How to deal with dating a lawyer?

Are you a lawyer or Are you Dating one? Do you feel that you cannot have
a normal discussion without it converting into a debate? Do you often find
lawyers intimidating? Are they usually emotionally unavailable? If yes, you
may find this blog a lot more relatable for you!!

Dealing with clients, clients' families, cases, paperwork, opposition, proofs

and judges cannot be that easy. Can it be? Lawyers can be a little stubborn
and intimidating, more analytical and less emotionally vulnerable, but is it
because they like being like that or because they have become like that
over a period of time? How many lawyers do you think are emotionally
available working in court?

For them being emotionally vulnerable regarding the case or the client can
a) Make the bias
b) Make them sound weak in front of the opposition.
c) Drain them emotionally and physically.

If lawyers become biased towards the client or the case, for them, going
out of the way to win the case becomes the ultimate goal, they may start to
intentionally or sometimes unintentionally miss clues or facts which go
against their clients resulting in hiding necessary information from Law.
Similarly expressing their personal feelings regarding a case or the client in
front of the opposition can make them look weak, and potentially give the
opposition an upper hand to use that vulnerability to win the case. So
sticking with the facts keeping their feelings aside starts to become their
habit.

Throughout their journey of working at least 70 hours a week, the skills that
they showcase to the people in their professional life like
1) Focusing on the facts rather than the feelings
2) Not getting emotionally attached to clients situation
3) Not being vulnerable.
4) Debating and arguing to win the conversation
 5) Speaking more than listening.
starts to become a part of their personality and finally without even realizing
these personality traits start to define them. And their personal life gets
affected.

Now that we know that the skills that have worked for lawyers in their
profession are the same skills that start affecting their personal life
negatively, let us quickly look at what these negative impacts can be.
1) Turning every normal conversation into a debate with the agenda to
win it rather than trying to understand the other person's perspective.
2) Focusing on the FACTS rather than the FEELINGS. Focusing on
what happened? Who said what? When? Rather than how it made
them feel, where did that particular statement come from?
3) Telling what to do, how to do rather than just LISTENING to them and
giving them space to vent out.
4) Not expressing how they FEEL about certain things, because they
have forgotten how to be vulnerable anymore and piling them off till it
becomes dangerous for the relationship.
5) Not being able to give enough time to their partners can be a setback
too.

We can see it's not only you who is going through some shit in your
relationship, but your partner also needs to be heard and held. “Yeah, but
how? They have their walls up!!”
Don't we all have our walls up in front of someone or the other?

● Take a back step and give them space to EXPRESS and open up.
● ASK THEM- “how are you feeling?” “How did that make you feel?” “Is
there anything I can do to make you feel better?
● EXPRESS yourself in a respectful way, “I know what you did, you did
because….. And I really appreciate that!, but I really want you to
know that it made me feel…..”, “ I see where you are coming from
and I completely respect that, but don't you think ....”
● Rather than just thinking about your perspective, try to LISTEN and
understand their perspective as well.
 ● If they are not ready to have a normal conversation, DONT FORCE! It
will only make things worse. But have it sooner or later.
● Just sit next to them, hold their hand or hug them if they feel
overwhelmed but they don't want to talk about them, it will make them
feel a little safer. Yes, SILENCE works.
● Clearly CONVEY YOUR EXPECTATIONS! But in a respectful
manner.

If not anything it will definitely bring some clarity and understanding to your
relationship because at the end every human being needs someone who
can just be there and listen to them with the INTENTION OF
UNDERSTANDING.

If you feel that this is something your partner should also read and
understand, do share it with them, :)