Avoid Toxic Dating

AV O I D T OX I C DAT I N G 2
There are toxic people all around us that could be

dangerous or harmful to us.
About 10% of the adult population are inherently

poisonous to be in a relationship with because
they have a personality disorder that shows up in
interpersonal relationships.
The more emotionally invested you are in them

the more, they will harm you intentionally or
unintentionally.
They destroy people’s emotional well-being,

finances, reputation and sometimes even cost
them their lives.
The four personality disorders are:
01Borderline 02Narcissistic 03Histrionic 04Anti-Social
This guide is for people that are dating, are in a toxic relationship, or have just left one.
YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO:
Spot the red Protect yourself

flags of toxic against becoming
people. their target.
The danger of
"Chemistry"
The idea that “chemistry” should be the
main selecting criteria for a mate is the
single biggest dating mistake.
The most toxic and dangerous people

are also the most charismatic and best at
making you feel amazing “chemistry.”
Your emotions are easily manipulated,

and they know just how to push the right
buttons.
01 02
“Chemistry,” says “Chemistry” alters your brain state
nothing about long-term and function, so you can’t make
compatibility. intelligent and informed decisions.
“Chemistry” is mistakenly believed to be the indicator to look for in a good dating match
and partner.
If the “chemistry” is your only deciding factor, you are at high risk of making poor partner
choices and at increased risk of toxic and dangerous dating partners manipulating you.
“Chemistry” is misleading.
You see similarities, laugh, and have a This is why you can’t stop thinking about
good time on a date, and your brain is them.
flooded with dopamine.
It’s an obsession, and you should not
This makes your brain start projecting make decisions when in this state
positive traits onto this person based on because your brain is not seeing the
your fantasy of the partner you want. accurate picture, and logic is sidelined.
Your brain also filters a positive bias, so This is the state toxic people get you into
you notice and enhance their positive with their attention, charm, love-bombing,
traits and ignore the negative. and compliments, so you can’t see clearly
and make good decisions.
Your brain enters a temporary state of
obsessive-compulsive disorder, and brain Compatibility requires self-awareness,
scans show the same areas are active time, and both emotions, sensations, and
when we feel in love as in OCD. logic at play.
1 Things such as
long-term goals.
Do you both want kids?
2 How does your

partner act in
conflict?
Does he/she move towards you to resolve,
understand and acknowledge
experience or do they attack or withdraw?
your
3
Do you know each other’s triggers, and
Can you calm can he/she help calm you down when you
each other feel stressed, irritated, or angry?
down?
Does he/she know how to lift your mood?
4
Is he/she able to attune and respond to
Support & your needs?
responsiveness.
In stress and crisis, is he/she there to
support you?
5
It’s easier to get on if you have similar
Do you have
love- languages.
similar love
languages? Two people that both love touch finds it
easier to fulfill each other’s needs.
These are just some points that are far more important for compatibility than initial
“chemistry.”
Red Flags
Try my quiz to find out if you should be
concerned about the person you are
dating.
TRY MY QUIZ
I have identified 14 red flags that show up

early and are easy to spot in a toxic dating
partner.
This guide will share the first 5 with you:

the rest and more details can be found in
my course.
01 USE OTHERS AND SHOW A

LACK OF EMPATHY
Can you sense a coldness or lack of empathy?
They lack empathy, and there might be moments where their mask slip.
My ex said she dumped her ex that she loved because he got cancer
and was a liability, and she laughed when saying this.
How do they treat others?
They tend to use and take advantage of other's friends, family, partners. Here are some
examples from my ex with a borderline personality disorder.
01 02
Laughed at her ex with cancer. Left her friend waiting 3 hours
in the cold because she
wanted sex with me, and she
laughed and said, “she will be
fine,” when I showed concern
03
for her friend.
She told me she did not care

about her ex-fiancée and just
04
recently unblocked him as he
was helpful for childcare.
She would block people
and then unblock when she
needed them for something.
These are just a few examples of how my
ex would use people without any care
towards their needs and the impact on
them and how coldly she would discard them when they were of no use to her.
Ask them about their relationship with family, friends, or ex-partner; you are likely to spot
either coldness or patterns that they take advantage of people.
02
LOVE-BOMBING &
IDOLIZATION
Do they idealize you and seek quick commitment and intensity?
Love-bombing feels like a giant spotlight has been put on you.
It’s like you’re the only person in the world.
Constant flattery (the way you look, your accomplishments,

whatever you value or feel insecure about).
It’s way too intense and personal for someone you just met.
They complement and appreciate everything about

you far beyond anything you have experienced before.
This person makes you feel better about yourself than

you have ever felt before.
To contrast with my “normal” dates and friendships

- you meet someone, get along, laugh and joke
together, flirt, and get excited about the next meeting.
The other person still has their own personality.
No one’s talking about “perfect” or “soul mates” or

“marriage and kids.”
There’s no “rescuing” or “saving,” no comparing you to

their awful exes, no sympathy-seeking.
The love-bombing feels like you have finally found someone that can see you and
appreciate you for all that you are.
It will be fast, intense, and feel amazing.
Passionate declarations of love come very quickly.
After a few months, I was her “soul-mate,” “the most wonderful man ever,” from a different
planet,” she “wanted to marry me and have my kids” because I was “the one.”
I was “perfect,” she said. She praised my work, my looks, my parenting, everything about
me was amazing.
Here is a real-life text from her after we dated a few months, so you get the intensity of
these personality disorders and how they make you feel unique with love-bombing and
idolization….
I also had a feeling to write my vows today for you when I woke up. It's really
incredible how we feel these things together ❤
Baby I so wish I could kiss you. I hope you managed to have your shake and the
nausea is gone and the fever, I really am sending you so much love.
I know that we both don’t even fantasize of the concept of a baby romantically
as we both know the score with what they entail..I just felt an urge to share as it
was a strong bodily sensation and it was specific to you and I’ve never had that
feeling specifically because of a person, it was only because it is you and how
much I love every part of you and honestly I feel it would be something sacred
and beautiful and an honor to share with you.
When I heard your note earlier it went straight through me and to my heart. ❤
I don’t feel I can explain any of this logically either, but I feel you in my body. I
love you. You’re so beautiful inside and outside. I feel like every time I hear your
voice or read your notes or see your videos or see you in person, I just feel myself
growing in my love for you and I know that will always continue baby. I feel so
lucky to have ever met you. I feel so much joy to have a now with you and how
we talk about making a home and our monkeys and beyond that is just the most
beautiful vision I’ve had and honestly, I only see you as my man too and the only
one I want to grow old with.
And baby I am glad you are able to still keep your spirits up and laugh with me
even when you’re sick. I can’t believe you have the power to still look up toys 🙈
I heard the cute song from strictly ballroom again and thought of you. I haven’t
quite gotten a kink song yet, but it will come I have a few maybes.
Rest well and your eyes x you are loved and missed immensely 🌸❤😘
If you get this kind of intensity so soon, be very aware and slow down and remind yourself
this person is not emotionally stable.
What comes quickly goes quickly, and they don’t even know you yet, so they love a
fantasy projection created by their mind.
It will not last.

She wanted to marry me after three months and married my replacement after five
months.
See the erratic speed, intensity, and idolization at play.
They use extreme words like never, always, forever.
The use of “I have never” and “Every cell in me open to you.” Can you see the extreme
language and intensity for someone that hardly knows me?
She was calling me her husband after a few months of dating.
A bit intense? Yes
Typical behavior for a stable person? I don’t think so.
03 MIRRORING
It feels like you found your perfect match. Your soulmate.
They will ask you a lot of questions in the early stage of dating.
They show more interest in you, what you do, like, and desire
than anyone has done before.
You never felt this kind of attention and interest before, and it
feels good.
The conversation feels so natural and They will become who you desire and
easy because they make you talk about form a unique identity just for you, so you
what you enjoy, and they seem to share get emotionally hooked.
your passions and interests. Or so they
It seems too good to be true.
make it appear.
If someone shows far more interest and
Why do they do this?
curiosity in your than you are used to, and
Because they are chameleons without a they seem to align on interests, values,
clear identity, so they will mirror what you goals, then slow down this could be a
want back to you, and you will think you warning sign.
have found someone that shares your
You could have been lucky, but it’s a
interests, same values, and goals, and it’s
common trait of these four personality
a perfect match.
disorders, so slow down and observe
other warning signs more closely.
04
VICTIM STORIES, DRAMA, CONFLICTS

& BLAME OTHERS
We tend to trust people that need our help, so the

victim role plays into our trust system.
Do they have conflicts with many people?
Do they talk about how badly or unfairly everyone has/

is treating them?
How do they describe past relationships?
Listen to how they describe past relationships as they don’t take

any responsibility for what happened.
Do they overshare early on?
Over-sharing very intense victim stories very soon are common

for these personality disorders.
Do they often talk about the past and how badly they have been
treated?
They love someone that will listen and validate their victim
stories.
Do they have a lot of drama and conflict in their life?

Often extreme behavior such as blocking If someone has one of these personality
people over minor issues. disorders, they will struggle to answer
that question and might even get angry.
Emotional stable people share more
intimate stories as we get to know My ex-partner with borderline would
someone better over time. bombard me with victim stories after
only a few dates, and she was always the
Still, they will throw very intense and
victim.
traumatic stories at you very soon to gain
empathy, attention, or manipulate you. There seemed to be constant drama in
her life.
They also never take responsibility for
anything that happened to them, and A stable person will not tell you this
the stories will always show them as the before they know you much longer and
victim. trust is established.
Ask them about their responsibility for I mistook emotional dumping for
what happened or what they learned vulnerability. I now know they are not the
about themselves. same thing.
Here are some examples of the stories she shared very early on.
01
She told me how her ex-partner and father of her child was so
abusive.
She would talk about him constantly and compare me to him

and how much better I was.
02
She claimed the people she hired to help with her home birth
had almost killed her, and now she was suing them.
I would hear so often about how traumatic this had been and
how she needed my support in court.
03 She told me her dad was a pedophile and the horrible things he
had done.
04 She told me a family friend sexually abusing her for two years.
05
She told me her gym friend was sexually inappropriate, and she
had to block him.
He was one of 5 people she blocked in the eight months we

dated.
06 She told me how her mum was bad towards her and blamed
her for her misfortune.
If someone starts telling you about

their trauma and expect you to hold
and support them very early on in a
relationship or while dating, then that
is a huge warning sign, and you should
disengage.
Also, notice the constant drama in her life

and conflict with others.
I have no idea if the above stories were

true or made up to get sympathy.
Still, I know that sharing it after a few

dates is a pattern of these personality
disorders.
In general, it is a sign of someone who

is not emotionally stable and able to
regulate.
We share vulnerable things with people

we have known for a long time and build
up a lot of trust with.
Dumping this on a stranger is not normal

or healthy.
05 FUTURE PROJECTION
Do they talk about significant commitments very fast, such

as marriage, having kids, or moving in together in the first
six months of dating?
This is a big red flag as these personality disorders tend

to talk about commitments very fast as they want to create
intensity and commitment to get you emotionally hooked.
The borderline does this unconsciously as they simply

lack emotional regulation and idolize you and, like a child,
believe what they feel and say in the moment.
The narcissist and socio/psychopath tend to manipulate you and know that they have
more control and can get away with more once you are more committed.
They tend to use extreme words such as always and forever. “I will love you forever,” “It
will always be you and me, baby” were common statements by my ex with borderline.
Anyone using these kinds of extreme words is either in a fantasy world removed from
reality or manipulating you. They are not stable.
They quickly start talking about a future together as this created emotional buy-in and
investment, making it harder to walk away once they devalue you and the abuse begins.
They talk about the future you will have together and what you will do together a lot.
Such as trips you will go on, experiences you will share.
It’s all a fantasy created just for you to get hooked.
After only dating for a few months, I was told things such as.
I want to marry you and spend my life with you.
I want us to move in together.
I will propose to you.
I want a kid, but only because you are you.
We will do x, y, and z together in the future.

A description by a victim.
“I’m guessing my whole relationship was a future fake. Any promise of

the future of marriage or babies or buying a house or even becoming
financially stable was me doing all the work. It kept me stuck praying
and waiting for better times for the time we would finally have that
future. The reality is he has no future. It will just be this cycle for the
rest of his life, and I can either step off because I deserve more. Or
I can wait another five years to relearn the exact same lessons the
last five years have taught me. The worst part is the first two years
he loved bombed so much and was abusive so much the next three
years way less love bombing which made me question my self-worth.”
- Unknown
How to protect
yourself
Who they target:
They tend to target..
Highly empathetic people who

lack boundaries
Why?
Because they are likely to be sucked in by their victim

stories and lack the boundaries to stop emotional dumping.
They are also more likely to want to help, caretake, and

people-please, making them perfect manipulation targets.
Low-self worth
A common wound in their victims is an old wound of not
being good enough.
Of having to prove ourselves to be liked.

As a caretaker or people-pleaser we learn to feel safe, be accepted and loved by

accommodating others at the expense of ourselves.
It makes us very receptible to the quick intensity, love-bombing (validation), and

commitment.
Boredom
They are highly stimulating people as they are risk-takers,

so if you feel dissatisfied with your life, it’s easier to be
dragged in.
Strategies to protect
yourself & recover:
These personality disorders are defined by
quick and fast intensity, and they often are the
relationships that feel the most magical “chemistry”
in the beginning.
They can only hold their mask for so long, and

idolization usually lasts a few months to a year.
Here are 3 of the eight strategies I teach to protect yourself.
SLOW DOWN
There is a reason they seek quick commitment, and that
is because it will allow them to put their mask down and
become toxic.
Their natural behavior usually shows up after 6 – 12 months,

so your odds of spotting them increase the slower you go.
What’s the rush anyway if you are going to spend your life
with someone.
Seeing people in different contexts is a good idea, even if

it’s not a toxic person.
JOURNAL:
The best way to make good decisions is to use what’s
called integration.
It means listening and taking into account your emotions,

sensations & thoughts.
In relationships, we tend to follow emotions blindly in the

early stages.
Journaling about how you feel when with this person is a

good start.
Be aware of our tendency to idolize and project our fantasy of a perfect partner onto
someone we like and the positive bias that makes us notice their positive traits and ignore
the potentially harmful ones.
Journal about the logic (thought) such as compatibility in love languages, attachment
styles, wanting children, and other logical factors that determine long-term relationships.
Lastly, notice how you feel in your body when with this person.
While the beginning is great, you are likely to feel anxious when around a toxic person
over time.
Or, if you are in touch with your body, you might feel a strong bodily sensation when their
lack of empathy shows.
I felt a muscular contraction in my stomach when she laughed at her ex-partner’s cancer.
My body knew only a sick person that lacks empathy would do that
PRACTICE BOUNDARIES
If you don’t have clear boundaries, you are vulnerable

to being used by anyone, and you will likely feel used
and resentful towards others.
1 You feel overwhelmed.

SIGNS THAT
2 You feel resentful towards others.
YOU NEED
BOUNDARIES: 3 You avoid speaking to people that cause you stress.
4 You feel your relationships lack mutuality.
5 Certain people make you feel drained.
6 You feel burned out.
7 You feel taken advantage of.
8 You have no time to look out for your own needs.

Many of us have learned that to be loved It took me half a lifetime to learn that
and accepted, we have to please others. there can be no intimacy without
boundaries and that I would be a never-
You might also feel you have to save
ending garbage bin if I did not assert my
others and caretake.
boundaries.
It might be how you learned to feel valued.
And I helped no one by caretaking
I learned that I could feel valued, included, others.
and safe by being the caretaker, but it
I only kept them trapped in their
came at the expense of my own needs,
helplessness and taught them that
capacity, and boundaries.
treating others poorly was ok.
I would please those who harmed me,
If you want to help someone, then say
hoping that it would reduce the harm and
no to care-taking them and solving their
pain.
problem.
I would ignore when I felt uncomfortable
Boundaries are a filter that will make
and do things anyway.
draining and toxic people run away from
I would smile when I felt stressed. you.
I would say yes when I wanted to say no. When they realize they can’t control, use
or abuse you, they disappear to find their
I suppressed my anger and would get next victim.
worn out, feel resentful, and used.
Boundaries and
safety:
Boundaries are the key to feeling safe and trust in
yourself and your relationships.
If you ignore your boundaries, your trust in your

ability to keep yourself safe and your self-worth will
suffer.
The benefit of boundaries is increased intimacy,

sense of safety, and self-worth.
It decreased anxiety, stress, and resentment and

filter out toxic people.
It’s not your job to fix or please others, and there

are plenty of people that will love you, value you,
and appreciate you and your boundaries.
I found that setting boundaries allowed people to

love me even more.
If you want to learn all the red flags to look out for,
how to get out if you are in a toxic relationship, heal
and never be a victim of these perpetrators again,
then visit the ….. program.
Avoid And Recover From
Toxic Relationships
YOU WILL LEARN TO:
Discover how to spot and test for red flags so you

never end up in a toxic relationship again.
Get rid of toxic people in your life without

becoming the object of their anger.
Set clear boundaries so people don't manipulate

or take advantage of you.
Experience a newfound peace and security with

yourself and in your relationships.
Create an amazing secure relationship with your

next partner.
Explore how to turn the pain of a toxic relationship

into growth.
CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE

Avoid Toxic Dating

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AV O I D T OX I C DAT I N G 2

There are toxic people all around us that could be

About 10% of the adult population are inherently

The more emotionally invested you are in them

They destroy people’s emotional well-being,

The four personality disorders are:

01Borderline 02Narcissistic 03Histrionic 04Anti-Social

YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO:

Spot the red Protect yourself

The most toxic and dangerous people

Your emotions are easily manipulated,

2 How does your

I have identified 14 red flags that show up

This guide will share the first 5 with you:

01 USE OTHERS AND SHOW A

Can you sense a coldness or lack of empathy?

How do they treat others?

She told me she did not care

Do they idealize you and seek quick commitment and intensity?

Love-bombing feels like a giant spotlight has been put on you.

It’s like you’re the only person in the world.

Constant flattery (the way you look, your accomplishments,

They complement and appreciate everything about

This person makes you feel better about yourself than

To contrast with my “normal” dates and friendships

The other person still has their own personality.

No one’s talking about “perfect” or “soul mates” or

There’s no “rescuing” or “saving,” no comparing you to

It will be fast, intense, and feel amazing.

Passionate declarations of love come very quickly.

It will not last.

See the erratic speed, intensity, and idolization at play.

They use extreme words like never, always, forever.

She was calling me her husband after a few months of dating.

A bit intense? Yes

Typical behavior for a stable person? I don’t think so.

It feels like you found your perfect match. Your soulmate.

VICTIM STORIES, DRAMA, CONFLICTS

We tend to trust people that need our help, so the

Do they have conflicts with many people?

Do they talk about how badly or unfairly everyone has/

How do they describe past relationships?

Listen to how they describe past relationships as they don’t take

Do they overshare early on?

Over-sharing very intense victim stories very soon are common

Do they have a lot of drama and conflict in their life?

She would talk about him constantly and compare me to him

He was one of 5 people she blocked in the eight months we

If someone starts telling you about

Also, notice the constant drama in her life

I have no idea if the above stories were

Still, I know that sharing it after a few

In general, it is a sign of someone who

We share vulnerable things with people

Dumping this on a stranger is not normal

Do they talk about significant commitments very fast, such

This is a big red flag as these personality disorders tend

The borderline does this unconsciously as they simply

Such as trips you will go on, experiences you will share.

It’s all a fantasy created just for you to get hooked.

I want to marry you and spend my life with you.

I want us to move in together.

I will propose to you.

I want a kid, but only because you are you.