December 8 1941

Dear Journal,

This morning as I put on my field gray, cotton undershirt and I buttoned the sixth button of my

field blouse I could only think of the hatred I carried in my heart. However, for good reason

because these jews are inferior and destructive to us Germans. They deserve every bit of

discrimination, exclusion, robbery, and violence that they have been receiving. After all, we

have them to blame for Germany’s defeat in World War 1. My father and mother have informed

me on what this dangerous race has done to Germany since my formative years. I kept that

hatred in my heart as I headed to Chelmo. I realized I would need it upon arrival. General

Wilhelm Koppe further explained the purpose of our presence: we would be experimenting with

mass murder. We were introduced to the idea of using gas to kill the Polish jews. I was all in for

the idea. The gas is faster and appears to be less aggravating than mass shootings. We

disembarked one truck at a time and wore white coats to play the role of a physician. We

explained to the deportees that they would first have to bathe and have their clothes disinfected

before heading to Germany as laborers. They were fools to listen but they are jews and so weak

compared to the Germans which is why we must rid them. Once the jews entered the manor

house they were instructed to undress and hand over their valuables, they were then led to the

cellar where they walked down a ramp sloping into the back of a large paneled truck. I counted

nearly 70 jews walk into the truck and before I could count more the truck appeared to be full

and the doors were closed and sealed. A tube was attached to the van’s exhaust pipe and shortly

after the engine was started, pumping carbon monoxide gas into the space. The truck was now

filled with corpses and then transferred into mass graves that were excavated beforehand. The

gas killed almost all the jews but the few that survived were shot and guaranteed to die. I felt no
remorse as I watched more and more jews enter the trucks. It is my duty and a true honor to be in

the army and I couldn't help but recall all the damage these jews have contributed to Germany’s

social, economic, political, and cultural problems. Between 1933 and 1939 we made it almost

impossible for the jews to live in Germany with strong hopes that we would encourage them to

emigrate but they are like cockroaches: so weak but multiplying so fast. We could not and would

not allow them to believe they are anything but what they are. They thought they were innocent

but the truth is that they are far from it. They left us no choice but to kill them all for the sake of

future Germany. I am a German soldier which means when I am told to do something I must do

as I am told because that is my duty to this country. I don't even consider the jews as people

because to me they are dust. Tomorrow we will continue the same routine in hopes of making

Germany a better place for future generations and future Germany.

- Peter Müller
 April 1940

Dear Journal,

I used to feel excitement when I would see the German soldiers walking through town with their

guns on their backs but that was before I was aware of their sinister intentions. The restrictions

started and I could no longer attend normal school. Instead, I was placed in a school with other

children like me: Jewish children. We have no rights, we went from being somebody one day to

being nobody today. After having to live in Theresienstadt ghetto I thought life was terrible but I

was truly faced with terrible living once my family and I arrived at Auschwitz. They placed 50 of

us in the truck like a can of sardines with only 2 buckets for all of us. One bucket for our human

needs and a second bucket of water that was spilled the moment we started to move. I still

remember the smell of the truck on our way here. All I could smell was a combination of vomit,

human sweat, and urine. I could feel the oxygen levels lowering which caused me to lift my face

up into one of the very small windows towards the top of the truck. However, it wasn't long

before I was told to sit and I obeyed. I never once took much thought about the air I breathed, but

upon arriving I couldn't help but take a breath of the crisp air. I smelled the fear of what was to

come. We were instructed where to go: left or right. I was told to go left. I was soon made aware

that the left individuals were intended to live for the time being. The lady next to me was

pinching her cheeks, attracting a red color to her face. It was clear her intentions were to make

herself appear well, I could see the relief on her face when she was instructed to move left. We

were required to take our clothes off and to shave the hair off our heads. They could take

everything physical like my clothes and hair, but they would never be able to take the integrity I

had inside, I had to be strong. We were then sent to another room where we sat on benches. I

remember hearing from the Jews that have been here longer than me, that they would kill us with
gas. I was prepared to die. I closed my eyes and prepared to feel that necessity for air once more.

I felt relief when I felt the first drop of water hit my skin. We were being bathed. I was later

given what appeared to be striped pajamas. They read “65318”; that was my number. I could

only think of how many numbers were before me. I have to be a hard worker if I am going to

survive. The other children and I found buttons to play with, we used one of the buttons as a

football and played flick football on the floor. Other children made their own chess boards and

we played chess as well. As we played we were introduced to an unbearable foul stench in the

air. We could not recognize the odor as we have never smelled anything like it before. We looked

in the sky and the stench followed the gray smoke in the clouds. I hope to not see the smoke

tomorrow, but instead to see the sun.

- Benjamin Fink