Ministry Safe Training:

I. Sexual Abuse Awareness Training:

- Purpose: Raise awareness about sexual abuse and sexual abusers
- Sexual abuse is a significant problem and it will continue to be a significant problem in our society
- To Address this Problem
o Awareness is critical
o We need information to understand the problem
o When we understand the risk, we have the ability to see the risk unfold
o The goal here is to allow you to see things differently
- What we believe shapes
o What we do
o What we see
o How we understand what we see
- When we believe the right things, we are better equipped to prevent sexual abuse

II. Misconceptions VS Facts:

- Misconception 1: “This is not that big of a problem”
o 1 out 4 females are sexually abused before age 18
o 1 out 6 males are sexually abused before age 18 *** (boys are less likely to report)
o 2/3 of abused do not tell until adulthood (If they tell at all)
- Misconception 2: “It doesn’t happen here”
o Sexual abuse occurs in every paradigm (cultural setting)
o Offenders Prosecuted:
 Male on male = 150 victims before they are caught and prosecuted
 Male on female = 52 victims before they are caught and prosecuted
 Avg conviction age = 30-40 years old
 Avg age of 1st offense = 13-14 years old
 According to NCMEC, as of 2016 there were 859,500 registered sex offenders in United
States.
o The problem is growing!!
- Misconception 3: “Criminal background checks will eliminate the offenders in my program”
o Less than 10% of sexual abusers ever encounter the criminal system
o Less than 3% ever encounter the criminal system (more accurate)
- Misconception 4: “Stranger Danger”
o Reality = 90% of victims are abused by someone they know and trust
o Family / Coach / Youth Leader etc
- Misconception 5: “I can spot an abuser”
o “I never would have thought he/she would have ever done that!”
o Abusers are Missions Directors, Pastors, Coaches, Respiratory Therapists, etc.
- Misconception 6: “All Abusers are male”
o 90% male
o 10% female
- Misconception 7: “All are adults”
o 1 out of 3 Abusers are peer to peer
III. 2 Types of Offenders
- Preferential Offenders:
o Choose a specific age / gender of a child to pursue
o 85% of convicted offenders were married and had children
o 90% of acts of sexual abuse in our society today are done by preferential offenders
- Abduction Offender:
o Less than 5% of all offenses within the convicted population

- Deviant Sexual Desire = Faulty Thinking = Access

o Faulty Thinking:
 We are not blood related
 He/she asked for it (they came on to me)
 I was teaching him / her about sex
 I’m not hurting him/her
 There was no actual sexual intercourse
 The child never said STOP
- Access:
o Primary Concepts to Understand
 Molesters groom children for sexual interaction
 Molesters groom gatekeepers for sexual interaction
o Quote:
 “The best way to fool people is to help them.”
 “I will do anything that will get them to trust me and believe that I am a decent person.”
IV. Grooming: (This is the key)
- We must understand the grooming behaviors
- We build fences depending on what we want to keep out
- The preventative measures we put in place tells what we want to keep out!
- Offenders groom the children, but the also groom the Gatekeepers.
o Gatekeeper: the people that stand between the offender and the child
- We live in community with people who are “helpful, trustworthy, and kind”
o So the offenders are going to portray themselves as the same.
o They will put in whatever amount of time and effort needed if they believe that they can gain
your trust and access to your children.
- Steps in the Grooming Process:
A. Gaining Access:
a. Preferential offenders go to locations where there are children within their age / gender of
preference.
b. They seek out careers and volunteer opportunities in these places
c. Remember: children are exposed to those who are given access into their space
- Sexual offenders
o appear to be helpful, kind and trustworthy
o They are familiar with what their preferential age / gender are interested in.
- This step will not identify the abuser, but will help us to see the steps these people take to gain access
and what we believe will help determine how we protect and identify.

B. Selection: The abuser will select 1 or more children to abuse

- Targets: on the fringe, in need, disconnected from the group
- Looking to isolate a child and move them toward their desired sexual behavior
- Important: the preferential offender and a genuine adult leader appear to be the same up until this point:

o Abuser = to isolate
o Genuine Adult Leader = integration
- Abusers introduce items that are secretive and produce impairment and arousal.
o Pornography, alcohol, drugs

C. Barrier Testing and Erosion: The abuser uses physical touch to determine a child’s existing physical
boundaries and begins to erode them away.
- We all have barriers that we feel are appropriate even children (talk, affection, touch)
- Abusers are trying to find out where is that child’s boundary and is it negotiable.
- Nudity will be introduced in this stage, usually “accidentally”

D. Keeping the Victim Silent: The sexual abuser is adept at keeping victims from sharing the abuse: using
threats, blame, shame and embarrassment.
- 2/3 of people won’t tell until they are adults if they tell at all.
- They believe, “no one will believe me”
- 92% - 98% of outcries are factual!!!!

V. Methods to Reduce Risk:

- Watch for Grooming Behaviors
o Gift giving
o Kid magnet activities
o Repeated time alone with a child
o Touchy with children
o Pushing boundaries / breaking rules
o Playful but inappropriate touch.
- Methods to Reduce Risk:
o Know requirements for appropriate supervision in your program
o Maintain ratios of trained adults / children
o Create and enforce clear physical / verbal boundaries with regard to offenders pushing back on
those boundaries
o Have a culture of communication
o Avoid unmonitored one on one interaction between adult and child
o Special privileges and gift giving needs to be kept in check
o NO SECRETS!!!

VI. Peer to Peer Sexual Abuse:

- There is an aggressor and a non-aggressor
- Imbalance of Power:
o Age difference ( more than 3 years)
o Physical size
o Social status
o Mental / intellectual abilities
o Economic differences
o Disabilities (more at risk)
- 1/3 of reported sexual abuse today = peer to peer
o Not related to natural curiosity
- Increased Risk of Peer to Peer Abuse:
o Anywhere clothes come off (swimming / bathing / bathroom)
o Any place that is less easily seen
o Any activity that is less closely supervised
o “Sex Camp” example
 2 – six year old boys were caught having oral and anal sex at a playground during a
summer camp. They reported doing this 8 times that summer and had “learned” it form
an 8 year old boy there. (Where did the 8 year old learn it?)
o Supervision needs to be escalated at locations where peer to peer abuse can occur.
VII. If a Child Reports:
- Listen and respond calmly
- Be sensitive to vague or partial disclosures because they reveals small amounts checking to see if you
care and will believe them
o Remember: they think “no one will believe me”
- Ask open ended questions:
o What happened next
- Do not ask questions that make assumptions
- Do not ask shaming questions that put the blame on the victim
o How long has this been going on?
o Why didn’t you tell us sooner?
o Did you yell or shout?
o Why did you keep going back?
- Report immediately to supervisor
- Report to authorities when appropriate
- NO SECRETS (I always say, “there are some things that I cannot keep secret.”)

VIII. Impact on Children:

- Short Term Impact:
o Poor self-care / hygiene
o Bed wetting
o Sudden weight change
o Fears, phobias
o Self-mutilation
o Disinterest in activities they once loved to do
o Difficulty walking / sitting
o Startled by touch
o Sexualized play with objects
o Explicit drawings that are not age appropriate
o Unusual knowledge about sex
- Long-Term Impact:
o Depression
o Suicidal thoughts / acts
o Eating disorders
o Substance abuse
o Drop in academic performance
o Promiscuity / seductive behavior to get attention
o Venereal diseases
 o Excessive modesty (putting on layers to hide their figure)
o Prostitution (98% of prostitutes admit that they were sexually abused as a child)

IX. Responsibility to Report:

- Mandatory Reporters
- Not Mandated to Report
- The link to the state of Kansas’ pdf file on guide to reporting abuse and neglect.
o http://www.dcf.ks.gov/services/pps/documents/guidetoreportingabuseandneglect.pdf