Once upon a time there lived a happy family of alkane molecules.

Papa alkane worked at the local

factory dissolving non-polar molecules, Mama alkane was a star-at-home-mom who had raised their
teen age alkane son who was just finishing up at the local alkane high school. Their lives had been
uneventful and the son was planning to follow in his dad’s footsteps - at least, that is, until he came
across one of ‘those books’ on a dark and dingy library shelf way back in the stacks. Our of complete
innocence and curiosity, the son began reading about other kinds of molecules who lived existences he
and his family had never heard of - alkenes and alkynes and (shudder) branched and substituted
molecules. When he came to the chapter on cyclic molecules he knew he had done something very bad
and could never tell anyone - especially his conservative alkane parents.

As the days passed and graduation approached, he could not dispel thoughts of ‘other types’ of
molecules from his mind. The lure of the unknown became ever stronger. These molecules lived lives
and did things no self-respecting alkane would ever dream of doing - but the thrill was undeniable and
the son could no longer resist. He secretly arranged to have what you and I would call an operation, but
to him it was a series of chemical reactions that, when he came out of the anesthetic, he realized his
‘straight chain’ (i.e., ‘body’) had been altered and he was no longer an alkane.

He never went home after his operation but began to mingle with other molecules that were no longer
‘straight’ and learned to enjoy reactions unknow to common alkanes.

Though he lost his chemical ‘gender’, he lived a long and happy life learning the forbidden joys of the
‘other worlds’ of molecules. He ended up marrying a chlorinated biphenyl molecule with the most
bewitching bond angles and they both lived happily ever after.