Tyrese Bayley,

when was the last time we actually spoke lol? I could imagine
you're handling it better than me though. I miss it ofcourse. Forgive me for my emotions
but you were just different than any other boy i'd interacted with...idk what it is...maybe
it's the way you actually listen and never judge me. We were close...and I brought it to
ruins. I just never understood why you'd never let me lose you. I'm just a boy
,Tyrese...nothing special. I hate the way you say my name and the way you slide your
hand against mine in the most sweetly covert ways. I hate the look you would give me
when we'd stop talking. I hate how you used to send the right texts at the right times. I
hate when we'd get comfortable around each other and you'd ruin it by 'bro'-ing me...you
know i hate that. I hate that you know me so well...so well that you know what hurts
me...but you'd do it anyway. I hate the feeling that i'll never stumble upon someone like
you for as long as I live. I hate when i'd catch you staring and you'd raise your eyebrows
and smile. I hate that everytime I tell myself "he wants nothing to do with me," you'd
reappear, brushing my hand...or texting me to "check up" or to riskily inform me that i
was missed...or making an effort to come to lessons even during Christmas holiday to
share a bench with me...no boy ever did that with me Tyrese...what was my smitten mind
left to think? I hate that you're still at every corner of my mind after 9 months...that's a
whole a*s pregnancy. I hate that i'm becoming more mendacious for you...i feel like i'm
betraying one of my closest friends and i hate it, i hate it, i hate it. I hate that i'm writing
corny letters that i'll regret when i'm 30 and sneaking notes and chocolates in your bag
and failing to hold back tears for you...meanwhile i'm the last in line to cross your mind.
I hate that soon you'll become the stranger you once were...and when you are him, I hope
you're happy. I hope you meet someone that trust you and you, them. I hope you'll never
have to worry about erasing your personality or going stoic to protect other people's
feelings and I hope they make you smile. I hate your stupid smile...and how it made me
feel. I hate all these things...

"But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit,
not even at all."
-Kat Stratford