CHEMICAL

ANALYSIS OF
(WO)MEN
ELEMENT: MAN SYMBOL: Ego

ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: Wo DISCOVERER: Eve.

DISCOVERER: Adam OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated

areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all
ATOMIC MASS: Don't even go there sporting events and areas known as
"singles bars". Extremely low quantities
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: can be found in any location where cleaning up
is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
Surface usually covered with a painted
film. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. Surface often covered with hair.

Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states ranging from virgin
metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced
with Logic and Common Sense.
Melts if treated like a God.
Can cause headaches and severe body aches;
handle with extreme caution.
Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any
alcohol).

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum,
and precious stones.
Is repelled by concentrated quantities of
precious and semi-precious metals and stones
Absorbs great quantities of expensive
(See Jewelery Store).
substances.

May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.

May explode spontaneously without prior
warning, and for no known reason.
Requires copious quantities of substances
known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly
increased by saturation in alcohol.
When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert
and will repel most other elements.
Most powerful money-reducing agent known to
man.
Is repelled by most household appliances and
common household cleansers.
COMMON USES:

Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers,

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
particularly those of the malodorous variety.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
Usually willing to react with whatever is
available.
Very effective cleaning agent.
Most powerful embittering and aggravating
TESTS:
agent known to woman.

Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered

Is repelled by most household appliances and
in natural state.
common household cleansers.

Turns green when placed beside a better

STORAGE:
specimen.
b) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late
HAZARDS:
at night, free dinners for Wo...

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

Illegal to possess more than one, although
c) Can be used in recreational activities.
several can be maintained at different locations
as long as specimens do not come into direct
contact with each other.

CAUTION:
x → →
→ →
→ →
a) Tends to react extremely violently when
→ →
other Man interferes with reaction to a
→ →
particular Wo specimen.
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 2nd Conditional
&
Wishes in the present
If I
was/were If I
a man,I was/were a
would ... woman, I
. would ...

To talk about wishes in the present we tend to use past simple; only to show that it is something
imaginary, hypothetically speaking.

If only I knew the answer (I do not know the answer)

I wish I could play the guitar (I cannot play the guitar)

In a similar manner, we use past simple to talk about conditions in the present, which are only
imaginary.

If + past simple, Would + infinitive

If you knew what I know, you would be upset. (you don't know what I know)

If walls could talk, we would be in trouble. (the walls cannot talk, therefore we are not in
trouble)

Fill in the following sentences with an appropriate form.

If Mary ______________________ (speak) Spanish, she _____________________ (not get) into trouble.
Now she is stuck at the airport.

I _____________________________ (prepare) lunch if I ________________________ (be) a good cook, but

all I can do is order a pizza.

She ____________________________ (get) a promotion if she _____________________ (make) some extra

effort, but she always leaves work earlier.
If I were a boy
even just for a day
I'd
______________________________
of bed in the morning
and __________________________
what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
and
_____________________________
girls
I'd __________________with who I
wanted
and I'd never get confronted for it
cause they
_______________________ me
If I were a boy
I think I _________________
understand
How it feels to love a girl
I If you ________________ I would
________________________________
__ a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's
________________________ granted
And everything you had got
destroyed
If I were a boy
I would
__________________________my
phone
Tell everyone it's broken
so ___________________________
that I was sleeping alone
I’d
______________________________
first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be
___________,
waiting for me to come home, to
If I were a boy
I think I _________________
understand
How it feels to love a girl
I
________________________________
__ a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's
________________________ granted
And everything you had got
destroyed
It's
_____________________________ for
you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think I'd forgive you like that
wait for you, you thought wrong
But you're just a boy
You don't understand
and you don't understand, ohhhh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday _______________________
you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You _____________________ how it
hurts
Until you ___________________ the
one you wanted
Cause you're
________________________ granted
And everything you had got
destroyed
But you're just a boy....
Teacher notes:

Activities listed can be used in any given order, since they are all relaeted to the main topic, that is Men vs Women,
since they also work as individual units to be used in class.
The whole set combines discussion (lots of it), video, song, grammar (hypothetical situations in the present).

Suggestion:
1. You may start with page 1, chemical analysis to break the ice... Cut the handout in half, giving the men analysis
for women and vice versa, or let Ss have the whole worksheet to themselves, and let them read it. Entice
conversation, see if students (dis)agree with what is said.
2. 2nd page of this lesson plan contains small cards that you may cut out and give students for the following 2
activities; a) ask them to write as many stereotypes they can think of; it would be good to write for the opposite
sex, so women enumerate all the things typical of men and vise versa. Another usage is when they are supposed
to list all the advantages of being of the opposite sex in your society.
3. There is a truly great video, though not for vocabulary since it is a short cartoon, but it makes fun of the typical
stereotypes of (wo)men's behavior. It can be used at the beginning as an ice breaker too, but I like to use it after
I have asked the students to write their own ideas, to see how many they have in common with the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acSvQkghfps
Ask them to jot down or remember things they are (not) doing themselves (e.g. women shopping for one thing, and
then buying 1001 things they never needed).

4. Gender role in the society... Once again you can use the cards from page two, so the Ss write all the advantages
they can think of being a (wo)man in your society... Yet again, it would be perfect if you had a mixed class, so
the men write about all the privileges women get and vice versa....

You may use the following questions to get the conversation going:

Do roles of men and women differ a lot nowadays in your country? What has changed? What do you think will
never change?

What things are made easier for men/women at: a) work b) school c) relationships

Typical jobs for women ? Men?

5.Introduce 2nd conditional / or revise it with your students....

In the end, there is a song by Beyonce that fits perfectly into what has been discussed in class,
Cut out the pieces of paper, shuffle the papers and have the students work out the order in pairs or groups of three,
and in the second listening let them guess the missing words.
If needed, you can provide the missing words by writing them on the whiteboard, but if used with higher level
classes, it is not needed.
The song is great to teach phrasal verbs and phrases as well, since many are missing in the set such as
Take sb for granted
Chase after
Kick it with
Turn off
Etc...

I used it with my higher levels students and it really sparked lots of debates, especially with mixed groups. They
loved the video and the song... Good luck, hope you enjoy it !