that improving even
just 1% consistently over the long term is what really makes the difference. Setting aside 5 euros every
day will not make us millionaires instantly, but in a month it will allow us to save an average of 150
euros, in the year 1825 euros and even 9125 euros in five years, perhaps allowing us to embark on the
journey of our dreams that we have always postponed.

With this example what I want to convey is the idea that with really small, sometimes insignificant,
changes in our day we can really make a difference in our life. The simplest way to introduce these
changes into our daily life is to implement habits.

Habits are the actions we take every day and are likely to repeat. Often many people mistakenly tend to
think that our personality determines our habits. How many times have we heard a friend or relative
justify a bad habit by saying 'well, I'm like that, I can't help it and this sentence could be endlessly
possible including 'I've never liked sports, I'm more of a sofa and TV series' or 'I have been smoking for
twenty years, I couldn't do without it' or, one of my favorites, 'I haven't eaten vegetables since I was a
child, imagine if I start now!'.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but by studying psychology and having been passionate about the subject
for some time, I can assure you that there is no scientific validity on alleged innate personality traits. We
are what we decide to be, even scientists say so. The good news, however, is precisely this: when we
become aware of taking actions that do not make us proud of ourselves, we have the power to change
them.

Why it is often so difficult to quit a habit and implement a new one

Let's face it; we've all tried, at least once in our life, to implement new habits without achieving the
success we expected. Maybe it is one of those fateful good intentions that we promise ourselves to
implement every year or maybe, more simply, it is a small action that we keep repeating and that does
not make us feel completely at ease with ourselves.

Whatever the extent of the change, whatever the importance we attach to it, it makes no difference
because failure often stems from the same mistake. We focus too much on the goal, on what we want
to achieve, on our moment of glory, and very little on the patterns we intend to implement to achieve
them.

What are schemes and why are they more important than goals?
The concept of self is made up of a set of self-patterns corresponding to the dimensions concerning
which we know ourselves. In other words, in addition to being "warehouses" in which knowledge about
oneself is accumulated, the schemes perform an important function in the process of coding and
processing information relating to one's person, selecting and actively interpreting events based on
what we already know about ourselves.

To fully achieve one's psychological well-being, it is necessary to identify and modify the “Early
Maladaptive Patterns”, that is highly dysfunctional patterns that arise during childhood or adolescence
and which are then elaborated in the course of life. Such maladaptive patterns can include memories,
emotions, and cognition and are related to oneself and one's relationships with others. Furthermore,
they arise from the human need to build a representation of the world that is stable and coherent,
therefore they represent something that we know well and from which we do not want to detach
ourselves, which is why we are attracted to situations that reinforce these schemes, making it difficult
not only change but also the recognition of their inefficiency.

For this reason, observing and modifying them is fundamental to concretely arrive at the results we
want to obtain. The objectives in fact allow us to define a direction but the schemes define the
mechanisms that allow us to actually make progress.

Problems come when you spend too much time thinking about what your goals are and less time
defining what your patterns are. Very often successful people and those who are not (or at least not yet)
have the same goals. So it is not the goals that make the difference, but what is important to observe
and study are the different steps that these two people take to reach their goals.

For example, if your house is often messy, maybe at the moment you will find the energy to clean it up
and at that moment you will actually feel like you have reached your goal. The problem, however, is that
if you continue to have a habit of being disheartened and leaving your things around the house,
eventually the problem will return.

We are convinced that we have to change our results, but what is relevant is that we have to change the
schemes we use to achieve them.

Atomic Habits

Changes are structured in several concentric layers.

In the first layer, the outermost one, there are the things we are looking for, as well as most of the goals
we set ourselves: eating healthy, going to the gym, being able to get a promotion, and so on.

The second layer, the intermediate one, is linked to processes, therefore it concerns the patterns we
implement and our habits.

Finally, the third layer, the innermost one, concerns our identity: what we believe in, our values, our
vision of the world, of ourselves, and of others.
All three levels are important, but we must learn to define the right direction. We must begin our
change by focusing on the person we want to become (the third level), abandoning the idea that our
goals lie solely in the results (first level).

If we do not implement this change of direction, we will allow, once again, our 'old identity' to sabotage
the change we would like to implement, allowing ourselves to be defined by adjectives that we no
longer want to define ourselves.

For example, if you continue to see yourself as a sleepyhead and not as a person who gets up early, you
will continue to delay your alarm and you will be more likely not to be able to introduce that change into
your life, even if it doesn't make you happy because maybe it forces you to always arrive late for work,
to start the day in a hurry or to waste a lot of time that you could dedicate to work on your project.

It is very difficult to change our habits without also changing the beliefs that have supported those
actions up to now.

Make your habits a part of your identity

One of the best internal motivations is to make a habit part of our identity because it is very different to
repeat to ourselves 'I am a person who would like to be more studious' than to say to ourselves 'I am a
studious person.

For example, if you are proud of your abs and you like others to consider you the sporty one of the
bunch, you won't skip workouts so as not to lose that side of you.

 The goal is not to read more books; it is to become a reader.

 The goal is not to go to the gym more often; it is to become a healthy person.
 The goal is not to learn to play an instrument; it is to become a musician.

This is because what we do is a reflection of who we believe we are which unfortunately also applies to
negative things. Once an identity has been adopted, it is difficult to abandon it. This also depends on the
innate human tendency to seek coherence in ourselves and in what surrounds us. In other words, we do
not like to contradict ourselves at all and this obstacle can be avoided simply by integrating into our
identity that certain change that we want to implement so that our brain no longer has the impression
of contradicting itself.

How to change your identity?

Identity does not come from nothing, in reality, it comes from our habits. Everything we believe in is
learned and confirmed by our experiences, the more a behavior is repeated the more the identity
associated with that behavior is strengthened. Whatever your identity is right now, you believe it
because you have the proof. For example, if you study an hour every day, you have proof that you are a
studious person. If you go to the gym even when it snows, you have proof that you are addicted to
exercise and staying healthy.
The more evidence you have for a certain belief, the more strongly you will believe it and consequently,
the more your image of yourself can begin to change.

From the perspective presented above, the most practical way to change who you are is to change what
you do. So we have to understand what person we want to be and then prove it to ourselves through
small victories, the tests we accumulate over time to confirm our new identity, and that's exactly what
habits do! That is, they give us a little proof, every day, over time, of the person we are.
 Chapter 7

Becoming a better person

We all want to be the best version of ourselves (not always), but many are wondering if it is actually
possible to become a person who reached adulthood. The truth is that you can always improve, at any
age, but it takes commitment. There are many aspects of our person that can be refined. But where is it
best to start to become a better person? What is the easiest approach? What are the aspects of your
personality that are best to work on?

Taking your well-being into consideration as well as the interests of others, here are some of the best
ways to become a better person.

Let Go of Anger

We all experience anger in our lives. Uncontrolled anger, however, can create problems for our
relationships and even our health. All of this can lead to even more stress and further problems,
complicating life more than necessary and preventing us from being the best version of ourselves. This is
why learning to manage and eventually let anger flow away is so important in the personal growth
process.

Soaking up your anger isn't always easy, but the first step in managing your upset state is learning to
recognize anger and know what to do when you feel pissed off. Recognizing anger is often simple if you
make an effort to notice when you are feeling altered and decide to manage this state rather than
repress it or take it out on others. Focus on why you are angry, and remember that there is a big
difference between feeling angry and acting in anger. So know what your options are.

You can work on your beliefs to get rid of the anger: knowing more about the situation, or simply
reminding yourself that there may be things you don't know yet. This way you could at least put your
angry state on pause.

Support Other People

Helping others may seem like an obvious step on your path to becoming a better person. We generally
think that "good people" are the ones who sacrifice themselves for others. This is what, in the minds of
many, makes an individual a "good person". In fact, good deeds also have a positive impact on those
who practice them (and not just those who receive them), as there is a connection between being
altruistic and the well-being of one's person.

Some research has confirmed that, at the level of psychological well-being, it may be more important to
give than to receive. So while you're stressed out and busy managing your personal and family
problems, extending your help to other people when it's not absolutely necessary could bring important
benefits to you too. It's true: Being unselfish with strangers, as long as you don't neglect loved ones, can
help you be happier and relieve stress, as well as make you a better person.

Leverage Your Strengths

Losing track of time when you are engrossed in completing a job or some other demanding activity is a
state psychologists refer to as "flow", a condition most of us are probably familiar with. Flow is what
happens to us when we are fully immersed in a hobby, or when we are learning a new skill, or in any
case in demanding activities that contain the right mix of challenge and lightness. (When we feel too
much pressure, the stress rises, while when things are too simple, we get bored - finding the right
compromise between challenge and ease, allows us to stay pleasantly focused).

You can experience flow by writing, dancing, creating, or absorbing new knowledge that you can
practice and/or pass on to others. This status is a great indicator of how good a business is for you.
When you are in a state of total absorption, you are harnessing your strengths, with a positive return to
your well-being and happiness. And if through these activities you are somehow making the world a
better place.

When you know yourself enough to know what your strengths are and also find ways to use them for
the benefit of others, you are well on your way to becoming a better (and happier) person. Do what you
are good at and do it with complete involvement.

Use the "Phased Change" Tactic

Ask yourself: "If you had a magic wand, what would you want in your future?". Ignore the idea of the
path you should take to get there, vividly imagine your ideal life, and what should be in it.

Take a few minutes to make a list, on a piece of paper or on your computer, of all the changes and goals
you would like to see included in your ideal future. Be specific about what you want. It's also okay to
want something that we seemingly have control over, like a partner that's perfect for you. Quite simply,
write it down.

You can follow the example of many businesses, and plan your life for one year, five years, and ten years
apart. (It doesn't have to be a list written in stone, immutable, but a list of wishes and goals.) Keep in
mind that your hope for the future can help you feel less trapped and stressed in your present life, and
seize more opportunities for change when they occur to you.

There are many ways to focus on change, but probably the “Phased Change” model can lead you more
easily towards improvement than other methodologies. This changing pattern can be adopted whatever
your current mindset is, and it can work for most people.

There are two basic rules for following this phased change. The first rule of this path is that you don't
have to force yourself to make changes before you're ready. The second rule is you must never give up,
even when it feels like you are taking steps backward. It can happen to encounter some hitches in the
improvement process; the important thing is to never stop.
Take care of yourself

You are not always in control of the circumstances you face, but you can control yourself and how you
care for them, to lower your stress levels and help you grow as a person as you face life's challenges.

Taking care of yourself is vital to developing the resilience to overcome the problems and stresses that
inevitably plague us in life. When you are very tired, eat poorly, and feel physically out of sorts, you are
much more susceptible to the stressors you face in your daily life. If you are physically ill, you are more
likely to react incorrectly when you are in critical situations and thus aggravate the discomfort even
more.

On the contrary, when you take care of yourself (both body and mind), you can be more proactive in
everything you have to face, using all the resources you can have available and growing as a person. In
doing so, every problem you face will turn into an opportunity.

Sleep is important for your physical and mental well-being because sleeping little and bad can leave you
more vulnerable to the problems you face. Lack of sleep can sink your body, both in the short and long
term. Poor sleep can also cause you to gain weight (or lose too much weight).

The same is true for poor nutrition. Eating poorly can make you feel bloated, inactive, and gain weight
over time. You need the right fuel to tackle life's challenges, but when we're stressed out, it's often junk
food that we take it out on.

Feeling connected with others, on the other hand, helps you feel more resilient to whatever challenges
life throws at you. Good friends can help you process negative emotions, propose solutions, or simply
help you disconnect from problems when needed. Sometimes it's hard to make time for your friends
when you have a busy and stressful life, but often it's our friends who can help you become better
people, both with their support and inspiration.

Finally, it's important to take some time for yourself to recharge your batteries. This can mean
meditating, reading / writing, exercising, or watching a TV series. This is especially important for
introverted people, but everyone needs time for themselves, at least every now and then.

Learn to be "User-Friendly"

Our relationships can create a refuge from the stress and help us become better people at the same
time. Likewise, they can also be a significant source of stress when there is a conflict that has been badly
resolved or is still unresolved. The good thing about this is that as we work to become better friends,
partners, and relatives, we also become better people.

One of the things you can do to both improve your relationships and improve yourself is to learn some
conflict resolution strategies. Be a good listener, understand the perspective of others you are in dispute
with, learn anger control techniques.
All of these things can help you minimize the stress you normally experience within a relationship of any
kind, making it even stronger. Close relationships usually offer plenty of opportunities to practice these
skills, and so you can also appreciate certain opportunities when they present themselves to you,
helping you to feel less upset about arguing with a person.
 Conclusion

In conclusion, habits and routines control our everyday life and ultimately determine our lives. Since the
brain naturally strives to use as little energy as possible, it forces us to do the same thing every day.

Most people automatically adopt the habits that promise the greatest satisfaction or the least effort in
the short term, for example, fast food, sitting all day, and long series marathons. And it is precisely here
that it is up to each person to identify and improve the counterproductive processes.

For many of us, this only works in the long term if the new routines are established slowly and step by
step. In this way, it is hardly noticeable because most of everyday life initially remains the same. By
constantly sticking to it, and making minimal increases, the brain gets to know the new patterns gently,
so that a really big goal can be achieved in the long term.
Bestselling Author, Stephen James Parker, was born in Tenterden, Kent, United Kingdom, in 1975. He has spent his
life and work studying and helping others with confidence, communication, social and emotional intelligence, and
hoping to help them master these subjects to transform their lives. Having struggled, himself, with severe social
anxiety and overt shyness, Parker aims to help other people master the lessons he’s learned and studied over the
years - between the people he’s met and the experiences he has had.

He offers no-nonsense books about his learning have to help other people overcome their shyness and craft the
lifestyle they so desperately need. The passion he has for sharing and helping others is at the very core of his
books, approaching such topics as confidence, social anxiety, self-help, and personal transformation In such a way
that anyone can tackle it with ease. His lifelong desire to build more meaningful and successful relationships,
become a best-selling author, and overcome his extreme shyness inspired and propelled him forward on his path
of sharing and learning. He learned what, exactly, it means to be more confident and how best to implement these
teachings in your day-to-day life and wants nothing more than to help others along the same path.

Without the things he’s learned, Stephen to this day claims he would never have been able to achieve everything
he has in his lifetime so far – and hopes only to share his own earned confidence with people who have struggled
in the same way or may currently be struggling. Speaking publicly has gone from a dreaded activity to one that
Stephen enjoys often doing, helping his readers and audiences get to that same level of self-transformation in their
ways. He has said on many occasions that anyone can overcome these same struggles, no matter how far into the
journey, they may be when they begin. Anything is possible with the right amount of determination and a clear-cut
vision of what they wish to achieve.

Presently, S.J. Parker still lives in Kent, United Kingdom, with his wife and two small dogs. When not writing,
Stephen enjoys reading, painting, and exploring the world for new, vibrant experiences in exciting places.