THE SOPHIA SOCIETY PRESENTS

Faith
Deconstruction
101
HOW TO DECONSTRUCT YOUR
FAITH WITHOUT LOSING IT

BY MELANIE MUDGE
 Contents
1 . I N T R O D U C T I O N 1

— W E L C O M E T O F A I T H D E C O N S T R U C T I O N 1 0 1 4

— I T W O N ’ T B E E A S Y , B U T I T W I L L B E B E A U T I F U L 4

2 . W H A T I S D E C O N S T R U C T I O N ? 6

— D E C O N S T R U C T I O N D E F I N E D 7

— W H Y W E N E E D D E C O N S T R U C T I O N 9

— WHY IT’S NOT BAD10

— WHY IT’S NOT THE END GOAL12

3. WHAT COMES AFTER?13

— RECONSTRUCTION15

— SETTING BOUNDARIES17

— REST18

— REPEAT20

4. WHAT’S THE GOAL?22

— TRUTH PLUS24

— FAITH AS GOD INTENDED25

— THE HEART OF GOD26

5. A FINAL WORD29

— A PRAYER FOR SEASONS OF UNCERTAINT Y31

6. HELPFUL RESOURCES32
 01.
Introduction
 01.
Introduction
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

— EXCERPTED FROM MARY OLIVER’S “IN BLACKWATER WOODS,”

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN HER 1983 COLLECTION AMERICAN PRIMITIVE

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01.
Do you remember your first “doubt” or “big question” about life, faith, or
the world? Do you remember how you responded to it? Did you keep it to
yourself? Did you bring it up to a parent, pastor, friend, or trusted relative,
or did you try to search for answers elsewhere, like a book or the Internet?
Looking back, how do you feel about the experiencing of having that doubt?
(Whew! That’s a lot of questions! We apologize. But trust us, taking the time to
think about them will be helpful in your spiritual journey.)

Questions, doubts, and dissenting opinions are an interesting topic. One’s

background will determine whether they were met with openness, honesty, and
encouragement—or if they were regarded as negative and a thing to be feared,
a sign of one’s lack of faith. Faith communities tend to have the latter reaction,
so those who grow up in religious households are more often than not taught
to run away from them as quickly as possible, all the while praying fervently for
God to “help their unbelief” (Mark 9:24).

Yet even in religious households that are more tolerant of doubts, there is an
unspoken time limit. Sure, it’s fine for you to question and wonder and doubt
and even research other belief systems, especially when you’re young, but if
you’ve struggled with that same question for too long or if you’ve reached a
certain age (the cutoff varies, but it seems you’re expected to have everything
figured out by the time you have kids or hit your thirties, whichever comes
first), then clearly you’re just choosing to remain a skeptic.

But what about those of us who have reached our thirties and beyond and still
don’t fall in line? Or what about those of us who are “mature” in years and faith
but are starting to question things we’ve always taken for granted? What are
we to do then? Are we really just horrible apostates who enjoy doubting and
being different? Is there something wrong with us, with our trust in God?

Or is there another, truer narrative, one that makes room for doubts,
questions, differing conclusions, and diversity? Is it possible that rather than
being a destination, faith is a journey that stretches from our first screaming
cry to our last breath?

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01.
Welcome to Faith Deconstruction 101!
If the previous section strikes a chord with you, you’ve come to the right place.
We’ve written this ebook to help the thousands upon thousands of people who feel
ostracized, perhaps even condemned, for being committed to asking the deeper
questions and seeking Truth, Beauty, Goodness, and the Divine wherever they may
be.

Be encouraged: You are definitely not alone. In fact, you’re in good company!
Throughout history, there have been many who were written off and shunned
as heretics by their faith communities, only to later be recognized by history as
some of the pioneers and even saints of faith. There are many reasons for their
excommunication—not the least of which are the politics and power dynamics of
their time—but one big one is the fact that the Divine or God will never be fully
knowable. If he or she were, then it wouldn’t be God! So as the whole of humanity
grows in its knowledge of God and the world, there will be ideas or concepts that
at first seem totally outrageous—heretical, even—but eventually come to be
accepted as true. So if you are in the same boat, keep these forebears in mind
(and be thankful you don’t live at a time when it was common practice to behead
apostates!).

It Won’t Be Easy, But It Will Be Beautiful

But remember that, by walking down the path of deconstruction, your journey
will probably be marked by hardship, just as it was for the brave faith pioneers of
yesteryear. We don’t say this to scare you, but to give you realistic expectations.

Think about it. As you question, poke, prod, and ultimately deconstruct some of
the established ways of thinking about and relating to God, yourself, others, the
Church, faith, and the world, it will make people uncomfortable or even afraid.
Which is totally understandable! The things you’re questioning and maybe even
pulling apart are things that many hold—and perhaps have held for quite some
time—as “gospel truth,” as foundational truths. For them, saying that they might
not be true or at least not as foundational as you once thought means you’re
questioning the foundation of their faith. And they may not be ready to see what
you’re seeing or ask what you’re asking.

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01.
When this happens, people can have a whole variety of reactions. Some will be
aggressive, potentially labeling you hurtful things (e.g. “heretic”) and possibly
seeking you out to tell you that what you’re doing is wrong and you need to repent.
Others may be a bit more passive and try to help you see the error of your ways
through little comments, gifting you very specific books, sending you social media
posts, and introducing you to people they think can “help.” Others may simply try
to avoid you, acting as though they will be “guilty by association.” And still others
may cut off the relationship altogether. No matter how the people around you—
especially your loved ones—react, remember to give them grace while still standing
firm in your determination to pursue the Divine.

And above all, remember that though the journey can be fraught with hardship,
struggle, darkness, confusion, and lost relationships, it’s worth it. Because in the end,
if you truly seek Truth, Beauty, and Goodness, you will find them. You will find them
amongst the new relationships that emerge, in the wider world you awaken to, and
in God. You will even find them within yourself.

One last thing: Though we hope this ebook is a useful tool in your faith journey, it is
only a starting point. We hope it provides some clarity for what you’re experiencing
while also encouraging you to keep forging ahead and diving deeper into research,
relationship, and experience. We’ve included some resources, categorized by topic,
that we’ve found helpful in the appendix.

So let’s get started!

© 2021 THE SOPHIA SOCIETY 5

 02.
What Is
Deconstruction?
 02.
What Is Deconstruction?
Depending on what circles you run in, “deconstruction” has become somewhat
of a trendy buzzword. If you want to be a cool, non-institutionalized Christian,
then you obviously need to be talking about deconstructing your faith. And
while we applaud people that are helping others challenge ideas that are
harmful or no longer useful, we don’t want the word to simply become a
hashtag or be the next movement to take the Christian world by storm only
to fade in a few years. Deconstruction is something that should be part of
everyone’s faith—forever. So let’s start by defining the word, then discuss its
purpose and why it’s so crucial.

Deconstruction Defined
A relatively new idea that arose out of the world of textual criticism, the
word “deconstruction” takes on different meanings depending on the field in
which it’s being used. For our purposes—that is, regarding religious faith—we’ll
define it as the taking apart of an idea, practice, tradition, belief, or system
into smaller components in order to examine their foundation, truthfulness,
usefulness, and impact. Or, as Rachel Held Evans wrote in her book Searching
for Sunday: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church, it is taking a “massive
inventory of [your] faith, tearing every doctrine from the cupboard and turning
each one over in [your] hand” (p. 50).

This is important and will factor in later, but one thing to point out now is that
deconstruction is not destruction. Destruction means completely demolishing
something so that it no longer exists. That’s not what deconstruction should be
(though there are many who call themselves ex-evangelicals or #exvangelicals
that will claim that their faith deconstruction led them also to deconversion).
Instead, we engage in deconstructing our faith in order to see what’s worth
keeping and what needs rebuilding.

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02.
Think of it like an older house—not one that’s completely dilapidated, but that
definitely needs some fixing up. It has a good foundation and good bones, it just
needs a bit of updating. But that requires money, effort, and time. It requires
tearing out some walls, replacing broken cabinets, perhaps updating the wiring
or plumbing. But the cost and time it takes to update it are worth it because
the house is worth saving and the final product will be even better than the
original.

Our faith is actually much like that house. As we grow

older, the components of our faith grow older, too—
but some don’t age as well as others or have a shorter
lifespan. A certain wall, which at one point may have
been load-bearing and crucial to the structure of our
faith, might have become pointless and therefore needs
to be removed. Perhaps an entire room needs to be
torn down so that it can make way for something more
beautiful and true. But in order for the better things to
come to fruition, we not only have to recognize what’s
outdated, decayed, and useless, we also have to be willing
to let go and say goodbye. And that can be painful.

It’s not exactly easy or fun to admit that something we

once believed whole-heartedly and with every fiber of
our being may not have encompassed the whole picture
or, worse, was outright wrong. It might mean we need to
apologize to someone for our previous dogmatic defense of an idea. It might
mean we need to rethink an entire phase of our lives, how we perceive people,
what we devote our time to, or what we denounce or uphold. It could even
mean suddenly realizing that something we’ve done or thought for our whole
lives is actually destructive to ourselves and others. And it will definitely involve
in-between times—or liminal spaces—when we’ve let go of something but
aren’t yet sure where to go next.

None of these experiences is something a sane person would happily jump into.
It would be much easier if we could just be right all of the time in all things.

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02.
But we can’t be. And despite the struggle, the journey and the outcome are
100% worth it. So if you’re in a tough phase right now, keep slogging. We’re
right there with you, keeping our eyes on the beauty and freedom that are just
around the corner.

Why We Need It
You may be catching on to the necessity of deconstruction already. There are
many reasons why it’s crucial, so let’s talk about just a few of them.

Even though the word is relatively new, the concept of breaking paradigms
down so that we can rebuild better ones has actually existed as long as humans
have. It’s something we do by nature as soon as we’re born (and it’s so complex,
the vast field of developmental psychology is dedicated to understanding it).
When we’re young, we construct simple ways of understanding the world—that
is, taking in information, then categorizing and explaining it. But as we age and
encounter more situations that don’t fit into those simple paradigms, we have
to deconstruct them and replace parts or all of them with a new, more complex
paradigm. Of course, these ways of perceiving the world have a multiplicity of
influences, and there is no set number of times a person can or will adopt a new
one. There are some paradigms that appear to be common across all cultures
and locations, and some that do not. And it’s quite possible for a person to
stop, for one reason in another, in one stage and never move out of it.

But lest we go way beyond the scope of this ebook, suffice it to say that
deconstruction is extremely important for our development and growth. If we
didn’t utilize it, we’d never move beyond, say, categorizing people as “mom”
and “not mom.”

In addition, deconstruction is what helps us make room for and make sense
of new information. When we’re young, our knowledge and experiences are
limited, so the simple paradigms are all we need to explain and understand
them. But as we experience and learn more, we come into contact with
information that is completely outside of our paradigms or possibly even
clashes with them. When that happens, we have to rethink everything we
thought we knew and (hopefully) find a way to make it all make sense.

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02.
For example, a young child who grows up in a loving home with doting, kind
parents will probably subconsciously believe that all people are good. Why
would the child have any reason or cause to believe otherwise? All he or she
has known is love, goodness, and warmth. But the second the child encounters
or witnesses someone who is not so kind, the “all people are good” worldview
is shattered. Some people actually want to hurt or harm others! How is a child
to make sense of this? Often they react by categorizing people as either all
bad or all good. And that works for a while, until they encounter someone they
previously thought was bad doing something good (or vice versa). Slowly, the
paradigm must be rebuilt to reflect the reality that people can do both good
and bad things and that some are more committed than others to doing good
in the world.

As you can see, without the ability to deconstruct something that was
previously useful in order to make room for new information, we would all
be stuck with a simplistic, black-and-white, dualistic way of seeing the world.
And that would only get us so far. The same is true for our faith. When we’re
young, we believe whatever we’re taught about God, the earth, the afterlife,
and human nature. And what we’re taught usually reflects our developmental
stages—people don’t usually try to explain the doctrine of total depravity to a
four-year-old, but they do tell them a basic version of the story of Adam and
Eve. But as we age, we become capable of grasping more difficult concepts,
and we also eventually become more independent in our thinking and will to
question what we were taught. All of this is healthy and should be part of all of
our faith journeys.

Why It’s Not Bad

In many faith communities, “deconstruction” has become synonymous with
“losing faith.” And that’s often for good reason. For a great number of people,
their doubts and questions become a slippery slope toward the death of their
faith. They are unable to find satisfactory answers to their difficult questions,
thus concluding that if one foundational idea can’t be answered or explained,
then the rest of it must also be bogus. And they “walk away,” often to never
return again.

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02.
Thus it’s not at all surprising that the knee-jerk reaction by people of faith to
the process of deconstruction is fear and condemnation. They don’t want their
loved ones to walk away from what they are convinced is the truth and the only
way to God. So questions become taboo—the enemy, even—and they double
down on the claim that only they have the answers, only they have everything
one needs to get to God. Logically, then, questioning what they teach, affirm,
reject, and condemn means that you’re questioning God. Doubting becomes
the ultimate no-no, the ultimate sin, the ultimate sign that one does not truly
love God.

And while that reaction and mindset is understandable, it’s actually misguided
because it doesn’t truly understand deconstruction, and it’s harmful because
it’s based in fear. That fear says that because questions lead to the unknown,
they are bad and must be vehemently discouraged. But that’s simply not true.
It isn’t the doubting, questioning, and deconstructing that cause the death
or loss of faith; it’s the reaction to it. Deconstruction is not a faith death
sentence if we have a safe, nurturing environment in which to ask questions,
have deep discussions, and be welcomed no matter what. If we have the kind
of faith community that doesn’t reject us as heretics or run in fear from our
doubts, we can emerge with a stronger faith than we ever had before. But if
we have the opposite—a faith community that discourages and even stifles
honesty, difficult questions, or going outside the norm—
chances are that anyone who starts down the path of
deconstruction will be shamed into a complete rejection of
their faith.

But as we mentioned earlier, deconstruction is not and

should not be destruction. Rather than being a slippery
slope toward the death of faith, deconstruction is actually
part of the cycle of spiritual renewal. And this cycle, like
the cycle of the seasons, requires the death of the old
before something better can germinate, take root, and
grow in its place.

So the sooner we can reject the notion that deconstruction

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02.
is the beginning of the end and instead embrace it as vital for our spiritual
growth, the sooner we can cultivate a healthy, vibrant, holistic faith in God
both in ourselves and in others.

Why It’s Not the End Goal

All that being said, it’s important to remember that deconstruction is not the
goal, nor is it a place we should camp out forever. In fact, it’s only one part of
the cycle! We’ll talk about this more in the next section, but for now, keep in
mind that deconstruction can and should be celebrated and encouraged, but it
should also be approached as simply one step in a much larger process.

Recap
• Deconstruction is the taking apart of an idea, practice, tradition, belief,
or system into smaller components in order to examine their foundation,
truthfulness, usefulness, and impact.
• Deconstruction is not destruction.
• We need deconstruction because it helps us make room for and make
sense of new information.
• Deconstruction is not a faith death sentence if we have a safe, nurturing
environment in which to ask questions, have deep discussions, and be
welcomed no matter what.
• Ultimately, deconstruction is just one part of the cycle of spiritual renewal
and should be approached as such, not as the end goal.

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 03.
What Comes
After?
 And then the day came
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom.
— "RISK" BY ANAIAS NIN

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 03.
What Comes After?
Most often, deconstruction begins with an awakening, a niggling-but-growing
awareness that something isn’t right. We dismiss or rationalize it away for a
while, but when it refuses to go away and can no longer be ignored, we are
forced to face it head on. And facing it head on means being willing to admit
what’s wrong and needs to be dismantled, even if doing so means also exposing
other flaws. Thus, the awakening is paradoxically followed by death—the death
of the old, decayed, corrupted, broken parts of our faith.

But just like the earth doesn’t reside in perpetual winter, we also must
move from death to life. Yet unlike the earth, there is no set time period for
remaining in winter (or any season for that matter). Whenever we reach the
point of fully letting go, however long that takes, we are now ready and in need
of a period of reconstruction and regrowth.

Reconstruction
As a concept, reconstruction is not hard to understand: I tore my house down,
now I must rebuild something in its place or be homeless. But accomplishing it
is a whole different story since we effectively threw out the blueprints when
we began pointing out and refusing to live by today’s established religions’ and
denominations’ flaws. So how do we begin rebuilding faith anew if there are no
plans to follow?

It’s difficult, but it’s not impossible. Though the process of reconstruction is
nebulous and not something we can pin down to any one set of steps or ideas,
there are people throughout history who have trod this path before us (there
are many, but here’s a list of ten such people). These individuals refused to
capitulate on their convictions or what they knew to be true, even after being
labeled “heretics” by the religious powers of their time. Once they’d been

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03.
outcast to the fringes of faith, deemed unorthodox and therefore dangerous,
they found themselves without a community and without a blueprint for
moving forward. But that didn’t discourage them like the religious powers
hoped it would; instead, they forged their own path. And it’s in their footsteps
we must follow.

As terrifying as that sounds, their lives bear witness to the fact that they
had actually been set free—free from humanly constraints and divisions
and therefore free to pursue God in all God’s expanse. No more trying to
demystify, tame, and contain an uncontainable, wild, ineffable God. Instead,
they were free to simply accept the fullness of God as it was revealed to
them, without risk. And though not all of their ideas were later accepted by
the Church as valid and true, many of them were. What’s more, we believe
that they were able to experience God in deeper ways than most of their
contemporaries.

With that said, that doesn’t mean we’re starting from scratch. There is already
a foundation, one that will never deteriorate or crack or need rebuilding and
which is infinitely more valuable than any blueprint. And that is Jesus Himself.

In fact, Jesus is the most well-known “heretic” in history. The religious leaders
of His time didn’t like the life He lived, the message He spread, nor the
followers He accumulated. They especially didn’t like how He wouldn’t fall in
line with the status quo or allow religion to be used to keep the marginalized,
the orphan, the widow, the alien (foreigner), and the oppressed forced to the
fringes of society and therefore dependent on those at the top. These leaders
took everything Jesus stood for as an attack on the religious hierarchy and
power structure they had so carefully cultivated. So they constantly tried to
trap Him into either betraying God, Rome, or both. And when they couldn’t
do that, they seethed with anger, eventually having Him crucified a heretic at
the hands of the State. (For a more thorough analysis of Jesus’ response to
the Pharisees as recorded in the Gospel of Mark, check out Binding the Strong
Man: A Political Reading of Mark’s Story of Jesus by Ched Myers.)

Though much more could be said about what happens to faith when it becomes
married to power, we don’t want to get too far off topic (though our podcast

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03.
expounds on it a lot!). Instead, the point here is that Jesus not only told us
how to live and be, He demonstrated it through His very life. He didn’t bow
to intimidation, threats, or even promises of power; He remained steadfast
in what He knew to be True, Beautiful, and Good regardless of the cost. He
wasn’t afraid of how He would be labeled, outcast, or even rebuked because
He knew that those who would do the labeling, ostracizing, and rebuking had
abandoned Truth, Beauty, and Goodness in favor of power and wealth.

So as we continue through the spiritual renewal cycle, we must keep ourselves

firmly on the foundation of Jesus. It is Jesus, not Christianity, that is the litmus
test of faith. What did He stand for? What did He promote? What would He
not tolerate? How did He live? What did He want His followers to learn? Who
did He protect? Who and what did He rebuke? He alone is the foundation
upon which we can stand and build. We cannot tell you what to deconstruct,
how to reconstruct, or when to do any of it. But we can tell you that if you
remain firm in Him, He will guide you in the way you should go.

Boundaries
An absolutely crucial part of the cycle of spiritual renewal is setting boundaries.
But just because it’s crucial doesn’t mean it will be easy. There will be many
who do not understand (or don’t want to understand) what you’re going
through. They rely on the old way of seeing and will begin to try to undermine
your progress (some do this consciously; most do it subconsciously). And it’s
often disguised.

For example, have you ever been caught off guard by someone cornering you
at church or interacting with you on social media, telling you they’re “worried
about you”? They come to you expressing concern for your faith, your heart,
or even your very soul because they truly believe that what you’re going
through is a sign of a lack of trust in God, Jesus, the Bible, or whatever part
of their faith they believe is essential for salvation. And for many, underneath
that worry and concern is also fear—fear that if you keep asking questions and
looking for answers, you will destroy the foundation of their faith and therefore
identity. So rather than being intrigued or supporting your faith journey, they

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will do what it takes to draw you back into the certainty they subconsciously
cling to and even idolize.

Despite their good intentions, it’s not helpful and can even become harmful—
hence the need to set boundaries. Just because they think they’re pointing you
to God or “saving your soul” doesn’t give them permission to hurt you in the
process. If it becomes clear that a person is just not ready to understand your
perspective (i.e. undermines you, constantly needs to tell you you’re wrong,
tells an authority figure that you need “help,” tells others they’re “worried”
about you, etc.), then you have no obligation to keep a close relationship with
them, even if they are a relative (or a parent!). You don’t have to cut all ties
(though it’s not wrong to do so if they become extremely toxic for you), but
you also don’t have to keep the relationship as it was. It is okay to take steps to
protect yourself.

Remember, walking away from certainty, from “truth,” from black and white
and into the gray is not only disconcerting, it can also leave you vulnerable. You
need people who will have the difficult conversations, who will sit with you in
your pain, who will help you heal, who aren’t afraid to go on the journey with
you. If the people you currently know aren’t ready to do that, you can’t force
them. But don’t be afraid to forge new relationships with people who will help
you deconstruct and reconstruct in a healthy way.

Rest
We modern humans are pretty terrible at rest. Our to-do lists are never-
ending, there’s always more work to do, and that’s not even counting all
the unexpected things that come our way. Add to that all of the relational,
communal, social, and even spiritual expectations (ever been guilted into
volunteering at church?), and there’s virtually no time for rest. Then when
you begin going through the spiritual cycle, you quickly find that the whole
process—awakening, questioning, deconstructing, reconstructing, setting
boundaries, potentially having conflict with those who don’t understand—is
emotionally, spiritually, and even physically exhausting.

It’s a recipe for disaster.

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03. This is why resting, truly resting, is such a vital part of
your spiritual journey. You will need time to recover, to
process, to prepare for whatever might come next. And
since our world is not built for rest (let alone mental
or spiritual wholeness), it’s something you must be
intentional about. If not, you’ll quickly be overwhelmed,
discouraged, and even just ready to give up altogether.

So what might it look like to rest? Saying no to hanging

out with friends when you feel exhausted. Giving
yourself time to process a book before starting the
next one. Not starting yet another show. Setting
aside specific time every day to meditate or pray or
journal. Getting outside more, especially for going on
long hikes or walks (the book Rest: Why You Get More
Done When You Work Less by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
examines how effective long walks are for stimulating
our creativity and allowing our subconscious to process
things). Taking naps and getting more sleep every
night. The list could go on and on because each of us
has different things that are rejuvenating and restful.
It may take some time for you to figure out what you
need, but once you do, it’s important that you are
intentional in setting aside time for those things.

Once you start down this path, it’s all too easy to feel like there’s no time for
rest! There’s just so much to unlearn and learn that you start 17 new books
at once, open so many tabs in your browser that you can’t count them, add
countless podcast episodes to your queue, and on and on. It can almost feel like
a compulsion to take in as much information as possible in the shortest time
possible. But stop and ask yourself why. Why do I need to know everything
ASAP? Could it be that I still feel compelled to find certainty again? Could it
be that I’m uncomfortable with telling people I don’t know the answer or I’m
not sure? Any time you feel this way, remind yourself that this is a journey with
no end. There’s nothing to prove, and it’s much less about knowledge than it is

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about wisdom. So yes, by all means, start learning. But give yourself room to
breathe, to live, to rest, and above all, to begin experiencing your rather, rather
than just knowing it.

Repeat
Franciscan friar Richard Rohr describes the cycle of spiritual renewal using the
words Order, Disorder, and Reorder. In a nutshell, he says that we all start in
the calm state of Order, where everything in our world makes sense and has a
place. But then something causes that Order to be disrupted or broken, so we
move into Disorder, or as we’ve been calling it, deconstruction. Things don’t
make sense, we’re filled with all sorts of doubts and questions that seem to
have no answers, or something we once believed no longer works but we don’t
know what to do about it. Eventually, we move in Reorder (or reconstruction)
by integrating our new findings into how we view the world. This Reordered
state becomes our new Order, and we find ourselves back at the beginning of
the cycle, happily enjoying the calm (rest) until something else comes along to
disrupt it.

We think this is a beautiful and apt description of how our spiritual renewal
works because it shows how it naturally flows from one stage to the next. It
also shows that it is never over; we never “arrive” or have it all figured out. In
theory, we should spend the entirety of our temporal lives going through this
cycle, discovering new things about ourselves, the divine, creation, and others
and, more importantly, learning to embrace uncertainty, paradox, and tension.

That can seem daunting and even discouraging to our western minds. We
want—crave, even—certainty and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt. We
think tension is something to be resolved, paradoxes are to be avoided at all
costs, and uncertainty is simply a sign of a lack of faith. And our modern faith
traditions only reinforce and reflect that. They have taught us that they alone
have the full truth, that we need to just believe everything they tell us in order
to be good Christians. But we must unlearn that mindset and learn to accept
that it is impossible to “arrive” at a full, complete understanding of God. We
must recognize that faith is much less about “correct beliefs” than we’ve been

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03.
taught. The sooner we do that, the sooner we can be at ease and relax into the
process, seeing it as a journey deeper into the heart of God, rather than a place
of intellectual arrival.

Ultimately, there is no set number of times a person will go through the

spiritual cycle, nor is there a set amount of time one will spend in each stage.
It’s very possible that you will go through a cycle that is very draining and
intense, then wait quite a while for the next awakening to begin. Conversely,
it’s also possible that you will experience many awakenings in quick succession
because once you begin questioning one thing, related ideas become suspect as
well. No matter how it happens for you, just know that you’re on the right path
when you keep going, keep forging ahead, and keep moving through the cycle
again and again and again.

Recap
• The next step of the cycle of spiritual renewal is reconstruction.
• Reconstruction can be difficult and confusing because we don’t have any
blueprints, but the experience of the “heretics” and “apostates” who went
before us shows that it is not only possible, it is freeing.
• We also have the immovable foundation of Jesus Christ upon which to
begin building.
• Boundaries, especially in regard to relationships that become harmful
or toxic, are essential to moving healthily through the cycle of spiritual
renewal.
• Like boundaries, rest is crucial to the spiritual journey, as it allows us to
process, heal, slow down, listen, and simply be.
• Feeling like we need to have it all figured out is a remnant of the old way
of thinking, of the unhealthy desire to rid the world of nuance, complexity,
and mystery.
• Once we have gone through all the steps of the journey, we haven’t
arrived! We’re back at the beginning, ready to go through the cycle all over
again.
• You’re on the right path when you keep going, keep forging ahead, and
keep moving through the cycle again and again and again.

© 2021 THE SOPHIA SOCIETY 21

 04.
What’s the Goal?
 04.
What's the Goal?
A valid critique of the burgeoning faith deconstruction movement is that it
offers no answers. Instead, the claim goes, most influencers and groups that
encourage deconstruction simply want people to dissent and be different just
to dissent and be different. They won’t acknowledge the parts of our Christian
traditions that are actually transformative. A quick perusal of hashtags like
#deconstruction and #faithdeconstruction shows the critique isn’t necessarily
wrong.

However, we have been in this space for some time, and through that time
(and our own personal experiences) we know how extremely important and
freeing it is to have one’s hurts, fears, doubts, questions, and subsequent
reactions validated. So many Christian traditions are built around shame,
guilt, denial (gaslighting), or, at the very least, subtle manipulation in order to
make people fall in line. And that has caused tremendous trauma for countless
Christians. Thankfully, this trauma is slowly beginning to be recognized and
admitted in some circles, especially on social media. These circles (and we)
realize that most established faith communities, like churches, are not a safe
place to be fully honest and vulnerable, so they’re doing their best to provide
that safe space wherever they can.

Yet we want to be clear that deconstruction and the rest of the spiritual
renewal cycle do have a goal. It is not deconstruction for deconstruction’s
sake, nor is it to be the latest cool trend in Christianity. It is not to simply tear
down the Church or various denominations because we see their flaws. It’s also
not to cause others to needlessly doubt and “drag them down” with us. But
most importantly, it’s not even to replace one prescribed set of “answers” with
another that we now deem to be more “correct.”

Instead, the spiritual renewal journey has three distinct goals: 1. Truth PLUS; 2.
Faith as God Intended; and 3. The Heart of God.

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04.
Truth PLUS
So much of the rhetoric and teaching coming from the Church in recent
decades (and perhaps centuries) has been about truth—finding it, keeping
it, protecting it, sharing it with others, etc. Evangelism especially has been
focused on it, emphasizing bringing the “truth of Jesus” to others so that they,
too, might believe and be saved. After all, Jesus Himself is recorded as saying,
“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the
truth, and the truth will set you
free” (John 8:31-32, ESV).

Truth is definitely important, but it

We’ve built entire
is part of a larger whole. It is only denominations so
one aspect of the holistic picture
of faith painted by the Bible. A exclusively around
macro-examination of the themes
and message of the entire Bible Truth that there’s
(and of Jesus’ life and ministry)
reveals that God is a God of Truth,
no room for Love,
yes, but also of Love, Goodness,
and Beauty.
Goodness, and Beauty.
Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “All truth is God’s truth”? It’s alluding to the
fact that any time we find truth, even a small nugget, it is from God because
God is the author of Truth. If that is, well, true, then it’s also true that all
beauty is God’s beauty, all goodness is God’s goodness, and all love is God’s
love, since God is the originator and perfecter of them as well.

This is crucial because, unfortunately, by focusing so exclusively on Truth, the

Church has minimized—and at times forgotten—the other three aspects of
faith. Thus the sermons we hear, the Sunday school lessons we’re taught, the
Bible studies we complete, the worship songs we sing, and even the spiritual
disciplines we learn are steeped in this imbalanced focus on God as Truth. This
is one of many reasons why we, you, and countless others are disillusioned by
the faith with which we were imparted and have begun wondering if we must
abandon it altogether.

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04.
It’s also precisely why we (and the Church itself) need the cycle of spiritual
renewal so desperately. We’ve built entire denominations and perhaps even
religions so exclusively around Truth that there’s no room for Love, Goodness,
and Beauty. To simply try to add them in would upset the entire foundation
and require a ton of demolition, rebuilding, and admission of getting it
wrong in order to set it right. History has proved that very few churches or
denominations are willing to do this good and needful work.

That’s why we, as individuals, have found ourselves at this crossroads,

recognizing that something is missing. And the only way to move forward is to
faithfully deconstruct that which does not truly honor and reflect God in order
to be able to rebuild that which does: a faith that accurately reflects Truth,
Love, Goodness, and Beauty equally.

Faith as God Intended

With the above in mind, it may come as no surprise that the overemphasis
on Truth has resulted in the overemphasis on belief in Truth as the goal of
faith. Think about it. If you’ve been part of a Christian tradition for any length
of time, what names besides “Christians” have you heard used to refer to
adherents of the faith? Disciples? Saints? Followers of the way? Possibly, but
also not likely. In most modern traditions, the preferred term is “believers,”
despite the writers of the New Testament using the aforementioned terms
more frequently than “believers” (which, depending on the translation, can be
found most clearly in 2 Corinthians 6:15 and 1 Timothy 4:10,12).

How we refer to ourselves is relevant because it influences how we measure

religiosity or faithfulness. If beliefs are indeed the goal, then it doesn’t matter
that we don’t follow “the Way” as long as we are steadfast in guarding our
beliefs. Yet this is truly antithetical to Jesus’ message. Though the beginning of
faith is belief that Jesus is God and that He died and rose again (cf. John 1:12,
John 3:16, John 3:18, John 14:1, John 14:6), the continuation and maturation
of faith is clearly in allowing those beliefs to transform our actions—that is, to
cause us to live the life Jesus lived (cf. Matthew 5:16, Matthew 5:48, Matthew
7:13-14, Matthew 7:21, Matthew 22:37-40, Luke 9:23, Luke 14:26-27, John

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04.
13:35, John 14:15, John 14:21-24, John 15:5).

Yet because we refer to ourselves as believers, we subliminally (and perhaps

unintentionally) signal to ourselves and others that faith is about believing the
right things. The logic goes that if we figure out what a “biblical worldview”
is and believe in it, then we are being faithful to God. Thus, overemphasizing
belief to the point that it becomes the measure of our faith comes at a cost.

Fortunately, faith, in its wholeness, is much bigger than just believing the right
things. Faith as God intended is to begin with belief and culminate in how we
live. Yes, we must believe what’s true, good, beautiful, and loving, but we must
believe them so that we can live them out in the world. Jesus spent much
of His time admonishing people to follow the path He set out, which was so
radically loving that He was hated and killed by the religious powers of His day.
If we are to be faithful to that call, then we must not only believe that what
He said is true, we must also live as though it’s true and emulate His radically
different life.

So what does this have to do with the cycle of spiritual renewal? By keeping
our hearts and minds open to the fact that we are human and will always get
things wrong, we will not only be much more open to recognizing flaws in our
beliefs, we will also be willing and able to deconstruct them in order to root out
the flaws, reconstruct them around something more true, beautiful, good, and
loving, and thereby change how we live and interact with the world. That is the
faith that God intended us to have.

The Heart of God

A misconception about the concept of deconstruction is that the point is to
question and doubt God. And while some may do that as part of their faith

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04.
journey, that’s really not the goal. True deconstruction is about questioning
our flawed understandings, representations, and worship of God. To put it
bluntly, no one has a monopoly on God. No matter how desperately we seek to
understand God, everyone gets it wrong! Churches, faith-based organizations,
denominations, religions—everyone. Period. Despite what some may claim
(people who talk with certainty about possessing a “biblical worldview,” we’re
looking at you!), it’s just not possible. Why? Because the fullness of God is
incomprehensible!

This isn’t something to lament or even be discouraged by, despite how futile
it might seem to try to seek the Divine with this in mind. Rather, it should
encourage us to never settle into our beliefs and practices so fully that we
refuse to budge. God can be known, even if only dimly, but even what can be
known is more beautiful, good, loving, and true than we can comprehend! The
instant we become convinced that we have it all figured it out, we begin missing
opportunities to learn new, beautiful truths about the Creator.

When we accept this reality that no person, church, denomination, or even

religion knows everything there is to know about God, we can stop being afraid
of and more fully embrace our need for deconstruction and reconstruction.
It is not an admission that God is not omnipotent, let alone an admission
that God doesn’t exist. Instead, it’s an admission that flawed humans have
missteps and misunderstandings and that we need to do our best to course-
correct.

Keep in mind, though, that this means we will cross and even transcend
boundaries and divisions established by humans—something that has rarely
been welcomed in religious circles. It’s much easier to keep God in our neat
little packages than it is to live in the tension and messy middle, so those whose
lives and livelihoods have been built around a particular version of faith will not
take kindly to its dismantling. It will likely provoke anger, frustration, fear, and
even claims of being a “false prophet” or a “heretic.” This reaction often isn’t
really their fault; they’ve been taught for so long that they alone possess “the
truth” that questioning even one part of it is seen as an attack on God Himself.
In many ways, they see themselves as the great defenders of faith.

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04.
We tell you this not to scare you, but to prepare you. Be ready for these
unkind (but scared) reactions. Respond to them with grace and humility. Most
people will not be ready to follow in your footsteps, and that’s okay. Even if
they attack you, make you feel guilty, or discredit you, keep pursuing God
regardless of where the path leads. As Jesus said, “If the world hates you, keep
in mind that it hated me first….If they persecuted me, they will persecute you
also….They will treat you this way because of my name, because they do not
know the one who sent me” (John 15:18, 20-21, NIV). No, other Christians are
not “the world,” but it does seem that Jesus was warning His followers that His
way would not be easy nor welcomed. And when we consider His response to
the religious establishment of His time, it’s clear that those who “hated” Him
included those who counted themselves amongst the faithful.

Recap
• Deconstruction and the rest of the spiritual renewal cycle do have a goal,
and we do not engage in them lightly.
• One goal is to move away from the inordinate focus on Truth and bring
Love, Beauty, and Goodness back into our faith.
• Another goal is to get back to faith as God intended it to be, which begins
with belief but culminates in how we live.
• Another goal is to pursue the heart of God, regardless of where it leads us
or how others respond.
• The fullness of God is incomprehensible, thus no one has a monopoly on
God.
• The instant we become convinced that we have it all figured it out, we
begin missing opportunities to learn new, beautiful truths about the
Creator.

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 05.
A Final Word
 05.
A Final Word
Congratulations! If you’ve made it this far, you’ve passed Faith Deconstruction
101. But just as with any 101-level course, this is only the beginning. There
is still so much to learn, to unlearn, to embrace, to question, to discuss, to
experience, and to wrestle with. In the final pages, we’ve included some
resources that could be considered “Faith Deconstruction 102” and beyond.
They are from folks who are asking crucial questions and forging a new path
forward, and they cover a variety of different topics, since we can’t tell you
where you need to go next or what needs to be deconstructed first.

As we part, we hope that you have been encouraged by and learned something
new from this ebook. We hope that you have seen that there is nothing wrong
with you for asking questions or wondering if the Church has foundational
flaws that need fixing. We hope that you feel equipped and encouraged to
keep moving through the cycle of spiritual renewal. We hope you will move
forward with not only Truth, but also Love, Beauty, and Goodness. We hope
that you will find new community to support and encourage you, even as you
find yourself moving away from (or being rejected by) communities you once
loved. Above all, we hope that by deconstructing what’s harmful, toxic, untrue,
unloving, ugly, bad, or just unhelpful, you will be free to discover that which
reflects every aspect of the character of God.

Know that we are with you and are here for you, journeying alongside you
into the heart of faith. You may choose a different path or come to a different
conclusion than we do on this topic or that, and that’s okay. This is your
journey. It’s between you and God. We trust that you’ll end up exactly where
you need to go.

© 2021 THE SOPHIA SOCIETY 30

As I dip my toe into the
A Prayer for
forbidden pool of doubt
and questioning what has Seasons of
always been;
As waves of uncertainty
Uncertainty
engulf me, washing away
my beloved certitude and
assurance;
As fear follows, threatening
to send me back to the
comfortable embrace of what
must no longer be;
As the way forward remains
elusive, haunting in its obscurity
and unwillingness to bend
to my desperation;
As relationships crumble under
the weight of change and growth,
filling me with grief and
confusion;
Grant me Your merciful rest
and reprieve, a long-needed
respite from my own striving
to figure it all out.
Bathe me in Your loving
wisdom, that I might see as
You see, hear as You hear,
love as You love.
Cause my broken heart to
cry out Thy will be done,
even as my resolve falters
and my fears consume.
When pillars fall and allies abandon,
teach me to transcend,
supply me with strength,
cover me with peace,
help me to trust.
Amen.

© 2021 THE SOPHIA SOCIETY 31

 06.
Helpful Resources
 Helpful Resources
Understanding of God/Christ
• The Universal Christ by Richard Rohr
• Sinners in the Hands of a Loving God by Brian Zahnd
• An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor
• Jesus through Middle Eastern Eyes by Kenneth Bailey
• Freeing Jesus: Rediscovering Jesus as Friend, Teacher, Savior, Lord, Way, and Presence by Diana
Butler Bass

Deconstruction
• Saving Jesus from the Church: How to Stop Worshiping Christ and Following Jesus by Robin
Meyers
• Christianity After Religion: The End of Church and the Birth of a New Spiritual Awakening by
Diana Butler Bass
• Understanding of Fundamentalism and Evangelicalism by George M. Marsden
• Faith Unraveled: How a Girl Who Knew All the Answers Learned to Ask Questions by Rachel
Held Evans

Reconstruction
• Spiritual Defiance: Building a Beloved Community of Resistance by Robin Meyers
• The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See by Richard Rohr
• Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr
• Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time: The Historical Jesus and the Heart of Contemporary
Faith by Marcus Borg
• Faith After Doubt: Why Your Beliefs Stopped Working and What to Do About It by Brian
McLaren

The Bible
• The Very Good Gospel: How Everything Wrong Can Be Made Right by Lisa Sharon Harper
• Who Wrote the Bible? by Richard Elliott Friedman
• Binding the Strong Man: A Political Reading of Mark’s Story of Jesus by Ched Myers
• The Bible Made Impossible: Why Biblicism Is Not a Truly Evangelical Reading of Scripture by
Christian Smith
• The Bible Tells Me So: Why Defending Scripture Has Made Us Unable to Read It by Peter Enns
• How the Bible Actually Works by Peter Enns
• The Bible for Normal People podcast

Christianity
• A History of the Christian Church by Williston Walker

© 2021 THE SOPHIA SOCIETY 33

• From Jesus to Constantine: A History of Early Christianity by Bart D. Ehrman
• The Heart of Christianity: Rediscovering a Life of Faith by Marcus Borg
• The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out by Brennan
Manning

Spiritual Formation
• The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri Nouwen
• Wisdom Distilled from the Daily by Joan Chittister
• New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton
• Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren

Purity Culture
• Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I
Broke Free by Linda Kay Klein
• Where Do We Go from Here? podcast
• Virgin Nation: Sexual Purity and American Adolescence by Sara Moslener
• Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy by Tina Schermer
Sellers, PhD
• Talking Back to Purity Culture: Rediscovering Faithful Christian Sexuality by Rachel Joy
Welcher
• Shameless: A Sexual Reformation by Nadia Bolz-Weber
• Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms by Matthias Roberts

General
• The Center for Action and Contemplation
• The Sophia Society
• Holy Heretics: Losing Religion and Finding Jesus podcast
• Liminal Spaces bi-weekly email

© 2021 THE SOPHIA SOCIETY 34

THE
END

The Sophia Society