She is the 6th Filipina to win the Miss International crown.

She's now a certified actress and a mental health advocate.

We have with us, Kylie Verzosa.

Hi Kylie.

Hi Toni.

She's also a certified daddy's girl.

Super.

As you can see, we are with her dad.

Daddy Ari.

Why did you bring your dad here?

They visited me from Baguio.

We are originally from Baguio and he visited me.

So I said, "Daddy, I have Toni Talks today."

So sweet.

I said, "Don't go home yet. Come with me first."

It's our first time to have a guest with a dad as a companion.

Oh, really?

- Yeah, this is the first time.

- She's really a daddy's girl.

You are a certified daddy's girl.

Actually, I was very nervous because I'm an avid viewer of your channel.

It's always in my explore page on YouTube.

Thank you.

When I got invited, I was like, "Oh my god!"

I did not expect to be a guest here.

But you know, Kylie's story is really beautiful

because you would think that she's this pretty beauty queen,

living a fairy tale life.

But if you would get to know more about her journey,

you will understand that behind her beauty,

she also went through pain in her life.

But a while ago, Kylie mentioned that her father came from Baguio.

Because Kylie is really from Baguio.

She grew up in Baguio.

Actually, I was born in Manila.

But when I turned 6, my whole family moved to Baguio

because my mom and dad just left their work so they wanted to relocate.

Our life in Baguio is very simple.

There's not much to do and

school-home-school-home.

And you were very studious.

I was very studious, yes.

I really enjoyed studying.

To a fault, where I'm always fearful of not being able to bring my homework to
school.

I'm the type to never miss any homework.

And I was part of the science section.

So when you were in school, what were you like?

A shy kid? Quiet kid? Dead kid?

Intelligent? Honor student?

I was an honor student.

Because you're a nerd, right?

I am.

What was your rank?

- We're about to find out.

- Wait!

I just want to say that...

Kylie is an honor student.

I just want to say that I became valedictorian once.

But just once. In second grade.

Me, too. Just once.

When I was in fifth grade.

Okay.

That's good enough.

Once, valedictorian.

Top 1.

So I was an honor student.

Perhaps top 5 or 10.

But when I was in high school,

my highest rank would be top 10 because everyone was so smart.

My mom is an author, my dad is a businessman and a speaker as well.

My parents were very academic.

And I really want to have a business in the future.

My family is very business-minded.

Speaking of business, Forest House in Baguio is owned by Kylie's family.

We eat there.

Really?

But I'm quite sad because it closed in the pandemic.

But I hope it opens up again.

As a kid, your dream was to become a doctor?

Yes, it's really my dream to be a doctor.

I only found out when I was around 13 or 14 years old,

my favorite show was ER.

So when I saw that I had to open up bodies, it became a bit iffy for me.

Blood, needles.

I don't like those things.

I would feel very pitiful towards people, so I said, okay, I'll do a career shift.

So I saw what my parents were doing.

They were about running businesses.

So that's the course I took in Ateneo too.

But when you went to school,

were you already popular because of your beauty?

Because that's the case sometimes, right?

You become popular because you are pretty.

Yes.

I never really thought or said to myself that I am pretty.

But since high school, I was already the muse of our basketball team.

Sometimes, I don't even have to practice for intramurals

because they'll instantly make me the muse.

I was just like a fairy for some years.

But it wasn't so I could boast about it.

I already felt that when I was still in Baguio because people would stare.

Something like that.

- Why would they stare at me?

- You became a standout?

Because you are also really tall, right?

Actually, yes, I'm really tall and to a point where I prayed to God,

"Lord, I wish I were shorter so I can jive with my friends.

All of my friends were shorter.

I was really tall and my wish was to really be shorter.

Because I just wanted to fit in.

But in 2014, let's talk about this,

you went through depression.

- Yes.
- You were clinically depressed.

How old were you then?

I was 21 years old.

I was diagnosed as clinically depressed.

So how did it get to that point of being clinically depressed?

What were the initial signs that you felt when you were 20?

I feel like,
I'm alive on the outside, but dead inside.

Sometimes the thoughts in my head were,

"Why am I still here?"

"I wish I didn't have to wake another day."

"Kylie, why do you have to wake up today?"

"Your life has no meaning."

"You're nothing."

"You're useless."

"You're ugly."

"You're not smart."

"You're not good at anything!"

"You're stupid."

My thoughts were like that for a very long time.

And I was punishing myself for something that I didn't really understand.

So those thoughts, feelings, emotions came out because?

What do you think?

For me, it's because I was questioning myself.

Why did I end up having leaves of absences in school?

Was I a disgrace to my family?

Did I choose the right career path?

Because I modeled for a while.

My friends were in corporate already.

So many different factors.

My relationship was also very unstable that time.

As a young girl, I wasn't sure if I was in the right kind of relationship.

So depression is...

feelings of sadness for more than 2 weeks.

It's a kind of sadness you cannot take away in a snap.

Even if you watch happy movies.

Whatever you do.

Even when you go to the mall.

Anything.

The things you like doing before, you don't like to now.

So, very dark.

Very dark.

You're very isolated from your friends.

I don't want to do anything.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't get up in the morning.

I couldn't reach for—

It's like you were paralyzed?

Alive on the outside,

But dead on the inside.

When did you feel like you really needed help?

That you have to go to a doctor and get diagnosed?

I went to my dad and said,

"Daddy, this is what I'm going through..."

So he immediately saw it.

"Kylie, I think you're depressed."

I said, "Daddy, what's depressed?"

"I'm not depressed."

So I was in denial.

"Huh? I'm not depressed?"

"What do you mean depressed?"

"That's just a temporary illness."

Because people say it's the rich people's disease, right?

Until he fed me with

articles on depression.

So I read up on it.
I did my research.

What is depression really?

The symptoms.

Yes, symptoms of depression.

Because in 2015 or 2014, it wasn't talked about in lengths yet.

What were the symptoms that you've read that were relatable to you?

The symptoms were?

Intense feeling of sadness for 2 weeks or longer.

Shift in...

sleeping patterns.

Shift in appetite.

Lack of self-esteem.

Lack of energy.

Thoughts of suicide.

Out of those six, you felt everything?

I did.

That sleeping pattern symptom means

- you couldn't sleep well at night?

- There were two options.

Either you sleep too much or you sleep too little.

In my case,

I didn't want to wake up anymore so I slept too much.

And the change of appetite,

either you eat too much or you eat too little.

I wasn't eating.

I was so lucky to have people who understood me.

So I thought to myself,

What about the people who do not have that kind of support system around them?

What about them?

That's why I created Mental Health Matters.

One, to give awareness that depression is a real sickness that is treatable.

And second is to have a good support system.

There's some people who do not have the same support system as I had.

Actually, I did that after Miss International—

to build a community of people who are going through the same thing.

Because that also helped me heal.

Because I felt like I was alone in my journey.

What's Mental Health Matters all about?

What do you talk about?

What's the program like?

What do you do in that advocacy?

There's two things.

One, we have a support group online, on Facebook,

so that other members can chat there.

There's a form to fill out so we can screen members who go through it.

And it's a small community that meets up every month online or in person

just to talk about mental health and to have that

support community that you are not alone, let's go through this together.

You can do it.

We have a hotline they can call.

We partnered with KonsultaMD.

So it's a hotline you can talk to.

You can talk to a registered psychiatrist or psychologist that you can call 24/7.

But you mentioned a while ago that depression is treatable.

How were you able to treat your depression?

What did you do to heal, recover and overcome it?

My mentor opened my mind and said,

"Kylie, you can treat it in more holistic ways."

So I challenged myself.
I said, "If my dad's doing it the medical way,

why don't I try a more holistic approach?"

When you say holistic, that means?

This is yoga, meditation, so many different things.

But's in an analysis of your whole lifestyle.

Because the best way of treating depression is through psychotherapy.

You talk about either medicine or a combination of both.

Medicine, psychotherapy and a holistic way of healing.

You really have to will yourself to get better.

You have to want to be better.

Because that's what I really wanted.

It really takes supreme effort on your part to get better.

No one will help you, but yourself.

You are your own rescue.

You have to hold your hand.

You are your own knight in shining armor.

So, you can do it.

You can pull yourself back up because in the end,

you're the only one who can help yourself.

Depression requires 40 times your normal effort.

Times 40, 50 to get yourself out of bed.

Pull yourself up to do a workout.

When did you feel that—

Because you said there was a complete feeling of sadness

that's overhwleming when you're depressed.

When did you feel that the sadness was fading away?

When you were not so sad anymore.

You were happy.

About a year.

I did not realize that I've been depressed for over a year.
Time flies fast.

I even became a pre-school teacher.

I volunteered to become a pre-school teacher.

I took painting lessons.

I volunteered.

Because when you're depressed, you just keep thinking.

I wanted to reach out, to help other people also

so that my focus in not on myself.

So, volunteering really helped or helping other people really helped.

Giving energy out to people.

So you came from sadness, right?

In that journey of depression,

What made you happy?

Honestly, myself.

Everything I do that time.

Reading books.

I let myself heal before I could come out to the world.

Isolating myself from people who are bad for me.

Staying with my family, praying.

So what makes you happy now?

When I do what I like to do.

When I am able to achieve my goals.

When I see that my hard work pays off.

In 2016, you were crowned Miss International when you competed in Japan.

The 6th Filipina to ever win the prestigious title.

So when you wore that crown, what was running through your head?

Winning moment in your life.

I could really say that dreams do come true.

I think I've been dreaming of it for 4 years.

I worked for it for 4 years.

I really did.

And when I focus, I really am deep into it.

So every morning and night, I would visualize the crown.

Visualizing it being put on my head.

You were visualizing it.

I would every morning and night.

I said, "Lord, if you can only give me one thing, let it be the crown."

All of our experiences in life have a purpose, right?

When you won Miss International in 2016

was your purpose answered as to why you went through depression?

Yes, especially after.

My advocacy had more meaning,

after winning Miss International when it was being talked about already.

That's when I realized that, okay, I went through it to be able to tell my story.

Because people relate to stories.

So when I was able to talk about my story,

me going through depression,

that's when I realized that

the Lord has a purpose for what I went through.

And it was to talk about mental health.

My advocacy teaches that mental health is just as important as physical health.

How you take care of your body,

is also how you should take care of the mind.

So many different things now.

It's evolved from mental health.

From talking about depression to mental health awareness

to mental health education.

Now, it's talking about self-help, setting boundaries, yoga, meditation.

Because mental health is massive.

There's no one size that fits all.

You have to find your own way of coping

and your own way of healing with yourself.

Because we're our own person so try to find the right things that work for you

and your mental health.

And the best thing that really worked for you was?

Reading books, exercise, the will to get better.

Visualization really helped.

I really tried to visualize.

No one taught me this, but I visualized myself

as the best version of myself.

Confident, strong, the beautiful woman.

So I imagined my best version everyday, every morning and night,

that this is the Kylie I want to become.

Have you finally found the meaning

of your existence?

I think, it's to tell your own story.

It's to write your own story and to tell your own story.

And by being who you really are, being so authentic, and putting the hardwork,

I think that He will reward you.

Through all the hardships in life,

that's how I realized why God put me through that bout of depression

was to talk about it.

Was to experience it.

Because now,

I am grateful to have experienced it.

Because I learned a lot for myself.

And I could really say that had I not been through that,

I won't be the woman that I am today.