APSS1A07

Final Reflective Journal

XU ZIJUN
20040098D
Department of Mechanical Engineering

A self-awareness scheme for regulating obsessive thinking in

one's anxiety and desires based on psychoanalytic theory

This article introduces my anxiety and desires and their psychoanalytical interpretation.
In this paper, I will present my questions and offer advice based on two psychoanalytic
theories. Does my pain result from being addicted to it or from unfulfilled desires? Does
low self-esteem with my narcissism contribute to my anxiety? I frequently flash back
to events that embarrass me and feel anxious about them. In university, I had been
feeling anxious, and inferior, and even felt that university was the most complex period
of my life. The first psychoanalytic theory is about the object, based on Sigmund
Freud's theoretical support, from Lacan, and Zizek's explanation of anxiety and desire.
The second comes from psychodynamic research on personality disorders in recent
years, focusing on the link between narcissistic personality and obsessive thinking.

The first is that Zizek's explanation of the object has given me a self-psychological
regulation of my desires and anxiety. Original pleasure and lack are mentioned in a
book by the psychoanalyst and philosopher Zizek called The Ideology of Sublime
Objects. This gave me an appreciation for the illusory nature of pleasure, and that we
do not truly desire what we believe we desire. How to understand this statement? One
does not truly desire pleasure but rather the lack, one always pushes the unlimited want
into an exalted object, so that one never obtains what one desire. I feel that Zizek is not
a traditional psychoanalyst who researches human drives and the subconscious, but a
humanist who cares about the whole society and not just the individual. On a personal
level, I would desire to engage and develop relationships with the other gender but
would be saddened by the fact that I would not get this desire instantly. I started to
unravel my thoughts by trying to dissolve my thoughts through study and many other
distractions. Now I could notice and appreciate that human desires are insatiable, and
even if you do get your wish, it can be complicated by the reality of a situation. An
example from Zizek speaks of saying that when you get what you desire, then you find
that the circumstances afterward become more complicated. Instead of living with the
person you like, all you desire is to remain distant from her so that you can forever treat
others as an object of desire. You are infinitely pushing that object to continue to desire.
This also means that we do not desire what we believe we desire, one is in a continuous
lack state, meaning that what we desire is lack itself. This interpretation of desire and
lack can give me definite suggestions. What I desire is a pleasure that challenges the
prohibited area of the Big Other; what I fantasize as a timely pleasure is the result of a
challenging forbidden area. The object with its large and fascinating presence obscures
that which cannot be actualized, but rather the position, the gap, in which it finds itself,
the lack that it fills with its appearance. As an example, we perform meaningless acts
to get pleasure, the pleasure we get from such meaningless acts is analogous to the
pleasure of today's short videos, but I imposed on myself that I must think my actions
are significant to do them and to get pleasure. Confronting meaningless things, no
matter if it is because of the insistence on pleasure or because there is pleasure because
of the illusion of meaningfulness is a dissipation of ourselves. Facing meaningless
things, whether because of insistence on enjoyment or happiness due to meaningful
fantasies, is a kind of dissipation of myself. Therefore, instead of making meaningless
fantasies, I should face reality itself and take action, for example, I want to fall in love,
with the premise that I should not keep fantasizing about my desires, without the so-
called timely pleasure, but should focus on the things of the moment, but not reflect on
the desires of the self, such as "Why do I think this way? Is this the right state for me
to be in a relationship?". This reflection on the ego is critical and denialist, and there is
no doubt that the ego is undeniable. When we think about the desires of the ego, the
ego is ultimately false, and the real "I" is not there for us to think about, because the "I"
is unconscious. So, to reflect on the ego is to reflect on an imaginary ego. Once these
illusionary self-collapses, all the values in it will collapse with it, which is very
traumatic. It is necessary to focus on reflecting on the ideas in the text, suspending the
"I" and reflecting on it, or reflecting on the "I" directly as a symbol. Because reflecting
on the self hurts, and most people have low self-esteem and anxiety caused by over-
reflection on the self. And I need to study natural communication and interaction by
reading some books on the psychology of effective communication.

In addition to Zizek's explanation of desire, we can further understand my anxiety and

desire in terms of Lacan's and Freud's psychoanalytic theories. I would suggest that we
must look at "what is anxiety". For anxiety, I shall refer to the psychoanalyst Jacques
Lacan's explanation of anxiety, which was discussed in ten of his seminars, and in 1962
he published a book entitled Anxiety. Jacques Lacan interpreted anxiety as "the
perception of the desire of the Other". Because we don't know how the Other sees us,
this indefinite expectation of the Other is anxiety. Anxiety, for Lacan, does not mean
scarcity or loss of something. The anxiety we feel is not about what we can gain, but
about what we can become in the eyes of the Other. We can't know what we are if we
are not aware of the desires of the Other. Though we can ask others and have them tell
us directly what they desire, the point of Lacan is that invariably there are desires
beyond what others want for us, and they do not know themselves. We can tell from
Lacan that existence is a function of lack, that only the subject who lacks wants to exist,
and that only lack can feel alive, and we could say that human existence is supported
by lack. So that's when the first essential to be strong all the time is arrived at, which is
to be a subject of lack, which is what motivates to live, but such lack is what some
people avoid, and they don't want to see their lack. For example, the manifestation of
this in a romantic relationship is losing one's temper or not talking cold turkey. From
here it can also be linked to Freud's theory of the superego. It is mainly concerned with
morality, which in common terms means that the conscience punishes the ego with
guilty, and the superego can also suppress the instinctive impulses of the ego, which is
an instinctive human impulse, as my understanding is some original desire, for instance,
sexuality. Therefore, losing one's temper in a relationship can also be linked to the
superego not playing a suppressive role, as the superego can teach us how to behave,
what one should not do, and what one's responsibilities are in the face of a relationship.
Some people always think they are right, they are perfect, and how they can be wrong,
it is the other person's problem, which is a kind of avoidance of lack of expression, they
do not want to solve the problem, and this kind of people tend to be narcissistic. I
believe that this narcissism is not the fundamental sense of narcissism, but more of a
worldly sense of narcissism to avoid the lack of people, and thus not face the problem,
this is a manifestation of vulnerability, only vulnerable people will choose to escape,
strong people are always bold to face. Moreover, this narcissism will let them have no
sense of living, no motivation to live, and nothing in their lives is important life is empty,
with no direction and no contentment, and the only thing that matters to them in
everything is the imaginary image of voluntary always related to the self-image. And
of course, this image is also very fragile, the male may hide the impulse in this area,
and they often cannot take up the vulnerable part of themselves, is vulnerable, is what
keeps them from taking on vulnerability, and this is a vicious circle, a fragile person
can no longer afford to be frustrated by anything, so they are so afraid of defeat that
they choose to escape. Narcissists fear failure, fear of loss, they may verbally say I love
no one, even if they have a partner will say so, but, it is not that they do not love
everyone, they just do not love anyone but themselves, so it is difficult for them to
establish a good intimate relationship with others, coupled with the avoidance of their
lack, and there is not a desire to live lack is the reason for the desire, only one person
feels the lack of Something, he only wants to get something, the dissatisfaction is the
driving force of a person to live, denying their dissatisfaction is to empty themselves,
only to place their existence in the future, you have the desire to want to go to exist. I
can distinguish here between desire and pleasure. Usually, people who have no desire,
have their pleasure, and pleasure is related to the tendency to profit, and the tendency
to profit is what destroys desire, it is what destroys order and meaning. Desire is
linguistic, and pleasure is always languageless, a meaningless cycle governed by profit.
Of course, fundamentally, when we desire, there is also a tendency to participate, there
is also hedonism, but this desire and hedonism do not bring any glance also has the
drive to live, because there is a disaster of dissatisfaction, but only the hedonistic or
excessive hedonistic people or only the tendency to profit is stable, inherently balanced,
which is a desire to quell the instability of desire. They cannot bear their dissatisfaction
and enter into the hedonism of the tendency to profit, thus gaining inner stability. They
are complete, but at the same time they put out the fuel of life, and that is the price.
Desire is the meaning of one's life, and at the same time death is the motivation for both
to keep on living, and immortality also takes away the motivation to live, because it is
the shortness of life that makes one cherish it, that makes him go forward for the sake
of desire. So death is also the fuel of life, so it is the presence of the two fuels, death
and in and desire, that burns up the whole life of man. This is how to live all the time
with the medicine of death and desire, death is always present, for more people it is a
matter of not having desire, and this is when we have to consider if we are thinking so
much that we have extinguished our desire. So how is the person who is supposedly
anxious because of a lack of love to live? Try to focus on the topic of you and the object
of your desire, go after it. Three words are hardly enough for me to go through the
illusion, and the best way to go through the illusion is to let the trauma take you through.
At that point, I'll see if I lack love or not, I'll see what I lack, I'll see my eternal lack,
and finally, I'll see that the lack is the lack itself, and what I desire is my lack. If I can't
pursue love out of the reality of my situation and feel anxious about it, then I can choose
to lack something else instead of clinging to a relationship. It is in the pursuit of what
is lacking that my life unfolds and continues. I am afraid that I am stuck in a "lack" that
I cannot let go of and cannot move forward, which is the most awkward and tormenting
thing. In the long run, keeping a certain distance from the desires of the other is a good
coping strategy. I should not force myself to coexist with my symptoms. Because
distancing myself from the other's desires will prevent me from being consumed by the
other's desires, it will allow me to keep my ego intact because I will not be projecting
too much of myself onto the other. I can read some psychoanalytic books or even talk
to a psychoanalyst and discover the source of my trauma through dialogue. The
emotional damage can be reduced through rational and third-person perspective self-
observation.

Secondly, besides understanding anxiety and desire, operational conditioning is also

used to explain the reasons for my repeated thoughts about anxiety and to suggest
strategies to address them. Operant conditioning, which is sometimes called
instrumental conditioning, is a method of studying that involves the use of reward and
punishment to alter behavior. Through operant conditioning, the rewarded behavior is
very likely to be repeated, and the punished behavior will seldom occur. The theory can
also explain the symptoms of OCD. By participating in ceremonial acts, people with
obsessive-compulsive disorder might experience temporary alleviation of symptoms of
anxiety. The positive outcome may reinforce the ceremonial behavior. Such beliefs
cause them to partake in the act, which then is reinforced, and adds to the possibility
that the compulsive behavior will happen again. Anxiety relief is a type of positive
reinforcement, and you start doing this with increasing frequency till the behavior has
become a compulsion. Thinking for me is a repeated behavior of compelling myself to
think. Thoughts cause our minds to manufacture and produce a million thoughts, ideas,
and thinking, and we are often joyfully chasing after one after another, absorbed in the
agonizing thought and unable to stop. We try to concentrate on work and study
assignments, while our minds are always dominated by negative thoughts, remorse
about the future, worries about the past, and thoughts about pointless problems. It is
difficult for me to decide, and I spend a lot of time and effort assessing, contemplating,
and balancing the pros and cons, as well as making and losing decisions.
Psychologically, this phenomenon is called "overthinking" or "compulsive thinking". It
is because I am addicted to distress. Therefore, each time you do "compulsive thinking",
numerous times repeatedly thinking so that the body is used to the hormonal level, the
physiological state, but the body is "addicted" to anxiety, fear, uneasiness, and other
emotions, which in turn will force and urge your brain to continue to produce negative
thinking, internal consumption, the formation of the vicious circle: negative thinking;
negative emotions; physical reaction; physical adaptation; the formation of habit;
prompting negative thinking to continue; continuing negative emotions; and continuing
somatic reactions. That is why I still feel very anxious, discomforted, and depressed
after attempting to interrupt compulsive thinking, and can easily be led into the cycle
of compulsive thinking anxiety and craving again. So, what exactly is the best way to
change this mentally internalizing, pain-addicted situation? This process begins with a
conscious "awareness". Be aware when the mind is engaged in meaningless compulsive
thinking and control the flow of your attention so that you do not feel the negative
thinking, repeatedly stimulate the body's physiological response, and not allow the body
to make a habit of suffering. You can choose to block out any distractions that influence
your proper thinking and behavioral patterns when they attempt to control you, and not
get wrapped up by your urges and desires, using your own free will to decide your
emotional response pattern and body feelings. There has also been a study showing that
in primates, the midbrain of dopaminergic neurons exhibits euphoric transmitting
behaviors following an appetitive response and a pause after an aversive punishment.
There is evidence, nonetheless, that isolated dopaminergic neurons may show
excitatory activities in reaction to punishing information. Repetitive engagement in
personally harmful behavior is essential for the diagnosis of all addictions. In layman's
terms, these negative feedbacks themselves are repetitive in nature. This is part of the
reason why I am addicted to thinking anxiety. How then can I scientifically address this
repetitive thinking anxiety behavior? The first is exposure therapy, where I could face
up to a conversation with the other gender until my anxiety disappears. With exposure
therapy, I would require myself to refrain from my compulsive behavior until the
pressure dissipates. This stress dissolution can serve as a positive reinforcement to keep
you from doing the undesired behavior. The second could be behavioral therapy, in
which I might ask myself to replace much of my compulsive behavior with one that is
different and healthier. For example, I could go to the gym and work out, or I could go
and read some sensual literature when I start to think about anxiety or use the
compelling power of music to drive my emotions and counteract this repetitive rational
thinking. This can be used as positive reinforcement.

Finally, compulsive thinking about anxiety and desire can be linked to the
psychodynamic theory of narcissism, and psychodynamic therapy also offers solutions.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) as a specific diagnostic category was originally
isolated by Freud in 1894. In doing so, he brought together in a single case a set of
conditions that had long been described but had been linked to various diagnostic
categories. These include compulsive ideas (those recurrent thoughts), an irrepressible
urge to carry out acts that seem ridiculous or repulsive to the subjects, and rituals (those
compulsively repetitive actions). The thinking of the compulsive person is a frenzied
work to rationalize the very existence of his thoughts (which confirms the particular
burden of the guilt felt by the obsessive-compulsive person), the compulsive person
executes certain obsessive rituals just because he feels that it will enable him to escape
from the lack of the Big Other, i.e. the emasculation of the Big Other, which often takes
the form of some kind of horrible catastrophe in fantasy. For example, in the case of
one of Sigmund Freud's obsessive-compulsive neurotics, the patient developed various
elaborate rituals, which he performed to counteract the dreadful punishment that he
feared would be imposed on his father or his sweetheart. An additional characteristic of
OCD is the total lack of tolerance for loss, which is expressed in daily expressions of
control, since the loss of the object reminds him of the castration, whereas it is the
phallic wistfulness and the loss of castration that puts him in the same position as the
structure related to the father, that is, he constantly tries to replace the father or to be in
the position of representing the father's role. They want to go for prestige, and if they
can't externally, they do it at home. For example, the obsessive boss or partner always
wants to be in control, (even self-control, pauses in speech not to clear their heads, but
just to control their expression.) For this they must be powerful conquerors, they
achieve one goal and then they set the next one, (because of this OCD is plagued by
desires, desires followed by the next one, deliberate delays not to satisfy the desire.)
They also quickly give up what they have gained, that is, they kick it away. This is not
a loss, the loss is always passive and unwilling, and active renunciation does not allow
them to experience a sense of loss. The other characteristic of OCD is usurpation, but
this usurpation mostly occurs in fantasy, after all, they are identified with their father's
law. But there is also usurpation that occurs in real situations, that is, in sexual and
romantic relations, because that is where the real and symbolic worlds reign the weakest.
It is there that he can gain pleasure by controlling his object and can do things that
overstep his sense of morality (such as deviant sexual behavior). Yet, in most cases,
compulsions are also extremely conservative, and they emphasize highly strict moral
requirements, a kind of pretense of transgression, excessive compliance with morals is
also a kind of transgression, but the pretense of tyranny is just a kind of self-deception,
the more they try to establish standards, the more they want to transgress, (thus reaching
a certain pleasure) but because of their dependence on their paternal law, so they resist
the real transgression. Their mindless desire for transgression is not satisfied, and they
bind themselves with rules while establishing rules for the sake of transgression. They
want to follow the rules and are bound by heavy rules at the very same time. This clash
can bring them a great sense of tearing. Some people in life stubbornly protect order
and virtue, yet this simply reflects their ignorance of what is included, they are just
blind vile moralists without complete reflection. From a psychodynamic perspective,
the reason for my recursive thinking about anxiety and desire may be related to
narcissism in psychodynamics, a theory that explains that one's over-reflection on
oneself is an over-control of the self, which is damaging to our physical and mental
health. One's arrogance is to cover one's low self-esteem, and one's excessive low self-
esteem is to cover one's inner arrogance. Some studies have shown that the ego is weak
in all areas and that self-regulation can be dysfunctional in people with a narcissistic
personality disorder. Low self-esteem is indeed closely related to narcissism. A patient
with severe pathological narcissism finds no way to value themselves unconditionally
or assign value to others. As a result, they cannot be motivated to embrace the
subjectivity of another human being. Instead, such patients tend to value only the other
person's dependence, while valuing themselves only conditionally. The solution to my
problem is to have no regrets and to tell myself that regrets are meaningless. As for low
self-esteem, I believe it takes time and a lot of healthy interpersonal interactions to
transform myself, which is what psychodynamics points out, to maintain healthy object
relations. So how can I use psychodynamics to treat my compulsive thinking anxiety
and desires? I think it can be addressed by building a healthy object relationship.
Essentially, it's about having the object provide a strong sense of acknowledgment and
recognition. But, narcissists are trying to hide the hurt, and I need the object to recognize
the special defense mechanism my narcissism uses to ward off hurtful pain, and from
there to go back and discover the cause of the hurt. As soon as the cause of the hurt is
discovered, the object and I can explore the issue carefully so that I don't feel threatened.
And this object relationship is only established if I can maintain my inner cohesion, and
it is therapeutic in nature. To heal the narcissist, one must recreate one's structure,
retrace traumas and memories, and have the repeated endorsement of others.

To sum up, firstly, according to Lacan's explanation of desire and anxiety, I should try
to focus on the topic of myself and the object of desire and go after it. It is in the pursuit
of lack that my life unfolds and continues. In the long run, keeping some distance from
the other person's desires is a good coping strategy. Because distancing myself from the
other person's desires prevents me from being consumed by the other person's desires,
it allows me to keep my ego intact because I don't project too much of myself onto the
other person. Second, for the anxiety generated by the repetitive thinking of addiction,
we define the link between operant conditioning and this compulsion. And exposure
therapy and behavioral therapy were proposed to reduce my symptoms. Counteract this
repetitive rational thinking with emotion. This can be used as positive reinforcement.
Finally, the anxiety associated with compulsive thinking is also related to the
psychodynamic interpretation of narcissism and there are psychodynamic treatment
options. The treatment option is to establish a healthy object relationship and this object
relationship can be offered to me for recognition. This leads to the re-establishment of
one's structure, the retracing of traumas and memories, and the repeated recognition by
others.
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