Ryan Panford 1

Ryan Panford
Ms.Lang
English I
3 March 2023

The Champions Game

Of Life

It's the 87th minute of the champions league. We need a penalty to win. At this point, it

was the most important moment in my life. He skies it, the ball went so far up I think it saw God.

I throw my controller and it breaks. Just After that an Xbox notification appears, it tells me if

I’ve been playing for 7 hours. As I sit there in my dark room blending in with my dark skin and

black hair, thoughts just rush through my head. Why did he miss all that work, why am I doing

this, 7 HOURS, I probably could have done something with that time. I tell myself all the time

this is it, I’m gonna change or I’m putting my foot down, yet nothing happens. I even have a

headache looking at the blank room, the all-white room with the sole tv in the middle of the

room, And a bed with a drawer just southeast of the tv. After that, I finally went downstairs to

see my parents for the first time. When I finish my descent from the second floor, the smell of

rice hits me, before I get bombarded from all angles. My dad yelled at me so hard I could see

hair fall off his head, even though he is bald. Not to mention he broke some black chairs that are

on their last legs, just by sitting on them too hard. My mom is putting things on the smooth

marble countertop in the kitchen. They tell me my grades have tanked to a point where I would

need more than a miracle to save them. It’s true I can't lie, I have a combination of gaming, the

lack of motivation, and actually the lack of everything I guess. The lack of focus, dedication,
 Ryan Panford 2

hard work, self-control, and effort to thank. I try to bring myself to make an excuse, which is a

skill I have mastered over the years, but now I can’t even bring myself to deny that it is

becoming a huge problem. I decided to go to youtube, I’m lying on my bed and I know It most

likely won’t make me feel better, but it will distract me. One-half of my room is spotless and the

other half, my half looks like a warzone, due to the fact I share the room with my sister. The

distraction is what I needed, I so desperately needed to be distracted, I told myself. I then saw a

guy on my recommended feed, after wasting 2 hours of my time watching FIFA rebuilds. I

decide to click on him, who turns out to have millions of dollars and is barely 21, with a Chiseled

Jaw built, and rich. His name is Iman Gazdhi. He was everything I wanted and more. He told me,

I just had to want it enough and try hard enough. He tells me that his wealth and the luxury he

has earned had not come easy, It wasn't handed to him either. He had to consistently believe and

look to the future, even if that future wasn't clear. He told me to do the right thing even when the

wrong feels so right. That's when I decide either I change my life, or life changes me. The only

question is, how do I change my life? Not for a week, Not for a year, but for a lifetime. So like

all people with a random burst of motivation, I went on the internet and tried to add more skills

to my portfolio. I asked my mom what I should do, and she said

“ You are unorganized, unwilling, unmotivated, but you just need to take one of those

issues head-on, and the rest will follow.”

I told her “I need advice, not a list mom.”

She gave me a look, but then she replied with “RYAN ANTHONY PANFORD, I could

give you a whole damn novel, if you get advice you take it, END OF STORY”
 Ryan Panford 3

I mumbled “I came for advice, not a roast session.” At the time I didn't understand what

she was talking about. Later in my life, I came to understand what she was talking about. Even

though I was confused I kept trying my way to better myself.

I tried hard to keep motivated, and at times I would be doing things I despise, but I see

my goals and I’m gonna hit them no matter what. but at a certain point all the motivation drains,

and I could see myself slipping back into my old destructive habits, it was very tempting to end

this experiment, but just because the motivation ends, doesn’t mean the journey has to as well,

and I realized that if my journey to bettering myself ends, I won't ever be able to forgive myself.

I also realized that change is not linear and that there will be points in time when I won’t see the

change I want to see, but I’ve accepted that. I’m still trying to add more skills to my arsenal and

to do that I will have to try and fail. My father told me once while sitting in his 4-year-old silver

Honda, which always seemed to look brand new, that,

“You have to get dirty before you get a laundry machine.”

“What do you mean?” I said

At the time I had no idea what he was telling me, I thought he was going crazy. I later

realized it meant that I have to fail to acquire skills, and I realized that even if I don’t have the

motivation, I still have to do whatever I must do, to see any noticeable improvement in my life.

What I’ve learned is 99% of the time, the things people want cost them to move out of their

comfort zone, hence the 1% who paid, and are now paying the 99% of people their wages. I want

to be in the 1%, and the work I will have to put in gives me true fear sometimes. I know now I

will have a lot to sacrifice, but at the time I wasn’t sure that I was willing to sacrifice all that time
 Ryan Panford 4

and effort for something I wasn't sure about. After 2-3 months of consistently putting in the

work, I’m starting to see little changes in my life. It doesn't excuse me from the multiple times I

slacked off from trying to better myself. I noticed a trend: it was usually my friends distracting

me, and I could tell who my real friends were if they respected the choices I was making, and not

humiliating me for them, for example. My friend Anthony told me

“Hey If you ever need anything I’m here for you no matter what.”

“Your in a whole different state how would you be there” I said

“I don't care, Just tell me when you need me.”

This is extremely ironic considering he lives in Ohio, but he was always there NO

MATTER WHAT. My other friend Jakeson, on one hand told me

“ If you ain't got time for me, then I ain't got time for this friendship I put that on God.”

“Oh nah Fr after everything we’ve been through” I said

“Remember how much I had to sacrifice, for you to be as popular as you are now” He

yelled

I told him “if your sacrifices come with a price, I genuinely don't want it.”

Also ironic because he lives right here in North Carolina, and was my number one guy

throughout the 3 years I was living here in North Carolina. That Stung a lot. And to be honest, it

made me lose trust in a lot of people. When I say people I mean not certain types of people, I lost

trust in the general population of people. But after this journey, I strongly believe that my

situation has improved from last year. Why, because I spend less time on video games, and more
 Ryan Panford 5

studying, playing soccer or going to the local YMCA to work out. I am really glad I found Iman

Gadzhi, I genuinely think that he helped shape my life up a decent bit, and for that I thank him. I

also have to thank myself for keeping myself up to par, and not giving up when I really wanted

to quit, and just sleep or play video games.

Ryan Panford 6