Soldier in the Making: Born from the Battle Siege -Ataraxia

I wish I can wake up from this nightmare.

I was used to the busy streets of Sarimanok, Marawi. Everything that happens feels just
like a routine. Since it was still my summer vacation, I assist my Mother in our family business,
a small generic pharmacy. My Sister who is incoming 4th year at Dansalan College ran errands
and paperworks for her enrollment while Mother collected supplies for our store.
I was alone, waiting for them to come home, when a grenade shattered not only my
eardrums, but also my hope that my family will be complete for my birthday dinner on that
devastating day which marked the battle siege in Marawi, May 23, 2017.
It all started with a grenade, then a cannon fire stunning us briefly with their intensity in
the afternoon, when people of Marawi are doing their daily routine. No one was expecting for
this urban warfare. Everyone was panicking, I could even hear cries and painful screams from a
distance. Everyone wanted to run, to escape, but I can only think of my Mother and Sister who
are outside and in grave danger. If I knew this would happen, I would have memorized their
faces and hugged them tighter and a little longer. Marawi City, my home for the past 15 years, is
now a warzone.
I knew I had to be vigilant with every move. I was hypersensitive, adrenaline running
down through my system. In my hands were a gun and a rosary both of which I am clutching so
tightly. Which was more powerful between the two, that I do not know. I need to be ready to pull
the trigger had an enemy entered my safe haven. I keep on whispering hymns and prayers,
hoping that my family would soon come home and that this nightmare may end soon.
I did not keep track of the time, but I got back to my senses when I heard grim knocks in
our back door. Fear is eating my soul, I could hear my heartbeat pounding deafeningly through
my head. In the other side of the door may be the death or salvation of me. But when I heard the
familiar voice of my Mother, every ounce of dread vanished. I opened the door and buried my
face on my Mother's chest. She survived. She was alive. But my Sister is not with her, and I was
so anxious to see her again. I uttered a gratitude for the Heavens and asked for protection, this
situation does not feel total hell since I have Mother by my side. But another bone-rattling bomb
fell out of nowhere, and the reality hits me again. Dying men were roaring in pain. We were so
near in the face of death that we can die any second.
Together with my Mother is a soldier, her friend. We need to evacuate our home because
terrorists are just around the corner. I gathered as many supplies of necessity as I could. It took
all the guts in me to witness the downfall of my city.
The first thing I noticed is the moonless sky. Smoke from explosions are covering the
stars, a dead atmosphere. I saw both fallen heroes and civilians from afar, bathed in their own
mercury-red blood. A graveyard for the unburied. A big chaotic mess. And I was heartbroken,
but it ignited something in me. If these soldiers were offering their best service and risking their
lives as the ultimate cost for our land, then I must be courageous enough to face this battle and
help in any way that I can. I was preparing for the next massive explosion when the soldier
pulled us down. Before I realized what was happening, a bullet was flying above my head
ricocheting off the building a few meters behind us. I noticed that the walls were riddled with
bullets. I chanced a glimpse of where the bullet came from. I saw the horde of beasts, with their
hands clutching guns and other weapons that are not familiar to me. Their faces are covered with
black mask, and not far away from where they stand is a black flag. Another close encounter
with death, and I know there are more to come.
As we neared our hideout, the sound of the gunshot and explosion is fading. We are
temporarily residing in a small bungalow where several others are also seeking for safety. Some
were shuddering they might throw up, others were walking back and forth. I saw few ones who
are tending wounds of the victims of flying debris from explosions. Pool of red blood keep on
splattering from their open wounds. They are wailing in painful cries. But I already steadied my
breathing. I seek for answers as to why this is happening. My once peaceful land is now being
attacked by sea of monsters. My fellowmen are dying and terrified. My future may be put to an
end.
Then, the soldier who helped us sat beside me. I knew he was the only one who can
provide me the answers. When I was aware of the reality of it all, I closed my eyes and once
again, prayed.
City jail, chapels, establishments, and schools were burned to ashes. To gain ISIS'
support, the Maute group, the prime mover, commit these acts of terror. President Duterte also
received reports that the Maute brothers, Omar and Abdullah, have pledged their allegiance to
ISIS. They have been launching attacks in Lanao del Sur, where they are based, since 2016.
Homes were being trespassed and women who were not wearing Hijabs were taken away. Maute
group took away the fire trucks so the fire cannot be stopped. They were recruiting locals to join
their terrorist attacks. Also, they blocked exit points including bridges so nobody can flee the
city. The group is questioning the civilians, and if they cannot prove that they are Muslims, they
will be kidnapped.
I see humans, but no humanity. Day passes and we were scarce in supplies. As Christians,
we were always taught to never lose hope because our God is in charge of everything. So even
though I cannot feel the progress, I know He is not answering our prayers just yet. Until one day,
while my stomach growls in hunger and I try to set aside the pain by putting myself to sleep, my
mother hugged me from behind as tears run down to her cheek. My sister died from a bullet shot
in her chest, the most agonizing news in my life. I felt numbed and helpless. She already lost her
heartbeat. I could just imagine her face when she heard the metal clanging sound in her chest as
the pungent smell of her blood and gunpowder overpower in her nose. The pain must be
unbearable. She could have bawled in pain or died in an instant, I prefer the latter. And then she
fell, her body is just another corpse in the sea of fallen locals and soldiers. My sister, whom I
loved so dearly with all my heart, another victim of this tragic mess. I could not contain my
sorrow. A part of me already died.
Peaceful talks are not working. Each day, the number of fatalities keep on increasing.
Their promising futures are put to waste. This is not the place I am looking forward to live in.
Marawi is now a ruined city. Survivors are suffering from sleepless nights, hunger, and fear of
bullet-riddled skies, what more of the soldiers in the frontline? The dauntless and the valiant?
The heroes and the warriors? The hope and the protector? The soldiers who greet death as an old
friend for the sake of the city’s welfare?
Growing up, I thought of being a doctor who can cure diseases and tend the wounded. I
dreamed of high salary and working in a hospital full of equipments and comfort. I need to apply
what I learned from medical school and practices. However, I was not really sure about it. I was
deemed as an indecisive person. But now, experiencing this catastrophe, I knew what my heart
truly wants to do. I have never been so sure in my life, but I am certain that I want to be a soldier,
a protector, a light for the hopeless.
If I cannot wake up from this nightmare, I will be a part of its solution.