Don’t forget ...

Clocks go
forward
SATURDAY
March 25 2023 | thetimes.co.uk | No 74053
£3 £2.30 to subscribers
(based on 7 Day Print Pack)
at 1 am

I’ve done Supermarket taste test

the hard jobs. Best
I’ve cleaned and
worst
toilets and hot
made beds cross
Amanda Holden at 52 buns
MAGAZINE WEEKEND

Chaos reigns in France

King’s first state visit scrapped amid fears that anti-Macron protesters would target Versailles banquet
MAGAZINE

Adam Sage Paris
Oliver Wright Policy Editor
Valentine Low
The King’s first state visit was abruptly
called off yesterday after President
Macron was warned that it would
become the target of an escalating
nationwide revolt in France against his
pension reforms.
The French president said he had
asked Charles to postpone the symbolic
three-day trip amid fears that it could
lead to “detestable” incidents.
The move came after a French intelli-
gence agency report said “hate mes-
sages” had been circulating on social
media along with calls to “spoil” the
occasion. The French authorities were
particularly concerned that a state
banquet at Versailles on Monday night
could have become a focal point for the
protests over Macron’s move to raise the
state retirement age from 62 to 64.
The château was a royal palace until
the 1789 Revolution and Macron’s aides
were concerned that the occasion would
be used to portray him as a latter-day
Marie-Antoinette, out of touch with
ordinary people while France went up in
flames. There were also worries that ele-
ments of the King’s schedule would have
to be substantially altered as it included
walkabouts that were judged to be a
security risk in the present climate.
In a statement, the Élysée Palace said
the decision to postpone the visit had
been taken by the French and British
governments after a telephone conver-
sation between Macron and the King.
However, British government sources
said they had not been involved in
the decision and had only found out
that the French wanted to cancel the trip
yesterday morning. The trip is now
expected to be rescheduled for later in
the year. The second leg, a visit to Ger-
many on Wednesday, will go ahead as
planned.
Speaking after the announcement,
Macron said that “common sense and I’ve spent
friendship” led to the decision.
“’I think it would not be responsible
and would lack some common sense if
£70,000 on
we invited His Majesty the King and the
Queen Consort for a state visit in the
nursery fees
midst of the demonstrations,” he said.
Asked if the cancellation was humili-
ating for France, Macron replied: “What
Continued on page 2
COMMENT
STEFANO RELLANDINI/AFP/GETTY IMAGES
Matthew
Parris
‘Boris is a
depressive
whose default
mood is
self-pity’

How to be
rude in 2023
Giles Coren

Rue Saint-Marc, Paris Smouldering heaps of rubbish littered the centre of the capital after anger at President Macron’s pension reforms
escalated into arson and destruction, with a million protesters taking to the streets across the country. Pages 6-7
y(7HB7E2*OTSRQT( |||+#!$
2 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

News

Today’s highlights Police chiefs reject changing

8.10am Sylvie-Agnès Bermann, the former
French ambassador to the UK
11.15am Candice Brathwaite, right, the Sunday
Times bestselling author, on her new
rules on naming of suspects
collection of stories about modern David Woode The Information Commissioner’s man, the home secretary, made clear to
motherhood Crime Correspondent Office (ICO), which upholds informa- the college that she was not happy with
12.05pm Evie King, a council funeral officer, helps
ps tion rights, proposed the amendments the proposed media guidance.
those who die without family or means Suspects charged with crimes have “no to take account of evolving data laws. Rebecca Camber, chairwoman of the
reasonable expectation of privacy”, the The college met the ICO to explain Crime Reporters Association, said:
1.15pm Political frenemies Christine Jardine of College of Policing said after it the importance of transparency, open “These proposals ran contrary to the
the Lib Dems and Labour’s Ian Murray scrapped proposals that threatened justice and enabling media to obtain fundamental fairness of our criminal
transparency in the justice system. information to share with the public. It justice system and democracy. We are
The college, which sets guidance for will maintain its position that those pleased the College of Policing has
forces in England and Wales, was charged with an offence, listened to our concerns and scrapped
DAB RADIO l ONLINE l SMART SPEAKER l APP considering replacing advice that police including those summonsed to court, this ill-thought-out guidance.
“should” name those charged with should be named, unless there are “Trust and confidence in policing
crimes such as domestic violence, rob- exceptional and legitimate policing rests on the public knowing what is
bery or child sexual abuse with the sug- purpose for not doing so or unless other happening in our criminal justice
T O D AY ’ S E D I T I O N gestion that individuals “can be named”. reporting restrictions apply. system. It is vital that police open them-
Crime journalists and media editors Charities for victims and people selves up to public scrutiny and forces
voiced concerns that the change suffering domestic abuse spoke out commit to being transparent and
Met reform No 10 parties Britons flock to could have affected how court cases against the tentative plans, telling accountable about how they deal with
were covered. A defendant’s name is The Times that women who had suspects.”
put in doubt ‘broke rules’ Sharm el Cheap needed to find out when they will first experienced male violence had often The draft media guidance had
The ability of Sir Mark Sir Patrick Vallance, A crash in the value of appear in court. reported crimes after a suspect was suggested naming suspects only
Rowley, head of the the chief scientific the Egyptian pound is Chief Constable Andy Marsh, chief named. Lucy Hadley, head of policy at “where the crime is of a serious nature
Metropolitan Police, to adviser, has hinted that luring British tourists executive of the college, said: “An open, Women’s Aid, said: “Open justice is a such as rape or murder” or where the
reform the force has Boris Johnson was back to the country, transparent, and professional working key principle of our legal system. At a incident had already been reported in
been questioned wrong to host leaving with the currency relationship between police and the time of serious concern with police the media or on social media sites.
because he refuses to parties during Covid as falling by 43 per cent media is essential to public trust. Our response to domestic abuse, it is vital This created fears that individual
say its many issues are the government advice against sterling in guidance to forces is clear that at the that police investigations are not police forces could pick and choose
“institutional”. Page 4 was for all. Page 11 recent months. Page 17 point an individual is charged, there undermined further and forces are whether or not to name suspects for a
should be no reasonable expectation of sending a message that women will be wide range of crimes such as arson,
privacy. This is in the public interest and believed if they come forward.” grievous bodily harm and coercive and
Hotel Rwanda Bank fears hit Everton facing compatible with data protection law.” It’s understood that Suella Braver- controlling behaviour.
manager freed London shares points penalty
Paul Rusesabagina, the
hotel manager who
inspired a Hollywood
Renewed fears about
the health of European
banks, and Deutsche
Everton could face a
points deduction after
the club was charged
Delaying state pension age Listeria death
film after saving more
than 1,000 lives during
the Rwandan genocide,
Bank in particular,
fuelled a fresh sell-off
of shares in London,
by the Premier League
with a potential
breach of profit and
increase could cost £60bn linked to
is expected to be freed
from jail today. Page 44
erasing most of last
week’s recovery. Page 49
sustainability rules.
Sport, pullout soft cheese
Chris Smyth Whitehall Editor review recommended bringing forward
the rise in the state pension age from a
Delaying an increase in the state pen- previous date of 2044.
COMMENT 27 LEADING ARTICLES 31 BUSINESS 49 sion age will cost about £60 billion, it Then, a man born in 1971 was predict- Kat Lay Health Editor
LETTERS 30 WORLD 42 MONEY 58 has been estimated. ed to live to 85.6 years, but this has fall-
The Institute for Fiscal Studies says en to 83.9. For women the equivalent A person has died in a listeria outbreak
FOLLOW US pushing back plans to make people figures show a fall from 88.1 to 86.7. linked to an artisan semi-soft cheese.
thetimes timesandsundaytimes thetimes work longer will cost about £9 billion The IFS says that these could justify Health officials are urging the public
for each year it is delayed. Under exist- delaying a rise in the retirement age. to avoid eating Baronet cheeses made
ing plans the state pension age — 66 at Rising retirement ages have provided by The Old Cheese Room, in Wiltshire.
WEEKEND SATURDAY REVIEW SPORT present — is pencilled in to increase some help to the Treasury, with the rise They are the subject of a recall after
from 67 to 68 between 2037 and 2039. from 65 to 66 from 2018 estimated to “exceptionally high levels” of the bacte-
The IFS estimates delaying this by save £5 billion a year. rium were found in some cheeses.
seven years would “cost at least £50 bil- Jonathan Cribb, an associate director A spokesman said: “The cheeses are
lion and more likely more than £60 bil- at the think tank, warned of “significant sometimes served sliced from a deli
lion” in today’s money. long-term fiscal challenges from the counter, so it may not always be clear
The state pension is worth £203.85 a ageing population”. whether you have purchased an affect-
week and triggers eligibility for other Policies such as the triple lock have ed product.”
benefits such as winter fuel allowance. led to a rise in spending on pensions. Details of affected batches can be
Jeremy Hunt, the chancellor, and This year taxpayers will spend £140 bil- found on the Food Standards Agency
Mel Stride, the work and pensions sec- lion on pensioner benefits, rising to website. It said: “There is no confirma-
retary, had been toying with plans to £160 billion by 2027. tion that Baronet is the cause of this
HUG IT OUT WELL PLAID WAYNE ROONEY bring this forward into the mid-2030s. Longer-term estimates suggest that outbreak.”
Why being tactile The remarkable I knew Harry Kane Ministers are reconsidering this over the number of pensioners per 1,000 Two other cases have been con-
matters for political and social would break my concerns about the effect of Covid-19 people of working age will rise from 284 firmed. Listeria can cause listeriosis,
your relationship history of tartan scoring record on life expectancy. A review due in May last year to 337 in 2047. with symptoms similar to flu. In severe
is instead expected to lead to Hunt This has alarmed some ministers cases there can be serious complica-
PAGES 2-3 PAGES 8-9 PAGES 2-3
commissioning further work to base a who believe the Tories will have to tions, such as meningitis.
decision on more accurate data. come clean to voters that generous The Old Cheese Room said in a state-
Life expectancy for today’s fifty- pensioner benefits are not affordable in ment: “We test every batch of cheese
THE WEATHER © TIMES MEDIA LIMITED, 2023. somethings has fallen since a 2017 the longer term. before it leaves our premises.”
Published in print and all other derivative
formats by Times Media Ltd, 1 London
Bridge St, London, SE1 9GF, continued from page 1 report by a police intelligence agency day before travelling to Berlin. In
telephone 020 7782 5000. Printed by: which forecast protests during the visit Germany, Charles is due to address the
6
Newsprinters (Broxbourne) Ltd,
France cancels King’s visit
The Central Territorial Intelligence Bundestag, meet Ukrainian refugees
Great Cambridge Rd, Waltham Cross, would have been detestable for the Service said a state banquet due to be and visit an eco-village.
10 EN8 8DY; Newsprinters (Knowsley) Ltd, British people, as well as for ourselves held in the Château de Versailles on Whitehall sources said the govern-
8 23 Kitling Rd, Prescot, Merseyside, L34 9HN; would have been to maintain it with Monday involved “big risks of trouble”. ment had been surprised by the cancel-
Newsprinters (Eurocentral) Ltd, [possible] incidents in the process.” The report said Macron’s opponents lation. “We were ready to go,” one said.
11
Byramsmuir Road, Holytown, Motherwell, Éric Bocquet, chairman of the had been “shocked” at his decision to “But if you’ve got protests right across
ML1 1NP; Associated Printing (Carn) Ltd,
13
11 French Senate committee on Franco- receive Charles and Camilla in the the country you can see why they might
Morton 2 Esky Drive, Carn Industial Estate,
15 British relations, said that the move was monument that was a royal palace until not have wanted to take this risk.”
Portadown, BT63 5YY; KP Services, La Rue
Martel, La Rue des Pres Trading Estate, St
a sign of alarm in the Élysée at a polit- the Revolution, and would try to dis- Opposition politicians rounded on
13
Saviour, Jersey, JE2 7QR. For permission to
ical and social crisis spiralling out of rupt the banquet. Intelligence agents Macron. Eric Ciotti, leader of the
16
copy articles or headlines for internal control. had detected “hate messages” on social centre-right Republicans, said: “What
information purposes contact Newspaper “The president is trying to show that media in connection with the event, the an image for our country.” Raquel
Licensing Agency at PO Box 101, Tunbridge he is very firm, but at the same time, report said, adding that the target of the Garrido, an MP for the radical left
Sunny spells with scattered showers, Wells, TN1 1WX, tel 01892 525274, e-mail there is panic and nervousness at the ire was not Charles but Macron. France Unbowed party, tweeted a blunt
heavier in northern England copy@nla.co.uk. For all other reproduction extreme situation which [France] is in. Separately, graffiti was daubed on a message in English: “2 kings were to
Full forecast, page 81 and licensing inquiries contact Licensing We are really going through a very wall in Paris reading: “Charles III do meet in Versailles. 1 down, 1 to go.”
Department, 1 London Bridge St, London, difficult time. I am very worried.” you know the guillotine?” France in flames, pages 6-7
If a section of your Times is missing, please call 020-7711 1525 or e-mail SE1 9GF, telephone 020 7711 7888, According to Le Parisien newspaper, The King and the Queen were to visit Postponing is sensible, but Macron
help@timesplus.co.uk and we will send it to you, subject to availability.
e-mail enquiries@newslicensing.co.uk Macron took the decision after seeing a France between Sunday and Wednes- should press on, leading article, page 31
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
The BBC has reversed its cost-cutting decision to disband the UK’s only professional chamber choir after an outcry that united musicians, composers and politicians
BBC changes
its tune and
saves singers
David Sanderson Arts Correspondent
There were 20 of them that were to be,
literally, silenced by the might of the
corporation.
And then around the world singers
found their voice to create what has
been one of the most tuneful — and
successful — lobbying campaigns in
recent history.
The BBC has backtracked on its plans
to close its chamber choir after singers,
musicians and composers came
together in a formidable lobbying
ensemble. The corporation said it had
suspended the closure of the 99-year-
old group, the country’s only profes-
sional chamber choir, and was consid-
ering alternative funding proposals to
preserve its future.
The U-turn follows three weeks of
pressure from the music world, which
warned that Britain’s unparalleled
choral tradition and international
reputation would be damaged if the
group was disbanded.
The closure was brought up in this
week’s Cabinet meeting, The Times can
disclose, with Oliver Dowden raising
concerns. A source close to the former
culture secretary of state said he
welcomed the reversal of the “crazy
decision”, adding that he hoped “it’s not
just a temporary reprieve”.
The BBC had set out its plans earlier
this month to close the Singers and
impose 20 per cent cuts across its three
English-based orchestras as it sought to
shave £5 million off the £25 million
annual costs of the groups. It is having
to make cuts across its services follow-
ing the freezing of the licence fee by the
previous secretary of state, Nadine
Dorries.
It said on Friday that it was suspend-
ing the proposal to disband the BBC
Singers while it explored “alternative
funding models”. It is thought to be
considering plans where the singers
could be “contracted out” to other
organisations, as happens with its other
ensembles. The BBC Concert Orches-
tra, for example, performs at Grange
Park Opera in the summer months.
Sam Evans, a choirmaster behind
one plank of the lobbying campaign
featuring dozens of amateur choirs
from across the world, welcomed the
decision, but warned that the battle to
save classical music in the corporation
was not yet over.
He said: “Choral singers everywhere
will remain very concerned about the
long term future of the BBC Singers and
also about the impact on their orches-
tral colleagues within the BBC musical
family.”
The Musicians’ Union, which had
been in discussions about the planned
closures, said it would continue to seek
BBC
a “positive” outcome for members of
the three orchestras, the Concert,
Philharmonic and Symphony, who are
facing a 20 per cent cut in numbers.
Naomi Pohl, general secretary of the
union, said: “The outpouring of love for
the BBC Singers and orchestras over
the past few weeks has been incredible
and we know our members are hugely
grateful for all the support they’ve
received.”
Jo Laverty, the union’s national orga-
niser for orchestras, said the impact of
the BBC’s original decision had been
“brutal” for the group.
A BBC spokesman said: “We know
that the BBC Singers are much loved
across the classical community and
their professionalism, quality and
standing has never been in question.
We have said throughout these were
difficult decisions. Therefore, we want
to fully explore the options that have
been brought to us to see if there is
another way forward. The BBC still
needs to make savings and still plans to
invest more widely in the future of
choral singing across the UK.”
The Independent Society of Musi-
cians said it was “concerned” the “new
models of funding” the BBC was
looking at would not secure the long-
term future of the group.
Burst inflated salaries, letters, page 30
Reprieve is the correct decision, leading
article, page 31
3
News
Will the
choral world’s
high note
last for long?
Richard Morrison
Comment
A
fter more than 148,000
people signed a petition
of protest, the BBC has
granted a temporary
reprieve to the BBC
Singers. Rather than being axed in
four months’ time, the 20
professional musicians will sing at
this summer’s Proms and
indefinitely after that while the BBC
explores “alternative funding
solutions” with unspecified outside
organisations.
It’s good news for the choral
world, but the announcement needs
to be treated with caution. There’s
no commitment here to preserve the
BBC’s own funding for its
professional choir — whose roots
can be traced back to 1924 — or
even a portion of it. And it’s hard to
imagine that Arts Council England,
for instance, would pick up the
estimated £1.5 million tab for the
choir, when its own strategy seems
to be cutting funding from classical
music, especially London-based
ensembles, in favour of regional and
community music-making.
Commercial sponsors, then?
Doing those sort of deals is always
a tricky area for the BBC. However,
there is a precedent.
The Ulster Orchestra was saved
from extinction by a funding deal
involving public money, BBC money
and, originally, sponsorship from the
tobacco company Gallaher. And
there’s surely scope for the BBC
Singers to earn summer income by
supplying the chorus for some
country-house opera festival, just as
the BBC Concert Orchestra has
supplied the pit band for Grange
Park Opera.
None of this will work, however, if
there isn’t a genuine commitment
and enthusiasm for classical music
from the BBC’s top managers. The
suspicion remains that this supposed
“U-turn” merely signals a different
way of skinning the cat, not a real
change of heart about preserving
the BBC Singers.
And there’s no reprieve for the
20 per cent of musicians who will
lose their jobs in the BBC’s English
orchestras, although the BBC says
it hopes to avoid compulsory
redundancies.
4 2GM
News
Spring forward Roman Piekarski has his work cut out to change all the antique clocks to British Summer Time by 1am in his Cuckooland museum in Tabley, Cheshire
Met chief ‘wrong about race bias
and risks missing reform chance’
Fiona Hamilton
Crime and Security Editor
Sir Mark Rowley may have missed his
moment to fully reform the Metro-
politan Police because of his refusal to
use the term “institutional” when
acknowledging racism, sexism and
homophobia, Baroness Casey of Black-
stock has warned.
Casey said the commissioner would
have been able to move forward in a
“very, very different way” had he made
the admission after her devastating as-
sessment of his force this week. She
said: “He potentially has missed his mo-
ment. And I worry for him, and I worry
for that because he is an outstanding
leader.”
Her 12-month review, ordered after
the abduction, rape and murder of
Sarah Everard by a serving officer,
concluded that the Met was institution-
ally racist, misogynistic and homopho-
Asian officer, 21, found dead had faced bullying, say family
Shayma Bakht
The family of a student police officer
who died this month said he was subject
to bullying and a “racist culture” while
working in the West Yorkshire police
force in the months before his suicide.
Anugrah Abraham, 21, who was
known as Anu, went missing at the
beginning of this month while he was
on a placement in Halifax.
His family have said that he was the
victim of targeted bullying from
colleagues, which had begun to visibly
upset him in the months before his
disappearance. It had caused him to
bic. She said the task facing Rowley was
like “climbing Everest in flip-flops”
because of its scale and the level of
denial in the organisation.
However, she stopped short of
recommending immediate radical
structural changes because she wanted
to give Rowley, who took over in
September, a chance to reform.
Rowley repeatedly said this week
that he fully accepted Casey’s “diag-
nosis” of the Met and that he would
overhaul the force, but he would not use
the term “institutional” because it was
political and ambiguous.
He was backed by Suella Braverman,
the home secretary. Casey said their
position was a “get out of jail card” for
something that was difficult.
She said: “Nobody would have
argued with him this week if he’d said
something along the lines of: ‘These are
pretty devastating findings, I can see
that prejudice is systemic, it’s organisa-
Anugrah Abraham
was said to have
been shouted at by
senior officers
isolate himself. After a break, he went
missing when he returned to work on
March 3. His body was found by a
member of the public the following day.
Among the claims made by the
family in an interview with The Times
is that Abraham was shouted at by
senior officers and treated differently
tional, and that leads me to the word
institutional. But my apology is shown
by my acceptance of the expression
that is long held and long fought for.’
“And then his wings would fly, every-
body would be under him. And he will
be able to go forward in a very, very
different way.” She said that Rowley
and Dame Lynne Owens, his deputy,
were “light years ahead” of other polic-
ing leaders in terms of their communi-
cations, instincts and abilities. Under
them “we could have a new beginning
for the Met and build upon it”.
Casey was disappointed, however,
when Rowley refused to use the term
institutional racism, 24 years after the
Macpherson report first employed it
following the racist murder of Stephen
Lawrence in 1993. “Doreen Lawrence
lost her son 30 years ago. It was a racist
murder. Why can’t you give Doreen
Lawrence that? Why?” In a wide-
ranging interview Casey revealed the
for being the “only Asian officer in the
team”.
Abraham’s cousin said that Greater
Manchester police, the force covering
the area where Abraham lived and
leading the search for him,
acknowledged he was a high-risk miss-
ing person but they “did not take the
search seriously”.
“Our family were dismissed by the
police and made to feel we were just
‘dumb P***s’,” she said. “They always
say it’s either one bad apple or one bad
police force. It’s systemic.”
His family have called for an investi-
gation by the Independent Office for
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
TIMES PHOTOGRAPHER JAMES GLOSSOP
deep-seated defensiveness of the Met’s
culture. Despite years of scandals invol-
ving corruption, sexism and racism, the
senior leadership gave themselves a
clean bill of health when she arrived
early last year.
Some of the Met’s top team began to
cry when they discussed their response
to the case of Everard, who was killed by
a serving firearms officer who abused
his police powers to target her.
Casey said it should have been the
Met’s “plane falling out of the sky
moment” to work out what went wrong
and fix it but instead the senior ranks
acted as though [Wayne] Couzens was a
“bad apple” and as if they were
“personally wounded by it, like they
were the victims”. She discovered a
“yawning gap” between the Met’s
leadership, which thought everything
was “fantastic”, and the front line of
officers, which was broken.
Saturday interview, pages 38-39
Police Conduct (IOPC) into allegations
of discrimination, bullying and a lack of
support for the young officer. The
IOPC denied their first request but they
launched a new attempt.
West Yorkshire police said: “We take
allegations of bullying and discrimina-
tion within the workforce very serious-
ly. The force referred itself to the IOPC,
which deemed it appropriate that a
local investigation was undertaken.”
The IOPC said: “The complainant
will have the right to have the force’s
handling of the matter reviewed by the
IOPC upon conclusion of the investi-
gation.”
Quintagram® No 1585
Solve all five clues using each
letter underneath once only
1 Number of furlongs in a mile (5)
-----
2 Overarching protection (5)
-----
3 Nautical expression of assent (3,3)
------
4 Young live-in helper (2,4)
------
5 Former Balkan country (10)
----------
A A A A A A A E
E E E G G G H I
I I I L O P R S
S T U U V Y Y Y
Solutions see Register p87
Cryptic clues Review p57
19 trees safe for now
Campaigners have gained an
extension of an injunction
preventing the felling of more
trees in Plymouth city centre.
The Save the Trees of Armada
Way group won an order at 1am
on March 15 to halt clearance
work that started the previous
evening. By then all but 19 of 129
trees had been cut down. At a
High Court hearing in London,
Mr Justice Cranston said: “The
injunction will continue, the
remaining trees cannot be felled
at least for the time being.”
M&S attacker guilty
A terrorist who stabbed a store
manager and customer at Marks
& Spencer in Burnley has been
found guilty of attempted murder
after a trial at Manchester crown
court. Munawar Hussain, 59, who
attacked the women in December
2020, told police he wanted to die
as a martyr. He was stopped when
his knife got stuck in a handbag.
He will be sentenced in May.
Fire service scrutiny
Tyne and Wear Fire and Rescue
Service has begun a review after a
female firefighter said she
endured a “sickening nightmare”
when a man she claimed had
raped her was promoted, despite
facing a police investigation. His
Majesty’s Inspectorate of
Constabulary and Fire & Rescue
Services said it would be “closely
monitoring” the outcome.
Alert on older drivers
A record one in 25 drivers in the
UK, about 1.6 million, are over 80.
The RAC Foundation has urged
the government to make eye tests
for licence renewals compulsory.
In 2021 drivers over 70 (14 per
cent of licence-holders) were
behind the wheel of cars in 2,410
crashes (10 per cent) that led to
death or serious injury and where
the driver’s age was known.
Water threat to billions
More focus needs to be put on
water supplies in climate
planning, scientists told the UN
Water Conference in New York.
Half the world’s population was
facing acute water stress by 2030,
they said. Worldwide, almost
three quarters of all disasters in
the past 20 years have been
water-related, with three billion
people hit by floods and droughts.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Brothers aged 9 and 7 were strangled at home, inquest hears
David Woode Crime Correspondent
Two young boys were found strangled
and their mother’s body was discovered
in another room at their south London
home, an inquest has been told.
Police forced entry into a property in
Belvedere shortly before lunchtime on
March 9, after responding to welfare
concerns. Inside, officers found the
bodies of Nadja De Jager, 47, and her
sons Alexander, nine, and Maximus,
seven. All three were pronounced dead
at the scene.
At the opening of an inquest at south
London coroner’s court, Detective In-
spector Ollie Stride, of the Metro-
politan Police, said that the bodies of
the brothers had been found in an up-
stairs bedroom. Maximus was on the
bed and Alexander was on the floor
next to the bed. Their father identified
I feared ski crash was sexual
assault, Paltrow tells court
Will Pavia
Gwyneth Paltrow thought she was
being sexually assaulted when she col-
lided with another skier, the actress
told a court in Utah yesterday.
Paltrow, 50, is being sued by Terry
Sanderson, 76, a retired optometrist
who claims she skied into his back, leav-
ing him with four broken ribs and a
traumatic brain injury. He is demand-
ing at least £244,000.
The Oscar-winn ing actress gave evi-
dence to insist that Sanderson had
skied into her. “Two skis came between
my skis, forcing my legs apart and there
was a body pressing against me,” she
said. “And there was a very strange
groaning noise.”
Paltrow said she felt a large body
pressed against her. She said she was
not claiming it was a sexual assault,
“I’m just saying what went through my
mind for a split second”. She added that
she “froze” for a moment.
“Then it was probably a few . . . sec-
Terry Sanderson
suffered four
broken ribs on his
right side
onds and then we fell to the right,” she
said. “Somebody must have caught an
edge. I fell on his body. He fell on the
ground.”
Paltrow said she got to her feet and
shouted at him. A lawyer for Sanderson
said: “You said: ‘You skied right into my
effing back.’ ”
“I did,” she replied. “I apologise for
my bad language.” She said he replied:
“Oh, sorry, sorry. I’m sorry.”
The lawyer asked: “That was you
screaming at him where he’s on the
ground?”
Paltrow replied: “I was pretty upset.”
Sanderson’s attorney asked if the
actress would mind acting out the colli-
sion in the well of the court.
Steve Owens, for Paltrow, objected
before suggesting that one of Sander-
son’s lawyers should act it out with her.
Sanderson, a small, bearded figure in
a blazer, appeared at the front of the
court. He seemed to be the same height
as his lawyer, who told the court that
she was “five feet five in heels”.
Paltrow had told the court that she
2GM
their bodies and a post-mortem exami-
nation was done on March 14 at St
Thomas’ Hospital, central London. The
provisional cause of death for both boys
was given as ligature compression of
the neck, pending further investigation.
Their mother’s body was identified
through dental records on March 13
and suspension was recorded as the
provisional cause of death.
Hours after the bodies were found
the Met said that no one else was being
sought in connection with the deaths.
Sarah Ormond-Walshe, senior coro-
ner, adjourned the inquest until the
conclusion of the police investigation,
which Stride said could take six
months. The inquest was told that Al-
exander and Maximus’s father and
other relatives had been assigned a
family liaison officer.
Tributes were paid to the brothers,
Gwyneth Paltrow felt her legs being forced apart and a body against her. She said
she froze and the fear of an assault “went through my mind for a split second”
was five foot ten. The actress said it was
her first day at the Deer Valley resort in
Utah with Chris Martin, her former
husband, her children Apple, who was
then eleven, and Moses, who was nine,
and her boyfriend at the time, Brad Fal-
chuk, and his two children.
She said they paid $8,980 for ski
instructors for the four children. “It was
very expensive,” she added.
The accident happened as they were
skiing down an easier slope to a restau-
described as “each other’s best friend”,
when their deaths were announced.
Belvedere Infant and Junior School
said the boys had been “truly wonderful
members of our school community”,
adding: “We will remember them with
great fondness and love. They were lov-
ing and caring boys who had a real hun-
ger to learn.
“Both were model pupils and it was
clear that they were each other’s best
friend. They will be hugely missed by
pupils and staff alike, and forever be
part of our hearts at Belvedere. Our
deepest condolences are with the
family and their friends during this dif-
ficult time.” The school said it was plan-
ning a “fitting memorial for the boys in
the near future”.
Neighbours expressed their shock at
their “devastating” deaths as forensic
teams were seen carrying out a finger-
COURT TV
rant to have lunch, she said. Sanderson’s
lawyer pointed to a deposition given by
one of the ski instructors, who said her
son Moses was saying “Mama! Mama!
Watch me!” while she was skiing.
It was suggested that she turned to
watch him as she skied.
Paltrow acknowledged that Moses
was on the left side of the slope and a
little bit uphill from her.
“I can still watch my children ski and
be skied directly into my back by some-
Alexander,
Maximus and their
mother Nadja De
Jager were found
dead on March 9
one,” she replied. “Which is what
happened.”
Asked if she knew the etiquette, for
ski collisions — that one should ex-
change details with the other party —
Paltrow said that one of the instructors
was there to handle it and “my kids
were waiting for me”.
The lawyer asked: “Are you aware
that there is a rule of common de-
cency?”
Paltrow replied: “I would not have
left the scene without leaving my infor-
mation.” She said Erik Christiansen, the
ski instructor, had helped Sanderson to
his feet, disagreeing that he had “yank-
ed” him up.
Asked if she had then gone to have
lunch and a massage, while Sanderson
had to be taken off the mountain on a
toboggan, she replied: “I still felt very
shaky . . . my knee was bothering me, my
back was bothering me.”
Earlier in the day, the court heard
video testimony from Richard Boehme,
a biomedical engineer, who said
Sanderson’s injuries supported his
claim that Paltrow struck him from be-
hind. “He was hit from the rear, on the
left side,” he said.
Sanderson had been knocked “to the
right” hitting the ground, he said. As
well as a head injury, he suffered four
broken ribs on his right side as he fell on
to his right arm, Boehme said.
Had Sanderson run into Paltrow, as
the actress claims, “the rib fracture
would have been in a different place,”
he said. He also doubted whether San-
derson could have been travelling fast
enough,to cause those injuries, if he
had run into Paltrow.
He said Sanderson suffered a “mild
traumatic brain injury”, in the sense
that a catastrophic one would entail
death, or paralysis, a “serious” injury
would leave someone unable to take
care of themselves. A “mild” injury
would not leave a person housebound.
But “I will tell you this, any time you
have a traumatic brain injury, that is not
good”, he said. He said Sanderson’s
symptoms persisted five years later in
2021, as is seen in a minority of patients,
“less than 5 per cent”, he said.
Boehme was obliged to guess Pal-
trow’s weight, when calculating the
forces at play during the collision. He
estimated that she weighed 130lbs.
“I don’t want to be insulting, if she
weighs more,” he said. “So I said 130lbs.
I think that’s a reasonable guestimate.”
5
News
tip search and removing bags of evi-
dence from the home. Those who lived
nearby described De Jager, believed to
have been the managing director of a
property company, as quiet and private.
Many said they had often seen her
walking her sons to school.
Marion Beazer, 69, who lives oppo-
site the family, told The Times: “I’m
gutted. You [never] imagine something
like this happening so close to where
you live. It’s scary — especially with two
children being involved. [The family]
kept themselves to themselves. I’d wave
and smile at them but often got no feed-
back so I respected their privacy.”
Investigators were seen examining a
grey Mitsubishi pick-up truck and
wheelie bins in front of the home.
Flowers were laid outside the police
cordon, near to a children’s basketball
net in their front garden.
Technology
of helmets
can’t keep up
with speeds
Ben Clatworthy
Traditional ski helmets no longer offer
adequate protection due to the speeds
at which people now travel, experts
have warned.
More skiers are suffering brain
injuries because helmet design has not
changed for 25 years despite advances
in ski technology. It was developed to
protect against skull fractures in crash-
es at speeds of about 25km/h.
Dominique Pioletti, head of the
Biomechanical Orthopaedics Labora-
tory at the Swiss Federal Institute of
Technology, said: “The problem is that
these days skiers today reach an
average speed of 45km/h.
“In addition, there are many more
people on the slopes. The result is that
we see more head injuries which are not
just frontal [impacts] but also induce a
rotation of the head.”
Medical evidence points towards
rotational head injuries causing
more “shearing” damage than lateral
collisions.
The advent of carving skis in the
early 1990s, which paved the way for
development in the make-up of skis,
has enabled less-experienced skiers to
travel much faster than their ability.
At the same time, technology such as
GoPro cameras and speed-tracking
apps have encouraged skiers and
snowboarders to push — and often ex-
ceed — their limits. Artificial snow is
also said to be harder and cause more
violent head trauma during falls.
The use of ski helmets has increased
dramatically in the past decade, most
notably in the wake of Michael Schu-
macher’s crash in the French resort of
Meribel in 2013, in which he suffered a
severe brain injury. About 90-95 per
cent of skiers are thought to wear one.
Experts still insist that wearing a
helmet is better than not, but believe
the technology needs to advance.
Today skiers typically travel at 45km/h
6 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
News
News Royal family
Protesters set fire to the doors of Bordeaux’s city hall, above, as violent clashes continued throughout France over pension reform plans. King Charles and President Macron previously met in 2020, top right.
Macron postpones King’s visit
after 900 fires rage in one night
Adam Sage Paris Valentine Low
President Macron said “common sense
and friendship” meant the King’s three-
day state visit to France had to be post-
poned with the country in the grip of an
increasingly violent revolt.
Macron initially wanted to persist
with the visit that has taken months to
plan before bowing to an escalating and
often anarchic revolt. His aides feared
that the trip could have turned into a
public relations disaster amid scenes of
violence and street fires.
The step down was embarrassing for
Macron but it was decided that it was
better than having the state visit turn
into a fiasco. The president was report-
ed to have had a 15-minute conversa-
tion with the King before the decision
was announced.
Palace sources were at pains to point
out that the visit was postponed on
government advice rather than a deci-
sion by the King. A source said that
Charles had been “looking forward” to
the trip but was happy to act on the
government’s advice.
Macron said during a European
Union summit in Brussels that the visit
of the King and Queen made no sense
while France was riven with protests
over his plan to raise the retirement age
from 62 to 64. He added that he hoped
Charles and Camilla could visit at the
start of the summer.
The president said his reform was
necessary because the country enjoyed
one of the developed world’s lowest
retirement ages but the state pension
system would be running at an annual
deficit of €13.5 billion by 2030.
Most French people oppose the plan,
however. Union demonstrations and
strikes, which began in January, esca-
lated last week after Macron forced the
legislation through parliament, where
he lacks an overall majority.
Nightly protests have gripped many
cities, almost invariably turning violent
against a backdrop of chaos. Paris pave-
ments are covered in tonnes of rubbish
because refuse collectors are on strike
and 15 per cent of petrol stations are
short of fuel after stoppages in
refineries and depots.
Tensions reached new levels on
Thursday when 441 police officers were
injured, 457 people were arrested and
firefighters had to put out 903 blazes.
More than a million people protested
during the unions’ day of action — the
ninth since they began their campaign
and the most turbulent as hundreds of
activists joined the movement.
In Bordeaux, which the King and the
Queen were to visit on Tuesday, the city
hall’s 18th-century front door was set
ablaze by protesters.
The scenes are said to have caused
alarm in the presidency, prompting
Macron’s decision to postpone the visit.
Police were said to be concerned that
protesters would target the Château de
Versailles, where a banquet had been
planned for Charles and Camilla.
Two leading chefs, Yannick Alléno
and Anne-Sophie Pic, each with three
Michelin stars, had been ready to pre-
pare a meal for 150 guests at the palace.
The menu was to have featured
asparagus, poultry with truffle and
sweetcorn sauce and three cheeses
with rhubarb jelly. The dessert was to
have been made by Pierre Hermé, the
celebrated pastry chef, who intended to
serve tarte tatin with caramel and dried
fruit. Macron’s aides feared that the
sumptuous setting and exquisite food
would have exacerbated anger in the
already irate nation.
In an indication of confusion in the
French executive, Gérald Darmanin,
the interior minister, said hours before
the postponement was announced that
the visit would go ahead as planned. He
said 4,000 police officers had been
ordered to protect the royal couple
during their three-day tour.
The deep divisions in the country
were exposed by an argument over the
president’s watch during an interview
on Wednesday about his pension
reforms. Left-wing critics claimed that
the image of him removing his “luxury
watch” showed he was out of touch and
a “president of the rich”.
Macron’s representatives said, how-
ever, that he took off his watch, said to
be worth about €2,400, because it was
“clinking on the table”.
It is not the first time that a state visit
to France has been cancelled. In June
1938 George VI was due to go on a state
visit. Like his grandson’s postponed trip
to France next week, it would have been
the first state visit of his reign.
Five days before he and the Queen
were due to travel, however, Elizabeth’s
mother, the Countess of Strathmore,
died and the visit was postponed until
July.
Queen Elizabeth — later the Queen
Mother — left Britain in black and
emerged in France wearing white.
Norman Hartnell, who went on to
gain the royal warrant as dressmaker,
decided that it was appropriate because
white had historically been worn as a
colour of mourning.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Riot police have been out in force, as millions take to the streets in protests that forced the King’s visit to be cancelled
Royal family ‘must learn to pay its way’ Special honours for troops
Jack Malvern
The eviction of the Duke and Duchess
of Sussex from the estate at Windsor
Castle is “just the start” as members of
the royal family have to pay for their
accommodation, it has been claimed.
Harry and Meghan were told in Jan-
uary — soon after the duke released his
memoir, Spare — that they would no
longer have access to Frogmore Cottage.
Royal sources cited in the Evening
Standard suggested that King would be
phasing out subsidised rents for other
members of the royal family.
Sources said Vice-Admiral Sir Tony
Johnstone-Burt, master of the house-
hold, and Sir Michael Stevens, keeper of
the privy purse, were reforming the
“top-heavy royal household” to reduce
costs and seek new sources of revenue.
It was reported that the Queen was
overseeing the fine details of a plan to
run the household the “Clarence House
way”, where the King lived while his
mother was on the throne.
A senior figure said: “It is not about
cuts. It is about getting the best value for
money from those on the payroll.
Sometimes less is more.” Another
source said: “The King is not a housing
association for distant relatives.”
Buckingham Palace declined to
comment.
It was unclear whether the busiest
working members of the royal family
2GM
UGO AMEZ/SIPA/SHUTTERSTOCK; KIRAN RIDLEY/GETTY IMAGES; JULIEN MATTIA/LE PICTORIUM/SHUTTERSTOCK
would continue to benefit from grace-
and-favour residences. The Princess
Royal, who performs more engage-
ments than any other family member
except the King, has a flat at St James’s
Palace and an estate at Gatcombe Park
in Gloucestershire.
The Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh
live at Bagshot Park in Surrey in a 120-
room house estimated to be worth
£30 million. St James’s Palace is also the
London residence for the Prince of
Wales and Princess Alexandra.
Princess Beatrice and Princess Euge-
nie have also lived at the palace de-
spite undertaking no royal duties.
Beatrice bought a home in the
Cotswolds in 2021. The Duke of
York, who stepped back from public
duties in 2019, lives at Royal
Lodge in Windsor but is said
to be to be under pressure to
move.
The source added that
members of the extended
family should “cut their
cloth” if they could not
afford the rents. “A lot of
practices that have
evolved during the last
reign will be changing,”
A wax figure of the
King was revealed at
the Grévin Museum
in central Paris
Echoes of revolution
too dangerous for
the regal president
Behind the story
F
or President Macron the
royal visit was to have
been a double hit. The
King’s first foreign outing
was an opportunity to seal
the new chapter in French ties
with Britain and celebrate the
“age-old attachment” between the
two nations, as a presidential aide
put it (Charles Bremner writes).
It was also to be a chance for
Macron to shore up his image as
Europe’s de facto leader and to rise
as head of state above the clamour
of protest over pension reform that
has jarred France since January.
With the protest morphing into
a broader revolt against Macron’s
reign, the symbolism was too
dangerous to carry on.
The would-be revolutionaries
who dominate the parliamentary
opposition and the radical street
protesters were salivating over the
banquet Macron was to host on
Monday night in the palace of
Versailles, the court of Louis from
XIV to XVI. The image of modern-
day sans culottes, the revolutionary
rabble of 1789, at the palace gates
while France’s monarch supped
with his cher ami anglais in the
glittering seat of the guillotined
Louis and Marie Antoinette, was
too good to be true.
Macron, 45, cultivated the regal
persona that has become his
caricature in the eyes of his critics.
When he campaigned for the
presidency as a debutant in 2017 he
presented himself as the monarch
whom he said France secretly
yearned for. “In French politics
there is an absence, the figure of
the king, whose death I
the insider said. “The King is not heart-
less or reckless but if the family
who carried Queen’s coffin
members are not part of the core family
and not working for the crown, it is fair Ross Kaniuk
for them to . . . fund themselves.”
Properties would instead be let at Eight pallbearers who carried Queen
commercial rates and made available to Elizabeth’s coffin at her funeral are
people outside the royal family who among those to be recognised in a
passed security checks. special honours list, along with her
The sources suggested that staffing former dresser.
levels would also be reformed. “The Lance Sergeant Alex Turner, Lance
staffing has been on the top-heavy Corporal Tony Flynn, Lance Sergeant
side,” they said. “That’s going to stop.” Elias Orlowski, Guardsman Fletcher
The King is known to be pursuing a Cox, Guardsman James Patterson,
“slimmed down monarchy”. Buck- Lance Sergeant Ryan Griffiths,
ingham Palace is reviewing how Guardsman Luke Simpson and
best to use income from the Guardsman David Sanderson, all
Duchy of Lancaster, a portfolio members of the Grenadier Guards,
of land, property and assets held carried the coffin into Westminster
in trust for the monarch, and Abbey and then to the Queen’s final
the sovereign grant, which resting place at St George’s Chapel,
covers the cost of travel for Windsor Castle.
royal engagements. They carried the lead-lined coffin
6 Ron DeSantis, the gov- with the imperial state crown, sceptre
ernor of Florida, who and orb on top up the steep steps of the
could stand to become chapel in Windsor Castle’s grounds.
the Republican presi- The soldiers, from the 1st Battalion
dential nominee, has said Grenadier Guards, have been recog-
some Americans find nised with the Royal Victorian Medal
Harry and Meghan (Silver).
“annoying”. He told Piers They are among scores of royal aides
Morgan on TalkTV that he and military personnel honoured for
did not have a specific view the roles they played during the period
on the duke and duchess. He of national mourning.
said, however: “I think for Also recognised is the Queen’s “right-
some they are [annoying].” hand woman”, Angela Kelly, who
7
News
News
fundamentally believe the French
people did not want,” he wrote in
2016. He may rue that line and the
attempted majesty of his
promenade through the Louvre, the
former royal palace, on the night of
his election, but much of republican
France is fond of royalty.
The lives of the English, then
British royal families, have been
entwined with France since
William of Normandy landed at
Hastings. La famille royale has
been wowing France since Queen
Victoria arrived in 1855 for a state
visit to Napoleon III, the first by a
British monarch for 400 years.
As Prince of Wales, Victoria’s
son was a playboy star of the Paris
high life; then as Edward VII he
promoted rapprochement, enjoying
cheers on a drive down the Champs
Élysées on a state visit in 1903 that
set the stage for the Entente
Cordiale in 1904. France offered an
exile haven to Edward VIII.
French admiration of Britain’s
francophile royals grew into
affection with Queen Elizabeth. As
princess in 1948 she won over the
country, attracting big crowds and
was praised by President Auriol for
her “grace, charm, nobility”.
After five state and many more
private visits Elizabeth was part of
France, as President Macron said
on her death. Between seven and
eight million people in France
watched her funeral on TV.
It is unlikely that the 74-year-old
king would have impressed the
young demonstrators assailing
Macron. The president may
nevertheless have been hoping
that, in the eyes of a wider France,
some of the royal glamour would
have been reflected on himself.
served as her dresser and worked with
the Queen for more than 25 years. She
has been made a Commander of the
Royal Victorian Order (RVO).
Royal Regiment of Scotland pall-
bearers who took the Queen’s coffin
from Balmoral to her lying-in-state at
St Giles’ Cathedral in Edinburgh
received the same honour as the Gren-
adier Guardsmen.
The Royal Air Force flight crew who
transported the Queen’s coffin from
Scotland to London, other coffin bear-
ers, and senior government officials are
also included in the Demise Honours
list.
Paul Whybrew, the late Queen’s
page, who appeared in the 2012 London
Olympics skit she did with the James
Bond actor Daniel Craig, was awarded
Commander of the RVO.
Terence Pendry, who worked as the
Queen’s stud groom and held the reins
of her Fell pony, Emma, as the funeral
cortège travelled through Windsor,
received the same honour.
Philippa de Pass and Jennifer Gor-
don Lennox, former ladies-in-waiting,
were made Dame Commanders of the
RVO.
The RVO is bestowed by the King to
people who have served the monarch
and the royal family.
8 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
News
Call to end the 8am
scramble for a GP
Chris Smyth Whitehall Editor
Kat Lay Health Editor
GPs will be told to make it simpler for
patients to compare waiting times as
part of a drive to make it easier to get a
doctor’s appointment.
Rishi Sunak is expected to publish a
GP rescue plan in the coming weeks
focused on making it far less difficult to
book appointments and get advice.
While it is not expected to set any
new targets for quicker appointments,
it will seek to use a bonus pot of more
than £250 million to incentivise family
doctors to make it easier to access
services. It is also expected to stress the
importance of “transparent data” in
improving care.
Concerns have been raised that
figures on A&E waits may mask poor
performances at some hospitals.
Rising demand from an older, sicker
population has made it increasingly
difficult for patients to get a GP ap-
pointment, despite doctors insisting
that they are working harder than ever.
In January GPs and their teams
carried out 29.6 million appointments,
up from 26.9 million a year ago. The
most recent GP patient survey, however,
found that about one in seven patients
did not get an appointment the last time
they tried to book one. Ministers want to
end the “8am scramble” to phone
surgeries as access to GPs becomes a
growing complaint among voters.
Previous recovery plans for A&E and
routine operations have helped to slow-
ly improve long waits. Steve Barclay, the
health secretary, is expected to publish
a primary care recovery plan along the
same lines in the next week or so. It will
reinforce existing pledges that patients
should get a GP appointment within
two weeks, and those with urgent prob-
lems should be seen the same day. The
plan will focus on measures designed to
make it easier for such goals to be
achieved.
GPs will be told it is no longer accept-
able to ask patients to call back later, but
must instead find a way to assess their
problems or send them to another ser-
vice that can, including pharmacies.
Surgeries will be told they must up-
grade telephone lines to cloud-based
systems which allow patients to queue,
or request a call back at less busy times.
To encourage family doctors to make
the change, the GP contract for the
coming financial years has already
been rewritten to focus financial incen-
tives on speeding up and offering more
appointments.
A £246 million payment fund, at
present focused on measures such as
health inequalities, will be “entirely”
repurposed on targets to improve
patients’ experience of contacting
surgeries and being seen promptly.
Earlier this year Sunak said that he
wanted patients to have “more infor-
mation and data, allowing them to
make more informed choices and hold
services to account”.
KATIELEE ARROWSMITH/SWNS
Streeting: I’m
against junior
doctors’ strike
Geraldine Scott
Wes Streeting has said that he does not
support walkouts by junior doctors,
adding that their pay demands were not
“achievable overnight”.
The shadow health secretary told
LBC: “No, no, I don’t support the strike,
actually. I don’t want the strike to go
ahead. I do think the junior doctors are
making a fair argument around their
pay and the fact that pay has not kept up
with inflation.” But he added: “The
headline pay demand they’re making I
don’t think is achievable overnight and
I’ve been honest with them about that.
“I want to see the government come
to a compromise so strikes do not need
to go ahead.”
Junior doctors want a 35 per cent pay
rise. After talks with Steve Barclay, the
health secretary, collapsed in acrimony
this week, the British Medical Associa-
tion said four days of strikes would take
place next month.
Streeting said: “I feel quite sad when
I’ve spoken to junior doctors because
they are a bunch of professionals at the
start of their career in the NHS. They
should be full of energy, they should be
full of optimism . . . and they are feeling
burned out, undervalued.”
Labour has previously signalled
support for workers and the right to
strike without backing specific action.
Blame the BMA, letters, page 30
Small pleasures Alba Holmes, 4, with Bingo the pygmy goat, who was rejected Four-day strike will alienate the public,
by his mother and is being raised by Alba’s family at Hillview Animal Park, Alloa leading article, page 31
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 2GM 9

UK’s best place has everything for a modern life in miniature
Helen Davies
The East Sussex town of Wadhurst has
been named the best place to live in the
UK for 2023 by The Sunday Times,
heading a list of 72 locations.
The judges praised the market town
for its dark night skies, good schools,
convenient transport connections,
beautiful scenery and brilliantly useful
high street, concluding that it offers
“pretty much everything needed for
modern life in miniature”. Hannah Ris-
bridger, the principal of the Cygnets to
Swans performing arts school, lives
there with her husband, Tim, and their
children, Rupert and Winnie, and dog.
She said: “I walk out of my front door
and on to the high street and can get
everything I need. The shops stock
amazing food — it’s unbelievable how
many different cheeses you can buy.
And then I go out through the back gate
into beautiful countryside; our top bed-
room has views of Bewl Water.” Bewl is
a reservoir and beauty spot. With a
population of fewer than 5,000, Wad-
hurst is by far the smallest overall win-
ner in the 11-year history of the Best
Places to Live guide.
The annual guide has also named re-
gional winners, including Chichester,
West Sussex, in the southeast. It offers
good schools and easy access to both
the sea and South Downs, and has also
welcomed the highest number of
Ukrainian refugees in the country.
Cirencester, in Gloucestershire, took
the crown in the southwest, offering a
busy dog-friendly community and a
heated outdoor swimming pool.
Crouch End, north London, was
judged to be the best place to live in the
capital while Donaghadee, Co Down,
took the top place in Northern Ireland.
Dunkeld in Perthshire took the prize
in Scotland for its winning combination
of scenery and Scandi-style sophistica-
tion. Leamington Spa, Warwickshire,
known as the Silicon Spa, and home to
a new “creative quarter”, is named the
best place to live in the Midlands, while
News
Liverpool was top in the northwest.
Ruthin, Denbighshire, was the best
place in Wales.
Saffron Walden, Essex, earned the
regional honour in the east and the up-
and-coming Whitley Bay, Tyne and
Wear, replaces its long-established
neighbour Tynemouth as the best place
in the north and northeast.
See the full list of 72 locations online
at thetimes.co.uk/bestplacestolive, and
a special abridged supplement is out to-
morrow in The Sunday Times.

Singer sorry for

I don’t hate
mauling national all musicals,
anthem at match Hare insists

A
singer has
apologised
and insisted
she did not
mean any
disrespect after
“butchering” the
national anthem at
England’s Euro
qualifier (Constance
Kampfner writes).
Ellynora, an
Italian-American
singer and DJ, had
been asked to sing
God Save the King
before the European
Championship
qualifier in Italy.
Bemused players
looked on as she lost
her way during the
performance,
appearing to sing the
first line twice while
fiddling with her
earpiece. The crowd
booed loudly
throughout and
disappointed fans took
to Twitter to accuse
Ellynora of “crimes
against the national
anthem” and of
“absolutely
butchering” the song.
The off-key start did
not affect England’s
performance, as they
went on to beat Italy
2-1. After the game,
Ellynora, 28, gave a
pitch-perfect
performance to
MailOnline and said
The Italian-American
singer Ellynora, who was
booed by supporters,
blamed sound issues
she planned to record
a version of the song
for social media that
she hoped the King
would see.
She said: “I’m just so
angry with what
happened because I
wanted it to be perfect
but what happened
wasn’t my fault. I want
to say sorry to all the
Poppy Koronka
Sir David Hare, the playwright, has
insisted he was not attacking musicals
when he said they were strangling the
West End like an invasive plant.
In a letter to The Times, Hare said
that it was not the quality of the musi-
cals that was the problem, but rather
that the “balance is skewed” between
musical productions and straight plays.
Hare, in a column for The Spectator,
blamed musicals for strangling the
cultural life out of the capital like a ley-
landii hedge, which is known for its
fast growth.
The writer said he had been dis-
mayed when he passed Wyndham’s
Theatre to find that “squatting there
was yet another musical — the one the
profession nicknames Wokelahoma”.
“Musicals have become the leylandii
of theatre, strangling everything in
their path,” Hare wrote. “It’s a crushing
defeat to see Wyndham’s without a
straight play.”
The playwright clarified his position
in a letter published in The Times to-
England fans who had been a sound mates as Ellynora hope you enjoyed my day. He wrote: “I did not dispute the
were at the stadium issue during the live sang, while players gift.” She quickly quality of musicals. Guys and Dolls is a
and watching on TV, show. “I had the music and staff on the edge deleted it. blazing masterpiece, and Hamilton is a
I’m mortified for what in my ear and then it of the pitch also Ellynora — a finalist cracker. I questioned their ubiquity.”
happened and I want stopped and started exchanged confused in the competition to Theatre in the UK has been strug-
people to know that I again, and I was looks. Jamie O’Hara, represent San Marino gling since the pandemic after succes-
wasn’t being hearing it twice, so it the pundit and former in the Eurovision Song sive lockdowns caused long-term
disrespectful. It was meant I was out of Tottenham player, Contest — said she closures and a lack of income.
such an honour to be sync,” she said. “I said: “Wow, national had not been paid for Andrew Lloyd Webber criticised
asked to sing the really tried my best to anthem was a the gig and had flown Hare’s comments this week. “David
national anthem and I solve the problem but shambles.” from the US at her Hare is responsible for one of the great-
was so excited about there was nothing I After the own expense. She said est musical disasters in history,” Lloyd
it. I’ve never sung could do.” performance, the she had made sure to Webber said, referring to Hare’s 1987
anything like that TV cameras caught singer posted a picture wear shoes with musical The Knife. “[He] is probably
before.” an incredulous Jude of herself on England flags on them, saying this because he mainly wants to
The singer Bellingham glancing Instagram with the to make the nation bury his own contribution to musical
explained that there along at his team- caption: “England I proud. theatre.”
Well-versed theatre, letters, page 30

Flintoff crash likely to tame Top Gear

Alex Farber Media Correspondent
Top Gear faces a reinvention in a more
sedate format after the crash that led
Freddie Flintoff to quit, if it is to return,
BBC insiders believe.
The broadcaster is considering dial-
ling down the show’s high-speed stunts
in the wake of the accident, for which it
“sincerely apologised” to the co-host on
Thursday evening.
Filming on the series has been halted,
with the BBC planning to make a deci-
sion about whether the show will con-
tinue this year as a health and safety
review gets under way.
An insider said that the BBC may
seek to “rein it in a bit” after last year’s
run featured films including Flintoff
taking part in the “full-contact” motor-
sport of F1 stock cars. Richard Ham-
mond spent a fortnight in a coma after
a 320mph crash in 2006.
During filming in December for this
year’s series, Flintoff, 45, reportedly
suffered serious facial injuries and bro-
ken ribs and was flown to hospital after
he flipped a three-wheeled open-top
Morgan Super 3 in subzero tempera-
tures.
The insider said of Top Gear: “Like
Doctor Who, it has proved that it can be
reinvented. The programme has had a
couple of incidents in its history and we
might need to look a bit harder at whe-
ther we are getting the balance right.”
They pointed to problems suffered by
a rival motoring format, Amazon’s The
Grand Tour, which have included the
former Top Gear presenter James May
hitting a wall at 70mph. “The review
might find that there are simply inher-
ent risks in making a show like Top
Gear, rather than any systemic failures.”
They added that the show, commis-
sioned by the BBC’s entertainment de-
partment, owes its popularity to the
chemistry between its presenters as
much as to the cars themselves.
Perry McCarthy, a former racing
driver who played the character of The
Stig on Top Gear, echoed this view.
“The presenters are enthusiastic but
they need to be reined in,” he said. “If
they are put in a high-speed car and the
pressure is on for them to go quickly
then they need to have a think. They
shouldn’t be pushing the guys too far.”
Another senior BBC figure was more
sceptical about whether the show
could survive in light of the severity of
the accident. “I’m not sure it can con-
tinue,” they said. “The incident has left
quite a stain on the show.”
The BBC is well aware of the signifi-
cance of the programme, which is a
major part of its Sunday night autumn
schedule and a key element of BBC
Studios’ £400 million revenue.
One former BBC chief who was re-
sponsible for Top Gear said: “It’s a huge-
ly loved and very important show for
BBC. It’s really good for younger, broad
audiences and a vital part of [its] enter-
tainment offer.”
Replacing Flintoff successfully will be
a major challenge, said a second execu-
tive who also steered the show for
several years. They cited stars such as
Chris Evans, who lasted only six epi-
sodes, and the Friends star Matt Le-
Blanc, who failed to win over audiences.
“How many failed attempts did they
have trying to cast with the right chem-
istry before they alighted on Paddy
[McGuinness], Freddie and Chris
[Harris]?
“It isn’t easy, but with Freddie not
coming back then that is what they are
going to have to do.”
A member of the production team
added that there were hopes that it
could return, conceding that: “It’s a
really unfortunate time.”
According to BBC Studios, Flintoff
and McGuinness have had specialist
driver tuition from the start of their
time on Top Gear from professional
drivers, and have both obtained a
racing licence.
10
News
News Politics
‘Hotspot’ patrols
to drive antisocial
behaviour down
Matt Dathan Home Affairs Editor
Oliver Wright Policy Editor
Public drug use, fly-tipping and low-
level crimes such as graffiti are to be
targeted with a strategy of “hotspot”
policing and “short and sharp” punish-
ments under plans for a clampdown
next week to curb antisocial behaviour.
To address growing public concern
about proliferating nuisance crime,
ministers will unveil “tougher” powers
that could mean those caught vandalis-
ing property are forced to repair it.
Officers could be able to conduct on-
the-spot drug tests for the first time
under plans that will be subject to con-
sultation over the next few months.
There will also be laws against nuisance
begging, including a ban on asking for
money at cash points.
A ban on the sale and possession of
nitrous oxide, known as laughing gas,
will be announced to address concern
about its health impacts and the litter-
ing of streets with metal gas canisters.
Perpetrators of fly-tipping, graffiti
and damage to public infrastructure
will be made to clean and repair dam-
age within 48 hours under plans for
“immediate justice”.
The clampdown will come alongside
an announcement for tens of millions
of pounds for local sports and commu-
nity clubs. This “carrot and stick”
approach is aimed at offering young
people activities to divert them away
from antisocial behaviour.
The moves, due to be announced by
Michael Gove, the levelling-up secre-
tary, are part of an effort by Downing
Street to seize back the initiative on law
and order from Labour. Both parties
have seen polling and focus group data
suggesting that antisocial behaviour is
a concern, particularly in red wall seats
that both parties must win next time.
Gove and Rishi Sunak want to
present tackling antisocial behaviour as
a key component of the government’s
levelling-up strategy in “restoring civic
pride” in communities. One of the key
Dash to quell migration mutiny
Matt Dathan, Oliver Wright
Chris Smyth
Downing Street is attempting to head
off a rebellion on the illegal migration
bill amid claims that it is in “panic
mode” before vital votes next week.
MPs have been invited for meetings
on Monday morning over amendments
tabled to toughen up the legislation,
which one rebel described as
“anaemic”. Aspects of the bill will be
debated and voted on later that day and
on Tuesday.
The legislation is crucial to Rishi
Sunak’s chances of achieving his pledge
to stop migration in small boats, one of
his five priorities for government. How-
ever, sources believe that more than 60
Conservative MPs will back an amend-
ment that would instruct British courts
to ignore rulings by the European
Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg.
The amendment, tabled by Danny
Kruger, previously Boris Johnson’s
Action to ban
zombie knives
Matt Dathan
Sales of “menacing” blades such as
machetes and so-called zombie
knives will be banned under plans
to be announced by the home
secretary.
Suella Braverman is to launch a
consultation on proposals to close
legal loopholes. Police chiefs have
said that the Offensive Weapons Act
2019 does not cover all weapons,
with officers at present able to seize
knives only if they have a cutting or
serrated edge. There have also been
increasing reports of rogue retailers
escaping detection by disguising
weapons as kitchen knives or less
dangerous blades.
Under the plans police would be
given greater powers to confiscate
and destroy lawfully owned knives
that they had reasonable grounds to
believe may be used for crime.
To close the loopholes, the
consultation also proposes creating
the offence of possessing a
prohibited blade with intent to
harm. Maximum penalties for
related offences will also increase.
At present selling a banned knife
can lead to a jail sentence of six
months.
Last year there were 45,000 knife-
related offences, a 9 per cent rise on
the previous year and up by a third
compared with a decade ago.
measures to be announced is extra
resourcing for “hotspot” policing.
Research shows that 50 per cent of
crime is carried out in 5 per cent of
areas. Forces will be funded to train
officers and invest in data software to
identify local hotspots to patrol. A gov-
political secretary, is designed to ensure
that new powers to detain and remove
migrants within weeks of arriving in
Britain illegally can go ahead without
interventions from European judges.
A former cabinet minister who is
backing the amendment said: “Danny
is trying to carve out the ECHR. The
Government Legal [Department]
might say we would be expelled from
the Council of Europe — so be it.”
The prime minister is said to be deter-
mined not to accept amendments to
ignore rulings by Strasbourg. A Down-
ing Street source said Sunak would
oppose any amendment that in effect
took Britain out of the ECHR.
“Our view is that the bill as it stands
goes far enough,” they said. “There is no
majority in the Commons to leave the
ECHR and no mandate to do it. We
don’t need to do it to stop the boats.”
There are growing fears in govern-
ment that a large rebellion would
destroy party unity and send voters a
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Sierra Leone
ernment source said: “It’s beyond bob-
bies on the beat; it’s about being able to
know what and where the beat is and
where police should focus resources.”
Ministers have studied research by
Laurence Sherman, professor of crimi-
nology at the University of Cambridge,
that has shown how forces have cut
crime by using the same number of
police officers but focusing them on a
very small area because it not only
catches criminals but deters crime and
enhances trust that an area is safe.
Adam Hawksbee, deputy director of
Onward whose reports have been used
in preparing the antisocial behaviour
strategy, said: “There’s lots of evidence
that hotspots policing works to reduce
antisocial behaviour . . . Rolling this
out across the country means building
better data capabilities in police forces
and forming stronger partnerships
with councils, housing associations,
and schools.
“Participants in our focus groups
were furious about high levels of anti-
social behaviour, but they didn’t want
young people put behind bars — they Kenya
just wanted them held responsible for
their actions, and supported to do
something more productive with their
time. The balance needs to be short,
sharp punishment which is visible to
the public, alongside investment in
prevention.”
Under proposals for action against
so-called nuisance begging, ministers
will consult on new powers to “move
on” people asking for money outside
Global jet-setter
cash points or transport hubs.
Persistent offenders would be re-
quired to take part in an intensive pro-
Cleverly clocks
gramme of support to get them off the
street — including providing them with
up the air miles
accommodation and mental health
M
support. Those refusing to take part in aros of photographs on the
the programme or leaving it early Sefcovic, Foreign Office’s Flickr
would end up in the courts. the vice- website and his own
Senior government sources insisted president Twitter account,
the plan was not about criminalising of the including ones last
people who were destitute but tackling European Commission, week of him firing a
antisocial nuisance begging. visited Westminster bow and arrow,
yesterday to sign the posing with a
Windsor framework
that governs Brexit
rules in Northern
Ireland — and he was
falcon at a
cultural centre
near the Kazakh
capital, Astana.
message that the bill would not do lucky to find James By
enough to tackle illegal migration, a Cleverly at home (Tom comparison, in
view shared by voters, polling suggests. Saunders and Patrick their first 200
It is understood the No 10 will use the Kidd write). days as foreign
meetings to urge MPs not to push The foreign secretary, Boris
amendments relating to the ECHR to a secretary has been Johnson had travelled
vote. A key figure involved in negotia- clocking up the miles about 63,500 miles,
tions with No 10 said: “Downing Street in his first 200 days in Jeremy Hunt 58,000,
is actively panicking. They’re summon- the job, a landmark he Dominic Raab 45,000
ing MPs on Monday morning, asking hits today, covering and Liz Truss 35,000,
them to withdraw their amendments.” more distance in that though once she got
Another said Downing Street was in time than any of his the taste for long-
panic mode and a rebel added: “They four predecessors. distance travel, Truss
are not going as far as they should have In the past three excelled at it, passing
gone. In six months’ time, when the weeks alone, Cleverly 100,000 miles.
problem isn’t sorted, the public will be has been in Sierra Cleverly’s allies say
given a real idea of who to blame when Leone, France, the globe-trotting is a
the prime minister fails on his pledge.” Moldova, Georgia and move to signal that the
A former cabinet minister among the Kazakhstan, taking his UK is engaged in
rebels said that failing to strengthen the government travel world affairs — and
bill would cost the Conservatives the since September to counter the narrative
next election. “We have to solve this more than 75,000 that Brexit has
problem — it’s existential and it’s only miles. It has allowed become a domestic
by proving we are serious that we will him to post hundreds distraction. The
earn the trust of the voters.”
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 11

News
News
UK GOVERNMENT HANDOUT

Kazakhstan No 10 should have

followed lockdown
rules, says Vallance
Chris Smyth Whitehall Editor
Sir Patrick Vallance has taken a swipe at
Boris Johnson’s argument that Down-
ing Street leaving events were essential,
saying that everyone should have fol-
lowed government advice.
The outgoing chief scientific adviser
also expressed frustration at Johnson’s
insistence that he was “following the
science”, during the pandemic, adding
that the slogan could not “possibly be
right”.
Speaking before he stands down next
week, Vallance said that he was exas-
perated by “dogmatic” scientists who
insisted they had been right about
Covid-19, suggested it was time to have
a scientist as cabinet secretary, and
warned that time was running out to hit
net zero carbon emissions.
Vallance became familiar to millions
when he stood alongside Johnson at
Downing Street press conferences,
urging people to follow the rules to
reduce the spread of the coronavirus.
This week Johnson appeared before
the Commons privileges committee
and denied deliberately misleading
MPs about illegal gatherings in Down-
ing Street, insisting he had always
believed that rules and guidance were
being followed. Challenged about pic-
tures of him at a non-socially distanced
leaving drinks, Johnson insisted that
such events had been essential to keep
up morale in No 10, and suggested that
he would have said as much from the
Downing Street podium.
At the Institute for Government, Val-
lance was asked what he would have
said if asked in a No 10 press conference
whether a leaving do was within the
rules. “I would have said it’s a matter for
the prime minister,” he said. When
pressed, he added: “I’ve been pretty
clear on the record saying that the ad-
vice was there for everybody and every-
body should follow it.”
His words echo the rebuke of Jona-
than Van-Tam, who was deputy chief
medical officer, to Dominic Cummings,
who was Johnson’s adviser, after the in-
famous trip to Barnard Castle. “The
rules are clear and they have always
been clear,” Van-Tam said at the time.
“They apply to all.”
Vallance also criticised Johnson’s
mantra of “following the science” dur-
ing the pandemic, saying it had been
“absolutely too much of a shorthand”
because of the uncertainties in evi-
dence and other factors in decision-
making.
He said the mantra “can’t possibly be
right in the sense that the science is an
input, it’s not an output”.
Acknowledging the difficulty for pol-
iticians in making complex decisions
involving science, economics, politics
and other considerations, Vallance said
this was an argument for making offi-
cial advice public.
“It’s really important that these
things are transparent,” he said. “It’s
complicated [making decisions], and so
I think the inputs should be visible. And
then the decision and what the output is
of course will be visible and you can see
how the two things link.”
Vallance’s recommendations as
chairman of the scientific advisory
group for emergencies (Sage) were re-
peatedly challenged by external groups
including “Independent Sage”, set up by
Sir David King, one of his predecessors.
Vallance said the name was “very con-
fusing”, revealing that King had re-
jected his plea not to use the name Sage
adding: “I think it’s a pity.”
In a swipe at such groups, he stressed
the distinction “between science advice
and policy opinion. And I think there
was a difficulty sometimes in some of
the bodies that were set up in distin-
guishing between those two”.
Vallance said: “One of the lessons I
learnt during Covid is, the louder the
voices, the lower the evidence base.” He
said there had been “very dogmatic as-
sertions from different scientists” when
“the evidence base was pretty much
non-existent”, adding: “It is the job of a
science adviser to tell politicians that.”

signing of the Windsor

framework, they say, is
a signal that the
The foreign secretary
has covered more than
75,000 miles in his first
Brexiteer donor and aide
government wants to
re-engage with Europe
in areas put on hold by
200 days, excelling any
of his predecessors over
the same time frame
on Truss’s peerage wishlist
disputes over
Northern Ireland. to Germany, Egypt, Henry Zeffman ment would “reverberate to the detri-
The entente cordiale Bahrain, Ukraine, Associate Political Editor ment of many people’s view of demo-
was due to be Romania, Poland, Oliver Wright cracy in this country”.
displayed next week, Kenya, Ethiopia and He is also a longstanding critic of the
when Cleverly was to Spain. Liz Truss is likely to appoint at least four Electoral Commission after it moved to
accompany the King In the first two peers, despite having held office as prosecute members of the Vote Leave
on his state visit to months of this year, he prime minister for only 49 days. campaign for allegedly breaking cam-
France. This has been went to Toronto, She is understood to have drawn up a paign finance rules.
postponed but the Brussels, New York resignation honours list, as is custom- Littlewood, 50, a former Liberal
foreign secretary will and Washington, ary for those departing No 10. However, Democrat adviser, has known Truss
accompany Charles to Ukraine where he presented it is likely to attract controversy, given since they were active in the party as
Germany later in the Antony Blinken, the her historically short tenure and the Oxford University undergraduates.
week. US Secretary of State, economic turmoil that caused her Elliott, 45, was chief executive of Vote
Cleverly’s first trip with an Arsenal downfall. Leave and founded the TaxPayers’ Alli-
as foreign secretary Putting the miles in football shirt. Truss’s list of life peers includes Sir ance, a low-tax campaign group. Porter
was to New York in Distance travelled by foreign secretaries in their
Cleverly marked Jon Moynihan, a big pro-Brexit donor worked for Truss at the Ministry of
September to attend first 200 days in office International Women’s to the Conservative Party, and Matt- Justice before her stint at No 10.
the UN General Number of trips Day with a visit to Bo, hew Elliott, who ran the Brexit cam- The list is unlikely to be announced
Assembly. A trip to James Cleverly the city in Sierra paign in 2016, The Sun reported. before Boris Johnson’s, which is already
Japan, South Korea 122,072km (37) Leone in which his Others are said to be Ruth Porter, subject to massive criticism. Four Tory
and Singapore Boris Johnson mother was born. He Truss’s deputy chief of staff in No 10, MPs are thought to be among 30 nomi-
followed that month 102,406km (27) posted a video of and Mark Littlewood, head of the Insti- nees for peerages.
for trade talks. After a Jeremy Hunt himself asking tute for Economic Affairs think tank The Liberal Democrats said Truss’s
brief break for the 93,473km (24) children what they that backed her mini-budget. list should be blocked: “Handing out
collapse of the Truss want to do when they Truss’s office declined to comment. more expensive gongs to Conservative
administration, he Dominic Raab grow up. To judge by Moynihan, 74, gave £20,000 to allies would be a truly remarkable way
continued as foreign 72,305km (14) the huge smile in his Truss’s leadership campaign last sum- to reward the shortest tenure as prime
secretary under Rishi Liz Truss pictures, he is living mer. He has blamed the Bank of Eng- minister in British history, a disgraceful
Sunak and made trips 56,319km (19) Source: Foreign Office and Flickr his boyhood dream. land being “asleep at the wheel” for her waste of taxpayer money and show a
demise, saying the end of her govern- stunning lack of humility.”
12 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

News
News Politics
TIMES PHOTOGRAPHER JACK HILL

The Israeli leader meeting

Rishi Sunak and, far left, a
demonstration by activists
in Handmaid’s Tale outfits

towards the two-state

solution”. The
spokeswoman added
that the prime minister
“expressed his solidarity
with Israel in the face of
terrorist attacks in
recent months”.
The spokeswoman
said that both the UK
and Israel have
“significant concern
about Iran’s destabilising
activity, and agreed that
Democracy is vital, our governments would
continue to work closely
together to push back
PM tells Netanyahu against aggression and
manage the risk of

R
ishi Sunak
warned
Binyamin
Netanyahu
that the UK’s
relationship with Israel
is founded upon
“democratic values”
amid mass protests
against planned judicial
reforms (Henry Zeffman
writes).
Netanyahu, in his third
stint as Israel’s prime
minister, is pushing
ahead with legislation to
change the composition
of the Supreme Court
and to limit its power to
veto legislation or rule
against government
policies.
Hundreds of
thousands of Israelis
have joined protests
against the proposals,
with senior business
leaders and members of
Netanyahu’s own Likud
party urging him to drop
the legislation.
But in a televised
speech shortly before
flying to Britain,
Netanyahu insisted he
was determined to
proceed with
“responsible judicial
reforms”.
Hundreds of
protesters lined
Whitehall as Netanyahu
arrived in Downing
Street yesterday. Shouts
of “shame” and “traitor”
could be heard as
Netanyahu shook hands
with Sunak outside
No 10. Many of the
protesters were Israelis
and British Jews
accusing Netanyahu of
betraying Israeli
democracy. Downing
Street said that Sunak
raised the issue with
Netanyahu. “The prime
minister stressed the
importance of upholding
the democratic values
that underpin our
relationship, including
in the proposed judicial
reforms in Israel,” a
spokeswoman said.
Sunak also “outlined
international concern at
growing tensions in the
West Bank and the risk
of undermining efforts
nuclear proliferation”.
More positively, the
two leaders said they
wanted to “progress at
pace” towards “a
modern free-trade
agreement with cutting-
edge service provisions”.
Downing Street said that
they discussed shared
security and defence
challenges, including
Russia’s invasion of
Ukraine and the threat
posed by Iran.
Sunak told Netanyahu
that he looked forward
to visiting Israel at the
earliest opportunity.
Netanyahu was also
due to meet Suella
Braverman, the home
secretary.

Tory talisman loses

along,” they said. “Boris put himself out
there on Wednesday to be a magnet for
discontentment and people didn’t
follow him. They don’t want any more
massive upheaval.”
While Sunak was enjoying his
knock-about in the No 10 garden,
maximum point of danger for Sunak’s
premiership. However, Tory strategists
are becoming increasingly confident
that while the result will not be good, it
will not represent a threat to the prime
minister. In part this is because the
seats being contested were last fought

his magnetic powers Johnson was finding the going increas-

The threat from Boris Johnson is receding as Rishi
Sunak gets on with the job, report Oliver Wright,
Steven Swinford, Chris Smyth and Henry Zeffman
As Boris Johnson entered the second
hour of his marathon evidence session
at the Commons privileges committee,
Rishi Sunak was playing cricket in the
Downing Street garden.
The prime minister, a keen batsman,
survived a few balls from the England
bowler Chris Jordan before being
bowled out in his second over by an
eight-year-old from the Ace academy
for aspiring young black cricketers.
The match — and, more importantly,
the photos of it — seemed designed to
clearly send a message: this was a prime
minister having some “wholesome” fun
in Downing Street.
“Boris now just feels like yesterday’s
man,” one Sunak ally said. “People have
moved on.”
Hours before, however, the pitch had
looked a lot bumpier. To coincide with
Johnson’s appearance Downing Street
had scheduled the symbolically impor-
tant vote on Sunak’s Northern Ireland
Brexit deal. The gambit was designed to
show that while Johnson was still mired
in the lockdown parties controversy,
Sunak was moving on and fixing the
problems left by his predecessor.
Initial intelligence from government
whips suggested that the vote would be
easily won, with as few as 20 hardcore
rebels, well below the threshold that
would force Sunak to rely on Labour
votes to get the Windsor framework
approved by MPs. However, on Tues-
day night the first sign of trouble
emerged. Downing Street was warned
that Liz Truss was organising a drinks
reception for key allies on the Tory
right. Suspicions were confirmed the
next morning when, within about half
an hour of each other, Johnson, Truss
and Priti Patel announced they planned
to vote against the government.
The fear was that the two former
prime ministers were preparing to
mobilise their supporters to orchestrate
a much larger rebellion against the
Brexit deal in a move some thought was
designed to undermine their successor.
“That was the wobble moment
because we knew how important this
was for the prime minister,” a senior
government figure said. “He needed
not just to win but to win emphatically.”
Tory whips carried out an urgent
“temperature check” of those MPs
most likely to follow the former leaders
into the no lobby. But to the relief of
No 10 it quickly became clear that their
opponents had overreached. Even
close allies of Johnson and Truss told
the whips they were going to remain
loyal, while others accepted the com-
promise of simply staying away from
voting rather than undermining Sunak.
“The argument was that after a few
Johnson had a haircut to show how
seriously he took his grilling by MPs
good weeks the last thing we needed
was to rock the boat with more divi-
sions over Europe,” one minister said.
“A lot of people were saying there were
bits of the agreement they were un-
comfortable with but they didn’t want
to undermine the government.”
In the end 22 Tories voted against the
deal and Sunak stationed himself at the
division lobby, thanking both Labour
and Tory MPs alike personally as they
filed through to back the deal.
“The whips played a blinder — it was
an incredibly organised operation,” one
Downing Street source said afterwards.
One of Sunak’s cabinet allies claimed
the vote showed that the parliamentary
party had moved on and MPs were no
longer drawn to their former talisman
or fighting about Europe.
“We are now in a different era. The
prime minister has shown that he’s
good at what he’s doing and he is gath-
ering experience and respect as he goes
ingly gruelling in the Grimond room in
Portcullis House. Perhaps unusually,
one ally said jokingly, the former prime
minister had done his homework. He
even had a haircut before the hearing to
show how seriously he was taking it.
The stakes are as high as they can get
in Westminster. If the committee
recommends suspending him for more
than ten days he could face a by-elec-
tion, which he would lose according to
recent polls. His career as a frontline
politician would be over — for now at
least. Allies say that he is preparing for
the worst, is intensifying visits to his
constituency and will build his
campaign around his push for a new
hospital in Hillingdon.
Johnson is confident that he can win
in Uxbridge, should it come to it. Even
some of those close to him, however,
sense that the moment has passed. One
said that while Johnson will remain “a
big figure in British politics, that’s not
the same thing as any sort of come-
back”. They added: “The parliamentary
party is supportive of Rishi now. We’re
going into the next general election as
we are. People recognise that and you
don’t want to taint your own brand.”
Sunak, for his part, also wants to
move on from the Tory psychodrama
and continue with his domestic agenda.
Despite facing a move by the Tory right
to toughen up the Illegal Migration Bill
when it returns to the Commons on
Monday, the prime minister wants to
focus on other issues. Next week he will
unveil his plans to tackle anti-social be-
haviour, including an effective ban on
nitrous oxide canisters and new laws to
clamp down on nuisance begging.
The big political event on the horizon
is May’s local elections, which in the
past have been talked about as the
in 2019, when the party lost 1,300 coun-
cillors and won only 28 per cent of the
vote, amid Brexit deadlock and the dy-
ing days of Theresa May’s leadership.
More broadly, Downing Street is
thinking about how Sunak should pre-
pare for the election that really matters
next year. Aides knows that his success
at the next general election will depend,
in part, on whether he can position
himself as the “change candidate” — no
easy task after more than 13 years of
Conservative government.
Sunak has begun rolling the pitch,
describing himself as a “show, don’t tell”
politician, a man focused on pragmatic
delivery rather than ideological battles.
He approaches No 10 like a business,
holding “quarterly” meetings with cabi-
net ministers in which he expects up-
dates on their progress.
“At some point Rishi will need to be
more explicit about the fact he is not Bo-
ris, he is doing and has done things his
way,” one ally said. Another put it more
bluntly: “The pitch is not for the fifth
term of a Tory government but for the
first full term of a Sunak government.”
Although Johnson may be at bay for
now, Sunak would be unwise to believe
that the threat (or talk of the threat) has
vanished. Allies of the former prime
minister say there is still “a window”
towards the end of the year at which a
comeback might be possible if the polls
do not improve. “The question could
disappear if by August Labour’s poll
lead is more like eight or five points. If
it’s still in double digits but 12-14 points
territory, that’s probably good enough
for Rishi. But if it’s more like 15 points
plus that’s an absolute shellacking — so
what the hell have we got to lose?”
Like many cheats, he feels more cheated
on than cheater, Matthew Parris, page 27
Boris Johnson’s week, page 41
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Charity puts halt
to grants while
staff decolonise
David Brown
One of Britain’s wealthiest charities has
stopped considering applications for
grants so that members of its all-white
board can learn about “white suprema-
cy” and colonisation.
Many of the trustees of the Tudor
Trust are descendants of Sir Godfrey
Mitchell, who made a fortune after the
First World War from George Wimpey
builders. The charity he launched in
1955 now has assets of more than £288
million and gives £20 million a year to
hundreds of good causes.
The board announced this week that
it was not resuming awarding grants to
new applicants a year after a temporary
halt so it could learn about racism.
The charity said: “Staff and trustees
are still learning about racial justice,
white supremacy culture and how
racism exists within Tudor and the
wider society in which we operate.”
Christopher Graves, the £120,000-a-
year executive director, is leaving next
month. The board is headed by Mitch-
ell’s grandson, Matthew Dunwell, 59,
who owns an organic farm in Glouces-
tershire. It includes his brother Benja-
min, 53, a writer, James Long, 69, also a
writer, and Francis Runacres, 63, an
Arts Council executive. The charity,
based in west London, has 18 staff.
It announced in November 2020 that
the Black Lives Matter protests
had “further exposed osed the
systemic racism . . . up-
ons,
held by our institutions,
media and culture, e,
causing harm and d sati
denying opportu-
nity to so many”.
The trust criti-
cised the 2021 re-
port by the gov-
ernment’s Com-
Many of the Tudor
Trust’s trustees are
ey
related to Sir Godfrey
Mitchell, who set upp the
ears ago
charity almost 70 years
Be open to British history,
warts and all, says Snow
Jack Blackburn History Correspondent
Michael Odell
Reappraising the history of the British
Empire is a sign of maturity, Dan Snow
has said as he touched on his family’s
imperial past.
The historian insists that being “open
to [the country’s] shortcomings and
failures” needn’t be “a threat to the
country they [Britons] love”.
In an interview with The Times
today, Snow also looked to the future
and said he didn’t expect the monarchy
to survive, having seen the aristocracy
up close due to family links. He ex-
plained why re-evaluating institutions’
imperial legacies and connections to
the slave trade was a necessary process.
Snow added: “You can love your
country but also be aware that the story
is not as simple as the Battle of Britain
pilots were defending freedom; they
were defending a British imperial
system from an ambitious German
imperial system.” For Snow, this work is
not to self-flagellate but rather to
13
News
TIMES PHOTOGRAPHER RICHARD POHLE
mission on Race and Ethnic Disparities
which it claimed wrongly concluded
“structural racism is not endemic in the
UK”. The trust then began “a journey
towards a better understanding of the
history of racism, the inequity it perpet-
uates today and how it can be disman- Life style Works by Dame Laura Knight and Dorothea Sharp are in a 19th-century and British impressionist art sale at Bonhams
tled”. It said it had started by “looking
inwards at our own understanding of
racism and white supremacy” and was
working with external consultants who
are experts in “anti-racism [and] decol-
onisation”.
The white trustees joined 12 hours of
workshops, to gain a fuller understand-
ing “of the different characteristics of
racism born of Britain’s colonial history,
as well as the white supremacy culture
that prevails”. This included “some ini-
tial thinking about whiteness at Tudor
and areas that require change for the
organisation to become truly anti-
racist”. Workshops were held with
minority ethnic staff “on racism and
empowerment”. White employees at-
tended separate meetings.
A spokesman for the charity, which is
continuing to support the 700 groups
awarded grants before the freeze, said:
“Racism is a historical, structural
system of oppression and we recognise
that we have been, and continue to be,
part of that system.”
He added: “The process to become a
truly anti-racist organisation takes
time and involves a complex dia-
logue with o our staff and trus-
Th process is not
tees. This
yet complete
co and as a
resp
responsible organi-
sation we cannot
co
commit to a date
w
when we will ac-
ce
cept new applica-
ti
tions . . . Tudor is
m
moving away
fr
from its long his-
tor
tory as a family
trus
trust and will
b
bee seeking
se new trus-
ttees
ees tto reflect that
as the rreimagining pro-
cess progres
progresses.”
contextualise. “No one is blaming you
for the horrors of the transatlantic slave
trade 250 years ago but we are going to
ask you: what do we think it means?”
Snow has looked into how his own
family gained from the British Empire,
saying that his father’s family seized the
opportunity to go to India, adding: “I
am a product of all that history and
that’s why I am where I am in the
world.”
Snow’s wife, Lady Edwina Grosven-
or, is the daughter of the 6th Duke of
Westminster. Princess Diana was her
godmother and she was a childhood
friend of Prince Harry. Snow sounded
disappointed by Harry’s recent memoir
Spare — not because it went too far, but
because it didn’t go far enough.
“I thought he was going to deliver a
potentially existentially threatening
critique of monarchy — that it was
racist, dangerous to those within it as
well as its subjects,” Snow said. “But
then the book arrived and it turns out
he still wants to be a duke.”
Dan Snow’s family history, Weekend
14
News
News School inspections
Tragic head teacher’s despair
Parents and colleagues remember a conscientious
professional for whom the burden of Ofsted’s final
judgment proved too much, writes Mario Ledwith
In a yearbook presented to the pupils
who were leaving Caversham Primary
School for pastures new last summer,
Ruth Perry set out a typically motivat-
ing message.
“It’s easy to feel defeated at times, but
view these moments as a challenge,”
the head teacher wrote. “You have all
weathered the past two years of Covid
and learned and adapted to unusual sit-
uations, learned from your mistakes
and picked yourself up to try again.”
Describing her pleasure at having
watched the year group develop, she
added: “I look forward to seeing you
flourish as you take the next step.” Such
a privilege will now not be possible. In
January Perry, 53, killed herself in what
her family said was a “direct” response
to a highly critical Ofsted inspection of
the school she had led for 12 years.
The decision to downgrade the
school in Reading, Berkshire, from
“outstanding” to “inadequate”, coupled
with Perry’s tragic death, has left its
community in shock.
Over the past week those reverbera-
tions have spread, provoking a national
backlash against the regulator. Teach-
ers across the country have called for
2GM
boycotts and protests at what many see
as an overly punitive inspection regime
that places staff under often unbearable
stress.
The burden caused by inspections
has led many teachers to endure sleep-
less nights, while others have been
forced off on sick leave or suffered
nervous breakdowns.
Such pressure was plainly felt by
Perry after inspectors visited Caver-
sham over two rainy days on November
15 and 16 last year.
At a meeting with parents’ represent-
atives shortly before the Christmas
break, she was visibly shaken at the im-
pending publication of the regulator’s
report. Over mince pies, Perry opened
by saying that she could not explicitly
talk about the report, but expressed her
disappointment.
Amy Ward, 47, a parent who was at
the meeting, said Perry told the group
she was “very upset that they’ve not
shared the report publicly this side of
the Christmas holidays”.
The head teacher then poignantly
told the room that this was “a heavy
burden to bear”.
Seeing that Perry was clearly upset,
one of the parents spoke up and reas-
sured her that their children loved
going to the school and that that was
“what really mattered”.
The disparity between the reality of
life at the thriving school and the even-
tual rating awarded by Ofsted, the low-
est possible, is something that has left
parents perplexed for the past fortnight.
Perry’s sister, Julia Waters, has said
that the inspection amounted to a
“deeply harmful” focus on the leader-
ship of her sibling, who had worked in
education for 32 years. Having gone to
Caversham between 1973 and 1980
alongside her sister, the teacher regard-
ed the school as one of her great loves.
After studying at Caversham, Perry
moved to Kendrick School, an inde-
pendent school for girls in Reading.
She went on to Exeter University to
study classics, making friends who re-
called this week how she had helped
them to settle in and “lived life to the
full”, before graduating in 1991.
After completing her teacher train-
ing, she taught at primary schools in the
east end of London
As they started families, Perry, who
married her husband, Jonathan, in
2002, and her sister moved back to
School got glowing report
after chief inspector’s visit
Mario Ledwith
The head of Ofsted observed a mock
inspection of Caversham primary
school little more than three years
before Ruth Perry, the head teacher,
killed herself. The informal assessment
gave the school a glowing report.
Amanda Spielman, the regulator’s
chief inspector, visited the school dur-
ing the “mocksted” inspection in June
2019 while Perry led the school.
No official grade was awarded but
Ofsted provided “overwhelmingly pos-
itive feedback” to the school’s senior
leadership team.
In a subsequent letter to parents
Perry said the feedback validated the
school’s internal assessment as “out-
standing”, the Ofsted grade it had held
since 2009.
Ofsted has faced a wave of criticism
after Perry’s family said she killed her-
self as a “direct result” of an inspection
last November. They said the inspec-
tion, after which the school was rated
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Reading, where their parents still lived.
Their father, Colin, was a scientist
working in water management, and
Una was a teacher herself, at another
local school.
Perry’s teenage daughters, Thea and
Martha, did not attend Caversham,
which was in exceptionally high de-
mand when they were applying for pri-
mary schools.
The report, eventually published last
week, scored the school “good” in every
category other than leadership and
management, in which it was deemed
to be “inadequate”, thus determining its
overall rating.
Parents have taken particular um-
brage at the legitimacy of this one-word
assessment. An accompanying Ofsted
survey of parents showed that 98 per
cent felt their children were safe and
happy at the school.
Perry told her sister that inspectors
had notified her of the downgrade on
their first day at the school.
The inspection was the first to be
carried out at the school since 2009, a
year before Perry became head teacher,
having served as deputy head teacher
for the previous four years.
For more than a decade, the school’s
“outstanding” rating meant that it
could not legally be subjected to regular
Ofsted inspections unless specific con-
cerns were raised.
Those rules changed in 2020, with
the regulator’s focus shifting to those
schools that had gone the longest with-
“inadequate”, placed Perry, 53, under
“intolerable pressure”.
Perry had volunteered her school in
2019 when Ofsted proposed a new
inspection framework and asked
schools to take part in pilot inspections.
Spielman observed the inspection
over two days that June. Ofsted said the
feedback that was provided to more
than 250 schools in the pilot scheme
was informal and ungraded.
Christopher Russell, Ofsted’s region-
al director for the southeast, wrote to
Perry thanking her for providing
“extremely helpful” feedback that was
raised with its national policy team. A
spokesman said: “Ofsted confirmed in-
spectors visited Caversham primary
school in June 2019, as part of a pro-
gramme of informal visits.”
The report into Caversham that was
published last week was delayed
because of Perry’s death. It found the
school “inadequate” in leadership and
management.
Improving Ofsted, letters, page 30
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
is echoed by those left behind
out “the call”, the dreaded notification
of an Ofsted visit. The change put out-
standing schools back in the spotlight,
for which Perry was well prepared.
It has also emerged that Perry was
previously recruited by Reading
borough council to support a school in
special measures and that she had ad-
vised other heads in the area on how to
improve their ratings, such was her rep-
2GM
utation. Despite noting that the school
was a “welcoming and vibrant” envi-
ronment where children flourished, the
recent Ofsted report into Caversham
accused senior staff of not having the
“required knowledge to keep pupils
safe from harm”.
The criticism centred on new safe-
guarding rules, blaming staff for
failing to ensure proper procedures, in-
Ruth Perry took
her life in January
after Cavendish
Primary in
Reading, where
she was head for
12 years, was
downgraded to
“inadequate”. Her
sister, Julia
Waters, left, said
the Ofsted
inspection
amounted to a
“deeply harmful”
focus on Perry’s
leadership
cluding the recording and tracking of
concerns. While no safeguarding prob-
lem was identified, Ofsted found that
some staff did not know how to log con-
cerns properly on the school’s online
system. Ultimately, it said that a “ro-
bust” system was needed and that safe-
guarding procedures did not meet stat-
utory requirements. Inspectors also
highlighted that not all adequate em-
ployment checks were carried out on
employees.
Parents at the school say the back-
drop to the inspection, during which
children were forced to stay inside
because of torrential rain, was an unfair
snapshot to take of school life.
The report criticised supervision
during break times, which allegedly put
pupils at risk of harm.
Ofsted reports do not detail the evi-
dence that they have seen to make their
determinations. However, in feedback
to senior staff, inspectors said that they
had seen a boy doing a “flossing” dance
move, which was evidence of sexualisa-
tion. A scrap between two eight-year-
old boys was deemed to be child-on-
child abuse.
Kate West, 45, an author who worked
under Perry at the school for ten years,
said the assessment appeared to hinge
on paperwork that schools had not
been given enough time or resources to
carry out.
While accepting that the school may
have lagged on these bureaucratic
demands, West, a former cover teacher
whose two daughters also went to
the school, said: “It is all easily fixable
and doesn’t amount to being inade-
quate.” In a letter to parents after the in-
spection, Neil Walne, the chairman of
the governors, said the one-word judg-
ment did not reflect “Ruth’s excellent
leadership and management”.
Such sentiments have been echoed
by parents. Ed Barnett-Ward, 52, a toy
designer whose four children have
been attending the school over the past
14 years, said Perry went “over and
above” to ensure children’s welfare,
including when he had received a
cancer diagnosis.
Barnett-Ward, whose youngest child
is still a pupil there, said that he found
the “inadequate” label offensive, de-
scribing it as a “calamitously incorrect”
categorisation of Perry.
In the weeks between the inspection
and her death, Perry showed prospec-
tive parents around the supposedly
outstanding school knowing that it was
about to be downgraded.
On the stress associated with the in-
spection, Barnett-Ward said: “This is a
completely hideous situation that
should never be allowed to happen
again.”
Waters, 55, a professor of contempo-
rary French literature at Reading Uni-
versity, has called for an overhaul of
Ofsted, labelling its findings into her
sister’s school as “sensationalist and
drawn from scant evidence”.
Her suggestion of a boycott of Ofsted
led three teaching unions to say that in-
spections should bestopped temporari-
ly this week.
Amanda Spielman, the head of
Ofsted, said that Perry’s death was a
tragedy and that the debate about re-
forming inspection grades “was a legiti-
mate one”. But the chief inspector said
15
News
News
that stopping inspections would not be
in children’s interests, adding: “Our aim
is to raise standards. We help parents
understand how their child’s school is
doing and we help schools understand
their strengths and areas for improve-
ment. It’s important for that work to
continue.”
The strength of feeling in the teach-
ing community was epitomised by
Flora Cooper, executive head teacher of
John Rankin Schools in Newbury,
Berkshire, who threatened to block an
inspection this week.
Another primary school, Queen
Emma Primary in Cambridge, is weigh-
ing up legal action against the regulator
after being downgraded from “good” to
“inadequate” this month.
Its chairman of governors, Sean
Lang, accused Ofsted of being “out of
control” and said inspectors had acted
unlawfully by exceeding the scope of
their investigative powers at the school.
Lang said that Ofsted had refused to
provide the evidence that it had used to
make its determination and he called
for an independent appeals mecha-
nism for schools, rather than through
Ofsted itself.
He told The Times: “Ofsted is not op-
erating rationally, it’s not operating log-
ically and it’s certainly not operating in
support of schools and teaching.”
Ofsted said: “We completely refute
the allegations and the report speaks
for itself.”
For Ward, the trauma of Perry’s
death needs to be a wake-up call to
others about the need for a fairer in-
spection regime.
The mother of two described how
Perry had reached out in support when
her father died of Covid-19. In a typical-
ly selfless manner, Perry put her hand
up and offered to speak to the children.
When Ward was collared by an in-
spector during Ofsted’s visit last year,
she mentioned Perry’s excellent hand-
ling of the pandemic, only to be told:
“Well, that is in the past now.”
Such a response sums up what she
and others from the school community
see as an unwillingness by the regulator
to look at a school’s wider picture before
making what can be career-ending
judgments.
“We hope some good can come from
this,” she said. “It is too late for Ruth and
her family, but nobody else should go
through this.”
16
News
Headache for
bartenders as
chatbots learn
to mix drinks
From fashion tips to
Lord Sugar’s tasks,
Mark Sellman and
Jack Blackburn put
AI through its paces
“I’m immune to bullshit,” Lord Sugar
tells his Apprentice candidates. If only
that were the case with AI chatbots.
ChatGPT, Google’s Bard and Micro-
soft’s Bing all tell fibs. So when The
Times pitted the bots against each
other, there seemed little point in trying
to find out which was most accurate.
We tested their abilities on the im-
portant things in life: cocktails,
clothes and, of course, how well
they can bullshit Sugar.
who’s fired?
Our version of The Appren-
tice final — The AIpprentice?
— provided a perfect tem-
plate for the three nervous
candidates: GPT-4, the lat-
est, paid-for version of
ChatGPT; Bard; and Bing.
All have their own “personal-
ities”, but only Bing has access
to real-time search on the in-
ternet. Their task was to
create a brand, a digital bill-
board and a television advert
for a community boxing gym,
replicating a project by the fi-
nalist Marnie Swindells.
Swindells chose the name
Grit and Glory (“with grit
comes glory, it’s where you
start your story”). Bard al-
ways gives three suggestions, in this
case: The Knockout (“knocking out
stereotypes, one punch at a time”); The
Punching Bag (“boxing for everyone”);
and Boxing for Life. GPT-4 liked Jab-
Town (“empower your fight”). Bing also
offered up three: Knockout, Punchline
and Rumble.
Martin Leuw, an investor and entre-
preneur, ran the rule over their efforts
for names, billboards and adverts.
“Bing’s digital billboard recognised the
importance of unique selling proposi-
tions such as facilities, proximity to
travel and imagery, including the use of
humour,” he said. “There were creative
responses for each of the three brand
ideas. Bard also offered three brand
names. On the digital billboard, it
identified the benefits of getting in
shape, self-confidence and stress
relief. It also gave thought to
the imagery of a boxing glove
with a ‘K’ inside it.
“GPT-4 in comparison
was more generic, with one
option of ‘Jabtown’ for the
brand name, some ideas on
vibrant colours and then a
five-scene layout for the TV
advert, featuring the website.
The advert based upon the
concept “unleash your inner
champion” was probably the
best part. While none of the re-
sponses were comprehensive
and are only useful as a support
rather than a replacement of
humans, Bing was my winner.”
super shaker
The next challenge was a chance
for the chatbots to show off their
creativity and sophistication,
creating a cocktail inspired by the coro-
nation of King Charles. For the King
GPT-3.5 (the free and first version of
ChatGPT) gave a spin on the relatively
new St Germain cocktail, St Germain
being the world’s first elderflower li-
queur, first made in 2007. Most of our
digital barmen chose St Germain as
they associated elderflower with Brit-
ain. The traditional recipe combines
the liqueur with gin, lemon juice, honey
syrup and fizz but, for some reason, the
bot added some orange bitters. The re-
VICKI COUCHMAN FOR THE TIMES
sult was simple and refreshing, if a little
too sweet.
Bing used slightly less St Germain
and added mint for garnish. It wasn’t as
sweet, but it felt like Bing played it safe
here. This was a pity as Bing can be dar-
ingly inventive. Its Camilla-inspired
cocktail used lemon juice and honey to
“add a touch of sweet and sourness, re-
flecting Camilla’s journey from contro-
versial figure to respected royal”.
Google’s Bard was hopeless, simply
delivering the recipe for a gin martini
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Jack Blackburn found
GPT-4’s cocktail dangerously
drinkable. The style advice
could shade towards David
Hockney, if you are lucky
and calling it The King’s Favourite
Martini. The clear winner was GPT-4,
which had obviously had an upgrade in
the mixology department. Here it com-
bined St Germain with elements of a
Bees Knees: elderflower liqueur,
London dry gin, lemon juice and honey
syrup. Then its imagination really took
flight. Saying that it was combining “the
elegance of the royal event with the rich
flavours of British heritage”, it added
angostura bitters and an egg white
before finishing with cold earl grey tea
on the top. The cocktail tasted complex,
delightfully mixing sweet and sour, and
proved dangerously drinkable.
mid-life wardrobe crisis
Stare into the wardrobe of your average
middle-aged man, and you will prob-
ably be confronted with a narrow spec-
trum of blues, blacks and browns. We
asked the AIs to inject a bit of life.
Anna Murphy, the Times fashion di-
rector, said: “How to inject more colour
into your wardrobe? Bard’s answer was
to ‘add more color’. Perhaps not the
most remarkable achievement in artifi-
cial intelligence to date.
“Intriguingly, the AI chatbots seem
to be particular fans of ‘red, yellow and
green’. Is Christopher Biggins combin-
ing his annual panto stint with work as
a software engineer? Worrying.
“And I am downright stricken by the
following from Bard: ‘Try wearing
clothes that reflect your hobbies . . . If
you like to play golf, you could wear a
golf cap.’ If you are lucky you might end
up looking like David Hockney. If not it
could be Biggins again.
“Yet there were actually some useful
tips, especially from Bing. It suggested
changing up a mainly black wardrobe
to softer navy, charcoal or brown. Good
idea. And to work with different shades
of the same colour in one ensemble,
pairing a light blue shirt with a navy
blazer and jeans. Not rocket science, but
a move on for many men.”
much ado about bard?
In all the tasks, there is a sense that Bard
is struggling to break out of its Google
straitjacket, which appears deliberately
tight to avoid harming the brand. Its an-
swers were safe and bland. Bing has the
advantage of being hooked up to
search. GPT-4 will soon have that abil-
ity after OpenAI announced this week
that it will be paired with third-party
apps. Perhaps it also has the edge in our
tests, as it mixes a damn fine cocktail.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 17

News

Sharm regains charm as Egyptian pound plummets

Ben Clatworthy
Transport Correspondent
A crash in the value of the Egyptian
pound is luring sunseekers back to
the troubled country, holiday compa-
nies have reported.
The currency crashed by 43 per cent
against sterling in the past six months,
making the destination a standout for
value, despite surging inflation there.
Research by the Post Office Money
has found that Britons visiting Egypt
will now pay 17.6 per cent less for essen-
tials than last year. Experts
said the currency crash
had far outweighed the
effects of inflation,
which hit 25.8 per cent
in January.
A Briton buying £500
worth of Egyptian pounds
now gets £174 sterling more
for their money — a 53 per
cent gain on last year and the
biggest increase of the 21
Camel rides along the Red
Sea may now cost less
currencies monitored in the Post
Office’s annual money report.
Airlines and tour operators have re-
ported surging interest in the country,
especially the upmarket resorts on the
Red Sea. Skyscanner, the flight com-
parison platform, said that searches for
Egypt were up 53 per cent last month
compared with 2019.
Travel Republic, the online travel
agency, reported that bookings in the
past 30 days were up 163 per cent com-
pared with 2019.
Sharm el-Sheikh, which was off
limits to Britons for almost four
years after a bomb blew up a Rus-
sian plane leaving its airport in
2015, is the most popular desti-
nation this year.
The findings were echoed
by Jacqueline Dobson, the
president of Barrhead
Travel, which has about 85
high street stores. She
said bookings to Hurgha-
da and Sharm el-Sheikh had
doubled in a year, and Cairo
was “accelerating”.
“Egypt is rising in popularity
for a few reasons,” Dobson said. “First,
the value on offer is extremely attract-
ive — both in terms of the currency in
destination as well as the value on offer
when booking all-inclusive hotels,
tours or cruises.
“Second, outside the popular all-
inclusive resorts such as Hurghada and
Sharm el-Sheikh, we are seeing a fast-
rising interest in touring and cruising
holidays. For example, bookings into
Cairo have quadrupled since last year
and river cruising on the Nile is some-
thing we are getting requests for.”
Sharm el-Sheikh is the tenth best-
value destination of more than 40 sur-
veyed by the Post Office. It compared a
Typical prices in Egypt
Cup of filter coffee (café). . . . . . £1.25
Local beer 330ml (bar). . . . . . . .£2.96
Can of Coca-Cola 330ml (bar). . £0.93
Glass of wine 175ml (bar). . . . . . £3.42
Suncream 200ml, SPF15
(supermarket). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . £10.90
Insect repellent 50ml
(supermarket). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . £7.16
Three-course evening meal for two
(with bottle of house wine). . . £46.39
Source: The Post Office Money
“basket of goods” at each resort, includ-
ing a three-course dinner for two, a
beer, mineral water, glass of wine and
sunscreen, to assess costs.
The total basket for Sharm el-Sheikh
was £73.32, down 17.5 per cent com-
pared with last year. Only Mahe in the
Seychelles recorded a bigger drop, of
17.6 per cent. Prices have risen in the
vast majority of destinations.
Ed Dutton, of Post Office Travel
Money, said: “It will pay to be flexible
when deciding on a holiday destination.
The Egyptian pound and South African
rand have been losing ground against
sterling, while Latin American curren-
cies have been surging in value”.

TMS
diary@thetimes.co.uk | @timesdiary

40 weddings where there’s a will . . .

and a funeral
Great St Bart’s, the oldest parish
church in the City of London, and
the hospital that shares its name
mark their 900th birthday today.
John Rutter has composed an
anthem for the occasion, though it
needed a last-minute tweak after a
few stray “alleluias” were spotted,
something high Anglicans give up
for Lent. The church is best
known to many as the final venue
in Four Weddings and a Funeral
and the rector, Marcus Walker,
says Hugh Grant was good for
business. The film “made it one of
the most popular wedding venues
in London”, he says. “We have 30
or 40 weddings a year, which is
ironic since in the film the St
Bart’s wedding was called off after
the bride thumped the groom for
falling in love with someone else.”
It’s not a problem he often faces.
“Any linguist worth their salt must
be a good eavesdropper,” writes
Susie Dent in Saga magazine.
Earwigging on conversations is the
best way to pick up the latest slang.
Dent finds loitering in the ladies’
loos especially convenient for this.
“It’s there I first encountered the
phrase ‘It’s an iss-you, not an iss-
me’,” she says. “It’s also where I
heard a teenager complain: ‘I’ve got
this awful coleslaw on my lip.’”
under the knife
When the actor Andy Serkis met
Jim Al-Khalili, the broadcaster
seemed distracted as Serkis
gushed about his radio series The
Life Scientific. Serkis tells Table
Manners that it turned out
they had an odd connection.
“Your dad circumcised me,”
said Al-Khalili, who was
born in Baghdad, where
the actor’s father
worked. Serkis was
amazed he knew. I
suppose he must have
had a tip-off.
At the age of 46 and after 13 years
of marriage, James Wild, the MP
for North West Norfolk, has finally
got round to writing a will. In a
debate on powers of attorney last
week, he admitted that he had
been negligent so far but was
going to have it done yesterday.
This led Chris Clarkson, a fellow
Tory, to remark that Wild’s wife,
Baroness Evans of Bowes Park, the
former leader of the Lords, would
be relieved. “I am sure she will be
putting roller skates at the top of
the stairs,” he said.
Concluding our mini-series on
bizarre logic, Mike Vallely emailed
about the response of a head
postmaster in Reading in the 1970s
to complaints from customers that
the aperture on the postbox at head
office was too small. “I’ve personally
checked the contents of the box,” he
declared, “and there was nothing
inside too large to go through the
aperture.” Case closed.
who’s the loony now?
Nick Gibb, an education minister
for ten of the past 13 years, is one
of the great survivors of politics.
Yet his career was almost over
before it began when he stood in
the 1994 Rotherham by-election,
thinking it would be a wise idea to
cut his teeth in a hopeless seat.
Labour duly won at a canter, with
Gibb left chasing a Lib Dem called
Wildgoose. “What I didn’t realise
was there was a threat of losing to
Screaming Lord Sutch,” he tells All
Talk. By 1,535 votes, Gibb pushed
the Monster Raving Loony leader,
below, into fourth place, Sutch’s
party’s best result. Gibb admits
that losing to a Loony would have
ended his career. At the time the
Loony manifesto promised to
have unleaded pencils in
schools, reduce dole queues by
making people stand closer
together and tackle the winter
flu crisis by abolishing
January and February. All
seems quite sensible now.
patrick kidd
18
News
News Health
Agencies bleeding millions
Doctors and nurses are offered iPads and beer
to join companies whose owners flaunt their
wealth, report Ben Ellery and Lara Wildenberg
Recruitment agencies that are paid
billions of pounds by the NHS are
tempting doctors and nurses to work
for them by offering shopping vouch-
ers, cinema trips, iPads and even beer,
The Times has found.
An audit of every NHS trust has un-
covered the agencies that have received
the most money from the health ser-
vice as it battles with a chronic staffing
crisis. The Times can reveal that a
company owned by a Canadian billion-
aire receives tens of millions of pounds
each year to provide staff, exceeding
official NHS pay caps.
This newspaper has found that the
owners of locum recruitment compa-
nies post photographs on social media
of their £1 million boats and £40,000
watches.
The NHS in England paid £3 billion
in 2021 to hire staff from the agencies to
plug gaps on the wards.
One trust paid £5,200 to a recruit-
ment company for one doctor’s single
shift as it struggled to find staff to care
for patients.
The Times uncovered a booming
industry of start-your-own agency kits
on sale for less than £2,000, which
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
included branded time sheets and staff
badges for entrepreneurs hoping to
supply hospitals and care homes with
temporary staff.
One-off packages for “a business in a
box” are advertised as a way to set up a
healthcare company in a matter of
weeks. Other more extensive online
courses offer ongoing support services
for agencies.
Christine Blackledge, 57, the director
of Matriarch Training and Consultancy
Services, describes herself as the
“seven-figure healthcare business
mentor” and a “mumpreneur”.
Her website, startinganursing-
agency.co.uk, is alleged to have helped
more than 90 agencies start through its
coaching sessions, instructional videos
and workshops, including the course
How To Get NHS Contracts, which it
sells for £1,497.
Most agencies used by the NHS
encourage their workers to refer
medical friends for positions, with
bonuses of up to £1,300 on top of cash
rewards from £150 to £500.
Trusts introduced a cap in 2015 on
how much they could spend on recruit-
ment agencies after costs spiralled.
They can breach those caps in emer-
gencies, however. Figures from a free-
dom of information request suggest
that uncapped payments of £735 mil-
lion were made last year. The figure for
this financial year, 2022-23, is already
more than £556 million.
The total comes despite a pledge by
the government in 2020 to end the un-
capped payments by last year.
The government has been advised to
increase the annual number of medical
school places from 7,500 while the
health service is reporting about
124,000 vacancies.
A long-awaited workforce plan, due
to be published this month, is expected
to announce that the number of medi-
cal places is to be doubled.
One healthcare company, Acacium
Group, which is owned by Gerry
Schwartz, 81, a Canadian billionaire,
operates two agencies that received the
most NHS money, a total of £283 mil-
lion over the past six years.
Both companies offer incentives to Adrien Faure, Acacium’s director, with
doctors and nurses, with competitions
for £1,000 holidays, iPads, beer sub- Conservatives failed to train the staff
scriptions boxes and £1,000 vouchers the NHS needs, leaving it forced to pay
for garden furniture. jacked-up agency rates and now they
Staff are also offered a £1,000 “Grab a have broken their promise to end use of
Grand” bonus. Acacium Group paid these agencies.”
one director £609,000. Julian Hartley, chief executive at
Barts Health NHS Trust, in east NHS Providers, said: “There’s an over-
London, was the highest spending trust reliance on agency staff and locums.
in England, spending £47.8 million on This has been increasing as more staff
recruitment companies in 2021-22. leave the NHS and trusts face high sick-
Data supplied to The Times show it ness rates.
spent £162.4 million on the companies’ “Many staff choose to work for agen-
staff over the past six years. cies for better pay and flexibility. There-
Dame Alwen Williams, the trust’s fore, boosting pay for NHS staff is a key
chief executive who retired last year, element in recruiting and holding on to
was paid £255,000 to £260,000 before desperately needed staff and is likely to
she left her post. save money in the long run by reducing
A trust spokeswoman said that 75 per reliance on costly temporary staff.
cent of shifts were filled with its own “The government’s promised long-
bank of staff. She added: “We only use term workforce plan for the NHS to
off-framework agencies when bank tackle chronic staff shortages and boost
and framework agencies are unable to education and training can’t come soon
provide cover, which is usually because enough.”
of late-notice demand such as in- An official at the Department of
creased dependency patients or staff Health and Social Care said: “While
absence.” temporary staffing allows the NHS to
Amanda Pritchard, chief executive of meet fluctuations in demand, we are
NHS England, called in January for an controlling spending by capping hourly
increase in the training of homegrown pay and prioritising NHS staff when
doctors and nurses as a way to combat shifts need filling.
the huge costs of agency staff. “We continue to work with the NHS
Despite this, universities were to reduce the use of unapproved frame-
warned that month to limit the number works and ensure value for money.
of medical school places this year or “We will soon publish a long-term
risk fines. workforce plan to ensure that we have
Wes Streeting, the shadow health the right numbers of staff, with the right
secretary, said: “Recruitment agencies skills to deliver high quality services fit
are making staff shortages worse. The for the future.”
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
of pounds from the NHS
his wife, Maria Baibakova, daughter of an oligarch. Maddie Simpson, above, has a role in the business run by her father, Ed
Life of luxury for man who
makes fortune from locums
Ben Ellery, Lara Wildenberg
The £1 million Fairline Targa boat pho-
tographed cutting through the waves of
the Mallorcan coast is a vessel all but a
few can only dream about.
Ed Simpson, 50, a recruitment mag-
nate from Essex, uploaded the photo-
graph, taken in Valldemossa, to Face-
book and was congratulated by friends
on his latest purchase.
The Times can reveal that Simpson’s
firm, Just Nurses Ltd, received tens of
millions of pounds from the NHS to
supply it with doctors and nurses.
Freedom of Information (FoI) re-
quests to all 225 hospital trusts in the
UK discovered that his company was
given £27 million by the NHS during
the past six years.
In reality, the figure is likely to be far
higher because it is based on the data of
the 88 health trusts that responded to
The Times’s requests for information.
In another Facebook photograph,
Simpson’s wife, Julie, 51, beams while
wearing a £40,000 Rolex Daytona
watch. According to its latest accounts,
the company that owns Just Nurses,
The Placement Group, paid dividends
to Simpson of £265,245 in 2021, up from
£254,000 the previous year.
The Placement Group, which also
operates in the private sector, employs
Simpson’s daughter, Maddie, as a mar-
keting and communications executive.
In 2021 he posted a photograph of the
car belonging to his daughter, then 23, a
£60,000 Range Rover Velar.
The business model has proved par-
ticularly lucrative at a time of one of the
worst staffing crises in the NHS.
The companies are doing so well they
are able to offer extravagant incentives.
Just Nurses hands out £250 referral bo-
nuses to doctors and nurses who recruit
other medical staff.
While there are limits on what agen-
cy workers can be paid, “off-frame-
work” agencies can exceed the cap in
exceptional circumstances. The firms
that have received the most off-frame-
work money from the NHS are both
owned by the same company, Acacium
Group. The biggest beneficiary, Scot-
tish Nursing Guild, was given £160 mil-
This Range Rover Velar was owned by
Ed Simpson’s 23-year-old daughter
lion of health service money in the past
six years, while Thornbury Nursing
Services received £123 million for the
same period.
In 2021, The Sunday Times reported
that Thornbury was charging the NHS
more than four times the approved rate
to supply nurses at the height of the
pandemic.
According to the accounts of Acaci-
um Group, it paid its highest-earning
director £609,000. The company’s op-
erating profit for 2021 was £23.4 million,
Ed Simpson was
praised after
posting a picture
of his new boat
on Facebook; his
wife Julie was
pictured wearing
a £40,000
Rolex watch
up from £1.6 million the previous year.
Its agencies have offered doctors and
nurses a dazzling array of incentives.
Staff were entered into a competition
to win a cooking session with a contest-
ant from The Great British Bake Off as
well as a £150 voucher for The Jamie
Oliver Cookery School.
Attendees of a conference last year
who went on to register with Thorn-
bury were put into a prize draw with the
opportunity to win an iPad.
Two £1,000 holiday vouchers were
also available.
Perhaps one of the more bizarre uses
of the recruitment firms’ money was to
pay the TV fitness guru Mr Motivator
and Death in Paradise actor Ralf Little
to record motivational videos for staff.
The companies also offered subscrip-
tion giveaways for doughnuts, craft
beer and ready meals.
Spa breaks worth hundreds of
pounds were also up for grabs, as were
£250 Ooni pizza ovens. Staff could also
win furniture vouchers worth £1,000.
The firms also award an annual
“Grab a Grand” bonus. Staff who com-
plete a target number of shifts within a
set period are awarded £1,000.
Acacium’s most recent accounts re-
veal it does not fear that the govern-
ment will intervene to disrupt its busi-
ness model.
They state: “The group has an inher-
ent risk arising from the political and
economic climates in the UK and other
jurisdictions where it operates, includ-
ing regulatory risk . . . Whilst there con-
tinue to be initiatives related to Covid-
19, there are no material new regula-
tions in respect of UK healthcare
staffing that are expected to impact the
group.”
One of Acacium’s directors, Adrien
Faure, is married to Maria Baibakova,
an oligarch’s daughter who once wrote
an infamous article for Tatler magazine
detailing the best way to fire a servant.
She wrote: “It needs to be done fast,
clearly explaining the reason, without
giving time for excuses and tears, ob-
serving all laws and agreements [for ex-
ample paying two weeks’ wages], and —
this is a must — with witnesses.” She
later apologised for the article.
Acacium Group is ultimately owned
by the investment management firm
Onex, whose owner is the Canadian
billionaire Gerry Schwartz. He has
thrown elaborate parties at his £16 mil-
lion Toronto mansion.
Also in receipt of NHS money are
Day Webster Group and Care Provid-
ers Healthcare, which were handed
£35.8 million in payments during the
past six years. Last year the post-tax
19
News
News
profit for their parent company, Day
Webster Group, was £1.4 million, a
67 per cent increase from the previous
year’s figure of £848,456.
Day Webster Group’s chairman,
Hugh Woods Ballard, told The Times
that his companies, which are regulat-
ed on how much they can charge, as is
Just Nurses, provide much better value
for money than the uncapped firms.
He said the companies were “tightly
regulated by the frameworks as to how
much margin we are able to make and
on the quality of staff provided, both of
which are not the case for off-frame-
work agencies. We have examples of
off-framework charge rates over four
times as high as our own.
“We have worked with several clients
to successfully remove off-framework
spend from their supply chain and it is
an ongoing battle for us.”
Another business, Direct Medics
Doctors, offers incentives for staff who
recommend medical friends.
Its website states: “If you refer a col-
league to us, you will receive £1.00 per
hour, for the duration of their first
booking up to a maximum of six calen-
dar months.
“On average this works out as a bo-
nus of £1,200* for you and our new doc-
tor will also receive £500*, assistance
with travel and accommodation and a
£250 referral bonus on a successful
placement.”
At Globe Locums, doctors and nurses
have access to a bonus scheme worth
up to £1,300 per referral.
The company said: “Our referral
scheme is one of many examples of how
we invest as a business to ensure we can
maintain a high-quality, reliable ser-
vice to our clients, including the NHS.
“Temporary staff are an essential
component to beating [the] backlog,
although these increased demands for
our service will naturally mean increas-
es in revenue for companies operating
in these sectors.”
Direct Medics Ltd was given
£23.3 million by the NHS in payments
during the past six years. The company
is owned by Kevin Coyle, a recruitment
magnate who lives in an £8 million neo-
Tudor mansion.
Last year Greencastle Holdings,
which owns the agency, turned over
£129 million, of which £9 million was
post-tax profit.
Direct Medics’ referral scheme
states: “Our DM Rewards also pays you
a market leading bonus for every doctor
you refer to Direct Medics. This gives
you enormous potential to maximise
your earnings regardless of whether
you are currently working with us.”
 22 2GM Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

News

WW2 aircraft
i could
take to skies again

I
n his final combat
flight in a Hawker
Typhoon, Bernard
Gardiner was
attacking an
ammunition dump when
it exploded in a burst of
flames and dirt (Jack
Malvern writes). The
debris flew so high that
a comrade was caught in
it, the pilot, now 100,
recalled.
“The top of his aircraft
was littered with mud
from the explosion,”
Gardiner said. “That was
about the last operation

Get up to £600 when you

trade-in an S21 Ultra.

Diners cleared of playing part

in robbery of boxer’s watch
David Woode Crime Correspondent
Two men walked free from court after a
jury cleared them of acting as “spotters”
in the gunpoint robbery of Amir Khan’s
£70,000 diamond-encrusted watch.
The former boxing world champion,
36, was targeted when he and his wife,
Faryal Makhdoom, 31, and friend Omar
Khalid, left the Sahara Grill restaurant
in Leyton, east London, on April 18 last
year. Snaresbrook crown court was told
how Dante Campbell, 20, ran at Khan,
brandished a gun and ordered him to
“take off your watch”.
Ismail Mohamed, 24, of Edmonton,
and Nurul Amin, 25, of Harringay, both
north London, denied conspiracy to
rob. The jury deliberated for two hours
before returning unanimous verdicts
yesterday.
Mohamed and Amin were accused of
acting as “spotters” and dining in the
restaurant to keep track of Khan’s
movements, relaying them by phone to
Ahmed Bana, 25. Soon after Khan left
the restaurant, Campbell forced the
2004 Olympic silver medallist to hand
over his bespoke rose gold diamond-
encrusted Franck Muller watch. The
robbery lasted seconds and was
captured on CCTV, which was played to
the court.
Campbell and Bana, who drove to
and from the scene in a silver Mercedes
Amir Khan, the
boxer, and his
wife, Faryal
Makhdoom
coupe, pleaded guilty to conspiracy to
commit robbery and possession of an
imitation firearm.
Outside court, Amin thanked his
legal team for “supporting me through-
out this case and helping me for my
name to be cleared”.
During the trial, the court was told
that Mohamed and Amin were at the
restaurant to break their Ramadan fast
with another man called Hamza
Kulane, who was not on trial.
Mohamed, who denied acting as a
spotter watching the exit, claimed he
only spoke to Bana on the phone when
his friend asked if he had any cannabis.
While giving evidence, Mohamed
said he was unaware it was Khan until
his friend told him.
He told the jury: “I didn’t know who
Amir Khan was. He was taking pictures
with fans. Hamza pointed him out and
said, ‘That’s Amir Khan, the boxer’.”
In a closing speech, Zacharias Miah,
for Amin, who did not give evidence in
the trial, said: “We say categorically on
his behalf that the prosecution’s case
does not exist against Mr Amin. It is so
weak that it does not exist at all.”
Campbell and Bana, both of north
London, will be sentenced at a date yet
to be fixed.
Khan, who now lives in Dubai,
married Makhdoom in New York in
2013. They have three children. Roll up, roll up Island Bohemian Bowls Club in Reading, which runs its own ferry
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 2GM 23

News
NEIL HIPKISS

Bernard Gardiner, 100, is

supporting a project to
raise funds to restore a
to find the final £50,000
needed for the fuselage.
Worthington-Leese,
Waitrose ‘love bombs’
an airline pilot, was

RB396 Typhoon so it can
be flown at airshows
of the war.” Not long
after, pilots flew their
Typhoons to RAF
Odiham, in Hampshire,
for the final time. “They
were virtually scrapped
from that time on. They
never flew again,” he
said.
Gardiner hopes he will
live to see the British
fighter jet fly once more.
He has lent his support
to a project to restore
the fuselage of Typhoon
RB396, which reached
the end of its life
abruptly in a Dutch field
on April 1, 1945.
Sam Worthington-
Leese, who is leading the
project, is holding a
fundraiser next Saturday
potential shoplifters
inspired to run the
project after learning
that his grandfather,
Roy Worthington, had
been flying a Typhoon Andrew Ellson are, the less likely people are to steal
when he was shot down Consumer Affairs Correspondent stuff.”
over Europe in May The unconventional approach is
1944. Roy, who passed Waitrose is “love bombing” suspected designed to stem rising levels of theft. In
on pieces of the wreck to shoplifters to put them off stealing. Bristol workers said the store was losing
his grandson, lived out The chain has hired an outside con- £2,000 a week to theft, mostly through
the war in Stalag Luft sultancy to train staff on how to deter self-service tills. Nationally, shoplifting
III, immortalised in the thieves and one of the strategies is to be increased by 22 per cent in the year to
1963 film The Great rather nice to them. September, according to the Office for
Escape. One shopper who saw a training National Statistics.
Worthington-Leese session taking place at the self-service The retailer said it was unable to
estimates that restoring checkouts of a store in Bristol said that comment on security matters.
RB396 will cost between staff were being told to be so helpful and The police say that good customer
£5 million and attentive that it would make would-be service can combat crime. A spokes-
£7 million. Once shoplifters think twice before squirrel- man said stores should be “meeting and
restored, it will be flown ling things out the door. greeting” everyone: shoplifters can be
at airshows and Rob Stewart, a Waitrose customer deterred if they think staff are alert.
memorials to honour from Clifton, said: “I watched the Last August more than 100 stores
the 666 pilots who died guy at work, bossing around the staff wrote to police and crime commission-
at the controls of a so that they smother potential shop- ers calling on them to give retail crime
Typhoon. lifters with love. The way they told a higher priority. They said it was cost-
me it works is that the nicer they ing the industry £715 million a year.

6 months
From
£360. Purchase any model from the Galaxy S23 Series by 31/03/23. Trade-in at three.co.uk/

£33
by 14/04/23 in good working condition to receive full trade-in value plus trade in bonus of
Promoter: Three. Advertised trade in value of £600 available when you trade in S21 Ultra

a month for
first 6 months*
£65 upfront

free airtime
recycle. New device serial number required. Terms at three.co.uk.

Unlimited
data

Switch online, in-store,

or call 0800 033 8006 today.

Police officers guilty of

misconduct for ‘van sex’
Will Humphries,
Southwest Correspondent
Two police officers who allegedly had
sex in the back of a marked van while
one of them was on duty have been
found guilty of gross misconduct.
PC Steven Athawes had told his
supervisors that he could not respond
to emergency calls because he was on a
“medication run”. Instead he drove his
marked van to pick up PC Daria Krole-
wicz, who was off duty, so that they
could have sex in the back of the van.
Both officers, who left the force after
being confronted about their tryst,
were found guilty by a misconduct
panel and will now be submitted to the
College of Policing barred list. Devon
and Cornwall police said they would
have been dismissed without notice
had they still been serving.
The misconduct panel was told the
“sexual encounter” took place on the
night of May 30, 2021, in two different
spots, with the first attempt at sex
“interrupted” by the constant demands
of the police radio.
service, is seeking new members Athawes collected Krolewicz, who
was with two friends on a night out in
Exeter, and drove her to a car park and
then a churchyard.
The panel was told that a colleague
was shown messages sent by Athawes
to Krolewicz before the encounter,
which were described as flirtatious.
The colleague had then asked
Krolewicz if she had had sex with
Athawes. Krolewicz replied that they
had not had sex but that they had done
“everything else”. The panel heard she
said that they had “done stuff in a
vehicle” but did not go into detail.
The panel said that although she was
off-duty Krolewicz had to take some *To get the advertised monthly price you must enter into a Device Plan (credit
responsibility because she knew the agreement) for 36 months with a monthly payment of £33 per month to finance
impact her actions would have on the device, and a 24 month Airtime Plan which is free for 6 months and £27 per
policing the city on a busy night. month plus annual price rises from month 7. From 2024, each April the Airtime
Superintendent Jo Arundale, head of Plan monthly charge will increase by up to December’s CPI rate + 3.9%.
Airtime Plan monthly charge includes £5 discount for paying by a recurring
professional standards, said: “The offi- method such as direct debit. Credit is provided by Hutchison 3G UK Limited at 0%
cers undermined the public’s trust and APR for the duration of the credit agreement. Finance Credit is subject to status
confidence in the police force and did and a credit check and for 18+ only, direct debit required. If you miss a payment,
not fulfil their duties and responsibili- you may be reported to a Credit Reference Agency, and you may find it more
ties. Such behaviour will not be tolerat- difficult or more expensive to obtain credit in the future. Hutchison 3G UK Limited,
ed within policing and the decision authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority for Consumer Credit,
made by the panel is that, had the offi- registered office: 450 Long water Avenue, Reading, Berkshire, RG30 3UR.
cers still been serving, they would have
been dismissed without notice.”
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
And now for something completely
irreplaceable: Palin’s paean to Barts
Health Commission
The former Python is
raising funds for the
900-year-old hospital
that saved his life,
Rachel Sylvester writes
When Sir Michael Palin was recovering
from open heart surgery at St Bartholo-
mew’s Hospital in central London he
marvelled at the William Hogarth
murals above the sweeping staircase
that leads to the Great Hall.
“They like to get you moving pretty
quickly off the operating table,” he said.
“My first walk was out into the main
square and up to see the Hogarth stair-
case. It’s all about caring and the Good
Samaritan. I felt as though I could be in
the picture.”
Palin, a former member of the Monty
Python team who went on to present
travel documentaries, has become a
benefactor of the hospital, helping to
fund the restoration of the 18th-centu-
ry north wing, which is being overseen
by his son Will, a conservation expert.
“Barts did save my life,” the 79-year-
old presenter told The Times Health
Commission. “Hogarth was celebrating
the work that Barts did. He valued
the hospital. It’s a voice from the past
saying the work of healing the human
body was going on then and has gone
on ever since.
“It makes you realise that you’re not
the only one who has been ill.”
Palin is convinced that the Hogarth
masterpiece, painted in 1736, aided his
recovery from the five-hour operation.
“Beauty and art does help,” he said.
“Anything that demystifies the purely
technical medical side is so important.
“Everyone is different. How they
react to illness is different and art can
reflect that. Something that should not
be forgotten is that there’s a human side
to it. When I had the operation it was
how people spoke to me, how they
helped me after, human being talking
to human being . . . that was just as
important.”
He said the “humanity of the medical
profession” was why the NHS still had
such an emotional hold on the public.
“We have ambulances waiting out-
side hospitals,” he said. “I would like it
not to be struggling that way.
“But whenever you have contact with
the doctors and nurses it’s inspiring.
Most people’s eyes moisten when they
talk about the treatment they’ve had.
People feel gratitude.”
Barts, founded 900 years ago today,
not only embodies the history of
healthcare in this country, it is woven
through the cultural life of the nation.
Britain’s oldest working hospital has
a vellum charter signed by Henry VIII
and a cricket bat owned by WG Grace,
who trained as a doctor on its wards.
In Arthur Conan Doyle’s novels
Sherlock Holmes met Dr Watson at
Barts, and when Benedict Cumber-
batch played Holmes wanting to fake
his death, he jumped off the roof of the
hospital’s pathology department.
In 1658 Samuel Pepys had a gallstone
the size of a tennis ball removed with no
anaesthetic at Barts. He celebrated the
anniversary of the operation every
year. In 1997 Frank Dobson, who had
2GM
Sir Michael Palin says his recovery was aided by the Hogarth murals at Barts, where people were treated through the Depression, below. It also displays old instruments
just been appointed health secretary
under the new Labour government,
overturned plans to close the hospital,
saying he could not allow an institution
that had “treated the archers of Agin-
court” to shut on his watch.
At the entrance to the north wing is a
gruesome array of ancient surgical
instruments, including 18th-century
blood-letting lancets, 19th-century
obstetric forceps and “lunatic restrain-
ers” for patients “who may happen to be
bit by mad dogs”.
The hospital also has a distinguished
history of medical discovery and
famous physicians.
It was where William Harvey discov-
ered how the heart pumps blood
through the body and Percival Pott
described how to treat a bone fracture
without the need for amputation. Barts
was the first hospital in Europe to offer
mega-voltage radiotherapy for cancer
patients. Now it is at the cutting edge of
medical science, with plans for a dedi-
cated clinical research facility and a
specialist breast cancer centre.
The £10 million restoration, to start
in the autumn, will take two years. It
will involve experts who carried out
restoration work on St Paul’s Cathedral
and the Duomo in Florence. When the
work is completed the staircase, includ-
ing the two 9m canvases by Hogarth,
will be open to the public.
The artist lived locally and offered
to paint the biblical scenes without
payment when he heard that the
hospital was considering hiring an Ital-
ian painter.
The sick and injured people depicted
in the two murals, The Pool of Bethesda
and The Good Samaritan, are thought to
have used real Barts patients as models.
25
News
TIMES PHOTOGRAPHER RICHARD POHLE; VICKI COUCHMAN FOR THE TIMES
The hospital was founded by a monk in Many doctors and nurses are quitting
1123. It has survived the Reformation in to take on less stressful jobs or move
the 16th century, the plague in 1665, the abroad.
Great Fire of London the following year “My fears are that you’re topping up
and two world wars. an ever-emptying bucket,” Knight said.
Professor Charles Knight, the chief “Across the NHS, if you don’t have a
executive, said the hospital had been good workforce, the work life for the
under “enormous pressure”, however, existing workforce is less satisfactory,
since the pandemic. because there’s too few of them, so you
A third of staff have sought mental lose more. We need a virtuous circle,
health support, suffering from “anxiety, not a vicious circle.”
stress, trauma, burnout and overwork”. Knight said it was a false economy
He said: “If you’re in the front line as a not to invest in training more doctors
soldier, you are there for six weeks and and nurses. “If we have vacancies, we
then you go back to base and recover. have to fill them,” he said. “The agency
“That’s done for a reason. The an include a pro-
bills are vast and
andemic
staff during the pandemic portion of fees that go to
were there, then the ag
that agency, which is
mission switched to mone wasted for the
money
clearing the backlogg NH The more staff
NHS.
without any period you have recruited,
of rest, and then th better your pay
the
there was flu. That bu
budget is going to
exhaustion has b because you
be
exacerbated a lot w
won’t be spending
of things within on temporary
the NHS.” staff. People want
sta
Knight, who set to come into health
up the Nightingalee care
care. We just need to
hospital in London on make it easy for people
during the pandemic, emic, to enter
ente these profes-
said the health service sions. We’ve
We’ got to make
unded, long-
needed a properly funded, working lives flflexible. We’ve got
ckle vacancies and
term strategy to tackle to have greater numb
numbers entering and
reduce the amount spent on expensive keep hold of the ones we have.”
agency fees. Knight said the government had to
“We have always under-trained, take a long-term view rather than
under-recruited and understaffed in simply thinking about the short-term
the NHS,” he said. “That put us in a cost of increasing staff levels.
slightly worse place going into the pan- “It takes so long to train doctors and
demic than other countries. nurses,” he said. “Someone needs to be
“I would struggle to see a downside in bold enough to look at the financial
us as a country training more doctors impact not over one year or two years
and nurses. If we solve the workforce but over a decade. They would see that
crisis, the NHS . . . will be fine. If we we needed to invest in our workforce
don’t, I worry.” training now, to prevent and to insulate
The NHS has 124,000 unfilled posts. against crises in the future.”
26
News
Broken toys offer neat fix for skills shortage
Rhys Blakely Science Correspondent
When the parcel arrives, the remote-
controlled car inside is broken. It is a
scenario that could easily result in an
unhappy child — but not this time.
The package has come from a British
start-up that hopes to equip the nation’s
youngsters with an endangered skill:
the ability to fix gadgets when they fail.
The aim is to encourage 10 to 14-year-
olds to tinker with electronic devices
and learn how they work, by sending
them faulty toys that they have to take
apart and repair themselves.
The company, Team Repair, has been
founded by five engineering graduates
from Imperial College London. Having
begun as a university project, its
ultimate goal is to steer children into
careers in science and to nurture a new
generation of engineers and inventors.
“Every month, we’ll send children an
electronic gadget with a carefully
planned fault,” said Patrick McGucki-
an, 22, the chief operating officer.
“The idea is that they learn key repair
skills, and that they also learn the
science and technology behind how the
components inside it work.”
It is estimated that two million ton-
nes of electrical and electronic items
2GM
CHRIS RADBURN FOR THE TIMES
are discarded in the UK each year.
“Meanwhile, the UK has a Stem
[science, technology, engineering and
maths] skills shortage costing £1.5 bil-
lion a year,” McGuckian said. “We
wanted to help solve those two prob-
lems.”
The service — currently in a testing
phase — will cost £28 a month, with
each kit designed to keep a child occu-
pied for several hours. The broken toys
will include a retro games console, a
radio, a walkie-talkie and a metal
detector. Once a gadget has been
mended, you post it back so it can be
broken again for somebody else to fix.
Evelyn, daughter of Rhys Blakely, tries
to repair a remote-controlled car
First person
I
enjoy taking gadgets apart.
I’m interested in engineering
and might like a job that
involves design and
technology, or to be a
mechanic (writes Evelyn
Blakely, 14). So I was excited to
try the test kits. The best one was
a remote-controlled car. It was
nice to have something that was
broken on purpose, so that it was
possible to find what was wrong.
The app, which gives you
instructions, wasn’t quite finished
in the version I tried but it was
still easy to use. It explained how
the car worked and mentioned
things I recognised from science
lessons at school.
It could inspire people to do
more repairs. I definitely agree
that we throw far too many
electronic devices away. Lots of
adults don’t seem to take it
seriously. Perhaps that’s because
they know it’s my generation that
will have to deal with their mess.
John Lewis has let go of
its soul, says Mary Portas
Charlie Moloney
John Lewis has “let go of its soul” under
its present boss, a former Downing
Street adviser on high streets has said.
Mary Portas said the department
store, which she described as “one of
the jewels in our national retail crown”,
had lost its way.
In an open letter posted on the pro-
fessional social media website Linked-
In, she added: “It needs financial life
support — but more than anything it
needs to rediscover its soul and its place
in the nation’s heart.”
John Lewis, which has been 100 per
cent owned by its staff, or “partners”, for
more than 70 years, is considering
diluting its partnership structure amid
tough conditions on the high street.
Dame Sharon White, the chairwoman,
is understood to be in the early stages of
exploring a plan to change its mutual
structure so it can try to raise between
£1 billion and £2 billion.
Portas, 62, known for the TV series
Mary, Queen of Shops, said: “Your task
isn’t to turn around just another
mediocre retailer under threat of going
under. You’re fighting to save part of
our collective cultural identity. But
what’s worrying me is that you might
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
An app provides instructions on how to
perform the repair, and also mini
science lessons. To fix a remote-con-
trolled car, for instance, you must
replace a gear; along the way you get a
lesson on the principle of torque.
Megan Hale, 23, the chief executive,
says that the idea came from the
company founders’ memories of taking
things apart as children, which she says
set them on the path to study engineer-
ing.
Their early market research involved
asking the users of the Reddit social
media site: “Why do you think we don’t
fix things like our grandparents used
to?”
“We got thousands of replies,” said
Hale. Many of them argued that too
many of today’s devices were not
designed to be repair-friendly. “But
another thing that people said is that
they just don’t have the confidence to
take things apart.”
There are signs of a repair revival,
possibly fuelled by the cost of living
crisis. On Instagram, hashtags such as
#makedoandmend and #repair have
been attached to millions of posts. TV
shows such as The Repair Shop have
showcased renovation, and more than
200 “repair cafés” have opened across
Britain where people can drop in to
access tools and materials to help them
fix items such as furniture, bicycles and
electrical appliances.
Between 2004 and 2012, the propor-
tion of household appliances that died
within five years of purchase was esti-
mated to have doubled. Britain is the
second highest producer of electronics
waste per person in the world, accord-
ing to the United Nations University.
One study has calculated that
extending the lifespan of smartphones
and other electronics by as little as one
year across Europe would save as much
in carbon emissions as taking two mil-
lion cars off the road.
“As a society we’ve been tuned to
replace rather than repair,” McGuckian
said. “We want to encourage a different
mindset in the next generation — and
on top of that, we want them to be crea-
tive, to be engineers, to be inventors
that solve the biggest problems.”
think your fight is purely financial. It’s
not. Somehow, in recent years, you’ve
let go of the soul. We’ve all felt the
subtle, but powerful, erasure of what
John Lewis is, a severing of what’s
always set your business apart.”
This month the partnership announ-
ced a pre-tax loss of £234 million for
2022-23 on sales of £12.3 billion, down
2 per cent on the previous year. For
only the second time since 1953 there
was no bonus.
A change to the John Lewis constitu-
tion would require a two-thirds vote in
favour by the partnership council, on
which about 60 staff sit.
John Lewis said: “We’ve always said
we would seek partnerships to help
fund our transformation . . . We’ve
done this with Ocado in the past and
now with Abrdn. Our partners, who
own the business, will be the first to
hear about any developments.”
White posted on Instagram: “It’s the
biggest privilege of my life to be custo-
dian of the partnership. I am here to
ensure that it not only survives, but
thrives for generations. Our partners
who own the business are our greatest
asset and our ownership of the partner-
ship will remain. I will not rest until the
partnership is restored to full health.”
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Britain’s diet is more
deadly than Covid
Weekend essay
Pages 34-35
Boris, exile is the best bet — for all of us
Walking into the political wilderness might do more for Johnson’s personal mythology than fighting on in parliament
Matthew
Parris
F
or the livelihoods of us
columnists it’s vital the Boris
Johnson saga drags on until
the crack of doom. For the
health of the nation (let
alone the Conservative Party) it’s
vital it be wrapped up fast. This is
a man who will without qualms
bring down a government, kick a
colleague in the guts or wreck a
marriage, a solemn treaty or the
tentatively returning sense of
national stability in order to advance
the only ambition that has been
unwavering throughout his life. He
wants to be a legend and, in an
important sense, that is all he wants.
This, as he frets over what to do
next, is his pole star amid a wheeling
galaxy of possibilities.
My project here is the
deconstruction of the mental
processes of a former prime minister.
It’s a tricky business with Johnson
but I can say one thing at the outset:
his preferred claim to legendhood is
to return to national leadership. If
Rishi Sunak stumbles before a
general election, Johnson could go
for it at once. If Sunak falls after
losing, Johnson will want to be in the
wings. Guided by his star, Johnson’s
first choice (we’ll come later to Plans
B and C) is to stay an MP.
The privileges committee knows
that. A measure of high-minded cant
about “leaving party allegiance
outside the doors of the committee
room” has featured in members’
utterances in recent days. Yes, indeed
— to a degree. But only to a degree.
It’s true there is no MP on that
committee who for party reasons
Ann Treneman Notebook
Following the
international
art set down
to . . . Bruton
T
o Hauser & Wirth art
gallery in Somerset, then, to
see what all the fuss is about.
This area seems to have
become a sort of upmarket
incarnation of the Bermuda Triangle:
once you enter, the ordinary insists
on becoming extraordinary. After all,
Hauser & Wirth have art galleries in
Hong Kong, London, LA, New York,
Zurich, Gstaad and, er, Bruton in
Somerset. It is down the road from
The Newt, a destination estate that is
the acme of cool and eco-friendly. It
must be catching: Bruton has been
V2
would vote to acquit Johnson if they
thought him guilty or convict him if
innocent. They are highly likely to
convict — I’d guess unanimously.
But next comes the sentence. If
they disbar him from parliament for
less than ten days, he can carry on as
MP for Uxbridge & South Ruislip.
Otherwise there could and probably
would be a by-election, where he’d
be free to stand.
Nobody needs to instruct
Conservative committee members
for them to be acutely aware of a
strong party interest at play. How
does Sunak and the Tory machine
feel about a by-election in Uxbridge
which the Tories would be likely to
lose? Would Johnson be more
trouble inside the Commons or
outside, prowling around in the guise
of a martyr cast into the wilderness
by a witch-hunt, and in search of
another seat?
His number one fan, Nadine
Dorries, is said to be on his PM’s
Uxbridge would be
his Salem: he’d declare
it a political show trial
“resignation honours list” for a
peerage. Her majority in
Mid Bedfordshire is 24,664. Her
hope (and others’) that an MP might
accept the offer of a peerage now but
only take their seat after the next
election has been dashed by
constitutionalists. The timing of
Dorries’s hoped-for honour lies,
effectively, in Sunak’s hands.
Should Uxbridge kick Johnson out,
it does also lie (practically, if not
theoretically) within Sunak’s power
to exclude the disgraced former
MP from, or allow him back on
to, the Conservative Party’s
candidates list. Johnson has just
called the “new Notting Hill” by no
less an arbiter than Vogue and is
home to many an A-lister.
I can report that the art gallery is
indeed achingly hip but in a
friendly way. For starters, it’s free.
My friends and I had come to see
a quilt exhibition (I am a quilter)
but the real draw was the
small (1.5-acre) garden
behind the gallery
designed by Dutch
planting guru Piet
Oudolf. What a treat,
even in March: a
series of circles and
curving arcs that
lead to the end of
the garden
where the
other-
worldly
pavilion by the Chilean
Ch
architect Smiljan Radic
hovers. It was relocated
from the Serpentine in London.
L he is, aged 78, still
See what I mean by extraordinary?
defied a three-line whip on Sunak’s
hugely important plans for the
Northern Ireland protocol, so the
prime minister would have no
difficulty justifying his exclusion.
But would Sunak welcome this
opportunity? A cautious politician,
he perhaps wouldn’t.
Summing up so far, it’s doubtful
Sunak wants a by-election, and
Tories on the privileges committee
will know that. However, the balance
is not all one way.
How about Johnson? He would
probably prefer to carry on in
parliament. His “friends” (he has no
real friends at Westminster, and
doesn’t much like his allies either)
have been talking this week about
plans for a vigorous by-election
campaign. Johnson’s pole star will
twinkle the advantages to a jamboree
of a campaign in which droves of
admirers in the wider party make
pilgrimages to Uxbridge, there are
Boris-led stunts, there are balloons,
there’s Rule Britannia, the media
glamorise this unglamorous place,
Sunak is left in a quandary about
whether to campaign for him and,
should Johnson lose, the former
prime minister goes out in a
blizzard of media clips, lauded
for his ballsy tenacity — a victim
of dreary Tory Remainers and
Holy Joe party poopers. Whereupon
(Plan B) his comeback has to be
devised. See above.
And should he actually win the
by-election? That would be massive
for him. But there is another way
forward and, despite reports that he’s
up for a big fight in Uxbridge, I don’t
quite discount it. Sentenced to
ten days or more and faced with a
ghastly by-election, he instead
declares himself to be facing the
political equivalent of a show trial for
witchcraft: Uxbridge his Salem. The
privileges committee-led conspiracy
Plant guru
W
hen you see a
Piet Oudolf
garden, though
this one is called
a “field”, you see
something that in itself
looks like a work of
art. Romantic. Hazy.
Natural. He has been
called a genius
but his career path
was anything but
straightforward. He
began his working life in
a restaurant before moving
on to a fishery, steel factory
and garden centre where
he began to buy plants.
“Within a year I was
addicted,” he has said.
He is now rich and
famous but what
impresses is that
addicted to plants. For decades he
Comment
Boris Johnson could be excluded from
party candidate lists by Rishi Sunak
to destroy him (he’ll say) is trying to
shove him into the firing line in a
by-election hopelessly prejudiced
against him by lies and distortions . . .
and he’s damned if he’s going to play
their game.
Mark my words, Johnson will have
been transfixed by Donald Trump’s
reported hope to be led into court in
handcuffs. So, playing the victim, he
will deny his tormentors a triumph at
the Uxbridge by-election count,
refuse to run in a rigged vote and,
head held high, walk into the
political wilderness, there to plot his
Plan B return. See above.
I doubt Johnson has yet reached
any decision more final than to
denounce the privileges committee
as a kangaroo court if sentenced to
ten days or more and if less than ten
days declare their verdict to be little
short of an exoneration by a hit
and his wife experimented with
perennials and grasses at their home
garden in Hummelo in Holland. It is
this knowledge of how plants work,
and their life cycles, that underpins
his designs: they look beautiful but
at their core is natural science.
Flares fair
T
he quilt exhibition was
underwhelming (the ultimate
withering word used by critics)
and wasn’t really about quilts at all.
Thankfully, another show, by a
Canadian artist named Rodney
Graham, was an absolute hoot.
Graham, who died last year, created
huge lightbox photographs in which
he “stars” as imaginary characters
in elaborate costumes and settings.
These include a sous-chef on a
smoking break and a pipe-cleaner
artist in his studio. My fave was
Graham as a media studies lecturer
in 1977: he wears brown flares, a
suede jacket and tinted specs. The
“media” on show is a clunky TV and
27
squad that had tried but failed to find
the evidence for more than a slap on
the wrist.
In saying (whatever his “friends”
may tell the press) he’s uncertain
about his further moves, I take
account of Johnson’s own
psychological state. He’s very far
from the cheerful, stout-hearted,
bounce-back optimist and booster-
in-chief that much of Britain thinks
it sees. Only fitfully is he fun. Boris
‘The best comeback
PM Britain never had’
is a legend of sorts
Johnson is a depressive whose
default mood is self-pity and who
genuinely thinks himself cruelly
misunderstood. Like many cheats, he
feels more cheated than cheater. Like
most who crave attention, he hates
confrontation; to be disliked hurts
and distresses him. He’s prone to
spells of utter despair. For him,
therefore, the wilderness — not
unrelieved by bursts of applause
from his fans and lucrative
speechmaking and writing
engagements — has its attractions.
“The best comeback prime minister
we never had.” Plan C, and a legend
of a kind.
I think this last option, Plan C,
might be best for all of us, including
for himself. For Carrie, too, and for
his indisputable genius. Otherwise
he needs to remind himself that even
Rasputin copped it. In the end.
red box
For the best analysis
and commentary on
the political landscape
thetimes.co.uk/redbox
a variety of plugs. He is smoking
(as we used to do in class then) and
looking ultra-serious. Hilarious.
Felled by a box
S
o there I was, minding my own
business, opening storage boxes
from our old flat in Barnet. Ian
and I had packed them in December,
during a memorable snowstorm, in
such a rush that the contents lists
were very basic, as in books, clothes,
kitchen, etc. Then I looked down
at a box that said “Ian’s stuff” in his
handwriting. It stopped me in my
tracks. It is the small things that
blindside you in grief and make you
realise that you are always living in
two worlds.
Pure twaddle
I
n Somerset, driving through the
village of Evercreech, I spied a
street sign that said: “Church View
(formerly Twaddle Alley)”. If I lived
there I’d much prefer Twaddle Alley
as my address. Wouldn’t you?
28
Comment
Rudeness rules — how to offend in 2023
A US court has done us all a favour by pronouncing on the ancient right to be abusive, but today it’s not always easy
Giles
Coren
O
i, butthead! Shut up when
I’m talking. And get
dressed — it’s nearly
lunchtime, you lazy
sod. Or at least put a
dressing gown on; your tiny hairless
winkle is poking out of your pyjamas.
Which, by the way, are the ropiest
pyjamas I’ve ever seen. Did you rob a
homeless guy?
Seriously, listen up, loser, you’ll
want to hear this. But it’s quite
complicated, so I’ll keep it as
simple as I can.
The right to be rude to people in
public has been upheld as a
fundamental legal one by a supreme
court in the United States. Not the
Supreme Court of the United States,
admittedly — it really would be
astounding if those pompous
geriatric arseholes could take a break
from sending women’s reproductive
rights back to the Stone Age and
legislate on something useful — just
the Supreme Judicial Court of
Massachusetts. But it’s still a thing.
Even if the court itself is barely more
than a provincial Portakabin of self-
important windbags I would hesitate
to characterise as bog-trotting, gin-
soaked hayseeds had they not just
loudly decreed that my right to do so
is mandated by their constitution.
What happened in Massachusetts is
that a woman called Louise Barron
rose to speak at a public meeting in
some hick town not even named in
The Times’s report, compared the
Jonathan Tulloch Nature Notebook
A power cut,
and claws are
out all across
the parish
T
he power cut began at
teatime; by nightfall we still
hadn’t been reconnected.
We’re used to outages.
If it isn’t high winds, then
it’s the lines being hit it by a crop-
sprayer boom, or being ing caked
in thick jets of slurry, y, and I
always take the opportunity
ortunity
to see how the village ge
looked before the
arrival of electricity
in the 1950s.
Climbing the hill
to my vantage pointt
(a public bench
standing below an
oak), I gazed down
over the parish.
Candlelight pooled
at windows; the
houses seemed to
bob peacefully like boats
in a harbour. Without out our
streetlamps, the darkness
rkness
assembled members to “drunken
sailors” and, obviously, Hitler, then
was censured for breaching the local
government civility code, which calls
for “respectful and courteous
discourse, free of rude, personal or
slanderous remarks”. Outraged,
Barron sued the assembly on the basis
that when John and Samuel Adams
enshrined the right to request
“redress of the wrongs done them,
and of the grievances they suffer” in
article 19 of the Massachusetts state
constitution in 1780, they “aimed to
protect the colonists’ freedom to rail
against King George III in a profane
and ungracious manner”. And she
won. “There was nothing respectful
or courteous about the public
assemblies of the revolutionary
period,” declared the self-important,
rat-nosed little East Coast poindexters
of the court. “There was also much
that was rude and personal.”
And in this outcome, all America
— well, The New York Times at any
rate — has seen an implied
Don’t run straight to
comparing people
with Hitler. Try Stalin
constitutional right to rudeness.
Although, of course, Americans also
have a constitutional right to shoot
you if you’re rude to them. So it’s
swings and roundabouts. Nation of
morons, if you ask me [cracks out
bulletproof vest].
But it’s great news, because
rudeness rules. Rudeness is funny
and useful and democratising and
classless and easy and brilliant and
sexy and I could well up with tears
felt vast, but not empty — an owl
was calling. Actually, a pair
of owls; the classic tawny owl sound
is a female and male duetting. Was
it the churchyard pair? We’ve heard
them all winter, the female’s sharp
too-wit, followed by the male’s
lingering too-woo. Further away,
a second pair began. Then, from
some way behind me, a ghostly,
wavering shriek, the challenging
call of a lone, young male.
All these vocalisations are nothing
less than a matter of life and death.
In the nocturnal world of tawny owls
territory is the be all and end all:
without one, birds starve. And the
main weapon in owl turf wars
is ssong. The louder, the
harsher, the more resonant
ha
calls win. Mating for life,
ca
pairs split the defence of
pa
their patch. Males patrol
the
tthe
he b borders while females
defend
d efen the stronghold of their
chosen
chose nesting site. Calling to
each othero advertises an
impregnable united front.
impreg
Sound isn’t always enough
though an and sometimes interlopers
— suc such as the young male I
could hear — must be
physically confronted. As well
physic
as seeseeing off members of their
own sp species encroaching on
their tterritory, tawnies will
fiercely
fiercel attack anything that
Next time you flick the middle finger
at a van driver, thank Samuel Adams
just thinking about how we have
been in danger of losing our right to
rudeness in recent years.
And I’m not talking about
boring old freedom of speech. That
we have. I do not consider it to be
under threat from the comically
powerless student left, whatever the
swivel-eyed, right-wing, incel nutjob
“anti-woke” baldies think. There is
no cancel culture, not in any
operational way. Jeremy Clarkson
powers on, Piers Morgan, Ricky
Gervais, Dave Chapelle, Gary
Lineker . . . they’re all louder and
richer than ever. It’s all fine.
But rudeness is something else. It
is letting your mouth and brain go
full tilt when you’re pissed off with
someone, deliberately eschewing the
rules of politeness and gentility to
comes too close to their nest,
no matter how big: eagle owls,
golden eagles, goshawks, humans.
When a female suddenly called
from the oak above me, I realised
I was standing under a tawny nest.
She’d be incubating eggs by now and
would be very defensive. I quickly
sidled away. The pioneering bird
photographer Eric Hosking lost
an eye to the talon of a tawny.
A little night music
B
ack down the hill, I made my
way through the churchyard.
Humans aren’t nocturnal and
few of us relish graveyards at
midnight. Is it the evolutionary
residue of our having been so
vulnerable to night-time predators?
I couldn’t help but notice that I
instinctively hurried up as I moved
through the stones and that my
heart beat faster. But I soon relaxed
when I heard the beck beyond the
churchyard wall. Crystal-clear and
fast, even in the day this stream sings
loudly; at night, it’s as far-carrying
and welcome as a nightingale.
The moon had risen by the
time I reached my second viewing
point of the night. Standing on the
old stone bridge, I peered down at
the beck. Shining through broken
cloud, the moon silvered the water. I
was here for the rapid flutter of
wings that would announce the
make absolutely clear what you
think of them. It is as primal, base,
urgent, satisfying and delicious as a
middle finger raised from a speeding
bicycle at a man in a van who just
turned left across your path and
nearly killed you. Even if it was your
own fault for not looking (which it
usually was). You have cheated death
at the hands of an angry, shaven-
headed gorilla in a Ford Transit and
as the thrill of continued life courses
through your veins, the only natural
response is rudeness. Sweet rudeness.
Even if it’s just a word. Although not
the sort of word I can write in
The Times. Even with asterisks.
So now rudeness has been saved
(what happens over there happens
here eventually), we must protect it.
By understanding and modernising it
and by using it wisely. So don’t run
straight to Hitler, like Louise Barron
did. It never ends well. What if your
hated “Hitler” turns out to be a Jew?
You’ll be in trouble then, regardless
of what you intended. In the court of
modern opinion, intent is nothing.
So leave the Holocaust out of it. It’s
too much. Use Stalin. Sure, he killed
more people, but we haven’t got the
pictures. And leave race out of it, too,
obviously. You’d never use an actual
racist slur, I know that. But no
descriptive colours or religions or
anything of that kind. A bastard is a
bastard. There are a lot of them
about, and you’re free to say so. But
introduce the colour of the bastard
and the real bastard is you.
In fact, to be on the safe side, keep
nationality out of it too. Because
obviously if you cite a bastard’s
assumed nationality and it’s one of
the places where your own ancestors
behaved badly — India, Pakistan,
The return of Daubenton’s bats is a
sure sign of spring. Left, a tawny owl
return of our Daubenton’s bats.
Spring is usually marked by the
arrival of swallows and cuckoos,
or primroses and dandelions
showing, but the return of the
Daubenton’s bat is an equally
beautiful sign of the new season.
Having spent winter hibernating
alone in some nearby limestone cliff
or disused quarry, our parish bats
return to this bridge every late
March or early April.
Here they’ll hunt over the beck for
midges and caddisflies, roosting
together in their summer quarters
beneath the stone bridge. Come late
spring, the pregnant females will
withdraw to a communal maternity
roost in a waterside tree.
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
anywhere in Africa — then that’s a
hate crime. But what if he’s Hawaiian
or Polish or Scottish? The racism is
less clear, but it is certainly arguable.
So leave out the geographical angle
and keep your rudeness global.
And please, also forget gender,
sexuality, disability and any sort of
mental health issue in your pejorative
phrasemaking. There are all sorts of
annoying people who are gay or
female or trans or disabled or mad but
don’t put any of that in your rudeness,
please. It is 2023. Accord to each and
every one of your fellow humans the
dignity of being abused on a
universal scale, like everyone else.
Leave animals out of it, especially
when talking to women. The B-word
is out, and always has been. And then
“cow” and “mare” and “trout” and all
of those. They’re not OK. If you
really must sprinkle some livestock
into your invective, then go for ones
that carry less baggage, such as
“aardvark”, “coypu” or “ptarmigan”.
I mean, best, really, not to be rude
to women at all. Unless you are one.
Because even if you don’t do it in a
sexist way, it’s going to look sexist.
That also goes for people of a
different race, nationality, sexuality,
ability, shape, size, income level,
intelligence or age. Even if your
rudeness is totally heartfelt and
without prejudice — generated
purely by what a person has done
rather than who they are — there is
still a danger of misinterpretation.
So I suppose what I am saying here
is that in the rude new world of 2023
you must feel free to say absolutely
whatever you like to anyone, as long
as he is a rich, white, able-bodied,
educationally normal straight bloke of
about 53. But don’t worry, I can take it.
Glorious mud
W
e’ve just had our driest
February for 30 years, and
having spent weeks waiting
for the rain, March’s drizzle and sleet
have been incredibly welcome. At
least now my December-planted
crab apple saplings have a chance
of making it through the summer.
To celebrate the watery weather,
on the day after the power cut I
went to the woods. The going was
gloriously sodden, each footstep
accompanied by a squelch and
squish, and a plume of muddy water.
I may have missed one sign
of spring last night when no
Daubenton’s bats showed, but today
the sodden woodland floor offered
me an equally lovely symbol of
lengthening days. When the sun
suddenly came out, I saw a colony
of opposite-leaved golden saxifrage.
It had formed a thick mat in one of
the wood’s dampest, swampiest
places, and was glinting in the
understorey shadows as though a
crock of gold had been upturned
and its contents spilt.
Jonathan Tulloch’s children’s novel
Cuckoo Summer was nominated for
the 2023 Carnegie Medal
@jonathantulloch
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Buy prints or signed copies of Times cartoons from our Print Gallery at timescartoons.co.uk or call 020 7711 7826
Coe keeps flame alive for women’s sport
Unexpected decision to ban trans athletes from female competition levels the playing field and will stop girls quitting
Janice
Turner
@victoriapeckham
S
eb Coe’s decision was such a
surprise, it made women cry.
Athletes and campaigners
had been braced for the
World Athletics president to
announce a fudge, to kick the
controversy of trans women
competing in female sports once
more down the road. But Coe was
unequivocal. “The integrity of the
female category in athletics is
paramount,” he said, and his
“overarching mission” was fairness.
It was a victory few had expected.
In January the governing body had
mooted just tweaking regulations,
suppressing testosterone for two
years at 2.5 nanomoles per litre of
blood rather than 5nmol/L for a year.
This couldn’t eliminate advantages
bestowed by male puberty — nothing
can — but would permit, in the new
activist parlance, “meaningful
competition”. Not “fair” competition,
just a bit less unfair. Elite male
athletes lodge complaints when a
rival’s high-tech running shoes give
marginal gains. Yet uneven playing
fields matter less for girls.
However, on Thursday Lord Coe
quashed this proposal, announcing
no male athlete will henceforth
compete in elite female sport, a
change of immense magnitude.
Now women’s world records, their
places in international squads and
Olympic teams are protected. New
generations of girls, rising at dawn
to shave fractions of seconds off
personal bests, won’t have to stand
on podiums, forcing smiles for the
cameras, beside male-born victors.
Moreover, World Athletics is the
superpower federation: where it
leads other, smaller governing bodies
usually follow. Contact sports such as
rugby union and boxing have in
recent years cited safety as a means
to ensure female-only competition.
But in other disciplines, women have
battled for the right to be heard.
In 2019 Dr Nicola Williams of the
then embryonic group Fair Play for
Women attended an International
Olympic Committee (IOC) meeting;
the lone advocate for female sport,
she was ostracised and disdained
until she cried in her hotel room.
When sports bodies discussed “trans
inclusion” LGBT groups dominated;
yet women, with much to lose, were
rarely in the room. When the veteran
sportswomen Martina Navratilova
and Sharron Davies demanded
female representation they lost work
and sponsorship, and faced vicious
online attacks. But they endured this
knowing that younger, mid-career
athletes daren’t speak at all — except,
in January, for the British shot-putter
Amelia Strickler. You can see why:
sex differences are enshrined in her
sport. With women throwing a 4kg
weight and men 7.26kg, any mediocre
male could lob the lighter put straight
into the female record books.
Strickler’s courage emboldened a
handful of others, including the
Olympic sprinter Beth Dobbin. Yet
on Thursday Coe said that consulted
privately, the vast majority of athletes,
federations and coaches were
adamantly opposed to male inclusion.
Nothing can eliminate
advantages bestowed
by male puberty
World Athletics could have waited
for a trans test case to arise, an elite
sprinter, say, who, despite testosterone
suppression, was thrashing top
women. The resulting outcry would
have forced a rule change, as when
Lia Thomas, the 6ft 1in trans
swimmer, won three events and broke
six records at the Ivy League
championships last year. Faced with
angry female swimmers, who also had
to undress with Thomas, the
governing body Fina banned
competitors who’ve gone through
male puberty from female races.
However, this is a cruel strategy, both
for the women whose morale is
destroyed and for the trans athlete
who is singled out. Better, as Coe did,
to establish rules now, before a
growing cohort of US high school and
college trans athletes makes its way to
international competition.
World Athletics has already faced
criticism for appearing to pick on
Caster Semenya, a genetically male
athlete with a disorder of sexual
development (DSD), demanding she
suppress her high testosterone to
compete fairly with women. Given
that in Rio all three women’s 800m
medals were won by male DSD
athletes, and athletics coaches were
deliberately scouting for more,
administrators had little choice.
Now cycling, a sport brimming
with self-righteous male social justice
warriors, is the only federation not to
protect female sport. As part of its
policy review British Cycling is
holding focus groups with young
female riders. But coaches fear that,
asked in public if they are happy
competing against biological males,
few will be honest. Then their silence
will be used to justify continuing the
present policy of testosterone
suppression set at 2.5 nmol/L for
24 months. So it is likely that
Emily Bridges, an elite male rider
who recently transitioned, will take a
place in the women’s 2024 Olympic
team. Top female cyclists are quietly
29
Comment
livid, waiting to play their hand.
But Coe’s announcement felt like a
return to sanity and it is hoped that
in less elite contests too organisers
will begin to cite World Athletics
rules as their own. Because every
week female surfers, runners, skiers,
cyclists are losing hard-fought races
to towering biological males, often
decades older, who shamelessly
take their medals and prize money.
Women must wave, suck it up, content
themselves — as men never would —
with just taking part. Complain and
they may be banned from their
beloved sport for good.
It is time for sports bodies to discuss
solutions that allow everyone’s
participation. British Triathlon and
Fina are both creating an “open”
category for anyone not biologically
female. LGBT campaigners have
claimed it would be humiliating for
a trans woman not to compete with
women. But Emily Bridges raced
with men until recently, while Iszac
Henig, a trans man, swam in the
Ivy League female races. Their
pragmatism should be admired.
A male person unable to identify
their way into a preferred category
is not more important than women
losing races, or girls giving up sport
because the cards are so stacked. It is
astonishing how immensely moving
it was to hear Coe utter a simple yet
hitherto unspeakable sentiment:
women deserve fair play.
30
Letters to the Editor
Doctors’ strike
Sir, Lions led by donkeys is a good
analogy for the advice that the British
Medical Association is providing to
the junior doctors. I am an old
physician, and the juniors keep me
young and enthusiastic. I have no
sympathy for this government but I
have even less sympathy for the
advice that the BMA is providing,
which could harm patients (“Easter
strike by junior doctors ‘poses real
risk to patient safety’ ”, Mar 24).
I totally agree with the junior
doctors’ cause. The pay and working
conditions are dreadful for such
qualified and hardworking people.
But there are many ways to protest
without withdrawing emergency care,
which could result in patient harm.
I worry that the public will not
forgive the junior doctors if their
loved ones are harmed by these
actions. But we ought not to blame
the juniors doctors but instead the
BMA for giving poor advice.
Professor Mark Saunders
Consultant oncologist, Manchester
Medical inequality
Sir, Professor Andy Hardy’s approach
in advocating that a tool is being
developed to help to identify and give
priority to the poorest for medical
treatment merits questioning (letter,
Mar 24). Medical judgments should
be made on clinical need tempered
with a number of factors such as age
and other triage considerations. Will
the surgeon apply Occam’s razor in
assessing priorities on two seemingly
identical patients on the grounds of
who is poorer? This should not be
used as a criterion.
David Brice
Bursledon, Hants
Council tax rises
Sir, My annual Band G council tax bill
was a mere one third of one month’s
take-home pay in 1997. This year it
will relieve me of almost two months’
income (“Council tax tops £2,000 as
rates rise for 11th time”, news,
Mar 24). My house does not earn
money and its 1991 notional value is
no longer relevant to how council tax
is assessed. Council tax should be
based on the combined incomes of
those living in a property.
Simon Eadon
Yetminster, Dorset
Letters to The Times must be exclusive
and may be edited. Please include a full
address and daytime telephone number.
Corrections and
clarifications
The Times takes
complaints
about editorial
content seriously. We are committed to
abiding by the Independent Press
Standards Organisation (“IPSO”) rules
and regulations and the Editors’ Code of
Practice that IPSO enforces.
Requests for corrections or
clarifications should be sent by email to
feedback@thetimes.co.uk or by post to
Feedback, The Times, 1 London Bridge
Street, London SE1 9GF
Starmer’s policies and the spectre of Corbyn
Sir, Sebastian Payne (comment,
Mar 24) suggests that the lack of a big
idea is a problem for Labour, and that
it has no better plans than the present
government. On antisocial behaviour,
for example, he cites the government’s
proposed policy as steps to solve this
blight; note that it only talks about
reactions and punishment, not a word
about prevention. He also mentions
the extension to childcare — but
where are the details to make this
work better than it does now, beyond
more money to pay for more nursery
places and a lowering of standards?
One might ponder instead the two
big ideas of a decade of Conservative
government. First, austerity: think
increased poverty, food banks, loss of
valuable social support such as youth
clubs and Sure Start, crumbling
schools, huge cuts in police, loss of
local leisure centres, inadequate
housing — all changes that adversely
affect growth and contribute to
antisocial behaviour, crime and
reduced life expectancy. Second,
Brexit: well, the jury is still out for the
future, but the present doesn’t look too
good. Rather than big ideas, we need
competence based on sound principles.
Judith Fage
Mytholmroyd, W Yorks
Ofsted ‘needs
improvement’
Sir, Further to your news report
“Inspections will not pause after
tragedy, insists Ofsted head” (Mar 24;
letters, Mar 22-24; Thunderer,
Mar 21), there is not a scintilla of
evidence that Ofsted raises standards
in schools. I have worked in
education for 35 years and have never
witnessed anything that backs up
Ofsted’s belief in its effectiveness.
Rather, it is an unaccountable quango
that provides no measurable
improvements to the education,
wellbeing or safety of our children. It
needs to be shut down: in its place we
should build more a optimistic system
that holds leadership to account and
allows the suppressed potential for
good be released in our schools.
Andrew Fielder
CEO (ret’d) Aspire Academy Trust,
Truro, Cornwall
Sir, Amanda Spielman should get out
of her office more if she thinks that
stopping school inspections would not
be in children’s best interests. Any
parent or teacher is only too aware of
RAID ON ST
JOHN’S WOOD
BROTHEL
from the times march 25, 1923
At Marylebone Police Court Clara
Mitchell, 59, married, was charged
before Mr Cancellor with permitting
a house in St John’s Wood Road to
be used for improper purposes. Mr
Freke Palmer, prosecuting for the
Marylebone Borough Council, said
the house was one of those facing
Lord’s cricket ground and stood in
its own grounds, with a large front
garden. It was not an ordinary
disorderly house, but was used as a
house of assignation. Several
complaints had been received by the
police about the house, and all sorts
of suggestions had been made as to
Sir, Halving the crime rate, as
promised by Sir Keir Starmer, is a
worthy ambition (“Fighting crime is
my life’s work, Starmer to declare”,
news, Mar 23). The first step in
Starmer’s project has to be a
generously funded programme of
action that rigorously tests alternative
approaches to achieving these ends.
A new Labour manifesto should then
offer a detailed plan and costings for a
project with the potential to
transform community safety and the
party’s own election prospects.
Philip Priestley
West Horrington, Somerset
Sir, Should Sir Keir Starmer pledge to
double the rate of capital gains tax,
two outcomes can be predicted
(“Starmer paid a higher rate of tax
than Sunak”, Mar 24). Next year, for
fear of a Labour government,
everyone sitting on capital gains not
yet realised would cash them in,
thereby hugely increasing that year’s
tax take. The following year, should
Labour win, capital gains tax would
provide negligible amounts of money.
Social justice might have been served,
but not the Treasury.
David Elstein
London SW15
the chaos an inspection makes. More
good teachers and heads have been
hounded from their schools than bad
schools improved.
Sue Thompson
Aldeburgh, Suffolk
Sir, I worked in a junior school for
more than 20 years and my lasting
memory of Ofsted is an inspector
doing a roll call of staff on the first
morning of inspection, calling out
surnames only. It felt intimidating
and threatening: there was no attempt
at amiability. It is an unnerving and
stressful experience for teachers, not
helped by a bombastic attitude.
Lorna Wallace
Roker, Tyne & Wear
Mediation reform
Sir, In my time as a family magistrate
I saw numerous cases where families
had avoided using mediation services
because of allegations of violence or
domestic abuse (“Feuding parents
must solve child rows out of court”,
Mar 23). In many cases it was clear
that one party to the proceedings
wanted their “day in court”. I hope
that the proposed reform is
why proceedings had not been taken
before. Superintendent Francis
Mackay stated that when he raided
the house just before midnight on
Saturday the door was opened by the
Prisoner. He found a number of
letters from men making
appointments, and a long list of
women’s names, with their telephone
numbers. In all there were forty
names. The house was remarkably
clean and well furnished, and there
were fires in every room. The
prisoner lived there with her husband,
who was an invalid. The witness also
found a black book showing that £189
had been paid in since Christmas.
In reply to the Magistrate, Supt
Mackay said the house had been
under police observation for some
years, and recently the complaints
about it had become more numerous.
They were not prostitutes who went
there in every instance. There were
certain people of well-to-do position
in life in some instances, and the
Letters to the Editor should be sent to
letters@thetimes.co.uk or by post to
1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF
Sir, Further to Patrick Maguire’s
article “Starmer is still vulnerable to a
Corbynite comeback” (Mar 20), many
years ago Militant Tendency tried to
become the government of the UK by
infiltrating the Labour Party, knowing
that, alone, it would barely win a
single parliamentary seat. Then came
Momentum, some of whom had been
members of Militant Tendency and
sought to attain power by infiltrating
Labour. After Jeremy Corbyn’s
disastrous — for Labour — defeat in
the 2019 general election and his
replacement by Sir Keir Starmer, the
extremists did not disappear but went
to ground to await yet another
opportunity to seize power without
having been elected.
Starmer should not think that by
his expulsion of Corbyn he will not be
challenged and even overthrown by
yet another iteration of the extreme
left wing. Militant Tendency and
Momentum sympathisers, all
left-wing extremists, are simply
waiting for their chance. With Corbyn
still in the Commons, Starmer should
consider how quickly and easily he
will be deposed if Labour wins the
next general election.
Geoffrey Bernstein
Harrow
successful, as it is better for all parties
and for the children if parents can
reach an agreement through
mediation, but I would not expect
these changes to have the dramatic
impact on cases going to court that
has been suggested in the review.
John Berry, JP
Ret’d family magistrate,
Countesthorpe, Leics
Effects of inflation
Sir, Juliet Samuel argues that higher
rates of inflation caused by wage
increases may be good as this could
force companies to introduce labour-
saving technology, which would bring
in greater efficiency and would in
turn make the workforce switch
careers to jobs that cannot be
performed by robots (“Now is the
time to change our economic model”,
Mar 16). This view assumes that
people have the skills for another
kind of work or the desire to change
their profession. Furthermore,
wage-induced inflation would bring
about higher taxes, which everyone
would be forced to pay.
John Dust
London N1
prisoner was evidently their agent.
Some of the many women
mentioned in the list referred to
lived a considerable distance in the
country, and came to the house at
the prisoner’s request. Mr Freke-
Palmer said the solicitors to the
landlords of the house were
horrified when they heard what was
taking place. Mr Cancellor said he
had no doubt the house had been
carried on by the prisoner, at very
considerable profit, as an agency of
the very worst description. A fine in
such a case would be no
punishment. He therefore sentenced
her to six weeks’ imprisonment, and
ordered her to pay 10 guineas costs.
The Magistrate also directed, at the
request of Supt Mackay, that the
letters found in the house should be
destroyed, to prevent their getting
into the hands of anyone.
thetimes.co.uk/archive
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
BBC Singers spared
Sir, I am delighted that the BBC has
paused its decision to abolish the BBC
Singers (“Reprieve for BBC Singers as
plan to scrap choir is shelved”, Mar
24). However, the change of heart
appears to have been prompted by the
prospect of “alternative funding”
rather than being a judicious response
to professional and public pressure or
an admission of ineptitude. It is
puzzling that this creaking institution
fails to recognise that it does not need
alternative funding for the Singers, or
the arts in general, just to spend less
on inflated salaries for inflated egos.
Rachael Webb
Alto, Stewkley Singers; Littlecote, Bucks
Musicals’ ubiquity
Sir, In my original Spectator diary I
did not dispute the quality of musicals
(“Musicals ‘strangling’ the West End”,
Mar 23; letter, Mar 24). Guys and Dolls
is a blazing masterpiece, and Hamilton
is a cracker. I questioned their
ubiquity. Commercial theatre makes
most impact when it offers a rich mix
of the spoken and the sung. Since
Covid, the balance is skewed.
Sir David Hare
London NW3
Operatic omission
Sir, You say (“The hot list”, Times2,
Mar 24) that English National Opera’s
staging of Korngold’s opera The Dead
City is “only the second in the UK
after Covent Garden’s 2009
production”. Not so — it was staged at
Longborough Festival Opera in 2022
by Carmen Jakobi.
David Woodhead
Leatherhead, Surrey
Idle thoughts
Sir, I was amused by Max Hastings’s
remarks about the cost of energy in
Malaysia (Notebook, Mar 24). Last
July in Sarawak we were bemused by
the cost of fuel there: filling my car in
the UK was £107 compared with £24
in Malaysia. No wonder my sister-in-
law had no qualms about leaving the
car engine running while she shopped
and left us in the car.
Ian Proud
London W5
Vintage laptop fix
Sir, I am sorry that Janice Turner had
to buy a new MacBook when her
battery failed (Notebook, Mar 23). I
had the same trouble but my six-year-
old MacBook was described by Apple
staff as “vintage”. However, I sourced
a battery from the internet and
changed it myself — it took all of ten
minutes, though “conditioning” the
battery took an hour or two. It has
greatly extended the life of my laptop.
Colin Haines
Swindon
Tunnel of love
Sir, Chris O’Flaherty (letter, Mar 24)
writes of his being fined for not paying
the congestion charge in London, of
which he was unaware. Several years
ago I used the Dartford tunnel for the
first time and received a letter
advising me that there was a charge
for using it but that as I had not been
observed ever before on their system I
would receive no fine — but I would
next time. This seemed a very
satisfactory way of dealing with me.
Roger Foord
Chorleywood, Herts
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Daily Universal Register
UK: Scotland v Cyprus, European
Championship football qualifier, 2pm.
World: JRR Tolkien Reading Day.
Birthdays today
Gloria Steinem, pictured,
feminist writer and
activist, 89; Naftali
Bennett, prime minister
of Israel (2021-22), 51; Sir
Humphrey Burton, the
BBC’s first head of music
and arts (1965-67), 92;
Jung Chang, writer, Wild Swans (1991), 71;
Natalie Clein, cellist, 46; Marcia Cross,
actress, Desperate Housewives (2004-12), 61;
Stephen Dorrell, Conservative MP (1979-
2015), health secretary (1995-97), 71; Thierry
Garnier, chief executive, Kingfisher retail
group, 57; Paul Michael Glaser, actor,
Starsky and Hutch (1975-79), 80; Demna
Gvasalia, fashion designer, creative director,
Balenciaga, 42; Air Marshal Sir Chris
Harper, director-general, Nato international
military staff (2013-16), 66; John Jeffrey,
rugby union player, Scotland, chairman,
Scottish Rugby Board, 64; Sir Elton John,
pop star, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart (1976)
76; Wladimir Klitschko, boxer, 47; Jim
Lovell, astronaut, commander of the Apollo
13 mission (1970), 95; Prof Jonathan Michie,
economist, president, Kellogg College,
University of Oxford, 66; Yasmine Naghdi,
ballerina, a principal of The Royal Ballet, 31;
Richard O’Brien, actor and writer, Rocky
Horror Show (1973), 81; Sarah Jessica Parker,
actress, Sex and the City (1998-2004), 58;
Dame Glenys Stacey, chairwoman, Office
for Environmental Protection, 69.
Birthdays tomorrow
Lord (William) Hague
of Richmond, pictured,
leader of the
Conservative Party
(1997-2001), 62; Norman
Ackroyd, painter and
etcher, 85; Fiona Bruce,
Conservative MP for
Congleton, 66; Rev Richard Coles, parish
priest, musician, the Communards (1984-88),
Don’t Leave Me This Way (1986), 61; Richard
Dawkins, evolutionary biologist, author, The
God Delusion (2006), 82; Dame Vivien
Duffield, philanthropist, chairwoman, Clore
Duffield Foundation, 77; Lilian Greenwood,
Labour MP for Nottingham South,
opposition deputy chief whip, 57; Jennifer
Grey, actress, Dirty Dancing (1987), 63; Erica
Jong, writer, Fear of Flying (1973), 81; Keira
Knightley, actress, the Pirates of the
Caribbean film series (2003-17), 38; Sir
Anthony Leggett, theoretical physicist and
Nobel laureate, 85; Martin McDonagh,
playwright, screenwriter and director, The
Banshees of Inisherin (2022), 53; Dame Maria
Miller, Conservative MP for Basingstoke,
minister for women and equalities (2012-14),
59; Rt Rev Dame Sarah Mullally, bishop of
London, 61; Larry Page, co-founder (1998),
Google, 50; Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the US
House of Representatives (2007-11, 2019-Jan
2023), 83; Diana Ross, singer and actress,
the Supremes, 79; Admiral Sir Mark
Stanhope, first sea lord and chief of naval
staff (2009-13), 71; Steven Tyler, singer,
Aerosmith, Walk This Way (1975), 75; Bob
Woodward, writer and journalist, 80.
On this day
In 1807 the Abolition of the Slave Trade Act
received royal assent.
The last word
“Many that live deserve death. And some that
die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then
do not be too eager to deal out death in
judgement. For even the very wise cannot see
all ends.” Gandalf in JRR Tolkien’s The Lord
of the Rings (1954)
Postponing the King’s state visit to France amid protests against its government is
sensible, yet President Macron should persist with unpopular welfare reforms
On the death of Queen Elizabeth last year,
President Macron of France gave a message to this
country: “To you, she was your Queen. To us, she
was The Queen.” The tribute was accurate as well
as gracious, for the late Queen had deep bonds
with France and enjoyed immense admiration
from its people. Paris was a natural destination for
the King to make his first state visit as monarch.
Yet in a decision taken by the French government
yesterday, the planned visit, scheduled to begin on
Sunday, was postponed amid protests against
Mr Macron’s government.
The postponement will be a keen disappoint-
ment to the King. More especially it is a severe
blow to the authority of Mr Macron, as an
acknowledgment of widespread disaffection with
his policies and a consequent threat to public
order. It is a sensible decision, however. Its political
costs should not dissuade the French president
from persisting with his signature policy of re-
forming the sclerotic system of welfare provision
by raising the state retirement age from 62 to 64.
France has a long tradition of street protest,
much of which is entirely in accord with demo-
cratic politics and the rights of free assembly. But
not all. Among the greatest of its postwar crises
were the student protests of May 1968, when
A four-day strike by junior doctors will harm patients and alienate the public
The position of hospital doctor carries with it
great public respect. This stems from the
perception that medicine is a noble calling rather
than a career, in which the care of the sick is
paramount. But with this deserved esteem comes
the responsibility not to abuse the power implicit
in the job. A strike in most sectors causes
inconvenience; a strike by doctors causes harm.
Yet the four-day walk-out threatened by the
British Medical Association over a 35 per cent pay
claim is deliberately designed to damage a
National Health Service still hobbled by the
pandemic. According to the BMA itself, there are
7.2 million people awaiting treatment, almost
400,000 of them for over a year. Heedless of the
suffering this will cause, the doctor’s union is esca-
lating its dispute with the government by mount-
ing what is effectively a week-long strike with no
emergency cover. It will begin straight after the
reduced service of the Easter bank holiday.
In calling this strike, the most serious action to
hit the NHS in recent history, the leaders of the
BMA are leading their members down a blind
alley in pursuit of a wholly unrealistic claim.
The corporation is correct to reprieve its beloved BBC Singers
Bowing to pressure, much of it exerted via the
columns of this newspaper, executives have said
that BBC Singers, the only professional chamber
choir in the UK, will now not be disbanded in July,
as per a tone-deaf decision announced earlier this
month. This volte-face is a victory for common
sense, consequential culture and tradition. It is
also a victory for a lobbying campaign that swiftly
mobilised a 140,000-name petition, 200 choirs
and assorted maestros and maestras in opposition
to the closure. Judicious hints from leading
musicians about a potential boycott of this
summer’s Proms also played a part. Bravissimo!
Royal Retreat
clashes in the capital and a general strike elicited
real fears of revolution. The protests against
Mr Macron’s policies show signs of a descent into
anarchy. Rubbish lies uncollected in the streets,
and among hundreds of acts of arson nationwide
on Thursday night, following huge demonstra-
tions, the town hall in Bordeaux was set ablaze.
This is hooliganism, which any responsible
government has a duty to suppress and punish.
Were the state visit to have gone ahead, it would
have not only posed problems of security but also
risked the King becoming a focus of the protesters.
Whereas France’s head of state is directly elected,
Britain’s stands apart from politics. It is right to
postpone the visit to less turbulent times, when the
longstanding links between the two countries’
peoples are not obscured by partisan controversy.
From the standpoint of Mr Macron, even so,
there is danger in acceding to the protesters’
demands. It often happens that a French president
trims policies at early signs of dissent, even on
quite obscure issues. Mr Macron has not so far
weakened on the pensions issue, nor should he.
But he faces such hostility to his proposals that this
week he resorted to forcing the necessary legis-
lation through parliament without a regular vote.
The legislation will raise the state retirement
Wrong Medicine
Withdrawal of emergency cover could harm
patients, alienating them and their relatives, and
taint the reputation of the whole profession.
The April strike compounds the damage done in
this month’s three-day stoppage, which resulted in
175,000 operations and outpatient appointments
being rescheduled. The effects may be consider-
ably worse because of demand piling up over the
bank holiday. There may also be fewer consultants
to cover for striking colleagues due to leave they
accrued during the March strike.
There is no point in the BMA claiming, as it did
during the 2016 strikes by junior doctors, that this
dispute is as much about protecting patient care as
it is about pay and conditions. It is clear that the
proposed strike is nothing less than a “shock and
awe” tactic designed to extract a favourable
settlement. This hardline approach is being driven
by members of a left-wing caucus on the BMA’s
junior doctor committee elected last year.
Just when it looked like public sector unrest over
pay was receding, with settlements for nurses and
rail workers in the pipeline, the union has escalat-
ed a dispute that cannot possibly be settled on
Tuning In
Now for the encore. Shelving the planned cut is
not the same as scrapping it. The BBC has to make
economies following the freeze on the licence fee,
but axing one of its leading soft power brands to
save an estimated £1.5 million is not the way
forward. The corporation is one of the leading
patrons of the arts in the UK. For some time, it has
allowed the opinion to form that it is no longer
committed to supporting classical music and
regards the genre as elitist and old fashioned.
Even if that were true, there should always be a
place for old-fashioned elitism and excellence in
national cultural life.
31
Leading articles
age to 64 by 2030 and increase the qualifying
period for a full state pension to 43 years of contri-
butions. To British eyes, it may seem curious
that so moderate a measure has provoked such
turmoil, for the state retirement age in this coun-
try is currently 66 and will rise to 67 by 2028. A
further increase to 68 is scheduled for the 2040s.
There is nothing wrong in preferring collective-
ly to trade off household incomes for more leisure
time. That is a democratic choice and France’s
performance in labour productivity is far from
laggardly. But welfare must be financed somehow.
Government spending in France amounted to
59 per cent of GDP in 2021, the highest level of any
country in the Organisation for Economic Co-
operation and Development (OECD). Spending
on public pensions amounts to some 14 per cent of
GDP, almost double the OECD average. Like
other advanced industrial economies, France is an
ageing society, with some 14 million pensioners in
a population of 67 million and an increasing
dependency ratio. To ease the burden on the work-
ing age population requires tightening the criteria
for eligibility to the state pension. Mr Macron’s
course is a modest assertion of sound economics.
And in pursuing it in the face of lawless militancy,
he asserts the primacy of democratic politics.
anything like the terms demanded. Junior doctors,
the catch-all label given to hospital doctors below
the level of consultant, have seen real earnings
decline by at least 14 per cent since 2010. Younger
doctors in particular have a strong case for better
treatment and backing for strike action is solid.
Nonetheless, a 35 per cent pay claim is never going
to fly in a time of fiscal restraint. The recent
break-down in talks with the government prior to
the announcement of the April strike was inevit-
able given that this wildly unrealistic claim is being
portrayed as a red line by union negotiators.
Of course, there is a deal to be done to improve
doctors’ conditions. The pending settlement with
the nursing unions shows this. The government
should be imaginative in its approach. Besides im-
proved pay, help could be offered in delaying stu-
dent loan repayments and abolishing professional
fees. And any award should be weighted towards
those in the first two years of the profession who
struggle most. The suspicion must be that ele-
ments in the BMA leadership see this strike as a
political act. Political or not, it is certainly an igno-
ble one that risks tainting the whole profession.
To argue that a younger audience has no time
for the classics is inaccurate and patronising. A
typical Proms crowd contains a range of ages. In
any case, trying to get down with the kids seldom
works as a strategy for anyone, let alone an august,
adult organisation. Jamming a metaphorical base-
ball cap on its head will work no better for Auntie
than an actual one did for William Hague when
he was Conservative leader. The BBC should
announce that its choir is permanently reprieved,
allowing the Singers to celebrate its centenary
next year as the much-treasured institution that
the recent outpouring of support proves it to be.
32 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Write to Feedback by emailing

Comment feedback@thetimes.co.uk or by post to
1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF

In a bid to keep it
about top schools, top companies, top Elder care my heart,” he writes. “I suspect that
visitor sites, a top Spanish chef, top the Northamptonshire cobbler was

J
jobs, top dogs, a top book prize, top udith Hunt writes: “I have being consumed in that region
awards, top Israeli pilots and top noticed several times recently the before Columbus was born. Whether
willow trees. No one wants to read incorrect use of older/oldest, fruit, meat or any old offal that the

brief we just can’t about a mediocre willow tree or run-

of-the-mill chef, so it’s easy to see
why this happens. But we need to be
aware that overuse can dull the effect
of even the handiest superlative.
elder/eldest. In an article about the
royals and Mother’s Day you said
that a photograph showed ‘Kate
holding her youngest son’. Louis is
not her youngest son. He is her
medieval housewife could find at
Waitrose, she would simply boil it up
to make it semi-palatable, then
prepare a dough, similar to but
coarser than the dumpling mix we

snub the hit words There are some words which,

rude to them, physically or verbally.
Rose While it sounds in this case as if the
Wild rest of the GB team might have felt
Feedback disappointed, there was no
suggestion in the story of any
malign intent on Raducanu’s part.
“Snub” is one of a special category
@timesfeedback of word that crops up in headlines
far more readily and with a more
however admirable for their brevity,
are best treated with caution. We all
know what politicians’ promises can
come to, so it’s a pity to devalue
“vow” by using it whenever someone
floats a crowd-pleasing policy they
haven’t a cat’s chance of fulfilling.
And there are headline clichés
to be avoided. We’ve tried to
dispense with “slam” since we had
a complaint about a headline in
which a judge slammed something
or other and we found, from a
younger son or her youngest child.
In these days of text speak it is so
important for the written press to
get these things right.”
Oh dear, how true. The style guide
has clear advice on comparatives —
“use correctly to indicate the
numbers involved: older or elder (of
two), oldest or eldest (of three or
more); similarly younger, youngest
etc” — but we still struggle.
Judith Korn wrote from Aylesbury
after another recent offence: “I’ve
lost count of the number of times
use nowadays, and put lumps of it
on top of the chosen filling. As it
cooks, the dumpling mix swells and
forms a complete or near-complete
topping to the pie. Easy peasy.
Legend has it that the finished
article resembled a cobbled street,
but marginally tastier.”
We reported last week that
“growing scientific knowledge”
about octopus intelligence is raising
welfare concerns about plans for a
huge farm in the Canary Islands.
Tom Geddes wrote to suggest that

W
e reported last versatile meaning than in normal search of our pages, that judges your writers use the superlative we could have done with some of
Saturday that Emma speech. A print headline has to were quite disproportionately prone incorrectly. One common solecism that scientific knowledge ourselves.
Raducanu will not be encapsulate complicated information to slamming — whether delays, is when they refer to the elder of “You say the Spanish are planning to
turning out to play in a minimal space in a way that will verdicts, sentences, all sorts. The their two children as ‘my eldest’.” breed a million octopus to produce
for Great Britain in a intrigue, inform and sometimes even complainer’s suggestion that we use She ended her email: “I fear we calamari. That would be a miracle:
tennis tournament starting next entertain. In digital headlines, space “strongly criticised” instead was a bit are witnessing the slow death of calamari are squid.”
month. The headline to the story — is not such an issue and the choice of optimistic in relation to the available the comparative.” Not without a
“Raducanu snubs GB team again” — words is influenced by their appeal to space, but he meant well. fight, I promise. Present tension

I
netted a riposte from David search engines. In print, brevity is We do try not to use words that mogen Thomas got in touch from
Cordiner. “I dislike the habit, when the challenge. For all we know, would be more comfortable in the Cobble trouble Saffron Walden: “I was interested

someone passes up an opportunity,
of calling it a ‘snub’ in the headline.
To me, it’s only a snub if it was
intended as an insult.”
Strictly speaking, he’s right. As
Collins’ dictionary puts it, if you snub
someone you deliberately insult
them by ignoring them or by being
seasoned headline writers probably
dream in three and four-letter words.
Popular in this field are “top”, “bid”
(for attempt), “quit”, “row” (clash or
dispute), “hit” (adversely affect),
“risk” and “axe” — all useful as long
as they are not overworked. In the
past week or so we’ve had headlines
red tops, but you can see why our
subs might envy “hike”, for example,
or “probe”. Both are hideous but
probe is a more forgiving length than
“inquiry” or “investigation”. Hike
obviously beats “increase”, but there
is always “rise”. Not so exciting,
perhaps, but it does the job.
I’
m not sure if Warren Page of
Purley on Thames is cross with
me or with the OED, whose
definition of “cobbler” as some sort
of American pie (no sniggers at the
back, please) I quoted last week.
“To give the United States the
kudos for the humble cobbler breaks
to see in an item in today’s Times
that two thirds of people questioned
about Mother’s Day said that they
‘would send their mother a card
and half a present’.”
Some of us might feel, no names
and no pack drill, that half a present
would have been better than none.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
D Windsor lose,
early beloved, we are
gathered here today to
remember, reflect and
celebrate. We commit this
Brexit debate to the
ground, earth to earth, Bill Cashes to
Cashes, Truss to Truss; in sure and
certain expectation of the resurrection
of it at some point but, dear God, let
it be not soon. No flowers, please. It’s
really difficult to import them from
Holland now, anyway.
We gather more in anger than
sorrow, that such a long existence
should be snuffed out on a quiet
Wednesday afternoon. Sent to meet
its maker, who ruffled his recently
cropped hair and wondered, surely, if
it had all been worth it: Boris
Johnson, no doubt disappointed not
to have cake at the wake, but
determined to say a few words by way
of goodbye, regardless of whether it
was appropriate, or even legal.
Only clay is Essex for this gladiatorial duo
New tests on the Colchester Vase offer the first proof that the Fight of the Century took place on Roman British soil
Ben
Macintyre
@benmacintyre1
I
n AD175, or thereabouts, two
gladiators squared off for an epic
bout of hand-to-hand combat.
Both fighters were Roman slaves,
one white and one black. One
was a retiarius or net man equipped
with a sharp trident; the other a
secutor or chaser, more heavily
armed and armoured. The first was
agile, trained to stab, duck and
weave; the other was slower, but
skilled in the cut and thrust of
close-quarters combat.
Their names were Memnon and
Valentinus and they were the
sporting celebrities of their day:
this was the Muhammad Ali v
Joe Frazier of an earlier age, the
Fight of the Century, with the
difference that the loser had every
chance of being decapitated.
However, the most extraordinary
aspect of this lethal contest is the
newly discovered scientific proof that
it took place in Britain, probably in
an amphitheatre in Essex, the first
and only confirmed gladiatorial
battle in this country.
The fight is depicted on the
Colchester Vase, a nine-inch Roman
pot discovered in 1853 containing
cremated remains. It was always
assumed the vase must be an import,
a memento brought to this country
by a rich Roman to remind him of
home. Gladiator combat was all the
rage in ancient Rome,
but archaeologists
believed the brutal
spectator sport
never reached the
cold outer edges of
Roman rule such
as Britain.
Science has now
proved that
assumption wrong.
Isotopic analysis of
the vase shows it
was made of clay
from the Colchester
area and fired in a nearby
kiln by a master potter.
In the end, just 21 of his nearest and
dearest joined him to vote against the
Windsorsome Losersome framework.
The list of mourners, who would have
done anything to keep the Brexit
debate alive, reads like whatever is
the opposite of a fantasy dinner party:
Mark Francois, Jacob Rees-Mogg,
John Redwood, Priti Patel — not so
much the walking dead as a lottery-
funded production of The Addams
Family touring schools with a subtext
about the dangers of taking drugs.
What is so pathetic, in the purest
sense of the word, is that this is the
paltry group of pallbearers —
Johnson, Truss et al — who, having
dug a grave for the rest of us, just
want to keep on digging.
Lest we forget, also attending the
reading of the last rites were the
Northern Irish cousins, the nine
members of the doleful DUP realising
they no longer hold the balance of
Russell Crowe embodies our modern obsession with gladiators; the Colchester Vase, below, shows our ancestors were keen too
Moreover, the inscription on the pot
was scratched on before it was fired,
indicating that this object was no
generic souvenir but a keepsake,
commissioned at the time to
commemorate a specific public
event. This makes the Colchester
Vase the oldest item
of British sporting memorabilia
ever discovered.
The Roman public were obsessed
by the spectacle of men
fighting to the death,
and so are we, two
millennia later. A
sequel to Gladiator
(2000), the hugely
popular film in
which Russell
Crowe plays the
Roman general-
turned-fighter
Maximus Decimus
Meridius, is due for
release next year. Two
more gladiator films are in
Hollywood development.
The inhabitants of Provincia
be glad the
sorry saga is
laid to rest.
Surely it was
worth it . . ?
Matt Chorley
Listen to Matt Chorley
every Monday to Friday,
10am to 1pm
Britannia, it seems, shared that
fascination, because the Colchester
Vase is the Roman equivalent of a
sporting highlights reel, showing the
build-up to the main event,
maintaining suspense, building up
the combatants as contrasting
adversaries, and even leaving the
final result in the balance. Roman
Britons loved exactly what we like in
sports, albeit with more bloodshed: a
pre-match warm-up, an epic clash,
musical accompaniment and a
souvenir to take home afterwards.
The vase depicts a full day at
the amphitheatre. Colchester
(Camulodunum) was the first
Roman city in Britain, with two
known theatres. Although no
amphitheatre has been discovered,
the city surely had one.
The vase depicts three distinct
scenes: in the first, a pair of dogs
chase deer and a hare. The second
section shows two men, their names
inscribed as Secundus and Mario,
baiting a bear. These are the opening
acts: animals fighting animals, and
power, still slightly confused to
discover we are not in 2018 any more.
But then they are also quite confused
that we are not in 1690 any more.
Of course, there are those on the
other side of the family who thought
the Brexit debate would live for ever.
Like that top-hatted tosspot Steve
“Stop Brexit” Bray, standing just
outside the church blaring out the
Benny Hill theme for the
umpteenth time, every last drop
of wit long since wrung from
the husk of what began as an
unfunny joke. It’s over, Steve.
It had a good run, though.
Almost seven years is not a
bad innings — longer if you
count the early business
with the bus. Seven tedious,
contradictory, hateful, ill-
informed, unproductive,
disingenuous, distracting
years. Tell me we had some
man fighting animals. The grand
finale is man fighting man.
Memnon, the chaser, was probably
from north Africa. Gladiators were
usually criminals, slaves or prisoners
of war, and fought under
pseudonyms. Memnon’s was clearly
inspired by the mythical king of the
Ethiopians in Homer’s Troy, a
warrior of renown almost equal to
Achilles, who eventually kills him.
The Ethiopian king is frequently
identified in Roman literature by
the colour of his skin.
According to the inscription, the
gladiator Memnon has been
victorious nine times: he is the
reigning champion. His rival is
identified as “Valentinus of the
Thirtieth Legion”. This appears to be
a reference to Trajan’s Victorious
Thirtieth, the legion then based in
Germania Inferior, now North
Rhine-Westphalia. Valentinus may
have been a captive from one of the
Germanic tribes.
Then, as now, sports promoters
dealt in contrasts: this was
33
Comment
fun back there: the TV gazebos in the
sunshine, the Malthouse
compromise, the backstop, Norway
Plus, the People’s Vote, the protocol,
the prorogation, strong and stable,
France being closer than we thought,
bung a bob for a Big Ben bong. They
were great days. Weren’t they?
As we join Rishi Sunak in tossing
handfuls of soil upon the brass
nameplate just to make sure it is well
and truly dead and buried, we
mournfully reflect upon how little we
have achieved, that we are back where
we thought we were in 2016: outside
the EU, with a less good deal than
before, back to the square before
square one. So now all we can do is
raise a glass (remember, “British ale is
warm, but the duty on a pint is frozen”
thanks to Jeremy Hunt’s hilarious
Brexit pubs guarantee) and toast the
fact that the whole sorry, pointless
saga has now been, finally, laid to rest.
apparently billed as a clash between
a black champion from one part of
the empire, and his white rival from
another; African versus Germanic.
Memnon has won. He stands with
sword poised over the net man
Valentinus, who has lost his trident
and raises his index finger in defeat,
the signal known as ad digitum.
The human remains inside the pot
have been subjected to osteological
analysis and found to be those of a
“non-local” male of “potentially
European origin”, aged over 40. Was
this the promoter of the event, the
gladiators’ trainer, or a spectator who
wanted to be laid to rest inside his
favourite sporting memento? Or is it
one of the gladiators?
That is the final mystery of the
Colchester Vase. What happened to
the vanquished Valentinus? A
successful fighter might be rewarded
with his freedom, symbolised by the
presentation of a wooden sword, or
rudis. But contrary to myth, defeated
gladiators were seldom killed off
Discovery makes it the
oldest item of British
sporting memorabilia
after a fight. As highly trained
athletes and sporting celebrities, they
were too valuable to be dispensed
with on a whim. Gladiators were big
business. The fighters were
professionals, who fought according
to rules enforced by referees.
The fate of the defeated fighter
depended on the presiding official;
he usually took his cue from the
crowd, which might bay for blood, or
demand mercy if a gladiator had
fought bravely. Some bouts were
fought to the death “without
reprieve” but the practice of
missio, sparing a beaten gladiator’s
life, was common.
The Colchester Vase ends on a
cliffhanger. The referee’s decision has
not yet been made. Like many
modern umpires, he may have been
swayed by the British crowd yelling
from the stands. This is one of the
great unfinished sporting events in
history, truly a knife-edge finish: did
Valentinus of the Thirtieth Legion
live to fight another day? Or did he
lose his head, and end up in the pot?
34
Comment
weekend essay
Britain’s diet
is more deadly
than Covid
Our food system is creating a huge health crisis yet politicians are too worried
about nanny-statism and too in thrall to business to act, says Henry Dimbleby
W
hat do you think is the biggest cause
of avoidable illness and death in this
country? Smoking? Drinking? Drugs?
Wrong on every count. The thing that
is most likely to kill you before your
time is the very thing you need to stay alive: food.
Not all food, of course. Not the kind that, even now,
springs to mind when we imagine sitting down to eat:
something freshly made, from recognisable
ingredients, in a kitchen, by a human. But most of
the food eaten in this country is nothing like that.
Ultra-processed food — meaning a packaged product,
generally high in calories and low in nutrients,
containing unfamiliar ingredients that have been
through multiple stages of industrial processing —
makes up 57 per cent of the British diet. We eat more
of this stuff than any other European nation.
More than 80 per cent of the processed food sold in
the UK is so unhealthy that, under World Health
Organisation guidelines, it is considered unsafe for
marketing to children. It doesn’t do adults any good,
either. Our diet of cheap, sugary, fatty food is making
us pile on the pounds. Sixty per cent of adults in this
country are overweight or obese, and by 2060 that
proportion is expected to reach 80 per cent.
The side-effects of obesity include depression,
anxiety, infertility, high blood pressure, painful joints,
breathlessness and broken sleep. That is before we
even get to the big ones: cancer, dementia, heart
failure and type 2 diabetes, which has its own
attendant risks of blindness, peripheral neuropathy
and limb amputation. By 2035 the NHS is expected
to spend more on treating type 2 diabetes — just one
of the multitude of illnesses caused by bad diet —
than it does on all cancers today. Already, the
Organisation for Economic Co-operation and
Development estimates that the UK economy loses
£74 billion a year in reduced workforce productivity,
Highly processed and calorific foods such as crisps dominate the supermarket aisles
by
shortened lives and NHS costs because of conditions
related to a high BMI.
It is extraordinary that there is not a public uproar
about this. Imagine if a novel virus started killing and
disabling people on such a scale, and with no end in
sight. You don’t have to imagine it: we know how far
politicians and the public will go to combat such a
threat. Unlike Covid, however, the plague of diet-
related disease has crept up on us stealthily, under the
seductive guise of “choice”. Our food system has slid
into dysfunction, taking our bodies with it. This
change has been sufficiently gradual to lull us into a
kind of helpless submission. No matter how bad the
headlines, the British public (and political class) can’t
seem to muster an appropriate level of fear. Instead,
we recoil instinctively into what we believe to be
“common-sense” solutions. Too often, those solutions
are not just wrong but counterproductive.
Between 1996 and 2020 successive governments
introduced 689 different policies intended to halt our
national weight gain. Yet we keep getting fatter and
sicker. This is because such policies nearly always
come at the problem from the wrong angle. They start
from the assumption — shared by most in this country
— that dietary ill health is chiefly an issue of personal
responsibility; that the answer must be to educate the
masses in healthy eating, encourage us to exercise and
leave the rest to individual willpower. This feels like
common sense. We know our bodies grow or shrink
depending on what we put into them and feel a rush of
impatience at the idea of blaming “the system” for our
expanding waistlines. Surely it is up to each of us to
take responsibility for what we eat?
This line of thought fails to address the sheer scale
of the problem. In 1950 under 1 per cent of the UK
population was clinically obese. Today, the figure is
28 per cent. Are we to believe that, in the intervening
years, the population has suffered a massive collapse
of willpower? Of course not. Humans have not
changed. The food system has.
Many people find it hard to imagine that a food
“system” really exists, let alone that it could be shaping
their behaviour. The purpose of my new book,
Ravenous, is to lift the lid on that system, to show how
the vast, complex, strangely invisible machinery that
feeds us actually works, and what it is doing to us and
our planet. Seventy years ago it was widely assumed
the world was on the brink of running out of food. The
global population was rising fast — projected to
increase from 2.5 billion to nine billion over the
coming century. How could all these people be fed?
The so-called Green Revolution saved the day.
Scientists developed new, higher-yielding crop breeds.
By combining these with artificial fertiliser, pesticides,
herbicides and high-tech machinery, farmers could
generate much bigger harvests. As expected, the global
population boomed. There are eight billion people on
the planet today yet the threat of mass starvation has
receded. Globally, we produce around 50 per cent
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
£3.9bn
Value of the
confectionery
market in the UK
per year
28%
of the population
is clinically obese
(1% were in 1950)
more calories per head than we need. (Much more if
you include the crops we feed to livestock to get meat.)
Now that revolution’s side-effects are beginning to
kill us. The environmental costs of the modern
industrial food system are staggering. It is the number
one cause of global deforestation, drought, freshwater
pollution, soil degradation and biodiversity collapse.
After the energy industry it is the biggest cause of
climate change, responsible for 25 to 30 per cent of
global greenhouse gas emissions. All this, in turn, poses
a grave threat to the food system. Unpredictable
weather events, poor soil, the decline in pollinating
insects, drought, floods, rising sea levels: these are by
far the biggest dangers to our food security (bigger even
than President Putin’s war in Ukraine). Climate change
is already affecting agricultural yields. The parched
summer last year produced dismal harvests in Europe.
In Italy the worst drought for 70 years led to a drop of
about 45 per cent in corn and animal feed crops. In
France maize crops were 28 per cent below forecasts.
M
ore recently we’ve seen how a freak cold
snap in Spain and Morocco led to
vegetable shortages here, exacerbated by
a peculiarity of our local food system. UK
supermarkets buy most of their produce
on fixed-price contracts in order to offer cheap
products at stable prices to consumers. They are
reluctant to pay more for produce, even when it is in
short supply. In continental Europe supermarkets
responded to the shortages by paying over the odds to
wholesalers, outbidding UK retailers. This meant
passing on higher prices to their consumers, which in
turn reduced demand — but their shelves were full. I
was sent a photo of shrink-wrapped cucumbers,
packaged and labelled for a UK supermarket, for sale
the
th
he times | Saturday March 25 2023
in a market on the Costa Brava. The producer had
simply followed the money.
However, the fundamental threat to our food
security is environmental. Our rapacious food system
is destroying the ecosystem upon which it depends.
And then there is the damage being done to our
bodies. Biologically, we are hunter-gatherers. If you
have to search for everything you eat, it makes sense
to look for things that give you more calories than you
expend. When we eat honey, for example, our taste
buds respond with intense pleasure: a natural feedback
mechanism to reward us for finding such a bountiful
source of energy. The same is true of chocolate
ice cream. It contains six times as many
calories as broccoli and our appetite
it is correspondingly powerful.
petite for
This craving is strongest when n
fat and sugar are combined in a
ratio of 1:2, the ratio in breast
milk. Food manufacturers use
this formula in products such
as ice cream, milk chocolate
and biscuits, knowing we find
it irresistible. Even allegedly
savoury products such as
ready meals are often doused
with sugar and oil to give them
a “moreish”’ flavour. Processed
food tends to be low in water and nd
insoluble fibre. This is known to o
slow down the body’s “satiety”
signals, the feeling of fullness, so
o we eat
more of it. Because each mouthful hful is more
of processed foods sold
in the UK are considered
unsafe for marketing to
children, under WHO
calorific (and less nutritious) than a mouthful of
broccoli the consequences of eating just a little bit
more are greater too.
As well as being easy to sell, this kind of food is
cheap to make. The Green Revolution has created an
abundance of sugar, flour and vegetable oil. So
companies have a financial incentive to develop and
promote foods that chiefly use these ingredients. They
do so not just to capture a bigger slice of the market
but to grow the market itself. Young marketeers are
taught about the “consumption effect”: people who
have more food in their home will eat more of it.
In-store promotions such as the classic “bogof” deal
(buy one, get one free) are explicitly designed to
persuade shoppers to buy more than they intended.
Chocolate has an “expandability” of 93 per cent,
meaning if you run a bogof on chocolate,
customers w
almost tw
will on average consume
twice as much as they would
have w without the promotion.
The average Briton now
Th
consumes five times more crisps
con
than in 1972. We eat 1.5 times
tha
as much breakfast cereal
(which has become far more
(w
sugary). You only have to cast
su
yyour eye around your local
supermarket, where fresh
su
ingredients form a thin
in
coastline around the great
coa
landmass of processed,
land
packaged food, to see how the
pack
consumer landscape has changed.
consum
Confectionery
C onfecti alone — a small
section of ththe processed food market —
iiss worth £3.9 bil
billion. By contrast, the
35
Comment
80% entire fruit and veg market in the UK is worth
£2.2 billion per year.
The bigger the market, the greater the economies
of scale. Highly processed foods are, on average,
three times cheaper per calorie than healthier foods.
guidelines This is one reason why bad diet is a particularly acute
problem among the poorest. How we eat is one of the
clearest markers of inequality. A diet of cheap junk
food has the peculiar quality that it can make you
simultaneously overweight and undernourished.
Children in the poorest areas of England are both
fatter and significantly shorter than those in the
richest areas at ages ten and 11. (The average five-year-
old in the UK is shorter than their peers in nearly all
other high-income countries.) Dietary ill health is a
major reason why, at the height of the pandemic,
people in the most deprived areas were twice as likely
to die from Covid. Even before then, the upward
trajectory of life expectancy in the UK had begun to
slow and, in some areas, go into reverse. Women in
the most deprived 10 per cent of neighbourhoods in
England now die 3.6 months younger than they did in
2010. Their life expectancy is 7.7 years shorter than
that of women in the richest areas. The differential for
men is 9.5 years. For “healthy life expectancy” — the
number of years a person spends in good health —
there is a gap of 19 years between rich and poor.
T
he problems created by our food system are
too enormous and too entrenched to fix
through individual willpower alone.
Government intervention is required. But
politicians are extremely nervous about
interfering in matters as personal as what we eat. They
are easily intimidated by noisy libertarians, within
their own parties and in the media, who punish any
whiff of nanny-statism. And they are susceptible to
scaremongering from industry lobbyists who fight
hard to maintain the multibillion-pound status quo.
Food company bosses have mastered the art of
polite intransigence, making sympathetic noises about
doing the right thing while refusing to do it. Any
politician who attempts to force through change using
legislation will be visited by a stream of hand-wringing
chief executives assuring them, in tone of regretful
pragmatism, that such a law would wipe out their
profits and put an irreparable hole in the economy.
I recently left my role as lead non-executive director
of the Department of Food and Rural Affairs because I
can no longer swallow my frustration. There are so
£2.2bn many things the government could do to shift the food
system on to a better track. (For a full list, please do
read my book.) Far from endangering the economy,
Value of the entire acting now would prevent us sliding further and
fruit and vegetable further into ill health, low productivity, dwindling tax
market per year receipts and a health service so overwhelmed by diet-
related disease that it sucks the national coffers dry.
Instead, we are paralysed by political indecision. No,
worse — we are going backwards. Having promised in
2020 to bring in restrictions on junk-food promotions
“
and advertising to children, the government has now
“delayed” this until the next election. If it can’t even
bring itself to enact this fairly modest — and hugely
Side-effects of popular — policy, what hope is there for wider
systemic change?
obesity include Part of the difficulty is that responsibility for food
depression, policy is spread across multiple, often competing,
government departments. Too often, these
anxiety, departments end up acting as client states for the
industries they represent. It is up to the Treasury,
infertility, high for example, to decide whether food companies
should be taxed on the sugar they put into processed
blood pressure, food. (This was one of the recommendations I made
in the National Food Strategy, an independent report
painful joints, for the government published in 2021.) The
Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport
breathlessness decides whether, and when, the advertising of junk
food to children should be restricted. The Department
and poor sleep for Education decides who is eligible for free school
meals. And the Department of Health and Social
Care is left to clear up the mess.
Bringing together these fiefdoms in order to
force through reform requires strong, consistent
leadership at the top. The political tumult of recent
years has made that impossible. And yet the system
is fixable. In fact, change is inevitable. Sooner or
later, the damage done by our current food system
will become politically and economically
unsustainable. The question is: how much suffering
are we prepared to inflict on ourselves before we
intervene? Do we really want to wait until a crisis
becomes a catastrophe?
Ravenous by Henry Dimbleby (with Jemima Lewis) is
published by Profile Books
36
News
Perfect timing for
searing depiction of
dust bowl despair
Theatre Rachel Halliburton George and Lennie are two of
literature’s most famous nobodies;
characters inspired by real-life
Of Mice and Men migrant workers in California in the
1910s who — through John
Birmingham Rep Steinbeck’s vision — became symbols
HHHHI of the struggle to survive in a
merciless world. When Steinbeck
Wiliam Young Steinbeck’s tale
stars as Lennie of hardship.
and Tom McCall Below: Riad
as George in Richie (Curley)
published the book in recession-
stricken America in 1937, he described
it as “neither a novel nor a play but . . .
a kind of playable novel”, a
deceptively light description for a
tale with the structure and
punch of Greek tragedy.
Iqbal Khan’s powerful,
resonant production appears
at a point when the
vertiginous rise in
inflation — with food
prices that make even
dog food seem like a
caviar-style luxury —
is making us all feel
the punch of
economic downturn. Yet
while Of Mice and Men is at
one level about the dry rasp
of financial impotence, its
power also comes from its
love affair with a
Californian landscape
whose beauty walked hand
in hand with cruelty.
We feel the heat and the
sweat straight away as the
Sikhs top Britain’s list of
religious homeowners
Kaya Burgess
Religious Affairs Correspondent
Sikhs are more likely than any other
religious group to own their home,
according to census data, which has
revealed stark inequalities between
faiths in housing, education and health.
Across England and Wales, an aver-
age of 62.8 per cent of people live in
households that own their own home.
Census figures show that a higher
proportion of Sikhs, at 77.7 per cent,
own their home, compared with 71.2 per
cent of Jews, 67.9 per cent of Hindus and
68.6 per cent of Christians. The figure
drops below average to 56.7 per cent for
Buddhists and below half to 45.6 per
cent for Muslims. Christians were the
most likely group to have paid off their
mortgage and own their home outright.
The data also shows that Muslims are
four times more likely than the overall
population to live in overcrowded
housing. This is defined as a property
that does not have enough bedrooms
for its occupants. The “bedroom stan-
dard” states that adult couples and
single adults should have their own
room and that no more than two people
aged under 20 should share a bedroom.
The census found that of the 3.9 mil-
lion people in Britain who identify as
Muslim, 32.7 per cent live in a home that
qualifies as overcrowded, compared
with 8.4 per cent of the population as a
whole and far more than any other reli-
gious group. Hindus and Sikhs, both at
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
lights go up on Ciarán Bagnall’s
ravishing design, in which a structure
like a receding railroad hangs
ominously over a landscape evoked in
rusts and ochres. Of Mice and Men
was the second book in Steinbeck’s
dust bowl trilogy; while on the page
George and Lennie’s story plays out
against a lush green landscape, this
desert-style aesthetic potently
amplifies their quiet desperation.
Any production of Steinbeck’s
“playable novel” of course depends on
the chemistry between the doggedly
determined George (here played by
Tom McCall) and the childlike Lennie
(Wiliam Young) , who is unable to
love anything without killing it.
Young — who has complex learning
disabilities — quickly establishes
himself as a charismatic, empathetic
presence, heartbreakingly
heightening the tension that this
sometimes brotherly, sometimes
parent-child relationship between the
two is doomed.
Steinbeck’s text has sparked
controversies with accusations of
racism and sexism, and it’s certainly
striking that the real-life Lennie who
inspired Steinbeck ended up killing a
man rather than a sexually
available woman. Khan’s
response is to emphasise that
ultimately this is a work about
loneliness and people building
dreams out of dust. In
consequence Maddy Hill as
Curley’s wife carries a
poignant dignity as — like
the men — she fights for
understanding and
recognition.
A strong supporting
cast includes a scene-
stealing puppet dog, so
twitchy with mange
you can almost feel
the bugs biting.
Elizabeth
Purnell’s
plangent sound design
completes this magnetic
portrait of despair.
Until April 8,
birmingham-rep.co.uk
14.9 per cent, and Buddhists, at 10.9 per
cent, were also above the average, while
Jews and Christians, at 6.7 and 6.2 per
cent, were less likely than the overall
population to live in an overcrowded
property.
Jagdev Singh Virdee, who used to
work for the Office for National Statis-
tics (ONS) and now edits the British
Sikh Report, said a preference for home
ownership was “brought over here
from India”. He added that many Sikh
families came to Britain in the 1950s
and 60s and “will have bought their
own home and passed it on to the next
generation”.
Hindus and Sikhs were least likely to
say they had ill health, with 2.9 per cent
of Hindus and 4 per cent of Sikhs repor-
ting bad or very bad health compared
with 6.2 per cent of Christians and
5.2 per cent of the overall population.
Hindus are most likely to have a
high-level qualification , with 54.8 per
cent of Hindus and 31.6 per cent of
Christians having a degree or higher.
Jesse Ransley, from the ONS, said:
“It’s important to recognise that age
profiles vary among the different
religious affiliation groups in England
and Wales. Those who identified as
Christian, for example, tended to be
older, and those who identified as
Muslim younger.
“But this by no means accounts for all
the differences . . . we see in this
analysis, with some stark inequalities
evident.”
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 37

News

Forget looking cool —

get groovy instead
with a pair of flares

I
f you associate
superflares with
Abba karaoke
sessions, think
again (Hannah
Rogers writes).
Among the style set,
the Seventies staple is
back. It girls are wearing
flares on the red carpet;
fashion editors on the
front row. Gen Z is
sporting them to gain
likes on TikTok, while
designers have given
them a twist, with bell
bottoms being big news
on high-end catwalks
this season.
Forget cool, though.
Fashion’s new flares are
more what you’d call
groovy. They are a bit
disco, a bit hippie — and
possibly more suited to
the dressing-up box.
At Chanel’s latest
Métiers d’art show in
Dakar, flares came in
logo-stamped blue denim
and glitzy blush pink
sequins. In New York last
September, Proenza
Schouler showd Spring
2023 takes in a neon
yellow that were extra
baggy below the knee.
The London Fashion
Week label 16Arlington
— of which Jodie Comer
and Diane Kruger are
fans — stocks £750
sequin flares with floor
sweeping, pooling hems.
Those might not sound
like a practical choice,
but that clearly doesn’t
matter to the selfie
crowd: influencers
paired their extra-long
leather, denim and
glitter-embroidered
flares with blazers,
blouses and leather
jackets on front rows in
Milan and Paris.
Gen Z prefers to wear
them with crop tops
and chunky trainers.
On TikTok, videos
tagged with “flares
outfits” have amassed
65.1 million views. But
grown-up women like
them, too: the actress
Katie Holmes, 44, wore
a pair in zebra print
sequins from Michael
Kors in February, and
Cate Blanchett, 53, chose
a plain black iteration
from the Spanish label
Loewe for a red carpet
appearance this month.
The trend has come to Cate Blanchett
Blanchett,
the high street. Boden’s left, and Katie
high-waist denim Holmes, far right,
superflares are £85; are among
Mango’s come in a floral actresses who
print. At John Lewis, are happy to
online shopping searches turn back the
for flares have increased clock as bell
43 per cent this month. bottoms
Perhaps wait until the make a big
weather improves. They’ll impression again
be hard to pull off at any
time — but impossible
with soggy hems.

‘Cheap labour’ will cost

fishery owner £500,000
Jonathan Ames Legal Editor
Layfields Lakes in the East Anglian
countryside are most anglers’ idea of
heaven on Earth.
The freshwater fishery 12 miles
northeast of Norwich is a haven for
hooking carp, roach and bream.
For one fishing enthusiast, how-
ever, the lakes will for ever be tainted
by an accident that caused him to fall
out with their owner amid allegations
that he was used as “cheap labour”.
Ricki Sartin sued Darren Layfield
after falling from a ladder in 2017
while cutting back a tree. He broke his
hip, wrist and ribs and has been
awarded nearly £500,000 in a
ruling that could result in Layfield
losing his property, which is said to be
worth £2 million.
Sartin’s barrister, David Cunning-
ton, told the High Court in London
that Layfield was uninsured, and that
if he fails to pay, Sartin might be able
to make a claim on the property.
The court was told that the lakes
had been a labour of love for Layfield,
48, who had identified a need for fish-
ing facilities that were accessible to
disabled anglers.
Sartin, 53, said that he had agreed
in 2014 to do odd jobs with other an-
glers after Layfield offered to waive
the annual fishing permit fee in
return. “In essence, the defendant ob-
tained cheap labour from a group of
customers,” Cunnington argued. He
Ricki Sartin, a
keen angler, sued
Darren Layfield,
left, after a fall
noted that Sartin “had no experience
in cutting branches at height with
chainsaws”.
As a result of the fall, Sartin was left
with continuing pain and lost a well
paid job two years later as a manager
at a refuse company.
Cunnington said Layfield was well
aware that the anglers “were not
skilled or experienced workmen”. He
said the owner’s “decision to task an
untrained, inexperienced amateur
with work that required a properly
qualified specialist contractor was in
itself negligent”.
Giving judgment, Judge Margaret
Obi said she had “no hesitation” in
finding that Layfield’s “acts and omis-
sions amount to negligence”. She
noted that Layfield had initially
maintained that Sartin’s own negli-
gence had caused the accident but
the lake owner had not attended the
hearing to argue that case.
The judge awarded Sartin £74,500
in general damages for the injuries
and about £413,000 for financial
losses, including the loss of his job
and pension. She also ordered that
Layfield pay Sartin’s costs, demand-
ing an immediate payment of
£159,000 ahead of an assessment of
the full amount at a later date.
The judge described Layfield’s
defence as “implausible” because it
was based in part on an assertion
that Sartin had himself chosen to cut
the tree and had used a chainsaw
without permission.
There was “no reason” why Sartin
would have acted in that way, said the
judge, who found that Layfield had
instructed him to do the work, but
then denied doing so.
In her ruling, Obi said that by in-
structing Sartin to cut back the tree
when he had had no training, Lay-
field failed to consider the risks and
“made no provision for his health
and safety”. She said that while Lay-
field was operating a commercial
enterprise, he nonetheless “didn’t
exercise any kind of adequate skill or
care in planning how the work would
be performed”.
38
News Saturday interview
‘If it wasn’t so horrific, the Met could
Policing chiefs drunk on optimism have failed to
address Scotland Yard’s serious systemic problems,
Baroness Casey of Blackstock tells Fiona Hamilton
O
ne of the most striking
moments of Baroness
Casey of Blackstock’s
year at the Metropolitan
Police was sitting with
the top team as they outlined their
response to the abduction, rape and
murder of Sarah Everard.
Senior officers gripped the table to
steady themselves as they spoke
about Everard, killed by a Met
firearms officer. They welled up with
tears, and they used her first name
only.
Casey found it strange: “You run
the organisation and one of your own
has gone off and done this. Don’t get
upset about it. Do something about it.
I was thinking, ‘You didn’t know her,
you don’t know her family. Can you at
least call her Sarah Everard? And
when you refer to Sarah Everard’s
parents, you call them Mr and Mrs
Everard’.”
Wayne Couzens, 50, a diplomatic
protection officer, used his police
warrant card to lure Everard, 33, into
his car, his police handcuffs to
restrain her and his police belt to
strangle her. He was repeatedly
reported to police for indecent
exposure before his sex crimes
escalated. It should have been the
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Met’s “plane falling out of the sky
moment” to work out what went
wrong and fix it. Instead, Casey
realised, they preferred to believe he
was a “bad apple” and the senior
ranks acted as though they were
“personally wounded by it, like they
were the victims”.
“Don’t get all teary and use her first
name. You didn’t kill her, but one of
your police officers used his warrant
card to do that, so how did he get to
that point? Some retrospection, really,
I think you would expect, in an
organisation that upholds law and
order. How did you get to this place?”
The crossbench peer, known for her
ability to cut through management
speak and spin, finally got to those
answers. She uncovered institutional
misogyny, racism and homophobia,
and an “anything goes” approach to
misconduct that allowed predators to
flourish. But it was the institutional
denial that had allowed the problems
to fester.
In her first week a senior officer at
a basic command unit (BCU), one of
the Met’s frontline divisions that
respond to the majority of 999 calls
and investigate most crimes, invited
her on a “ridealong” in a police car.
“Everybody who comes on a
ridealong”, he told Casey, “when they
get out of that car they say ‘God! what
a good job you do’. It’s amazing!”
Speaking in the glass, ground floor
office of the Met’s headquarters at
Westminster that has been her home
away from home for the past 12
months, Casey throws up her hands
in exasperation: “The level of delusion
in this building, I don’t know what
happens when they come through the
front door and they get into the lift.”
She calls the drinking water “House
Met”, and quips that, instead of
fluoride, its ingredient is optimism:
“It’s like they’re drunk on House Met,
they can’t see anything outside. And
these are potentially good people.”
She has rushed from a
parliamentary select committee at the
end of the third chaotic day since she
handed down the most damning
assessment of the Met in its 200-year
history. Her press officer
optimistically suggests we have 45
minutes to discuss it. Casey‘s report led some to call for the
Two hours later, Casey checks if I
still have battery in my dictaphone
and jokes that we should call for a Louise Casey
takeaway. She has barely drawn
breath — “it’s just been the most Curriculum vitae
extraordinary experience”. She has a Born March 29, 1965
lot to get off her chest. Education Degree in history from
The straight-talking former civil Goldsmiths University
servant was the obvious choice to Career Deputy director of Shelter in
examine the Met’s culture and 1992; appointed head of the Rough
standards after the Everard case Sleepers’ Unit in 1999 by Tony Blair;
resulted in eroded public trust and a director of the Anti-Social Behaviour
deluge of misconduct allegations. Unit in 2003; head of the Respect
Dubbed the “tsar of tsars”, her tasks Task Force in 2005. Became the UK’s
have never been easy. She advised first victims’ commissioner in 2010;
Tony Blair on homelessness, set up director-general of Troubled
the troubled families unit for David Families in 2011 and appointed to
Cameron, concluded that Rotherham lead the inspection of children’s
council was not fit for purpose after services in Rotherham before
the child sexual exploitation scandal undertaking a review of community
and tackled the thorny subject of cohesion and extremism published
integration for Theresa May. in 2016. Made chair of the Covid-19
Yet the Met has been the hardest Rough Sleeping Taskforce in 2020.
job of all. Largely because of “this sort Later accepted a crossbench
of God-given belief that everything peerage. Her report on the Met this
they do is right”. “And also, and this is month found it to be “institutionally
a weird thing to say, but you really racist, sexist and homophobic”.
really want them to be good. You
really, really want them to be on it, Quickfire
and not in denial, and not having Happy Valley’s Catherine Cawood
hubris.” or Prime Suspect’s Jane Tennison?
In the year before Casey’s arrival That’s almost impossible. I love
the Met had been forced to apologise Happy Valley
for many scandals. The failure to stop Kindle or paperback? Paperback
Couzens; the officers who were Poundland or Waitrose? Sainsbury’s
supposed to guard the murder scene Police or politicians? Police
of Nicole Smallman and Bibaa Henry
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
be a comedy by Armando Iannucci’
Met to be disbanded. She fears the force’s commissioner Sir Mark Rowley, below right, has missed his moment for reform
but instead took photographs of their
bodies; a finding by an independent
panel that the force was
institutionally corrupt; and blunders
that enabled the serial killer Stephen
Port to keep targeting young gay men.
There were other systemic problems:
record low rates for solving rapes;
extreme pressure on the front line;
black officers 81 per cent more likely
to be put through the misconduct
process; specialist units that had
become a law unto themselves.
D
espite that, Casey quickly
realised, the leadership
somehow expected a clean
bill of health. They had
made “great strides”, they
insisted, and produced an internal
assessment which highlighted officer
supervision as their single area of
concern. One said that “I think you
might find pockets of misogyny in the
organisation, but we’ve pretty much
dealt with racism”.
Not long afterwards it emerged that
officers at Charing Cross had used a
WhatsApp group to joke about raping
women, killing black children and
exchange racist slurs. Casey had a
meeting with Dame Cressida Dick,
then the commissioner, in which she
told her that it seemed “pretty
disastrous”.
Dick, who resigned within days
Casey’s report follows the high-profile
convictions of two Met Police officers:
Wayne Couzens, Sarah Everard’s
murderer, and the rapist David Carrick
after the mayor of London withdrew
his confidence in her, reminded Casey
of the Met’s reputation as the world’s
best police force. She said words to
the effect of: “All I can say to you is
I’ve had today in my office people
from Victoria, Australia, who have
come here to learn from us what
British policing is all about.” The Met
said Dick made clear publicly it was
an “appalling case”, one of a wide
range of issues discussed in the 90-
minute meeting that day.
Across London, the Met’s
reputation was at rock bottom. Less
than 50 per cent of women trusted
the force, and less than half of black
Londoners thought it did a good job
locally. Casey also knew there was a
“yawning gap” between the leadership
team’s rhetoric and the reality for
many officers on the ground. She and
her ten-strong review team lived and
breathed the Met, six or seven days a
week for a year.
Casey spoke with a trainee in
Brixton, south London, who was
handling 31 live rape cases. Another
detective said the rape detection rate
was so low that “you may as well say
it is legal”, while fridges storing
evidence in rape cases were
overflowing and broken. “Eye-
watering” force was being used on
London’s black community, while
black officers were routinely
overlooked for promotion. She found
systemic bullying; male officers who
enjoyed “breaking” female trainees
with the most horrendous tasks. The
leadership on the seventh floor talked
about new improved layers of “matrix
management” to improve supervision
and collaboration, while female
officers on the front line were being
ignored when they reported sex
assaults by their male colleagues.
The sexism and racism were in
plain sight. Women were spoken
down to and interrupted. In the
firearms unit; one officer said that
women should not carry guns. When
Casey finished a tour there, and asked
the gathered officers if they had
anything to say, one did. “This is
England, isn’t it? That’s what I’d like
to say. London is in England, isn’t it?”
He complained that he could not get
Saturday interview News
The Met’s tactics at a vigil for Sarah Everard prompted more anger at the force
a job immediately at the Met, and had
to transfer in from a home counties
force, because “I only speak English”
and the Met had tried to recruit
officers with a second language.
Casey concludes with a sigh: “And
this is translated by the gentleman
that walks around with a gun into this
being somehow an affront on his
British citizenship.”
The rotten culture was in plain
sight, if only someone was willing to
look for it.
“Out here in the world of reality, as
opposed to the seventh floor with the
House Met being drunk daily on how
fantastic everything is, all of these
people were just left to the side. If it
wasn’t horrific it would be an
Armando Iannucci comedy. But it’s
just not funny.”
The worst of it was the now
notorious over-stuffed, dilapidated or
broken fridges relied upon by the sex
offence units. “When a woman is
raped, she has to go to a place called
The Haven [specialist centre] or a
hospital.
“You lie there and somebody takes
specimens from you, your blood. They
try to find the semen. They scratch
around your body. They scrape it,
they touch it, it can go on for quite
some time. It’s not a short process, it’s
a long process. It’s really humiliating
and difficult. It is done with immense
kindness, by trained people.
“To know then that your specimens
are essentially put in a fridge that
people can’t close, that people stick
their lunchbox in, that essentially,
every week, or every fortnight people
ask for new fridges and new freezers
. . . to know that’s so uncaring. It’s so
symbolic of an organisation that has
completely lost its way.”
Casey has a knack for pulling
out vivid, devastating details that
humanise and illustrate a
problem. In one BBC analysis, a
senior male correspondent
described it as an “emotional”
style that grabbed headlines.
The comment rankles.
“When my empathy
goes is when I should
stop serving the public.
This isn’t about being
emotional or making
headlines. This is
one of the most
weighty, evidenced
documents I think
we’ve ever
produced,” Casey
said.
“We speak for almost 50
per cent of police officers
who are black in this
39
TIMES PHOTOGRAPHERS RICHARD POHLE AND JACK HILL
organisation who experienced racism.
We speak for the 33 per cent of
women who experienced sexism on a
daily basis in this organisation and
the one in ten who are sexually
harassed or assaulted.
“I’m not emotional, I’m empathetic.
And I’m open to understanding the
difficulty of what it must be to be a
serving police officer in this
organisation. And that’s why I don’t
like it when men say you’re dramatic,
you’re emotional. No, I’m not. I’m
weighted in evidence. And I’m
absolutely clear of my findings. And I
defy anybody to write me off as
emotional.”
H
er findings were so
devastating that some
have called for the Met to
be broken up. Casey has
left restructure as a last
resort if major reform does not occur
quickly. She believes in the new
leadership team of Sir Mark Rowley,
the commissioner who took over in
September, and his deputy Dame
Lynne Owens, the former head of the
National Crime Agency. They are
outstanding, she says: “They’re light
years away in terms of leadership,
their instincts around how to talk to
their people, their ability.”
However, within hours of the
release of her report, Casey was
disappointed when Rowley refused to
use the term “institutional racism”.
Nearly 25 years after the Macpherson
report first used the term following
the racist murder of Stephen
Lawrence, Casey found that
discrimination was still “baked into
the system”.
She dismisses Rowley’s argument,
that using the term institutional is
political and ambiguous, as a “get
out of jail card”.
Casey says it is crucial to
acknowledge it to signal the
change that is needed.
“Doreen Lawrence lost her son
30 years ago. It was a racist
murder. Why can’t you
give Doreen Lawrence
that? Why? And then
his wings would fly,
everybody would be
under him. And he
will be able to go
forward in a very,
very different way.”
Has Rowley
missed his
moment? “He
potentially has missed
his moment and I
worry for him and
I worry for that.”
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 41

News

My Week Boris Johnson*

Monday
“I don’t think,” I say, “you can
seriously mean to accuse me of lying.”
My barrister, Lord Pannick KC, just
sighs.
“Look Boris,” he says, “the hearing
is in two days. So have you read the
briefing I sent you or not?”
“It has been read,” I tell him, loftily.
“Yes, but who by?” says Pannick.
“How you can stand there,” I say,
“and make these utterly insane
allegations, both unprecedented and
absurd, that . . .”
“You haven’t, have you?” says
Pannick.
“Let’s just say,” I say, “that I have
taken extensive advice.”
“From?” says Pannick.
“Numerous people,” I say.
“Was it the dog?” says Pannick.
“Not just the dog,” I say. “Also my
interior designer.”
“This is a nightmare,” says Pannick.
“I’ll read it tonight,” I lie.
Tuesday
Now Pannick says he’s worried about
the Abba party.
“I don’t want to talk,” I tell him,
“about the things we went through.”
“But they will ask,” he says.
“Joke,” I say. “Abba. Come on, man.”
Pannick says it’s time I realised that
not every problem can be solved by
jokes.
“Good one!” I say.
Seriously, he says. No larks. No
Latin. No wild accusations about the
whole thing being a kangaroo court.
“Hey Skippy . . .” I begin.
“Shut up,” he says.
Wednesday
This morning, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz
Truss and Priti Patel have asked for a
meeting to talk about the rebellion.
“The what?” I say.
“Against the Northern Ireland
protocol,” says Jacob.
“The which?” I say.
“Please don’t distract him,” says
Pannick. “I’ve only just got him to pay
attention to the hearing. And it’s in an
hour.”
“The marsupials,” says Jacob.
“The who?” says Liz.
“Folks,” I say. “I’ve got this. I told
the truth as I saw it. The infamous
and delicious Union Jack cake
remained in Tupperware and I never
ate a bit.”
Pannick asks how I knew it was
delicious, then.
“God, he’s good,” says Priti.
“The point is,” I say, “those drinks
were essential work events. Because
when people leave they need a good
send-off.”
The gang agree. Although Pannick
worries it might make people think of
funerals.
“Bunkum!” I say. “Why would
anybody think of funerals?”
“Oh suit yourself,” says Pannick.
“It’s your funeral.”
Thursday
Rishi calls to thank me. Because,
although my performance was an
embarrassing disaster, he says, it also
distracted attention from his tax
return which showed earnings of
nearly £5 million over three years.
“But so little?” I say, because I’ve
earned that in the last six months.
“You sound like my wife,” he says.
“Anyway,” I say, “I’m not
embarrassed. Guidelines were
followed. Like I said, we didn’t even
share pens.”
“Pens?” says Rishi, uncertainly.
“Pens!” I say.
Then Rishi says he does actually
remember lending me a pen during a
meeting in 2020 and he never saw it
again and it was quite expensive.
Although I tell him I’ve taken
advice and this definitely didn’t
happen. Even though I can see
it right now, in my pen pot.
“But look,” I say. “Been a bit
distracted. Has Spoddy
Starmer been giving you
a hard time about all
this?”
Rishi says not really.
In fact, he’s been
mainly sounding off
about Britain smelling
of weed.
“OK that one is just
unfair,” I say. “The guys on
the swing said they were
cigarettes. “
Friday
All looking a bit bleak.
According to the blasted
newspapers I didn’t
convince anyone at all.
“Except for me!” says
Jacob, loyally.
“Weren’t you convinced
already?” I say.
“Oh yes,” says Jacob, who had
forgotten this.
I’ve gathered all my allies, anyway,
for advice on what to do next.
Not so many of us these days.
“What I don’t understand,”
says Liz, “is the pen thing.”
“Pens!” I shout, and I pull
one out of my pocket and
wave it at her. “We didn’t
share them! Because we
were observing the
guidelines!”
“But that’s mine,”
says Liz, “and I want
it back.”
“Look folks,” I say.
“What matters now is
the verdict. Because I can
cope with a sanction.
But what’s our plan if
there’s a by-election?
Advise me.”
“Panic?” suggests
Priti.
“Screw that,” says
my lawyer. “You’re
on your own.”
*according to
Hugo Rifkind

Why March is manic for

country’s divorce lawyers
Jonathan Ames Legal Editor
Lawyers have for years maintained
that the first working weekend in
January is “divorce day” as couples
who have spent Christmas and New
Year getting on each other’s nerves
decide to split.
New figures showing that March is
when most divorce applications are
actually filed appear to support that
— the theory being that couples
falling out during festivities finally
get round to the legal necessities
eight to 12 weeks later.
On average more than 11,700
couples have filed for divorce in
March over the past 20 years, well
ahead of the 10,600 monthly average.
Forsters, the firm that obtained the
figures from the Ministry of Justice
through a freedom of information
request, said: “While it is the case that
couples often decide to end their
marriages in the new year, most don’t
file for divorce immediately. Rather,
they may make initial inquiries with a
family lawyer in January, with the
filing of the divorce petition not
taking place until March.”
The family law experts also noted
that couples with children were more
likely to file for divorce during the
school term because it is seen as being
less disruptive. Couples are less likely
to file for divorce during holidays in
an attempt to “keep the peace” for the
sake of their children.
The figures showed that the
months in which school holidays
most often take place all had fewer
divorce applications than average: for
example, 8,100 in December, which is
the low point for divorce applications,
10,100 in April and 10,400 in August.
The legal experts said that parents
generally avoided filing for divorce
around the middle to end of Decem-
ber in particular, “to give the children
one last family Christmas, or to avoid
causing arguments and stress during
the holiday”.
The figures were revealed just days
after ministers announced plans to
force splitting parents to go through a
mediation process to resolve disput-
ed issues around access to their
children.
The move has been made in an
attempt to divert parents from court
litigation — both to reduce stress on
children and to alleviate pressure on
the court system. Parents who refuse
to abide by the orders could be fined
by judges.
Officials at the Ministry of Justice
said that under a “shake-up to the
family justice system” mediation
would become mandatory in all “suit-
able low-level” family court cases.
But they noted that cases involving
allegations or a history of domestic
violence would be excluded from the
mediation order.
The ministry argued that the
reform would mean separating cou-
ples would have to try to agree child
custody and financial arrangements
through a qualified mediator. Court
proceedings would be allowed only as
“a last resort” if mediation failed.

Scots’ top brigadier in bullying inquiry

Charlie Parker
The most senior army commander of
troops in Scotland has been sus-
pended pending an inquiry into
claims that he bullied and belittled
his staff.
Brigadier Ben Wrench, who leads
thousands of soldiers in the 51
Brigade, denies accusations that his
“toxic leadership” prompted person-
nel to request a transfer and brought
civil servants to tears. He is the British
Army’s most senior officer north of
the border.
Wrench’s brigade is based in Stir-
ling and includes historic fighting
battalions such as the Black Watch.
The military formation was estab-
lished in 2014 and comprises regular
Brigadier Ben
Wrench has
been suspended
and reserve units based in Scotland,
Northern Ireland and northern
England. Wrench was appointed its
commanding officer in May 2021, but
defence chiefs suspended him after
being alerted to allegations of his
bullying behaviour.
An army spokesman said: “We do
not comment on individual cases.
Soldiers at all levels of the British
Army are held to the highest
standards. If any individual fails to
meet these . . . we will take appropriate
action.”
A source confirmed that the accu-
sations were being treated seriously
and investigated, with affected par-
ties being provided with welfare
support.
Wrench’s removal follows the
suspension of three brigadiers from
their posts in October 2021. They
were accused of misconduct,
including bullying.
One senior officer was removed
over claims that he threw a chair at a
colleague, while another was relieved
over bullying claims.
The third officer was suspended
over suspected fraudulent activity re-
lating to boarding school allowances
for his children’s education.
42
World
Deepening riddle
over who bombed
Putin’s pipeline
Baltic ghost ships may
hold the answer to the
destruction of
Nord Stream
six months
ago, writes
Oliver Moodyy
O
ne evening last
September the
P524 Nymfen, a Danish
naval vessel that tracks
suspicious Russian
shipping, made an unexpected detour
from its usual patrol route.
For the first time in years, it skirted
the Baltic island of Bornholm and
made its way northeast to the outer
fringe of Denmark’s estimated radar
range. It paused for half an hour,
turned around and switched off its
transponder, vanishing for several
hours from international tracking
systems. Minutes later a Swedish air
force surveillance aircraft began
prowling back and forth nearby and a
Swedish corvette set off for the site at
speed before circling the waters.
Four days after that the Nord
Stream 1 and 2 pipelines, a highly
controversial project built to pump
Russian natural gas directly to
Germany, were knocked out by three
underwater explosions in the same
area, powered by the equivalent of
about 500kg of TNT.
Six months on, this audacious act of
apparent sabotage is turning into one
of the great geopolitical whodunits of
the 21st century. Suspicion has been
variously cast on the Ukrainians, the
Russians, the Americans and even,
fleetingly, on the British and Poles.
Fragments of clues have given rise to
a profusion of theories, each
seemingly stranger than the next.
The unusual Danish manoeuvres in
the days before the blasts, first noted
by the independent Danish
researcher Oliver Alexander
and verified by Thee
Times through
navigation records
provided by
Marine Traffic,
the ship tracking
database, suggest
there may be a
few twists left in
the story yet.
“It does appear
that this Danish
surveillance vessel
went around the
explosion sites for a
reason,” said Jacob
Kaarsbo, a former Danish intelligence
officer who is now a senior analyst at
Think Tank Europa in Copenhagen.
curiouser and curiouser
The bombings, which tore gaping
holes in both strands of the Nord
Stream 1 pipeline and one of Nord
Stream 2’s, are a detective’s
nightmare. For one thing, there were
naval exercises by Poland, the Baltic
states and Russia in the southern
Baltic in the days before the incident,
as well as Nato’s vast Baltops 22
wargame two months earlier.
For another, there are at least three
concurrent national investigations by
Denmark, Sweden and Germany,
patchily co-ordinated, while US navy
ships have also been spotted loitering
around the scene of the crime.
Sources briefed on the German
inquiry, which is led by the country’s
top prosecutor with a relatively small
number of police officers said to be
dedicated to the case full time, say it
is still nowhere near reaching a
conclusion. “We genuinely don’t
know who did it,” one official said.
Out of this profusion of potential
suspects and half-clues, four main
theories have emerged into the public
eye: one probably wrong, one possible
but perplexing, and two tantalisingly
incomplete. The first of these is the
shakiest. In early February Seymour
Hersh, the veteran US investigative
journalist who exposed the My Lai
massacre and the horrors of Abu
Ghraib, published a long essay based
on interviews with a single
anonymous source. The bombs,
Hersh claimed, had been planted by
CIA divers with assistance from
Norway.
On closer inspection, however,
much of the story disintegrated as
Alexander and other researchers
exposed numerous inaccuracies.
six men in a boat
The second and most widely
discussed theory trickled out into the
daylight earlier this month after a
low-profile meeting in Washington
between Pre
President Biden and
Olaf Scho
Scholz, the German
chance
chancellor.
A vvaguely worded
rep
report in The New
Yo
York Times
cl
claimed there was
in
intelligence
p
pointing to a
R
Russian or
U
Ukrainian-
sp
speaking culprit,
pos
possibly a Russian
The
T he un
underwater blasts
have had
ha a devastating
environme
environmental impact
opposition group or a network
supporting Ukraine but acting
without the knowledge or approval of
its government.
Hours later Die Zeit and two
German public
broadcasters released
their own version of
events, apparently
founded on leaks
from the German
investigation.
It began with a
Polish company
chartering a yacht
from the German
port of Rostock. The
six crew — a captain,
a doctor, two divers
and two diving assistants — were said
to have travelled into the country on
professionally forged passports,
possibly in at least one case Bulgarian,
to obscure their true nationalities.
The yacht was subsequently
identified as the Andromeda, a 15m
Bavaria Cruiser 50 with several cabins
and 75 sq m of space below decks,
available for €3,000 a week. It set sail
on September 6, first mooring at
Wiek on the nearby island of Rügen,
returning several days later by way of
the tiny Danish island of Christianso.
When German investigators finally
searched the boat on January 18, they
are said to have found traces of
explosives on board.
While the Ukrainian government
insists it had nothing to do with the
bombing, the paper trail behind the
company that rented the yacht is
alleged ultimately to lead to a
Ukrainian. The wealthy business
magnate’s identity is an open secret
among European diplomats and
security officials.
baltic red herring?
Christianso, a speck of rock so minute
that the surrounding archipelago is
known as the “pea islands” in Danish,
is 11 nautical miles to the northeast of
Bornholm. Besides some handsome
17th-century fortifications once used
to fend off the British and an
impressively self-sufficient
community of 90 with its own pub
and one of the smallest schools in
Denmark, the island’s chief attraction
is its marina. Yachts can simply turn
up, moor and pay for their berth
electronically without booking ahead
or notifying the authorities.
Danish police made their first
inquiries about these payment
records in mid-December, according
to Soren Thiim Andersen,
Christianso’s administrator. He said
they had turned up in person on
January 18, coincidentally the same
day that the Germans began
searching the yacht. With no
V2
The Andromeda
DENMARK
NORTH
SEA
Odense
Recorded routes
Andromeda
Sets sail Sept 6, 2022
Minerva Julie
Sept 2-16
P524 Nymfen (Danish
naval vessel) Sept 21-25
Source: MarineTraffic
surveillance
ill technology
h l iin the
h di
marina, it is hard to identify
individual yachts that have stayed
there, particularly as there are
up to 50 boats moored there in
September.
A Facebook appeal asking the
islanders if they had seen anything
out of the ordinary seems to have
yielded results, although the post has
since been deleted and Andersen said
he could not divulge any more
information until the Danish
authorities were ready to go public.
It appears entirely plausible then
that the Andromeda was indeed in
roughly the right place at the right
time. However, Kaarsbo, the former
Danish intelligence officer, believes
this is a red herring, if not an
ingenious attempt to throw
investigators off the scent.
There are, he notes, many puzzling
questions. Is it really possible to
schlep half a tonne of TNT around on
a pleasure yacht? Would it be a
realistic base of operations for two
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
50 miles SW E D E N
Copenhagen
Bornholm
Wiek 2
Rostock 1
Greifswald
GERMANY
divers h h d the
to shepherd h explosives
l i
down 80m to the sea bed in three
manoeuvres, each of which must have
taken many hours?
“It’s really hard to see divers doing
it without decompression tanks,
which certainly couldn’t fit on a
yacht,” Kaarsbo said. “Two guys
swimming, say, 200m to 500m with
hundreds of kilos of explosives at
70-plus metres depth isn’t possible.
You can’t just drop it or steer it with
two divers from a yacht to that depth
with any kind of precision.
Impossible. It would take highly
specialised equipment that you
couldn’t fit on a yacht.”
Other details seem odd if a
Ukrainian was really behind the
attack. Why go to the logistical
trouble of doing it through
Germany? Why do it in Denmark
and Sweden’s maritime exclusive
economic zones? Above all: why
would a Ukrainian risk jeopardising
German public and political support
for his country?
 the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Nord Stream
pipeline
7pm Two more leaks
reported on Nord
Stream 1 pipeline
B A LT I C
3 Gazprom [the Russian state gas
SEA
Christianso
Sept 26, 2022,
2.03am Leak
reported on Nord
Stream 2
POL A ND
tanker and submarine
That leaves two more pieces of the
puzzle. One is the Minerva Julie, a
Greek-flagged tanker shipping out
Russian oil through the Baltic. On
September 2 it set off from
Rotterdam. Four days later it rounded dozen colleagues from German and
Bornholm and then simply drifted
around the two Nord Stream
pipelines, occasionally firing up its peer-reviewed, suggests that the
engines whenever it came too close to explosions churned up a quarter of a
Danish waters. Eventually it set a
course for Tallinn before docking in
St Petersburg.
The tanker’s operator,
Minerva Marine, has insisted
that it was waiting for its next
instructions to come through:
“Drifting in a sea area
awaiting voyage orders is
standard shipping practice
and there was nothing
unusual in this instance.” Yet
the Minerva Julie does not
appear to have done so on
any of its previous journeys in
the months before the attack.
2GM
The Minerva Julie
The last clue lies in the movements of
the P524 Nymfen, the Danish patrol
vessel, and the Swedish warship.
There is no obvious evidence of
unusual Russian naval activity in the
area around that time. Perhaps,
though, it was hidden.
Kaarsbo said he believed the
likeliest explanation was a Russian
submarine, or a ship that had
switched off its electronic identifiers
for the sake of stealth.
poisoned lake
Besides the balance sheets of several
German energy companies, the main
casualty of the bombings is the sea.
While scientific attention has chiefly
focused on the 100,000 tonnes of
methane that boiled to the surface, a
more serious problem may lurk
below. After a century and a half of
industrial pollution the sea bed off
Bornholm is a toxic sludge of heavy
metals, interspersed with 7,000 tonnes
of mustard gas shells dumped by the
Soviet Union in 1947 on a site between
the two Nord Stream pipelines.
Several weeks ago Hans Sanderson,
an environmental scientist at Aarhus
University in Denmark and a leading
authority on this chemical weapons
graveyard, published a preliminary
analysis of the bombing along with a
Polish institutions.
The modelling, which has yet to be
million tonnes of this sediment into
two giant plumes of pollution, each
about 15 miles in diameter, containing
P524 Nymfen
Cheeky beggars’ opera
holds up a mirror
to New Zealand
Page 46
V
Vessels caught up in the
fr
frenzied speculation include
th
the Minerva Julie and the P524
N
Nymfen, with the Andromeda
a
attracting attention when
in
investigators found traces of
e
explosives on a cabin table
b d d
14 tonnes of lead and a smaller
butt deadlier quantity of TBT, an
intensely noxious pesticide once used
to keep the hulls of ships clean. “This
is an important breeding area for cod
… and this exposure was just at the
end of their spawning season,”
Sanderson said.
Marie Helene Miller Birk, a marine
biologist and co-founder of the
Ivandet environmental education
charity in Tejn, an old fishing village
on the north coast of Bornholm,
believes the impact could be even
worse than the study suggests. She
notes that the explosions coincided
with the peak of the area’s
twice-yearly algal bloom, a bonanza
of the micro-organisms that provide
the foundation for an already ailing
ecosystem. In other words, the toxins
may have crept into the Baltic food
chain from the bottom up.
elegy for a pipeline
Whoever carried out the sabotage,
one thing is certain: the once-
monumental energy bridge between
Russia and Europe is in ruins.
It is not quite finished: Moscow is
still quietly piping a little more gas
into the European Union than is
generally thought, with buyers
ranging from Finland to Latvia and
Hungary. Yet Russia’s total share of
EU gas imports has collapsed from
40 per cent to 9 per cent. Bills went
up across the continent but the
much-prophesied winter shortages
failed to materialise. Germany’s gas
storage facilities are 64 per cent full,
22 percentage points higher than
normal for this time of year.
“This was always a narrative that
exporter] was pushing, that Europe
cannot survive without Russian gas,”
said Agnia Grigas, a Lithuanian-
American energy analyst at the
Atlantic Council. “But the fact is we
have seen this past winter that there
was no energy crisis. We’re talking
about an energy realignment here.”
Worries persist, particularly about
whether Germany and other energy-
hungry EU countries will be able to
repeat their 2022 gas storage feat
without the residual Russian pipeline
gas supply they had last summer. Nor
is the Nord Stream project necessarily
dead. One strand of Nord Stream 2
remains intact and could at least in
theory be reactivated. The cost of
repairing the other pipelines has been
estimated at €500 million; cheap
enough that they could be fixed up if
Germany really wanted them.
However, Heiko Borchert, a Swiss-
based strategic affairs consultant, said
the days of the Kremlin’s gas leverage
over Germany were over for now, and
Russia would become even more
dependent on China as an ersatz
market for its hydrocarbons.
“I just can’t imagine the
GGermans saying [to Russia] a
ccouple of years later: ‘Friends,
th
the big fuss is over, we’re taking
a sober look at the matter and
th
the thing has to be brought
bback into business,’ ” Borchert
sa
said. “I struggle to imagine that
th
the German government would
eentertain that as an option.”
AAdditional reporting, Anna
LLombardi, senior data journalist,
aand Thomas Saunders
Five Star comedian
spreads word from
his populist pulpit
Italy
Tom Kington Rome
During his stage act in Rome this week
Beppe Grillo wore a crown of thorns
made up of intertwined USB cables.
The sell-out crowd, which included
three former government ministers
and Giuseppe Conte, the former prime
minister, fell silent, wondering what the
comedian might be up to. “Why can’t I
create a church?” he said.
To judge from his CV, that is about
the only thing Grillo has not yet done.
In the past 15 years his ideas about web-
based politics have helped to drive pop-
ulism on both sides of the Atlantic and
he created a political party — the Five
Star Movement — that became Italy’s
biggest on promises to eliminate sleaze.
Now, he said, he planned to be the “ele-
vato” at the head of the Church of Else-
where.
“It may look like a provocation by a
comedian, just like when I first talked
about Five Star, but there is a serious
aspect here,” he said after the show. In
the era of multiverses, he added, God
needs updating.
“We need to take God elsewhere, into
space 96 billion light years wide with
black holes, white holes and ten parallel
universes. Where is God? I want to take
God there.”
Down on Earth, initiates will be told
to break a mirror to quash their vanity,
while “exorcisms” purging them of evil
will involve banning their phones for a
week.
It may sound like Grillo is once again
having a laugh; when Five Star was
riding high in politics in 2016, he mem-
orably said: “I was only joking.” But he
says he means it this time, with plans to
register his church and instruct lawyers
to work out how to qualify for state
funding. “We will have all the charac-
teristics to be recognised as a religion.”
It is a new challenge for the 74-year-
old self-declared agnostic who was
thrown off Italian state television for
poking fun at political corruption, then
No more antsy-pasta: Rome
bans flour made of insects
Tom Kington
The growing use in cooking of flour
made from crickets, locusts and insect
larvae has met fierce opposition in Italy
where the government is to ban its use
in pizza and pasta and segregate it on
shelving in supermarkets.
In a sign of fear that insects might be
associated with Italian cuisine, three
government ministers called a press
conference in Rome to announce four
decrees aimed at a crackdown.
“It’s fundamental that these flours
are not confused with food made in
Italy,” Francesco Lollobrigida, the agri-
culture minister, said.
Packed with vitamins, proteins and
minerals, flour made from crickets is
increasingly seen as an ecological way
to obtain nutrients, and the market is
forecast to reach $3.5 billion by 2029.
43
Death threat and powder
sent to Trump investigator
Page 47
built his blog into one of the top ten in
the world and used it to found Five Star
in 2009 — the world’s first web-based,
sleaze-busting, green-debating forum,
which morphed into Italy’s favourite
party by 2013.
His decision to put policy to an online
vote by members inspired Donald
Trump’s adviser Steve Bannon and
Nigel Farage, who were waking up to
the power of social media, before Five
Star entered government in 2018, push-
ing through a cull in the number of MPs
and ordering its own to donate chunks
of their salaries to community projects.
The dream soured as the renegade
party was forced to form an alliance
with sworn enemies to cling to power
Beppe Grillo
believes that God
needs an update
and infighting split the ranks. Now
Grillo’s ranting stage act has mellowed,
with gags about insomnia and snoring
mixed in with the political barbs.
But when he discusses his church,
and how technology has replaced God,
the old fervour returns. Holding up his
phone, he says: “This is a confessional,
a rosary. Every ‘like’ is an ‘amen’. The
church is Facebook. You confess to the
world, reveal your entire self, and the
world takes it and sells it.”
It is easy to assume that Grillo has
spent so long considering himself the
online voice of the people that he has
shifted up a gear to consider himself the
voice of God, but he explains his church
is merely a step up from Five Star’s in-
herent spirituality.
“We inserted love, affection and hon-
esty into the politics of Machiavelli,
which envisages no sentiment and we
were successful,” he said, adding: “We
put a bit of spirituality into politics —
this is a continuation.”
The EU has already authorised foods
made from crickets, locusts and the
darkling beetle larva, and in January
added mealworm larvae to the list.
All four insects are cited in the Italian
decrees, which will require any prod-
ucts containing them to be labelled
with large lettering and displayed sepa-
rately from other foods.
“Whoever wants to eat these prod-
ucts can, but those who don’t, and I im-
agine that will be most Italians, will be
able to choose,” Lollobrigida said.
Orazio Schillaci, the health minister,
said the legislation would also ban the
use of insect flours in “typical” Italian
products like pizza and pasta.
In a further attempt to promote Ital-
ian food, the government announced
on Thursday that it would propose the
inclusion of Italy’s cuisine on Unesco’s
world heritage list.
44 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

World
Kremlin ‘private army’ firebombs a French brewery in Africa
Central African Republic
Richard Assheton Lagos
The bombing of a French-owned brew-
ery in the Central African Republic
may mark a shift in tactics for the group
described as Putin’s “private army”.
Four mercenaries in military fatigues
and with Kalashnikovs slung over their
shoulders threw petrol bombs into the
storage yard of the brewery owned by
Castel, a huge French company. The
attack earlier this month in Bangui, the
capital city, sheds new light on the oper-
ations of the Wagner Group, the Rus-
sian paramilitary organisation that is
notorious from Mali to Ukraine.
The group has been a force in the re-
public, supporting President Touadéra.
It was reported yesterday that Yevge-
ny Prigozhin, the oligarch who leads
the group, is to focus on Africa again
after heavy losses of men and equip-
ment in Ukraine. Western diplomats
said the brewery bombing suggested a
“shift in tactics” for the mercenaries.
“Wagner has been extremely aggres-
sive against French interests since they
arrived,” Charles Bouessel, of the Crisis
Group think tank, said. “This burning is
the latest step.”
A spokesman for Mocaf, a Castel sub-
sidiary, said about 30 petrol bombs
were thrown into the brewery yard,
melting crates and scattering bottles in
a five-minute “lightning attack”.
A Castel executive in France said the
brewery was also targeted on the night
of January 30. He said three white men
got out of a car with a ladder but fled
when guards arrived. “That night a
drone flew over the brewery,” he added.
Over the past two years there have
been unexplained fires at the head-
quarters of Orange, the French mobile
company, as well as the French and
European Union embassies. An oil
station owned by Total Energies,
another French company, came under
a grenade attack. Wagner has not been
accused of being behind the incidents.
Dmitry Syty, Russia’s cultural attaché
to the country who has been linked to
the Wagner group, has launched Africa
Ti L’Or, a beer to rival Castel.

REX /SHUTTERSTOCK

President to
finally release
Hotel Rwanda’s
hero manager
Rwanda
Richard Assheton
Paul Rusesabagina, a hotel manager
who saved more than 1,000 lives during
the Rwandan genocide and whose
bravery inspired a Hollywood film, is to
be freed from prison after a diplomatic
intervention by the United States.
One of President Kagame’s fiercest
critics, Rusesabagina has had his 25-
year terrorism sentence commuted and
is expected to be released today.
The hero of the 2004 film Hotel
Rwanda will be flown to Qatar and then
to the US, where he has residency.
Rusesabagina, 68, is being released
after writing as letter to Kagame, now
made public, in which he requested a
pardon while expressing “regret for any
connection” between his political work
under the Movement for Democratic
Paul Rusesabagina
remains convicted
of terrorism
Change, a dissident coalition, and acts
of violence by its armed wing, which is
blamed for atrocities in 2018 and 2019.
He said he regretted “not taking more
care” to ensure his members “fully ad-
hered to the principles of non-violence
in which I fully and deeply believe”. “If
I am granted a pardon and released, I
understand fully that I will spend the
remainder of my days in the US in quiet
reflection,” he wrote on October 14.
The Rwandan government has made
clear that Rusesabagina and 18 associ-
ates who are being released remain con-
victed of terrorism offences. “No one
should be under any illusion about what
this means, as there is consensus that
serious crimes were committed, for
which they were convicted,” Yolande
Makolo, a spokeswoman, said.
Kagame had hinted that the activist,
who is in poor health, might be freed, in
a clear softening of his position after
half-joking as recently as December
that it would take a foreign “invasion” to
free him. “Even with our history, when
we wanted to move on we came to a
point where we forgave the unforgiv-
able,” Kagame said at the Global Secur-
ity Forum in Doha this month.
The release comes after three-way
negotiations between Rwanda, Qatar
and the US.
Rusesabagina became a global celeb-
rity after Hotel Rwanda depicted his ef-
forts to save more than 1,000 Hutus and
Tutsis during the 1994 genocide. He
was sentenced in September 2021,
denying all charges, and has been de-
tained for 939 days, according to sup-
porters. His case was taken up by Don
Cheadle, the actor who portrayed him,
and has strained historically warm rela-
tions between the US and Rwanda.
It also cast a shadow over Rwanda’s High roller King Philippe and Queen Mathilde in Johannesburg during the first visit by a Belgian monarch to South Africa
hosting of last year’s Commonwealth
summit. Kagame accused the US of
bullying after it designated Rusesabagi-
na as “wrongly detained” and Antony
Blinken, the secretary of state, raised
Family rivals jostle to take over Uganda
concerns over the fairness of his trial.
His release may also ease tensions over Uganda contest elections in three years’ time, Patience Kokundeka, is chairman of a
Rwanda’s alleged support for the M23 when he will be 81, rumours of a succes- committee charged with doubling
Charlie Mitchell Dakar
militia group, which has carried out sion struggle are gripping the country. Uganda’s exports by 2026, and has been
atrocities in the neighbouring Demo- The son-in-law of Uganda’s authoritar- Kainerugaba, 48, dubbed “General on business trips with Museveni to
cratic Republic of Congo. Kagame’s ian president is positioning himself as a Twitter” for his frequent social media South Africa, Britain and the US.
poor democratic record — he won his successor, as family members jostle to postings, insists the job is all but his. Kainerugaba has used social media
most recent term in 2017 with almost seize power when he finally steps down. However, his exploits, such as threaten- to attack his rival, saying: “I will be the
99 per cent of the vote — is overlooked General Muhoozi Kainerugaba, the ing to invade Kenya, are said to have president after my father. Those fight-
by western countries that credit him for son of President Museveni, who has concerned senior government figures. ing the truth will be disappointed.”
bringing stability since the genocide, in been in power for 37 years, had long Now, after years quietly rising up the However, Rwabwogo said: “Those
which 800,000 people were killed in been assumed to be his natural heir. ranks, Odrek Rwabwogo, 54, who is who waste time in these useless online
100 days. Although Museveni has said he will married to Kainerugaba’s sister, chats are an enemy to our country.”

North Korea tests radioactive drone that can hide at sea for days
North Korea
Richard Lloyd Parry Asia Editor
Kim Jong-un has overseen the testing
of a “nuclear underwater attack drone”
capable of unleashing a “super-scale
radioactive tsunami” on naval vessels
and coastal ports, North Korean state
media has reported.
There was no confirmation of the
weapons test but if the claims are accu-
rate it will add to North Korea’s
status as a de facto nuclear power
and cast further doubt on the
western goal of persuading the
regime to denuclearise.
“The mission of the
underwater nuclear strategic
weapon is to stealthily infil-
trate into operational waters
and make a super-scale
radioactive tsunami
through underwater explosion to
destroy naval striker groups and
major operational ports of the
enemy,” the Korean Central
News Agency said.
The drone, called Haeil,
Korean for tsunami, had a
non-nuclear test warhead
Kim Jong-un at the drone
testing this week
and travelled for more than 59 hours
“along an oval and pattern-8 course”,
the report said. “The test . . . confirmed
its lethal strike capability.”
The test is the latest gesture of retali-
ation against South Korea and the
United States, which are carrying out
their largest joint military exercises for
more than five years. These include
amphibious landing rehearsals, involv-
ing British troops. “The US imperialists
and their stooges kicked off a large-scale
dangerous drill . . . for ‘occupying’ the
Democratic People’s Republic of Korea
. . . in defiance of the repeated stern
warnings by the DPRK government,
army and people,” the report said.
“This grave . . . situation against the
state security of the DPRK requires it to
have stronger war deterrents . . . to firmly
preserve peace and prosperity with its
tremendous might.”
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 45

World
ALBERTO MINGUEZA.; EL NORTE; KOFI
FI KING

Res
Restoration of Joan
Pla
Planella’s huge painting
of revolting commoners
w
was helped by an 1887
p
photograph

Za
Zapatero recalled as
the initial response.
How
However, the phone
call prompted interest in
res
a rescue plan. If Castilla
and Leon was willing to
take on the restoration,
P
the Prado would cede
the work for exhibition
in a space that gave
meaning to its subject.
The deal was struck
Masterpiece redefines and The Comuneros of
Castilla arrived without
slice of Spain’s history fanfare in the city of
Valladolid which it
depicts last June, where

F
or almost four
decades a
once-lauded
19th-century
Spanish
painting larger than
Picasso’s Guernica
languished in a
basement, exposed to
damp and rot (David
Sharrock writes).
Los Comuneros de
Castilla (The
Commoners of Castilla),
rare in its size and its
depiction of Castilian
nationalists not in defeat
but on a war footing in
revolt against King
Carlos I, was hidden
away at the outbreak of
the Spanish Civil War
and remained lost until
the 1980s.
Now it has become
the subject of the largest
restoration of a painting
owned by the Prado art
gallery in Madrid.
The work is so big that
the restoration has had
to be carried out in its
future exhibition space,
the lobby of the Cortes
de Castilla y Leon, the
local parliament.
The journey from
when it last hung on a
gallery wall to its revival
began in 1936. As Spain
descended into war the
artwork, measuring
almost 40sq m, by the
Catalan painter Joan
Planella, was rolled up
and put in the basement
of the Catalonia
Museum of Art to save it
from damage.
The painting had won
an award in the 1887
National Exhibition of
Fine Arts before it was
bought by royal decree
for the state for 4,000
pesetas. It was sent to
Barcelona and displayed
at the School of Fine
Arts, then the City Hall
before being secreted in
the damp basement.
In 1986 the Prado
recovered it and did
what it could to prevent
further deterioration of
the canvas before
sending it to a storage
warehouse with a third
of its artworks. In 2020
an accident led to its
rediscovery and the
restoration began.
it had to acclimatise for
several months.
Ana González Obeso,
chief of the restoration
team, said: “The scale of
the work was the biggest
challenge; it is
unprecedented.”
With the clock
counting down to its
official presentation, the
restorers are recovering
details last seen in a
different Spain: the ring
Juan Zapatero, upon a black-and-white on the hand of the main
director of the Castilla photograph of the figure confirms the
and Leon Foundation, painting taken in 1887 haughty knight as the
was preparing for the — the only remaining warrior bishop of
500th anniversary of the evidence of its existence Zamora, Antonio Acuña,
Revolt of the — and put in a request who was executed for his
Comuneros, the citizen’s to the Prado for it to be role in the uprising. On
uprising against Carlos lent for the the horizon, women
that nearly changed the commemoration. wave red cloths as their
course of Spanish “You have no idea menfolk ride out to
history. He chanced what you’ve asked for,” battle.

3D printing? It’s a piece of (cheese) cake

A milestone has been
reached in digital food
creation. But what does
the result taste like?
Will Pavia finds out
About tea time on a drizzly afternoon,
Jonathan Blutinger began printing a
slice of cheesecake.
“We just have to upload the recipe
file,” he said, punching commands into
his computer. He told everyone to cross
their fingers. “As soon as we upload this,
it will just start printing right away.”
There was a moment’s silence, akin
to the quiet in the control centre at
Houston, before a rocket launch. A re-
search assistant, Evan Omo, counted
down: “Three, two, one.”
Then there was a mechanical hum, as
the arm of a 3D printer slid for-
ward and picked, from a
bracket of cartridges, a
tube full of biscuit paste.
This was lowered into
position and began to
squirt a line of brown
thread, drawing a triangular
shape on a grey plate.
The researchers have de-
scribed in a newly pub-
lish paper how they
managed to
“print and laser-
cook a seven-
ingredient slice
of cake”. Seven
ingredients
was, by all
accounts, a
landmark in the still-early history of
food printing: the most ever used.
What did it taste like? “Everybody
asks that question,” Blutinger said.
Their paper is silent on this detail.
The truth was that it had taken them
about two months of intense tinkering
from late 2019, involving a series of
collapsing prototypes. Then, on Feb-
ruary 11, 2020, they managed one
that resembled a slice of cheesecake.
There was intense jubilation, though
not for too long, as everyone was still
vaguely worried that the thing might
fall over.
“We took a lot of pictures,” Blutinger
said. “We said: ‘All right! Nobody
breathe.’ Then I immediately put it in
the freezer so we could cut it in half and
show the interior.”
So they did not actually eat it. It was
frozen, like a piece of wedding cake.
This week, more than three years later,
their paper, along with the photographs
of the untasted prototype cake, were
published in the journal npj Science of
Food. Blutinger said he would have
felt unable, as the scientist behind
the paper, to offer an unbiased opin-
ion on the cheesecake if he had tried
it. “Would you have taken my
word?” he asked.
Hod Lipson, the head of the Crea-
tive Machines Lab at Columbia Uni-
versity in New York, where the
cheesecake-making took
place, advised them that
Will Pavia trying
some of the
cheesecake
printed at
Columbia
University
The machine squeezes out layers of
crackers, peanut butter, jam and icing
How it took shape
In 1945 the American sci-fi writer
Murray Leinster described a strange
machine with a drawing arm
producing plastic (Max Kendix
writes). “This thing will start at one
end of a ship or a house and build it
complete to the other end, following
drawings only,” he said.
Forty years later the first “additive
manufacturing equipment” was
invented and the new millennium
heralded the first 3D-printed kidney,
then, in 2004, 3D printers that could
replicate themselves.
Since then inventors have made
3D printed prosthetics, cars, houses
and even stem cell Wagyu beef.
The machines can also produce
guns — a concern for the police as
criminals download easily accessible
blueprints for rifles and ammunition
from the United States.
“you are like Beethoven, you can’t listen
to your own symphony”.
But after some back and forth, he
agreed to attempt a sequel, which I
could eat.
The newest version of the food print-
er was in a small kitchen in the corner
of the laboratory. “The old machine
only had seven ingredients. This one
can do 18,” Blutinger said. “Right now
I’m measuring the toner levels.”
He has to get this right because the
machine cannot sense when it has
squirted out too much, he said. If you
give it too much butter, it will still use all
of it.
A drawback of food printing is that
you have to use pastes. An advantage is
that you can make things with extra-
ordinary precision. “The other cool
thing is the shareability,” Blutinger said.
In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,
Roald Dahl imagines a new type of tele-
vision that broadcasts not only pictures
but actual chocolate bars viewers at
home can pluck from their TV set.
Digital food manufacturers could of-
fer something similar during commer-
cial breaks. “A QR code pops up on the
screen, it says: ‘Check out this’,” Blut-
inger said. “You take a picture of it, send
it to your machine, it prints it for you.”
He moved to his computer, and
pulled up a model on the screen. “Here
is our cheesecake,” he said. This would
be run through “slicer software”, that
would break it down into layers.
He also had to determine something
called the “extrusion multiplier” — the
force with which the machine would
squirt the food paste, depending on its
viscosity. Biscuit paste requires more of
a shove than strawberry jam.
He was almost ready to print now, but
for some computer code. He had con-
tacted a software engineer to write the
code for the cheesecake, but she was
busy giving a class, he said. Gordon
Ramsay would probably have started
swearing, at this point, but Blutinger
remained calm.
After the code was provided, the cake
began to print. The biscuit paste formed
a triangular base, but then parts of it
rolled and swelled beneath the nozzle,
forming little walls that were not part of
the design. The calculations were
slightly off, he said. “It’s extruding more
graham cracker than we need right
now.”
But the printer kept at it, adding lay-
ers of peanut butter and little internal
reservoirs of jam and chocolate. After
about half an hour, it had nearly
reached the final layer of pink frosting
when the arm failed to release a car-
tridge and began reaching for another.
Omo, the research assistant, hit the
stop button.
Blutinger removed the cheesecake
and handed it to me. It had sagged
slightly at the sides but the top was still
fretted with a pattern of thread-like
lines, as if the cake had been spun like a
jumper. It had the texture of mousse,
and tasted greatly of biscuit and peanut
butter.
“We are not Michelin-starred chefs,
we are engineers,” Blutinger said. He
took a spoonful himself. “Too much
graham cracker,” he said. “We just need
to change a couple of things and we’d
totally change the flavour of this.”
Science, unlike cheesecake, is never
finished. Perhaps, if everyone could
spare another half an hour or so, he
could print off another one, Blutinger
said. “I think this could be improved.”
46
World
Saudi Arabia poised to bring Assad back in from the cold
Syria
Abbie Cheeseman Beirut
Saudi Arabia and Syria are discussing
restoring diplomatic ties in what would
be the most significant development
yet in efforts by Arab states to normal-
ise relations with President Assad.
Riyadh closed its embassy in Damas-
cus and expelled its ambassador at the
start of the Syrian civil war in 2011, after
Devotees try
to rebuild LA’s
reputation for
architecture
Keiran
Southern
los angeles
T
hree decades after building
work finished on the Bryson
Apartment Hotel, Philip
Marlowe, Raymond
Chandler’s private
investigator, strode through its lobby
in The Lady in the Lake.
It was 1943 and the fictional flâneur,
who, for many, defined the image of
modern Los Angeles, was struck by
the faded glamour on Wilshire
Boulevard, noting Moorish arches
and an L-shaped “lobby that was too
big and a carpet that was too blue”.
Since then, perhaps, few have given
the building a second glance. A city
that has long suffered from being
Frank Lloyd Wright’s Taggart House, a
highlight of the LA architectural trail
seen as being an architectural
backwater, Los Angeles is best known
for its Hollywood sign, originally built
to advertise a housing development.
Today, however, a campaign is
afoot to redefine its image as a poor
relation to New York, where the
buildings may be bolder and bigger
but perhaps not better. Look closer,
locals say, and there’s nowhere else in
America that you’re more likely to
stumble across a Frank, be it Lloyd
Wright or Gehry.
“They’re just jealous,” Laura
Massino Smith says of LA’s doubters,
particularly in San Francisco, as she
points out masterpieces of modernism
from the minivan in which she ferries
around visitors to such hidden gems.
which it backed some of the rebel
groups fighting the Assad regime.
The Saudi state-run television chan-
nel Al Ekhbariya cited a source in the
Ministry of Foreign Affairs when it said:
“Discussions are under way between
officials in the kingdom and their coun-
terparts in Syria about resuming the
provision of consular services.”
A deal would mark a major victory
for the Syrian dictator, although it
“Unlike London and New York, where
the architecture is right in front of
you, in Los Angeles you have to make
an effort to see our best,” says Smith,
an unlikely champion for the city as
she hails from the east coast.
She arrived from New York in 1986
after completing a bachelor’s degree
in interior design. Smith then finished
a master’s in architectural history,
launching the tours in 2000 after a
stint in the art world.
Other gems include Millard House,
also known as La Miniatura, designed
by Lloyd Wright in 1923 — and the
first of four “textile block” houses he
built in Los Angeles in two years —
and the Taggart House, designed for
the mother of his second wife, not far
from the Griffith Observatory.
However, it is Smith’s expedition in
trendy Silver Lake that is most
popular. Its mid-century modern
homes by the likes of Richard Neutra,
Rudolph Schindler and John Lautner
are a hit with tourists and locals alike,
she said. Here, Spanish-style homes
sit next to mock-Tudor estates, and
some of the houses are painted in
vivid colours, refusing to conform to a
single overarching design. Smith’s
tour of Silver Lake includes some of
the city’s best-regarded homes,
including Lautner’s Silvertop house,
which is said to have featured
America’s first infinity pool and which
drove its original owner to
bankruptcy.
Austria-born Neutra’s work is also
heavily featured. The modernist
architect has a street named after him
in Silver Lake and it includes the
home his son lived in until his death
in 2019.
Dion Neutra spent much of his life
fighting to preserve his father’s work,
a cause Smith supports. Los Angeles,
perhaps more than any other city,
represents the American ideal of
reinvention, and has been accused of
allowing too many of its architectural
treasures to be knocked down in the
name of progress.
Smith, however, believes officials
now have the right balance between
preservation of the old and building
of the new. “There’s always been a
creative population here due to the
movie industry,” she says. “And there’s
always been a willingness to embrace
the new.”
remains to be seen what concessions
Riyadh might demand.
Reuters reported that contact
between the countries gathered
momentum after an agreement to
re-establish ties between Saudi Arabia
and Iran, a key supporter of Assad.
The agency said the two govern-
ments were “preparing to reopen em-
bassies after Eid al-Fitr”, the holiday
next month that marks the end of
Cheeky beggars’ opera
raises two fingers to
New Zealand society
I
n the summer of
2019, New Zealand’s
media was captivated
by the antics of a
family of Travellers
from Liverpool who
wreaked havoc wherever
they went (Bernard
Lagan writes). The Nolan
clan made headlines for
eating at restaurants
without paying, littering
pristine beaches and
threatening onlookers.
Now their pursuit by
the country’s journalists
is back in the spotlight —
as an opera. The Unruly
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Ramadan. It is believed that the next solution. The United Arab Emirates, a
step will be to reintroduce Damascus to US ally that has grown closer to Russia,
the Arab League. Saudi Arabia is to host was the first Arab state to reopen its em-
the organisation’s summit in May. bassy in Damascus in 2018, arguing that
Syria was suspended in 2011 after As- Arab countries needed to try to resolve
sad’s crackdown on protests. the conflict.
The United States, an ally of Saudi Consensus has been growing among
Arabia, has opposed moves to normal- some states. Assad used his country’s
ise ties with Assad, citing his regime’s desperate situation after the earth-
brutality during the conflict and the quakes last month to quicken the
need to see progress towards a political process of normalising ties.
ANDI CROWN
The Unruly Travellers by
New Zealand Opera was
inspired by the Nolan family
from Liverpool, below, who
caused havoc during a
holiday in the country
assault with a weapon
and reckless driving;
another pleaded guilty to
two counts of theft.
In January 2019, after
“unruly behaviour” at a
branch of Burger King,
they were issued with a
deportation notice and
given 28 days to comply.
The mayor of Auckland
declared the family “pigs”
and New Zealanders used
social media to pile abuse
on the clan.
De Mallet Burgess told
The Times: “I began to
feel more and more
uncomfortable, especially
with some of the
comments on Facebook,
which reached fever pitch
and some of those
comments we actually
use in the show itself.
They uncovered a layer of
hatred, racism that
became deeply
uncomfortable.”
The Unruly Tourists
opened yesterday to
mostly glowing reviews.
But the decision to
commission the opera
triggered a flurry of
resignations among the
company’s eminent board
members, including Witi
Ihimaera, the nation’s
first Maori novelist.
“This is another
Englishman poking fun at
his fellow countrymen,”
said Simon O’Neill, the
New Zealand tenor. “I
mean, I think it reeks of
racism. I don’t
particularly want to be
involved with it.”
De Mallet Burgess, 59,
is unapologetic, saying
state-sponsored company. the opera attempts to
When he arrived in the
country in 2019, he
explore more troubling
themes within New
became transfixed by the Zealand society.
13-strong Nolan family,
who became the focus of
“One of the things that I
realised quite early on was
a media frenzy during an
otherwise dull summer.
that New Zealanders are
very, very proud of their
Tourists has been billed One family member country by and large . . .
as a “raucous comedy” faced allegations of fraud, but also quite sensitive to
and satire but ccriticism,”
not everyone is hhe said.
amused. ““And so the
The idea was oopera sets
commissioned by uup in a way
a man some have th
the idea of
come to regard so
something
as an unruly Brit th
that is
himself. Thomas re
really
de Mallet wwonderful
Burgess, its aabout this
director, was pplace, but
recruited by the th
then looks
Opera New aat what the
Zealand to uunderbelly
revitalise the oof that is.”
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Making tracks A giraffe scarpers as safari jeeps take tourists out at sunset in the Amboseli National Park, one of Kenya’s most popular game reserves
Spring break party season turns
Miami Beach into a ‘war zone’
United States
Jacqui Goddard Miami
The bloodstains have been washed off
the pavement, alcohol sales restricted,
hundreds of police put on overtime and
a state of emergency declared.
Welcome to spring break in Miami
Beach, Florida, where officials are
braced for another weekend of may-
hem amid a party season punctuated
by two fatal shootings, hundreds of
arrests, scores of gun confiscations,
fights, unruly crowds and what a police
union chief described as a war zone
atmosphere.
“I can no longer accept what is going
on in our city,” Bobby Hernandez,
president of the Fraternal Order of
Police, said. Officers have been working
14-hour shifts six days a week.
The trouble has centred around the
South Beach district of Miami Beach, a
barrier island linked to the main city of
Miami by traffic causeways. Spring
break revellers have descended in their
Death threat and powder sent to Trump investigator
Hugh Tomlinson Washington
A letter containing a death threat and
white powder has been sent to the office
of Alvin Bragg, the Manhattan district
attorney investigating Donald Trump,
as tensions simmer around the looming
indictment of the former president.
The letter addressed to Bragg said:
“Alvin: I am going to kill you!” accord-
ing to reports. Bragg’s office said emer-
gency teams later confirmed that the
white powder was “non-hazardous”.
Trump has stepped up his rhetoric
2GM
Police have made hundreds of arrests
and confiscated scores of weapons
thousands on South Beach’s Ocean
Drive — a boulevard famed for its Art
Deco hotels and restaurants, and all-
night party vibe.
Residents complain that what used to
be a tolerable influx of high-spirited
youths has in recent years taken on a
violent, criminal dimension.
During last year’s spring break, city
officials imposed a midnight curfew
after two shootings on Ocean Drive,
towards Bragg, as the district attorney’s
office investigates the former presi-
dent’s hush money payment to Stormy
Daniels, a porn star, on the eve of the
2016 presidential election.
Trump continued to lash out at Bragg
on Thursday night, denouncing him as
a “degenerate psychopath” and warn-
ing of “potential death and destruction”
if he were indicted. Trump would be the
first former US president to face crimi-
nal charges.
A grand jury hearing evidence of the
$130,000 paid to Daniels by Michael
the seizure of more than 100 firearms,
revellers cavorting on top of police cars
and disorderly crowd scenes that were
broken up by a Swat team shooting
pepper-spray projectiles. In 2021 there
were more than 1,000 arrests.
On Friday last week Jordan Idahosa,
21, a college student from Georgia, was
shot dead and a friend was injured in an
incident on Ocean Drive that sent by-
standers running for their lives. A 24-
year-old was charged with Idahosa’s
murder. At 3.30am on Sunday, a second
man was killed in a separate shooting.
“It’s a different world now to when I
was a spring breaker,” said Mitch Nov-
ick, a local hotelier, who videoed fire-
fighters hosing the victim’s blood off the
pavement at the scene of Sunday’s
shooting, sending red water gushing
past tourists queueing to get into a café.
He added: “What drew me to this
place 35-plus years ago when I got out
of my car was the great architecture,
the evening sky and there was just this
energy on the street — no blaring
Cohen, Trump’s former lawyer, to cover
up an affair will continue meeting next
week, with an indictment expected
within days.
Trump has denied the affair and any
knowledge of the payment, but has
urged his supporters to “protest” and
“take our country back”.
Trump announced last weekend that
he would be arrested on Tuesday, caus-
ing uproar among his supporters.
That date passed, but the police in
New York have been braced for protests
and negotiations continue over secur-
EDGARD BERBEN/MEDIA DRUM IMAGES
music, just this diverse mix of people, all
ages, and I fell in love with the place.
“Now we have spring break where
they’re hosing the blood off the streets.
It’s highly disruptive to businesses such
as my own. My international guests say,
‘Hey, we can’t go out, the place is forti-
fied by cops’ and they leave early and I
give them their money back.”
City officials had hoped to tamp
down the partying this year by laying
on a programme of daytime events
such as a volleyball tournament, child-
ren’s activities, yoga, the world’s largest
inflatable obstacle course and musical
performances by bands from police
forces and the Department of Home-
land Security.
But night-time trouble continued.
Some officials have called for security
checkpoints, metal detectors and police
dogs to be used next year.
“We don’t ask for spring break in our
city. We don’t want spring break in our
city,” Dan Gelber, the mayor of Miami
Beach, said.
ity precautions around the indictment.
Republicans have leapt to Trump’s
defence, seeking to intervene in Bragg’s
investigation and summon the district
attorney to face questioning by Con-
gress, but Democrats have condemned
the former president’s outbursts. “The
twice-impeached former president’s
rhetoric is reckless, reprehensible and
irresponsible,” Hakeem Jeffries, the
Democratic House minority leader,
said during a press briefing on Capitol
Hill. “It’s dangerous, and if he keeps it
up, he’s going to get someone killed.”
47
World
Utah children
need parents’
approval to
use TikTok
Hugh Tomlinson Washington
Children and teenagers in Utah will
need their parents’ consent to access
apps such as TikTok and Instagram
after the state became the first in the US
to pass laws restricting social media use
among minors.
Two bills signed into law by Spencer
Cox, the governor, also impose a cur-
few, barring children from using social
media between 10.30pm and 6.30am in
an effort to protect young people from
addictive platforms. At least five other
states are considering similar
legislation amid mounting alarm at the
impact of social media on children’s
mental health.
TikTok executives were grilled in
Congress on Thursday as pressure
grows for the popular video-sharing
app to be banned in the US. The Chi-
nese-owned platform, which has more
than 150 million American users, faces
claims that it acts as a surveillance tool
for Beijing, posing a threat to national
security. TikTok has been banned from
phones in US government agencies, in
Congress and by several states. Britain
followed suit this week, banning the
app from phones in parliament.
The move by Utah and other states
underscores the shift in political atti-
tudes towards tech companies in the
US and the vulnerability of children in
the digital age after years of unchecked
growth. Legislation to rein in the social
media giants has stalled at federal level
in the US, prompting states to step in.
Social media companies have until
March 1 next year to comply with the
new laws in Utah, which prohibit them
from displaying advertising to children,
Spencer Cox, the
Utah governor, is
cracking down
on “destructive”
social media apps
collecting information about minors
and targeting or suggesting content to
under-18s. Utah parents must also be
able to access their children’s accounts,
and the laws require age verification for
anyone using social media in the state.
Cox said studies had shown that too
much time spent on social media led to
“poor mental health outcomes” among
children. “We remain very optimistic
that we will be able to pass not just here
in the state of Utah but across the coun-
try legislation that significantly
changes the relationship of our child-
ren with these very destructive social
media apps.”
It remains unclear how the new laws
will be enforced. Social media com-
panies already ban anyone under 13
from signing up to their platforms, to
comply with federal legislation prohib-
iting them collecting data on young
children. However, many children get
around the ban with ease.
The new laws were welcomed by pa-
rental groups, among them Common
Sense Media, which said the move by
Utah “adds momentum for other states
to hold social media companies ac-
countable to ensure kids across the
country are protected online”.
The digital rights group Electronic
Frontier Foundation had called on Cox
to veto the legislation, arguing that it
infringed upon the privacy of teen-
agers. It added: “The majority of young
Utahns will find themselves effectively
locked out of much of the web.”
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 2GM 49

Business
world markets (Change on the day) commodities currencies
FTSE 100 Dow Jones Gold Brent crude (6pm) £/$ £/€
7,405.45 (-94.15) 32,237.53 (+132.28) $1,976.40 (-23.07) $ $75.00 (-0.98) $ $1.2225 (-0.0098) $ €1.1359 (+0.0048) ¤
8,500 37,500 2,000 120 1.300 1.300

8,000 35,000 1,800 100 1.200 1.200

7,500 32,500 1,600 80 1.100 1.100

7,000 30,000 1,400 60 1.000 1.000

Feb 24 Mar 3 10 17 24 Feb 24 Mar 3 10 17 24 Feb 24 Mar 3 10 17 24 Feb 24 Mar 3 10 17 24 Feb 24 Mar 3 10 17 24 Feb 24 Mar 3 10 17 24

WILL IRELAND/PINPEP

Experts can
testify in
Zantac case,
court rules
Alex Ralph
Chief Business Correspondent
GSK has suffered a setback in its costly
Zantac legal battle after an American
state court ruled that experts could
testify for a claimant in a trial this
summer.
The ruling in California means a case
alleging that GSK’s old blockbuster
heartburn drug caused cancer, one of
thousands of cases in the state, is set to
be heard in July.
GSK, one of Britain’s two big pharma-
ceutical companies, said yesterday that
it “respectfully disagrees” with the
ruling and said the “decision relates
only to the question of whether the
plaintiff’s experts can testify at trial
in the case. It does not mean that
the court agrees with plaintiff’s
experts’ scientific conclusions or their
litigation-driven science.”
GSK’s shares closed down 36½p, or
Star quality Succession actor Brian Cox opened trading at the London Stock Exchange to promote the final season of the award-winning series, which airs from Monday 2.6 per cent, to £14.01¼ on the London
Stock Exchange.
Shares in GSK and other global drug

Market panic forces Scholz

companies that have supplied Zantac
were sold off by investors in August on
concerns about potential multibillion-
pound liabilities. However, they had
rallied sharply in December after about
50,000 cases were dismissed in a pre-

to defend Deutsche Bank

European leaders calm fears of financial meltdown
Emma Powell
Germany’s chancellor was yesterday
forced to intervene publicly to reject
suggestions its biggest bank could be
the next lender to fail as world leaders
sought to calm fears about the health of
the financial sector in the face of a fresh
sell-off in European share markets.
Olaf Scholz said: “Deutsche Bank has
thoroughly reorganised and modern-
ised its business model and is a very
profitable bank.”
Christine Lagarde, head of the Euro-
pean Central Bank, said the euro area
banking sector was resilient with strong
capital and liquidity positions, adding it
“is fully equipped to provide liquidity to
euro area financial system, if needed”.
Deutsche became the latest European
lender to be thrown into turmoil after
the cost of insuring its bonds against
defaults leapt. Shares in Germany’s larg-
est lender fell as much as 14 per cent at
one point before paring losses to close
down 8.5 per cent in Frankfurt, a five-
month low.
Investors have been shaken by the
failures of Silicon Valley Bank (SVB)
and Signature, and the emergency res-
cue of Credit Suisse by Swiss rival UBS
last week, which has prompted fears that
other lenders could come under stress
amid the rapid rise in interest rates.
Shares in London-listed banks were
dragged into the sell-off, with Standard
Chartered and Barclays sustaining the
heaviest losses of 6.4 per cent and
4.2 per cent, respectively. The pressure
drove the blue-chip FTSE 100 down
94.15 points, or 1.2 per cent, to close at
7,405.45, leaving the index down 1 per
cent on the week and 6 per cent lower
since the start of the month.
Wider indicators of financial market
stress were also flashing, with the euro
falling against the dollar, bond yields
sinking and the costs of insuring
against bank defaults surging.
6 The Stoxx Europe 600 banks index,
which includes European and British
banks, fell 6.3 points, or 1.4 per cent.
6 The cost of Deutsche’s five-year
credit default swaps, a type of insurance
for bondholders, hit a four-year high.
6 The price of additional tier one bonds
(AT1s) issued by European investment
banks, designed to absorb losses if a bank
is in trouble, fell as investors sold their
holdings amid the loss of confidence.
6 Two-year UK bond yields, which are
most sensitive to interest rates, fell as
investors increased bets that the Bank
of England would hold off on raising
the cost of borrowing again.
6 Janet Yellen, US Treasury secretary,
held an unscheduled meeting of the
heads of America’s financial regulators.
6 US lenders recorded the biggest de-
cline in deposits in a year, down
$98.4 billion to $17.5 trillion in the week
ending March 15, according to figures
from the Federal Reserve yesterday.
“There is a trust deficit in the market,”
Salman Ahmed, global head of macro
and strategic asset allocation at Fidelity
International, said. The tightening in
monetary policy by central bankers
over the past year was “starting to shake
some of those foundations of the banks,
in ways that were unexpected”, he said.
This week central bankers in the US
and UK voted for another 25 basis point
increase in interest rates. Larry Fink,
chairman of BlackRock, the world’s
largest asset manager, has previously
warned that the environment of rapidly
rising interest rates had historically
“led to spectacular financial flameouts”
that could be repeated.
Policymakers on both sides of the
Atlantic have struggled to calm market
jitters as the banking crisis has taken
hold. Andrew Bailey, governor of the
Bank of England, told the Commons
Treasury select committee on Thurs-
day that the UK banking system
remained “well regulated and subject to
robust supervision”, in the wake of the
failure of SVB UK.
In the US, Yellen said this week that
regulators and the Treasury were pre-
pared to make comprehensive deposit
guarantees at other banks, as they did
at the failed SVB and Signature Bank.
Analysts have attributed the fall in
markets to reluctance among risk-
averse investors to be left holding bank-
ing stocks over the weekend. UBS and
global banking regulators scrambled
last weekend to finalise an emergency
Continued on page 52
trial federal court hearing in Florida, in
a significant boost to the defence.
Ranitidine, marketed as Zantac,
helped fund GSK’s global expansion,
becoming one of the first prescription
blockbusters and generating more than
$1 billion in annual sales.
The drug decreases the amount of
acid produced by cells in the lining of
the stomach and its label expanded
over the years to become a popular
treatment for heartburn. It was
launched as a prescription drug by GSK
in the 1980s before the rights to the
over-the-counter product in America
were sold to other drug companies in-
cluding Pfizer and Sanofi.
Analysts at Citigroup, GSK’s joint
house broker, said yesterday that it was
well understood that the legal thresh-
old in California was materially lower
than in Florida, and said it continued to
believe that the “likely magnitude of
any settlement for GSK is likely very
modest”, at less than $5 billion. “We
anticipate the stock to react very
favourably, assuming GSK/plaintiffs
look to settle pre-July,” they added.
GSK made a provision of £218 million
for legal disputes last year, including to
cover Zantac litigation.
It reiterated yesterday that after 13
epidemiological studies the “scientific
consensus is that there is no consistent
or reliable evidence that ranitidine
increases the risk of any cancer”.
550 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Business

Need to know
1
Olaf Scholz, Germany’s
chancellor, has been forced to
intervene publicly to reject
Nickel scam weighs heavy
suggestions Deutsche Bank, the
country’s biggest bank, could be
A shipment that turned erupted a week ago, the LME has raced
to inspect the rest of the nickel bags in
the next lender to fail as world
leaders sought to calm fears about
out to be stones has its storage network, which are housed
in 33 warehouses. These checks have
Shock and ore
the health of the financial sector intensified the troubles been carried out by the warehouse
in the face of a fresh sell-off in operators, and the LME confirmed on London Metal Exchange
European share markets. Page 49 a City institution faces, Thursday evening that no other irregu- runs the only open
larities had been found. outcry trading
reports Ben Martin floor in

2
GSK has suffered a setback in
its costly Zantac legal battle
after a court in California
ruled that experts could testify for
a claimant in a key trial this
summer. The ruling means a case
alleging that GSK’s old blockbuster
heartburn drug caused cancer, one
of thousands of cases in the state,
is set to be heard in July. Page 49
When traders at Stratton Metals sold
24 tonnes of nickel to a customer in
Germany, they did not expect to find
themselves caught up in one of the
most embarrassing incidents to have
hit the London Metal Exchange in
recent years.
There can be problems with deliver-
ies in the commodities industry. “At
This has helped to restore confidence
in the LME market, with the price of its Europe
three-month nickel futures contract
jumping by as much as 5.2 per cent yes-
terday to $23,695 a tonne.
While there have been rare thefts
from the exchange’s warehouses in the
past, the latest incident is thought to be
the first time on record that LME metal
had been found to have been substitut-
ed for another material.

3
“Irregularities” discovered in
shipments of nickel from one
of the London Metal
Exchange’s authorised
warehouses in Rotterdam have
dealt a blow to the wider nickel
industry, which was rocked last
month when Trafigura, the
Singapore-based commodities
group, revealed it was taking a
$577 million hit after discovering a
huge fraud involving missing
cargoes of the metal.
times you get ‘the pallets are broken’ or
‘the bags are broken’,” said Keith Dun-
leavy, the owner of Stratton, a London-
based metals merchant. In this case,
however, something more unexpected
had happened. Rather than briquettes
of nickel, half of the sacks had con-
tained stones.
The customer emailed Dunleavy and
Gordon Buchanan, a senior trader at
Stratton, last week to alert them to the
discovery. The metal had been held by
the LME and the exchange was quickly
informed of the problem.
In the wider commodities industry,
however, nickel, which is used to make
stainless steel, is a popular target for
scams and theft because it is the most
valuable of the base metals. Demand is
growing, partly because it is needed to
make the batteries for electric cars.
It is also the only metal that is stored
in sacks. This is because it can be made
into briquettes, which are formed when
nickel powder is compacted into brick-
like chunks that are then piled in bags.
These are two-tonne white sacks,
three of which together make up one

4
A bust-up in the boardroom
at Liontrust, the FTSE 250
fund management group, led
to the abrupt departures of two
non-executive directors. Emma
Howard Boyd and Quintin Price
both quit with immediate effect.
The company gave no explanation.
By Friday last week, the LME had
revealed to the wider market that
“irregularities” had been discovered in
shipments from one of its authorised
warehouses in Rotterdam and that nine
contracts, the equivalent of 54 tonnes
of nickel, had been cancelled after they
were found to be “non-conformant
with the contract specifications”. The
six-tonne nickel contract, in industry
parlance a warrant. The sacks are se-
cured with seals, making visible inspec-
tion difficult. As a result, the main test
for ensuring the bags are indeed filled
with nickel is to weigh them.
The warehouse at the centre of the
stones scandal is owned by Access
World, a company sold by Glencore,

5
Tui Group is poised to repay
the state aid granted by the
German government during
the pandemic after launching a
€1.8 billion equity issue. The FTSE
250 travel group will offer existing
shareholders new shares at a
subscription price of €5.55 at a
ratio of eight for every three held,
a discount of almost 40 per cent.
sacks of material backing the contracts
contained stones.
The debacle has dealt a blow to the
wider nickel industry, which was rocked
last month when Trafigura, the Singa-
pore-based commodities group, re-
vealed it was taking a $577 million hit
after discovering a huge fraud involving
missing cargoes of the metal.
It also represents another setback for
the LME, which is still wrestling with
the FTSE 100 commodities firm, to
Global Capital Merchants in January.
The nine invalidated nickel contracts
were owned by JP Morgan and the
sacks are understood to have been
stored in the Rotterdam facility when
the US bank acquired them. There is no
suggestion of wrongdoing by the bank, Molten nickel is
which declined to comment. poured at Norilsk
Glencore also declined to comment Nickel's Nadezhda
and Access World said it believed the plant in the Russian

6
Tim Martin, the founder and
chairman of JD Wetherspoon,
expressed cautious optimism
over the pub company’s prospects
amid signs of recovery from the
“ferocious” inflationary pressures
faced by the sector.
the fallout from a short-selling crisis on
its nickel market a year ago that has
exposed weaknesses in its oversight of
trading of the metal.
The 146-year-old LME sits at the
heart of the world’s trading of industrial
metals and is something of an institu-
tion in the City of London because it
problem was an “isolated case”.
As well as Stratton, Trafigura also
received a nickel delivery from the Rot-
terdam warehouse that turned out to be
stones. A spokeswoman said: “We spot-
ted a discrepancy in a delivery and
immediately notified the warehouse.
There’s no major impact for Trafigura.”
Arctic city of Norilsk
market was thrown into turmoil when
the price of its three-month futures
contract experienced an unprecedent-
ed spike above $100,000 a tonne.
The move was partly caused by wor-
Worried that the market had become
disorderly, the exchange intervened by
temporarily suspending nickel dealings
and taking the highly unusual step of
cancelling trades worth billions of

7
Smiths Group has upgraded its
growth forecasts for a second
time in four months as the
UK-based FTSE 100 engineer
reported record half-year results.
runs Europe’s only remaining open
outcry trading floor.
It operates using a network of 464
warehouses around the world but does
not own or manage these storage facili-
ties. They are instead run by approved
The material at the centre of the
scandal is small relative to the wider
nickel market: the nine cancelled war-
rants accounted for 0.14 per cent of the
LME’s live nickel stock. Nevertheless,
the discovery was alarming. “Clearly I
ries that Russia’s invasion of Ukraine
would disrupt supplies of the metal.
However, the jump was significantly
exacerbated by traders who had taken
big short bets against metal, hoping to
profit from a fall in its price. As nickel
dollars that had taken place in the early
hours of March 8 2022.
The decision to scrap trades caused
uproar among traders who lost out
from the LME’s actions. The exchange
faces a number of lawsuits for claims to-

8
Britain’s benchmark gas price third parties, which must check and was concerned,” Matt Chamberlain, rose, these traders were forced to buy talling more than $500 million, includ-
was trading in only double store the metal according to the the chief executive of the LME, said. back their loss-making positions, which ing legal action taken by Elliott, the
digits for the first time since exchange’s strict rules. It comes at an awkward time for the squeezed the price of the metal even aggressive activist hedge fund.
dozens of energy suppliers went Since the scandal of the stones exchange. In March last year, its nickel higher. In a further blow, the Financial Con-
bust, Russia had yet to invade
Ukraine and curtail gas supplies to
Europe and Ofgem announced
what seemed like a huge rise in
household energy bills — to £1,277
a year. Pages 54-55
Liontrust directors quit after boardroom bust-up
Patrick Hosking Financial Editor marketed its funds heavily on their ment performance as its sustainably Alastair Barbour, chairman of Lion-

9
Retail sales volumes beat
expectations to return to pre-
pandemic levels, while the
private sector continued to grow,
offering hope for economic growth
at the start of the year, data shows.
Page 54
A bust-up in the boardroom at Lion-
trust, the FTSE 250 fund management
group, led to the abrupt departures of
two non-executive directors yesterday.
Emma Howard Boyd and Quintin
Price both quit “with immediate effect”,
the company said, with no explanation.
environmental credentials. She was also
on the board remuneration committee.
Price, a fund management veteran,
who also serves on the board of Foreign
& Colonial Investment Trust, had been
on the Liontrust board less than two
years. He also sat on the remuneration
committee, as well as the audit and
badged funds underperformed.
Green-labelled funds have struggled
in the past year, weighed down by their
emphasis on technology stocks and
missing out on strong returns from
fossil-fuel companies.
London-based Liontrust was found-
ed in 1995 and was listed in 1999. It
trust, said: “On behalf of the board, I
would like to thank Emma and Quintin
for the contributions they have made to
the board of Liontrust and wish them
all the very best for the future.”
Last September 46 per cent of share-
holders who voted were against the
company’s remuneration policy in spite

10 The UK’s criminal

sanctions regime for
insider dealing and
market manipulation needs to be
updated to ensure the City
regulator has the right powers to
deal with the “seriousness and
impact” of such abuses, the
Treasury has said. Page 55
Their resignations follow the depar-
ture of another non-executive, Sophia
Tickell, in September 2021, and a major
shareholder revolt last September over
executive pay at the company.
Howard Boyd, a former stewardship
chief at Jupiter Asset Management, only
joined the board in January last year. She
had special board responsibility for
sustainability at the group, which has
nomination committees.
Liontrust said it was “in the process of
searching for new non-executive di-
rectors and will be providing a further
update in due course”.
The dispute is thought to centre on
governance, not pay.
Liontrust has gone through a torrid
18 months, suffering a flood of client
defections in the wake of poor invest-
bought Alliance Trust Investment
Management in 2016, Neptune Invest-
ment Management in 2019 and most
recently Majedie, for £120 million in
April last year. Total assets under
management at December 31 were
£32.6 million.
The shares, which peaked at more
than £24 in September 2021, fell 18p, or
1.7 per cent, to £10.44 yesterday.
of modifications made to it in response
to earlier criticisms. John Ions, chief ex-
ecutive, was paid £6.01 million last year
and was given a 58 per cent increase in
his base pay from £348,000 to £550,000,
which angered some shareholders.
The company said at the time it
would “engage with shareholders again
to understand their continued disa-
greement with Liontrust’s approach”.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
on metal exchange
Nickel price
Cash per tonne
Feb Mar Apr May Jun
2022
duct Authority announced this month
that it had started an enforcement
investigation into “some of the LME’s
conduct and systems and controls
in place” between the beginning of
January last year and the day the trades
were cancelled.
Still, there is some sympathy for the
LME in the metals market over the
stones debacle. “It’s an isolated exam-
ple, it’s limited to a very small tonnage,”
said Buchanan at Stratton.
He noted that the LME does not
own the warehouses in its network
and added: “It shouldn’t happen, obvi-
Tui €1.8bn rights issue to repay state aid
Dominic Walsh
Tui Group is poised to repay the state
aid granted by the German govern-
ment during the pandemic after
launching a €1.8 billion equity issue.
The FTSE 250 travel group will offer
existing shareholders new shares at a
subscription price of €5.55 at a ratio of
eight for every three already held, a dis-
count of almost 40 per cent.
Alexey Mordashov, 57, Tui’s biggest
shareholder with 30.9 per cent held
through Unifirm and Severgroup, is
barred from participating in the rights
issue after being sanctioned by the
European Union. The billionaire
Russian steel tycoon will see his stake in
Tui sharply diluted.
Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec
ously, LME warrants are sacrosanct.”
The boss of a leading commodity
trading firm said: “I feel sorry for [the
LME], it’s been a long year for them.”
He said it was not just an issue for
the exchange. “It’s about the integrity
of how the metals business works
full stop.”
Industry insiders point to the
$577 million hit that Trafigura disclosed
last month as an example of wider prob-
lems. Trafigura claims it has fallen vic-
tim to a “systematic fraud” and is taking
legal action in the High Court in
London against companies associated
Tui was created in 2014 by the merger
of Tui Travel, of Britain, and Tui AG, of
Germany. It employs 70,000 people in
more than 100 countries, who look
after 21 million customers a year. The
group has about 400 hotels, 16 cruise
ships, 130 aircraft and 1,200 travel agen-
cies. It also runs environmental and
social projects in 25 countries.
Tui will use the capital raise to repay
Germany’s economic stabilisation fund
about €750 million. Having received
€4.3 billion, it is currently left with
€2.6 billion to return. After completing
the repayment, it will retain an un-
drawn €1.1 billion credit line from de-
velopment bank KfW. The German
state will make a profit of more than
€600 million on the aid provided.
$ 30,000
25,000
20,000
15,000
10,000
5,000
0 suggesting that inflation n
Jan Feb Mar
2023 Source: S&P Capital IQ
Nickel is the only
metal traded and
stored in two-tonne
sacks, making visible
inspection difficult
with Prateek Gupta, an Indian metals
tycoon, over its missing nickel cargoes.
Gupta is said to be preparing a “robust
response” to the allegations. Trafigura
has said that the shipment of stones it
received is not linked to the legal action
it is taking against Gupta.
However, despite the problems in the
broader industry, the market’s focus is
likely to remain on the LME, which
next week is due to set out its plans to
overhaul its nickel market.
Chamberlain said: “We recognise the
challenges the nickel market has expe-
rienced over the last year.”
Sebastian Ebel, 60, who took over as
chief executive last October, said: “The
full repayment of the corona state aid
was our declared goal.”
He said that Tui would emerge with
“a good balance sheet structure again”
by reducing interest costs and creating
a solid basis for the future. “Our goal is
clear: we want to grow profitably again
and gain more market share with addi-
tional customers and new products.
The booking trend also continues to be
very encouraging,” Ebel said.
Tui said its net debt would fall from
€3.4 billion at the end of the 2022 finan-
cial year to €2.4 billion, with its gross
leverage ratio returning to pre-crisis
levels in the present year. Shares fell
33½p, or 2.4 per cent, to £13.80.
Glass half full for
Wetherspoons as
inflation fears ease
Dominic Walsh
The boss of JD Wetherspoon expressed
cautious optimism over the pub com-
pany’s prospects amid signs of recovery
from the “ferocious” inflationary
pressures faced by the sector.
Tim Martin, the founder and chair-
man, said that supply or delivery prob-
lems had largely disappeared and the
company had overcome labour shorta-
ges and had a full complement of staff.
He said that like many operators
Wetherspoons had been hit by inflation
in energy, food and labour. However, he
was hopeful that statements
from the Bank of England gland
and other authorities ies
could be on the wane
would prove correct.
The markets were
caught on the hop
this week when in-
flation unexpectedly
rose to 10.4 per cent in
February, pushed up byy
higher food and drink nk
prices in pubs and restau- tau-
rants, prompting the Bank of
England to raise interest est rates. Last
month Wetherspoons raised its prices
by 7.5 per cent, increasing the price of a
pint by 29p.
In the half year to January 29 the pub
chain edged back into the black, swing-
ing from a pre-tax loss of £26.1 million
to a profit of £4.6 million, albeit still well
short of the £50.3 million profit it made
in 2019 before the pandemic.
Total sales rose 3 per cent compared
with 2019 levels to £916 million and the
year-on-year improvement was
The pub chain raised prices by 7.5 per
cent last month, adding 29p to a pint
Smiths shakes off gloom
with higher sales forecast
Robert Lea Industrial Editor
Smiths Group has upgraded its growth
forecasts for a second time in four
months as the UK-based FTSE 100
engineering group shook off the global
macroeconomic uncertainty to report
record half-year results.
In November, Smiths said its organic,
or like-for-like, growth would come in
at between 4 per cent and 4.5 per cent in
the year to the end of July. A couple of
months ago it uprated that growth to
7 per cent. It now says it will come in at
a minimum of 8 per cent having booked
an increase of 13.5 per cent over the
autumn and winter.
The £6 billion-rated company re-
ported operating profits 27 per cent
higher at £241 million in the first six
months of its financial year on reve-
nues inflated by foreign exchange
translation to £1.49 billion, an increase
of 25 per cent.
The stock had dipped in recent weeks
having hit a record high of £17.97 last
month. Yesterday the shares rose 5½p,
or 0.3 per cent, to £17.10.
“The numbers are very good and
business is strong in all end markets, all
four of our divisions and in all geo-
graphies,” Paul Keel, Smiths’ chief
executive of nearly two years, said.
He added that Smiths, along with
51
Business
13.5 per cent. Like-for-like sales were up
5 per cent from pre-pandemic levels
and 13 per cent year on year but fell
0.6 per cent compared with the first
half of 2020.
Trade for the first seven weeks of the
second half was up 14.9 per cent com-
pared with last year on a like-for-like
basis and up 7 per cent on pre-pandem-
ic levels.
The operating margin excluding im-
pairments and other one-offs was
4.1 per cent in the first half, compared
with 7.1 per cent in 2019 and 0.2 per cent
in 2022. Its net debt fell from
£920.4 million to £743.9 million.
Marti 67, said the com-
Martin,
pany had “sold about a
doze pubs, had a dozen
dozen
an a half under offer
and
an a dozen and a half
and
le to go”. He said in-
left
te
terest from smaller
p
pub companies was
hi
high but there were
“n plans for further
“no
sale at the moment”.
sales
We
Wetherspoons was
founde by Martin in 1979
founded
on the site of a former betting
h in Muswell Hill, north London.
shop
For the first month it was called
Martin’s Free House but was quickly re-
named Wetherspoons. The chain,
which sells reasonably priced ales and
meals, had 44 pubs at its flotation in
1992 and at its peak in 2015 had 951. To-
day it has 843 in the UK and Ireland.
Greg Johnson, at Shore Capital, said
the company’s results showed “a much
improved performance in the period
and further progress at the start of the
second half, demonstrating the con-
tinued resilience of the UK consumer”.
Wetherspoons shares rose 79p, or
13.6 per cent, to 660p.
other UK-based blue-chip engineers
such as Rotork, Weir, Halma and
Spirax-Sarco, had all shown growth
when the macroeconomic data and
trends suggested a gloomier outlook.
Smiths is a conglomerate of com-
panies with John Crane serving the
energy industry, Smiths Detection pro-
ducing security scanners for airports
and most recently the Fifa World Cup,
and Flex-Tek and Interconnect serving
the construction, industrial, aerospace
and semiconductor sectors.
Smiths has also long been one of the
most frustrating of companies for
investors, as it has been a business of
huge potential and expertise dogged by
poor execution, lack of ambition and
muddled strategy.
“Over the past couple of years,
Smiths has been making a habit of ex-
ceeding expectations, which is quite a
turnaround from its past reputation,”
Mark Davies Jones, an analyst at Stifel,
said. “Organic revenue growth has long
been the issue on which Smiths has un-
derperformed the most successful of its
peers. This is now changing.”
Andrew Wilson, analyst at JP
Morgan Cazenove, said: “Revenue and
earnings growth are an all-time record
for Smiths and add further evidence
the change is real under this manage-
ment team.”
552 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Business

Dance of life
and death
for TikTok
in America
Countries across the
West are watching the
drama in Congress over
the Chinese-owned app,
writes Callum Jones
Filming a selfie in a zip-up hoodie and
jeans, Shou Zi Chew did not launch into
a dance routine, record himself lip
syncing to a pop song, or cut to a day-in-
the-life montage. Instead TikTok’s
chief executive issued a blunt warning
to those swiping through the short-
form video app: it could be shut down.
“Some politicians have started talk-
ing about banning TikTok,” Chew told
the Chinese-owned platform’s Amer-
ican users. “This could take TikTok
away from all 150 million of you.”
His video this week was the centre-
piece of TikTok’s last-ditch campaign
to mitigate the threat of a crackdown in
the world’s largest economy. Govern-
ment officials, politicians and rivals in
the US are circling, having grown
alarmed over its rapid ascent.
Over Chew’s shoulder in the minute-
long clip was the dome of the US Capi-
tol, where he would emerge days later
for his first appearance before a con-
gressional committee. Although he
ditched the casual attire in favour of a
blue suit and tie, and issued written tes-
timony of almost 5,000 words, the core
message remained the same.
“We do not believe that a ban that
hurts American small businesses, dam-
ages the country’s economy, silences
the voices of over 150 million Ameri-
cans and reduces competition in an
increasingly concentrated market is
the solution to a solvable problem,” the
Singaporean executive, 40, said.
In Washington and beyond, this ar-
gument has struggled to gain traction.
The future of TikTok, which amassed
more than a billion users in just a few
years, has been thrown into doubt by
apprehension over China’s potential in-
fluence and the safety of users’ data.
These fears are compounded by pol-
itical hostility towards social media
more broadly. TikTok and its competi-
tors — including Instagram, owned by
Meta Platforms, and Snapchat — face
tough questions around how they
screen harmful content and protect the
mental health of their young audiences.
TikTok has gone to great lengths to
stress it is not a Chinese app. It is head-
quartered in Los Angeles and Singa-
pore and does not operate in China. But
its owner, ByteDance, was founded and
remains based there, prompting
intense scrutiny of its links with the
country’s government.
Chew, who had asked TikTok’s US
users to share with him “what you want
your representatives to know about
what you love
about TikTok”, en-
countered little
affection as Thurs-
day’s hearing got
under way. He out-
lined the steps the
group had taken to
allay concerns, in- W
Wedbush, described mart, under which they would take a 20 even if that means shutting it down, has
cluding an initia- t hearing as a “disas-
the per cent stake, only for the deal to be attracted a rare bipartisan consensus in
tive known inside te and predicted that
ter” shelved when President Biden took Washington. But the denouement is
the business as T
TikTok would be office. This time Beijing has indicated it more likely to be settled in court than
Project Texas. It b
banned in the US this would resist a forced sale. Hours before Congress. “Trump’s ban was really a
claims to have y
year if it was not sold. Thursday’s hearing, a Chinese com- sledgehammer,” Timothy Edgar, a
spent $1.5 billion on But the path to either merce ministry official said it would former US national security and intelli-
an effort to “fire- o
outcome is steep. In the “firmly oppose” any such prospect. gence official, recently told Harvard
wall” US user data s
short term, the status Export controls introduced by China Law Today. “It was, in my opinion at
from “unauthor- q is “the likely scen-
quo in 2020 “gave them the authority to ban least, designed to make headlines, al-
sub
ised” foreign parties, forming a US sub- ario” Anupam Chander,
ario”, C professor of the export of an algorithm”, Chander most a form of trolling. As long as you
sidiary with almost 1,500 employees law and technology at Georgetown said. “The Biden administration was get the headlines about trying to ban
and contracting Oracle, the US tech University, said. hoping for a win/win solution [where- TikTok, whether you succeed or not,
multinational, to store the data. TikTok says ByteDance is 20 per cent by] the app continues to be used by maybe that serves the political goal.
Such steps have failed to reassure its owned by its founders, 20 per cent by its 150 million Americans, but is now “And maybe Biden has the same moti-
critics. The Biden administration has employees and 60 per cent by institu- transferred into friendly nation hands. vation. But if what you’re trying to do is
made clear its national security worries tional investors, such as BlackRock and China potentially can veto that option.” address national security concerns, I
would be resolved by a sale, or a ban, General Atlantic. Zhang Yiming, the If TikTok remains under the owner- think you want an approach that’s more
and this week’s hearing set the stage for ByteDance co-founder, is widely ship of ByteDance, there are doubts, likely to survive a court challenge.”
a pivotal few months for TikTok. reported to control the company via a too, as to whether the US could actually Senior US government officials do
“TikTok’s fate in the US is on shakier separate class of shares; ByteDance did implement a ban. Donald Trump’s not think they have the authority to
ground than ever,” said Jasmine not respond to a request for clarity. attempt to do this as president became ban TikTok without an act of Con-
Enberg, principal analyst at Insider TikTok has been here before. Threat- mired in legal action, which ultimately gress, The Washington Post reported.
Intelligence, and the business “miscal- ened with a ban by the Trump adminis- halted it in its tracks. Should Biden try The legislation under which Trump
culated” by revealing the scale of its tration, it held takeover talks with the same move, his administration is sought to ban TikTok has exceptions
popularity, in her view hindering its Microsoft in 2020, and agreed terms on expected to face similar hurdles. for some personal communications
case. Dan Ives, technology analyst at a partnership with Oracle and Wal- Unravelling TikTok’s ties to China, and information sources. After Chew,

continued from page 49 Analysis

Scholz defends Deutsche Bank

cut-price takeover of Credit Suisse for
£2.7 billion. Its stock had fallen 30 per
cent after the chairman of Credit
Suisse’s biggest shareholder, the Saudi
National Bank, said it would “abso-
lutely not” inject more equity.
Deutsche Bank has suffered a num-
ber of setbacks in recent years including
paying $7.2 billion in 2017 to settle a US
investigation into mortgage-backed
securities sold in the run-up to the
financial crisis. Deutsche Bank
declined to comment.
However, Stuart Graham, an analyst
at Autonomous Research, said he was
“relatively relaxed” in view of Deut-
sche’s robust capital and liquidity posi-
tions. “To be crystal clear — Deutsche is
NOT the next Credit Suisse,” he said.
I
t was only seven weeks
ago that Christian
Sewing, chief executive
of Deutsche Bank, was
crowing to colleagues
about the success of his
transformation plan over
the past three years
(Patrick Hosking writes).
The latest results, he said,
“could hardly be more
encouraging”. Profits were
up 65 per cent to €5.6 billion.
The balance sheet was solid.
Risk management was “first
class”. Shares rose well
above €12, a two-year high.
But they dived as low as
€7.99 yesterday as Olaf
Scholz, the German
chancellor, felt required to
say that Deutsche was no
Credit Suisse and there was
“no reason to be
concerned”.
Many banking analysts
agreed, scratching their
heads about the way fears
seemed to centre on
Deutsche, the biggest bank
in Germany and the
employer of 7,500 people in
the City of London.
All banks were taking a
pasting. But why Deutsche
more than others? It might,
said one watcher, just be
muscle memory: Deutsche
wobbled badly in 2016 on
fears that the fines for its
mis-selling of mortgage-
backed securities in the last
banking crisis could capsize
it. In the event they were
manageable.
It might, ran another
theory, be substantial
exposure to US commercial
real estate (CRE) lending.
Deutsche has $16.8 billion
outstanding here, making it
more vulnerable than most
other European banks.
It might, said others, be
that Deutsche has exposure
to derivatives with a
notional face value of
$42.5 trillion, including
$13 trillion that is not
centrally cleared, thus
exposing it in theory to
counterparty risk.
But Stuart Graham,
banks analyst at
Autonomous, said: “The
concerns we hear about its
US CRE exposures and
large derivatives book are
(i) well known, and (ii) just
not very scary, in our view.”
Another threat might
come from the US
Department of Justice.
According to Bloomberg, a
number of banks were
coming under scrutiny for
potentially helping Russia
avoid sanctions, though
there was no mention of
Deutsche specifically.
It looked like the market
was being “irrational”,
concluded Andrew Coombs
at Citibank. But that did not
mean it was not a problem
if it fed into depositor
psychology, he added.
No bank can survive for
long if its depositors start to
fear it can’t survive for long.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/AFP/GETTY IMAGES
Some of America’s
150 million TikTok
users protest on
Capitol Hill against a
ban. Left, Shou Zi
Chew, TikTok’s chief
executive, faced hostile
questioning from
members of Congress
40, had concluded more than four
hours of bruising testimony, TikTok
released a statement that accused his
interrogators of “political grandstand-
ing” and failing to acknowledge the
“real solutions” it had put in place to
protect data.
The outcome of this battle is likely to
have a fundamental impact on TikTok’s
future beyond America’s borders.
Other nations are watching closely.
This month the company announced
Project Clover, its European response
to data security concerns. Moves to rid
UK government and parliamentary de-
vices of TikTok, following similar steps
by the US, Canada, Belgium and the
European Commission, highlight the
mountain of suspicion that such initia-
tives must contend with.
“Bans are only appropriate when
there are no alternatives,” Chew
suggested this week. But as TikTok
struggles to reassure governments
worldwide, the spectre of an abrupt end
to its extraordinary rise looms large.
Meet the grannies of TikTok, Magazine
Dominic O’Connell
Now more than ever the railways need a
‘‘
fat controller who carries real weight
Derby has many
feathers in its civic
cap: one of the first
places in the
country to have a
proper piped water system; a
birthplace of the Industrial
Revolution; home in his teenage years
to Peter Hammill, founder of the
prog-rock band Van der Graaf
Generator. To those can be added
another honour: it is to be the home
of Great British Railways (GBR), the
new controller of the British network.
This is a big moment, at least
according to Mark Harper, the
transport secretary. “Passengers will
no longer face the excuse-making and
blame-shifting of years past. Instead
GBR will be wholeheartedly
customer-focused, serving as the
single point of accountability for the
performance of the railway.”
That is some promise and one that
provoked wry smiles from those with
intimate knowledge of the industry.
One former railway executive I spoke
to this week, in the trenches since
British Rail days, said it reminded him
of a sketch from Beyond the Fringe,
the 1960s comedy revue that made
stars of Peter Cook, Dudley Moore
and others. Cook, a Royal Air Force
officer, asks a pilot (Jonathan Miller)
to undertake a suicide mission. “We
need a futile gesture at this stage. It
will raise the whole tone of the war.”
It would be wrong to dismiss the
new organisation as futile. Creating a
single strong leadership for the
railway is a laudable goal and if done
properly could fix one of the
structural weaknesses that has
dogged it since privatisation nearly
three decades ago. That will take
time, though, and at present the
network faces such a glum outlook,
with shaky finances, poor industrial
relations and shredded timetables,
that trumpeting a future management
restructuring as the answer seems a
limp response. The new offices in
Derby are for the moment only for
the GBR transition team; it is unlikely
to become a reality until late next
year or early 2025, depending on the
legislative timetable.
Even the fuss that has been made
of the choice of headquarters has
irked many. Rather than just stick it
in Derby, an obvious choice given the
city’s long railway heritage, ministers
organised a competition, complete
with cringeworthy social media posts
by Grant Shapps, transport secretary
at the time and original backer of the
new body. It all smacked of bread and
circuses to distract from the
depressing reality. The day before the
choice of Derby was announced, the
Department for Transport handed a
six-month contract extension to
Avanti West Coast, an operator that
had been derided for poor levels of
service on one of the UK’s most
important rail arteries, the west coast
main line. The department correctly
said that Avanti had made some
improvements but the impression was
that the officials had had little
alternative. Few rail companies are
eager to take over a troubled
operation and the only other option
would have been to give it to the
government’s own in-house operator,
which already has its hands full with
other failed franchises.
Finance first. Covid-19 made one of
the network’s two main sources of
money, income from fares, evaporate
almost completely. That meant that
the other, government subsidy, had to
become the sole locomotive. Since
pandemic restrictions have eased, it
has been a case of watching whether
and how quickly fare income would
return. It has not been as fast as
hoped. The latest annual numbers are
not up to date but do give an idea of
the scale of the problem. Total
income (split between train
companies and Network Rail, which
owns and runs the track, signalling
and main stations) was £21.3 billion in
the 12 months to April last year. Of
that £13.3 billion came from the
government and £6.5 billion from
fares (£1.5 billion was from a
miscellany of other sources).
Pre-pandemic, the make-up was quite
different. In the 2018-19 financial year
total income was £21.8 billion, of
which fares were £10.4 billion, plus
£1 billion in other passenger income
such as on-train catering and car
parking. The government put in
£7.4 billion but got back £3.2 billion in
payments from train operating
companies. Other sources contributed
53
Business
Busines
£3 billion. It is worth noting that a big
slice of the industry’s income is now
taken by interest payments on
Network Rail’s accumulated debt:
about £2.8 billion a year, more than is
spent on track maintenance.
Fares have perked up in the
intervening months. The most recent
tally from the Office of Road and
Rail, which covers the three months
to the end of last year, shows that
passenger numbers were at 80 per
cent of pre-pandemic levels and fares
income two thirds of what it was.
Those hoping for a return to
normality and the pre-Covid balance
to the industry’s finances, however,
might be disappointed. Season-ticket
usage was only 35 per cent of
previous levels. Working from home
appears to have badly wounded one
of the industry’s former cash cows.
The overall picture is a system that
is costing the Treasury more and
delivering less. It is also highly skewed
towards the capital. The most recent
figures show that daily arrivals in
London by train were more than
eight times greater than in the next
city, Birmingham.
Given all the other demands on the
public purse, it is no surprise that the
industry is under pressure to save
money. That has combined with
strikes to produce some awful levels of
service, particularly in the north of
England, where cancellations on
TransPennine Express and Northern
Rail have become a joke. There are
also concerns about future
investment. Some train fleets are
being withdrawn and the trade journal
Modern Railways, which normally has
its finger on the pulse, reports that the
next stage of electrification of the
midland main line (first proposed in
the 1970s and on and off many times
since) may be shelved.
It could lead to a downward spiral.
Poor levels of service mean fewer
passengers, less in fares and less
justification for government support:
’’
a return, in short, to the arguments
that led to privatisation. What the
railways need, and what that office in
Derby will hopefully provide, is the
kind of leadership that can convince
government that the
railway is a public
good that will
reward long-term
support.
Dominic O’Connell is business
presenter for Times Radio
554 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Business

‘We avoided a winter gas crisis but are not

Emily Gosden Energy Editor therm threshold, continuing their fall Meanwhile, demand for liquefied winter?” he said. In reality, “we’re end-

The last time that Britain’s benchmark

gas price was trading in only double
digits, the world looked very different.
Dozens of energy suppliers had yet to
go bust, Russia had still to invade
Ukraine and curtail gas supplies to
Europe and Ofgem had just announced
what seemed like a huge rise in house-
hold energy bills — to £1,277 a year. It
was August 2021, and the energy crisis
was just beginning.
This week, however, wholesale gas
prices for the benchmark month-ahead
contract fell back below that 100p per
from the extraordinary highs of more
than 600p last summer. So what’s going
on in the gas market, and how long can
these lower prices last?
A crucial factor has been “continuing
mild weather”, according to Tom
Marzec-Manser, head of gas analytics
at Icis, the price reporting agency. This
winter has been freakishly warm across
Europe, resulting in households using
less gas for heating. High prices have hit
demand, leading households and busi-
nesses to cut back to save money, while
European governments have sought to
reduce energy consumption.
natural gas (LNG) elsewhere has been
lower than feared, meaning Europe has
kept receiving supplies. “Throughout
the winter there has been concern that
Asia, particularly China since the
Covid restrictions finished earlier this
year, would start to drive competition
and push that price back up again, but
that’s really not been the case,”
Marzec-Manser said.
The result is that a winter many
feared could involve severe energy
shortages in Europe has passed largely
without incident. “Six months ago, the
big question was: will we get through
ing the gas winter at incredibly high
storage levels”.
Hot and
Ordinarily European gas storage cold
sites are only about 25 to 30 per cent full
by the end of winter; this week they
were 55 per cent full and refilling ready
for next winter.
£2,500
a year
So is the gas crisis over? “That would
be a very unwise way of considering it,”
Marzec-Manser said. “We remain in an Average UK energy
incredibly tight market.” bill this winter
He is not alone in his caution. Jenni-
fer Granholm, the US energy secretary,
said last month that low prices were no
reason to relax, adding: “We should still
be worried about next winter. We
cannot be complacent, just because
we’ve seen a dip.”
In addition, Wael Sawan, the boss of
Shell, has warned of a multi-year crisis
with Europe still “depending on luck as
a strategy for our energy needs”.
There are signs that policymakers Wholesale gas prices
are heeding these warnings. The Euro-
Month-ahead contract
pean Commission has proposed ex-
tending voluntary 15 per cent curbs on
gas usage until March 2024, while Brit-
ain’s energy secretary, Grant Shapps,
has issued a late request to keep emer-
gency coal plants open a further year.
The weather will, as ever, play a huge
role in determining demand and there-
fore whether next winter proves more
challenging. There is also the question
of what happens in China, as demand
recovers from lockdown-induced lows.
Massimo Di Odoardo, vice-presi-
dent of gas and LNG research at Wood
Mackenzie, the consultancy, said that
although “booming domestic produc-
tion and continued growth in Russian
pipeline imports” should help meet Source: Refinitiv 2022
China’s growing needs, it was still ex-
pected to require more LNG and push Apr Jul Oc
up global prices. In Wood Mackenzie’s
base case, British gas prices could rise to gas market is out of the woods; it is a
160p per therm in the coming winter. structurally tight market and prices are
Were China to grow faster than ex- volatile. But with demand trimmed by
pected, that would further squeeze high prices, recent mild weather and
LNG markets with no new projects ex- markets proving resilient in a world
pected to be commissioned before without Russian pipeline exports to
2025. In that case, Di Odoardo sees Europe, stronger-than-expected Chi-
British gas prices rising to about 200p nese LNG demand is unlikely to lead to
per therm, about four times historical a repeat of the chaos seen in 2022,” Di
norms, albeit still well below the ex- Odoardo said.
tremes seen last summer after Russia With prices lower, it remains to be
curtailed gas supplies to Europe. seen how quickly gas demand rebounds
“This is not to suggest that the global in Europe, especially among industrial

Forecast-beating rise in retail

sales fuels hopes for growth
Arthi Nachiappan
Retail sales volumes beat expectations
to return to pre-pandemic levels, while
the private sector continued to grow,
offering hope for economic growth at
the start of the year, data shows.
Retail sales are seen as an early indi-
cator of economic activity before gross
domestic product figures for January
are published next month.
Sales rose by 1.2 per cent in February,
the largest monthly growth since Octo-
ber, after a revised 0.9 per cent rise in
January, according to figures published
by the Office for National Statistics.
Strong sales in larger discount shops
pushed up non-food sales 2.4 per cent,
while food sales rose 0.9 per cent as
people opted to cut down on eating out
owing to cost of living pressures.
However, sales volumes fell in the
three months to February compared
with the previous three-month period
and remain 3.5 per cent lower than
February last year.
Economists had predicted a 0.2 per
cent rise in sales in February, which
would represent a decline of 4.7 per cent
compared with the same period in 2022.
The composite purchasing manag-
ers’ index, which includes the dominant
services sector and manufacturing,
continued to grow in March, according
to separate data compiled by S&P Glob-
al and the Chartered Institute of Pro-
curement and Supply. The flash PMI
fell to 52.2 from 53.1 in February but re-
mained well above the 50 mark that
separates growth from contraction.
Growth across the private sector was
driven by the dominant services sector
as manufacturing remained in contrac-
tion, according to the survey of 650 ser-
vice providers and 650 manufacturers
between March 10 and 22.
Martin Beck, chief economic adviser
to the economic forecaster EY Item
Club, said the figures, along with the
higher-than-expected increase in retail
sales, suggested economic growth in the
first quarter would come to just above
zero. “There’s clear evidence that infla-
tionary pressures are continuing to cool
but at the same time activity is firming,
and today’s survey also reported evi-
dence of labour shortages and firm wage
pressures in the services sector,” he said.
 the times | Saturday March 25 2023
out of the woods’
640p 160p
per therm per therm
Peak wholesale gas Price forecast for
price last summer the coming winter
pence per 700p
therm
6
600
5
500
4
400
3
300
2
200
1100
2023
0
ct Jan
sectors most immediately exposed to
changing wholesale costs. “Prices at the
moment are effectively testing floors in
terms of just how low they can go and at
which level of demand could start to
emerge,” he said. “In the power sector
in Europe, gas is starting to become
more economic than burning less effi-
cient coal plants, and there’s signs in the
ammonia market of some recovery.”
For households, prices remain high:
energy bills in Britain have averaged
£2,500 a year this winter, even after
Reforms in the pipeline
for insider trading rules
James Hurley
The UK’s criminal sanctions regime for
insider dealing and market manipula-
tion needs to be updated to ensure the
City regulator has the right powers to
deal with the “seriousness and impact”
of such abuses, the Treasury has said.
In a joint statement with the Finan-
cial Conduct Authority, the govern-
ment said reforms would be imple-
mented as part of broader work to “re-
peal and replace” European Union
rules that were still in place post-Brexit.
Market abuse rules will be replaced
with “UK-specific legislation”.
This was after a review — set up to
ensure the City regulator could take
action against market abuse in a way
that was “commensurate to the serious-
ness and market impact of the abusive
behaviour” — identified “a number of
areas” that needed updating.
The Treasury said the criminal re-
gime had not been substantially updat-
ed since it was introduced. The insider
dealing rules date back to 1993 and the
market manipulation regime is from
2012. Changes to criminal sanctions
55
Business
banking crisis, the battle
to bring down inflation ...
keeping up to date is
essential. Get the latest
Business with the situation
g by the hour,
changing
news and market reaction
by 8am, and analysis at
briefing 12.30pm, direct by email
from the Business Editor,
Richard Fletcher, and
Rarely has the outlook Business News Editor
for the global economy Martin Strydom.
looked so uncertain. Sign up at
War, political and trade home.thetimes.co.uk/
tensions, a worsening myNews
government subsidy. Martin Young of
Investec this week forecast that energy
bills could drop back to £1,981 a year
from July, and £1,966 from December
— prices that are well above “historic
levels, and challenging for many”.
Young’s forecasts factored in whole-
sale prices of 128.8p per therm for gas to
be supplied from July, and 123.7p per
therm for gas to be supplied from Octo-
ber. If prices were to remain at this
week’s lows, there could be further res-
pite to come — but it’s clearly a big “if”.
will form part of a wider post-Brexit ex-
amination of regulation, known as the
Future Regulatory Framework review.
“As part of the FRF programme, the
government intends to repeal the
Market Abuse Regulation, the civil
market abuse regime, and replace it
with UK-specific legislation. We will set
out a timetable for this in due course,”
the statement said.
The government and the watchdog
did not say which aspects of the rules
would be subject to the overhaul.
However, Simon Morris, a financial
services partner at the law firm CMS,
said most market abuses were civil
offences, and the criminal regime
should be broadened to include more of
the serious offences. “The EU has crim-
inalised most serious market abuse
while the UK lags with a 30-year-old re-
gime no longer fit for purpose,” he said.
The government said that it would
provide a timetable for the new regime
“in due course”.
The regulator said: “It is a priority for
us to raise standards across the firms we
regulate, as market abuse harms confi-
dence and integrity.”
556
Business Markets
Investors take refuge as chaos
reigns amid banking sell-off
Jessica Newman Market report
I
nvestors took yesterday’s
market turmoil as an
opportunity to flee into
defensive stocks. It meant the
usual suspects, the ones that
tend to do well in difficult market
conditions, appeared to be the best
way to invest during another
chaotic day in the markets where
the stability of the banking sector
remained precarious.
The steep sell-off in banking
stocks across Europe acted as a cue
for traders to move into classic
non-cyclical, defensive equities
such as the consumer goods giant
Reckitt Benckiser, which came
away with the best large-cap gain
of 120p, or 2 per cent, to £61.04 a
share. Unilever, another of
yesterday’s best performers, inched
up 24½p, or 0.6 per cent, to £41.97.
Weak market conditions stoked
demand for tobacco stocks, which
also tend to perform relatively well
in times of financial uncertainty.
British American Tobacco puffed
up 48½p, or 1.7 per cent, to £28.72,
while Imperial Brands nudged up
8p, or 0.4 per cent, to £18.83½.
But these rises were not enough
to counteract the sell-off of banks
and financial shares, which were
dumped not only in London but
across Europe and in the US as
fears over the health of the global
financial sector resurfaced.
Standard Chartered led the
decline in the capital, its shares
tumbling 40¾p, or 6.4 per cent, to
592p, their lowest level since
December, while the insurance
Warpaint London shares continue to rise as the cosmetics company enjoys strong sales
giant Prudential dropped 42p, or
3.9 per cent, to £10.24.
The sell-off dragged the FTSE
100 down 94.15 points, or 1.3 per
cent, to 7,405.45. Still, the index was
up 70 points, or 1 per cent on the
week. The more UK-focused FTSE
250 gave up 236.13 points, or 1.3 per
cent, to 18,493.83, meaning it eked
out a weekly gain of 23 points, or
0.1 per cent.
Another big part of the reason
for yesterday’s fall was the
weakness in energy stocks. Shell
suffered a loss of 71½p, or 3.1 per
cent, to £22½, as the price of oil,
which is often considered a
barometer of global economic
health, slid on concerns about
potential oversupply. BP also fell, by
12½p, or 2.5 per cent, to £486½,
while Harbour Energy and
Tullow Oil sank to the bottom of
the mid-cap leaderboard, down
16¼p, or 6.2 per cent, to 245¼p, and
1½p, or 4.8 per cent, to 28¼p,
respectively.
On a day when many companies
did not look that appealing to
investors, JD Wetherspoon proved
a bright spot with its half-year
results. Shares in the no-frills pub
chain rallied an impressive 79p, or
13.6 per cent, to a nine-month high
of 660p as it cheered a return to
profit in the first half of the year.
Investors in Warpaint London
were made up that the company’s
sales for 2022 had exceeded
expectations thanks to “particularly
strong trading” in the fourth
quarter. In an unexpected trading
update the cosmetics company,
which floated on Aim in 2016, said
that momentum continued into the
new year, with sales in the first
quarter expected to hit a record.
Given the strong start to 2023,
bosses expect its outlook for the full
year to be ahead of their previous
expectations. The shares, which
The day’s biggest movers
Company
JD Wetherspoon Swings into first-half profit
Reckitt Benckiser Traders pile into defensive plays
Crest Nicholson Investors move in on recent weakness
British American Tobacco Classic “safe-haven” stocks in demand
Games Workshop Bumps up dividend
TUI Falls on capital raising plans
Inchcape Extends losses after disappointing results
Tullow Oil Lower oil prices
Harbour Energy Lower oil prices
Standard Chartered Swept up in banking sell-off
2GM
WARPAINT
have climbed about 65 per cent over
the past year, closed up a further 4p,
or 2 per cent, to 201½p.
Gemfields was another smaller
stock that sparkled after the
coloured gemstone producer said
that higher prices of its uncut
emeralds and rubies, which have
been in strong demand post-
pandemic, drove revenues to a
record high. Sales stood at
$341 million in the year to the end
of December, in what its chief
executive Sean Gilbertson called a
“remarkable year”. The company,
which owns the Fabergé jeweller,
proposed a record final dividend of
Wall Street report
The flight from European banks
failed to take off in New York as
indices reversed early losses to
finish higher. The Dow Jones
industrial average rose 132.28
points, or 0.4 per cent, to 32,237.53
for a weekly rise of 1.2 per cent.
2.89 cents a share, equal to
$35 million, bringing its total payout
for the year to 4.55p, or $70 million.
The shares closed up by nearly a
penny, or 4.4 per cent, to 18p.
It was another painful session for
James Fisher and Sons after the
company, which provides services
to oil and marine firms, told
investors that the publication of its
full-year results would be pushed
back by a month to the end of April
so that it can complete talks with
lenders over its existing debt
facilities. Shares in the company,
which have lost nearly a quarter of
their value in the past month, were
heavily punished by the market
again, gushing another 18½p, or
5.9 per cent, lower to 294½p.
Change
13.6%
2.0%
1.7%
1.7%
1.1%
-2.4%
-3.7%
-4.8%
-6.2%
-6.4%
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
CMA eases Microsoft’s
path to $69bn takeover
The UK Competition and
Markets Authority has removed a
hurdle to Microsoft’s agreed
$68.7 billion takeover of the video
games developer Activision
Blizzard, concluding that the
blockbuster deal would not
substantially lessen competition
in the British gaming console
industry. The regulator has now
focused its investigation on the
transaction’s impact on the cloud
gaming market, where it has also
raised concerns. Its final report is
due by the end of next month.
Citing new evidence, the CMA
said that it would not make
financial sense for Microsoft to
make Activision’s popular Call of
Duty franchise exclusive to its
Xbox console. Martin Coleman,
who is leading the investigation,
said: “The cost to Microsoft of
withholding Call of Duty from
[Sony’s] PlayStation would
outweigh any gains from taking
such action.” Shares in Activision
rose $4.71, or 5.9 per cent, to close
at $84.39 in New York last night.
Shares in Microsoft ended the
day $2.91, or 1.1 per cent, higher at
$280.57.
Twitter to tick off blue
checkmarks next week
Twitter will start removing blue
ticks from users who do not pay
for them on April 1. The social
media platform said yesterday
that it would take away its
“legacy” verified checkmarks
that appear on accounts where
the owner had proved their
identity before Elon Musk’s
$44 billion takeover of the
company in October. The
decision means that most blue-
tick accounts that are not
government officials or
organisations, including many
actors, musicians, authors and
journalists, will lose their
verification status. In order to
keep their blue ticks, the
accounts will have to subscribe to
Twitter Blue, which has a
monthly fee of up to £11 for those
who are based in the UK.
Business accounts can also
subscribe to Twitter Verified
Organisations, meaning they can
add gold checkmarks to their
accounts via a subscription
service that would cost them a
base price of £950 a month.
US regulator sounds
alert over Rokos Capital
The US Securities and Exchange
Commission has raised concerns
over London-based Rokos Capital
Management after the hedge
fund was forced to hand over
large amounts of cash to its banks
as collateral when an outsized bet
on US government bonds
backfired earlier this month.
Gary Gensler, head of the
financial regulator, brought up
the hedge fund during calls with
the UK Financial Conduct
Authority (FCA) this week after it
faced larger margin calls than
peers, according to the Financial
Times. The US watchdog does
not supervise Rokos but is on
high alert for tensions in financial
markets after the recent turmoil
in the banking sector. UK
regulators reportedly agreed to
keep an eye on the hedge fund.
Unlike many other macro hedge
funds, which tend to be more
diversified, the vast majority of
Rokos’s leverage is in government
bond markets. Rokos, the FCA,
the Bank of England and the
SEC declined to comment.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 57

The Manifesto Business

The finance pioneer making Monzo

a one-stop shop to manage money VICKI COUCHMAN FOR THE TIMES

The challenger that savings account. Lending to small

businesses is also on the cards and
disrupted UK banking the group will start “experimenting
and testing in the next year or so”,
is adding more products Anil said. Offering mortgages
provided by banking partners is
and eyeing Europe, its another opportunity. Customers can
already view their mortgages through
boss tells Ben Martin Monzo’s app.
“I don’t think we will offer

W
hen TS Anil started
his career in banking
with Citigroup in
India in the 1990s,
the job was all about
getting “dirt under your fingernails”.
He was helping the American giant
expand its consumer finance business
on the subcontinent, a task that
involved overcoming numerous
logistical challenges. Building a credit
card business there was not simply a
matter of creating the right product;
Citi also had to find a way of mailing
hundreds of thousands of statements
to customers through a postal system
that was unable to cope with the
volume of letters.
“So we had to build a mailing
centre which could sort mail and give
it to the post office in a sorted set of
bags,” Anil explained. “Ideas were
cheap, it was all about how you got
something done.”
Thirty years later, Anil once again
finds himself working on a frontier in
finance, although this time of a very
different kind. Since May 2020 he has
been the boss of the London-based
digital bank Monzo, which is shaking
up the British banking industry by
trying to break the grip of the long-
established high-street incumbents.
With an army of more than seven
million customers and about 2,500
employees, Monzo has grown rapidly
since it was founded by Tom
Blomfield and four others in 2015. It
has become one of the UK’s best-
mortgages on our own balance sheet
but we’ll help customers manage the
front end process of mortgages where
all the pain sits.”
Then there is Flex, Monzo’s buy
now, pay later (BNPL) product, which
went public a year ago. There are
worries that consumers are
unwittingly taking on too much debt
using BNPL products and the
government set out draft legislation
last month to regulate the industry.
Anil insisted that Monzo’s BNPL
service was designed with customers’
best interests in mind: “We built it
ahead of regulations so we built the
product in a responsible way.”
Anil, the son of an engineer in the
Indian army and a social worker, has
spent his entire career in finance,
working for firms including Citi,
Capital One and Standard Chartered
in Asia and the US. He was at Visa in
California when the opportunity to
join Monzo came up. “I was done
with big company land. What I really
wanted to do was be in the startup
ecosystem and help build something
from scratch.”
It was not the original plan for Anil
to become Monzo’s chief executive.
He started at the bank just before the
coronavirus pandemic began in early
2020, when he was hired to build its
embryonic business in the US. By
May of that year he had been swiftly
elevated to become Monzo’s chief
TS Anil said Monzo’s online budgeting tools put it in a strong position to help customers through the cost of living crisis executive after Blomfield stepped
back from running the group.

Q&A
known banking brands, famous for its broadly British lenders have so far Travel restrictions meant that Anil
bright pink debit cards and winning mean to you? University of Delhi. MBA proved resilient in the face of the initially endured gruelling working
plaudits for its online budgeting tools, Enabling companies to at the Indian Institute of wider ructions. hours as he ran the business remotely
which have helped it to garner a big achieve ambitions, Management in “The Bank of England has said the from California, before moving to
following among millennials. enabling people to do Ahmedabad UK banking system is well- London in 2021.
It is also one of a select group of the best work of their Career: 1993-99 capitalised, safe and sound and, as a Monzo withdrew its application to
British companies to have attained Who is your lives and then Citigroup India. regulated UK bank, that’s exactly obtain a US banking licence later that
coveted “unicorn” status, the label mentor? knowin
knowing when 1999-2005 Capital One where we are,” Anil said. year after it became clear that
given to privately owned startups with e
I’m fortunate to le
lead from in the US. Even so, lenders are being watched regulators were unlikely to grant
valuations of at least $1 billion. The that I have the front 2005-09 Citi, first in closely for signs that their borrowers approval but Anil still wants to grow
last fundraising by the bank, which a whole an
and when Singapore before are coming under strain as rates and the business there using partner
counts the Chinese tech giant bunch of to lead moving to Japan. household bills rise. Monzo has a banks. Then there is Europe, which is
Tencent and the Abu Dhabi Growth people fr
from 2009-15: Standard relatively small loan book, with gross “the next logical market” but which
Fund among its investors, put a price- from b
behind. Chartered in Singapore lending of about £259 million as of Monzo has yet to enter.
tag of $4.5 billion on the business in former Ho
How do in its cards and wider February last year. Listing Monzo on the stock
December 2021. lives. you relax? retail arms. “There have been some signs of exchange is not part of the group’s
Even so, there have been setbacks Does money y M usi
Music. 2015-20: Visa in stress, some softening of course, as “immediate plans”. In any case, the
along the way. In 2021 it emerged that ou?
motivate you? F avour TV
Favourite Singapore then you would expect as customers flotation market has in effect been
Monzo was being investigated by the vated by
No, I’m motivated p rogramme
programme? California and rising to navigate through this,” Anil said of closed for more than a year after the
Financial Conduct Authority over legacy and impact. t W ’ just
We’ve j t finished
fi i Slow become its global the group’s loan portfolio, although he economic turmoil deterred companies
potential breaches of money- What was the most Horses, above. head of payment added: “It’s not something that keeps from selling shares.

laundering and financial crime
controls. This inquiry is continuing.
Monzo’s auditor, EY, also warned in
the bank’s accounts for 2020 and 2021
that there was “material uncertainty”
over the group’s status as a gowing
concern but that warning was not
repeated in Monzo’s 2022 accounts.
Indeed, Anil believes that the loss-
making bank is poised to reach a
landmark in its financial
performance.
He expects the bank, which
reported a £119 million loss for the
12 months to the end of February
2022, will turn a maiden annual profit
in the year to next February.
Anil also believes that Monzo’s
suite of budgeting, saving and
spending-tracking features that are so
CV
important event in
your working life?
Taking over the mantle
of leading Monzo.
Which person do you
most admire?
There are so many Age: 51
people, there isn’t one. Education: Studied
What does leadership economics at the
beloved by many of its customers is
coming into its own as soaring
inflation piles pressure on the
personal finances of many Britons.
“Those tools are never more relevant
than today in the middle of a cost of
living crisis,” he said.
Rising interest rates are causing
turbulence across the economy and
products and
platforms.
2020-present: Monzo
to run its nascent US
business before
becoming group chief
executive in May 2020.
Family: Married with
two grown-up sons.
were the trigger for the crisis that has
gripped parts of the global banking
industry this month, with the collapse
of Silicon Valley Bank (SVB) and the
subsequent emergency takeover of
Credit Suisse. This turmoil forced the
City regulators and the government
to orchestrate a rescue of SVB’s UK
arm by selling it to HSBC but more
us up at night.” This tallies with what
the bigger high street banks have
reported so far.
“Our approach to lending has been
exactly the way we’ve built every
other product at Monzo, which is
giving customers the ability to make
good decisions.”
Given that Anil ultimately wants
Monzo to become “a financial control
centre for people’s money in a single
place”, there are many more products
in the works. Last year it started
developing its first investment
offering, although Anil is coy about
when it expects to fully reveal this to
the public: “Watch this space.”
It already offers savings products
through partner banks and last
month introduced an instant access
Anil also said that the bank had no
plans for another fundraising round:
“We have more than enough capital
in the tank right now.”
Buying another business would be a
reason to tap investors. Monzo has
yet to undertake an acquisition,
although that is not because of a lack
of opportunities.
“We don’t go a week without an
inbound ‘please buy us’ sort of email,”
Anil said with a laugh.
There is speculation that Monzo
itself could be acquired. “We’re less
and less affordable for anybody that
wants to buy us but we get a flattering
amount of inbound interest,” Anil
said. Selling to a bigger rival is “not
what we’re about”.
“We’re here to build this company.”
558 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Money

Best buys Data supplied by

Savings Mortgages Personal loans

Easy access (without introductory bonus) First-time buyer mortgages Fixed monthly repayment on £10,000 for 5 years
Provider Contact Account Min AER Redmptn
Provider Contact Initial Period Max Fee charge Rep Amount per Total
Chip via app Instant Access £1 3.40%
Rate LTV until Provider Contact APR month repaid
Yorkshire Building Society via website Online Rainy Day 2 £1 3.35% NatWest 0800 587 6599 5.68%F to 31.8.25 95% - To 31.8.25 Tesco Bank via website 4.9% £187.76 £11,265.60
HSBC via website Online Bonus Saver £1 3.25% TSB 03459 758 758 5.74%F to 30.6.25 95% - To 30.6.25 M&S Bank via website 4.9% £187.76 £11,265.60
Coventry BS via website Ltd Access (Online) (8) £1 3.25% West Brom BS 0800 298 0008 5.39%F to 31.8.26 95% - To 31.8.26 AA via website 5.0% £188.20 £11,292.00
Paragon Bank via website Triple Access - 12 £1 3.25% Cumberland BS 01228 403141 4.93%F to 1.6.28 95% - To 1.6.28 Bank of Ireland UKvia website 5.0% £188.20 £11,292.00
Cumberland BS 01228 403141 5.09%F to 1.6.28 95% - To 1.6.28
Long-term fixed rates Borrowing rates and availability of products are subject to individual credit ratings.

Provider Contact Account Min AER Remortgages

Tandem Bank via app Fixed Saver (5 yr) £1 4.60% F
Redmptn Credit cards
Provider Contact Initial Period Max Fee charge
Close Brothers Savings via website Fixed Bond (5 yr) £10,000 4.55% F Rate LTV until Introductory rate for balance transfers
OakNorth Bank via website Fixed Savings (60 mth) £1 4.53% F Lloyds Bank 0800 783 3534 4.53% F to 31.5.25 60% - To 31.5.25 Bal trans Purch
OakNorth Bank via website Fixed Savings (48 mth) £1 4.52% F Lloyds Bank 0800 783 3534 4.58% F to 31.5.25 75% - To 31.5.25 Provider Contact Product name Transfer fee APR
Monument Bank via app Fixed Deposit (5 yr) £25,000 4.51% F Lloyds Bank 0800 783 3534 3.94% F to 31.5.28 75% £999 To 31.5.28 MBNA Limited 0345 606 2062 Long 0% BT MC 0% 1st 31 mths 3.49% 22.9%
Lloyds Bank 0800 783 3534 4.00% F to 31.5.28 60% - To 31.5.28 Barclaycard 0800 151 0900 Platinum BTr Visa 0% 1st 30 mths 2.98% 22.9%
Easy access cash Isas
Coventry BS 0800 121 8899 4.11% F to 31.8.28 80% £999 To 31.8.28 NatWest 0345 788 8444 Longer BT MC 0% 1st 30 mths 2.99% 23.9%
Provider Contact Account Min AER
RBS 0345 724 2424 Longer BT MC 0% 1st 30 mths 2.99% 23.9%
Cynergy Bank via website Online Isa (33) £1 3.20% Short-term fixed-rate mortgages
Tesco Bank 0345 300 4278 C'card CC BT MC 0% 1st 30 mths 3.49% 22.9%
Santander via website eIsa (18) £500 3.20% Redmptn
Provider Contact Initial Period Max Fee charge
Shawbrook Bank via website Access Isa - 23 £1,000 3.17% Introductory rate for purchases
Rate LTV until
Gatehouse Bank A via website Access Isa £1 3.15% Cumberland BS 01228 403141 4.29% to 1.6.25 60% £999 To 1.6.25 Introductory Purch
Buckinghamshire BS via branch Double Access Isa £100 3.12% West Brom BS 0800 298 008 4.64% to 31.8.25 75% - To 31.8.25 Provider Contact Product name Term APR

Fixed cash Isas TSB 03459 758 758 5.24% to 30.6.25 90% - To 30.6.25 NatWest 0345 788 8444 Purchase & BTr MC 0% 1st 23 mths 23.9%
West Brom BS 0800 298 0008 4.59% to 31.8.26 75% - To 31.8.26 RBS 0345 724 2424 Purchase & BT MC 0% 1st 23 mths 23.9%
Provider Contact Account Min AER
Vrgin Money 0330 057 1701 4.79% to 1.8.26 90% £995 To 1.8.26 Barclaycard 0800 151 0900 Platinum All-Rounder Visa 0% 1st 22 mths 22.9%
Gatehouse Bank A via website Woodland Isa (3 yr) £1,000 4.20% F
HSBC 0345 7404 404 Purchase Plus CC Visa 0% 1st 20 mths 23.9%
Gatehouse Bank A via website Woodland Isa (4 yr) £1,000 4.20% F Long-term fixed-rate mortgages
M&S Bank 0800 997 996 Shopping Plus Offer MC 0% 1st 18 mths 23.9%
Gatehouse Bank A via website Woodland Isa (5 yr) £1,000 4.20% F Redmptn
Close Brothers Savings via website Fixed Isa (3 yr) £10,000 4.20% F Provider Contact Initial Period Max Fee charge
Rate LTV until Cashback credit card
Darlington BS via branch Fixed Isa (31.5.28) £10,000 4.20% F
first direct 0800 482448 3.99% for 5 years 60% £490 1st 5 yrs
Purchase
Lifetime cash Isas Santander 0800 100802 4.15% to 2.7.28 75% - To 2.7.28 Provider Contact Product name APR Cashback
Provider Contact Account Min AER first direct 0345 610 0100 4.49% for 5 years 90% £490 1st 5 yrs American Express 0800 917 8047 Platinum Cashback 34.3% 0.75% - 1.25% standard
Moneybox via website Cash Lifetime Isa £1 3.50% B Halifax 0345 727 3747 4.08% to 31.5.33 75% - To 31.5.33 Intro 5%/3mth (max £125)
Nationwide Building American Express 0800 917 8047 Plat Cashback Everyday 28.8% 0.50% - 1.00% standard
Beehive Money via website Homebuyer Lifetime Isa £1 3.00%
0800 302010 4.34% for 10 yrs 85% £999 1st 10 yrs Intro 5%/3mth (max £100)
Beehive Money via website Retirement Lifetime Isa £1 3.00% Society
Halifax 0345 944 4555 Cashback CC MC 22.9% Standard 0.25% - 0.50%
Paragon Bank via website Cash Lifetime Isa - 3 £1 2.50% Variable rate mortgages on spend over £1 a year
Newcastle BS via website Cash Lifetime Isa (3) £1 2.50% Redmptn Lloyds Bank 0345 602 1997 Cashback CC MC 22.9% Standard 0.25% - 0.50%
Provider Contact Initial Period Max Fee charge on spend over £1 a year
Regular savings accounts Rate LTV until Barclaycard 0800 151 0900 Rewards Visa 25.9% Standard 0.25% on
Provider Contact Account Min AER first direct 0800 482448 5.94% term 75% £490 None spend over £1 a year
Mntly
first direct 0800 482448 6.09% term 75% - None Borrowing rates and products are subject to credit ratings. Terms apply to all cashback
NatWest via website Digital Regular Saver £0 6.17% V
first direct 0800 482448 6.39% term 80% £490 None
Royal Bank of Scotland via website Digital Regular Saver £0 6.17% V
first direct 0800 482448 6.54% term 80% - None Current accounts
Bank of Scotland via website Monthly Saver £25 5.50% F
first direct 0800 482448 6.79% term 90% £490 None Credit interest
Halifax via website Regular Saver £25 5.50% F
Lloyds Bank via website Monthly Saver £25 5.25% F Buy-to-let mortgages Account
Redmptn Provider Contact Account name Fee AER
Pension annuities Provider Contact Initial Period Max Fee charge Halifax 0345 720 3040 Reward Current Account None £5 pm C
Rate LTV until TSB 0345 975 8758 Spend & Save Plus £3pm £5 pm
Single life Principality BS 0330 333 4002 4.50% D to 30.6.25 60% - To 30.6.25
Nationwide BS 0800 30 20 10 FlexDirect None 5% A
Provider Contact Age 60 Age 65 Age 70 Cambridge BS 0345 601 3344 4.84% D for 2 years 80% £199 None
Kroo Bank Ltd kroo.com Current Account None 3.03%
Canada Life 0345 300 3199 £2,897.76 £3,226.92 £3,656.28 NatWest 0800 587 6599 4.91% F to 31.8.25 75% £995 To 31.8.25
Virgin Money 0800 678 3654 M Plus Account None 2.02%
Legal & General 0345 765 4465 £2,922.60 £3,194.16 £3,578.52 Principality BS 0330 333 4002 4.50% F to 30.6.28 60% £1,395 To 30.6.28
Just 0345 302 2287 £2,764.08 £3,146.40 £3,499.56 NatWest 0800 587 6599 4.62% F to 31.8.28 75% £995 To 31.8.28 Authorised overdrafts
Aviva 0800 015 5064 £2,659.80 £2,974.38 £3,415.77 Account Usage
National Savings & investments Provider Contact Account name Fee EAR Fee
Starling Bank via website Current Account None 15% £0
Notice or Min AER Interest
Joint life Term Paid First Direct 0345 600 2424 1st Account None 39.9% £250
Provider Contact Male: Age 60 Age 65 Age 70 Accounts and bonds Virgin Money 0800 678 3654 M Plus Account None 19.9% £0
Female: Age 55 Age 60 Age 65
Green Savings Bonds 4 3 Yr Bnd £100 4.20% F Yearly Lloyds Bank 0800 015 4000 Club Lloyds £3pm 27.5% £50
Canada Life 0345 300 3199 £2,582.04 £2,778.24 £3,077.28
Income Bonds None £500 2.89% V Monthly TSB 0345 975 8758 Spend & Save Plus £3pm 39.9% £100
Legal & General 0345 765 4465 £2,528.28 £2,715.36 £2,949.24 Current account interest rates paid up to a specified level, terms may apply for rates shown.
Direct Saver None £1 2.85% V Yearly
Just 0345 302 2287 £2,407.32 £2,626.80 £2,831.88 A = Over 50’s B = Provider operates under Islamic finance principles, rate shown is expected
profit rate. C =Introductory rate. D = Discounted variable rate. E = Paid net of income tax.
Aviva 0800 015 5064 £2,253.17 £2,446.66 £2,702.56 Tax-free products F = Fixed rate V = Variable rate. All savings rates AER variable unless stated.
Junior Isa Age 18 £1 3.40% Yearly Methods of opening and operating accounts vary. All rates and terms can change
Based on a pension pot of £50,000 without notice. No liability accepted for loss arising from use of this information.
Direct Isa None £1 2.15% Yearly Readers who are not financial professionals should seek expert advice. Visit moneyfacts.co.uk
the times | Saturdayy March 25 2023 59

How to
invest like a

Money
(wealthy)
prime minister
ster
Page 62-63

Get ready for a mortgage shock

If your deal is coming SIMON HAWKINS PICTURES

to an end, you are in ‘We had to raid £13k of

for a nasty surprise, our children’s savings
says George Nixon. to keep the house’
Here’s how to prepare

L
ydia and Paul took the chance, clearing

A
s many as 1.7 million bor- Joseph had a three- the savings account they
rowers on cheap mortgage year 2.08 per cent had for Louis, eight, and
deals can expect their deal on their £437,000 Ines, six, and taking out
monthly repayments to mortgage that was due a seven-year fix at 2.7 per
rocket this year. to end next month cent in July. Their
About £236.8 billion worth of old (George Nixon writes). payments went up about
mortgage deals will finish this year, When rates leapt last £125 a month to £1,850.
according to the consultancy CACI. year the Josephs, who Switching cost about
Santander said its customers will pay an have a four-bedroom £14,225 — £1,125 extra
average of £260 more a month after house in Faversham, on repayments for nine
they remortgage. Rita Kohli from The Kent, decided to lock in months and the ERC.
Mortgage Stop, a broker based in a new one — even If they had had to pay
Romsey, Hampshire, said most of its though it meant paying the lowest seven-year
clients’ payments had increased 20 to Barclays an early fixed rate available now
40 per cent over the past three months. repayment charge (ERC) — 5 per cent for those
On Thursday the Bank of England of £13,100. “Rates were with a 25 per cent
increased its base rate to 4.25 per cent. going up faster than I deposit — then from
The last time these borrowers fixed had ever seen,” said April their payments
their mortgage, Bank rate was at a Lydia, 44, “I was trying would have been about
record low of 0.1 per cent. It has gone up to work out what would £540 higher each month.
11 times since December 2021 after need to happen by April This means that by June
being below 1 per cent for more than a to make it worthwhile. It 2025 they will have
decade. was a certain loss for an made back their £14,225.
A year ago you could get a uncertain gain.” “I now have nothing to
five-year fix at 1.86 per cent. Lydia used the firm show the kids for the last

4.49%
Today the best five-year Nous, whose calculator ten years, that is brutal.
rate is 3.89 per cent and showed how much her But it would be worse if
the best two-year fix is payments would go up if we had to tell them we
4.26 per cent, both from interest rates went above were having to sell the
Lloyds Bank. The 3.5 per cent and whether house, because we would
Office for Budget Res- paying the ERC would have if we had had to
ponsibility, a financial The lowest tracker be worth it. Then she pay that rate.”
body sponsored by the rate available now,
Treasury, expects average from Nationwide
mortgage rates to peak at product transfer, 25-year £200,000 loan, monthly repay- Assuming the rate stayed the same over your loan — if you had £50,000 on in-
4.2 per cent by 2027. where you won’t need to ments would be about £1,110. This com- the whole term of both loans, you terest-only terms and £150,000 on re-
So, should we all be getting go through affordability pares with £1,050 on Lloyds Bank’s would however pay about an extra payment, your monthly payments
ready for a shock? And if so, how? checks or get a valuation of your 3.89 per cent five-year fix. £26,000 in interest on the longer deal. would be £959.
house, as long as you are not borrowing Tracker mortgages don’t usually That’s why extending your loan Banks are more cautious about
Plan ahead more. Barclays, HSBC and Nationwide have an early repayment charge, so you should be a short-term option. As soon interest-only mortgages these days.
You have nothing to lose by looking for Building Society offer cheaper deals to can easily switch to a fixed deal if rates as you can afford to, cut the term back You normally need a high salary to
a new deal now. Most lenders allow you existing customers than new ones. come down. But the decision really down or make overpayments. qualify and may need a higher deposit
to lock in a rate up to six months before comes down to risk tolerance. With You may also find it difficult to than usual. You will also need a plan for
your deal ends, and you do not have to Gamble on a variable many analysts saying that Bank rate extend your mortgage term way past repaying the loan at the end of the term.
take it if a better offer comes along. Variable rate and tracker mortgages may not have hit its peak, some borrow- retirement age: different lenders have “Selling the home and downsizing is
Aaron Strutt from the mortgage bro- have become more popular since fixed ers may prefer the certainty of a fixed different rules, although most will now not a repayment strategy in the eyes of
ker Trinity Financial said: “More of our rates started rising. About 52 per cent of monthly payment rather than one that lend to you into your seventies. some lenders,” said Simon Gammon
clients are taking two-year fixes or borrowers last month chose a tracker can change at short notice. from the mortgage broker Knight
tracker rates without exit fees because mortgage (where your interest rate is Go interest-only Frank Finance.
many expect rates to fall next year if linked to the Bank rate), compared with Borrow for longer You could consider moving part or all of
and when inflation comes under con- 2 per cent in September, the mortgage One way to reduce your monthly pay- your mortgage to interest-only, where Overpay while you can
trol and they don’t want to get stuck on broker London Money said. ments is to extend your mortgage term. your payments do not go to reducing Before your deal is up, it may be worth
an expensive rate.” Nationwide has the cheapest tracker Monthly payments on a 25-year the actual debt. On a £200,000 25-year using any spare cash to reduce the size
Check the best deals and look at what at Bank rate plus 0.24 percentage points £200,000 mortgage at 4 per cent would mortgage at a rate of 4 per cent, of your loan. This could give you a bet-
your existing lender is offering. Sticking for those with a 40 per cent deposit, giv- be about £1,060. If you extended the interest-only payments would be £667 ter loan-to-value ratio and mean you
with it would mean that you can take a ing a starting rate of 4.49 per cent. On a term to 30 years this drops to £955. a month. You may also be able to split would be eligible for better rates.

Direct Line crumbles in its mighty battle with the village wall
T
he insurer Direct Line has backed
down from trying to sue a wall
that it claimed had damaged its
customer’s car by falling on to it.
The insurer launched its claim in
October after trustees of Addingham
Village Hall, in Ilkley, West Yorkshire,
which owns the wall, tried to sue a
driver who was insured with Direct
Line for causing the damage.
Money reported in January that a
woman was spotted in April last year
driving a grey Fiat 500 away from the
70cm high wall that surrounds the vil-
lage hall car park. After a villager man-
aged to find the vehicle and the owner,
the trustees wrote to her asking her to
pay £500 to repair the wall.
After not getting a response, the trus-
tees made a claim against her in the
small claims court in Skipton. Much to
their surprise, Direct Line launched a
counterclaim for £4,600 plus interest
and costs, claiming that the wall had hit
its customer’s car due to poor upkeep.
Ian Hepworth, the treasurer of the
How we reported the story in January
v
village hall, said he believed it was more
likely that the motorist drove into the
w rather than the other way around.
wall,
At the time Alan Jerome, the chair-
man of the hall, said: “The wall was
clearly knocked down, but the person
w did it has not accepted responsibil-
who
ity. I hope this gets resolved quickly.
The hall is run as a charity and depends
on the support of local people.”
Despite the threat of the counter-
claim, trustees of the hall chose to pur-
sue their claim. They were supported
by a High Court judge who was work-
ing for free.
Two days before the case was due to
be heard in court, Hepworth was told
that Direct Line’s counterclaim had
been dropped and that the insurer
would agree to pay the £500 cost of the
repairs. It is also paying £346 to cover
the hall’s court costs.
Direct Line said: “We can confirm all
costs have been paid and are pleased
that this matter has been resolved.”
Ali Hussain

Follow us on twitter @timesmoney | @JohannaMNoble | @holly_mead_ | @AlihussainST | @katjdenham | @davidbrenchley | @lilycsrj | @George_Nixon97 | @LucyAJourno
60 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Money

The easiest £1,000 you will ever make

on the parapet with no armour, Isas
are the yellow-bellied friend
Holly Mead Deputy Money Editor hunkering in the bunker below
ground.
On the face of it Lifetime Isas make
25 per cent penalty. That wipes out
not just the government bonus but
some of your original investment too.
If you saved £1,000 and it was
topped up to £1,250 then a 25 per cent
government bonus each year. If I
started now and contributed the
maximum each year, I could pocket
about £15,000 in free cash.
I’m not sure, though, that I’m

T
he great pension allowance
merry-go-round has got me
thinking about Lifetime Isas.
I wonder if these tax-free
savings accounts may, in
time, come to replace pensions
entirely for younger savers.
The problem with pensions is that
they are too politicised. There are
too many changes, too many ins and
outs, and ups and downs; too much
uncertainty.
Isas are more benign (for the
moment at least). Every few years
they might create another version of
an Isa or increase the amount you
can save into them, but the accounts
never seem so starkly on the front
line or as at-risk as pensions.
If pensions are the soldier standing
a lot of sense. You can save £4,000
into these accounts each year and the
government will top it up with a
25 per cent bonus — £1,000 for free,
what’s not to like?
The catch is, you can only access
the money either when you’re buying
your first home or when you turn 60.
If you make a withdrawal for any
other reason, you will be hit with a
penalty would bring you down to disciplined enough to watch a pot
£937.50. slowly grow for 25 years without ever
These accounts are undoubtedly a dipping into it.
great thing for first-time buyers. Who And do I trust that the government
wouldn’t want the government to won’t start tinkering with Isas next?
contribute thousands of pounds of What if they lure me in with a 25 per
free cash to their first home? cent bonus and then scrap it?
It gets a bit sticky for buyers in I’m not about to opt out of my
London and the southeast, where workplace pension scheme. And I’m
property prices are higher, because
there’s a £450,000 cap on the value of
the home you can buy using the
account, but for the most part there’s
little to complain about.
As a way to save for retirement,
though, it’s less clear cut. I think I may be
The obvious downside is that your
employer will not contribute to your about to dabble with
Lifetime Isa. Anyone who chooses an a Lifetime Isa. You get
Isa over a pension is turning down
free money from their workplace. a free 25% top-up.
That might not be such a bad thing
for a basic-rate taxpayer — the 25 per What’s not to like?
cent Lifetime Isa bonus works out to
be equivalent to the tax relief you not likely to close my easy access
would get on your pension saving account or cash out of my
contributions. For self-employed beloved Premium Bonds. But I’m
workers choosing the Isa is a wondering if having a little bit of cash
complete no-brainer. tied up for the very long-term might
Higher and additional-rate not be such a bad idea. Especially if
taxpayers, however, will be missing there’s a juicy bonus to sweeten the
out if they choose an Isa over a deal.
pension. There is little over a week left of
Maybe in the future employers will the current tax year. If you can
offer their workers a choice over quickly open a Lifetime Isa and put
which type of account their £4,000 into it, you will pocket the
contributions are made into. easiest £1,000 you ever made.
Another downside of choosing an The catch is that you can’t reap the
Isa for your retirement savings, rewards for decades. Still, that £1,000
though, is that it requires more could be worth an awful lot more by
discipline. One great thing about a the time you can get at it.
pension is that you can forget about @holly_mead_
it. Indeed, many people do this so
effectively that they lose entire
pots of money.
An Isa is more visible. It’s
not just something you get
an out-of-date paper
statement from once a
year, you can log in and
see it every day. And as it
grows, it sits there
temptingly and
tauntingly easy to
access and to spend.
That makes it harder to
resist dipping in if you
need some emergency
cash — or, say, a new
kitchen or car.
Then again, why
shouldn’t you?
Dipping into an Isa
for an emergency
or big expense,
even if it means
taking a financial
penalty, is surely
better than
having to resort
to debt.
There have
been calls for the
penalty to be
reduced to 20 per
cent, so that if you
need your money you
only forfeit the
government bonus and
not your own capital. I
disagree. I think you need
enough of a disincentive to
stop people from dipping in
to their savings pot willy-
nilly.
I’m not a first-time buyer,
and I’m still a (very) long way
from retirement. However,
you can make contributions
into a Lifetime Isa until
you’re 50 and still get the
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 61

Money

Free childcare
took a two-year break until their child
was three, the pot would be worth
£462,300. Someone earning £75,000 at
30 would have about £777,700 by 66, but
£693,500 if they took a two-year break.

could narrow
0 ‘Free hours are a lifeline’
Sophia Tupper, 36, is expecting her
second child in August. From Septem-
ber 2024 she will get 15 hours a week of
free childcare, rising to 30 from Sep-
tember 2025. Without the reforms,

the gender Tupper would have had to wait until

September 2026 for any free hours. She
already pays £1,530 a month for her son,
Sandro, one, who goes to nursery four
days a week.
“My husband and I earn good sala-

pension gap ries, but it’s still so challenging to save

and buy a house — and that’s just with
one child in nursery,” she said. “Free
childcare hours are a lifeline.”
Tupper will be able to return to her
marketing job earlier than expected.

Mothers who return work sooner and pay more into their
pot.
to work earlier will Those who qualify for 30 hours of
free childcare from when their child is
see the benefit in their nine months old, and use it to return to
retirement savings work when they are that age (when Returning to work two
statutory maternity pay ends and em-
ployers have stopped covering your years earlier could add
writes Lucy Alderson normal pension contributions), will be £34,000 to your pot
able to make an extra two years’ worth

A
n overhaul of the childcare
system could help to close
the pension gender gap,
campaigners say.
Women’s retirement
savings are far lower than men’s. The
average pension pot for a man aged 65
was £205,800 in 2021, while a woman of
the same age had an average of £69,000
saved — a difference of £136,800.
Women’s pension pots are smaller
because they are more likely to take
career breaks to bring up children or
care for relatives. They are also more
likely to return to part-time or lower
paid work afterwards.
Here’s how more free childcare could
help to change this.
0 Care from nine months
Working parents of three and four-
year-olds get 30 hours of free childcare
a week unless one parent earns more
than £100,000 a year.
The budget last week included plans
to extend this in stages so that by Sep-
tember 2025 all eligible children will get
30 free hours from nine months.
Experts say that the changes could
help mothers to boost their pensions
because they will be able to return to
of pension contributions. This is in con-
trast to mothers who stay at home until
their child is three.
If you earned £30,000 you could save
an extra £4,800 into your pot, accord-
ing to the investment manager Quilter.
This is based on minimum auto-enrol-
ment contributions of 5 per cent from
the employee and 3 per cent from the
employer.
“It might not sound much, but this
could snowball into an impressive sum
at retirement when turbocharged by
the wonder of compounding,” said My-
ron Jobson from the wealth manager
Interactive Investor.
Say you started saving into a pension
when you were 23 and earning about
£23,000. Then your salary increased 2.5
per cent a year (reaching £30,000 when
you turned 30) and you continued to
make the minimum auto-enrolment
contributions and benefited from in-
vestment growth of 5 per cent a year. By
66 your pension pot would be worth
about £316,400, according to Quilter.
But if you had a child at 29 and re-
turned to work full-time when they
were two, meaning you did not make
any pension contributions for a year
after maternity leave ended, your pot
Sophia Tupper and one-year-old son Sandro, will benefit from free childcare
How a break affects your pot
Size of pension pot after one-year career break
Size of pension pot after two-year career break
Salary of £30,000
£295,877
£282,146
£75,000
£727,244
£693,495
would be worth about £295,900. If you
waited until your child turned three,
taking a two-year break after maternity
leave before going back to work, how-
ever, your pot would grow to only about
£282,100.
This means that a one-year break
would cost you about £20,500 and a
two-year break £34,000. The differ-
£50,000
£484,829
£462,330
£100,000
£969,659
£924,660
ence is so great because of compound-
ing. The more you save early in your
career, the more returns you earn on
your earlier gains.
The effect is even greater for those on
a higher wage. Someone in the scame
scenario as above, but who earned
£50,000 at age 30, would have a pension
pot of about £518,500 at age 66. If they
“Having the option to go back without
it being as much of a financial burden,
will really help,” she said.
Tupper pays £300 into her workplace
pension including contributions from
her employer. “It’s definitely an incen-
tive to go back to work early,” she said.
0 Closing the gap
There are a number of reasons for the
pension gender gap. Women in full-
time work earn 8.3 per cent less than
men, according to the Office for
National Statistics. This gap widens as
they get older — women over 60 earn
13.9 per cent less than men. This means
that their pension contributions are
lower. When they return to work, it is
often in part-time, which may mean
that they do not qualify for auto-enrol-
ment. Only those earning at least
£10,000 a year are automatically en-
rolled into their workplace pension.
The government’s childcare reforms
could “significantly” affect the pension
gap, said Rosie Hooper from Quilter.
“The burden of care could be more eq-
uitably shared between partners, help-
ing to plug what can be a sizeable hole
in women’s pensions.”

The big question IN THE

Should married and unmarried
SUNDAY TIMES
TOMORROW
Yes
Kevin
Doran, a
managing
director at
the wealth
manager
AJ Bell
There are almost four million
cohabiting couples in long-
term, stable relationships.
They operate as households
and families to all intents and
purposes, but have no legal
protections in the event of
the relationship breaking
down.
The British Social
Attitudes Survey of last year
showed that 46 per cent of
the population are living
under the belief that
cohabiting couples are
protected by “common law
couples have the same rights?
marriage” rules, which is a
myth. It’s a concept that
exists elsewhere in the world,
but not in England or Wales
and so, when relationships
fail, it can leave one partner
at risk of losing assets,
investments and even their
home. This can be
particularly difficult when
there are children involved
and one partner has taken a
career break in the early
years of their life and so has
fewer savings to fall back on.
There will be all manner of
arguments for and against
expanding the rights of
cohabiting couples. We would
support Lord Marks of
Henley-on-Thames’s
Cohabitation Rights Bill,
which is being brought
before parliament, to ensure
that this debate takes place.
Although parliamentary time
is scarce, given the range of
priorities that the
government will have before
the next election, this is an
important and growing issue,
which deserves some legal
clarity.
In the meantime couples
who are in a relationship,
where their financial affairs
are intertwined but where
they do not have the legal
protection afforded by
marriage or a civil
partnership, should be
thinking seriously about
putting a cohabitation
agreement in place.
special reportsacrificing her career to
This is a legally binding
Xx yxyxy xy xy xy
document that outlines the
rights and obligations of each
xy xy xy xy yx y
partner towards each other
and can include a declaration never married?
of trust, which is a legal
plus
agreement that determines
how assets and investments
Xxinyxyxy
are divided the eventxythatxy xy
the relationship breaks down. legal system too?
xy xy xy yx y xxy x yy
No
Harry
Benson
from the
Marriage
Foundation,
a charity
that promotes marriage
Giving marriage-like rights
to unmarried cohabiting
couples might seem fair at
first glance. Why should a
mother who spends years
bring up children find
herself destitute if her
partner runs off with all the
money, simply because they
The tax system refers to
couples as married or
“living together as married”,
xy say, so why not the
lawyers
Leaving aside that there
are already three legal ways
to gain these rights —
marriage, civil partnership
or cohabitation agreement
— this illiberal proposal
sweeps aside the reasons that
societies throughout history
have regulated marriage in
the first place. The primary
purpose of marriage is to
encourage men to bond with
the mothers of their future
children. You don’t have to
have children, of course, but
most do. Our forebears knew
that beginning the journey of
parenthood with an act of
marriage is sound
psychology, which goes with
the grain of human nature.
If you want to stick at
anything, the best thing to
do is make a decision about
your plan, signal that plan in
a way that removes
ambiguity, then make a
public statement to the
world that affirms your
decision but also holds you
to account. This is exactly
what happens when we
marry.
Automating marriage
risks removing this vital
need to commit. Pretending
that cohabiting is the equal
of marriage may bring
justice for some adults, but it
also risks creating a larger
injustice for our children.
Parents who are married are
more likely to stay together.
This is true across the board:
the poorest married couples
are as likely to stay together
as the richest married
couples. It’s bad enough that
we have the highest family
breakdown rates in history
as a direct consequence of
the trend away from
marriage, let’s not make it
worse.
62
Money
Go for growth: How to invest
The prime minister’s tax return and profits have
sparked a lot of interest, but what can they teach
us all about investing, asks David Brenchley
R
ishi Sunak’s profits of
£4 million from a US-based
investment fund over the
past three years made a big
splash this week.
On Thursday Sunak became the first
prime minister since David Cameron to
publish their tax return and the figures
have been pored over by many.
Most of the income that Sunak re-
ported in the past tax year came from
the sale of investments such as shares
or funds, which meant he paid capital
gains tax at 20 per cent on much of that
income, rather than income tax at
45 per cent. He reported £1.6 million in
capital gains and £172,415 in dividend
payments.
Almost all of Sunak’s wealth is held in
a US-based investment fund, which
was put into a “blind management ar-
rangement” when he entered the cabi-
net in 2019 to avoid conflicts of interest.
This means that trustees are responsi-
ble for the fund management and Sun-
ak doesn’t know what they invest in.
The fund has not paid money directly
to Sunak during the period in question
and he has indicated that he will not
cash it out until after he leaves office.
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
The tax summary has little detail on
the sources of the fund’s income, so it’s
Retail investors cannot back these
kinds of firms directly, but SpaceX is the
hard to get a sense of exactly what the
portfolio of a prime minister looks like
fifth largest holding in the Scottish
Mortgage investment trust while India
— but we can take some guesses. Laith Capital Growth Trust has about 22 per
Khalaf from the investment firm AJ cent of its portfolio invested in small In-
Bell said that it was likely that Sunak’s dian companies.
fund took an active, global and multi- Private equity and early-stage busi-
asset approach to investment. It prob- nesses are high risk, so these should ac-
ably invests across assets such as stocks, count for a small part of your portfolio.
bonds and possibly private equity. Investors could also buy shares in In-
fosys, the company founded by Sunak’s
Going for growth father-in-law. Sunak’s wife, Akshata
Murty, holds a 0.93 per cent stake in the
The main takeaway from Sunak’s port- company that is valued at about
folio is that it generates a lot more capi- £600 million, said Jackson.
tal gains than it does dividend income.
At 42 years old, Sunak has the advan- Pension scheme
tage of time — he can invest over
decades. This gives him the luxury of Part of Sunak’s investments might be
being able to invest for growth. tied up in the Parliamentary Contribu-
That was seemingly confirmed by tory Pension Fund, the default pension
Downing Street, which told The Times scheme for MPs. This is a defined bene-
that it was “entirely routine for savers to fit scheme, where investment returns
choose to invest in funds that focus on do not have direct implications for
long-term growth rather than short- member’s pensions payouts, which are
term dividend income”. guaranteed, based on earnings.
Khalaf said: “Higher long-term re- The scheme, which had total assets of
turns tend to be associated with invest- £834.9 million on March 31, 2022, had
ing in the stock market, and some glob- about 60 per cent in shares of global
al equity funds fit the bill nicely.” companies that are not listed in the UK.
Investors could start with a core fund “The parliamentary pension fund is
such as Fidelity Index World. This invested for long-term growth, with a
fund aims to provide the return eturn of a
global stock market index forr a low cost.
Its biggest holdings are Apple, ple, Micro-
soft and Amazon and it has an n annual
charge of 0.12 per cent.
Some actively managed funds
to complement this are Fidelity delity
Special Situations, which investsvests
in the US bank JPMorgan Chase, hase,
the Google owner Alphabet bet
and the healthcare firm Unit- nit-
edHealth and charges 0.92 per
cent; and Baillie Gifford Glob- ob-
al Alpha Growth, which tar- ar-
gets faster-growing firms such uch
as the health insurer Elevance ance
Health, the tech investment firm
Prosus and the credit ratings ngs
agency Moody’s. It charges ges
0.59 per cent.
Legacy investmentss
Before becoming a politician,tician,
Sunak worked in finance. ce. He
lyst for the
started as a US equities analyst
bank Goldman Sachs before re working
for hedge funds such as Thelemeleme Part-
ners and TCI Fund Management.ement. It is
acy invest-
possible that he has some legacy
ments from these days, said aid Emma
Wall from the investmentt platform
Hargreaves Lansdown.
Theleme invests mainly in n American
healthcare, technology and nd finance
re the vac-
stocks. Its largest holdings are
cine maker Moderna, the bank Wells
Fargo and the trading platformrm Charles
Schwab, according to thee website
Whale Wisdom.
TCI, run by the Surrey-bornorn billion-
aire Sir Chris Hohn, is also mainly in-
vested in American firms, withith its larg-
est holdings being Microsoft, t, Alphabet
and Canadian National Railway.lway.
mpanies di-
You can invest in these companies
rectly through an investmentt platform,
or Jemma Jackson from the fund man-
ager Interactive Investor said you
uare Hold-
could consider Pershing Square
ings Trust, a hedge fund available
vailable to
ngs include
retail investors where holdings
usic Group
the record label Universal Music
on.
and the hotel operator Hilton.
Sunak also worked for hiss father-in-
mpany, Cat-
law Narayana Murthy’s company,
amaran Ventures, which mainly inly invests
esses, such
in early-stage Indian businesses,
as the country’s stock exchangeange NSE
and the gaming platform Loco. oco. It also
invests in Elon Musk’s SpaceX eX and the
social network Reddit.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 63

Money

like a (wealthy) prime minister

MPs’ pensions
What the scheme is invested in
Cash 2.3% UK equities 1.7%
High yield bonds Infrastructure
4.3% 1.1%
Corporate
bonds 4.7%
Gilts 6.1%
Senior
loans 10%
Property
10%
Global equities (ex UK) 59.8%
Sources: House of Commons
global equities bias you’d expect from a
pension fund,” Wall said.
The next largest weightings were to
property and senior loans at about
10 per cent each. Senior loans are debt
issued by companies that are high up in
the pecking order.
If a company goes bust, holders of
senior loans get their cash back before
creditors and stockholders.
Interestingly, the scheme lists just a
1.7 per cent weighting to UK equities,
which is much less than the 4 per cent
of global equities that British business-
es account for. “That is hardly backing
Great British business,” Wall said. “Per-
haps it’s a case of diversifying risk away The MP who invested his way to a million
from the day job.”
6 Lord Lee of Trafford
The global equity slice is made up of publish his portfolio. Most of 9 per cent; the insurers lender Secure Trust Bank,
three funds including a low carbon fund became the first Isa of the companies he invests Legal & General and Aviva, the flavouring firm Treatt
and a multi-factor fund. Neither is millionaire in 2003. The tish
in are small British which yield 8 per cent and the engineering firm
available on platforms, but you could former Tory MP, who businesses, but he has and 7.1 per cent; and Goodwin.
consider the JPMorgan Carbon Tran- became a Liberal Democrat a core of large and the sugar
s company 6 Lord Lee recently sold his
sition Global Equity exchange traded in 2001, began investing in mid-cap stocks, Tate & Lyle, where the holdings in the drugmaker
fund (ETF), Xtrackers MSCI World a tax-friendly Personal hoenix
including the Phoenix yield is 2.3 per cent. GSK, the energy network
ESG (environmental, social and gov- Equity Plan in 1987. pensions group,p, 6 His ssmaller companies operator National Grid and
ernance) ETF, HSBC Multi Factor 6 The life peer is one of the which pays a inclu the Vimto
include the medical centre owner
Worldwide Equity ETF and JPMor- few parliamentarians to dividend yield m
maker Nichols, the Primary Health Properties.
gan Global Equity Multi-Factor ETF.
Again, the property investments look
to be unavailable on platforms, but
there are property funds on their best-
buy lists. AJ Bell suggests the iShares
MSCI Target UK Real Estate ETF,
while Jackson highlighted the Bal-
anced Commercial Property trust.
The FP Foresight UK Infrastruc-
ture Income Fund may sit in the infra-
structure portion, which boosts your
exposure to UK assets. It invests in a
basket of investment trusts that own as-
sets such as wind farms, hospitals and
passenger trains.
On the bonds side, consider the Van-
guard UK Government Bond Index
Fund for UK gilts, GAM Star Credit
Opportunities Fund for credit and the
Fund
Invesco High Yield Fund.

Source: Evelyn Partners

What the PM paid
Income 2019-20 2020-21 2021-22
Earnings £ £ £
Member of Parliament 79,444 81,908 81,908
Ministerial salary 19,180 74,256 74,255
Savings income
Bank interest 2,479 472 293
Investment income
Interest 41,703 7,371 690
Dividend 195,637 174,363 172,415
Total income 338,443 338,370 329,561
UK income tax 123,107 124,473 120,604
Less foreign taxes
withheld/paid (29,346) (16,638) (13,937)
Capital gains
Gains 679,946 1,439,211 1,641,431
UK capital gains tax 133,589 285,382 325,826
Total UK tax paid 227,350 393,217 432,493

£730m
the estimated net
worth of Rishi
Sunak and his wife,
Akshata Murthy
64
Money
Don’t let that new garden
office ruin your insurance
Y
Who cares if you have
upgraded your home?
Your insurer might,
things could affect your cover — for
writes Lucy Alderson better or worse.
The latest home trends might look
our home insurance is prob-
ably the last thing you think
about when you buy a new
piece of art, an ebike or a
smart doorbell. But all these
great and that fancy new gadget may
well change your domestic life, but they
could also be pushing up your home
insurance premiums. And if you don’t
tell your insurer about your new pur-
chase, you might invalidate your policy
so you are not covered at all.
Here’s what you need to know.
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Electri
Electric
scooter
scooters
Could be seen as an
additional fire risk,
may need to be
itemised on your
co
contents cover
0 Garden office pods
Bored children and barking dogs are
rarely a recipe for work-from-home
success, which is why many people
have invested in an office pod for the
garden.
In the six months after the start of the
first coronavirus lockdown, nearly
one million homeowners splashed out
on a garden office, according to the
insurer Direct Line.
Angela Pilley from the financial ana-
lytics firm Defaqto said: “If you have
outbuildings such as office pods, you
will need to look over your documents Petflaps
to make sure that your insurance covers Could put you at
the stuff you keep in there — and to greater risk of
check that the payout would be enough burglary
to replace everything if something did
happen.”
Garden offices usually fall within the
“buildings” section of your insurance
policy. You may have to declare it as an
extra room to your insurer.
And be careful if you leave any ex-
pensive equipment in there. The limits
on contents cover for thefts from out-
buildings like these are usually lower
than for the main home, which means
that pricey tech such as computers or Smart
home cinemas may not be covered.
Check your policy to make sure that Heating
you are not underinsured, but bear in Could cut the risk
mind that increasing your cover may of your water
push up your premium. pipes freezing
0 Converting your basement
Turning a damp, dank basement into a
gym, bar or even cinema has become
popular as part of the “improving not
moving” trend that many opted for
after house prices rocketed.
A basement conversion is an exten-
sive development that insurers want to
know about as far in advance as poss-
ible — ideally at least three weeks
before work starts, according to the
insurer Zurich. If you don’t declare the
renovation, you may not be covered if
something goes wrong.
“Properties with basements may be
deemed to have a higher risk of flooding cording to Zurich. One scooter that
and any structural alteration may af- went up in flames led to an £84,000
fect the stability of the home, causing claim for fire damage. The blazes have
further damage such as subsidence,” been linked to lithium batteries, which
said Sarah Smith from the insurer LV. can explode if you don’t charge them
properly or if you buy a poor quality
0 Adding an en suite piece of kit.
Your insurer will need to know about You won’t, however, need to tell your
renovations like this too. insurer you have an ebike or electric
About 35 per cent of homeowners are scooter at your house unless you want
looking to improve their homes this specific cover for it. Many contents in-
year, according to Rated People, a mar- surance policies have a limit on how
ketplace where you can find a local much they will pay to replace an item
builder or tradesperson. and you will have to declare anything
“Your home policy will often specify that’s worth more than that cap.
the number of bedrooms and bath- Bear in mind that e-scooters are ille-
rooms in your property, so if you in- gal to ride on public roads and so your
crease that number, you should tell home legal cover will not cover you if
your insurer immediately or your cover you crash or injure someone.
may be invalid,” said Hannah Davidson
from the insurance group Aviva. 0 Skylights
y or new windows
xtra bathroom may
Adding an extra You will have to decla
declare any trendy
mium up to reflect
push your premium new skylights
skyligh or bifold
the higher costt of rebuilding or re- Adding more access
doors. Addin
pairing your home in points to your
you home can in-
the event of a fire or crease the risk of theft or burg-
flood, for example.
mple. lary, said Ceri
C McMillan
from the compari-
0 Electricc son website Go
bikes and Compare.
C
scooters
The number 0 Artwork
of house fires Anything
caused by from velvet
electric bikes EBIKES U walls to sculp-
and scooterss t
tures and clas-
surged 149 per si
sic wall art
cent in 2021, ac- mig need to be
might
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 65

Money
s
said he did not need to
‘My 30-year collection of d
declare the extra room,
b urged him to bear in
but
comics is kept in our pod’ m
mind the limits of his
c
cover. While the office

D
arryl Sparey, 44, about the change. c
contents are covered up
and his wife Sparey, who works t £75,000 for damage,
to
Rachel, 29, from the pod three days t limit for stolen
the
installed a £25,000 office a week, stores £4,000 of g
goods is much lower at
pod in their back garden work equipment there £
£3,000.
in Dorset in April last as well as his precious Sparey said that he
year (Lucy Alderson collection of comic w
would be acting fast to
writes). They wanted to books that he has built in
increase his cover.
Garden turn their study into a up over 30 years. “I can’t imagine how
office pod third bedroom so that “I didn’t even think insured with Sainsbury’s distraught I would be if
May be classed
Halia, four, and Hudson, about insurance,” said Bank for four years. His anything happened to my
as an extra two, would not have to Sparey, a managing premium has risen 20 per treasured Saga #1 or The
room share. But they did not director for a PR and cent over that time and New Mutants #87 and
realise that they may marketing firm. he now pays £265 a year. #98. It would be
need to tell their insurer Sparey has been Luckily, Sainsbury’s Bank unthinkable.”

How your cover will be affected

Could your Could your
Do you need to insurance be premium go up
Home addition declare it? invalidated? or down?

Garden office pod Depends No Up

Basement conversion Yes Yes Up
Adding an ensuite Yes Yes Up
E-bikes and scooters No No Up
Skylights and windows Yes No Up
Artwork Yes No Up
AirBnB Yes Yes Up
Petflaps Depends No Up
Smart doorbells No No Down
Smart heating systems No No Down

declared. Artwork can be considered a
high-risk item that would be costly to
replace if stolen or damaged. Whether
or not you need to declare them de-
pends on your policy and the value of
the artwork.
For example, the insurer Admiral re-
quires any items worth more than
£1,000, apart from white goods and fur-
niture, to be listed specifically on a
policy. Insurers have a limit on the total
cost of items that they will insure, so
you could leave yourself underinsured
if you have added any new high-value
items. Some artworks could also re-
quire specialist insurance.
0 Airbnb
Disgruntled residents may be com-
plaining that Airbnbs are taking over
their town but many homeowners are
still using their properties to make a bit
of spare cash. Active listings on the plat-
form reached a record 6.6 million last
year, up 16 per cent the year before.
Under the government’s rent a room
scheme you can earn £7,500 a year from
letting out a room in your home before
paying any tax. But before you adver-
tise your property, check with your in-
surer. Some firms won’t let you rent out
your home at all, while others will allow
a certain number of days a year.
0 Cat flaps
More than three million households
bought a pet during the first year of the
pandemic and some insurers want to
know if you have installed a cat or dog
flap, said David Fowkes from Admiral.
“If you install a pet flap that’s large
enough for a human to get through, it
could put you at greater risk of burglary
so it’s a good idea to tell your insurer be-
forehand in case it affects your cover.”
There are also some new gadgets or
purchases that could save you money
on your insurance.
0 Smart doorbells
About 40 per cent of households now
have a security camera, according to
the Eco Experts, a comparison site.
Smart doorbells — which allow you
to use your phone to see who is ringing
your doorbell — can provide extra
security by sending you an alert and
starting to record when they detect
movement. Installing one could reduce
your premium if your insurer decides it
cuts your risk of being burgled.
0 Smart heating
Smart heating systems, such as Hive or
Google Nest, let you turn your heating
up or down remotely through your
phone. As well as helping you to man-
age your energy consumption, it could
potentially help to lower your insur-
ance premium too because it gives you
more control over your home. For ex-
ample, if you were away on holiday dur-
ing a cold snap you could turn on your
heating to prevent your pipes from
freezing over, which can result in them
bursting and flooding your home.
66
Money
‘20 years paying in and now I’ll
A scary life insurance letter left a loyal customer
struggling for answers from Scottish Widows —
and she’s not the only one, says Lily Russell-Jones
T
housands of Scottish Widows
customers are still waiting for
answers after customer ser-
vice failings and delays in
getting their money.
In February the pensions and insur-
ance company, which dates to 1815 and
has almost six million customers, told
The Times that it was working its way
through a backlog of 4,000 complaints,
which would be cleared by the end of
March.
A week ahead of this self-imposed
deadline, however, customers are still
complaining about long waits to
withdraw funds and poor customer
service. About 3,500 complaints re-
main unresolved, with 500 of these
relating to customers who are waiting
for payouts.
This means that Scottish Widows has
resolved about 500 complaints in a
month. It could take seven months
before the backlog is cleared if it contin-
ues at this rate.
June Shillingford, 74, from Woking-
ham in Berkshire, has paid £20 a month
on her Scottish Widows life insurance
policy for 26 years. She was expecting
the policy to pay out £49,000 to her
sons, John, 56, Paul, 53, and Jamie, 42,
when she died. “It’s just something to
leave to help cover my funeral costs and
for them to share between themselves
and the grandkids,” Shillingford said.
In November, however, she had a
highly confusing letter from Scottish
Widows saying that she could increase
her payments to £83 a month so that
the policy would still pay out the
£49,000, or she could continue to pay
£20 a month and the policy would pay
nothing.
Many life insurance policies have
premiums that vary over time, but Shil-
lingford had always paid a set amount.
“I always knew it was possible for the
premium to be put up, but I never
thought it would go up so suddenly,”
Shillingford said.
“If they had put it up gradually over
the years I could have prepared, but
when you reach 75 and only have a
pension coming in, it is much more
difficult.”
She contacted Scottish Widows and
was told to ignore the letter because it
had been sent in error and would be
corrected. However, a new letter clari-
fying the situation never came., so she
I paid £20 a month for
26 years, then they said
that unless I paid more
I would get nothing
carried on paying £20 a month to pre-
vent the policy from being cancelled
automatically, in the hope that the £83
demand was nonsense.
“I was really upset and frustrated by
the situation. I am so worried, because
if I died tomorrow I would not be
covered,” she said. “The hassle and
stress with no one getting back to you is
difficult.”
When Shillingford contacted Scot-
tish Widows again this month she was
told that the premium was increasing to
£92 a year and that she owed the com-
pany £86. “I’ve been going round and
round in circles. I don’t know where to
turn any more. I have paid in more than
£6,000 over the years, so where has that
money gone?”
She has complained to the Financial
Ombudsman Service, which can rule
on disputes and order financial firms to
pay compensation.
Scottish Widows said only that it had
spoken to Shillingford “to explain that
the policy was not reviewed correctly
and as a result she received inaccurate
premium quotes”.
It did not explain why her premiums
were so much higher, or why the letter
made no sense, but it said she would
have to pay £92 a month from now on.
It said: “We agreed with her the re-
vised premium but unfortunately this
was not implemented immediately and
showed arrears. We have apologised
therefore to Mrs Shillingford for the
service received and confusion caused.
“We are arranging to cover the
arrears and compensation to acknowl-
edge the difficulty she has had.”
So what is going on
at Scottish Widows?
Thousands of customers have com-
plained to Scottish Widows about
shambolic customer service from the
company, which is owned by Lloyds
Banking Group. Scottish Widows has
blamed problems on technical errors,
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
£49,000
what June Shillingford
thought her life policy
was worth. She wanted
to leave the money
to her sons
postal mistakes and missing files. The
company has also been overwhelmed
by a surge in demand for its customer
service helpline, according to Anna
Bradley, chairwoman of the independ-
ent governance committee for Scottish
Widows’ pension scheme.
In 2015 the Financial Conduct
Authority (FCA) the City watchdog,
introduced independent governance
committees to assess whether work-
place pension schemes deliver good
value for money to savers.
Bradley said that more customers
were phoning the helpline because of
concerns about the economy and prob-
lems using Scottish Widows’ online
platform. As well as this, the firm has
struggled to hire and retain staff.
In a letter to a customer, Bradley
wrote: “The independent governance
committee is in dialogue with Scottish
Widows regarding this poor perform-
ance and has asked for an explanation
and a plan for addressing the issues. We
are monitoring progress and will want
to know that lessons have been learnt.”
In the six months to December Scot-
tish Widows received almost 12,000
customer complaints. Some 1,542 of
these related to insurance products,
8,400 to pensions and retirement in-
come planning services, and 1,948 to in-
vestments, according to the company’s
own figures.
More than 600 customers have also
joined a Facebook group set up by Mark
Radin, a consumer champion and Scot-
tish Widows customer.
The FCA said it was in contact with
Scottish Widows about its customer
service, which it said was improving.
The Financial Ombudsman has re-
ceived 370 complaints about Scottish
Widows since the start of this year.
Scottish Widows said: “We are
working through the backlog of enquir-
ies and expect this to be back to normal
in the weeks ahead. We’re sorry that
some customers have not received the
service that they should. We have
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 67

HMRC takes £38bn more income tax
get nothing’ T
he taxman has raised an extra
£38 billion over the past 11 months
thanks to the freezing of the in-
come tax thresholds.
Between April last year and February
taxpayers handed over £344 billion in
income tax and national insurance
contributions, according to HM
Revenue & Customs, an increase of
12.4 per cent compared with the same
period the year before.
The amount you can earn without
paying any tax was set at £12,570 in 2021
and will stay that way until 2028, the
chancellor, Jeremy Hunt, said in No-
vember. (High earners start to lose this
allowance once they earn more than
£100,000.) The higher rate tax thresh-
old, at which you start paying income
tax at 40 per cent, has been frozen at
£50,270 since 2021. Hunt has, however,
lowered the additional rate threshold,
at which you start paying 45 per cent
£12,570
What you can earn before you start
paying income tax at 20 per cent
tax, to £125,140. Tax experts say that not
increasing the thresholds in line with
inflation, combined with rises in aver-
age pay, have caused more workers to
be dragged into higher tax brackets.
Money
“These figures are a startling indication
of the power of fiscal drag,” said Chris
Springett from the wealth manage-
ment firm Evelyn Partners. “Average
pay is growing at 6.5 per cent, its highest
level for more than 20 years, and sala-
ries are surging past thresholds.”
Freezing the tax thresholds is expect-
ed to bring 2.6 million taxpayers into
the higher-rate tax band by 2028 and to
make 3.2 million people pay tax for the
first time, according to the Office for
Budget Responsibility.
“This hidden tax rise is costing work-
ers billions of pounds,” said Michelle
Denny-West from the accountancy
firm Moore Kingston Smith.
Lily Russell-Jones

‘We have no idea where our money is’

G
eoffrey
Reyland, 58,
and his fiancée
Monica Colvine, 52,
have been trying to
get at a workplace
pension for nine
months (Lily Russell-
Jones writes).
Reyland contacted
Scottish Widows in
July and asked to
withdraw £38,000
from a pot he had
with Clerical Medical,
which is part of
Scottish Widows, and
which he had built up
over 20 years working
for a construction but that firm is no Scottish Widows,
company. The couple, longer in business. which paid Reyland
right, from Chesham, Reyland was then told £50 compensation in
Buckinghamshire, to contact the firm’s November, said: “We
plan to use the money holding company. are sorry for the
to move in together “There have been confusion caused by
and to pay for their letters, emails, phone the different
wedding. “When you calls. They promise to information given,
meet the right person get back to you and which should have
you want to get then they don’t. We been spotted at the
married, but I can’t have been passed time. We are
afford it without my from pillar to post,” contacting Mr
pension,” said said Colvine. Reyland to apologise
Reyland. “We still have had and help arrange next
Scottish Widows no money from the steps and further
told him to contact pension. Absolutely compensation in
his former employer nothing.” recognition of this.”

reallocated specialist colleagues, added to it directly. Details about how to

500 customer service staff and invested
in systems and processes to make it
easier for customers to see policies
online.”
How to complain
If you are disappointed with a financial
services company you should complain
complain can normally be found on
company websites.
Give the company eight weeks to
respond to your complaint. If you do
not get a final response by then or you
are not satisfied with the outcome, you
can take the dispute to the Financial
Ombudsman Service, but be aware that
it can take several months.
68
Money
Dream holiday ruined —
but Opodo won’t pay up
I
Customers whose
flights were cancelled
years ago are still
waiting for their money, Their flights were cancelled in 2020
and despite numerous calls and emails,
reports Josh Kirby three years on the Balajis, from Cam-
t was supposed to be the holiday of
a lifetime — a ten-day trip to
Miami for Pratigya Balaji, 42, her
husband Viajay, 47, and their two
children. Then Covid hit.
bridge, are still owed more than £1,000
by Opodo, the online travel agent.
“There has been no progress or
update on our refund status,” Pratigya
said. “There is no easy way of getting an
update through the Opodo website, our
account or the app.”
Many Opodo customers say they are
still waiting to get their money back for
flights that were cancelled at the start of
the pandemic.
The Facebook group “Together for
Justice — Opodo complaints” has
nearly 750 members, while “Opodo/
eDreams Class Action Lawsuit” has
1,300. Despite the group’s name, there is
no class action lawsuit.
A survey of 8,361 travellers by the
consumer group Which? gave Opodo’s
owner, the Spanish travel agent eD-
reams ODIGEO, the worst rating
among holiday firms for customer sat-
isfaction — 64 per cent. Travellers were
asked about their holiday experiences
between September 2019 and Septem-
ber 2022. The top-rated was Jet2holi-
days with a score of 84 per cent.
Opodo is an online travel agent,
where customers can compare and
book hotels and flights. It blames the
airlines operating the cancelled flights
for the delays in reimbursing its cus-
tomers.
“If the airline’s policy does not allow
a refund, or the airline goes bankrupt,
or in some other way it does not meet its
responsibility to refund its customer, le-
gally or otherwise, the agent has no
ability to impact this,” Opodo said.
Online travel agencies such as Opo-
do are intermediaries. If flights are can-
celled they will raise a refund request
with an airline for their customers, and
pass the refund on once it has been
processed.
Opodo said: “It is not accurate to
compare eDreams to companies that
specialise in offering more traditional
package holidays.”
The Balaji family are owed £1,310 for
flights with Norwegian Airlines. They
booked through Opodo in February
2020 and were due to travel in Decem-
Bank wobbles make
B
anks have had a difficult couple
of weeks. The failures of Silicon
Valley Bank, Signature Bank
and Silvergate Capital were followed
by Credit Suisse being bailed out by
the Swiss National Bank and then
bought on the cheap by its rival UBS.
Those in the know will not be
surprised to learn that the investment
veteran Warren Buffett has been in
talks with the US President Joe
Biden’s administration about helping
to save failing American banks.
Buffett has ridden to the rescue of
banking behemoths before — he
injected $5 billion into Goldman
Sachs in 2008 and into Bank of
America in 2011. Buffett made a
fortune from those deals. Now, after
three regional US lenders went bust,
he has reportedly been in contact
with the White House once more.
Shares in UK lenders tumbled last
week amid the fallout. The FTSE 350
banks index, which includes seven
large UK lenders has fallen 13 per
cent since March 8.
“While uncertainty remains high,
panic can lead to indiscriminate
selling which can result in collateral
damage to seemingly unrelated
stocks,” said Richard Hunter from
the investment platform Interactive
Investor.
So, with yields of about 5 per cent
on offer in the sector, is now the
time to do a Buffett and snap up
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
ber that year but their flight was can-
celled in October. Opodo offered new
dates or flight vouchers and, given the
continued uncertainty around Covid,
the Balajis opted for the latter.
Norwegian Airlines said the refund
was issued to Opodo before March
2021. Opodo said the refund from the
airline was processed as part of a
chargeback — where a transaction is
reversed by a debit or credit card pro-
vider. It said that because of this, Vijay
Balaji should have had the money di-
rect into his bank account.
The Balajis said they raised a charge-
back claim but were told by their bank
that it could not be processed because
they had not paid Norwegian Airlines
directly. They are still waiting for their
money.
Debbie Murray, 64, from London,
was owed £2,018 from Opodo after her
July 2020 flight with Thai Airways to
Bangkok was cancelled. Murray, a writ-
er, tried contacting Opodo dozens of
times. “It is impossible to speak to a real
potentially cheap banking stocks?
Rob Burgeman from the wealth
manager RBC Brewin Dolphin said it
was unlikely that UK and European
banks would go the same way as their
US regional counterparts because
regulations are tougher here.
This could make banking shares
worth buying. It’s worth noting
though, Burgeman said, that in the
mini-bailout of SVB only the bank’s
customers’ cash was guaranteed —
stock and bond-holders were
“essentially thrown to the wolves”.
“The US and UK governments
have shown themselves willing to take
quick and decisive action to prevent
contagion. This is great for depositors,
but still leaves shareholders exposed,”
Burgeman said.
The banks are in a much better
financial position than they were
15 years ago thanks to more onerous
regulation.
Yet, on some valuation metrics, UK
banks are cheaper than they were in
2009 and 2011, said Edward Smith
from the fund group Rathbone
Investment Management.
And even if we aren’t on the cusp of
another credit crunch or banking
crisis, other risks will probably make
banking shares volatile. A recession
could send companies to the wall and
leave consumers struggling, which
would likely increase bad loans.
If a recession does hit the global
 the times | Saturday March 25 2023 69

Money
ALAMY

The Balajis How to get your money back

were supposed
to go to
Miami in 2020 6 When an airline cancels a
flight departing from the
UK, or arriving in the UK
with a UK or EU carrier,
passengers should
automatically get a refund
within seven days.
6 However, the legal onus
to provide a refund is on
the airline, not the travel
agent, according to Coby
Benson from the Cheshire
law firm Bott and Co. This
means that Opodo is within
its legal rights in not issuing
a refund until an airline has
compensated it for
cancelled flights. “I would
always advise passengers
to cut out the middleman
when requesting a refund
and go straight to the
airline,” he said.
6 Even if your airline has
already refunded your
travel agent, you can still
request a refund yourself
directly from the airline.
Cite EU Regulation
261/2004 (which still
applies to the UK even after
the exit from the European
Union), which states that
passengers should be
refunded within seven days
of the original flight date if
a flight is cancelled.
6 An airline may offer flight
vouchers. If you do not
want these, you are entitled
to a cash refund.
6 If you paid with a credit
card, you can ask your card
company to issue a refund
in accordance with Section
75 of the 1974 Consumer
Credit Act. This makes the
credit card company jointly
liable with the travel firm to
issue a refund.
6 If you paid with a debit
card, you can ask your bank
to carry out a chargeback,
where it may be able to
recoup the money from the
airline on your behalf.
6 Some Opodo customers
who were left waiting for
refunds have reported
success in recovering their
money by going through
the small claims court.
However, it is worth taking
advice before going down
this route because you will
be liable for all the court
costs if you lose.

We were supposed to
fly in 2020 and we have
still not had our refund
person at Opodo, the app is useless and
the chatbot sent me round in circles,”
she said.
Opodo said it got the refund from
Thai Airways in July last year, but ad-
mitted it had failed to pass it on to her.
It apologised for the delay.
But even after it emailed Murray ask-
ing her to add her bank account details
to a web page so that it could process
her refund, but the link did not work.
“I was so frustrated as I was so close
but yet so far from actually getting the
refund,” she said. She finally got her
money back at the end of February.
Opodo
O d said:
id “Since
“Si the
th pandemic,
d i we
have supported 5.2 million customers
whose flights have been disrupted and
on average 6,000 customers a day re-
ceive a resolution to travel disruption
because of support provided by eD-
reams. Our investment in our customer
service has enabled a 65 per cent im-
provement in call answering times
compared with before the pandemic
and calls are now answered within 95
seconds on average. Overall, our cus-
tomer service is rated high with nine
out of ten customers saying they are
satisfied or very satisfied.”

it a good time to buy

portfolios. In the UK, his top pick is
Don’t bank on it Lloyds Banking Group, where he
thinks that shares, now priced at 45p,
Investment return are actually worth about 77p.
15% Investors can buy funds to get
Lloyds Bank
exposure to banks. Polar Capital
iShares S&P 500 10 Global Financials Trust has about
Financials Sector ETF 56 per cent of its portfolio in banks,
5
Jupiter Financial Opportunities
0 about 59 per cent, and the Xtrackers
MSCI World Financials exchange
−5 traded fund about 44 per cent.
Similar UK-focused funds also have
−10 big exposure to banks. Unicorn UK
Income, Artemis UK Select and JPM
−15 UK Equity Value are UK-focused
2022 2023 funds which all have more than 15 per
−20 cent of their portfolio in the sector,
Q2 Q3 Q4 Q1
according to the data provider FE
fundinfo. These funds have fallen
economy, then interest rates will between 5 per cent and 7.5 per cent
probably start to fall. High rates make since March 7.
banks more profitable, so any rate Smith thinks it’s too early to pile in
cuts would reduce those profits. because of the risks on the horizon.
Burgeman thinks that we are “But if these banks can manage
unlikely to see zero interest rates, through a downturn successfully, they
however, which makes the banks look are likely to be a key area to add to
interesting at their present levels. when the risks start to subside.”
The research firm Morningstar Charlie Huggins from the wealth
thinks that all the big UK banks are manager Wealth Club warned that
cheap and that it is unlikely we will banks’ complicated structures and
see a crisis spreading through the balance sheets could leave investors
European banking sector. vulnerable to negative events that can
Niklas Kammer, an analyst at send share prices tumbling. “Investing
Morningstar, prefers banks that cater in banks is like picking pennies up in
more to retail consumers, rather than front of a steamroller,” he said.
those with large business lending David Brenchley
70 V2
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Money
Unit trust and open-ended investment company prices

Weekly Yld Weekly Yld Weekly Yld Weekly Yld Weekly Yld Weekly Yld
Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- %

ALLIANZ GLOBAL INVESTORS FIDELITY INTERNATIONAL UK Growth Acc ‡@ 880.59 … +14.48 … UK Alpha Fund A Acc ‡@ 135.50 … +0.90 … UK Index Dist ‡@ 163.60 … +1.70 … Caut Port A Inc ‡@ 152.00 … +0.30 0.60
Inv Serv: 020 7065 1400 Helpline: 0800 317 573 Private Clnts 0800 414161 Broker Dlgs 0800 414181 UK Sml Cos Eqty Acc ‡@ 1326.26 … +4.10 … UK Irsh Sm Co Fd A Acc ‡@ 742.50 … +6.60 … US Ind Acc ‡@ 787.40 … +1.80 … Opps Port A Acc ‡@ 280.20 … -0.70 …
Gilt Yield A ‡@ 206.01 … -0.62 … Amer Spec Sits ‡@ 2146.00 … -29.00 … Worldwide Acc ‡@ 332.20 … +2.90 … Prog Port A Acc ‡@ 266.60 … -0.50 …
UK Sml Cos Gwth ‡@ 82.54 … -1.65 … UK Property A Acc @ 264.95 278.15 +0.38 2.63
Strategic Bond Fund ‡@ 154.94 … -0.79 … American ‡@ 4994.00 … -10.00 … UK Property A Inc @ 105.80 111.07 +0.15 2.68
UK Corp Bond C ‡@ 104.79 … -0.77 3.87 Euro Opps ‡@ 583.00 … +14.20 … US Growth Fund A Acc ‡@ 1680.00 … -2.00 …
UK Eqty C ‡@ 6317.26 … +49.77 3.28 European ‡@ 3409.00 … +80.00 …
Overseas Growth Investment Funds
UK Eqty Inc A ‡@ 316.83 … +2.25 … Extra Income ‡@ 22.42 … -0.01 5.29 M & G SECURITIES
UK Gwth A ‡@ 7876.04 … +9.59 … Glob Spec Sits ‡@ 5318.00 … +18.00 … Enq: 0800 390 390 Dealing Line: 0800 328 3196 Eur Sel Gth A Acc ‡@ 3461.00 … +111.00 …
UK Index A Inc ‡@ 1423.81 … -10.08 3.01 Global Focus ‡@ 2846.00 … +2.00 … Authorised Inv Funds
UK Mid Cap A ‡@ 4654.61 … -172.31 … International ‡@ 149.50 … +1.10 0.08 INVESTEC FUND MGRS Charifund Inc ‡ 1452.94 … +2.87 5.41
Japan ‡@ 545.10 … +3.80 …
Moneybldr Bal ‡@ 43.17 … +0.08 … Broker Support and Dealing: 020 7597 1900 Tracker and Specialist Investment Funds
JP MORGAN ASSET MGMT
Moneybldr Glob 327.60 327.60 -1.90 0.21 OEIC Series i,ii,iii, & iv UK Trkr A Acc ‡@ 381.30 … +11.90 …
Moneybldr Gwth ‡@ 76.12 … +0.20 2.97 OEIC UK Trkr A Inc ‡@ 191.20 … +5.90 …
Moneybldr Inc ‡@ 29.23 … -0.14 … Sterling Class A Investment Funds 1
American A Acc ‡@ 658.09 … +3.46 …
ARTEMIS FUND MGRS LTD Moneybldr UK Ind ‡@ 126.74 … +1.39 … Asia A Acc ‡@ 259.00 … -1.80 … Euro Smlr Cos Acc ‡ 525.29 … +6.31 …
0800 092 2051 Special Sits ‡@ 4373.00 … +41.00 … Asia ex Japan A Acc ‡@ 767.67 … +21.82 …
Emerging Mkts ‡@ 261.50 … +1.30 … Euro Smlr Cos Inc ‡ 462.50 … +5.55 0.69
Authorised Inv Funds Wealthbuilder 69.75 72.18 -0.11 … Capital Accumulator A Acc ‡@ 231.48 … +8.50 … UK and Income Investment Funds
Eur Dyn (ex-UK) A Acc ‡@ 270.30 … +8.30 …
Capital R Acc ‡@ 2124.34 … +29.28 … Cautious Managed A Acc ‡@ 376.65 … +0.08 … Corp Bond A Acc ‡@ 284.30 … +0.30 …
Euro Smllr Cos ‡@ 864.00 … +24.20 …
Euro Opps R Acc ‡@ 91.26 … +1.71 … Cautious Managed A Inc ‡@ 237.14 … +0.04 … Corp Bond A Inc ‡@ 105.20 … +0.10 …
Europe A Acc ‡@ 1734.00 … +62.00 … Envir Invtr A Acc ‡@ 381.20 … +9.10 1.28
Euro Opps R Inc ‡@ 85.36 … +1.59 … Diversified Growth A Acc ‡@ 129.69 … +0.91 … Sterling Class A Investment Funds 2
European Growth R Acc ‡@ 397.95 … +7.11 … HALIFAX INVESTMENT FUND MGRS LTD Gbl Hi Yld Bd A Acc ‡@ 117.30 … +1.40 5.30 Hi Inc Bond A Ac ‡@ 227.90 … … 5.22
Diversified Growth A Inc ‡@ 137.34 … +0.97 … Extra Income Inc ‡ 681.87 … +1.12 4.92
Global Energy R Acc ‡@ 39.87 … +0.78 1.14 01296 386 386 Gbl Hi Yld Bd A Inc ‡@ 30.89 … +0.38 5.45 Hi Inc Bond A Inc ‡@ 67.44 … … 5.37
Diversified Income A Acc ‡@ 320.77 … +0.94 … Gilt & Fxd Int Inc ‡ 77.06 … -0.69 2.01
Global Growth R Acc ‡@ 331.60 … +0.49 … Authorised Inv Funds Gl ex-UK Bd A Acc ‡@ 257.40 … -0.60 0.07 Hi Res A Acc ‡@ 377.70 … +7.50 …
Diversified Income A Inc ‡@ 68.13 … +0.20 … Gl Hi Yd Bd Inc ‡ 39.44 … +0.17 … Hi Res A Inc ‡@ 117.20 … +2.40 …
Global Income R Acc ‡@ 150.20 … +0.08 … Share Class `C Gl ex-UK Bd A Inc ‡@ 196.80 … -0.40 0.08
Global Income R Inc ‡@ 94.42 … +0.05 … Emerging Mkts Blended Debt A Acc ‡@ 112.75 … +0.18 … Index Linked Bd Inc ‡ 116.11 … -1.98 … Safety Plus A Acc ‡@ 40.49 … -0.14 …
Corporate Bond ‡@ 32.58 … -0.06 … Glb Fins A Acc ‡@ 1077.00 … +12.00 … Index Trckr Inc ‡ 75.29 … +1.31 3.59
Global Select R Acc ‡@ 146.30 … +0.65 … Emerging Mkts Blended Debt A Acc Gross ‡@ 125.82 … +0.06 … Strat Inc A Acc ‡@ 187.00 … -0.20 …
Ethical ‡@ 107.50 … +0.30 … Global A Acc ‡@ 2049.00 … +25.00 … Short Dated Corp Bd Inc ‡ 24.73 … -0.09 …
High Income R Inc ‡@ 62.06 … -0.08 … Emerging Mkts Blended Debt A Inc ‡@ 64.46 … +0.10 … Strat Inc A Inc ‡@ 82.00 … -0.06 3.23
European ‡@ 109.80 … +2.00 … Japan A Acc ‡@ 516.80 … +4.20 … UK Select A Inc ‡ 2681.27 … +20.93 …
Income R Acc ‡@ 501.18 … +4.27 … Emerging Mkts Equity A Acc ‡@ 147.51 … +1.94 … UK Gwth A Acc ‡@ 194.30 … +5.00 …
Far Eastern ‡ 114.00 … +1.40 1.77
Income R Inc ‡@ 219.71 … +1.87 … Multi-Man Tst A Acc ‡@ 1268.00 … +20.00 … UK Sel Gwth A Acc ‡@ 2297.00 … +51.00 …
Fund of Inv Tst ‡@ 131.50 … +0.20 … Emrg Mkts Local Curr Debt A Acc ‡@ 182.06 … +0.23 …
Monthly Dist R Inc ‡@ 63.39 … -0.04 … Intl Gwth ‡ 122.20 … +0.20 … Multi-Man Tst A Inc ‡@ 1127.00 … +18.00 …
Emrg Mkts Local Curr Debt A Inc ‡@ 70.54 … +0.09 …
Strategic Assets R Acc ‡@ 88.47 … +0.47 … Japanese ‡ 68.14 … -0.28 … Nat Resources ‡@ 951.20 … +27.20 2.50
Strategic Bond R M Acc ‡@95.49 … -0.79 … Emrg Mkts Local Curr Debt Gross I Acc ‡@ 220.49 … -1.26 5.42 Sterling Class A Investment Funds 3
North Amer ‡ 143.50 … -1.20 … New Europe A ‡@ 155.70 … -73.10 2.11
Strategic Bond R M Inc ‡@ 50.11 … -0.42 … Enhanced Natural Resources A Acc ‡@ 134.24 … -4.54 … OEIC B Class
Smaller Cos ‡@ 101.50 … +0.50 … Portfolio ‡@ 295.60 … +0.60 0.98 Corp Bd A Inc ‡ 33.90 … -0.11 3.58
Strategic Bond R Q Acc ‡@ 95.32 … -0.79 … Global Bond A Acc ‡@ 139.30 … +5.98 … Tracker and Specialist Investment Funds
Special Sits ‡@ 49.01 … … … Stg Corp Bd A Acc ‡@ 85.59 … -0.61 … Dividend Inc ‡ 52.67 … -0.38 …
Strategic Bond R Q Inc ‡@ 49.88 … -0.42 … UK Equity Inc ‡@ 89.36 … +0.43 … Global Bond A Inc ‡@ 109.33 … +4.52 … Recovery A Inc ‡ 106.28 … +0.95 … UK Trkr B Acc ‡@ 421.10 … +13.20 …
UK Growth R Acc ‡@ 688.49 … +9.08 … Stg Corp Bd A Inc ‡@ 48.30 … -0.35 … UK Trkr B Inc ‡@ 190.20 … +6.00 …
UK FTSE 100 IT ‡@ 68.99 … +0.98 … Global Bond I Gross Inc ‡@ 1167.00 … +46.14 … Sml Cos Inc ‡ 325.93 … -1.20 …
UK Smaller Cos R Acc ‡@ 1814.70 … -22.41 … UK FTSE All-S IT ‡@ 77.57 … +0.90 … UK Act 350 A Acc ‡@ 199.00 … -1.30 …
Global Dynamic A Acc ‡@ 193.61 … +6.88 0.47
UK Special Sits R Acc ‡@ 675.95 … +7.72 … UK Growth ‡@ 80.99 … +0.91 … UK Dynamic Acc ‡@ 206.70 … +6.80 2.07
Global Energy A Acc ‡@ 170.97 … -4.81 …
UK Dynamic Inc ‡@ 148.20 … +4.90 2.03
Global Equity A Acc ‡@ 226.36 … +2.07 … UK and Income Investment Funds
UK Equity A Acc ‡@ 401.90 … -4.70 3.45 Sterling Class A Investment Funds 4
Global Franchise A Acc ‡@ 301.10 … +1.07 … Corp Bond B Acc ‡@ 370.70 … +0.40 …
UK Equity A Inc ‡@ 46.44 … -0.54 3.49 Episode Allocation A Inc ‡@ 137.17 … +1.58 …
Global Free Enterprise A Acc ‡@ 1208.94 … +15.84 … Corp Bond B Inc ‡@ 136.30 … +0.10 …
HSBC GLOBAL ASSET MGMT (UK) LTD UK Eqy & Bd Inc Acc ‡@ 167.10 … +2.30 …
Enq: 0845 745 6123 Dlg: 0845 745 6126 Mon-Fri 8-6 Global Gold A Acc ‡@ 195.63 … +4.90 0.53 UK Gwth B Acc ‡@ 205.60 … -0.60 1.79
AXA FRAMLINGTON UNIT MGMT LTD UK Eqy & Bd Inc Inc ‡@ 90.29 … +0.88 …
HSBC Index Tracker Investment Funds (OEIC) Global Special Situations A Acc ‡@ 311.48 … -1.82 … UK Sel Gwth B Acc ‡@ 2481.00 … +8.00 1.09
Dling: 0845 602 1952 Priv Clients: 0845 777 5511 UK Higher Inc A Acc ‡@ 1132.00 … +12.00 …
Amer Ind Acc ‡@ 884.52 … -8.30 … Global Special Situations A Inc ‡@ 240.93 … -1.41 …
Equity Inc ‡@ 572.40 … -2.10 4.43 UK Higher Inc A Inc ‡@ 531.30 … +4.30 … MARKS & SPENCER UNIT TRUST LTD
Gilt Acc @ 201.30 211.80 -1.50 … Amer Ind Inc ‡@ 717.77 … -6.10 … Managed Growth A Acc ‡@ 290.56 … +1.82 …
UK Sm Cos A Acc ‡@ 563.30 … +18.80 … 0808 005 5555
Gilt Inc @ 74.35 78.24 -1.00 … Euro Ind Acc ‡@ 1180.21 … +21.32 … Monthly High Income A Acc ‡@ 243.45 … +2.02 … OEIC C Class
Euro Ind Inc ‡@ 754.06 … +13.63 … UK Str Eq Inc A Acc ‡@ 197.90 … +5.70 … High Income 86.16 86.16 -0.04 …
Health Acc ‡@ 2865.00 … -27.00 … Monthly High Income A Inc ‡@ 63.17 … +0.42 … UK and Income Investment Funds
FTSE 100 Ind Acc ‡@ 273.20 … +2.24 … UK Str Eq Inc A Inc ‡@ 100.50 … +2.87 … High Income Acc 241.00 241.00 -0.10 …
Jap Smlr Co Ac @ 62.56 66.09 -0.93 0.30 Multi-Asset Protector A Acc ‡@ 167.03 … +0.29 … UK Gth C Inc ‡@ 125.30 … +3.20 …
FTSE 100 Ind Inc ‡@ 124.13 … +1.02 … US A Acc ‡@ 1036.00 … +14.00 … UK 100 Comp Acc @ 452.70 452.70 +13.80 …
Managed Inc ‡@ 138.30 … -0.70 4.20 Strategic Bond A Acc ‡@ 244.54 … +0.50 … UK Sel Gwth C Acc ‡@ 2598.00 … +8.00 1.29
FTSE 250 Ind Acc ‡@ 279.52 … -0.30 … UK 100 Cos @ 222.40 222.40 +6.80 …
Monthly Inc Inc ‡@ 220.30 … … 4.42
FTSE 250 Ind Inc ‡@ 171.66 … -0.19 … UK Select Pflo @ 336.10 336.10 +11.10 …
UK Growth Inc ‡@ 210.10 … +1.40 0.64
FTSE All-S Acc ‡@ 697.26 … +11.52 … UK Selection Port Acc @ 695.50 695.50 +22.90 …
UK Select Opps Inc ‡@ 1852.00 … +21.00 1.03
FTSE All-S Inc ‡@ 352.51 … +5.83 … Worldwide Mgd Acc @ 926.40 926.40 +6.40 …
UK Sml Cos Inc ‡@ 254.70 … -0.30 0.04 STANDARD LIFE INVESTMENTS
Jap Ind Acc ‡@ 140.19 … +0.29 … Wwide Mgd @ 541.90 541.90 +3.80 1.30
0845 279 3003
Jap Ind Inc ‡@ 109.26 … +0.22 … Investment Funds (OEIC) - Retail Shares
Pac Ind Acc ‡@ 502.07 … +6.72 2.58
Pac Ind Inc ‡@ 316.55 … +4.58 2.64 AAA Inc CAT Acc ‡@ 89.34 … -0.26 1.38
AAA Inc CAT Inc ‡@ 50.10 … -0.15 1.39
MORGAN STANLEY INVESTMENT MGMT LTD
AXA FUND MANAGERS LTD AAA Income Acc ‡@ 97.32 … -0.28 …
Enquires: 0800 0961 962
Admin & Enq 0117 989 0808 Amer Eq Gth Acc ‡@ 196.30 … -2.30 …
The Morgan Stanley Funds (UK)
AXA Trusts Corp Bond Acc ‡@ 155.60 … -0.20 …
HSBC Investment Funds (OEIC) - Retail Share Class Class A Shares
Corp Bond Inc ‡@ 51.66 … -0.06 …
Gen Acc ‡@ 2101.00 … -53.00 2.64 Equity
Balanced Acc ‡@ 238.45 … -0.22 … Euro Eq Gth Acc ‡@ 262.10 … … …
Gen Inc ‡@ 1079.00 … -32.00 2.70 Balanced Inc ‡@ 151.95 … +3.09 … Dev Opp Fund F Acc ‡@ 769.71 … +12.95 … Glb Advtg CAT Acc ‡@ 146.70 … +0.10 …
Corp Bd Acc ‡@ 267.37 … +0.94 … Dev Opp Fund I Acc ‡@ 765.63 … +12.84 … Glob Advtg Acc ‡@ 193.80 … +0.20 …
Corp Bd Inc ‡@ 103.74 … +0.37 … Glob Bal Inc F F Acc ‡@ 916.40 … +12.62 5.33 Glob Eq Uncstrd Acc ‡@ 153.00 … -0.70 …
Gilt & Fd Int Acc ‡@ 497.78 … +7.06 … Glob Bal Inc F F Inc ‡@ 848.52 … +11.68 … Higher Inc Acc ‡@ 143.00 … +0.50 4.40
Gilt & Fd Int Inc ‡@ 74.17 … +1.05 … Glob Bal Inc F I Acc ‡@ 915.03 … +12.58 5.35 Higher Inc Inc ‡@ 44.08 … +0.16 4.52
Income Acc ‡@ 700.74 … +9.68 … Glob Bal Inc F I Inc ‡@ 847.13 … +11.65 5.56 Japan Eq Gth Acc ‡@ 127.40 … -0.30 …
UK/Global Investment Companies Income Inc ‡@ 287.51 … +3.98 … Glob Bal Sust F F Acc ‡@ 927.89 … +8.84 1.24 Managed Acc ‡@ 352.00 … -1.20 …
Euro Acc A ‡@ 234.70 … +0.10 … Monthly Inc Acc ‡@ 313.41 … -1.33 3.21 Glob Bal Sust F F Inc ‡@ 912.82 … +8.69 1.25 Select Inc Acc ‡@ 91.51 … -0.06 2.21
Extra Inc Inc B ‡@ 86.74 … -1.81 1.16 Monthly Inc Inc ‡@ 126.86 … +1.22 … Glob Bal Sust F I Acc ‡@ 926.71 … +8.81 1.18 Select Inc Inc ‡@ 51.26 … -0.29 2.21
Global Gwth Acc R ‡@ 288.10 … +1.20 0.52 UK Grth & Inc Ret B Acc ‡@ 143.00 … +1.89 … Glob Bal Sust F I Inc ‡@ 912.55 … +8.68 1.17 UK Eq Gth Acc ‡@ 372.70 … -0.20 …
Japan Acc A ‡@ 162.30 … +0.90 … UK Grth & Inc Ret B Inc ‡@63.12 … +0.83 … Glob Br Eq Inc Fund F Inc ‡@ 1279.92 … +3.45 … UK Eq Hi Alpha ‡@ 230.00 … -0.10 …
Pac Gwth Acc A ‡@ 479.80 … -18.60 … UK Gth & Inc Acc ‡@ 143.00 … +1.89 … Glob Br Eq Inc Fund I Acc ‡@ 1768.91 … +4.66 … UK Eq Hi Inc Acc ‡@ 262.40 … +3.20 …
UK Gth & Inc Inc ‡@ 63.12 … +0.83 … Glob Br Eq Inc Fund I Inc ‡@ 1369.47 … +3.61 … UK Eq Hi Inc Inc ‡@ 71.02 … +0.86 …
Glob Br Fund I Acc (PH) ‡@ 1514.54 … +25.13 … UK Ethical Acc ‡@ 195.50 … +1.50 …
Glob Br Fund I Acc (PH) ‡@ 13223.03 … +33.37 … UK Opps Acc ‡@ 234.40 … -1.90 …
Glob Br Fund I Inc (PH) ‡@ 1445.10 … +23.99 … UK Opps Inc ‡@ 211.70 … -1.70 …
Glob Br Fund I Inc (PH) ‡@ 3619.94 … +9.13 … UK Smlr Cos Acc ‡@ 738.90 … +4.90 …
HSBC Specialist Investment Funds (OEIC)
CIS UNIT MANAGERS LTD Glob Ins Fund F Acc ‡@ 516.11 … +6.76 …
08457 46 46 46 American Index Retail Acc ‡@ 884.52 … -8.30 … Glob Ins Fund F Inc ‡@ 516.11 … +6.76 …
American Index Retail Inc ‡@ 717.77 … -6.10 … Glob Ins Fund I Acc ‡@ 513.68 … +6.70 …
European Gwth ‡@ 209.20 … +4.80 …
Asian Gth Acc ‡@ 147.77 … -0.67 … Glob Ins Fund I Inc ‡@ 513.68 … +6.70 … SVS BROWN SHIPLEY FUNDS
Sus Leaders ‡@ 763.30 … +7.20 …
Asian Gth Inc ‡@ 130.99 … -0.59 … Glob Sust Fund F Acc (PH) ‡@ 1119.48 … +28.56 … Enquiries:0141 222 1151
UK Growth ‡@ 606.50 … +9.60 …
Chinese Eq Acc ‡@ 513.81 … -13.85 … Glob Sust Fund F Inc ‡@ 1206.04 … +12.63 …
UK Income ‡@ 206.40 … +0.50 … Balanced A Acc ‡@ 132.58 … +0.65 …
Chinese Eq Inc ‡@ 434.76 … -11.72 … Glob Sust Fund I Acc ‡@ 1222.93 … +12.77 …
Euro Gth Acc ‡@ 973.97 … -10.00 … Balanced A Inc ‡@ 117.83 … +0.22 …
Glob Sust Fund I Acc (PH) ‡@ 1118.21 … +28.48 … Cautious A Acc ‡@ 111.42 … +0.14 …
Euro Gth Inc ‡@ 817.05 … -8.39 … Glob Sustain Fund F Acc ‡@ 1229.57 … +12.87 … Cautious A Inc ‡@ 95.86 … -0.17 …
Stg Corp Bond F F Acc ‡@ 120.22 … -0.02 … Dynamic A Acc ‡@ 321.29 … +2.52 …
Stg Corp Bond F F Inc ‡@ 94.63 … -0.01 … Dynamic A Inc ‡@ 288.28 … +1.82 …
CLOSE FUND MANAGEMENT LTD Stg Corp Bond F I Acc ‡@ 2556.40 … -0.45 … Growth A Acc ‡@ 332.13 … +2.14 …
0870 606 6402 IGNIS ASSET MGMT Stg Corp Bond F I Inc ‡@1334.25 … -0.24 … Income A Acc ‡@ 244.47 … +0.85 …
Dlg: 0141 222 8282 Sust Fixed Inc Opps F F Acc ‡@ 928.39 … +1.03 2.47 Sterling Bond Acc ‡@ 242.37 … +1.39 …
Beacon Inv ‡ 84.88 … +0.45 0.01
American Gth Inc @ 322.55 340.42 +1.71 … Sust Fixed Inc Opps F F Inc ‡@ 890.87 … +0.99 2.53 Sterling Bond Inc ‡@ 97.00 … +0.54 …
Balanced Growth @ 262.17 276.69 -1.59 1.52 Sust Fixed Inc Opps F I Acc ‡@ 924.18 … +0.99 2.28
Balanced Growth Acc @ 393.13 414.92 -2.40 1.49 Sust Fixed Inc Opps F I Inc ‡@ 890.42 … +0.95 2.31
Corporate Bond ‡@ 99.69 … -1.17 4.77 Strategic Bond A Inc ‡@ 119.47 … +0.23 … US Sm Cos A Acc ‡@ 976.20 … +26.90 … US Adv F F Acc ‡@ 1411.75 … +2.13 …
European Growth @ 403.88 426.26 -1.19 2.18 US Adv F F Acc (PH) ‡@ 793.13 … +15.38 … THREADNEEDLE INVESTMENTS
Target Return A Acc ‡@ 102.03 … +0.39 0.82
Dealing: 020 7426 6232 European Growth Acc @ 475.71 502.07 -1.47 2.24 US Adv F I Acc ‡@ 1501.62 … +2.18 … Client Serv: 0800 0683000
Target Return A Inc ‡@ 87.63 … -0.07 0.87
Glob Gwth @ 331.53 349.90 +2.16 … US Adv F I Acc (PH) ‡@ 831.16 … +16.07 … Intermediary Serv: 0800 0684000
Winchester ‡ 3519.22 … +10.15 0.86 UK Alpha A Acc ‡@ 2622.22 … +19.50 …
Higher Yield @ 83.98 88.64 +0.86 … Institutional Shares (Class 2) (500000 GBP)
UK Blue Chip A Acc ‡@ 770.11 … +5.67 …
Higher Yield Acc @ 275.04 290.28 +2.83 … JUPITER UT MGRS LTD Threadneedle UK Eq Opps Ins Inc ‡@ 123.81 … +1.27 …
UK Smaller Companies A Acc ‡@ 4605.23 … +35.70 …
Japan @ 49.06 51.78 -2.35 … 020 7581 3020
UK Smaller Companies A Inc ‡@ 4130.61 … +32.02 …
Managed @ 130.89 138.15 +0.95 0.66 Absolute Return ‡@ 32.02 … -0.07 … SANTANDER UNIT TST MGRS
UK Special Situations A Acc ‡@ 1371.74 … +7.17 …
Managed Trust @ 71.96 76.96 +1.59 … Distribution and Growth ‡@ 96.14 … +0.46 … 08457 413002
Mngd Pfolio Inc @ 95.54 100.84 +0.63 0.58 UK Special Situations A Inc ‡@ 491.73 … +2.57 … Retail Shares (Class 1)
EDENTREE INV MGMT LTD Emg Euro Opps ‡@ 145.34 … -72.04 … Bal Pfolio Inc ‡@ 110.50 … … …
0800 358 3010 Pacific Grth @ 498.71 526.34 -0.26 1.34 Euro Special Sits ‡@ 458.00 … +11.19 … Bal Port Gwth Acc ‡@ 229.60 … +1.30 … Threadneedle HY Bd Rtl Inc ‡@ 36.14 … +0.12 4.27
Smaller Comp @ 756.24 798.14 -8.40 0.15 European ‡@ 2904.73 … +60.94 … Equity Inc Inc ‡@ 194.10 … +0.60 … Threadneedle Mthly Etr Inc Rtl Inc ‡@ 76.75 … +0.43 …
Resp & Sust Sterling Bond ‡ 85.67 … -0.34 4.01
Smaller Cos @ 628.94 663.79 -6.93 0.21 Financial Opps ‡@ 676.96 … +6.05 0.19 N&P UK Gwth Inc ‡@ 182.80 … +6.00 3.09 Threadneedle SterlingCorpBd Ins Inc ‡@ 53.72 … +0.04 …
Resp & Sust Eurp Eq ‡ 321.70 … +4.50 …
Resp & Sust Glbl Eq ‡ 322.40 … +1.20 … Income Trust ‡@ 503.43 … +1.76 … Stkmkt 100 Tkr @ 258.30 258.30 +3.30 … Threadneedle SterlingCorpBd Rtl Inc ‡@ 53.65 … +0.04 …
Resp & Sust Mgd Income ‡ 119.80 … … … Merlin Bal (Acc) ‡@ 229.12 … +1.18 … UK Growth Acc ‡@ 446.30 … +6.40 … Threadneedle Stg Bd Ret Inc ‡@ 44.81 … -0.29 1.38
Resp & Sust UK Eq ‡ 214.60 … +1.40 1.52 For ISIS Asset Mgmt see F&C Fd Mgmt Ltd (OEICS) Merlin Gwth (Acc) ‡@ 527.68 … -2.29 … UK Growth Inc ‡@ 238.40 … +3.40 … Threadneedle Strat Bd Ret ‡@ 40.66 … +0.13 …
Resp & Sust UK Equity Opps ‡ 270.50 … +1.90 1.13 INSIGHT INVESTMENT FDS MANAGEMENT LTD Merlin Inc (Acc) ‡@ 339.79 … +0.53 … Threadneedle UK Eq Inc Rtl Inc ‡@ 95.99 … +0.68 …
Client Servs: 0207 163 4000 JANUS HENDERSON INVESTORS
Merlin Wwide (Inc) ‡@ 371.73 … -2.56 … Threadneedle UK Growth & Inc Rtl Inc ‡@ 88.48 … +0.98 …
Insight Investment Multi-Manager Funds Investors Serv: 0800 832 832 Dlng: 0845 946 4646 UK Growth ‡@ 251.39 … +4.03 … Threadneedle UK Insti Rtl ‡@ 177.70 … +1.92 …
Well Bldr Bal Acc ‡@ 96.05 … +0.24 … UK Special Sits (Inc) ‡@ 207.35 … +0.45 … SCOTTISH MUTUAL INV MNGRS LTD Threadneedle UK Mthly Inc Rtl Inc ‡@ 66.93 … +0.36 …
Well Bldr Gwth Acc ‡@ 93.79 … -0.32 … All Stks Credit A Inc ‡@ 115.10 … -0.20 1.88 Threadneedle UK Rtl Inc ‡@ 133.51 … +1.10 …
0141 248 6100
Asian Div Inc U Trst Inc ‡@78.64 … +0.47 5.87 Threadneedle UK Smaller Coms Rtl Inc ‡@ 339.45 … -3.46 …
F & C FUND MANAGEMENT LTD (OEICS) Cautious Man Fd A Acc ‡@ 285.20 … +1.20 … European Inc 1777.00 1873.48 +12.14 …
Enqs: 0870 601 6183 Dealing: 0870 601 6083 Far Eastern Inc 584.69 617.09 +3.79 …
Cautious Man Fd A Inc ‡@ 140.70 … +0.60 …
Share Class 1 - Retail Intl Growth Inc 380.56 400.59 -0.13 0.75
INVESCO FUND MGRS LTD China Opp Fund A Acc ‡@ 1192.00 … +22.00 … LEGAL & GENERAL (UT MGRS) LTD
Japanese Inc 41.85 41.85 +0.57 … For Resolution see Ignis
Corporate Bd ‡@ 49.99 … -0.58 … Dling: 0800 085 8571 Inv Serv: 0800 085 8677 Emg Mkts Opps Fd A Acc ‡@ 192.50 … +1.80 0.73 Enquiries: 0870 050 0955 Dealing: 0870 050 0956
Mutual European 2762.93 2908.99 -73.67 … TU FUND MANAGERS LIMITED
Emerging Mkts ‡@ 116.50 … -8.20 … Brkr Serv: 0800 028 2121 Erpn Grth Fund A Acc ‡@ 296.80 … +6.60 … Equity Acc @ 2616.00 2639.00 +17.00 2.12 Mutual Far Eastern 934.77 986.56 +17.72 0.90
Euro Gwth & Inc 1 ‡@ 1224.00 … +30.00 … INVESCO Funds Erpn Sel Opps Fd A Acc ‡@ 2241.00 … +50.00 … Equity Dist @ 893.80 902.00 +5.60 2.15 British 909.60 909.60 +24.90 …
Mutual North Am 1983.00 2092.88 +19.24 0.24
Extra Inc Bond ‡@ 43.43 … +0.09 … Fix Int Mnthly Inc Fd Acc ‡@ 28.71 … +0.15 … Euro Ind Acc ‡@ 520.60 … +9.50 … European 210.70 219.40 +3.90 …
UK Str Inc N/Trl ‡@ 323.57 … -2.78 7.05 Mutual UK Eq 1385.55 1462.32 +16.35 …
FTSE All-Shr Track ‡@ 420.30 … +4.40 … Global Equity Fund Acc ‡@ 4161.00 … +14.00 … Euro Ind Inc ‡@ 341.10 … +6.30 … Nth American Inc 1227.65 1295.67 +29.21 …
Global Gwth SC1 ‡@ 295.20 … -0.60 … Global Equity Income A Inc ‡@ 64.72 … +0.23 … Fixed Int Acc ‡@ 131.40 … +0.10 … UK Equity Inc 545.43 575.65 +5.94 … This list contains unit trusts and Oeics widely held
High Inc Trst @ 10.96 11.57 -0.03 … Fixed Int Dist ‡@ 61.28 … +0.03 … by private investors. The weekly price change is
Global Tech A Acc ‡@ 2919.00 … +38.00 …
Max Inc Bond ‡@ 42.61 … +0.21 … Glob Gwth Acc @ 243.90 243.90 +0.60 1.15 based on a Friday-to-Thursday trading period.*
INVESCO PERPETUAL Funds Instl UK Idx Opps A Acc ‡@ 112.42 … +1.17 … Yield expressed as CAR (Compound Annual
Multi Man Caut ‡@ 70.41 … +0.79 3.18 Glob Health Acc ‡@ 105.40 … -0.40 …
M-Asset Abs Ret A Acc ‡@ 161.60 … -1.10 … Return); † Ex dividend; ‡ Middle price; . . . No sig-
Multi Man Distr ‡@ 60.44 … +0.45 3.37 Childrens Acc ‡@ 452.29 … +4.45 … Glob Tech Acc ‡@ 92.74 … +2.91 … nificant data. # Periodic charge deducted from cap-
M-Man Active Fd A Acc ‡@ 252.50 … +1.60 … SCOTTISH WIDOWS UNIT TRUST MGRS
North Amer ‡@ 796.00 … -4.90 … Corp Bond Acc ‡@ 199.01 … -0.48 2.82 Gwth Tst Acc @ 106.00 106.50 -2.10 0.17 ital; @ Exit charge
Pacific Gwth ‡@ 488.30 … +2.30 0.04 High Income Inc ‡@ 309.21 … +2.66 … M-Man Inc Grth A Inc ‡@ 145.20 … +0.30 … High Inc Acc ‡@ 121.70 … +0.40 5.13 0845 300 2244
Strategic Bd ‡@ 194.20 … -0.20 … Income & Grth Inc ‡@ 404.82 … +2.32 … M-Man Inc Grth Fd A Acc ‡@ 186.60 … +0.30 … Japan Ind Acc ‡@ 68.44 … -0.01 … Authorised Inv Funds (OEICs)
OEIC A Class
Data as shown is
UK Equity ‡@ 3446.00 … +34.00 1.27 Income Inc ‡@ 1221.32 … +10.25 … Sterling Bond U Trst Acc ‡@ 205.90 … -0.30 1.62 Pacific Ind Acc ‡@ 201.20 … +2.80 2.97
Sterling Bond U Trst Inc ‡@ 56.24 … -0.09 1.64 Managed Investment Funds for information
UK Gwth & Inc Acc 1 ‡@ 658.50 … +2.90 … Money Acc ‡@ 92.50 … +0.02 1.12 UK 100 Ind Acc @ 180.90 180.90 +7.60 3.19
UK Gwth & Inc Dist ‡@ 234.70 … +1.00 … Monthly Inc Plus Inc ‡@ 90.82 … -0.69 … Strategic Bond A Inc ‡@ 105.20 … +0.20 … UK Active Opps Acc @ 249.90 252.90 +1.80 … Bal Port A Acc ‡@ 237.60 … -0.10 …
purposes only. No offer is made by
UK Smaller Cos ‡@ 1002.00 … +1.00 … UK Aggressive Inc ‡@ 154.28 … +0.90 3.15 UK Abs Ret Fd A Acc ‡@ 167.70 … +0.50 … UK Index Acc ‡@ 339.70 … +3.70 … Caut Port A Acc ‡@ 207.10 … +0.30 0.43 Morningstar or this publication
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 71

Money

‘Almost a year to fix

fault in my new car’ been waiting months and no one can
Times Money Mentor sort this problem out.
Troubleshooter Peter Stones, Hertfordshire
Troubleshooter says
Katherine If you buy a a new or used car from a
dealer and it develops a serious fault
Denham within 30 days, you are entitled to a full
refund. After 30 days, the company gets
a shot at repairing or replacing it.
As you are paying for your car on
credit the finance company, Seat Fi-
nancial Services, is deemed to be the
slower than normal over the Christmas
period due to staff on annual leave. We
apologise for Mr Stones’s experience
and have offered a goodwill gesture of
three months’ finance payments reim-
bursed for the time that his vehicle was
in for repair.”
It took another month for you to get
a refund of £864, but you finally have
both your money and your car.

I
n February last year my wife and I
bought ourselves a new Seat Ateca
on finance from a dealership in
Crewe. The car is worth about
£28,000 and we pay £288 a month.
On the drive home to Hertfordshire
with our new car, however, we found
that the central display screen didn’t
work. We couldn’t connect the phone
or the sat-nav, the rear-view camera
didn’t work and neither did the speed
limit alert.
We contacted Seat and took the car
back to the dealer. It seemed to have
fixed the problem but within an hour of
driving back from Crewe the same fault
started again.
We then took it to the local Seat deal-
er in Letchworth and the mechanics
said that the software needed updating
but that a new version wasn’t available
yet.
After a couple of months I contacted
the local garage and it said that it was
still waiting for Seat’s new software. I
then rang Seat customer services but it
had no idea when a repair would be
available. It’s so frustrating that we have
If you would like us to investigate
a consumer problem, write to
Troubleshooter, Times Money,
1 London Bridge Street,
London SE1 9GF or
troubleshooter@thetimes.co.uk.
Please include a phone number
car’s owner. Your finance agreement
gave you a 14-day cooling-off period
within which you could have returned
the car, but as the fault didn’t stop your
wife from being able to drive it, you
wanted it to be repaired.
Of course back then you thought it
would be a quick fix.
I contacted Seat’s press office in Sep-
tember, but it wasn’t until November
Money Mentor
Online
Why you need to check
your car breakdown cover
thetimes.co.uk/money-mentor
that your car was booked into a garage.
The software update didn’t work and it
took ten days to find the root of the
problem: the car’s entire “infotain-
ment” system — which included the
touchscreen display and radio —
needed replacing.
Seat said that there were supply
issues with the parts it needed so agreed
to give you a courtesy car while you
waited for the repair.
The car was fixed and ready to collect
on December 23, but you then couldn’t
get through to anyone at Seat to ar-
range to pick it up. You were finally able
to collect the car on January 6, days
before its first service was due.
Seat said: “Communication was

£259 fee to escape Virgin

In January 2021 my son renewed
his broadband and TV contract
with Virgin Media. He was about
to buy a house so he asked Virgin
if the contract was portable to his
new address and it said it was.
After he moved a few months
later he asked Virgin to move his
contract to his new address in
Wilmslow, but it said that it did
not cover the area he had moved
to. My son asked if the contract
could be used by us at his old
address, but he was told that this
wasn’t possible. So he had a
contract for a service that could
not be supplied.
In the end he cancelled his
contract, but incurred an early
cancellation fee of £259. He didn’t
think that was fair given that
Virgin Media could not provide a
service, so he refused to pay. But
this meant a debt collection
agency got involved, which,
although he settled the fee, has
affected his credit rating.
He now cannot get a mortgage
with any bank other than his
current lender, which means he
cannot get a cheaper interest rate.
He has really suffered from Virgin
Media’s poor service.
Mark B, Cheshire
Troubleshooter says
Your son had done the right thing
by checking with Virgin Media
that he could move his deal to his
new address. When a customer
says they are moving, the company
checks that its network covers the
area they are moving to. Virgin
said it suspected that the agent
read the system incorrectly or
mistyped your son’s new postcode.
I agree with your son that it’s
unfair of the company to charge
him, given that it couldn’t provide
the service. Virgin has apologised
and refunded the cancellation fee.
It also removed the debt from his
file, so that it will no longer affect
his credit rating. He has taken out
a new mortgage, but hopefully he
will now have more choice when
that deal comes to an end.
72 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Money
Dividend yields Please note dividend yields are 12 month Price 12 month Price 12 month Price 12 month Price
supplied by Morningstar. The yield is the sum of a High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E

company’s trailing 12-month dividend payments 8582 6738 Lond Stk Ex Gp 7750 – 30 … 79.2 345 218 Boot (Henry) 230 + 5 … 12.3 128K 66K Sirius Real Estate 70X – 1N … 5.5 1410 1020W Dewhurstv 1075 – 25 … 12.3
divided by the last month’s ending share price 226K 159Y M&G‡ 179X – 2N … 56.1 543W 324O Br Land 366 – 1X … 50.1 173K 160K Smart (J) 169K – 2 … 4.6 371 193N Dialight 196N – 2 … …
12 month high and low Please note the 12 month high 286O 204N Man 237K – 4W … 9.5 160 120 Caledonian Tstv 142K – 7K … 28.4 50 28 Steppe Cementv 44 – K … 10.1 1291X 907N Electrolux 'B' 921K – 17N … 6.9
and low figures for shares supplied by Morningstar are 29 8 Manx Finv 27 – K … 13.7 64O 43O Cap & Regnl 57Y … … -0.5 137N 85 Taylor Wimpey 115K – X … 7.6 182K 85K Feedbackv 162K – 4K … …
based on intra-day figures, not closing prices. 3N 1 Marechale Capv 1V … … 0.5 2550 2120 Cardiff Prop 2400 … … 26.1
178K 129 Town Centre 144 + 5 … 5.6 1025 426 Gooch Hsegov 437 – 9 … 32.3

1321K 738 Travis Perkins 925O – 24V … 9.0 3930 2400 Goodwin‡ 3605 – 25 … 19.9
14503 11714W Marsh McLn 13036V + 61N … 27.1 25 3V Carecapitalv 3V – N … -0.3
12 month Price 12 month Price 248K 125X Tritax Big Box Reit‡ 132W – 3 … 2.3 2578 1876K Halma 2096 – 15 … 30.3
797K 530 Mattioli Woodsv‡ 585 … … … 170 106 Clarke T 136O – O … 9.8
High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E
108W 58X Tritax Eurobox 59W – 1 … … 1548 893 Hill & Smith 1334 – 18 … 31.3
21O 7K Metal Tigerv 8 … … 3.0 291W 191X Countryside Prop 229O + 14 … 16.7
330 184K Tyman 239K – 1K … 9.4 125 71K Holders Techv 76 – 6K … 4.6
1V W Drumzv X … … -5.6
Automobiles & parts 162N 73O EFG-Hermes Hldg 89V – 9 … 5.7
153V 69 Metro Bank 106 – 3 … -0.7 28W 6 Craven Housev 16O … … -0.3
1207 791K Unite 883 – 15 … 10.3 2O O Image Scanv 1O … … 10.8
1832V 1413W Nat Aust Bk 1476Y – 24W … 14.6 4353 2756K CRH‡ 3888 – 160 … 16.1
255 122K EPE Special Oppsv 167K – 3K … 9.3 983W 519K Vistry Group 722K – 31 … 6.3
381K 89K Aston Martin Lag 212O – 9 … -1.2 1625 1071 IMI 1493 – 2 … 20.4
1252O 825W FBD 1247X … … 5.5 309Y 212W NatWest‡ 258K – 9K … 10.1 3308 1876 Derwent London 2212 – 50 … 9.8
176V 93 Warehouse REIT‡ 93 – 2N … 2.2
72K 67K Fiskev 67K … … 12.0 … … Inspirit Energyv … … … …
295 170W Numisv 218 + 1K … 4.4 4 3 Dolphin Capitalv 3O … … -2.6
Banking & finance 78 59 Frenkel Toppingv 66K … … 38.6
599 375W Onesavings Bank‡ 454 – 13W … 6.0 36K 22 First Propv‡ 24K … … …
722 343W Workspace Grp 436K – 17 … -6.4
9600 6500 Judges Scientificv 8820 + 220 … 44.5
840 548 Georgia Capital 770 + 4 … 2.1 755 635 Wynnstay Propsv 635 … … 4.6
84 71K LPAv 83K … … …
236 133 Abrdn 202K – 6 … 4.4 1005 705 Gresham Housev 705 – 25 … 28.3 652 460 PayPoint 467 + 3 … 14.6 52K 37K Fletcher Kingv 37K … … …
2604 1729 Admiral 1996 – 14 … 10.1 506 320 H&T Groupv 427 … … 13.6 798O 760V Meggitt 798O + V … …
71W 33 ADVFNv 33 – 2K … 5.7
51K 33 Hansard Global‡ 44X + K … 15.4
8K N PCF Groupv Y + N … -0.4 46X 27N Foxtons Group 38O – Y … …
Consumer goods 165O 95K Melrose 157Y – 1Y … …
390 246V AJ Bell 336O – 3K … 31.5 684V 506O Phoenix 548O – 8O … -6.3 185V 145 Galliford Try‡ 171 – 1 … 38.0
27075W 20168 Aon Corpn 25055 + 275K … 61.1 1059 740O Hargreaves Lansdown‡787W – 17O … 14.0
325 217 Morgan Advanced 286K – 5K … 12.0
42O 23 Appreciate Groupv 42V … … 18.3 194Y 143W Helios Underv 157K … … … 321O 136N Provident 225 … … 4.2 521 252K Genuit Group 271K – K … 16.4 6O 1 Agriterrav 1N … … -0.1
1030 645 Arbuthnot Bkgv 905 – 12K … 20.0 534 227K Mpacv 252K – 2K … 6.6
647K 442V HSBC‡ 534 – 14V … 11.6 39K 25K Aireav 38 … … 14.0
1371K 797K Prudential‡ 1024 – 42 … 16.6 640 335 Gleeson (MJ)‡ 393 – 2 … 6.1
15K 11 Argo Groupv 11 … … 5.0 847K 648 IG Group 698K – 13K … 7.1 745 260 MS Intlv 540 + 25 … 77.1
286W 180Y Ashmore‡ 235 – 5W … 8.0 2Y Y Quantum Blockchainv 1O … … … 1030K 630K Grafton 843K – 15W … 9.7 952 740 Anglo-Eastern 840 + 5 … 7.7
1036 500 Impaxv 772 – 42 … 25.4
1514O 1144X Aus New Z 1223O – 13 … 9.5 2625 1720 Oxford Inst 2450 – 15 … 33.4
1829K 953V Intermed Capital 1166 – 49K … 6.6 173O 80N Quilter 83N – 2K … 59.5 312O 205W Grainger 225V – 3V … 13.9 340 147K Animalcarev 150K … … …
602Y 373O Aviva 408N – 7X … 53.7
2556Y 1072W Philips El nv 1302X – 42K … 23.1
341K 193W Banco Santander 285K – 8K … 6.8 114 64W IPF 100O – 3V … 5.6 2067 1237 AB Foods 1918 – 37 … 31.7
160W 57K Randall & Quilterv 71K – 1 … … 729 409V Great Portland 468W – 21 … -5.8
3000 1160 Bank of Georgia 2530 – 10 … 7.8 173O 136 International Public P'ship143V + V … 18.4 28K 12O PipeHawkv 13N … … 28.1
121 79 Bakkavor Group 108W – 2V … 11.2
189X 133Y Barclays‡ 133Y – 5Y … 3.2 2220 1570 Rathbone Grp 1860 – 22 … 14.3 34W 17V Hammerson 21X – 1 … -2.3
546W 351K Investec 437K – 9K … 10.9 101K 23V Pressure Techv 42 … … -3.4
W … Blue Star Capitalv V … … 4.7 588 432 Barr (AG) 543 – 3 … 19.2
320 253 Investment Co 300 – 5 … 10.7 1V K RiverFort Global Oppsv X … … 2.0 185 101 Harworth Gp 109 – K … 3.7
346 277 BP Marsh&Ptnrsv 298 – 2 … 8.2 4338 3342 Renishaw‡ 4008 – 48 … 22.8
96W 52O IP Group 55K – 1N … 2.0 4K 1K Bidstack Groupv 1Y … … -1.5
20K 7O Braveheart Invv 7O … … 0.2 1955 1370 Rockwood Strategic 1825 – 10 … 2.6 630 425 Heath (Samuel)v‡ 425 … … 8.8
517 312 Brewin Dolphin 515 + 1 … 28.1 242K 94 Jarvis Securitiesv 138 – 1 … 9.9 29 20 Renoldv 26 – V … 9.2
106K 24K Brand Architektsv 31 … … -1.3
365 173Y Bridgepoint 206K + 1W … 12.9 212K 83O Jupiter Fund Mgmt 131K – 2Y … 4.8 2510 1905 S & U 2295 – 65 … 10.8 442 296K Helical PLC 302K + 5 … 7.3
158 66V Rolls-Royce 143K – 3O … 97.6
80K 38K Cenkos Secsv 38K … … 7.8 3628 2872 Brit Amer Tob‡ 2872 + 48K … 9.7
95W 55Y Just Group 80K – 3 … … 2 1 Sancus Lending Grpv 1 … … -0.5 1065 875 Highcroft Invs 890 + 5 … 3.8
325 262K Chesnara 274K – 4K … 15.2 877K 707K Britvic 877K + 10K … 19.9 1O Y Ross Gp Y – V … -2.1
664 368K Lancashire Holdings 539K + K … …
63K 9 City of Lon Gpv 10 + 1 … -0.6 60O 40X Schroder REIT 40X – O … 4.3 208V 148N Ibstock 167W – 3O … 21.7
284N 204 Legal & Gen 229W + K … 7.0 2592 1482 Burberry 2343 – 18 … 20.1 337K 229K Rotork 306O – 7 … 33.3
498 343K City Lon Inv Gp‡ 437 + 2 … 10.2
1214 876 Close Bros‡ 876 – 17 … 6.5 … … Liberty Group 502X – 2X … … 661W 358O Schroders‡ 436Y – 8K … 2.0 251 176 James Halsteadv 184 – 3 … 19.6 200 144 SDI Groupv 178K – K … 29.4
212K 140X C&C Grp 156N + 1 … -9.3
317 211K CMC Markets 232 – 2 … 7.0 1308 704 Liontrust 1044 – 18 … 13.0 1517K 920 St James Place 1173K – 17K … 22.3 854 591 Keller 650 – 11 … 7.5 173W 111 Senior 150W – V … 26.2
1055X 506K Commerzbk 781W – 45 … 40.0 8K 2V Capital Metalsv 4W … … -1.1
55N 38 Livermore Invsv 48 … … 3.0
1090X 671V Deutsche Bk 751X – 70 … 8.8 790O 479X Stand Chart‡ 591O – 40K … 13.2 8239 3966K Kingspan Group 5168W – 144N … 20.3 70V 48 Severfield 61Y + Y … 11.0
53Y 39 Lloyds Banking Group45X – 1V … 6.3 153 92 Carr's Grp# 121K – 3 … 15.0
279K 141K Direct Line Ins 141K – 2W … 5.8
58K 57 Downing ONE VCT 57 … … 7.7 36 25 LMS Capital 25K … … 11.1 13K 7N Starvestv 8 … … -1.3 806W 485N Land Sec‡ 573O – 10 … … 16N 8 Six Hundredv 8K … … 49.7
614 363 Character Grpv 377K + 2K … 6.7

1525 1070 Churchill Chinav 1270 + 15 … … 1708W 1146O SKF B 1478N – 117X … 10.9

Investment companies 2194 1548 Coca Cola HBC 2182 + 11 … 17.4 300 175 Slingsby (HC)v 300 + 30 … 4.9

880 595 Colefaxv‡ 770 … … 13.6 1797K 1364 Smiths 1710 – 5K … 27.1
12 month Price Yld Dis(-) 12 month Price Yld Dis(-)
High Low Company (p) +/- % or Pm High Low Company (p) +/- % or Pm 3748 2586 Cranswick 3014 + 44 … 15.9 1435 986 Solid Statev 1110 – 15 … 26.7

328K 164 Devro 328 – K … 17.8 512 350 Somero Enterv 362K – 2K … 8.0
1685 1042 3i Group 1542K – 41 … -2.6 1223O 928 ICG Ent Tr 1004 – 12 … -45.2
4020K 3410K Diageo‡ 3599 + 36 … 27.6 3644 2474 Spectris 3497 + 12 … 11.5
368K 281K 3i Infrastructure 311 – K … -2.7 486W 373V Impax Env Mkts 421 – 7 … 0.6
103 81 Abrdn Div I&G 83V … … -27.5 374 280 Invesco Asia Tr 336 – 4 … -10.9 1O W Distilv W … … 11.8 12995 9130 Spirax-Sarco 11300 – 25 … 35.5
1428 1066 Aberforth Smlr 1210 – 12 … -13.2 184K 141 Invesco BondInc 161N + 1 … …
1085 784 Evans (M.P.)v 842 – 2 … 7.2 57K 30O Surface Trsfmsv 32 – 1K … …
1046 876 Alliance 951 – 14 … -5.3 164X 111 IPST Bal 139K + 1 … -9.1
461 352 Asia Dragon Tr 396 – 3 … -13.8 258K 200 IPST Gbl Eq 238 … … -9.9 103K 66K Finsbury Foodv‡ 94 … … 11.1 3K 1K Tanfieldv 3N … … -9.0
244 183K Athelney Trust 200 + 5 … -6.3 101 92 IPST Managed 95N … … -12.2 9515 5690 Games Workshop 9115 + 95 … 25.1 472 345 Thorpe FWv‡ 359K + 3 … 25.0
206K 171O AVI Global Trust 184 – 1O … -9.7 189 141 IPST UK Eq 162K … … -10.9
348 206N Baillie Gifford Ch Gr 262 – 3 … -9.3 546 373K IP UKSmallerCos 436 + 1 … -11.2 1182 857Y Glanbia‡ 1177N … … 29.0 2X X TP Groupv 2V … … -3.3
111V 73K Baillie Gifford Eu Gr 91K – 2 … -14.2 800 650 JPM American 692 – 4 … -2.1 135Y 60O Greencore 80K – 2X … 16.1 95K 48K Transense Techv 84K … … 62.1
860 657 Baillie Gifford Jpn Tr 739 + 2 … -10.3 402N 294K JPM Asia 367 + K … -9.6
179O 131N Baillie Gifford SN 153K + 1V … -10.3 451K 246K JPM Chinese 320 – 2K … -9.2 396 231 Headlam 302 + 3 … 13.0 3500 3070 Ultra Electrncs 3500 + 6 … 37.4
191 139W Baillie Gifford UK Gr 159K – 3W … -14.6 738 624 JPM Claverhs 652 – 16 … -3.4 1250 500 Hilton Food 684 – 13 … 14.2 435 284K Vesuvius 395O – 5 … 10.5
109X 90Y Bankers 98O – K … -9.2 120W 91 JPM Em Mkts 106K – 1 … -9.2
36 24 Hornbyv 24K … … … 1530 833 Videndum 868 + 28 … 15.9
5232 398O BH Macro 420 – 6 … 2.4 460K 339 JPM Euro disc 408 – 8K … -15.2
1048 722N Biotech Growth 789 + 5 … -8.4 142K 108 JPM GEMI 131 + O … -9.5 2185 1610K Imperial Brands‡ 1883K + 8 … 6.3
323K 204 Volexv 206K – 9 … 11.2
151 95 BlckRck Com Inc 123 – 1 … -2.0 481 386 JPM GG&I 449 – 1K … 2.6
1X 1N J Lewis Hfordv 1W … … 8.7
144K 116K BlckRck Fro Inv 131K + K … -6.7 898 719Y JPM Indian 774 + 4 … -18.1 2021 1328K Weir 1743K – 56K … 29.4
568 396 BlckRck Grt Euro 512K – 7K … -5.9 384 301 JPM Jap Sml Co 324 … … -9.2 9611K 7372O Kerry Gp 8185O … … 22.6
3620 1464 XP Power‡ 2085 – 5 … 11.1
206 164 BlckRck Inc & Gwth 185 … … -8.6 528O 408K JPM Japan# 467 + 3K … -7.8
44 15K McBride 25O – X … -4.6
457 330 BlckRck Latin Am 336 – 3 … -9.0 1122 735 JPM Mid Cap 853 – 20 … -14.1 182K 111N Zytronicv 137K – 4K … 45.8
215 181K BlckRck SustAm 182 – 1K … -4.5 104 85N JPM Multi-Ass G&I 94K + K … -3.3 310 205 Mulberry Groupv 234 + 19 … 9.6
1694X 1162 BlckRck Smlr 1282 – 16 … -13.6 -2.502 -33 ME & Africa Sec Plc" 03V + 106K … …
1460 986K Nicholsv‡ 1070 – 5 … …
767
804Y
477Y BlckRck Throgmorton 565
524 BlckRck Wld Min 641
–
–
5
9
… -5.8
… 2.9
345
255V
230 JPM Smllr Co
174 Keystone IT
260
204O –
– 1
2K
… -13.5
… -15.6 270 165 Norcros 182K – 1 … 5.7
Health
18N 4K Blue Plan Int Fn# 7O … … -20.3 871 649 Law Debenture 784 – 10 … 1.3 386X 300O Origin Entsv 374 … … 11.8
325Y 256 CT Cap&Inc 281K – 6K … -3.4 136K 99 Lowland 123 + K … -7.0 1475 1049 Abcamv 1226 + 123 … …
124V 68K Balanced Comm Prop 80W – 1 … -31.1 220N 156O Majedie 210K – 1K … -13.3 66K 21K Pittardsv 21K – 16 … 10.1
162O 122 The Glbl Smaller 140W – 1K … -12.3 358 272V M Currie Port 327 – 5 … -1.5 316 222K AdvancedMedicalv 226 – 3 … 35.5
610 300 Portmeirionv 370 – 7 … 15.7
506 375K CT Priv Eq Ord 423 – 17 … -37.9 120 90 Marwyn Val In 96K … … -45.3 26 5 Allergy Therapv# 6N + 1N … -7.3
1 X Provexisv O … … 0.3
101 60O CT Real Estate 61V – O … -34.9 224 158N Mercantile IT 191K – 1V … -15.6
29 22K STM Groupv 28 … … 10.7 103 60O Life Science Reit 60O – 1W … … 156 17K Anglev 17K – 1Y … -2.4
91N 71 CT UK HIT 82 … … -6.9 606 480 Merchants 551 – 6 … 0.4 221 170W PZ Cussons‡ 179W – V … 20.6
92O 79 CT UK HIT B 85 … … -3.5 820 639O Mid Wynd 670 – 2 … -2.4 4181V 3206O Sun Life Can 3627N – 14N … 9.2 603 215 Anpariov 215 – 2K … 11.3
25 15K Lon & Assoc 15K … … -2.1 200K 98K REA 99O … … -7.8
356 294 CT UK HIT UNIT 325 … … -7.7 1138 875 Monks Inv Tst 931K – 15 … -11.4 10 5N Tavistock Invv 7 – N … 1.1
1335 1072K Brown Advsr US Sm 1170 – 17K … -12.4 171 104V Montanaro Eur Sml 132K – 3K … -11.9 280W 161O Londonmetric Property‡165K – 4K … 3.5 11802 9656 AstraZeneca 11080 + 82 … …
2W 1 Real Gd Fdv 1V … … 0.1
2590 1040 TBC Bank Group 2160 – 70 … 6.3
1115 888 Brunner 1045 – 10 … -9.8 903K 715 Murray Income Trust 829 – 11 … -6.0 38W 29 Circassia Groupv 34 … … 34.0
59 37 Macau Prop Op 58K + 1K … -7.5 500 235 Tandemv 247K – 7K … 3.5
4065 3015 Caledonia Inv 3350 – 90 … -31.1 1376 1128 Murray Int 1320 + 2 … 0.5 16O 6N Ternv 6O – N … 5.0
1158 507 Treatt 586 – 3 … 23.5 248K 199 Convatec 218O – V … 51.1
184K 141 Invesco BondInc 161N + 1 … … 88K 70O Nb Global Floating 71O + N … -10.0 689W 225W Marshalls 298V – 3W … 10.8
25O 15N Time Financev 24K + N … 14.9
432 366K City of Lon IT 402K – 4 … 2.6 384 303 Pacific Assets 354 – 2 … -5.9 64 25W Creighton 33 … … 6.3
1190 900 Volverev 1180 – 10 … … 128 74 Michelmershv 91K – K … 14.5 3N 1O Ukrproduct Gpv 3N … … -2.2
122Y 84 Crystal Amber Fd 86K – 1 … -30.4 325 229V Pantheon Int 236K … … -48.5
4876K 4039 Unilever (NV) 4768 + 49K … 24.4 4272 2520 Dechra Pharma‡ 2550 – 28 … 38.0
580 454 Dunedin Entp 542K – 20 … -11.2 3115 2295 Pershing Sq 2780 – 20 … -33.9 45 20K WH Irelandv 20K … … 11.5 2480 1392 Morgan Sindall 1648 – 24 … 8.0
690 537 Edinburgh IT 643 – 12 … -6.7 506 463O Personal Assets 480 + 4K … -0.5 4267K 3370 Unilever 4197 + 24K … 21.5 1N O Deltex Medicalv 1 … … -6.4
33K 26 Walker Crips Grp 26 … … 74.2
230K 147N Edin Wwide 150O – 1W … -18.2 2300 1697K Polar Cap Tech 1970 – 18 … -13.4 13900 10900 Mountview‡ 11100 + 300 … 13.8
4265X 2928V Wells Fargo 2928V – 65O … 8.0 926 317 Victoriav 504 + 2 … … 26Y 13O e-Therapeuticsv 15X + X … …
336 268 EP Global Opp 319 – 7K … -10.3 202 132K Prem Glb & Inf 137 – K … -16.5
99K 68N NewRiver REIT 79 – 2K … -2.7
118 74K European Assets 89N – 2 … -8.7 148K 112K Renewables Inf 123K – 1V … -7.2 1344V 1046W Westpac 1152 – 7 … 15.6 165 82K Eco Animal Hlthv 106K – 2 … 12.9
780 608 European Opp Tr 742 – 4 … -14.5 2595 1792 RIT Cap Ptnr 1874 – 14 … -22.3 297 195 Palace Capital‡ 220 + 1K … 10.5
989 769 F&C Invest Tr 899 – 11 … -0.9 750 530W Riverstone 570 … … -52.4
31 21K Worsley Investors Ltd 29W … … 91.8
Engineering 54W 25K EKF Diagnosticsv 26V … … 7.4
40907O 34563 Zurich Fincl 37472K + 204Y … 14.6 335 275 Panther Securitiesv 275 … … 2.4
536 413K Fidlty Asian Val 499 – 7 … -3.6 469K 366K Schroder TotRt 422 – 4 … -4.8 56Y 24X Futura Medicalv 43N + K … …
299W 181Y Fidelity China Sp 247K – 1K … -9.3 552 446 Schrd Asia Pac 508 – 3 … -10.6 2254 1138K Persimmon 1200 – 19K … 4.8 … … Ass Br Eng# 15 … … -3.5 3272 2234 Genus‡ 2924 – 18 … 52.0
351 258K Fidlty Euro Val 329 – 7 … -6.7 324 254K Schrod Inc Gwth 287K – 4K … -2.0
189K 143 Fidlty Jap Tru 172 … … -11.9 218 187 Schrod Jap Gwth 202K – K … -12.3
Construction & 6N 2N Pires Investmentsv 2N … … -5.1 1381 739 Avon Rubber 908K – K … … 1828K 1296 GSK‡ 1401V – 36K … 16.1
364W
899W
232 Fidlty Spec Val
731O Fins Gwth & Inc
266
877
–
–
6
1
… -6.0
… -4.9
626
26
454 Schrod UKMid
11K Schroder UK PP Tr
548
12V +
– 4
V
… -11.5
… -57.1
property 65 45 Plaza Cent 45 … … -0.1 367K 268K Babcock 300 – 7 … -1.8
O N Gunsyndv N … … 3.1

151X 98X Primary Health Properties100W – 1O … 10.2 973 713 BAE 973 – 2 … 17.7
120V 85X GCP Infrastructure 87X – 1 … -21.7 536K 434 Scot American 497 + 1 … -3.3 335O 246V Haleon‡ 325O – 6O … …
694Y 552X Gen Emer Mkts 580X – 4Y … -14.3 1081O 643V Scot Mtge 649K – 20W … -19.3 206 133 Alumascv‡ 156 … … 7.9
2150 1600 Braime A N/Vv 2100 … … 23.6
40K 28N Real Estate Invsv 28N … … 3.7 2122 1190K Hikma Pharms‡ 1671K – 1K … 12.5
55 28K Gldn Prosp Prc Mtl 33N … … -8.7 242 205 Secs Tst Scot 213 … … … 15O 10V Aseana Props 11W … … -5.7
1750 1480 Braime Groupv 1700 – 50 … 19.1
168K 130W Greencoat UK Wind 156Y + Y … -6.7 103O 75K Sequoia Eco 80K … … -13.8 585 372K Redrow‡ 446K – K … 5.5 335 134K Hutchmed Chinav 233K + K … …
71O 47O Assura‡ 48O – O … 9.7
206W 166 Hansa Investment 174 … … -42.3 249K 195V Temple Bar 223 – 6 … -5.1 602K 500 Caffyns 550 … … 7.9
2O 1W Aukett Swankev 2O … … -3.9 1398 794 Safestore‡ 903K – 20 … 5.1 … … Immunodiag Sysv 378 … … …
206W 167 Hansa Inv Co 'A' 174 + K … -42.5 166 130 Tplton Emg Mkt 149V – K … -12.9
5O 1X Cap XX Ldv 1O + V … -3.8
2650 1900 Hbrvest Glbl Pt Eq 1990 – 10 … -50.6 W … Tiger Royal and Invv V … … 45.8 371V 233 Balfour Beatty 371V – 1V … 17.5 1190 763K Savills 935K – 12 … 9.3 7O 1K ImmuPharmav 1O … … -0.5
165K 120K Hend Euro Foc 151K – 3K … -10.3 487K 263 TR Property 274K – 7K … -8.0 380 279 Castings 352 + 22 … 17.0
533K 323W Barratt Devs 441N – 3K … 6.9 7025 1349 Indivior 1389 – 25 … 79.5
181 137N Hend High Inc 167N – 2N … 0.5 78 64W Troy Inc&Gth 69W – 1 … -1.0 6N 5X Secure Propertyv 5X … … 14.8
5 3W Chamberlinv 3K … … -0.2
1020 674N Hend Smlr 812 – 10 … -9.7 252 126 Utilico Ord 128 – 3 … -38.8 2728 1586K Bellway 2017 – 18 … 6.0 112K 47K Inspiration Healthv 52 + 2 … 8.0
1389 694 Segro‡ 721 – 16O … 2.1
1966 1540 Herald 1782 + 2 … -14.5 227K 197K Utilico Emerging Mkt 210 + 4 … -15.4 4457 3165 Berkeley‡ 4020 – 14 … 10.4 42 14 Checkitv 29 – 1 … -3.5
41K 21K IXICOv 21O – O … 6.9
457K 310 HgCapital Trust 326 – 11 … -25.7 772 500 Vietnam Ent Inv 569 + 1 … -13.8 44X 27O SIG 41 – K … … 560 391 Cohortv 464K – 2K … 41.2
1558 987 Big Yellow Group 1110 – 28 … 7.3
184Y 138Y HICL Infra 151O – 1K … -7.4 237K 199O Witan 217K – 3K … -8.7 501K 343O Mediclinic 499W – V … 31.2
410 181K Billington Hldgsv 390 … … 31.7 81 37W SigmaRocv 53O – V … … 400 167K Crestchic Plcv 399 … … …
298 216 Highbridge Tactical 283 + 4 … 6.9 3500 2820 Ww Health 3055 + 5 … -9.0
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 73

Money
12 month Price 12 month Price 12 month Price 12 month Price 12 month Price 12 month Price
High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E High Low Company (p) +/- Yld% P/E

3O 1K N4 Pharmav 1O … … -2.1 8 3N Bonhill Groupv 5 … … … 35O 15N Condor Gldv 22K … … … 450 207K Serica Energyv 215 – 5 … … 472 295 Restorev 305 + 2 … 36.3 143K 24N Ilikav 38 – K … …

88.42 73.32 Novartis CHF76.36 + 0.56 … 8.6 172K 53K Catalyst Mediav 157K … … … 12K 8K Shanta Goldv 12W + 1V … 7.8 581 331K Ricardo‡ 540 – 6 … 48.2 132K 77K Ingentav 121 + 7 … 70.7
1K V Corcelv N … … -0.3
5X 2N Omega Diagsv 3 – V … -1.1 700 440 Robert Walters 483 + 2 … 11.0 77 38 Intercedev 62K … … 21.5
N V Catenaev V … … -0.2 7120V 75O DRD Gold 75O + 1V … 8.9 2604K 1936W Shell‡ 2200K – 71K … 11.6
14 4O Ovoca Biov 5O – N … -1.6 20 11K Roebuck Food Grpv 17O … … 2.7 200 112 Iomartv 125 – 3 … 13.7
… … Daily Mail‡ 270 – 2K … 10.3 1X K ECR Mineralsv K … … -3.5 2Y Y Sound Energyv 1X … … 10.3
59Y 25N IQEv 26N – O … …
697 297 Oxford Biomedica 438 – 8 … 19.6 239 95W RPS Group 221 – 1 … …
195 100 DCD Mediav# 100 – 30 … 5.0 22 6Y Edenville Energyv 7 … … -0.4 V … Sunrise Resourcesv … … … …
156 112K K3 Business Tchv 112K … … -1.9
5 2 Physiomicsv 4V … … … 1159 812 RS Group 886 – 20 … 22.4
71K 43 Ebiquityv 50 – 2K … … N … Tertiary Mineralsv V … … -3.9
11O X Empyrean Energyv 1 – V … -7.7 1980N 1055 LG Electronics‡ 1488W + 16N … 3.9
5 3N Proteome Sciesv 3X – V … … 28K 16K RTC Groupv 18K + K … …
1466 910 Euromoney In Inv 1460 + 2 … … Y N Thor Miningv N … … -1.7 N V Location Sciencesv V … … -2.7
2068 1461 Endeavour‡ 1860 + 17 … 27.6
6808 5450 Reckitt Benckiser6104 + 120 … … 445 264W RWS Hldgsv 302 – 8 … 27.7
2770 1081 Future 1100 – 40 … 18.9 5409 3921O Total Eng SE 4559O – 140O … 10.4 532 256N Micro Focus Intl 532 + K … -5.6
63K 31W RUA Life Sciencesv 55 … … -5.3 36K 16O EnQuest 17 – 1 … 1.0 440 365 Science Groupv 385 – 2 … 17.7
1400 930 GlobalDatav 1250 … … 61.8 N V Tower Resourcesv V … … -3.0 70K 45 MTI Wirelessv‡ 51K – 1K … 17.1
295 70 Sareum Hldgsv 92K + 5 … … 13K 3K Eurasia Miningv 3O … … … 188N 139O Serco 153 – X … 6.2
112V 50 Hyve Group 111O – 1 … … 61 27K Tullow Oil 28V – 1W … 2.8 55O 20N Nanoco Gp 20N – K … …
1321K 984K Smith & Neph 1133 – 19 … 25.7 3 Y Europa Oil&Gasv 1V … … 10.2 57K 27K Smiths News 47W + 1V … 4.6
108K 52 Netcallv 99 … … …
187K 46K IG Design Grpv 172 … … 25.2 V … UK Oil & Gasv … … … -1.9
250 203 Spire Hcare 208K + 2 … … 195N 97K Ferrexpo 113 – 4X … 0.8 3596 2452 Smurfit Kappa 2833 – 87 … 12.9 62K 41 Northamberv 42 … … …
697 501O Informa 661 – 13 … … 460 135 URU Metalsv 150 … … 4.8
35 7Y Synairgenv 7Y – K … -0.3 64V 32K Staffline Gpv 36 – 1 … 27.6 38K 10N Online Blockchainv 19K … … …
968 644 Fresnillo 732K – 2W … 17.3
90 55V ITV 81W – 1 … 8.7 1Y V Vast Resv W … … …
X W Tissue Regenixv K … … -6.9 484K 317K SThree 428K – 16 … 13.8 112K 76K Oxford Metricsv 98K – 3 … 42.8
… … G3 Exploration# 28 … … -2.6
47K 16O Totallyv 16O – N … 26.7 10N 4K Jaywingv 4O … … … 4 3O Victoria Oil&Gasv# 3O … … -1.8 137K 95 Synecticsv 117K … … … 9 5O Parityv 5O … … -8.3
41K 19K Galantas Goldv 19O – O … -3.3
420 292 Tristelv‡ 325 … … 67.0 12N 1O Live Company Gpv 1O … … -0.3 2X 2X W Resourcesv# 2X … … -0.3 34K 21X Thruvision Groupv 24 … … -8.7 41K 28K Pennant Intlv 37 … … …
7N 3 GCM Resourcesv 3 … … -2.5
34N 8Y ValiRxv 9O + O … … … … Mediazestv … … … -6.0 5N 2V Westmount Engyv 2W … … -0.5 94N 35 Tribalv 35 – 2K … 10.9 619K 390O Playtech 524 – 16 … 5.5
72Y 26N Gem Diamonds 27Y + O … 2.9 394V 299W QinetiQ 326 – 2W … 25.4
47K 26K Merit Grpv 26K – K … -7.8 251X 104K Wood Grp (J) 200K – 6 … -8.2 92K 49 Vianetv 74 … … …

Industrials 57K 21K Miradav 21K … … -0.9

32Y 12V Getechv 13Y … … -3.3
8 1 Woodboisv 1V … … 4.3 980 660 Vp 679 – 1 … 16.7 150 20K RM 65 … … 13.0

578 400 Glencore 442X – 8Y … 16.2 817V 595K Sage 750V + 1V … 28.7
68K 42 Mission Groupv 53 … … 8.9 6Y 1N Xtract Resourcesv 1N … … -2.4 2Y 1 Westminsterv 1N … … -1.6
8N 5N Seeing Machinesv 5X … … …
148 54W Accsys Techv 64O + 1X … … X N Global Petrolv N … … -3.8
247W 167 Moneysupermarket 247W … … 25.2 7X 4 Zephyr Energyv 4K – N … -5.8
139 86 Shearwater Grpv 87 … … 53.9
4864K 3433X BASF 4041W – 40W … 7.9
1863W 1213N News Corp A 1312V – 11 … 21.4 107949K 1041V Gold Fields 1041V + 29O … 16.0 Real estate 77K 31K Smartspace S'warev 38K … … -4.0
5986V 4190X Bayer DM50 4889W – 34N … 57.0
1883X 1239N News Corp B 1321V – 8K … 21.5 12K 6O Goldplatv 9 … … 6.8 Professional & 1755 1071 Softcat 1155 + 8 … 22.6
235 46K Biome Techv 83 … … -2.7 177Y 95K Shaftesbury Cap 107X – 5N … 31.6

3X 1K Byotrolv 1K … … …
1458 755 Next 15 Commsv 878 – 19 … … 10W 2X Goldstone Resv 2X … … … support services 286V 168 Spirent Comms‡ 173Y – O … 16.2

995V 734K Pearson‡ 813 – 6O … 38.9 14O 6O Greatld Gldv 6O – V … … 54 24O SRT Marinev 43O … … …
7 6N Camb Gbl Timberv 6O … … -9.0
107 65V Photo-Me 107 + 5 … 18.6 120K 70 Griffin Miningv 75O – V … 8.3
5090 2240 4imprint Grp 4990 + 30 … 84.2
Retailing 728Y 440O Tele. Ericsson 441K + 1N … 8.0
81W 50Y Coats Grp 74K – 1V … 16.6
555 460 Andrews Sykesv 535 … … 17.1 90 72K Touchstarv 82K … … …
4W 2 Primorus Invv 3K – V … 6.4 310 170K Gulf Keystone 173W – 9 … 10.8
8028 5908 Croda 6416 – 48 … 27.9 95K 37Y AO World 63K … … …
1055 860 Tracsisv 905 + 10 … …
187K 108K Quarto 155 – 2K … 8.6 5874 3359 Ashtead 4737 – 263 … 23.0
1250 610 Cropper (James)v 610 – 5 … 18.6 25Y 5X Harland & Wolff Gpv 13V – W … 1.0 580K 295K B&M European 464Y – 9O … 10.8
20K 12N Trakm8v 13K … … …
195W 67 Reach 73K – 3W … 81.6 29K 1K Asimilar Groupv 2W … … 0.1
129 87X Elementis 112N – O … … 147V 51K Hochschild 77V + V … 7.4 42X 20N Brown (N)v 31 … … 9.1
145 81 Triad Grp 135 … … 14.8
1Y O REACT Grpv 1 … … 15.3 137K 58 AssetCov 62 … … 0.3
33K 11K Hardidev 11K … … -2.2 173 85 Horizonte Minrlsv 139 … … … 102V 40W Card Factory 84O – 5 … … 1380 222K Wandiscov# 1310 … … …
2605 2081 Relx 2577 – 6 … 34.0 53K 37 Avisenv 47K + K … … 2122 1549 CVS Groupv 1832 – 21 … 51.3
2373 1784 Johnson Math 1932K – 22K … 24.3 356K 187K Hunting PLC 231K – 6K … -5.8 925 415 Water Intelv 420 + 2K … 23.1
663 445W Rightmove 550V – 13O … 31.1 148 106 Begbies Traynorv 124N + K … … 214 104O DFS Furn 128K – 1W … 6.8 273 144K Xaar 170 + 1V … …
1705 1266 Mondi 1289 – 12 … 9.8
106K 15O IGas Energyv 17 – V … -0.8
100 75 Robinsonv 97K … … … 150 65 SpaceandPeoplev 80K – 1 … … 228 155 Blancco Techv 187 … … 67.0 1275 670K Dunelm‡ 1135 – 13 … 15.3 10 N Yourgenev N … … -0.2
K … Independ Resv … … … …
368K 241O DS Smith 306W – 4K … 17.4 332 247 STV Group 253 – 3 … 6.1 3163 2575 Bunzl 3017 – 30 … 22.8 949K 600 Frasers Group 747 – 8 … 33.2 207K 101K Zoo Digitalv 200 … … …
317 219 Indus Gasv 219 – 4 … 22.7
746W 446X Swire Pacific 620Y – 6N … … 310 122K System1 Groupv 162K + 2K … 7.7 42X 20V Capita 37 – K … 2.8 2820 1673 Greggs 2632 – 50 … 23.0

21K 9N Symph Environv 9N … … … 3345N 2286N 21st Cent Fox Inc A 2687O – 65O … 14.7
1 N Ironveldv N … … -4.7
45 39K CEPSv 39K … … -8.9 271O 124X Halfords 172W – 3Y … 5.7 Telecoms
332O 88 Synthomer 126W – 2W … 2.6 379N 75 ITM Powerv 75 – 3V … … 796O 480Y Howden Joinery 670K – 17V … 12.6
3069W 2156W 21st Cent Fox Inc B 2466V – 61O … 13.5 130 105 Christie Groupv 114 … … 48.5
197 100 AdEPT Technologyv‡ 197 … … …
2727Y 2164 Takeda Pharm 2668O + 7K … 14.9 17 7V Jubilee Metalsv 8X + V … 7.2 2008 1576K Compass 1992 – 3 … 48.4 941 647 Inchcape 730 – 28 … 24.6
… … Vela Techv … … … 5.0
170Y 104K Airtel Africa 104K – 1K … 9.3
7 3N Velocysv 3K – V … -4.4 3N 1O Karel Diamd Resv 1O … … -7.0 4Y 1X IQ-AI 2O … … -7.8
356 222 Wilmington‡ 300 + 2 … 19.1 267 97 CPPGroupv 219 – 8 … …
196K 112 BT Group 139O … … 13.5
1931 1545 Victrex 1656 – 11 … 19.7 1N K KEFI Gold and Copperv Y … … -3.6 186X 89V JD Sports 163Y – 7 … 19.8
1073K 725O WPP 917W – 28W … 17.4 81K 49K Croma Securityv 49K … … 7.1
100N 53K Currys plc 55K – O … 2.6
651 450 Wynnstay Groupv 450 – 5 … 10.3 291K 203 Kingfisher 256N – 7W … 6.4
526 380K Kenmare Res 466K + 4K … 5.4 6268 4030 DCC 4291 – 67 … 14.1 1382 1012 Gamma Commsv 1100 – 6 … 19.9
123K 77K Zinc Mediav 87K … … -5.5
410 233 Zotefoams 364 + 11K … 21.8 97K 61K Lookers 79O – 1O … 5.1
31N 5O Lamprell# 8Y … … -0.7 115W 52 De La Rue 53 – X … 6.9 144N 100N Helios Towers 105 – 1K … -9.4
165N 93V Marks & Spencer 152K – 4N … …
23O 11Y Landore Resv 13N … … -3.0 2970 2158 Diploma 2728 – 48 … 48.8 3009 1103K Just Eat T'away 1478W – 63 … -3.1
Leisure Natural resources 914 597 Discoverie 771 – 7 … 63.2
12 6 Mothercarev 8K … … -5.3
N … Mobile Streamsv V … … -1.8
X W Lansdowne O&Gv W … … …
397K 75K Naked Winesv 99 + 1 … …
2N X Mobile Tornadov 1Y … … …
18K 12K Leeds Groupv 12K – K … -2.0 40 23K Driver Groupv‡ 28K … … 13.5
224V 55 888 Hldgs 55 – 4 … 4.0 1 W ADM Energyv X … … … 7076 4383 Next 6694 – 110 … 12.7 2500 1500 Telecom Plus 1940 + 42 … 49.7
6W 1Y Lexington Goldv 5N … … … 335 175V Essentra‡ 178W – 1 … 20.0
850 542 Accesso Techv 688 + 16 … 18.1 N … Advance Energyv# V … … -0.1 1244 393 Ocado 439V – 8V … … 132V 83X Vodafone 88K – 2V … …
3160 2285 Experian 2598 – 40 … 33.3
680 370 Best of the Bestv 555 – 20 … 6.2 41W 17O AFC Energyv 20K – … … 21K 2O MC Miningv 9N … … -1.9 28O 16N Pendragon 16N – V … 5.1
W
1396K 501W Carnival 652K – 17 … -1.0
… … Afentra PLC … … … … 1O O Metals Explornv 1X … … 2.9
12380 8680 Ferguson‡ 10470 – 220 … 15.4 396 257O Pets at Home 360V + 3W … 14.7 Transport
140 99 Celticv 111K … … 11.0 270 215 FIH Groupv 269 … … … 258 72Y Saga 129N – X … …
V … Alba Mineral Resv … … … -2.5 X V Nostra Terrav V … … -1.3
34N 1Y Cineworld 2N … … … 11 5N Grafeniav 9N … … -6.8 271V 169Y Sainsbury's 259 – 3K … 21.7 340 226 Braemar Ship 298 + 4 … 9.8
Y W Alien Metalsv W … … … 26K V Nostrum O&G 12O … … -0.1
384K 215V Domino's Pizza 276O + 2K … 14.1 610 317 Hargeaves Servv‡ 404 … … 4.2 1714 1132K WH Smith 1426 – 18 … … 591O 285 EasyJet 467N – 9X … -2.9
111O 66N Alumina 77V + 1 … 16.0 … … Oil Search 218Y – 5W … 60.3
1688K 1075K Entain‡ 1181K – 22K … 26.4 735 413 Impellam Grpv‡ 617K … … 33.7 30K 14N Sosandarv 22 … … … 11K 4K Esken Limited 4X – V … -0.2
1N X Aminex 1 … … -6.0 N V Oilexv# V … … -3.7 139K 93K FirstGroup 101V – 1 … 24.1
14320 7614 Flutter Ent 13975 – 230 … … 28V 4 Ince Gv# 5V + V … 2.9 2N 1N Stanley Gbbnsv 1K … … -1.6
2 X Amur Mins Corpv 1X … … … N … Oriole Resourcesv … … … -1.1 407 251 Fisher (James) 294K – 18K … -5.3
33W 22 Gaming Realmsv 26W … … … 5344 3619 Intertek 3923 – 79 … 22.0 … … Studio Retail# 115 – 2K … 2.4
941257X 4482 Anglo Amer Plat 4482 – 172V … 3.2 Y K Ormonde Miningv# O … … -3.1 173K 93X International Airlines135K – 3O … -3.0
290 290 Heavitreev‡ 290 … … 17.4 272 115W IWG 144W – 6W … -5.5 156 69K Ted Baker 109O … … …
4170K 2479 Anglo American‡2538 – 48K … 5.0 361 183V IDS 230W + 1 … 2.6
185 65 Heavitree Av‡ 100 … … 6.0 17V 5O Orosur Miningv 8N … … … 286X 199V Tesco 250O – 3 … 12.7
122 77 Johnson Srvcev 119 – 2 … 74.3
439N 304 Irish Cont Uts 399K – 31K … …
118 64 Anglo Asian Mngv 114K + K … 9.9 24 12O Pan African Resv 16 + N … 5.2
145 120 Hermes Pacificv 120 … … … 57K 38 Topps Tiles 47X – V … 8.6
154 99 Journeov 154 + 5K … 34.5 1381K 667O Jet2v 1263 – 15K … -6.7
5784 4193 InterContinental Hotels5112 – 156 … 47.8 1805 991K Antofagasta 1517 – 40 … 15.7
149K 23K Pantheon Resv 24Y – 1N … …
89 56K Kier Gp 65V – 2 … 6.3 272K 117W Natl Express 117K + N … -6.9
1N Y Minoan Gpv 1 … … -7.0 5N 2Y Arc Mineralsv 3K … … 2.6
79 36 Parkmead Grpv 38K – 1 … -3.3
1400 1080 Latham (J)v 1182K – 22K … 6.4
Technology 1050 820 Ocean Wilson 880 – 30 … 4.4
243W 102 Mitch & Butlers 160V + X … … 4O 2K Ariana Resv 2Y … … 3.9
X W Pathfinder Minsv W … … -3.7 106V 104 Stagecoach 104X … … 14.7
1080 695 Lok'n Storev 789 + 27 … 23.9
247K 92K On The Beach 137 – 1O … -7.2 O W Arkle Resourcesv K … … -1.7 108 62K Access Intellv 79K … … …
134 71 Petra Diamonds 71 – 3 … 2.3 24 19K Sutton Harbourv 22 … … …
3850 2300 Lon Securityv 3050 … … 16.8
1600 1020 PPHE Hotels 1150 – 40 … -9.3 4K 1W Armadale Capv 1K … … … 143 26 Aferian plcv 29 … … 5.2
424 192W Wincanton 207K + 2 … 5.6
4 1N Petrel Resourcesv 1N … … -6.6 403 220 LSL Prop Services 264 – 11 … 7.3
141O 52W Rank Grp 70W + W … 9.5 2N Y Asiamet Rsrcsv 1 … … … 187 126 Alfa Financial 133K – 4 … 20.8 3256 1357K Wizz Air 2620 – 109 … -5.9
5W 1X Petro Matadv 3O … … … 131 86 Macfarlane 106K + 1 … 12.3
69N 26X Restaurant Gp 40Y – K … -7.7 21V 8N Allied Minds 13O + 3V … -1.2
410 188 Atalaya Minev 351K + 1K … 4.4
50K 28 Rotalav 46K – 2 … … N … Baron Oilv V … … …
157Y 50K Petrofac 50K – 3W … -1.3 335 102K Maintel Hldgsv 115 – 7K … 3.5 430 290 Aptitude Software 375 + 4 … 42.1
Utilities
37N 15K Sportechv 19 … … … 1O N Petroneft Resv N … … -0.9 2200 8N Malvern Intlv 12O … … … 265 126K Bangov 230 – 2K … …
11O 1Y Beowulf Miningv 1Y … … -8.4
277Y 184O SSP 235W – 5 … -4.5 4Y Y Petropavlovsk# 1V – V … 1.6 224 182 Mears Group 197 + 1K … 17.1 53Y 21 BATM Adv Coms 22O + W … 9.5 107K 67N Centrica 103 – 1X … 10.4
V … Bezant Resv … … … -1.3
5O 2O Tastyv 2O … … 3.7 608 565 Menzies (John) 607 – 1 … 48.0 34 14N Berkeley Res 19K … … -8.3 258 188O ContourGlobal 251 + K … 28.3
7K 3O Phoenix Globalv 6K + N … -1.6
3019 2034 BHP Group‡ 2372 + 10K … 10.3
83Y 51 Mitie Gp 79O – 1W … 39.9 21K 8V Blackbirdv 8W + W … … 831K 473W Drax Group 579 – 14K … 42.8
295 65 Tintrav 102K – 5 … -1.8 5Y 1X Plexus Holdingsv 3N … … -0.8
6Y 1K Border & Sthn Petv 2Y – V … …
1X O CloudCoCo Groupv 1V … … -2.7 617K 481 Jersey Electricity 486 + 5 … 9.2
2493 1054K Tui 1380 – 33K … … 13O 3O MobilityOnev 7O … … 5.7
350 166 Polymetal Intl 216 + 1 … …
43K 14V Bougainville 19 + 1X … … 1245K 858W National Grid 1058K + 2K … 24.6
3W 1V Webis Holdingsv 1Y – V … … 55 25 Newmark Secv 50 – 1 … … 2968 1810 Computacenter 2040 – 34 … 12.6
4O 1N BowLevenv 1N … … -1.5 698 499 Porvair 626 – 24 … 24.0 9O 5X OPG Powerv 9 – N … 5.8
819K 389O Wetherspoon JD 660 + 79 … -6.1 96 65K Concurrent Techv 73 … … 17.3
7 3K Norm Broadbentv 5N … … -9.9
567K 363Y BP‡ 486N – 12W … 17.6 19N 3X Prospex Energyv 9N – K … … 1113 755 Pennon‡ 850K – 10K … 61.6
3151 2285 Whitbread 2817 – 72 … … 14K 6N Corerov 6N … … …
64K 40 Northern Bearv 40 … … 4.0
16K 8K Proton Motor Power Sv 10 – N … -1.8 X N Rurelecv N … … -0.2
19N 8O Cadence Minv 10K – N … 1.0 2250 1240 Cranewarev‡ 1240 – 25 … 56.5
1470 870 Young & Co - Av 1058 – 8 … …
286 198 NWF Grpv‡ 255 + 7 … … 3211 2213 Severn Trent 2816 – 17 … …
3K 1X Cadogan Petrol 2V … … 29.8 4 1O Providence Resv 3N … … 29.0 3 1O Crimson Tidev 2K … … 17.3
818 564 Young & Co - N/Vv 720 + 18 … …
519K 362V PageGroup 443 – 5V … 11.9 1920 1428 SSE 1706 – 31 … 6.6
1280 825 Caledonia Miningv 1140 – 145 … 11.1 2O 1 Quadrise Fuels Intlv 1X + V … -6.3 24 11N CyanConn Hldgsv 17O … … …
73 46 PCI-PALv 48 – 2 … -9.9 1176K 828V United Utilities 1040 – 12K … 95.4
Media 261O 194W Capricorn Energy 230V – 3 … 1.8 30O 3K Rambler Met&Minv# 5W + N … 0.1
13 8N Petardsv 10K … … 19.0
287K 217 D4t4 Solutionsv 222K … … 26.3

8W 2N Caspian Sunrisev 6N … … … V … DeepMatter Gpv … … … -0.1

W V Reabold Resourcesv V … … -3.5 uAIM company; # Price at suspension;
26K 13 PHSCv 13 … … 23.6
X V 7digital Gpv X … … -5.7 125K 74W Centamin 103W – K … 16.0 22K 13 Dillistone Groupv 18K … … -5.3 † Ex dividend; ‡ Ex scrip; s Ex rights issue;
X V Red Rock Resv V … … -1.2 t Ex all; § Ex capital distribution; * figures
2Y Y PowerHouse Egyv Y … … -1.6
87K 52K Aeorema Commsv 68 – 1 … 18.8 292K 207 Cent Asia Metalsv 252 – 3 … 7.3 1 V EQTECv V … … -2.3 or report awaited; . . . No significant data.
7003N 4786X Rio Tinto Ltd 6218V + 13K … 6.5
98 61 Record 84V + 1 … 23.1 Companies in bold are constituents of the
43K 20K Altitude Groupv 40 … … … 1108 599 FDM Group 786 – 6 … 27.2
19K 9W Chaarat Goldv# 10Y … … …
6377 4486 Rio Tinto‡ 5253 – 35 … 5.4 FTSE 100 Index. Investment Cos sector Nav
85K 70K Arcontech Grpv 80 … … 11.0 439K 283K Redde Northgate 345 – 3 … 8.6 16O 9 Filtronicv 12V … … 32.7 Dis or Prm supplied by Morningstar.
23Y 12 Chariot Oil & Gasv 14 + K … …
41V 19Y San Leon Energyv 23 + Y … 8.6
348 176V Ascential 253K – 3W … … 750 555 Renew Hldgsv 685 – 3 … 16.9 2450 1230 First Derivtsv 1708 – 26 … …
6N 1N China Nonferr Goldv 1K … … … Data as shown is
K V Scirocco Energyv N … … … 851 489 Renewi 601 – 20 … 12.7 for information
675 486V Auto Trader 594 – 13K … 29.3 647 310 GB Groupv 315 – 10K … 24.0
X … Clontarf Energyv V … … -2.8 purposes only. No offer is made by
492 350 Bloomsbury Pub 447 – 11 … 18.4 59 22K Serabi Goldv 30N … … 4.1 566W 445 Rentokil 566W + 2W … 40.1 180K 136 GreshamTech 161 … … …
Morningstar or this publication
74 2GM Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Money
Wall Street Major indices Eurotop 100 FTSE volumes (000s)

Mar24 wkly Mar24 wkly Mar24 wkly New York Close +/- 12mthhigh 12mthlow Yield P/E 3i 1,457 JD Sports 8,596
close +/- close +/- close +/- abrdn 3,918 Johnson Math 433
Dow Jones 32237.53 (+132.28) RWE AG 37.50 -1.40 43.98 34.57 2.31 36.74
3M 101.14 -1.88 Duke Energy 94.37 -2.02 Netflix 328.39 +24.89 Admiral 1,198 Kingfisher 6,052
Nasdaq Composite 11823.96 (+36.56) Swatch Group AG 304.30 -6.00 342.70 215.70 1.77 22.65 Airtel Africa PLC 1,796 Land Sec 1,785
Abbott Labs 98.05 +1.04 Eaton 163.64 +3.49 Newmont Mining 48.55 +0.38
S&P 500 3970.99 (+22.27) AP Moller-Maersk A Dn Kr 15650.00 -190.00 22260.00 12870.00 2.67 Ang Am 2,610 Legal & Gen 38,187
AbbVie 158.02 +3.80 eBay 42.66 +0.60 NextEra Energy 75.69 +0.02
Accenture 272.00 +22.00 Ecolab 160.36 +5.78 Nike 120.71 +0.32 Antofagasta 1,160 Lloyds Bkg Gp 203,286
Tokyo AP Moller-Maersk B Dn Kr 15785.00 -210.00 22650.00 13185.00 2.69
Activision Blizzard 84.39 +5.40 Edison Intl 68.38 +0.62 Norfolk Sthn 200.26 -3.64 Ashtead 998 Lond Stk Ex Gp 1,303
Nikkei 225 27385.25 (-34.36) ABB Ltd S SF 29.79 -0.97 32.26 23.84 2.67 14.93 AB Foods 631 M&G 5,435
Adobe Sys 374.96 +16.82 Edwards Life 80.76 +0.02 Northrop Grum 455.25 +11.65
Air Liquide Fr ¤ 149.60 -1.74 153.40 114.48 1.74 28.94 AstraZeneca 1,247 Melrose 7,898
Aflac 62.88 +1.59 Electronic Arts 119.03 +5.68 Nucor 148.65 +4.53 Hong Kong
Airbus Fr ¤ 117.40 -2.54 126.04 86.52 1.25 22.56 Auto Trader 2,532 Mondi 761
Agilent Tech 131.96 -1.22 Eli Lilly 336.13 +6.95 Nvidia 267.79 +10.54 Hang Seng 19915.68 (-133.96)
Allianz G ¤ 205.15 -1.65 224.55 156.22 13.59 Aviva 7,789 Natl Grid 7,772
Air Prods & Chm 267.67 -7.07 Emerson Elec 82.89 +2.05 Occidental Petr 58.18 -0.30
B&M European 1,871 NatWest Gr 29,808
Albemarle Corp 217.79 +9.30 Entergy 103.69 -0.88 Omnicom 87.63 +1.46 Amsterdam Anglo American UK p 2544.50 -42.00 4292.50 2437.50 5.03
BAE Sys 6,099 Next 243
Alexion Pharmas 182.50 EOG Res 105.49 +2.74 ONEOK 59.48 -0.01 AEX Index 731.81 (-11.78) Anheuser-Busch InBev B ¤ 57.47 +0.22 58.21 45.56 0.87 30.05 Barclays 122,830 Ocado Gp 8,118
Allergan 193.02 Equifax 197.58 -3.31 Oracle 88.01 +2.75 Arcelor Mittal 26.02 -0.42 31.31 19.40 1.35 2.30 Barratt Devs 4,383 Pearson 1,095
Allstate 105.59 +0.48 Equinix 681.70 -9.15 O'Reilly 810.76 +12.89 Sydney
ASML Holding Nl ¤ 598.70 -18.60 642.00 376.10 1.27 48.45 Berkeley 319 Pershing Sq 179
Altria 43.97 -1.35 Equity Res 55.99 -1.59 Paccar 69.90 +1.21 AO 7137.60 (-11.00) BP 37,039 Persimmon 1,151
Amazon 98.13 -0.82 Estee Lauder 241.69 +7.13 Parker-Hannifin 320.87 +15.95 AstraZeneca UK p 11080.00 +82.00 12828.45 9399.00 1876.06
Brit Amer Tob 2,818 Phoenix Gp 2,889
Amer Elec Pwr 89.09 -1.61 Evrsurce Engy 75.73 -0.18 Paychex 108.84 +1.31 Frankfurt Atlas Copco A Sw Kr 119.94 -7.36 136.46 25.13 7.77
Br Land 4,294 Prudential 6,255
Amer Express 159.78 +3.26 Exelon 40.24 -1.90 Paypal Hldngs 73.88 +0.89 DAX 14957.23 (-253.16) Atlas Copco B Sw Kr 108.04 -5.94 123.16 22.08 7.00 BT Group 15,031 Reckitt Benck 1,143
Amer Tower 199.62 -1.73 Express Scripts 92.33 PepsiCo 179.09 +3.96 AXA Fr ¤ 26.64 -0.59 30.34 20.34 5.66 9.40 Bunzl 453 Relx 2,138
Ameren Corp 84.04 -0.98 Extra Space Stor 153.20 -6.32 Pfizer 40.39 +0.29 Singapore
Banco Santander Es ¤ 3.22 -0.10 3.87 2.32 3.31 6.76 Burberry Grp 708 Rentokil Itl 4,846
American Int 47.34 +0.10 Exxon Mobil 103.53 +3.69 PG&E 15.64 -0.46 Straits 3212.64 (-6.36) Centrica 24,260 Rightmove 1,174
BBVA Es ¤ 6.13 -0.28 7.56 3.97 5.46 8.74
American Wtr W 141.84 +0.03 Facebook 196.64 +8.00 Philip Morris Intl 90.75 -4.04 Coca Cola HBC 821 Rio Tinto 1,819
Ameriprise 291.44 +10.01 Fastenal 52.30 +0.16 Phillips66 93.73 -0.99 Brussels Barclays UK p 132.67 -7.11 198.86 128.12 3.25
Compass 1,917 Rolls-Royce 28,232
AmerisrceBerg 156.41 +4.39 Fedex 217.60 -2.71 Pioneer Ntrl Rscs 192.22 +10.17 BEL20 3626.44 (-31.28) BASF G ¤ 45.92 -0.46 55.52 37.90 7.97 Convatec 7,513 Sage Gp 3,126
Ametek 139.32 +4.33 First Solar 211.10 +11.48 PNC Finl 124.15 +0.43 Bayer G ¤ 55.55 -0.39 67.99 47.01 57.09 CRH 503 Sainsbury J 2,926
Paris
Amgen 238.03 +8.24 FirstEnergy 39.17 -0.61 PPG Inds 125.44 +2.95 BHP Group UK p 2372.00 +10.50 3040.00 1998.60 10.37 Croda 242 Schroders 1,468
Amphenol 78.61 +1.82 FIS 49.70 -1.94 PPL 26.78 -0.05 CAC-40 7015.10 (-124.15) DCC 362 Scot Mtge 5,221
BMW G ¤ 97.76 -1.07 103.70 68.44 5.46
Anadarko Petrlm 72.77 Fiserv 112.52 +4.35 Price T Rowe 109.65 +1.48 Diageo 2,390 Segro 2,921
Zurich BNP Paribas Fr ¤ 50.47 -2.81 67.02 40.67 6.89 7.62
Analog Devices 187.69 +1.84 Ford Motor 11.51 +0.21 Priceline.com 1905.64 +20.64 Endeavour Mining 472 Severn Trent 487
SMI Index 10634.04 (-84.50) BP UK p 485.60 -13.10 570.57 4.75 Entain 759 Shell 11,053
Aon Corp 309.16 +12.57 Freeport-Mcm 38.01 +1.78 Principal Fin 71.59 +1.60
Apple 160.25 +5.25 Garmin 95.92 -0.10 Procter & Gmbl 146.72 +3.79 DJ Euro Stoxx 50 4130.62 (-76.52) British Am Tob UK p 2832.72 +9.22 3645.00 2823.50 9.72 Experian 1,907 Smith & Neph 2,119
Applied Mats 119.53 -3.07 Gen Dynamics 223.50 +5.35 Progressive Cp 140.43 +4.11 BT Group UK p 139.35 -0.30 196.60 110.55 13.57 F&C Investment Tr 440 Smith (DS) 4,048
London Flutter Ent 185 Smiths 890
Archer Daniels 76.61 +2.35 Gen Electric 91.37 +1.08 Prologis 117.03 +1.00 Centrica UK p 103.35 -1.40 108.10 65.78 10.41
FTSE 100 7405.45 (-94.15) Frasers Group 352 Smurfit Kappa 191
Arthur J. Gallagher185.66 +5.66 General Mills 84.80 +5.01 Prudential Finl 77.58 -0.44
FTSE 250 18493.83 (-236.13) Christian Dior Fr ¤ 790.50 -5.50 819.50 516.00 1.51 30.24 Fresnillo 537 Spirax-Sarco 125
AT&T 18.61 +0.48 General Mtrs 33.71 +0.33 Public Serv Ent 58.78 +0.25
Auto Data Proc 214.13 +0.91 Genuine Parts 156.88 -5.19 Public Storage 286.60 -9.07 FTSE 350 4080.78 (-51.92) Compagnie de Saint-Gobain 49.30 -2.35 58.58 35.18 12.41 Glencore 23,521 SSE 1,565
Autodesk 200.22 +1.11 Gilead Sciences 80.00 +2.69 Qualcomm 124.76 +4.03 FTSE Eurotop 100 3453.51 (-38.45) CS Group S SF 0.76 -0.04 7.32 0.66 11.82 GlaxoSmKline 7,097 St James Place 1,105
Autozone 2329.40 -35.60 Global Payments 98.43 -0.12 Quanta Services 160.78 +5.68 Mercedes-Benz Group AG 69.65 -1.07 75.92 50.19 7.30 Haleon 14,647 Stand Chart 9,662
FTSE All-Shares 4039.73 (-51.17)
AvalonBay 157.73 -3.78 Goldman Sachs 312.57 +9.03 Realty Income 61.04 -0.34 Halma 298 Taylor Wimpey 14,537
FTSE Non Financials 4952.52 (-51.47) Danone Fr ¤ 56.27 +0.16 58.14 46.78 3.46 20.06
Baker Hughes 57.68 Google Class A 105.44 +3.82 Regeneron Pharm 820.00 +72.35 Hargreaves L 774 Tesco 10,266
techMARK 100 6498.11 (-48.07) Deutsche Bank G ¤ 8.54 -0.80 12.36 7.46 8.81 HSBC 26,530 Unilever 2,700
Ball Corp 69.49 -11.15 Google Class C CS 106.06 +3.60 Republic Serv 130.92 +0.19
Bargains n/a Deutsche Telekom G ¤ 21.72 -0.12 22.07 16.59 26.17 Imperial Brands 1,411 Utd Utilities 3,270
Bank NY Mellon 42.75 +0.17 Grainger (WW) 663.60 +0.10 Rockwell Auto 277.60 +4.89
US$ 1.2221 (-0.0059) Diageo UK p 3596.50 +33.50 4067.00 3388.50 27.68 Informa 3,141 Vodafone Gp 55,222
Bank of America 27.14 -0.68 Halliburton 29.60 -0.35 Rockwell Collins 141.04
EON G ¤ 11.04 -0.10 11.15 7.28 6.43 Intercont Htls 462 Weir 502
Bard (CR) 331.24 Harris 189.13 -8.09 Roper Inds 429.59 +3.93 Euro 1.1361 (+0.0028)
Intl Cons Air 16,938 Whitbread 395
Baxter Intl 39.23 +1.65 Hartford Financial 66.12 +0.40 Ross Stores 101.33 -0.73 £:SDR 0.98 (+0.00) EDF Fr ¤ 11.84 -0.02 12.07 7.27 2.36 9.54
Intertek 352 WPP 2,164
BB&T 54.24 -0.48 HCA Hldngs 254.22 +3.56 Salesforce.com 190.06 +5.21 Exchange Index 78.60 (+0.05) Enel It ¤ 5.39 -0.12 6.42 3.96 7.08 26.29
Becton Dickinsn 240.50 +4.92 Hershey 247.86 +4.71 Schlumberger 44.57 -0.11
Berkshire Hath 298.92 +5.41 Hess 122.49 +4.16 Schwab (Charles) 53.26 -3.15
Bank of England official close (4pm)
CPI 127.89 Feb (2015 = 100)
Engie (FR)
ENI It ¤
13.57
12.17
-0.33
-0.28
14.68
14.98
10.07
10.43
6.12
8.75
10.02
5.37
European money
Biogen Idec 270.03 +6.87 Hologic 79.20 +2.13 Sempra Energy 142.78 -2.56
Blackrock 644.88 +8.17 Home Depot 283.02 -5.37 Sherwin-Williams 211.28 -6.04 RPI 364.50 Feb (Jan 1987 = 100) Fresenius Medical Care Ag & Co 73.67 -0.85 83.15 63.51 20.87 deposits %
Boeing 197.53 -3.52 Honeywell Intl 188.16 +3.52 Simon Prop 103.48 -0.83 RPIX 290.10 Jun (Jan 1987 = 100) GlaxoSmKline UK p 1399.60 -38.20 2753.96 1280.92 16.18
Currency
Boston Sci 48.22 +0.27 Hormel Foods 38.65 +0.30 SkyworksSol 114.94 +0.87 Morningstar Long Commodity 677.16 (+5.72) Glencre Xstrata 442.95 -8.65 583.25 5.07 16.21 1mth 3mth 6mth 12mth
Bristol-Myrs Sq 67.68 +1.15 HP Ent 14.23 +0.13 Southern Co 68.59 +0.69 Morningstar Long/Short Commod 4703.45 (+27.75) Heineken NV Nl ¤ 97.74 +0.10 99.40 78.28 1.50 17.76 Dollar
Broadcom Ord 636.17 +5.20 HP Inc 27.72 -0.32 S&P Global 334.52 +0.03 0.13 0.20 0.29 0.55
Henkel KGaA G ¤ 65.30 -0.10 66.00 56.55 18.21
Brown-Forman- B 62.95 +1.29 Humana 502.43 +6.88 Spectra Engy 82.38 +3.98 Sterling
Capital One Fin 90.45 +0.74 IBM 125.29 +1.60 Starbucks 98.34 -0.36 Commodities Henkel KGaA Pref G ¤ 69.24 +0.42 69.54 56.56 19.30
Euro
4.18 4.37 4.66 0.81
Cardinal Health 70.37 +0.75 ICE Group 97.49 +0.49 State Street 71.65 -0.12 Hermes Intl SCA Fr ¤ 1787.00 -14.00 1812.50 957.60 0.50 80.40
ICIS pricing (London 7.30pm) 0.10 0.15 0.20 0.50
Caterpillar 217.01 +2.00 IFF 84.27 +1.51 Sthwest Airlines 29.63 -0.40 HSBC UK p 532.50 -15.70 653.80 434.70 11.67
Celgene 108.24 Illinois Tool 231.62 +1.81 Stryker 276.69 +2.25
Centene 64.05 +1.50 Illumina 220.00 -4.55 SunTrust Banks 70.13
Crude Oils ($/barrel FOB)
Iberdrola Es ¤
Imperial Tobacco UK p
11.07
1889.00
-0.02
+13.50
11.49
2185.00
9.09
1579.50
4.09 19.91
6.30
Gold/precious
CenterPoint Egy
Cerner
28.34
94.92
-0.71
+0.07
Ingersoll-Rand
Intel
55.03
29.36
+2.57
-0.45
Sysco
Target
74.64
156.22
+1.70
-3.14 Brent Physical 74.11 -2.77
Inditex Es ¤ 29.16 -0.50 29.72 19.00 2.12 32.24 metals
Chevron 156.06 +3.72 Intuit 429.57 +15.88 TE Connectivity 124.68 +1.45 BFOE(May) 75.09 -0.82 ING Nl ¤ 10.38 -0.40 13.55 8.43 5.38 8.84
BFOE(Jun) 74.61 -0.89 Intesa Sanpaolo It ¤ 2.26 -0.06 2.60 1.58 6.58 73.53 Because of a technical issue, the gold fix
Chipotle Mex Gr 1624.25 +15.41 Intuitive Surg 256.42 +18.62 Texas Insts 179.51 +3.80 prices are from Thursday.
WTI(May) 69.26 -0.70
Church & Dwight 85.98 +0.52 Johnsn & Johnsn 152.65 +0.27 TheKraftHeinz 38.18 +0.55 WTI(Jun) 69.41 -0.71 Linde G ¤ 317.40 +1.20 344.00 261.20 51.69
Cigna Corp 260.21 -9.24 Johnson Controls 58.23 +0.93 Thermo Fisher 558.26 +10.92 Bullion: Open $1991.23
Lloyds Bkg Gp UK p 45.76 -1.10 54.33 38.51 6.35
Cintas 436.35 +3.62 JP Morgan Chase 124.91 -0.90 TJX 74.87 +0.39 L'Oreal Fr ¤ 398.05 +0.55 399.75 300.45 1.21 50.83 Close $1976.32-1976.48 High $2001.51
Cisco Systems 50.51 +0.32 Kansas City 293.59 Tractor Supply Co 227.21 -5.23 Products ($/MT)
LVMH Fr ¤ 813.40 -7.40 830.70 535.00 1.46 35.69 Low $1975.83
Citigroup 43.11 -1.14 Kellogg 65.47 +0.73 Transdigm Group 703.89 +12.99
Spot CIF NW Europe (prompt delivery) Munich Re G ¤ 314.60 -1.10 334.10 212.70 15.76 AM $1977.55 PM $1977.95
Clorox Co 157.50 +3.51 Kimberly-Clark 130.48 +5.11 Travelers 164.91 -0.12
CME 183.55 -2.43 Kinder Morgan 16.79 +0.51 TSYS 133.27 Premium Unld 837.00 841.00 Natl Grid UK p 1047.90 -8.10 1271.45 844.29 24.67 Krugerrand $1172.00-1244.00 (£958.53-1017.42)
CMS Energy 60.43 -0.91 KLA-Tencor 375.07 -12.68 Ulta Salon 513.98 +7.52 Gasoil EEC 770.25 771.25 Nestle S SF 110.14 +0.38 127.12 103.60
Coca-Cola 60.90 +0.88 Kroger 49.05 +2.27 Union Pacific 188.51 -1.50 3.5 Fuel Oil 351.00 354.00 Platinum $1092.00 (£893.11)
Naphtha 629.00 631.00 Novartis S SF 76.36 +0.56 88.42 73.32 4.22 8.67
Cognizant Tech 58.65 +0.86 Lab Corp Amer 218.41 +5.09 Untd Rentls 370.78 +0.69
Orange 10.68 -0.15 11.94 9.08 6.47 3714.90
Silver $23.09 (£18.89)
Colgate-Palm 73.42 +1.22 Lam Research 502.06 -6.30 UPS 186.07 -0.72 Palladium $1721.11 (£1407.63)
Pernod Ricard NV Fr ¤ 207.70 +1.30 208.50 166.60 2.00 32.87
Comcast 35.92 -0.11 Lennar 103.74 +0.24 US Bancorp 34.90 +1.95
ICE Futures Philips Elect Nl ¤ 14.80 -0.48 29.00 12.13 5.56 23.16
Conagra Foods 37.21 +1.69 Level 3 Coms 53.63 +0.43 Utd Health 475.99 +6.49
ConocoPhillips 95.43 +1.04 Lockheed Martin 474.54 +8.67 Utd Tech 86.01 -18.63 Gas Oil Prudential UK p 1015.00 -51.00 1357.50 782.40 16.63 Dollar rates
Consd Edison 95.07 -0.56 Lowes Cos 189.46 -7.90 Valero Energy 129.26 +2.89 Apr 772.25-771.75 Jul 718.75-717.50 Reckitt Benckiser UK p 6498.00 +6.00 8020.00 5782.00 Australia 1.5048-1.5049
Constellation Brs 217.95 +7.05 LyondellBasell 86.57 +1.89 VeriSign 201.88 +8.53 May 744.00-743.75 Aug 715.75-714.75 Richemont S SF 139.25 -2.60 149.35 90.28 1.59 34.70 Canada 1.3742-1.3744
Corning 32.85 +0.03 Marathon Petrol 124.70 +1.04 Verisk Analyt CS 186.69 +6.62 Jun 726.00-725.50 Volume: 622230 Denmark 6.9231-6.9236
Rio Tinto UK p 5247.00 -41.00 6354.00 4436.95 5.49
Costco Whole 495.27 +8.22 Marriott Intl 156.56 -2.21 Verizon Comm 37.66 +0.87 Euro 0.9289-0.9291
Crown Castle Int 129.46 -0.80 Marsh & McLenn 160.53 +4.73 Vertex Pharma 314.39 +18.62 Roche Hldgs S SF 277.00 -1.20 439.20 274.80 3.41 19.39
Brent (9.00pm) Hong Kong 7.8495-7.8497
CSX 28.25 -0.66 MartinMarietta 336.83 +16.23 Visa 221.04 +3.65 Rolls-Royce UK p 143.56 -3.78 160.00 64.44 97.65 Japan 130.73-130.74
May 74.90-74.87 Aug 74.27-74.24
Cummins 223.90 -1.31 MasterCard 351.63 +1.97 Vulcan Mats 166.20 +5.18 Jun 74.51-74.49 Sep 74.05-73.64 Royal Bank Scot UK p 120.90 -0.45 265.00 100.34 4.76 Malaysia 4.4255-4.4305
CVS Caremark 73.26 -1.11 McCormick 72.87 +0.25 Walgreens Boots 32.70 -0.21 Jul 74.45-74.42 Volume: 1972700 Norway 10.485-10.491
Shell 2201.00 -71.00 2613.50 1908.60 11.60
Danaher 248.17 +5.21 McDonald's 271.33 +4.13 Wal-Mart 141.80 +2.40 Singapore 1.3320-1.3322
Sanofi-Aventis Fr ¤ 97.10 +1.26 106.08 76.45 3.47 20.58 Sweden 10.426-10.428
Darden Rest 152.58 +4.08 McKesson 346.56 +7.21 Walt Disney 94.08 +0.88 LIFFE
SAP G ¤ 113.98 -0.70 115.40 81.35 26.79 Switzerland 0.9189-0.9190
Deere&Co 386.50 +1.00 Medtronic 79.37 +1.08 Waste Mgt 154.46 +1.31
Delta Air Lines 31.59 -1.37 Merck & Co 104.80 +0.70 Waters 299.96 +0.99 Cocoa Schneider Electric Fr ¤ 142.30 -7.58 159.62 110.02 1.93 26.31
Devon Energy 46.57 +0.42 Metlife 54.35 -0.52 WEC Engy 93.22 -1.03 May 2135-2134 Jul 1965-1891 Siemens G ¤ 140.58 -4.60 152.20 93.67 22.16 Other Sterling
Digital Realty Tr. 94.37 -6.33 Microchip 79.43 -1.28 Wells Fargo 36.23 -1.53 Jul 2129-2126 Sep 1939-1871 Standard Chartered UK p 591.80 -40.60 799.40 478.60 13.27
Sep 2130-2112 Dec 1901-1870 Argentina peso 251.47-251.48
Discover Financial 92.85 +0.61 Micron 61.16 +4.50 Welltower 52.22 -2.58 Swatch Gp BR S SF 304.30 -6.00 342.70 215.70 1.77 22.65
Dec 2070-2040
Dollar General 205.81 -3.02 Microsoft 280.57 +1.14 Weyerhaeuser 28.54 -0.67 Australia dollar 1.8398-1.8400
Mar 2001-1997 Swiss Re AG S SF 90.68 -0.58 99.68 68.18 6.47 22.89
Dollar Tree 137.39 +0.24 Mondelez 69.04 +2.64 Williams Cos 28.74 +0.44 May 1991-1870 Volume: 76424 Bahrain dinar 0.4576-0.4644
Telefonica Es ¤ 3.77 -0.04 5.06 3.22 7.82 2.88
Dominion Res 53.83 -1.57 Monster Bvrge 104.08 +1.09 Xcel Energy 65.55 -1.33 Brazil real 6.4107-6.4144
Dover 141.44 +4.87 Moodys 292.73 -1.52 Xilinx 194.92 RobustaCoffee Tenaris SA It ¤ 12.83 -0.43 17.87 10.95 3.21 10.87
Tesco UK p 250.30 -3.50 307.23 194.35 12.77 Euro 1.1357-1.1359
Dow Chemical 51.78 +1.76 Morgan Stanley 83.95 -0.23 Xylem 98.59 +3.86 Mar 2015-1840 Nov 2094-2031
D.R. Horton 96.93 -0.51 Motorola Sols 271.68 +7.44 Yum Brands 127.83 +0.98 TotalEnergies 39.69 +0.87 42.19 24.51 7.83 Hong Kong dollar 9.5978-9.5994
May 2185-2181 Jan 2020-2017
Dr Pepper Snap 123.66 -0.02 M&T Bank Corp 114.93 -7.57 Zimmer 126.04 +1.73 Jul 2168-2158 UBS AG S SF 17.26 -0.64 20.85 13.88 2.61 9.29 India rupee 100.70-100.71
DTE Energy 106.75 -0.29 Nasdaq OMX 53.07 +0.32 Zoetis 164.18 -0.29 Sep 2133-2045 Volume: 21201 Indonesia rupiah 18557-18557
Unilever NV Nl ¤ 47.68 +0.50 49.09 40.09 3.62 24.48
Vinci Fr ¤ 101.36 -2.74 109.92 80.84 3.12 23.56 Kuwait dinar KD 0.3732-0.3754
White Sugar (FOB)
London Financial Futures Reuters Dec 556.00-553.90 Vivendi Fr ¤ 9.14 -0.10 12.16 7.59 2.71 Malaysia ringgit 5.4050-5.4111
Mar 545.40-542.00 Vodafone Group UK p 88.50 -2.30 132.30 83.24 New Zealand dollar 1.9709-1.9713
Period Open High Low Sett Vol Open Int May 598.50-597.80 May 531.70-533.40 Volkswagen G ¤ 149.50 -5.30 240.00 144.35 5.30 Singapore dollar 1.6285-1.6287
Long Gilt Mar 23 106.15 106.15 106.15 106.18 6 5158 Aug 584.70-583.10 Aug 524.60-518.20
Oct 569.50-567.90 Volume: 67057 Volvo B Sw Kr 197.14 -4.61 219.75 148.24 12.46 S Africa rand 22.202-22.212
Jun 23 105.50 107.27 105.46 105.81 235281 380413
Zurich Fin S SF 420.60 +2.30 461.70 384.60 5.26 14.64 U A E dirham 4.4830-4.4855
3-Mth Sterling Jun 23 London Grain Futures
Sep 23
Dec 23
LIFFE Wheat (close £/t) Money rates % Exchange rates
Mar 24 May 204.00 Jul unq Nov 216.00 Base Rates Clearing Banks 4.25 ECB Refi 3.00 US Fed Fd 4.75-5.00 Bid Change
Jan unq Mar unq Volume: 1285
Jun 24 Australia $ 1.840 +0.01
Halifax Mortgage Rate 5.74 Canada $ 1.683
3-Mth Euribor Jun 23 96.630 96.775 96.580 96.670 158933 531441
London Metal Exchange Denmark Kr 8.467 +0.04
Sep 23 96.565 96.770 96.505 96.640 176648 507780 Treasury Bills (Dis) Buy: 1 mth 4.080; 3 mth 4.249. Sell: 1 mth 3.850; 3 mth 4.120 Euro ¤ 1.136
Dec 23 96.700 96.935 96.640 96.785 133247 328195 (Official)
Hong Kong $ 9.598 -0.07
Mar 24 96.860 97.105 96.815 96.955 126619 308397 Cash 3mth Dec 23 1 mth 2 mth 3 mth 6 mth 12 mth Hungary 438.673 +5.86
Jun 24 97.015 97.225 96.970 97.090 146707 295115 Indonesia 18530.746 -376.58
Interbank Rates 4.1829 0.0000 4.3677 4.6623 0.0000
3-Mth Euroswiss Jun 23 Copper Gde A ($/tonne) Israel Shk 4.394 +0.02
8926.0-8927.0 8930.0-8932.0 8875.0-8885.0
Eurodollar Deps 4.95-4.97 5.09-5.15 5.18-5.28 5.15-5.23 4.91-4.98 Japan Yen 159.734 -1.67
Sep 23 New Zealand $ 1.969 +0.01
Dec 23
Mar 24
Lead ($/tonne) Sterling spot and forward rates Norway Kr
Poland
12.832
5.328
+0.15
+0.03
2133.0-2135.0 2115.0-2116.0 2160.0-2165.0
FTSE100 Jun 23 7447.0 7474.5 7331.0 7397.5 114177 591625 Russia 94.304 +0.51
Mkt Rates for Range Close 1 month 3 month
Zinc Spec Hi Gde ($/tonne) S Africa Rd 22.207 -0.03
Sep 23 7368.0 7398.5 7328.5 7392.0 235 352 Copenhagen 8.4378-8.4882 8.4632-8.4644 124ds 382ds Sweden Kr 12.751 +0.11
FTSEurofirst 80 Jun 23 5582.0 2898.0-2900.0 2884.0-2885.0 2743.0-2748.0 Euro 1.1392-1.1330 1.1360-1.1356 11pr 34pr Switzerland Fr 1.122
Sep 23 5616.5 Montreal 1.6787-1.6860 1.6801-1.6802 3pr 1ds Turkey Lira 23.322 -0.15
Alum Hi Gde ($/tonne)
USA $ 1.223 -0.01
2264.0-2265.0 2312.0-2313.0 2513.0-2518.0 New York 1.2191-1.2288 1.2226-1.2227 7pr 19pr
© 2023 Tradeweb Markets LLC. All rights reserved. Rates supplied by Morningstar
Oslo 12.735-12.920 12.820-12.824 104ds 311ds
The Tradeweb FTSE Gilt Closing Prices information contained Nickel ($/tonne)
Stockholm 12.656-12.768 12.745-12.748 246ds 636ds
herein is proprietary to Tradeweb; may not be copied or 22775.0-22795.0 23095.0-23100.0 24670.0-24720.0 Data as shown is
re-distributed; is not warranted to be accurate, complete or timely; and does not constitute Tokyo 158.31-160.70 159.84-159.85 65ds 190ds for information
investment advice. Tradeweb is not responsible for any loss or damage that might result Tin ($/tonne) 15mth Zurich 1.1208-1.1271 1.1235-1.1236 33ds 93ds purposes only. No offer is made by
from the use of this information. 24325.0-24375.0 24260.0-24265.0 23895.0-23945.0 Premium = pr Discount = ds Morningstar or this publication
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 75

Money
Unit-linked insurance investments
Weekly Yld Weekly Yld Weekly Yld Weekly Yld Weekly Yld Weekly Yld
Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- % Sell Buy +/- %

ABBEY LIFE CLERICAL MEDICAL INVESTMENT GROUP International 614.10 646.40 +4.60 … Oseas Equity Ord 1819.50 1915.30 -4.70 … Gilts & Fxd Int 522.70 550.20 -0.70 … Squirrel 28.90 30.42 +0.01 …
01202 292373 Narrow Plain,, Bristol BS2 0JH 0117 9290566 Japan 299.10 314.80 +3.10 … Property Init 256.40 269.90 -0.10 … Growth Fund 841.60 885.90 -1.20 … Stag 90.16 94.90 +0.08 …
80 Holdenhurst Road,, Bournemouth Life Funds North Amer 3963.20 4171.70 -15.50 … Property Ord 948.50 998.40 +0.40 … International Fd 1229.60 1294.30 -5.60 …
BH8 8AL Perpetual 468.00 492.60 -1.30 … North American 2169.30 2283.50 -37.90 … Pensions
Cash 297.30 312.95 +0.13 …
American Ser 4 3662.30 3855.00 -64.20 … Dist Acc S2 203.06 203.06 +0.02 … Schroders 1479.10 1556.90 +14.40 … NPI Opportunity Fd 832.80 876.60 -2.20 … Bear 109.30 115.10 +0.60 …
Custodian S4 563.30 593.00 -1.80 … Fidelity Bal 1152.65 1213.32 +1.11 … Select Mgd 147.80 155.60 -0.30 … 020 7477 5567 Safety Fund 618.80 651.40 +0.70 … Bull 117.10 123.20 +0.30 …
Equity Ser 4 764.40 804.60 -8.70 … Gilt & Fixed Int 493.65 519.63 +1.90 … UK Eqty Inc 1540.30 1621.30 -39.50 … 55 Moorgate, London EC2 UK Equity 924.50 973.20 -7.30 … Deposit 35.08 36.93 +0.01 …
Ethical S4 412.50 434.20 -0.30 … Non Eqty 392.48 413.14 +0.03 … UK Equity Gwth 2222.40 2339.30 +21.10 … Gilt Edged 59.44 62.57 -0.15 …
UK Fxd Int 518.10 545.30 +0.60 … Americas 2465.30 2595.10 -23.20 … Owl 137.30 144.60 +1.30 …
European S4 937.50 986.90 -4.70 … Nth American 2914.34 3067.72 -21.98 … Deposit 362.50 381.60 +0.20 … SCOTTISH PROVIDENT INSTITUTION
Fixed Int Ser 4 812.30 855.00 -1.50 … Property 649.06 683.22 -1.63 … 0131 556 9181 Squirrel 46.89 49.36 +0.01 …
Far East 1666.50 1754.30 +9.30 … Stag 147.50 155.30 +0.10 …
High Inc Ser 4 2592.70 2729.20 +23.40 … UK Gwth 1270.95 1337.84 -8.70 … Pension Fixed Interest 933.30 982.50 +1.10 … 6 St Andrews Square, Edinburgh EH2 2YA
International S4 783.40 824.60 -6.30 … With Prof Bd S2 122.30 122.30 … … Aggressive Mgd 4 1003.20 1055.90 -3.70 … Indexed Gilt 707.20 744.50 +8.20 … Cash 302.60 318.50 +0.10 … Pre 1982 Series
Japan Ser 4 526.70 554.40 +5.00 … With Profits Flex 128.50 128.50 … … Balanced Mgd 3 3695.00 3889.40 +24.50 … Managed 1673.10 1761.20 +1.00 … Equity 864.90 910.40 -6.20 …
Man Ser 4 2266.60 2385.80 -7.40 … With Profits Reg 403.30 424.60 +0.20 … Fixed Interest 678.60 714.30 +0.90 … 3-Way Fund 2980.90 2980.90 +6.20 …
Cautious Mgd 2 815.90 858.80 -3.90 … Overseas Equity 2301.20 2422.40 -8.90 …
Money Ser 4 531.40 559.40 +0.20 … European 1279.50 1346.80 +19.40 … UK Equity 2437.10 2565.40 +1.20 … Index Linked 512.80 539.80 -1.50 … Gresham
Prop Fd Ser 4 973.00 1024.20 +0.50 … Pension Funds Far Eastern 2777.30 2923.40 +50.30 … International 1027.20 1081.30 -4.70 …
Protected Gth S4 213.80 225.00 … … Framlington 258.10 271.70 +0.80 … Managed 868.70 914.40 -1.00 … American & Genrl 4489.00 4725.20 -84.10 …
Cash 338.56 356.38 +0.20 … PEARL Capital Fund 2513.00 2645.30 +23.40 …
European 2002.78 2108.19 -2.70 … Green 1022.10 1075.80 -8.00 … The Pearl Centre,, Lynch
y Wood,, Peterborough
g Property 580.50 611.10 +0.70 …
International 901.80 949.20 +8.20 … Equity Fund 2862.80 3013.50 +26.70 …
Fomerly Hill Samuel Life Assurance Ltd Gilt & Fixed Int 556.12 585.39 +2.61 … PE2 6FY 01733 470 470 Fixed Interest 636.40 669.90 -1.30 …
Halifax 142.88 150.40 … … Japan 373.70 393.30 +4.10 … Formerly Prolific
Equity Fund 2848.80 3014.60 -24.50 … North Amer 11354.20 11951.70 -39.00 … Inv Equity 5725.90 6027.30 -33.30 … Income 985.40 1037.30 +9.20 …
European Fund 4905.30 5190.80 -24.20 … Nth American 4426.51 4659.48 -38.28 … Adventurous Mg 846.40 891.00 -2.10 … International Gth 3795.90 3995.70 -11.70 …
PP Bal Pens 1154.03 1214.77 +2.35 … Perpetual 566.20 595.90 -1.90 … Inv Managed 3812.00 4012.70 +1.50 …
Fixed Intl 903.10 955.60 -1.60 … Schroders 2846.70 2996.50 +33.90 … Inv Prop Ac Grs 868.10 913.80 +0.40 … Bal Gwth Mngd 2633.50 2772.20 -3.40 … Japan & General 597.10 628.60 +5.00 …
Income Fund 3110.80 3291.80 -53.50 … PP Caut Pens 375.22 394.97 +1.14 … Cash Fund 548.10 577.00 +0.20 … Managed Bond 3292.60 3465.90 +6.70 …
PP UK Gth Pens 1108.73 1167.09 -7.60 … Select Mgd 158.90 167.30 -0.30 … Inv Prop Dist 274.70 289.20 +0.10 …
International 2116.40 2239.60 -16.80 … UK Eqty Gwth 3947.00 4154.70 +46.20 … Ret Managed 4505.30 4742.50 +1.40 … Cautious Mngd 384.50 404.80 +0.40 … Money Fund 525.40 553.00 … …
Managed Series A 2128.80 2252.70 -7.00 … PP UK Prop Pens 702.29 739.26 -1.61 … Equity Fund 3597.30 3786.70 -16.00 … Property Fund 1108.10 1166.40 +0.60 …
With Profits Reg 733.00 771.60 +0.60 … UK Eqty Inc 2512.60 2644.80 -64.20 …
Managed Units 3883.30 4087.70 -12.70 … UK Fxd Int 1107.70 1166.00 +1.20 … Equity Inc Dist 152.00 160.00 -0.80 … Recovery Fund 2619.50 2757.40 +2.70 …
Money Series A 482.60 510.70 +0.10 … With Profits Spec 726.10 764.40 +0.50 … PHOENIX LIFE LTD European 812.60 855.40 -2.30 …
Money Units 681.30 717.10 +0.30 … Edward Pavilion,, Liverpool
p L3 4SL 0151 239 3000 Extra Income Fd 1399.00 1472.70 -3.00 … WINTERTHUR LIFE UK LIMITED
Property Series A 1342.20 1420.40 +0.70 … COUNTRYWIDE ASSURED LLOYDS TSB LIFE LTD For further fund prices
p please
p ring:
g 0800 731 2031 Far East 2128.40 2240.50 +13.70 … 01256 470707
Harbour House,, Portway,y, Preston,, Lancs 01634 834000 For further fund p
prices p
please ringg 0800 731 2031 Winterthur Way, y, Basingstoke
g RG21 6SZ
Property Units 2479.50 2610.00 +1.50 … Fxd Interest Fund 1131.60 1191.20 -1.40 …
PR2 2PR Mountbatten Hse,, Chatham,, Kent Broker Life Funds Formerly Colonial
Smaller Cos 2681.40 2837.50 -10.30 … High Income 2993.00 3150.60 -19.70 …
CA Funds 0800 262536 Life Funds Moneyhill Grth 510.43 537.29 +2.58 … International 1232.60 1297.50 -5.60 … Cash ‡ 285.70 … … …
Deposit Life 221.60 233.20 +0.10 … Equity 1634.40 1720.50 +5.50 … Managed Dist 133.30 140.40 … … Cash Inv Pens ‡ 532.70 … -0.10 …
Formerly Target Life Assurance Co Ltd
Deposit Pen 310.60 326.90 +0.10 … Managed 3613.90 3613.90 +8.80 … Lifestyle Bond Funds (Post 29/1/01) North American 3595.50 3784.80 -62.40 … Cash Pens ‡ 146.40 … -0.10 …
Deposit 358.20 377.10 +0.10 … Intl Life 963.60 1014.30 +9.20 … Income 3313.00 3487.30 +57.10 … Property Fund 876.30 922.50 +1.00 … Equity ‡ 1403.90 … -0.30 …
Financial Ser 1 245.90 258.90 -1.70 … Intl Pen 1319.10 1388.50 +11.70 … Managed Inv 1875.70 1974.40 +4.40 … Cautious Mgd 251.90 251.90 +1.00 … Technology 6783.40 7140.50 +71.00 … Equity Inv Pens 9097.40 9576.20 +120.00 …
Fixed Interest 602.50 634.20 -1.10 … Mgd Life 781.30 822.40 +8.30 … Deposit 152.90 152.90 +0.10 … UK Mid Cap 3256.90 3428.40 -37.20 … Equity Pens Cap 2303.30 2424.50 +28.80 …
Managed 2094.80 2205.00 -5.80 … Mgd Pen 1162.70 1223.80 +12.20 … Equity 265.60 265.60 +2.50 … Fxd Int ‡ 1003.90 … -7.20 …
Mngd Growth 780.70 821.80 -5.30 … Life Funds-Series Two-Current Series Equity Inc 295.80 295.80 +3.00 …
UK Eqty Life 833.40 877.20 +10.30 … Henderson Investment Bonds Fxd Int Inv Pens ‡ 2451.20 … -12.30 …
Property 792.60 834.40 +0.30 … UK Eqty Pen 1077.20 1133.80 +13.50 … American 3192.40 3360.40 -26.10 … European 354.20 354.20 +6.40 … Fxd Int Pens Cap ‡ 677.60 … -3.30 …
TSB Intl 1498.60 1577.50 -12.00 … Balanced 2484.60 2615.40 +30.30 … Eurotech 90.10 90.10 -0.20 … Deposit Fund 372.30 391.90 +0.20 … Idx Lk Inv Pens ‡ 1479.60 … … …
CWA Series Funds 0870 600 0014 Cash 415.20 437.10 +0.20 … Far East 416.70 416.70 +3.10 … European Fund 1332.90 1403.10 -3.90 … Idx Lk Pens Cap ‡ 408.40 … -0.40 …
European Gth 879.30 925.60 +15.50 … Fixed Int 201.50 201.50 -0.20 … Far East Fund 2091.50 2201.60 +13.50 … Key ‡ … … +0.90 …
AEGON SCOTTISH EQUITABLE
Q Equity Fd 1778.80 1872.40 +32.80 … Fixed Interest 750.70 790.30 +1.00 … FTSE All Share Tkr 287.50 287.50 +2.60 … Fixed Interest 55.00 57.90 -0.10 …
08456 100010 Glob Cash 364.70 383.90 +0.10 … Managed 1305.00 1373.70 +3.00 …
German Growth 1617.30 1702.50 +24.80 … Income Dist I 112.10 112.10 +0.80 … Global Managed 1519.20 1599.20 -1.80 … Mngd Inv Pens 3565.60 3753.20 +25.10 …
Edinburgh Park, Edinburgh EH12 9SE Glob Eqty 3378.30 3556.10 +73.40 … Income 3059.80 3220.90 +52.50 … Income Dist II 110.30 110.30 +0.90 … North America 1606.00 1690.60 -27.80 …
Glob Fxd Int 1301.90 1370.40 -9.00 … Mngd Pens Cap 903.90 951.40 +5.80 …
American 2061.57 2170.07 -20.12 … Japan Growth 319.10 335.90 +3.10 … International 306.40 306.40 +0.70 … UK Equity Fd 938.10 987.50 -5.60 … Pacemaker ‡ … … +2.00 …
Cash 278.65 293.31 +0.07 … Glob Mgd 2343.60 2466.90 +14.90 … Managed Inv 2040.70 2148.10 +4.90 … Japan Grth 202.30 202.30 +2.10 …
Distribution 95.16 100.17 +0.07 … Glob Prop 789.10 830.60 +0.10 … Pacific Basin 1403.40 1477.20 +17.40 … Managed 277.30 277.30 +1.40 … SCOTTISH WIDOWS GROUP ZURICH ASSURANCE LTD
Ethical 635.19 668.62 +3.20 … Managed Fd 2928.70 3082.80 +18.70 … Property 1528.30 1608.70 -3.80 … North America 455.90 455.90 -8.10 … PO Box 902, Edinburgh EH16 5BU 0845 300 2332
European 1311.97 1381.02 +21.71 … Property Fd 648.70 682.80 +0.10 … Smllr Cos Recov 4685.80 4932.40 +54.10 … Pacific Grth 654.00 654.00 +3.90 … UK Life Centre,, Swindon SN1 1EL
Fixed Interest 476.35 501.43 -2.40 … Property 341.90 341.90 +0.30 … Cash Fund 363.50 382.60 +0.20 … Life Funds
Worldwide Gth 1985.70 2090.20 -3.10 … Equity Fund 2385.30 2510.80 +29.30 …
Global 367.35 386.69 -0.32 … FRIENDS PROVIDENT UK Leader 277.00 277.00 +3.00 …
01722 413366 Fixed Interest Fd 924.30 972.90 +1.30 … Equity 10577.90 11134.70 +26.70 …
International 1108.74 1167.10 -0.70 … Pension Funds UK Smlr Cos 289.10 289.10 +0.60 … Managed (1) 1079.60 1136.40 +1.70 …
Japan 428.20 450.73 +1.76 … Castle Street, Salisbury, Wilts SP1 3SH With Profits 156.64 156.64 +0.10 … Indexed Stock Fd 658.80 693.50 +3.50 …
American Pens 1932.60 2034.30 -18.40 … International Fd 2368.60 2493.30 -3.30 … Managed (2) 820.30 863.50 +1.30 …
Mixed 942.29 991.88 +0.43 … Cash 324.60 341.60 +0.50 … Managed (3) ‡ 639.80 … +1.20 …
Pacific 1577.42 1660.44 +13.77 … Cash Pen 313.40 329.90 +0.20 … Inv Cash 552.90 582.00 +0.30 …
European 1556.80 1638.80 +32.80 … Other Life & Pension Funds Inv Pol 1 5329.10 5329.10 +37.90 … Mangd Gen 4 154.20 162.30 +0.20 …
Technology 4833.25 5087.64 +54.70 … Fixed Inter Life 669.60 704.90 -2.30 … European Pen 1632.60 1718.60 +34.30 …
Far East Pen 595.70 627.00 +7.90 … Pens Unit W Prof 246.87 259.86 +0.21 … Inv Pol 2 4512.10 4749.60 +31.80 … Property 1837.10 1933.80 +1.30 …
UK Equity 899.44 946.78 +11.50 … Index Linked 582.50 613.20 -0.60 … Property (1) 385.50 405.80 +0.20 …
Fixed Int Pen 532.50 560.50 +0.90 … With Profits Bd 191.62 191.62 +0.13 … Inv Pol 3 3721.30 3917.20 +25.90 …
Managed 1132.10 1191.70 +9.10 … Mixed Fund 1930.30 2031.90 +5.50 … Property (2) ‡ 419.40 … +0.40 …
North American 1202.30 1265.60 +10.70 … FTSE 100 388.40 408.90 +5.40 …
ALBA LIFE Managed Pen 995.00 1047.30 +4.20 … Property Fund 901.60 949.10 -2.30 …
50 Bothwell St,, Glasgow
g G2 6HR Overseas Equity 1759.90 1852.50 +27.10 … Pensions Solution Funds (Post 6/4/2001) Pension
Pacific Basin 572.40 602.50 +7.60 … Property Pen 930.20 979.10 -2.20 …
0141 248 2000 UK Equity Pen 774.30 815.00 +9.50 … Balanced Grth 282.10 282.10 +1.30 … SKANDIA LIFE ASSURANCE CO LTD Managed (1) 1533.60 1614.30 +4.50 …
Formerly y Britannia Property 667.40 702.50 +0.30 … Cash Deposit 163.00 163.00 +0.10 … Equity Acc 29646.00 31206.30 +109.10 …
Stewardship 1667.00 1754.70 -7.60 … 01703 334411
Life Equity 271.70 271.70 +3.10 … Skandia House,, Portland Terrace Managed Acc 16549.20 17420.20 +37.80 …
UK Equity 1777.80 1871.40 +30.80 … LONDON LIFE Equity Inc 304.80 304.80 +3.50 … Property (1) 711.10 748.50 +0.40 …
European 1570.50 1653.20 -3.50 … 0117 984 7777 Southampton SO9 7BX
Far East 623.90 656.80 +4.10 … European 420.00 420.00 +9.20 … Property (2) ‡ 755.20 … +0.50 …
Formerly London & Manchester Assurance Spectrum, Bond Street, Bristol, BS1 3AL Eurotech 173.80 173.80 +4.40 … Balanced Acc 947.70 997.50 +4.90 … Property Acc 8475.50 8921.60 +5.20 …
Fixed Interest 793.20 835.00 +0.50 … Equity Acc 2025.00 2131.60 +15.00 …
International 1374.50 1446.90 -6.00 … Equity Ex Cap ‡ … … +5.50 … Deposit 512.80 512.80 +0.20 … Far East 500.10 500.10 +4.50 … With Profs (5) ‡ 240.30 … +0.10 …
Deposit A 294.00 309.50 +0.10 … Fixed Int 227.10 227.10 -0.30 … Global Acc 812.50 855.20 -1.20 … With Profs (6) ‡ 211.10 … +0.10 …
Japan 693.20 729.70 +7.40 … Equity Life ‡ … … +32.40 …
Deposit P 667.90 667.90 +2.10 … FTSE All Share Tkr 322.50 322.50 +3.40 … Property 580.30 610.80 +0.40 …
Managed Fund 1469.40 1546.70 -2.40 … Fixed Interest ‡ … … -2.60 … Share Class 1 - Retail
Money Market 403.70 424.90 +0.20 … Fxd Int Ex Cap ‡ … … -0.50 … Equity 4028.70 4028.70 -7.60 … Index Linked 280.30 280.30 -1.10 …
Gtd Dep Ex Cap ‡ … … … … Equity A 895.70 942.90 -1.70 … International 368.60 368.60 +0.90 … STANDARD LIFE ASSURANCE CO Managed (2) ‡ 800.50 … +2.50 …
North America 1362.40 1434.10 -23.40 … Standard Life House,, 30 Lothian Road,,
Property 969.80 1020.80 +0.70 … Guaranteed Deposit ‡ … … +0.60 … Equity P 3504.20 3504.20 -8.30 … Managed Grth 304.20 304.20 +2.00 …
Fixed Int A 485.20 510.80 +0.60 … Edinburgh EH1 2DH 0131 225 2552
UK Equity 2551.30 2685.50 -17.40 … Inter Life ‡
Intl Ex Cap ‡
…
…
…
…
+26.20
+4.50
…
… Fixed Int P
Fixed Interest
1757.50 1757.50
1141.10 1141.10
+2.90
+1.40
…
…
Pens Protector
Property
226.50
439.90
226.50
439.90
-1.90
+0.50
…
… Cash ‡ 437.90 … +0.20 … British funds
Prop Ex Cap ‡ … … -0.10 … UK Leader 299.80 299.80 +3.90 … Equity ‡ 4516.30 … +52.50 …
Pensions Prop Life ‡ … … +0.10 … Index Stock A 553.10 582.30 +6.40 … Unitised W Prof 208.52 208.52 +0.20 … European ‡ 990.00 … +19.90 … Stock Price Wkly Int Yld Grs rd
Index Stock P 953.20 953.20 +15.60 … Outstanding(£) Stock (£) +/– % yld
Equity 1791.00 1885.20 -12.20 … Far East ‡ 530.90 … +3.90 …
European 1977.20 2081.30 -6.60 … FP Life Assurance ex NM Indexed Stock 737.10 737.10 +8.60 … PRUDENTIAL INDIVIDUAL LIFE FUNDS Fixed Interest ‡ 1006.80 … -4.50 … Index-linked
Far Eastern 502.30 528.70 +4.10 … International 1427.90 1427.90 -5.50 … 0345 601601 Index Linked ‡ 625.90 … -9.90 …
American 3225.80 3395.60 +28.60 … International A 855.00 900.00 -3.30 … 389.95 359.04 Tr IL 2K% 24 * 373.78 + .19 1.45 0.37
Fixed Interest 811.80 854.50 +0.70 … Deposit 542.90 571.50 +0.30 … 55 King's Road, Reading, RG1 3AH International ‡ 2766.20 … +7.60 … 111.01 99.31 Tr IL 0V% 24 99.78 + .02 … 0.34
International 1179.60 1241.60 -6.20 … International P 1875.50 1875.50 -8.80 … Managed ‡ 3018.80 … -1.60 … 116.38 96.90 Tr IL 0V% 26 100.69 + .28 … –0.10
European 3790.50 3990.00 +80.60 … Mixed 2352.90 2352.90 +0.30 … Euro Fund ‡ … … +25.80 …
Japan 334.80 352.40 +3.90 … Fixed Interest 1397.00 1470.50 -4.80 … N American Fd ‡ … … -9.50 … Nth American ‡ 1024.30 … -9.80 … 129.46 99.85 Tr IL 1N% 27 107.01 + .43 1.28 –0.24
Managed 1034.20 1088.60 -1.80 … Mixed A 741.10 780.20 … … Property ‡ 818.40 … +0.30 … 124.11 93.33 Tr IL 0V% 28 102.08 + .43 … –0.26
Income Acc 4021.50 4233.10 +17.90 … Mixed P 2346.80 2346.80 +1.30 … Strategic Fund 644.30 678.20 -11.00 … 125.34 92.36 Tr IL 0V% 29 102.12 + .46 … –0.23
Money Market 478.20 503.40 +0.20 … Income Dist 693.40 729.90 +3.30 … 132.82 90.61 Tr IL 0V% 31 103.94 + .48 … –0.34
North America 1996.00 2101.10 -40.60 … Property 784.30 784.30 +0.30 …
International 1743.90 1835.70 +27.10 … Property A 336.50 354.30 +0.20 … Pensions (Series 4) 388.85 301.39 Tr IL 4V% 30 * 348.04 +1.48 1.86 –0.26
Property 884.80 931.40 +0.60 … Scottish Amicable Life Fds (First Series) 150.66 99.08 Tr IL 1N% 32 114.85 + .66 1.09 –0.26
Managed 2530.50 2663.70 +20.10 … Property P 613.30 613.30 +2.00 … Cash ‡ 135.00 … +0.10 …
Mixed 1776.00 1869.50 -17.90 … Cash Fund ‡ … … +0.20 … Equity ‡ 245.40 … +7.10 …
148.08 92.56 Tr IL 0O% 34 109.69 + .87 … –0.12
Property 1878.90 1977.70 +0.80 … Equity Fund ‡ … … +39.80 … 305.60 206.76 Tr IL 2% 35 * 253.53 +2.10 0.96 –0.03
AXA SUN LIFE MERCHANT INVESTORS ASSURANCE CO LTD European ‡ 301.30 … +11.10 … 146.28 82.01 Tr IL 0V% 36 101.62 +1.08 … 0.01
PO Box 1810,, Bristol BS99 5SN Singapore & Mal 1273.90 1341.00 +16.70 … Fixed Interest ‡ … … -11.30 … Far East ‡ 282.40 … +1.70 …
St Bartholomews House,, Lewins Mead 168.29 94.08 Tr IL 1V% 37 115.51 +1.22 1.02 0.06
AXA Assurance - 02476 235500 Tokyo Fund 1118.80 1177.70 +15.00 … Intl Fund ‡ … … +18.90 … Fixed Interest ‡ 220.20 … -2.00 … 151.09 78.25 Tr IL 0V% 39 99.19 +1.24 … 0.18
UK Equity 2459.00 2588.50 +42.60 … Bristol BS1 2NH Managed Fund ‡ … … +10.60 …
Sun Life - 0117 989 3000 Index Linked ‡ 235.20 … -4.50 … 165.05 84.60 Tr IL 0X% 40 106.94 +1.35 … 0.21
AXA Equity
q y & Law - 02476 235400 Far East 739.40 778.30 +4.20 … Property Fund ‡ … … -2.50 … International ‡ 346.60 … +3.00 … 158.34 75.20 Tr IL 0V% 41 98.07 +1.42 … 0.23
Life Assnce - AXA Equity & Law Series 6. 1% AMC Friends Prov (London & Manchester) Ass Ltd Fd Gilt Edged 1338.50 1408.90 +5.60 … 174.67 82.66 Tr IL 0X% 42 106.74 +1.50 0.59 0.27
Managed ‡ 278.30 … +1.60 … 163.39 72.26 Tr IL 0V% 44 95.31 +1.48 … 0.36
Balced Ser 6 2575.30 2710.80 +14.10 … Capital Gth Acc ‡ … … +10.90 … Interest Fund 563.30 592.90 +0.20 … PRUDENTIAL LIFE FUNDS Nth American ‡ 389.30 … +0.70 …
Intl Equity 2035.40 2142.50 +11.00 … 168.94 70.25 Tr IL 0V% 46 93.76 +1.57 … 0.41
Distribution Ser 6 92.60 97.40 +0.20 … Flexible Acc ‡ … … +12.90 … 01786 448844 Property ‡ 251.60 … +0.10 … 195.72 80.78 Tr IL 0O% 47 107.60 +1.85 0.71 0.43
Europe Ser 6 2059.00 2167.30 +36.00 … Flexible Cap ‡ … … +2.10 … Managed Fd 1238.40 1303.60 +6.50 … PO Box 14962,, Craigforth,
g , Stirling,
g, FK9 4ZD Stock Exchange ‡ 355.70 … +4.40 … 176.40 66.79 Tr IL 0V% 48 92.69 +1.75 … 0.43
Higher Inc Ser 6 4838.80 5093.40 +28.00 … Inv Trust Acc ‡ … … -11.20 … North American 767.80 808.20 -3.60 … Others 195.77 72.64 Tr IL 0K% 50 101.78 +1.98 … 0.43
Property Ser 6 1644.70 1731.30 +1.40 … Inv Trust Cap ‡ … … -2.60 … Property 1398.00 1471.60 +6.30 … 192.33 65.69 Tr IL 0N% 52 95.47 +2.02 … 0.42
UK Equity 1083.70 1140.70 +9.50 … BonusBond 251.40 264.70 +4.30 … SUN LIFE OF CANADA 253.30 88.77 Tr IL 1N% 55 126.16 +2.65 1.09 0.40
UK Equities Ser 6 4001.50 4212.10 +44.80 … Moneymaker Acc ‡ … … +3.00 … Cap Gteed Bd 390.40 410.90 +1.20 … Basingview,
g , Basingstoke,
g , Hants RG21 2DZ 201.56 60.50 Tr IL 0V% 56 91.71 +2.17 … 0.39
Prud Inher Bd (Cap) ‡ … … -0.80 … Dealing: 01256 841414 206.26 60.14 Tr IL 0V% 58 91.70 +2.26 … 0.38
GUARDIAN MGM ASSURANCE Prud Inher Bd (Inc) ‡ … … +0.60 … 234.74 64.93 Tr IL 0W% 62 101.32 +2.64 … 0.34
Life Funds - Sun Life (inc Birmingham Midshires)& AXA Assurance 1% AMC MGM House,, Heene Road,, Worthing g Equity Account 7475.00 7475.00 +72.90 …
01253 733151 237.83 55.87 Tr IL 0V% 65 93.68 +2.82 … 0.28
BN11 2DY 01903 836000 Equity Fund Acc 2817.90 2966.20 +27.20 …
Cash Acc 474.00 498.90 -0.10 … Ballam Rd, Lytham St Annes, Lancashire FY8 4JZ 253.73 54.65 Tr IL 0V% 68 94.02 +2.97 … 0.27
Scottish Amicable Life Fds (First Series) Equity II 6541.80 6886.10 +62.10 … 289.24 55.40 Tr IL 0V% 73 99.62 +3.40 … 0.13
Deffrd Dist 695.30 731.90 +1.20 … Deposit 114.48 120.50 -0.08 …
Deposit 439.10 462.20 +0.20 … Cash 372.90 392.50 +0.10 … Fixed Int Fd Acc 767.30 807.60 +0.80 … 388.85 301.39 Tr IL 4 V% 30 348.04 +1.48 1.86 –0.26
Distribution Fund 345.10 363.20 +0.60 … Deposit Acc 373.89 393.57 +0.21 …
Equity Life 4594.40 4836.20 +41.20 … Equity 2464.50 2594.20 +15.60 … Growth Acc 8872.90 8872.90 +86.50 …
Equity Acc 5851.90 6159.90 +65.50 … Fixed Interest 387.54 407.93 -3.32 … Longs (Over 15 years)
European 672.80 708.20 -4.80 … Fixed Interest 894.80 941.90 -8.30 … Indx-Lnkd Scs Acc 560.90 590.40 -3.50 …
European 972.40 1023.60 +17.00 … Fixed Interest Acc 1135.97 1195.75 +1.45 …
Fixed Interest 1667.40 1755.20 -3.50 … Index-Linked 583.20 613.90 -10.10 … Managed Account ‡ … … +23.90 … 183.85 63.35 Tr 0V% 51 91.88 +1.93 … 0.43
Far Eastern Acc 2230.90 2348.40 +29.00 … Managed 483.36 508.80 -9.19 …
Index Linked 629.90 663.10 -1.30 … International 1946.60 2049.10 +13.50 … Managed IV 3855.30 4058.20 +20.70 … 90.04 44.40 Tr 1N% 51 57.27 + .64 … 3.69
Fixed Int Acc 936.60 985.90 -5.50 … Managed Acc 1525.02 1605.28 -4.40 … 149.35 82.51 Tr 3O% 52 100.69 + .87 … 3.71
Inter Life 2688.50 2830.00 -19.40 … Managed 1992.60 2097.50 +6.50 … Mngd Fund Acc 1687.60 1776.40 +9.40 …
Global Eqty Acc 2541.90 2675.60 +58.40 … Property 250.17 263.34 -0.42 … 96.56 46.78 Tr 1K% 53 60.24 + .63 … 3.69
Managed Life 2688.50 2830.00 +5.50 … Property 1065.40 1121.40 -2.30 … Money Fund Acc 340.40 358.30 +0.20 …
Japan Acc 363.50 382.60 +8.80 … Property Acc 810.74 853.41 -0.59 … 99.73 48.25 Tr 1X% 54 62.03 + .66 … 3.66
North American 1381.50 1454.20 -9.90 … Pens Equity 1846.90 1944.10 +21.80 … 168.18 90.79 Tr 4N% 55 110.67 +1.01 3.84 3.69
Managed Acc 3156.60 3322.70 +17.30 …
Pacific 834.00 877.90 -6.10 … Pens Fixed Int 986.20 1038.10 +1.00 … 104.20 49.39 Tr 1O% 57 63.63 + .53 … 3.60
North Amer Acc 3049.40 3209.90 +64.20 … The M & G Series
Prop Life 1021.40 1075.20 +2.10 … NAT WEST LIFE ASSCE LTD Pens Guarantee 1513.50 1593.10 +1.40 … 169.63 87.32 Tr 4% 60 108.06 + .75 … 3.60
Pacific Acc 1684.70 1773.40 +13.30 …
PO Box 886, Trinity Quay, Bristol BS99 5LJ Amer Bond Acc 1351.10 1418.80 -21.40 … Pens Indx-Lnkd 713.50 751.00 -4.50 … 69.69 26.21 Tr 0K% 61 37.56 + .38 … 3.43
Property Acc 1255.40 1321.40 +1.10 … 131.14 60.88 Tr 2K% 65 77.47 + .61 … 3.53
HALIFAX LIFE LTD Growth Mgd Pens 562.31 591.90 +2.09 … Deposit Bond Acc ‡ … … +0.20 … Pens Intl 1287.80 1355.50 +12.40 …
PO Box 285,, York YO1 1YB 01904 611110 Pens Mngd Acct 4393.50 4624.70 +29.20 … 165.72 79.01 Tr 3K% 68 99.17 + .77 … 3.54
Equity Bond Acc 5051.60 5304.30 +31.90 … 105.72 42.99 Tr 1X% 71 57.82 + .57 … 3.41
BARCLAYS LIFE ASSURANCE CO LTD Life Funds Euro Smlr Cos 209.30 219.90 -21.90 … Pens Money 436.90 459.80 +0.30 … 89.32 32.96 Tr 1V% 73 46.25 + .52 … 3.33
0845 603 5000 NORWICH UNION LIFE INSURANCE Pens Property 1827.10 1923.20 +0.90 …
Balanced 98.11 103.27 +0.35 … SOCIETY - Ex NUAM Funds European Bd Acc 2090.80 2195.40 +39.00 … 103.74 91.72 Tr 3{ }% 53 100.35 + .85 … 3.73
Level 12, 1 Churchill Place, London E14 5HP Deposit 36.08 37.98 … … Extra Yld Bd Acc 4351.30 4568.90 +6.30 … Pers Pens Acct ‡ … … +63.10 … 144.27 98.36 Tr 4O% 38 114.16 + .88 4.16 3.56
PO Box 140,, Norwich NR3 1PP Prop Fund Acc 1424.10 1499.00 +0.50 … 91.00 58.05 Tr 1V% 39 70.08 + .64 … 3.62
500 Accum 1452.61 1529.06 +33.27 … Foundation 101.82 107.17 +0.39 … 01603 622200 Gbl Basics Bd Acc 1161.30 1219.40 +16.90 …
America Acc 2693.14 2834.88 -13.97 … Gilt Bond Acc ‡ … … -9.00 … 138.03 92.08 Tr 4N% 39 107.76 + .83 3.94 3.62
Opportunity 117.06 123.22 -0.05 … 140.03 91.30 Tr 4N% 40 107.50 + .84 … 3.67
Comb Inc Acc 2668.01 2808.43 +18.44 … Deposit Fund 611.83 644.03 +0.35 … High Yield Bond 451.60 474.30 -2.90 … TESCO PERSONAL FINANCIAL LIFE LTD
Eqity Fund 15924.07 16762.18 +184.10 … 91.69 54.72 Tr 1N% 41 67.59 + .68 … 3.67
Equity Acc 3883.41 4087.80 +88.48 … Pension Funds Index-Lnkd Gt Bd 375.60 394.40 -6.10 … 0845 845 5555 127.42 76.78 Tr 3N% 44 92.98 + .71 … 3.74
Far East Gwth 1258.18 1324.40 -2.58 … Fixed Int Fd 1640.41 1726.74 -2.89 … International Bd 5633.10 5914.90 +23.50 … PO Box 23042, Edinburgh EH3 8YG 147.79 93.79 Tr 4K% 42 111.36 + .94 4.04 3.68
Gilt 2 Init 213.42 224.65 -2.32 … Balanced S2 100.37 105.66 +0.45 … Higher Inc Plus 220.39 231.99 +1.09 … Japan Bond Acc 472.80 496.50 +1.00 … 133.20 79.61 Tr 3K% 45 96.33 + .74 … 3.75
Deposit S2 41.68 43.87 … … Intl Fund 1268.48 1335.24 -3.14 … Balanced Growth 286.50 286.50 +1.10 …
Gilt Edged Acc 864.06 909.53 -8.82 … Japan Sm Cos Acc 235.80 247.70 -3.80 … 150.25 89.35 Tr 4N% 46 107.81 + .86 3.94 3.75
Foundation S2 101.63 106.97 +0.49 … Managed Fund 6301.75 6633.42 +18.15 … Intl Growth 423.80 423.80 -3.20 … 83.33 43.93 Tr 0Y% 46 56.34 + .57 … 3.73
Inter 2 Init 476.18 501.24 +3.89 … Managed Bond Acc 3614.10 3794.90 +11.70 … UK Growth 276.80 276.80 +2.90 …
International Acc 1926.55 2027.95 +17.02 … Opportunity S2 116.80 122.95 -0.02 … Property Fd 2398.78 2525.04 +1.17 … Prop Bond Acc 1492.30 1567.00 -3.40 … 95.55 51.06 Tr 1K% 47 64.43 + .64 … 3.74
101.16 53.78 Tr 1O% 49 67.43 + .67 … 3.72
Japan Acc 440.14 463.31 -3.83 … Rec Bond Acc ‡ … … +25.50 … 155.93 89.75 Tr 4N% 49 108.56 + .91 3.91 3.74
INVESCO FUNDS MGMT LTD Formerly Commercial Union S East Asia Bd Acc 1300.20 1365.30 -20.40 … WINDSOR LIFE ASSUR CO LTD
Managed 2 Init 546.55 575.31 +3.42 … 01952 292929 76.60 35.82 Tr 0X% 50 47.35 + .57 … 3.68
Managed Acc 2203.79 2319.77 +15.24 … Alban Gate,, 14th Flr,, 125 London Wall,, Lond
EC2Y 5AS 020 7710 4567 Cash 309.90 326.20 +0.20 … Windsor House,, Telford,, Shropshire
p Mediums (5-15 years)
Managed Alpha 1660.62 1748.03 +38.03 … Fxd Int 519.10 546.40 -1.00 … PRUDENTIAL PENSION FUNDS Formerly y AEtna
Money Acc 433.75 456.58 +0.16 … Formerly GT Global Fund Mgmt Ltd 103.82 97.21 Tr 4 V% 27 102.36 + .43 … 3.47
Index-Lnkd 540.10 568.50 -3.20 … Scottish Amicable Non Series A 1982 Series
Prop 2 Init 212.21 223.38 -0.03 … Plan Far East 554.30 583.40 … … Int Equity 1394.90 1468.30 -3.60 … 100.11 85.65 Tr 1N% 27 92.28 + .49 … 3.17
Property Acc 853.84 898.78 +0.46 … Plan Wwide 924.50 973.20 -0.10 … 100% Safeguard 155.80 164.00 … … Cash Deposit 331.10 348.50 +0.10 … 116.31 98.23 Tr 4N% 27 104.76 + .54 4.06 3.15
Managed 1437.40 1513.00 +4.10 … 95% Safeguard 171.90 180.90 +1.80 … Far East Equity 1664.30 1751.90 +17.00 … 93.49 79.15 Tr 0V% 28 86.33 + .51 … 3.18
UK Growth Acc 1226.31 1290.85 +27.99 … Property 814.70 857.60 +0.30 … 102.20 84.72 Tr 1X% 28 + .59 … 3.14
Fixed 677.00 712.70 -1.40 … 92.30
Univ Tech Acc 840.95 885.21 +7.43 … LEGAL & GENERAL INVESTMENT MGMT UK Equity 1928.60 2030.10 +22.10 … 96.10 84.28 Tr 0W% 26 90.14 + .41 … 3.31
0203 1243000 SAVE & PROSPER INSURANCE AND PENSIONS Index-Linked Fd 641.20 675.00 -2.20 … 101.30 89.28 Tr 1K% 26 94.59 + .39 … 3.22
Var Ann (5) ‡ … … +3.60 … Managed 1472.00 1549.50 +3.00 …
One Coleman Street, EC2R 5AA Var Ann Acc (5) ‡ … … +66.60 … St James's House,, 27-43 Eastern Rd,, Romford 130.07 107.13 Tr 6% 28 114.53 + .65 5.24 3.20
& AXA Assurance 1% AM RM1 3NH N Amer Equity 2249.50 2367.90 -42.20 … 94.38 77.61 Tr 0K% 29 85.37 + .52 … 3.26
B Soc Lnkd Init 136.20 143.40 … …
Equity 2 Init 957.23 1007.61 +21.19 … Brit Opps Int 221.20 232.80 -3.70 … Customer Helpline: 0845 3000144 Property 472.10 497.00 +0.20 … 96.69 78.21 Tr 0Y% 29 86.63 + .59 … 3.14
Formerly General Accident Special Opp 1986.40 2090.90 +2.00 … 91.88 72.39 Tr 0W% 30 81.38 + .59 … 3.15
British Opp 793.60 835.30 +8.20 … Bal Inv Fund 348.30 366.60 +3.60 … 127.71 101.89 Tr 4O% 30 111.06 + .69 4.28 3.12
Building Soc Linked 283.40 298.30 … … American 1431.70 1507.10 -25.80 … UK Equity 1605.50 1690.00 +14.90 …
CANADA LIFE Deposit Fund (2) 646.30 680.30 +0.20 … 89.46 69.25 Tr 0N% 31 78.64 + .63 … 3.18
01707 651122 Cash 441.50 464.70 +0.10 … Cash Deposit 262.60 276.40 +0.10 … Gilt Fund 1414.60 1489.10 -7.70 … 95.34 73.06 Tr 1% 32 82.99 + .65 … 3.22
2-6 High Street, Potters Bar, Herts EN6 5BA Cash Initial 119.10 125.40 -0.30 … Conv Life 431.60 454.20 … … Global Equity Fd 1579.60 1662.70 +14.70 … Formerly AEGON Life 126.10 98.13 Tr 4N% 32 108.75 + .79 3.91 3.15
Equity 4696.00 4943.20 +35.10 … European 1128.50 1187.90 +20.10 … Property Fund (46) 286.10 301.20 +0.10 … Balanced 2052.70 2172.10 +4.20 … 101.14 94.95 Tr 4 V% 27 99.95 + .78 … 3.26
Cash 320.20 337.00 -0.10 … Fixed Int 436.00 458.90 -0.80 … 93.01 68.57 Tr 0Y% 33 79.07 + .74 … 3.27
CLife Euro Mgd 1684.00 1772.00 -44.00 … Equity Initial 1073.10 1129.60 -14.50 … Fixed Interest 627.90 664.40 -1.20 … 132.42 98.89 Tr 4K% 34 111.19 + .91 4.05 3.32
Fixed Initial 463.80 488.20 +3.70 … Index-Linked 524.30 551.90 -3.20 … International 2353.20 2490.20 -7.30 …
CLife Intl Fd 1662.00 1749.00 -16.00 … International 859.50 904.70 -5.40 … SCOTTISH LIFE INVESTMENTS 87.26 61.24 Tr 0X% 35 72.17 + .73 … 3.40
Deposit Fund 520.80 548.20 +0.20 … Fixed Interest 1380.30 1452.90 -4.00 … 0131 225 2211 Money 399.20 422.50 +0.10 … 131.88 94.91 Tr 4N% 36 108.87 + .95 3.90 3.40
Index Linked Gilt 648.70 682.90 -2.30 … Japan 402.40 423.60 +4.70 … Property 1189.30 1258.50 +0.70 … 100.28 67.54 Tr 1O% 37 79.85 + .70 … 3.54
Equity 1174.00 1235.00 -17.00 … Japan Smllr Cos 411.70 433.30 +4.90 … 19 St Andrews Square, Edinburgh EH2 1YE
Equity Fund 2989.00 3146.00 +46.00 … Index Lkd 270.30 284.50 +0.60 … UK Equity 2656.50 2811.10 +24.80 … 104.43 … Tr 3{ }% 38 101.80 + .81 … 3.59
International 2356.30 2480.30 +17.70 … Managed 726.40 764.70 +2.00 … American 1709.30 1799.30 -28.40 …
European 1873.00 1971.00 +38.00 … Pacific Fund 1002.90 1055.70 +14.30 … Deposit 313.80 330.40 +0.20 … Shorts (under 5 years)
Fixed Interest 979.50 1031.00 -8.50 … Intl Initial 537.00 565.30 -6.40 … Formerly Crown
Life Property 1381.40 1454.10 +0.70 … Property 591.50 622.60 +0.20 … European 2793.90 2941.00 -6.70 … 102.74 93.15 Tr 2% 25 96.96 + .29 … 3.30
Gilt & Fxd Int 631.20 664.40 +5.30 … UK Equity 1104.10 1162.20 +12.60 … Fixed Interest 688.60 724.90 +4.70 … Life Equity Acc 4048.20 4261.20 +38.00 … 100.88 98.28 Tr 3{ }% 25 99.68 + .29 … 3.63
Gilt Edged Fd 1199.00 1262.00 -11.00 … Managed 3042.60 3202.70 -1.30 …
Unitised Profit 411.10 432.70 +0.20 … Global Mgd 1407.90 1482.10 -14.00 … Life Fxd Int Acc 791.40 833.10 -1.60 … 96.04 86.33 Tr 0V% 26 91.69 + .34 … 3.18
International 2554.00 2688.00 -18.00 … Managed Initial 770.70 811.30 -3.70 … 98.28 90.15 Tr 0X% 25 94.53 + .27 … 3.20
Property Initial 349.80 368.20 -0.60 … Index Linked 716.90 754.70 +5.90 … Life High Inc Acc 3320.00 3494.70 +35.50 …
Intl Mgd 3439.00 3620.00 -25.00 … Managed 1309.90 1378.90 +7.00 … Life Intl Acc 2855.80 3006.10 -8.70 … 110.90 100.77 Tr 5% 25 103.00 + .22 4.85 3.41
Investment Fd 1466.00 1539.00 -25.00 … Formerly Provident Mutual 97.16 90.04 Tr 0N% 25 93.95 + .26 … 3.63
LINCOLN FINANCIAL GROUP Pacific 1134.20 1194.00 -1.00 … Life Inv Tst Acc 3597.40 3786.70 +7.30 … 103.69 96.82 Tr 2O% 24 98.89 + .17 … 3.54
Japanese 371.80 391.30 … … Deposit Initial 87.10 91.70 … … Pen Worldwide 490.60 516.50 -5.20 … Life Managed Acc 2599.90 2736.70 +5.20 …
Barnett Way, y, Barnwood,, Gloucester GL4 3RZ 99.56 97.34 Tr 0O% 23 98.98 + .04 … 3.74
Managed 1291.00 1358.00 -9.00 … Deposit Ord 323.50 340.50 +0.20 … Property 921.90 970.50 -0.30 … Life Money Acc 477.10 502.20 +0.20 … 101.50 98.04 Tr 2N% 23 99.28 + .05 … 3.79
Managed Fund 2667.00 2807.00 … … 01452 371371 For further p prices 0800 7315139 Equity Init 764.70 805.00 +8.30 …
Life UK Equity 1648.70 1735.50 -4.90 … Life Property Acc 697.30 734.00 +0.30 … 98.11 94.34 Tr 0V% 24 97.13 + .13 … 3.54
ML Intl Fxd Int 697.00 733.60 -0.30 … Equity Ord 2882.20 3033.90 +33.10 … Worldwide 428.70 451.30 -5.00 … 99.63 94.79 Tr 1% 24 97.24 + .14 … 3.60
Money 534.90 563.00 +0.10 … Aggressive Mgd 4 719.00 756.80 -2.20 … Fixed Int Init 177.70 187.00 -0.40 …
Multiple Inv 3380.00 3557.00 … … Balanced Mgd 3 1629.70 1715.40 +8.90 … Fixed Int Ord 658.10 692.70 -1.20 … Life Funds * maturities having an eight-month indexation lag.
North Amer 2255.00 2373.00 -30.00 … Cautious Mgd 2 490.90 516.70 -1.90 … I-Linked Gilt Init 194.10 204.40 -1.30 … SCOTTISH MUTUAL ASSURANCE Bear 64.43 67.82 +0.30 …
Property 1020.00 1073.00 +2.00 … European 822.50 865.70 +10.40 … I-Linked Gilt Ord 659.60 694.30 -3.90 … 0141 248 6321 Bull 74.92 78.87 +0.14 … Data as shown is
Property Fund 1900.00 2000.00 … … Far Eastern 1750.80 1842.90 +26.40 … Managed Initial 459.30 483.50 +1.00 … 301 St Vincent Street, Glasgow G2 5HN Deposit 21.94 23.09 +0.01 … for information
UK Equity 4547.00 4786.00 +72.00 … Framlington 215.60 227.00 +0.40 … Managed Ord 1712.70 1802.80 +4.80 … Cash Fund 285.40 300.40 +0.10 … Gilt Edged 37.28 39.24 -0.07 … purposes only. No
UK Property 1349.00 1419.00 … … Green 634.40 667.70 -4.10 … Oseas Equity Init 461.10 485.40 -1.50 … European Fund 2101.70 2212.40 -5.40 … Owl 90.58 95.35 +0.76 … offer is made by Morningstar or this publication
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 81

Weather
Today Some sunny periods with a scattering of showers, heavy in northern England. Max 15C (59F), min -5C (23F) Weather Eye
Paul Simons
Around Britain Five days ahead Wind speed Sea state Orkney
ney Shetland
Sh
Key: b=bright, c=cloud, d=drizzle, pc=partly cloudy A drier day for most 34 Calm
du=dull, f=fair, fg=fog, h=hail, m=mist, r=rain, (mph) 19 6
sh=showers, sl=sleet, sn=snow, s=sun, t=thunder of the British Isles on Slight 19
*=previous day **=data not available Monday, otherwise Temperature Moderate
Rough
Temp C Rain mm Sun hr* largely unsettled 28 (degrees C)
4
midday yesterday 24 hrs to 5pm yesterday
5 20
11 R 1.4 5.7
Tomorrow Flood alerts and warnings
Aberdeen
Cloudy across southern areas with
Aberporth 11 B 0.8 1.7
spells of rain. Sunny periods with the At 17:00 on Friday there were 72 flood 7
Anglesey 11 R 0.0 3.4 risk of a shower, some of which will be alerts and 20 warnings in England, 6
Aviemore 9 R 4.8 4.8 wintry across northern areas through ten flood alerts and one warning in
14

A
the afternoon.
Barnstaple 12
12
C
PC
0.4
3.6
**
**
Wales, and five flood alerts and three Aberdeen
C F taste of winter returns
Bedford Max 13C, min -9C 35 95
Belfast 11 C 7.2 4.4
warnings in Scotland.
30 86
this weekend as a chill
For further information and updates
Birmingham 12 R 8.0 **
in England visit flood-warning- 25 77 Arctic wind sweeps down
Bournemouth 12 C 3.6 0.5 6 NORTH the country. It is ironic,
12 C 0.8 **
information.service.gov.uk, for Wales 20 68
Bridlington
naturalresources.wales/flooding and SEA 15 59 as British Summer Time
Bristol 13 C 10.2 2.5
Camborne 12 C 0.4 1.1 for Scotland SEPA.org.uk 8 10 50
begins early on Sunday morning. As
10 Edinburgh
Cardiff 11 R 1.8 1.2
7
6 Glasgow 5 41
the clocks go forward an hour the
Edinburgh 9 R 3.4 5.4 0 32
Eskdalemuir 7 R 16.6 2.1
8 24 -5 23 evenings become longer, but for
Glasgow 9 B 5.4 2.6
12
-10 14 anyone who gets up early the
Hereford 14 R 1.8 **
Herstmonceux 12 C 14.8 3.1 ATLANTIC Londonderry -15 5 mornings are plunged into darkness,
Ipswich 14 C 0.0 0.2
Newcastle with the sun rising later.
OCEAN Carlisle
Isle of Man 11 PC 0.0 5.4
Monday Belfast Daylight saving time began to be
Isle of Wight 12 C 4.6 ** 10
Jersey 11 C 9.2 1.8 The odd wintry shower at first across 13 9 widely adopted in 1916, when
eastern areas, otherwise a fine day 11
Keswick 10 C 17.2 ** with sunny spells. A few showers Yorkk Germany used it to keep munitions
Kinloss 10 C 0.8 5.3 may push into western Wales and factories open longer in lighter
southwest England later.
19
Leeds 11 C 5.2 **
Lerwick 5 C 0.4 1.1 Max 11C, min -5C Manchester Hull
evenings to save coal supplies during
Leuchars 10 D 0.8 2.8 ooo
Liverpool 12 the First World War, with Britain
Lincoln 13 C 4.6 ** Galway IRISH 23
6
following suit shortly afterwards.
Liverpool 11 M 0.6 ** SEA 11 Sheffield
London 11 R 9.8 3.0 Dublin
LLlandudno
During the Second World War,
Lyneham 11 PC 7.2 1.6 Britain implemented Double British
Manchester 14 R 0.0 2.4
Margate 13 C 8.8 5.0
7 13
Shrewsbury
Nottingham Summer Time, which was two hours
7 ahead of Greenwich Mean Time in
Milford Haven 12 ** 0.6 **
i h
Norwich
Newcastle 11 R 1.0 ** 22 11 the summer and one hour ahead
Nottingham 13 PC 3.2 4.5 Birmingham
Orkney 8 C 2.6 1.0 10
Cork
Cambridge during winter. The change was
Oxford 10 R 4.0 ** 11 designed to boost productivity in
Swansea Oxford 15
Plymouth
Portland
12
11
PC
PC
1.6
1.0
**
** Cardiff
war industries and also help workers
Scilly, St Mary’s 11 PC 0.2 **
Tuesday Channel Islands CELTIC 4
14 get home before blackouts began.
Shoreham 12 R 8.6 1.0 Cloudy in western areas with spells
SEA Bristol London Every year arguments rage over
of rain spreading northeastwards.
Shrewsbury 12 S 1.4 5.6 13
Snowdonia 9 C 8.6 **
A dry start for eastern areas with
hazy sunny intervals before spells of Southampton
whether clock changes should be
2
12 scrapped. In energy terms, there is a
Southend 13 R 1.6 5.4 rain arrive. Exeterr
South Uist 8 C 1.8 ** Max 13C, min -1C 22 Plymouth Brighton trade-off between the need to
Stornoway 9 C 1.6 4.2
Tiree 9 C 11.2 2.0
provide heat and light to buildings
Whitehaven 8 C 19.0 3.4 7
12 in winter and the demand for air
CHANNEL 33
Wick 8 C 0.8 ** 24 conditioning in summer, concerns
Yeovilton 12 R 18.0 1.9
that will only grow as issues related
13
8 General situation: Showery rain across ted heavy shower.
of an isolated show Strong periods and scattered heavy showers, to climate change increase.
The world northern England, Northern Ireland and westerly winds. Maximum 14C (57F), possibly merging to bring longer A recent study in the US found
All readings local midday yesterday
southern and western Scotland. Sunny minimum 3C (37F). periods of rain across northern areas. that the use of daylight saving can
Alicante 26 S Madeira 20 PC 11 periods with the risk of a shower NE Eng, Edinburgh and Dundee, N Isles, Strong westerly winds. Maximum
Amsterdam 13 PC Madrid 13 B
reduce the energy required for
elsewhere. Aberdeen, Moray Firth, Cen Highland, 15C (59F), minimum 2C (36F).
Athens 17 PC Malaga 27 S
N Wales, NW Eng, Lake District, IoM, NW Scotland, NE Scotland: A mostly Republic of Ireland, SW Eng, S Wales, cooling in an office building in
Auckland 18 PC Mallorca 19 S
SW Scotland, Borders, Argyll, Glasgow, cloudy morning with the risk of a Channel Is: Sunny spells with the risk summer by up to 6 per cent,
Bahrain 24 S Malta 20 PC Wednesday
Bangkok 33 PC Melbourne 19 B An unsettled and blustery day across
N Ireland: A largely cloudy day with shower. Sunny periods through the of a heavy shower during the morning, compared with a 4.4 per cent
Barbados 30 PC Mexico City 27 PC the British Isles with spells of heavy outbreaks of showery rain. Moderate to afternoon with the risk of a few turning cloudy in the afternoon as increase in heating costs in winter.
rain, most persistent in northwest strong southwesterly winds. Maximum light showers. Gentle to moderate showery rain spreads in. Moderate to
Barcelona 19 PC Miami 28 B
Scotland and Ireland. 13C (55F), minimum 0C (32F). northeasterly winds. Maximum strong west or southwesterly winds.
On the other hand, clock changes
Beijing 9 S Milan 14 B
Beirut 22 S Mombasa 31 B Max 14C, min 2C London, Cen S Eng, SE Eng, Mids: A day 11C (52F), minimum -5C (23F). Maximum 14C (57F), minimum and disturbances to sleep patterns
Belgrade 22 S Montreal 2 R of sunny periods with and the chance E Anglia, Cen N Eng, E Eng: Sunny 4C (39F). can impact health. A study in the
Berlin 14 SH Moscow 7 R journal Open Heart in 2014 reported
Bermuda 20 PC Mumbai 31 S 7
Bordeaux 15 B Munich 13 R Tides Noon today
LOW
a 24 per cent increase in heart
Brussels 13 B Nairobi 24 PC Tidal predictions. LOW attacks on the Monday after
Heights in metres
Bucharest 18 S Naples 17 PC
13
daylight saving time began. In the
Budapest 20 S New Orleans 27 B Today Ht Ht
HIGH
Buenos Aires 27 B New York 10 C 14 Aberdeen 03:32 4.1 15:43 4.3 HIGH US, it has been suggested that
Cairo 29 B Nice 16 B Avonmouth 09:34 13.6 21:48 13.1 LOW permanent standard time is a
Calcutta 32 S Nicosia 22 PC Belfast 01:20 3.3 13:39 3.5 healthier option. It is a hot topic: last
Canberra 22 PC Oslo 4 B 13 1000
Cardiff 09:24 12.5 21:35 12.0
Cape Town 22 PC Paris 15 SH 08:09 5.5 20:21 5.3 1008
year the Senate passed the Sunshine
Devonport
Chicago 7 B Perth 24 B
Dover 01:10 7.0 13:29 6.6 1016 LOW Protection Act to abolish clock
Copenhagen 11 B Prague 16 PC LOW changes, but it stalled in the House
Thursday Dublin 01:27 3.8 13:47 4.0
Corfu 19 S Reykjavik 1 PC
Delhi 22 S Riga 10 PC An unsettled day with sunny periods Falmouth 07:30 5.2 19:44 5.0
1000 HIGH
of Representatives. It was
and scattered heavy and perhaps Greenock 02:37 3.4 14:59 3.6
Dubai 25 PC Rio de Janeiro 31 PC
thundery showers. Showers may
LOW Cold front reintroduced this month, although
12 PC 23 S Harwich 01:45 4.1 14:12 3.9
Dublin
Faro 19 PC
Riyadh
Rome 17 PC
merge into longer spells of rain across
Holyhead 00:20 5.5 12:39 5.7
LOW
1016 Warm front the outcome in the House is
Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales.
Florence 18 PC San Francisco 13 PC Max 15C, min 3C Hull 08:33 7.3 20:45 7.8 Occluded front uncertain again.
Frankfurt 12 SH Santiago 31 S Leith 04:51 5.4 17:06 5.6 Trough
HIGH
Geneva 14 SH São Paulo 28 PC Liverpool 01:09 9.3 13:26 9.4
Gibraltar 20 B Seoul 12 S 8 London Bridge 04:00 7.4 16:24 7.0
Synoptic situation Highs and lows Hours of darkness
Helsinki 6 B Seychelles 32 PC Lowestoft 11:52 2.3 --:-- -- 24hrs to 5pm yesterday Aberdeen 19:01-06:24
Hong Kong 28 PC Singapore 32 B Milford Haven 08:32 7.1 20:46 6.8 A series of occlusions across Belfast 19:15-06:41
Honolulu 25 B St Petersburg 7 D Northern Ireland, northern Warmest: Weybourne,
13 Morecambe 01:19 9.4 13:37 9.6 Norfolk, 14.9C Birmingham 18:58-06:26
Istanbul 13 PC Stockholm 7 S England and southern and Coldest: Altnaharra, -0.9C
15 Newhaven 01:14 6.9 13:31 6.7 Cardiff 19:03-06:31
Jerusalem 28 S Sydney 23 SH western Scotland will bring Wettest: Larkhill,
Newquay 07:24 7.0 19:38 6.7 Exeter 19:04-06:33
Johannesburg 19 PC Tel Aviv 28 S thick cloud and outbreaks of Wiltshire, 20.0mm
Oban 07:52 3.9 19:55 3.7 Sunniest: Aberdaron, 6.9hrs* Glasgow 19:09-06:33
Kuala Lumpur 33 PC Tenerife 28 S showery rain. An area of low
13 Penzance 06:55 5.6 19:11 5.3 Liverpool 19:03-06:30
Kyiv ** ** Tokyo 22 B pressure approaching from
24 S 8 R Portsmouth 01:41 4.7 13:52 4.6 Sun and moon London 18:51-06:19
Lanzarote Vancouver the southwest of the British For Greenwich Manchester 19:00-06:27
Las Palmas 23 PC Venice 13 M Shoreham 01:26 6.5 13:43 6.3 Sun rises: 05.51
The Times weather Southampton 01:04 4.5 15:22 4.4
Isles will bring thick cloud and Newcastle 18:58-06:23
Lima 23 PC Vienna 17 S Sun sets: 18.20
outbreaks of rain to southwest Moon rises: 07.18 Norwich 18:45-06:13
Lisbon 16 R Warsaw 16 S page is provided Swansea 08:40 9.7 20:53 9.3
England and southern Ireland Moon sets: 23.37 Penzance 19:12-06:42
Los Angeles 15 B Washington 23 PC Tees 05:59 5.4 18:07 5.6
32 S 12 R
by Weatherquest later in the afternoon. First Quarter: March 29 Sheffield 18:57-06:24
Luxor Zurich Weymouth 09:12 2.2 21:20 2.0
82 Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

Register
Obituaries

Harry Shindler
Anzio veteran and winner of a campaign for expats to vote in UK elections
It was not in Harry Shindler’s nature to
yield. A veteran of the fight to dislodge
the Germans at Anzio — a battle of
which he was among the last living sur-
vivors — he applied a similar tenacity to
his two-decade struggle to change the
rules determining the right to vote of
Britons who live overseas.
As it stood, that right was lost by
those who were absent for 15 years,
even if ties such as paying taxes were
maintained. Shindler, who had left Brit-
ain for Italy in 1982, felt this disenfran-
chisement was a betrayal of what he
had fought for during the war. In 2013,
however, the European Court of
Human Rights ruled that the UK’s re-
strictions on voting were legitimate.
With a million and a half Britons liv-
ing in Europe, and several million more
worldwide, the matter became of still
more importance as the Brexit referen-
dum loomed. In 2016 the High Court
rejected a claim brought by Shindler
and by Jacquelyn MacLennan, who
lived in Belgium, that they and others in
the same position ought to able to vote
in a referendum that might potentially
deprive them of rights.
Undaunted, however, Shindler kept
up his fight, writing letters to everyone
from Queen Elizabeth down. Boris
Johnson’s government promised the
law would be changed and last year,
shortly before he turned 101, Shindler
saw the royal assent given to an act that
gave votes for life to Britons, even if
they move overseas.
spring, the Revolutionary Communist
Party. He was by nature a pacifist but
changed his mind after seeing London’s
docks bombed while he was out with a
girlfriend in September 1940. “When I
understood what was being fought for,”
he recalled, “I didn’t think twice about
enlisting.”
He joined the Royal Fusiliers before
transferring to the Royal Electrical and
Mechanical Engineers. Posted initially
to Algeria, he landed in Italy in 1943
before taking part in the operation at
Anzio the following January.
As the attempt to seize Rome bloodi-
ly stalled for four months, Shindler
could remember sheltering in trenches
by the beach listening to the music of
Vera Lynn. “I never wrote a diary in
those days,” he said, “because I thought,
so often, I would be dead the next day.”
He subsequently took part in the bat-
tles to break the Gothic Line near Rimi-
ni. Shindler had begun to learn Italian
from a pocket dictionary, and while at
Ascoli Piceno, in the Marche, started
Union Congress to expel the mighty
Transport and General Workers’
Union. It had ignored a ruling that had
found its draymen at fault for refusing
to deliver to a Birmingham pub, the Fox
and Goose, whose manager was not in
their union. The transport union,
which had long opposed the associa-
tion joining the congress, was reinstat-
ed within the hour, but the reprimand
embarrassed its leader, Jack Jones, and
the congress boss, Len Murray.
Hailed as a man of principle, Shindler
himself was philosophical about his
achievement. “There’s nothing for us
in a fight with the T&G,” he told The
Times. “David and Goliath just did it
the once, you can’t do it every
afternoon.”
On retiring, he settled in Porto d’As-
coli, on the Adriatic, as he had promised
his wife. There, at the request of their
descendants, he set about finding the
unknown graves of numerous service-
men who had laid down their lives in
Italy during the war. Armed only with
During his time in Italy
he sheltered in trenches,
listening to Vera Lynn
an elderly typewriter and telephone
directories, he brought peace of mind to
many a soldier’s relations. Among them
was Roger Waters, of Pink Floyd, who
had been an infant when his father,

The arc of his long life had by then
taken him from a childhood of poverty
in an era still warmed by the sacks of
coal he could remember carrying,
through the labour struggles of the
mid-20th century to his remarkable
last act in Italy, the homeland of his
wife.
Harry Shindler was born in Lambeth,
south London, in 1921. His parents, Sar-
ah and Morris, had immigrated from
Belarus and Ukraine respectively,
before the First World War, and were
married in Notting Hill’s synagogue.
They were tailors, and their seasonal
work meant the family remained poor
and were sometimes evicted from their
lodgings. Eventually they settled near
Ladbroke Grove, west London, living in
two rooms. Harry and his two brothers
shared one bed, his three sisters the
other.
Their parents never assimilated nor
knew how to read or write. Yiddish was
spoken at home; the children learnt
English at school, which Harry left at
14. He found work as a draughtsman at
the head office of the caterers J Lyons
& Co, and later at an engineering
factory while he studied that discipline
in night classes.
Politics was always in his blood, and
was also in those years becoming a
matter of life and death. As a teenager,
Harry witnessed the clashes between
supporters of the fascist Oswald Mos-
ley and their opponents in Cable Street,
in the East End. Fired by the plight of
the miners, he then hitchhiked to south
Wales. Lacking any money, he slept in a
telephone box until a policeman woke
him and encouraged him to go home.
Shindler’s own inclinations were
Trotskyist and he joined the Workers’
International League and later its off-
Shindler declined a chance to be an MP
talking to a woman who stopped to
watch him keeping goal in a kickabout.
Ida Sorrentino worked in a pasta fact-
ory. She and Shindler subsequently
married and had a son, Morris, now a
retired computer engineer.
With the end of the war, however,
Shindler was posted back to Britain but
promised to return to claim his family.
That he did, albeit at the price of be-
coming estranged from his own rela-
tives, who looked askance on his having
“married out”.
In Italy, Shindler had spoken at Com-
munist Party meetings in Naples, draw-
ing the ire of local radicals and the in-
terest of MI5, worried about the spread
of Trotskyism in the Eighth Army.
He subsequently focused on Labour
Party politics and was general secre-
tary of its Kingston branch in the 1950s,
but turned down the chance to stand as
an MP. Instead, he concentrated on
union work, chiefly as head of the
National Association of Licensed
House Managers, which represented
publicans.
He came briefly to national attention
in 1977, when at Blackpool he prevailed
on the delegates at that year’s Trades
Eric, was killed at Aprilia in 1944.
Much of Waters’ music has explored
that loss, notably with the song When
the Tigers Broke Free. Shindler was able
to find a map reference in a war diary
that identified where 2nd Lt Waters had
been killed. In 2014, his son unveiled a
plaque there commemorating him.
With the journalist Marco Patucchi,
Shindler published My War is Not Over
(2016), a memoir that detailed many of
his feats of detection.
Shindler also did work for the Italy
Star Association, in particular trying to
preserve the memory of the Anzio
landings and to foster knowledge of the
war in Italian schools.
He was delighted when in 2006, after
four years of petitioning, Italy agreed to
erect a memorial in the heart of Rome
honouring Allied troops’ role in liberat-
ing the city.
His wife died in 2005. Proudly inde-
pendent, he continued to live alone,
without help, into extreme old age.
The landing at Anzio remained the
watershed of his life. “For many years, I
woke up suddenly in the darkness of the
room at home, thinking I was on board
the ship that took us to the beach,” he
said. The memory of the struggle
against fascism impelled him to con-
tinue to recall it for the benefit of
younger generations. For him, it was
simply the right thing to do.
“When we who have personally par-
ticipated in the liberation of Europe
from dictatorships are no longer there,”
he reflected, “our words will turn yellow
in the pages of books. It will be easier to
distort history, and to misrepresent it.”
Harry Shindler OBE, campaigner, was
born on July 17, 1921. He died on
February 21, 2023, aged 101
Julian Wasser
The ‘photographer laureate of LA’ whose subjects
ranged from Jack Nicholson to Marcel Duchamp
As an enterprising teenager, Julian
Wasser would climb out of his bedroom
window at night with his camera
around his neck, steal his father’s car
and use a police-band shortwave radio
to locate crime scenes, where he took
photographs, which he then sold to
newspapers.
When his father saw the pictures in
the paper the next day, he would inno-
cently marvel at the coincidence and
say: “Look, there’s another Julian Was-
ser!” “Yeah, Dad, ” he would reply.
These clandestine nocturnal exploits
led to a celebrated career in which
Wasser became known as the “photo-
grapher laureate of Los Angeles”, cap-
turing the febrile intensity of the 1960s
as he shot a heady brew of movie stars,
rock’n’roll heroes, writers, artists and
bohemian scene-makers, from the
clubs on Sunset Strip to their bolt holes
in the Hollywood Hills.
He worked for Time, Life, Vanity Fair,
Playboy, Paris Match, Der Spiegel and
The Sunday Times, and supplied social
commentary too, as world-shattering
news events, as well as the lifestyles of
the rich and famous, came under the
scrutiny of his camera.
He was there when Martin Luther
King addressed a civil rights rally in Los
Angeles and he was present to immor-
talise the moment when Paul McCart-
ney chatted with Bob Dylan at a party
for Rod Stewart. He photographed An-
jelica Huston and Jack Nicholson hors-
ing around at home and took dramatic
pictures of the Watts riots in 1965.
Other subjects included Elton John,
Alfred Hitchcock reading a newspaper,
Joan Didion, famously shot in front of
her Corvette Stingray, Steve McQueen,
Jodie Foster and John Travolta, who
was captured while learning the dance
moves that were about to make him
famous in Saturday Night Fever.
A beaming Bobby Kennedy was
photographed minutes before he was
assassinated at a Los Angeles hotel,
while Roman Polanski asked Wasser to
document the scene at his canyon
home immediately after it became the
site of the Manson murders, in which
the director’s wife Sharon Tate and four
others were killed in August 1969.
At the time the murders had not yet
been linked to the Manson family and
Polanski asked Wasser to take shots of
the scene of the crime so that he could
give them to a psychic, who Polanski
thought could study them and find out
who the killers were.
“I felt awful, like, my God, why was I
there?” Wasser said. “What an invasion
of privacy. But that’s what being a
professional is. You feel terrible, but you
still shoot.”
His ability to get up close and person-
al with those he photographed, many of
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
JULIAN WASSER/COURTESY OF CRAIG KRULL GALLERY; BRAD ELTERMAN/FILMMAGIC/GETTY IMAGES
player on the scene and its objective
chronicler at the same time.
“He was always obviously and inap-
propriately flirtatious with everybody,
but when he was taking pictures he
switched into this other mode and he
was just completely professional,” said
Miranda Babitz, Eve’s sister, who
remained a close friend.
He is survived by a daughter, Alexi, a
writer and actress (whose mother is
Leslie Knauer, the lead singer for the
rock bands Promises and Precious
Metal) and a son, James Wasser, from a
previous relationship.
In her childhood, Alexi recalled that
she was sometimes corralled by her
father as his photographic assistant.
When she was 11 he took her with him
to the wedding of the actor Will Smith
to Sheree Zampino, his first wife. For
once he was not authorised to take
photos and so Alexi concealed a dispos-
able camera under her sweatshirt.
When the pictures were published in a
Jack Nicholson and Anjelica Huston horsing around in private; Brooke Shields tabloid, she noted ruefully that he had
with Wasser at a party in 1980; and, below, arguably the photographer’s most stolen her credit line.
famous image, a naked Eve Babitz playing chess with Marcel Duchamp Julian Wasser was born in 1933, in
Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, the son of
whom became friends, had a Zelig knew it would blow Marcel’s mind,” Frances (née Rothberg), a school-
quality. “Whether shooting the beauti- Wasser said. teacher, and Leo Wasser, a lawyer. He
ful people or social documentary my As a stunt the picture was a work of grew up in the Bronx, in New York,
intent never changed: to be where art in itself and the black and white before attending Sidwell Friends
things were happening, to meet the image was used as a poster to advertise School in Washington DC, and later the
people who were responsible for the New York’s Museum of Modern Art. It University of Pennsylvania.
world we live in, and to evoke in viewers was also seen on tote bags and T-shirts His early photographic adventures
what I saw and felt at the instant I and was the subject of a documentary. were inspired by an admiration for
tripped the shutter,” he said. It made Wasser as much of a celebrity Arthur Fellig, the celebrated New York
His ability to capture an informal as some of the famous people he photo- photojournalist better known as
moment and define it in an unforgetta- graphed. Leather-jacketed with a mop Weegee, whom he met while working
ble image was second to none, although of shaggy hair, he exuded a charismatic, as a copy boy for the Associated Press.
not all of his pictures were quite so stylish presence that made him both a After enlisting in the US navy, he
unstaged, including his famous image joined a photographic reconnaissance
of Marcel Duchamp playing chess with ‘I knew it would blow unit, which took him to Japan among
a completely naked Eve Babitz during a other locations. After his discharge in
retrospective of the painter’s work at Marcel’s mind,’ he said 1961 he settled in Los Angeles and
the Pasadena Art Museum. “I had began working for Time magazine.
always wanted to see Eve naked, and I about the naked Babitz His timing was perfect. “The glamour
of old Hollywood was still intact,
but at the same time, everyone was ap-
proachable,” he recalled. “There were
no VIP sections. It was a really innocent
time. You’d just walk up and there they
were. They’d stop and smile and pose.
There were no bodyguards or security
men.”
In 2014 he published a photographic
memoir titled The Way We Were, a
visual time capsule of America during a
time of dramatic cultural and political
transition.
“Everything you might have heard
about Los Angeles in the Sixties was
really true,” he said — and he had the
portfolio to prove it.
Julian Wasser, photographer, was
born on April 26, 1933. He died after a
series of strokes on February 8, 2023,
aged 89
A wedding followed
by a christening
Marriages and engagements
Page 84
Dennis Lotis
Popular big band ‘crooner’ whose flourishing
career was stymied by the pop music revolution
In 1956 Dennis Lotis played the lead in
John Osborne’s “musical comedy of
manners” about Fleet Street, The World
of Paul Slickey. It was slated by the crit-
ics and booed on its first night by John
Gielgud and Noël Coward. “Never in all
my theatrical experience have I seen
anything so appalling,” Coward wrote
in his diary. “The only redeeming fea-
ture was Dennis Lotis, who was pleas-
ant and sang well.”
Lotis was a big band vocalist with the
Ted Heath Orchestra in the early 1950s,
singing alongside Dickie Valentine,
Lita Roza and Bobbie Britton, before
going solo and migrating on to the vari-
ety circuit. Although he was voted top
male singer in the 1957 Melody Maker
poll, Lotis enjoyed only a brief period of
national stardom before the pop musi-
cians of the 1960s began to comman-
deer the airwaves.
Dennis Christos Lotis was born in
Johannesburg in 1925, and attended the
Observatory school until the age of 15.
His father, Christos, was a Greek immi-
grant from Ithaca, and his mother was
Ada “Bobby” (née Acres). Together they
ran a restaurant. “My first stage appear-
ance was at the age of seven, first broad-
cast at nine, won several cups and med-
als as a boy soprano (repeat, soprano!)
— and then calamity (for my mother,
not me), my voice broke!” His
mother was a member er of the
y, but
local operatic society,
Dennis preferred jazz azz
and pop.
He was not happy
at school and at one
point ran away to
become a bus con-
ductor. “My dad
came and hauled
me off the No 52
one day and sent me
to college to studyy
electrical
engineering.”
His first job after leaving
college was to sing att a manne-
quin parade, where he spotted a model
named Rena Mackie, and he directed
his performance towards her, although
she barely noticed. Mackie, who was al-
so a young entrepreneur who ran her
own modelling school, duly conde-
scended to start dating him. Since she
had more money, when they got mar-
ried she paid for the wedding ring.
By 1949 Lotis was working in a
Johannesburg nightclub, appearing in a
stage play with Moira Lister, and did
three commercial radio shows a week.
Because one of the sponsors was
Colgate’s Shaving Cream, he was
obliged to shave off his resplendent
beard. He also recorded for the Koncert
label and his biggest hit for it was the
little-known sung version of the Harry
Lime Theme from The Third Man.
Having sold everything he had in
South Africa, he came to England with
a mere £25 and a letter of introduction
to the bandleader Ted Heath from Don
Barrigo, a former London saxophonist
and bandleader.
Heath was out of town at the time
and Lotis did two broadcasts with the
bandleader Henry Hall, but he
preferred Heath’s robust and dynamic
sound. Heath hired him on the strength
83
of his ballad singing, but he was often
used for beat numbers.
Lotis appeared in several mostly for-
gettable feature films in the early Six-
ties and thereafter kept his showbusi-
ness career alive by juggling television
and radio appearances with tours of
working men’s clubs, Royal Command
performances and a US tour with the
Ted Heath Orchestra.
His wife managed his career and his
life. “She bought and sold all our houses
so I never knew what I was going to
come home to,” he recalled. They set-
tled in Kings Langley, Hertfordshire,
where his wife ran a chicken farm. “She
wanted to sell eggs so she bought a little
Ford van and distributed eggs to our
friends like Roger Moore, Sean Con-
nery and [the racing driver] Graham
Hill. I am sure we spent more money on
feeding the chickens than we ever got
for the eggs.”
Lotis fell out with Moore’s first wife,
the singer Dorothy Squires, when he
gave sanctuary to Moore and his Italian
mistress, who later became Moore’s
second wife. Squires rang Lotis in a fury
and turned up one night to throw bricks
at his windows. They did not talk for two
years, but she later rang him after hear-
ing him on the radio and suggested they
should work together. They sold out the
Drury Lane Theatre and record-
ed an albalbum, Cheese ’N’
Wine (1(1973).
In 1970 Dennis and
Ren
Rena moved to the
He
Hertfordshire town
of Tring, where
th
they converted an
o
old shop into a
ccombined restau-
ra
rant and antiques
bu
business. “If you
lik
liked the table you
wer
were sitting at you
could buy it,” Lotis
recalled
recalled. “Rena worked
so hard an
and was hopeless at
d elegating. W
delegating. We had six girls
helping out but I wo would come home
after a gig at 2am to find Rena doing the
washing up.”
Now sporting a bushier mop of hair
and a Mexican moustache, Lotis con-
tinued to perform in working men’s
clubs and took part in nostalgia shows
around the country.
After his wife’s death from lung
cancer in 1997, Lotis married Rena’s
half-sister’s daughter, Bronwen Odell.
She survives him along with two sons
from his first marriage: Damon, an
architectural designer who plays the pi-
ano and guitar; and Kim, a former actor
and drummer who became a cabinet
maker and furniture restorer. His
youngest son, Gareth, who worked in
hospitality, died in 2009.
Lotis still had a strong voice a couple
of months before his death, as wit-
nessed by Kim when a Go Compare
advert came on the television and he
accompanied the jingle with gusto.
Dennis Lotis, big band singer, was born
on March 8, 1925. He died on February 8,
2023, aged 97
Email: obituaries@thetimes.co.uk
84
Readers’ Lives
Marriages and engagements
A wedding followed by a christening
Barbara Knill, 41, who works for a
sports marketing agency, and David
Hall, 39, who works in property
finance, were married on November 5,
2022, at St Peter’s church in Ovington,
in the Itchen Valley, Hampshire
Barbara and David had been on only
a few dates when he called to say he
had ended up in hospital on a
business trip to Hong Kong. His
opening line — “this isn’t how I
wanted to start our relationship” —
came as a surprise. “I was thinking,
‘We are in a relationship?’ ” she says.
David, who is a keen cyclist, had
cycled to the south of France for a
property exhibition, and then flown
to Hong Kong, where he had been
hospitalised with deep vein
thrombosis. When Barbara offered to
help, he asked for entertainment to
stave off boredom. She suggested that
they go through the alphabet, taking
it in turns to write about subjects that
meant something to them. She wrote
about acupuncture. He wrote about
bicycles. “It kept me sane and,
honestly, I was excited to wake up
every morning,” he says.
By the time David returned, almost
a month later, they had reached the
letter W. “We learnt so much about
each other,” she says. “It was like we
had fast forwarded six months.” They
made sure they got to the end of the
alphabet.
They had met through a mutual
friend, who set them up on a blind
date. David suggested they meet in a
bar in Earls Court, west London,
coincidentally not far from where
Barbara grew up above her father’s
photographic studio. She was
surprised by how attractive he looked.
“He had the kindest eyes,” she says.
“I distinctly remember discussing
our first date at work the next day,
and describing Barbara as articulate,
intelligent, funny and beautiful,” he
says. “What I remember most though,
which she disputes but I maintain is
true, was her choice of outfit on our
first date: double denim.”
Nine months after meeting,
Barbara moved into a house that he
had renovated in Ealing, west
London, the area where he grew up.
“I’m very organised, quite literal, and
plan everything,” she says. “David is
very last minute and everything is
chaos. When we work together, I
think we are pretty formidable
because we are so different.”
In 2020 they bought and renovated
a house in Chiswick, west London.
They were on what David claimed
was a site visit when it transpired that
he had an ulterior motive, to propose.
The perfect gift
for new parents
Celebrate the arrival of
a newborn in Readers’
Lives, a service in
contracted tributes
Call 020 7782 5583 or email
readerslives@thetimes.co.uk
David and Barbara with their daughter. The ceremony’s third reading, the lyrics
to Bob Dylan’s Forever Young, was dedicated to Willow, who was a flower girl
He had laid out a picnic blanket with
a hamper and decorated a wall with a
huge photograph from a trip to St
Ives to celebrate Barbara’s birthday.
He had also printed out their
alphabet emails.
Their daughter, Willow, was born
the following year. “It has been the
most amazing experience of my life,”
David says. They moved again, still in
Chiswick, and have since renovated
another two properties. They have
also set up a business, Bunny Hall,
developing properties and project
managing renovations.
50%
discount for
subscribers
REBECCA GODDARD PHOTOGRAPHY
Barbara was unusually indecisive
when it came to their wedding. “Even
as a planner with 20 years of
experience behind me, I had
underestimated throwing a baby into
the mix,” she says. Fortunately, her
maid of honour, Katrina Otter, is an
award-winning wedding planner. “She
kept me on the straight and narrow,”
says Barbara.
Katrina suggested Barbara look at
Miss Bush in Surrey for her wedding
dress. Barbara’s mother joined them
and cried when Barbara tried on a
coat dress and tulle skirt that turned
out to be the one. Barbara knew
about their wedding venue, Avington
Park, a Georgian mansion set in 150
acres, because her father lives in the
neighbouring village in the Itchen
Valley, near Winchester.
The couple took over Avington
Park for the weekend and invited 50
guests to stay. They hosted an
informal rehearsal dinner on the eve
of their wedding that ended up being
held in the ballroom. The following
morning, David went for a run and
Barbara made time for yoga.
Another 60 guests arrived for the
ceremony at 2pm, which was held at
St Peter’s Church in Ovington.
Barbara walked in with her father.
The third reading, the lyrics to Bob
Dylan’s Forever Young, was dedicated
to Willow, who was a flower girl. Her
christening took place just after the
wedding ceremony, at the back of the
church.
Guests were transported in vintage
buses to Avington Park, which the
couple were delighted to discover had
appeared in a list in The Times that
day of the best party houses in the
UK. They had lessons for their first
dance, which ended with him lifting
her up as cannons went off to
celebrate Bonfire Night.
“I’ve always been quite confident
and successful in my career, but
personally probably lacked quite a lot
of confidence,” says Barbara. “David’s
unwavering belief in me and anything
I do has been very special for me.”
If you would like to feature a
wedding or engagement or the
birth of a child on these pages,
email readerslives@thetimes.co.uk
thetimes.co.uk/static/terms-and-conditions
‘He’ll be shouting for
Ireland in the rugby but
England in the cricket’
CILLIAN FRANCIS DUNKLEY WAS BORN ON DECEMBER 19, 2022,
AT PETERBOROUGH CITY HOSPITAL IN CAMBRIDGESHIRE
TO KATE WALSH AND JAMIE DUNKLEY
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
New readers
Roscoe Edward Trippier was born on
September 13, 2022, at St Mary’s
Hospital in Paddington, west London,
to Philippa Law, 34, and Edward
Trippier, 38
Roscoe’s defining
characteristic is
that he is
incredibly
easygoing. “He is
constantly
smiling,” Ed says.
“He just thinks
that everything is
brilliant.” It is a
trait he shares with his sister Scarlett,
three, who is besotted with him. “She
thinks he’s really, really funny, and he
is,” he says. “You look over at the
corner of the room and he’s beaming
for no apparent reason.”
He is named after the main
character from Ed’s favourite book,
Roscoe by William Kennedy, about a
US politician who is a “jovial,
Faustian fixer”. The furthest the
real-life Roscoe has been is up to
Shropshire to visit his great-
grandmother, and his parents cannot
wait to take him to Italy for a wedding
in May, then to Mallorca in July,
where he’ll spend some time in the
sun with his grandparents.
Hector George Hickling was born on
November 9, 2022, at Homerton
University Hospital, east London, to
Katherine Rowland, 35, and Mark
Hickling, 45
Giving birth to
Hector, says
Katie, was a
magical
experience.
“When he
arrived I
squealed, I was in
so much joy,” she
says. “Mark too is
totally in love with Hector.”
It has been a busy start for Hector.
Five days into the world and he was
already out for lunch for his uncle’s
30th birthday at a Michelin-starred
restaurant, and he has since visited a
string of pubs with his mum and dad.
On December 1, almost a month
after Hector’s birth, Mark proposed to
Katie. They were walking in the
Hambleden Valley, near where Mark
grew up in Buckinghamshire, when
all of a sudden he sank to one knee,
still holding Hector in his arms. “Will
you marry Hector and me?” he asked
her. “Of course I said yes,” says Katie.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Remembering loved ones
Professor of
classics who
excavated a
Minoan site
Professor George
Huxley, 90
“Thank the gods I am back again on
Kythera,” were the last words that
Professor George Huxley wrote in the
visitors’ book of the Greek island’s
archaeological museum in October
last year. George’s six-decade
association with Kythera, which lies
off the tip of the Peloponnese, started
in the late 1950s. As assistant director
at the British School at Athens, an
archaeological research institute, he
came across records of a Minoan site
discovered at Kastri in 1931 by the
archaeologist Sylvia Benton.
After a couple of periods as a
visiting lecturer at Harvard, George
set out in the early 1960s with the
archaeologist and academic Nicolas
Coldstream to direct excavations at
Kastri. It was their mission to find out
if the Minoans of ancient Crete had
established a maritime empire, as
Herodotus, Aristotle and
others had claimed. Over
three seasons between
1963 and 1965 they
discovered Bronze Age
evidence of homes,
agriculture, trade,
shipping, cults and burials,
and the work led to
Huxley’s 1972 publication,
with Coldstream, of
Kythera: Excavations and
Studies. On top of
numerous journal articles,
he wrote Achaeans and
Arts editor and stage manager on the original Rocky Horror Show
Chris Peachment, 74
For the five-year-old who apparently
tore off the Cellophane wrapping on
The Complete Works of Shakespeare to
read the plays, Chris Peachment was
late to apply to university to read
English. When he graduated in his
thirties, an enduring career in writing
lay before him. His first position was
as the film critic for Time Out, where
he was known for guarding his copy
or, as the sub-editors acknowledged:
“You changed a word at your peril.”
On Heartbreak Ridge, released in
1986, he wrote: “The film belongs to
Clint Eastwood . . . he has a voice
pickled in Bourbon, a tongue like
razor wire and a body so full of
shrapnel he can’t walk through
airport metal detectors.”
The roll call of film stars and
directors that Chris interviewed for
Time Out — among them Al Pacino,
Lee Marvin and Sean Connery —
increased when in the late 1980s he
Hittites, published in 1965, The Early
Ionians (1966), On Aristotle and Greek
Society (1979) and Homer and the
Travellers (1988).
George was born in 1932 in
Leicester, to Leonard, a lecturer in
physics at Leicester University and,
after working on radar during the
war, a senior lecturer at Birmingham
University. His mother Molly (née
Copeland) took a first in history from
Somerville College, Oxford, and was
among the first women to be awarded
a degree. George’s younger sister
Margo became a lecturer in town
planning.
At Dorset House School, West
Sussex, George’s academic ability was
quickly noted. He was acknowledged
by the headmaster, Mr BA Sims, to be
“destined for a brilliant career”. From
Blundell’s School, Devon, George won
a demyship to Magdalen College,
Oxford, to study classical philology,
and in 1955 graduated with a first-
class degree. From 1955 to 1961 he was
a fellow of All Souls College, Oxford.
Chris Peachment outside his holiday
home in Chania, Crete, in 2004
moved to The Times as the arts and
books editor, and he added Federico
Fellini to his interviewees. In 1989 he
was poached by The Sunday
Correspondent as arts editor and
when it folded after 14 months he
went freelance. The publications that
he wrote for included The Daily
Telegraph, where he covered the
Professor George Huxley in the 1990s and, below left, visiting Kythera in 2018
When George was in his late teens his
parents and sister left for Australia,
where his father took up the chair in
physics at Adelaide University and
progressed to vice-chancellor of the
Australian National University in
Canberra. Left on his own in Britain,
George found solace in the Roman
Catholic community at Oxford and,
to the disquiet of his parents,
converted to Catholicism. He
remained a practising Catholic for the
rest of his life.
At the age of 29 he was made
professor of Greek at Queen’s
University, Belfast, a post that would
occupy him for more than two
decades. He was also later honorary
professor of classics at Trinity College
Dublin and adjunct professor of
Latvian National Opera in Riga,
singling out a performance in The
Flying Dutchman as “enough to make
a dead monk sit up and take notice”.
In 2002 he became the opera critic
for the BBC. He also wrote two books,
Caravaggio (2002) and The Green and
the Gold (2003), about the poet and
spy Andrew Marvell and, from 1998
to 2003, a witty column for The
Erotic Review.
Chris Peachment was born in 1948
at RAF Gatwick before the airport
was returned to civilian use. His
father, Wing Commander Gower
Peachment, was a fighter pilot during
the Second World War and his
mother, Peggy (née Bunse), was an
accountant who flew around the
country in tiny aircraft delivering
wages to RAF personnel.
An only child, Chris was surprised
to discover years later that he had a
half-sister from his father’s first
marriage: Shirley, who happened to
live in the same city, turned up on
their doorstep one day asking for a
classics and mathematics at the
National University of Ireland
in Maynooth.
His tenure in Northern Ireland
coincided with the height of the
Troubles but did not stop him
lobbying on the part of the
Catholics in the province and he
made no bones of his abhorrence of
the quality of their housing,
discrimination in elections and high
unemployment. It led to conflict with
the Democratic Unionist Party leader
Ian Paisley, against whom he was
often placed in television interviews,
and he was once fined for a breach of
the peace for confronting a Paisleyite
at Queen’s University.
On another occasion, he took a
hacksaw to swings in a local park that
signature for a passport application.
Educated at an independent prep
school in London and a boarding
school that he referred to only as
“Borstal”, Chris left before A-levels
and followed his father into the RAF.
He found the flying enjoyable but less
so the giving and receiving of orders.
To his parents’ chagrin, he left to
study stage management at the
Central School of Speech and Drama.
At the Theatre Upstairs at the
Royal Court in Sloane Square in the
1970s he worked on the first
production of The Rocky Horror Show
before an audience of 63 and
accompanied its transfer to the Kings
Road Theatre, now a cinema. Yet in
his spare hours he would be found at
arthouse cinemas and he was soon
persuaded by colleagues to apply to
London University. He graduated
with a first in English.
In 1991 Chris met Vivien Lincoln-
Gryff at a holistic retreat on a Greek
island. “Vivien homed in on me like a
heat-seeking missile, scattering other
85
Readers’ Lives
were locked on Sundays to stop
children from playing. It earned him
the sobriquet “Hacksaw Huxley”.
There were times when George
feared for his safety in Belfast,
particularly after a pile of paving
stones was dumped on his front
garden and a television was
mysteriously delivered by four men in
a Mini. Once, suspecting a parcel
bomb, he gingerly carried a package
on a spade down to the bottom of the
garden. It turned out to be a book.
While excavating the ancient Greek
palace at Knossos in the late 1950s,
George met Davina Best, who had
studied ancient history at St Andrews
University. They married in 1957 and
had three daughters: Harriet, a retired
sundial maker and restorer; Sophia, a
gardener for the Oxford colleges; and
Corinna, a Labour councillor in Kent.
In 1970, to give the family six months’
respite from Belfast, George took
them to live on Kythera.
An early exposure to his father’s
collection of Bassett-Lowke model
railway engines grew into a lifelong
hobby for George. He built model
railways in his garden in Belfast and,
when he retired, in Oxfordshire, and
hosted railway enthusiasts’ tea parties.
There was a gregariousness about
him, and he was good company.
Claiming to have remembered every
conversation of his life, he could talk
on almost any subject, but more
specifically ancient mathematics,
railways, American and British
politics, history and etymology. He
spoke several languages, including
modern and old Irish.
George was an active member of
the Royal Irish Academy, and in 2018
was one of the oldest people to
become an Irish citizen. “Certainly my
desire to be an Irish citizen was
greatly increased by the follies of
Brexit,” he said, “but I am very fond
of Ireland and the Irish.”
Visits to Kythera remained regular,
the last being a month before he died.
In the 1970s he set up a small
museum after the excavation finished
and in 2016 a new museum was
opened, housing the finds from Kastri
as well as from other archaeological
sites on the island.
If you would like to commemorate
the life of a relative, friend or
colleague, call 020 7782 5583 to
discuss the content and cost, or
email: readerslives@thetimes.co.uk.
thetimes.co.uk/static/terms-and-conditions
women in her wake as she cut
through the crowd,” he wrote to a
friend. While not entirely in
agreement with the description,
Vivien, who owned a restaurant in
Marble Arch, married him six years
later in Florida. In 2002 they bought
and restored a holiday retreat in
Chania, Crete, and retired there from
east London in 2014.
If Chris was let down by everyday
banalities such as remembering the
PIN of his bank card and the expiry
date of his passport, he was
nonetheless an authority on film,
theatre, literature, architecture and
formal English gardens. He also built
model aeroplanes.
As a child he was distant from his
father, who spent much of the time in
hospital after contracting tuberculosis
in India, but they shared more
characteristics than he realised. His
father, he wrote, had “an unconscious
grace and kindness, and I’d trade
whatever expertise I have, in anything
I do, for that”.
86
Register
Births, Marriages and Deaths
IN THE sixth month of Elizabeth’s
pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to
Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin
pledged to be married to a man named
Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s
name was Mary. The angel went to her and
said, “Greetings, you who are highly
favoured! The Lord is with you.”
Luke 1.26-28 (NIV)
Bible verses are provided by the
Bible Society
Births
BAXTER on 6th February 2023 to
Arabella (née Hopkins) and Patrick, a
daughter, Matilda Violet Lucinda.
CHRISTIE on 22nd March 2023 to Kate
(née Taylor) and George, a son, Frederick
Desmond Thomas.
Forthcoming Marriages
MISS H. E. TWEEDIE
AND MR R. A. BOURNE
The engagement is announced between
Helen, daughter of Margaret and the late
Simon Tweedie of Moffat, Scotland, and
Robert, eldest son of William and Jun
Bourne of Tunbridge Wells.
MR R. J. F. V. HINE
AND MISS O. C. ELLIS
The engagement is announced between
Richard, son of Mr and Mrs Nicholas Hine
of Bishop’s Norton, and Olivia, daughter of
Mr and Mrs Sean Ellis of Cheltenham.
MR J. S. MASTERS
AND MISS O. C. FRENCH
The engagement is announced between
Jack, son of Mr and Mrs Paul Masters of
Westbere, Kent, and Lily, elder daughter of
Mr and Mrs Fabian French of Longworth,
Oxfordshire.
MR P. S. WRIGHT
AND MISS S. E. M. JEFFREY
The engagement is announced between
Peter, son of the Rev and Mrs Tim Wright of
Groomsport, Northern Ireland, and Sarah,
daughter of Mr and Mrs Tony Jeffrey of
Woodbridge, Suffolk.
MR T. C. D. ONSLOW
AND MISS E. C. L. MARSHALL
The engagement is announced
between Thomas, son of the Hon
Richard Onslow and the late Mrs
Onslow of Tarrant Gunville, Dorset,
and Emma, daughter of Mr and Mrs
Richard Marshall of Richmond, Surrey.
MR F. MEYNELL
AND MISS P. SKEPPER
The engagement is announced between
Freddie, son of Mr and Mrs James Meynell
of Boraston, Shropshire, and Poppy,
youngest daughter of Mr and Mrs Robert
Skepper of Sudbourne, Suffolk.
Deaths
ADAMS Judy passed away on 7th March
2023, aged 84, at Yeovil District Hospital.
Sister of Mike and sister-in-law to Patricia,
aunt to Jessica and Christopher Adams in
Australia. Cousin to Rita, the late Jackie and
Tony Partridge.
BEADLE
Frances Avril “Fan” passed away
peacefully at home on March 7th
2023, aged 71. Wife to David, much-
loved mum to Tom and Steve, granny
to James, Max and Ben. Funeral
service to take place at St Thomas
Church, NR2 3RG on Wednesday 5th
April at 11.30am. Family flowers only
please, but donations in memory of
Frances for Norwich International
Youth Project may be sent via the
MuchLoved online memorial site at
www.rosedalefuneralhome.co.uk
BUCHANAN Dr James MD FRCP Glasgow
and Edinburgh. Died, aged 96, on 12th
March 2023, at home in London in the
loving care of his wife Neva and daughter
Gillian. Beloved husband of Neva and
dearly loved father of Gillian, Andrew and
his wife Muriel. Sadly missed by
much-loved grandsons Alexander and
Christopher. Retired consultant physician
at Law Hospital, Lanarkshire. Previously of
Bothwell and Saxmundham. Funeral
service at St Columba’s Church of Scotland,
Pont Street, London on Friday 31st March
2023 at 2.30pm. Family flowers only.
Donations if wished to the Royal Medical
Benevolent Fund.
Court Circular
newsukadvertising.co.uk 6 020 7782 7553
BYRNE Lillias (Jane) Letitia (née Bever)
died peacefully on 11th March 2023.
Much-loved sister, aunt, mother and
grandmother. Funeral to be held locally on
Friday 31st March. Donations in her
memory c/o Daniel Robinson & Sons, Great
Dunmow. “Tu arrives maman”
CHOUDHURY
Barrister Rahatuzzaman Choudhury
passed away on 18th March 2023,
aged 75. Called to the Bar in 1973 by
The Honourable Society of Gray’s Inn,
he practised as a barrister for many
years, appearing in the courts of
London and abroad alongside his
father. He passed peacefully during a
flight to visit his family. A former
boarding student of the Pakistan Air
Force College, Lower Topa, he would
often reflect on how he would have
passed much sooner along with
former companions had his wishes of
becoming a fighter pilot come true, if
not for a failed eye test.
CURRAN-KELLY Charles William
Tyrconnell, aged 39, died peacefully on the
8th March 2023 at Chelsea and
Westminster Hospital. Most cherished son
of Margaret and Phonsie, sadly missed by
his brother Richard and sister-in-law
Victoria and by his aunts, uncles and
cousins. Solemn Requiem Mass will take
place on the 5th April at 11am at The
Church of the Assumption, Athenry,
followed by burial at the New Cemetery,
Athenry, Co Galway, Ireland.
NEMETH Lucille (née Foux) DL died on
21st March 2023, aged 90. Loving wife of
the late Dr Cyril, mother of Richard and the
late Gillian. A formidable and fun-loving
lady who will be missed and mourned by
all who knew her.
GILLMORE Olwen (née Forsyth) passed
away peacefully at home on 16th March
2023, aged 86. She will be lovingly
remembered by all her family and friends.
Funeral to held at Chichester Crematorium
on 21st April at 11.45am. No flowers please
but if desired, donations to be made to
Cancer Research UK.
KEMP David Edward MacLaren died
peacefully on 18th March 2023, aged 90.
Husband of the late Nicola, father of
Alexandra, Sarah and Georgina. A loving
husband, father, grandfather and great-
grandfather. Private funeral.
MORTON Anthony Robert (Tony). Much-
loved husband, father and grandfather
passed away on Tuesday 7th March 2023.
A funeral service will be held at All Saints’
Church, West Lavington, Wiltshire, SN10
4LB on Wednesday 12th April 2023 at
12.30pm. All inquiries or donations to
Alzheimers Support care of A.P. McDonald
Funerals, Devizes. Tel: 01380 698188.
ODELL Derek on 18th March 2023, aged
90. Beloved husband to the late Margaret.
Adored father to Carey (and Jonathan) and
Tessa. Cherished Grandpa to Henry, Gus,
Hugo, Serena and Louisa. Much-loved
stepfather to Sue, Chris, Carrie, Lisa and
their families. Funeral service at St Mary’s
Church, Wimbledon at 11am on Wednesday
19th April, followed by a private
committal.
RALFE
Sue (née Shaw) died peacefully on
12th March 2023, aged 66, after a
determined and courageous battle
with cancer. Adored wife of Chris,
mother of Jenna and Ashleigh,
grandmother of Martha, Arlo and
Thea, and great friend to many.
A funeral service will be held at
St John’s Church, Stanmore, on 29th
March 2023 at 1pm. Family flowers
only please. Donations welcome to
Peace Hospice Care.
REDMOND John Thomas died peacefully
on 14th March 2023, aged 67. A beloved
husband to Marian, much-loved father to
Mark, Jayne and Sarah, grandfather to Lily
and father-in-law to Kate, Brian and Harry.
John will be missed by all his family and
friends.
ROBERTSON Jane Carolyn (née Aucott)
died peacefully at home on Sunday 19th
March 2023, aged 73. Beloved wife of
Nicolas, much-loved and devoted mother
of Harriet and Charlie, mother-in-law of
Giles and Laura, and grandmother of
Katinka, Luella, Eliza and Freddie. A service
of thanksgiving will be held at 12.30pm on
Monday 3rd April at St Osmund’s Church,
Barnes, SW13 9RT. No flowers please, but
donations, if desired, to Pancreatic Cancer
UK. Inquiries to T.H. Sanders. Tel: 020 8876
5255.
Buckingham Palace
24th March, 2023
The President of the Gabonese
Republic visited The King at
Windsor Castle this morning.
St James’s Palace
24th March, 2023
The Princess Royal, Guardian, the
Chaffinch Trust, this morning held
a Management Team Meeting.
Her Royal Highness, Guardian,
Give Them A Sporting Chance, this
afternoon held a Management
Team Meeting.
SHAW
Sir Neil McGowan
May 31, 1929 – March 18, 2023. Passed
away peacefully, at home in Toronto,
surrounded by family. Born in
Montreal, Quebec to Major H. LeRoy
Shaw and his wife Fabiola McGowan,
our father was brought up in Montreal
and Knowlton, Quebec, attending
both Lower Canada College and
Knowlton Academy. His education
ended at the young age of 16 with the
death of his father necessitating that
Dad to enter the workforce. This
necessary move would shape the man
he would become.
These traits served him well from his
entry into the workforce at Crown
Trust, to his progression to CEO of
Redpath Industries in Canada, and
ultimately his appointment as CEO
and Chairman of Tate & Lyle PLC in
London, UK, where he lived for 20
years. Dad retired to Canada in the
late 1990s.
One of Sir Neil’s greatest
accomplishments was receiving, in
June 1994, his knighthood from
Queen Elizabeth II for his
“contribution to the food industry and
service to the community”. As
chairman of Prince Charles’ Prince’s
Trust he worked tirelessly with the
Prince (now the King) in restoring the
inner communities of London by
encouraging the capabilities of youth
to become productive citizens. He
firmly believed in the talent of the
next generation and was always
asking “what would you like to
accomplish in life?”
Dad was the proud father of five
children who were his world: David
(Martha), Michael (Linda), Cynthia
(Richard), Andrea (Eric) and Toni
(Kevin). He was fortunate to have 14
grandchildren: David, Kip, Stephen,
Nicholas, Amanda, Kathryn, David,
Justin, Ryan, Leah, Jamie, Peter and
Sarah and 21 great-grandchildren. He
was predeceased by his grandson
Michael (2003). Sir Neil is survived by
his former wives, Audrey Robinson
Shaw Pinney, and Elizabeth Mudge
Massey and her two children, Adam
(Christina) and Ryan (Tyler).
Condolences may be forwarded
through www.humphreymiles.com
Congratulations
GOLDMAN family gathering today to
celebrate Arnold and Dorothy’s 60th
wedding anniversary (22nd March).
Join us for breakfast
Listen to Aasmah Mir and
Stig Abell on Times Radio,
Monday to Thursday at 6am
A new
collection
of Times
obituaries
Delve into
the lives of
the quirky and
unorthodox
Available now from
thetimes.co.uk/bookshop
Why I tell my flock that
piety begins at home
Credo
Jonathan
Romain
I
f you ask a member of
the clergy how many
people attended services
last weekend you will
often receive a somewhat
apologetic reply. For while
some will be happy to tell you
that they were bursting with
worshippers, many others will
say that although there were
not many, what counts is that
those present had a
meaningful time. That is
certainly true, and I use that
line to console myself if ever
we have a poor turnout, and
take refuge in the “quality,
not quantity” approach.
However, numbers do
matter, as they affect both the
atmosphere for those who do
attend, as well as long-term
viability. It also impacts on a
minister’s morale and leads to
questions such as “what am I
doing wrong?” when they
may be giving of their best
and other factors could well
be in play.
As a generalisation,
although one that has been
borne out by the results of the
recent census, the number of
people at Jewish services is
marginally increasing. I say
this not out of any sense of
religious one-upmanship, but
to question why that should
be and whether it contains
any lessons for the church.
There are two factors
behind this slight rise. One is
the high birth rate among
ultra-Orthodox and Hasidic
groups. Put bluntly, if you
have eight children and they
end up having the same
number, you end up with 64
grandchildren and you can
found a synagogue solely with
members of your own family!
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Does this mean that vicars
should change their sermons,
and instead of commenting
on the biblical text simply tell
their congregants to have
more sex?
It might be worth trying
just to see the reaction, and
nine months later there
would be irrefutable proof of
how much attention people
pay to advice from the pulpit!
For preachers of a reserved
disposition, the second factor
may appeal more: the
importance of religious
education at home.
Please do not tell any of my
congregants, but you can
almost be a good Jew and
never come to services, as so
many rituals occur in the
home and do not require
attendance at the synagogue.
The Sabbath is welcomed
with blessings over candles,
bread and wine at the dinner
table every Friday evening,
and ushered out on Saturday
night at home with a
ceremony involving a multi-
wick candle and some spices.
The Passover — which is
fast approaching — is
celebrated with the Seder
family meal, the Tabernacle
is marked by building a
temporary booth in the
garden, while Chanukkah is
observed by lighting a
candelabra on the windowsill
for eight consecutive nights.
In addition, each Jewish
festival has its own distinctive
symbolic food — from latkes
at Chanukkah to cheesecake
at Shavuot (Pentecost) and
poppy seed cakes at Purim.
The result was that even as
a small child I knew what
festival it was from the smells
coming from the kitchen. I
had no idea about theology,
but did have a strong sense of
Jewish identity. It is faith
through food and lasts for the
lifetime of most Jews, even if
they are not regular
worshippers at services.
In contrast, the foods that
are associated with special
Christian days have largely
lapsed in many homes. How
many make pancakes
specifically on Shrove
Tuesday, or even know about
the dishes for other days? A
sense of the Christian
calendar instilled from
tucking in from an early age
is likely to resonate longer
than worthy lessons that are
given later on in life.
As for rituals, they take
place primarily in church,
and not the home. It means
that one has to make an effort
to attend, which involves time
and planning, demanding far
more commitment than
doing something in the
kitchen or living room.
Might some of this be
relevant for Christian
practice? There was a move
towards house churches in
the 1970s, but it had only a
limited impact. Could it be
time for the church to
transfer some rituals to the
home and reinvigorate
religious cooking?
Of course, prayers and
ethics can permeate domestic
life, so I am not suggesting
that Christian homes are
devoid of religiosity, but using
senses that are much more
immediate for younger
children — touch, taste, smell
— can instil positive
sensibilities from an early
age.
If the aim is to understand
how best to transfer one’s
religious traditions to the
next generation, then in a
choice between either
growing up in a domestic
faith-culture that seems
totally natural or making a
special trip somewhere to do
the religious bit for the week
outside one’s normal routine,
there is surely a clear winner.
Jonathan Romain is rabbi of
Maidenhead Synagogue and author
of The Naked Rabbi (John Hunt
Publishing)
The simple way to place your
announcement in The Times.
Available 24 hours a day,
seven days a week.
newsukadvertising.co.uk
Legal Notices
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 87

Register
The Times Saturday Quiz Olav Bjortomt O Tempora! Crossword CCCXC by Lanifica
A weekly crossword for the classically minded
ALAMY

1 Fritz-kola is a German soft drink

with the highest legal amount of
which stimulant?
20 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Clues, which may
be straight or
mildly cryptic,
always lead to
8 9

2 Geminga is an isolated pulsar in

which zodiacal constellation? 10
answers in Latin

An LPA is a legal document whose

3 name stands for “lasting power
of …” what?
11 12

A version of the liar paradox is 13 14 15 16

4 named after which Italian children’s

literary character? 17

18 19 20
Scotland’s southernmost Munro,
5 Ben Lomond is in which national
park?
21 22
Golda Meir joked that which
6 prophet brought “us to the one spot
in the Middle East that has no oil”?
23 24

7 Which radioactive element is the

most widely used fuel by nuclear
power plants for nuclear fission?
Across
1 A shout follows: ____ clamor, Aen.
23 The farmer ploughs the land,
agricola terram ____ (4)
9.504 (8) 24 Juvenal’s unvain wish, ____ ____ in
Which prime minister, who died on March 11?
8 Which work by John Bunyan
features the characters Faithful,
Help, Hopeful, Hypocrisy and Pliable?
14 in office in 1754, was nicknamed
“King Henry the Ninth”? The pictured bridge crosses
5 Not at all, by no means (4)
8 Initium, principium, primordium
corpore sano, Sat. 10.356 (4,4)

The Vocation of the Apostles (1481-

20 which river in western Europe?
(8)
9 Fierce, grim, truculentus, torvus (4)
Down
1 Confidens, expectans (7)
9 The Peter Nichols musical comedy
play Poppy (1982) is set during
which 1839-42 war?
15 82) is a Sistine Chapel fresco by
which Florentine school painter?
11 You hear and listen, vide Ov. Am.
1.6.27, ferreus orantem nequiquam,
ianitor, ____ (5)
2 So far as, as much as; ____eius facere
possum, as well as I can (5)
3 Closely connected and
12 Adimet, eripiet, tollet (7) indistinguishable (n. pl nom. / acc.)
Who has Time magazine In 2019, what became the Answers below right
10 described as a “clown, genius,
edgelord, visionary, industrialist and
16 first Mongolian band to top a
Billboard chart, with the song Wolf
13 Cum filia patris tui, ie ____ tua (6)
15 Pavent, verentur, metuunt (6)
18 Love’s preferred weapon: ____
(10)
4 It howls, yells and shrieks (6)
6 Deae quae rubescens terras novo
showman”? Totem? Last week’s O Tempora! solution Cupido cor meum transfixit, Plaut. cum lumine spargit (7)
Pers. 25 (7) 7 Locutus est, verba fecit (5)
Used for practice and
11 Who was the last monarch to be
crowned in Scotland? 17 competition in the martial art of
kendo, what is a shinai?
19 Unskilled and artless, or just plain
idle (5)
21 I look after, and so honour, revere:
10 A chap who’s obliging and at the
ready, studiosus (10)
14 Kingly gubbins, royal stuff (7)
12 In 1935, Allen Lane published the
first Penguin Books paperbacks
at which price? 18 Which stadium will stage the
rugby sevens and athletics events
semper ego plebem Romanam ...
____, Livy 7.32 (4)
22 To stand with or together; sibi ____,
16 A die, alea (7)
17 Taste, flavour (abl. sing.): tristi
poma ____, Ov. Tr. 4.6.12 (6)
at the 2024 summer Olympics? to be consistent (vide eg Cic. Clu. 18 Consecrate the holy stuff (5)
13 Which British actress was the
first Asian to win an Emmy for
acting, for The Good Wife? 19 Which US alpine skier celebrated
a record 87th World Cup victory
60) (8) 20 She’s been carried out or exalted,
____ est (5)

Times Crossword No 28,560 Suko No 3759

Times Crossword No 28,560
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Across 27 Fruit the man carried in blue van
(9)
1 Propose all-out battle with head of
emergency services? (9) Down
9 10 6 Steal from post office by a church
(5) 1 Turning up intellectual property
9 Note about old dry mound (5) chanced on in aspects of music (5)
10 No ink is on spoilt paper (9) 2 Beer’s watery, involving English
11 12 11 Icily explain bit about having mixed feelings (11)
unaccountable quality (15) 3 Finally The Times applied ample
13 Lively person holds back bags of illustrations (7)
fine material (8) 4 What might eject spirits? Answer
13 14 14 Painting fine Scilly isle, but not to Scrooge (8)
the capital (6) 5 What is it about jail that’s bad for
15 16 Excused former partner, mostly a man? (6)
insincere (6) 6 Support for dress putting pressure
16 17 18 19 18 Site for battle is too fenny, on girl, right? (7)
unfortunately (8) 7 A duck regularly considered to be
20 21 In spite of how most modern a seabird (3)
stadiums are built? (15) 8 Fine muscular fish (5-4) Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the spaces so
21 22 23 Loving a party with food — but no 12 Lack of feeling in judge’s that the number in each circle is equal to
seconds (9) pronouncement about one (11) the sum of the four surrounding spaces,
25 Spirit produced by rubber? (5) 13 Politician gets support and money and each colour total is correct.
26 Girl in pool (5) abroad (9) Solution MindGames in Saturday Review
23 24 25 15 Go on working metal in cruset, Quiz answers 1 Caffeine. 2 Gemini.
regularly (8) 3 Attorney. 4 Pinocchio. 5 Loch
17 Type of school principal (7) Lomond & The Trossachs National
19 Brown mature river bird (7) Park. 6 Moses. 7 Uranium. 8 The
26 27 20 The reduced rent’s a problem for Pilgrim’s Progress. 9 First Opium War.
gardeners (6) 10 Elon Musk. 11 (The future) Charles
22 Envious, mostly a key sin (5) II, in 1651. 12 Sixpence. 13 Archie
A £20 Waterstones gift voucher will be awarded to the senders of the first five correct solutions 24 Make a choice over exercise (3) Panjabi. 14 Henry Pelham.
opened on Thursday. Enter by post to: Times Crossword No 28,560, PO Box 2164, Colchester, Essex 15 Domenico Ghirlandaio. 16 The Hu.
CO2 8LJ, or by email to: prize@thetimes.co.uk, with “Crossword 28560” in the subject line. Open 17 A sword made of bamboo. 18 Stade
to 18+, UK & ROI residents only. Winners and solutions will appear on Monday week. de France. 19 Mikaela Shiffrin.
20 Tagus. It is the 25 de Abril Bridge
Name/Address ................................................................................................................................................... or 25th of April Bridge, which was the
............................................................................................................................................................................... first bridge to be built in Lisbon.
............................................................................................................................................................................... Concise Quintagram answers 1 Eight 2
...............................................................................................................................................................................* Aegis 3 Aye aye 4 Au pair 5 Yugoslavia.
 Home! SPECIAL

25.03.23
‘I’ve done the
hard jobs. I’ve
cleaned toilets
and made beds.
But here I am at
52 having the
time of my life’
THERE’S NO STOPPING
AMANDA HOLDEN

THE RISE
OF TIKTOK
GRANNIES
MUMMY ISN’T
WORKING
Inside Britain’s
childcare crisis
 2 5.03.23
74 66

HOME !
CIAL SPE

5 Caitlin Moran We must ban plastic lawns. 7 Spinal column: Melanie Reid I’m trying to be positive, but it’s not easy. 8 The new stars of
TikTok Meet the grandmothers racking up millions of likes. 16 What it’s like being Mrs Julian Assange Death threats and no release
date in sight… Stella Assange says her husband is being persecuted. 24 Cover story Amanda Holden The Britain’s Got Talent judge talks
body confidence and being fancied by Harry Styles. 32 I’ve spent almost £70,000 on nursery fees Harriet Walker on Britain’s childcare
crisis. 40 Would you holiday in Iraq? The man who wants us to go walking in Kurdistan. 47 Eat! Recipes from the new foodie hotspot
– in Bath. 58 Why running is the new way to hook up Hannah Evans on her personal best. 64 Pout! 17 great products for ageing skin.
66 Home! special Wallpaper is back; a flat with no ceilings. Plus: at home with Emilie in Paris. 91 Giles Coren reviews Maresco,
London W1. 98 Beta male: Robert Crampton My daughter is 24, but I still drop everything when she calls.

FAB FIVE: HOT CROSS BUNS

COVER: CHRIS FLOYD/CAMERA PRESS. THIS PAGE: BÉNÉDICTE DRUMMOND

CHOSEN BY HANNAH EVANS

BETT Y’S, £7.50 PUMP STREET, £18 FOR 6 GAIL’S, £15 FOR 6 ST JOHN, £2.20 FOR 6 DAYLESFORD, £4.99 FOR 4
A hot cross bun loaf Freshly baked buns plus a bar Packed with vine fruit and A perfect bun from an Fruit soaked in cider for
– ideal for sharing of 60 per cent chocolate glazed with spiced syrup (in iconic London bakery extra flavour and juiciness
(bettys.co.uk) (pumpstreetchocolate.com) store or gailsbread.co.uk) (94-96 Commercial St E1) (daylesford.com)

EDITOR NICOLA JEAL DEPUTY EDITOR LOUISE FRANCE ART DIRECTOR CHRIS HITCHCOCK ASSOCIATE EDITOR JANE MULKERRINS ASSISTANT EDITOR TONY TURNBULL FEATURES EDITOR MONIQUE RIVALLAND CHIEF SUB-EDITOR AMANDA LINFOOT
DEPUTY ART DIRECTOR JO PLENT DEPUTY CHIEF SUB-EDITOR CHRIS RILEY PICTURE EDITOR ANNA BASSETT DEPUTY PICTURE EDITOR LUCY DALEY CONTRIBUTING EDITOR BRIDGET HARRISON EDITORIAL ASSISTANT GEORGINA ROBERTS

The Times Magazine 3

 CAITLIN MORAN
My absolute pet hate? Plastic lawns
I’m living in a flat with artificial turf – and it’s killling me
‘W
e want to get through
to people who are
thinking of putting
in artificial grass
– it’s as serious as not
wearing a seatbelt
or blowing smoke in your baby’s face.”
The world’s least militant people – garden
designers – have united in a campaign, driven
by some startling figures: in the UK, 10 per
cent of households have replaced their turf
lawns with fake green polypropylene grass.
One in ten! While we were all waiting for jet-
packs to arrive, the future had already turned
up, in the form of lawns you can hoover.
Theoretically, you could Shake n’Vac your
artificial lawn. Shake n’Vac! Or shampoo it,
the week before Christmas.
“Covering your garden with a layer of
plastic will suffocate the soil beneath it,
destroy all sources of food and habitat,
and have devastating consequences for
microorganisms in the soil beneath. As well as
the bugs and birds above,” says Lynne Marcus,
chair of the Society of Garden Designers,
which is leading the launch of the “Say No to
Plastic Plants and Grass” campaign, united
with the Royal Horticultural Society and the
Landscape Institute. “We are all aware of the
damage plastic bags do to the environment.
Plastic grass is no different.”
Like a massive plastic carrier bag, laid over
your garden. That’s essentially what artificial
turf is. A couple of years ago, I wrote a column
when I started noticing a new smell in
London, in the height of summer. Along with
the classic July notes of barbecue smoke, roses
and teenagers smoking weed at bus stops, a
new smell had joined the summer pantheon.
At first, I couldn’t work out what it was. The
nearest equivalent was the smell of Seventies
vinyl car seats – when you’ve left the car
parked in the sun too long and the back
The dog picks her
seat has become so molten, you can’t sit on
it with bare legs. A hot, plastic smell.
way across the plastic
But then I realised what it was: hot plastic
lawns. Hot plastic lawns – three newly installed
grass with the stiff-
in my street – frying in the sun. And, latterly,
working as a sauté pan for the collected toilet
legged disapproval of
habits of city foxes. I’m pretty chacun à son
goût about most things – I’ve lived in a city
Maggie Smith visiting
a knacker’s yard
ROBERT WILSON
of nine million people since I was 18. If I’d
remotely cared about what other people did,
I’d have died of exhaustion before I was 20.
But in a world where so many people
– in apartment blocks or high-rises – are so
desperate to have a garden, there is something
rather distasteful about those who do have
gardens slapping a huge plastic bin bag over
the whole thing and making everything
around it die.
Because: everything around it dies.
This spring, we’ve had to move out of our
house for a couple of months and are
renting an apartment in Brighton. It’s a
delightful little flat in every way – except,
what looked like a lush lawn on the Airbnb
photos is in fact an artificial lawn. It’s the first
one I’ve spent any time with and I’m finding it
a rather eldritch experience. The first time the
dog encountered it, she acted as if ghosts had
gone up her bum: hovering on the edge of the
lawn for a full five minutes, looking alarmed.
When she finally picked her way across it, she
had the stiff-legged disapproval of Maggie
Smith visiting a knacker’s yard. She is still,
understandably, absolutely disbelieving that
this is a garden. As far as she – an animal – is
concerned, this is a plastic carpet, and all her
usual digging, sniffing and rolling has been
replaced with simply sitting on the edge of it,
looking perturbed.
And she isn’t the only animal freaked out
by it. A large part of my “writing ritual” at
home involves watching garden birds on my
feeder, in order to feel humanity’s oldest
comfort: the company of other species.
Accordingly, on the first day in the new
rental, I hung three feeders from the trees in
the garden. It’s now 21 days later and I have
still not seen a single bird in the garden. Nor
winter bee, nor moth, nor even a rat. There’s
a squirrel – but, notably, it runs around the
perimeter fence; clearly uneasy about coming
onto that smooth, shiny, plastic lawn, which
makes a disconcerting crunching sound
underfoot, just like grass doesn’t. While the
neighbours’ gardens bustle with sparrows,
blackbirds and wrens, ours is pristine and
silent. The air above it is empty.
Artificial turf increases city temperatures
and flash flooding; is non-recyclable; retains
rancid fox smells; kills every living creature
underneath it; uninvents dandelions and
daisies, and – over time – fades down to an
alarming queasy blue, before needing to be
replaced. The future of gardens shouldn’t be
something that looks like an oasis but works
as a tombstone. Nature’s being driven off a
cliff. We need to put our seatbelts on. n
The Times Magazine 5
 SPINAL COLUMN
MELANIE REID
‘The kindness of
my mates and
readers makes me
tearful – but I’m not
strong enough to
thank everyone’
W
rapping myself at
lunchtime around a
bowl of cauliflower and
celeriac soup, creamy,
speckled with something
– is it nutmeg? – I realise
that I continue to be
warmed by the kindness of friends. That’s
almost three months now, and the freezer
holds several tubs yet; an expression of love
in its most pragmatic form.
You can measure the love in the carrier
bags queued up behind the kitchen door.
They’re stuffed with empty dishes, re-used
ice-cream tubs and the like, waiting to be
returned in an orderly fashion (for a girl never,
but never, fails to return useful containers,
let alone well-loved bits of Tupperware).
The soup, much of it far more interesting
than anything I’d make, has sustained us greatly
over this bumpy time. Friends have spoilt Dave
with cake, stew and mince and tatties galore,
which makes him very happy. When life is
tough, how immeasurably easier the day
becomes if there is food in the fridge, ready to
be heated up. Besides, having food made for
you is special – it’s like having your mum back.
The thought of which abruptly makes me
cry, which is silly because the dear soul would
be 107 now and beyond soup-making. The
MURDO MACLEOD
unquenchable generosity of my mates makes
me cry too. And the kindness of my readers,
who have sent so many supportive messages,
poems, little gifts. In fact I’m tearful about
everything at the moment, a bit holed below
the waterline, and I lack the physical and
emotional capacity to thank anyone properly.
But I am deeply grateful.
I do get cross with myself for being such
a drip. A couple of weeks ago I was at the
memorial service of a very dear friend, several
years younger than me, who died after the
return of her cancer. For me, it was a defining
moment. Real suffering is the premature loss
of one’s partner, one’s mother. Real heartbreak
is seeing someone so sunny and positive and
modest having their life cut cruelly short.
Another moment of true perspective came
with the death of Baroness Masham. Her life
should silence every moaner, in or out of a
wheelchair. Paralysed in a riding accident at
22, she spent 65 years in a wheelchair. Dwell
on it – 65 years. She was a great Paralympian
and she then founded the Spinal Injuries
Association, which provides lifeline support
for thousands of paralysed people. I once spent
an afternoon with her in the House of Lords
tea room, blinking in awe at the way she
downplayed her considerable physical suffering
after so long in a chair. I wondered, fleetingly,
if she ever complained to anyone.
So I’m trying, every morning, to reject
the pity party; to set the dial to positive. The
infuriating thing is that I know I’m going to
be fine. I just have to weather the emotions
and other stresses I face. More hospital scans
and blood tests stack up. I have a phone
appointment booked with rheumatology,
no doubt to hear that my DEXA scan showed
osteoporosis, and I anticipate a conversation
about ways I should tackle it, very few of
which I fear will be relevant to someone who
can’t walk functionally.
A sturdy dose of therapy came from
Gordon the plumber. He was almost paralysed
racing motorbikes a few years ago. “No point
living in the past, is there?” he said. “You either
sit and talk about what you used to do or you
make plans and look forward.”
So I’m trying to make those plans, trying
to achieve at least one thing every day. The
biggie, of course, is building our disabled
accommodation in the garden. We’ve finally
chosen the type of frame; now it’s about
pinning down a builder. I lurch from high to
low spirits with every incoming email, taking
the setbacks and the frustrations personally.
Which is totally dumb of me. The project’s
been going on so long it’s like a mirage (mainly
because we were naive and didn’t know what
we wanted) but it has to happen this year.
We cannot go through another winter in the
17th century. I asked Gordon what the proper
solution to the slightly leaky boiler in our
cottage was. “A new one,” he said, grimacing
and putting sealant in the system. So the race
is on. I yearn for the diggers to arrive, for
upheaval, for change. For strength. n
@Mel_ReidTimes
Melanie Reid is tetraplegic after breaking her
neck and back in a riding accident in April 2010
The Times Magazine 7
 MEET THE NEW STARS OF TIKTOK

Emily, 24, and Ann Clark,

84, photographed by
Jay Brooks and, below,
in their TikTok videos

117,000 followers
 Lily Ebert, 99, and
Dov Forman, 19,

(IT’S NOT THE YOUNG ONES)

photographed by
Laura Pannack

2 million followers

TikTok is Gen Z’s favourite

social media platform, but
some of the most popular
content creators are from
a very different generation.
Georgina Roberts meets
the young users teaming up
with their grandmothers in
intergenerational videos that
score millions of likes – and
are even used as teaching aids
 Jess Asquith, 26, and
Norma, 89, photographed
by Jay Brooks
FANS ASK NORMA FOR SELFIES AT THE GARDEN CENTRE
A
year ago, Norma, an 89-year-old
who uses a wheelchair, was living
a quiet life in the East Midlands.
When the grandmother of two
became an unlikely TikTok star,
her life changed.
Today, people stop her in the
street to ask for photos, stacks of
gifts and letters from fans arrive at
her house and charity donations
are made in her name. TikTok fame, she says,
voice breaking, “has kept me feeling young.
PREVIOUS SPREAD: TIKTOK/@EMANDANN, TIKTOK/@LILYEBERT.
I feel like a person, and not just somebody
sitting in a chair who can’t walk without help.”
It’s all thanks to her 26-year-old
granddaughter, Jess Asquith, who started
posting videos of Norma on TikTok in March
2022. Since they first shot to fame with a
THIS PAGE: TIKTOK/@JESSANDNORMA
video of Norma slating her teenage grandson’s
new tattoos, they have racked up one million
followers and 25 million likes on their shared
account, @jessandnorma.
The pair, 63 years apart in age, are part of
a new wave of intergenerational TikTok stars.
Grandparent and grandchild duos like them
are accruing millions of likes on the platform.
The hashtag #grandparentsoftiktok has
1 million followers
1.4 billion views on TikTok, making the
“granfluencers” social media stars.
TikTok has had more than four billion
global downloads. It is mainly used by
Generation Z – 68 per cent of the UK’s
17.5 million TikTok users are aged under 25.
But among the sea of dewy teenage faces
on the app, there is a growing number of
wrinkled ones.
There is a large appetite to watch them
– 70 per cent of Generation Zers said social
content featuring their grandparents receives
higher engagement than regular content.
Young audiences are fascinated by watching
elderly people attempt viral TikTok challenges
and dances including Rihanna’s Super Bowl
routine. The results are both funny and
moving. So in one video a grandparent wells
up telling their grandchild about the war,
and in the next they scream because the
grandchild has turned on a TikTok filter that
makes it look as if they have no eyebrows.
The family duos who get the most views
can cash in on brand partnerships and book
deals. It can become a lucrative career – the
global influencer market was estimated to be
worth £11.2 billion in 2021.
The Times Magazine 11

Some pensioners now have agents, but
many of the grandchildren who have turned
their grandparents into stars have found
themselves managing their relative’s social
media career: negotiating sponsorship deals,
filming, editing and replying to fan comments.
In Norma’s snug, homely front room where
the pair film their viral videos, a giant silver
“1 m” balloon bought by her granddaughter
to celebrate reaching one million TikTok
followers bobs above red folders stuffed full
of fan mail. A pink fluffy flamingo sent by
a young fan sits on the mantelpiece next to
photos of Norma’s two grandchildren.
Norma is clutching the hedgehog-shaped
hand warmer her granddaughter bought her
with her first pay cheque as an adult social
carer. Running the @jessandnorma account
now pays enough to be Jess’s full-time job.
Jess started out posting videos of her
boyfriend, but it wasn’t until her grandmother
featured that “it blew up”, she says.
In person, you can see why the 26-year-old
filming daily life with her grandmother gets so
many hits. Norma has a dry sense of humour.
When Jess asks her what her bad side is she
replies, “Both.” They laugh a lot. Norma rolls
her eyes as she teases her granddaughter
about her driving skills and the number of
outfits she tried on this morning.
That sassiness comes across in their most
popular video, viewed 11.3 million times, where
she berates her granddaughter for trying to
slip £10 into her purse. In another, she shoots
Jess a disapproving look and says, “You’re not
coming out with me with that hairstyle.”
Watching them make each other chuckle is
heartwarming in the age of “generation wars”.
“When you think about the difference in our
ages, it’s amazing. We say things to each other
and I’m bent over laughing,” Norma says.
Norma is partially disabled and walking is
difficult. The trolley next to her chair holds
everything she needs so she doesn’t have to
get up – most importantly mints, the TV
remote and her landline phone.
Her phone being a landline, not a
smartphone, makes her such an unlikely social
media star. More than one in five Gen Zers
said their dream job is “content creator”
in a 2021 survey by YouGov. Unlike the hordes
of savvy teenagers desperately seeking TikTok
fame, Norma didn’t understand what the app
was when they mentioned it on her Look
North local news programme. “I’m not
technology-minded,” she admits.
Strings of birthday cards from fans hang
above her head. But at first, the octogenarian
was concerned about putting herself online.
“Friends my own age thought I was starting
something that might be nasty.” But she says
GETTY IMAGES
“it’s been a blessing”.
The pair had to remove their Amazon
Wishlist after fans sent far more chocolates,
Lily and Dov with her MBE
LILY TELLS HER YOUNG
FOLLOWERS STORIES
FROM AUSCHWITZ
baklava, toffee and Jaffa Cakes than they
could eat. They now ask people to donate
to charities or food banks instead.
Norma, who is losing feeling in her
fingertips, holds a mug of tea printed with her
and her granddaughter’s faces. “Because I am
semi-disabled, Jessica is my rock,” she says.
They live ten minutes away from each other,
but Jess does her grandmother’s dishes and
gets her ready for bed most days. “I don’t
know what I’d do without her and my
daughter. I feel so sad about those that haven’t
got what I’ve got, because it must be dreadful.”
That care and love is clear to see. When
Norma’s purple skirt reveals her biggest
insecurity – her ankles and feet – her
granddaughter quickly covers them up with
a blue blanket sent by a fan. She repeats my
questions louder for her grandmother, as she
runs a brush through her white hair.
When Jess was homesick at university, it
was her grandmother she called in tears before
moving home for her second year. Separated
during the pandemic, they spoke on the phone
through the front window. “We’ve always been
this close. But everybody commenting how
special the bond is has highlighted it,” she says.
Many of the young people and children
who love their videos say Norma “reminds
them of their lost loved ones. People get a lot
of comfort from it. They comment, ‘I wish
I had a family like yours,’ which is really sad
to hear,” says Jess. Norma knows loss too. She
shows me her wedding photo and the trinket
box and cheese-plant stand in the corner,
crafted by her husband before he passed away.
Fans often approach Norma in her
wheelchair at the local garden centre and say,
“Can we have a picture?” Or, “Thank you. Our
children love you.” The attention makes her
“feel warm inside. It gives me goose pimples.
This has come as a huge shock for me. I never
dreamt of it.” Her granddaughter agrees. “It
feels surreal. We’re just Jess and Norma, then
people stop us in the street.”
As well as leaving her job, the TikTok
money has allowed Jess to take Norma on
days out, such as to the local wildlife park
for her birthday last week. “The plan for
me is just to give Nan a good quality of life.
She did that for me when I was little.” Her
grandmother’s face lights up talking about the
wallabies they saw, but her tastes are simple.
“Having fish and chips and calling at the
supermarket is all I need,” she says.
Before I leave, we tuck into the Victoria
sponge with which Jess’s boyfriend surprised
them when they reached one million followers.
Those milestones don’t matter to Norma. Her
plan is “to keep talking to people. I need them
more than I ever thought I would,” she says.
Of all the reasons to make TikToks, that of
Lily Ebert, a 99-year-old Holocaust survivor,
is one of the most compelling. She shares her
memories of Auschwitz on an account run by
her 19-year-old great-grandson, Dov Forman.
They have two million followers and
38 million likes on @lilyebert.
In January, King Charles awarded Lily an
MBE for services to Holocaust education and
wrote the foreword to the duo’s bestselling
book, Lily’s Promise.
They make a sweet pair. The innocent-
looking Dov with his rosy cheeks and glasses
often puts his arm around a smiling Lily,
dressed in brightly coloured clothes and hats.
He speaks quickly and passionately while her
measured, European-accented voice wavers
and catches with emotion.
In their most popular video, liked 4 million
times, she wears a short-sleeved pink shirt
that reveals her Auschwitz identification
number tattoo and says, “I was not my name.
We were not humans. We were only a number.”
In another, with 2.3 million likes, she explains
why women didn’t have periods in the camps.
Dov will never forget the first time he saw
that tattoo, aged 11. “I remember her slowly
lifting up her left sleeve and saying, ‘A10572.
This is a permanent reminder of the Nazis’
crimes against humanity,’” he says. “That
was the moment I realised one day it would
become my responsibility to share this story.”
Dov, one of Lily’s 36 great-grandchildren,
decided to post her stories online after she
caught Covid. “I realised that soon she, like
many other survivors, will no longer be with us.
It made me feel a sense of urgency. I thought,
these are the last moments and I have to do
what I can to share her story,” he says.
When Dov first suggested they make
TikToks in lockdown, his great-grandmother
The Times Magazine 13
laughed and said, “ ‘I’ll do it, but I’m not
dancing.’ So we don’t dance. We try to share
this mission with as many young people, old
people, across the world,” he says.
Lily, born the eldest of six in a Jewish
family in Hungary, was a similar age to
her great-grandson when she was sent to
Auschwitz. She and two of her sisters survived
the ordeal but her mother, youngest brother
and youngest sister were immediately sent to
their deaths. In her TikTok videos she often
wears the golden pendant her mother gave
her, which she hid in a piece of bread and kept
stashed in her armpit in the camp.
Most of the duo’s audience are aged between
10 and 25. Those young followers, some from
countries where the Holocaust isn’t taught,
have asked Lily thousands of questions on
TikTok. They include, “What happened if you
had no shoes in Auschwitz?” “How did you feel
when the Nazis tattooed your number?” “Do
you remember what Auschwitz smelt like?”
Now history teachers are using the pair’s
videos in their lessons.
Her goal has always been to tell people
what happened in Auschwitz, whatever the
platform. Even after spending time in hospital
in the summer, she kept asking her great-
grandson what she could do. “When there
was this terrible situation I said, ‘God, if you
let me stay alive, I will tell the world what
happened there.’ I promised myself that as
long as I am here, I will further the message,”
says Lily, speaking from her home in London.
“One of the most important things is to
educate our next generation.”
She also wants to send her online audience
a message of hope: “There is only one thing
you have to learn from my story: never, ever
give up. Tomorrow will be better. You are
much stronger than you think you are.”
Sadly, the pair have also become targets
for antisemitic abuse online. “It’s disgusting
that I wake up to thousands of antisemitic
comments and messages on TikTok. It’s
frightening and it’s worrying,” says Dov.
Dov has had insults shouted at him
in the street when he has worn a yarmulke
on the way to school in London. “One would
imagine that having someone scream ‘dirty
Jew’ at you from their car is something that
only happened in Nazi Germany in the
Thirties. It’s not; it’s happening today,” he says.
The pair usually film together every day, but
Dov is in Israel on a gap year at the moment.
“She is the queen of the family. Asking these
really difficult questions – that makes you
very, very close,” he says. He is comforted that
even after she is gone, “Her story will live on.”
Even seemingly mundane videos, like making
dinner, attract a huge audience when they
feature a grandmother. The TikTok account
@emandann, which Emily Clark, 24, shares
14 The Times Magazine
with her grandmother, Ann Clark, 84, is
THE GRANDPARENTS OF TIKTOK followed by 117,000. Most of their 2.4 million
likes come from food videos in which Emily
Grandad Frank, 77 asks, “Nan, what you having for tea tonight?”
7.2 million followers, In another video, her grandmother deadpans,
180 million likes “I daren’t dye my hair because it might turn
A 77-year-old from green. I’m not partial to green hair.”
Kent who dances to When I arrive at their house in Yorkshire,
Drake, Chris Brown Emily looks every inch the typical Gen Zer,
and Meghan Trainor. with her white-tipped fake nails, tight blue
Frank Hackett is paid top, white trainers and belly-button piercing.
to advertise brands such as Samsung She crouches down protectively next to her
thanks to the funny TikTok account grandmother, who sits in a plaid armchair.
run by his 17-year-old granddaughter. One thing all the “granfluencers” have in
common is the bond with their grandchildren.
Brunch with Babs, 74 Emily’s mother suddenly passed away more
3 million followers, than ten years ago. “She lost her mum when
38.2 million likes she was 12. It was a shock,” Ann says with
Millions watch tears in her eyes.
Connecticut Soon after, Ann’s husband died and Ann
grandmother Barbara moved in with her son and Emily.
Costello cook Next to them are the £650 Balenciaga
comforting recipes, trainers that Emily made her grandmother
from pumpkin muffins to breakfast try on for a video and had them both in
casseroles. The account has earned the stitches. The pair are immediately likeable
retired teacher paid partnerships with and clearly very close.
clothing and cleaning brands. Emily helps her grandmother up and they
give me a tour of the kitchen where they
Dan and Her Nan, 89 filmed the video of her preparing a bread bun
164,000 followers, with butter and jam, watched 2.5 million
6 million likes times on TikTok. There is a brimming snack
This account is all drawer and flapjacks, doughnuts and
about brutal honesty. shortbread on the side.
When Danielle asks “She’s a feeder,” Emily says, smiling
her grandmother, apologetically. They spread Lurpak butter over
“What’s your absolute a slice of cake from a giant 750g tub that only
pet hate?” she replies, lasts them eight days because of how much
“Men.” She gives frank and sassy responses use it gets in their videos. Out shopping,
to her granddaughter’s questions such as, people recognise them and ask, “Have you
“Were you a player back in the day?” bought the Lurpak yet?”
The first video Emily posted of her
Grandad Joe, 90 grandmother was of them dancing together
6.2 million followers, in 2021. “When I told Nan about the
204 million likes comments she was a bit shocked,” she says.
Joe Allington’s videos Ann has become an unlikely fan of the rapper
are a mixed bag – in Stormzy, but today the pint-sized pair are
one he will talk about sweetly dancing to the pop star Raye.
losing his wife to “I didn’t know what TikTok was. I don’t
dementia; in the next know how to work a mobile or the television,”
he will jokingly rate his granddaughter’s says Ann, who was initially nervous about
outfits for the horse races. the reaction to their videos. “I said, ‘I’m too
old. I’ll feel out of place.’ ” But since making
Grandma Droniak, 92 TikToks, “I’m a lot happier. I go out more.
8.4 million followers, Emily takes me everywhere,” she says
230.8 million likes When Ann leans in conspiratorially to
A former factory tell me about smoking clover leaves when
worker, Lillian Droniak she was young, her granddaughter shouts
is paid five figures to from the kitchen, “I didn’t know that!” Ann’s
promote brands on the face crinkles as she chuckles. “I only tell her
TikTok account run by the good bits.”
her 25-year-old grandson. Her make-up “My nan and I have had a really close
tutorials for going to the cemetery receive bond from when I was born. But doing this
millions of likes. definitely has brought us closer together,”
Emily says. n
My prison wedding, death threats
– and no release date
What it is like being married to Julian Assange
He’s the notorious WikiLeaks
founder, imprisoned since
2019 in a high-security cell in
Belmarsh. She’s his wife, the
mother of their two small
children and the lawyer
campaigning for his freedom.
Stella Assange talks to
Andrew Billen about
marriage to Britain’s
most divisive inmate

Stella Assange, 40, photographed by

Elisabeth Hoff at the Frontline Club,
central London. Opposite, from far
left: with Assange, 2020; Stella with
their children Max, left, and Gabriel
on their wedding day last year;
Julian Assange with Gabriel, 2017
 A
s Stella Assange knows, the story
she shares with her husband,
the WikiLeaks founder Julian
Assange, sounds more like
fiction than fact, a wild tale
of data cloudbursts, sexual abuse
allegations and an assassination
plot dreamt up at CIA HQ in
Virginia. Some mornings, though,
life must in practice nearer
resemble a remorseless grind – and for them
both: he in his bleak high-security prison in
southeast London, she in almost her fifth year
of trying to get him out of it.
Consider this morning. Her trip from her
home in west London to HMP Belmarsh has
taken an hour and a quarter by train and bus.
On arrival, her fingerprints were taken and
her bags locked away. She was issued with a
visitor’s pass and her prints were checked again
before she passed through an x-ray machine.
At this point, she was told to go back to the
beginning because she was wearing a hoodie.
She made it through again, was magnetically
scanned for weapons and patted down for drugs.
They also checked inside her mouth, behind
her ears and in her hair. Then it was across a
yard to the prison proper where her credentials
were checked again and a dog sniffed her.
The Assanges meet in a huge hall,
observed by guards from a floor above.
She is allocated one of the 40 tables – each
contains a recording device – and there at last
she and Julian embrace and for an hour or so
talk, holding hands across the desk. She does
all this on average twice a week. Often she
takes their two boys, Gabriel, 5, and Max, 4,
who sit on their father’s lap or run off to the
play area. Today it was just the two of them.
Does her heart leap when she spots him?
“I mean, it’s like getting re-energised
and finding some sanity. Even if it’s just an
hour, it makes a big difference,” she says in
an American accent acquired during her
days at an international school in Lesotho
in southern Africa.
Daylight, they used to say of government
corruption, is the best disinfectant. I wonder
if Assange, that great disinfector of state
ASSANGE/FARRELL/CAMERA PRESS. THIS PAGE: GETTY IMAGES
malfeasance, has a window in his cell. He
does, and he feeds birds from it. People, she
says, think he lives surrounded by computers,
but the world’s ultimate cyber-citizen is
PREVIOUS SPREAD: ANDY GOTTS/CAMERA PRESS;
actually a nature lover who grew up in the
Australian countryside before the family
settled in Melbourne.
“We talk about what kind of place we
want to live in when this is over, and I don’t
know where it will be but I imagine that will be
somewhere with easy access to the outdoors,”
Stella says.
Nature is her hinterland too, I say, since,
although her family was also nomadic,
she spent much of her childhood in Africa.
Assange addressing the media from
the Ecuadorean embassy, 2016
‘A new life together: it
could be next month.
It could be three years.
Or it could be never’
“Yes,” she agrees, “and it’s important for the
kids. If it weren’t for the situation right now,
we’d probably be living in the countryside.”
When does she think they might get this
life they are promising themselves?
“Well, the nature of this is that it’s so
uncertain. It could be next month. It could
be three years. Or it could be never. That’s
what you have to work with, but you do
need a vision to stay sane. You need to work
towards something.”
Something such as her wedding,
I suppose, which took place in Belmarsh
before a registrar and a Catholic priest almost
exactly a year ago, Stella in a wedding dress
designed by the late Vivienne Westwood,
a fierce Assange fan. “That was a lovely day
and a lovely dress,” she says, and stops as if
to remember the occasion. “I mean, you know,
we enjoy each other’s company.”
And suddenly, blazing in front of me, is
a dazzling, involuntary grin I had really not
been expecting.
Having negotiated the less onerous security
protocols at the Times building near London
Bridge, she is talking to me on our top floor
from where you cannot quite make out
Belmarsh. She is 40, a short woman with a
brain as big as her smile and a vivid but precise
turn of phrase befitting a lawyer who was
once part of Assange’s defence team. She will
often stop, and for quite a while, to consider
what is the best answer to a question, but the
answer when it comes tends to be a good one.
In the early days of their romance, she
had never imagined Assange would be jailed.
Assange was far from a free man even then,
however. In 2012 he had lost a legal fight
to avoid extradition to Sweden. Stockholm
police were investigating what were described
as “rape” allegations by two WikiLeaks
volunteers in Stockholm. Fearing America
would more readily extradite him from Sweden
than Britain to prosecute him for publishing
its official secrets, Assange skipped bail and
fled to the unlikely asylum of the Ecuadorean
embassy in Knightsbridge, London. But when
a more pro-American government came to
power in Ecuador, the Metropolitan Police
were ushered in to arrest him. That year, 2019,
he was found guilty of breaching the 2012 bail
conditions and carted off to Belmarsh.
Call her naive – and people have – but Stella
did not suspect that the 50-week sentence
would stretch to 4 years and counting (the
anniversary is April 11). Assange had barely
heard the jail doors slam behind him when the
United States demanded his extradition for his
leaking of American war secrets (secrets that
included a video, Collateral Murder, which
recorded a US Army helicopter crew coldly
killing some dozen civilians in Baghdad). The
reason for his incarceration had changed: he
was now a “flight risk” from US justice. With
espionage later added to his charge sheet, if
convicted he would probably remain in the
harshest of US prisons for the rest of his days.
The maximum available sentence is 175 years.
“But it’s completely absurd Julian’s in prison
at all,” his wife says. “He did nothing but try to
enforce international law.”
Nor did Stella imagine – and this truly
alarms her – that his incarceration would
become so little remarked upon in Britain,
the country to which he had been invited
by The Guardian in 2010 to continue his
whistleblowing exposés, thereby providing it
with days of front-page exclusives. “I think
The Times Magazine 19
 there’s a lack of understanding here that Julian
is being prosecuted for exposing the Iraq and
Afghan wars. You ask people and they don’t
know why he’s in prison, if they even know he
is in prison.”
His state of mind varies greatly, she says,
and is often dependent on his dealings with
the prison bureaucracy. Today? “Today was
good. Today I feel energised. Julian was in
good spirits.” And on other days? “There have
been times that have been very dark where
he’s talked about committing suicide, where
he’s basically been not communicative, almost
completely out of it. But that was mostly
when he was in the so-called healthcare unit
in Belmarsh because the prison said he was
a high suicide risk. And then there was a
petition by the prisoners inside Belmarsh to
get him moved, because it was making him
worse, a lot worse, being there.”
A father of two young children would,
I say, need to be seriously depressed, even
mentally ill, to consider taking his own life.
“He’s been in a desperate situation that
anyone would struggle to cope with.”
Can she talk him around? Can she say,
“Come along, we’re going to live in a house
in the country some day”?
“Well, it’s private, that kind of conversation.”
I am always slightly amused – I politely
call it a paradox – when Assange’s lawyers talk
of privacy when their client evidently thinks
states have no right to theirs. “That’s an
exaggeration. He believes that there are
legitimate secrets but his job is to publish
information that is of public significance.”
So he is not an incontinent anarchist,
throwing everything out there? “No, not at all.
He’s not an anarchist. If anything, he’s sort of
a libertarian. But he doesn’t label himself and
he doesn’t like being like labelled either.”
Although people often imagine otherwise,
Assange did redact names in the leaked
documents he was passed before he published
them. It was, he insists, a Guardian reporter
who in a 2011 book published the encryption
key that could undo the codenames in
250,000 US diplomatic cables (the reporter
said he thought it was a temporary key only).
Indeed, a 2016 documentary, Risk, shows
Assange frantically trying to contact the US
secretary of state, Hillary Clinton, to warn her
that the encrypted files were all over the web
and the code was now out there too. He then,
however, made the unredacted cables public,
arguing it was now the safest, most equitable
course, an argument The Guardian and his
other co-publishers condemned. This – the
exposure of those names – is one of the
reasons America wants to try him and why
he is still in jail fighting extradition.
GETTY IMAGES
In January 2021, the High Court ruled on
the American extradition demands. Mostly it
found in favour of the US: its request was not
Assange en route to a court appearance, April 2019
politically motivated; the effect on Stella and
the boys not unusual; a trial at an espionage
court in Virginia would be fairly conducted.
Yet the judge unexpectedly denied the
extradition on the one ground that would not
create case law: that there was a real risk that
Assange, given his parlous mental state, would
kill himself in a hellish American prison. The
US later successfully appealed but the case
winds on with a further decision due soon,
maybe next month, on whether an appeal
against extradition should be heard.
Nils Melzer, a Swiss academic who until
leaving for the Red Cross last year was the
UN special rapporteur on torture and other
cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or
punishment, writes in his new pro-Assange
book, The Trial of Julian Assange: A Story
of Persecution, that the legal delays are
strategic: “The US is in no hurry to bring the
extradition proceedings to a conclusion. The
longer every procedural step can be spun out,
the more Assange’s health and stability will
deteriorate and the stronger the deterrent
effect on other journalists and whistleblowers.”
Stella concurs. At risk is not just her
51-year-old husband’s mental health but also
his physical condition. In October 2021 he had
a mini-stroke. “What’s being done to Julian is
deliberately indefinite and cruel. It is to make
him suffer endlessly,” she says.
“This is what dictatorships do. This is not
what liberal democracies that value personal
freedom and freedom of speech and freedom
He’s had a mini-stroke.
He’s been in a special
unit, considered to be
‘a high suicide risk’
of the press do. It’s not just something that’s
being done to keep him in prison. You need
to corrupt the safeguards that exist or that
existed to keep him there. You need to remove
safeguards for publishers and against arbitrary
detention. This is a change that will affect
everyone. It’s a cultural political change, and
it’s happening here.”
The Assanges fear Belmarsh. A freedom
of information request revealed more than
200 violent incidents there in the year up
to October 2022 (although, I discover, the
Howard League for Penal Reform recorded
only one actual death in 2021). But their
complaints are nothing compared with what
they say Assange endured in the years of his
comparative luxury as a bail-skipper/political
refugee in the embassy.
Nevertheless, these seven years also
contained happy memories. It was, after all,
during them that they fell in love. They met
first at the journalists’ club the Frontline, in
Paddington, in 2011, where she had found him
“attractive” but in a “historical figure” kind
of way. At the request of his lawyer Jennifer
Robinson, Stella joined his legal team. By 2015
they were lovers.
She was not the first attractive member of
Team Assange to fall for him. Sarah Harrison,
his former personal assistant, was his girlfriend
for a time and in 2013 ended up spending
40 days in a Moscow airport with Edward
Snowden, another WikiLeaks source. She did
not return to Britain for three years for fear of
being detained under the anti-terrorist laws.
For years, Stella’s relationship with Assange
was one of those secrets that WikiLeaks
proved good at keeping (another is that, as
with Boris Johnson, no one is sure how many
children Assange has sired, although Stella
says the true number is somewhere among
the court documents). They started a family
because, she has explained before, he had not
been charged with anything. Freedom seemed
tantalisingly close. Even embassy staff were
not sure whether the resulting baby being
repeatedly taken in by an actor friend of
Stella’s was an Assange, Gabriel’s moment of
conception having been concealed from the
security cameras by means of a tent set up
“for privacy and escapism”. To make sure, they
tested his nappies for Assange DNA.
That Assange had a new family became
known only in April 2020 when he applied to
be bailed to Stella’s home. She, meanwhile, to
preserve her obscurity, had changed her name
from Sara González Devant to Stella Moris.
I get no sense, however, that these subterfuges
were a turn-on for either of them.
“We felt that the embassy was a very
unsafe environment towards the end. I was
afraid they were going to kill them.” And was
she afraid for herself? “I was afraid that I’d
be attacked as a way of getting to him. We
The Times Magazine 21
 didn’t know about the plans to leave the door
open so he could be kidnapped.
“To regular people it sounds like some kind
of weird fictional story. But we actually have
had to deal with assassination plots and
kidnap plots and people following us and
intimidation. This is his reality. You try to
protect yourself as much as you can.”
As director of the CIA from 2017 to 2018,
Mike Pompeo became obsessed, she claims,
with taking down WikiLeaks and had the CIA
work with the Spanish security company
employed by the embassy to bring its founder
down with it. “There were discussions in the
White House that Julian should be assassinated.
Pompeo ordered what were called ‘sketches
and plans’ to assassinate him,” she says,
referencing a Yahoo News investigation with
more than 30 sources. Last year Spain’s national
high court summoned Pompeo to testify on
the allegations. He has not responded.
“But Pompeo confirmed it. I mean, he
said that the sources for this story should be
prosecuted under the Espionage Act. You don’t
prosecute under the Espionage Act if it’s false.”
In his memoir, Never Give an Inch, Pompeo
refers to Assange as a “hoodlum” and a “crook”
and says he lobbied the Ecuadoreans to “kick
Assange out of his pathetic accommodations
inside their embassy”. “I will be delighted,” he
adds, “the day he is thrown into an American
federal penitentiary. Just one less useful idiot
for Russia to exploit – and a warning to all
such scoundrels in the future.” So certainly no
love lost, although in the end wiser counsels
prevailed and Assange was neither abducted
STYLING: HANNAH SKELLEY. HAIR: JOLANDA COETZER AT UNTITLED ARTISTS USING OUAI HAIRCARE. MAKE-UP: GIA MILLS
nor exterminated.
Given the scale of the bullying (I probably
USING SKIN IN MOTION. STELLA ASSANGE WEARS DRESS, KARENMILLEN.COM. EARRINGS, MONICAVINADER.COM
put it euphemistically), and given its colourful
particulars, it is perhaps extraordinary how
little sympathy his case arouses in Britain.
Internationally, in contrast, he has the support
of the president of the general assembly of the
United Nations, more than 2,000 journalists
from 108 countries, and 15 current and former
world leaders including Anthony Albanese,
the Australian prime minister.
One reason for our scepticism is surely the
allegations of sexual misconduct, in one case
rape, made in Sweden by two women Assange
slept with within three days of each other in
2010. One believes he removed his condom
during consensual sex, the other that he had
unprotected sex with her, initiated while she
was asleep. Swedish law, however, requires
proof of culpable intent and charges against
Assange were never pressed.
Does he – and Stella would know – have a
problem with protected sex? “Well, that’s not his
version. But I mean, what was written about the
Swedish allegations was a misrepresentation.
In fact, the second prosecutor who looked into
it said that everyone’s version was credible
and that it wasn’t a criminal offence.”
22 The Times Magazine
But it was something that made people
wonder whether he was a very nice man. Is
he a nice man?
“I think a lot could be said about that.”
But is he a nice man?
“Of course he is. Of course he is.”
She didn’t just fall in love with his politics
or martyrdom? She fell in love with a decent
man, maybe more than decent?
“He is the most amazing man in the world,”
she says with another of her grins.
She partly blames the clash of journalistic
egos for his falling out with The Guardian.
Whether that explains director Laura Poitras
turning against him while filming Risk is
another matter. My impression was that
she shared the shock of the civil rights
lawyer Helena Kennedy when he referred
to his Swedish accusers as a “mad feminist
conspiracy”. But Stella points out that Poitras
too supports Assange’s release from jail, as
does Alan Rusbridger, editor of The Guardian
during its on-off love affair with Assange.
I wonder whether Asssange’s autism,
diagnosed in 2020, may account for him
putting so many people’s backs up. I think it
‘We’ve dealt with
assassination plots and
kidnap threats. This
is his reality’
could account for quite a lot, including his
extraordinary but obtuse courage. I mean,
I say, it’s entirely predictable that when you
strip naked a superpower, it will come down
hard on you. But his reckless focus allowed
him to go where no others dared.
“Well, I think when you read all
these things about Julian – these horrible
caricatures of his character – when you read
it with your autism-spectrum-sensitive glasses
on, you get a different perspective. Look
at Julian’s untidiness, for example. Actually
he’s very structured. He has categories for
everything. I am chaotic. He has order to his
bookshelf. The books that go here; the books
that go there. I am total chaos.”
But he has a reputation for being a slob,
not washing, leaving his underpants on chairs
when working with journalists. “Well, Julian
can go three days without sleep or eating
because he’ll forget to eat. Once he called an
ambulance after he hadn’t slept or eaten for
three days straight because he was so focused
on what he was doing. To your [anarchy]
question: I think he takes rules seriously.”
I think she means the rules about keeping
state secrets. She doesn’t.
“We’re talking about a complete
destruction of the international rules that
were established after the Second World War.
It started with 9/11, then with carving out all
sorts of exceptions where you can torture and
you can have something called black sites and
you can have Guantanamo Bay where you can
keep people arbitrarily detained without trial
and torture them and even kill them. He was
outraged by the breaking of those laws.”
But compare, I say, the case of Chelsea
Manning, the US Army intelligence officer
who sent the Iraq and Afghanistan files to
WikiLeaks. She did that, went to jail, showed
no signs of doing anything similar again, and
had her sentence commuted by President
Obama. Why, having earned fame and
infamy, did Assange not stand aside and
pass WikiLeaks over to someone else to run?
“Why would he do that?”
Because he was endangering his life. Because
somebody else could do it instead. Was it down
to his ego, his need to be the face of WikiLeaks?
“He tried not to have any profile for a long
time. If you look at the original WikiLeaks, for
a few years there was no visible face of it until
it wasn’t possible any more, because too many
people knew who he was. If you don’t have a
frontman or frontwoman, then someone else
will pretend to be the frontman or frontwoman.”
I see. So if Assange wins his appeal against
extradition and is released, will he simply go
straight back to publishing WikiLeaks?
There is an unusually long pause, even by
her standards.
“See, how do I answer that question?”
I can see she might need to plead the Fifth
on his behalf.
“As far as I’m concerned, knowing Julian,
he needs to heal. He needs time. He has done
many things in his life and he has many ideas
of the things he could do, and it’s not just
being the founder and editor of WikiLeaks.
He’s a writer. He’s a public intellectual.”
And here we see the real difference
between the brains of Julian and Stella
Assange. She knows when to obfuscate. She
knows, when I ask her whether we have
political courts in Britain, to say no, but there
are “political cases”. Is there a conspiracy to
keep her husband in jail? Conspiracy, she
quibbles, is a “problematic” word. She, after all,
is a lawyer; Julian is merely a force of nature.
She is also a mother of two and must
leave to pick up her children from school and
nursery. I say any woman bringing up children
on her own must be permanently exhausted:
that she copes with the additional legal and
political stress is incomprehensible.
“But you know, a lot of people want Julian
free. There’s a lot of love and support there,”
she says softly.
And much of that, I think, trades under
the name Stella Assange. n
 ‘I find it hilarious ‘I am too honest
that a 52-year-old’s and open. I tell the
breasts can get truth to my own
such a lot of press’ detriment’

Amanda Holden photographed by Zoe McConnell

The prime of Ms Amanda Holden
She may have first been famous in her early twenties, but it’s taken to the age
of 52 for the fearlessly frank Britain’s Got Talent judge, radio presenter and
Instagram sensation finally to feel like she’s having the time of her life. She tells
Michael Odell why – and says she’s not going to tone things down any time soon
 T
he pop star Harry Styles recently
revealed that when he and
his band are rehearsing his hit
Golden, he replaces the title with
the words “Amanda Holden”.
Harry Styles is 29. Holden, the
Britain’s Got Talent judge and
radio broadcaster, is 52.
“Oh, and at that moment
Harry made my year,” swoons
Holden. “Because don’t you think that, for a
52-year-old school-gate mum – because that’s
basically what I am – it’s just such an amazing
compliment to get from the guy who is the
new David Bowie? Everyone fancies Harry.
I do, other men do, girls and mums do. He’s
everybody’s crush, so for him to say that blew
my mind.”
To say Holden is chuffed with being
designated Styles’s Milf crush would be a
massive understatement. But it’s more than
that, she insists. It’s a sign of how far middle-
aged women have come.
“Look, I was born in 1971 and my
grandmother Ethel – a real woman warrior
whom I worshipped – was 50 then. But she
was from a generation who were told they
should stop dyeing their hair and just fade into
the background. Well, I’m from a generation
of women who won’t do that – we’ll flaunt
our bits for as long as we can. I am certainly
going to – even when they’re drooping down
to the floor, I’ll scoop them up again.”
I thought the “male gaze” had gone the
way of the appendix – something that served
a purpose in prehistoric times, now rendered
obsolete by evolution. But Holden – on a sofa
next to me in a London hotel suite – says
it’s OK.
“You won’t find a roomful of ‘wokery’ here,”
PREVIOUS SPREAD: ZOE MCCONNEL/REVIVE COLLAGEN X AMANDA HOLDEN. THIS PAGE: REX FEATURES
she says. “Say what you like – I’ll take whatever
I can get. In fact, keep the compliments
coming – you’ll get more out of me.”
Holden is holding up well. Her legs I would
judge in the top percentile for, er, legs. However,
judgment works both ways.
We are here because Holden is an
ambassador for a supplement called Revive
Collagen, which, she claims, boosts nails, skin
and hair. “You are very brave coming down
here – it would have been easy to send the
beauty editor,” she coos. How does she know
I’m not the beauty editor, I ask. Holden looks
me up and down and then unleashes a cackle
of such contagious filth that it reminds me of
Seventies-era Barbara Windsor.
“You’re not the beauty editor, darling,” she
tells me with a pat on the knee.
A lot of what Holden says reminds me of
Carry On films. She enjoys cooking at home
in Surrey without clothes on and bouncing
naked on her children’s trampoline, and says
her husband, Chris Hughes, a record producer,
chases her round the house “like Benny
Holden aged 19, appearing on Blind Date in 1990
Being designated Harry
Styles’s Milf crush ‘made
my year. For him to say
that blew my mind’
Britain’s Got Talent judges, from left, Bruno Tonioli,
Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and Simon Cowell
Hill”. Earlier that morning, just before we
meet, she was gobbling a wide-girthed Van
Holten’s pickle on her Heart radio show.
“I’m used to bigger!” she squealed. The post-
#MeToo world is very tentative about sexual
etiquette, but Holden doesn’t seem to care.
“I’ve just filmed this new series about
the history of sex for Sky,” she tells me.
“The Greeks and the Romans had far fewer
restraints… [We pause to laugh at the word
“restraints”.] I think we’ve all got a little bit
buttoned up these days.”
I am here to enlarge on the Harry Styles
agenda (we pause to chuckle at “enlarge”).
That is, to discuss how good Holden looks at
52 and how she achieves it. Additionally, we
are going to try to explore where old-school
sauciness stands at a time when empowerment
means very different things to different women.
This year, Holden posed in lingerie ahead
of Valentine’s Day for her 1.9 million Instagram
followers and recently marked World Book
Day by dressing up as Dorothy from The
Wizard of Oz in such a short gingham skirt the
Tin Man, despite not having a heart, would’ve
been forgiven for having a coronary. Soon
to resume duties as a judge on Britain’s Got
Talent, it is a given that Holden will wear
scandalising outfits (a backless Julien
Macdonald dress with a front slash once
attracted 663 Ofcom complaints).
Is this “body confidence” a celebration of
older women’s progress? “I don’t wear revealing
outfits on purpose, but look, if you’re going
to kick the hornet’s nest, then the odd one is
going to fly out,” she giggles. “We have lots
of female producers on BGT who are strong
women like me. They check what I’m wearing
and then we agree if it’s OK. The attitude is,
‘If we get headlines then we get headlines…’ ”
Is this the thing she once called the
“tit test”? “Yes. Frankly I find it hilarious
that a 52-year-old woman’s breasts can get
such a lot of press. I mean, I wish my boobs
had Spitting Image puppets because they’d
have quite a lot to say for themselves. In fact,
maybe they should write a book.”
At this point Holden peers down into her
cleavage and, a first for me in an interview,
brings them into the conversation. “Would
you like to do a book, girls?” she asks them.
“I think you’d write a really good book
together, wouldn’t you?”
It’s midday. Holden got up at 5am to
present her radio show, but nonetheless
she looks ready for the red carpet.
The beauty regime begins in her sleep.
“I go to bed in my lashes,” she says. “That
alone saves me divine minutes each morning.”
Then it’s a glass of water followed by Revive
Collagen. “I wouldn’t promote it if I didn’t
believe in it – but you start to lose collagen in
your twenties and replacing it has helped with
the thickness of my hair and strengthening
my nails, which were a bit lacklustre. Plus,
my skin is better.”
It’s my understanding that both men and
women lose collagen gradually from their
mid-twenties onwards, but women lose a
significant amount during the menopause.
“Oh no, you’re on a downward spiral from
the age of 20,” she insists. “But by replacing it,
you can turn back time, as Cher said.”
Holden’s fitness regime is not for the faint-
hearted. She runs four miles three times a
week and practises Kundalini yoga, not to
mention a Viking workout regime with an
Icelandic instructor called Svava Sigbertsdottir.
“She’s a real Viking,” Holden says.
What does that mean? You lay waste to
monasteries together? That cackle again.
“No, you idiot. You use your own body
weight to build core strength.” The point is,
she says, no one makes her do all this stuff.
This is what empowerment looks like.
The Times Magazine 27

“I am not a slave to any beauty or fitness
regime because I love food too much. I eat
cheese and butter and I love a drink. During
lockdown, I felt so angry and frustrated at my
freedom being curtailed that I just thought,
‘I’m going to have whatever I want – I need
freedom.’ But the deal I struck with myself
was I have to run for my rosé wine in the
summer and run for my red wine in winter.
And I don’t do it because I feel I have to;
I do it for my own discipline and dignity.”
Holden is clearly having a wonderful time
but a middle-aged female Times writer recently
compared shedding the time-consuming
artifice of femininity to “slipping off an
uncomfortable bra”. Doesn’t she ever feel like
that? “No, I don’t agree with any of that. I was
brought up not to be seen without lipstick by
your husband, though of course my husband
has seen me in all kinds of terrible states.
I feel bad for you having to ask the question,
because it’s a sexist question. I bet if you were
a man interviewing a man about a vitamin
supplement you wouldn’t ask a question like
that. It’s weird, women still have to answer it.”
Holden says her collagen drink isn’t just
for women. Men drink it too. She says a male
friend who was thinking of having a hair
transplant started imbibing and now it’s
growing back. Holden has even given it to
Simon Cowell, her fellow BGT judge.
“I think he drinks it,” she muses.
Hmmm, that’s interesting. Cowell’s face
looks a bit different these days…
“Ha ha. All I’m saying is, his skin looks
great and he’s got a good head of hair on him,”
insists Holden.
So there is no downside to trying to turn
back time?
“All I’m going to say is: I feel there is still
inordinate inequality in this country, but
women always end up on top.”
BGT is, of course, the ITV Saturday night
behemoth in which aspiring entertainers vie
for a cash prize and the chance to appear in
the Royal Variety Performance. But few of us
remember BGT winners such as Spelbound
(gymnasts who won in 2010) or Ashleigh and
Pudsey (a performing dog act who won in
2012) or even Paul Potts (Potts won in 2007
and had a biopic, One Chance, made about
him; last year he appeared as a koala in the
German version of The Masked Singer).
No, BGT is a vehicle for the judges. Holden
was a jobbing actress appearing in TV shows
such as The Grimleys and had just been killed
off in the Sunday night drama Wild at Heart
when she got the call to join the show in 2007
(singer Cheryl Cole had bowed out at the
last moment with her marriage to footballer
PA, REX FEATURES
Ashley Cole in trouble). Holden was 35 years
old and very much not yet a sex symbol.
“Oh, I looked terrible in my first season.
I was crying to Paul Potts but wearing my top
At Wimbledon with her husband, Chris Hughes
‘I love a drink. But I have
to run for my rosé wine
in summer and run for
my red wine in winter’
With her daughter, Lexi
back to front,” she chuckles. “I had overplucked
eyebrows and brown hair. I looked awful. But
I soon learnt by watching the stylists – and
also the wardrobe budget got bigger.”
Gradually, Holden began wearing couture
gowns. Her social media exploded and
designers, make-up brands and haircare
companies flocked to her. Basically, she has
lived her life backwards.
“When I was a waitress paying for myself
to go through drama school I kind of hoped
that things would happen for me in my
twenties and thirties, but it’s only really now,
in my fifties, that I am getting to live the
dream and I am just eternally grateful that
BGT gave me a chance. Simon Cowell likes
to say he made people like me and it’s true.
When I joined BGT there was no social media,
so it was my chance to show people who
I really am. In life you can’t make everyone
like you, but at least I got a chance to change
some of the perceptions about me.”
Born in Portsmouth, Holden’s biological
father, Frank Holden, a petty officer in the
Royal Navy, left when she was four. She and
her younger sister, Debbie, were raised by her
mother, Judith, and, later, stepfather Les. She
cleaned toilets in a B&B and waitressed to put
herself through drama school and was only
23 when she married the comedian and Family
Fortunes presenter Les Dennis, 17 years her
senior (the 8-year marriage failed after she
had a much publicised affair with the actor
Neil Morrissey).
“When I started on BGT people still
remembered the divorce,” she continues. “But
also people thought I was this posh girl when
really I am from an estate. My parents talk
liike thaat [cue yokel accent], yet people
thought I was up myself, when really I am very
down to earth. In fact I am too honest and
open. I tell the truth to my own detriment.”
Holden calls herself a “waitress that got
lucky”. And despite the riches that a successful
TV and radio career have brought her, she
sounds happiest doing ordinary things. Like
going on holiday to Italy with her old acting
muckers Sarah Parish and Angela Griffin (they
met on the set of hairdressing drama Cutting
It) and peeing between parked cars after too
much montepulciano. Holden’s groundedness
was never better illustrated than when she
told comedian Alan Carr’s Life’s A Beach
podcast how she now enjoys holidays in the
Maldives. “But I don’t have people wiping my
arse,” she asserted slightly defensively.
After the couple’s split in 2002, there was
a lot of sympathy for Les Dennis. One paper
called Holden an “ice-cold heartbreaker”
while Dennis appeared on that year’s Celebrity
Big Brother looking very despondent and
making gloomy small talk with chickens.
(Dennis has since acknowledged the marital
age gap was problematic, citing the moment
a visiting plumber remarked, “Kids, eh?”
after Holden rushed into a room to ask him
for money.)
As an unknown 19-year-old contestant on
dating show Blind Date Holden announced her
ideal man was actor Jack Nicholson, 33 years
her senior. Was her marriage to Dennis about
looking for a father figure?
“I don’t know because I’ve never done
therapy, but there is a sort of safety in a
relationship like that,” she says. “I was very
young and I had a lot to learn about life.”
She calls Cowell “godlike” but has also said
his most annoying habit is answering her
Monday morning ice-breaker, “How was your
weekend?” by raising a palm and dismissively
saying, “Small talk.” Didn’t they once date?
“No, he teases me it was a date but it
wasn’t. We went out for dinner and I took my
best friend,” she says.
Her relationship with former BGT judge
Piers Morgan is interesting too. In 2000, while
editor of The Daily Mirror it was Morgan
who exposed her affair with Morrissey.
The Times Magazine 29
Holden called it “the worst time of my life”
and denounced Morgan as a “shitbag” and
an “arsehole”, and said she’d like to have him
killed. Now they are close friends and their
kids play together. That’s quite a journey.
“Piers is a poacher turned gamekeeper, isn’t
he? He was the youngest ever Mirror editor
and had something to prove, so he was like a
dog with a bone with me. But now… If I had
a problem I’d call Piers in the middle of the
night and I know he’d help me. I know he’s
not everyone’s cup of tea and 100 per cent
I don’t agree with him on a lot of things. But
people don’t see what a sap he is with his
young daughters – he’s a great dad.”
Holden finally found happiness with Chris
Hughes, the son of Dennis’s agent Mike Hughes,
after they met at a Los Angeles fashion show
in 2003. Hughes was a music producer who
worked with Fleetwood Mac and the Corrs,
but these days he manages the singer James
Arthur (winner of The X Factor in 2012).
Oddly, her husband is often mistaken for
another Chris Hughes, the 69-year-old record
producer who was once a member of Eighties
pop group Adam and the Ants. “It’s absolutely
hilarious when people who’ve obviously been
googling come up and say, ‘I loved you in
Adam and the Ants.’ That Chris Hughes is
much older – I’m married to a young sex god.”
Holden says her husband does not enjoy
fame and keeps out of the limelight.
“He’s usually there with me, always just out
of shot,” she says today.
Does he drink collagen?
“Have you seen him? He doesn’t need to
– he’s got hair like Aladdin,” she says.
The couple live in Richmond, west London,
and have two children, Lexi, 17 and Hollie, 11.
They lost a son, Theo, who was stillborn at
seven months in 2011, and when Hollie arrived
a year later, Holden suffered placenta accreta
(when the placenta becomes too attached
to the uterine wall, causing blood loss on
separation) during the birth and was lucky
to survive. It is unforeseen disasters like these,
she says, that are the true test of a relationship.
“My husband is gorgeous in so many ways
but the key is he makes me laugh. Even in
those darkest times, he could sit me up and
find humour in a situation. Mind you, we
both needed therapy for post-traumatic stress
disorder after Hollie’s birth. And after Theo,
having another child to live for is what got
me through.”
Lexi recently signed a contract with Storm
modelling agency and Holden admits there
is already competition for the best clothes
(Holden forbids her daughter from wearing
revealing tops, then borrows them herself).
Is there enough youth to go around in the
Holden household?
“Oh, they always find ways of making me
feel uncool. I mean, with the Harry Styles
30 The Times Magazine
What about a sort of
BGT director’s cut? ‘If
that happens, I’d like
for all of us to be dead’
thing, my girls weren’t impressed. They are
very much more into Billie Eilish and Lorde.
They are not going to fight me over Harry.”
Auditions for the new series of BGT have
just been completed and, of course, there is
a new face on the panel, the former Strictly
judge Bruno Tonioli. “Bruno is like human
Berocca [the vitamin tablets],” says Holden.
“Drop him into a glass and he starts to fizz.
We did quite a few European auditions and
Bruno spoke all the languages and is so
knowledgeable about art. I’d have lunch with
him every day just to learn new things. He’s a
proper sage and yet, on TV, he’s this nutcase.”
Tonioli was drafted in following the
departure of the comedian and author David
Walliams who, it might be said, took his
role as judge too far. Walliams stepped down
earlier this year following the leak of BGT
audition tapes that revealed he’d called one
elderly contestant a c*** and said of another
female hopeful, “She’s like the slightly boring
girl you meet in the pub that thinks you want
to f*** them but you don’t.”
Holden is the longest serving BGT judge.
Did she have a hand in Walliams’ decision
to retire?
“It’s not the mafia we work for. Oh my
God, no! He decided to step away. Alesha and
I are having dinner with him in two weeks
and he’s very happy writing. It was just… time
to step back.”
Walliams’ comments didn’t surprise me.
The TV talent industry is a bit of a meat
grinder. Harry Styles has obviously forged a
remarkable career (his band, One Direction,
came third in The X Factor in 2010), but few
really make it.
Does Walliams merely reflect what most
judges are really thinking?
“No, I don’t think so. I personally never
forget how nerve-racking it is to audition. It’s
terrifying. And also, we all have kids and that’s
important. Since Simon had Eric [his nine-
year-old son] he has more empathy. I think
he imagines it could be Eric up there.”
On the wall of her living room Holden
has a huge poster bearing the words of
American writer and socialite Alice Roosevelt
Longworth: ‘“If you haven’t got anything nice
to say, come sit next to me.”
Could there ever be something like a
director’s cut of the show?
“Look, there are four very funny people
with strong opinions sitting at that table. If
there is a director’s cut released, I’d like for all
of us to be dead when that happens.”
Holden is not scared to put herself out
there. Two years ago she released her debut
album, Songs From My Heart, a project which
began when she sang a birthday song for her
husband. It ended up on social media and
Virgin EMI offered her a £1 million contract
for a whole album.
“I was so scared I’d be humiliated and
no one would buy it, so I was absolutely
delighted when it did OK [it reached No 4
in the UK charts].”
It’s another part of Holden’s late-
blossoming career, After all, that was her
original ambition in drama school: to sing.
She says, though, that there won’t be more.
“I’m not Adele, so why push it? A second
album might not work. I dropped the mike at
the high point and I’m happy with that.”
Nevertheless we are going to see a lot more
of Amanda Holden. Her show with comedian
Alan Carr, Alan & Amanda’s Italian Job, in
which they renovated a derelict home in
Sicily has just been recommissioned. And
then there is her Sky sex documentary, in
which she will dress up as Cleopatra and
Marilyn Monroe.
“I’m getting to do all the things I love
doing,” she enthuses. “Number one: I’m
learning. Number two: I’m dressing up.”
Holden will also be part of the BBC
presenting team at the King’s coronation
in May. She previously reported on the
weddings of both the Duke and Duchess of
Cambridge and Duke and Duchess of Sussex
for the US news magazine Inside Edition and
is reading Prince Harry’s memoir Spare. Given
she has promised “no wokery”, I expect to
know what she thinks.
“Oh I can’t comment,” she says. “Apart
from that, there are some nice pictures.”
Her friend Piers Morgan has been pretty
uncompromising in his views – surely they’ve
discussed it?
“Oh, no. When Piers comes for dinner all
that is off the table. That is, if we’re going to
have a nice time.”
We live in a complicated world. Some
people are unsure what’s OK to say or even
like. Not Amanda Holden.
“I’ve done the hard jobs: I’ve sprayed
perfume in Boots; I’ve cleaned toilets and
made beds. But here I am – I am 52 and
I got the chances I thought I’d never have.
More importantly, I am having the time of
my life while being authentically me. I don’t
feel I have to pretend to be someone I’m
not. I think you’ll find I’m like most women
out there.” n
Amanda Holden is brand ambassador for
collagen supplement brand Revive Collagen
(revivecollagen.com)
 BE QUIET,
SWEETIES
MUMMY IS
WORKING
OVERTIME TO PAY
FOR YOUR
NURSERY FEES
The chancellor announced more help for
parents in the budget last week, but how
effective can new childcare funding be if the
system is broken? Mother of two and Times
fashion editor Harriet Walker, right, should
know – she’s already spent nearly £70,000
on nurseries so she can do her job
PORTRAITS Robert Wilson STYLING Prue White
 Harriet Walker wearing
Sportmax, with her children,
Dougie, two, and Freda, five
 I
first learnt to worry about
childcare when my daughter,
now five, was three days old.
I cried as the health visitor
explained I’d left it far too
late to secure her a nursery
place for a year’s time.
Where we live in southeast London is so full
of young families at exactly the same stage
that every shop used to sell out of Freda’s
nappy size on a regular basis. As those
newborns grew, childcare slots would become
a similarly sought-after commodity. Finding
one was high on my to-do list but, naively,
I concentrated on having the baby first. I should
have spent my third trimester searching for
someone to look after her instead.
As soon as I could walk again, I strapped
my two-week-old to my chest and spent a
panicked day visiting nearby nurseries.
In the end, I was lucky: it took ten heart-
in-throat months of emailing, calling, waiting
lists, being gazumped and paying £200 for a
place we didn’t take, but we found the space
we needed for Freda at the brilliant nursery
my two-year old son, Dougie, now goes to
as well. Second time round in 2020, hearing
places were even more oversubscribed, I put
him on the list when practically a zygote, as
if for Eton or Harrow. His birth was carefully
calibrated to ensure we never had to pay for
both of our children simultaneously.
Anyone with little kids already knows
that childcare in the UK is in dire straits. In
recent weeks, even those not familiar with the
rocketing costs and increasing scarcity of it
have begun to find out. Early years provision
is as vital a part of the infrastructure system
as transport when it comes to getting people
to work, but where rail fares have risen 37 per
cent in the past decade, childcare has gone up
around 60 per cent in the same time.
“Five years ago, this stuff mostly had
an impact on low-income households,” says
Joeli Brearley, founder of the parents’ rights
group Pregnant Then Screwed. “But things
have now got so bad that middle-income
families are being seriously affected.
Conservative voters are affected. The
government can’t ignore it any longer.”
That’s why Jeremy Hunt made childcare
a central plank of his budget last week,
promising an extra £4 billion over three
years to “break down the barriers to work”
for parents by offering more “free childcare…
from the moment maternity or paternity leave
PA, GETTY IMAGES
ends”. He announced 15 “free” hours of care
per week for two-year-olds from April 2024,
the same from nine months starting in
September that year, and 30 hours per
The chancellor at a south London nursery following his
budget announcements on March 15
A protest in London about childcare provision, October 2022
week for all children under five whose parents
are in work from September 2025.
Yet, even as he was speaking, many
councils and providers were removing the
word “free” from their websites and pointing
out that the hours are term-time only – so
15 hours is more like 11, and 30 boils down to
22. Two parents working 9-5 require 40 hours
of care per week.
“There’s nothing free about it,” says one
nursery owner whose relationship with the
THE AVERAGE ANNUAL COST OF A FULL-TIME
NURSERY PLACE FOR UNDER-TWOS IS £14,836
local authority is so strained they didn’t want
to be named. “It costs us £9 per hour per child
entitled to 15 or 30 hours but we get around
£4 [from the government]. We had savings,
but we closed for three months during Covid
and that wiped out a six-figure sum in rent
and lost fees.”
“We get a barrage of abuse when they use
that word,” says Jo Callaghan, who has a chain
of five nurseries in Essex. “We get reported to
the local authorities by parents for ‘refusing’
to give care for free. We needed a quick fix,
and this [budget] is not it.”
By the time Dougie turns three in the
autumn, my husband and I will have spent
almost £70,000 on childcare in the past five
years. That is not money we had just sloshing
around. Parents have been crying out for
the support Hunt is offering for some time,
but to benefit from the bulk of his plans you
would have to have your baby around the
anniversary of his speech next year. For
children under three right now, little will
change. The crisis is far from resolved.
“We’ve already got more demand than
we can cope with,” says Callaghan. “That’s
going to go up. People will want to go back to
work who previously thought they couldn’t.
That is going to be a struggle. We’re going to
be losing more nurseries in the coming year.”
My husband and I were even luckier
than we realised. We first navigated childcare
before Brexit and Covid stress-tested already
underfunded and short-staffed nurseries to
breaking point. Then we secured Dougie’s
place before everything from butter to petrol
became so expensive that many low-paid
nursery workers have been forced to leave
for supermarket jobs, and their bosses, also
facing hikes in rent and heating bills, to shut
up shop altogether.
Eighteen-month waiting lists are
now standard where we live and Hunt’s
announcements won’t do much to change
this. Two of the places I looked at have closed;
others are full and would like to expand but
can’t find the staff or budget to do so. One
nursery near me has a waiting list of two and
a half years, with more than 300 names on it,
that parents pay £100 to join. Some will do so
at seven or more nurseries to ensure a place,
knowing they will lose close to £1,000 with the
ones they don’t end up using.
They are lucky too, however, because they
can just about afford to. Several friends with
one child have ruled out another, because it
is too expensive. Having a third puts you in
the same wealth bracket as having had your
radiators blasting all winter. Younger couples
I know who might once have tried to conceive
no longer feel they can afford to. A generation
is being priced out of having kids at a time
when the UK’s birth rate is in decline.
Yet there is a common refrain whenever
the issue comes up: why should taxpayers and
non-parents subsidise other people’s “lifestyle
choices”? “Why have kids if you’re not going
to look after them?” is the tune the trolls tend
to march to, followed by, “If you can’t afford
kids you shouldn’t have had them,” and – my
favourite – “Mothers who work are so selfish.”
The loudest voices tend to be people who had
theirs at a time when houses could be bought
and mortgages paid on one salary.
Jeremy Hunt said last week that he wanted
to build “a childcare system comparable to
the best”. Even in 2025, when working parents
can claim 30 hours a week from 9 months
old, their bills could still reach around
£1,000 per month or more.
The Times Magazine 35
 As part of her campaign about the importance of early childhood, the Princess of Wales visited a Luton nursery in January

In Estonia, state kindergartens charge

£15 per week from 18 months old. In Germany,
parent co-operatives run by volunteers offer
spaces on the understanding everybody
pitches in when they are able to. Austrian
parents pay only for the food their child
eats at nursery, around £50 a month. French
childcare is means-tested but the middle
bracket tends to pay roughly £16 per day.
Dougie’s care costs £75 per day, around
£1,500 per month. While £18,000 a year
isn’t as much as the most expensive nurseries
charge, it is almost as much each month as
our mortgage, and that is about to go up too.
Then there are Freda’s after-school and holiday
clubs to cover. My husband and I are well paid
– far from the sharp end of the cost of living
crisis – but there is not much left over.
According to the children’s charity Coram,
the average annual cost of a full-time nursery
place for a child under two in Britain is now
£14,836. Among the 38 members of the OECD,
British parents spend one of the highest
proportions of their salaries on childcare: around
50 per cent of the median woman’s earnings,
more than double what French parents pay.
‘WE NEEDED A QUICK FIX,’ SAYS ONE NURSERY
When it comes to public spending on childcare,
Britain is just above Mexico and Cyprus.
CHAIN OWNER. ‘THIS BUDGET IS NOT IT’
When I came back to work after Dougie,
I sold stuff on eBay to pay childcare bills that That is why 4,000 providers closed last 20 per cent off fees for those earning under
had gone up by £200 per month since Freda year. A survey by the Early Years Alliance £100,000, but requires the other 80 per cent
started three years earlier. It was a jolt to my found in January that more than a third of upfront. That has priced out lower earners, but
privilege to stop buying flat whites and eating pre-schools, nurseries and childminders Jeremy Hunt’s changes mean that recipients of
out. Aged 36, on a good salary, I had to ask believed rising costs will make it “likely” they’ll Universal Credit will now get their childcare
my parents to help for a while. close this year. Parents are struggling to find credits ahead of their bills, rather than in
As I said, I am very lucky – but I am replacement care, struggling to explain to arrears. At the top end, £100,000 is an awful
not an outlier. All around me, women who their employers why they cannot work as lot of money – three times the average UK
have built careers are debating leaving them they are expected to. household – but basing eligibility on individual
because their salaries barely cover what When Hunt announced ten days ago that salaries rather than combined income means
nurseries and childminders must charge to two-year-olds will receive 15 hours per week a family with two parents both on £99,000
break even. They are not who you might in term time from next spring, perhaps he qualify while one with a split of £101,000 and
traditionally think of as hard-up – neither gambled on already having lost the votes of £30,000 do not.
single parents nor on Universal Credit – and anybody with a child under three currently None of it has served to make childcare
neither am I. I drop my kids off at a leafy in the system. To us, it felt like an empty affordable for most parents. I have friends
primary school and Montessori nursery announcement to make sure Labour couldn’t who have moved home so their parents
on an electric cargo bike. We live in a London use it at the election. Of course, change can do it free of charge, because it is cheaper
borough whose micro-economy runs on takes time to implement, but the chancellor’s to commute than pay for nursery. Another has
sourdough pizza, fancy coffee and craft beer. alterations to the pension allowance and chosen, with her husband, to work remotely
Yet, one Sunday last October, all the parents energy subsidy take effect next month. from Europe to make the most of how
I know took their kids not to the Halloween Isobel, 39, whose job in the public sector inexpensive nurseries are over there.
pumpkin patch but to protest rallies to pays her around £40,000, is still facing a bill Some 43,000 women have dropped out
demand government action on childcare. of £36,000 if she puts her two children into of work to care for their families in the
Brearley organised those events. “We’re full-time care this year. past year because they can’t square these
concerned that the money pledged isn’t “That’s including the 30 hours for my sums; 1.7 million have been prevented from
enough,” she says of last week’s budget. “The eldest,” she says. “My husband is on £80,000 taking on more hours because they can’t sort
CBI estimates that what the government and our mortgage is £2,500 per month. out childcare.
is planning to do will cost £8.9 billion, not I’ve worked hard to get where I am, but it’s When Dougie turned two, our bill dropped
£4 billion. Free childcare from nine months literally not worth me going back to work. by £100 or so. But weeks later, we received an
is brilliant, but only if there are settings to I never thought that would apply to me.” email explaining that, due to inflation, costs
access it in. Without the correct funding, At the moment, the government offers were going up again – to more than they had
there won’t be.” all three and four-year-olds 15 “free” hours of been in the first place. Most parents I know
“I’m already short £2.50 per hour per childcare a week for 38 weeks of the year, and are just trying to stay afloat until the subsidy
child,” says Callaghan. “And I can’t see me 30 hours if their parents work at least 16 hours kicks in. Even when it does, it is not always
getting that out of this pot.” per week. HMRC’s tax-free scheme takes the panacea they have been hoping for.
PA

The Times Magazine 37

 “It’s not 15 free hours; it’s 15 free hours in
term-time,” says Alex Nevard, a 35-year-old
A&E consultant in Leeds and dad of four,
whose childcare bills are about to top £3,000
per month. “It’s good PR to call it that, but it’s
actually 11 free hours, excluding extras, if you
can find the right nursery, for some parts of
the year, roughly after your child turns three.
Not as catchy, but far more accurate.”
His parents drive 90 minutes each way
from North Yorkshire to help him and his wife
(also a doctor) three or four days a week. We
are now entering an age of asking not only
whether mothers can “have it all” but if
grandmothers can too, as many are retiring
to become full-time unpaid carers.
The “free” hours are at the heart of Britain’s
childcare crisis. Introduced by David Cameron
in 2010, the offer has never been fully covered
by the funding received. Then, a child whose
care cost £6.25 per hour was remunerated by
local authorities – themselves grappling with
austerity cuts – at £4.36. Even during the 2015
election campaign, when 15 hours became a
30-hours pledge, practitioners warned that it
would require £354 million in extra funding.
Nurseries have been closing because of the
discrepancy since 2017, but recent inflation has
made the holes in their budgets even bigger.
Those in the sector say that Jeremy Hunt’s
planned initial increase of £204 million for
three and four-year-olds won’t cover the
current shortfall, let alone prepare settings for
the coming changes.
BOTH SPORTMAX (MATCHESFASHION.COM). SHOES, PARISTEXASBRAND.COM. BAG, STRATHBERRY.COM. FREDA WEARS DRESS AND
SHOES, BODEN.COM. DOUGIE WEARS DUNGAREES, BODEN.COM. SHIRT, CARAMEL-SHOP.CO.UK. SHOES, CONVERSE (SCHUH.CO.UK)
HAIR: DESMOND GRUNDY USING MOROCCAN OIL. MAKE-UP: GIA MILES USING SKIN IN MOTION. HARRIET WEARS BLAZER AND SKIRT,
The government has known of the gap for
some time. In 2021, a Freedom of Information
request revealed ministers were aware in
2015 that adequately funding the entitlements
“could cost in excess of £2 billion per annum by
2020” and would be “extremely expensive”. A
Department for Education briefing estimated
the cost of a three to four-year-old place
would be £7.49 per hour by 2021; the childcare
research agency Ceeda found the average rate
given to local authorities that year was £4.89.
The missing £2.69 adds up to £2,964 over a
year for a “funded” 30-hours place, which is
why children below that age are so expensive.
“We’re not allowed to call it a ‘top-up’, but
we can charge to cover anything outside the
educational side of things,” explains Callaghan.
She increased fees by 10 per cent this year, after
an 8 per cent lift last year too. “In real terms,
the increase on a place is 28 per cent, but
we’ve received virtually no extra funding – 2p
an hour or something. It is an absolute insult.”
Her bills for the home-cooked food she
provides have gone up by 20 per cent. Heating
bills have increased fourfold and cannot be
skimped on. Staffing now costs 15 per cent
more too. Callaghan gives her staff an annual
pay rise, but decided on a second one in
June when she saw how inflation was affecting
her employees.
38 The Times Magazine
WHAT ABOUT THE STAFF RATIO CHANGES?
‘THE WORST IDEA ANYBODY HAS EVER HAD’
“They were struggling,” she says. “And
everybody’s scrambling for staff. It’s less
stressful stacking shelves than looking after
people’s most precious possessions and you
can earn the same money.”
If not more. Some 97 per cent of the early
years workforce is female, with an average
pay of £7.42 per hour. Some have second jobs
to make ends meet.
Those trying to recruit and retain are only
too aware that more than a third of workers
leave within two years. Callaghan has brought
in incentives to mitigate the churn: part-time
roles; the chance to earn extra holiday; a £100
bonus as a thank you post-Covid; birthdays
off; heavily discounted rates for carers’ own
children. She now employs an in-house
counsellor for staff mental health issues too.
Nevertheless, there is a steady flow of
workers from childcare to employers such
as Amazon and McDonalds.
“It’s Brexit and Covid,” she says. “A lot
of non-nationals went home. We need more
investment encouraging youngsters to go into
early years.”
It is a common theme: most of the
professionals I speak to are in their fifties, and
they do not see any interest in – nor incentive
for – the vocation among the next generation.
“The situation is only going to get worse,”
says Neil Leitch of the Early Years Alliance.
“We have concerns everywhere, but it is the
settings in areas of deprivation and rural
communities that are likely to be hardest hit.”
These are the providers unable to charge
for “extras”, because the parents using them
have little to no spare cash.
In Hampshire, 38-year-old Meg was a PA
in private healthcare, earning around £30,000.
Her husband earns £50,000. Then the baby
they were expecting turned out to be twins.
“I don’t like the idea of not working,” she
tells me, “but our mortgage is going up by
£1,000 per month and the nursery near us
costs £100 per day – and there’s two of them.”
What happens in these early years makes a
difference: the country benefits from childcare
being not only accessible but of high quality, a
word often missing from discussions. I can see
how nursery has socialised our children, made
them confident. Freda trotted into school on
her first day unfazed, while many children
who had been at home were anxious. In
France, childcare is close to free from three
months old whether mothers are working or
not, on the basis that children need to learn
the French way of doing things early on.
The Princess of Wales has become a
prominent campaigner on how much the early
years matter. “We all need to know the critical
importance of early childhood,” the Princess
wrote to launch her Shaping Us campaign in
January. “Because healthy, happy children
shape a healthy, happy future.”
Hunt’s other response to the crisis has been
to loosen the staff ratios to save money, as
proposed by Liz Truss. That means one worker
can now legally look after five two-year-olds
rather than four. As someone who regularly
deals with one two-year-old, I cannot see how
this is humanly possible.
“The worst idea anybody has ever had,”
says Callaghan. “I’d like to invite a politician
to come and try looking after five toddlers.
“Staff are under enough strain as it is.
I don’t know anybody who will accept the
new ratio, and the cost won’t be passed on
to parents. It’s a total cop-out.
“There’s an expectation of care that you
cannot let slip,” she adds. “You would struggle
to find a nursery owner that isn’t stressed
right now.”
“You get so stressed that you can’t get any
more stressed,” another early years worker
tells me. “There are times when I just have
to take a deep breath. If I didn’t like the kids,
I would have packed up and left by now.”
There is consensus among everyone
I speak to – practitioners, business owners
and parents – that things are even harder
now than they were during the pandemic.
“The people making decisions about the
childcare sector don’t have to deal with it,”
says Brearley. “They have stay-at-home wives
or nannies.”
In London, anecdotally at least, the
shortage of nursery places is beginning to
have an impact on them too, with searches
now so hot that nanny salaries are reaching
£65,000. “You’re competing against people
so rich they can offer more than I earn,” one
mother tells me.
I’m speaking about a still very fortunate
bracket, but the families I know contending
with childcare costs (including my own) are
not spending the way they used to – and
that isn’t just cancelling Oscar’s piano lessons
or whisking Tabitha out of jazz tap. They’re
not taking their kids out for tea or stopping
for ice creams. They’re certainly not getting
babysitters in and going out. If they’re
taking holidays at all, it’s with generous
– and increasingly tired – grandparents. I’m
aware these are first-world problems given
what many are facing right now, but if
even we can’t stretch to this stuff, who can?
What is the point in a future where a family
is something most people can’t afford? n
 FANCY A WALK
WITH ME?

ACROSS IRAQ…
It’s famous for Peshmerga fighters
rising against Saddam Hussein and the
Yazidi fleeing Isis. But British writer
Leon McCarron wants us to see Iraqi
Kurdistan in a new way – as a
destination for walking holidays. His
only concern? Could his mum handle
it? Interview by Tom Whipple
 Leon McCarron, 36,
photographed by
Emily Garthwaite on the
Zagros Mountain Trail, looking
towards the summit of
Halgurd in Iraq
 Rawanduz Canyon, Iraq
T
o find the perfect path, you have
to consider the animal that made
it. Goat tracks are generally to
be avoided, says Leon McCarron,
because “goats are precarious
little creatures”. If you find
donkey droppings, that’s more
positive: precarious cliffs aren’t
a donkey’s style.
But the best walking routes in
the mountains of Kurdistan, he says, are
marked by cow pats. Cattle, says McCarron,
have a lot in common with ramblers. “They
are big and cumbersome, and they’re not
PREVIOUS SPREAD: EMILY GARTHWAITE/INSTITUTE.
going to go along a tiny little edge if they
can possibly avoid it.”
This is why when McCarron finds a cattle
track going his way, he marks it on his map.
And then another section of his planned
THIS PAGE: LEON MCCARRON
walking empire is complete.
Over millennia of being beaten down by
sandals and hooves, the trails of Kurdistan
have served many purposes. Here, where the
scorching plains of Iraq rise to the snows above,
you find a liminal zone. Amid these tumbling
peaks, which so often in history marked the
‘KURDISTAN IS STUNNING. PEOPLE HAVE
FORGOTTEN IT BECAUSE OF RECENT HISTORY’
untidy edges between ebbing and flowing
empires, north meets south, east meets west
and the great – and less great – monotheistic
religions jostle for space and souls.
Three thousand years ago, not long after a
man called Zoroaster started training for the
priesthood, traders in these mountains would
harness their donkeys, leave the high fortress
cities and continue on the Silk Road to the
deserts below.
One thousand years ago, a few centuries
after a man called Muhammad had heard
messages from God in the deserts to the
south, Crusader armies followed the same
paths through the mountains, passing already
ancient Jewish and Zoroastrian sites.
Seventy-five years ago, fighters passed
through these mountains again, but going
the other way. Peshmerga – the name means
“those who face death” – sought sanctuary
Guide Ahmed Rezani
Lalish temple
from British bomber planes, which were
helping the Iraqi authorities suppress a revolt.
Forty years ago they returned, using the
peaks as a base to fight Saddam Hussein. They
were still fighting when, three decades later,
the enemy had become Isis. Then it was on
these paths that the Yazidi, for whom the
mountains are also holy, escaped, carrying
their lives on their backs as they fled the
genocide Isis had wrought.
Today, McCarron’s hope is that people like
his mother – a keen but not crazily adventurous
walker – will pack a rucksack, fill a water
bottle and set off on the same route, this time
not to see Yazidi refugees but Yazidi temples.
While hopefully avoiding the minefields.
The thing about Kurdistan, says McCarron
– and he is absolutely serious – is that
not enough people think of it as a walking
holiday destination.
The Times Magazine 43
 “Kurdistan is really stunning. It is beautiful
mountain scenery, traditional villages and all
this religious stuff. And maybe people know
that. But maybe they’ve also forgotten it
because of recent history.” So he wants to
remind them. He has found financial backing
from the Abraham Path Initiative, a non-profit
group that has been building trails elsewhere
in the Middle East – including in Palestine
where, with the aid of a £2.7 million World
Bank grant, they have developed the
Palestinian Heritage Trail, a 300-mile
hiking route across the West Bank.
With the group’s help, McCarron and his
colleagues have mapped 150 miles of trails,
from the temples and monasteries of the
lowlands to the rugged highlands.
After gaining funding and collaborators,
after persuading villages to act as lodging
places and residents to be guides, his quixotic
plan is approaching completion. This spring,
the first hiking boots have been leaving their
dusty footprints on Iraqi Kurdistan’s first
long-distance hiking trail, now officially called
the Zagros Mountain Trail. McCarron, after
testing the route with a handful of walkers last
autumn, has this month been helping to lead a
programme of weekly one-day hikes, and from
May will be running 14-day treks along its
entire length. The idea is that by next year,
the trail will be fully open for hikers to come
and go independently.
We meet for lunch in a Middle Eastern
restaurant in Reading. McCarron, a wiry and
stubbly 36-year-old, has the sort of gait that
you suspect could set off after breakfast and
continue untiringly, like a methodically
trudging metronome, until dinner. Today,
though, he drives: for a man who deals with
travel logistics all the time in the toughest
parts of the world, our plans for a more
salubrious meeting place were still scuppered
by the deus ex machina of an old-fashioned
British rail strike.
He was born on a farm near the northern
tip of Northern Ireland, in the green, damp
and temperate countryside around the
Atlantic coast. But he no longer lives there,
or anywhere like there. Instead, he is here on
a holiday from Erbil, capital of Iraqi Kurdistan
and his permanent home. He is, for want of a
better word, an explorer.
For the old pilgrims, the greatest journeys
began at Canterbury – the routes across Europe
that would take them to Rome and beyond.
The same was true for McCarron too. Sort of.
He did a degree in film studies at university
in Canterbury and then, afterwards, unsure
of what he wanted to do, just headed off. He
LEON MCCARRON
packed a rucksack, took some savings and
cycled across the USA. During the journey, he
says, he realised he wanted to tell stories – and
the journey would become a book.
Zoragvan
Shush
Akre
Khalan
Zagros Mountain Trail
150 miles from Shush to Halgurd
‘I WENT TO THE FRONT LINE DURING THE
CIVIL WAR. IT WAS UTTERLY TERRIFYING’
Ahmed Rezani, left, with a local farmer
Which brings us to a different description
of his job, equally true (for him and often
other explorers) – he is a freelance journalist.
After the cycling book came another, this time
about walking 1,000 miles through the Middle
East. A third – Wounded Tigris: River Journey
Through the Cradle of Civilisation – is out on
April 6. He has walked 1,000 miles through
the Empty Quarter, the dead and desolate
sandy wasteland of Arabia first crossed by
Wilfred Thesiger. He has made a documentary
for National Geographic about walking 3,000
miles across China, and another about
crossing Patagonia on horseback. In 2016,
he travelled to Kurdistan.
Throughout the Iraq war and the chaos
that followed, Kurdistan has been an island of
(relative) calm. It has enjoyed semi-autonomy
and stood apart from the ferocious Sunni-Shia
civil war that tore through much of the
country following the UK and US invasion.
Halgurd
Soran
Choman
Rwanduz
It was natural, then, that when he came to
the region he would use Kurdistan as a base. It
was also natural that the army would too. At
the time what is now called the liberation of
Mosul from Isis rule was under way and, as a
freelance writer-cum-explorer, McCarron felt
he should cover it. “And so,” he says between
mouthfuls of kebab, “I went to the front line.”
There, the Iraqi special forces were
advancing at speed, capturing villages and
then moving on to the next without being
sure they had cleared out stragglers. He
was following behind. It was, he says, “just
utterly terrifying”.
“I did a couple of days of that and came
back to Erbil chastened, realising that this
was absolutely not a career for me.” That was
when, looking for support, he met Lawin
Mohammad, a friend of a friend, who lived
in Kurdistan. “We went for a cup of tea and
chatted about this horrific experience and
how useless and unsuitable I felt. He said,
‘You should have a better memory of the
Kurdistan region than this. You should do
something else.’ I asked him for some
suggestions and he said, ‘Well, you know,
we’re famous for our mountains. We’re a
land of mountainous scenery.’ ”
So it was that, a few days later, the pair
found themselves in Amedi, a hilltop fortress
town on a green plateau whose forbidding
walls have spent three millennia repelling, and
sometimes succumbing to, invaders. As they
left, they walked south through the old city
gate, the cobbles smoothed by centuries of
travellers. “I was just casually asking people,
‘Where does this go?’ And they said, ‘That’s
the old donkey trail to Mosul.’ It was where all
the trade came from Persia on one side and
Continues on page 57
The Times Magazine 45
 PU
Eat!

LL
OU
Delicious recipes for

T
(quite good) home cooks

THE NEW FOODIE

HOTSPOT?
IT’S IN BATH

George Barson, head chef at Beckford Canteen in Bath

C
anteen by name,
but there is nothing
canteen-like in the
nature of the cooking
at the new hotspot
in Bath. True, some
of the dishes at
Beckford Canteen
sound rather
workaday – Welsh
rarebit with pickled onions, say,
or sardines on toast – but in the
hands of talented chef George
Barson, they are anything but.
“I think the word canteen is
slightly misleading,” says 39-year-
old Barson, sitting in the pretty,
light-filled dining room. “It
suggests long tables and stripped-
back dining, but I decided instead
to make the presentation very
simple and let the ingredients do
the talking. There’s quite a bit of
technique in the kitchen but it’s
not showy on the plate. Ninety
per cent of diners don’t care how
dishes are made; they just want
to eat tasty food.”
Tasty food is in no short
supply in this former Georgian
greenhouse given Barson’s
exemplary pedigree. Born in
Devon, he started out at River
Cottage with Hugh Fearnley-
Whittingstall before working with
Heston Blumenthal and most
recently as chef director at two of
London’s most praised restaurants,
Kitty Fisher’s in Mayfair and Cora
Pearl in Covent Garden. Just
before the pandemic struck, he
handed in his notice to take six
weeks off before starting work on
a new project. As you can imagine,
neither plan worked out.
So instead he moved to Frome
in Somerset with his restaurant
PR partner and young daughter
and discovered just how thriving
the West Country food scene
has become. “A lot of chefs have
realised how much better the SOLE WITH HARISSA BUTTER • 1 tbsp harissa paste non-fan). Place the sole on
lifestyle is down here,” he says. • 1 tsp chopped dill a piece of baking parchment
The recipes here are simplified Serves 4 • 1 tsp chopped coriander leaves on a large tray. Drizzle with
versions of his most popular • Zest of 1 lemon olive oil and place in the oven
dishes. “I may have omitted The harissa paste you can buy in • Sea salt for 5 minutes. Take them out,
a complicated, cheffy element all supermarkets is such a good • 4 sole, 400-600g each, heads quickly place a large spoonful
– aerating the curry butter in the instant flavour booster and works removed, skinned of the butter on top of each
monkfish dish, for example – but really well with any white fish or • Olive oil fish and return to the oven
the flavour profile is the same. indeed chicken. for 1 minute more.
I grew up eating British food, 1. Combine the butter with the 3. Serve immediately alongside
so we keep flavours classic, but • 175g butter, room temperature garlic, harissa, dill, coriander, buttered new potatoes and fresh
we might just get there in an • 2 garlic cloves, peeled lemon zest and a pinch of salt. greens such as purple sprouting
unexpected way.” Tony Turnbull and minced 2. Heat the oven to 200C (220C broccoli or asparagus.

48 The Times Magazine

 Eat! MODERN BRITISH
PORK CHOP, CIDER-BRAISED
ONIONS, SALSA VERDE
Serves 4
• 4 good-quality thick pork
chops, on the bone
• Sea salt
• Olive oil
• 100g butter
• 2 garlic gloves, crushed
• 1 thyme sprig
• 4 sage leaves
• 1 piece lemon peel

For the onions

• 12 baby onions, peeled
and halved
• 1 thyme sprig
• 200ml medium dry cider
• 40ml sherry vinegar
• Knob of salted butter

For the salsa verde

• 1 large handful each basil,
mint and parsley
• 2 tbsp capers
• 2 anchovy fillets
• 1 tbsp Dijon mustard
• 10 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
• Pinch of salt

1. For the onions, place a large

frying pan over a medium heat
with a little oil. Add the onions,
cut-side down, and fry until
golden. Add the thyme, cider and
sherry vinegar. Cook gently until
the onions are soft, adding the
butter at the end. Set aside.
2. For the salsa verde, finely chop
together the herbs, capers and
anchovy fillets. Mix with the
mustard and oil and season with
salt to taste. Set to one side.
3. Preheat oven to 200C (220C
non-fan). Heat a little oil in a
large ovenproof frying pan over a
medium heat. Season the chops
with salt. Place them in the pan
on their fat end, cooking for a
couple of minutes until the fat is
golden brown, then cook on each
side for 1-2 minutes until nicely
browned. Add the butter, garlic,
thyme, sage and lemon. Place
in the oven for 6-8 minutes
depending on the thickness of the
chops, then remove from the oven
and leave to rest for 5 minutes.
4. Divide the chops and onions
among 4 plates, drizzle with the
RECIPES George Barson pan juices and dress with the
PHOTOGRAPHS Romas Foord salsa verde.

The Times Magazine 49

PEA SOUP WITH BACON
AND RICOTTA CROUTONS
Serves 4
• 125g salted butter
• 1 leek, halved, rinsed,
finely sliced
• 2 banana shallots, peeled
and finely sliced
• 4 garlic gloves, peeled
and finely chopped
• 1 thyme sprig
• 850ml good-quality chicken
or vegetable stock
• 400g frozen petits pois
• Small handful fresh mint
leaves, chopped
• Sea salt and black pepper
• Lemon juice

For the croutons

• 4 thick sourdough bread slices
• Extra virgin olive oil
• 1 large garlic clove, peeled
• 6 smoked streaky bacon
rashers, chopped into lardons
• 175g ricotta
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 50g parmesan

1. For the soup, melt the butter in

a large pan over a medium heat
and add the leek and shallots to
soften. After a few minutes, add
the garlic and thyme. Cook until
everything is soft and translucent,
but without colour. Add the stock,
bring to the boil and add the
peas. Once it comes back to the
boil, turn off the heat and add the
mint. Blend until smooth. Return
to the heat and season with salt,
pepper and lemon juice to taste.
2. To make the croutons, heat the
oven to 200C (220C non-fan).
Remove the crusts from the bread
and cut into 8 rectangles. Drizzle
with olive oil, place on a baking
sheet in the oven and cook for a
few minutes until lightly golden
on top. Remove from oven, rub
with the garlic and allow to cool.
3. Heat a large frying pan over a
medium heat and fry the bacon
until crispy. Remove and drain on
kitchen roll. Leave to cool. Spread
the ricotta over the croutons and
sprinkle over the bacon. Drizzle
with olive oil, season with pepper
and grate over the parmesan.
4. Divide the hot soup between
four bowls with the croutons
served on the side.

50 The Times Magazine

 Eat! MODERN BRITISH
MONKFISH WITH CURRY
BUTTER AND CAULIFLOWER
Serves 4
• Vegetable oil
• Sea salt
• 4 x 170g pieces of boneless
monkfish tail

For the cauliflower puree

• 1 cauliflower, florets only
• 125g butter
• 500ml milk
• Sea salt

For the curry butter

• 125g soft butter
• Zest of 1 lemon
• 1 tbsp mild curry powder
• 1 tbsp chopped coriander leaves
• 1 garlic clove, peeled
and minced

For the caramelised cauliflower

• Florets from half a cauliflower
• Vegetable oil
• 50g butter
• 1 tarragon sprig
• Sea salt

1. For the puree, roughly chop the

florets. In a large pan, melt the
butter and cook the florets until
lightly golden brown. Add the
milk and cook until soft. Blend
until smooth. Season to taste.
2. Mix together the butter
ingredients and set to one side.
3. For the caramelised
cauliflower, cut each floret in half.
Heat a splash of oil in a large
frying pan on a medium heat and
fry the florets cut-side down until
lightly golden. Flip the florets,
turn the heat to low and add the
butter, tarragon and salt. Cook
until soft and caramelised.
4. Heat the oven to 170C (190C
non-fan). Heat a splash of oil in
a large frying pan over a medium
heat. Lightly season the fish then
place in the pan, colouring quickly
on all sides just for a couple of
minutes. Place in the oven for
5 minutes. Remove and dollop the
curry butter into the pan, basting
the fish when the butter melts, and
allow to rest for a few minutes.
5. Warm the puree, then divide
among 4 plates. Follow with the
florets, then add the fish. Drizzle
with the butter and juices from
the pan to serve.

The Times Magazine 51

 Eat! MODERN BRITISH
CLOTTED CREAM MOUSSE,
STEWED RHUBARB
Serves 4-6
A great dinner party dish as you
can make it a few days in advance
and keep it in the fridge. Or you
could freeze it in an old ice-cream
tub and serve it sliced like a
semifreddo. Any fruit compote will
work, from apples to strawberries.

• 2 gelatine leaves (7.5g)

• 100ml crème fraîche
• 180g clotted cream
• Seeds from 1 vanilla pod
• Pinch of salt
• 140g caster sugar
• 5 egg yolks
• 500g forced rhubarb
• Zest and juice of one orange

1. Bloom the gelatine in a little

cold water. Place the crème
fraîche, clotted cream, vanilla
seeds and salt in a large bowl,
mixing very gently with a wooden
spoon until just combined.
2. Place 90g sugar and 70ml
water in a saucepan over a
medium heat and bring up to
110C on a thermometer. While
this is coming up to temperature,
start the egg yolks whisking slowly
in a stand mixer until starting to
turn pale. Once the sugar and
water have reached 110C, remove
from the heat. Quickly squeeze
the excess water from the gelatine
and add it to the saucepan,
shaking the pan a little to dissolve
the gelatine. Moving quickly, turn
the whisking egg yolks up to full
power, then gradually pour in the
sugar mixture in a continuous
stream until fully combined, light
and fluffy.
3. Spoon a third of the sugar
and egg mixture into the cream
mixture and gently fold to
combine. Repeat this twice more.
4. Divide between individual
glasses and set in the fridge for
at least a couple of hours.
5. Meanwhile, heat the oven to
180C (200C non-fan). Cut the
rhubarb into 2cm pieces. Place
it in an oven dish, sprinkle over
50g sugar and add the orange zest
and juice. Bake for 5-10 minutes
or until the rhubarb is just starting
to soften. Leave to cool before
serving with the mousse.

The Times Magazine 53

Eat! MODERN BRITISH
RAREBIT AND
ALE-PICKLED ONIONS
Serves 4
Rarebit is a step up on cheese on
toast and worthy of the dinner
table. The dab of miso brings out
a new flavour dimension and the
onions add crunch. Equally you
could serve it with a green salad.
For the pickled onions
• 100ml brown ale
• 160ml chardonnay vinegar
• 100g caster sugar
• 1 large red onion
For the rarebit
• 50g butter
• 50g plain flour
• 240ml brown ale
• 270g extra mature
cheddar, grated
• 2 tsp English mustard
• 2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• 2 tsp white miso
• 2 tbsp finely chopped chives
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 4 large sourdough bread slices
1. For the pickled onions, place
the ale, vinegar and sugar in
a saucepan over a medium
heat. Bring to the boil, stirring
occasionally until all the sugar
has dissolved. Remove from the
heat and leave to cool. Halve
then thinly slice the red onion,
place in a bowl and pour over
the pickle. Leave to sit at
room temperature for at least
30 minutes (or it can be stored
in the fridge for a few days).
2. For the rarebit, melt the butter
in a pan over a medium heat. Stir
in the flour and cook for a couple
of minutes, then gradually add
the ale, making sure it is fully
incorporated between each
addition. Remove from the
heat and mix in the remaining
ingredients apart from the bread
until the cheese has melted.
3. Heat the grill to high. Lightly
toast the sourdough and place on
a baking tray. Spread generously
with the rarebit mix and place
under the grill until golden and
bubbling. Top with a scattering
of pickled onions before serving.
54 The Times Magazine
CHOCOLATE CREMEUX
WITH CHERRIES
Serves 4-6
Cherries are a classic
combination with chocolate,
especially when soaked in
kirsch. A cremeux is made with
a custard base so is slightly
denser than a chocolate
mousse, and all the better for it.
• 6 egg yolks
• 150ml double cream
• 225ml whole milk
• 200g good-quality
40-50 per cent milk
chocolate, finely chopped
• 145g good-quality
70 per cent dark chocolate,
finely chopped
• Large pinch sea salt
• 300ml crème fraîche
• 1 jar cherries in kirsch
1. In a large bowl, lightly beat
the egg yolks. Place the cream
and milk in a saucepan over a
medium heat. Once the cream
and milk mixture is hot but not
boiling, stir a small amount into
the eggs. Pour this egg and milk
mixture back into the milk pan,
stirring continuously over a low
heat. After 1 minute, remove
from the heat and, using a stick
blender, mix in the chocolates
and the salt, blending until
smooth and shiny. Divide the
mix between clingfilm-lined
ramekins, then leave in the
fridge to set.
2. Remove from the fridge about
20 minutes before serving and
turn out onto plates. Garnish
with a spoonful of crème fraîche
and the cherries. n
Beckford Canteen, 11-12 Bartlett
Street, Bath (01225 338470;
beckfordcanteen.com)
Kurdistan Continued from page 45
then on to Damascus on the other. It was part
of the Silk Road.
“It was a revelation to me that it was part
of such an important trading network. There
were all these layers of history and culture.
Yet I knew so little about it.” And now,
through walking, just as had been the case
with his other travels, he was finding out.
That gave them both a thought. A mad,
implausible thought.
“What I love about walking is that it slows
everything down. You slow down your body
and also your mind. If you try to understand
a region like this, it is so complicated. If you
walk through it, the arc of history is there.
A good trail is like a story.”
Slowly the idea formed that here in this
storied land, he and Mohammad could tell the
region’s story through walking – and in doing
so begin their own story.
Seventh-century Nineveh was a place
of magic and demons, of devilment and
temptation. In those days, when Christianity
was not yet ancient and Islam was not yet
all-conquering, evil was a physical presence.
Spirits fought here on Earth.
Ranged against them as humanity’s best
demon-defence were the ascetics, the wild-
haired, hair-shirted men who retreated to
the wilderness, to caves and shepherd’s huts,
to battle evil.
Some were more powerful than others.
Some were better too at spotting the enemy
than others. Few combined these talents as well
as Rabban Hormizd. From a redoubt carved
into a mountainside at the head of a valley
where the icy winds whipped in winter and
the shadowless sun beat in summer, Hormizd
conducted his grim campaign against the devil.
The devil, in this case, appeared oddly
frequently in the form of the monks of
rival monasteries. One day, for instance,
the treacherous monks of Bezkin accused
Hormizd – a stern-faced man, not generally
one for frivolity – of fornication. Hormizd
was unimpressed. Assisted by, according to
contemporary accounts, an angel with a
crowbar, he smote the fork-tongued monks
of Bezkin.
Next to trouble him were the equally
scurrilous monks of Mattai. Convinced of their
immoral ways, the noble Hormizd tricked his
way into their shrine, discovered they were
worshipping a statue of the false idol of
Marcion the Sorcerer, stole it (again aided
by a tooled-up angel) and, for good measure,
compelled the statue both to speak and
“lament that he had become a laughing stock”.
Little wonder, then, that Hormizd’s
monastery – defying gravity on a cliffside
where even today the wintry wind whistles
through the rock-carved windows – remains
central to Chaldean Catholicism.
It is here, above the plains of Nineveh,
that the trail begins. And after visiting this
1,300-year-old monastery, the sights begin to
get properly old. On day two, walkers reach
Lalish temple. Here, in the holiest site of
the Yazidi faith, it feels like all other faiths
converge. On the stones there are symbols of
Mithraism, the lost ancient mystery religion.
In the temple itself there is a shrine to a Sufi
Muslim and Yazidi saint.
This is where, Yazidis believe, Noah’s ark
hit dry land – after a hole was plugged by
the serpent from the Garden of Eden. It was
also where many fled in 2014 when Isis took
Mount Sinjar. Those who could escape did so
on the same paths McCarron and Mohammad
prepare for tourists.
As walkers reach higher ground, the
archaeology gets older still. There is the
Assyrian site of Khinnis, built to celebrate
King Sennacherib’s engineering prowess – it
marks the start of a canal network built to
irrigate Nineveh below. There are rock carvings
and synagogues, monasteries and temples.
THERE ARE ROCK CARVINGS AND TEMPLES.
‘MOST THINGS ARE USED AS COW SHEDS’
There are Sufi and Zoroastrian sites.
Some are well preserved. Some are less
so. “The synagogue is being used as a cow
shed,” says McCarron. So too is one of the
monasteries. “Most things,” he confesses, “are
being used as cow sheds.” His dream is that in
a decade he will return to a thriving trail on
which the locals have found there is more
value in using their heritage to attract tourists
than to house cattle.
But why does it take so long? McCarron
and his colleagues are not even building
paths; they are utilising existing ones. Even
so, it takes time and is tricky. It is possible
to spend a lifetime walking the world’s great
paths – the GR routes of France, the
Appalachian trail – without considering the
work in setting them up.
The paths need to be found. Often
McCarron and Mohammad will arrive in a
village and find that no one walks any more;
not long distance anyway.
“We would ask people, which way would
you walk if you were to go from here to
the next village?” They wouldn’t know. But
then he would say, “ ‘Which way would your
grandparents have walked?’ Or, ‘Which way
did people take the animals?’ We had to find
different ways to ask the same question.”
In this way they would slowly piece
together each section, finding robust routes
that were interesting, but not too interesting.
“I’ll think, ‘Could my mum do this? My mum’s
a very active woman. She likes walking, but
she’s also in her sixties. So I think, could she
do this physically? And, also, would she be
scared by anything?”
Finding somewhere for her to stay would
be a lesser concern. “The beauty of the Middle
East is the culture of hospitality. You or
I could stay just about anywhere we wanted
in Kurdistan tomorrow. People will take in a
stranger.” If Isis was the worst of humanity, he
says, this is the best.
“We never had any trouble with turning up
in a village at sunset and finding somewhere
to stay.” Quite the reverse: they could always
rely on the kindness of strangers, to the extent
that this itself became a problem. To make the
trail work he needed accommodation, but he
needed it to be professional. “The challenge
has been binding that culture of hospitality to
a sense of developing a business.”
He continues, “We have a hell of a battle
on our hands to pay. Often we’ve had to slip
money to children as we’re leaving or hide
it under a cushion. People feel it is a great
dishonour to take money for hosting someone.”
As the route gets higher, the attractions
change once more. In the final sections, the
land is too poor for grand architecture: it is
the mountains themselves that are the draw.
But for those who live in them, these peaks
have as many tales to tell as any temple.
“Two of our guides were Peshmerga. They
have these harrowing stories of what it was
like there. Both have said something similar to
us. There was a large period in their life when
they could never imagine these mountains
would be anything other than a refuge. They
gave them a chance of surviving.”
It is appropriate, then, that here is where
the trail reaches its climax – and where,
perhaps, a new story, and role, for these
mountains begins.
For McCarron, this is the favourite part of
the walk – sitting in the villages beneath the
high mountains, the peaks black against a
starry night sky, chatting to the men who
once hid among them.
“When you have people coming in,
especially people from thousands of miles
away, who say, ‘We really value this place you
live in. We think it’s beautiful – we’d love to
bring people here so they can see it to show
their respect to it,’ that’s really powerful.
“They can see a direct correlation.
They fought for these mountains, and
now a younger generation can come and
enjoy them.” n
zagrosmountaintrail.org
The Times Magazine 57
SWEATY.
BREATHLESS.
FLAUNTING
YOUR
PERSONAL
BEST.
RUNNING
IS THE NEW
WAY TO
HOOK UP
Hannah Evans photographed
by Grey Hutton

FORGET
TINDER, I’M
INTO SPEED
DATING.
LITERALLY
Hannah Evans, left, has
tried all the conventional
dating apps – with no
luck. Then the single
28-year-old signed up
to Strava, designed for
runners to compare their
stats, and found it had
unexpected benefits
 ‘C
ome on, it’ll help us get in shape
for summer,” my housemate said in
the lockdown days of spring 2020,
when the only outings permitted
were for daily exercise. “It’ll be fun.”
I’d never thought of running
as fun. I rarely ran for the bus
and, while I did go to the gym,
I avoided anything aerobic that
might break a sweat.
Fast forward three years and things look
dramatically different. I now run six times a
week, have one marathon under my belt and
am running my second in April.
If that weren’t devotion enough, today
I’m out of bed at 5.30am, complete with a full
face of make-up, to head outside for a run in
temperatures of minus 10C. And I’m doing
this on holiday, in Michigan, and I’m about to
run with a bunch of people I’ve never even set
eyes on. But that’s largely the point.
I’ve been told by single, sporty friends that
running is now their most successful way to
pick up members of the opposite sex. They’ve
been on dates, got laid, found a partner, and
all from putting one foot in front of the other.
My friend Harriet met her boyfriend in
the queue for a Portaloo after a half marathon
in London last spring. I realise the loo queue
doesn’t scream romance, but they exchanged
numbers after he made a flirty comment
about how fast she was. The following week
they went on a first date: a 5km run.
You can be much more obvious with your
intentions. My friends Ben and Hamish, two
very fit lads, insist on running shirtless, even
in January. They say it’s because they get hot.
Even in January. Others might say it’s because
they are ripped and love the attention.
USING DRY BAR PRODUCTS AND HOURGLASS. LOCATION: SOUTHWARK PARK SPORTS AND ATHLETICS CENTRE
INSTAGRAM.COM/HANNAHSIANEVANS. PREVIOUS SPREAD: HAIR AND MAKE-UP, MAYA CZARNECKA AT BEAUTII
Many friends have met dates through
running clubs, and I don’t mean elite groups
where you have to be Paula Radcliffe to join.
There are hundreds of small groups – free of
charge – that now meet weekly in local parks
for a few laps before ending at a coffee shop.
But this being 2023, alongside the clubs
and the random running encounters, there’s
also an app for that. It was created as a
way for runners (and cyclists) to track and
record their progress, but today Strava has
inadvertently also become a dating app.
With more than 95 million users, the free
fitness app is where exercise devotees brag
about their PBs (personal bests), upload maps
of their routes and give each other “kudos”
– a sweaty, sporty, virtual thumbs-up.
You can follow people whose routes
you like the look of or whose times you are
impressed by. And when you go on a jog with
other users, Strava will automatically put you
together in a virtual group, so when you next
open the app, you get a notification with their
names and profiles. This means you don’t even
have to ask for someone’s number while you’re
busy getting your breath back.
“Strava is the new Tinder,”
says my friend Charlotte, who
met her current fling, Jason, also
known as JayWillBeatIt93, via the
app. Charlotte had spotted Jason
on the line-up at a fun run in her
local park and decided to run
behind him. That afternoon, she
opened Strava and there was his
profile. She gave him a follow. He gave
her kudos and left a flirty comment on the
results of her last run. The rest is Strava
history. “Think of it as like connecting with
someone on LinkedIn after bumping into
them at a conference,” says Charlotte.
Some of my friends use Strava and the
stats it provides as a way of vetting potential
suitors. Chloe runs ultra-marathons and,
when she gets asked out on a date, will look
up their profile on Strava to see how fast they
run. “My top priorities are height and a solid
10km time,” she admits. “I want to know if
he’ll be able to keep up with me.” And if he’s
too slow? Well, jog on.
ENDORPHINS ARE HIGH AND
ADRENALINE IS FLOWING.
IT’S IDEAL FOR FLIRTING
I’m 28, newly single and curious.
I understand that not everyone might fancy
getting chatted up when they’re sweating, but
it makes sense to me that if you’re looking
for love (or even just a one-night stand), there
are worse places to start than the finish line
of a race. Endorphins are high and adrenaline
is flowing, creating an ideal atmosphere for
flirting. I witnessed it myself last week after
a 10km race in central London; the short walk
from the finish line to the lockers felt like a
speed-dating event.
I’ve tried plenty of apps in my dating
history, from Hinge to Tinder to Bumble.
From the comfort of the sofa you can set
up a date from a catalogue of strangers
without actually having to put yourself
in any uncomfortable real-life situations.
But I’m increasingly feeling that the men
I end up swiping right are rarely a good
match. As a friend of mine admits, left to
her own devices she is terrible at choosing a
partner online. “I pick dreamboat men who
look great in pictures, but that doesn’t mean
we’re compatible or that they make a good
partner,” she said.
At least with the men I could meet on
Strava, we have one big thing in common. Of
course, just because they love running doesn’t
mean we’ll make a great match, but a shared,
passionate interest isn’t a bad place to start.
Left: Hannah at the Edinburgh Marathon.
Above: her friends Ben and Hamish
“Running is my idea of a perfect weekend,”
said one friend recently as she filled me in on
a race she’d run and the people she had met
afterwards – a group of four twentysomething
guys. “You have an early start, get high on
endorphins, make some new friends and then
everyone ends up at the pub together. I’d
much rather a weekend spent running than
a weekend clubbing.”
All this is why, this morning, I’m battling
through Michigan’s Arctic conditions to meet
a group of strangers for a run club: could
I walk the walk and get a date from my
beloved running app? I don’t feel desperate
– I am training for a marathon, so I did need
to run today. And I’m far enough away from
my home in London that it doesn’t matter
if nobody laughs at my jokes or finds me too
awkward and British.
When I arrive there’s good news: lots of
people, no other British accents and everyone
is going for coffee afterwards. The downside
is that the cold means we’re all wearing
hats, scarves, balaclavas and gloves, so I can’t
spot who has a wedding ring on. And I’m not
exactly dressed to pull myself, in two pairs of
gloves, four thermal layers and a head torch.
But five miles, a Strava follow and ten
hours later, I find myself in a bar on a date
with a man I had met on that morning’s run.
And it was great. Kudos for me. We ran
together and got talking. When I opened
Strava later, it had done the grafting for me.
Up popped a notification: you ran with Will.
That evening, I discovered, Will is
36 and works in tech. And happily, along
with running, we had plenty more in common.
We went on a couple more dates and
he even dropped me at the airport at the
end of my trip – thank you, Strava, for an
unexpected holiday running romance. That
final morning I did slightly regret having
drunkenly signed up together for a Michigan
marathon later this year.
Of course, like most modern technology,
Strava has some potential drawbacks too.
My friend Martha became suspicious when
her boyfriend began logging regular one-way
runs from his flat in south London to another
neighbourhood seven miles west. Was it just
an innocent jog on a route he really loved,
or something more sinister? In the end, she
couldn’t bear not knowing and confronted him.
Sadly, thanks to Strava, he is now her ex. n
The Times Magazine 61
 Pout! 17 BEST AGE-DEFYING TRICKS (AND
Hold back the years with clever buys and top tips. Nadine Baggott has all the gen
1
FOR A CREASE-
FREE CHEST
So Clingy
Skip the Fillers
Anti-wrinkle
Chest Patch (£16; soclingy.com)
If you wake to deep creases
between your breasts and up onto
your chest then the chances are
you are a side-sleeper and have
been squished into the bed for
eight hours. The solution is
to sleep on your back but it’s a
hard habit to change so instead
sleep in a reusable silicone chest
patch. Trust me, they work. You
simply peel off the backing film
and apply to clean, dry skin.
The silicone will first keep your
epidermis smooth and second
hydrate it by trapping in water.
You will wake to smoother skin.
2 5
TO HIDE
UNDER-EYE BAGS
Armani Luminous
Silk Concealer
(£35.50; boots.com)
The secret to concealing
under-eye bags is not a
ELISABETH HOFF, GETTY IMAGES
single concealer shade. Did you
know that you should use two
different shades to cover them?
The darker shade goes on the
puffy part and the lighter shade
directly over the dark shadow
around the inner corner. Think
64 The Times Magazine
of your concealer as combatting
the light and dark areas under
your eyes for the best effect.
3
TO COVER GREY,
SPARSE BROWS
Charlotte Tilbury
Legendary Brows
(£24; charlottetilbury.com)
If the thought of brow dye is just
too scary then a tinted brow gel
is the answer. It will cover up any
grey and add volume and oomph
to sparse, overplucked eyebrows.
This one is particularly good
because it has the tiniest brush,
which makes it simple to use. It
comes in four shades so is easy to
colour match, and takes seconds
to apply to define and cover fine,
thinning and grey brows.
4
A CRINKLY
LIPS SOLUTION
Hada Labo Tokyo
Premium Lotion
(£21.99; superdrug.com)
No, you do not need a
specific lip product for dry
crinkly lips; just slick this brilliant
lotion (it’s a really powerful
unfragranced moisturiser with
super-effective hyaluronic acid)
over your lips every morning
and night, along with the rest of
your face, obviously. It has an
immediate plumping effect on
dehydrated, flaky lips.
TO SEAL SPLIT ENDS
Virtue Healing Oil
(£42; cultbeauty.co.uk)
If you have fine, split and
dry hair then you’ll be
wary of oils that could
weigh hair down, but a new-
generation superlight lipid blend
can instantly get rid of the
roughly, crinkly look and feel
of split hair ends. This is one of
the best I have tried: five to ten
drops applied first to damp hair
pre-styling, then topped up after
drying and styling to calm
flyways and very dry ends, works
wonders and takes years off the
look of your hair. The secret
ingredient is human hair keratin
(yes, really), hydrolysed from the
offcuts of extensions and wigs.
6
TO CONCEAL
TIRED DARK
CIRCLES
MAC Studio Finish
SPF35 Concealer
(£22; lookfantastic.com)
Using the colour wheel principle,
orange and peach will counteract
the blue of dark circles and tired
eyes. MAC has a specific range of
oranges to do just that – look at
the shades NC40, NC48 and
NW40, which you apply under
foundation. Ask to try at the
counter before you buy because,
I will be honest, these colours
look scary, but you will be
amazed at the effect. They are
particularly good on darker
and Asian skin tones.
7
TO SOFTEN DRY,
ROUGH SKIN
Neostrata Restore
Bionic Face Cream
(£57; lookfantastic.com)
Sometimes older skin
becomes dry and rough and no
amount of moisturiser can help.
It’s caused by a build-up of dead
dry skin cells that need to be
exfoliated away. The best option
is a well-formulated overnight
acid cream and this is one of the
best. It has a 12 per cent blend of
two polyhydroxy acids that work
on even sensitive skin while at
the same time locking in
water. Sleep in it and
see the difference.
8
TO PLUMP
CREPEY HANDS
Margaret Dabbs
London overnight
treatment gloves
(£10; johnlewis.com)
These are so clever. Fingerless
gloves lined with a water-
resistant material that traps any
hand cream you apply overnight
onto your skin. Team with any
good hydrating hand cream and
they supercharge the effect to
plump lines and soften skin.
9
TO THICKEN
THINNING HAIR
Philip Kingsley
Density Preserving
Scalp Drops (£45;
philipkingsley.co.uk)
Forty per cent of women
will experience hair loss and
thinning by the time they are 50.
These scalp drops have been
formulated with three key
ingredients: saw palmetto to
tackle the effect of androgens
in the hair follicle, B vitamin
pyridoxine and caffeine, which
boosts blood flow. They are well
worth trying prior to resorting to
the drug minoxidil, which can be
bought from pharmacies and
works to extend the growth cycle
of hair in both men and women.
10
ERRANT CHIN
HAIR ZAPPER
Philips
Lumea IPL 8000
Series Prestige
(£349.99; boots.com)
I know this is expensive,
but salon hair removal is
a pain for chin hairs as
one or two always pop
up when least expected
and you can’t exactly
save them up to go to a clinic
once every eight weeks. Instead,
this salon-strength at-home
gadget can be kept on a shelf
and used as and when it’s
needed. Worth every penny
– and that’s saying something,
I know – because it comes with
an attachment for body hair as
well as facial hair. It works by
sending energy into the hair bulb,
which disrupts hair growth cells.
THE PRODUCTS YOU NEED)
Julia Roberts, 55
This is a bit of a professional hairstylist
secret, but it deserves more love. It’s great
11
TO PLUMP
CRINKLY
SMILE LINES
Pacifica Re-usable
Masks Undereye
(£15; cultbeauty.co.uk)
Why spend money on
throwaway sheet masks when
these clever re-usable silicone
masks can turn any hydrating
serum or eye cream into a
treatment? The effects might
be temporary but by trapping
water into and onto the skin
around the side of and under
your eyes, the smiles lines will
minimise in ten minutes and
the effects will last all day.
Best combined with an early
cup of coffee, just because.
12
TO EASE
DRY EYES
Rohto Dry Aid
Eye Drops (£8.99;
amazon.co.uk)
Did you know that the
same hyaluronic acid
you find in skincare is
used in eye drops? These
lubricant drops are ideal for
dry eyes and can ease gritty,
tired, computer screen-shattered
eyes too. What’s more, they
come from the company that
is king of Japanese hyaluronic
skin care, Hada Labo.
13
TO PERK UP
CRINKLY KNEES
Paula’s Choice
Phytoestrogen Elasticity
Renewal Body
Treatment ($68;
paulaschoice.com)
This isn’t available in the UK yet
(hence the dollar price, which
works out at about £56), but, boy,
it’s good and I’ve seen founder
Paula’s legs to see the results.
This contains plant oestrogen-
mimicking molecules that trick
older skin into thinking it has
more oestrogen than it does,
helping to combat dry skin and
crepey necks, knees and elbows
– in fact, anywhere you want to
use it. Good for upper arms too.
14
TO FILL
OUT SPARSE
LASHES
Lashify
Control Kit
(£113; lashify.com)
Log on to this site
and I dare you not to buy
one of these kits (there’s a choice
of three lash styles). The tutorial
makes everything look easy and
the clever, unique technology of
applying supersoft inserts under
your own lashes creates a beautiful
effect. I have never mastered false
lashes but these are idiot-proof,
and yes, I am that idiot.
15
TO SOFTEN
COARSE HAIR
Joico K-Pak
Intense Hydrator
(£9.90; lookfantastic.com)
Joico is a bit of a
professional hairstylist
secret, but it deserves more love.
Its conditioning masks are great
and this one works particularly
well on coarser textured,
dehydrated, dare I say grey (even
if it’s dyed) hair. I use this every
time I wash my hair and it
smooths without weighing down
fine hair and the effects last until
my next shampoo.
16
TO CRAYON AWAY RED EYES
Sculpted by Aimee
Brighten & Define
Eyeliner Duo (£16;
sculptedbyaimee.co.uk)
This clever little pencil has
one end that has a pale flesh-
coloured liner for the inner rims
of red and tired eyes. This
instantly brightens and opens
eyes. At the other end is a more
typical brown liner for lash
definition or a smoky eye.
17
TO DESCALE
LIZARD LEGS
Ameliorate
Transforming
Body Lotion
Illuminating Glow
(£24; ameliorate.com)
You have heard me bang on about
this body lotion before, because
it is brilliant. The lactic acid gets
to work not only to hydrate but
to exfoliate lizard winter legs. But
did you know it also comes with
a hint of an instant tan and glow?
Which means this can be used
just before leaving the house to
give a soft bronzy glow too. n
Find @nadinebaggott on
Facebook and Instagram where
she endeavours to solve all your
beauty problems
The Times Magazine 65
 16 -PAG E IN TE RI OR S SP EC IA L

THE REAL
EMILIE IN PARIS
A grand 19th-century house in the suburbs with
a view of the Eiffel Tower is where one French
artist enjoys true Parisian family life
REPORT Hannah Evans PHOTOGRAPHS Bénédicte Drummond
Home!

Emilie Lemardeley, on the sofa

she designed. Opposite: antique
stuffed zebra in the hall
 Home!

From top: balcony at the back

of the house, with cushions and
rug from the Conran Shop;
tapestry by Robert Debieve

E
milie Lemardeley’s delicate glass
sculptures can be spotted all over
Paris – hanging in restaurants,
standing in galleries and lighting
up the city’s green spaces – but it is
her house and studio in Clamart, a
suburb in southern Paris, that has
become her most striking showroom.
The 39-year-old French designer
and artist shares her home, a grand
19th-century house with high ceilings, arched
windows and pastel-coloured walls, with her
engineer husband, Jean-Baptiste, and their
three children, aged two, five and nine. Each
room is filled with prototype artworks and
furniture she has designed, including mirrors,
benches, brass lamps and rugs. “I wanted to
create a place where I could display my work,
but also live,” she says. “It is just as much
about harmony as it is about functionality.”
It was not always like this. Lemardeley’s
description of the building when she bought it
in 2016 is typically French. “It was so, so ugly,”
she says. “But that is what made it so exciting.
Things could only get better.”
The only thing Lemardeley liked was the
view from the attic room, which she has

The Times Magazine 69


converted into her studio. “We opened the
window and on the horizon you could see
Paris and the Eiffel Tower,” she says. “It was
beautiful. I knew we had to have the house.”
As soon as they had the keys, Lemardeley
got to work knocking through rooms, raising
the height of the ceilings, remodelling the
staircase and reshaping some of the windows.
“It was in such a bad way that any changes we
made would be an improvement,” she says.
It took Lemardeley and her team more
than two years to finish the work, but things
are still changing. “I never think, OK, we are
done, because it can always get better,” she
says. “Whenever I have time, I might change
the colour of the walls or add a carpet.”
Luckily, her husband has shared her
enthusiasm for rebuilding things since they
met at a party in Paris in their twenties. “He’s
able to tell me when a design of mine won’t
work, or when I have to take care,” she says.
“He’s just as artistic as me.”
The long black table in the kitchen-dining
room, made from resin and burnt wood, is
another of her prototypes. This is where the
family eat and the children create. “This is a
Home!
From top: wooden fish light
fitting in the master bedroom;
the remodelled staircase
space where we encourage them to get messy,”
she says. “My children can draw and paint on
the table. It’s very easy to clean.”
Opposite the dining room is the living
room, connected by a short hall filled with
taxidermy Lemardeley and her husband
bought in an antiques shop in Paris. The head
of a zebra hangs on the wall and a sculpture
of a bird, a monkey and a rabbit dancing
together stands on a table in the middle of
the space. “I like the dialogue between the
two pieces and how the zebra is looking
directly at the rabbit,” says Lemardeley.
Mythical creatures and animals are found
throughout her home. On the first floor are
the children’s rooms and the master bedroom
and en suite. A wooden fish light fixture that
has been painted with gold leaf hangs from
the ceiling in the couple’s bedroom.
“It’s inspired by the goldfish in the indie
film Arizona Dream, starring Johnny Depp,”
says Lemardeley. “I like to create stories
through my work.”
Each room features blown-glass light
fittings and chandeliers, inspired by Dionysus,
the Greek god of wine.
The Times Magazine 71
 Home!

Clockwise from top: the living room

with prototype rug by Lemardeley; wall
painted by Bluey Byrne; the bathroom

The living room is Lemardeley’s favourite

space and the one where they entertain. It has
floor-to-ceiling windows framed by thick burnt-
orange velvet curtains. A rug made from silk
and linen, another of her prototypes, covers
the floor. The focal point is a huge winged sofa
with black metal claw feet, which she modelled
on an eagle, the symbol of Zeus. It does not
look like the most inviting of sofas, but
Lemardeley insists it is incredibly comfortable.
The wall opposite was handpainted by
the artist Bluey Byrne, a friend who lives in
London. The scene depicts giants carrying
monuments on their backs. As they move
around the room, they morph into the
buildings they hold.
At the top of the house is Lemardeley’s
studio, accessed by a spiral staircase that
passes through each floor and is the “spine
of the house”. The view it offers over Paris is
the reason the family relocated from the city
to the suburbs. “I wanted to move away from
the crowds of central Paris, but still be
inspired by its beauty,” she says. n

lemardeley.com

72 The Times Magazine

From left: Adam and Amy Ellis in front of
Adam’s Flying Fish wallpaper; Glass Eye
Fish paper in the downstairs bathroom;
print in the master bedroom en suite
inspired by the magazine La Vie Parisienne

Giant fish, graphic prints, jungle-themed

wallpaper – this interior design couple don’t do
subtle, whether at work or in their family home

THE PAIR WHO PUT WOW

 Home!

INTO WALLPAPER REPORT Hannah Evans

PHOTOGRAPHS Bénédicte Drummond
O
nce it was an Aga that was the mark
of an aspirational home. Then it was
a two-door fridge with an icemaker.
But the latest status symbol in
interior design is a downstairs loo
decorated with wallpaper by the
graphic designer Adam Ellis.
“It’s a very popular way to
transform such a small space at the
moment,” says Ellis, whose designs
adorn some of London’s most glamorous
private member’s clubs and restaurants,
including the Mexican room at Annabel’s
in Mayfair and the dining rooms of the Ivy
brasseries. Requests from families to jazz up
their homes with his vibrant antiquarian and
botanical prints are at a high.
“Wrapping your whole living room in
incredibly bold wallpaper isn’t going to be for
everyone, so people start out with the loo. You
shut the door and you’re completely engulfed.”
Ellis lives with his wife and business
partner, Amy, and their three children, Eva, 15,
Lucas, 13, and Tom, 10, in a double-fronted
Victorian house in Acton, west London.
On the walls of the downstairs toilet
are metallic golden fish swimming in pink
seaweed. Open the door and their beady eyes
stare straight out at you. “Everything we do is
made specifically for the space it’s in, so if you
want a giant squid exploding out of the toilet,
we can do it,” he says. “That is when we’re at
our best: making something that is specially
tailored to a space.”
When Ellis and Amy bought their home
ten years ago from an elderly couple, the The piano room with spider monkey print.
Below: Adam’s Aloe Vera wallpaper
ground floor was split into multiple smaller
rooms. “There were walls everywhere and it
was very dark,” Amy says.
Today the house has been revamped into a
bright, bustling family home. Hanging on the
walls in the hallway are dozens of prints, either
from the studio’s archive of 20,000 botanical
and aquatic pictures or Ellis’s own artworks.
The wallpaper gives the house a maximalist
feel but it is nonetheless cosy with classic
furniture. In the living room there is an old
fireplace, reclaimed furniture and an eclectic
mix of fabrics, rugs, cushions and lamps.
“It all comes together quite organically.
We start off with a wall colour and then
we pick the photos,” Amy explains. “We’re
always drawn to green though. There is
green everywhere.”
They’ve played around with dropped
pictures behind furniture and splitting scenes
from prints across multiple frames in triptychs.
Frames hang above doorways, prop against
walls and rest on shelves. “That’s Adam. He
always finds a home for something, even when
I tell him there isn’t one,” she adds.
There are two vintage chairs by Czech
modernist designer Jindrich Halabala, a
collection of illustrations by Amy’s grandfather

76 The Times Magazine


Columbidae wallpaper in the
bathroom. Below: the rear façade
and half a dozen side tables. “She has a thing
for martini tables [bijou side tables that can
accommodate little more than a glass] and
rattan at the moment,” says Ellis.
“I am slightly obsessed with Kempton
antiques market, in Surrey, which is where
I get it all,” Amy explains.
The couple’s fascination with the natural
world is apparent throughout the house.
Whether it’s the jungle-themed wallpaper in
the ground-floor playroom or the colourful
prints of bugs that decorate the utility room,
no space has escaped. “Bugs are really popular
right now. Some people go ‘ughh’ at the idea
of them, but they are my favourite,” Amy says.
“I like how the colours zing.”
There are only a few subject matters they
tend to steer away from. “You can’t focus on
something that is too polarising, like religion
or death,” explains Ellis. “People don’t
particularly like snakes either.”
Connected to the living room is a piano
room with a Berber rug they picked up in
Morocco, mid-century lighting and more side
tables. Above the piano is a picture of a spider
monkey with a metallic background. “At night
it glows,” says Ellis. “Not everyone is keen on
it staring at you, but I find it beautiful.”
At the back of the house is the kitchen,
which used to comprise three separate rooms
but these have all been knocked into one large
space, brightened by a huge skylight. Through
the kitchen and past the garage, which has
been turned into an office, is the house’s most
unique feature: a second staircase that leads
up to the first floor. “The couple who lived
here before us added it,” Amy says. “It’s funny,
because you can go for a whole hour or two in
the morning without having seen anyone.”
Upstairs is one of the children’s bedrooms,
a bathroom and a spare room converted into
a home gym, with a Peloton sitting in front of
more jungle-themed wallpaper.
Through a snug and up another flight on
the second floor are their daughter’s room and
the master bedroom with an en suite. On the
wall is a playful illustration of a woman in a
swimming costume staring into the mirrors
above the sink. “It’s inspired by the magazine
La Vie Parisienne and we’ve adapted it. Before
it was a diver,” Amy says. “We both absolutely
adore swimming.”
All of Ellis’s projects, whether it’s bespoke
wallpaper or interiors, begin at his studio.
Clients either come with a clear vision or with
just an animal or colour they are drawn to.
“It’s our job to help them zero in exactly on
what they want,” Ellis continues. “We’ve got a
vast collection of illustrations, antique photos,
prints or books filled with images, which we
can translate any way we want.”
Up another level is Amy’s favourite space.
A former terrace has been transformed into a
guest room overlooking the garden. “My mum
lives in Italy and she comes to stay quite a bit.
It’s the quietest room in the house.”
From this room you can see the treehouse,
which Ellis built with the children during
lockdown. “The boys are obsessed with
making things,” Amy says. “We’ve seen pulleys
with cuddly toys attached being ferried
between this window down to the treehouse.”
It’s not just the children who have
benefited from it. “In summer the treehouse
is the last place in the garden to have a bit
of sun,” Amy adds. “After a long day I’ll
disappear up there with my book, a tequila
and escape into nature for a little while.” n
adamellis.com
The Times Magazine 77
Home!
By Georgina Roberts
MAXIMALI
SM

1 2 3 5

1. £110, oka.com. 2. Stool, £145, sweetpeaandwillow.com. 3. £765, Sotow (artemest.com). 4. £5,120, indiajane.co.uk. 5. £2,486, Seletti Wears Toiletpaper (amara.com).

BEST
BUY

6 7 8 9 10

6. £22.50 for two, oliverbonas.com. 7. Pouffe, £337.50, sixtheresidence.com. 8. £1,874, Popus Editions (madeindesign.co.uk).
9. £66.95, sklum.com. 10. £798, anthropologie.com.

11 12 13 14 15

11. Stool, £220, Normann Copenhagen (kinhome.co). 12. Table, £475, Ultra (amara.com). 13. £33.60, Anna + Nina (coggles.com). 14. Serving bowl,
£95, Henry Holland Studio (matchesfashion.com). 15. £130 for four, Les Ottomans (matchesfashion.com).

16 17 18 19 20

16. Pouffe, £740, Popus Editions (madeindesign.co.uk). 17. £3,780, Missoni (artemest.com). 18. Ottoman, £1,905, Lorenza Bozzoli Couture (artemest.com).
19. £489, Hannah Simpson Studio (glassette.com). 20. Glass, £12.50, Byon (nordicnest.com).

The Times Magazine 79

Home!

THE ORANGE REVOLUTION

No ceiling, a bath in the living room, a kitchen based on a
kebab shop and a very vivid accent colour – how one couple
transformed their London flat into an experimental space
REPORT Emma J Page PHOTOGRAPHS Edmund Dabney
 The stainless steel
kitchen, with orange
resin dining table
T
aps plumbed into window sills,
limestone skirting boards, a
curved stainless-steel kitchen
and a bright orange resin shower
screen: it’s fair to say this Victorian
conversion flat is far from run of
the mill. Home to interior architect
Alex Holloway and his partner,
Elle Parmar Jenkins, who runs a
82 The Times Magazine
vintage furniture company, it’s a testing ground
for one-off prototype furnishings as well as an
homage to traditional London architecture,
treated to an unconventional twist.
In this modest first-floor apartment, the
space has been opened up fully to expose the
architecture of the original corner terrace:
walls have been removed to produce one large
living room, and the ceiling taken down to
reveal a butterfly roof, while additional
windows have created a triple-aspect space.
Being a Londoner, Holloway is familiar
with this kind of architecture and curious
about its possibilities. “Victorian homes are
in fact innately flexible,” he says. “There
are no concrete slabs and they are made of
constituent parts – you can easily remove a
brick, for example, and replace it with another.”

It’s a perspective that’s given him the
confidence to arrange things a little differently.
He eschewed the original second bedroom in
favour of more open-plan living space, retained
raw-plaster walls and chose to put a tub in the
living room because he wanted to bathe by
the window. “For me, creating a home is about
prioritising how you want to move through a
room; how you want to feel when you touch
a door handle or a light switch – it’s about
what it means to really live in a space.”
This translates into a home that features
flowing contours, colour and clashing motifs.
Thinking beyond the restraints of conventional
domestic configuration – an approach honed
by a background in hospitality design – has
resulted in several one-offs. The coffee table,
dining table and shower screen are made from
Home!
From left: the bathroom, with
resin shower screen; the living
room, with bath, vintage
lighting and raw plasterwork
resin once used in an installation for a tap
showroom; the bath by the window was
inspired by the alfresco bathrooms at London
hotel Bermonds Locke, and the handcarved
limestone skirting was something Holloway
had long wanted to try in a domestic setting.
But it’s the stainless-steel kitchen, with its
circle brush finish, that really acts as a love
letter to the city he grew up in.
The Times Magazine 83
 Home!
From top: the open-plan living
space and kitchen, with exposed
butterfly roof; Elle Parmar
Jenkins and Alex Holloway

“It reminds me of the city’s fast food

outlets, from local chippies to kebab shops,” he
says. “They are part of my experience living in
the capital. The kitchen captures that clash of
high and low for me. I love how something
so utilitarian can also be elevated.”
Simple Douglas fir flooring reminds
Holloway of the Saatchi Gallery. That is
juxtaposed with a vibrant resin dining table, a
pink Seventies sofa, a bright orange prototype
chair and retro mint-coloured vintage lighting.
“I don’t see why everything has to be
‘country house revival’ or ‘clean Scandi’,” says
Holloway. “I grew up in the Nineties with
avant garde interiors and I think it’s legitimate
to combine decorative flourishes that don’t
hang together from a reference point of view.
If something’s beautiful, give it prominence.”
It’s an approach that has resulted in a
home that feels both rooted in its setting but
also surprisingly original. “It’s just like the
building I grew up in, architecturally speaking,
yet it’s somehow ‘remixed’,” says Holloway.
CHARLIE FORGHAM BAILEY

“To me, it represents the collision of the city’s

many different cultures, which is something
that ultimately produces soul.”’ n

London Interiors by Emma J Page is published

by Lannoo at £50

The Times Magazine 85

Home!
ORANGE
By Georgina Roberts

1 2 3 5

1. £61, &Klevering (smallable.com). 2. £260, Jieldé (madeindesign.co.uk). 3. £199, habitat.co.uk. 4. £1,595, sohohome.com. 5. £185, Muuto (madeindesign.co.uk).

6 7 8 9 10

6. £315, Kartell (heals.com). 7. Stool, £334, Moustache (madeindesign.co.uk). 8. Table lamp, £845, Flos (conranshop.co.uk).
9. £10, conranshop.co.uk. 10 £115 for two, habitat.co.uk.
BEST
BUY

11 12 13 14

11. £400, habitat.co.uk. 12. £95, oka.com. 13. £1,229.95, Fasetti (finnishdesignshop.com). 14. Vase, £28.50, nordicnest.com.

15 16 17 18 19
15. £127.50, Broste Copenhagen (nordicnest.com). 16. Table lamp, £148.75, Hay (finnishdesignshop.com). 17. £195, Moroso (madeindesign.co.uk). 18. USB-rechargeable
lamp, £179, Kartell (heals.com). 19. £548, anthropologie.com.
The Times Magazine 87
 Eating out Giles Coren
‘It’s part-owned by 1980s pop
honey Clare Grogan’s husband.
I don’t want to know his name,
because he married the only
woman I will ever truly love’
Maresco
W
here do you take Nick Jones,
the father of Soho House, for
lunch? This, after all, is the guy
who changed not only private
members’ clubs for ever, but also
restaurants (their interior design,
service attitude and menus),
urban hotels and country retreats.
Oh, and London’s Soho. And New York’s
Meatpacking District. And Somerset.
And, in fact, anywhere that does not have
a Soho House in some form. Because if you
haven’t got a Soho House, then it’s because
you’re a bit of a shithole. Wait, that’s wrong.
TOM JACKSON
That’s wholly not the point. The point is
that if you are a bit of a shithole, then you
just haven’t got a Soho House yet. And when
you have, then you won’t be a shithole for
much longer.
For most of the past 25-odd years,
Nick has been a bit too busy to have lunch
(at least with me), what with openings
practically monthly in Amsterdam, Paris,
Istanbul, Hong Kong, Los Angeles, Miami,
Chicago, Barcelona, Mumbai… and running
a £2.6 billion business. But then I bumped
into him at a party the other day and he
said, “I’d love to come out and do a review
with you sometime.”
That’s cancer for you. Messes with the
mind (and in Nick’s case, the prostate). When
you’ve stared into the abyss like he has,
I guess even sitting there with a knife and
fork while I tell you that “the bisque is a tad
jejune” sounds like a good time. Or perhaps
it’s just because, since stepping back from
the day-to-day running of his empire for
100 per cent successful treatment (thank
God), Nick has a bit more room in his diary.
The Times Magazine 91
Eating out Giles Coren
So, where do we go? Has to be new, has
to be central London, has to be nice, but
can’t be stuffy or he’ll hate it. Can’t be full of
suits, can’t be tasting menus or sanctimonious
Frenchies poking their pinky at his plate
and talking him through every boring detail,
because that is everything he conquered
the world with casual, elegant fun to protest
against. So I booked Maresco, a new place
on a Soho street corner – a location Nick
could hardly complain about when he
owns (or owned) so many of them – which
appeared to source top-quality Scottish
seafood and then do plain, ballsy Spanish
things to it, with seating at the bar for that
doubly casual vibe.
Also, it’s part-owned by the husband of
the 1980s pop honey and star of Gregory’s
Girl, Clare Grogan (I don’t know his name
and I don’t want to know his name, because
he married the only woman I will ever truly
love), so would likely have a bit of rock star
loucheness by proxy.
There was nothing happening at the bar
when I arrived, ten minutes ahead of time,
nothing to look at – I had thought there’d
be loads of cheffy action – so I made a quick
change to one of the window tables, also bar
height with stools, but with some comings and
goings to distract Nick from the boringness
of my conversation.
I sat drinking water while I waited for
him and wondered what he would like and
not like about the place, for he is such a
legendary details man. He gets more excited
about hotel room water pressure than most
men do about fast cars. When I tell him later
that I’ve just bought an uncomfortable bathtub
he says, “You didn’t sit in it first? I must have
sat in 1,000 baths, in showrooms, on building
sites, in the backs of trucks…”
Looking around, I reckoned Nick wouldn’t
rate the stools, which are high and hard and
have no footrest, so that you have to cling
to them with your feet like Spider-Man and it
kind of does your lower back in. But that he’d
very much like our server, Leticia, who was
Spanish, smartly but casually dressed, and
full of passion for the menu, which also looked
to be up his street: snacky, sharey, direct,
most things under a tenner and – whoop
– here he is.
And there he was, looking fit and youthful
in a black bomber jacket and ready for a
cold lager and a smash at the bomba Maresco
(£8), deliriously recommended by Leticia,
which is a bonkers tennis ball of mussels
encased in potato, breaded and deep-fried,
and afloat on a tomato sauce with a little aïoli
sailor’s hat on (Maresco is a quite involved
Spanish pun about seafood and Scotland
and the sea, I believe).
Four little round croquetas menorquinas
(£9.50) were filled with sobrasada – that
bright red chorizo-flavoured pork fat that
is so good spread on warm toasted rolls
with black coffee, strong brandy and a couple
of Ducados for breakfast before the corrida
– and there was an ever so instagrammable
bocadillo de calamar (£9), like a burger of
deep-fried calamari rings and mayonnaise
in a split bun blackened with squid ink and
crowned with tentacles of the squid, deep-
fried, frozen Medusa-like in oil, reaching and
coiling above it.
There were Shetland mussels a la plancha
(£11) and razor clams from the Isle of Barra (£15)
that were a bit gritty – which I never know
whether to make a fuss about. You only have to
run them under cold water for a few minutes,
or leave them in a bucket of water, and it all
comes out. But, meh, it’s only sand – you wash
The best things for me
were the txistorras de
mar, delicate little sea
bass sausages served
on a taco, and the
fideua, a Spanish pasta
with langoustines
it off your teeth with a slug of manzanilla
(£24/carafe), and Bobito’s your uncle.
The best things for me were the txistorras
de mar (£14.50), delicate little sea bass
sausages served on a taco with onion and
radish, and the fideua (£20), which is a thin
Spanish pasta that is cooked in shallow stock
like a paella, with plenty of crispy fried bits,
and served with a couple of langoustines
on top. It’s all good, sound ingredients,
cooked without fuss and not too expensive,
as befits a small restaurant group that began
life (and still has outposts) in Crouch End and
Stoke Newington.
But, come on, Jonesy. This place is doing
okay but not spectacularly. Only a third full
upstairs, and empty downstairs, on a Thursday
lunch (admittedly in a cold March during a
time of no money). What could they improve?
“Well, okay,” he said. “Only because you
asked me. I don’t want to sound like a wanker.
I’ve had a very nice lunch. But there are a
couple of things. That fluorescent light over
the open kitchen is horrible. The chef will
have said he needs it to see his work, but at
night, when you’re sitting at the bar staring
at it, that will be very nasty. They just need
one of those [he indicates an incandescent
lamp elsewhere in the room] and it’ll be fine.
“And I think it is a mistake to lay up all
these places at the bar and the window seats
when there’s no one sitting at them. It makes
the place feel emptier than it needs to. I know
they want to serve people food, but it would
be better if we were sitting here surrounded
by drinkers than by nobody, wouldn’t it?
Laying places – and it’s only a knife and
fork and paper napkin – tells people looking
in from the street that they can’t come in
unless they eat. But if you let them in to
drink, you’ll get an atmosphere, and then
they’ll see this great-looking food and
probably order some. That’s how it goes
in Spain, after all.”
Anything else? Come on Nick, give me a
third. Imagine you’ve just bought the place.
“Well,” he said. “It would be nice if
they gave us a draft beer. The bottled beer
[Er Boqueron] was cold and good, but this
is a bar. Something on tap would just give
it that, you know [he mimes milking a
foaming Estrella into a short Spanish glass],
extra something.”
I mention the stools.
“Stools are okay,” he said. “But they don’t
have to be uncomfortable. They can be
upholstered like at Barrafina, and then
they’re fine.”
And speaking about men’s bum comfort
turned my mind back to prostate cancer, which
had woven in and out of our conversation all
afternoon. I mentioned to Nick that my own
PSA (prostate specific antigen) level was a
little over the ideal number at the last count
and that my MRI had been inconclusive, but
that an NHS urologist had suggested either a
biopsy or just to keep an eye on my levels
going forward, and I’d chosen the latter.
“Well, what you’re doing there,” he said,
very calmly and kindly, “is choosing the
option that is less likely to find cancer.
Because you don’t want to have cancer.
And if you don’t have cancer, that’s fine.
But if you do have cancer, then wouldn’t
the best thing be to choose the way that
is most likely to find it?”
And, gosh, he’s right about that too,
isn’t he? n
Maresco
45 Berwick Street, London W1
(020 7439 8483; maresco.co.uk)
Cooking 6
Vibes 5
Service 9
Score 6.67
The Times Magazine 93
LIFESTYLE
LIFESTYLE
LIFESTYLE
LIFESTYLE
 Beta male
Robert Crampton
‘I get the call: I need We got the call from Rachel about 8pm. She
was somewhere beyond the Olympic Park in
to take my daughter east London, venue for her regular Monday
night netball game. Her ankle was broken, or
else sprained, or twisted, or torn, but definitely
to A&E. She might buggered. Could my wife pick her up and take
be 24 but it’s what
her to the hospital? Of course she could. Even
when they’re 24 (or 34? 44? I suspect so), this
sort of drama is what being a parent is all
being a dad is all about. I’ve never understood those mums and
dads who think their job is done when their
about, isn’t it?’ kid turns 18. In some ways – not netball
injuries, to be fair – but grown-up advice about
grown-up matters, your job is only just starting.
The family swung into action. Well, Nicola
did. Collecting a book, earphones, coffee,
phone charger, magazines and a snack, she
set off for what experience suggested would
be a long night in A&E. With Nicola on a
work deadline, I stood ready to walk up to
the Homerton to take over the vigil later on.
Sam returned to watching the telly.
Rachel phoned me from the car telling me
I didn’t need to come. “I don’t want to leave
you there waiting on your own,” I said. “What?
Isn’t Moom [that’s what the children call their
mother] staying?” “No, she’s got to work.”
“Well, in that case, I’ll see you there.”
As it was they decided to come home and
check how the ankle looked and felt in the
morning. Sam was dispatched to Rachel’s flat
next door to collect an ice-pack and various
goodies from her fridge. He was also tasked
with putting a rhubarb crumble in the oven.
“It’s two days past its sell-by,” he announced.
“Just nuke the f*** out of it,” I instructed,
bringing all my culinary expertise to bear.
Rachel limped into the kitchen. “Is there
custard?” she asked. At which point I began
to suspect she was going to be all right.
“I’ll go to Mustafa’s and get some,” I said,
guiding the patient over to the sofa. “And some
peach slices please,” she mumbled, grimacing
as I propped up her swollen limb on a pile
of cushions.
Rachel reclined and took up The Patriarchs,
her latest volume of fourth-wave feminism.
I suggested that The Palace Papers, Tina
Brown’s rollicking dissection of the royal family
over the past 20 years, which I’d just finished,
might be a lighter read, while also devoid
of any content likely to reflect badly on her
daddy. But no, my daughter’s blood is up on
DAN KENNEDY
gender inequality; she would not be diverted.
The family convened for a crumble summit
by the fire.
© Times Media Limited, 2023. Published and licensed by Times Media Limited, 1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF (020 7782 5000). Printed by Prinovis UK Ltd, Liverpool. Not to be sold separately.*
Besides gym classes and netball, Rachel
runs a lot. She was targeting the Hackney Half
in May. Whatever the extent of her injury, her
training schedule would be delayed and she
was understandably upset.
“It could be worse,” said her mother. “You
could have torn your ACL playing football.”
“Indeed so,” I agreed, picking up my cue.
“A wet Friday night, five-a-side at Haggerston,
an awkward landing following a heroic leap, a
great career cut tragically short. These days, a
player can come back from an ACL, even one
completely detached like mine, but back then,
it was game over. What a waste.”
“It was only a few years ago,” Nicola
reminded me, “not 1975. The surgeon said
there was no point operating because you
were already over 50.”
“I had years left in me!” I countered. “I still
miss it. Ben or Hitch putting the ball into the
box, losing my marker, lightning acceleration,
admittedly over a very short distance, finding
that yard of space, that instinct all great
strikers have, you can’t coach it, getting on
the end of it as it goes loose…”
“He actually means this crap, you know,”
said Rachel, but giggling in spite of herself.
“… Or back to goal,” I continued, getting
up to mime the action, “knowing where the
keeper is, where the gap is, angles all crunched
and calculated in a nanosecond, swivelling
on a deutschmark like the late, great Gerd
Müller…” “Der Bomber!” offered Sam.
“… or Gabriel Batistuta…” “Batigol!”
“…or Ken Wagstaff…” “Waggy!”
“… of the mighty Hull City. And blasting it
in!” “From two yards out.”
“Be fair, sometimes three. What a feeling
that is! The legendary Ian Wright, one of my
great contemporary strikers, reckoned scoring
a goal was better than sex and you know what?”
“And there it is, he’s gone too far,” said Sam.
“Shut up, Robert,” said Nicola.
“Eeewgh,” said Rachel.
Homerton hospital, X-ray department, the
following morning, in and out in 40 minutes,
God bless the NHS: not broken, just a nasty
sprain. For which, much thanks. Even so,
I took the day off work to look after her (dippy
eggs and soldiers, hot water bottles, skinny flat
whites, more self-deprecating tolerably comic
routines etc) to be on the safe side. Childcare,
eh? I’ve said it before but truly, it starts with
their first breath and ends with your last. n
robert.crampton@thetimes.co.uk
 Saturday March 25 2023

The great hot cross bun test Best and worst

Plus Dan Snow: Yes, my family were colonisers

Weekend Travel
starts on
page 41

On your ebike!
Expert guide to
the best models
to buy

Can’t cook,
won’t cook?
Robert Crampton
learns the basics

When did you last hug

each other — and mean it?
Why being tactile matters for your relationship
 the times Saturday March 25 2023

2 Body + Soul

Have you had

your five a day
(hugs, that is)?
hugs a day improved their wellbeing
The secret to a even more than a soothing activity
such as reading. Banissy, who lives in
better relationship is Hertfordshire with his partner of eight
years, says he has always been tactile
more cuddles, says with those closest to him. (He loves
hugging his parents, and was gentle as
the neuroscientist a 13-year-old with his newborn sister.)
His partner is similar, he says.

Michael Banissy But, “like all couples, a key thing

around this is that we communicate,
talk, and listen to one another. Even if
you’ve got similar preferences for touch,

H
ow many times have you
hugged your partner this
week? And if you did,
was it perfunctory and
distracted? Or a long,
lingering embrace? Do
you mainly move around
the house as separate entities with barely
a touch between you, let alone a kiss?
It’s no surprise that couples who let
physical contact slide are missing out on
interactions that are vital to the health
of their relationship. But just how much
do touching, hugging and kissing
matter, and is there a perfect amount?
What if you are just not a particularly
touchy-feely person?
The award-winning social
neuroscientist Michael Banissy, 38, a
professor of psychology and head of
psychological science at the University
of Bristol, is an expert in social
connection and interaction. He set et out to
nducting
investigate such questions by conducting
the world’s largest contemporary
survey on touch — the Touch Test est
— which involved analysing
research from almost 40,000
participants in 112 countries.
His book When We Touch is
published next week and
includes essential guidance for
couples.
Five hugs a day
boosts happiness
hormones
There’s no doubt that hugging
lbeing.
boosts health and emotional wellbeing.
uffered
One US study found that hugs buffered
nflict.
negative emotions caused by conflict.
tween
Another found an association between
frequency of partner hugs and
physiological stress markers — more
hugs were linked with higher levels of
oxytocin, the so-called love hormone,
and lower blood pressure in women. A
third found that daily hugging was
predictive of lower markers of chronic
inflammation.
So how many hugs should we be
aiming for? Banissy cites a US study of
students that found that at least five
that doesn’t mean it’s automatically
going to work. Because there are
contexts and stresses in life, they all can
impact your desires at different points.”
In my case five seems a lot because I’m
not a natural hugger. Perhaps I might
just provide a couple? My husband loves
hugging, and the kids will gladly make
up any deficit. “That’s the key message,”
Banissy says. “There’s no one size fits all.”
Aim for a five-second
hug — and you have
to mean it
Everyone has their own way of hugging.
There’s the long hug, the brief hug, the
bear hug, the from-behind hug, the
neck-waist hug, the criss-cross hug, the
light hug, the big squeeze. “There’s no
such thing as the perfect hug,” Banissy
says. Ultimately, what matters is that
we perceive the hug to be supportive.
Simply, we have to want and like the
hug.
Whe it comes to how long that
When
s
hug should be, personal
pre
preference of course varies, he
say but in recent studies,
says,
w
when people hugged for either
o second, five seconds or
one
t seconds, the consensus
ten
w that “five seconds was a
was
g
good amount”. Banissy adds
th having crunched all the
that,
dat “four to six seconds” is the
data,
opti
optimum length. But long
hugg
huggers, keep doing what you’re
President Biden doing, he
doing, h adds. “Ten seconds is good
and his wife, Jill too.”
We’re h
hardwired to
respond to slow,
gentle stroking
When was the last time you softly
caressed your partner’s arm or back?
We respond well to slow, gentle stroking,
Banissy says. That’s because CT nerve
fibres in our skin are particularly
attuned to comforting, caring touch.
Research suggests that a velocity of 3cm
per second is ideal. “We intuitively go to
that kind of speed, then it does connect
Former president Barack
Obama and his wife, Michelle
to these receptors in the skin that are
particularly responsive to slow, gentle
stroking,” Banissy says.
One study found that at the preferred
speed, pleasant stroking prompted
activity in the same reward-related brain
systems as sex, or eating ice cream.
Other research has shown that as well as
reducing perception of pain “it’s helping
to regulate our responses to adverse
events in our environment”. Stroking
too fast, meanwhile, can be irritating
and doesn’t confer the same benefits.
Kiss every day — it can
be a peck or a snog
Kissing boosts couple contentment,
Banissy says, citing a US study that
found that the frequency of romantic
kissing over six weeks was linked to
relationship satisfaction. Couples were
instructed to kiss more frequently than
normal — ideally setting aside a few
minutes each day. The study also found
that kissing more often reduced
cholesterol, which can be elevated by
stress. “Engaging more often in kissing
was connected to people feeling closer
in their relationships, to closer
relationship satisfaction,” Banissy says.
Crucially, however, the research found
that these daily kisses can be a full-on
snog or the briefest touch of lips (or
both). What mattered was that the
kisses felt romantic to those involved.
The study required that partners had to
effectively communicate their idea of
what constituted a proper kiss. “For one
person, a peck on the cheek might be
really significant and meaningful,”
Banissy says. “For another person, it
might be more like a snog.”
Hugs are linked with
higher levels of oxytocin,
the so-called love
hormone, and lower
blood pressure
Even the briefest touch
can help to bond couples
One 2022 study from Syracuse
University reflected the power of touch
by asking couples to sit and chat. Some
could touch affectionately — a brief
touch on the arm, perhaps. The others
couldn’t touch, but listened and took
notes. “Those that touched, when it
came to reviewing it later, felt they had
a more positive experience together,
and felt more closely connected,”
Banissy says. Touch is effective because
it is about building emotional
connections from physical connections.
“Certain forms of touch will release
hormones connected to feelings of
bonding and trust.”
Don’t worry if your
partner is less of a
hugger than you
Not everyone is a hugger. Touch doesn’t
benefit everyone equally, Banissy says.
So couples should speak up about how
much they need a hug or a cuddle or
enjoy physical contact, and be sensitive
to their partner’s needs.
 the times Saturday March 25 2023
COVER: DIMITRI OTIS/GETTY IMAGES. BELOW: WIN MCNAMEE/AP; JOHN SALANGSANG/SHUTTERSTOCK
Ben Affleck and
Jennifer Lopez
Put effort into the
way you kiss
Kissing is a sign of compatibility,
Banissy says. No wonder that being a
bad kisser is a serious disadvantage in
finding love. A University of Oxford
study found that whether you rate
someone as a good or a bad kisser
affects how attractive you find them.
Scientists suspect one reason for this is
that in swapping saliva we pick up
biological cues about a prospective
partner’s health and genetics. Of course,
social reasons are a factor too.
“We can all imagine a situation
where a bad kiss could be a turn-off,”
Banissy says. “It could well be we think:
‘Is that person not focusing interactively
with me? They’re not picking up on
my needs.’ ”
Can we assume then that those of us
in long relationships shouldn’t be
complacent? “If we get a bad kiss, it
might detract from the physical and
emotional connections we seek when we
kiss someone.” Sloppy kissers take note,
whatever your romantic status.
Giving your partner
a neck massage — or
receiving one — can
be more useful than
talking
One study found that a neck massage
from one’s partner before a nerve-
racking event was far more effective in
reducing stress than verbal
encouragement was. Research from
Northumbria University in 2020 found
that a massage is beneficial for the
emotional stress levels and mental clarity
of both parties. The study examined
how giving and receiving massages in
romantic relationships affected the
wellbeing of stressed but otherwise
healthy couples. It turns out what some
“It’s very easy to assume it’s quantity, might regard as a selfless act is a win-
and that we should just give more touch win. “It’s not just the person receiving
all of the time,” he says. Wrong. “It’s the massage who gets the benefits of
more about aligning the touch you’re wellbeing and relationship satisfaction,
sharing with someone to their desires it’s both partners,” Banissy says.
and your desires.”
Studies show that those less fond of Don’t assume ‘kiss and
physical closeness thrive if the balance
of it feels right for them. “They might make up’ will work
engage in less frequent touch in Men are more sensitive to the potential
romantic relationships, but even in of a kiss as a reconciliatory gesture than
those individuals there can still be women are, Banissy says. One study of
positive relationships between engaging American students found that “males
in touch and wellbeing. If touch can be may be more inclined to look to kissing
beneficial for relationship satisfaction, as a way of saying: ‘Let’s end the
that relies on the quality of the touch argument,’ ” he says. This is a form of
you’re having aligning with what you conflict resolution that is also found in
both want.” chimps. But what if one’s partner dislikes
being kissed when cross? Banissy’s rules
The cuddle before are all about understanding that not
everyone has the same approach, so it’s
sex really matters crucial to show your affection another
No surprises that more frequent sex is way. That might mean momentarily
linked to higher levels of wellbeing and refraining from physical contact, or
life satisfaction in many studies, but it is keeping it brief and less intimate. A
an affectionate touch that is often the touch on the arm lasting a second or less
magic ingredient, Banissy says. is still powerful.
A Swiss study from 2017, with “Brief social touch can exert a
participants aged 17-64, found that the powerful effect on our behaviours,”
boost from sex was actually due to “how Banissy says. It can lead to feelings of
much affection people experienced in increased connection. Plus, “people are
their relationships”, he says. “Those that particularly good at detecting emotion
experienced more tactile affection were from touch” — gratitude, sympathy and
more likely to show benefits from sex love, especially. However, Banissy adds,
and wellbeing. More recent work has there may be good reason to step away,
shown that, yes, there is this relationship to allow yourself time to cool down, to
between engaging in sexual contact reflect. “If you’re angry and someone’s
and life satisfaction. But for a lot of touching you, that might be irritating.
people it’s more the build-up that counts. But if you’re calm, that might change
So it’s engaging in activities like kissing the dynamic.”
and cuddling that seem to play a key role Anna Maxted
in driving some of these benefits of sex When We Touch by Michael Banissy
and wellbeing.” is published by Orion at £16.99
Body + Soul 3
Chris, Robbie and Bruce too
Why men love the Omad* diet *one meal a day
G
lobally successful rock for improved mood, healthy weight
stars are more likely to be management and for better blood sugar
known for their excesses, control.” He adds that our gut microbes
but Chris Martin, the benefit from having time to repair, while
lead singer of Coldplay, cautioning that longer periods of fasting
revels in restriction. The are “highly individual” and not suitable for
46-year-old revealed this everyone. “A simple overnight fast from
week that he eats only one meal a day. dinner to breakfast around the same time
Speaking on Conan O’Brien’s podcast, every day is a good place to start.”
Needs a Friend, he admitted: “I actually The dietitian Helen Bond agrees. “We
don’t have dinner any more. I stop eating know that a 12-hour [fasting] window
at four [pm], and I learnt that from having overnight has benefits for your gut
lunch with Bruce Springsteen. health, as well as ruling out mindless sofa
“I was lucky enough to go over there to snacking in the evening.”
lunch the day after we played Philadelphia As for its appeal to men, Harry Jameson,
last year,” he explained. “I was on a really the fitness trainer and wellbeing expert
strict diet anyway. But I was, like, ‘Bruce who trains high-flyers and celebrities,
[who is 73] looks even more in shape than does intermittent fasting “two or three
me,’ and Patti [Scialfa, Springsteen’s times a week. I find it’s really popular with
singer-songwriter wife] said he’s only eat- my male clients.”
ing one meal a day. I was, like, ‘Well, there “Maybe it’s the competitive element,”
we go. That’s my next challenge.’ ” Bond says, “the fact it can feel like a chal-
Martin’s ex-wife Gwyneth Paltrow is lenge, or that it’s linked to alertness.”
famous for health fads, but he is no Fasting isn’t a fad, she points out. A feature
stranger to extreme nutrition rules either. of many religious traditions, “it’s been
In 2016 Martin told a radio station he was around for a long time, with some good
on the 6:1 diet, which involves eating studies to back up its benefits”.
normally six days a week and fasting on However, like Spector, Bond says that
the seventh. He told the interviewer it it’s not suitable for everybody — “in
helped him to “sing a bit better”. particular, teenagers, pregnant or breast-
The one-meal-a-day — or Omad — diet feeding women, or those with a history of
is not short of famous (and largely male) disordered eating. If you’re on any medica-
fans. The Poldark star Aidan Turner has tion, it’s worth speaking to your doctor.”
previously put his six-pack down to not Lastly, Bond says it’s worth noting
eating anything until 7pm, while the singer something else many Omad fans have in
Robbie Williams has said he has his first common: wealth. “They’re not commut-
meal of the day at 5pm. ing, or running around after young child-
Omad followers extend beyond show- ren. They lead a fairly privileged life, which
biz, and its supposed benefits beyond extends to how they eat,” she says. “They
weight management. Jack Dorsey, the probablyy have an expensive
p
former chief executive of Twitter, has nutritionists and
team of nutri
said he only eats dinner Sunday to Friday hand to ensure
chefs on han
and nothing on Saturdays. Like many in their one mmeal contains
Silicon Valley he claims fasting makes exactly the right mix of
him more alert and driven, and the time vitamins and
an minerals.
saved by not eating breakfast or lunch “Done well,
w fasting
during the week allows him to pack more benefits, but done
has its benef
into his day. Phil Libin, co-founder of the Robbie Williams badly it can leave you
start-up studio All Turtles, s, goes further, tired, depleted
d and
saying fasting for anythingg from two to lacking
lackking in nnutri-
eight days makes him “a betteretter CEO”. ents.
ent ts. For the
The benefits of fasting — which involves average
aveeerage
rage per-
limiting your calorie intake ake to certain son,
soon, one m meal
periods of the day — have been well docu- a day will
wiill be
mented in recent years. While initially tough.
ough. I cer-
to
popularised as a way to lose ose weight, tainly
taainly could
c
there is evidence that it increases
ncreases not
n do iit.”
longevity and improves cognitive
ognitive Maria a
function, gut health, mood d and Lallyy
sleep. In his bestselling book ook
The Fast Diet, Dr Michael ael
Mosley said eating normally ally
for five days and consuming ing
about 600 calories on the
other two helped him to lose ose
9kg and reverse his type 2
diabetes.
A recent study from the
University of Alabama at
Birmingham Hospital found nd
that participants who ate te
only between 7am and 3pm m
— much like Martin — lostt
more weight than those se
whose eating was spread out Chris Martin
over the day, despite consuming
uming
the same number of calories, es, while
their blood pressure and mood im-
proved. Bruce Springsteen
“The science [on time-restricted
stricted eating]
is still evolving,” says Professor
ssor Tim Spec-
tor, the author of Food for Life: The New
Science of Eating Well, “but there is a grow-
ing number of studies that show benefits

4 Body + Soul
Not riding yet? Everything you
Thinking of joining the ebike craze? Here’s
what to consider, says Harry Wallop
T
he ebike has become an
essential item. At least in the
eyes of the Office for
National Statistics, which
included battery-powered
bicycles this month in the
shopping basket used to
measure inflation, alongside pineapples
and sanitary towels. Even the King has
been spotted riding one and, according to
the market research company Mintel, sales
have almost tripled over the past five years.
I was initially sceptical about ebikes,
agreeing with diehard cyclists that they
were essentially a cheat — and an expen-
sive, heavy one at that. That was until I
test-rode a VanMoof ebike in 2021 and dis-
covered that it transformed cycling across
London. VanMoof is a cult Dutch brand,
considered to be one of the chicest ebikes
you can ride. Previously I would never
have cycled more than a couple of miles to
a meeting — knowing I would arrive in a
complete muck sweat. You do still have to
pedal an ebike. But depending on how well
the machine is designed (and the VanMoof
is an engineering marvel) you don’t need
to pedal as hard. A long commute becomes
a zip across town, while an arduous trip up-
hill becomes light exercise.
I couldn’t really afford a £2,000 Van-
Moof, but I was so impressed by ebikes that
I bought a second-hand Specialized Tur-
bo. Heavier and less elegant, it still made
every journey quicker and easier. The law
in the UK is that the motor can assist you
up to 15.5mph.
Over the past week I’ve been trying the
ebike that design nerds are raving about
this year, the Belgian brand Cowboy —
very much a style statement. It has “adapt-
ive power”, which means it reacts to how
hard you are pedalling and provides the
“correct” amount of wattage. This means
you don’t need to think about gears or
power modes. You can remove the battery,
making it very convenient to recharge.
Another small advantage of an ebike is
most, certainly the better ones, have in-
built and powerful lights — saving you a
small fortune in clip-ons that invariably
get stolen or fall off.
While ebikes have become increasingly
sophisticated, they are still undeniably ex-
pensive. You can pick up a perfectly ade-
quate push bike for £300, but most ebikes
cost nearly £2,000. It is a serious bit of kit.
The Cowboy 4 ST is £2,690. Mark Sutton,
the editor of Cycling Electric — a website
designed to help consumers choose an
ebike — warns that because of inflation in
manufactured goods, “there’s very little
under £1,000 worth looking at now”.
Having said that, I have tested out some
for under £800 and have been impressed.
Here is what to consider when buying.
Before buying consider the battery life
If an ebike battery runs out you can still
cycle to your destination — just with a bit
more effort. Most batteries take about
three to four hours to charge. Some are
removable; many are incorporated into
the bike frame, which makes charging
more of a faff. Bike manufacturers do state
the range, but they are often calculated on
the basis of good conditions.
the times Saturday March 25 2023
Weight matters if you need to lug the
bike up stairs
The battery, electronics and motor all add
weight to ebikes. This isn’t a problem until
you need to lug the machine up a flight of
stairs into a block of flats to ensure it isn’t
stolen. Only a few ebikes weigh less than
20kg. The Cowboy comes in at 18.9kg. One
exception is folding bikes: Brompton does
an ebike weighing 17.4kg; Carbo has a
folding bike that is a mere 13.3kg.
Don’t skimp on security
All cyclists know that bike thieves — and
the police’s seeming unwillingness to pur-
sue those thieves — are a serious downside
to cycling. With many ebikes costing well
over £2,000, you should be spending at
least £100 on a top-end lock, ideally two —
though parking your bike inside is the best
way to avoid it being nicked.
One advantage of ebikes, however, is
that with some (such as the British brand
Volt) you can lock away the battery with a
key and others are easy to track down once
stolen — especially if it is one connected to
an app. Cowboy’s bikes, for instance, have
a feature whereby you get sent an alert to
your phone if someone touches your bike
for more than a few seconds, and you can
use the GPS signal to find out where it is —
though you will have to recover it yourself.
VanMoofs have a built-in wheel lock
with alarm that will unlock when you
approach and offers a service (costing £328
for a three-year period) whereby its “bike Harry Wallop tries
hunters” will recover your bike or supply a the Cowboy ebike
replacement if they can’t find it.
The best ebikes to buy now By Mark Sutton OFF-ROAD
Best affordable off-roader
Cube Reaction Hybrid One 500
COMMUTER BIKES Sutton’s verdict This Bristol-based example of the attention to detail Price: £2,599 | Weight: 24.9kg
Best folding bike brand is known for its elegant delivering a premium experience Range: up to 62 miles
Carbo Model X pushbikes, which are hand-built in in functionality, comfort and Sutton’s verdict This is a sleek bike
Price: £2,799 | Weight: 13.3kg the city. This is its electric version. practicality — if you can afford it. with an inbuilt battery that is easy
Range: up to 34 miles It’s a very sleek and functional It has the capacity to handle 25kg to handle. It is comfortable whether
Sutton’s verdict One of my favourite commuter option and not too heavy. of luggage in a pannier, powerful you are taking on rides deep into
bikes, from a little-known label. The Temples have fewer proprietary road lights and a beautifully the woods or crunching the miles
lightweight Carbo X is the epitome parts and so are serviceable in any smooth motor. on riverside paths.
of convenience thanks to its carbon bike shop. Stylish they may be, but highwaycycles.co.uk cube.eu
frame and belt drive, instead of a the VanMoofs and the Cowboys can
metal bike chain. This makes it be a bit more complex to source Most affordable Best for long distance
lighter and less likely to get messy back-up and service for. Batribike Nova S/X Orbea Rise
than an electric Brompton, with its temple-electric.com Price: from £1,299 | Weight: 21.6kg Price: from £4,999 | Weight: 15.9kg
more traditional, oily chain. Range: up to 61 miles Range: up to 100 miles (with extra
velorution.com The money-no-object option Sutton’s verdict Batribike battery charger)
Riese & Müller Nevo4 GT Vario GX specialises in lower-priced ebikes. Sutton’s verdict If you’re confident
Most practical Price: £5,380 | Weight: 28.4kg No corners cut, these are capable in your off-road abilities, Orbea
Benno RemiDemi Range: up to 93 miles and practical. has created an ebike that can
Price: £3,999 | Weight: 29.6kg Sutton’s verdict This is a prime batribike.com cope with pretty much any terrain
Range: up to 45 miles
Sutton’s verdict A functional and
fun bike that has the capability to
haul a stack of files or a kit bag to
the office, thanks to its sturdy rack
above the back wheel. It also has a Haibike Cube Reaction
comfortable upright riding position.
fullycharged.com
Trekking 3 Hybrid One 500
Most stylish
Temple Cycles Classic
Price: from £2,995 | Weight: 19kg
Range: up to 74 miles
 the times Saturday March 25 2023
need to know about ebikes
— mountains, gravel, woodland. Plus
it is remarkably lightweight. If you’re
going a long distance with no access
to plugs, you can buy a “range
extender” for £400 that sits in the
bottle cage on the frame and
charges the battery as you go.
orbea.com
CARGO BIKES
Most versatile
Tern GSD Gen 2
Price: from £4,900 | Weight: 33.6kg
Range: up to 121 miles (when you
use its top-spec battery)
Sutton’s verdict A cleverly designed
bike that is capable of carrying
200kg thanks to a large, sturdy rack
at the back that will fit two children
and the option of a luggage basket
on the front. It’s also compact
enough to get into the boot of an
Ridgeback
MK5
CHRIS MCANDREW, GREY HUTTON FOR THE TIMES
Lesley Thomas with
her Brompton ebike
estate car thanks to some folding
parts. It also features a range of
well-thought-out accessories.
ternbicycles.com
Best for replacing car trips
Ridgeback MK5
Price: £3,799 | Weight: n/a
Range: up to 28 miles
Sutton’s verdict The MK5 is a
comfortable three-wheeler with a
spacious and adaptable bucket
that’s more than capable of carrying
two children and shopping.
ridgeback.co.uk
Best all-rounder
Raleigh Stride 2 Family
Price: £4,395 | Weight: 60kg
Range: 40 miles
Sutton’s verdict Designed for
carting two children (up to 80kg)
Benno RemiDemi
My fold-up
bike is
pure joy
Lesley Thomas
I I
have covered thousands of smiley
miles on my Brompton ebike — a
pandemic acquisition that, unlike the
home cinema projector, the Dyson
dustbuster and the Theragun body
massager, I have continued to use.
Everyone seemed to want an ebike
in the summer of 2020. Most of us have a
few happy memories of the pandemic.
One of mine is cycling across town to my
permitted bubble — a 16-mile round trip
— whizzing through Hyde Park and
pootling along Regent’s Canal, taking in
the tourist-free sights around palaces and
parliament. Riding my ebike is pure joy,
even when it feels like the end times.
Three years on, this £2,600 bike (I have
paid less for a car in the past) and now
trusty steed has definitely earned its keep.
I cycle to and from work, four miles each
way, in about 20 minutes. My goal was to
get some exercise on the bike as well as
“free”, planet-friendly transport. But I’m
not sure how many calories I’ve burnt. I
ride to the office with the battery switched
to the highest level of assistance (there are
three options), which means the bike is
doing about 70 per cent of the work. This
feels exactly like getting pushed along by
your dad when you learnt to ride on two
wheels — a bit like a fairground ride. So,
apart from a raincoat, there’s no need for
special gear or a change of clothes. I land at
with a bigger and smaller seat. A
smart option for beating the school
run traffic thanks to its slimline
two-wheel design, which makes it
more manoeuvrable.
raleigh.co.uk
TOURING BIKES
Best equipped and affordable
Haibike Trekking 3
Price: £2,749 | Weight: 27kg
Range: up to 120 miles
Sutton’s verdict Well thought out,
coming with everything you’ll need
to get out into the countryside with
its built-in rack for panniers.
haibike.com
Most versatile
Cannondale Tesoro Neo SL EQ
Remixte
Price: £2,500 | Weight: 16kg
Elops 120E
my desk cool and sweat-free, even on the
hottest days.
The plan was that I’d switch off the
battery and power up my legs for the home
commute. So far I have done this once —
and that was only because I’d forgotten
to charge the battery. Getting to south
London faster than on the Northern Line
is much more appealing. And as it’s uphill
on the way home, it seems rude not to
maximise my bike’s capabilities.
Electric Bromptons are everywhere
now, but I still get stopped at traffic lights
to be asked about its performance. Tragi-
cally, I feel like a proud mum explaining
how long the battery lasts (approximately
40 miles on the lowest assistance level)
and how easy it is to clip it on and off.
My taxi bill has
dramatically
decreased.
I’ll happily take my
Brompton to a party
Where is the battery, though? My fav-
ourite ebike question. So much so that I’ll
answer it when no one even asks. The
black block on the front of the bike that has
a long strap and looks like a futuristic
handbag — that’s actually the battery.
I know!
My taxi bill has dramatically decreased
— almost to zero. I’ll happily take my
Brompton to a restaurant or a party as
there’s no commitment to ride it home. If
I can’t be bothered or I’ve had too much
tequila, I can fold it up in seconds and into
the boot of an Uber it goes.
Range: up to 47 miles
Sutton’s verdict An excellent
lightweight option for winding
along country roads all day, but
with enough off-road capability to
take on light gravel paths and
single-track shortcuts.
cannondale.com
Mark Sutton is editor of the
specialist website Cycling Electric
(cyclingelectric.com)
HARRY WALLOP’S
PICK OF THE BUDGET BIKES
Assist 20in wheel
Price: £494 | Weight: 18kg
Range: 10 to 20 miles
Harry’s verdict Assist is a Halford’s
own-brand, it’s not pretty and the
range is a lot shorter than many of
the more expensive ebikes. But it
is astonishingly cheap and
remarkably light.
halfords.com
Elops 120E low frame
Price: £800 | Weight: 25.9kg
Range: up to 31 miles
Harry’s verdict Elops is a brand
made for Decathlon, the French
sporting goods shop. They are
solid, reliable, well-made ebikes,
if a little heavy.
decathlon.co.uk
Body + Soul 5
It’s like
riding an
armchair
Harriet Walker
am 37 and cannot drive (pauses until
laughter dies down), so the
Christiania cargo bike we bought
almost two years ago basically
functions as my car. I do school and
nursery drop-offs and pick-ups on
it every day, and ferry the kids to
clubs, playdates, parties and on days out at
the weekend.
I know some hardy Nordic parents ride
theirs without a battery, but our one is es-
sential: it has to get me up quite a steep hill
twice a day, with two chunky little people
in the front. The box on ours fits four kids
(it has seatbelts), and the battery has coped
with that load admirably too. When people
remark on how fit I must be I have to admit
it is like riding an armchair.
No wonder bikes like these have been
proliferating at our school gates recently,
like wagons round a campfire. We live in an
urban area with too many cars already, so
I’m delighted to see our numbers grow —
even if there are a few grumbly old
naysayers out there who mock it as the
latest yummy mummy must-have. In fact
it is the dads who really lean into cargo
bikes, I’ve found. One of our neighbours
blares out Led Zeppelin from his; another
has decorated his with stickers, much like
(I presume) the skateboards of his youth.
This wasn’t an off-the-cuff purchase.
Cargo ebikes are not cheap, so we thought
about it for a long time. Given the routes
we take daily and weekly, the sort of local
routine we have — and will probably have
for the next five or so years while our
kids are small — it made practical and
financial sense.
We test-rode several models when we
bought ours from London Green Cycles
before deciding that the trike suited us
best. The sturdiness of our Christiania is
definitely in its favour: vehicles see us and
give us a wide berth. You can’t duck and
weave as you might on an individual bike,
but that isn’t what cargo bikes are for.
I use ours to do the supermarket shop
too — as does my husband, even though he
can drive. I also ride it “empty” out to
dinner or to a meeting if I’m not going far,
to save on the bus fare or a taxi home. With
a mobile phone holster on the handlebars
and CityMapper set to “quiet route”, south
London is my oyster.
We use our car far less than we used to
— only really if we’re leaving London or
crossing it, or if the weather is terrible and
we’re travelling together. In the warmer
months we set out in a convoy with
our other bike — non-electric, although
this ebike has been such a success we
would definitely consider upgrading it
(there are more pressing things in the
household budget first, alas). Stick a
picnic and some games in the lockable
compartment beneath the seats and
you can go further afield than your usual
playgrounds.
Honestly, I can’t recommend one highly
enough. Anyone still grumpy about them
is either jealous or joyless.
 the times Saturday March 25 2023

6 Weekend MICHAEL LECKIE FOR THE TIMES

Robert Crampton, right, and

Robert Crampton the chef and teacher Al Voles

can boil an egg

— just about. So he
took his first lesson
with a top chef

D
espite recent baby steps
involving boiled eggs,
basically I can’t cook. It’s
a generational thing, I tell
my wife, when she com-
plains. A northern thing.
My dad was a gentle,
liberal, non-sexist man. He didn’t believe
cooking was women’s work. He didn’t even
believe in the concept of “women’s work”,
and neither do I. But my dad still couldn’t
cook and neither can I. It’s that patriarchy:
I’m as much a victim of it as you are!
My wife points out that her dad, 84 and
impeccably northern (indeed, rather more
impeccably northern than I am, with my
Cockney mother) can and does cook, and
always has. Not just the show-off dad
set-piece Sunday roasts or full English, but
the boring midweek teatime stuff. Most
men my age, she says, at least cook a little
bit. I disagree.
“Do you get many guys who turn up not
being able to cook at all?” I ask Al Volev, 52,
the chef who runs cookery classes for all
levels of ability at Borough Kitchen in

Can this man teach me

Islington, north London. “Guys like me?”
“Only a few,” he answers. “And they tend
to be in their late seventies or eighties.” I’m
58. Drat.
Al’s tuition today focuses on knife skills.
As in, chopping things up safely and effi-
ciently. That’s a useful skill — show me the
man who doesn’t admire a chef’s ability to
slice a carrot very quickly and I’ll show you
a guy not in touch with his masculine side
— but what I seek, more fundamentally,
is confidence. Kitchen confidence, if you
will. I haven’t got any. I panic. I stress. I fuss.
I faff. I, literally, can’t stand the heat. My
adrenaline spikes. My heart races. My
motor skills crash. My ability to plan and
organise deserts me.
I’m like an 18-year-old conscript en-
countering the battlefield for the first time
and realising he’s a rank coward. Every
Sunday morning since I started making a
cooked breakfast for the family a year or
more ago, I’ve at some point become anx-
ious, irritable and short-tempered. And it’s
not getting much better with experience.
In short, I need help. While ostensibly I
might be here to rustle up some falafel and
tabbouleh, what I really want to take away
is the hope that I might, one day, feel com-
fortable — content perhaps, even creative
— in the kitchen.
“It’s all about knowing you’re in control,”
Al says. “Don’t stress. It’s not open-heart
surgery. You plan ahead. You prep what
you can in advance, like your mushrooms.
It’s about organisation, method. A cooked
breakfast sounds easy but there’s lots of
elements to bring together. Stay calm.
That comes with experience.” This is all
good advice. The attitude he describes is
pretty much how I operate in other areas
of my life, other rooms in the house. If I can
bring a degree of intelligence and forward
planning to the kitchen, this cooking lark
would get a lot easier.
On the prep point, Al and Amanda, his
assistant, have everything ready in little
bowls on the counter, just like in cooking
shows on the telly. I have to steel myself
not to start behaving like Keith Floyd and
calling the photographer Clive.
The first falafel job falls within my exist-
ing skill set: mashing up some chickpeas
how to cook — at 58?
with the back of a fork. “Great vehicle,
chickpeas,” Al says. I nod in agreement,
not entirely understanding, but intuiting
that he means they don’t taste of anything
much but are good at doing the heavy lift-
ing for the actual flavour in other foods.
Next, we move on to chopping up a shal-
lot very finely. Deeper waters. Al instructs
me in the correct technique, first “fraying”
the onion into strips, the knife blade slicing
from heel to toe, its weight and keenness
doing the work. “The tendency for begin-
ners is to cut with the point,” he says. “It’s
a legacy of being warned about knives
when we’re kids, so we subconsciously try
to keep the blade as far away from us as
possible.” Doing it properly is safer and
conserves more energy.
Which man doesn’t
admire a chef’s ability
to slice a carrot very
quickly?
That’s another thing that has tradition-
ally put me off cooking: it’s tiring. I’m rea-
sonably fit, I can walk or swim for a long
time without a struggle, but standing up in
one place for long periods is not something
I’ve trained for. I get foot and backache. I
suffer the same specific fatigue in clothes
shops and art galleries. So many skills
come down to what you’re physically com-
fortable doing, having done something
similar as a kid. Maybe I’m being too hard
on myself, finding cooking so tricky to
master relatively late in life. Al recom-
mends I practise on mushrooms. Good tip.
I love mushrooms.
Onion diced (as fine as possible, to
increase the surface area and thus release
more flavour), we move on to garlic. Al
favours simply crushing the clove into a
paste. As regards seasoning, he quizzes me
about the flavours the tongue can discern.
I love a quiz. I list sweet and salt and, with
some prompting, sour. “And that weird
one that sounds like that scary film Robin
Williams was in. Jumanji?”
“Umami,” he corrects. “And one other?”
I come up blank.
“It sounds like something you might
have a pint of,” says Michael, the photo-
grapher, giving me a clue.
“Guinness?” I suggest.
That’s a classic example of how cooking
scrambles my brain. Obviously I know
logically that after countless millennia of
evolution and centuries of academic study,
the classification of taste distinctions
made by the human tongue is unlikely to
be sweet, salt, sour, umami and a famous
brand of stout. But Michael is Irish, we’d
been talking about the rugby earlier, I was
flustered, Guinness just popped into my
head. What an idiot.
It’s bitter, by the way, the fifth one.
Chickpea flour sticks the chickpeas,
onions and garlic together into a ball,
from which I mould four small patties. Al
fires up the hob, heating olive oil in a pan,
triggering an instant rush of anxiety. In
me, not him. “This is when I start to panic,”
I tell him. “When heat gets involved.
Thing is, I’m pretty good at salads and
sandwiches — I ought to be, I’ve made so
many over the years. But when the heat is
on . . .” Al repeats his mantra about how I
am in control. He pops a fragment of
shallot into the oil. “It’ll tell you when it’s
ready for the falafels.”
In they go. Immediately, I do what my
wife always tell me not to do, which is
constantly prod and poke whatever is
cooking around the pan. “Don’t shove
them,” Al says. “That is typical bloke be-
haviour. Just leave them alone.” I confide
that I love to stir and scrape and fiddle, my
wife complaining that I can turn even a
simple saucepan of baked beans into a pur-
ee. It’s another indicator of stress. And
ignorance. Sometimes, you just have to
leave chemistry to do its thing. When the
patties begin to brown, we flip them. “Col-
our is flavour!” Al says. I guess that’s right.
The tabbouleh, not requiring heat, is
well within my wheelhouse, as the young
folk say. Mixing cold ingredients is in my
comfort zone. Plating up, Al says I’ve done
pretty well. He reckons I could move on
next to master stew/curry, then tackle
steak and fish. All in good time, I tell him,
busying myself wiping surfaces, moving
dirty pots, picking bits of onion peel off the
floor, genuinely enjoying the familiarity
and routine of the grunt work while think-
ing maybe it’s time to raise my ambitions
beyond it.
“Look at that,” Al says, indicating
my falafel and tabbouleh efforts. “You
made that!”
Indeed I did, I think, a modicum of pride
edging out the residual stress as I reach for
a fork. It felt good. What’s more, it actually
tasted pretty good as well. Who knew?
the times Saturday March 25 2023
The historian
Dan Snow tells
Michael Odell that
it’s a sign of maturity
to reflect on our past
I
t’s the stuff of a Midsomer Murders
season finale. A body washes up on a
beach. How did it get there? The
locals start to investigate. But when
darkness falls the head goes missing,
so an upstanding member of the
community takes the torso and
stores it in a fridge.
“I was going to put it in my freezer but a
local farmer offered a cold storage unit,”
Dan Snow says, chuckling. It’s OK to chuc-
kle, because the body in question belonged
to a 6ft smalltooth sand tiger shark that
washed up on Lepe Beach near Snow’s
home on the Solent near Southampton
last week.
Even so, the TV historian is in earnest
when he says he’d like the head back: “I
was in London watching the musical
Six [about Henry VIII and his wives]
when the community WhatsApp group
informed me the shark had washed up,” he
says. “By the time I got home from the
theatre someone had cut off the head and
the tail. That’s not illegal by any means, but
it was such a rare event we’d really like
scientists to examine the head and find out
what happened.”
The day we speak, the London Zoologi-
cal Society has just driven off with the
shark’s body, and later confirms this is
the first time the species has been seen in
UK waters. So far, though, no sign of the
head, although Snow says the local
community is thrumming with rumour.
“I’ve had about ten screen grabs from
various neighbours with notes saying ‘I
think it was him’,” he says, sighing.
Studying the shark’s brain and teeth
could give scientists clues as to what it ate
— perhaps even why it died. Because these
are strange times for UK wildlife. “We had
a walrus in the Solent last December,”
Snow adds. “Very exciting in one way, but
obviously rather troubling in the grander
scheme of things.”
Snow is on Zoom at home, looking like
a superhero enjoying dress-down Friday.
But he has to give his quiff a pat-down
because he has just come in from the
garden, tying things down ahead of an
expected storm. “We’re only two metres
above sea level here, so I fear we might be
underwater in 20 years,” he says gloomily.
Floods, storms, beached sharks and
disorientated walruses — all harbingers of
doom in the week the landmark Inter-
governmental Panel on Climate Change
report warned “humanity is on thin ice” in
the race to curb carbon emissions. “We are
living through the endgame of the Indus-
trial Revolution,” Snow says. “Through
coal we gained unimaginable power and
freedom, but, like everything else, it needs
reappraising. I know for some people reap-
praising things once seen as ingenious and
beneficial can be threatening, but for me
it’s a sign of maturity and resilience.”
The son of the former Newsnight
presenter (and king of the swingometer)
Peter Snow and the Canadian journalist
Ann MacMillan, Snow was a BBC present-
ing star straight out of the University of
Oxford, where he read modern history.
But feeling constrained and that history
was being dumbed down, in 2017 he
launched History Hit, a streaming plat-
form on which he delivers content through
podcasts and videos.
My family
obviously benefited
from empire
This modern historian may litter his
speech with phrases such as “I’m cool with
that, man” or, when something meets with
his approval, “sweet”, yet he is married
to Lady Edwina Grosvenor, daughter of
the 6th Duke of Westminster, one of the
richest men in Britain (he left a fortune
amounting to almost £10 billion when he
died in 2016). Has he reappraised these
impeccable historical links?
“Oh, my family is totally part of the im-
perial story,” he says, neatly sidestepping
the Grosvenors. “The Snows were exactly
the type of people to gain from empire.
My mother’s family purchased land in
Ontario, Canada, so they were literal
colonisers,” going from settled farmers to
professors and bankers over a period of
120 years. “They incredibly obviously
benefitted from empire, and my dad’s side
of the family went to India.” One came
back with a fortune and built a house near
where Snow lives today, before losing
every penny again.
It’s necessary to reflect on how we find
our place in history, both as individuals
and as nations, he believes. “My sense of it
is when the National Trust says, ‘Look at
this beautiful house; the money for it came
from a slave quarry down the road’ — as
was the case with [Penrhyn Castle] in
north Wales, which was the subject of
some controversy — that is all a sign of
NEALE HAYNES/CONTOUR BY GETTY IMAGES; SOLENT NEWS
maturity and resilience. No one is blaming
you for the horrors of the transatlantic
slave trade 250 years ago, but we are going
to ask you: what do we think it means? Do
we use that knowledge to change behav-
iours in the present?
“I think we do, but for some people they
have been made to feel this is a threat to
the country they love. But you can love a
country and still be open to their short-
comings and failures. You can love your
country but also be aware that the story is
not as simple as the Battle of Britain pilots
were defending freedom; they were
defending a British imperial system from
an ambitious German imperial system.
Winston Churchill was both a racist and
the man who saved liberal democracy.
Both things can be true.”
These are complicated ideas, he admits,
“and they make people feel defensive and
upset and we are going through a rigorous
analysis of this stuff. And so yes, I myself
am a privileged white guy who went to
Oxford and read history. Once upon a
time the world was made for English-
speaking white guys like me — the
challenge is how I act now.”
Although Snow married into nobility,
he questions whether there will be lords
and ladies at all in 200 years. “I very
much doubt there will be a monarchy. It
feels to me that inherited monarchy and
Weekend 7
Dan Snow
organised religion are on the wane.” An
invitation to the coronation has so far been
unforthcoming, but since Lady Edwina
was Princess Diana’s goddaughter and has
known Prince Harry since childhood the
couple attended his 2018 wedding to
Meghan Markle.
“There was a great moment of excite-
ment with Harry’s book [Spare] because I
thought he was going to deliver a potent-
ially existentially threatening critique of
monarchy — that it was racist, dangerous
to those within it as well as its subjects,”
Snow says. “He blew the horn and banged
the drum for battle and got our attention,
but then the book arrived and it turns out
he still wants to be a duke; the villain seems
to be Camilla, who he says said mean
things about him to the press.”
Of course, history isn’t just about kings
and queens but incremental changes in
society. Now 44 and a father of three, Snow
admits that he has changed immeasurably
since his twenties.
“When I came of age in the Nineties,
everyone thought liberal democracies had
won — China was engaged with the West,
communism had collapsed in Russia,
Francis Fukayama [the American political
scientist] and others were talking about
the ‘end of history’ and all that. Now, of
course, with current events involving
Russia and China, we know that’s not true.
And when I was 22 I thought I didn’t have
to do any more work on myself, but life
teaches you lessons and you learn.”
He cites keeping himself to himself
when they settled in Hampshire. “I
thought I was cool and self-contained, but
soon realised, for my own wellness, I need
friends and community. Middle-aged men
are notoriously crap at nurturing friend-
ships, but I’ve done work on that. I like a
pub chat. I like being on the touchline at
the kids’ football matches.”
Last year Snow was aboard the South
African icebreaker that discovered the
wreck of the British explorer Ernest
Shackleton’s ship Endurance off the coast
of Antarctica, where it had been crushed
by sea ice in 1915 (global warming’s effect
on the ice made its rediscovery possible).
Even here there was a personal lesson.
“It did occur to me, in that midlife crisis
way men have, that might be the biggest
event I covered,” he says. “But it also
rreconfirmed to me that life can’t be all
aabout grand conquests and triumphs. It’s
aalso about getting the kids in the car or
ttheir food on the table . . . being present in
tthe moment. I’ve seen old friends become
o
ossified and more conservative and
ccynical, and I want to avoid that. My father
iis in his mid-eighties, and still as interested
iin the world as he was 50 years ago. That’s
ssomething to aim for, but it’s not natural
The Lepe Beach shark — you have to nurture it.”
He and his wife have three children, Zia,
11, Wolf, 8, and Orla, 7. Does he want more?
Dan Snow’s “There was a time I thought we might not
be able to have [any], so I know how lucky
perfect we are. But I also want to be a good father,
weekend and I’ve noticed the quality of my service
diminishing a bit. I reckon I read a thou-
Shark or dolphin? sand hours of stories to my eldest child but
Dolphin I read to my youngest maybe five times. If
Les Misérables or Six? my wife said she wanted another baby I’d
Six lie on the floor and cry.”
Country or city? These days Snow is effectively an on-
Country call historian. Melting Siberian permafrost
TV or a book? means the body of an ancient nomad
A book. I’m enjoying Peter might be revealed, or tidal changes mean
Frankopan’s The Earth an old wreck might heave into view, and off
Transformed he goes. The remains of HMS Northum-
Green juice or a fry-up? berland, which sank off the Kent coast in
A bit of both the great storm of 1703, have recently
I couldn’t get through my become more exposed than ever. Snow is
weekend without . . . off to see it. “But I’ve got to be back for
A good long walk, the weekend. Brockenhurst Badgers [his
followed by tweeting children’s football team] are a priority. I
something silly I thought wouldn’t miss the touchline gossip for
up on said walk the world.”

8 Body + Soul
Feeling gloomy?
Here’s how I
cured my midlife
happiness deficit
If you no longer
find pleasure in
things you used to
enjoy, Tanith Carey
knows what to do
A
sk your average Briton
why they are not basking
in happiness at the mo-
ment and you won’t have
to wait long for a list.
For one thing there’s
the weather. Even by our
standards it’s extra grey as we endure one
of the gloomiest Marches on record.
What’s more, these bleak skies are the
backdrop to a political permacrisis, nu-
merous strikes and an economy where the
only thing going up is inflation.
All this may help to explain why the UK
is getting more miserable. For the fourth
year in a row we’ve slipped down the hap-
piness rankings, coming in 19th — behind
Germany, Iceland and the US — in the
World Happiness Report.
What’s also notable is that, unlike other
countries, we’ve experienced no upswing
in joy since Covid. Perhaps lockdown sim-
ply brought home the fact that many of us
weren’t enjoying our old lives that much in
the first place — and that included me.
In fact I first noticed feeling what I call
“blah” a few years earlier when I got a
call from my agent with the news of a
fantastic book deal. I found myself making
all the right noises: “Amazing . . . fantas-
tic . . . brilliant . . .”
Yet it felt as though the words were
coming from some disembodied version of
myself. When I finished the call I knew I
should have felt euphoric. Instead I felt flat.
This didn’t make sense. I wasn’t de-
pressed. I was a get-up-and-go, get-shit-
done career woman with a lovely husband
and two happy, healthy children. I’d just
ticked off another life goal. What was
wrong with me?
After that day, though, I started noticing
this strange disconnect more and more.
I’d always loved music. But now the
chills no longer came. My Instagram
looked like a patchwork of gorgeous expe-
riences. In reality I almost fall off my chair
with shock when I hear myself laughing.
And then came the pandemic. If there
was anything that was supposed to make
us appreciate our lives, lockdown was
surely it. But when I finally saw friends and
family again and expected the tears to
flow, I felt nothing much except it was
“quite nice” to see them. I spoke to others
who said their guilty secret was that they
felt the same.
I decided to set off in search of an expla-
nation of this grey space between happi-
ness and despair where most of us live.
I discovered that there was a term for it:
anhedonia. Derived from Greek, it means
the opposite of hedonism, and is defined as
“losing the ability to get pleasure from
things you used to enjoy”.
While anhedonia is well known to psy-
chiatrists as a symptom of full-blown de-
pression, I discovered you don’t need to be
depressed to feel it. You can be ticking
along, getting on with life, with everything
you need, except the bandwidth to enjoy
your life.
As Lohani Noor, a psychotherapist, told
me: “Remember the moment when Doro-
thy’s world turns from black-and-white to
Technicolor in The Wizard of Oz? Then
imagine it happening in reverse.”
“I recognise anhedonia when it walks
into my therapy room,” she says, “and it
can be easily confused with depression,
but there is a distinct nuance in the flavour.
While it may well lead to depression, it’s
not depression. It can make someone who
is suffering with it feel like they are left
stranded in a dinghy in the middle of the
ocean, drifting further away from the
bright lights of joy and laughter.”
This bothered me. After all, we hear so
much about modern life’s most pernicious
condition, depression, at one end of the
spectrum, and the unicorn state of happi-
ness at the other. Why don’t we hear about
the no man’s land in between?
As I researched this missing word in our
mental health vocabulary, I came across
several reasons why “blah” hit us Brits par-
ticularly hard.
One reason is we work the longest hours
in Europe. Yet, despite all our efforts, we
are dealing with a growing gap between
falling wages and spiralling living costs.
Endless work tasks, deadlines and wor-
ries about making ends meet, without re-
lief, can raise levels of the stress hormone
cortisol to chronic levels. When cortisol is
always raised, it dials down the other
chemicals of pleasure.
Over time, this alters the brain’s struc-
ture and chemistry, which can result in a
Tanith Carey
feeling of numbness — aka feeling “blah”.
Diet is another reason. Half of foods
found in the average British household are
highly processed, according to research in
the journal Public Health Nutrition, which
found we have the worst eating habits in
Europe. But the effect is not just on our
waistlines. It’s on our moods too.
Processed, sugary foods tend to contain
emulsifiers to extend shelf life. In the gut
these chemicals help to kill off beneficial
The constant dopamine
hits of a convenience
society have helped
to blunt our sensitivity
to pleasure
microbes that make the feelgood chemical
serotonin. They also encourage inflamma-
tion that can spread to the brain, where it
interrupts the smooth working of the
reward system.
For many of the people I have spoken to
about feeling “blah”, knowing that anhe-
donia had a name was a lightbulb moment,
as it had been for me.
Menopausal women were particularly
keen to talk about it, many sharing their
secret fears that they might never feel
good again. Indeed, as I hit my mid-fifties,
I discovered that the drop off in mood-
boosting oestrogen, which is a buffer
against the stress hormone cortisol, was
undoubtedly a factor in causing “blah” —
which led me to hormone-replacement
therapy to get my hormones back on side.
However, overworked twenty and
thirtysomethings, trying to juggle stressful
the times Saturday March 25 2023
careers and side hustles, said they assumed
“blah” was just the way their lives were.
Strung-out parents confided that they
were too tired ever to enjoy their children.
Middle-aged men confided they’d turned
into the “grumpy gits” they’d sworn they’d
never become.
The words and phrases people used to
describe how they felt ranged from “stuck”
to “on autopilot”, “unplugged”, “cold in-
side” and, my personal favourite, “not
burnt out, but definitely well toasted”.
Does apathy really matter if it’s not a
mental illness? Yes, it does. Anhedonia
may keep a low profile, but that doesn’t
mean it’s not taking a toll. Far from just
being a state of feeling flat, it can be a
precursor to depression. A 2010 study in
the American Journal of Public Health
found that people who were unable to
shake off their state of “blah” were more
than six times more likely to go on to
develop a mental illness like it. Tackling it
is preventive.
As “blah” has become the norm, it’s easy
to assume that it’s the price we pay for
keeping our lives on track in a stressful
world. What we are missing here is that life
the way we live in first world societies is
what often helps to produce this state of
“meh” in the first place. While it has never
been easier to get our basic material needs
met, there has been a biological payback.
The constant dopamine hits of a conve-
nience society, where everything from
food and shopping to porn are instantly
available, have helped to throw off our
brain’s reward systems, blunting our sensi-
tivity to pleasure and letting stress hor-
mones prevail.
So while modern life doesn’t make hap-
piness easy, the good news is that, thanks
to tech such as fMRI scanners, we have
never known more about how joy is made
in the brain and what can stand in its way.
the times Saturday March 25 2023
AMIT LENNON FOR THGE TIMES
I almost fall
off my chair
with shock
when I hear
myself laughing
So over the past 18 months I have spoken
to some of the world’s leading neuroscien-
tists to find out how we can push back —
and to discover if I can up the dial on my
enjoyment of life. Along the way I found
out that dopamine is not the molecule of
pleasure, but more of anticipation. So I
decided to give my brain more measured
doses by always making sure I had some-
thing to look forward to in my diary. To
reduce my cortisol load I discovered the
joy of the out-of-office reply.
Among the many steps I took was con-
sciously to feed my brain more positive
experiences, and then notice and savour
them to get my dopamine flowing again.
Gradually I noticed subtle changes. I
started to laugh more easily. Not tense, up-
tight titters but body-shaking laughs that
lasted longer than I expected or could con-
trol. Small things like singing in the shower
and having an impromptu kitchen disco —
both scientifically proven to have an out-
size effect on wellbeing — no longer
seemed like such ridiculous ideas.
So, to any one of you for whom this state
of “blah” sounds familiar, I’d say the first
step is bringing this nebulous state into
focus. Feeling “fine” is not making the
most of your life. Just because you’re not
depressed doesn’t mean you should be
grateful and accept it.
To move forward, more of us need to be
flourishing, not just surviving. Advances in
healthcare are extending our physical
lives. Don’t we need to make sure that we
stay mentally well, so we can make the
most of them?
I’d say it really is far too soon for us to be
folding our cards and accepting life with-
out fun as the status quo.
Feeling ‘Blah’? Why Anhedonia Has Left
You Joyless and How to Recapture Life’s
Highs by Tanith Carey is published by
Welbeck on April 13 at £16.99
Could you be anhedonic?
Signs to look out for
Look at the following statements. If
there are more yeses than noes, it
may be time to think about ways to
tackle your “blah” and get your brain’s
reward circuit back on track
6 When asked how you are, you often
struggle to articulate it.
6 You can’t easily remember a time
when you really enjoyed yourself.
6 You often feel you have to fake
having fun.
6 You don’t enjoy your favourite food
or music as much as you used to.
6 Sex seems a bit pointless.
6 You struggle to remember the last
time you really laughed.
6 If you feel like you’re having fun,
a voice pops up in your head saying
“I’m too old for this” or “This feels
uncomfortable.”
6 When other people rave about
things, you often find it hard to join
them there or recognise what they
are appreciating.
6 You feel you’re holding yourself
back or distancing yourself during
emotional moments.
6 You feel irritated by other people
around you being too lively and
having fun.
6 You are always planning your
escape and thinking about the life
you really want to live.
What to do
about it
There are many ways to beat “blah” —
but try these for starters.
Spend 10 to 15 minutes a day
outside
Some parts of southern
outhern
England had a tenth
enth
of the average
sunshine we
usually have
during the first
two weeks of
March,
according to
the University
of Reading.
This alone can
create feelings
of “blah”
because studies
have found that
wer
people have lower
lgood
levels of the feelgood
nin on cloudy
chemical serotonin
ight appears to
days, while sunlight
increase the number of dopamine
receptors in the brain. It may be in
short supply, but make the most of
it when you can — and where
possible aim for at least 10 to 15
minutes each day to boost not
only serotonin levels but vitamin D
levels, which encourage its
production and release. If you work
indoors, open the curtains as soon as
you get up, try to sit near a window
and go outside to get some daylight
during any breaks.
Instead of a to-do list, write a
don’t-do list
Two hours of free time a day is the
optimal amount that makes people
their happiest, according to research
Body + Soul 9
I’ve got the dream
home of 2023 —
it’s a bungalow
by the University of Pennsylvania.
People with no free time at all are the
most miserable. So how do we find
W
those elusive two hours of free time? hat comes to
We are all familiar with the concept of
to-do lists. But sometimes we need to
mind when I say
the word bunga-
write a don’t-do list to free up more low? Net curtains,
time for joy. The number of chores on garden gnomes,
your list may have built up because it swirly brown car-
feels easier to do them yourself and pets, square rooms
you haven’t had the time to train the . . . I’ve heard them all.
people around you to share them. Although they may not be as elegant as
When drawing up a don’t-do list, Georgian townhouses or as trendy as
write a list of the things you do each Victorian terraces, it seems we low-rise
week. With each, ask yourself: “Do I livers may, however, be about to have the
actually want to do this or is it just last laugh. Data this week suggests that
expected of me?” Then decide which bidding wars are breaking out over
ones you can cross off and which ones bungalows across Britain. According to
you can delegate. Rightmove, as of February bungalows
were taking just 64 days to sell, compared
Plan things to look forward to — with 145 days for other types of home.
and record them afterwards When we bought our south London
Anhedonia is often a sign that the bungalow five years ago, in our mid-
brain’s reward system is not working thirties, we were drawn to its benefits:
as well as it might. To experience joy, detached living, lots of outdoor space, easy
it helps to know how it’s made in the to modernise — things that are now on
first place. In fact, the latest many a post-pandemic wish list.
neuroscience shows that many joyful While a bungalow may not be unique,
experiences consist of three parts: they are increasingly rare. After building
looking forward to something, booms in Victorian seaside towns between
appreciating it at the time and the wars and again in the 1960s, a measly
remembering it positively afterwards. 2,830 were registered in 2022, according
This means, to beat “blah”, it helps to to the National House Building Council.
always plan lots of things, however Put simply, they are expensive to build,
little, to look forward to. Make a requiring large plots of land on which
developers could make more money from
conscious effort to build anticipation
by putting them in your diary — or if
you are visiting somewhere new,
multistorey houses or flats.
In total there are only 2.5 million
doing some research beforehand.
Second, be fully present in the
bungalows in the UK, less than a tenth of
all housing stock, which would help to
moment, try to get into the flow and account for the cabin fever that’s driving
discard any worry or self- prices up. On PrimeLocation one three-
consciousness. Finally, find ways to bedroom bungalow in north London is
remember the event, like writing it being offered for £4.3 million.
down and recording
reco the The trick for those looking to get a foot
best parts of
o it, so on the property ladder is to seek out an
that you want to do outdated bungalow, perhaps previously
somet
something similar owned by older people, and in need of
agai
again. sprucing up into something you wouldn’t
be ashamed to post on social media, where
Ta a weekly
Take “single-storey living” is becoming the
‘a
‘awe walk’ height of fashion.
T
Those times We joke that our 1930s “chalet”
in life when bungalow (it has a rather dilapidated
w
we see upper floor, built into the eaves) seems
so
something in Californian in the summer, with the low
th
the outside light pouring through the bay windows,
wo
world that and Scandi in the winter months, with
take
takes our breath shifting shadows and cosy fireplaces.
away are known “I like your weird house,” a visitor said
as “awe moments”, only this week, and I wasn’t in the slightest
which rem
remind us bit offended. Because, down here on the
tthere
here is some
something g much gro
ground floor, we’re really on cloud nine.
b igger than us out there,
bigger re, Cla
Claire Cohen
throwing the transient issuissues we all
face into perspective. You don’tt have
to trek to the Grand Canyon orr gaze
at the Taj Mahal to feel them.
Researchers at the University of
California, San Francisco asked d
two groups of over-sixties to take ake
a 15-minute walk outdoors every ry
week for two months. One
group was asked specifically to o
look out for and record
moments of everyday beauty,
the second to carry on as
normal. After two months the
first group reported bigger
increases in feelings of
gratitude, compassion and joy
that carried through to the
rest of their lives. Claire Cohen and
Tanith Carey her bungalow

10 Body + Soul
My man is too
attentive in bed
Dr Suzi Godson
Sex counsel
Q
I fancy my new
partner a lot. But I
find him too attentive,
especially in bed. He is very
communicative — almost
overly so. I get morning and
evening “check-ins”, daily
phone calls, and when we’re
together he is constantly
telling me how beautiful
and perfect I am, and
putting my pleasure above
his own. I hate to say it,
but it’s turning me off
A
On paper your new boyfriend
is doing everything right, yet he is
getting it all wrong. No one
knows the rules of social engage-
ment inside out, yet most of us instinctive-
ly understand that if we demand too much
of another human they will withdraw from
us. The complexity of each and every
interaction that we have with each other
involves a host of complex yet unspoken
understandings, and yet when people get
the rules wrong, we automatically know
that we don’t like it.
I can imagine that all the attention may
have felt nice at first, but morning and
evening check-ins plus daily phone calls is
overkill. He is not being communicative
he is being clingy, and at a certain point
“checking in” turns into “checking up on”,
and that’s no fun at all. I imagine you may
not have been explicitly clear about what
level of communication feels comfortable
for you, so that’s the first thing you ought
to do, because there is a remarkably fine
line between attentive and needy.
Whatever the cause of your boyfriend’s
behaviour, it’s not a healthy dynamic —
and it’s not a sexy one either. Relationships
thrive on autonomy because “difference”
creates sexual tension. In contrast, feeling
suffocated kills sexual desire. I’m sure that
initially it was lovely to have someone put
your pleasure above their own, but event-
ually the sense that you have to deliver an
orgasm to satisfy someone else’s expecta-
tions creates unwanted pressure. It’s fine
while the rose-coloured glasses are still on,
but what happens when you are not in the
mood? Will he feel he has failed? Will you
feel that you have let him down? At a cer-
tain point, being the centre of someone’s
universe starts to feel horribly like a re-
sponsibility. Life on a pedestal gets lonely.
Getting this relationship to a point of
normality requires you to be more honest
about who you are and what you want.
Accepting the compliments, answering
the phone and moaning on cue only con-
firms to him that his strategy is working, so
you need to say no to all of it. Banish any
idea that you are the “perfect” woman —
there is no such thing — by letting him see
you in your greying underwear. Stop
responding to his incessant texts. Try
being more sexually assertive in the bed-
room if he has been encouraging you to
Men’s health
Work out with
Harry Jameson
Join our trainer in
a workout video
thetimes.co.uk/mensfitness
the times Saturday March 25 2023
Moaning on
cue only
confirms his
strategy is
working
just lie back and let him do the
work. It isn’t unkind to be
straight with him — unless
you actively change this un-
healthy script, the relation-
ship is doomed anyway. By
challenging him, you will be
doing him a favour (and you will
be doing yourself an even bigger
one) because how he responds to
“you doing you” will determine
whether this relationship has legs,
or whether it is, essentially, a
fantasy of his that you have been
unknowingly indulging.
In any relationship you
need to know that you are
loved as much for your faults
as you are for your strengths. If
his behaviour has made you feel
not only less attracted to him
but also, perhaps, that you can’t
reveal the parts of you that are
not perfect, it wasn’t a real
relationship in the first place.
Send your queries to
weekendsex@thetimes.co.uk
the times Saturday March 25 2023
The 7 ways
to jump-start
your fitness
this spring
Walk four times a
week; do squats in
the morning. Peta
Bee on how to up
your exercise game
A
s the clocks go forward
tonight, many of us are
deciding to up our
fitness game. There’s
more time to exercise
and, with summer on
its way, rather more
incentive to get toned. “The sun comes
out, spring is in the air and everyone
wants to get outside and exercise,” says
the chartered sports physiotherapist Paul
Hobrough. “But if you start increasing
the amount you are doing too steeply,
you are asking for problems in the way
of injury, muscle soreness and fatigue.”
So if you want a fitness reset, here’s what
the experts recommend.
Start gently if you’ve
let exercise slide
If you’ve spent the past few months
doing not much at all, start gradually,
says the celebrity trainer Dalton Wong,
founder of TwentyTwo Training. Begin
by increasing your daily steps by about
1,000-2,000 per day over a couple of
weeks, working towards being able to
walk for 60 minutes three or four times
a week at a decent pace (one that allows
you to talk but also makes you puff)
after four weeks.
“Walking is an excellent way to build
your cardiovascular fitness and general
mobility, and if you add hills to your
route you will get stronger very
quickly,” Wong says.
From there, add 30 weekly minutes
of at least one other activity — yoga,
Pilates, or a weights circuit — over the
next few weeks, and start adding 5-6
short, fast-paced bursts to your daily
walks.
Want to get fitter
quicker? Follow the
‘10 per cent rule’ and do
a little more each week
Even if you have been exercising a few
times a week, if you want to pick up your
pace, you need to do it carefully.
A golden rule, Hobrough says, is to take
into account the intensity, duration and
distance of a workout you have been
doing indoors and increase no more
than one of those elements by just 10 per
cent each week for each workout.
So if you have been walking for
20 minutes on a treadmill at a pace of
3mph, say — a distance of one mile —
increase the duration by 2 minutes, or
pick up the pace by 10 per cent to cover
the same distance in 18 minutes.
Similarly, if you do a 30-minute HIIT
(high-intensity interval training) circuit,
try adding one extra 3-minute round.
Do a few squats or
lunges in the morning
If you are switching from a morning to
an evening workout now that the days
are getting lighter and longer, you might
want to consider priming your muscles
for movement later on in the day. The
practice of doing a few brief and
non-tiring resistance exercises such as
lunges, deadlifts or weighted squats in
the morning — called exercise priming
— before a late afternoon or evening
workout has been shown to boost
exercise performance later on.
It is a strategy used by elite athletes
that can have benefits for the rest of us.
Exercise scientists at Abertay University
reported in the European Journal of
Physiology that a priming session helped
people with type 2 diabetes to get more
out of a cycling workout later on the
same day. “By activating and preparing
your muscles a few hours in advance you
get more out of exercise that follows,”
says Wong, who recommends 8-10
weighted squats or lunges first thing. “At
the very worst you have packed a few
extra resistance exercises into your day.”
Don’t ditch the
treadmill for outdoor
running — do both to
protect your muscles
If you have been running or walking
indoors over the winter, don’t just switch
to an outdoor routine. The key is to ease
yourself off the treadmill incrementally
over a matter of weeks. How you run
can be different indoors and out, with
some research showing that runners
shorten their stride length on a moving
belt. Outdoor running produces a more
natural stride and gait but also engages
more muscles, as you are not always
running in one direction or incline.
“It’s almost impossible to simulate all
the challenges you get outdoors on a
treadmill, and just hopping off it and
suddenly changing to outside can be
a bit of a shock for the muscles,”
Hobrough says. “I always suggest a
transition phase in spring when people
switch one or two weekly indoor walks
or runs to outdoors, but keep doing any
longer duration workouts on the
treadmill for a while.”
The key strength
exercises you need
Whether you’re getting on your bike,
going for a run or taking a good long
walk, it’s a good idea to do some
conditioning work to prepare. “There
is a much greater potential for lateral,
sideways movement than you get
indoors as you encounter drop curbs,
uneven terrain, changes in surface
and inclines when you are walking,
cycling or running,” Hobrough says.
“You might be challenging muscles in
the lower legs, hips and core that you
might not have been using for a while,
so it pays to do some strength and
conditioning exercises.”
Over the next couple of weeks he
suggests adopting a simple strength
exercise 3-4 times a week to strengthen
the hip adductor muscles of the inner
thigh. “The function of these muscles is
to keep the body balanced and stable,”
he says. “You can work them by lying
down on your back, knees bent, and
squeezing a cushion between your knees
for 20 seconds, then releasing, and
repeating 10 times.”
In addition, try the clam exercise for
the hip abductors on the outer thigh.
Lie on your right side, knees bent and
soles of feet in line with the spine.
Support your head with the right hand.
Slowly lift the left knee in an arc away
from the right knee, keeping feet
together. Hold for 3 seconds and slowly
lower back down. Repeat 15 times on
each side for one set. Perform three sets.
Single-leg squats are also great for
improving leg strength and balance.
Body + Soul 11 GETTY IMAGES
Don’t head straight for
the park — your pace is
quicker on the street
Try walking on the high street rather
than in the park — you’ll walk quicker,
according to research. And that’s better
for your fitness. Faster walking speeds
make for a tougher workout, which over
time will enhance health and longevity.
A 2022 University of Leicester study
of 4,000 UK adults showed that a brisk
walking pace of at least 100 steps a
minute can slow biological ageing over
time. But simply changing where you
walk can help you to move more quickly.
Yes, walking in green parks and
woodland is better for your mood and
stress levels, but an urban hike can result
in faster walking speeds without realising
you are trying harder. That was the
conclusion of a research team reporting
in Land journal two years ago, who
looked at environmental influences on
pace in a group of 105 adults. Overall,
their walking speed was fastest in areas
with traffic but no greenery, and slowest
in sections with a high amount of trees,
woodland and grass.
Never neglect your
10-minute warm-up
“Too many clients hobble in with
injuries having neglected a good
warm-up,” Hobrough says. “Just because
the weather will be improving shouldn’t
mean it becomes defunct.” Research
shows that some gentle marching,
jogging or cycling followed by dynamic,
If you start workout-specific exercises — think
sidestepping, high knees and leg swings
increasing the — to raise heart rate and increase
amount you muscle length can reduce injury risk,
sometimes by as much as 30 per cent.
are doing too “The effect of a dynamic warm-up is to
gently stress soft tissues so that muscles
steeply, you and tendons move more easily when
you start to work hard,” Hobrough says.
are asking for “It needn’t take longer than 10 minutes
problems but could save you being sidelined with
an injury.”
 the times Saturday March 25 2023

12 Food + Drink

Supermarket taste test: who has

The shelves may be full of ‘novelty’ hot cross buns, but
Hannah Evans has scoured the country for the classics.
Here’s her verdict on which to buy — and which to avoid Classic buns have been
relegated to the bottom
shelf, squished and

I
t seems supermarkets are in panic
mode this Easter. How can I tell?
Because I’ve just been in the bakery
aisle of my local shop trying to find a
hot cross bun. And by that I mean a
bouncy, soft bun filled with juicy,
spiced vine fruit and peel with a
sticky glaze and a cross on top. Was I
successful? Barely. There were just one
or two packets of classic buns on display,
relegated to the bottom shelf, squished and
forgotten about. What did I find instead?
Fellow purists, take a deep breath: rows
and rows of what are now known as
“novelty hot cross buns”. Gulp.
With constant news of fresh-fruit short-
ages and the omnipotent cost of living
crisis, it feels as if supermarkets have
panic-baked countless flavours, such as
triple chocolate, lemon and white choco-
late, double cheese, and apple and lemon.
The worst invention, new this year, is a
cheesy hot cross bun BLT filled with
“maple-cured bacon, semi-dried toma-
toes, lettuce and smoky mayo”. The
culprit? Marks & Spencer, of course. Not
surprising, if you ask me. It’s the supermar-
ket that brought us the controversial
cheesy Marmite hot cross bun,
which some of you u will be
overjoyed to hear ear is
nowhere to be found und
this Easter.
I know, I know, w,
I should have
seen this coming.
Novelty buns
have been slowly
gaining valuable
real estate
on supermarket
shelves each
Easter. But never
did I think theyy
would come close ose
to ering
outnumbering M&S’s hot cross bun BLT
traditional buns.
A perfect hot cross bun
should be so enjoyable able that it can
be eaten with butter ter or plain,
plain and fresh
or toasted, the latter obviously being the
best. I recently saw on TikTok, the
birthplace of novelty food, that the best
way to eat HCBs was to microwave them.
I’ll give that a miss.
I would strongly advise against going for
one of the intensely chocolatey flavours,
such as M&S’s, or Tesco’s red velvet buns.
Marks & Spencer
Luxury
forgotten about
Fruited Hot
Cross Buns,
pack of
four, £2
No shortage
of fruit in this
bun — it’s
jammed with currants, sultanas and
peel, and I quite like the rustic look.
Perfectly spiced and perfectly moist
without being sticky. Full marks.
{{{{{
Extremely Cheesy Cheddar & Red
Leicester Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £2
This will have hot cross bun purists up
in arms. No fruit, a very pale cross, and
so cheesy your eyes will water because
of all that cheddar and red Leicester.
Cheese works in scones, but that’s no
reason to put it in a bun.
{{{((
Banoffee Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £2
I’d like to know who was in the meeting
when the idea for these was formed.
The artificial banana taste is too much, Asda Morrisons
and the banana and fudge puree will
send your sugar levels sky high. Leave Extra Special Extra Fruity Hot Cross The Best Extra Fruity Hot Cross Buns,
them on the shelf. Buns, pack of four, £1.60 pack of
{(((( Well spiced and fruity while remaining four, £1.59
light. So much so, I’d have two. A bun from a
Aldi {{{{( supermarket
that ticks all
Specially Extra Special Lemon & White the boxes.
Selected Chocolate Hot Cross Buns, Toast, butter
Luxury pack of four, £1.60 and serve
Fruited Hot These are essentially a brioche with a with a
Cross Buns, cross on and a few white chocolate cuppa for a perfect Easter tea.
pack of chips. I couldn’t taste any lemon. Nice {{{{(
four, £1.25 sweet, sticky dough, but not a hot
What these lack in appearance (mine cross bun. The Best Double Chocolate Hot Cross
didn’t have a discernible cross) they {{((( Buns, pack of four, £1.25
make up for in fruit, texture and Did children create these? One will
flavour. Bravo! Extra Special Apple & Cinnamon Hot satisfy your chocolate fix for Easter. And
{{{{{ Cross Buns, pack of four, £1.60 that’s before you’ve had any eggs.
These reek of fake, incredibly sweet {{{((
The worst Waitrose apple flavouring. Hold your nose and
they’re all right, with a decent amount The Best Bramley Apple & Cinnamon
invention, new No.1 Luxury Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £2
of vine fruit and spice.
{{(((
Hot Cross Buns, pack of four, £1.25
Very bland. You have to imagine soft,
this year, is an XXL buns. These are tall and very round. sticky dough and the appley flavour and

These are not hot cross buns. The same
goes for Waitrose’s mature cheddar and
stout hot cross buns, an identity crisis if
ever I tasted one. Then there are M&S’s
bonkers banoffee pie buns, which are so
sweet your eyes will water. That said, I did
enjoy a few of the unconventional flavours
on offer, including Booths’ ginger and
chocolate ones.
If, like me, you prefer your buns without
twists or riffs, there’s good news, because
on this page you’ll find the best — and
worst — traditional HCBs. Some super-
markets get full marks, such as Aldi and
M&S. Others, such as Amazon Fresh,
which has released its first hot cross bun,
need to have a long, hard think.
M&S cheesy
Slice in half and share.
{{{((
hot cross No.1 West Country Mature Cheddar &
bun BLT Stout Hot Cross Buns, pack of four, £2
These look exactly like giant scones,
but don’t get your hopes up. There is
a nice pepperiness but the cheesy taste
is barely there and they are very dry.
Toast and cover in butter.
{{(((
Essential Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £1.10
A cost of living crisis bun. Not pillowy
and bouncy but dry like bread, and I
barely found any vine fruit in mine.
{((((
Tesco
Finest Extra Fruity Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £1.60
A hot cross bun you’ll save for guests,
rather than for yourself. No sticky top,
and a bit of a half-hearted cross, but
plump, lightly spiced fruit.
{{{((
Red Velvet Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £1.60
I cannot recommend these at all. They
taste and smell exactly like a stodgy red
velvet cake packed with chunks of white
and milk chocolate. If you like that, you’ll
love them. But I don’t.
{{(((
aroma when you eat these.
{((((
The Best Lemon Drizzle Hot Cross
Buns, pack of four, £1.25
If you gave these to the Easter bunny
there’d be no chocolate eggs for the
next decade. Sticky, dry, no lemon and
no fruit. Boo.
{((((
Booths
Chocolate & Ginger Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £2
Unconventional flavour but a surprise
hit. Enough ginger and chocolate to
nicely offset each other. My only
the times Saturday March 25 2023
the best buns?
complaint was that everything had sunk
to the bottom of mine.
{{{{(
Hot Cross Buns, pack of four, £1.50
What sad little buns. A faint cross, none
of that HBC aroma, and not much fruit
either. Sigh.
{{(((
Chocolate & Cherry Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £2
These look quite promising at first:
they’re big and very squishy, but where
are the cherries? And I had to go
digging for vine fruit.
{{(((
Ocado
Hot Cross Buns, pack of six, £1.10
A badly drawn cross, barely any
cinnamon — this is a hot cross bun to
put in your freezer and eat when
you’re desperate.
{{(((
Sainsbury’s
Taste the Difference Fruity Hot Cross
Buns, pack of four, £1.50
Stock up on
these. Lots of
big, fat, juicy
fruit, which
makes up for
the slightly
dry bun.
{{{((
Taste the Difference Lemon Curd &
White Chocolate Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £1.50
Sigh, all smell and no substance. A
Food + Drink 13
GETTY IMAGES
How to drink well on a budget
Jane MacQuitty
H
ow do you drink better the cognoscenti, makes it another
but spend less? Simple: important red to find a less costly
plump for off-piste wines alternative for. It’s dubbed the
without the cachet and heartbreak grape as it’s so difficult to
renown of a grand vin. grow and vinify, but Germany is doing a
It’s tricky -but, thankfully, grand job. Check out the tangy yet soft,
there are a few insider light plummy fruit of the vinified-in-
tips that help — the most obvious of stainless steel 2021 Taste the Difference
which is picking the same grape grown Rheinhessen Pinot Noir (Sainsbury’s, £7).
in a less hallowed spot. If white burgundy alternatives are
Any wine drinker with a passion for what’s wanted, check out the region’s
the robust reds from big-name, northern humble bourgogne aligoté grape. Once
Rhône appellations should home in on so tart it was only fit for drowning with
the syrah grape from elsewhere. cassis in a kir, these days the likes of the
Australia is a good fit, and the closest ripe, nutty 2021 Bourgogne Aligote, La
burnt, burly match I’ve found is South Burgondie (Morrisons, £9), make a very
Australia’s Barossa valley, where a good creditable alternative to the real deal.
shiraz, the same grape as syrah, is the Hungary’s new, squeaky-clean era has
bottle to buy. Condrieu is another rare given its dry furmint wines a fine chablis
northern Rhône appellation that, at spin — try the 2021 Disznoko Tokaji Dry
about £40 plus a pop, is out of reach for
many. Made from the same peachy,
Plump for Furmint, which has a minerally, crisp,
floral, citrus lick (leaandsandeman.co.uk,
honeysuckle-scented viognier grape, a off-piste wines £17.95). Over in Spain, oak-aged reserva
simple Languedoc viognier from a good
producer, such as Morrisons 2021 The without the rioja, made from the country’s most
celebrated red grape, tempranillo, is a
Best Viognier (£8), gives you some of the
Rhône’s exotic, aniseed and stone fruit
cachet and dead ringer for mature burgundy. Take
your pick from Contino’s Reserva (see
spice for a fraction of the price.
The ever-escalating prices of
renown of a star buys), or spend half that on the
spicy 2014 Winemaster’s Lot Baron
Burgundy’s pinot noir, worshipped by grand vin Amarillo Gran Reserva (Aldi, £9.99).
Austrian
Chilean Crémant Swap
grüner —
pinot noir instead of Rhône syrah
cheaper than
instead of champagne for Australian
white
burgundy shiraz
burgundy
lingering lemony aroma, but I couldn’t
taste the curd or find any of the
promised white chocolate in mine.
{{(((
Co-op
Irresistible Choc Orange Hot Cross 2021 Cono Sur Bicicleta Crémant de Bourgogne, 2021 The B Best Grüner 2021 Peter Lehmann
Buns, pack of four, £1.60 Pinot Noir Blanc de Blancs Veltliner Portrait Shiraz
Terry’s needn’t worry — there’s Chile, 13.5 per cent France, 11.5 per cent Austria, 12.5 per cent Barossa, Australia,
barely any orange flavour in here. Tesco, £6 Waitrose, £11.99 down Morrisons, £9 14.5 per cent
These buns are basically chocolate Cheap, surprisingly from £15.99 Forget white burgundy Tesco, £15
muffins. And I’d avoid toasting them authentic pinot noir with This champagne taste- and tuck into this white A full-bodied, peppery,
since sometimes chocolate chips masses of meaty, clove alike is full of refreshing, pepper and fragrant spicy beast that melts
can burn. and cranberry oomph. sparky lemon zest fruit. dill-scented grüner. into a velvety mouthful.
{{{((
Irresistible Blueberry & Lemon This week’s supermarket star buys
Hot Cross Buns, pack of four, £1.60
No fruit shortage in this hot cross bun.
Lots of vine fruit and blueberry
flavouring that’s not too artificial or
overwhelming.
{{{((
Irresistible Limited Edition
Richly Fruited Hot Cross Buns,
pack of four, £1.60
These are fine. Bit stingy on the fruit — I
had to hunt for the peel — but toasted
and slathered in butter they’ll do.
{{(((
Amazon
Richly Fruited Hot Cross Buns, 2021 Castellore Pinot 2021 Taste the 2021 Taste the 2017 Contino Rioja
pack of six, £1.15 Grigio-Sauvignon Difference Maipo Merlot Difference Pouilly Fumé Reserva
Amazon Fresh by name, but not by Italy, 12 per cent Chile, 13.5 per cent France, 14 per cent Spain, 14 per cent
nature. The online supermarket has lots Aldi, £5.49 Sainsbury’s, £7 Sainsbury’s, £13 Morrisons, £22 down
to learn from it’s first hot cross bun Easy-quaffing, aromatic, Jammy Chilean merlot, Terrific, racy, verdant, from £25
entry. Dry and tough rather than moist, floral, verdant pinot from cooler, coastal flinty sauvignon blanc Lap up Contino’s rich,
bouncy and soft. Something to feed to grigio, perked up with Maipo vineyards, with from the chalky central gamey, spice-box
the ducks. an essential dollop of lashings of rich, plummy Loire, with a dab of oak scented rioja reserva;
((((( sauvignon blanc. green pepper fruit. ageing. it’s a steal.

16
Outside
My favourite
annual climbers
for instant colour
These fabulous flowering plants are
great for greening up garden fences
and walls. Joe Swift picks his favourites
and explains how to grow them
C
limbers are invaluable in our
gardens. Most take up little
ground space and scramble
up and over walls, fences,
arches and pergolas to
green our boundaries and
maximise impact at eye
level. Permanent climbers (such as roses,
jasmine, wisteria and honeysuckle) come
with a certain responsibility, whereas
annual climbers flower their socks off all
summer and last only a season so are much
more fun and frivolous.
If any of your borders lack height, a
quick fix is to push a few bamboo canes or
hazel posts into the ground to form a wig-
wam, obelisk or simple frame for annual
climbers to cover. Most will do well in large
containers or tubs too if well fed and wa-
tered, so you can place them just where
you need to help to screen an ugly scene.
Buy climbers in pots
ready to plant
For those who would rather not grow from
seed, climbers can be bought in pots ready
to go in. The key is to not plant out too
early and get caught by a late frost or even
a cold snap that knocks them back. Either
buy later or if you buy early, grow them in
a protected spot (like a cool greenhouse).
Sweet peas for
quick colour
and scent
Sweet pea tunnel at Perch Hill
Start from scratch, grow
climbers from seed
Some will have sown seeds in pots a
few weeks ago but the window is still open
to get them going before planting out into
the garden after the last frosts. Soak the
seeds overnight in jam jars to soften their
the times Saturday March 25 2023
coating, and make sure to label them.
Use 10cm pots filled with seed-sowing
compost. With small seeds, scatter a few
on the surface and with larger ones (such
as nasturtium and morning glory) put
them in individually. Cover with a thin
layer of compost. They need to be at
average room temperature (14C-21C) to
the times Saturday March 25 2023
JONATHAN BUCKLEY, DESIGN BY SARAH RAVEN, PERCH HILL, NICOLA STOCKEN/GAP PHOTOS; ALAMY

17

‘An angler on the far bank

Page hooked a roach and lifted it
out, a wriggling strip of silver’
19 Christopher Somerville’s good walk

Nasturtiums for
tricky corners Weeder’s
digest

Transplant or divide old

clumps of New Zealand
flax (phormium). Large
divisions re-establish
better than single fans of
leaf with some root
attached. You can
shorten the leaves to
avoid wind-rock if you
must, but the chopped
look lasts a couple of
years. Water well
through the early
season.

Hellebores may be in
flower, but it’s not too late
to make a small division if
you know somebody who
has one you just have to
have. Slice through the
crown with a knife, taking
a little outside wedge that
includes at least one
emerging leaf and all the
roots spreading out from
it. If there’s a flower stem
it will flop and it’s better
Tropaeolum majus cut off. That can wait till
‘Climbing Mixed’, next year.
climbing nasturtium
Snip the old flower
heads of mop-head
germinate. Depending on the weather There are many twining white and Ipomoea lobata hydrangeas (if the snow
where you are you may be able to get them blue morning glories. ‘Purple Haze’ is my (Spanish flag or Mina lobata) didn’t do it for you), back
going in a cold frame outdoors or place favourite with its intense violet-purple A vigorous plant that can reach 5m in to the first pair of fat
them on a sunny windowsill. Keep the flowers. Height about 2m. one season. The flowers, produced buds; these hold this
soil moist. along one side of a long stem, are season’s flowers. If you
Seedlings should appear in two to three Thunbergia alata — Susie hybrids orange red at one end fading through cut lower, you lose your
weeks. Either thin them out to one plant (black-eyed Susan) to cream at the other. Needs plenty of blooms. With the plant
per pot (choose the healthiest) or lift the
other plants (hold by the first set of leaves,
Bright orange and creamy white open
papery flowers with dark centres. This
The window moisture. now “see-through” for
the first time in
not the stem) and pot on individually.
Keep them frost free and well watered.
will reach about 2.5m so ideal for a fence
panel or wall and also a good choice for
is still open to Tropaeolum majus
(climbing nasturtium)
12 months, feel free to
snip out the odd older
Once they start growing, push a small stick large containers. get them going Large red, yellow and orange flowers trunk at the base to
into the pot to get them growing upright.
From the beginning of May harden Asarina barclaiana (angel’s trumpet) before planting and kidney-shaped leaves make this a
spectacular scrambler that’s ideal for
make space and light for
new stems.
off the plants to acclimatise them. A cold
frame is ideal for this because the lid can be
A naturally twining climber that grows
well in sun or partial shade. Trumpet-
out into the tricky corners and hiding large areas
quickly. The peppery flowers can be Iris foetidissima will have
opened during the day and closed at night,
or take them out during the day and put in-
shaped purple flowers and ivy-shaped
foliage. A good choice for a large
garden after eaten too. Height about 2.5m. dropped its berries by
now but will be carrying a
side (but not next to a radiator) at night. container. Height about 2m. the last frosts Lathyrus odoratus (sweet peas) lot of dead brown foliage.
Sweet peas have it all: colour and Go through the clumps,
intoxicating scent. They are traditionally snipping or tugging it off.
General maintenance Ipomoea lobata Rhodochiton started off in the autumn but you can But hold the plant with
Feed every two weeks (a liquid seaweed or (Spanish flag) atrosanguineus still sow them in pots indoors now, or the other hand or you’re
tomato feed is ideal), and if you can reach (purple bell vine) directly into the soil outside in May. quite likely to pull the
them pick off the spent flowers so they Most grow to about 1.8m. plant apart in the process.
keep flowering through the summer. Snip off spent flower
Rhodochiton atrosanguineus stems at ground level.
(purple bell vine)
Top annual climbers Native to Mexico. Produces hanging Time to stop any
Cobaea scandens flowers that look like dangling significant pruning of
(cup and saucer vine) earrings. Loves a sunny spot. Height trees and shrubs. Large
Large bell-shaped flowers and lush up to 2.5m. wounds will bleed sap
foliage. In very mild areas it may grow and may die back.
a woody stem and become perennial Eccremocarpus scaber Early-leafing species
but it’s usually grown as an annual. (Chilean glory flower) such as birch can bleed
Cobaea scandens ‘Alba’ has white flowers. Exotic-looking with wiry stems and dark spectacularly and should
Height up to 4m. green foliage and bright red, orange or be left alone now. Cuts
yellow tubular flowers. Not hardy but in made in late summer, in
Ipomoea purpurea (morning glory) mild regions and winters they may come leaf, will bleed far less.
Not to be confused with the invasive weed. back the next year. Height 3m. Stephen Anderton
 the times Saturday March 25 2023

18 Outside

The key to a beautiful border STEPHEN ANDERTON; ALAMY

Question
time
Focus on the plants
you put at the front Q The shoots of my
and everything will shrubby euphorbias
were bent down to the
flow from there, says ground by snow earlier
this year. I shook the

Stephen Anderton worst of the flakes off

them, but the plants
have still not come back
up properly. Is there

A
good crisp edge to the anything I can do?
lawn makes the whole H Boyce
garden feel more attract-
ive. Anyone who opens A I’d be surprised if a
their garden to the public few weeks of wind and
says that dead-heading being thrashed in all
and edging work won- directions won’t teach the
ders. But strong planting along the front of stems of Euphorbia
a border where it meets a path or lawn does characias to stand
a good job too. If a border is well defined, upright again. There’s
you can get away with less brilliant stuff in no need to cut them off
the middle, but the overall effect will look until they’ve flowered.
OK and the whole garden will be the better And even if the root has
for it. If you’re a worrier about the look of been torn a little, next
your garden, the front of any borders is a year’s stems will still rise
good place to start. vertically to the light.
What makes a strong edge planting? If it’s a young plant,
Probably not dwarf hedges running the or one that has been
length of the border; today we want our recently planted and not
plants to flow. To achieve this requires firm in the ground yet,
strength, and the more informal and natu- you may want to put in
ralistic your style of planting, the easier Plants including Allium senescens, Hosta halcyon and two or three stumpy
it is for it to fizzle rather than flow. So what Hakonechloa macra in borders next to a garden path canes tight against the
should you choose? base just for a few
Having enough generous months, to prevent the
groups is vital. One alche- groups by b using large-leaved It’s good to have bold contrasts of form run of much larger-leaved varieties; they roots waggling or taking
milla or golden hakone one plants. Hostas will do the
plants between the various groups, perhaps may look like a gap in the border from hold at a silly angle.
grass (Hakonechloaa job very well, whether those flappy bergenia leaves (elephant’s a distance.
macra ‘Aureola’) spill- green or variegated. I
gre ears as they’re called) followed by a It’s good to have repeated plants in that Q I pruned an overgrown
ing onto the paving is use bergenias, both
us mounding billow of hakone grass or a front line, or repeated shapes and colours, laurustinus (Viburnum
nice, but a 90cm run the evergreen kinds
th cloud of the grey and white immortelle but it’s important to plant them in differ- tinus) severely last year.
of either is better, aand hairy-leaved Anaphalis triplinervis. ent-sized groups and at different, random It sprouted well and
even in a small gar- deciduous Bergenia
d Even plants whose foliage sits mainly in spacings, so you don’t set up distracting, made a great deal of soft
den. When you look cciliata. It doesn’t a carpet low to the ground like lamb’s lugs bouncing rhythms down the length of the evergreen growth that
down the length of matter whether they
m (Stachys byzantina) or the little perennial border, like runway landing lights. also flowered nicely.
a border, even long are bergenias with onion Allium senescens, will make a good A grass with a distinct fountain shape, Unfortunately, it has
groups of any plantt leaves 10cm or 30cm
leav contrast as long as there are flower stems for instance, is the pheasant grass Stipa since been pushed down
are quickly foreshorten- en- Origanum vulgare across, it’s the massy ef-
acros to rise from it. And in winter the lamb’s arundinacea. It makes a wonderful occa- under the weight of wet
ed, so that without them ‘Aureum’ ffect that counts.
ect tha lugs are still there, just like the evergreen sional contrast between leafier plants and snow — and just when I
the edge of the border der can At a mo more modest size, the bergenias, helping to give that vital as an evergreen it would be effective thought I’d fixed it!
look very spotty. You ou can have purple-leaved plantain Plantago definition to the border. Golden marjoram through the winter. But that self- What’s the best thing to
one-off plants as well, ell but those long majorr ‘Purpurea’ can b be used as an honor- (Origanum vulgare ‘Aureum’) will do the contained cylindrical fountain shape is so do now?
groups are vital. ary small hosta, and the maple-like leaves trick, mounded up in summer but sheared conspicuous that, repeated regularly, it D Macey
Big groups planted along the edge of of heucheras come in endless colours and down in autumn to leave a yellow carpet. quickly makes a bouncy rhythm. On the
a border will act as a physical anchor variegations. Even big clumps of summer Isn’t that better than a long front strip of other hand a species such as hakone grass, A Evergreens are always
for looser waving plants behind, as well bulbs like pineapple lilies (Eucomis) will bare soil? whose shape is an irregular mass, flows the most susceptible to
as helping to hide any bare soil. You do the anchoring job if they have broad, Be careful not to use plants that are too along nicely, especially if a few form a the weight of snow and
can emphasise the “weight” of these fat leaves. small and flat along the front or after a decent clump. the softer the growth
the more it’s worth
brushing off the greatest
V Newgarden rocket
Glow up! 6 lovely lights for your garden
n lam £35, johnlewis.com
lamp,
weight before it can
half-melt and freeze on
in a solid block.
V Uri LED battery light, In the case of your
£29.40, connox.co.uk X xxxxxxxx viburnum, if the young
woody growths are
genuinely sprained, cut
them back yet again, not
to the old stumps but to a
pair of buds a little way
above them, within the
part of last year’s new
growth that has remained
reasonably firm and
upright. It’s a tough plant,
it will recover. Once it’s
grown away, thin out the
U So’Home weaker shoots this time.
X GoodHome LED U Bolleke LED ochre cone
stake light, £70 for 3, spherical lamp, U Fermob Aplo solar light, £59, Send your questions to
diy.com £80 each, fatboy.com lamp, £69, furl.co.uk laredoute.co.uk stephen.anderton
@thetimes.co.uk
the times Saturday March 25 2023

Outside 19

FLPA, MARK SMITH, DAVID WILLIS/ALAMY

A good walk Stodmarsh nature

reserve and Grove Ferry, Kent
500 metres
Stodmarsh national on the far bank hooked a roach and
Grove nature reserve. lifted it out, a wriggling strip of silver.
How hard is it? Upstreet Ferry Inn Top right: a water vole.
Above right: the Grove
We watched another hunter of the
waterways, a big marsh harrier, cruising
4¾ miles; easy; K E N T Grove
Great
Stour
Ferry Inn low above the reedbeds, looking for frogs
or water voles.
flat walking, A28
Feast's
Ferry The light began to seep out of the
afternoon as we followed the homeward
path, serenaded by the harsh, pig-like
can be muddy. hide screech and snuffle of a water rail
creeping through the reeds; another
Stodmarsh
Bring binoculars To
national
nature
reserve
winter sound of this magical place.
Start Stodmarsh NNR car park, near
Canterbury Canterbury CT3 4BB

‘K
eep an eye out for the
beavers,” advised a
man festooned with
wildlife cameras we
passed in the car park
at Stodmarsh national
nature reserve. “Lots
of signs around — look for those
toothmarks of theirs, eh?”
We didn’t see any of the recently
reintroduced rodents on our walk
around the east Kent reserve under
cloudy winter skies. But evidence of their
presence was widespread in the shape of
young trees felled with a curious hinged
effect, the severed parts gnawed white
and smooth with fine patterns of
chiselling by beaver incisors.
The first creature we did see was
another species of aquatic rodent; a little
grey-brown water vole scuttling along
the bank of the Lampen Stream. We
heard other voles, too, plopping into
ditches at our approach.
So much of nature is secret, hidden or
only momentarily glimpsed, especially in
the downtime of winter. But if you have
an eye for the birds, Stodmarsh is
Tower
hide
Reedbed
hide
Return route
P
start
STODMARSH
bursting with overt life, loud and proud.
In the still grey afternoon, perched in
the Reedbed hide, we looked out on a
bay between enormous stretches of
creamy white reeds — the reserve has
the largest area of reedbeds in the
southeast of England. Shoveler drakes
with snowy breasts and chestnut wings
went dabbling beside their drab brown
mates, their long spatulate bills giving a
solemn air of consequence. Among them
swam teal, with yellow flashes on their
afterparts, and breasts very delicately
patterned in ash-grey and black.
A sudden panic had them all
dashing into mid-pool with agitated
squawking and a mighty clatter of wings
Marsh
hide
Undertrees
London
Farm
Canterbury
Folkestone
on water. What had caused the
upheaval? “Probably a fox,” grunted one
of the twitchers from behind an
immense telescopic lens. “Spooked ’em
and scarpered.”
We followed a broad and muddy path
north between reed pool, ditches and
sodden green acres of freshwater marsh.
Stodmarsh’s watery landscape was
formed partly through the subsidence of
old mine workings below ground, a
reminder of the now-vanished
Kentish coalfield.
Seductive smells of Sunday roast
emanated from the Grove Ferry Inn,
where we turned back along the wide
and muddy Great Stour River. An angler
(OS ref TR 222609)
Getting there The reserve is signed from
the A257 (Canterbury to Littlebourne).
Walk (OS Explorer 150) From bottom
right corner of car park pass info board;
follow track for ¼ mile to cross bridge to
T-junction (223610). Left; follow
“Reedbed Hide” signs to hide (222612).
Return to pass bridge (don’t cross);
follow path (“Footpath”, yellow arrows)
past Undertrees Farm. In ¾ mile pass
Marsh hide (226618); in ½ mile dogleg
right/left across track (233623, red
arrow); follow “Grove Ferry car park”
A sudden panic signs for ¾ mile to road (236630). Left
(Grove Ferry Inn is opposite); in 40m,
had the ducks left (“Stour Valley Walk”). Follow
riverbank path. In 1½ miles path veers
dashing into inland (221620); follow it past Tower
hide (222617), then follow signs to return
mid-pool with to car park.
agitated Lunch/accommodation Grove Ferry
Inn, Upstreet, Canterbury CT3 4BP
squawking (01227 860302; groveferryinn.co.uk)
More information Stodmarsh NNR
and a mighty (0845 600 3078); explorekent.org
Twitter @somerville_c
clatter of wings Christopher Somerville
the times Saturday March 25 2023

Travel 41

Travel Page
60
‘I watch frigatebirds patrol the
skies and drink in a night sky
peppered with stars’
Nigel Tisdall explores Belize from a luxury catamaran

GETTY IMAGES; LILY CHUANG

My big adventure in Taiwan

Janice Turner soaks
up the hot springs,
temples and street
markets of the
A
holiday in Taiwan may
puzzle your friends.
“Are you staying in a
bunker?” asked one, as
the Chinese Communist
Party sabre-rattled across
the strait. Even travellers
who put Japan or China at the top of their
wish lists rarely consider exploring an
chips. Second, Chinese threats of forced
“reunification” and the fighter jets it sent
to buzz Taiwanese airspace after the visit
of the former Democratic Speaker Nancy
Pelosi last year do make it look a chancy
holiday destination. But frankly, that’s why
you should go. To defend democracy and
freedom by eating the world’s finest
dumplings; to explore ancient Chinese
The Dragon and Tiger Taiwan doesn’t feel dangerous. In Tainan
pagodas at Lotus Lake
in Kaohsiung.
city, fighter jets were on constant noisy
manoeuvres overhead, but otherwise Tai-
Above left: Janice Turner
on the Buluowan
wan seems safer than Britain: public space
is orderly and spotless, pedestrians don’t
suspension bridge in
Taroko National Park
jaywalk, drivers keep to speed limits,
there’s virtually no crime or even litter. In-
deed, it’s such a risk-averse society I began
noting absurd warning signs: no flying

Asian island island enriched by the culture of both, but

also its own quirky, efficient, absurdly
friendly self.
that’s a mystery Only 3,000 British tourists visit Taiwan
each year, and in 12 days we saw few
to most Brits westerners. Why? First, I think, because of
outdated perceptions: ‘Made in Taiwan’ no
longer means cheap plastic tat but 92 per
cent of the world’s most high-end micro-
culture in a territory that doesn’t imprison
dissidents; to applaud the only Asian
government to legalise same-sex marriage
kites, no umbrellas on bridges, no wearing
Crocs on escalators or talking in lifts.
But this is not some sterile, supersized
by luxuriating in hot springs. It’s because of
its complex geopolitics that Taiwan, a
Singapore. Straight off our 13-hour flight
to Taipei we jumped on the Metro —
seventh of the UK’s size with 24 million
people, is so fascinating.
charmed by how music heralds an arriving
train and ticket barriers open with a piano
Besides — and I say this cautiously, chord — to visit Shilin Night Market. Here
given Xi Jinping’s warmongering — among food vendors and shops were W
 the times Saturday March 25 2023

42 Travel
A pagoda at the Spring and
Autumn Pavilions on Lotus
W carnival stalls where people were merri- Lake, Kaohsiung
ly throwing darts at balloons, trying to get
hoops over bottles or fishing for shrimp in
a tank, which are then barbecued as your
prize. The Taiwanese are crazy about
claw-grabber machines, feeding in coins
and hoping in vain that the little crane will
deliver a cuddly toy, biscuits, an iPhone or
even a bottle of fabric conditioner. No one
wins, no one seems to care.
Although neither beautiful nor
ancient, Taipei has high “Asian tiger”
energy. There are low-rise districts with
noodle bars and foot massage joints, plus
super-malls and a gay quarter where
after cocktails we drunkenly dressed up
in silly props in one of the many
photobooth stores. We ascended Taipei
101, for five years the world’s tallest
building, with ritzy stores in the base-
ment and Din Tai Fung, a dim sum bar Sunrise over
with a Michelin star, where waiters aree
assisted by robots. Sun Moon Lake Forbidden City, purportedly
t dl to t save
ave them
This is the new world, where few build- from communist destruction.
ings are more than a century old and The National Palace Museum on the
which marks its birth with the arrival of outskirts of Taipei houses this vast trea-
Dutch traders 400 years ago (although sure trove, which nourishes the view of
indigenous people had been here for some Taiwanese that they are the true
millennia). After the Dutch defeat in 1683, Chinese who will one day reclaim the
Taiwan was absorbed into Qing dynasty mainland. Wandering around this unmiss-
China, bringing waves of mainland migra- able museum, I realised how little I knew
tion. Then in 1895 the Japanese invaded, about the grace and delicacy of Chinese
building infrastructure and laying out art, and even that jade comes in many
cities, only to be expelled after their defeat colours besides green. Indeed, the star
in the Second World War. In 1948, after he exhibit, the Meat-Shaped Stone, is a Qing
was pushed out by Mao Zedong, the dynasty jade carving that uncannily
Chinese nationalist leader Chiang Kai- resembles a delicious piece of crispy pork.
shek retreated to Taiwan. He took with After Taipei we headed south to Yilan
him defeated soldiers, gold and a hoard of province, famous for its hot springs. We
Chinese antiquities, some from Beijing’s stayed in the Hotel Royal, a Japanese-style

building with elaborate outdoor baths, but The Taroko National Park is set in a
in the nearby town Jiaoxi is a more demo- colossal marble gorge where we hiked
cratic arrangement: a public hot spring along the river — signs warned about
park where shoppers soak their feet free of killer bees — and across the 152m-high
charge, or for £1.50 dangle them in tanks of Buluowan suspension bridge. Indigenous
carp who nibble off your excess skin. (A people still live here: most are Christians,
whole shoal mobbed my husband’s toes.) their ancestors converted by missionaries,
Like many places with hot springs, Tai- and many were beheaded by the Japanese.
wan is prone to earthquakes, although A small museum at the Taroko Village
most are minor and it takes its building Hotel details these tribes and serves an
regulations seriously — including a 728- indigenous lunch of wild boar.
tonne pendulum that counterbalances We headed back to Taipei, where we
Taipei 101 from tremors, and evacuation took the bullet train to Taichung. The
slides in primary schools. “Mainly we just Taiwanese are so proud of this network
find earthquakes boring,” one man told us. that each station has a store selling cute
In Yilan City itself, I highly recommend train merchandise. For the strike-weary
taking a market tour with Fang Tzu Brit it is quite a culture shock to
Wei, 40, who styles himself watch the paddy fields whizz
Young Grandpa (from by at 186mph.
30 miles
£21; morningmarket Taipei From here we headed
Jiaoxi
yilan.com). Fang, a Yilan
to Sun Moon Lake,
ait

rice farmer, repre- Taiwan’s favourite

Str

sents a generation honeymoon spot.

n

of Taiwanese Taichung Taroko This is no natural

iwa

National Park
raised amid
Ta

Sun Moon
feature, but rather
rapid economic Lake another infra-
progress who structure triumph
TAIWA
AIWAN
worry that tradi- created by the Japa-
tional ways are Tainan nese as a reservoir
being lost. He took us and hydroelectric
Cijin Kaohsiung
to meet street traders dam. The lakeside is
Island
who make bitter melon built up in places with
juice, rice pancakes, farm- monolithic hotels and, al-
ing tools and cakes offered in though the water is clean, the
temples to ancestors. We also met risk-averse Taiwanese forbid swim-
butchers who set duck and pig blood into ming except once in September, when
moulds like tofu, and a lovely Chinese about 25,000 people participate in a mass
medicine lady who gave uncannily 3km open-water race.
accurate health diagnoses by reading our On the site of the Lalu hotel was Chiang
palms. It was a delightful morning. Kai-shek’s favourite residence, where he
We drove into the mountains that run entertained visiting heads of state. Here,
like a spine down the island to the quieter, Madame Chiang — who, as our guide put
more remote east coast. Taiwan is an it, “did not become an angel until she was
island forged by big infrastructure pro- 106” — loved to paint. We rented bikes to
jects: Chiang Kai-shek had his demobbed join many local tourists circuiting the lake.
troops dig epic tunnels to connect the re- The Taiwanese have become keen cyclists,
gions. We paused at a vantage point where with public hire schemes in large cities and
vertiginous cliffs plunge straight into the many bespoke lanes. (You can even trans-
sea. This fortress coastline, combined with port bikes on bullet trains.)
treacherous currents, means there are Next stop was the port of Kaohsiung,
only 14 likely enemy landing sites. where the weather, chilly in Taipei, turned
the times Saturday March 25 2023
to southern warmth. Taiwan’s second city
has reinvented itself as a cultural capital,
transforming its abandoned shipping
warehouses and disused railway lines into
Pier 2, a new waterfront quarter full of
public art, hipster shops, music venues and
artists’ studios, all linked by a gleaming
light railway. For contrast we popped
into the old Neiwei flea market where,
among piles of junk, we found antique tea
paraphernalia and Chinese kitsch.
In the evening we took a short ferry ride
over to Cijin Island, with its street of fish
restaurants, the raw wares displayed in
tanks out front, and fast, simple dishes
served within for about £10 a head. Then
we bought a street market treat of ice
cream with shavings of peanut brittle
wrapped in a rice pancake. This is not a
boozy culture. Many restaurants look
surprised if you want more than tea.
Although, judging from a few bars we
visited, when people do drink they apply
themselves to getting hammered with
total commitment.
From Kaohsiung we took a 30-minute
trip out to the Fo Guang Buddha Museum
and monastery. Forget the ancient stupas
of Myanmar, Thailand or Sri Lanka; this is
The Fo Guang Shan
Buddha Museum in
Kaohsiung
a gleaming mall-like complex devoted to
Buddhist history and teachings with
high-tech displays, its own Beautiful Life
TV station, drone-operating nuns filming
outdoor ceremonies and a Starbucks.
But most Taiwanese are Taoist, and at
the oldest temple, the beautiful 18th-
century Longshan in Taipei, we discov-
ered worship is a practical business. You
bring offerings for the deity who helps with
your particular need, such as health or
finances. Worshippers pull a random stick
with a number on it from a box then find in
a corresponding drawer a piece of paper
giving advice. Or they take red wooden
crescents from a bowl and ask a question
while casting them on the ground, the
answer depending on how the crescents
land. Young people are drawn to Yue Lao,
a bearded old man deity in charge of love
and matchmaking. Women stand before
him clutching their crescents, praying to
meet someone, and at the Wen Wu temple
on Sun Moon Lake, lonely hearts can even
post Polaroid pictures of themselves on a
noticeboard along with a phone number
and the instruction: “Call me!”
Our last stop was Tainan, the oldest city
in Taiwan, where the Dutch first landed.
You can visit remains of the fort and other
mercantile buildings at Anping, but the
real pleasure is in exploring the streets
around the Confucian temple. You can
visit a lovely shaded park, shops selling
crafts including handmade incense and
embroidery, and the art deco Japanese
department store Hayashi, where we
bought the national favourite of pineapple
cake in beautiful boxes. (Taiwan, like
Japan, has wonderful packaging.) Here too
is the new Art Museum, housed in two
stunning contemporary galleries: Taiwan’s
new infrastructure priority is culture.
Tainan has some of the best food in
Taiwan. Our favourite meal of the whole
trip was at Du Hsiao Yueh, a noodle bar
founded in 1895 by a fisherman who
needed to make a living during rough seas.
His descendants, who run it today, claim
the secret is a pot stirred by the chef — who
sits front and centre — that is never
GETTY IMAGES; ALAMY
The Taipei 101
tower seen from
the Xiangshan
hiking trail
washed. The last vessel, displayed on the
wall, was retired when it developed a hole
after 100 years.
At weekends people gather near the
Confucian temple to eat steamed buns at
the famous Klin store (klintainan.com/
eng), ice shaved over bowls of fruit, or
coffee from the Narrow Door Cafe, where,
as the name suggests, you must squeeze in.
Tainan is unmissable: I could have spent
another week people-watching as the
fighter jets roar overhead.
Why holiday in Taiwan? Because in this
most future-focused destination you see
owners of high-tech electronic shops burn
temple money for good luck outside their
stores. Because the Taiwanese are famous
across Asia for their friendliness, but also
combine the formal politeness of their old
Japanese rulers with a love of laughter and
jokes. Because people happily launch into
conversation with foreigners or try to help
if they see you flummoxed. A woman
customer in a suitcase shop fired up
Google translate on her phone to say: “Ask
for lower price.” As we took final photos in
Tainan, a young Instagrammer insisted
on organising us into more “fun” shots.
Because war here is unthinkable, and
one island having a tricky time with its
neighbours should support another. But
mainly because right now there is no more
fascinating place to be.
Need to
know
Janice Turner was a guest
of the Taiwan Tourism
Bureau (eng.taiwan.
net.tw). Bamboo Travel
has 12 nights’ B&B from
£3,950pp, with flights,
transfers and a tour
including Taipei, Tainan
and Sun Moon Lake
(bambootravel.co.uk)
Travel 43
Where to stay
in Taiwan
The Regent, Taipei
A smart, sharp-edged city tower loved
for its central location, the Regent is
five minutes’ walk to well-connected
Zhongshan station. Rooms are classic
business hotel fare — lacquered black
furniture, beige upholstery and
curtains, ice-white bedding — but
you’ll want a cool, calm base when
you return from thrumming food
markets and galleries. (Zhongshan
was recently named the city’s coolest
neighbourhood by Time Out.) The
Regent’s serene rooftop pool and spa
will unkink any long-haul knots.
Details Room-only doubles from
£191 (ihg.com)
Hotel Royal, Jiaoxi
Japanese-style tatami rooms are just
one of the curiosities at this mellow
spa resort, less than an hour’s drive
from Taipei. A traditional onsen
bathhouse, karaoke room and sushi
bar make it a one-stop-shop for
Japanophiles, in a hot-spring town
that’s better value than many of its
rivals. Taiwan’s Wufengqi Scenic Area
is on your doorstep, complete with
forested slopes and elegant waterfalls.
Families boomerang back for Hotel
Royal’s kid-friendly outdoor activities,
while freebies such as complimentary
tea in the lobby set a generous tone.
Details Half-board doubles from £331
(hotelroyal.com.tw)
Silks Place, Taroko
Taroko’s focal point is an 11-mile gorge
with an electric-blue river running
through it, and Silks Place is the only
five-star hotel within its boundaries.
This means early-morning hiking
tours into its rugged landscape, well
before the tour buses arrive. Back at
base, you can soothe tired toes in a
truly spectacular rooftop pool. Look
down to see two rivers converge —
the views from most rooms are just as
ravishing. An indoor pool and sauna
are on hand for wetter or chillier days.
Details Room-only doubles from £267
(taroko.silksplace.com)
The Lalu, Sun Moon Lake
Sun Moon Lake has inspired paintings
and poetry in Taiwanese history, and
when you get there you’ll see why.
Trimmed by typically east Asian hills,
the lake’s shimmering surface awaits
for romantic boat trips and hikes
around its shores. With a mirror-like
infinity pool blending into its waters,
the Lalu is equally soothing with its
elongated design, water features,
flaming torches by night and an
indoor-outdoor hot spring pool.
Details B&B doubles from £405
(thelalu.com.tw)
Hotel Dua, Kaohsiung
To get off the tourist trail, make for
the boxy boutique Hotel Dua in the
rising-star southern city of
Kaohsiung. Hotel Dua delivers
generously sized, cloudlike beds, a
rooftop bar and three top-quality
restaurants for less than £100 a night.
It’s well connected for jaunts out to
this city’s winged pagodas, galleries
and Liuhe night market.
Details Room-only doubles from £91
(hoteldua.com)
Lucy Thackray
 the times Saturday March 25 2023

44 Travel

Spring has sprung: the UK’s 25

Embrace the season with a break amid blooming
borders, meadows or cherry trees, says Rhiannon Batten

W
ordsworth’s
daffodils,
Housman’s
cherry blossom,
Emily Dickinson’s
spring light . . . the
poets had it right:
after the muffled murk of winter, the
newborn gleam of spring is so fiercely
uplifting it’s worth pausing to capture
the thrill as the weather warms, the
catkins lengthen, the early morning
chirruping begins and colour rushes
back into the landscape.
From blackthorn to apple blossom and
bluebells to azaleas, each day brings a
new botanical marvel. With hanami, the
Japanese have long celebrated cherry
blossom season and now we’re starting
to follow suit in the UK; the National
Trust’s #BlossomWatch initiative urges
the nation to share photos of spring
blooms on social media.
It’s not just flowers bursting into life.
As dedicated followers of Springwatch
know, this is the season when the
blackcaps’ singing heralds the dawn,
frogspawn morph into tadpoles and
froglets, lambs start a-leaping and hares
start mating. Everything gets a little
more exciting in kitchens, too, with
Jersey royals, wild garlic, rhubarb, spring
lamb and more bringing bright flavours
to menus after the starchy slog of winter.
It’s perfectly possible to embrace the
joys of spring from your own home. But The Daffodil, Cumbria Tillingham Winery, East Sussex
it can be challenging to take in the
season’s wonders when the dawn chorus
is drowned out by the washing machine Tickton Grange a room at the 11-bedroom Cookie Jar poet’s daughter. You can then continue
and it’s a race against time to cook — let hotel and you can walk to the garden in to Rydal Mount, the Wordsworth family
alone gather — that wild garlic. Far Tickton, East Yorkshire 15 minutes, passing Alnwick Castle. home (rydalmount.co.uk).
more rejuvenating to book into a hotel. Firmly rooted within the Yorkshire Details B&B doubles from £180 Details B&B doubles from £199
Spend a couple of nights pulling back Nature Triangle, a wildlife-rich area (cookiejaralnwick.com) (daffodilhotel.co.uk)
luxuriously heavy curtains onto seas of running inland from the county’s east
sunny narcissi, enjoying pan-roasted coast (where spring highlights include The Rose & Crown
asparagus with an aïoli of wild garlic breeding and nesting puffins at CENTRAL
foraged by someone else (and no Flamborough Head), family-run Tickton Romaldkirk, Co Durham
washing-up), and walks in local bluebell Grange has long been popular with Popular with walkers, Romaldkirk’s Rose
Mallory Court
woods, and you’ll feel reborn too. Here garden lovers. A relaxed country house & Crown has taken its heritage as an Leamington Spa,
are 25 retreats across the UK where hotel with simple rooms in pretty greys, 18th-century coaching inn and updated
spring spectacle is a given. greens and blues, surrounded by 16 acres it just far enough. While dog-friendly Warwickshire
*Prices relate to lowest rates in April of gardens, meadows and woodlands, it’s flagged floors keep things cosily rustic in Not your typical country house hotel,
and May a good base for exploring renowned the bar, bedrooms speak of restfulness Mallory Court was built in 1916 in the
spring flower displays at Sledmere rather than glamour and menus steer a Edwin Lutyens style, its austere form
House, Burton Agnes Hall, Burton sensible course between fashionable and underpinning rather than
NORTH Constable Hall and Sewerby Hall. Or, filling. An added reason to visit between overshadowing the surrounding
West Park Hotel slightly further away, the walled gardens late April and June? Just north in the gardens. Also designed by the building’s
architect, Percy Morley Horder, the
at Scampston Hall and Helmsley. Upper Teesdale valley brilliant blue
Harrogate, North Yorkshire Details B&B doubles from £125 spring gentians can be spotted, the only 43-room hotel’s Arts and Crafts gardens
Prefer your blossom-watching from the (ticktongrange.co.uk) place they grow wild in the UK. include a herbaceous walk, ornamental
comfort of crystal-studded mules rather Details B&B doubles from £145 kitchen garden and water garden,
than mud-embellished wellies? Head to The Cookie Jar (rose-and-crown.co.uk) though the orchard is the seasonal
Harrogate. Amid the genteel cafés and show-stopper, with its frothy blossom
clothes stores of North Yorkshire’s Alnwick, Northumberland The Daffodil and daffodils. A garden pavilion has been
swankiest town is the Stray, a 200-acre With 329 taihaku trees growing in the added recently, allowing guests to graze
parkland fronting the town’s Regency Alnwick Garden, Northumberland lays Grasmere, Cumbria on afternoon tea or sip an aperitif
and Victorian architecture. It’s claim to the largest collection of these This waterside Lake District hotel, with whatever the weather.
spectacular in spring, when drifts of white-blossomed cherry trees in the 78 rooms, an indoor pool and spa, more Details B&B doubles from £199
crocuses are followed by daffodils and world (alnwickgarden.com). The than lives up to its name. Its nine acres (mallory.co.uk)
clouds of pink cherry blossom. For a Japanese species was thought to be of gardens draw guests, but so too does
front-row view book a room at the extinct until, in 1926, the English botanist its proximity to one of the most famous
adjacent West Park Hotel, which is Collingwood “Cherry” Ingram saw an clusters of daffodils in the country. The Wood Norton
known for its food; the company’s 18th-century painting of a taihaku tree William Wordsworth’s famous poem Chadbury,
kitchen gardens, near Thirsk, were and realised he knew of one growing in may have been inspired by a walk
designed by Tom Stuart-Smith. Sussex. Cuttings were taken and the around Ullswater but it’s in nearby Rydal Worcestershire
Details B&B doubles from £112 taihaku was reintroduced to Japan. To that you’ll find Dora’s Field, planted with Once home to the exiled Duke of
(thewestparkhotel.com) see its descendants closer to home, book hundreds of daffodils in tribute to the Orleans who claimed the throne of
the times Saturday March 25 2023
best hotels to book now
France, during the Second World War
Wood Norton Hall was bought by the
BBC and run as one of the biggest
broadcasting centres in Europe. Now a
luxury hotel, its junior suites are the
ones to book, with floral headboards set
against dramatic wooden panelling and
huge windows looking over the hotel’s
gardens designed by English Heritage
Gardens. The Vale of Evesham’s
55-mile blossom trail — which signposts
visitors around the area’s prettiest
stretches of apple, pear, cherry, plum and
blackthorn blossom — passes right by
the hotel (valeandspa.co.uk/blossom).
The trail celebrates its 40th anniversary
this year.
Details B&B doubles from £139
(thewoodnorton.com)
Hampton Manor
Hampton in Arden,
Warwickshire
Food is so much the focus at this luxury
retreat on Birmingham’s eastern fringe
that where you eat dictates where you
sleep. Opt for the Victorian greenhouse
restaurant, Smoke, where Wye valley
asparagus and local lamb are cooked
over flame, and stay in the manor house,
which has 19 bedrooms with timber-
panelled bathrooms and on-trend
wallpaper. Or eat your way through
Grace & Savour’s garden-influenced
15-course tasting menu (cherry blossom
cordials and ice creams, magnolia used
in vermouth infusions and edible flowers
brightening many dishes) then head to
bed in one of five suites overlooking the
adjacent kitchen garden. A separate
bakery, cookery workshops and kitchen
garden tours complete the gastro picture.
Details Room-only doubles from £189
(hamptonmanor.com)
SCOTLAND
The Taybank
Dunkeld, Perthshire
Much is made of the auld alliance with
France, but contemporary Scotland
arguably has more in common with its
Nordic neighbours than its Gallic
cousins. Take the Taybank. Bedrooms at
this former Victorian bank look as if
they’ve come straight from Malmo, with
chalky, unembellished walls, mid-
century furniture and a ruffle of
sheepskins. So, too, does the food. The
hotel’s riverside garden reopens for the
season on April 1 with a new menu ripe
with spring salads from the Taybank’s
nearby walled garden and dishes laced
with wild garlic foraged from the
opposite riverbank.
Details B&B doubles from £190
(thetaybank.co.uk)
Glenapp Castle
Ballantrae, Ayrshire
While Glenapp’s baronial grandeur
draws a steady stream of wealthy castle-
baggers, the Gulf Stream also brings
garden lovers to this lavish 110-acre
FJONA BLACK
Langoustines, buttermilk
and peas at Hampton Manor
Hampton Manor, Warwickshire
estate on the Ayrshire coast. As well as
the exotic plants that flourish here
thanks to the warm ocean current,
there’s a romantic Italian garden
designed by Gertrude Jekyll, a walled
garden and, in spring, woodlands flush
with wood anemones and bluebells.
Visit in April and sniff your way around
pathways lined with wisteria, magnolia,
cherry blossom and tulips before dining
in the castle’s glasshouse restaurant.
Suites are old-school opulent with
chandeliers and swathes of brocade.
Details B&B doubles from £451
(glenappcastle.com)
WALES
Sandy Mount House
Rhosneigr, Anglesey
Don’t be put off by the brooding,
battleship-grey exterior. The hotel’s
seven bedrooms are light and stylish
with shades of sea, sky, driftwood and
sea foam reflecting the coastal location;
Lloyd Loom chairs and, if you’re lucky, a
sea view will whisper New England to
you. In spring the chef Hefin Roberts
serves beach-foraged sea spinach with
seared local scallops (a sister restaurant,
Y Parlwr, recently opened a few doors
down). The local beach, like the hotel, is
dog friendly and, in spring, its dunes
blush with sea pink. Also nearby is
Maelog Lake, where reed warblers can
be spotted from the boardwalk.
Details B&B doubles from £150
(sandymounthouse.co.uk)
Travel 45
The Wild Hare
Tintern, Monmouthshire
There’s nothing mad about checking into
this slick pub and coffee shop with
contemporary rooms (chunky textiles,
marble bathrooms etc) this spring. Five
minutes’ walk from Tintern Abbey, it’s
right in the thick of some of the region’s
finest meadows and woodlands. Wander
the surrounding fields and woods and
you may well catch sight of boxing hares,
bluebells and daffodils; local hotspots
include Chepstow Park Wood and the
Wye Valley Walk from Eagle’s Nest. Fuel
up afterwards with a spring ploughman’s
or honey and mustard sausages with
wild garlic mash back at the pub.
Details B&B doubles from £105
(thewildharetintern.co.uk)
SOUTH AND EAST
The Harper
Holt, Norfolk
North Norfolk may be known for its
big skies, but don’t expect to have them
to yourself if you visit in spring —
migrant birds descend on this stretch
of coastline in their thousands on their
way from southern Europe and Africa
to breeding grounds further north. Stay
at the Harper and you can borrow one of
the hotel’s bicycles to pedal out and spot
chiffchaffs, willow warblers and more at
Cley Marshes (norfolkwildlifetrust.
org.uk). Stop for a crab and samphire
salad at the Morston Anchor pub on
the way back.
Details B&B doubles from £210
(theharper.co.uk)
The Suffolk
Aldeburgh, Suffolk
Opened as a restaurant last summer,
with six bedrooms added in November,
the Suffolk perches on the county’s
coastline close to the former BBC
Springwatch site RSPB Minsmere
(rspb.org.uk), and to Snape Maltings,
where events includes a spring renewal
mindfulness walk on April 16
(brittenpearsarts.org). Arguably the
biggest seasonal draw here, though, is
the chef James Jay. His spring menus
include a saddle of lamb from Great
Glemham stuffed with wild garlic and
served with asparagus and spring greens.
Details Room-only doubles from £180
(the-suffolk.co.uk)
Milsoms Kesgrave Hall
Kesgrave, Suffolk
With 40 acres of bluebell-shaded
grounds and a woodland-inspired spa,
Kesgrave Hall is at its most uplifting in
spring. Nearby is the famous Anglo-
Saxon royal burial site at Sutton Hoo
(nationaltrust.org.uk). The grounds
stretch over 245 acres of Suffolk
countryside, offering a wealth of natural
spring treasures. Follow one of its self-
guided walks in spring and you might
spot Manx Loaghtan rare-breed lambs
gambolling over burial mounds as well
as drifts of bluebells and daffodils.
Details B&B doubles from £180
(milsomhotels.com)
More hotels page 47
the times Saturday March 25 2023
Tillingham Winery
Peasmarsh, East Sussex
Stay at this vineyard with rooms among
the hills above Rye and you can enjoy
creative smallholding-to-spoon dining,
while also dipping into one of the
country’s most joyous spring traditions
— the Jack in the Green festival in
Hastings old town from April 28 to May
1, with folk music and a procession led
by Jack himself (hastingstraditionaljack
inthegreen.co.uk). Bedrooms at the
Tillingham Winery are in modern
browny neutrals and have Roberts
radios. At the winery grab a table
overlooking budding vines and enjoy
new domain wines with seasonal
menus. Fire cookery workshops are in
the pipeline.
Details B&B doubles from £145
(tillingham.com)
Congham Hall
Congham, Norfolk
The orchard cabins are the suites to
book at this Georgian manor hotel
with spa if you’re looking for spring
spectacle. With floor-to-ceiling windows
on to apple orchards, you’ll wake up to a
flurry of blossom if you time it right.
Elsewhere, crowds of tulips are about to
flower in the hotel’s immaculately
tended beds and its celebrated herb
garden opens to visitors from April.
The latter might not reach its full,
400 species-strong potential until later
in the year but you can enjoy a bit of
leaf-to-cup zing with a freshly snipped
mint tea.
Details Room-only doubles from £165
(conghamhallhotel.co.uk)
Foresters Hall
Cowes, Isle of Wight
Foresters Hall was built in 1865 as a
meeting hall for the Ancient Order of
Foresters but now serves as a gathering
place for those seeking a breather from
the urban jungle. Start summer early
with a swim in the heated outdoor pool
before feasting on seafood and fresh
pasta in the hotel’s new restaurant,
Brasserie by Smoking Lobster, which will
open on April 7. Do hike to nearby
Osborne House to coo over its tides of
daffodils, primroses and flowering
rhododendrons (english-heritage.org.uk).
Details Room-only doubles from £295
(forestershall.com)
Horse Guards Inn
Tillington, West Sussex
If Bilbo Baggins happened to do an
internship at World of Interiors he
might cook up something like the
Horse Guards Inn. A garden draped
with roses and a dining room that’s
painstakingly averse to matching
furniture lends a whimsical feel to this
smart country pub. Woolbeding Gardens
(nationaltrust.org) and Cowdray Estate
(cowdray.co.uk) are close by for spring
foraging walks or bluebell strolls, and
Arundel Tulip Festival (between April
and early May, arundelcastle.org) is
within easy day-tripping distance, but
whatever you do don’t miss dinner
— much of the produce is supplied from
the pub’s smallholding.
Details: B&B doubles from £140
(thehorseguardsinn.co.uk)
Great Fosters
Egham, Surrey
A country pile hidden amid London’s
sprawling fringes, Great Fosters dates
back to the 16th century, but it’s the
Congham Hall, Norfolk
Arts and Crafts gardens that set it apart;
one of the big draws in the springtime is
a lavish wisteria that cascades over the
Japanese bridge. Framed by a Saxon
moat, the 50-acre site also includes
des
the outdoor Yew Rooms, which
can be hired for private dining.
While these are mostly better
suited to large groups, couples
can book private picnics in the
View, an outdoor nook that
looks out across banks of
spring blooms. The 56 rooms
feature tapestries, floral
wallpaper, four-poster beds
and wood-panelling and more
styles besides.
Details B&B doubles from £199
(alexanderhotels.co.uk)
SOUTHWEST
Hotel Meudon
Mawnan Smith,
Cornwall
You’ll want to save all the
daylight that you can to delve
into every corner of the
subtropical gardens that
surround this revamped
Cornish hotel. Spring highlights
among its nine acres include
rhododendrons, magnolias and
camellias; wild swimmers can
enjoy them on their way down to o the
hotel’s private beach. The ownerss of the
house in the 1800s, the Fox family,
ly, also
laid out the neighbouring Trebah h as a
26-acre pleasure garden that sweeps
down to the water’s edge through a
valley of spring blooms
(trebahgarden.co.uk). It’s also unveiling a
new walled garden this year. Rooms are
simple with cheery striped blankets.
Details B&B doubles from £179
(meudon.co.uk)
Wilcove Inn
Torpoint, Cornwall
In Cornwall all eyes are on magnolias in
champion specimens are
spring. Six ch
scrutinised across six Great Gardens
of Corn
Cornwall and the date they come
into bloom
b is recorded. Once
each one has at least 50 flowers,
spring is officially said to have
spr
arrived
ar in England. One of
these gardens is Antony
th
Woodland
W Garden, where
magnolias
m bloom from
February
F to May alongside
bluebells, wild garlic,
bl
rhododendrons
rh and more
than 600 types of camellia
tha
Hotel Meudon, Cornwall (antonywoodlandgarden.com).
(ant
Stay aat the nearby Wilcove Inn,
waterside
a waters s pub with two smart
marine-blue-and-cream
marine-b b rooms,
and youo can explore it when the
yo
mood d strikes.
Details B&B doubles from
Det
£130 (thewilcoveinn.com)
£13
T Ollerod
The
B
Beaminster, Dorset
Beaminster may look period
B There’s little reason to venture off-site at
drama-perfect but there’s
dr
nothing old-fashioned about
no
the Ollerod. Run with great
care by Silvana Bandini, it has
stylish bedrooms (cane beds,
nine st
Foresters Hall, bird-motif wallpapers), a garden
bird-mot
Isle of Wight peppered w with tulips and daffodils,
and a restaurant
restau that puts veg from its
own beds anand polytunnel centre stage.
Think homegrown asparagus with wild
garlic and hollandaise tart, or Black
Cow vodka-cured salmon with
homegrown chicory salad. Down
the road is Mapperton Gardens
(mapperton.com), which is sensational in
spring with a grove of flowering white
cherries, pink magnolias, rivers of
Travel 47
narcissi and show-stopping laburnum
and wisteria.
Details B&B doubles from £145
(theollerod.co.uk)
Exmoor Forest Inn
Simonsbath, Somerset
Tucked away in a bluebell-speckled
valley, with cheery tulips billowing from
vintage bathtub planters outside the
door, Exmoor Forest Inn pulls off a
clever conjuring trick in pairing the
rustic cosiness of a 170-year-old country
pub with many of the frills of a fancy
hotel. Smartly revamped bedrooms
continue the floral theme with botanical
wallpapers and curtains framing mossy
velvet sofas and dainty antique tables.
There’s restaurant-quality food with
produce from the surrounding estate
topped up with fished or foraged
trimmings. April highlights include
grilled Withycombe asparagus.
Details B&B doubles from £140
(exmoorforestinn.com)
Dartington Hall
Dartington, Devon
Dartington Hall, with its hotel and
hostel-style bedrooms, cosy on-site pub,
glamping and busy events programme
(April’s schedule includes a two-day
flower workshop led by Grace Allardyce
of Studio Kado). This is especially true in
spring, when the estate’s grade II* listed
gardens come back to life. They were
largely designed by Beatrix Farrand in
the 1930s but are now being reimagined
by the landscaper Dan Pearson. A
highlight is the dazzling magnolia
collection, but there’s joy too in just
meandering through the estate’s 1,200
acres of woodlands and fields.
Details B&B doubles from £141
(dartington.org)
the times Saturday March 25 2023
Maiami restaurant,
Thessaloniki
The new wine trail that shows off
a lesser-known corner of Greece
Combine a city
break in foodie
Thessaloniki with
visits to nearby
vineyards, says
Nina Caplan
I
wasn’t surprised at the liveliness and
good cheer of the inhabitants of
Thessaloniki: why wouldn’t they be
happy? They live in a seaside city that
is neither a tourist-trap island nor the
thronging capital, but has its own
beaches a short drive away and more
than 2,000 years of history, much of it on
show in dramatic ruins and beautiful
churches. In Thessaloniki, I thought, as I
cycled along the seaside boardwalk last
October in a T-shirt, there is space to
breathe. Still, it turned out that wasn’t the
reason for the good vibes. Nor was it the
amazing food, despite this being Greece’s
first Unesco city of gastronomy. No, it was
the caffeine.
Thessaloniki’s inhabitants are so crazy
about coffee they even drink it cold, with
ice and a straw. And sweet. “We don’t have
blood in our veins — we have sugar!” said
Anastasia Gaitanou as she guided me to
the old town, past ancient city walls, parts
of which date back to the 4th century BC.
We watched the sun set in glorious
orange over the sea as she told me how the
city was founded in about 315BC by King
Cassander of Macedon and named for his
wife, Thessalonike, a half-sister of Alexan-
der the Great. Then she offered me
another coffee, which would have been my
third. I refused. I had come to central
Macedonia in search of a different liquid:
red wine from the xinomavro grape.
When I was young, the only Greek wine
Brits had heard of was retsina, the one
that’s perfumed — some would say adul-
terated — with pine resin. I remember my
father, on a holiday to Skiathos during my
teens, braving it the way I might have
risked asking a boy to dance at the disco.
He offered me a sip, and it was truly
horrible — not something I wanted
to drink, even at an age where all
free alcohol was good alcohol.
These days, you can find good Naoussa
retsina and, thanks to the cool,
mineral-dry whites of Santorini,
people have been persuaded to Vermio
Mountains
take the country’s wine seriously.
There are more than 300 indigenous
grape varieties, including xinomavro,
which has its homeland in Naoussa, just
an hour’s drive west of Thessaloniki.
Despite a name that means bitter (xino)
and black (mavro), it is actually red,
perfumed, and when made well, absolutely
gorgeous. I had come to spend a few days
exploring Naoussa and its xinomavro on a
new wine trail. The Greek tourism board
has created maps to guide thirsty visitors
round the region, with pointers to the best
vineyards (tasting prices vary; don’t forget
to book). You might stay in Naoussa or dip
in and out from Thessaloniki.
There were plenty of opportunities for
preliminary research in the city. Next to
the remains of an ancient Roman palace
that seemed to have been plonked casually
among the apartment blocks, we found
Alea, the kind of tiny, hole-in-the-wall
wine bar I could live in. The walls were
bright scarlet, covered with stills from old
films; the wines were superb, with indige-
nous grapes from all over Greece, includ-
ing a powerful xinomavro, a mouthful of
wild dark berries, from Dalamara, one of
the Naoussa vineyards I intended to visit.
An hour’s drive across the plain, in sight
of Mount Olympus, where the ancient
Greeks believed the gods resided, are hill-
sides with tiny villages and broad vine-
yards. These are the lower slopes of the
GREECE Vermio Mountains, which protect
the vineyards from northerly winds
and provide snowmelt for the
Pella Thessaloniki
thirsty grapes. Naoussa is the name
of a village and Greece’s first wine
Veria PDO (the EU quality designation).
This isn’t the only place to find
Gerovassiliou
vineyards — Gerovassiliou, with its
lovely vineyard restaurant and a
Mount museum of the owner’s 2,600-strong
Olympus 10 miles collection of corkscrews, is 30 minutes’
drive from the city and 15 from the beach.
But for a wine-lover to come to Thessalo-
niki without visiting Naoussa would be like
a coffee fan depriving themselves of the
city’s great cafés. Gaitanou can organise
tours of the Naoussa region from
Thessaloniki, from £220 for up to ten
people (anastasia2570@yahoo.com).
My first stop was the winery of the
marvellously named Apostolos Thymio-
poulos, who is largely responsible for
xinomavro’s growing reputation in the
UK. He is a genial man in his forties with
excellent English and even better wines,
Travel 53
and we sat on his small terrace tasting
xinomavros that range from the juicy (and
affordable) Earth and Sky to the tiny
production single-vineyard wines. There
was also an astonishing rosé that is one of
the finest pink wines I’ve ever tasted,
although it’s more orange-gold than pink.
“In Thessaloniki it used to be more pres-
tigious to ask for a cabernet or a syrah,”
said Apostolos. He is changing that.
We drove on to Kir-Yianni, a much big-
ger operation with a lovely tasting room,
and sat outside in the gentle sunshine,
sampling our wines alongside a delicious
platter of meatballs. A large staff group
eating at the next table passed around
magnums: clearly, this is a good place to
work. Nowhere was too far: it’s possible to
visit four vineyards in a day.
I decided to take it easier and make mul-
tiple visits from my base in Thessaloniki. It
meant I could stop off near Naoussa for a
short walk around the Nymphaeum of
Mieza, a peaceful green clearing with the
traces of the buildings where Aristotle tu-
tored Alexander the Great. Then I went on
to taste the lovely wines at tiny Dalamara
and then the even tinier Foundi, where the
owners brought out old vintages to prove
how well xinomavro can age. It also
enabled me to take an hour’s detour, to
Pella, capital of the ancient kingdom of
Macedon, and Alexander’s birthplace.
It is amazing to think that this place,
which is now nearly 25 miles from the sea,
was once a port, the plain I drove across to
reach the vineyards the silted-up rem-
nants. In Pella’s main museum, a mosaic of
Dionysus, the Greek god of wine, serves
as a reminder that grapes have thrived
here for millennia. In most religions, the W
the times Saturday March 25 2023
Xinomavro grapes
W transformation of grape juice
into wine is viewed as a miracle,
and therefore as a fitting accesso-
ry for worship. The panthers or
tigers on those mosaics symbolise
wine’s wilder and more fearsome
side: the potential for intoxication.
Later, walking into Thessaloniki’s ’s
ancient Church of St Dimitrios, with its
glowing icons and bearded priests, I was
reminded that the ancient polytheists ts may
have disagreed on many things, but ut the
importance of wine is not one of them.hem.
On my second trip out to Naoussa
I stopped off in Veria. Here I ate a superb
array of local dishes — succulent ksestim-
eno, a local version of veal meatballs;
proper dolmades — at 12 Grada, a tiny res-
taurant owned by three brothers. “Don’t
you fight?” I asked. “All the time!” came the
reply (mains from £8.40; fb.com/12grada).
My next stop was the tomb of Phillip II
of Macedon, who was assassinated at a
wedding and buried by his son, Alexander
the Great. While all the surrounding
tombs were pillaged long ago, by some
marvellous chance, Phillip’s survived to be
rediscovered in the 1970s. It was extraordi-
nary to enter the dark museum, where in-
tricate golden crowns and other excavated
paraphernalia glow, and see a structure
built to honour a man who died in 336BC.
Ancient history and modern gastronomy
is my kind of pairing, but back in
th city there were more conven-
the
ti
tional matches. “In Thessaloniki,
w
when we say good restaurants we
m
mean good fish restaurants,” said
G
Gaitanou, and she took me to
Ma
Maiami on the waterfront, to eat the
The Church of St Dimitrios, fres
freshest possible fish — this city has
Thessaloniki one ofo the country’s largest fishing
ports — paired with a delicate rosé, a
blend of xinomavro,
x limnonia and another
local gra
grape, mavroudi. Apparently, when
the Russian
Rus president Vladimir Putin
came to the city he was supposed to eat
here but the American-sounding name —
it’s pronounced Miami — put him off. His
loss: the fish is superb (mains from £14;
maiamirestaurant.gr).
I ate too well, in too many places, to list
them all here, although Blé Vin, a very
modern wine bar with a terrific local list,
deserves a special mention (mains from
£24.50; blevin.gr), as does Canteen, with its
superb steak, right near the 15th-century
White Tower that stands as a reminder of
500 years of Ottoman occupation (mains
from £10.50; Dim. Gounari 7). There was
high-end food at Mavri Thalassa on the
waterfront (mains from £48; mavri-thalas-
sa.gr). And bougatsa, a delicious filo parcel
that can enfold spinach or “anything you
like, really,” as Philippos Bantis, the third-
generation owner of tiny café Bougatsa
ALAMY
Thessaloniki
Bantis, told me (bougatsa from £2.65;
bougatsa-bantis.business.site).
I was given a sneak preview of the shiny
modern Modiano Market, which has
recently been rescued from disrepair, and
wandered around the traditional old
Kapani market nearby. I loved this com-
fortable cohabitation of ancient and new.
I walked out of the stunningly beautiful
8th-century Hagia Sofia, one of the city’s
oldest churches, and I drove across an
ancient sea to taste wines that were
known when Aristotle was young, and
which are now putting Greece on the
modern winemaking map.
Need to
know
Nina Caplan was a guest of Thessaloniki
City Tourism (thessalonikitourism.gr)
and Visit Greece (visitgreece.gr). For
more information on the Macedonia
wine routes see northern-greece.com.
Stay at the Onoma Hotel in Thessaloniki
(B&B doubles from £94;
onomahotel.com) or the Palea Poli Hotel
in Naoussa (B&B doubles from £92;
paleapoli.gr). Fly to Thessaloniki
Travel 55
3 more
surprising
wine regions
Kakheti, Georgia
Georgia has been making wines since
the Stone Age, using a method that
consists of fermenting the juice, skins,
stalks and pips of pressed grapes in
quevri, earthenware vessels buried in
the ground. The place to taste the
country’s amber or skin-contact
wines is in the Kakheti region, to the
east of Tbilisi. This small-group tour
includes a visit to the sixth-century
Alaverdi monastery.
Details Five nights’ B&B from
£849pp, including tastings
(responsibletravel.com). Fly to Tbilisi
Essex, UK
It’s not just wines from England’s
southernmost counties that make
headlines: at the Decanter World
Wine Awards last June, London’s
Vagabond Urban Winery won a
medal for a 2020 chardonnay made
with grapes grown at the Clayhill
vineyard in Essex’s Crouch Valley
(winecellardoor.co.uk). The New Hall
Wine Estate pioneered wine-growing
here in 1969, and if you visit on an
open day, you can join a barrel-top
tasting (free; April 28, June 23 and 24
and August 19; newhallwines.com).
Le Bouchon boutique hotel in
Maldon is handy for both.
Details Half-board doubles from £170
(lebouchon.co.uk)
Tokaji, Hungary
There’s more to Hungarian wines
than the ultra-sweet tokaji aszu.
Today’s producers are experimenting
with dry tokaji fermint wines, and
you can try both at the opulent castle
and vineyard hotel Grof Degenfeld.
En route, taste bikaver (bull’s blood)
wine in the city of Eger. South of
Budapest, try reds in the warmer
regions of Szekszard and Villany.
Details B&B doubles from £97
(grofdegenfeld.com)
Lisa Johnson
 the times Saturday March 25 2023

60 Travel

Luxury Caribbean
Reef, rainforest
and stars: see
Belize by boat Maya
Ambergris Caye

Belize City
20 miles

Caribbean
Sea
Mountains Belize Barrier
Reef
Sailing from shore to palm-fringed island to Hopkins
Glover’s Reef
lush inland lagoon, Nigel Tisdall sees the best Sittee
River Tobacco
Caye
of the country on a private catamaran tour Anderson’s
Lagoon
the times Saturday March 25 2023
GETTY IMAGES
Tobacco Caye
‘P
ick a cloud and aim for it,”
Manny Requena, our
skipper, suggests as my
wife, Alice, takes the helm
of Endless Options. Who
wouldn’t want to sail a 48ft
luxury catamaran through
the sapphire waters of the Belize Barrier
Reef? He didn’t have to ask twice.
It’s not an onerous task, given the bright
sunshine, warm and reliable winds, expert
tuition and encouraging aroma of jerk-
shrimp tacos being prepared in the galley
below by our chirpy and talented chef, Mar
Reid. We have to watch out for small fish-
ing boats, but there is an uplifting sense
that we have this 300km-long tapestry of
cayes and coral reefs to ourselves. This is a
common feeling when you travel in Belize
— just 290km by 110km, the only English-
speaking country in Central America is
home to a mere 400,000 people. So if you
steer clear of the cruise ships and resort
hub of Ambergris Caye, you’ll find
beaches, Maya ruins and wildlife-rich
jungles that are blissfully crowd-free.
We’re here with two friends on a four-
night trip that will take us from Belize City,
the main entry point to the country, to
the outer cayes of the reef, then across the
open sea to far-flung Glover’s Reef, an
atoll named after an 18th-century English
pirate who used it as a base for raiding
Spanish ships. On the return leg we will
motor up the Sittee River to round off a
softly adventurous voyage that combines
reef and rainforest.
Those pirates would have marvelled at
our catamaran — a high-end Leopard
worth a cool £500,000. It’s almost as
wide as a tennis court, elegant and roomy.
There are four en suite cabins (one is
reserved for crew), each with a double bed,
a decent shower and generous storage. To
avoid the noise and chill of air-condition-
ing I decide to sleep on deck.
An even better decision is to resist
taking advantage of the onboard wi-fi; as
the screen-free hours clock up I feel a
release that is almost physical. Here at last
is a golden chance to flush out the brain
and restock it with glorious nature, admir-
ing the bouffant pink clouds at sunrise,
watching frigatebirds patrol the skies and
drinking in a night sky peppered with stars.
An unexpected bonus is Mar’s refined
take on Belizean cuisine, which runs from
tropical fruit breakfasts and conch ceviche
to chicken tostadas. The owner of a
successful restaurant in San Pedro, she has
won awards for her piña colada lionfish,
which is doubly satisfying: not only are
lionfish an invasive species that cause
havoc in Caribbean waters, their fillets
taste divine when served with a delicate
sauce made from pineapple, coconut
cream and spiced rum.
On the first afternoon we reach Tobacco
Caye, a one-hectare pancake of sand
fringed with palms and mangroves. I’m
fascinated to find about 35 people living in
such a cast-off place. Some fish, others
run small hotels, and Kirk Westby, “the
barefoot bartender”, serves a mean mar-
garita in a no-frills waterfront joint. We
chat with Lisa Mulcahy, a marine biologist
and the founder of ReefKeeper Belize,
which educates children about conserva-
tion, while Ronny Gongora from the
Tobacco Caye Marine Station fills us in on
the serious threats of plastic pollution and
stony coral tissue loss, a rapidly spreading
disease that affects underwater diversity.
The Sittee River
In a snorkel and fins (which we have
plenty of opportunity to use throughout
Endless Options, a 48ft
Leopard catamaran our trip), we find the seabed a bewitching
panorama of colourful corals, bright fish
and purple sea fans earnestly waving back
and forth as if applauding the spectacular
show. We gawp at slinky nurse sharks,
gracefully flapping southern stingrays,
grumpy barracuda and menacing gangs
of tarpon hanging out like street-corner
toughs. Manny points out superbly
camouflaged residents — there’s slipper
lobster, spotted moray eel, and a huge
flounder half-buried in the sand.
On our second morning Manny warns
that we’re going to “jump waves”. Every-
thing has to be packed away — the booze,
the maps, the fresh flowers — before we
seesaw across the Caribbean. Fortunately
the ordeal lasts only three hours, and
everyone agrees that it’s worth a little
queasiness to reach the serene jewel that
is Glover’s Reef, an underwater tabletop
mountain formed 67 million years ago and
crowned with a patchwork of 800 coral
gardens. Manny reckons it’s rare to find
more than three boats here. A handful of
small castaway resorts on its southeastern
cayes cater to divers, escapists and roman-
cing couples. The swishest is all-inclusive
Manta Island, opened in 2021, while others
are determinedly rustic and off-grid.
The place to contemplate the beauty of
this 32km-long lagoon is Middle Caye,
which was bought in 1990 by the New
York-based Wildlife Conservation Society
to save it from development. You need
Coral inside all of ten minutes to walk round it. A 90ft
Glover’s Reef wooden tower offers a superb view over
the jade waters, and brings home the
immense task facing the six Fisheries
Department staff stationed here to com-
bat illegal fishing. “Those caught are fined
and have their boats and nets confiscated,”
the marine reserve manager Raphael
Martinez says. “We also try to educate
them.” It’s a tricky conflict of needs and
interests, but there is hope thanks to the
Blue Bond, an innovative debt-restructur-
ing scheme that will pump an estimated
£150 million into conservation over the
next 20 years and enable Belize to double
its marine reserves by 2026.
Our five-hour sail back to the coast is
dreamily smooth. Lining the horizon like a
Need to long, grey bruise are the Maya Mountains
know — Victoria Peak, the tallest, rises to
1,120m. We dodge clusters of men spear-
fishing, fail to photograph passing turtles
and say hello to a baby manatee that pops
Nigel Tisdall was a guest up its elephant trunk-like snout.
of the Belize Tourism Then, just when I’m winching in the
Board (travelbelize.org); genoa sail, Manny screams “Fish! Fish!
British Airways, which has Fish!”, prompting Mar to down knives and
Heathrow-Cancun returns rush on deck to start reeling in furiously.
from £477 (ba.com); and At the end is a glistening 3.5kg tuna that
Belize Sailing Vacations, provides immaculate sashimi for our final
which has four nights’ dinner, moored in a tiny marina in the
full board on a crewed tranquil Sittee River. Everything has
catamaran sleeping six switched from blue to green as we navigate
from £9,000 (belizesailing the river’s bends, admiring the dense forest
vacations.com). Fly to and a cast of herons, egrets and parakeets.
Belize City from Cancun Yet again there is barely a soul around.
“I have one final surprise,” our genial
captain announces as we set off after dark
in the dinghy. He is clutching a plastic
bucket with a lantern inside that 15 min-
utes later gets tied to a tree — an essential
precaution so we can find our way out of
the vast and silent waters of Anderson’s
Lagoon. Millions of micro-organisms in
the water emit an eerie bluish light
when disturbed, a bioluminescence best
observed on a moonless night.
Manny cuts the engine and we bob be-
neath a huge dome of stars, watching the
fish dart about like underwater fireworks.
This natural wonder is neither policed nor
protected, as so many of the world’s most
precious places now are. Here there are no
hectoring signs, no rangers, no park fees —
just a magical sight there for the taking.
Travel 61
5 more sailing
holidays
Learn to sail in the Ionian Sea
If not all the family want to learn to
sail, a good way for some of you to try
it is with Neilson’s Stay & Sail
holidays. After a week at Vounaki
Beachclub on the Greek mainland,
trying myriad sports and, possibly
learning to sail, the whole family
board their own 34ft yacht and sail
with a flotilla through the south
Ionian sea, stopping for meals and to
stock up on provisions.
Details Fourteen nights’ half-board
for two adults and two under-14s
from £11,084, including flights,
transfers, some extra meals, and one
four-day sailing course (neilson.co.uk)
A historic sail to the Scillies
Maybe is a classic 92ft gaff ketch built
in 1929 with seven sails, eight berths
and teak decks. After a ten-hour
passage west from Penzance on the
Cornish mainland, guests can explore
this tranquil archipelago, spotting
seabirds and taking trips ashore to
visit gardens, galleries and beaches.
There’s every opportunity to hoist the
sails and take the helm while a chef
prepares meals.
Details Six nights’ full board from
£1,455pp, departing on June 17, 25 or
July 3 (venturesailholidays.com)
Discover Italy’s Amalfi Coast
Popular with novices, this three-night
cruise from Amalfi to Procida works
both as a taster of life at sea — you’ll
sail on a skippered 51ft five-cabin
yacht, falling asleep to the lull of the
waves — and an introduction to the
Amalfi Coast. From Amalfi, you’ll go
to Capri’s Blue Grotto, rowing into
the glowing caves by dinghy and
swimming in the clear waters nearby,
and end in tranquil Procida.
Details Three nights’ room only
from £574pp (intrepidtravel.com).
Fly to Naples
See the other side of the Cyclades
This round trip on a 58ft yacht
through the Cyclades could be the
ideal complement to a weekend on
the Greek party island of Mykonos. It
might include a visit to the Venetian
ruins on Paros, a hike to the top of
tiny Folegandros, a sail through the
caldera of Santorini, gazing up at its
famous clifftop villages, and a swim
off the golden sands of Manganari
Beach on Ios. Back on deck, you can
sunbathe or help the skipper.
Details Nine nights’ room only
from £1,199pp (gadventures.com).
Fly to Mykonos
Sightsee in Turkey
Take an expert-led gulet trip with a
cultural theme, striking a balance
between archaeological visits and
relaxing on your two-masted wooden
vessel as it sails the seas of Croatia,
Greece and Turkey. An Ephesus
cruise is a classic — join a maximum
of 14 guests to see some of Turkey’s
most important ruins, not least the
monumental capital of Roman
Asia, once host to Cleopatra and
Marc Antony.
Details Seven nights’ full board from
£2,795pp, departing on June 4 and
September 3, 10 and 17
(petersommer.com). Fly to Bodrum
the times Saturday March 25 2023
Late deals
UK
Chic self-catering in Cornwall
Spring stays at many of Cornish Gems’s
stylish homes are being discounted,
including two family-friendly properties
still with availability in the school
holiday. Overlooking Trevone Bay, near
Padstow, and now £3,797 per week at
Easter, Tadpoles sleeps up to ten and
features a sunken hot tub plus a
private meadow where children,
dogs and indeed adults can play. The
three-bedroom townhouse Moonjar,
meanwhile, is arranged so that its
top-floor living spaces afford the very
best views of St Ives Bay. Seven nights’
self-catering for six costs £2,498 at
Easter (cornishgems.com).
Rural retreat in North Yorkshire
Anchored around a cluster of peaceful
fishing ponds, Landal’s Woodland Lakes
estate lies between the Dales and the
Moors. It’s well located for country-pub
walks and days out in York. On site,
archery, body zorbing (fun and games
involving hurtling down a hill in a huge
inflatable ball) and an indoor playzone
are all laid on, along with a spa and
heated pool. Guests stay in log cabin-
style lodges, some featuring private hot
tubs. Reduced by 35 per cent, seven
nights’ self-catering for four at Easter
starts from £1,169 (landal.co.uk).
EUROPE
Boating in the Camargue
Lopping 15 per cent off the price of
seven-night bookings of its upmarket
Horizon fleet — liveaboard vessels
featuring a large sundeck — Le Boat’s
sale extends to a lesser explored corner
of southern France between Marseilles
and Montpellier. Instead of millionaire
movie stars, wild white horses and pink
flamingos populate the Camargue’s
saltwater wetlands, where cruisers will
also discover golden beaches and fortress
ports. No boating experience is required.
Starting on April 1 in St Gilles, seven
nights’ self-catering for five is £1,584
(leboat.co.uk). Take the train to Arles.
Family-friendly southern Spain
While snow might dust Britain over
Easter, Spain’s Costa Blanca expects
sun-soaked 20C days. In the sea-facing
hills north of Alicante, Caserio del
Mirador is a British-run country house
where apartments are specifically geared
towards families. When not out
sightseeing, guests can use its
trampoline, lie under poolside cabanas or
help to feed resident rabbits, goats, pigs,
chickens and ponies. Seven nights’
self-catering for four from April 1 costs
Travel 65
from £1,746, including babysitting
(caseriodelmirador.com). Fly to Alicante
or Valencia.
Active Algarve
Balmy weather should be the order of
the day in Portugal too, and at the
Wyndham Grand Algarve resort, an
Easter holiday deal lets children up to
12 stay for free in family suites with an
outdoor terrace. Days out might be spent
golfing, spotting flamingos on boat trips
or beach-combing, and while a special
Easter egg hunt will be laid on for
children, a spa awaits frazzled parents.
Between April 1-30, six nights’
half-board for four costs from £861pp
(wyndhamgrandalgarve.com); bookings
must be by phone or email. Fly to Faro.
LONG HAUL
Beachside Dubai
The five-star Raffles the Palm Dubai is a
Caserio del Mirador, series of dome-topped buildings strung
Costa Blanca, Spain along an outer crescent of the emirate’s
man-made Palm Jumeirah archipelago.
Lining a sandy beach with views of the
city’s memorable skyline, its six
restaurants range from a buffet option to
exotic Japanese fare. You’re a 30-minute
drive from entertainment-crammed
malls and water parks. Available for two
adults and two children — who’ll stay
and eat for free — an Easter-holiday
discount sees three nights’ half-board
cost from £1,075pp, including flights.
Book before March 30
(awayholidays.co.uk).
Richard Mellor
Overseas Travel

68 Travel
The Times
hotel guide
Drapers Hall
Shrewsbury
Rooms 7/10
Food 8/10
Facilities n/a
Location 8/10
Overall 8/10
I
t’s a genuine hall — a grade II listed
guildhall built in 1576, all beams,
wonky staircase and vast fireplaces
that could spit-roast a boar. And
the drapers’ guild that built it
continues to meet for feasts here, a
precondition of granting a lease to
the new owners. A five-figure makeover
in late 2021 has sharpened up the place
without sacrificing the creaky character
you come for. The result is Wolf Hall
meets Wallpaper* magazine.
Rooms and suites
Much of the renovation budget went on
six en suite bedrooms. Instead of faux
medieval, the look is relaxed country-
modern. Vintage oak headboards and
antique mirrors lend character. Each
room is different but expect modern
chandeliers and bright cushions to pep up
One of the bedrooms
subtle wall colours (cream or the softest
pink). Orange was my favourite, although
it’s above the small bar terrace, so I’d
think twice in summer. By the time you
read this, the king deluxe Walnut should
have modern panelling and a four-poster.
Book the attic Wool suite for original
beams. Modern bathrooms are cosy but
perfectly acceptable; three have a bath.
Food and drink
Your lockdown baking experiments
were nothing compared with the leap of
faith taken by the owner-chef Adrian
Badland. When taking on the lease with
his partner, Miriam Lawley, he brought
his successful restaurant, Rhubarb,
across from Market Hall with him. Here,
an oak-panelled room of Tudor majesty
provides a sense of occasion. Teal blue
chairs are set around original 17ft guild
tables. Dinner jazz tinkles. The food’s not
too shabby either: modern-British dishes
made with produce from local suppliers.
This means Shropshire venison with
blackberries, parsnips and elderberry
capers; spiced monkfish with a squid
bolognese and kohlrabi tagliatelle and
wild garlic. Start with keenly priced
cocktails or a pint of Ludlow Gold in a
bar carved from the guildhall’s former
kitchen. Lunch menus relax into
sandwiches, sharing plates and classics
like fish and chips. Breakfasts are good.
DARREN MUSGROVE
Drapers Hall
James Stewart was a
guest of Drapers Hall,
which has B&B doubles
from £130; mains from
£20 (drapershallshrews
bury.co.uk)
the times Saturday March 25 2023
What else is there?
There’s a terrace with space for five
tables. Otherwise this is a strictly
rooms-and-restaurant gaff.
Where is it?
Outside the door is one of England’s
loveliest towns, a whorl of Tudor timbers
and Georgian red brick, stuffed with
independent shops and moated by the
River Severn. History buffs may enjoy
Ironbridge, birthplace of the Industrial
Revolution, or go 15 miles south for
walks in the Shropshire Hills around
Church Stretton; top picks are Caer
Caradoc, Long Mynd and the Lawley.
James Stewart

70 Travel
Travel doctor Solving your holiday dilemmas
Q
It’s my 50th birthday this
summer and my sister and I
would like to go to Bologna
for a few days in August or
September to do a couple of
food and drink tours. I’d also like to
visit the Ferrari and Lamborghini
factories and museums. Can you
recommend a company that can
arrange it all, or one that offers foodie
trips to Bologna and I could arrange
the car museum trip myself ?
Mike Williams
A
I’d suggest you go to
Bologna in September rather
than August, because it
won’t be so hot. There are
several companies that could
customise a trip for you: Kirker
(kirkerholidays.com), Cox & Kings
(coxandkings.co.uk) and Audley
(audley.com). But it wouldn’t be difficult
to organise it yourself. The city’s tourist
board, Bologna Welcome, has a travel
agency with a range of food and
drink tours that can be booked online,
including a walking tour of the
Quadrilatero, the city’s oldest market,
with tastings for £49pp
(bolognawelcome.com). It has a day trip
to the Ferrari museum and factory for
£145pp. You can try MotorStars, which
offers a range of tours and a test drive
of a Ferrari and/or Lamborghini. Tours
cost from about £233pp with pick-up
from Bologna station or a centrally
located hotel (motorstarstour.com).
Stay at the Art Hotel Commercianti, just
off the main square, where B&B singles
start at £169 and doubles at £199
(art-hotel-commercianti.com). Flights
with British Airways from Heathrow
start at about £122 at the beginning of
September (ba.com).
Q We travel to Guernsey for our
holidays and have always taken out
travel insurance. Since January 1,
an agreement has been in place
that gives free medical treatment to
UK citizens. Do we still need travel
insurance? I’ve tried to get quotes but
each time I am asked to put in my
Piazza del Nettuno, medical history, which now doesn’t
Bologna. Below: St Peter seem relevant. We appear to be being
Port, Guernsey charged for it, the price being similar
to last year’s quote when medical cover
was needed.
Brian Read
A The new deal means UK residents
can access emergency and
“necessary” healthcare services for
free in Guernsey, Alderney, Sark
and Herm on a visit lasting up to
six months. It relies on possession
of a UK Global Health Insurance
Card, but you should still buy travel
insurance because the card doesn’t
cover emergency repatriation.
Q We’d like to travel to Florida in May
but have no interest in going to the
theme parks there. We’re looking for
guaranteed warm weather, beaches
and good food, but know very little
about the area. What would you
recommend?
Alan Gomm
A May is a great time to visit Florida,
but the earlier the better, because schools
break up from the middle of the month.
Tampa is undergoing a renaissance and
is easily navigable — the Riverwalk path
connects the city’s main attractions and
Don’t put
up with this
Deposit row over
dangerous road
I booked a house in Looe, Cornwall,
for my birthday in June with Sykes
Cottages. I relied on its website for an
accurate description and the house
there’s a free tram service. Stay at the
Epicurean Hotel, which has a rooftop
pool and bar. Clearwater on the Gulf
of Mexico is about 35 minutes away by
car, and here the waters are calm and
the sandy beaches stretch for miles.
Flights, three nights’ room-only at the
Epicurean followed by a week on
Clearwater Beach at the Sandpearl
resort, and convertible car hire starts at
£2,450pp. If you want to upgrade to
Tampa’s only five-star hotel, the Tampa
Edition in the Water Street
neighbourhood, this would cost an extra
£575pp (bon-voyage.co.uk).
Q In July last year Turkish Airlines
cancelled the return flight for my
family of five back to London.
During two phone conversations it
agreed to refund this portion of the
booking — more than £1,000, which
we could really do with right now.
When the refund didn’t arrive, I used
the ombudsman AviationADR to raise
the issue. The case was resolved in
our favour in October but no money
has been received. I have emailed
several times with no response, and
when I did eventually speak to
someone on the phone they suggested
I take Turkish Airlines to the small
claims court, but I’d rather not.
was described as being accessed by a
number of steps, but this was not an
issue so I paid a deposit of £522.60.
I then discovered by viewing the
outside of the house when in the
area that the steps come out onto a
main road and that this road has no
pavement and double-yellow lines.
This was not disclosed when I booked,
and since my party included
grandchildren, this was a safety issue.
I asked Sykes Cottages to cancel our
stay but it has refused to return my
deposit. This is a big financial issue — *
the times Saturday March 25 2023
Julia Brookes
Consumer expert
ALAMY
AviationADR will not give me any
more guidance. What should I do?
Daniel Cawley
A If an aviation dispute resolution
service finds in your favour this decision
is legally binding on the airline. Airlines
must make compensation payments
within 30 days of the decision, and then
within seven calendar days provide
AviationADR with evidence that
payment has been made. Turkish
Airlines has appalling online reviews so
you might have thought it was to blame
for the payment delay, but in fact a vital
message about your refund was
overlooked by AviationADR. It sent
your bank details to the airline for the
payment to be processed but the
response was a request for a copy of your
passport before it would do so. This
message doesn’t seem to have been sent
to you. The chief adjudicator of
AviationADR has contacted you to
apologise and explain the situation so
that you can get your money back as
soon as possible.
Contact us
If you have a gripe, suggestion or question
relating to your holidays, please email
traveldoctor@thetimes.co.uk
I can’t simply write off more than
£500.
Liz Hutchinson
When Sykes looked at your case it
insisted cottage owners are obliged to
describe their properties and access
but not the surrounding roads, and that
its cancellation policy is in place to
protect its owners from lost earnings,
so it wouldn’t refund you. I mentioned
that you were willing to take your case
to court. Sykes has refunded your
deposit “as a gesture of goodwill”.
 Saturday March 25 2023

7-DAY
TV & RADIO
GUIDE
page 27

Ben Macintyre
Me and my Scottish
ancestor, the dashing
tartan model

Come inside, petal

Gilbert and George on
their new art centre
art books theatre film music television what’s on puzzles
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
showing now
What the critics are watching and listening to
The newly opened Ad Gefrin Anglo-Saxon Museum. Below: Elton John continues his farewell tour
Exhibition
Ad Gefrin Anglo-Saxon Museum
The “lost” 7th-century palace of the
Anglo-Saxon King Edwin, rediscov-
ered through aerial photography in
1949, is resurrected via a theatrical
show of replica columns, thrones
and CGI projections in this charming
new museum and whisky distillery.
Triumphantly on display is a treasure
trove of British Museum loans, in-
cluding jewellery, ceramics and
weaponry — from claw beaker to
shield boss to square-headed brooch
— unearthed across the North East.
Ad Gefrin, Wooler, Northumberland
(adgefrin.co.uk)
Jade Cuttle
Pop
Elton John
Elton John’s Farewell Yellow
Brick Road tour, his big
goodbye to playing live,
seems to have been going on
for about five years. None-
theless, he remains
the consummate
bejewelled and be-
wigged showbusi-
ness pro, leading
the whole crowd
through the up-
lifting ballad Tiny
Dancer, eulogis-
ing rock’n’roll on
Bennie and the
Jets, and supply-
ing the ultimate
phone-torches-in-
the-air moment
with Candle in the
Wind. All of this will
set the tone for John’s
Glastonbury 2023
headline set, which will
most definitely be his
last, final, never-to-be-
repeated performance
of all time — until the
next one, that is. Resorts
World Arena, Birming-
saturday review 3
Contents
SALLY ANN NORMAN; GREGG KEMP
Cover story 4-5 Interview 15
Gilbert and George take The author Percival
us on a tour of their new Everett on the state of
gallery in east London the American nation
Hugo Rifkind 7 Books 16-25
“Exactly what ChatGPT Why East Germany was
would come up with”: Television 11 doomed from the start;
Rise and Fall reviewed Hilary Rose on Jilly plus, historical fiction
Cooper’s Rutshire
Chronicles as a new
Exhibition 8-9 adaptation of Rivals tries TV & radio 27-55
Ben Macintyre on his to appeal to Generation Z The final season of
ancestor the tartan Succession begins; plus,
model before a new V&A a new Great Expectations
Dundee show celebrating Pop 12-13
the Scottish cloth Should Ryan Adams
remain cancelled? Sean Puzzles 56-59
O’Neill reports. Plus, Crosswords, sudoku,
Television 10 what’s next for Adele? Scrabble and your
Ria Zmitrowicz talks favourite brain teasers
about starring in The
Power, based on Naomi My culture fix 14 Cover photograph
Alderman’s dystopian The poet Kae Tempest on Grey Hutton for
science-fiction novel Edgar Degas and dub The Times
ham, Sun; SSE Arena, Belfast, Fri and performer. Wyvern Theatre,
(eltonjohn.com) Swindon (rosieholt.co.uk), tonight;
Will Hodgkinson touring to Jul 1
Dominic Maxwell
Dance
Cinderella Classical
After an absence of more than a The Dead City
decade, Frederick Ashton’s delightful Erich Korngold’s 1920 opera is
full-length staging of Prokofiev’s deemed a lost classic by its admirers.
ballet returns to the Royal Opera Actually, it’s regularly performed in
House with a much-needed design Germany despite the extreme de-
makeover to mark its 75th annivers- mands of its lush, romantic score —
ary. Tom Pye, the West End and spiked with two headily nostalgic
opera designer, has devised the sets; arias — and the demands of the two
Alexandra Byrne, who made her key roles: Paul, in mourning for his
name in Hollywood with the Marvel dead wife, Marie, and the dancer
franchise, has provided new cos- Marietta, who looks so much like
tumes; Marianela Nuñez and Vadim Marie that he becomes obsessed with
Muntagirov lead the first of many her. British performances, however,
Royal Ballet casts. Royal Opera are thin on the ground and English
House (roh.org.uk), Mon-May 3 National Opera’s new staging by An-
Debra Craine nilese Miskimmon is only the second
in the UK after the 2009 Covent Gar-
Comedy den production. Kirill Karabits con-
Rosie Holt: The Woman’s Hour ducts. London Coliseum (eno.org.uk),
Not everything in this tonight, Tue, Fri, to Apr 8
debut show works Neil Fisher
as well as Holt’s
politician character: Theatre
an all-things-to- The Odyssey
all-people Tory Time for local talent around the
MP called “Rosie country to take centre stage. One of
Holt”, a woman civilisation’s epic stories is being re-
with the pana- told in five instalments by different
che of Theresa communities with the help of a team
May and the of writers and professionals. It’s all to
relatability of mark the fifth anniversary of Public
Liz Truss, whose Acts, the National Theatre’s commu-
desperately smil- nity arts programme. Stoke-on-
ing doublespeak Trent has the honour of setting the
has earned her updated classical tale in motion with
millions of views a version of The Lotus Eaters in which
online. But if you can a nightclub becomes the fun-loving
go along with some focus. Actors in Doncaster, Trow-
awkward transitions bridge and Sunderland take up the
between that politi- baton next month before the climax
cian and Holt’s other is reached at the National Theatre’s
characters, there is main auditorium in London, the
still enough here to Olivier, on the South Bank, in August.
make you think that Restoke, Fenton, Stoke-on-Trent (re-
Holt has a bright stoke.org.uk), Thu-Apr 2
future as a writer Clive Davis
4 saturday review
cover story
‘Is this gallery our
legacy? We prefer
the term leg-over’
On a tour of their new gallery in east London, Gilbert
and George talk to Rachel Campbell-Johnston about the
coronation, knighthoods and making a home for their art
F
orget St Peter and his
pearly gates. We have a
new portal to Paradise. It’s
green and metal and it
looks, at least at first glance,
rather like something that
Jack (of beanstalk fame)
might have grown. However, take a step
back and you find, amid the twirls and
swoops of its tendrils, the letters G & G.
They stand for Gilbert & George. Because
these are the gates of a new gallery created
and funded by the eccentric duo to serve as
a permanent display space for their work.
And the first series of pictures that will be
put on show are their vibrantly colourful
— if somewhat unconventional — images g entrance will be free.
of Paradise.
Gusts of cold sleet are blowing owing
down Fournier Street, east London, don,
as the smart-suited pair of self- lf-
proclaimed “living art works””
leave their immaculately re-
stored Georgian home to offer
The Times a first preview of
their new establishment.
It’s in Heneage Street, a few
minutes’ stroll away. They won’t
bother with coats, they decide.
Their thick tweeds — George, 81,
wears russetty red and a gold tiee
adorned with black ants; Gilbert, 79,
mossy green and a tie with leafy motifs otifs
— will fend off the weather even though,hough,
they are keen to inform me, they no longer
dress in Harris cloth.
“The Scots are fighting to break k up the
union,” declares George, the Devon-born
Brexiteer. (Gilbert didn’t vote: he is Italian
by birth.) “We have gone Irish instead,”
George continues. “And we have a new
Tibetan tailor. It’s very nice to tell people
when they ask ‘Savile Row?’ and we can
say, ‘No, Tibetan.’ ”
“And the tailor is so grateful,” Gilbert
chimes in. “Sometimes he is bowing down
in front of us.”
They pull their hats down more firmly.
George wears a flat cap. Gilbert is wearing
something that looks like a furry flower-
pot. It has been specially designed to cover
his ears. What’s it made of, I wonder. Two
faces light up at the prospect of the first of
the many sexual innuendos that will fol-
low. The hat is shaved beaver, I am told.
We walk on for a minute or two. A man
stops them in their tracks. “Thank you for
everything you do,” he says. He shakes
their hands and moves on.
Does that happen a lot, I ask. “All the
time,” Gilbert replies.
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
two of a kind Right: “All the time,” George echoes. “Recently
the artists outside their we were in the City to see our chiropodist
new Gilbert and George and a very nice bristling English gent, an
Centre. Below: their ex-army type, the most unlikely sort, came
latest series, Corpsing up to us and said, ‘I just want to tell you, you
Pictures, on display have made London a better place.’ ”
Will their new Gilbert & George art
centre do the same? “It’s art for all,” Gilbert
announces as the green gates are pushed
open. “That’s always been our motto.”
“We wanted to make it available to ordi-
nary people,” George says. Although the
pair hope that the sale of limited edition
prints and other pieces of G&G memora-
bilia (badges, posters and swear boxes
included) might help to boost finances,
A bit of a furore was whipped up a few
weeks ag ago when they proclaimed that
one of the reasons they had build it
was tthat “all the museums now are
wok
woke”, that it was all “black art, or
wo
women art” so that, although the
T
Tate owns at least 23 of their pic-
tu
tures, none of them is on show.
They clearly don’t want to
rrevisit this argument or even
d
discuss it. They resort to a well-
po
polished armoury of defences —
ma
manners as polite as they are im-
pen
penetrable, a pretence not to hear,
a sud
sudden change of tack, a stock
G
G&G &G q quote, a rude joke, a snatch of
music ha hall humour — to sidestep the
issue. “We d didn’t read the articles anyway,”
concludes Gilbert who, of the well-
rehearsed p pair, appears to be the greater
liability. From time to time George steps in
firmly to throw down a red herring that
will close any inconvenient line of inquiry.
“We felt that if we wanted to be seen we
had to do our own place. I think that that’s
what was meant,” he tells me. “We wanted
an art centre where visitors to London can George says. “We think that the gallery cobblestones. A narrow screening room
always find our work. We are always being will become known as the G&G. There’s runs down one side. Films of their per-
stopped on the street by people who say, the Tate, the National Gallery, the Imperi- formances, interviews and documentaries
‘We have a ‘Oh! I love your art,’ and we say, ‘Where did al War Museum, the V&A and now there’s will be shown there.
you see it?’ And they say, ‘Oh, we’ve never the G&G,” George declares as he leads me Then on, via a flanking gingko tree (a re-
new Tibetan actually seen it.’ on to the site of a former brewery that has minder of the Gingko Pictures done when
tailor. It’s “They have always come across it in a
magazine or newspaper or catalogue in a
been converted with all the care that one
might expect from a couple who have
they represented Britain at the 2005 Ven-
ice Biennale) and a Himalayan magnolia,
very nice friend’s house, but never an actual exhibi- found in their historic Spitalfields neigh- its puce tips just breaking into bud, towards
tion . . . Big shows of artists are very rare. bourhood a creative microcosm of the the galleries: three state-of-the-art spaces,
when people We have had more museum shows all over wider world. one dug out completely underground that
ask, Savile the world than any of our contemporar-
ies,” George adds.
During their career they have focused
on anything from graffiti scrawls through
covers 300 sq m. Here their pictures will be
on permanent show in displays that will be
Row? And we “We’ve had more than a hundred,” Gil- stains of spat-out chewing gum to the dou- changed around once a year.
bert chimes in enthusiastically. ble entendres of street names. The visitor The centre will open on April 1. The date
can say, No, “But we still feel that if someone wants crosses a courtyard. “Blue for the boys, is no accident. It is perfectly in keeping
Tibetan’ to see our work . . . Where? There used
to be nowhere. Well, now there’s a place,’’
pink for the girls,” George observes, draw-
ing attention to colour variations in the
with the provocatively playful pair. Even
as, on one level, they take themselves very
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 saturday review 5
GREY HUTTON FOR THE TIMES; GILBERT & GEORGE/COURTESY THE GILBERT & GEORGE CENTRE

This is the pair who have probed every

orifice for their artworks; who have photo-
graphed themselves with their trousers
round their ankles and their buttocks
splayed; who have produced images with
such titles as Blood on Piss, Spit on Shit or
Spunk and Tears. They have turned their
imperturbable double gaze on some of the
darkest and least comfortable truths of the
human predicament.
Their massive, gridded collages, usually
polychromatic and including their por-
traits, are among the most distinctive in
contemporary art. “We have found our
form,” George declares. “You can recog-
nise it from miles away. Before seeing ex-
actly what it is, you know that it’s us.
“Our basic subject matter remains the
same,” he says, glancing sharply at Gilbert,
who has become momentarily distracted.
The look prompts Gilbert to adopt his
(presumably well-rehearsed) part in their
antiphonal delivery of a list of fundamen-

‘We are both great

seriously, they seem also to be hinting
that they might be playing some scandal-
ous joke.
Gilbert and George have never been
quite what they appear. The dapper pair
who met in 1967 as students at St Martin’s
School of Art are far more than mere tai-
lor’s dummy dandies. In 1969 they pro-
duced their Magazine Sculpture in which
they photographed themselves, young,
fresh-faced and smiling, with signs pinned
to their suits that read “George the c***”
and “Gilbert the shit”, a pre-emptive strike
at the critics who, they thought, might
soon say as much. They have revelled in
shocking, outraging and delighting — and
sometimes all three at once — for more
than 50 years.
royalists. What did
you think we were?
Weird or something?’
tal themes. “Death, hope, life, fear, sex,
money, race, shitty,” they chime in turn.
“But the content is changing all the time
and evolving,” George continues.
“Our art is about what’s speaking to us
now. Art is the experience of being alive,”
Gilbert adds.
The first exhibition at their new centre
will be Gilbert & George: The Paradisical
Pictures. It is a series that, although shown
overseas, has never before been on display
in this country. “Most people think of Par-
adise as the after-party” George explains,
“but we are doing it for our launch.”
They don’t plan to spend a lot of time at
the centre. “We don’t want to be like some
Torquay hotel manager who wanders
around saying good morning to everyone,
clutching their hands like this,” declares
George, making a gesture akin to a syco-
phantic John Cleese in Fawlty Towers.
However, as they stroll through the
expansive, top-lit galleries, they point out
little features of note in their pictures. The
cobnuts they found in Sloane Street on
their way to the doctors. The six-part pic-
ture that they have titled Sexpartite in the
hope that people will read it as “sex party”.
A huge luminous panel is entitled Anthers.
“There are so many questions about art, so
we thought we would give them some an-
thers,” George quips.
Do they see their new centre as their
legacy, their own Paradise in that it will
be their life after death? “Death, hope,
life, fear — it’s one of our pictures,”
Gilbert chirps.
George interrupts him. “We want to live
for ever. It’s too early to be thinking about
death,” he says — although a forthcoming
show at their London dealer, White Cube,
is titled The Corpsing Pictures and plays
heavily with images of graves, skulls
and bones.
“At the moment we only have low blood
pressure and that’s about it,” Gilbert says.
“They told me to have more salt.”
George, apparently glad of the deflec-
The Gilbert & George tion, elaborates: “The world tells you not to
Centre (gilbertand eat too much salt and yet we must eat
georgecentre.org) opens more salt.”
on April 1 at 5a Heneage I press on the idea of legacy. “We prefer
Street, London E1. the term leg-over.” George closes the con-
Gilbert & George: The versation down.
Corpsing Pictures will “Our motto is ‘next’,” Gilbert adds.
be at White Cube Mason’s “Next!” George calls.
Yard, London SW1 “They are all asking for shows,” Gilbert
(whitecube.com), from intercuts. “Next!” Yet it would seem that
Mar 29 to May 20 the new centre speaks volumes about a
royal welcome Gilbert and George inside their new London gallery. Below:
Cottage Garden, from The Paradisical Pictures, 2019
craving for recognition, a determination
not to be overlooked. They tell me at least
three times that it is the young who most
love their pieces.
They proudly pull out the proofs of a
new book about them, a dense 500-page
tome, “a strange and complicated text”
that “like everything important [is] very
complicated and very simple at the same
time”, which they have read aloud to each
other. It must have taken them months.
They read the first paragraph to me now.
Describing the dramatic and bloody shifts
that political upheavals have affected in
history, it compares them “to another al-
most unknown revolution” that took place
in the early Seventies. This, it turns out,
was the arrival of Gilbert and George.
Maybe it’s a more temporal paradise
that the artist duo desire. “Paradise is here,
it’s here,” Gilbert cries. “It’s the here and
the now,” George insists.
“This centre is not an ending, it’s only a
beginning. We are moving into our mature
period. We are so busy. We have made 80
pictures this year.”
As we leave the centre, they draw my at-
tention to the C III R inscription, written in
metal and picked out in gold leaf, on the
gates. When they designed them, it was
still E II R, “but we only had to add another
I and turn the E into a C,” George says. “We
are both great royalists. What did you
think we were? Weird or something?”
“We once waved to Charles when his
car passed down Brick Lane,” George
continues.
“And we saw the woman,” Gilbert says.
“Camilla,” George explains. “And our
local lady hostess at the Golden Heart
kissed the King’s hand.”
The pair have made a set of eight ink-
wash posters in honour of the forthcoming
coronation, which they, “like the rest of the
nation”, intend to watch on TV. “Long Live
the King”; “III cheers 4 Chas” and other
such slogans are written in blue, red and
gold on white A2 sheets. Will they donate
one to the Royal Collection?
“We wouldn’t do that,” George declares.
“We are loyal subjects. But we are not
creeps.”
I wonder if the time might have come for
them to be given a knighthood in recogni-
tion of their services to “art for everyone”.
“Everyone asks us that,” George says and
explains how they did once get a call from
the Crown Office.
It wanted to acknowledge them, appar-
ently, but because Gilbert was Italian, the
pair would have to be awarded two differ-
ent honours.
“I tried to explain that we are two
people, but one artist and that we have al-
ways created our art together,” George
says, “and the woman was obviously very
irritated by that so she said, ‘Oh well, I will
put you down as not interested then,’ and
she slammed down the phone.”
“It would be a first for two people to be
given a knighthood,” George admits.
“We don’t need that stuff,” Gilbert
says, huffily.
“We are walking on air the whole time,
we are madly excited,” George says. “And
besides, if you see the list of people who do
get awards then you really don’t want to
have one.”
So you definitely wouldn’t accept, I press
him. “I wouldn’t say that,” George says. I
think that means that they would. And
isn’t it about time?
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Hugo Rifkind on TV
It’s what ChatGPT would come
up with for a reality game show
Rise and Fall
Channel 4
Challenge Anneka
Channel 5
Yellowjackets
Paramount+
A
bout half the conversa-
tions I seem to have
these days are about
ChatGPT, the talky arti-
ficial intelligence webby
thing that everybody
says is going to take over
the world. Before long I suppose I’ll be able
to speak to ChatGPT about ChatGPT,
then after that it will be able to have these
conversations with itself, cutting me out of
the loop entirely, and I’ll be able to get on
with my life.
The main question seems to be about
whether it’s really clever or not. Can it ac-
tually create, like humans create? Or can it
just repackage the already extant detritus
of ideas gone past, bonding them in a
process of diminishing returns into ideas
that look new but aren’t? Or — and this
is where it gets thinky — might that be
precisely how most human creativity
works anyway?
All of which leads me to Rise and Fall, the
new reality TV game show on Channel 4,
which seems to be exactly what ChatGPT
would come up with if you said to it, “De-
vise a new reality TV game show for Chan-
nel 4.” It is so derivative that the very word
“derivative” does not seem to do it justice.
Part of it is The Apprentice and part of it is
Big Brother and part of it is The Traitors,
and no part of it is new at all.
We have a bunch of contestants split in-
to two groups. One group, initially the
larger, is the Grafters, people who have to
live in a cellar, eat gruel and do tasks to
earn cash for the prize pot. The other is the
Rulers, who live in a penthouse, eat well,
wear fancy clothes and are in charge of
everything. It’s sort of like Squid Game in
that regard, but nobody has to do the
dreadful acting. The main twist is that
every night the Rulers evict one of their
number and the Grafters elect somebody
to move upstairs.
Things start gently, partly because no-
body really knows what is going on.
Almost everybody is determined to be
nice, with the possible exception of a Ruler
called Ramona, who knows what she
wants and how to get it, but doesn’t know
how to button up her shirt. She talks the
same cod-business, I’m-a-winner speak as
everyone else, but seems to really mean it.
The first task, in which Grafters hold on
to wires that give them electric shocks, is
fraught, largely because their number in-
cludes a 69-year-old entrepreneur called
Jeff and there does seem to be a non-
negligible chance that these shocks might
make him die. Although I daresay the
Channel 4 lawyers have thought of that.
“I’m not liking their screams,” says one of
the Rulers, thoughtfully. It’s Ramona who
pushes them to do more than they at first
seem capable of, and everybody agrees aft-
erwards that she has shown leadership
flair. Then they kick her out, which is when
things threaten to get interesting.
Only threaten, mind you. Greg James,
best known for Radio 1, is a somewhat diffi-
dent host, hovering around at seemingly
random times, not for any clear purpose.
Some of the contestants, though, have the
potential to be reality TV gold. Prince, a
postal worker born and raised in Sierra
Leone, smiles constantly and speaks slow-
ly and extensively in a voice clearly des-
tined to be snapped up by an advertising
agency. Marina and Sophie, both very
young, are clearly Conservative MPs wait-
ing to happen, although in contrastingly
horrifying ways. Marina has bright-eyed
Liz Truss vibes and will take no prisoners.
Sophie, who is actually already a profes-
sional mad-pundit for GB News, causes a
small fight during a pet food-eating task by
slyly swapping her soup spoon for a tea-
spoon. To be fair, I can’t see ChatGPT
coming up with that.
Rise and Fall was on every night last
week and will be on most nights next week.
By now, you’ll perhaps have seen en more
gh, I can
than I have. As things stand, though,
nce’s
see patience wearing thin with Prince’s
mellifluousness and with the tend- nd-
ency of Matt, a nurse, to say “Can I
give you some feedback?” to
people in a gentle voice before
going on to say the most cutting,
bitchy thing you can imagine.
The best thing about Rise and
Fall is seeing the contestants go
from warmth to viciousness as
they attempt to learn the cruel
dynamics of their new reality in n
real time, albeit often in the man-n-
ner of a goose attempting to learn arn
about quantum theory. Even that,
though, doesn’t feel terribly new and I’m
not surprised that viewing figures res have
SIMON WEB/CHANNEL 4
ups and downs The been lacklustre. Or to put that another
contestants of Rise and way, I can absolutely see this show being a
Fall, hosted by Greg hit in other circumstances but only if those
James, centre. Below: circumstances were that it were 2006.
Anneka Rice
I was quite excited when I heard that
Challenge Anneka was coming back but
mainly because I’d confused it with Trea-
sure Hunt. That was a show, eh? Although
I’m not sure it would work now because
everything achieved back then by two
contestants in a library and Anneka Rice
in a helicopter could today be managed
by any one of us sitting on the loo with
a smartphone.
Challenge Anneka was the other one, in
which Rice donned her jumpsuit to save
the world, like a cross between Tomb Raid-
er and Alan Partridge. Week one has the
light-entertainment avenger fighting to
save Foal Farm, an animal rescue centre in
Kent. I can’t pretend to have flawless recall
of the original, but wasn’t she always sav-
ing an animal rescue centre in Kent?
Her process is much as it ever was, in-
volving her running up to local business
people and saying, “Help me, because I’m
pretty and on the telly!” And, of course,
they do.
It’s all very
v retro and wholesome. On
the site
site, volunteer builders are work-
ing tthrough the night on water-
logg
logged ground for no reward other
tha the prospect of being mildly
than
fli
flirted with. “All right, sweet,
h
how you doing?” one says to
R
Rice. “Delightful young man! I
lo that!” she trills, 1980s-ishly.
love
S
She meets many brave dogs, in-
cl
cluding a disabled one called
M
Mogwai who has lost the use of
his back legs and needs hydro-
ther
therapy. “We met Mogwai and he
was tatalking about his hydrotherapy!”
she says to the centre boss. Was he?
So infec
infectious is her energy, you can
overlook th the nonsense of doing all of this
saturday review 7
to an arbitrary deadline in the first place, or
indeed the pointlessness of having Rice
frenetically barging everywhere with a
camera (or rather, two cameras because
you need a camera to capture the camera)
constantly in the middle of it all. Even the
helicopter in the opening scene is only
there for the look of the thing because
Kent largely stays put.
Enough, though, of my contemporary
sneers about the culture of an earlier age,
not least because Rice herself is in on the
joke. “My name’s Anneka Rice from the
Challenge Anneka programme!” she says
on her first phone call. “Are you familiar
with it?” “Not . . . really?” says some baffled
millennial. “Is there anyone there,” Rice
asks, “a bit older?”
Finally, if it’s some half-baked, flashback-
heavy, schlocky US high-school horror
you’re after (and speaking personally, it
most certainly is), then allow me to re-
commend Yellowjackets on Paramount+.
Basically, it’s a Lord of the Flies story, with
the background pastoral mysticism of Lost
or The Leftovers, largely seen through the
eyes of a bunch of former schoolgirls now
in early middle age, rather in the manner
of Big Little Lies.
While you may be thinking that ChatGPT
could easily have come up with this one
too, it’s actually good.
The story is that in the distant 1990s a
small plane carrying a high-school girls’
football team crashed in the wilds of On-
tario. They were stranded there for 19
months, during which things went a bit
Blair Witch Project (feed this one into the
algorithm too). We know this from the be-
ginning of the first episode when a bunch
of teenagers in furs and warlocky balacla-
vas are seen performing some sort of can-
It’s sort of like Squid
Game, but nobody
has to do the
dreadful acting
nibalistic ritual with the corpse of a teen-
age girl they have hunted into a pit full of
spikes. Throughout the first series (avail-
able on Sky/Now; with the second series
just out on Paramount+), we never quite
see how or why things descended so far.
And I would say that there is, at worst, only
a 50 per cent chance that this is because
the scriptwriters hadn’t decided yet.
Quite a lot of Yellowjackets is set in the
1990s, before the girls get on the plane,
after it crashes, and after some of them
come home again. These multiple time-
lines are never — quite — as confusing as
they threaten to be.
The best bits of this show, though, come
with a fourth timeline, set in the present.
Here, the cast includes Melanie Lynskey,
Juliette Lewis and Christina Ricci, all play-
ing women who have never got over the
formative experiences of their teens. This
is neat and never played for the wry laugh
that it could be. Along the way, though, it
also rises out of the schlock and leaves you
thinking that maybe, and in ways we don’t
acknowledge enough, nobody ever does.
8 saturday review
exhibition
My ancestor modelled our tartan
A show dedicated to tartan and its history opens next month at
the V&A Dundee. Ben Macintyre considers its social and political
significance and investigates his family’s relationship with the cloth
T
artan is tricky. It is the
world’s most recognis-
able textile and pattern
but also a subject of in-
tense and intractable dis-
pute: a national dress and
a symbol of servitude, a
fashion staple and a political statement,
simultaneously traditional and rebellious,
uniquely Scottish but wholly inter-
national, a fabric that unites and divides.
This tangled legacy has been teased apart
by the V&A Dundee in a new exhibition
devoted to tartan: the story behind the kilt.
Some insist that tartans are the visual
index of the ancient Scottish clan system.
Others argue, just as passionately, that the
idea of clan tartans was a 19th-century
socio-political invention, and largely
bogus. A generation ago, the kilt was often
seen as posh attire for sassenachs and
foreign-born would-be Scots; today it is
practically de rigueur at Scotland rugby
matches, the chosen uniform of the Tartan
Army football supporters’ club. In some
Scottish nationalist circles it is a reminder
of colonial (English) oppression; for
others, equally nationalist, it represents
independence itself.
Tartan was banned in the 18th century
as a symbol of Jacobite sympathies. Less
than a century later it came triumphantly
back into vogue, partly thanks to one of my
Macintyre ancestors: the first, and last,
fashion model in the family.
Tartan is now ubiquitous and trans-
national, inspiring architecture, graphic
and product design, photography, furni-
ture, glass and ceramics, film and art. But
above all clothing: Chanel, Dior, Alexan-
der McQueen, Vivienne Westwood and
Comme des Garçons have all adopted and
adapted tartan in various ways, along
with contemporary designers such as
Grace Wales Bonner, Nicholas Daley and
Olubiyi Thomas.
Tartan wearers range from monarchs to
the Sex Pistols, from the Doctor in Doctor
Who to the Bay City Rollers. Idi Amin, self-
styled Last King of Scotland, went through
a tartan phase. Tartan has been deployed
for political purposes by Bonnie Prince
Charlie, George IV, Sir Walter Scott, the
Windsors, and on Nicola Sturgeon’s Covid
facemask. Hollywood dressed Mel Gibson
in tartan as William Wallace in Braveheart.
A fragment of the MacBean tartan was
carried aboard Apollo 12 by the American
astronaut Alan Bean.
I wear a kilt to weddings, christenings
and parties in Scotland. My children
started wearing kilts soon after they were
born. The kilt-over-the-nappy look is par-
ticularly endearing.
There are three different Macintyre
tartans: the dress tartan (a gaudy red); the
ancient tartan (which is no more ancient
than any other invented tartan); and the
hunting tartan (in darker green, supposed-
ly because prey was likely to spot the
brighter coloured kilt fabric and run away).
My branch of the clan wears the hunting
tartan. I have no idea why.
Some clans went a step further and
invented a “mourning” tartan, using the
existing pattern of stripes and squares but
in funereal black and white. Queen Victo-
ria’s long mourning for Prince Albert was
largely responsible for this craze.
Tartan is produced with alternating
bands of coloured thread woven at right
angles, both the warp and weft, producing
a vast number of colour combinations
and symmetrical patterns. The identifying
sequence of each individual tartan is
known as a “sett”. No one knows where
tartan began, but since the earliest and
simplest form of weaving using two col-
ours of wool produces a checked pattern, it
came from everywhere, and nowhere.
Even the origin of the word is debated. It
is probably derived from the French
tiretaine, and its Spanish equivalent tirit-
ana, meaning a blend of linen and wool.
But it may equally derive from tartarin
meaning “Tartar cloth”, suggesting inspi-
ration in central Asia, or the Gaelic word
tarsainn, meaning “across”.
“Tartan” leggings were found on a
3,000-year-old mummy in the deserts of
Xinjiang in China; he didn’t buy them in
Dundee. Today anyone can design their
own sett, and by applying to the Scottish
Tartans Authority (and paying a fee) get
it registered in the record of officially
approved tartans.
The invading Romans appear to have
encountered Highlanders wearing
brightly coloured cloth. In the 1690s
Martin Martin of Skye wrote: “The plaid
wore only by the men is made of fine wool.
It consists of divers colours: and there
is a great deal of ingenuity required in
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
sorting colours so as to be agreeable to
the nicest fancy.”
The earliest surviving Scottish example
is the Falkirk Tartan, a fragment of cloth
dating from the 3rd century AD, used as
the stopper for an earthenware vessel con-
taining a hoard of silver coins discovered
in 1934. It is more checked than tartan, two
shades of natural wool, one light brown the
other greenish, as warp and weft.
Early tartans did not denote clanship so
much as geography, the colours reflecting
whatever natural dyes were available in
the different regions of Scotland. The early
plaid, fhéilidh-Mor in Gaelic, was not a kilt
as it would be recognised today but a
length of woven cloth, some six yards long
and two wide, that was wrapped around
the body and belted at the waist, easily
converted into a rustic sleeping bag at
night. Early depictions of tartan suggest
these were worn in a profusion of different
patterns, some asymmetrical, often denot-
ing fealty to a particular overlord rather
than kinship.
It was not until the Act of Union of 1707,
uniting Scotland and England and ensur-
ing the Hanoverian succession, that tartan
turned political. Wearing the kilt became
an expression of Scottish nationalism,
Jacobite sympathy and support for the
Stuart cause. The Jacobite rebellions of
1715, 1719 and 1745 were metaphorically
and often literally clad in plaid. The tartan-
ised Bonnie Prince Charlie still found on
Scottish shortbread tins is wearing the
clothes of rebellion, a direct sartorial Stu-
art challenge to the Hanoverian dynasty.
After the Jacobite defeat at Culloden,
the Disarming Act of 1746 banned the
wearing of Highland dress, including
tartan, as part of a systematic attempt to
eradicate remaining opposition to English
rule. Some were exempt from the ban,
notably the Highland regiments of the
British army raised by the Hanoverian
crown. Tartan went underground: Jacobite
sympathisers still wore it, and secretly
had themselves painted wearing it.
Confusingly, the fabric became a
symbol of both repression and
rebellion, depending on the sym-
pathies of the wearer.
But in 1822, less than 80 check mate Left:f
years after it was outlawed, Ben Macintyre and,
tartan came back with a above, a portrait of
flourish, with the help of Sir Peter Macintyre in the
Walter Scott, George IV family tartan. Far left:
and, in a small but signifi- a Farquharson tartan
cant way, my ancestor outfit in the V&A
Peter Macintyre. Dundee exhibition
George IV’s state visit
to Edinburgh in 1822
marked the first time a
Hanoverian monarch had
set foot in Scotland since
the uprisings. A show of
national unity was called for,
a demonstration that the
Scots were snappy dressers, not
mere savages; the person
chosen to stage-manage this
display was Scott, bestselling
novelist, president of the
Celtic Society, and the in-
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
when George IV came to town
Peter Macintyre got
kitted out head to
foot in an outfit he’d
never worn before
ventor of a romantic conception of Scot-
land that persists today.
Aided by his technical adviser, Colonel
David Stewart of Garth, Scott put on a
dazzling tartan extravaganza. As Jonathan
Faiers, a professor of fashion thinking at
Southampton University and consultant
to the exhibition, puts it in his book
Tartan, Scott “consciously used tartan as a
primary visual component of a series of
spectacular tableaux that succeeded in
expressing, via clothing, a counterfeit
connection between the Celtic Royal
Houses of Scotland and the English Hano-
verian line”. The chiefs and their clansmen
were encouraged to turn out in full High-
land regalia, “all plaided and plumed in
their tartan array”.
The king himself was upholstered in
what became known as Royal Stewart
tartan. And the person deputed to greet
His Majesty formally on landing at Leith
was the leader of the Drummond High-
landers, Peter Macintyre.
For this purpose Macintyre got himself
kitted out head to foot in an outfit he had
surely never worn before: tartan kilt, jack-
et, socks, a bonnet with an eagle’s feather,
and armed to the teeth with sword, dirk,
shield and pistol. Even his sporran top and
garter flashes are in matching, hi-vis scar-
let. No subdued hunting tartan for this
Macintyre. You can see him in most paint-
ings of the event, a bright red figure in
peacock plumage stationed immediately
behind the king.
saturday review 9
royal lines The Queen’s bedroom at Balmoral with its tartan carpet. Below: the
design was appropriated by punks who wore Dr Martens boots in red tartan
Soon after the event, Macintyre was times. Even Walter Scott, while
painted in his finery by the portrait artist avid for all forms of an imaginary Scottish
James Ramsay, on a vast canvas some 15ft past, pointed out that the “idea of
high and 6ft across: a poster boy for the distinguishing the clans by their tartans
new tartan fashion. is but a fashion of modern date”.
Tartan became trendy. By the With typical acidity, the historian
mid-century, a vast assortment of Hugh Trevor-Roper later described
tartans were Vestiarium Scoticum as “shot
being created through with pure fantasy
and artificial- and bare-faced forgery”.
ly linked with But the idea of clan-
Scottish clans, based tartans took
families, individ- permanent root.
uals or institu- Demand for tartan
tions who were exploded, and
(or wished to be ignited a tartan
seen as) asso- taxonomy craze
ciated with a glo- among Victori-
rious and colour- ans, with new
ful Scottish heri- chemical dyes,
tage. romantic leg-
The most influen- ends from Scot-
tial promoters of the tish history and a taste
supposed links between for social and familial dis-
specific tartans and the an- tinctions.
cient clans were the Sobieski Stuart The German Prince Albert of
brothers, who arrived in Scotland in the Saxe-Coburg and Gotha had a particularly
1830s and set up their own Jacobite court, acute case of tartanophilia. Queen Victo-
claiming to be the grandsons of Charles ria’s consort invented the Balmoral
Edward Stuart, the Young Pretender. tartan, still worn by the royal family, and
In 1842 they published the Vestiarium decked out the castle in no fewer than
Scoticum based on an ancient manu- three (clashing) tartans: Royal Stewart and
script and describing, in elaborate the green Hunting Stewart tartans for
detail, the historical anteced- carpets, and Dress Stewart for curtains
ents of the various tartans and upholstery.
don’t be dating back to 1571. There is still a certain sort of lip-curling
a square The Sobieski Stuarts were Englishman, like Trevor-Roper, who can-
Drag queen fabulous frauds. They were not resist pointing out that tartan kilt-
Cheddar Englishmen from Egham in wearing is an invented Victorian fad; but
Gorgeous.
Right: a silk
Surrey, the sons of a Royal
Navy officer named Thomas
that is to be blind to the power of myths, of
which the Scots have many and the
dress for Allen. Their book of tartans English not enough. As Kirsty Hassard,
Queen was a strange mixture of the curator of the V&A exhibition, points
Alexandra make-believe, deliberate out: “The meaning of tartan is in the eye of
fakery and genuine the beholder.”
scholarship. They may Peter Macintyre rolled up his painting
not have been brothers a few years after it was finished and
but lovers, a pair of departed for Australia, never to return.
gay Victorian fashionis- I recently visited my cousins at their
tas from Surrey who sheep station in New South Wales,
spotted in tartan a where the original portrait still hangs:
golden commercial a long-forgotten 18th-century fashion
opportunity. plate to which every tartan-wearing
The claims of the punk and tweed-clad royal owes a
Sobieski Stuarts were small debt.
comprehensively de- Tartan is at V&A Dundee from April 1
bunked during their life- to January 14, 2024
10 saturday review
television
She’s electric!
Meet the star
of The Power
Ria Zmitrowicz tells Anne Joseph about the
TV drama in which girls have electrical might
R
ia Zmitrowicz has a ter-
rifying scream. It wells
up deep inside her and,
when released, is deliv-
ered with force. Fortu-
nately, she is not
screaming at me when
we meet, but there are many moments
when the actress does — to formidable
effect — in The Power, Amazon’s forth-
coming television series.
Adapted from Naomi Alderman’s 2016
book of the same name, The Power is set in
a world in which teenage girls discover
they have the power to release high-volt-
age electricity from their hands, some-
times with devastating consequences.
Modern civilisation is transformed,
established gender roles and norms are
reversed and a matriarchy emerges. Zmit-
rowicz, 32, plays Roxy Monke, the teenage
daughter of a London crime boss (played
by Eddie Marsan), who wants revenge
after witnessing her mother’s murder.
Fiery, tough and unpredictable, she is frus-
trated by her father’s refusal to allow her to
join the male-dominated family business
and decides, quite literally, to take matters
into her own hands.
“I think Roxy has got really wild energy,
and I hadn’t read a part like that before,”
Zmitrowicz says, while sipping mint tea in
a north London brasserie. “She has loads
of humour and heart and does question-
able things, but you can’t help but root for
her.” And what about that scream? “Roxy
has a lot of pent-up anger from her grief
and the screaming is where her power
comes from,” she says with a grin. “It felt
liberating, definitely.”
Zmitrowicz read Alderman’s novel when
she was auditioning for the part and loved
it. “It blew my mind. Naomi Alderman is
such a visionary and writes really complex,
three-dimensional female characters.”
The actress recalls receiving a WhatsApp
message from her cousin when The Power
was published, telling her that if it was ever
made into a TV show, she had to play Roxy.
“She said, ‘I’m reading it with you in mind.’
And then I got the part four years later.”
As the series’ creative lead and one of its
executive producers, Alderman was on set
a few times. “It was cool to work with her,”
Zmitrowicz says. “Obviously, she made up
this world so she can talk endlessly about
it, which is great because you’re, like, ‘Fill
me up with all the knowledge that I need.’”
The team of writers for the nine episodes
was all female, so they lent an authenticity
to the piece, she says. “Women telling
women’s stories.” But it has taken a few
years to get to this point.
A casualty of the pandemic, filming was
delayed, then the show was subject to loca-
tion and cast changes: Josh Charles took
over from Tim Robbins as Governor Dan-
iel Dandon and, at the last minute, Toni
Collette replaced Leslie Mann as the
mayor of Seattle, Margot Cleary-Lopez.
This month it was announced that the
Emmy award-winning director Reed
Morano (The Handmaid’s Tale), who had
been involved with the project from its
early stages, had left as director and execu-
tive producer due to creative differences,
requesting her name be removed from the
credits. What impact did these
changes have?
“One of the big things
was waiting around d for
t,”
the filming to start,”
Zmitrowicz says..
She also had to
adapt to working
with two differ-
ent directors
over the course
of a day. “Usually,
you do a block
with a director and
you get into a
rhythm of working ing
with them and their
style. But for this, it was a
huge collaboration. n. So, we
might have worked ed with Shannon
[Murphy] in the morning, who I felt helped
me find Roxy’s feral energy, and then in the
afternoon with maybe Ugla [Hauksdottir],
who was very good at helping me access
what was going on internally and psycho-
logically for Roxy. It was a bit of a boot-
camp in acting, but hopefully it makes for
a more nuanced show.”
We’re speaking the day after the cast
gathered to see the series together. Watch-
ing it, Zmitrowicz felt a sense of catharsis.
“It’s about women gaining autonomy over
their own bodies. I think we live with so
much fear, always thinking about our
route home at night, not jogging with
headphones on and things like that.” She
refers to a line from one of the other teen-
age characters, Jos Cleary-Lopez (Mayor
Cleary-Lopez’s daughter), played by Auli’i
Cravalho, who acknowledges that fear but
says she now feels a hundred times strong-
er. “There’s a real feeling of revolution in
the first series [they plan to make five sea-
sons], which is exciting.”
As empowering as it sounds, the girls’
power also causes terror and suspicion.
Political leaders describe the girls as ter-
rorists, parents accuse teachers of treating
their children like criminals, and chaos
a
and violence
e
erupt against
yyoung women on
th
the streets of
Ri
Riyadh. The scenes
set in Saudi Arabia
evok
evoke an uneasy con-
tempo
temporary parallel, I
suggest
suggest, as they appear
iin
tto
o echo last
la year’s protests
n Iran, which took place after
M ahsa Amini’s death aat the hands of the
Mahsa
morality police for allegedly breaching the
country’s Islamic dress code for women.
Zmitrowicz agrees. “When something
takes so long to make, there’s a danger
that it’s going to become irrelevant . . . but
sadly, I think the show has become more
relevant.”
Zmitrowicz has worked steadily on stage
and screen for the past 13 years. Her
theatre credits include God’s Property,
Three Sisters, The Crucible, Dance Nation
and she appeared in the ITV series Mr Self-
ridge, as well as the films Entebbe, Teen
Spirit and Misbehaviour. But her big break
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
PA/ALAMY; LUDOVIC ROBERT/PRIME VIDEO
buzzing Ria Zmitrowicz. came in 2018, when she won a Bafta Break-
Left: in Three Girls. through Brit award for her role in the BBC
Below: with Eddie series Three Girls, as one of the victims of
Marsan in The Power the grooming and sexual abuse scandal
in Rochdale, playing alongside Maxine
Peake. A WhatsOnStage award followed
in 2020 for The Doctor at the Almeida, in
which she starred opposite Juliet Steven-
son. “I feel really lucky to have worked
‘It’s about with both of them,” she says.
Born in Spain, Zmitrowicz moved to the
women UK as a baby and grew up in Surrey and
Hampshire. From a young age she knew
gaining she wanted to act and started out perform-
autonomy ing in school plays and in an amateur
dramatics group, only to be joined by her
over their mother. “She used to just drop me off and
then she began to get small parts in the
bodies. We productions and before you knew it, was
live with so playing the lead.”
Zmitrowicz joined the National Youth
much fear’ Theatre at 15 and, despite trying for four
years to get into drama school, her applica-
tions were unsuccessful. But this does not
seem to have hampered her. “I did quite
small roles, toured regionally and learnt
the ropes that way.” Her advice to aspiring
actors is clear. “Don’t be held you back if
you don’t get into drama school. You can
learn on the job as well.”
Zmitrowicz is not working at present.
Instead, she is spending her time going to
the theatre, watching the reality TV series
Below Deck and eagerly waiting for the
reaction to The Power. Her hope is that the
series will appeal to a broad audience; it is
a show for men as well as women, she says.
“We all live in a system of power, so it’s
relevant for everyone.”
The Power streams on Amazon Prime
Video from Friday
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
television
Rivals is back — please don’t ruin it
Jilly Cooper’s classic
bonkbuster is being
rebooted. Hilary Rose
is delighted — but
also a little concerned
T
here are three things all
sensible people, by which
I mean me, will do at the
news of a Disney+ TV ad-
aptation of Jilly Cooper’s
classic novel, Rivals. The
first is to punch the air
and shout, “Hurrah!” The second is to find
out who’s playing Rupert Campbell-Black.
And the third is to worry that they’ll mess
it up like they always do. What is it about
Cooper’s books that gets lost in translation
to the small screen? The haters would
argue that it’s most of the premise and all
of the language. True believers counter
that it’s the wit and the fun, the innocent
1980s delight in shagging other people’s
wives, behaving atrociously, acting and
speaking with blithe disregard for 21st-
century mores and getting pissed at lunch-
time. Those were the days.
Rivals is the second of the Rutshire
Chronicles, bookended by Riders and Polo,
It’s 700 brisk pages
of terrible puns and
un-PC love, hate, sex,
scandal and triumph
and was published in 1988. Set in the world
of TV, it’s vintage Cooper: a raised-gold-
letters-on-the-cover bonkbuster, and a
page-turner about the rivalry between two
men, Rupert Campbell-Black and Tony
Baddingham. If you want uplifting life les-
sons and motivational quotes, this is not
for you. If you’ve never heard of Rupert
Campbell-Black, I wash my hands of you.
But if you want to laugh and occasionally
groan at 700 brisk pages of terrible puns
and extremely un-PC love, hate, sex, scan-
dal, failure and triumph, off you go. You’re
welcome.
As far as I can tell, and don’t shoot me if
I’m wrong, Rivals has never been adapted
for TV before. This makes it unlike Riders,
which became a TV film in 1993, and a later
shire pleasure Jilly book, The Man Who Made Husbands Jeal-
Cooper, centre, with the ous, which was made into a miniseries in
cast from Rivals: Alex 1997. From memory, neither made much
Hassell, Danny Dyer, of a splash, although should you want to
David Tennant and
Aidan Turner. Below:
know what a very young Hugh Bonneville
looks like — and if so, you really should get
Marcus Gilbert and out more — the latter is at least instructive,
Cecile Paoli in the if not particularly entertaining.
1993 ITV adaptation Anyway, when it was announced last
summer that Disney had bought the
rights, they promised to bring “a 2020s lens
to the 1980s”. Disney described the book as
a “joyously mischievous roll-
ercoaster ride, steamy in its
love stories and packed with
larger-than-life characters”,
which is true enough. Omi-
nously, it added: “Yet beneath
the spectacle and fun, the
series . . . offers a raw explora-
tion of a complicated moment
in British history when class,
race, sex, wealth and sexual
liberation meant that, for the
very privileged few, there were
no limits to what they could
achieve.” Which is a worry and
also doesn’t really mean very much. ch Must
we look beneath the spectacle and fun?
Can’t we just leave it at that? Do things
have to get complicated, even in Rutshire?
I feared the worst.
But fast forward to this week and we
have the exciting news that the eight-part
series is now in production, right here in
the UK. The newly announced cast and
crew are both stellar and encouraging.
Cooper isn’t kidding when she describes it
as “some of the best acting talent that the
British Isles has to offer”. David Tennant is
playing Tony Baddingham, chairman of
Corinium Television and a wealthy aristo-
crat with a loyal wife and demanding mis-
tress. He opens the novel sitting in the
Concorde lounge at Heathrow glowering
at his great rival Rupert Campbell-Black,
who is checking in. “He was scribbling his
signature with one hand and holding firm-
ly on to a rather grubby but none-the-less
ravishing girl with the other,” Cooper
writes. Page one done, scene set. Aidan
Turner — Poldark, no less — will play De-
clan O’Hara, which is perfect casting as
the huge TV star with a huge
t
temper and a grudge against
B
Baddingham. Victoria Smurfit
s
should be great as
h wife. Nafessa Williams, of
his
t recent Whitney Houston
the
b
biopic, also sounds spot-on
a Cameron Cook, the sexy
as
A
American TV executive who’s
i bed with Baddingham by
in
c
chapter three. “Who was
t
that?” says his mistress when
s calls at an inconvenient
she
a delicate moment. “Your
and
s
successor,” comes the reply.
Thi is
This i a world where rich men travel
by helicopter, randy men say, “Calèche? I
adore it. Do you wear it all over?” and a
long-suffering wife complains that “a man
from the electricity board has been rabbit-
ing on like Mr Darcy about the inferiority
of our connections”. When the hot water
runs out in the O’Hara household, Taggie,
Declan O’Hara’s daughter, asks RCB if she
can bring her sister over to have a bath. “Of
course,” he replies, “as long as we can all
have it together.”
Danny Dyer will no doubt do his best to
steal the show as the loveable millionaire
saturday review 11
DISNEY; ITV/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
I googled Alex
Hassell and groaned.
Oh no, that’s not
Rupert, it’s Mr Darcy
Freddie Jones, and Bella Maclean from Sex
Education seems ideal as Taggie, who is —
spoiler alert — the future wife of Rupert
Campbell-Black. It bodes well that Do-
minic Treadwell-Collins, who has worked
on EastEnders and A Very English Scandal,
is on the writing and production team.
Felicity Blunt, Cooper’s literary agent, is an
executive producer, and Cooper also gets
an exec producer role, something she
acknowledges in typically excitable style.
Now aged 86, she has lost none of her
enthusiasm. She is, she says, “utterly en-
chanted” with the cast and “couldn’t have
dreamt of a better ensemble . . . I cannot
wait to be on set and see them bring the
characters I love so much to life”.
The actor who is to play RCB will, she
added, “perfectly embody my all-time
hero, the iconic, racy, ruthless and devas-
tatingly handsome Rupert Campbell-
Black. Viewers are in for a treat!” Which
brings me to the bit I’ve been putting off to
the end. It’s the actor who’s playing Rupert
Campbell-Black, you see. Look, I hope I’m
wrong about this. If Jilly thinks he’s per-
fect, then who am I to argue? But I googled
Alex Hassell just now and I groaned. Oh
no, I thought. That’s Mr Darcy, not RCB.
Too dark, too brooding. I leave you with
three words: Rupert Penry-Jones. It
should have been him. Next time, they
should ask me.
12 saturday review Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

pop
Uncancelled, but is
Ryan Adams forgiven?
The star returns to

W
hen Ryan Adams questions about his forthcoming tour. “It’s
walks on stage in just a lovely place to share songs and I love
the UK for his first Newcastle on to feel the vibes in old theatres and operas
Holy Saturday, — the audience all breathe differently in
performance here his audience can each place.
since his 2019 expect a three- “I love to be there, in mid-song, dream-
hour solo show of ing a collective dream of the story of a
tour was called off fan favourites, new songs from his 2022 song. There’s not much quite like that. It’s
amid allegations of quartet of albums and covers of Bob Dylan,
Bruce Springsteen and Oasis. “I don’t pre-
like being at the movies, but they’re the
movie I’m in and I’m the movie they’re
sexual exploitation. pare for shows, I just show up as I am, I in — and we’re all in a movie. Maybe God
work with what I have that day and I walk is watching.”
Sean O’Neill reports on stage exactly myself and get it done,” The singer, songwriter, poet and pro-
Adams, 48, tells me in written answers to ducer has released 24 studio albums, been
nominated for seven Grammys (and one
Brit) and won past plaudits from Noel Gal-
lagher, Taylor Swift and Elton John, who
called him the “fabulous one”.
Yet this tour is not routine. The opening
gig in Newcastle will be Adams’s first per-
formance in the UK since 2019 when, on
the eve of a tour that would have included
the Royal Albert Hall, The New York
Times reported allegations from seven
women that he sexually exploited and
controlled young female musicians under
the guise of mentoring.
Those accusing Adams included his ex-
wife, the singer and actress Mandy Moore,
and Phoebe Bridgers, who had a short re-
lationship with him when she was aged 20
and a rising star and he was 20 years older.
Moore, who was married to Adams for six
years, said “music was a point of control”
and accused him of preventing her from
making new connections in the industry.
The New York Times claimed that Ad-
ams’s interest in Bridgers became “obses-
sive and emotionally abusive”. She later re-
vealed that her hit song Motion Sickness
was about him; the opening line is: “I
hate you for what you did.”
Most damaging were allegations that
Adams sent sexually explicit texts to an
underage girl. An FBI investigation
concluded that the girl had not been
truthful about her age when talking to
Adams. The bureau closed the case in
a few months without needing to in-
terview Adams and no charges were
brought, but the stigma of the
allegation has lingered.
Adams was already notorious for
his volatility and drug and alcohol ex-
cesses. In 2001 Rolling Stone maga-
zine described him as “too prolific, a
drunk, a mess, a shambles, a control
freak, a genius”.
On top of all that, in 2019 he became
emblematic of the music industry’s #Me-
Too problem. He found himself cancelled:
the UK tour was abandoned before it got
under way, a record distribution deal for
three albums was put on hold and friends
and collaborators turned their backs on
him. The musician — whose first solo al-
bum, Heartbreaker, with its pared-back
ballads of love, pain and self-destruction, is
regarded as one of the greatest Americana
albums — was suddenly untouchable.
When his cancellation was swiftly fol-
lowed by the Covid-19 lockdown, it
seemed Adams’s career would never re-
cover. Like the character in one of his best-
known songs, Oh My Sweet Carolina, he
comeback Ryan Adams had “ended up with pockets full of dust”.
on stage in 2014. Right: Four years later, however, the uncancella-
with Mandy Moore, 2010. tion of Ryan Adams is happening at
Below: Phoebe Bridgers pace, the phenomenon driven by the
power of Instagram, some astute artist
management and the waning influence of
#MeToo, especially in the aftermath of
Johnny Depp’s US court victory over Am-
ber Heard. Adams, who has appeared on
stage with Depp, responded to the actor’s
Instagram post about winning the court
case with congratulatory emojis.
During his isolation, Instagram became
the mechanism by which Adams main-
tained direct communication with a loyal
fanbase. He checks in regularly with his
108,000 followers, posting news of his four
cats and updates on his struggles with the
inner ear disorder Ménière’s disease. A
constant theme is the “love affair with
sobriety” he believes has changed him for
the better and for which he thanks his
sister, Courtney.
When no promoter would come near
him, Adams played online for his fans. He
is prolific in his writing and recording, and
his social media feed for the past few
months has been crammed with snippets
of classic albums he has decided to re-
record, including Blood on the Tracks,
Nebraska, (What’s the Story?) Morning
Glory and Never Mind the Bollocks. In the
absence of drugs and alcohol, he writes
that his output is fuelled by caffeine:
“Music is magic, but coffee is magic too.”
The fan response on Instagram encour-
aged his new management to get him back
on stage. It booked Carnegie Hall, where
Adams had previously recorded a cele-
brated live album, sold 2,700 tickets to the
fanbase for one night in May last year and
didn’t tell the press. “The idea was to put a
toe in the water, but at the same time to
make a statement rather than playing to
500 people in the middle of nowhere,” says
Richard Jones of Key Music Management,
Adams’s British manager. “When Carne-
gie Hall sold out immediately we added
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
JIM DYSON/WIREIMAGE/GETTY IMAGES
five other sho
showss and
d th
they all
ll d
did amazing.
It was a real statement, but it also wasn’t
meant to be arrogant in any way — it was
just for his fans who wanted to see him.
Then all the promoters came in with offer
after offer.”
A four-track EP compiled from the Car-
negie Hall show has recently been re-
leased, with Adams’s Instagram account
hailing it as “a sampler of Ryan’s trium-
phant NYC show”. Jones says a condition
of his agreement to manage Adams was
that the artist stayed sober. Another key
seems to be carefully controlling Adams’s
contact with the media.
When no promoter
would come near
him, Adams played
online for his fans
The singer’s initial responses to the New
York Times investigation were angry and
confrontational. He tweeted that the cov-
erage was “upsettingly inaccurate”. He
hired the go-to lawyer for #MeToo cases,
Andrew Brettler, who also represented
Prince Andrew. Along the way, Adams lost
his female manager. There were leaked
text messages between the pair in which
he raged: “I want my career back — I’m not
interested in this healing crap.”
In summer 2020 he penned a blanket
apology on MailOnline without identify-
ing anything he had done wrong: “All I can
say is that I’m sorry. It’s that simple. This
period of isolation and reflection made me
realise that I needed to make significant
changes in my life . . . I hope that the people
I have hurt will heal. And I hope that they
will find a way to forgive me.”
But the next year, in a face-to-face inter-
view with Los Angeles Magazine, he ap-
peared to be in self-pitying mode. “I felt
like they were asking me to die. I’m losing
my life’s work, and my dream of who I am,
my ability to provide for myself. And I now
don’t have the emotional support to help
fix this. The door has slammed and what
am I going to do?”
One woman said after that interview:
“I hope Ryan comes to the realisation
that an apology should contain accounta-
bility. I look forward to the day I’m able to
receive that.”
Adams declined a face-to-face interview
with The Times, but agreed to answer
questions via email. It is far from ideal —
the interviewer cannot sense hesitation or
nuance or anger, cannot jump in with a
follow-up question, cannot read body lan-
guage or facial expressions.
His written responses to questions
about how the New York Times coverage
led to him becoming an outcast suggest
that he is still resentful. He references, as
he has on Instagram and in his
m
music, the impact of the death in
2
2017 of his elder brother, Chris.
A
Adams writes that he “truly fell
a
apart” over losing someone so
c
close and inspirational.
He adds: “When my brother
d on the last day of the last tour
died
I did before all that [the NYT
s
story] I remember a lot of people
w later I would never speak to
who
a
again or hear from again tell me
t
they loved me and knew that a
p of me would be missing for
part
a long as I lived.
as
“All I have to say is, empathy
i not a part-time gig . . . I will
is
a
always be on the side of people
w offer a hand down if some-
who
o has fallen. I will always be
one
t
that person and I have always
b
been that person. But as a recov-
ering alcoholic I understand that I had to
be that person for myself too.”
Jones says Adams knows he behaved
wrongly, but still rankles at what he feels
were inaccuracies in the reporting. “He’s
not denying, but he’s not getting into it,”
Jones says. “He’s learnt, particularly from
being sober, you have to accept what’s hap-
pened and learn from it and try to build
yourself up to be a better person.
“He does feel misjudged and that a lot
of things were inaccurate and wrong, but
you can’t obsess about those otherwise
you can’t progress as a person. That’s
his main thing, constantly trying to be a
better person.”
A year ago promoters were reticent
about booking Adams; now they are call-
ing from all over the world. He will arrive
in Britain after a string of shows across the
US; his London Palladium gig sold out
long ago. A tour with his reassembled
band, the Cardinals, will follow and a new
Cardinals album is planned. Adams writes:
“Being free from the old traditional re-
strictions of major labels has given me
complete creative freedom.”
The cover versions keep coming. Ad-
ams’s take on (What’s the Story?) Morning
Glory is likely to be released as a free down-
load to coincide with his arrival in the UK.
“We don’t believe in cancellation,” Jones
says. “Everyone deserves a second chance
to improve themselves as a person.” Whe-
ther motivated by redemption, rehabilita-
tion or revenge — or a cocktail of all three
— Adams is seizing that second chance.
saturday review 13
Adele makes her move
KEVIN MAZUR/GETTY IMAGES FOR AD
As the singer’s Vegas
residency comes to
a close tonight,
Ed Potton considers
what lies ahead
s her breathless new Netflix
A documentary, 30 Greatest
Moments, reminds us, Adele’s
career has been full of drama-
tic staging posts. There has
been a stream of huge songs (Hometown
Glory, Someone Like You, Hello, Easy on
Me), awards (Brits, Grammys, an Oscar, an
Emmy), performances (the Brits in 2011,
Glastonbury in 2016, James Corden’s car
in the same year) and personal upheavals
(marriage, motherhood, divorce, a poss-
ible engagement to the American sports
agent Rich Paul).
Now, with her lavishly acclaimed, pow-
erfully lucrative four-month residency in
Las Vegas set to end tonight, there is open
road ahead of her. Where could it lead? To
an Egot, perhaps? Only 18 people have
won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar and a
Tony, and Adele, 34, is three quarters of
the way there, having taken home her first
Emmy last year for One Night Only, a TV
concert recorded at Griffith Observatory
in Los Angeles. “Trust me to officially have
an EGO!” she said — completing the set wearing a whopper of a diamond on her
has clearly crossed her mind. The one she ‘I’m a finger. Maybe not quite yet, though. “I’m
is missing is a Tony. Could she appear in a not engaged. I just love high-end jewellery,
Broadway musical, write songs for one or
homemaker boy,” she recently told Elle magazine,
base a show on her music? Those lush yet and a and while performing Rumour Has It in
vulnerable vocals are suited to that world. Vegas last week she muttered, “So many
“The dramatic mini-narratives within a matriarch rumours,” which some took as a rebuttal of
lot of her songs do seem ripe for the stage,” the baby talk. Not that she’s been reticent
says Paul Stokes, a music journalist. “With
and a stable about Paul. “I’ve never been in love like
so many other artists’ catalogues ending life helps this. I’m obsessed with him. I definitely
up in the West End, I wouldn’t bet against want more kids. I’m a homemaker and I’m
the curtain going up on Chasing Pave- me with a matriarch, and a stable life helps me with
ments: The Musical, or the like, in the next
few years.” Or could Adele follow Lady
my music’ my music,” she told Elle. Asked if she’d
marry again, she replied: “Yes, absolutely.”
Gaga and Taylor Swift into movie acting? Talking of stability, being based in Las
She has Hollywood connections, with Vegas has clearly suited Adele. Yes, the res-
friends including Jennifer Lawrence and idency at Caesars Palace got off to a shaky
Emma Stone, although she’s more likely start when she cancelled the first run,
to do a song for a film. Skyfall, her Shirley having apparently hated Es Devlin’s initial
Bassey-esque Bond theme, did pretty well, stage set with its swimming pool. “Baggy
winning an Oscar and a Golden Globe. showgirl Adele old pond,” she reportedly called it. Yet the
Also missing from her CV is a big collab- performing at Caesars advantages of living in a secluded luxury
oration. Elton John has duetted with Dua Palace, Las Vegas bungalow over the stresses of touring are
Lipa, Swift with Ed Sheeran and Gaga with in November 2022. obvious for a woman with a ten-year-old
Beyoncé, but the best we have had from Below: with her son, Angelo. Rumour has it she has been
Adele are low-key appearances with the partner, Rich Paul offered £1 million a show to extend a run in
Raconteurs and Daniel Merriweather — g , double what she has been earning,
Vegas,
remember him? although tthere are whispers of sales slow-
While a new album may be somee way
uld
off, “the right feature slot or duet would
ing in recent
re weeks and seat fillers being
used. That wouldn’t be a surprise given
be a global event”, Stokes says. Failingg how expensive tickets are. Many
that, how about being sampled by a cos
cost thousands of pounds, with one
superstar rapper? “There has never pa
package, which included Formula 1
been a definitive, official Adele
sample, and knowing hip-hop
ti
tickets and a 24-hour butler, said
to be going for £4 million.
producers’ love of a good chorus Stokes says he can see her do-
I would guess there have been in
ing “stripped-backed, less Vegas-y
plenty of requests,” Stokes says. bu
but still very exclusive residencies
Adele is good friends with Drake, in cities around the globe before
who worked wonders with Timmyy play
playing a couple of select festival
Thomas’s Why Can’t We Live To- head
headline slots next summer. Glaston-
gether? on Hotline Bling. Could he do o the b ury did
bury d recently say they have two
same with, say, Rolling in the Deep? Could ffemale
emale bi bill-toppers booked for 2024, and
Adele even be persuaded to rap? Her er ren- as it was a career high for her in 2016, you
dition of the Nicki Minaj bit on Kanye never kno know.” One show she won’t be play-
West’s Monster on Carpool Karaoke k sug-
s iing is th
the coronation concert — she’s busy,
gests she has serious rhyming chops. it seems. This queen don’t need no king.
There is also talk of a pregnancy and a Adele: 30 Greatest Moments is
summer wedding to Paul — she has been available on Netflix
14 saturday review
my culture fix
The poet’s cultural life revealed
Kae
Tempest
My favourite author or book
There are a few I always return to: James
Joyce, James Baldwin, Carson McCullers,
Patrick Hamilton, Leslie Feinberg,
Roberto Bolaño, Charles Bukowski.
The book I’m reading
I’m usually reading at least six or seven
books at once. At the moment it’s The
Dawn of Everything: A New History of
Humanity by David Graeber and David
Wengrow. I read it slowly, maybe for an
hour or two, then nothing for a week.
Hangover Square by Patrick Hamilton
I’m reading with my partner — she’s an
actor and has the most beautiful voice
I’ve heard; she brings every character to
life. Also Scattered Minds: The Origins
and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder
by Gabor Maté, which is brilliant. And
John Fante’s Ask the Dust, which is like
a direct route to the desolation of 1930s
LA. I’m reading Blake, a biography of
William Blake by Peter Ackroyd, too.
It’s so good at 18th-century London.
The book I couldn’t finish
I’ve been reading Ulysses for 15 years.
I don’t think you’re supposed to finish
it. Or if you are, I can’t see a time when
I will. I pick it up, read it for a bit, my
brain explodes, then I put it back down
and think about it for another year.
My favourite play
Jez Butterworth’s Jerusalem was life-
changing. Also Beckett’s Endgame was
my first experience of feeling like the
play was speaking directly to me; it
was me and that play, eye to eye in a
different dimension. A play I’ve never
seen but whose story I love is Martin
McDonagh’s The Beauty Queen of
Leenane. I’ve read it so many times I
can’t imagine watching a staging of it.
The box set that I’m hooked on
Recently I discovered The Leftovers. The
premise is that 140 million people just
disappear one day. They just vanish in
the middle of whatever they are doing.
The drama explores what the world does
in the wake of an event beyond anyone’s
comprehension. Life loses meaning.
Cults emerge. People do their best to
carry on. It is incredible writing.
The last piece of music that made
me cry
Bonnie Raitt’s Just Like That — because
of the song and because of her vocals
and because I was lying in bed in the
morning and the light [was shining]
through the windows.
The last film that made me laugh
Probably Ant-Man. I watched it by
accident on a long drive in the tour bus,
then watched the sequel straight after.
The instrument I played
I played Spanish-style finger-picked
guitar. It’s actually what got me into the
Brit School as a teenager — I auditioned
as a guitarist. But when I discovered
lyricism, it took over. Everything else
disappeared. I haven’t played in years.
The instrument I wish I’d learnt
I wish I’d had drum lessons. I love
playing the drum kit. I’ve got two basic
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
ANA BLUMENKRON
beats that I take any opportunity to looking for love The the light in them, it makes It’s bizarre. A
And somehow
smash out, to everyone else’s dismay. participants of Dated and her well up, and shehe I managed to watch the
I love rapping while I’m playing the kit, Related. Below: Dancers ooks
gasps when she looks whole sseries.
it’s so exciting because the hands, the Practicing at the Barre at pictures of them.m.
feet, the mouth, the mind are all doing by Edgar Degas, 1877. It would make herr I’m having a
different things, and you feel this Right: Lindsay Duncan so happy to look fan
fantasy dinner
incredible split in your consciousness as in The Leftovers at one of them pa
party, I’ll invite
you play the beat and get the words out. for hours and th
these artists
It’s so cool. But I’m so bad at it. hours on end. an authors…
and
But I couldn’t B
Billie Holiday,
The music that cheers me up own a painting 2P Leslie
2Pac,
Dub cheers me up, makes me feel safe like that. It Fe
Feinberg, Haile
and relaxed. A recording of a Jah Shaka would have to be Sel
Selassie, James
set would cheer me right up. Also power in a gallery for Joyc Édith
Joyce,
ballads. I love big, dramatic songs, everyone else to Piaf,f Artemisia
soaring vocals, synths. And I love see. So maybe it’s Gentile
Gentileschi, Alice
soul music. The more powerful and better to say that if I Coltrane Kathy Acker,
Coltrane,
devastating the performance, the more inting I’d
could own one painting Jesus, ODB, David Bowie,
comforted and connected I feel. me’s worth of
swap it for a lifetime’s th Dalai Lama,
Nina Simone, the
Divisible by Itself and egas exhibition in the
tickets to every Degas M
Whitney Houston, Mary Magdalene,
If I could own one painting it would be . . . One by Kae Tempest world, plus posh hotels and fancy travel. William and Catherine Blake.
Any of Degas’ women bathing or any of will be published by Pan
his dancers because my partner is crazy Macmillan on April 27 The poem (and song) that saved me And I’ll put on this music…
about those paintings. It’s how he paints at £10.99 I’m saved by poems and songs all the I’d ask them what they’ve been listening
time. They come for me when I’m numb, to and put that on.
restless, full of despair and ground me,
give me back the world. The first time I The shows that I’m looking forward to
heard Jay Electronica’s Eternal Sunshine JID at Brixton Academy, Speakers
(The Pledge) I was in a low place. I heard Corner Quartet at Glastonbury, Lisa
that song and it was like being given O’Neill at the Barbican, Berwyn at Koko,
back vitality. I love Jay Electronica. I Fury v Usyk at Wembley Stadium.
know he’s just a human being like any
other, but the music he makes is divine. I wasted an evening watching . . .
My friend in a show called Sweet Tooth.
T place I feel happiest
The I saw him the other night at one of my
Making albums in the recording studio
M gigs and we were talking about it. I
w
with [the British producer and ended up watching most of the season
ssongwriter] Dan Carey. on a sleepy day off last weekend.
M guiltiest cultural pleasure
My The play I walked out of
I watch trash TV all the time. Sometimes If I don’t resonate with a performance
I need a fast road to thinking about and I leave at the interval, so much of
n
nothing. I’ve sunk pretty low in my that is about my own headspace and my
p
pursuit of total brain oblivion. On the own expectations, so little of it is about
l leg of the European tour for The
last the performance itself. On another night
L Is a Curve I found myself four
Line it might have engaged me differently.
e
episodes into a TV show called Dated
a Related before I even knew what I
and Underrated
was
w doing. It’s single people in a fancy Isaiah Hull, Confucius MC, CAConrad
villa
v looking for love, and their siblings — maybe not underrated, maybe
are
a with them and also looking for love. just underknown.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
interview
‘I couldn’t care
less about
the reader’
Percival Everett talks to Robbie Millen about
his latest novel, a surreal take on James Bond
‘I
was a goofy kid who liked
to read weird things — I’d
think, why isn’t everyone
else reading this? Why isn’t
everyone else in their base-
ment distilling toothpaste
for the potassium nitrate so
they can make bombs?” There can’t have
been that many 13-year-olds racing out to
buy the latest Kurt Vonnegut novel in 1970.
The goofy kid grew up, and although
Percival Everett doesn’t do odd things with
tubes of Colgate in his basement, he does
write offbeat, eccentric, weird stuff. At the
age of 66 he has found a new audience in
Britain. Last year The Trees was shortlisted
for the Booker. It was my favourite among
the six titles nominated — who wouldn’t
be charmed by a madcap tale of the dead
waking to take revenge on Mississippi red-
necks, a riff on a police procedural with
added zombies, plus a comment on Amer-
ica’s dark history of lynching?
His new novel, his 23rd, is Dr No. It’s
about a mathematics professor whose spe-
cialism of the study of nothing brings him
to the attention of a dastardly billionaire
with Bond villain pretensions who wants
to steal nothing from the vaults of Fort
Knox. It’s a larky tale — philosophical
jokes, plus Flemingesque secret lairs.
All of his novels are wildly different. “It’s
a terrible thing. I’ve had my agent tell me
that if you were to write the same book
twice your bank account might look bet-
ter,” he tells me over Zoom, from his home
in Los Angeles. “I have no interest in doing
that. I get bored.”
His books really do come in many differ-
ent flavours. Glyph, his 1999 novel, is nar-
rated by a baby genius fluent in modern
philosophy; Frenzy (1997) is a retelling of
the Greek myth of Dionysus, the god of
ecstatic excess; God’s Country (1994) is a
parody of the western.
“I get called an experimental novelist, a
western novelist, an academic novelist,”
Everett says. “Every time I make a novel,
I’m learning how to do it.” He is in revolt
against other people’s expectations. “I hate
to say it, but I couldn’t care less about the
reader. If I started thinking about readers,
I’d get confused,” he tells me. “I have writ-
ten parodies of literary theory and a retell-
ing of Greek myth, so clearly I’ve got my
finger pressed firmly on the pulse of Amer-
ican popular culture,” he says, laughing.
Everett is distinguished professor of
English at the University of Southern Cali-
fornia. The salary has given him a freedom
to write what he likes. He also keeps his
distance from the big publishers — he is
published by indies on both sides of the At-
lantic: Graywolf in the US and Influx Press
in Britain — who might want to make him
more commercial.
“Many years ago my agent said to me,
‘You’re never going to make me any
money, so write what you want.’ ” So he did.
“And that was an important moment in my
life,” he says. He describes his publishing
career as a “war of attrition”. You won’t find
him on Twitter promoting his wares: social
media is “a huge fascist support group”.
This revolt against expectation goes
deeper. The publishing industry often
wanted black writers to write only about a
certain sort of African-American experi-
ence. His best known novel, Erasure
(2001), lampoons that crassness. In it an
unsuccessful African-American writer
who writes obscure, intellectual novels
about Greek myths, in a fury, writes a
dumb parody of ghetto books. My Pafology
is taken seriously by the literati, he appears
on an Oprah-style show, and the book, to
his shame, becomes a bestseller.
“There is a scene in Erasure which is re-
ported from my life,” Everett says. “I wrote
a novel about Dionysus and an editor at
some event told me, ‘We’ve just turned
My agent said to me,
‘You’re never going to
make me any money.
Write what you want’
down your novel,’ and she then said, ‘Can
I ask you a question: what does Dionysus
have to do with black people?’
“I wonder whether she had thought to
ask that of John Updike. What does the
centaur [in 1963, he wrote a novel called
The Centaur] have to do with Wasps [white
Anglo-Saxon Protestants]? One never
means to be uneducated, it just surfaces.
There is a blindness. We are all racist and
sexist in our culture. If we don’t admit that
we are doomed to be racist and sexist.”
Everett’s background is far from the
popular idea of ghetto life satirised in Era-
sure. Inside this professor’s body beats the
heart of a cowboy. For a while in his thirties
and forties he owned a ranch in the
Moreno Valley, California. When he was
younger, he trained horses. Why did he
give it up? “It was a rough place out in the
desert, and my wife likes yoga and coffee
shops.” She is Danzy Senna, a fellow writer.
Then there’s his rather refined-sound-
ing name. He jokes that when he joined
USC, a university receptionist, African-
saturday review 15
DAVID LEVENSON/GETTY IMAGES
Percival Everett
American as it happens, on seeing his
name said: “That’s all we need, a fiftysome-
thing English guy.” Percival, it turns out, is
a family name. His great-grandfather was
a fan of Arthurian lore so he named his
sons Arthur and Percival. Percival’s father
and great-uncle carried the name.
His father was a doctor and so was his
grandfather; his uncles were doctors, his
aunts professors. He grew up in South Car-
olina in a black bourgeois milieu with
books, jazz and classical music; in his teens
he swapped playing violin for guitar —
“Girls wouldn’t go out with violinists.”
But the African-American middle class-
es were not represented in fiction when he
was growing up. “The only books that had
black characters were about slavery or Ice-
berg Slim [his most famous novel, Pimp,
gives a clue to the contents]. All of those
are fine, but if that’s the only choice, that
becomes negative stereotyping. My family
didn’t exist in those pages.”
There had been novels about the black
bourgeoisie on his father’s and grandfa-
ther’s shelves from the interwar Harlem
Renaissance or before: see the novels of
Charles W Chesnutt. But when that type
of novel stopped being published, “my
family was erased”. What changed?
“American racism — there’s a lot of money
to be made in stereotyping,” he explains.
Publishing has changed. “There is a
market for writers of colour that didn’t
exist,” he says, but he’s not optimistic about
America’s race problem. “How many
police killings have you read about in the
past few years? It must have been a lot, lot
worse when we didn’t have cell phones. It’s
been bad for a long time. It’s still bad.”
He’s not a plonkingly political novelist,
though. “I am pathologically ironic,” he
says, “and there is nothing I can do about
that.” He is fascinated with language itself,
hence all the wordplay and monkeying
around with styles and form.
That playfulness explains why a review-
er of Dr No called it a “dizzying shaggy dog
story”. At the end of our time Everett tells
me a real shaggy dog story about Banjo, his
rottle (a rottweiler-poodle) who, during
the interview, bounces in and out of his
study. Everett says that whenever the dog
wants a walk, he strums his nose on a banjo.
“And do you know what? He’s improved.”
A musically gifted dog that communi-
cates through stringed instruments? Sure-
ly that’s a quirky enough premise for a
Percival Everett novel. Watch this space.
Dr No is published by Influx at £9.99
16 saturday review Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

books
Why Stasiland
was doomed
from day one
Book of the week change, and a fear of it. In the east, a swirl-
ing resentment that know-it-all western-
ers were acting as if there were nothing
East Germany never worth preserving from their lives in the
GDR. Freedoms would increase, but they
stood a chance: it was could still be trapped as second-class citi-
a geopolitical sham, zens for generations to come. German uni-
fication opened up new choices — but did
a parking place for greater choice bring happiness?
Katja Hoyer’s artfully constructed his-
Soviet tanks. Review tory presents vignettes of East Germans
by Roger Boyes from 1949 to unification in 1990. There are
future members of the communist elite —
Margot Feist, the zealous FDJ activist who
B
Beyond went on to marry the party leader, Erich
Honecker, and the thuggish Erich Mielke,
tthe Wall the head of the Stasi. But there are also ac-
E
East Germany, counts from resisters, thoughtful figures
11949-90 from the brutally quashed 1953 uprising.
bby Katja Hoyer All have something to say about how East
Germany was formed and malformed.
Allen Lane, 476pp; £25
A As Hoyer tells it, the East German state
never stood much of a chance. By 1953 the
Soviet Union had taken reparations and
compensation for occupation costs in ex-

I
n the hot summer of 1973 I was a stu- cess of $15 billion. Private looting added to
dent in West Berlin and crossed into the burden. Factories were dismantled and
the east to see the communists cele- transported piece by piece to Moscow.
brate their future. It was predictably “Lead piping was ripped from walls, iron
regimented and spied-upon, but the climbing frames stolen from playgrounds
World Youth Festival really was more than and entire train lines deconstructed and
a propaganda bash. The blue-uniformed relaid in the Soviet Union,” she writes. Red
young men found corners where they Army soldiers would turn up on surprise
could buy and sell western jeans and the visits and simply confiscate what had just
blue-uniformed young women found been produced in the previous month.
places to kiss the Cuban delegation. It was “While Konrad Adenauer swept his
12 years since the wall had been erected West Germans away with an ‘economic
and in the meantime, somehow, the juve- miracle’ that brought consumerism and field-grey Stasiland, a dystopian model of Moscow couldn’t afford to appear weak
nile segment of the Communist j y
enjoyment back into people’s There was a surveillance state. to the West. The Ulbricht leadership was
Party had learntnt to party. lives, all that [[the commu- Hoyer doesn’t play down the intrusive- compelled to make concessions to the
A little moree than a nist leader Walter] Ul- only one ness and private cruelties of the secret workers, and the Russians reduced the
decade later, ass east
Europe rre-
corre-
bricht had
was an
h to offer
a economic
requirement police, but, for her, the undertold story is
how a mediocre elite — first Ulbricht, then
reparations burden and sent economic
help. Ulbricht’s political career had defied
spondent of The he catac
cataclysm,” Hoy- from an Honecker — tried to make socialism work the odds by surviving the death of Stalin.
Times, I wass er writes. The for an increasingly demanding citizenship. Some time was bought for the GDR, but
back talking to fai
failure of the
East Berlin Their mission was to tinker with the that did not make the party elite feel any
FDJ (Free E
East German government: system without alarming Moscow. more secure. They withdrew to a fortified
German e
economy, its Ulbricht and Honecker started off with the dacha colony in Wandlitz outside Berlin.
Youth) girls, im
implosion as lapdog loyalty confidence of the Kremlin, then lost it. In Hoyer’s rather brilliant account it
this time in a state, was of The 1953 uprising — which Hoyer somewhat resembled a totalitarian ver-
Erfurt. An c
course down correctly identifies as a pivotal postwar sion of Coronation Street. Houses in this
unintimidat- ul
ultimately to moment in Germany — was triggered by colony were numbered 1 to 23. Ulbricht
ed 16-year-old the lies and in- Ulbricht’s tone-deaf attempt to raise work was at No 7, the Honeckers at No 11, the
ignored myy effi
efficiencies of quotas at a time when shop shelves were Stasi chief, Mielke, at No 15. There was a
minder and said id centr planning,
central empty. Stalin had died in March of that bakery, a petrol station and a butcher, all
she was ashamed med b ut Russian
but Ru exploi- year and the emerging triumvirate of Niki- run by the Stasi. The outer ring was fenced
to wear her bluee shirt tation, the
tation, th Kremlin’s ta Khrushchev, Georgy Malenkov and La- with signs saying “Wildlife Research Area”
oreover,
in the tram. Moreover, contempt for “their” vrentiy Beria embarked on a process of de- and it was guarded by 200 soldiers in 33
ated having
she felt humiliated Germans, hobbled
Germans, h the Stalinisation. Many East Germans sensed guard posts, around the clock, every day.
to dance with th jockey-sized communist state from fr the start. that Stalin’s death had weakened the legiti- All receipts — for tailored suits for Hon-
Soviet-Kazakh tank drivers at the annual German-Br
Hoyer, a young German-British histori- macy of Ulbricht and his security appara- ecker or hunting equipment — went
Friendship ball. “Our protectors,” the an and the author of Blood and Iron: The tus — workers took to the streets in Berlin through Mielke. “He knew everything
minder interjected. We both, she the Rise and Fall of the German Empire 1871- and marched to the government quarter, about them, from their past marriages to
young easterner, me the westerner, glared 1918, was born in East Germany and there ripping down the red flag on the Branden- the favourite exotic fruit.”
at him. It was difficult at that moment to are times when her book comes over as burg Gate. Policemen were forced to strip The GDR oscillated between persecu-
believe the unloved German Democratic special pleading for the lost state. But that and flee in their underwear. The protests tion and rationed privilege. The misery of
Republic was going to last for ever. is to miss the point. Rather, she displays a spread across the country. The govern- the Berlin Wall, the shooting of those
When the wall came down in 1989 there special understanding and wants to ment had plainly lost control and the Sovi- wanting to flee to the West, went alongside
were plenty of unanswered questions. On present a corrective to previous reductive et chief of staff took command. At least 55 a system that sought to buy off discontents
both sides, certainly, an impatience for assessments of the GDR that depict it as a protesters were killed. with improved living standards. The 1960s
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 saturday review 17
RÉGIS BOSSU/SYGMA VIA GETTY IMAGES

How Britain got addicted to junk

GETTY IMAGES

Ultra-processed food
is making us fat. Only
legislation can break
the Junk Food Cycle.
Review by Ben Cooke

Ravenous
How to Get
Ourselves and Our
Planet into Shape
by Henry Dimbleby
with Jemima Lewis
Profile, 336pp; £16.99

are remembered by many East Germans
as the time when washing machines be-
came widely available and everybody
seemed to be buying a scooter (although
this was partly to make up for the years-
long wait for a Trabant). By 1970 56.4 per
cent of households had a fridge, far more
than in capitalist West Germany. There
were organised foreign holidays to Cuba,
Poland, Hungary and, for the particularly
daring, the Soviet Union.
In the end, the regime was defeated by
the simple fact that any market reform
would contradict its raison d’état. Its sole
purpose as an artificial state was to be a
socialist brick in the wall, a parking place
for Soviet tanks. Until Mikhail Gorbachev
turned up and effectively identified the
GDR as a geopolitical sham, there was
only one requirement from a government
in East Berlin: lapdog loyalty rather than
competence.
Hoyer’s command of detail (Mielke’s
control freakery stretched to being served
“two eggs, boiled for 4.5 minutes, pierced
beforehand”), broad historical brush
strokes and evident sympathy for her in-
terview partners make for a fascinating if
sad read. It is difficult to put down her book
without feeling sorry for those betrayed by
their own defunct state and by successive
inhabitants of the Kremlin who regarded
the East Germans as little more than serfs.
kiss of death Leonid
Brezhnev and Erich
Honecker on the
30th anniversary of the
German Democratic
Republic in 1979. Left:
the central music corps
of the FDJ in Berlin, 1971
To order a copy for £22.50
visit shop.the-tls.co.uk/
reviewed-in-the-times or
call 020 3176 2935
T
o understand the significance of
Henry Dimbleby’s book Raven-
ous (co-written with his wife,
the Daily Telegraph journalist
Jemima Lewis) it is worth start-
ing not with it, but with a well-forgotten
subgenre of Noughties reality TV — the
fat-shaming show.
If your idea of a good night in was to
watch fat people paraded like Victorian
circus freaks, then in the Noughties you
were spoilt for choice. You could tune into
You Are What You Eat to watch Gillian
McKeith berating fat people about the
consistency of their turds. Or Honey We’re
Killing the Kids to watch overfed children
transform, via time lapse, into haggard and
bloated 50-year-olds.
Or, if both seemed a little too lenient,
you could turn to Supersize vs Superskinny,
in which two nervous souls, one obese and
the other anorexic, were made to strip to
their underwear and watch as their weekly
meals thudded and squelched down a see-
through tube.
As though it were not bad enough to
watch their tube fill up with crisps, cakes
and pies as a few leaves floated down the
anorexic’s, the fat contestant then had to
endure the advice of the invidiously chis-
elled Dr Christian Jessen. The content of
his advice was inane — don’t you know
that chips are full of salt? That cakes can
make you fat? — but that was beside the
point. The point was in Jessen’s tone, which
said: “Can’t you see what a disgusting mess
you’ve made of yourself? Can’t you see it’s
all your fault?”
The message of these shows was that
fatness was a sin and skinniness a state of
grace, open to us all if only we tried hard
enough. The message of Dimbleby’s book
is: that’s a load of garbage. One reason for
this is that some of us are genetically pro-
grammed to be skinnier than others. As
Dimbleby points out: “Studies of twins
who were adopted at birth into different
families suggest that genes account for
between 50 and 70 per cent of our procli-
vity to put on weight.”
But it’s not just genetics that makes it
difficult for many people to lose weight. It’s
also what Dimbleby refers to as the “food
system” — the nexus of farms, supermar-
kets and fast-food chains that together fill
our bellies. Over the past half century or
so, the arteries of this system have been
clogged with increasing quantities of
cheap ultra-processed food. As a result,
28 per cent of Britons are obese compared
with just 1 per cent in 1950. Meanwhile,
60 per cent are overweight, and this figure
is expected to rise to 80 per cent by 2060.
A free-marketeer would regard this
system as the blameless efflorescence of
our desires: we want tasty, fast food and
we’re willing to get fat eating it, so busi-
nesses spring up to let us do so. Dimbleby
sees things differently. He thinks this
system is not only shaped by our desires,
but shaping them too, eroding our inten-
tions to eat healthily.
The manufacturers of processed food
deploy many tricks to beguile our Stone
Age, calorie-hunting brains. They reduce
its content of water and insoluble fibre to
stop us feeling full, and fill ice cream, choc-
olate and biscuits with a 2:1 ratio of fat to
sugar — the same ratio found in breast
milk. “We have become stuck in a reinforc-
ing feedback loop,” he writes. “Let’s call it
Today, 28 per cent
of Britons are obese
compared with just
1 per cent in 1950
the Junk Food Cycle. We have a predilec-
tion for calorie-dense foods, which means
food companies invest more time and
money creating those foods, which makes
us eat more of them.”
Dimbleby, who extensively researched
the UK’s food system to write a food stra-
tegy for the government, says that several
food company chief executives have told
him they would like to break this cycle, but
can’t for fear of crashing their businesses.
He had some success with breaking it
himself, by founding the healthy fast-food
chain Leon, but it took the company a
decade to break even. “Trying to make
money out of nutritious food,” he writes,
“is extremely difficult.”
Ravenous is a call not only for a healthier
food system, but for a more sustainable
one. The same meat-heavy fast-food diet
that is wrecking our bodies is also wreck-
ing the planet, such that the weight of
farmed animals is 20 times that of all wild
vertebrates and birds.
Dimbleby thinks that curing these twin
threats to our bodies and our planet will re-
quire far more strident government inter-
vention into the food system than any
since rationing. He suggests a wider reach-
ing sugar tax (it’s now limited to soft
drinks), a ban on pre-watershed junk food
advertising, public sector procurement of
vegetarian food, and an effort to rewild the
country’s sheep-dotted hillsides.
But he doesn’t have any confidence the
government will accept these recommen-
dations — it did, after all, reject them when
they formed part of his food strategy. Last
week Dimbleby resigned as the govern-
ment’s food tsar, lambasting its “complete-
ly shocking” reluctance to tax junk food
and restrict its advertising.
Bolder governance will be needed if ever
we are to cut the flab, Dimbleby thinks. He
looks enviously at Japan, where everyone
between the ages of 45 and 74 is required
to measure their waistline annually and
school children must eat freshly cooked
dinners rather than packed lunches. As a
result, Japan is one of the few countries not
to have grown fat as it has grown rich.
“Change has to come from both direc-
tions,” he writes. “Top-down in the form
of government legislation . . . but also
bottom-up, with talented and dedicated
people determined to improve the food in
their own families, schools and communi-
ties.” A more complicated message than
Dr Jessen’s, but surely more palatable too.
To order a copy for £15.29 visit
shop.the-tls.co.uk/reviewed-in-the-
times or call 020 3176 2935
18 saturday review
books
Kaboom! How to survive a nuclear attack
Stay calm and kill your
pets: Britain’s attempt
to plan for atomic
disaster was pointless,
says Gerard DeGroot
Attack
Warning Red!
How Britain
Prepared for
Nuclear War
by Julie McDowall
Bodley Head, 256pp; £22
I
n 1981 the East Anglia regional health
board gave serious thought to nuclear
war. It was concerned about the inevi-
table shortage of drugs and suggested
that the ill might utilise natural reme-
dies, such as foxglove for an irregular
heartbeat, mistletoe for hypertension,
juniper berries for cystitis and lime leaves
for sedation. No thought was given to the
dangers of collecting herbs in an irradiated
wasteland.
The intricately detailed but entirely un-
realistic report was typical of the British
response to the nuclear threat. As Julie
McDowall reveals in this frightening but
also rather funny book, the British, when
contemplating devastation, took refuge
in pointless planning.
For instance, prepara-
tions were made for con-
verting ice-cream vans
into mobile blood banks,
even though blood prob-
ably wouldn’t be available
at all. As one brutally re-
alistic doctor com-
plained, good money was
being wasted on “plan-
ning the unplannable”.
McDowall, a freelance
journalist and host of the
Atomic Hobo podcast, was
three years old when she
was somehow allowed to
watch Threads, the horri-
fic 1984 film about the
aftermath of a nuclear
attack. I used to show it
to my students, some of
whom have never forgiven me. e “The expe
expe-
rience scarred me for life,” McDowall
writes. She addressed her trauma by
becoming obsessed with all things nuclear
— in particular the often ridiculous prepa-
rations for Armageddon. This book is the
product of that obsession.
“Planning the unplannable” would have
made a great title, since it’s the book’s
predominant theme. It’s certainly im-
pressive how the British devoted enor-
mous energy to a problem that, realistical-
ly, has no solution.
At first the government aimed to reprise
the spirit of the Blitz — when the bomb
dropped Britain would keep calm and
carry on. Evacuation plans from 1940 were
dusted down and reissued. The WRVS was
assigned the task of providing meals on
wheels for those injured or made home-
less. Scouts and guides were to be
enlisted as messengers. More than 1,500
monitoring posts were constructed
around the country, staffed by a Dad’s
Army of volunteers. Homely platitudes
aabounded. “Civil Defence is common
ssense” went one bit of advice. Despite the
d
devastation, “we mustn’t grumble”.
On civil defence exercises, McDowall
w
writes, “volunteers were recreating scenes
ffrom the Blitz rather than Hiroshima.
T
They helped fake casualties with bruises
a sprains. Nobody was suffering from
and
rradiation sickness and there was no talk of
t
those who would have simply vaporised in
shocking scenes the flash, leaving nothing but a shadow on
Rita May and David the wall.”
Brierly in the 1984 TV From a distance the sense of unreality
film Threads. Top: an seems rather endearing. Stiff upper lips, it
extra in the same film appears, would protect people from blast,
fire and radiation. A training film from the
Fifties, called Atomic Attack, advised
volunteers to provide the wounded with
“nice cups of tea, give them a good old
warm-up”. Yet, as McDowall argues, the
lessons of 1940 were now redundant —
“the ‘finest hour’ shrank to a four-minute
warning”.
Not everyone was mollified by the
platitudes. In 1957 Elsie and Andrew
Marshall of Langho, in Lancashire, were so
alarmed at the prospect of nuclear war
that they gassed their three daughters and
then threw themselves into the sea. As
they explained, “We love each other and
our children”, but the future seemed too
bleak.
A 1955 study by the joint intelligence
BBC
committee forecast that ten H-bombs,
each with a yield of ten megatons, would
be enough to “make normal activity com-
pletely impossible”. The Strath Report of
the same year, acting on that forecast, esti-
mated that such an attack would kill
12 million people. In addition, “no part of
the country would be free from the risk of
radioactive contamination”. Clearly such a
disaster would overwhelm the good inten-
tions of the WRVS and the scouts.
A new approach was therefore needed.
Out went the spirit of the Blitz, in came a
stoic acceptance of widespread destruc-
tion and death. Yet the atmosphere of un-
reality remained — for very good reason.
The government couldn’t admit that
meaningful survival was impossible; to do
so would sow despair and undermine
support for nuclear weapons as a deter-
rent. People had to be encouraged to be-
lieve that, if they took sensible steps, they
might survive. The government engaged
in what McDowall calls “emotion man-
agement”: fear was fine, but not panic. In
practice this meant more planning the
unplannable.
The population was encouraged, in-
stead of evacuating, to stay in their homes
(or what was left of them) for 14 days, until
the fallout dissipated. An elite group
would shelter in heavily fortified bunkers,
becoming the nucleus of a future govern-
ment. Prisons would be cleared of all
but the most dangerous criminals to house
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
those bureaucrats who would rebuild
society. One Home Office report suggest-
ed that psychopaths released from incar-
ceration might prove “an exceptionally
valuable resource” since “they are good in
crises and have no feelings for others”.
Ordinary people were encouraged to
carry on as best they could. The 1976
pamphlet Protect and Survive advised that
if an attack was imminent residents should
remove interior doors and construct a
lean-to against a wall. Books, suitcases or
sandbags should be placed around the
shelter to fortify it. This was basically a
child’s fort but upgraded for adult war. The
family would huddle inside along with
whatever food they had managed to
hoard. Or, where possible, an under-
ground shelter might be built outside. As
McDowall writes, those with “spare cash
Psychopaths released
from jail might prove
‘an exceptionally
valuable resource’
and a big garden” had an obvious advan-
tage. It also helped to be handy with a
Black+Decker.
During confinement people could keep
busy by engaging in “vigorous fly-swatting
campaigns”, since flies would be ubi-
quitous. If a family member died, the
corpse should be placed in a plastic bag,
labelled and tossed outside. After the fall-
out cleared, the millions of corpses could
be hurled down abandoned mines.
As for the nation’s pets, experts advised
that they should be shot — assuming, of
course, that everyone had access to a gun.
The RSPCA offered a “Cat Grasper” that
could be used to restrain a moggie in prep-
aration for execution.
Clever entrepreneurs sensed an oppor-
tunity — Armageddon became a growth
industry. Shelter kits were produced to suit
almost every budget. One trader offered a
lead umbrella that could provide protec-
tion if a person was caught outside during
a nuclear strike. A “survival tie”, showing a
phoenix rising from atomic ash, was sold to
men who wanted to identify themselves as
suitably prepared.
With enormous enthusiasm, McDowall
bombards the reader with endless exam-
ples of atomic lunacy. She never sets out to
be funny yet achieves just that. I found this
book so entertaining that it feels churlish
to criticise. Nevertheless, it has to be said
that the structure is weak, with topics dis-
cussed in no logical order. This leads to
repetition and confusion about sequence,
cause and effect. There’s also too much at-
tention given to the American experience
and not enough to distinctly British issues,
such as the Aldermaston marches and the
Greenham Common protests.
McDowall might also have taken more
time to reflect on the concept of survival.
Government planners made that the su-
preme goal, never coming to terms with
the fact that surviving a nuclear strike is
not survival at all. What value is there to
life when desperately hungry people fight
over an irradiated rat? In the atomic
wasteland the living will envy the dead.
To order a copy for £19.80 visit
shop.the-tls.co.uk/reviewed-in-the-
times or call 020 3176 2935
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Were we too hard
on shiny, sugary
Nineties pop?
The music was naff,
but Will Hodgkinson
finds himself oddly
nostalgic for those
irony-free days
R
Reach for
tthe Stars
1
1996-2006: Fame,
Fallout and Pop’s
F PR stunt to launch her solo career: riding
Final Party
F
bby Michael Cragg
N Eight Books,
Nine
5528pp; £25
I
always thought mid-Nineties to mid-
Noughties pop, which began with the
Spice Girls and was ended by the twin
forces of the internet and Simon Cow-
ell, was one of the most horrible move-
ments known to humanity. Awful nagging
melodies, sickly synthetic productions,
bratty stage-school kids and a general air
of faux innocence — but with disturbing
undercurrents of premature sexuality —
all contributed to a sugary inferno. Then
along comes Michael Cragg with a book so
funny and detailed and, most importantly,
with such a clear love and understanding
of the people in it, that I’ve been forced to
reconsider the whole sorry period.
Compared with now, where every pop
star feels the need to sing about their
mental health or worry about inclusivity,
the era in Reach for the Stars seems refresh-
ingly straightforward. It was, Cragg writes,
a time of “shiny, irony-free, edgeless story-
telling”; a time when the Spice Girls gave
schoolgirls licence to rebel, “even if the
stakes were as low as a stereo being a bit
too loud” and Take That and Westlife
knocked out “mushy, love-hearts-in-your-
exercise-book ballads”. From there we go
into a lengthy oral history on what it was
actually like.
Perhaps because so many of the people
S Club 7
involved were working-class kids who
wanted nothing more than a bit of cash
and attention, there is very little preten-
sion. The Spice Girls member Emma Bun-
ton tells Cragg that at the beginning of
their careers the five future leaders of “girl
power” were thrown together into a house
and told to get on with it. “We were very
confident together, like, ‘We’re going to
make this happen’. We even wrote a song
called We’re Going to Make It Happen.”
There is, however, plenty of delusion.
Consider Geri Halliwell’s suggestion of a
through the Soho area of London on a uni-
corn. According to the former tabloid jour-
nalist Dean Piper, it was left to Halliwell’s
PR to tell her that the mythical creature
didn’t exist. “And she went: ‘What do you
mean? I’ve seen them in films. Just get me
a unicorn.’ Absolutely brilliant.”
The Spice Girls opened the floodgates
for an entire world of manufactured pop
acts and there was one to suit every taste.
According to the svengali Chris Herbert,
speaking of two highly successful boy
bands: “The idea was Boyzone were going
to bring you a bunch of flowers and 5ive
were going to f*** you against a wall down
the side alley.”
The comedian Russell Brand is reported
to have been among the hopefuls audition-
ing for the latter, but perhaps it is a good
thing he didn’t make the final cut because
the ones who did fitted the job description
a little too well. Ensconced in a council
house in Surrey, 5ive became subjects of
the ITV documentary series Neighbours
from Hell, got into fist fights with each
other during interviews and television ap-
pearances, and dealt with the challenge of
dirty plates by throwing them out of the
window. As Scott Robinson, the spiky-
haired bad boy of 5ive, has it: “Put five
teenagers in a house with no parents and
see what happens.”
Cragg’s trick in this oral history is to ap-
ply the same level of forensic detail to pure
pop as a serious rock critic would to, say,
the hidden meaning of Bob Dylan’s lyrics.
This means we discover that Bradley
McIintosh of the kid-orientated S Club 7
ggot his grounding in show-
b
business from working at the
P
Pizza Hut in Chessington
W
World of Adventures, and
t band were about to sign
the
a lucrative contract to pro-
m
mote Sugar Puffs when two
o their number got caught
of
s
smoking a joint in Leicester
S
Square. “We went straight
b
back to No 1 with Don’t Stop
M
Moving after that,” the S
C
Club 7 member Jo O’Meara
r
recalls happily. “We devel-
o
oped the nickname Spliff
C
Club 7 for a while. We went
f
from being a really cheesy
b
band to people thinking we
w
were cool.”
By far the most honest
f
figure to emerge from the
5ive
reality-television-dominated last gasp of
manufactured pop is Steve Brookstein. He
won The X Factor’s inaugural 2004 series
at a relatively ancient 35. “From day one it
was all a farce,” he says. “Sharon Osbourne
called me a c*** in rehearsals. Louis
[Walsh, the X Factor judge] said I looked
like a serial killer. I was fighting back the
urge to punch him.”
By the time Brookstein was ready to
blow the lid on the whole thing, he got a
call from the soon to be disgraced PR Max
Clifford. “He said, ‘Steve, if you try to tell
Three of the original
members of Steps
quit when they heard
their debut single
people what’s happened, we will bury you.’
I did [an interview] with the News of the
World and I showed the journalist the evi-
dence of all that had been going on, and he
couldn’t run the story. It was replaced with
a pro-Cowell story and me getting totally
slammed. I had that for ten years.”
There were plenty of disasters along the
way — in 1998 Cowell shut down the entire
To order a copy for £22.50 Eiffel Tower to launch the million-pound
visit shop.the-tls.co.uk/
reviewed-in-the-times
flops Girl Thing, an Anglo-Dutch group —
but in general, the more uncool the band,
or call 020 3176 2935 the better they did.
saturday review 19
TIM RONEY, MIKE PRIOR/GETTY IMAGES;
Spice Girls
Steps, the “Butlin’s Redcoats of pop”,
according to Cragg, were launched as a
cringeworthy mishmash of line-dancing,
techno and country music. That proved
too horrific even for three of the original
members, who left the moment they heard
their debut single 5, 6, 7, 8.
“One of the girls, who was quite deep
and spiritual, said it hurt her soul to sing 5,
6, 7, 8,” Steps’ vocalist Claire Richards re-
calls, adding: “Clearly I’m not that deep.”
As her partner in crime Ian “H” Watkins
says of Steps’ subsequent unstoppable rise:
“Everyone laughed at us, everyone wanted
to get rid of us, but we kept coming back. It
was like Covid. It was a pop pandemic.”
By their very nature, pandemics come to
an end. The writing was on the wall when
the CD single, the ultimate pocket-
money-friendly format of the Nineties/
Noughties pop explosion, was rendered
obsolete by the advent of downloads. Top
of the Pops, which gave these bands a big
audience, ended in 2006, five months after
the pop bible Smash Hits folded.
Social media gave rise to the dreaded re-
latable singer-songwriter, starting with
Lily Allen and ending with Ed Sheeran.
The vast success of The X Factor brought in
the importance of tragic backstories and
inspirational “journeys”, all likely to be for-
gotten the moment the hopeful in ques-
tion was no longer in viewers’ living rooms
each Saturday night. And the show ex-
posed the whole sausage factory of manu-
factured pop to the nation while also put-
ting an emphasis on vocal prowess, for-
merly the least important attribute in a
cheesy pop star (cf: Victoria Beckham).
What we’re left with is a fitting tribute to
an era when putting on a matching outfit,
doing a perky dance routine and heading
off on the Radio 1 roadshow was enough to
bring a bit of joy and escapism to kids and
teenagers up and down the country.
I could have done with more of Cragg’s
commentary, simply because his writing
strikes such an entertaining balance of fan
worship and camp, detached wit, but he
has done an admirable job of rounding up
the guilty parties (bar a few who had
everything to lose by telling the truth —
are you there, Simon Cowell?) and pulling
their testimonies into a colourful overview
of a bygone era.
I won’t go as far as to agree that Say You’ll
Be There by the Spice Girls is the misun-
derstood masterpiece Cragg claims, but I
did end up viewing this seemingly frivo-
lous world in a new light.
20 saturday review
books
Memoirs of a
globe-trotting
woman
The travel writer
Sara Wheeler looks
back at her life on
the road. Review
by James Owen
D
o you remember travel writing?
Thirty years ago it was all the
rage. Legions of intrepid,
Moleskine-wielding wannabes
struck out across the globe in
the steps of those who had revived the
genre in the 1970s, notably Bruce Chatwin
and Paul Theroux.
Yet as Sara Wheeler, one of the few
women who followed in their wake, ob-
serves in this sprightly memoir of her life
on the road, a great deal has since changed.
First, cheap flights and globalisation in-
creasingly meant nowhere felt remote or
even very different. Then, silently, came
the sensitivity reader.
Should we turn Manhattan back into marsh?
This book teems with
ideas about how we
can make our cities
greener and wilder,
says Samuel Hughes
S
even per cent of Melbourne con-
sists of verges and roundabouts,
owned by the municipality and tra-
ditionally covered by only a thin
carpet of sad, lifeless lawn. Today, a
concerted effort is underway to plant them
with native grasses, tussocks and wildflow-
ers, creating a rich and beautiful habitat
for insects and small mammals. Ten per
cent of the surface area of most European
cities consists of temporarily derelict sites;
in the Netherlands, a “temporary nature”
scheme incentivises owners to allow
plants and wild animals to colonise these
sites while they remain unused. These are
examples of wilding cities approvingly
cited by Ben Wilson in Urban Jungle.
We often think of the relationship
between the human and natural worlds as
being one of hard opposition, with the
man-made world obliterating the natural.
Wilson, a British historian and writer, sets
out to challenge this.
Drawing on a huge range of past and
present examples, he shows that cities can
support a much wider range of biodiversity
than we typically appreciate. Going from
tree-lined boulevards to urban farms, Wil-
son illustrates how much we benefit from
a woman’s world Sara Wheeler has been everywhere, from Athens to Zanzibar
Charges of cultural appropriation
abounded. Wheeler, who is in her sixties,
Glowing Still reveals that her US publisher recently
A Woman’s Life cancelled her projected book on the Bronx
on the Road on the grounds that she was not the right
by Sara Wheeler person to tell the stories of such a multi-
cultural place. Just wait until an editor
Abacus, 368pp; £22 decides AI can tell ’em more cheaply than
someone who’s been there.
Such a verdict seems especially unfair
on Wheeler. In a field historically domi-
nated not just by men but by Old Etonians,
from Alexander Kinglake in the early 19th
century through to Rory Stewart, she is an
outlier in coming from a family who most-
ly worked on the factory floors of Bristol.
Few of her relatives felt the urge to holiday
the plants and animals that live among us
and how much more we could do to en-
courage natural life.
“Everything is beautiful to the eye that
sees with beauty”, Eugène Fromentin
wrote in his great 19th-century study of the
Dutch realists. It is greatly to the credit of
Wilson’s eye that he finds beauty and in-
terest everywhere: derelict building sites,
overgrown verges, scav-
enger birds, pavement
Urban Jungle weeds, pigeons, swamps
Wilding the City and cockroaches.
Reading Urban Jungle, it
by Ben Wilson is impossible not to be won
Jonathan Cape, 304pp; £22 over by his enthusiasm.
Not only do we learn of the
ways these things can be
useful to us, but we come to
see them differently, to
find novel kinds of beauty
in our urban surroundings.
living colour Plants Sometimes, Wilson’s
grown on the Living Wall enthusiasm gets ahead of
at the Rubens at the him. We hear that we need
Palace hotel in London street trees for “our very
survival as an urban spe-
cies”. Might that be exag-
gerating a little? No doubt
shaded streets are cooler,
but even if London became several de-
grees warmer, its streets would not be Sa-
haran death traps.
And yes, trees do “filter and clean the
air” — but only slightly. As an enormous
To order a copy for £19.80 Defra literature review showed in 2018,
visit shop.the-tls.co.uk/ adding vegetation to cities is not a solution
reviewed-in-the-times or to air quality problems. There can be bad
call 020 3176 2935 arguments for good things.
JON ENOCH FOR THE TIMES
abroad even when the Costas began to
beckon. Courtesy of a newspaper offer,
however, her first trip, aged ten, was to
bleak Cold War Moscow. There she met
the footballer George Best, who was stay-
ing in the same hotel with the Northern
Ireland team.
By 18 she was working in the Paris
branch of Wallis, gamely trying to sell Brit-
ish fashion to French women. Studying
Greek at Oxford led to her first book, a
journey around the island of Evia, before
she made her name in the 1990s with
travels to Chile and the Terra Incognita of
Antarctica. The latter account was a best-
seller, but not every reader who wrote to
her subsequently was a fan. One letter
There are deeper tensions in Wilson’s
case too. A broad research consensus has it
that increased urban density brings many
environmental benefits, sparing country-
side and fostering walkability and public
transport use. This does not necessarily
mean high-rise blocks: the finely woven
urban fabrics of old cities such as Paris and
Barcelona score exceptionally well too.
But it does mean building compactly.
Some of Wilson’s proposals are consist-
ent with this. In some of the most persua-
sive and thoughtful sections of the book he
argues for treating our existing urban spa-
ces differently. Why do we leave the roofs
of office blocks as concrete wastelands?
Why can’t motorway verges have bushes
and wildflowers? None of these things in-
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
began: “I have waited years for a good book
about the Antarctic. Yours is not it.”
Wherever she went, from Athens to
Zanzibar, as a woman travelling alone
Wheeler was treated as an object of — at
best — curiosity. For women, it has ever
been thus. Wheeler approvingly quotes
Dervla Murphy’s story of how, when her
sex was queried in Cameroon, she pulled
up her top to show her traditional identify-
ing characteristics.
In Antarctica, where Wheeler spent
seven months as almost the only woman
in a research station, she was subjected to
continual misogyny. Her presence in a
room would be the cue for reference to
Viz’s Fat Slags. Understandably, Wheeler
relished the Dear John letters that would
arrive for the men at the base (“Yours is
bigger, but his is here”).
Later having small sons in tow was no
less hard work, as she worked on a bio-
graphy of Denys Finch Hatton, Karen
Blixen’s lover out in Africa. Wheeler man-
aged to fund her travels by eking out
commissions from Sunday newspapers
and editing Norma Major’s book on
Chequers. Meanwhile, publishers seemed
to favour men who set off to “beat a
landscape into submission”, carrying the
maximum amount of blokey kit, cleft
sticks included.
The masculine brain may be wired for
adventure, but there have been male trav-
ellers — Wheeler acknowledges Norman
Lewis as one — whose aim has been to see
things through others’ eyes. Perhaps that
strand of writing, of preserving cultures
before they vanish, has gone for ever.
Nonetheless, Wheeler has proved more
than capable of holding her own with the
chaps, giving as good as she gets. The
Mosuo women of Sichuan are remarkably
volve compromising on density: they layer
biodiversity into the existing fabric of
cities. Urban Jungle abounds with sugges-
tions like these, which could make our
cities into places that are more biodiverse,
more liveable and more durable in the face
of a changing climate.
Elsewhere, though, there are to be
struck difficult balances that
a not properly acknowl-
are
e
edged by Wilson. Street trees
a lovely, but streets must be
are
q
quite broad to accommodate
t
them. In the dense old cities
o Siena, Cordoba, Venice
of
a Istanbul they do not ex-
and
i to introduce them would
ist:
r
require the widening of the
s
streets, the destruction of
m
much of the building stock,
a the displacement of the
and
p
population.
These cities would gain in
b
biodiversity, but it wouldn’t
n
necessarily mean a net im-
p
provement in purely envi-
r
ronmental terms.
Wilson writes admiringly
o the battle to prevent a
of
freight railway station being rebuilt in
postwar Berlin, leading to the creation of
the Sudgelände park on its site. No doubt
that has brought many benefits, but Ber-
lin’s freight needs did not go away; presum-
ably the goods that would have arrived by
rail now arrive by lorry or plane, with all
their environmental downsides. Wilson
regrets the loss of Manhattan’s marsh-
lands, long since built over, but hundreds
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
long-lived, she learns, “no doubt because
they don’t have to cohabit with the same
man for more than a year”.
Wheeler admits to enjoying romance
when it finds her in the wild, is sceptical
about the accomplishments of well-
meaning NGOs, and clothes her experien-
ces with humour and imagination. She
may not be a Leigh Fermoresque phrase-
maker, but she dwells happily in what
Jonathan Raban called travel writing’s
“raffish open house” of styles.
Glowing Still also pays tribute to her role
models Martha Gellhorn, Rebecca West
and Isabella Bird, the Victorian eccentric
‘I have waited years
for a good book about
the Antarctic. Yours is
not it,’ wrote a reader
whose crisscrossing of the world seemed
to cure the illnesses that ailed her when
confined to home.
Wheeler examines her own motives for
responding to the tug of strange places
(“the more inimical, like boyfriends, the
more seductive”), admitting that — no
John Betjeman, she — it stems from the
terror of being trapped instead in the cur-
tain department of John Lewis.
In our brave new world, it may be rather
harder to boldly go as she has done. Yet
future travellers might do worse than heed
her counsel that a writer’s duty “is to strive
towards hope rather than have it”.
To order a copy for £19.80 visit
shop.the-tls.co.uk/reviewed-in-the-
times or call 020 3176 2935
of thousands of people now live on their
site; if those densely populated neighbour-
hoods had not been built, those people
would be living elsewhere. Possibly, they
would commute by car each day from re-
mote suburbs in upstate New York rather
than walking or taking the subway. Would
that be better overall for the environment?
It is not easy to answer these questions.
Maybe we would be better off with boule-
vards in Siena and marshes in Manhattan.
But we do need to ask them. Urban space
is scarce. Every green space displaces
another use, but those other uses do not go
away; out of sight and out of mind, they
Why do we leave
the roofs of office
blocks as concrete
wastelands?
may do more harm elsewhere. In the years
to come, we shall face many difficult trade
offs like these, and we need to face them
head on.
It is, though, a testament to the richness
of Urban Jungle that a cautious reader like
myself is often left wanting to qualify its ar-
guments. The book teems with ideas, sto-
ries and proposals, presented with charm,
eloquence and wit. It is novel and provoca-
tive; it is also, so to speak, a book with a
likeable personality. If I was often left
wanting more, so much the better.
Samuel Hughes is the head of housing at
the Centre for Policy Studies and a fellow
of Create Streets
Stephen Hawking’s final big idea
This bold theory
explains the origins
of the universe in a
radically new way,
says Lewis Dartnell
O
ne particular feature of the
universe has puzzled physicists
for generations. It appears to
be uncannily well set up for the
emergence of life. The uni-
verse exists as a fabric of spacetime, popu-
lated with a menagerie of particle types,
each with fixed properties such as their
mass and charge, and with their behaviour
dictated by four fundamental laws of phys-
ics with particular actions and relative
strengths. As physicists explored the equa-
tions that describe the interrelationships
of these components of existence, they
realised that if some of their properties
had been different — and often only
minutely so — the universe would have
been an extremely different place with no
potential to develop life.
The strength of the force of gravity, for
example, seems to hang in a fine balance.
If it were any weaker, then cosmic gas
clouds would never collapse to form stars;
a smidge stronger and stars would burn
much hotter and too quickly to nurture the
evolution of complex life, or even collapse
immediately into black holes.
If another of the fundamental laws of
physics — the strong nuclear force — had
varied by just a tiny fraction, then stars
would not have been able to forge the ele-
ment carbon in the nuclear furnace of their
cores. No carbon atoms; none of the fabu-
lously diverse chemistry of organic mole-
cules that create life. Within the subatomic
particles, the neutron is a touch heavier
than the proton — just 0.14 per cent — but
if this had been the other way around, all
the protons in the universe would have
decayed away shortly after the big bang.
Without protons the cosmos could contain
no atoms and therefore no chemistry of
any kind. In a myriad of ways, the cosmos
seems to be perfectly fine-tuned to allow
the development of life.
To explain this, one could resort to reli-
gion; that the universe is the carefully
designed construct of a creator. But this is
unsatisfactory to most cosmologists. Not
only does it rely on the hidden hand of a
supernatural being, but as an explanation
for why the universe is this way it amounts
to resigning yourself to saying: “It just is.”
Another explanation that’s been pro-
posed is known as the Anthropic principle.
This states that the particularities of our
universe — perhaps existing as just one in
a frothy multiverse of distinct universes,
each with its own distinct set of parame-
ters — must by necessity be compatible
with the development of life because if it
weren’t we couldn’t be here to observe any
alternative. This too, though, fails to offer
any causal reason why the universe should
be this way and blocks the search for any
deeper understanding of the universe.
This conundrum of why the universe is
so inherently bio-friendly certainly vexed
Stephen Hawking, who was deeply unsat-
isfied with proposals such as the multi-
verse or Anthropic principle. Hawking
originally enlisted Thomas Hertog in 1998
when he was a young PhD student. The
two developed a close scientific collabora-
tion and friendship, so when in 2002
Hawking summoned Hertog to work with
him on an important new idea, he cut short
a trip along the Silk Roads with his wife
and rushed back to Cambridge.
In the late 1970s Hawking had worked
on what quantum mechanics inform us
about the earliest moments of the big bang.
He showed how the uncertainties inherent
in quantum behaviour mean that when the
newly conceived universe was still unim-
On the Origin aginably tiny, even space and time became
blurred and dissolved into each other. As
of Time Hertog puts it: “Once upon a time there
Stephen Hawking’s was no time.” The ramification is that there
Final Theory wasn’t a distinct instant when the universe
by Thomas Hertog came into existence — it is lost in the froth
Torva, 302pp; £20 of quantum uncertainty.
Later in his career Hawking turned to
working on how the universe might have
become so well suited for life, with the as-
sistance of Hertog. They went on to argue
that there were even more profound conse-
quences of primordial quantum behaviour
for the cosmos we find ourselves in. This
was to become Hawking’s final theory of
the universe, and the arguments discussed
in this book were 20 years in the making.
In the unimaginably hot birth of the uni-
In a fraction verse there was neither matter nor law —
they congealed out of the melting pot of
of a second, creation in a series of transitions as the
expanding universe cooled. But there was
the universe nothing pre-ordained or predictable about
underwent this process and the final nature of a uni-
verse could easily have turned out very
a Darwinian differently. Tiny quantum fluctuations in
the embryonic universe nudged these
process of transitions randomly in one direction or
selection another, and since the forms of matter and
physical laws are interrelated and influ-
akin to the ence each other, once some transitions
occurred early in the sequence they
evolution of limited what could subsequently occur.
life on Earth Over a minuscule fraction of a second,
the early universe, Hawking and Hertog
argue, underwent a Darwinian process of
variation and selection akin to the evolu-
tion of life forms on Earth. And crucially,
this all occurred in the realm of quantum
mechanics in which the act of observation
today creates a backwards-through-time
To order a copy for £18 effect to fix the outcome of the big bang.
visit shop.the-tls.co.uk/ Hawking and Hertog, with their “top-
reviewed-in-the-times or down cosmology”, are pushing for nothing
call 020 3176 2935 less than a new philosophy of physics, one,
saturday review 21
TOM DYMOND/SHUTTERSTOCK
Hertog writes, that “rejects the idea that
the universe is a machine governed by
unconditional laws with a prior existence
and replaces it with a view of the universe
as a kind of self-organising entity”.
Hawking came to believe that his book
A Brief History of Time — one of the best-
selling science books worldwide — was
flawed and had taken the wrong perspec-
tive in trying to understand the origin of
the universe and its governing laws. He
underwent a fundamental shift in his
thinking, which Hertog describes as early
Hawking v late Hawking. “Time for a new
book,” Hertog recounts Hawking telling
him on their final meeting together in
2018, just a few weeks before his death.
And this is the result.
The book is partly a biography of Her-
tog’s relationship with one of the finest
minds of the past century and their intel-
lectual journey together to the earliest
moments of the universe’s creation. It’s
also a primer on the historical develop-
ment of some of grandest concepts and
theories in modern physics: the big bang,
black holes, string theory, supersymmetry,
and the entire universe as a hologram —
leading up to Hawking and Hertog’s bold
new proposition.
Have no doubt: this is deep, complicated
stuff, and Hertog doesn’t pull his punches.
The concepts and arguments presented
here are truly mind-stretching and at
times require acute concentration and
re-reading. But for Hertog to have pre-
tended otherwise — oversimplifying to
only provide the illusion of comprehen-
sion — would have been a disservice to the
material and the reader, and On the Origin
of Time is immensely rewarding for that
investment of mental effort.
And what of the ideas put forward by
Hawking and Hertog? Their top-down
cosmology is certainly a radical, contro-
versial proposal, and Hertog emphasises
that as yet it remains only a hypothesis, a
plausible explanation that is awaiting
significant evidence to support it. As to
whether their approach will ultimately
bear fruit, as Hertog repeatedly writes:
“Only time will tell.”
Lewis Dartnell is an astrobiologist
and author of Being Human: How
Our Biology Shaped World History,
published in June by Bodley Head
22 saturday review
books
Elizabeth Day picks
the best books about
friendship — some
fast, some fraught
and some suffocating
T
he best friendships, like the best
books, should entertain and ac-
company you through life, mak-
ing you think about the world.
They should make life seem
richer for the experience of sharing it. But
friendships, like books, are not mono-
dimensional. They can be joyful, yes, but
also challenging. That’s why finding the
best books about friendship can be tricky.
I don’t like friendships that appear twee
or overly sentimentalised on the page, as
these never have the ring of truth. By con-
trast, these six authors do a beautiful job of
rendering friendship in all its complexity.
Anne of Green Gables
by LM Montgomery
My father used to read me this book at
My favourite literary friendships
bedtime and I adored Anne for her feisti-
ness, her imagination and for spelling her
name “with an e” (also my middle name).
We meet Anne Shirley as an orphan
sent to her adoptive family, Matthew and
Marilla Cuthbert on Prince Edward Is-
land. Anne makes no secret of her desire to
meet a “kindred spirit” or “bosom friend”.
Step forward the pretty, raven-haired
Diana Barry, the daughter of a neighbour.
There is a kinship as soon as they meet,
and they swear an oath of platonic love.
Their friendship is consistent and loving
despite their differences. They admire
each other for their individual qualities
and understand that life is better when
they experience it together.
When Matthew gives Anne a box of
chocolates, she asks if she can give Diana
half of them the next time they see each
other because “the other half will taste
twice as sweet to me if I give some to her”.
The Neapolitan Quartet
by Elena Ferrante
Female friendships have historically been
overlooked in the classic novels written
by dead white men. That’s why Elena
Ferrante’s Neapolitan Quartet is so refresh-
ing. Ferrante takes the structure and scope
of a 19th-century novel and applies them
to the lifelong companionship between
Lenu and Lila.
Their bond, forged in childhood in 1950s
Naples, is one that ebbs and flows
through the decades. Their lives
intertwine and diverge as their
selfhood is shaped by education,
politics, love, feminism, family
and ambition. Lenu and Lila
adore each other. But they can’t
escape loathing each other at
points too. A convincingly honest
portrayal of a friendship so in-
tense it can also be suffocating.
Pride and Prejudice
by Jane Austen
Of course, Pride and Prejudice is
most famous for the love story betweentween
Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy. Often
overlooked, but equally important is the
sincere friendship between Lizzy and
Charlotte Lucas.
Charlotte, described by Austen as “a
sensible, intelligent woman”, stands in
contrast to her “intimate friend” Elizabeth
who, although lively, sharp and funny, is
also prone to snap judgments and fits of
romantic fancy.
Charlotte, plain and poor, marries the
infuriating Mr Collins for pragmatic rea-
sons. Lizzy, who can only ever conceive of
marrying for love (and has the luxury of
doing so), doesn’t understand her decision.
A distance opens up in their friendship, but
when Lizzy goes to visit the Collinses after
their marriage, she acknowledges her
friend’s “degree of contentment”.
Most of us will experience a close friend
marrying someone we don’t warm to,
but there’s a mutual respect that exists
between Lizzy and Charlotte that means
I’ve never doubted they remained firm
friends after the final page.
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
FOCUS/EVERETT/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
love and friendship A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
Jena Malone, Rosamund Set during the Emergency in 1970s India,
Pike, Talulah Riley, this heartbreaking novel is a meditation on
Carey Mulligan, Keira chosen family and bonds of unlikely friend-
Knightley and Brenda ship forged across the divisions of caste, re-
Blethyn in Pride and ligion and class. When Dina, a Parsi widow,
Prejudice. Below: is faced with financial struggle, she takes in
Margherita Mazzucco a paying boarder and two Hindu tailors to
and Gaia Girace in sew dresses for an export company. Rohin-
My Brilliant Friend ton Mistry charts the transformation of
Dina’s empty flat into a home filled with
communion. The four inhabitants — each
of whom seeks refuge from something —
gradually discover that the forces that bind
them together are stronger than whatever
might set them apart.
But in the midst of these moments of
connection and love are also challenges
and devastation — the fine balance of
the title is an ever-shifting equilibrium
between hope and despair. It’s a novel
that will have you weeping by the end, but
one that celebrates the unexpected friend-
ships made along the way.
The Go-between by LP Hartley
The set-up of this novel relies on a friend-
s
ship between Leo and his Etonian
c
classmate Marcus. It is an oppress-
i
ively hot summer. Leo has come
d
dressed for a weekend with Mar-
c
cus’s upper class family in a jacket
t
that is too heavy for the heatwave.
B his discomfort is more than
But
p
physical — it was, he recalls, “the
f
first time I was acutely aware of
s
social inferiority”.
After Marcus’s elder sister,
M
Marian, kindly whisks Leo off
t Norwich to buy him a light-
to
w
weight green suit, he is willingly
i her debt. Shortly afterwards,
in
becom a messenger between the
he becomes
engaged Marian and her illicit lover, Ted,
the farmer — with shocking results.
Forget Lizzy The Go-between is a novel about yearn-
ing to belong; a common theme in school
Bennet and friendships when we run the risk of forget-
Mr Darcy — ting who we really are in the rush to fit in.
what about 84, Charing Cross Road
by Helene Hanff
the friendship In 1949 the author Helene Hanff was
between unable to find copies of obscure British
classics in her native New York, so she
Lizzy and wrote to Frank Doel, an antiquarian book-
Charlotte? seller at 84 Charing Cross Road, London,
for help. There followed a 20-year corre-
spondence in which the two discussed
everything from John Donne to Yorkshire
puddings. The contrast between Hanff’s
cheery American informality and Doel’s
Elizabeth Day’s new stiff-upper-lipped professionalism is de-
book, Friendaholic: lightfully funny.
Confessions of a Alas, Doel died in 1968 before they got
Friendship Addict, is the chance to meet, which gives their
published next week friendship (and possibly unconsummated
by 4th Estate love?) added poignancy.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Luvvies and
love in the
West Bank
This is a seriously
impressive novel by
a young writer who
mixes dark and light,
says Melissa Katsoulis
A
novel about a troupe of earnest
theatre actors getting het up
about arts funding, local poli-
tics and inter-cast affairs might
sound uninspiring, especially
to those of us who are irked by British and
American “actor-activists”, those well-
meaning, poorly educated show-offs fly-
ing around the world advocating for all
and sundry. But when the theatre com-
pany is on the West Bank and features Pal-
estinian performers and Israeli citizens
staging Hamlet under the watchful eye of
the security forces, the drama is real.
This is the world of Enter Ghost, a
powerful new novel by Isabella Hammad,
a British-Palestinian writer. Her ambitious
2019 debut The Parisian took a grand his-
Chill out for Sweden’s Sally Rooney
A sensation in its homeland, this has a
love triangle, arty chit-chat and lots of
snow and sex, says Susie Goldsbrough
D
ublin, you’re done. Pack up your
spare prose and go home. Since
Sally Rooney made sad the new
sexy with her 2017 debut, Con-
versations with Friends, Irish
gloomlit has sulked over contemporary
fiction. All those library books, black cof-
fee and deliciously tortured love triangles.
All that vague Marxism and miscommuni-
cation and girls who would rather read
than eat.
Now the Swedes are getting in on the
action. It started last year with The Trio by
Johanna Hedman, the tale of a gently fluc-
tuating love triangle between three Stock-
holm students (dreamy artist August, brit-
tle rich girl Thora and inscrutable Hugo)
framed through a distant future in which
they have drifted apart.
Beneath the snow and sex, some people
found it shallow, but I was hooked by the
intensity of the relationship, which is
beautifully evoked and felt true. White
summer nights really are endless when
you’re drunk and 20 (especially in Sweden,
where it literally doesn’t get dark). You can
really be assailed by a pair of brown eyes,
vulnerable as “a naked foot hanging off the
edge of a bed”. And so it began.
Next up: Collected Works, a 700-page
murder weapon of a novel by the psychol-
torical view of cultural identity through
the story of one man from Nablus, and
here she gives us a whole ensemble of
players, each trying to understand how to
live, privately and publically, in their war-
torn land.
Enter Ghost The theatre director is Mariam who is
by Isabella Hammad living the elite life in Haifa. Her actors
range from Wael, a young pop star whose
Jonathan Cape, 323pp; £20 Hamlet may just attract the wrong sort of
attention, to serious, thoughtful Ibrahim
and the wise old Intifada veteran Faris. Our
way into the troupe is through the half-
Palestinian, half-English actress Sonia,
who falls into playing Gertrude as a favour
when making a long-overdue visit to her
sister Haneen, Mariam’s friend, in Israel.
Sonia is a typical English luvvie, whose
Palestinian heritage has been reduced to
To order a copy for £18 annual summer holidays as a child. But she
visit shop.the-tls.co.uk/ is ready to discover the secrets of her
reviewed-in-the-times or father’s background and address the way
call 020 3176 2935 his trauma has rippled through their
ogist Lydia Sandgren, right. It’s a sensation
in Sweden, where it sold more than
100,000 copies in its first year and won the
big national literary award, the August
Prize. Punishing length aside, Collected
Works gives off an eerily similar vibe to
The Trio (although it was published first).
It’s about a gently fluctuating love trian-
gle between three Stockholm — wait, I
meant Gothenburg, it’s Gothenburg this
time — students framed through a distant
future in which they have drifted apart. It’s
all here: references to Marx and Austen
(also the gloomy Danish painter Vilhelm
Hammershoi, unknown to me and be-
witching), ill-disguised homoerotic ten-
sion, and parties where boys in turtlenecks
Collected Works: say things like: “Can an exact reproduction
truly be art? Or does art emerge in the gap
A Novel between the object and the image?”
by Lydia Sandgren, But the tone is subtly different — funni-
trans. Agnes Broome er and more friendly than Hedman or her
Irish counterparts. One gripe I usually
Pushkin, £20; 733pp have with these novels is that their protag-
onists tend towards a kind of opaque cool-
ness, as though they glided out of the
womb aloof, thin and quoting Nietzsche. It
doesn’t always feel very real. But Sandgren
strikes a nice balance between comedy
and coming-of-age. When Martin meets
magnetic, paint-splattered Gustav on the
first day of sixth form, he has to learn to
match his pretentiousness: to mug up on
To order a copy for £18 Dutch paintings and Dadaism and hang
visit shop.the-tls.co.uk/ out at punk rock clubs smoking Gauloises.
reviewed-in-the-times or At university, the boys meet serious-
call 020 3176 2935 minded Cecilia, who becomes Martin’s
KATHY COULTER/ALAMY
Isabella
Hammad
family. Escaping from the whirl of TV
auditions and unwise affairs with sleazy
directors, she finds doing Shakespeare
among the rubble and searing heat of the
West Bank refreshing. Also painful, con-
fusing and scary. Even before she gets tear-
gassed for the first time.
Hammad is a pretty flawless writer who,
despite her harrowing and often intellec-
tually complex subject matter, produces
easily readable, human, generous work.
Young adults and mature intellectual
readers alike will get behind Sonia’s strug-
gles with relationships, work, family and
self-image, which are instantly recognis-
able and perfectly parsed.
The excitement of travel to new places
and the heady buzz of forming sudden, in-
tense relationships with new friends
strangely makes this novel of war and trau-
ma work quite well as an upmarket beach
read. She is a faithful guide to what daily
life is like in a place where checkpoints,
girlfriend and Gus-
tav’s muse. Despite
the usual teenage
mistakes, the trio
sticks. They drift
from Paris to the Riv-
iera, dashing off essayss
about Joseph Conrad ad
between moonlit swims. ms.
Something else that at sets
Collected Works apartt from the
rest of the Swedo-Irishh school is that the
later timeframe gets equal billing to the
teens (this stuff is always written by the
young, about the young). We find Martin
becalmed in middle-age — his ambitions
of becoming a novelist unrealised, his best
friend erratic and abroad and his wife,
Cecilia, a mysterious absence. Fifteen
years ago she walked out on him and their
young children and never came back
(what is it with fiction and disappearing
wives at the moment? Lessons, Fleishman is
in Trouble and now this. Does it tap into
some deep-seated social fear about the
risks of emancipating women too much?)
Martin retreats into memory. His flash-
backs are delivered via snippets from an
imaginary interview in which a more
successful alternative Martin looks back
over his dazzling career (“INTERVIEW-
ER: What were your sources of literary in-
spiration? MARTIN BERG: [running a
hand through his hair, thinking] ”). It’s a joke
— Martin’s Collected Works comprise 25-
years’ worth of garbled notes and half-fin-
ished manuscripts — but a poignant one.
saturday review 23
spies and sudden killings are the norm. Yet
she doesn’t offer us a hand-hold: there are
only three words glossed in the “explana-
tory notes”, and if you don’t know what
“yalla” means or who the Shin Bet are, it’s
up to you to find out.
It’s a pity that Sonia’s burgeoning love
affair with a local man isn’t given more
space, since Hammad is clearly deeply
engaged with the impact of war on rela-
tionships. However, Hamlet — and armed
conflict — are so male-dominated that it’s
likely she went through her manuscript
with a super-sharp Bechdel test pencil and
crossed out some of the hetero intrigue to
keep things balanced.
As well as passages of Hebrew script and
transliterated Arabic, Hammad gives us
many pages laid out like a play script, not
only when the actors are speaking their
parts but when they are talking among
themselves. It’s only lightly experimental,
and neither gets in the way of nor particu-
larly adds to the story (which gets pretty
pacy as the troupe leads up to opening
night while bullets rain down around
them), but it is a reminder that this is a
writer engaging with literature itself as she
has her characters stretching the capabili-
ties of Shakespeare’s text to fit and illumi-
nate their own strange life in a land where
existential questions like Hamlet’s are
faced by ordinary people every day.
Hammad’s prose and skill at creating
characters is so natural and complete that,
unlike most novels with this heft, you
barely feel as though you’re reading. And
aside from the occasional Pythonesque
moment (“ ‘She’s with the women’s com-
mittee in Bethlehem.’ ‘Which organisa-
tion? WCSW?’ said Haneen. ‘UPWC’ said
Jad”), there’s not a hint of pseudy show-
manship. Which is no mean feat in a book
full of actors by a serious young writer with
a political axe to grind.
The shado
shadow of this gen-
tle, disa
disappointed man
hove over all our
hovers
enc
encounters with
his teenage self.
Sandgren
le
leans into the
n
nostalgia: “If
C
Caravaggio had
b
bumbled about
G
Gothenburg one
nig in May of
night
1984 with a Polar-
oid ccamera around
his neck,
his neck it would have
looked lik
looked like this. Click.
Gustav standing
Gustav stand under a
w
street light, his skin white like cream
and his eyes dark wells. Click. Martin Berg
lighting a cigarette, the collar of his denim
jacket popped, nightlight dividing his face
into fields of light and shadow.” It’s a lovely
atmosphere to lose yourself in.
Ultimately Sandgren tries to do too
much, too slowly. The later timeframe
can’t compete with the flashbacks, partly
because Gustav and Cecilia are far more
seductive characters than Martin’s teen-
age children, who are too dull or peripher-
al. The writing also lacks Hedman’s cine-
matic gleam. But the book’s biggest prob-
lem is the hole at the centre where Cecilia
should be — which is kind of the point, I
suppose, but comes at the expense of emo-
tional impact. And Sandgren is oddly coy
about plunging into the emotional costs of
the central heartaches and betrayals. But
to return to a more interesting question:
why are the Swedes taking over? I agree
with Nancy Mitford: it comes down to cli-
mate. These stories are gorgeous, height-
ened and full of glittering, icy people. They
look particularly good in the snow.
24 saturday review
books
The strangled
bride’s revenge
Antonia Senior also
enjoys a new twist
on Clytemnestra
and the escapades of
two jousting knights
The Red Bird Sings
Book by Aoife Fitzpatrick
of the Virago, 336pp; £16.99
In West Virginia in 1897
month a newly married young
woman is found dead.
Zona’s husband, Trout, is a respected man
in the community and seems to be mourn-
ing. Only Zona’s best friend, the eccentric
Lucy, who dreams of being a journalist,
distrusts Trout. Their relationship was
once close, bound by a secret: Zona had
a baby that she gave up for adoption.
Trout dresses his dead wife for the cas-
ket in her wedding gown, keeping people at
bay and wrapping her strangled neck with
muslin to hide the bruising. Zona’s grieving
mother, Mary Jane, is furious — it was her
job to care for Zona’s body. The relation-
ship between mother and daughter had
been complicated; Mary Jane had “always
been fond of attention, and seemed to find
it sweetest when it was stolen from Zona”.
When apparitions of Zona appear to Mary
Jane, everyone dismisses the sightings as
the rantings of a bereaved mother. Mary
Jane and Lucy set out to prove the truth
about Trout, urged on by Zona’s spirit.
The Red Bird Sings is based on a true
story; Mary Jane Heaster existed and
channelled the spirit of her dead daughter
to try to bring her killer to justice. In Aoife
Fitzpatrick’s version we read Lucy’s re-
ports on Trout’s trial and letters from Zona
to her absent baby, Elizabeth. The letters
are sweet and sincere as Zona urges her
daughter to believe in goodness and love
even while she is learning to fear Trout.
Fitzpatrick creates a sparkling, unusual
novel that demands you turn the pages.
The spirits tell me that this Irish debut
author is a talent to watch.
paperbacks
Our Wives Under the Sea
by Julia Armfield
Picador, £9.99
This book will haunt you, in a good
way. The set-up is original: when
Leah’s wife, Miri, a marine biologist,
fails to return from a routine
submarine research trip and
her workplace won’t answer the
phone, she begins to panic. Then,
miraculously, Miri shows up — but
something happened down in the
squid-ink blackness and she’s not the
person she was. Things get darker,
wetter and more unhinged as the
story splashes on. It’s part love story,
part underwater horror show.
The Great Reclamation
by Rachel Heng Tinder, 464pp; £20
Ah Boon was born into a Chinese fishing
community near Singapore shortly before
the Second World War. On his first fishing
trip with his father and elder brother, he
finds a mysterious island that is not sup-
posed to exist. The seas around the island
teem with fish and help the family to pay
for him to go to school. There he meets
Siok Mei, a clever girl whose parents are
away fighting the Japanese on mainland
China. Despite his shyness, Ah Boon
and Siok Mei become friends. But then
the Japanese sweep through Malaysia
and Singapore, driving out the British. Ah
Boon’s family suffer horribly under the
Japanese occupation.
Siok Mei emerges from the war as a re-
volutionary committed to the communist
cause. Ah Boon loves her, but not her fire-
brand politics. She is a force at school, bril-
liant and impassioned; he is “her lanky
shadow who did not speak loud enough to
be heard”. A small life in a fishing village is
not for Siok Mei, and as they grow older
their starcrossed love story intertwines
with the birth pangs of modern Singapore.
Rachel Heng’s characters feel vividly
real, and she deftly captures how life in a
fishing village is changed by the arrival of
the outside world. Life is hard for Ah
Boon’s family, but it is the only world that
they know and losing it is painful.
Clytemnestra by Costanza Casati
Michael Joseph, 480pp; £16.99
The trend for feminist retellings of Greek
myths shows little sign of abating, but this
debut is well worth plucking from the tot-
tering pile of chiton-lit. Clytemnestra and
her siblings, including her beautiful sister
Helen and twin brothers, Castor and Poly-
deuces, are the children of Sparta’s royal
family. As Spartan girls they are taught to
wrestle and fight, but despite the ferocity
instilled in them they are still used as
dynastic pawns.
Following Euripides’ version, Costanza
Casati’s Clytemnestra is married first to
King Tantalus, for whom she produces an
heir. The wicked Agamemnon, king of
French Braid by Anne Tyler
Vintage, £9.99
This is the 24th novel from
Anne Tyler, right, the
he great
amily
Baltimore bard of family
life. We follow the
Garretts over six
decades, starting
in 1959. Robin,
the owner of a
hardware store,
is baffled about
how to connect
to his family. His
wife, Mercy, wants
to escape domesticityty
and paint. How will
their children turn out?
French Braid is whatt you hope
for from a Tyler novel — a
warm-hearted exploration of the
foibles and dynamics of family life.
Mycenae, kills Tantalus and their beloved
historical baby boy and forces Clytemnestra to
marry him. Years later Agamemnon com-
fiction mits another awful crime in front of his
angry wife. He sacrifices their daughter
Iphigenia to make the wind blow for his
fleet of ships, amassed to wage war on
Troy. Her death sends Clytemnestra half
mad with longing for vengeance. In Casa-
ti’s strong, immersive debut there are no
gods, heroes or monsters. There are just
humans, driven by passions and frailties.
Battle Song by Ian Ross
Hodder & Stoughton, 416pp; £21.99
Ian Ross’s usual battlegrounds are ancient
Roman, but he has moved the action to the
13th century. The young squire Adam de
Norton has a new master, an irascible and
violent tournament knight called Sir
Robert de Dunstanville. Robert has lost his
ancestral lands, and jousts to win money
and favour in the hope of claiming them
back. The two men head to the Continent,
where the greatest tournaments are held.
Adam has romantic notions of chivalry
and honour, which amuses cynical Robert.
Back in England the tension between
Henry III and his barons is threatening to
spill into civil war. Adam and Robert have
to decide whether they are with the king or
the rebel leader, the charismatic and brutal
Simon de Montfort. The choice is compli-
cated by Robert’s close relationship with
The Ship Asunder: A Maritime
History of Britain in Eleven
Vessels by Tom Nancollas
a prehistoric vessel dug out of the
Dover mud to the propeller of the
RMS Lusitania, sunk by a German
£10
Penguin, £10.99 U-boat in 1915.
fr
Apart from ships such as
HMS Victory or the The House of Dudley: A New
Cut Sark, there are
Cutty History of Tudor England
sur
surprisingly few by Joanne Paul
ph
physical remains of Penguin, £12.99
B
Britain’s maritime Ambition powered the Dudley family
p
past. We have to great heights, but also, rather too
“
“lost whole frequently, to the gallows. Joanne
to
townships of Paul offers a twist on the Tudors,
tim
timber, sailcloth who come across as a 16th-century
and hemp, great mafia family, with the Dudleys as
estat of iron”,
estates their shakedown artists. Viewed
accord
according to Tom through the Dudley window, the
Nancollas In this gem of
Nancollast. Tudor period seems grittier and
piec together what
a book, he pieces more corrupt than previously
he can find of the fragments of this imagined. Complex politics are
lost world, often in unlikely places. interrupted by digressions into
There are all kinds of treasures, from female orgasm, the birthing process,
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
a Jewish family; Simon and his followers
blame Jewish moneylenders for the
nation’s ills.
Battle Song, the first in a very promising
historical adventure trilogy, is rich in
details about the arcane world of medieval
tournaments. This is A Knight’s Tale, but
with fewer jokes and more blood.
The Lodger by Helen Scarlett
Quercus, 384pp; £18.99
London, a year after the end of the First
World War. Grace Armstrong is mourning
the death of her brother, Edward, and fian-
cé, Robert. She is a reporter on the Nursing
Times, but longs to be a proper journalist.
A body is found in the Thames, and Grace
recognises the description in the news-
paper. It is Elizabeth, a woman who has
been lodging with Grace and her father,
but has been missing for two weeks.
The police insist it is suicide, but Grace
does not believe them. She discovers that
Elizabeth had been the prime suspect in a
sensational prewar murder trial. With the
help of Tom Monaghan, an embittered
veteran who was a friend of her brother,
she attempts to uncover the truth about
Elizabeth’s life and death.
But Grace’s own life is complicated —
she keeps dreaming about Robert, then
she thinks she sees him in the street and
becomes convinced that he is still alive. A
poignant and readable mystery.
clothes and interior decoration. “It’s
enormously entertaining — a sheer
joy to read,” was the verdict of
Gerard DeGroot.
One Party After Another: The
Disruptive Life of Nigel Farage
by Michael Crick
Simon & Schuster, £12.99
A biography of Nigel Farage?
In 2023? Who cares? But as
Conservative leaders have discovered
to their cost, you ignore the Ukipper
turned shock-jock at your peril.
Michael Crick, the most forensic
of old-school reporters, makes a
convincing case that this motor-
mouthed public schoolboy has had
a profound impact on British politics.
A comprehensive primer of the
feuds, fags and booze that have
animated the cigar-chomper’s career.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
bestsellers
audiobook
of the
week
The Crock of Gold by
James Stephens, read by
Gerry O’Brien, Naxos,
5hr 46min
In these days of over-
hyped, over-performed
audiobook let-downs,
hurrah for Naxos, which
resurrects great books of
the past and takes pains
to get the right narrators,
get pronunciations right
and remove multiple
takes of the same line that
lazy producers often miss.
I had never heard of
The Crock of Gold (1912)
or James Stephens (1880-
1950); I now know that
The Crock of Gold is a fey
miracle of satiric humour
that frolics along thanks
to Gerry O’Brien’s lilting,
gusto-filled narration, and
that Stephens was a friend
of James Joyce, who
called him “the latest
Irish genius”, and asked
him to finish Finnegan’s
Wake if he couldn’t.
Born in the Dublin
slums and committed for
begging to the Meath
Reform School, Stephens
made good, producing a
succession of acclaimed
novels and stories. The
Crock of Gold is the tale
of two wise philosophers,
their two wiser wives who
hail from the fairy Shee,
and their children, plus a
coven of leprechauns in
search of their crock of
gold and the gods Pan
and Aengus Og. There
are plenty of funny lines
and much memorable
wisdom. I hope Naxos
will record Stephens’s
Irish Fairy Tales next.
Christina Hardyment
saturday review 25
Paperback Fiction Hardback Fiction Paperback Non-fiction Hardback Non-fiction
1 (1) Lessons in Chemistry
Bonnie Garmus
1 (1) Old Babes in the Wood
Margaret Atwood
1 (1) A Fortunate Woman:
A Country Doctor’s Story
1 Bored of Lunch: The Healthy Air
(new) Fryer Book Nathan Anthony
Penguin £9.99 Chatto & Windus £22 Polly Morland Picador £9.99 Ebury £18.99
2 (2) Wrong Place Wrong Time 2 (2) In Memoriam 2 (2) Otherlands: A World in the 2 (3) Spare Prince Harry
Gillian McAllister Alice Winn Viking £14.99 Making Thomas Halliday Transworld £28
Penguin £8.99 3 (6) Someone Else’s Shoes Penguin £10.99 3 (2) The Earth Transformed: An
3 (3) Murder Before Evensong Jojo Moyes 3 Super-Infinite: The Untold History Peter Frankopan
Richard Coles Michael Joseph £22 (new) Transformations of John Donne Bloomsbury £30
Weidenfeld & Nicolson £8.99 Katherine Rundell Faber £10.99
4 (4) A Day of Fallen Night 4 (1) The Ultimate Air Fryer
4 (4) Cleopatra and Frankenstein Samantha Shannon 4 (6) Taste Stanley Tucci Cookbook Clare Andrews
Coco Mellors Bloomsbury Circus £18.99 Fig Tree £9.99 Michael Joseph £20
4th Estate £9.99 5 I Will Find You 5 (4) Stolen Focus Johann Hari 5 Paris: The Memoir
5 The Rising Tide (new) Harlan Coben Century £20 Bloomsbury £10.99 (new) Paris Hilton HQ £20
(new) Ann Cleeves Pan £9.99
6 (5) Clytemnestra 6 (3) Atomic Habits James Clear 6 (4) Mary Berry’s Baking Bible
6 French Braid Costanza Casati Random House Business £17.99 BBC Books £28
(new) Anne Tyler Michael Joseph £16.99 7 The Restless Republic: Britain 7 (—) The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and
Vintage £9.99 7 Garth Marenghi’s TerrorTome (new) Without a Crown Anna Keay the Horse Charlie Mackesy
7 (5) The Bookseller of Inverness (new) Hodder Studio £16.99 William Collins £9.99 Ebury £16.99
SG MacLean Quercus £9.99 8 (7) Old God’s Time 8 (9) This Much Is True 8 Enchantment
8 (6) Small Things Like These Sebastian Barry Miriam Margolyes (new) Katherine May Faber £16.99
Claire Keegan Faber £8.99 Faber £18.99 John Murray £9.99 9 (9) Bored of Lunch: The Healthy
9 The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue 9 (3) Birnam Wood 9 (5) And Away . . . Bob Mortimer Slow Cooker Book
(new) VE Schwab Titan £9.99 Eleanor Catton Simon & Schuster £8.99 Nathan Anthony Ebury £18.99
10 (10) The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Granta £20 10 (—) Surrounded by Idiots 10 (10) It’s OK to Be Angry About
Hugo Taylor Jenkins Reid 10 (8) Lady MacBethad Thomas Erikson Capitalism Bernie Sanders
Simon & Schuster £8.99 Isabelle Schuler Raven £14.99 Vermilion £10.99 Allen Lane £22
THE NUMBER IN PARENTHESES REPRESENTS CHART POSITIONS LAST WEEK. DATA SUPPLIED BY WATERSTONES FOR THE WEEK ENDING MARCH 18
But this is a novel by the acclaimed already become one of my favourite Sam must occupy himself, and his
children’s book Dutch children’s author Anna
Woltz, right, whose imagination
summer adventure stories.
Sam, an 11-year-old boy, and his
distraction comes in the form of Tess,
12, a local girl who ropes him in on her
of the week and ability to convey
complicated family
elder brother, Jasper are on
holiday with their parents
mission. She has discovered the name
of her real father, Hugo, in her mother’s
dynamics is unmatched on Texel, an island with old scrapbook, tracked him down and
Alex O’Connell on a in books for this sandy beaches off the fooled him and his girlfriend into
summer adventure age group.
My Especially
north coast of the
Netherlands. It’s not
thinking they have won a competition
to stay in Tess’s family’s holiday home.
story for the holidays Weird Week with Tess going well: Jasper She wants to see if he’s worth
was made into an and Sam are rubbing knowing before she decides whether to
My Especially Weird award-winning film each other up the drop the bomb that he has a daughter
Week with Tess (9-12) that came out in 2019, wrong way, and their with the same speckly eyes as him.
by Anna Woltz, Rock and the story has mother, who has a Woltz combines the slapstick with
the Boat, 176pp; £7.99 been translated from history of migraines, is the serious in a holiday tale that deals
It’s not often you go on its original Dutch into suffering stoically. Then with sibling rivalry, parental illness,
holiday to an island and 13 languages. Now English Jasper falls down a hole on family secrets and the business of
become embroiled in speakers can get a slice of the the beach and breaks his ankle, and friendship. It’s only March, but be
a girl’s search for the waffle thanks to this excellent needs to travel off the island to a sure it’s on your packing list for the
father she never knew. translation by David Colmer. It has hospital with his dad. summer holidays.
 Paperback Fiction
1 (1) Lessons in Chemistry
Bonnie Garmus
Penguin £9.99
2 (2) Wrong Place Wrong Time
Gillian McAllister
Penguin £8.99
3 (4) Murder Before Evensong
Richard Coles
Weidenfeld & Nicolson £8.99
4 (3) Cleopatra and Frankenstein
Coco Mellors 4th Estate £9.99
5 The Bookseller of Inverness
(new) SG MacLean Quercus £9.99
6 (7) Small Things Like These
Claire Keegan Faber £8.99
7 (8) Daisy Jones and the Six
Taylor Jenkins Reid
Penguin £9.99
8 (10) It Ends With Us Colleen Hoover
Simon & Schuster £8.99
9 The Exhibitionist
(new) Charlotte Mendelson
Picador £9.99
10 (—) The Seven Husbands of Evelyn
Hugo Taylor Jenkins Reid
Simon & Schuster £8.99
Paperback Non-fiction
1 (1) A Fortunate Woman:
A Country Doctor’s Story
Polly Morland Picador £9.99
2 (2) Otherlands: A World in the
Making Thomas Halliday
Penguin £10.99
3 (3) Atomic Habits James Clear
Random House Business £17.99
4 (4) Stolen Focus Johann Hari
Bloomsbury £10.99
5 (5) And Away . . . Bob Mortimer
Simon & Schuster £8.99
6 (7) Taste Stanley Tucci
Fig Tree £9.99
7 (6) Freezing Order
Bill Browder
Simon & Schuster £9.99
8 (9) Prisoners of Geography
Tim Marshall
Elliott & Thompson £9.99
9 (8) This Much Is True
Miriam Margolyes
John Murray £9.99
10 (—) Everything I Know About Love
Dolly Alderton
Penguin £10.99
THE NUMBER IN PARENTHESES REPRESENTS CHART POSITIONS LAST WEEK.
DATA SUPPLIED BY WATERSTONES FOR THE WEEK ENDING MARCH 11
Hardback Fiction
1 Old Babes in the Wood
(new) Margaret Atwood
Chatto & Windus £22
2 In Memoriam
(new) Alice Winn Viking £14.99
3 (5) Birnam Wood
Eleanor Catton
Granta £20
4 (1) A Day of Fallen Night
Samantha Shannon
Bloomsbury Circus £18.99
5 (3) Clytemnestra
Costanza Casati
Michael Joseph £16.99
6 (4) Someone Else’s Shoes
Jojo Moyes Michael Joseph £22
7 (8) Old God’s Time
Sebastian Barry
Faber £18.99
8 Lady MacBethad
(new) Isabelle Schuler Raven £14.99
9 (2) The Adventures of Amina
Al-Sirafi Shannon Chakraborty
HarperVoyager £16.99
10 (7) It Starts With Us Colleen Hoover
Simon & Schuster £14.99
Hardback Non-fiction
1 (1) The Ultimate Air Fryer
Cookbook Clare Andrews
Michael Joseph £20
2 (2) The Earth Transformed
Peter Frankopan
Bloomsbury £30
3 (3) Spare Prince Harry
Transworld £28
4 (7) Mary Berry’s Baking Bible
BBC Books £28
5 The State of Us: The Good News
(new) and the Bad News About Our
Society Jon Snow Bantam £20
6 (8) Strong Female Character
Fern Brady Brazen £16.99
7 (—) The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and
the Horse Charlie Mackesy
Ebury £16.99
8 Why Women Grow: Stories of
(new) Soil, Sisterhood and Survival
Alice Vincent Canongate £16.99
9 (9) Bored of Lunch
Nathan Anthony Ebury £18.99
10 (4) It’s OK to Be Angry About
Capitalism Bernie Sanders
Allen Lane £22
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
tv & radio Full seven-day listings & previews
Critic’s choice
Succession
Mon, Sky Atlantic/
Now, 2am & 9pm
Once more unto the snakepit,
dear friends . . . the final series
of Succession is here. And like
the slickest, smartest machine
around, the eagerly awaited
climax hits every button the
show’s slavering fans would
expect. Chronicling the
backstabbings of the rotten
billionaires the Roys, this has
it all: black comedy, wildly
creative swearing, plot shocks,
emotional heft, more swearing
and, when it comes to the
sharp end of the internecine
power struggles, suspense.
As ever, those struggles
involve the Roy siblings trying
to outmanoeuvre their media-
magnate father, Logan, played
with such peerless monstrosity
by Brian Cox. And this time
Kendall, Shiv and Roman
team up to try to beat Dad.
Unfortunately, they are, Logan
tells them, “f***ing morons”.
Meanwhile, Tom Wambsgans
is revelling in his ruthless
unctuousness. Enough said.
Once again, the dialogue is
so relentlessly laser-sharp you
almost need to watch each
episode twice to pick up on
all the vindictiveness. Sit back
and watch the daggers fly.
James Jackson
Best of the rest
Great Expectations
Sun, BBC1, 9pm
This version comes courtesy
of Steven “Peaky Blinders”
Knight. As such, there is murk,
swearing and diverse casting,
and it opens with a suicide
attempt. Purists may
not be happy. But it
also has atmosphere,
and Johnny Harris
(as Magwitch) and
Olivia Colman (as
Miss Havisham,
right) are reliably good.
Blue Lights
Mon, BBC1, 9pm
A six-part Belfast-set police
drama, the USP being that the
The cast of
Succession
cops are mostly rookie
recruits, like an Irish Police
Academy (but not really).
Siân Brooke leads the cast.
Rabbit Hole
Mon, Paramount+
Kiefer Sutherland
returns with a very
slick thriller series
in which he’s a
corporate-espionage
smoothie framed for
murder. But who is
really on whose side?
Bear Grylls Meets Zelensky
Tue, Channel 4, 8pm
In which the walking survival
brand meets a true survivor.
Grylls was invited to Ukraine
by Volodymyr Zelensky to
show him what life is really
like for the president and how
his country is coping in its
continuing nightmare.
The Power
Amazon
Teenage girls around the
world discover their sudden
ability to electrocute people
using their fingertips — and
vengeance is wreaked on
the awful men in their lives.
Soon society is upended.
This adaptation of Naomi
Alderman’s young-adult
feminist allegory starts slowly,
but could grow into a hit. JJ
The best films Darkest Hour (PG)
Sun, BBC1, 10.30pm
Rocketman (15) High-stakes dilemmas inside
Today, Film4, 9pm Whitehall’s War Rooms during
Taron Egerton stars as the 1940, with Gary Oldman’s
ultimate introverted extrovert tremendous turn as Winston
in the hit biopic of Elton John. Churchill, below.
The Black Phone (15) Don’t Look Now (15)
Sky/Now Mon, BBC2, 11.15pm
Ethan Hawke plays Nicholas Roeg’s ever-
a serial-killing child haunting drama based on
abductor in this Daphne du Maurier’s
tense, 1978-set tale, with Donald
thriller, which Sutherland and
could be Julie Christie
filed next as grieving
to Seven parents in
for its Venice.
queasiness. JJ
saturday review 27
Radio choice
Is Britain
Exceptional?
Sun, Radio 4, 9.30pm
When London hosted the
2012 Olympics most people’s
answer to the question “Is
Britain exceptional?”, posed by
the newspaper columnist and
academic Zoe Strimpel, might
have been a firm yes. Danny
Boyle’s dancing nurses
showed a country very happy
with its past that could tell its
story with wit and irony.
Post-Brexit, things seem
different. Would the opening
ceremony to a hypothetical
London 2024 feature a
series of people atoning for
colonialism and being overly
fixated on the Second World
War? Would there be actual
self-flagellation?
That Radio 4 has got
Strimpel, who is not known for
bien-pensant liberal views, to
examine these questions is
welcome, even though this
aired on Monday with barely
a whimper of publicity (this
Sunday’s show is a repeat).
The BBC really should
be proud of this. Strimpel
brings her considerable
smarts and inquiring mind
to bear on a wide-ranging
discussion with, among
others, the Cambridge
historians David Abulafia and
Robert Tombs. Unlike some
of her guests, Strimpel
remains convinced that the
answer to her question is yes.
This is chewy and fascinating.
Exceptional, you might say.
Ben Dowell
Podcast choice
Shock and War: Iraq
20 Years On
Gordon Corera’s fascinating
new BBC Sounds podcast is a
remarkable panorama of the
Iraq War, assembled through
an extraordinary range of
interviews with troops,
civilians, weapons inspectors
and even the heads of MI6 and
MI5 at the time of the invasion.
James Marriott
28 saturday review
Saturday 25 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice Fortress Britain
with Alice Roberts
Channel 4, 8.30pm
Katy Perry and Russell Brand,
Melinda and Bill Gates, Johnny
Depp and Amber Heard.
Professor Alice Roberts, right,
names these couples as
having had some of the most
high-profile divorces in
modern times. But none of
these, she says, led to the
fortification of an entire
country in anticipation of war.
In that regard, these
celebrities have nothing on
Henry VIII. Roberts explains
how Henry’s divorce from
Catherine of Aragon and split
from the Catholic church
paved the way for the
development of castles,
warships and advanced
weaponry. Having alienated
the country from its
continental neighbours with
his break from Europe’s
dominant faith of the time,
Henry had to protect his
kingdom from the possibility
of an overseas invasion. So
ensued the rapid construction
Operation Chiffon
BBC2, 7pm
After more than 20 years of
trying to track down the MI5
spy known as “Robert”, the
journalist Peter Taylor
interviews him. Robert breaks
his silence on his role in MI5’s
top-secret Operation Chiffon,
which involved back-channel
communications between the
UK government and the IRA, all
the way to the signing of the
Good Friday Agreement. He
reveals details of covert
meetings and messages
between the two sides,
including how he risked his life
and career by meeting the IRA
leader Martin McGuinness
three days after the Warrington
bombings, in which two
children were killed. YC
Catch
up
Ted Lasso
Apple TV+
AFC Richmond are back on
the pitch for a third — and
possibly final — series. And, as
ever in the football comedy-
drama, the focus is less on
goals than on personal
growth. Still, some goals
would be nice, as the joy
of the team’s promotion
to the Premier League
at the end of
series two is
punctured by
every pundit
in Britain
predicting
they will finish
of castles along the coastline.
We learn the significance of
“Tudor Glastonbury”, better
known as the Field of the
Cloth of Gold, and see the
remains of Henry’s mighty
warship, the Mary Rose. It
turns out that the crew were
surprisingly ethnically diverse.
To raise enough money to
protect himself from his
enemies, Henry infuriated
them even more with the
dissolution of the
monasteries. A historian
informs Roberts that the king
raised £1 million, a sum that
would be worth an astounding
£500 million today. As Roberts
takes us aside to provide
commentary, she makes a
Brexit comparison, saying we
might view Henry’s split from
Europe as putting him in the
“Team Leave” camp. It’s just
as shocking as the rest of
the documentary, but in
a slightly different way.
Yasmin Choudhury
Treasures of
the World
Channel 4, 7.30pm
The historian Bettany Hughes
explores mountainous Albania.
Her journey through beautiful
landscapes, epic fortress towns
and archaeological sites begins
in the ancient city of Butrint.
We learn how it had once been
on the wish list of Julius Caesar
and how it came to be Albania’s
first Unesco world heritage site.
Hughes meets remote
communities preserved in time
in the spectacular Albanian
Alps, talks to spiritual leaders
representing a liberal form of
Islam, and goes underground
to the secret bunker of the
former communist dictator
Enver Hoxha. YC
bottom this season. Nothing
daunted, Ted Lasso (Jason
Sudeikis, below — also a co-
creator of the show) is back on
fighting, folksy form as the
American coach, taking the
lads down a sewer to teach
them a valuable lesson in
shrugging off the “dookie” of
speculation. How much you
buy into the show’s American-
eye view of all things football
will depend on how much
feelgood artistic licence
you can stomach, but it’s
been the most Emmy-
winning comedy for two
years in a row
for a reason — an
ensemble cast
whose
p
performances
rarely miss.
Alice
Jones
Big Night of
Musicals
BBC1, 7.50pm
This concert was hosted by
Jason Manford last month as a
thank you to National Lottery
players who helped thousands
of arts projects across the UK
and supported more than
2,000 theatres through the
pandemic. Highlights include a
spellbinding selection of songs
from the cast of Hamilton, a
mesmerising performance of
I Will Always Love You by
Melody Thornton from The
Bodyguard the Musical and
numbers from Wicked and
Matilda the Musical. To end it
all fabulously, we’re treated to
an epic medley from the cast
of Mamma Mia! YC
Regional programmes
● BBC1 Wales As BBC1 except:
11.30am-Midday Truckers: Life on the
Road. Radio DJ Jagger prepares for his
HGV test (r) 12.30-1.00pm Question of
Sport 2.00 Live Scrum V Live: Women’s
Six Nations 2023. Wales v Ireland. Catrin
Heledd presents all the action from the
opening match of the championship, held
at Cardiff Arms Park. (Kick-off 2.15pm) 4.15
Legends of Welsh Sport: Gareth Bale (r)
4.45-5.15 Garden Rescue. From Dorset
(r) 10.35 Match of the Day Wales
11.05-12.40am FILM Game Night (2018)
● BBC2 Wales As BBC2 except:
7.35-8.35pm Gardeners’ World
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC2 except:
7.00pm Gardening Together with
Diarmuid Gavin (r) 7.10 Live United Rugby
Championship. Ulster v Bulls (Kick-off
7.35pm) 9.50 The MI5 Spy and the IRA:
Operation Chiffon. Documentary 10.25
Open All Hours (r) 10.55-12.25am Andrew
Lloyd Webber at the BBC. To mark his
75th birthday, the composer takes a
journey through the BBC archives
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC1 except:
10.35pm Sportscene 11.20 FILM Game
Night (2018) 12.55am MOTD Top 10:
Premier League Midfielders 2.25 (BST)
Weather for the Week Ahead
2.30-6.00am BBC News
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Andrew Lloyd Films of the day
Webber at the BBC Luzzu (15, 2021)
BBC2, 9.25pm BBC4, 9pm
The winner of the special jury prize at Sundance, this Maltese film
The composer turned 75 this stars Jesmark Scicluna as Jes, below, an implausibly gorgeous
week, and to mark his birthday fisherman caught between tradition and pragmatism. Well, I say
he goes into the BBC archives implausibly, but Scicluna is a real-life fisherman that the director
to reflect on some of his songs. Alex Camilleri cast alongside several other non-professional actors.
We see performances from Scicluna is persuasively taciturn and emasculated as a man facing
Barbra Streisand, Elaine Paige, dwindling catches from a sea warmed by climate change. With a
Diana Ross, Michael Ball and baby to feed, does Jes carry on in the wooden boat that has been
Michael Crawford, and hear with his family for generations, or pay the bills by more dubious
anecdotes from Lloyd Webber means? Camilleri combines the pathos and character development
on the behind-the-scenes of an indie film with moments of great tension — not something
goings-on of his most works. you can say often about the world of fishing. (95min) Ed Potton
He explains how he knew that
Madonna would perform the
Evita soundtrack years before
she did, and how Jason
Donovan and his Technicolor
Dreamcoat ignited a passion
for musical theatre in a whole
new generation. YC
● STV As ITV1 except: 5.45-6.00pm STV
News 3.00-4.30am (BST) Night Vision
● BBC Scotland 7.00pm The Seven 7.15
The Edit 7.30 The Falkirk Cowboys (r)
8.30 Kenny Rogers: All in for the Gambler
(r) 10.05 Country 2 Country with Ricky
Ross. With Lainey Wilson, Matt Stell and
Midland 11.05 Meet the Logans (r)
11.30pm-Midnight Rewind 2000s (r)
● S4C 6.00am Cyw: Shwshaswyn (r) 6.10
Fferm Fach (r) 6.25 Sam Tân (r) 6.35
Halibalw (r) 6.45 Twt (r) 7.00
Cymylaubychain (r) 7.10 Y Brodyr Coala
(r) 7.20 Byd Tad-Cu (r) 7.30 Blero yn Mynd
Burning (15, 2018)
i Ocido (r) 7.45 Gwdihw (r) 8.00 Siwrne Ni BBC2, 2.25am (BST)
(r) 8.30 Y Brodyr Adrenalini (r) 9.10 Seligo A twisted love triangle becomes something far more unsettling in
(r) 9.25 Byd Rwtsh Dai Potsh (r) 9.35 Hei this Korean thriller full of doom and dread from the director Lee
Hanes! (r) 10.00 Ty am Ddim (r) 11.00
Cwpwrdd Epic Chris (r) 11.30 Richard Chang-dong (working from Haruki Murakami’s 1992 short story
Holt: Yr Academi Felys (r) 12.00 Ffermio Barn Burning). A penniless farm worker, Jong-su (Yoo Ah-in), is the
(r) 12.30pm Stori’r Iaith (r) 1.30 Dan Do (r) hangdog hero who is seduced by the flighty Hae-mi (Jeon Jong-
2.00 Ffasiwn Drefn (r) 2.30 Bwyd Bach
Shumana a Catrin (r) 3.00 Priodas Pum seo), only to find that her heart belongs to a smarmy playboy, Ben
Mil (r) 3.55 Sgwrs Dan y Lloer (r) 4.20 (Steven Yeun, brilliantly loathsome). They become an uneasy
Cenedl Pêl-Droed Annibynnol (r) 4.45 threesome. They bond. They drink. And Ben says creepy things
Live Clwb Rygbi. Scarlets v Cell C Sharks.
such as: “There is no right or wrong. Just the morals of nature.”
Action from Parc y Scarlets (Kick-off
5.00) 7.00 News 7.15 Live Sgorio Suddenly, however, the film becomes a missing-person drama,
Rhyngwladol. Croatia v Wales (Kick-off then a stalking flick, and finally a bleak slice of existential terror.
7.45) 10.00-11.45 Clwb Rygbi
(148min) Kevin Maher
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
BBC1
6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday
Kitchen Live 11.30 Nadiya’s Everyday
Baking (r) 12.00 Football Focus
12.30pm Homes Under the Hammer
(r) 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.15
Bargain Hunt (r) 2.00 Money for
Nothing (r) 2.45 Escape to the
Country (r) 3.45 Garden Rescue (r)
4.15 Wild Isles. The wildlife of Britain’s
woodlands (r) 5.15 BBC News 5.25
BBC Regional News; Weather 5.35
Celebrity Mastermind. With Ricky
Groves, Harriet Kemsley, Verity
Bowditch and Bonnie Greer 6.05
Celebrity Bridge of Lies. With Gareth
Malone, Stephen Bailey, Mwaka
Mudenda and Ore Oduba 6.55
Michael McIntyre’s The Wheel.
With Chris Hoy, Georgia Toffolo,
Robert Peston, Snoochie Shy, Bez,
Dr Zoe Williams and Joel Dommett
Big Night of Musicals 2023 (7.50pm)
7.50 Big Night of Musicals 2023 by
the National Lottery Jason
Manford hosts a special concert
featuring performances from
the casts of some of the most
popular musicals in the West
End, from Manchester AO
Arena. See Viewing Guide
9.25 Casualty Dylan fights to bring
an abuser to justice, Jacob
finally faces his guilt, and is
there more to Faith’s dishonest
patient than meets the eye?
10.15 BBC News
10.30 Weather
10.35 FILM Game Night (15, 2018)
A group of friends who meet
for game nights become
entangled in a real mystery
when the shady brother of one
of them is seemingly kidnapped
by gangsters. Black comedy,
starring Jason Bateman,
Rachel McAdams, Sharon
Horgan and Billy Magnussen
12.10am MOTD Top 10: Premier
League Midfielders. Gary Lineker,
Alan Shearer and Micah Richards
count down the best midfielders
12.40 (GMT) Anton & Giovanni’s
Adventures in Sicily (r) 2.40 (BST)
Weather for the Week 2.45 BBC News
Also available online and on tablet
Digital subscribers can now use our interactive seven-day
guide with comprehensive listings of all TV channels
thetimes.co.uk/tvplanner
BBC2
6.35am Hey Duggee (r) 6.40 Hey
Duggee (r) 6.50 Supertato (r) 6.55
Shaun the Sheep (r) 7.05 Dennis &
Gnasher Unleashed! (r) 7.15 Boy Girl
Dog Cat Mouse Cheese (r) 7.30 The
Football Academy (r) 7.55 The
Dengineers (r) 8.25 Operation Ouch!
(r) 8.55 Newsround 9.00 Blue Peter (r)
9.30 Deadly Pole to Pole (r) 10.00
FILM Queen of Katwe (PG, 2016)
Drama starring David Oyelowo 12.00
Celebrity Best Home Cook (r) 1.00pm
The A to Z of TV Cooking (r) 1.10 FILM
The Tommy Steele Story (U, 1957)
Biopic starring Tommy Steele as
himself (b/w) 2.30 FILM Jesus Christ
Superstar (PG, 1973) Musical starring
Ted Neeley 4.15 Live Women’s Six
Nations: England v Scotland (Kick-off
4.45). All the action from both teams’
opening match of the championship
Ted Neeley as Jesus (2.30pm)
7.00 The MI5 Spy and the IRA:
Operation Chiffon How an MI5
officer helped reduce the IRA’s
violence. See Viewing Guide
7.35 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip
AJ and Curtis Pritchard travel
through Scotland in pursuit
of antiques, with outdoor
swimming and ceilidh dancing
among the attractions (r)
8.35 Open All Hours: A Celebration
The legacy of the comedy (r)
8.55 Open All Hours The milkwoman
makes a pass at Granville.
Starring Ronnie Barker (2/7) (r)
9.25 Andrew Lloyd Webber at the
BBC To mark his 75th birthday,
the composer takes a nostalgic
journey through the BBC
archives, looking back on
a collection of some of his
biggest and best-loved songs,
with performances by stars like
Barbra Streisand, Elaine Paige,
Diana Ross and Michael
Crawford. See Viewing Guide
10.55 Memories: Andrew Lloyd
Webber: Imagine Alan Yentob
talks to the composer about
his autobiography Unmasked,
a candid and confessional
account of his early life and
career up to the opening of
The Phantom of the Opera (r)
12.25am (GMT) Elaine Paige at the
BBC (r) 2.25-4.45 FILM (BST) Burning
(15, 2018) The new boyfriend of a
writer’s old acquaintance sets alarm
bells ringing. Drama, starring Ah-in
Yoo, Steven Yeun, Jong-seo Jun and
Seung-ho Choi. See Film Choice
ITV1
6.00am CITV 9.25 ITV News 9.30
James Martin’s Saturday Morning.
With Gardeners’ World presenter
Adam Frost 11.40 Ainsley’s Fantastic
Flavours 12.45pm James Martin’s
American Adventure. The chef begins
the Texan leg of his journey (r) 1.45
ITV News; Weather 1.55 You’ve Been
Framed! Comical clip show (r) 2.30
Live Gallagher Premiership Rugby
Union: Saracens v Harlequins (Kick-off
3.00). Hugh Woozencroft presents
all the action from the match at
Tottenham Hotspur Stadium 5.30 ITV
News; Weather 5.45 Regional News;
Weather 6.00 Celebrity Catchphrase.
Stephen Mulhern hosts a celebrity
special of the game show, with Mo
Gilligan, Naga Munchetty and Joanna
Page all guessing well-known phrases
to win £50,000 for charity (r)
Jennifer Aniston (9.40pm)
7.00 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night
Takeaway Former footballer
and Queen of the Jungle Jill
Scott is the Guest Announcer,
while Diversity put on a
spectacular End of the Show
Show. Plus, Stephen Mulhern
presents Ant vs Dec and the
return of Win a Week Off Work
8.30 Starstruck Olly Murs hosts as
four more teams of superfans
are transformed into their
music idols, and there is a
special duet performance
by judges Adam Lambert
and Beverley Knight
9.40 The Jonathan Ross Show The
host is joined by acting stars
Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston,
Brian Cox and Ruth Wilson, as
well as comedian Greg Davies.
With music by Arlo Parks
10.40 ITV News
11.00 Bradley & Barney Walsh:
Breaking Dad The actor and his
son head to Sweden (5/6) (r)
11.30 English Football League
Highlights Action from the
latest fixtures in League One
12.20am (GMT) Teleshopping 3.00
(BST) Unwind with ITV 4.30 Love
Your Weekend with Alan Titchmarsh.
With Gwyneth Strong, JB Gill and
Cherie Lunghi, plus Alan meets
two newborn lambs and samples a
selection of British-made rums (r) (SL)
Saturday 25
Channel 4
6.20am 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r) 7.10
Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 7.40
Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.10
Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.40
The Simpsons (r) 9.10 The Simpsons
(r) 9.40 The Simpsons (r) 10.05
The Simpsons (r) 10.35 FILM The
Adventures of Tintin (PG, 2011)
With the voice of Jamie Bell 12.45pm
Live Betfred Super League Rugby:
Leeds Rhinos v Catalans Dragons
(Kick-off 1.00). Adam Hills and Helen
Skelton present all the action from the
match in the sixth round of fixtures
3.15 Four in a Bed (r) 3.45 Four in a
Bed (r) 4.15 Four in a Bed (r) 4.45 Four
in a Bed (r) 5.15 Four in a Bed (r) 5.45
Château DIY. Julia renovates a new
bridal bedroom (r) 6.15 Channel 4
News 6.45 Devon and Cornwall (r)
Sci-fi thriller Terminator 3 (9.30pm)
7.30 Bettany Hughes’ Treasures of
the World Bettany explores
mountainous Albania, and
journeys to epic fortress towns,
breath-taking archaeological
sites and encounters a richly
diverse history and culture.
See Viewing Guide (6/8)
8.30 Fortress Britain with Alice
Roberts New series. The
historian explores the story
of Britain’s obsession with
invasion through history,
beginning with Henry VIII’s
fear of invasion from Catholic
Europe. (1/4) See Viewing Guide
9.30 FILM Terminator 3: Rise of the
Machines (12, 2003) John
Connor finds his destiny to lead
the human race in a future war
is catching up with him when an
advanced new Terminator in
female form is sent back in time
to eliminate him. However, a
reprogrammed cyborg has
also been dispatched to act
as his protector. Sci-fi
adventure sequel, starring
Arnold Schwarzenegger
11.35 (GMT) FILM Mission:
Impossible III (12, 2006)
A former secret agent ends up
in a struggle to save his fiancée
from a ruthless arms dealer.
Action thriller, with Tom Cruise
and Philip Seymour Hoffman
3.00am (BST) Ramsay’s Kitchen
Nightmares USA. Gordon Ramsay
helps a French bistro in New Jersey (r)
(SL) 3.50 Hollyoaks Omnibus (r) (SL)
saturday review 29
Channel 5
6.00am Milkshake! 10.00 The Smurfs
10.15 SpongeBob SquarePants (r)
10.25 Entertainment News on 5 10.30
Friends (r) 11.00 Friends (r) 11.30
Friends. Janice gets a wedding
invitation (r) 12.00 Live Darts
Champion of Champions. Ray Stubbs
and Bobby George present coverage
of day one of the seniors tournament
from Viva Blackpool, featuring the
quarter-finals 5.30pm Cash in the
Attic. Helping people make money
from their treasured items to raise
money for special projects (r)
6.00 5 News Weekend 6.05 Charles &
Harry: No Way Back?. Documentary
in which royal experts look back on
key moments in the lives of King
Charles and Prince Harry in order
to chart their estrangement from
its earliest days to the present.
Pop star Betty Boo (10.05pm)
7.30 Harry Wild Investigates
After a vomiting bug hits a
party in the home of Harry’s
former colleague Lawrence
Cavendish, the cause is traced
to a dead body in a well — and
Harry becomes a suspect (5/8)
8.30 Challenge Anneka Debbie
and Jo’s food hub charity has
outgrown its modest town
centre location in Stockton-on-
Tees, Co Durham, so Anneka
sets out to transform a nearby
hall into a new site for it (2/4)
10.05 Greatest Pop Hits: 1990 New
series. A selection of the 1990s
most memorable videos, telling
the stories behind them and
hearing from artists, directors,
choreographers and critics,
beginning with 1990. Kate
Pierson of the B-52’s reminisces
about filming Love Shack and
Betty Boo talks about Doin’ the
Do, while members of En
Vogue, EMF and Beats
International look back at
their own visual treats (1/10)
12.00 (GMT) Britain’s Favourite 90s
Comedy. A celebration of great
sketches from the 1990s (r) 2.00am
(BST) The LeoVegas Live Casino
Show. Interactive gambling
5.00 Friends (r) 5.25 Friends (r)
5.50 Entertainment News on 5
30 saturday review
Saturday 25 | Primetime digital guide
TalkTV
FV 237, FS 217, SKY 522, VIRGIN 606
6.00am Cristo The latest reports
7.00 David Bull The biggest
stories of the day
10.00 Peter Cardwell Westminster
insider Peter Cardwell
scours the latest news
from Parliament, featuring
exclusive interviews with
political heavyweights
1.00pm Trisha Goddard The
broadcaster looks through
the week’s leading stories
and gives her opinion on the
biggest social dilemmas
making the news this week
4.00 Claudia Liza A look at the
biggest stories of the day
that matter to you
7.00 Saturday Night Talkaway
with Andre Walker Two
hours of fun featuring the
week’s top stories, guests
and non-stop lively chat
10.00 (GMT)-2.00am (BST)
Live: James Whale The
presenter reacts to the
big stories of the day
ITV2
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
7.05pm FILM Legally Blonde (12,
2001) A sorority member enrols
at Harvard to try to prove to her
ex-boyfriend that she is not
stupid, but finds herself out of
her depth. Comedy, with Reese
Witherspoon and Luke Wilson
9.00 FILM Fast & Furious 5 (12,
2011) Action adventure sequel
starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker
and Dwayne Johnson
11.35-12.05am Family Guy
The network decides it is time
to reboot the series
Yesterday
FV 27, FS 159, SKY 155, VIRGIN 129
7.00pm Great Continental Railway
Journeys Michael Portillo travels
from Lyon to Marseille (6/6)
8.00 Great Continental Railway
Journeys Michael Portillo travels
from Sofia to Istanbul (1/6)
9.00 Great Continental Railway
Journeys Michael Portillo ventures
from Vienna to Trieste (2/6)
10.00 ’Allo ’Allo! The General
discovers the sausage and
hangs it in his closet to cure
10.40 ’Allo ’Allo! Classic comedy
11.40-12.20am ’Allo ’Allo!
Discovery
SKY 125, VIRGIN 250
7.00pm Gold Divers (1/2) The Gold
Ship crew strikes out on their own
8.00 Gold Divers
9.00 Gold Rush Parker returns
to the Klondike and drops
a bombshell on his crew
10.00 Mystery at Blind Frog Ranch
11.00 Aircrash Confidential
12.00-2.00am The Alaska Triangle
Sky Main Event
SKY 401, VIRGIN 511, BT 440
6.00-8.00am Live Super Rugby:
Moana Pasifika v Hurricanes
8.30-10.30 Live Super Rugby
12.30pm Live World Golf
Championships
2.00 Live WSL: Tottenham
Hotspur v Arsenal (Kick-off 3.00)
5.00 Live WSL: Manchester United
v West Ham United (Kick-off 5.30)
8.00 Live Fight Night: Lawrence
Okolie v David Light
11.00 Live LPGA Tour Golf
2.00-6.00am (BST) Live Fight
Night International
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC3
FV 23, FS 179, SKY 115, VIRGIN 107
7.00pm EastEnders Zack comes
up with a plan to honour
his and Whitney’s lost child
7.30 EastEnders Lola worries
Emma has rejected her
8.00 Top Gear Freddie Flintoff,
Chris Harris and Paddy
McGuinness present an
electric cars special (2/5)
9.00 FILM Shakespeare in Love
(15, 1998) Falling in love
cures the Bard’s writer’s
block and inspires him to
pen the most famous love
story of all time. Period
romantic comedy, with
Joseph Fiennes and
Gwyneth Paltrow
10.55 Two Pints of Lager and
a Packet of Crisps
Jonny develops an
obsession with Louise (5/6)
11.25 Two Pints of Lager and a
Packet of Crisps Jonny tries
to spice up his life (6/6)
11.55-12.20am Jerk Tim is invited
to parliament (3/6)
ITV3
FV 10, FS 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
6.55pm Midsomer Murders A man
collapses and dies outside a pub
after a fight with his brother-in-law,
but suspicious burn marks on his
forehead lead Barnaby and Scott to
discover sinister family secrets
9.00 Midsomer Murders A
socialite is found dead, and police
investigations uncover a dark
world of adultery and deceit
in affluent Midsomer Malham
10.55-12.55am FILM The Booze
Cruise (12, 2003) Comedy
drama starring Martin Clunes
PBS America
FV 84, FS 155, SKY 174, VIRGIN 273
6.15pm Hitler’s Slaves: Forced
Labour Under the Nazis (1/3)
7.20 Hitler’s Slaves: Forced
Labour Under the Nazis (2/3)
8.30 Hitler’s Slaves: Forced
Labour Under the Nazis (3/3)
9.35 1945: The Savage Peace
Documentary examining stories
of violence toward Germans
following the Second World War
10.50 Hitler’s Secret Weapons
Manager Documentary
12.00 (GMT)-2.00am (BST)
Beautiful Serengeti (1/12)
Sky Comedy
SKY 114, VIRGIN 112, BT 346
7.00pm The Office (US)
7.30 The Office (US)
8.00 The Office (US)
8.30 The Office (US)
9.00 Curb Your Enthusiasm (6/10)
9.35 Curb Your Enthusiasm (7/10)
10.10 Curb Your Enthusiasm (8/10)
10.45 The Tonight Show
11.45-12.15am Run (5/7)
Sky Premier League
SKY 402, VIRGIN 512
9.30-10.30am Saturday Social An
alternative insight into the game
12.00-5.45pm Live ePremier
League Finals EA SPORTS FIFA
players come together for the
2022-23 ePremier League
7.00pm Gary Neville’s Soccerbox
8.00 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox
9.00 Deadline Day: Football’s
Transfer Window (1/4)
10.00 Deadline Day: Football’s
Transfer Window (2/4)
11.00 (GMT)-2.00am (BST)
PL Retro Chelsea v Spurs
BBC4
FV 9/24, FS 173, SKY 116, VIRGIN 108
7.00pm Michael Palin: The Art of
Travel Michael looks back at
the publicity campaigns of
the Great Western Railway
7.10 Michael Palin’s Hemingway
Adventure The adventurer
visits Chicago (2/4)
8.00 Michael Palin: Travels of
a Lifetime Michael Palin
looks back on the making
of Pole to Pole (2/4)
9.00 FILM Luzzu (15, 2021)
Drama starring Jesmark
Scicluna. See Film Choice
10.30 Nighty Night First episode
of the black comedy
starring Julia Davis (1/6)
11.00 Nighty Night Jill continues
to ignore Terry’s phone
calls. Julia Davis stars (2/6)
11.30 As Time Goes By Alistair
tries to woo Jean (6/6)
12.00 (GMT)-2.00am (BST) Paris
Police 1900 Jouin visits
Jeanne Chauvin to ask for
help in translating some
correspondence (3/8)
ITV4
FV 26, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
6.25pm FILM The Spy Who Loved
Me (PG, 1977) James Bond joins
forces with a vengeful KGB agent
to retrieve missing British and
Soviet nuclear submarines.
Adventure, with Roger Moore
9.00 English Football League
Highlights Action from the
latest fixtures in League One
10.00 (GMT)-2.05am (BST)
FILM The Dirty Dozen (12, 1967)
Second World War adventure,
starring Lee Marvin, Telly Savalas
and Donald Sutherland
Sky Arts
FV 11, FS 147, SKY 130, VIRGIN 140
7.00pm Tina Turner: Live in
Barcelona A 1990 concert by
the singer at the city’s Olympic
Stadium, including performances
of Steamy Windows, Nutbush
City Limits, Let’s Stay Together
and River Deep Mountain High
9.10 Mr Dynamite: The Rise of
James Brown The career of the
singer, musician and producer
11.25-12.45am Marvin Gaye,
Behind the Legend Interviews
with the star’s family and friends
provide insight into the musician
Comedy Central
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 344
4.40pm FILM Hook (U, 1991)
Peter Pan adventure starring
Robin Williams and Maggie Smith
7.20 FILM National Security (12,
2003) Starring Martin Lawrence
9.00 FILM Paul (15, 2011) Sci-fi
comedy, with Simon Pegg
11.10-12.25am FILM Jackass 2.5
(18, 2007) With Johnny Knoxville
Bethany England of Tottenham
Hotspur is set to face Arsenal
(Sky Main Event, from 2pm)
More 4
FV 18, FS 124, SKY 136, VIRGIN 147
6.55pm Four in a Bed The
second visit of the week is
to the Old Orleton Inn in
Wellington, Shropshire
7.25 Four in a Bed The third
visit of the week takes
place at Ambles House
in Northampton
7.55 Four in a Bed The guests
are impressed with the
Royal George in Tintern
in Monmouthshire
8.25 Four in a Bed The B&B
owners meet up for a
final showdown
9.00 24 Hours in A&E A thirteen-
year-old is rushed to St
George’s after crashing his
bike head first into a parked
car while racing a friend
10.00 24 Hours in A&E A seventy-
five-year-old man is
rushed to A&E with a
dangerously high heart
rate of over 250bpm
11.05-12.10am 8 Out of 10 Cats
Does Countdown (4/8)
E4
FV 13, FS 122, SKY 135, VIRGIN 106
6.40pm FILM Indiana Jones and
the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
(12, 2008) Action adventure
sequel starring Harrison Ford
9.00 Celebrity Gogglebox Matt
Hancock’s apology — and then
resignation — is assessed (5/10)
10.00 Gogglebox Opinions on Line
of Duty and The Flight Attendant
11.05-12.10am Gogglebox The
armchair critics share their
opinions on Made in Chelsea,
Dragons’ Den, Line of Duty and
Louis Theroux: Shooting Joe Exotic
Sky History
SKY 123, VIRGIN 270
7.00pm How the Nazis Lost the
War How nepotism and corruption
led to the Nazis’ downfall (5/6)
8.00 How the Nazis Lost the War
The collapse of Hitler’s empire
from the inside out (6/6)
9.00 FILM Mirage Men
(12, 2013) How UFO mythology
was used to cover up the US’s
advanced technology
11.00 Mythical BeastsA look into
the secrets of the Sphinx, Egypt’s
half-man, half-lion beast (5/10)
12.00-12.30am Storage Wars
Gold
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 343
6.25pm Murder, They Hope
7.25 Only Fools and Horses
9.00 Live at the Apollo Comedy
sets by Joe Lycett and Russell Kane
10.00 Back to Life
10.35 Back to Life
11.10 Back to Life
11.40 (GMT)-2.40am (BST)
French & Saunders: Funny Women
Sky Cricket
SKY 404, VIRGIN 514
11.30-4.00pm Live International
T20 Cricket: South Africa v West
Indies Coverage of the first T20
in the three-match series from
SuperSport Park, Centurion
6.00pm International T20 Cricket
10.30 SA20 Highlights of the South
African T20 match between
Pretoria Capitals and Sunrisers
Eastern Cape at SuperSport Park
11.30 (GMT)-5.00am (BST)
International T20 Cricket:
South Africa v West Indies The
first T20 in the three-match series
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Sky Atlantic
SKY 108
6.40pm Succession Logan and
Kendall have their first
meeting together with Josh,
a major investor worried
about their family feud.
Starring Brian Cox (4/9) (R)
7.50 Succession Kendall and
the Waystar team find
themselves working
together at the annual
shareholders’ meeting,
where Logan’s health
takes a turn (5/9) (R)
9.00 Game of Thrones Tyrion
seeks a new, strange ally,
Brienne goes on a mission,
and Arya is given a chance
to prove herself (5/10) (R)
10.05 Game of Thrones An old foe
returns to the great game,
Arya faces a difficult choice,
and Jaime faces off with the
High Sparrow (6/10) (R)
11.10-12.15am Game of Thrones
The High Sparrow eyes
another target, and Jaime
confronts a hero (7/10) (R)
Dave
FV 19, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
6.40pm Would I Lie to You?
Material from the comedy show
7.20 Would I Lie to You?
8.00 Not Going Out
8.40 Not Going Out Lee worries
that he is losing his memory
9.20 Not Going Out Sitcom
10.00 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled
11.00 QI XL With guests Aisling
Bea, Corey Taylor and Ross Noble
12.00 (GMT)-2.00am (BST) Have
I Got a Bit More News for You
Victoria Coren Mitchell hosts,
with Maisie Adam and Helen Lewis
Sky Max
SKY 113, VIRGIN 111
7.00pm Hawaii Five-0 The
gang tries to help Kono who is
on the run following a murder
8.00 A League of Their Own
Road Trip: Southeast Asia
Highlights of Jamie Redknapp and
Micah Richards’ adventures (6/6)
9.00 Freddie Down Under On
Australia’s east coast, Freddie
and Rob swim with sharks (2/6)
10.00 Banshee Proctor has to deal
with an angry brotherhood (8/8)
11.05-12.10am A Town Called
Malice Crime thriller (2/8)
W Alibi
FV 25, FS 156, SKY 132, VIRGIN 125
7.00pm My Family Janey leaves
baby Kenzo with her parents
7.40 My Family
8.20 My Family
9.00 Gavin & Stacey
9.40 Gavin & Stacey
10.20 Gavin & Stacey
11.00-12.10am Louis Theroux:
Life on the Edge
BT Sport 1
SKY 413, VIRGIN 527, BT 430
8.00-11.00am Live AFL:
Western Bulldogs v St Kilda
2.30pm Live Gallagher
Premiership Rugby Union:
Saracens v Harlequins
5.15 Live Gallagher Premiership
Rugby Union: London Irish v
Northampton Saints
7.45pm-12.00m’t Live BT Sport
Fight Night: Nathan Heaney v
Jack Flatley WBA Continental
middleweight title bout
4.00-8.00am Live AFL:
Essendon v Gold Coast Suns
Nighty Night
Julia Davis writes and stars
as the sociopath Jill Tyrell
in the 2004 black comedy
BBC4, 10.30pm
Sky Documentaries
SKY 121, VIRGIN 277
6.50pm FILM McQueen (15, 2018)
Documentary charting
the life and career of
uncompromising fashion
designer Alexander
McQueen. Through a
combination of archive
footage and interviews
with family, friends and
colleagues, including
Kate Moss and Tom Ford
9.00 FILM Tina (15, 2021) A
celebration of Tina Turner’s
life and career, featuring
contributions from the
Grammy Award-winning
artist, as well as Angela
Bassett and Oprah Winfrey
11.20 (GMT)-2.40am (BST) Mr
Dynamite: The Rise of
James Brown The career
of the singer, musician and
producer, charting his
journey from his first
hit in 1956 through his
pioneering funk phase
to later chart success (R)
Drama
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 143, VIRGIN 130
6.00pm The Brokenwood
Mysteries The Brokenwood
fountain is spraying reddish-
brown water due to a man
impaled on its sculpture
8.00 Father Brown A local writer is
killed, leaving Father Brown delving
into her novel for clues as to who
may have committed the crime
9.00 Silent Witness Nikki
investigates a death in a prison
11.15 (GMT)-2.15am (BST)
Inspector George Gently
A club-goer is murdered
Nat Geographic
SKY 129, VIRGIN 266, BT 351
7.00pm Apocalypse: The Rise of
Hitler (2/2) The run-up to Hitler
becoming chancellor (2/2)
8.00 World War II: The
Apocalypse The story of the
Second World War (1/6)
9.00 World War II: The
Apocalypse (2/6)
10.00 World War II: The
Apocalypse (3/6)
11.00 World War II: The
Apocalypse (4/6)
12.00 (GMT)-2.00am (BST)
World War II: The Apocalypse (5/6)
SKY 109, VIRGIN 126
7.00pm Shakespeare & Hathaway:
Private Investigators (3/10)
8.00 Death in Paradise The
island’s governor is poisoned
at her leaving party (2/8)
9.00 Death in Paradise (3/8)
10.00 Father Brown (6/10)
11.00 Father Brown (7/10)
12.00-2.00am Father Brown (8/10)
BT Sport 2
SKY 414, VIRGIN 528, BT 431
10.00am Live MotoGP The
Grande Premio de Portugal
MotoGP qualifying session
11.45 Live MotoGP Moto3 and
Moto2 qualifying sessions
2.45pm Live MotoGP Sprint race
4.00 Live Badminton Coverage of
the semi-finals of the Swiss Open
9.00 Live UFC Preliminary bouts
11.00 (GMT)-2.30am (BST)
Live UFC: Vera v Sandhagen
4.00-7.00am Live A-League
Women: Melbourne Victory
Women v Brisbane Roar Women
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Film guide
Film4
FV 14 FS 300 SKY 313
11.00am Carry On Regardless
(U, 1961) Comedy starring Sid
James and Charles Hawtrey
12.50pm Big Momma’s House
2 (PG, 2006) Comedy sequel
starring Martin Lawrence
3.00 Mrs Doubtfire (12, 1993)
Comedy with Robin Williams
5.25 Bride Wars (12, 2009)
Comedy starring Kate Hudson
7.10 My Super Ex-Girlfriend
(12, 2006) Superhero comedy
starring Uma Thurman
9.00 Rocketman (15, 2019)
Elton John biopic starring
Taron Egerton and Jamie Bell
11.25-2.15am Joy Ride (15,
2001) Thriller with Steve Zahn
Talking Pictures TV
FV 82 FS 306 SKY 328 VIRGIN 445
6.00am Undercover Girl (PG,
1958) Drama starring Paul
Carpenter and Kay Callard
7.20 Stranger from Venus (U,
1954) Drama with Helmut
Dantine and Patricia Neal
8.55 The Perfect Husband
9.00 The Adventures of Sir
Lancelot Adventure series
9.30 The Cat Gang (U, 1959)
Children’s crime drama
starring Francesca Annis
10.35 John and Betty and
the Magic Dog Short film
10.45 Danny the Dragon
11.05 Phantom Creeps
11.30 Fury
12.00 Target Earth (PG, 1954)
Thriller with Richard Denning
1.35pm The Outer Limits
2.35 Crash Dive (PG, 1943)
Romantic wartime drama
starring Tyrone Power
4.45 Operation Amsterdam
(PG, 1958) Second World War
adventure starring Peter
Finch and Tony Britton
6.50 Brighton Rock (PG,
1947) Crime thriller starring
Richard Attenborough
8.40 Look at Life
9.00 The Four Just Men
9.30 Tokyo Joe (PG, 1949)
Drama starring Humphrey
Bogart and Florence Marly
11.15-2.00am Hands of the
Ripper (15, 1971) Horror
starring Angharad Rees
GREAT! Movies
FV 34 FS 302 SKY 321 VIRGIN 425
9.00am GREAT! Movie News
9.10 Deadly Exchange (12,
2017) Thriller starring Lindsay
Hartley and Cynthia Watros
11.00 GREAT! Movie News
11.10 Stalked By My Patient
(12, 2018) Drama with Bree
Williamson and Eddie Matos
1.00pm Watching Over You
(PG, 2018) Thriller starring
Andrea Bogart, Trevor St
John and Reagan Pasternak
2.45 Oliver! (U, 1968)
Musical starring Ron Moody,
Mark Lester and Oliver Reed
5.40 The Horse Whisperer
(PG, 1998) Drama starring
Robert Redford, Kristin Scott
Thomas and Sam Neill
Taron Egerton as Elton John
in Rocketman (Film4, 9pm)
9.00 Erin Brockovich (15,
2000) Drama starring Julia
Roberts and Albert Finney
11.40-2.50am Transsiberian
(15, 2008) Thriller starring
Woody Harrelson, Emily
Mortimer and Kate Mara
TCM Movies
SKY 315
6.00am Hollywood’s
Best Film Directors
7.45 TCM Shorts
8.05 Torpedo Run (U, 1958)
Adventure starring Glenn
Ford and Ernest Borgnine
10.00 Day of the Evil Gun (PG,
1968) Western starring Glenn
Ford and Arthur Kennedy
11.55 How the West Was Won
(PG, 1962) Western with John
Wayne and James Stewart
3.00pm The Gun Hawk (U,
1963) Western starring Rory
Calhoun and Rod Lauren
4.55 The Left Handed Gun
(PG, 1958) Western with Paul
Newman and John Dehner
7.00 Murder Ahoy (U, 1964)
Agatha Christie mystery
starring Margaret Rutherford
9.00 Hell on the Border (15,
2019) Western starring David
Gyasi and Ron Perlman
11.20-2.05am Hell Is for
Heroes (12, 1962) Adventure
starring Steve McQueen
Sky Cinema Premiere
SKY 301 VIRGIN 401
12.20pm Marlowe (15, 2023)
Crime thriller starring Liam
Neeson and Diane Kruger
2.15 Boonie Bears: Back To
Earth (PG, 2022) Premiere.
Animated adventure with the
voices of Joseph S Lambert
and Siobhan Lumsden
4.00 Tad the Lost Explorer
and the Curse of the Mummy
(U, 2022) Animated adventure
featuring the voices of
Trevor White and Alex Kelly
5.40 Where the Crawdads
Sing (15, 2022) Drama
starring Daisy Edgar-Jones
and David Strathairn
8.00 The Black Phone (15,
2021) Horror starring Mason
Thames and Ethan Hawke
9.50 Marlowe (15, 2023)
Thriller with Liam Neeson
11.45-2.45am To Leslie (15,
2022) Drama starring
Andrea Riseborough
Radio guide
Times Radio
Digital, web, smart speaker, app
6.00am Chloe Tilley and
Calum Macdonald with Times
Radio Breakfast 10.00 Hugo
Rifkind 1.00pm Alexis Conran
4.00 Ayesha Hazarika 7.00 My
Cultural Week with Mariella
Frostrup 8.00 Stories of Our
Times 8.30 Best of Matt
Chorley 9.00 Highlights from
Times Radio 10.00 (GMT)
Darryl Morris 2.00am (BST)
Highlights from Times Radio
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
5.00am Radio 2 in Concert (r)
6.00 Sounds of the 60s
with Tony Blackburn 8.00
Richie Anderson 10.00 Claudia
Winkleman 1.00pm Pick of the
Pops 3.00 Rylan 6.00 Liza
Tarbuck 8.00 Sounds of the
80s with Gary Davies 10.00
Sounds of the 90s 12.00 C2C
Live: Zac Brown Band (r)
1248am (GMT) Caroline Jones
2.00am (BST) Dance Sounds
of the 90s with Vernon Kay
3.00 Tina Turner at the BBC (r)
4.00 Radio 2 in Concert (r)
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
7.00am Breakfast
9.00 Record Review
11.45 Music Matters With Anna
Clyne and Pekka Kuusisto
12.30pm This Classical Life
Jess Gillam chats to the
conductor Jack Bazalgette
1.00 Inside Music Pianist Clare
Hammond chooses a selection
of pieces, introducing different
examples of how music is not
always easy to engage with
3.00 Sound of Cinema
Matthew Sweet talks to John
Debney about his career,
which has seem him compose
scores for films including
Elf, Jetsons: The Movie and
The Passion of the Christ
4.00 Music Planet Lopa
Kothari is joined by American
banjo virtuoso Bela Fleck,
with the pair sharing some
of their favourite sounds
from around the globe
5.00 J to Z Jumoké Fashola
celebrates the arrival of spring
with uplifting jazz tracks,
while vocalist Samara Joy
shares her musical inspirations
6.30 Opera on 3 Debra Lew
Harder presents a New
York Metropolitan Opera
production of Bellini’s Norma,
with Sonya Yoncheva taking
the title role as the Gaulish
priestess who falls for a Roman
10.00 New Music Show
Featuring a performance of
composer Frank Corcoran’s
My Alto Rhapsodies.
12.00 (GMT) Freeness
Improvised selection of music
inspired by city soundscapes
2.00am (BST) Through the
Night Including a concert by
the Zagreb String Quartet
Today’s pick
The Funny Old World of
Victor Lewis-Smith
Radio 4, 8pm
When the satirist, journalist
and producer Victor Lewis-
Smith, right, died aged 65
last December, a mischievous
light went out — but
hundreds of stories remain.
In this profile, Dom Joly talks
to those who worked with
him and lived to tell the tale.
Lewis-Smith’s short stint as
a Radio 4 producer and his
prank calls to the Vatican,
Mary Whitehouse and the
That’s Life! presenter Adrian
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Lent Talks (r)
6.00 News and Papers
6.07 Ramblings (r)
6.30 Farming Today This
Week Agricultural issues
7.00 Today
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in
Parliament Political news
9.00 Saturday Live
10.30 Rewinder
11.00 The Week
in Westminster
11.30 From Our
Own Correspondent
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
12.04 Money Box
12.30 The Now Show (r)
1.00 News
1.10 Any Questions? (r)
2.00 Any Answers? Phone-in
2.45 Drama: The Song of the
Cossacks By Jean Binnie
4.15 Weekend Woman’s Hour
5.00 Saturday PM
5.30 Sliced Bread (r)
5.54 Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.15 Loose Ends With Charles
Dance, Dyllón Burnside, Sara
Wheeler and Thomasina Miers
7.00 Profile
7.15 The Infinite Monkey Cage
Brian Cox and Robin Ince find
out about the materials that
we couldn’t live without (6/6)
8.00 Archive on 4: The Funny
Old World of Victor Lewis-
Smith A profile of the satirist
and broadcaster. See Choice
9.00 GF Newman’s The
Corrupted Joseph launders
money for South American
drug barons (2/10) (r)
9.45 The Skewer (r)
10.00 News
10.15 The Moral Maze
With Anne McElvoy, Melanie
Phillips and Matthew Taylor (r)
11.00 Counterpoint (r)
11.30 The Poet Laureate Has
Gone to His Shed (r)
12.00 Midnight News
12.15am Understand:
The Economy Pricing (r)
12.30 Egg (r)
12.48 (GMT) Shipping
2.00 (BST) As World Service
5.20 Shipping Forecast
Saturday 25
Mills show that he was
original, outrageous and
sometimes cruel. What drove
him, this show argues, was the
inanity of much media as well
as a detestation of its
hypocrisy. Ben Dowell
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am 5 Live Boxing 6.00
Breakfast 9.00 Patrick Kielty
11.00 Fighting Talk 12.00 5
Live Sport 2.00pm 5 Live
Sport: Scotland v Cyprus
(Kick-off 2.00) 4.00 5 Live
Sport 4.45 Rugby Union:
England v Scotland (Kick-off
4.45) 6.30 6-0-6 8.00 Match
of the Day: Top 10 8.30
Proper Football Podcast
9.00 Stephen Nolan 12.00
(GMT) Newscast 2.00am
(BST) Laura McGhie
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am GameDay Breakfast
10.00 The Warm Up 1.00pm
GameDay Live 5.30 Kick Off
8.00 Fight Night 11.00
(GMT) talkSPORT Special
2.00am (BST) Extra Time
TalkRadio
Digital only
5.00am Cristo 7.00 David
Bull 10.00 Peter Cardwell
1.00pm Trisha Goddard
4.00 Claudia Liza 7.00
Saturday Night Talkaway
10.00 (GMT) James Whale
2.00am (BST) Martin Kelner
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
7.30am Picnic Comma
Lightning 8.45 Ernest
Fontwell versus the Experts
9.00 We’re in Business 9.30
Whack-O! 10.00 Steve Penk’s
Radio Nightmares 11.00
Detective Inspector Crust:
The Bell 12.30pm Picnic
Comma Lightning 1.45 Ernest
Fontwell versus the Experts
2.00 We’re in Business 2.30
Whack-O! 3.00 Steve Penk’s
Radio Nightmares 4.00
Doctor Who: The War Doctor
4.35 The New Accelerator
5.00 Detective Inspector
Crust: The Bell 6.30 Picnic
Comma Lightning 7.45 Ernest
Fontwell versus the Experts
8.00 We’re in Business
8.30 Whack-O! 9.00 Steve
Penk’s Radio Nightmares
saturday review 31
10.00 John Finnemore’s
Souvenir Programme 10.30 I,
Regress 10.45 The In Crowd.
Comedy 11.00 Nick Revell:
BrokenDreamCatcher 11.30
Will Smith’s Midlife Crisis
Management 12.00 Doctor
Who 12.35am (GMT) The
Clocks Go Forward Tonight
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am News 9.06 BBC OS
Conversations 9.30 Pick of
the World 9.50 Over to You
10.00 News 10.06 Sports
Hour 11.00 The Newsroom
11.30 The Climate Question
12.00 News 12.06pm The
Documentary 1.00 Newshour
2.00 News 2.06 Sportsworld
6.00 The Newsroom 6.30
Dear Daughter 6.50 Sporting
Witness 7.00 News 7.06 The
Evidence 8.00 News 8.06
Arts Hour 9.00 Newshour
10.00 The Newsroom 10.20
Sports News 10.30 The
Cultural Frontline 11.00 News
11.06 Music Life 12.00 News
12.06am (GMT) The Science
Hour 2.00 (BST) Newsroom
2.30 Healthcheck 3.00 News
3.06 The Documentary
4.00 News 4.06 From
Our Own Correspondent
4.30 Tech Tent
6 Music
Digital only
6.00am Morning After Mix
8.00 Radcliffe and Maconie
10.00 Craig Charles 1.00pm
Jamz Supernova on 6 3.00
Gilles Peterson 6.00 6 Music
Festival: Mary Anne Hobbs
7.00 6 Music Festival: Jamz
Supernova DJ Set 7.30 6
Music Festival: Mary Anne
Hobbs 7.45 6 Music Festival:
Lava La Rue 9.00 6 Music
Festival: Gideon Coe, Amy
Lamé 9.15 6 Music Festival:
Christine and the Queens.
Live 10.30 6 Music Festival:
Gideon Coe and Amy Lamé
12.00 (GMT) 6 Music Festival:
Rave Forever 4.00am
(BST) Lose Yourself With
Virgin Radio
Digital only
6.00am James Merritt 9.30
Graham Norton Radio Show
12.30pm Stu Elmore 4.00
Tim Cocker 7.00 Ben Jones
10.00 (GMT) Rich Williams
2.00am (BST) Olivia Jones
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
7.00am Alan Titchmarsh
10.00 Aled Jones 1.00pm
Alexander Armstrong
4.00 Moira Stuart’s Hall of
Fame Concert 7.00 Saturday
Night at the Movies 9.00
David Mellor’s Melodies
10.00 Smooth Classics 12.00
(GMT) Katie Breathwick
4.00am (BST) Sam Pittis
32 saturday review
Sunday 26 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice
Great Expectations
BBC1, 9pm
Who better to tell you about
Steven “Peaky Blinders”
Knight’s latest Dickens
adaptation (he also wrote the
script for a very decent crack
at A Christmas Carol in 2019)
than the man himself? “Great
Expectations stands like a
mountain on the literary
horizon,” he wrote in The
Times this month. “When I
was asked to adapt the book I
didn’t take it as an invitation
to climb the mountain, but
simply to do my own sketch of
it . . . This is more like a dream
about a book, a way of using
the timeless characters to
explore timeless themes.”
Knight is selling himself short
— this is an adaptation of
substance and craft. Dickens
purists should be prepared for
Knight’s fresh script, which is
peppered with expletives.
When we meet Pip Pirrip, the
narrator of the book, he is
being brought up by his sister
and her blacksmith husband,
Wild Isles
BBC1, 7pm
David Attenborough is taking
us on a journey into the
grasslands of Britain. A scene
featuring a hare being chased
by a golden eagle across a
verdant field would have been
a common sight, but our wild
grasslands are diminishing,
with most now farmed. They
provide a home for wildlife:
insects seek pollen in rich
coastal wildflower meadows in
the Outer Hebrides; adders
mate on a sheltered slope in
Northumberland. In
Cambridgeshire herds of free-
ranging horses are restoring
lost land. We also find out
about the life cycle of large
blue butterflies — the stuff of
sci-fi nightmares. JC
Catch
up
The Last of Us
Sky Atlantic/Now
Based on a popular video
game, The Last of Us, from
HBO, is a classy and involving
take on the postapocalyptic
adventure story. It opens in
the 1960s with dire warnings
from a scientist (John Hannah)
about the next threat to
humanity: fungus.
Soon we move to
2003 and a
ghastly
pandemic,
through
which a
grieving
Joel
Joe. Young Pip (played by
Tom Sweet, right, with
Dunkirk’s Fionn Whitehead
taking the role of Pip the
elder) aspires to more than
succeeding his brother-in-law
as a blacksmith. “I would
remove my shackles and be
gone,” he tells his friend
Biddy. Earlier we had seen him
fearfully filing off the shackles
of the terrifying escaped
convict Abel Magwitch (the
always excellent Johnny
Harris) as the steam rose from
the frozen estuary marshes.
We know the thrust of the
narrative — Pip’s efforts to rise
above his station and change
his destiny. The unlikely
source of this change in
fortune is the ghoulish Miss
Havisham (Olivia Colman,
superb), the wealthy, wedding
dress-wearing spinster with
yellowing teeth. She has plans
for Pip that open him up to
a world of dark possibilities.
Joe Clay
Grace
ITV1, 8pm
Grace (John Simm) and Glenn
(Richie Campbell) attend the
scene of a “humble hit and
run”, an incident that should be
below their pay grade but is of
interest because it appears the
collision was deliberate — and
a cyclist is dead. A truck
knocked the victim, an
American student, into the path
of a lorry and drove off. Also
involved in the “accident” was
a woman in a car who fails a
breath test for alcohol. The
student was carrying Ecstasy in
“intent-to-supply quantities”,
which suggests there could be
more to the incident than
meets the eye. “Until we know
different, we’re treating this as
murder,” Grace says. JC
(Pedro Pascal) has to escort the
hard-edged teenager Ellie
(Bella Ramsey, below with
Pascal), who seems immune to
the infection and may be key
to a vaccine, across a ravaged,
savaged US. The special effects
are undeniably top-notch, but
this nine-part series was a hit
that reached way beyond its
gaming fanbase — in large
part because of the crisp,
emotional storytelling. The
Joel/Ellie relationship evolves
beautifully, but there is no
better episode than the third,
which unexpectedly
breaks away from
the fungoid
savagery to tell
a moving love
story between
two men, Bill
and Frank.
Ben Dowell
Tempting Fortune
Channel 4, 9pm
Yet another high-concept
reality series arrives on
Channel 4 (Rise and Fall
continues on Monday at 10pm).
Paddy McGuinness is your host
as 12 strangers embark on an
18-day trek across the South
African wilderness to reach a
shared £300,000 prize pot.
The competitors are given
basic gear and rations to help
them on their journey. They’ll
face temptations designed to
entice them into spending their
collective prize money. Can
they resist? And will they tell
their team-mates that they
have spent a chunk of the cash
on themselves? When a single
shower costs £1,000, the bill
can rack up quickly . . . JC
Regional programmes
● BBC1 Wales As BBC1 except:
10.00-10.30am Politics Wales
● BBC2 Wales As BBC2 except: 5.10pm
Flog It! (r) 6.00-7.00pm Scrum V Sunday
● BBC1 N Ireland As BBC1 except:
10.00am Sunday Politics Northern
Ireland 10.30pm Match of the Day
Northern Ireland: Euro 2024 Qualifiers.
Northern Ireland v Finland 11.10 The Gold:
The Inside Story. The true story of
Britain’s biggest bullion heist (r)
12.10-12.25am The Chronicles of Erne (r)
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC2 except:
10.00pm Keepin’ ’Er Country: On the
Road Again. Documentary following Irish
country music stars as they go out on
tour (r) 10.30 Sunday Politics Northern
Ireland (r) 11.00-11.15pm Barra on the
Bann. Weather presenter Barra Best
travels along the Bann (r)
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC1 except:
10.00-10.30am The Sunday Show
● STV As ITV1 except: 6.45-7.00pm STV
News 3.50-5.05am Night Vision
● BBC Scotland 7.00pm The Seven 7.15
Seven Days 8.00 Grand Tours of
Scotland’s Rivers (r) 8.30 City Lights (r)
9.00 Still Game (r) 9.30 Two Doors Down
(r) 10.00 Scotland ’78: A Love Story (r)
11.00pm-Midnight Away with the Tartan
Army: Scotland’s Best Moments (r)
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Project Icon Films of the day
BBC3, 9pm
Darkest Hour (PG, 2017)
The Radio 1 DJ Jordan North BBC1, 10.30pm
presents a new six-part series Joe Wright’s historical drama has broad ambitions. It wants to
in which eight aspiring singers describe the tensions within Winston Churchill’s Conservative
compete to transform Party in his early days as leader during the Second World War
themselves from bedroom and show our bellicose hero battling dithering peaceniks.
performers into (as the However, when you strip away the structure (two small speeches
subtitle has it) The UK’s Next followed by self-doubt, then the “fight on the beaches” address),
Music Star in only a few weeks. it’s a film about being Churchill, and being this version of Churchill
The series is the brainchild of — funny, terrifying, introspective, drunk, cunning, caring and cold.
the American singer Jason In every aspect Gary Oldman proves a charismatic draw. With his
Derulo and his manager, Frank face lathered in latex but expertly alive, he is the most effective
Harris, who, with the British screen Churchill of the modern era. The Oscar and Golden Globe
singer Becky Hill (who herself wins were deserved. (120min) Kevin Maher
started out on The Voice UK),
will be acting as mentors to the
contestants. In addition to
honing their talent, the
aspirants will have to navigate
“high-stakes challenges that
reflect the realities of the
modern music business”. JC
● S4C 6.00am Cyw: Blociau Rhif (r) 6.05
Guto Gwningen (r) 6.20 Caru Canu (r)
6.25 Awyr Iach (r) 6.40 Jamborî (r) 6.50
Digbi Draig (r) 7.05 Jen a Jim Pob Dim (r)
7.20 Octonots (r) 7.30 Cacamwnci (r) 7.45
Patrôl Pawennau (r) 8.00 Amser Maith
Maith yn Ôl (r) 8.15 Pablo (r) 8.25 Ahoi! (r)
8.40 Sion y Chef (r) 8.50 Penblwyddi Cyw
9.00 Iolo: Deifio yn y Barrier Reef (r)
10.00 Y Cosmos (r) 11.00 Pen/Campwyr
(r) 11.30 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol
(r) 12.00 Yr Wythnos 12.30pm Dan Do (r)
1.00 Stori’r Iaith (r) 2.00 Ma’i Off ’Ma (r)
2.30 Gwesty Aduniad (r) 3.30 Ar Werth (r)
Alien: Covenant (15, 2017)
4.00 Ysgoloriaeth Bryn Terfel Urdd E4, 10.50pm
Gobaith Cymru 2023 (r) 5.35 Ffermio (r) Nearly four decades since Ridley Scott’s first Alien burst
6.10 Pobol y Cwm Omnibws (r) 7.15 News spectacularly out of John Hurt’s chest, that aggressive and
7.30 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol.
Famous faces from across Wales share terrifying creature is back, and there’s life in the old xenomorph
their favourite hymns 8.00 Cynefin. yet, with a new menagerie of mutants. It’s 2104, 18 years before
Heledd Cynwal, Iestyn Jones Ffion Dafis Alien, and the colonisation vessel Covenant is making its way to
and Siôn Tomos Owen discover the
Victorian seaside resort of Llandudno a new Earth-like planet. When the crew of 15, including Daniels
9.00 Cymru Wyllt Gudd. Cutting-edge (Katherine Waterston, above), are shaken awake, they find
camera technology explores Wales’ rivers themselves in a tangle on a planet full of plants laced with evil
(r) 10.00 Teulu, Dad a Fi. Wayne and
Connagh head to the Caribbean. Last in
spores. What gives the new film its USP is the presence of two
the series. (r) 11.00-11.35 Darn Bach o Michael Fassbenders, playing the lookalike androids David and
Hanes. Rhaglen ola’r gyfres. Wales’ Walter. This was the first Alien film to be released after the death
key historic battlefield sites (r)
of HR Giger, the designer of the xenomorph. (117min) Kate Muir
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
BBC1
6.00am Breakfast 9.00 Sunday with
Laura Kuenssberg 10.00 Politics
England 10.30 Sunday Morning Live
11.30 Songs of Praise: 900 Years of
Haddon Hall. Rev Kate Bottley
explores Haddon Hall in Derbyshire
12.05pm Lifeline 12.15 BBC News;
Weather 12.25 Live MOTD: Women’s
Super League: Manchester City v
Chelsea (Kick-off 12.40). All the action
from the clash at Academy Stadium
2.45 Escape to the Country (r) 3.30
Live The Boat Races. Coverage of the
annual men’s and women’s University
Boat Races between Oxford and
Cambridge on the River Thames 5.45
BBC News 6.00 BBC Regional News;
Weather 6.10 Countryfile. Joe Crowley
is in Aberystwyth to meet scientists
behind the latest big developments
in farming and food security
The large blue butterfly (7pm)
7.00 Wild Isles David Attenborough
explores Britain’s grasslands,
from flower meadows to the
rich open landscapes of our
mountains, and reveals some
extraordinary wildlife stories.
See Viewing Guide (3/5)
8.00 Antiques Roadshow
Fiona Bruce and the team
visit Sefton Park in Liverpool,
where treasures include a
medal given to one of the first
men to land on D-Day and one
of the first vials of penicillin
9.00 Great Expectations New series.
Steven Knight’s adaptation of
Charles Dickens’ classic novel
about an orphan pursuing his
desire for a greater lot in life.
Starring Olivia Colman, Fionn
Whitehead and Tom Sweet.
See Viewing Guide (1/6)
10.00BBC News; Weather
10.25 BBC Regional News
10.30 FILM Darkest Hour (PG, 2017)
As the Nazis advance against
Britain’s European allies, newly
elected prime minister Winston
Churchill must decide whether
to leave neighbouring countries
to their fate, by striking a peace
deal with Hitler, or fight on
against terrifying odds for the
greater good. Period drama
starring Gary Oldman, Lily
James and Kristin Scott
Thomas. See Film Choice
12.25am The Women’s Football Show.
Including highlights of Manchester
City v Chelsea, Tottenham Hotspur v
Arsenal, Manchester United v West
Ham United and Everton v Liverpool
1.15 Question of Sport (r) 1.45 Weather
for the Week Ahead 1.50 BBC News
Also available online and on tablet
Digital subscribers can now use our interactive seven-day
guide with comprehensive listings of all TV channels
thetimes.co.uk/tvplanner
BBC2
6.35am Gardeners’ World (r) 7.35
Countryfile (r) 8.30 Pilgrimage: The
Road to the Scottish Isles (r) 9.30
Weatherman Walking: The Welsh
Coast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best
Bites 11.30 Coast to Coast Food
Festival (r) 12.00 Sam and Shauna’s
Big Cook Out (r) 12.30pm Sam and
Shauna’s Big Cook Out (r) 1.00 FILM
The First Great Train Robbery (12,
1978) A gentleman crook and a
master safecracker hatch a plan to
rob an Army payroll train carrying a
fortune in gold bullion. Period thriller
starring Sean Connery and Donald
Sutherland 2.45 Figure Skating World
Championships Highlights. Katherine
Downes presents action from
Saitama, Japan 4.10 Interior Design
Masters with Alan Carr (r) 5.10 Race
Across the World (r) 6.10 Flog It! (r)
The First Great Train Robbery (1pm)
7.00 Amazing Hotels: Life Beyond
the Lobby Giles Coren and
Monica Galetti travel to
Madeira, famous for its year-
round spring-like weather, to
work in one of Europe’s greatest
hotels, Reid’s Palace (2/6) (r)
8.00 Britain’s Biggest Warship Goes
to Sea The captain of HMS
Queen Elizabeth deliberately
seeks out the worst possible
weather — including a hurricane
— so he can test how the F35
jets cope under extreme
conditions (2/3) (r)
9.00 We Need to Talk About Cosby
After spending the early 2000s
perched on the high horse of
respectability politics, Bill Cosby
falls from grace with two trials,
a conviction and incarceration.
Last in the series (4/4)
10.00QI XL Sandi Toksvig hosts an
extended edition of the comedy
quiz on the theme of animals
that begin with the letter T (r)
10.45 The Cockfields Comedy
starring Joe Wilkinson and
Diane Morgan (1/3) (r)
11.15 The Holy Land and Us: Our
Untold Stories Part two of two.
Rob Rinder and Sarah Agha
meet a woman who wants to
know why, when she was a
child, her aunts left Egypt for
the new state of Israel (r)
12.30am Becoming Frida Kahlo.
Dangerous politics and turbulent love
shock the painter’s world. Last in the
series (r) 1.30 Sign Zone: Question
Time (r) (SL) 2.30-3.30 The Mormons
Are Coming. Following three young
missionaries through training (r) (SL)
ITV1
6.00am CITV 9.25 ITV News 9.30
Love Your Weekend with Alan
Titchmarsh. With Geraldine James
and Steve and Suzie Fletcher 11.25
James Martin’s Saturday Morning (r)
1.35pm ITV News; Weather 1.45 The
Masked Singer US. Hamster, Skunk,
Pufferfish, Bull and Baby perform (r)
2.45 FILM Marley & Me (PG, 2008)
Comedy drama based on journalist
John Grogan’s account of life with a
mischievous golden Labrador he
bought for his wife. Starring Owen
Wilson and Jennifer Aniston 5.00 In
for a Penny. Stephen Mulhern sets
challenges to members of the public
in Sunderland (r) 5.30 Celebrity Lingo.
With John Barnes, Katarina Johnson-
Thompson, Kelle Bryan and Katie
Piper (r) 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.45 Regional News; Weather
The crime drama Grace (8pm)
7.00 The Chase: I’m a Celebrity
Special Bradley Walsh presents
as former I’m a Celebrity
campmates Rita Simons,
Malique Thompson-Dwyer,
Fleur East and James McVey
try to win as much money as
they can for charity (r)
8.00 Grace The detective and his
team are called to the site of
a fatal crash involving an
articulated lorry, a car and
a blue pick-up truck. An
unexpected discovery found
on the victim at the scene soon
suggests there could be far
more to this particular accident
than meets the eye, sparking
an unsettling chain of events
that leads Grace and Branson
on a game of cat and mouse
through Brighton to save an
innocent life before time runs
out. See Viewing Guide (2/3)
10.00ITV News
10.15 DNA Journey Line of Duty
co-stars and lifelong friends
Neil Morrissey and Adrian
Dunbar embark on a journey
across the UK and Ireland to
explore their family histories.
Neil was taken into care when
he was just 10 years old, and
feels utterly disconnected from
his family history (3/4) (r)
11.30 Gallagher Premiership Rugby
Union Highlights Action from
the 21st round of fixtures,
including Newcastle Falcons v
Gloucester and Leicester
Tigers v Bristol Bears (r)
12.20am Teleshopping 3.00 Cold
Case Detectives. Officers investigate
a 60-year-old murder case (r) (SL)
3.50 Unwind with ITV 5.05 Jeremy
Pang’s Asian Kitchen (r) (SL)
Channel 4
6.00am 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
6.25 3rd Rock from the Sun (r) 6.50
The King of Queens (r) 7.10 The King
of Queens (r) 7.35 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 8.00 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 8.30 Formula E Sao
Paulo ePrix Highlights. The sixth
race of the season 9.30 Sunday
Brunch. With Jordan North, Amelia
Dimoldenberg, Kiell Smith-Bynoe and
Jack Rowan 12.30pm The Simpsons
(r) 12.55 FILM Ice Age: Collision
Course (U, 2016) Animated sequel
with the voice of Ray Romano 2.45
Channel 4 News 3.15 The Andrew Neil
Show 4.00 Live England International
Football: England v Ukraine (Kick-off
5.00). Jules Breach presents all the
action from both teams’ second
Euro 2024 Group C qualifier, which
comes from Wembley Stadium
New series Tempting Fortune (9pm)
7.40 The Great Celebrity Bake Off
for Stand Up to Cancer
Matt Lucas and Noel Fielding
welcome AJ Odudu, Gemma
Collins, Jessica Hynes and Tim
Key to the tent for the second of
this year’s star-studded special
editions. They must make
Signature sandwich cakes, a
classic tart for the Technical,
and in the showstopper they
relive their earliest childhood
memories in choux pastry
9.00 Tempting Fortune New series.
Paddy McGuinness challenges
a group of 12 strangers to
make a gruelling trek across
18 miles of the South African
wilderness — and resist a series
of temptations along the way.
See Viewing Guide (1/6)
10.00Gogglebox The armchair critics
share their opinions on what
they have been watching on
television during the week (r)
10.55 First Dates A truck driver is fed
up with riding solo. Her date
is a freelance pilot, who rarely
encounters women in his
day-to-day life. Plus, a 27-year-
old joiner is keen to prove he’s
not just after a good time but is
ready for something serious (r)
12.00 England International Football
1.00am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares
USA. A struggling seafood restaurant
in Manhattan (r) (SL) 1.50 Come Dine
with Me (r) 4.00 Food Unwrapped (r)
4.25 Best of Britain by the Sea (r) (SL)
5.20 Location, Location, Location (r)
saturday review 33
Sunday 26
Channel 5
6.00am Milkshake! 9.55 The Smurfs
10.10 SpongeBob SquarePants (r)
10.25 Entertainment News on 5
10.30 Friends (r) 11.00 Friends. Rachel
gets a dressing-down for dating Tag
(r) 11.30 Friends. Phoebe plans to
return to her flat (r) 12.00 Live Darts
Champion of Champions. Ray Stubbs
and Bobby George present coverage
of day two of the inaugural seniors
tournament from Viva Blackpool,
featuring the semi-finals and final, as
the winners of yesterday’s last-eight
matches battle it out to become
champion 5.00pm 5 News Weekend
5.05 ABBA’s 30 Greatest Moments.
Documentary celebrating the seminal
and singular career of the band, in
an attempt to identify just what it
was about the Swedish supergroup
that made them so evergreen (r)
Jarvis Cocker of Pulp (10pm)
7.00 Primark: How Do They
Really Do It? Documentary
delving into the secrets of
the UK’s biggest clothing
retailer, revealing how a
small Irish department
store grew to become a
high-street behemoth (r)
8.00 Bargain-Loving Brits in the
Sun A mobility scooter tycoon
opens a new shop and there
are ups and downs along
the way as he wrestles with
the local council over his
store’s licenses (2/12)
9.00 Escaping Death Valley with
Nick Knowles Nick hears
how the valley got its name
and visits the ghost town of
Rhyolite, before ending his trip
at the Amargosa Opera House
in Death Valley Junction (2/2)
10.00Britpop: The Music That
Changed Britain A look at the
movement’s peak in 1996,
when Oasis’s dominance at
the Brit Awards confirmed the
changing of the musical guard,
but the headlines were stolen
by Jarvis Cocker, whose Pulp
bandmates Candida Doyle and
Nick Banks reveal what led the
singer to gatecrash Michael
Jackson’s performance (3/4)
11.30 Most Shocking Celebrity
Break Ups A selection of
bust-ups, including vintage
feuds and modern beefs (r)
1.25am Criminals: Caught on Camera
(r) 1.55 Entertainment News on 5
2.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino Show
4.00 Entertainment News on 5 4.05
Inside Windsor Castle (r) 4.55 Friends
(r) 5.20 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.45
Fireman Sam (r) 5.55 Peppa Pig (r)
34 saturday review
Sunday 26 | Primetime digital guide
TalkTV
FV 237, FS 217, SKY 522, VIRGIN 606
6.00am Cristo
7.00 David Bull The biggest
stories of the day that
matter to you
10.00 Richard Tice The former
MEP examines the state of
the nation and delivers
some much needed sanity
in his Sunday Sermon
1.00pm Trisha Goddard The
broadcaster looks through
the week’s leading stories
and gives her thoughts on
the biggest social dilemmas
making the news this week
4.00 Kevin O’Sullivan After a
lifetime on Fleet Street,
the presenter tackles the
big stories of the day and
champions free speech
7.00 The Sunday Night Club with
Mark Saggers The host
reflects on the sporting
weekend and more
10.00-12.00m’t The Unexplained
with Howard Hughes From
Bigfoot to Nessie
ITV2
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
7.10pm FILM Aquaman (12, 2018)
The human-born heir to the
kingdom of Atlantis embarks on a
quest to prevent a war between
the worlds of ocean and land.
Adventure starring Jason Momoa
10.00 Revenge Porn: Georgia vs
Bear Reality television star Georgia
Harrison opens up about being
the victim of revenge porn
11.00 Family Guy Quagmire
decides to open a cat cafe
11.30 Family Guy
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
Yesterday
FV 27, FS 159, SKY 155, VIRGIN 129
7.00pm Bangers & Cash:
Restoring Classics Derek
encourages the team to buy a
Francis Barnett Plover (3/6)
8.00 ’Allo ’Allo!
8.50 ’Allo ’Allo!
9.25 ’Allo ’Allo!
10.00 Hornby: A Model World
Designer Steve takes on the
challenge of replicating one of
the world’s newest trains (10/11)
11.00 Bangers and Cash
12.00-1.00am Bangers & Cash:
Restoring Classics (1/6)
Discovery
SKY 125, VIRGIN 250
7.00pm Alaska: Homestead
Rescue New series. The Raneys
struggle to revive a Wyoming
homestead with a tragic legacy
9.00 Sewer Divers Don tries to
remove a massive ‘fatberg’
10.00 Diesel Brothers
11.00 Wheeler Dealers
12.00-1.00am Naked and Afraid
Sky Main Event
SKY 401, VIRGIN 511, BT 440
8.15-10.15am Live NRL: St George
Illawarra Dragons v Cronulla-
Sutherland Sharks (Kick-off 8.15)
12.30pm Live EFL: Forest Green
Rovers v Sheffield Wednesday
(Kick-off 1.00). League One clash
3.00 Live WPL Coverage of this
year’s final which takes place at
Brabourne Stadium, Mumbai
7.00 Live World Golf
Championships The WGC-Dell
Technologies Match Play
12.00-2.00am Live LPGA Tour Golf
The LPGA Drive On Championship
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC3
FV 23, FS 179, SKY 115, VIRGIN 107
7.00pm EastEnders
7.30 EastEnders
8.00 Scarlett’s Driving School
A single mother is desperate
to learn to drive to improve
the lives of her kids (5/10)
8.30 Eating with My Ex
Chloe Veitch sees the
reason she was ditched on
national television (1/10)
9.00 Project Icon: The UK’s Next
Music Star New series.
Jason Derulo hosts a
musical talent show.
See Viewing Guide (1/6)
10.00 Mood Drama starring
Nicôle Lecky, Lara Peake
and Jessica Hynes (1/6)
10.45 Search Party Dory’s lawyer
comes up with the idea that
she and her parents give a
television interview (5/10)
11.10 Search Party Dory and
Drew face their gruelling
first day in court (6/10)
11.35-12.35am Project Icon: The
UK’s Next Music Star (1/6)
ITV3
FV 10, FS 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
6.05pm Lewis A student dies
during a clinical trial. Drama guest
starring Douglas Henshall (3/4)
8.00 Long Lost Family A woman
heads to Hong Kong in search of
information about her origins (4/5)
9.00 Joanna Lumley’s Unseen
Adventures Previously unaired
footage from the actress’s travels
in India and Uzbekistan (2/3)
10.00 Wycliffe An inmate escapes
from Bodmin prison (1/8)
11.00-12.05am Wycliffe A kidnap
victim turns up dead (2/8)
PBS America
FV 84, FS 155, SKY 174, VIRGIN 273
6.25pm The Soviet Union: 100th
Anniversary 1922 The story of
the creation of the Soviet Union
7.35 The Soviet Union: 100th
Anniversary 1922 The story of
the rise of the Soviet Union and
how it became so powerful
8.35 The Soviet Union: 100th
Anniversary 1922 The story of
the collapse of the Soviet Union
and the fall of communism
9.35 Lies, Politics and Democracy
12.00-2.00am Plot to Overturn
the Election Documentary
Sky Comedy
SKY 114, VIRGIN 112, BT 346
7.00pm The Office (US)
7.30 The Office (US)
8.00 The Office (US)
8.30 The Office (US)
9.00 Curb Your Enthusiasm (4/10)
9.40 Curb Your Enthusiasm (5/10)
10.20 Curb Your Enthusiasm
Comedy starring Larry David (6/10)
11.00-12.20am Barry Double bill
Sky Premier League
SKY 402, VIRGIN 512
3.00pm Live ePremier League
Finals The UK’s finest EA SPORTS
FIFA players come together for
the 2022-23 ePremier League
8.30 Newcastle: The Entertainers
9.00 Deadline Day: Football’s
Transfer Window Saša Kalajdžic’s
future remains unclear (3/4)
10.00 Deadline Day: Football’s
Transfer Window Saša Kalajdžic’s
agent heads to Wolves to
complete a deal (4/4)
11.00-1.00am PL Retro Action from
Arsenal v Tottenham Hotspur
BBC4
FV 9/24, FS 173, SKY 116, VIRGIN 108
7.00pm Francesco’s Italy Top to
Toe Francesco da Mosto
explores Italy (1/4)
8.00 The Classical Collection
A look at the career of
Daniel Barenboim, including
performances with his first
wife, solo recitals and
orchestral concerts (2/6)
9.00 The Golden Age of Liners
Paul Atterbury examines the
allure of ocean liners (2/9)
10.00 The Secret Life of Books
An examination of Dickens’
Great Expectations (1/6)
10.30 Loyle Carner at 6 Music
Festival 2023 From Victoria
Warehouse, Manchester
11.00 Christine & the Queens at 6
Music Festival 2023 A
performance from Victoria
Warehouse, Manchester
11.30 Arlo Parks at 6 Music
Festival 2023
12.00-12.50am Clive James:
Postcard from Shanghai
Clive visits the Chinese city
ITV4
FV 26, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
7.50pm Nine Dart Finishes
Highlights from ITV Sport’s darts
coverage through the years
8.00 Gallagher Premiership
Rugby Union Highlights Action
from the 21st round of fixtures
9.00 River Monsters A murderous
sea creature in Indonesia
10.00-12.05am FILM John Wick
(15, 2014) A former assassin who
has turned his back on violence is
provoked into a murderous rage
when a criminal kills his dog.
Action thriller with Keanu Reeves
Sky Arts
FV 11, FS 147, SKY 130, VIRGIN 140
7.00pm Cirque du Soleil: Nouvelle
Experience A performance by
circus troupe Cirque du Soleil,
featuring contortionists, trapeze
artists, acrobats and jugglers
8.30 Discovering Westerns on
Film Examining the origins and
evolution of the movie genre
10.00 Discovering: Clint Eastwood
A look at the life and career of the
actor and director (3/13)
11.00-2.00am Ennio: The Maestro
Documentary celebrating Italian
composer Ennio Morricone
Comedy Central
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 344
7.00pm Friends
7.30 Friends
8.00 Friends
8.30 Friends
9.00 FILM Beverly Hills Cop III
(PG, 1994) Comedy adventure
sequel starring Eddie Murphy
11.05-1.10am Greatest Ever Movie
Blunders Mistakes in movies
High Noon features in the
doc Discovering Westerns
on Film (Sky Arts, 8.30pm)
More 4
FV 18, FS 124, SKY 136, VIRGIN 147
6.55pm Come Dine with Me
A housing support officer
hosts the fourth dinner
party in Salisbury
7.25 Come Dine with Me A care
worker hosts the final
dinner party in Salisbury
8.00 24 Hours in A&E A builder is
rushed into A&E after falling
18 feet from scaffolding onto
concrete, and an 86-year-old
retired policeman is brought
in with a head injury
9.00 999: On the Front Line
Paramedics treat a man
who has been stabbed in
the leg and the head (2/10)
10.00 24 Hour Baby Hospital
A couple return to the
Rotunda hoping for the safe
arrival of their baby girl (3/6)
11.05-12.10am Emergency
Helicopter Medics:
Sporting Emergencies
In this compilation, the
medics assist at serious
sporting emergencies
E4
FV 13, FS 122, SKY 135, VIRGIN 106
6.20pm Lego Masters Australia
The remaining teams create things
that belongs on a cloud (13/14)
8.00 FILM Transformers (12,
2007) A teenage boy’s first car
leads him into an intergalactic war
between two factions of giant
shape-changing robots. Sci-fi
adventure starring Shia LaBeouf
10.50-1.05am FILM Alien:
Covenant (15, 2017) Sci-fi thriller
starring Katherine Waterston,
Michael Fassbender and Danny
McBride. See Film Choice
Sky History
SKY 123, VIRGIN 270
7.00pm Secrets of Great British
Castles Lancaster Castle (5/6)
8.00 Secrets of Great British
Castles Dan Jones explores
Arundel Castle, in West Sussex,
which has been the seat of the
Dukes of Norfolk and their
ancestors for over 850 years (6/6)
9.00 D-Day: The Light of Dawn
Documentary tracing Operation
Overlord from its genesis to
the Battle of Normandy
11.00 The Witches of Salem (2/4)
12.00-1.00am American Pickers
Gold
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 343
6.40pm Only Fools and Horses
The Trotters lose their millions.
Christmas special from 2001
8.20 Dad’s Army Classic comedy
9.00 The Vicar of Dibley
9.55 The Vicar of Dibley
10.50 Murder, They Hope
11.50-12.30am Absolutely
Fabulous Comedy
Sky Cricket
SKY 404, VIRGIN 514
12.30pm Live International T20
Cricket: South Africa v West Indies
Coverage of the second T20 in
the three-match series from
SuperSport Park, Centurion
2.50 Live WPL Coverage of this
year’s final which takes place at
Brabourne Stadium, Mumbai
7.00 Talking Cricket
8.00 WPL The Eliminator in the
women’s T20 competition
9.00 WPL This year’s final
10.00 Talking Cricket
11.00-12.00m’t WPL
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Sky Atlantic
SKY 108
6.40pm Succession In the
penultimate episode, the
Roy family come together
to attend a wedding in Italy,
and Kendall confronts his
father and demands to
speak with him (8/9) (R)
7.50 Succession Shiv, Kendall
and Roman join forces to
confront their father, and
pushed to the brink, Tom
makes a life-changing
decision. Brian Cox and
Jeremy Strong star (9/9) (R)
9.00 I Know This Much Is True
Drama based on the
best-selling novel by Wally
Lamb, starring Mark Ruffalo
as identical twin brothers
in an epic story of betrayal
and forgiveness (1/6) (R)
10.10 The Plot Against America
Evelyn makes Sandy the
face of the ‘Just Folks’
programme (4/6) (R)
11.15-12.20am The Plot Against
America (5/6) (R)
Dave
FV 19, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
7.00pm The Force: Behind the
Line A case of child sexual abuse
7.30 The Force: Behind the Line
A flat is selling narcotics
8.00 World’s Most Dangerous
Roads A saunter in South Africa
9.00 Have I Got a Bit More News
for You Hosted by Jack Dee, with
Phil Wang and Sayeeda Warsi
10.00 Live at the Apollo Phil Wang
introdues routines by Brennan
Reece and Rachel Parris
11.00 QI XL With Jason Manford
12.00-12.40am Red Dwarf
Sky Max
SKY 113, VIRGIN 111
7.00pm Fringe Secrets from
Broyles’ past are unearthed
8.00 SEAL Team The members
of Bravo are deployed to northern
Syria to track down those
responsible for the attack on
the USS Crampton (3/10)
9.00 S.W.A.T A young boy is
abducted from a homeless shelter
10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles Rountree
and Fatima search for Kilbride
11.00 A League of Their Own Road
Trip: Southeast Asia (6/6)
12.00-1.00am Brassic (6/6)
W Alibi
FV 25, FS 156, SKY 132, VIRGIN 125
7.00pm 999 Rescue Squad
8.00 Emergency: First Time
Medics The hospital IT crashes
9.00 Killer Women with Piers
Morgan Meeting Erin Caffey
10.00 Louis Theroux: Life on
the Edge Documentary
11.10-12.10am Louis Theroux:
Law & Disorder in Lagos
BT Sport 1
SKY 413, VIRGIN 527, BT 430
12.00 Live National Futsal Series
2.00-5.15pm Live Gallagher
Premiership Rugby Union: Bath
Rugby v Exeter Chiefs (Kick-off
3.00). Coverage of the top-flight
match at The Recreation Ground
7.00 Live NCAA Basketball
Tournament Coverage of two Elite
Eight matches in the NCAA
Tournament (Tip-off TBA)
12.00-4.00am Live NCAA
Basketball Tournament Two Elite
Eight matches in the women’s
NCAA Tournament (Tip-off TBA)
I Know This
Much Is True
Mark Ruffalo plays identical
twins in the 2020 drama
Sky Atlantic, 9pm
Sky Documentaries
SKY 121, VIRGIN 277
6.50pm My Icon: Charlotte
Edwards The former
England cricket captain
looks at the personalities
that inspired her (R)
7.10 FILM Dogtown and Z-Boys
(15, 2001) Documentary
charting the history of
skateboarding. Narrated
by Sean Penn, featuring
contributions from experts
Jay Adams and Tony Alva.
9.00 FILM Bobby (PG, 2016)
Documentary celebrating
Bobby Moore’s footballing
career and exploring his
personal struggles. With
contributions from family,
friends and celebrity fans
11.00-1.00am Terry Venables:
A Man Can Dream A look
at the life and times of the
former football manager,
intertwined with the story
of England’s unforgettable
run at Euro 96, with insight
from players and family (R)
Drama
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 143, VIRGIN 130
4.45pm Miss Marple
7.55 Inspector Alleyn Mysteries
A First World War veteran is
entrusted with the task of
publishing his friend’s controversial
memoirs – but his body turns up on
a river bank. Patrick Malahide stars
10.00 McMafia Alex is forced to
admit the truth as peace
negotiations in Istanbul get
underway between Semiyon and
his enemies. James Norton stars
11.20-12.40am Luther First
instalment of the crime thriller
Nat Geographic
SKY 129, VIRGIN 266, BT 351
7.00pm Car S.O.S The boys
restore a Jeep Grand Cherokee
8.00 Airport Security: Rome A DJ
is hiding drugs in shower gel (6/8)
9.00 Trafficked with Mariana Van
Zeller Mariana investigates the
billion-dollar babies-for-cash
black market (10/10)
10.00 Air Crash Investigation
The cockpit window of Sichuan
Airlines 8633 explodes
11.00 To Catch a Smuggler (6/16)
12.00-1.00am North Korea: Inside
the Mind of a Dictator (2/2)
SKY 109, VIRGIN 126
7.00pm Murdoch Mysteries
An elite athlete is killed
8.00 Father Brown A man tries
to prove a member of his family
killed his father (11/15)
9.00 Death in Paradise (8/8)
10.00 CSI: Vegas
11.00 The Diplomat (4/6)
12.00-1.00am The Gulf (4/8)
BT Sport 2
SKY 414, VIRGIN 528, BT 431
8.45am Live Red Bull MotoGP
Rookies Cup The opening round
9.30-10.00 Live MotoGP
10.15 Live MotoGP The Grande
Premio de Portugal Moto3 race
12.00 Live MotoGP The Grande
Premio de Portugal Moto2 race
1.30-3.15pm Live MotoGP The
Grande Premio de Portugal
MotoGP race (Start-time 2.00)
7.00 BT Sport Fight Night
9.00 MotoGP Chequered Flag
10.00 BT Sport Films
11.00-2.00am UFC
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Film guide
Film4
FV 14 FS 300 SKY 313
11.00am Big Mommas: Like
Father, Like Son (PG, 2011)
Comedy starring Martin
Lawrence and Jessica Lucas
1.10pm Hotel for Dogs (U,
2009) Family comedy
starring Emma Roberts
3.10 The Day the Earth Stood
Still (12, 2008) Sci-fi remake
starring Keanu Reeves
5.15 Titanic (12, 1997)
Drama starring Leonardo
DiCaprio and Kate Winslet
9.00 Deadpool (15, 2016)
Superhero comedy adventure
starring Ryan Reynolds
and Morena Baccarin
11.10-1.45am Glass (15, 2019)
Thriller starring James
McAvoy and James McAvoy
Talking Pictures TV
FV 82 FS 306 SKY 328 VIRGIN 445
6.00am Assignment
Redhead (PG, 1956) Crime
drama starring Richard
Denning and Carole Matthews
7.35 Swallows and Amazons
(U, 1974) Family adventure
starring Virginia McKenna
9.25 Look at Life
9.40 Last of the Redmen (U,
1947) Adventure starring
Jon Hall and Michael O’Shea
11.15 Dick Barton Strikes Back
(U, 1949) Thriller starring Don
Stannard and Bruce Walker
12.45pm Another Man’s
Poison (PG, 1951) Thriller with
Bette Davis and Anthony Steel
2.30 The Larkins
3.15 The Blue Lamp (PG, 1949)
Police drama starring Jack
Warner and Jimmy Hanley
5.00 The Footage Detectives
6.00 The Saint
7.00 Murder by Proxy (PG,
1954) Crime drama starring
Dane Clark and Belinda Lee
8.45 Look at Life
9.00 Van der Valk
10.00 The Undercover Man
(PG, 1949) Thriller with Glenn
Ford and James Whitmore
11.45-2.10am French
Connection II (18, 1975) Crime
thriller sequel starring Gene
Hackman, Fernando Rey
and Jean-Pierre Castaldi
GREAT! Movies
FV 34 FS 302 SKY 321 VIRGIN 425
9.00am Killer on the Island
(PG, 2018) Thriller starring
Jackie Moore and Brian Gross
10.40 Fatal Getaway (PG,
2019) Thriller with Anja Akstin
and Patrick Michael Buckley
12.15pm Hidden Intentions
(PG, 2018) Thriller with Chris
McKenna and Ashlynn Yennie
1.50 Holy Man (PG, 1998)
Satirical comedy starring
Eddie Murphy and Jeff
Goldblum, Kelly Preston
4.05 Morning Glory (12,
2010) Comedy with Rachel
McAdams and Harrison Ford
6.15 A Beautiful Mind (12,
2001) Biopic starring Russell
Crowe and Jennifer Connelly
Freida Pinto in Mr Malcolm’s
List (Sky Premiere, 6pm)
9.00 Judge Dredd (15, 1995)
Adventure starring Sylvester
Stallone and Armand Assante
11.05-1.00am Hitman: Agent
47 (15, 2015) Action thriller
starring Rupert Friend
TCM Movies
SKY 315
6.00am Hollywood’s
Best Film Directors
8.20 Murder Ahoy (U, 1964)
Agatha Christie mystery
starring Margaret Rutherford
10.15 Hired Gun (U, 1957)
Western starring Rory
Calhoun and Anne Francis
11.35 The Spy in the Green
Hat (U, 1966) Espionage
adventure starring Robert
Vaughn and David McCallum
1.30pm Apache War Smoke
(U, 1952) Western with Gilbert
Roland and Glenda Farrell
3.00 Will Penny (12, 1967)
Western starring Charlton
Heston and Joan Hackett
5.15 Cahill, US Marshal (15,
1973) Western starring John
Wayne and George Kennedy
7.20 Tall Man Riding (U, 1955)
Western starring Randolph
Scott and Dorothy Malone
9.00 Empire State (15, 2013)
Thriller with Liam Hemsworth
and Emma Roberts
11.00-1.00am Survivor (PG,
2015) Thriller starring Milla
Jovovich and Pierce Brosnan
Sky Cinema Premiere
SKY 301 VIRGIN 401
12.50pm Marlowe (15, 2023)
Crime thriller starring Liam
Neeson and Diane Kruger
2.45 Tad the Lost Explorer
and the Curse of the Mummy
(U, 2022) Animated adventure
featuring the voices of
Trevor White and Alex Kelly
4.20 Boonie Bears: Back
To Earth (PG, 2022)
Animated adventure with the
voices of Joseph S Lambert
and Siobhan Lumsden
6.00 Mr Malcolm’s List
(PG, 2022) Premiere. Drama
starring Freida Pinto
8.00 The Black Phone (15,
2021) Horror starring Mason
Thames and Ethan Hawke
9.50-12.00am Where the
Crawdads Sing (15, 2022)
Drama with Daisy Edgar-
Jones and David Strathairn
Radio guide
Times Radio
Digital, web, smart speaker, app
6.00am Chloe Tilley and
Calum Macdonald with Times
Radio Breakfast 10.00 Sunday
Morning with Kate McCann
and Adam Boulton 1.00pm
Alexis Conran 4.00 Ayesha
Hazarika 7.00 Highlights
from Times Radio 8.00
Stories of Our Times 8.30
Best of Matt Chorley 9.00
Highlights from Times Radio
10.00 Darryl Morris 1.00am
Highlights from Times Radio
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
5.00am Tracks of My Years
6.00 Good Morning Sunday
9.00 Steve Wright’s Sunday
Love Songs 11.00 The Michael
Ball Show 1.00pm Elaine Paige
on Sunday 3.00 Sounds of
the 70s with Johnnie Walker
5.00 Rob Beckett 7.00 Tony
Blackburn’s Golden Hour 8.00
Big Night of Musicals 10.00
Radio 2 Unwinds with Angela
Griffin 12.00 Phil Williams
3.00am Alternative Sounds of
the 90s with Dermot O’Leary
4.00 Owain Wyn Evans
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
7.00am Breakfast
9.00 Sunday Morning
12.00 Private Passions
Michael Berkeley is joined by
Robert Powell. See Choice
1.00pm Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert Mozart (Violin Sonata
in B flat, K454) and Brahms
(Violin Sonata No 1 in G) (r)
2.00 The Early Music Show
Hannah French chats to the
conductor Stephen Rice
about the Brabant Ensemble
3.00 Choral Evensong
From the Priory Church of St
Bartholomew-the-Great (r)
4.00 Jazz Record Requests
A tribute to Wayne Shorter
5.00 The Listening Service
Tom Service explores
Stravinsky’s ballet Petrushka
5.30 Words and Music
Prose, poetry and music
inspired by the British Isles
6.45 Between the Ears: Deep
Listening in Japan The
country’s unique culture of
music cafes and listening bars
7.15 Sunday Feature: New
Generation Thinkers —
Shakespeare’s Brum Ting
Birmingham’s unique public
ownership of a copy of
Shakespeare’s first Folio
7.30 Drama on 3: The Two
Noble Kinsmen Jacobean
tragicomedy, by John Fletcher
and William Shakespeare (r)
9.25 Record Review Extra
The recommended version
of Handel’s Water Music
11.30 Slow Radio: Inside the
Temple The gentle rhythm
of life in a Hindu temple
12.00 Classical Fix
12.30am Through the Night
Today’s pick
Private Passions:
Robert Powell
Radio 3, noon
Few actors have had as
varied a career as Robert
Powell, right. Many of us will
remember his soulful-eyed
Jesus of Nazareth in Franco
Zeffirelli’s 1977 six-hour epic
of the same name, but his CV
also features films such as
The Thirty Nine Steps and The
Italian Job, theatre roles and
television appearances. He is
also remembered as Gustav
Mahler, thanks to Ken
Russell’s 1974 biopic, and in
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Bells on Sunday
5.45 Profile (r)
6.00 News Headlines
6.05 Something Understood
Human migration (r)
6.35 Natural Histories (r)
7.00 News and Papers
7.10 Sunday
7.54 Radio 4 Appeal
8.00 News and Papers
8.10 Sunday Worship
8.48 A Point of View (r)
8.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
9.00 Broadcasting House
10.00 The Archers (r)
11.15 Desert Island Discs With
the comedian Dara Ó Briain
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
12.04 The Museum of
Curiosity With Alfie Moore (r)
12.30 The Food Programme
1.00 The World This Weekend
1.30 Rental Health: The New
Nomads Reflecting on how
life on the road is attracting
a new generation
2.00 Gardeners’ Question
Time Listeners’ queries (r)
2.45 Opening Lines
3.00 Drama: Electric Decade
— Antic Hay Mike Harris’s
dramatisation of Aldous
Huxley’s comic novel (r)
4.00 Open Book Reviews
4.30 The Poet Laureate Has
Gone to His Shed With actress
Julie Hesmondhalgh (8/8)
5.00 File on 4 (11/11) (r)
5.40 Profile (r)
5.54 Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.15 Pick of the Week
7.00 The Archers Tom and
Natasha get a tempting offer
7.15 The Ultimate Choice (6/6)
7.45 Funny Bones (2/3) (r)
8.00 Feedback (r)
8.30 Last Word (r)
9.00 Money Box (r)
9.25 Radio 4 Appeal (r)
9.30 Analysis (r)
10.00 The Westminster Hour
11.00 Loose Ends (r)
11.30 Something Understood
12.00 News and Weather
12.15am Sideways (7/7) (r)
12.45 Bells on Sunday (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Sunday 26
his selections he begins by
choosing Mahler’s Adagietto
from the Fifth Symphony.
Other choices are Stravinsky,
Bach, Janacek and Powell’s
hero Bob Dylan. Ben Dowell
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Sports Desk 6.00
5 Live Science 7.00 Breakfast
10.00 Helen Skelton 12.00 5
Live Sport 12.40pm Women’s
Football: Manchester City v
Chelsea (Kick-off 12.40) 3.00
5 Live Sport 4.00 5 Live Sport
5.00 5 Live Sport: England v
Ukraine (Kick-off 5.00) 7.00
6-0-6 9.00 Stephen Nolan
12.00 Obscene: The Dublin
Scandal 1.00am Edward Adoo
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am Breakfast 10.00 The
Warm Up 12.00 The Sunday
Session: Manchester City
Women v Chelsea Women
(Kick-off 12.40) 4.00pm Kick
Off: England v Ukraine
(Kick-off 5.00) 7.00 The Boot
Room 9.00 A talkSPORT
Special 10.00 Trans Europe
Express 1.00am Extra Time
TalkRadio
Digital only
5.00am Cristo 7.00 David Bull
10.00 Richard Tice 1.00pm
Trisha Goddard 4.00 Kevin
O’Sullivan 7.00 Mark Saggers
10.00 The Unexplained
12.00 That Was The Woke
That Was 1.00am Paul Ross
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
7.50am A Woman on the
Edge of Time 9.00 Things
Could Be Worse 9.30
Something to Shout About
10.00 Desert Island Discs
11.00 Poetry 11.30 Sweet
Sorrow 12.40pm Inheritance
Tracks 12.50 A Woman on the
Edge of Time 2.00 Things
Could Be Worse 2.30
Something to Shout About
3.00 Desert Island Discs 4.00
Doctor Who 4.35 Sea Raiders
5.00 Poetry 5.30 Sweet
Sorrow 6.40 Inheritance
Tracks 6.50 A Woman on the
Edge of Time 8.00 Things
Could Be Worse 8.30
Something to Shout About
9.00 Desert Island Discs
saturday review 35
10.00 The Hudson and
Pepperdine Show 10.30 Isy
Suttie’s Love Letters 11.00
Life with Lederer 11.15 The
Kneebone Bonanza 11.30
Rigor Mortis 12.00 Poetry
12.30am Sweet Sorrow
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am News 9.06 From Our
Own Correspondent 9.30
Outlook 10.00 News 10.06
Music Life 11.00 The
Newsroom 11.30 Heart and
Soul 12.00 News 12.06pm
BBC OS Conversations 12.30
Assignment 1.00 Newshour
2.00 News 2.06 Evidence
3.00 News 3.06 Sportsworld
7.00 The Newsroom 7.30 In
the Studio 8.00 News 8.06
The Science Hour 9.00
Newshour 10.00 News 10.06
The Climate Question 10.30
Pick of the World 10.50 Over
to You 11.00 Newsroom 11.20
Sports News 11.30 Outlook
12.00 News 12.06am From
Our Own Correspondent
12.30 The Documentary 1.00
Newsroom 1.30 Discovery
2.00 The Newsroom 2.30
CrowdScience 3.00 News
3.06 People Fixing the World
3.30 Pick of the World 3.50
Over to You 4.00 Newsroom
4.30 The Conversation
6 Music
Digital only
6.00am Morning After Mix
8.00 Chris Hawkins 10.00
Cerys Matthews 1.00pm
Morning After Mix 2.00 Guy
Garvey’s Finest Hour 4.00
Radcliffe and Maconie 6.00 6
Music Festival: Tom Robinson
and Amy Lamé 7.00 6 Music
Festival: Don Letts 7.30 6
Music Festival: Tom Robinson
and Amy Lamé 7.45 6 Music
Festival: The Big Moon 9.00
6 Music Festival: Deb Grant
and Don Letts 9.15 6 Music
Festival: Arlo Parks 10.30 6
Music Festival: Deb Grant and
Don Letts 12.00 6 Music’s
Indie Forever 1.00am 6
Music’s Rave Forever 2.00
Rave Forever 4.00 Mixtape
Virgin Radio
Digital only
6.00am James Merritt 9.30
Graham Norton Show
12.30pm Stu Elmore 4.00
Tim Cocker 7.00 Sunday
Special 8.00 Sean Goldsmith
4.00am Steve Denyer
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
7.00am Aled Jones 10.00
Andrew Marr 1.00pm
Catherine Bott 4.00 John
Humphrys 7.00 Smooth
Classics 9.00 Kanneh-Mason
Family Takeover 10.00
Smooth Classics 1.00am Bill
Overton 4.00 Early Breakfast
36 saturday review
Monday 27 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice
Succession
Sky Atlantic/Now, 2am/9pm
The fourth and final series
opens with Brian Cox’s
Lear-like Logan Roy grouching
at his birthday party. “Meet
the f***ing Munsters,” he
fumes to his assistant/
girlfriend Kerry (Zoe Winters),
who has slyly consolidated
her power base. “Why is
everybody so f***ing happy?”
A lot has happened since
we last saw the older man
besting his kids (“the rats”)
by selling his business to a
tech titan in one of those
games of high-stakes
brinkmanship that this show
does so well. Now Team “Rats”
— Kendall, Shiv and Roman
(Jeremy Strong, Sarah Snook
and Kieran Culkin, pictured)
— are launching their own
media venture, and open
proceedings with a meeting
at what looks like Roman’s
palatial Californian residence.
Here possible billion-dollar
deals play around their
mouths with the insouciance
Rabbit Hole
Paramount+
Kiefer Sutherland’s slick new
drama seems to be a riff on
his TV hit 24, although here
he is playing John Weir, a
corporate espionage bod
framed by shadowy forces
that seemingly operate online.
Will this show stand tall in the
crowded era of TV bingeing
that 24 arguably did so much
to create? The early signs are
good, especially with Charles
Dance as an apparent leader
of some form of resistance
unit (or is he?). Weir makes
a sexual conquest (or does
he?) within the first 15 minutes
of the opening episode, and
by the close there’s a world
that needs saving. Strap
(or, perhaps, log) in. BD
Catch
up
Endeavour
ITVX
And so we say farewell to
Endeavour Morse and the
spin-off that has exceeded its
progenitor (36 episodes of
Endeavour compared with
33 of Inspector Morse). The
series bows out with
three episodes,
and for fans there
are two questions
that need
answering:
what
happens to
Endeavour’s
mentor,
friend and
that only the spoiled
super-rich can muster. Back
in New York, Tom (Matthew
Macfadyen) may have
marriage issues, but at least
the Wambsgans man can
join forces with Cousin Greg
(Nicholas Braun) — a double
act in which the lolloping
naif continues to fall prey
to Tom’s bullying teases.
Still, as Tom knows, they are
outsiders not easily admitted
to the Roy inner sanctum
and probably need to stick
together. Alongside its
zinging dialogue the show
handles these delicate power
plays with exquisite precision,
but the broader comedy
stays gloriously en pointe.
Connor (Alan Ruck), the dim
presidential hopeful, is the
butt of many jokes tonight,
and with polling a few days
away the numbers don’t
look great. Dad is unlikely
to be overly sympathetic.
Ben Dowell
Blue Lights
BBC1, 9pm
Grace Ellis (Sian Brooke),
a single mother, is having
breakfast before starting her
new job as a probationary
policewoman. When her son
asks what she’ll want for dinner
when she returns from work,
she replies: “Gin.” After what
happens over the next hour
she will deserve it. The
rhythms of this lively drama
centred on Police Service of
Northern Ireland officers —
created by Adam Patterson
and Declan Lawn — may
feel familiar. However, the
weaponry, constant terrorist
threat and involvement of
MI5 handlers make their work
lives a tad more eventful and
interesting than usual. BD
father figure Fred Thursday
(Roger Allam) that means he
doesn’t merit so much as a
mention in Inspector Morse?
And what about Morse (Shaun
Evans, below with Allam) and
his love for Thursday’s
daughter Joan (Sara Vickers)?
We’ve seen him in the future,
moping over a pint of real ale,
unmarried and permanently
unlucky in love, so that’s
unlikely to end well. However,
the writer Russell Lewis isn’t
just tying up loose ends
— there are cases to
crack, including the
abuse cover-up at
Blenheim Vale
children’s home
from series
past that has
never been
fully resolved.
Joe Clay
Great British
Menu: The Finals
BBC2, 9pm
It’s the final week of series 18
of the cooking marathon, this
year inspired by Paddington
Bear’s 65th birthday and
themed around celebrating
British animation and
illustration. An episode airs
every night this week, leading
to a six-course banquet on
Friday. Tonight the comedian
and actor Kulvinder Ghir joins
the chef Tom Kerridge, the
restaurateur Nisha Katona
and the comedian Ed Gamble
on the judging panel to find
the best eight vegan starters
made by winners from the
heats held over the past nine
weeks. BD
Regional programmes
● BBC1 Wales As BBC1 except: 8.00pm
X-Ray 8.30-9.00 What’s Gone Wrong with
Our Housing?: Panorama 10.40 Legends
of Welsh Sport: Carwyn Williams 11.10
Project Icon: The UK’s Next Music Star (r)
12.10-12.40am MOTD Top 10: Premier
League Midfielders
● BBC1 N Ireland As BBC1 except:
10.40pm The Prime Ministers of Northern
Ireland. New series. The six men who held
the post of Prime Minister of Northern
Ireland between 1921 and 1972 11.10
Project Icon: The UK’s Next Music Star (r)
12.10-12.40am Charlotte in Sunderland (r)
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC2 except:
7.30-8.00pm Farm to Feast: Best Menu
Wins. Cookery show celebrating amateur
cooks and award-winning produce (r)
10.00-10.30pm Ar Scáth an Cheoil.
Frances Black and Aoife Scott talk about
the Black family’s musical legacy (r)
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC1 except:
8.30-9.00pm Grand Tours of Scotland’s
Rivers. Paul Murton explores the River
Annan in Dumfries and Galloway
● ITV1 Wales As ITV1 except: 10.45-
11.40pm Sharp End. Politics update
● STV As ITV1 except: 10.30pm STV News
10.40 Scotland Tonight 11.05 English
Football League Highlights (r) 12.00-3.00
Teleshopping 4.40-5.35am Night Vision
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Unforgotten Films of the day
ITV1, 9pm
Rebecca (PG, 1940)
In the penultimate episode Talking Pictures TV, 3pm
of the fifth series DI Khan Alfred Hitchcock won a best picture Oscar for this adaptation of
(Sanjeev Bhaskar) and DCI Daphne du Maurier’s novel. Laurence Olivier is Maxim de Winter,
James (Sinéad Keenan) while Joan Fontaine, below with Olivier, plays the woman who
inch towards answers over becomes his second wife only to find that the members of his
Precious Falade’s killing. They household, in the ancestral home of Manderley, are in thrall to
are starting to like each other, the first Mrs de Winter, the mysterious Rebecca. The exercise
as social service reports and in suspense is dominated by a blistering performance by
analysis of computer data Judith Anderson as Mrs Danvers, the housekeeper. It is the first
elicit crucial answers. There film that Hitchcock made in Hollywood and is regarded by many
has been a political edge to as his greatest, although his version was recut by the producer
this series, and we learn how David O Selznick — the pair clashed frequently and Hitchcock
the politician Anthony Hume was barred from the scripting process. (130min) Wendy Ide
(Ian McElhinney) was an
architect of Noughties
austerity but changed tack.
Was he feeling guilty about
something? Meanwhile,
there are bombshells from
Precious’s son and estranged
mother under questioning. BD
● UTV As ITV1 except:
View from Stormont
10.45-11.40pm
● BBC Scotland 2.00pm Sign Zone: Inside
Central Station (r) 3.00-4.00 Sign Zone:
This Farming Life (r) 7.00 Wild Shetland:
Scotland’s Viking Frontier. A portrait of
wildlife on the Shetland Islands, narrated
by Ewan McGregor (r) 8.00 Born to Be
Wild. Staff at the SSPCA’s wildlife rescue
centre take care of two white-tailed
eagles (r) 8.30 Scottish Vets Down Under
(r) 9.00 The Nine 10.00 Style Fixers (r)
10.30 Growing Up Scottish (r) 11.00
Dubai Hustle (r) 11.30pm-Midnight
F (18, 2010)
The Fast and the Farmer-ish (r) Film4, 11.25pm
● S4C 6.00am Cyw 12.00 News 12.05pm The director Johannes Roberts’s feral-kids thriller pits a bunch
Cwpwrdd Epic Chris (r) 12.30 Heno (r) of murderous teenagers against the hapless teachers trapped
1.00 Nyrsys (r) 1.30 Yn y Fan a’r Lle (r)
2.00 News 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News in their north London school after-hours. The most sympathetic
3.05 Am Dro! (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr: Bing (r) character is the teacher Robert Anderson (David Schofield),
4.10 Octonots (r) 4.25 Ein Byd Bach Ni (r) an embattled man whose family life and career hang by a
4.35 Anifeiliaid Bach y Byd (r) 4.45 Fferm
thread after an assault by a student. Although Anderson was
Fach (r) 5.00 Stwnsh: Dreigiau:
Marchogion Berc (r) 5.25 Cer I Greu (r) the victim he was forced to take leave to avoid being sued by the
5.45 Dennis a Dannedd (r) 5.55 Ffeil 6.00 student’s parents. It’s a situation that has made him bitter and, as
Pobl a’u Gerddi (r) 6.30 Rownd a Rownd
far as everyone else is concerned, paranoid. But his suspicions
(r) 6.57 News S4C 7.00 Heno 7.30 News
8.00 Y Byd ar Bedwar 8.25 Rownd a about the danger posed by the increasingly lawless kids are not
Rownd 8.55 News 9.00 Ffermio 10.00 without substance. F is nasty, gritty, and efficient when it comes to
Sgorio 10.30-11.35 Gwesty Aduniad (r)
delivering the thrills and chills. (75min) WI
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
BBC1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Morning Live
10.00 The Moment of Proof 10.30
Animal Park Summer (r) 11.15 Homes
Under the Hammer (r) 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News; Weather
1.30 BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45
Doctors. Bear’s roped into wearing an
interesting costume to raise money
for charity 2.15 Jay and Dom’s Home
Fix. Dominic Chinea shows a crafty
make to hang bathroom towels on (r)
3.00 Escape to the Country. Sonali
Shah helps a couple from Dorset to
move to rural Devon 3.45 Antiques
Road Trip. Raj Bisram and Charles
Hanson go looking for bargains in
Wales (r) 4.30 Bridge of Lies. A team
of four family members competes in
the quiz show (r) 5.15 Pointless (r)
6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather
6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
New drama Blue Lights (9pm)
7.00 The One Show Alex Jones and
Jermaine Jenas present topical
stories and celebrity chat
7.30 EastEnders It’s the grand
opening of the Boxing Den, Lola
gets a call from the hospital,
and Linda awaits Janine’s plea
8.00 What’s Gone Wrong with
Our Housing?: Panorama
An investigation into the fate
of former council properties
8.30 Scam Interceptors Ethical
hackers hunt down cyber
criminals (1/10) (r)
9.00 Blue Lights New series.
Drama following three new
recruits to Belfast’s police force.
Probationer Grace tries to
help a fellow single mother
whose son has fallen in with a
notorious gang. Starring Sian
Brooke. See Viewing Guide (1/6)
10.00BBC News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News
10.40 Project Icon: The UK’s Next
Music Star Ten promising,
unsigned artists head to
Manchester to attempt to
convince judges that they
have everything it takes
to cut through in today’s
music industry (1/6) (r)
11.40 Charlotte in Sunderland
Charlotte Crosby showcases
her home town of Sunderland,
and life with her family and
partner Jake (1/10) (r)
12.10am Charlotte in Sunderland (r)
12.40 The Apprentice (r) 1.40 The
Apprentice: You’re Hired. Tom Allen
meets the winner (r) 2.10 Weather
for the Week Ahead 2.15 BBC News
Also available online and on tablet
Digital subscribers can now use our interactive seven-day
guide with comprehensive listings of all TV channels
thetimes.co.uk/tvplanner
BBC2
6.15am Walks of Life (r) 7.15 Escape
to the Country (r) 8.00 Sign Zone:
Rick Stein’s Cornwall (r) (SL) 8.30
Weatherman Walking: The Welsh
Coast (r) (SL) 9.00 BBC News at 9
10.00 BBC News 12.15pm Politics Live
1.00 Impossible (r) 1.45 Eggheads (r)
2.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Pubs That Built
Britain (r) 2.45 Celebrity Painting
Challenge (r) 3.45 My Unique B&B.
Simon Parfett and his team help to
create a B&B in Dorset (r) 4.15 The
World’s Most Extraordinary Homes.
Unique homes in India (r) 5.15 Flog It!
From Dover Castle in Kent (r) 6.00
Richard Osman’s House of Games.
With Lucy Beaumont, Shazia Mirza,
Joe Thomas and Jake Wood (r) 6.30
Coast to Coast Food Festival. Sean
Fletcher and Edith Bowman visit the
National Ploughing Championships
Andi Oliver presents (9pm)
7.00 Between the Covers With
Mel Giedroyc, Sophie Duker,
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
and Nigel Havers (3/6)
7.30 Grand Tours of Scotland’s
Lochs Paul Murton explores
northern Loch Fyne (2/6)
8.00 Mastermind Specialist subjects
include the PDC World Darts
Championship and the history
of transportation to Australia
8.30 University Challenge Jeremy
Paxman hosts as phase two of
the quarter-final stage begins
9.00 Great British Menu: The Finals
The eight regional champions
cook their vegan starter
courses in a bid to secure the
first place on the menu at the
banquet, with the comedian
and actor Kulvinder Ghir the
guest judge. See Viewing Guide
10.00Detectorists Terry is expecting
a big turnout for the DMDC’s
annual rally. Last in the series (r)
10.30 Newsnight The day’s important
national and international news
with Victoria Derbyshire
11.15 FILM Don’t Look Now (15, 1973)
A father doubts a psychic’s
claim that his dead child is
trying to make contact, until
he sees a spectral presence.
Supernatural thriller with Julie
Christie and Donald Sutherland
1.00am Sign Zone: Countryfile.
Matt Baker and Anita Rani meet
volunteers doing conservation work
on the River Wye (r) (SL) 2.00-3.00
Dragons’ Den. An Olympic athlete
hopes for a podium finish for her
figure skating clothing brand (r) (SL)
ITV1
6.00am Good Morning Britain 9.00
Lorraine 10.00 This Morning 12.30pm
Loose Women. Interviews and studio
discussion 1.30 ITV News; Weather
1.55 Regional News; Weather 2.00
Dickinson’s Real Deal. David Dickinson
is joined in Middlesbrough by experts
Fay Rutter, Mark Stevens, Stewart
Hofgartner and Cheryl Hakeney to
assess items (r) 3.00 Lingo. Two
Bolton sisters, a mother and son from
Liverpool, and a punctuation purist
and her fiancé from London take part
(r) 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben Shephard
hosts the arcade-themed quiz in
which contestants drop tokens down
a choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot (r) 5.00
The Chase. Quiz show hosted by
Bradley Walsh (r) 6.00 Regional News;
Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
Unforgotten’s plot thickens (9pm)
7.30 Emmerdale Alex is comfortable
in his new life, and it remains to
be seen whether Mackenzie is
being honest with himself
8.00 Coronation Street Daisy’s
perfect wedding day is
sabotaged by Justin, Simon
notices something amiss
with Amy, and Paul admits to
Billy that he has spent every
penny of the loan money
9.00 Unforgotten Sunny and Jess
get closer to the truth of what
happened on the night Precious
was murdered, but after an
anonymous call a shocking
discovery turns the case upside
down. See Viewing Guide (5/6)
10.00ITV News at Ten; followed
by Weather
10.30 Regional News; followed
by Regional Weather
10.45 Cold Case Detectives
Investigators question a new
suspect in a 40-year-old rape
case, and continue on the trail
of the unsolved murder of
a Cardiff taxi driver in 1979.
Last in the series (3/3) (r)
11.40 English Football League
Highlights Action from the
latest fixtures, including
Barnsley v Ipswich Town and
Peterborough United v Derby
County in League One (r)
12.30am Teleshopping 3.00 All Elite
Wrestling: Dynamite 4.40 Unwind
with ITV 5.35 Eat, Shop, Save. The
team helps a Dudley duo (r) (SL)
Monday 27
Channel 4
6.10am Countdown (r) 6.50 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.15 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.40 The King of Queens
(r) 8.05 The King of Queens (r) 8.30
The King of Queens (r) 9.00 Frasier (r)
9.30 Frasier (r) 10.00 Frasier (r) 10.30
Celebrity Undercover Boss USA (r)
11.25 Channel 4 News Summary
11.30 Emergency Helicopter Medics
(r) 12.30pm Steph’s Packed Lunch
2.10 Countdown. With Levi Roots
3.00 Tool Club. Kevin Duala and the
team transform a book shop in
Dumfries 4.00 A New Life in the Sun
(r) 5.00 Four in a Bed. The first venue
of the week is Sawcliffe Manor in High
Risby, Lincolnshire 5.30 Come Dine
with Me. From Leamington Spa (r)
6.00 The Simpsons (r) 6.30 Hollyoaks.
Tony is consumed by paranoia as he
worries that Diane is in danger (r)
Greg James in Rise and Fall (10pm)
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
8.00 Jamie’s £1 Wonders Jamie
Oliver makes a fish pie using
potato skins as a crispy topping,
and invites one of his old
students to share ideas on
low-cost cooking inspired by
his family heritage (4/6)
9.00 Tempting Fortune The journey
continues, and alliances are
starting to form within the
group. With the gruelling trek
starting to take its toll, the
temptations are becoming
a lot harder to resist (2/6)
10.00Rise and Fall Reality contest,
which sees a diverse group
from all walks of life become
part of a social experiment
that questions the impact of
wealth and power on people
11.05 Send Nudes: Body SOS
A trainee nurse has size MM
breasts and wants to lighten the
load, while a personal trainer
would love leaner legs (5/10) (r)
12.05am Walter Presents: All the Sins
1.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares
USA (r) (SL) 1.45 Couples Come Dine
with Me (r) 2.35 Grand Designs (r) (SL)
3.25 Britain’s Most Expensive Houses
(r) 4.20 Old House, New Home (r) (SL)
5.15 Location, Location, Location (r)
saturday review 37
Channel 5
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Jeremy Vine
12.45pm Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly.
Graeme Hall treats a dog that has
become aggressive towards other
dogs (r) 1.40 5 News at Lunchtime
1.45 Home and Away. Ashamed for
not taking his obsessed fan seriously,
Theo conceals the donut delivery
from Kirby (r) 2.15 FILM Mummy’s
Deadly Son (12, TVM, 2022) A woman
is in a desperate battle to save her
only son and must fight for his life to
prove his innocence. Thriller starring
Rene Ashton and Noah Fearnley 4.00
Bargain-Loving Brits in the Sun. A
businesswoman arranges a Spanish
Day for the British clients at her salon
(r) 5.00 5 News at 5 6.00 Cash in the
Attic. Helping people make money (r)
6.30 Eggheads. Steggle’s Stan take
on the experts 6.55 5 News Update
Casualty 24/7 concludes (9pm)
7.00 Motorway Cops: Catching
Britain’s Speeders Storms
bring travel chaos to the roads
and an officer attends a major
incident in Runcorn where a
roof has blown off (2/10) (r)
7.55 5 News Update
8.00 Traffic Cops Officers are out
in force on a bank holiday
weekend, while a biker takes a
tumble down an embankment
after losing control on a bend
and somehow escapes serious
injury; followed by 5 News
9.00 Casualty 24/7: Every Second
Counts Documentary series
following the work of medical
emergency teams in the A&E
department of Barnsley
Hospital. Last in the series (4/4)
10.00999: Critical Condition
A man is rushed to the Royal
Stoke University Hospital by
helicopter after his parachute
fails and he is slammed into the
ground 100 feet below (4/12) (r)
11.05 A&E After Dark After being run
over by a car on her birthday,
a 73-year-old woman arrives
by ambulance with spinal and
head injuries, and the doctor
and his team have to act
quickly to save her life (11/12) (r)
12.05am Police Interceptors (r)
1.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino Show
3.00 Inside Windsor Castle (r) 3.50
Inside Windsor Castle (r) 4.40 Friends
(r) 5.05 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.30
Fireman Sam (r) (SL) 5.40 Paw Patrol
(r) (SL) 5.55 Peppa Pig (r) (SL)
38 saturday review
Monday 27 | Primetime digital guide
TalkTV
FV 237, FS 217, SKY 522, VIRGIN 606
6.00am James Max
6.30 The Julia Hartley-Brewer
Breakfast Show
10.00 The Independent Republic
of Mike Graham The host
tears his way through the
morning newspapers
1.00pm Ian Collins Hard-hitting
monologues and debates
4.00 Vanessa Feltz The host
guides you through the
biggest stories of the day
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live The host
investigates the future of
Britain’s Armed Forces
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
The host offers his verdict
on the day’s global events
with an hour of debate and
straight-talking interviews
9.00 The Talk A panel of famous
faces debate the hot topics
everybody’s talking about
10.00 First Edition An energetic
look at tomorrow’s news
11.00-12.00m’t Piers Morgan
Uncensored
ITV2
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
7.00pm The Masked Singer US
The winner is announced (14/14)
8.00 Superstore The employees
get their hands on worrying
inside information (14/15)
8.30 Superstore (15/15)
9.00 Loaded in Paradise
A shock double elimination
leaves the group reeling
10.00 Family Guy
10.30 Family Guy
11.00 Family Guy
11.30 American Dad!
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
Yesterday
FV 27, FS 159, SKY 155, VIRGIN 129
7.00pm Joanna Lumley’s Japan
The actress visits Kyushu – where
she finds the Henn Na Hotel, the
world’s first robot hotel (3/3)
8.00 Hornby: A Model World
Contributors pick their top 10
products and innovations (11/11)
9.00 The Architecture the
Railways Built Tim Dunn gets to
grips with London Bridge
10.00 Bangers and Cash (7/10)
11.00 Abandoned Engineering
12.00-12.30am Great British
Railway Journeys Goes to Ireland
Discovery
SKY 125, VIRGIN 250
7.00pm Kindig Customs
8.00 Expedition to the Edge
9.00 Wheeler Dealers Mike and
Elvis take on a Porsche 911
10.00 Diesel Brothers
11.00 Bitchin’ Rides The guys must
invent a new process to get the
C10’s tricky hood just right
12.00-1.00am Expedition Bigfoot
Sky Main Event
SKY 401, VIRGIN 511, BT 440
7.00pm Live SWPL: Rangers v
Celtic (Kick-off 7.30). Coverage
of the Scottish Women’s Premier
League from Broadwood Stadium
10.00 Sky Sports News A round-up
of the latest sports news, with live
analysis and comment, plus
extended interviews with the
latest headline-makers
10.30 Back Pages Tonight
A look at the sports headlines
in tomorrow’s newspapers
11.00-12.00m’t Sky Sports News
Round-up of the latest stories
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC3
FV 23, FS 179, SKY 115, VIRGIN 107
7.00pm Top Gear The team
transforms a disused hearse
into a family car (3/5)
8.00 Glow Up: Britain’s Next
Make-Up Star The seven
remaining MUAs enter the
world of digital make-up,
creating fun and impactful
filters for Instagram (6/8)
9.00 Brickies A woman plans to
build her own home, but
getting planning permission
could prove tricky (3/6)
9.30 Brickies A go-karting
trip is a chance to let-off
some steam and flex
competitive muscles (4/6)
10.00 Cuckoo Lorna’s best friend
Connie is encouraged
by Cuckoo to pursue
a singing career (5/6)
10.30 Cuckoo Rachel and Cuckoo
discover that they are not
actually married (6/6)
11.00 Jerk (3/6)
11.30 Jerk (4/6)
11.55-12.55am Top Gear (3/5)
ITV3
FV 10, FS 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
6.55pm Heartbeat Eternal
bachelor Greengrass falls in love
with an aristocratic lady poacher
8.00 McDonald & Dodds The
detective duo are called to a
private clinic where a wealthy
patient has been killed (2/2)
10.00 Blue Murder Pete pressures
Janine for a divorce as she
grapples with the case of a
murdered childminder (4/4)
11.35-12.40am Wycliffe The
detective applies his professional
know-how to a fatal shooting (3/8)
PBS America
FV 84, FS 155, SKY 174, VIRGIN 273
6.10pm The Lost DNA (1/2)
7.15 1066: A Year to Conquer
England Exploring events leading
up to the Battle of Hastings (1/3)
8.25 WWII in the Pacific
Japan’s bombing of the US Pacific
Fleet at Pearl Harbor (1/3)
9.30 Britain and the Sea David
Dimbleby explores aspects of the
nation’s maritime history (1/4)
10.45 1066: A Year to Conquer
England With Dan Snow (1/3)
12.00-1.10am WWII in the Pacific
Documentary (1/3)
Sky Comedy
SKY 114, VIRGIN 112, BT 346
7.00pm Futurama
7.30 The Office (US)
8.00 The Conners
8.30 The Office (US)
9.00 Mrs Fletcher (5/7)
9.40 Mrs Fletcher (6/7)
10.20 Mrs Fletcher (7/7)
11.00-12.10am Real Time with Bill
Maher The week’s events
Sky Premier League
SKY 402, VIRGIN 512
7.00pm PL 100: Jimmy Floyd
Hasselbaink A look at the former
footballer’s top-flight goals
7.30 Premier League 100:
Darren Bent The striker looks
back at his time in the top flight
8.00 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox
8.30 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox
9.00 Drink It In: The Rise of
Man City A look at the return to
prominence of Manchester City
10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits
10.30-12.30am PL Retro Arsenal v
Manchester United from 1997
BBC4
FV 9/24, FS 173, SKY 116, VIRGIN 108
7.00pm Great British Railway
Journeys Michael Portillo’s
journey from Canterbury
to Skegness reaches
Witham in Essex (13/15)
7.30 Glasgow’s Treasure Palace:
Inside Museums A visit to
Glasgow’s Kelvingrove Art
Gallery and Museum (3/4)
8.00 Digging for Britain
A Roman mosaic found on
farmland in Rutland (1/6)
9.00 Britain’s Lost Masterpieces
Two art experts track down
some of Scotland’s greatest
lost paintings (2/3)
10.00 The Rise of the Murdoch
Dynasty A look at Rupert
Murdoch’s involvement in
the 2016 US elections (3/3)
11.00 Sword, Musket & Machine
Gun: Britain’s Armed
History Sam Willis charts
the impact of gunpowder
on the battlefield (2/3)
12.00-12.30am A Pembrokeshire
Farm Documentary (1/5)
ITV4
FV 26, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
6.45pm Snooker: Tour
Championship Live Coverage of
the evening session on day one,
featuring the conclusion of the first
quarter-final at Bonus Arena in Hull
10.15 MotoGP Highlights The
Portuguese Grand Prix. Action
from the opening round
11.15-1.00am FILM Death Wish 2
(18, 1981) A former vigilante’s
home is attacked by thugs, forcing
him to return to his crimefighting
ways and settle the score. Thriller
sequel starring Charles Bronson
Sky Arts
FV 11, FS 147, SKY 130, VIRGIN 140
7.00pm Skinner & Mina’s Literary
Road Trip: Pope & Swift
Frank and Denise discover how
Alexander Pope became one of
the leading poets of his age (2/3)
8.00 Andre Rieu: At Schonbrunn,
Vienna The violinist performs
11.10-1.00am FILM My Rembrandt
(12, 2019) Documentary offering
a glimpse into the world of
collectors of art by the artist, told
through a mosaic of gripping
stories, each fuelled by a passion
for Rembrandt’s paintings
Comedy Central
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 344
7.00pm Friends Four episodes
9.00 Last Man Standing
9.30 Last Man Standing
10.00 Impractical Jokers
10.30 Impractical Jokers
11.00 Key & Peele
11.30 Key & Peele
12.00-1.00am Tracy Morgan: Bona
Fide A stand-up performance
The Witches of Salem explores
the witch trials in colonial
Massachusetts (Sky History, 9pm)
More 4
FV 18, FS 124, SKY 136, VIRGIN 147
6.55pm Château DIY It’s a big day
at Château la Briance, as a
couple get ready to finally
open their château to
guests on Valentine’s Day
7.55 Grand Designs Kevin
McCloud meets a couple
planning to create a hybrid
structure by slotting in a
new home within the walls
of a 200-year-old former
blacking mill in Cumbria
9.00 Jonathan Ross’ Myths and
Legends Jonathan is joined
by Neil Gaiman in the Isle
of Skye and the Scottish
Highlands, who reveals
how the Isle is steeped in
myths and legends (3/4)
10.00 Race to the Death: Rome’s
Charioteers Documentary
exploring new discoveries
about chariot racing
11.05-12.10am 24 Hours in A&E
A 43-year-old cyclist is
brought to A&E after
crashing face first into a car
E4
FV 13, FS 122, SKY 135, VIRGIN 106
7.00pm Hollyoaks Tony is worried
about the safety of his family
7.30 Married at First Sight
Australia The second Commitment
Ceremony is held, while things go
from bad to worse for one couple
9.00 Made in Chelsea New series.
The gang is back in SW3 following
a drama-filled trip to Bali
10.00-12.05am Gogglebox 2021
Highlights of the year’s episodes,
including I Can See Your Voice,
Mastermind, Nadiya, Ready to
Mingle and Line of Duty (14/14)
Sky History
SKY 123, VIRGIN 270
7.00pm Forged in Fire Making
weapons from throughout history
8.00 Treasures Decoded
9.00 The Witches of Salem
How the Salem witch trials rapidly
found women guilty (3/4)
10.00 Digging Up Britain’s Past
Helen Skelton and Alex Langlands
investigate the Pendle Witch trials
of 1612, visiting Lancaster Castle,
where the suspects were held (1/6)
11.00 Footprints of Civilisation
12.00-1.10am U-Boat Wargamers
Derek Jacobi narrates (5/6)
Gold
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 343
6.45pm Dad’s Army
7.25 Dad’s Army
8.00 The Vicar of Dibley Geraldine
receives a surprise visitor
9.00 The Cleaner Crime comedy
9.40 The Cleaner A pompous
novelist suffers writer’s block
10.20 Live at the Apollo
11.20-12.15am The Vicar of Dibley
Sky Cricket
SKY 404, VIRGIN 514
6.30pm International T20 Cricket:
South Africa v West Indies Action
from the second T20 in the
three-match series, which was held
at SuperSport Park, Centurion
11.00 SA20 Pretoria Capitals v
Paarl Royals. Highlights of the
first semi-final from DP World
Wanderers Stadium in
Johannesburg, South Africa
12.00-1.00am SA20 Joburg Super
Kings v Sunrisers Eastern Cape.
Action from the second semi-final
at SuperSport Park Cricket Stadium
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Sky Atlantic
SKY 108
6.40pm Succession Kendall tries
to find more allies in his
fight to take over control
of Waystar (2/9) (R)
7.50 Game of Thrones As Cersei
awaits judgment, Walder
Frey and Jaime celebrate at
Riverrun. Meanwhile, winter
finally arrives (10/10) (R)
9.00 Succession The sale of
media conglomerate
Waystar Royco to tech
visionary Lukas Matsson
moves closer. Return
of the drama starring Brian
Cox and Jeremy Strong.
See Viewing Guide (1/10)
10.10 Drift: Partners in Crime
Police officers Ali and Frida’s
attempt to transport an
arrested soldier from
Austria to Germany hits
major bumps in the road (R)
11.15-12.20am Drift: Partners in
Crime Ali is suspended
from duty. German thriller,
starring Ken Duken (R)
Dave
FV 19, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
7.00pm Richard Osman’s House of
Games Anita Rani, Chris Ramsey,
Janet Ellis and Jamie Theakston
test their general knowledge skills
7.35 Richard Osman’s House of
Games Angellica Bell, Iain Stirling,
Gyles Brandreth and Scarlett
Moffatt take part in the quiz
8.20 QI Gyles Brandreth, Rosie
Jones and Nish Kumar take part
9.00 Mel Giedroyc: Unforgivable
10.00 QI XL Sandi Toksvig hosts
11.00 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled
12.00-12.40am Would I Lie to You?
Sky Max
SKY 113, VIRGIN 111
7.00pm Stargate SG-1 (2/2)
Members of SG-1 attempt to escape
from the Tok’ra homeworld
8.00 NCIS: Los Angeles Rountree
and Fatima search for Kilbride
9.00 A Town Called Malice
Cindy leads Gene on a mission to
evade police suspicion (2/8)
10.05 A League of Their Own Road
Trip: Southeast Asia Highlights of
Jamie Redknapp and Micah
Richards’ adventures (6/6)
11.05-1.00am The Force: North
East Documentary series
W Alibi
FV 25, FS 156, SKY 132, VIRGIN 125
6.00pm MasterChef Australia The
contestants have 90 minutes to
prepare three separate dishes — all
using the same mystery ingredient
7.20 Simply Nigella
8.00 Inside the Ambulance
9.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build
10.20 24 Hours in A&E
11.20-12.20am 999 Rescue Squad
BT Sport 1
SKY 413, VIRGIN 527, BT 430
4.45pm Live T20 Cricket:
Afghanistan v Pakistan Coverage
of the third and final T20 in the
series at Sharjah Cricket Stadium
8.45 Deaf Away Days
9.00 Down The Clubhouse
10.00 Uefa Champions League:
Classics The 2006/07 season
10.30 ESPN FC Presents: Gab &
Juls A look at all the latest news
11.00-12.00m’t WWE Raw
Highlights Wrestling action.
1.00-4.15am Live WWE Monday
Night Raw Wrestling coverage
Fire in Babylon
The story of the 1970s
West Indian cricket team
Sky Documentaries,
11.30pm
Sky Documentaries
SKY 121, VIRGIN 277
7.00pm The Vietnam War
On the eve of the Tet
holiday, North Vietnamese
and Viet Cong forces
launch surprise attacks
throughout the south,
while Lyndon Johnson
decides not to stand for
re-election (6/10) (R)
8.05 First Ladies The series
concludes with a profile
of Hillary Rodham Clinton,
examining her later career
as a senator and Secretary
of State i(6/6) (R)
9.00 FILM The Armstrong Lie
(15, 2014) Following
cycling champion Lance
Armstrong’s fall from grace
as he was exposed for using
performance-enhancing
drugs while planning his
professional comeback
11.30-1.20am FILM Fire in Babylon
(12, 2010) Documentary
about the 1970s West
Indian cricket team
Drama
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 143, VIRGIN 130
6.40pm Last of the Summer Wine
The trio attend a friend’s funeral
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine
Compo enlists Wesley’s aid in
winning over Nora Batty
8.00 The Inspector Lynley
Mysteries Havers and new partner
DI Fiona Knight investigate when a
woman’s body is found in a lake
10.00 New Tricks Gerry and the
team agree to help a man who
believes his apparently dead wife is
still alive. Hugh Dennis guest stars
11.20-12.35am Cutting It
Nat Geographic
SKY 129, VIRGIN 266, BT 351
7.00pm Air Crash Investigation
Investigating the death of Poland’s
President Lech Kaczynski
8.00 Dutch Caribbean
Coastguards New series.
Castaways need to be rescued
from a sunken oil tanker
9.00 Air Crash Investigation
10.00 Inside Turkish Airlines
11.00 Air Crash Investigation A
turboprop is struck by lightning
12.00-1.00am Airport Security:
First Class A man caught with
drugs blames his son-in-law
SKY 109, VIRGIN 126
7.00pm Person of Interest
A series of flashbacks reveal
Finch’s first employee
8.00 Death in Paradise (8/8)
9.00 Death in Paradise (1/8)
10.00 Murdoch Mysteries
11.00 Without a Trace
12.00-1.00am The Doctor
Blake Mysteries (8/10)
BT Sport 2
SKY 414, VIRGIN 528, BT 431
6.45pm Gallagher Premiership
Rugby Highlights The 21st round
8.15 Rugby Tonight
9.00 Fishing: On the Bank The
World Carp Championships
10.00 BT Sport Films The life of
boxing promoter Frank Warren
11.45-12.15am ESPN Classic Boxing
1.30-10.30am Live One Day
International Cricket: New
Zealand v Sri Lanka Coverage of
the second ODI in the three-match
series, which takes place at
Hagley Oval in Christchurch
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Film guide
Film4
FV 14 FS 300 SKY 313
11.00am Decision at
Sundown (U, 1957) Western
starring Randolph Scott
12.40pm Cat Ballou (PG,
1965) Musical comedy
Western starring Jane Fonda
2.35 The Long Ships (PG,
1963) Viking adventure
starring Richard Widmark
5.10 Arizona Raiders (U, 1965)
Western starring Audie
Murphy and Buster Crabbe
7.10 Daddy’s Home (12, 2015)
Comedy starring Will Ferrell
and Mark Wahlberg
9.00 Alita: Battle Angel (12,
2019) Adventure with Rosa
Salazar and Christoph Waltz
11.25-1.00am F (18, 2010)
Horror starring David
Schofield. See Film Choice
Talking Pictures TV
FV 82 FS 306 SKY 328 VIRGIN 445
6.00am Turn of the Tide (U,
1935) Drama starring John
Garrick and J Fisher White
7.35 Fort Algiers (PG, 1953)
Adventure with Yvonne De
Carlo and Carlos Thompson
9.10 Look at Life
9.20 I Lived With You (U,
1933) Romantic comedy
starring Ivor Novello
11.15 The Chain (PG, 1984)
Drama starring Warren
Mitchell and Bernard Hill
1.10pm Mystery Junction (U,
1951) Drama with Sydney
Tafler and Martin Benson
2.30 Crown Court
3.00 Rebecca (PG, 1940)
Thriller starring Laurence
Olivier. See Film Choice
5.35 London Airport
early 1960s: Glimpses
6.00 The Footage Detectives
7.00 The Champions
8.00 The Main Chance
9.00 Silent Rage (18, 1982)
Thriller starring Chuck Norris
11.00-12.05am Secret Army
GREAT! Movies
FV 34 FS 302 SKY 321 VIRGIN 425
9.00am Erasing His Past (PG,
2019) Thriller starring Michael
Welch and Mary Badham
10.50 GREAT! Movie News
11.00 Accusations and
Lies (PG, 2019) Thriller
starring AnnaLynne McCord
12.50pm GREAT! Movie News
1.00 Vows of Deceit (12, 2018)
Thriller starring Katherine
Bailess and Damon Dayoub
2.50 GREAT! Movie News
3.00 The Wrong Babysitter
(15, 2017) Thriller starring
Daphne Zuniga and Britt Irvin
4.50 GREAT! Movie News
5.00 Garage Sale Mystery:
Murder in D Minor (2018)
Mystery starring Lori
Loughlin and Eva Bourne
6.50 GREAT! Movie News
7.00 Garage Sale Mystery:
Murder Most Medieval (PG,
2017) Whodunit starring Lori
Loughlin and Sarah Strange
8.50 GREAT! Movie News
Cyberpunk animation Alita:
Battle Angel (Film4, 9pm)
9.00 Men of Honor (15, 2000)
Drama starring Cuba Gooding
Jr and Robert De Niro
11.35-1.50am The
Whistleblower (15, 2010)
Drama starring Rachel Weisz
and Vanessa Redgrave
TCM Movies
SKY 315
6.00am Hollywood’s
Best Film Directors
8.55 Off Set
9.35 The Plunderers (PG,
1960) Western starring Jeff
Chandler and John Saxon
11.30 The Spy in the Green
Hat (U, 1966) Espionage
adventure starring Robert
Vaughn and David McCallum
1.30pm Operation: Daybreak
(15, 1975) Second World War
drama starring Timothy
Bottoms and Martin Shaw
3.55 Ice Station Zebra (U,
1968) Arctic adventure
starring Rock Hudson
6.55 One Spy Too Many
(PG, 1966) Spy adventure
starring Robert Vaughn
9.00 Righteous Kill (15,
2008) Crime thriller starring
Robert De Niro and Al Pacino
11.10-1.15am Dirty Harry (15,
1971) Thriller starring Clint
Eastwood and Andy Robinson
Sky Cinema Premiere
SKY 301 VIRGIN 401
12.10pm The Black Phone (15,
2021) Horror starring Mason
Thames and Ethan Hawke
2.10 Tad the Lost Explorer
and the Curse of the Mummy
(U, 2022) Animated adventure
featuring the voices of
Trevor White and Alex Kelly
3.55 Boonie Bears: Back
To Earth (PG, 2022)
Animated adventure with the
voices of Joseph S Lambert
and Siobhan Lumsden
5.50 Mr Malcolm’s List (PG,
2022) Drama starring Freida
Pinto and Sope Dirisu
8.00 The Black Phone (15,
2021) In 1970s North Denver,
detectives attempt to catch a
masked predator nicknamed
The Grabber. Horror starring
Mason Thames, Ethan Hawke
and Madeleine McGraw
10.00-11.55pm Marlowe (15,
2023) Thriller starring Liam
Neeson and Diane Kruger
Radio guide
Times Radio
Digital, web, smart speaker, app
5.00am Rosie Wright with
Early Breakfast 6.00 Aasmah
Mir and Stig Abell with Times
Radio Breakfast 10.00 Matt
Chorley 1.00pm Mariella
Frostrup 3.00 Jane Garvey and
Fi Glover 5.00 John Pienaar
with Times Radio Drive 7.00
Pienaar and Friends 8.00 The
Evening Edition 10.00 Carole
Walker 1.00am Stories of Our
Times 1.30 Red Box 2.00
Highlights from Times Radio
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am The Zoe Ball Breakfast
Show 9.30 Gary Davies 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Anita
Rani 4.00 Sara Cox 6.30 Sara
Cox’s Half Wower 7.00 Jo
Whiley’s Shiny Happy Playlist
7.30 Jo Whiley 9.00 The Blues
Show 10.00 Trevor Nelson’s
Magnificent 7 10.30 Trevor
Nelson’s Rhythm Nation
12.00 OJ Borg 2.30am One
Hit Wonders 3.00 Sophie
Ellis-Bextor’s Kitchen Disco (r)
4.00 Owain Wyn Evans
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Rachmaninov Donald Macleod
explores Rachmaninov’s
life in exile from Russia
1.00pm Live Radio 3
Lunchtime Concert Andrew
McGregor presents a recital
from London’s Wigmore Hall.
Boccherini (String Quintet in
D minor, Op 13 No 4; Cello
Sonata No 2 in C minor and
Cello Concerto No 7 in G)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Dvorak (Slavonic Dance in B,
Op 72’1); Valentin Silvestrov
(3 Bagatelles, Op 4); Jean-
Marie Leclair (Deuxième
Récréation de musique, Op 8);
Ravel (La flûte enchantée);
Schumann (Symphony No1 in
B flat —Spring, Op 38); Debussy
(Danse profane) and Bach
(Jesu, meine Freude, BWV 227)
4.30 New Generation Artists
With the Leonkoro Quartet.
5.00 In Tune Music news.
7.00 Classical Mixtape
A sequence of music
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert Fiona
Talkington presents Vladimir
Jurowski conducting the Berlin
Radio Symphony Orchestra.
Stravinsky (Circus Polka; Violin
Concerto) and Schubert
(Symphony No 9 in C, D 944)
9.30 Compline A service
for the fifth week of Lent
10.00 Music Matters With
Anna Clyne, Martin Frost
and Pekka Kuusisto (r)
10.45 The Essay: Re:Cycling
The first of five musings by
Andrew Martin on cycling
11.00 Night Tracks
12.30am Through the Night (r)
Today’s pick
Rental Health: All
Work and No Homes
Radio 4, 11am
Focusing on the problems
faced by Generation Rent
this week, Radio 4 hones
in on the housing crisis in
the Scottish Highlands —
said to be so bad that
some are describing it
as a clearance for the
21st century. The blogger
Pennie Stuart, right, heads
first to the village of Ullapool
to hear how the business
community is responding
to the unintended
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
9.00 Start the Week
9.45 Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible Written
by Sarah Bakewell (1/5)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
10.00 Woman’s Hour
11.00 Rental Health: All Work
and No Homes Examining the
housing crisis in the Scottish
Highlands. See Choice
11.30 Lady Killers with Lucy
Worsley Margaret Garner
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
12.04 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Rental Health: Solutions
New series. As rent continues
to rise across the UK, Kirsty
Lang looks for solutions
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Wild Woman of
the North By Esther Wilson.
A family getting over a tragedy
moves to the countryside
3.00 Counterpoint
3.30 The Food Programme (r)
4.00 Rental Health: The New
Nomads As property rents
spiral, life on the road is
attracting a new generation (r)
4.30 The Digital Human (6/6)
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 The Museum of Curiosity
7.00 The Archers Oliver has a
few tricks up his sleeve
7.15 Front Row Arts news
8.00 Rental Health: Hunt
for a Home A snapshot of a
housing market out of balance
8.30 Analysis Police reform
9.00 Troubled Water The
water cycle from coast to tap
9.30 Start the Week (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: How
One Becomes Lonely (1/5) (r)
11.00 I Feel Therefore I Am (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible (1/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Monday 27
consequences of the tourism
boom. Further south in
Aviemore, in the heart of the
Cairngorms National Park,
she hears about solutions
being proposed to remedy
the problem. Ben Dowell
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Wake Up to Money
6.00 5 Live Breakfast 9.00
Nicky Campbell 11.00 Naga
Munchetty 1.00pm Nihal
Arthanayake 4.00 5 Live
Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport 9.00
5 Live Boxing 10.00 Colin
Murray. Late night chat
1.00am Dotun Adebayo
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
5.00am Early Breakfast 6.00
talkSPORT Breakfast with
Laura Woods 10.00 Jim White
and Simon Jordan 1.00pm
Hawksbee and Jacobs 4.00
talkSPORT Drive with Andy
Goldstein and Darren Bent
7.00 Kick Off 10.00 Sports
Bar 1.00am Extra Time
TalkRadio
Digital only
5.00am James Max 6.30 The
Julia Hartley-Brewer Breakfast
Show 10.00 The Independent
Republic of Mike Graham
1.00pm Ian Collins 4.00
Vanessa Feltz 7.00 Jeremy
Kyle 8.00 Piers Morgan
9.00 The Talk 10.00 Tom
Newton Dunn 11.00 Petrie
Hosken 1.00am Paul Ross
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Round the Horne
8.30 Legal, Decent, Honest
and Truthful 9.00 All the Way
from Memphis 9.30 Ring
Around the Bath 10.00 The
Good Companions 11.00 Paul
Temple and the Geneva
Mystery 11.30 Lord of Misrule
12.00 Sweet Sorrow 12.15pm
Flying Visits 12.30 Lobby
Land 1.00 Round the Horne
1.30 Legal, Decent, Honest
and Truthful 2.00 All the Way
from Memphis 2.30 Ring
Around the Bath 3.00 The
Good Companions 4.00 Paul
Temple and the Geneva
Mystery 4.30 Lord of Misrule
5.00 Sweet Sorrow 5.15
Flying Visits 5.30 Lobby
Land 6.00 Round the Horne
saturday review 39
6.30 Legal, Decent, Honest
and Truthful 7.00 All the Way
from Memphis 7.30 Ring
Around the Bath. Comedy,
with Duncan Preston 8.00
The Moth Radio Hour. Sarah
Austin Jenness introduces
stories of female strength
and empowerment 8.50
Inheritance Tracks 9.00
Mastertapes 9.30 The Ice
Princess 10.00 Comedy Club:
The Museum of Curiosity
10.30 iGod 10.45 Hamish
and Dougal: You’ll Have Had
Your Tea 11.00 The Now
Show 11.30 Masala FM
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am The Newsroom
9.30 CrowdScience 10.00
News 10.06 The History Hour
11.00 The Newsroom 11.30
The Conversation 12.00
News 12.06pm Outlook
12.50 Witness History
1.00 The Newsroom 1.30
CrowdScience 2.00
Newshour 3.00 News 3.06
HARDtalk 3.30 Business 4.00
BBC OS 6.00 News 6.06
Outlook 6.50 Witness History
7.00 The Newsroom 7.30
Sport Today 8.06 From Our
Own Correspondent 8.30
Discovery 9.00 Newshour
10.00 News 10.06 HARDtalk
10.30 The Conversation
11.00 The Newsroom 11.20
Sports News 11.30 Business
12.00 News 12.06am The
History Hour 1.00 News 1.06
Business Matters 2.00 The
Newsroom 2.30 The
Documentary: The Hidden
World of Global Shipping
3.00 News 3.06 Outlook 3.50
Witness History 4.00 The
Newsroom 4.30 In the Studio
6 Music
Digital only
7.30am Lauren Laverne.
With actor John Boyega
10.30 Jamz Supernova
1.00pm Craig Charles 4.00
Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc
Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe 12.00
Jack White at the BBC
Virgin Radio
Digital only
6.30am The Chris Evans
Breakfast Show 10.00 Eddy
Temple-Morris 1.00pm Jayne
Middlemiss 4.00 Ricky
Wilson 7.00 Bam 10.00
Amy Voce 1.00am Sean
Goldsmith 4.00 Steve Denyer
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music
Breakfast 9.00 Alexander
Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie
Minhall 4.00pm John
Brunning 7.00 Smooth
Classics 10.00 Margherita
Taylor 1.00am Bill Overton
4.00 Early Breakfast
40 saturday review
Tuesday 28 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice Bear Grylls Meets . . .
President Zelensky
Channel 4, 8pm
If you want a reminder of
why Volodymyr Zelensky
has become such a beloved
figure on the global stage,
then this interview with the
TV survivalist and former
soldier Bear Grylls in Kyiv
last November does the
job perfectly. What a sane,
charming, charismatic and
courageous man the Ukraine
president (and former comedy
actor) is. It’s not an especially
long interview — they meet
in the grounds of the
presidential compound and
Zelensky takes Grylls, right, for
a walk round the city, as he
has with many world leaders.
Also, much of the programme
is beefed up with a prologue
that (not uninterestingly, to be
fair) shows the many
difficulties associated with
accessing a country at war.
We also meet ordinary locals
inured to a new reality where
death could strike at any time.
They include Alina, whose
Skinner and Mina’s Murder in Mayfair
Literary Road Trip BBC2, 9pm
Sky Arts/Now, 8pm
The final leg of Frank Skinner
and Denise Mina’s exploration
of the poetry and friendship
between Jonathan Swift and
Alexander Pope shows the
Augustan writers on fine form.
Swift has published Gulliver’s
Travels and Pope is giving vent
to his literary hatreds in The
Dunciad. The chemistry
between the presenters is just
as infectious, with Mina
revelling in Swift’s righteous
anger. Skinner, meanwhile, gets
characteristically emotional.
“Oh, Alexander,” he sighs over
the great man’s grave, a place
he hasn’t visited until this
moment. BD
Catch
up
Christine McGuinness:
Unmasking My Autism
BBC iPlayer
In December 2021
Christine McGuinness
made a documentary
with her husband,
the Top Gear
presenter Paddy
(the couple
have since
separated),
about their
three
children, all
of whom had
been diagnosed with
autism. During
filming
father is almost certainly
dead, and a soldier, Oleksandr,
and his wife and young son
(who gets a Scout badge from
Grylls, the chief ambassador
for World Scouting). Zelensky,
for his part, says he is not a
hero, although we may beg to
differ. And he certainly
commands our attention.
“They raped children. They
wanted mothers and fathers
to see it,” he says of the
invading Russians whom he
hesitates to accord the
description “neighbours”. The
Russians do not love this
country, but his people do, he
says, before receiving some
well-earned chocolate from
Grylls. And while the invaders
have targeted civilians and
the country’s infrastructure,
raining down extra missiles at
times when the temperatures
drop, his stoicism and
decency give you hope that
his country may prevail.
Slava Ukraini! Ben Dowell
In 2008, the 23-year-old
Norwegian student Martine Vik
Magnussen was raped,
murdered and buried under
rubble in the basement of a
London flat. Hours later, the
only suspect, Farouk Abdulhak,
the son of one of Yemen’s
richest and most powerful
men, fled the UK on a private
plane. The reporter Nawal Al-
Maghafi, who also has Yemeni
heritage, talks to Martine’s
father, Odd Petter Magnussen,
and tracks down Abdulhak.
It’s a devastating film,
especially when we see home
movie footage of the young
Martine and watch her
horrified father listen to
Abdulhak’s testimony. BD
McGuinness, below, discovered
that she was also autistic and in
this follow-up programme she
explores how autism in women
and girls has been ignored and
misunderstood by science
and society. As well as
being about McGuinness
finding “the courage to be
my real self”, this film is a
shocking exposé of the
gender bias that exists in
diagnosis and support
for female autism.
Why did it take
so long for
McGuinness (and
thousands of women
like her) to get
a diagnosis?
And what
can be done to
improve the lives of
autistic women and
girls? Joe Clay
Celebrity Hunted
Channel 4, 9pm
Ten celebrities including the
Strictly dancer Katya Jones
storm out of cells at HM
Prison Shrewsbury. The
comedians James Acaster
and Ed Gamble flick V-signs to
the CCTV. “They are already
taking the piss,” says one
of the highly-trained “hunters”,
who need to track them
down in this Hunted special
edition, which is raising funds
for Stand up to Cancer. It’s
another high-octane ride,
interspersed with moving
stories of people affected by
the disease, and little quarter
is given to the celebrities,
even if they are perhaps
easier to spot than the usual
contestants. BD
Regional programmes
● BBC1 Wales As BBC1 except: 10.40pm
Dark Land: Hunting the Killers 11.20
Match of the Day Wales 11.50 Charlotte
in Sunderland (r) 12.50-1.35am Have
I Got a Bit More News for You (r)
● BBC2 Wales As BBC2 except: 2.00pm
First Minister’s Questions 2.50 Eggheads
(r) 3.20 Hairy Bikers: Pies & Pasties (r)
3.35 Celebrity Painting Challenge (r) 4.35
The World’s Most Extraordinary Homes
(r) 5.35-6.00 Flog It! (r) 11.15 New Voices
from Wales 11.25 Inside Taiwan: Standing
up to China (r) 12.25-12.45am Coast
● BBC1 N Ireland As BBC1 except:
10.40pm The Prime Ministers of Northern
Ireland 11.10 Charlotte in Sunderland (r)
11.40 FILM Darkest Hour (2017)
1.40-6.00am BBC News
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC2 except:
10.00-10.30pm The Prime Ministers of
Northern Ireland
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC1 except:
10.40pm Sportscene (r) 11.25 Sportscene:
SWPL Highlights (r) 11.55 The Edit (r)
12.10am FILM Meet Joe Black (1998)
3.00 Weather for the Week Ahead
3.05-6.00am BBC News
● ITV1 Wales As ITV1 except: 8.00-
9.00pm Wales This Week: Nowhere to
Call Home 11.30 Love Your Garden for
Less 12.25-12.30am Dramatic Finishes (r)
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Ben Fogle: New Films of the day
Lives in the Wild Pretty in Pink (15, 1986)
Channel 5, 9pm Sky Cinema Greats, 4.30pm
John Hughes’s 1980s teenage classic has a storyline as old as
One of the best parts of this cinema itself, but is testament to his uncanny ability to capture
series is when Ben Fogle what it’s like to be 16 and in love. Molly Ringwald plays Andie Walsh,
returns to people he has a kooky girl from the wrong side of the tracks, who develops a
already visited. Tonight he crush on a high-school rich kid (Andrew McCarthy). Meanwhile,
heads back to the wilds of Andie’s best friend, the eccentric outsider Phil “Duckie” Dale (Jon
southern Sweden and the Cryer, below with Ringwald) has admired her from afar for a long
cabin in the woods occupied time, but is afraid to tell her how he truly feels. In the original
by Annalisa and her young ending, Andie ended up falling for Duckie, but test screenings
son Nico. A lot has changed demanded a predictable fairytale finale so the final scenes were
since his previous visit reshot. Hughes’s script (he didn’t direct it, that was Howard Deutch)
three years ago. Annalisa now was inspired by the song by the Psychedelic Furs. (96min) Joe Clay
has running water and
electricity and the huge
expanse of deforested land
next to her home has taken on
a healthier shade of green.
As well as that, she has a
new partner to lend a
hand. BD
● STV As ITV1 except: 10.40pm STV
News 10.50 Scotland Tonight 11.20 On
Assignment 11.50 Scotland Revealed
Moments (r) 12.05-3.00am Teleshopping
3.50-5.05am Night Vision
● UTV As ITV1 except: 8.00pm Keepers
of the Lough 8.30-9.00 Mahon’s Way (r)
10.55 Eamonn Mallie: Face to Face With
11.25 Love Your Garden for Less
12.20-12.30am The Best of the 80s (r)
● BBC Scotland 7.00pm Sportscene:
SWPL Highlights 7.30 Watching
Ourselves: 60 Years of TV in Scotland
Meet Joe Black (12, 1998)
(r) 8.00 Back from the Brink 8.50
BBC1, 10.40pm
Beechgrove Repotted (r) 9.00 The Nine
10.00 Facelift. New series. Behind the Brad Pitt plays a glacial incarnation of death in Martin Brest’s
scenes of a Glasgow clinic carrying out glossy but overlong update of Mitchell Leisen’s 1934 comedy
cosmetic procedures 11.00 David Wilson’s
Crime Files: Cold Cases (r) 11.30pm- Death Takes a Holiday. Pitt’s benign angel of death takes the form
Midnight Rip It Up Unwrapped (r) of a young man killed in an accident when he is sent to escort the
● S4C 6.00am Cyw 12.00 News 12.05pm
soul of Anthony Hopkins’s dying media magnate and devoted
Bwyd Bach Shumana a Catrin (r) 12.30
family man, Bill Parrish, on his 65th birthday. However, Death is
Heno (r) 1.00 Ffermio (r) 2.00 News 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News 3.05 Sgwrs Dan eager to find out more about life on Earth and offers Parrish a
y Lloer (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr (r) 5.00 Stwnsh few extra days of life to act as his guide, with the mogul giving him
6.00 Pen/Campwyr (r) 6.27 News 6.30
the name Joe Black. Black’s mission is further compromised when
Sgorio (r) 7.00 News 7.25 Live Sgorio
Rhyngwladol. Wales v Latvia (Kick-off he falls in love with Parrish’s youngest daughter, Susan (Claire
7.45) 10.00 Bocs 21 11.00-11.35 Richard Forlani), dangerously meshing the worlds of the living and the
Holt: Yr Academi Felys (r)
dead. (178min) JC
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
BBC1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Morning Live
10.00 The Moment of Proof 10.30
Animal Park Summer (r) 11.15 Homes
Under the Hammer (r) 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt (r) 1.00 BBC News at
One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Luca and
Suni try to iron things out 2.15 Jay and
Dom’s Home Fix. Jay Blades and
Dominic Chinea make clothes rails (r)
3.00 Escape to the Country. Nicki
Chapman helps a buyer find a home
in Wiltshire 3.45 Antiques Road Trip.
Raj Bisram and Charles Hanson pick
up a toby jug and art deco items in
Wales (r) 4.30 Bridge of Lies. Four
friends try to find the right path
across the bridge (r) 5.15 Pointless.
Quiz, hosted by Alexander Armstrong
(r) 6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather
6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
Anton and Giovanni in Sicily (9pm)
7.00 The One Show Featuring live
chat and topical reports
7.30 EastEnders Sonia gives Rocky
an ultimatum, either he tells
Kathy his secret by the end
of the day, or she will
8.00 Interior Design Masters
with Alan Carr The designers
work in pairs to transform
three independent shops in
Harrogate, North Yorkshire,
on a budget of £3,000 (4/8)
9.00 Anton & Giovanni’s Adventures
in Sicily The second leg of their
trip takes Anton Du Beke and
Giovanni Pernice to Mount Etna,
Europe’s highest and most
active volcano. Along the way
they stop at the barbers before
going paddleboarding (2/3)
10.00BBC News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News
10.40 FILM Meet Joe Black (12, 1998)
Death takes over the body of a
recently deceased young man,
and embarks on a mission to
claim the life of a powerful
media tycoon, but ends up
falling in love with his daughter
instead – leaving him on the
horns of a dilemma. Starring
Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins and
Claire Forlani. See Film Choice
1.30am Weather for the Week Ahead
1.35 BBC News. The latest headlines
Also available online and on tablet
Digital subscribers can now use our interactive seven-day
guide with comprehensive listings of all TV channels
thetimes.co.uk/tvplanner
BBC2
6.05am Walks of Life (r) 7.05 Bargain
Hunt (r) 7.50 Sign Zone: Secrets of
the Jurassic Dinosaurs (r) (SL) 8.50
Lifeline (r) 9.00 BBC News at 9 10.00
BBC News 12.15pm Politics Live 1.00
The Super League Show. The sixth
round of fixtures (r) 2.00 Eggheads (r)
2.30 Hairy Bikers: Pies & Pasties (r)
2.45 Celebrity Painting Challenge.
The VIP artists tackle landscapes (r)
3.45 My Unique B&B. A unique B&B
with a celestial theme in Devon (r)
4.15 The World’s Most Extraordinary
Homes. From Norway (r) 5.15 Flog It!.
From the Blickling estate in Norfolk (r)
6.00 Richard Osman’s House of
Games. With Lucy Beaumont, Shazia
Mirza, Joe Thomas and Jake Wood (r)
6.30 Coast to Coast Food Festival.
Edith Bowman and Colin Murray
explore the food of Anstruther
Murder in Mayfair (9pm)
7.00 Your Home Made Perfect
Architects Lizzie Fraher and
Julian McIntosh compete
to remodel a two-bedroom
London terrace for a mother
and her 22-year-old son (5/8) (r)
8.00 Great British Menu: The Finals
The eight regional champions
cook their fish courses to win a
place on the menu of a banquet
celebrating animation and
illustration. Guest judging
is co-founder of Aardman
Animations, Peter Lord OBE
9.00 Murder in Mayfair
Reporter Nawal Al-Maghafi
investigates the murder of
Norwegian student Martine Vik
Magnussen in 2008, who was
killed in a flat near Mayfair after
a night out. See Viewing Guide
10.00Live at the Apollo
Darren Harriott introduces
stand-up by Jessica Fostekew
and Stephen Bailey (4/7) (r)
10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the day’s
events, with Victoria Derbyshire
11.15 Inside Taiwan: Standing up to
China In Taiwan, Jane Corbin
investigates a story with
widespread ramifications, and
reveals China’s ’playbook’
as its desire to ”reunify the
motherland” becomes clearer (r)
12.15am Between the Covers (r) 12.45
Sign Zone: Great Australian Railway
Journeys. From Kuranda to Townsville
(r) (SL) 1.15 Rip Off Britain: Holidays (r)
(SL) 2.00 Make It at Market (r) (SL)
2.45-3.15 Amanda & Alan’s Italian Job.
Transforming the courtyard (r) (SL)
ITV1
6.00am Good Morning Britain 9.00
Lorraine 10.00 This Morning 12.30pm
Loose Women. Celebrity interviews
and topical debate from a female
perspective 1.30 ITV News; Weather
1.55 Regional News; Weather 2.00
Dickinson’s Real Deal. David Dickinson
travels to Bridlington, East Yorkshire,
assessing items brought in by
members of the public (r) 3.00
Lingo. Contestants from Doncaster,
Newbury and Hull take part in the
quiz hosted by Adil Ray (r) 4.00
Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts the
arcade-themed quiz in which
contestants drop tokens down a
choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot (r) 5.00
The Chase. Quiz show hosted by
Bradley Walsh (r) 6.00 Regional News;
Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
Motsi and Oti Mabuse (9pm)
7.30 Emmerdale Charity tries to get
to the bottom of Noah’s issue,
Mackenzie and Chloe argue,
and Alex plots his next move
8.00 Love Your Garden for Less Alan
Titchmarsh and his team share
their favourite money saving
gardening tips, creating classic
garden features that are big on
impact and easy on the pocket
9.00 DNA Journey Sisters Oti and
Motsi Mabuse head on a
journey across their homeland
of South Africa to explore
their extraordinary family
history. Last in the series (4/4)
10.10 ITV News; followed by Weather
10.40 Regional News; followed
by Regional Weather
10.55 On Assignment A report
on Portugal’s controversial
new Euthanasia law
11.30 Starstruck Olly Murs hosts as
four more teams of superfans
are transformed into their
music idols before stepping
onto the stage to sing one
of their biggest hits (r)
12.30am Teleshopping 3.00 The Bay.
CCTV evidence leads to a major
development in the case (r) (SL) 3.50
Unwind with ITV 5.05 Family Fortunes.
Hosted by Gino D’Acampo (r) (SL)
Tuesday 28
Channel 4
6.10am Countdown (r) 6.50 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.15 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.40 The King of Queens
(r) 8.05 The King of Queens (r) 8.30
The King of Queens (r) 9.00 Frasier
(r) 9.30 Frasier (r) 10.00 Frasier (r)
10.30 Undercover Boss USA (r) 11.25
Channel 4 News Summary 11.30
Emergency Helicopter Medics (r)
12.30pm Steph’s Packed Lunch 2.10
Countdown 3.00 Tool Club 4.00 A
New Life in the Sun. Two gîte owners
from Nottinghamshire are dealt a
financial blow (r) 5.00 Four in a Bed.
From Rooms at the Inn, in Retford
5.30 Come Dine with Me. Dinner
parties in Leamington Spa (r) 6.00
The Simpsons. Homer is rushed to
hospital with food poisoning (r) 6.30
Hollyoaks. Tony is more worried than
ever about the safety of his family (r)
Celebrity Hunted returns (9pm)
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
8.00 Bear Grylls Meets President
Zelenskyy Bear Grylls ventures
into Ukraine by invitation of
President Zelenskyy where he
meets civilians who are trying
to endure and survive the war
to learn what life is like for
them. See Viewing Guide
9.00 Celebrity Hunted New series.
James Acaster, Ed Gamble,
Katya Jones, Aimee Fuller,
Nicola Thorp, Nikesh Patel,
Bobby Seagull, Saffron Barker
and Nik and Eva Speakman try
to evade capture for 14 days.
See Viewing Guide (1/6)
10.00Rise and Fall Reality contest,
which sees a diverse group
from all walks of life become
part of a social experiment
that questions the impact of
wealth and power on people
11.05 Gogglebox The armchair critics
share their opinions on what
they have been watching on
television during the week (r)
12.05am Gogglebox: Celebrity Special
for SU2C (r) (SL) 1.05 Derry Girls (r)
(SL) 2.55 Couples Come Dine with Me.
Three couples compete in Surrey (r)
3.50 Food Unwrapped (r) 4.20 Best
of Britain by the Sea (r) (SL) 5.15
Location, Location, Location (r)
saturday review 41
Channel 5
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Jeremy Vine
12.45pm Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly.
A 12-stone Great Dane that insists
on sleeping in its owner’s bed and
a French bulldog that will not let
anyone leave the house (r) 1.40 5
News at Lunchtime 1.45 Home and
Away. Karen shares the good news
about the birth around Summer Bay
(r) 2.15 Chronicle Mysteries. Alex and
Drew investigate a self-help retreat
and the controversial life coach who
oversees it. Mystery, starring Alison
Sweeney and Benjamin Ayres (r)
4.00 Bargain-Loving Brits in the Sun.
Two former pub landladies who
moved from Wigan to Benidorm (r)
5.00 5 News at 5 6.00 Cash in the
Attic. Helping people make money (r)
6.30 Eggheads. Off the Piste take on
the quiz experts 6.55 5 News Update
New Lives in the Wild (9pm)
7.00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors
A patient comes in suffering
from a painful rash on her
scalp, so Dr Chris Ferdinand
chases up her appointment
with a dermatologist
7.55 5 News Update
8.00 Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly
Graeme Hall comes to the aid
of owners with new puppies
and also catches up with some
of the puppy owners that
he has helped in the past;
followed by 5 News Update
9.00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the
Wild Ben heads back to
Sweden to revisit a single
mother who was developing a
forest hideaway on the fringes
of society for her and her son.
See Viewing Guide (11/12)
10.00The Murder of Meredith
Kercher Documentary
examining the murder of
British student Meredith
Kercher in Italy in 2007 and
the ongoing investigation
to try and uncover the truth
about her killer. Immediately
after her death, Meredith’s
flatmate Amanda Knox and
her boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito
were charged with her murder,
but after eight years of
investigation and court battles,
the pair were finally acquitted
12.00 Born to Kill? (r) 12.55am
Entertainment News on 5 1.00 The
LeoVegas Live Casino Show 3.00
Around the World by Train (r) 4.15
Inside Windsor Castle (r) 5.05 House
Doctor (r) (SL) 5.30 Fireman Sam (r)
(SL) 5.40 Paw Patrol (r) (SL)
42 saturday review
Tuesday 28 | Primetime digital guide
TalkTV
FV 237, FS 217, SKY 522, VIRGIN 606
6.00am James Max
6.30 The Julia Hartley-Brewer
Breakfast Show
10.00 The Independent Republic
of Mike Graham The host
takes a look through the
morning newspapers
1.00pm Ian Collins Hard-hitting
monologues and debates
4.00 Vanessa Feltz The host
guides you through the
big stories of the day
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live The voice
of the people takes on the
issues that really matter
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
The host offers his verdict
on the day’s global events
with an hour of debate and
straight-talking interviews
9.00 The Talk A panel of famous
faces debate the hot topics
everybody’s talking about
10.00 First Edition An energetic
look at tomorrow’s news
11.00-12.00m’t Piers Morgan
Uncensored
ITV2
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
7.00pm Ninja Warrior UK (1/8)
8.00 Superstore A new employee
makes a bad first impression (1/11)
8.30 Superstore Cheyenne comes
up with a jingle for the store (2/11)
9.00 Loaded in Paradise The five
pairs arrive on the final island
10.00 Family Guy Joe’s son returns
from Iraq for Thanksgiving
10.30 Family Guy Lois gets a job
at Chris and Meg’s school
11.00 Family Guy
11.30 American Dad!
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
Yesterday
FV 27, FS 159, SKY 155, VIRGIN 129
7.00pm Joanna Lumley’s
Trans-Siberian Adventure
The actress embarks on a
6,400-mile journey using the
Trans-Siberian Railway (1/3)
8.00 The Architecture the
Railways Built Tim Dunn visits
Coventry Station and meets its
original Architect Derrick Shorten
9.00 Bangers and Cash
10.00 Bangers and Cash (9/10)
11.00 Abandoned Engineering
12.00-12.30am Great British
Railway Journeys
Discovery
SKY 125, VIRGIN 250
7.00pm Kindig Customs
8.00 Expedition to the Edge
9.00 Gold Rush Tony gambles
on a 30-year-old beast and the
Claytons must make a big move
10.00 Gold Rush some of the gold
weighs that changed everything
11.00 Gold Rush: The Dirt
12.00-1.00am Expedition Bigfoot
Sky Main Event
SKY 401, VIRGIN 511, BT 440
4.30pm Live International T20
Cricket: South Africa v West Indies
Coverage of the third and final
T20 in the series from DP World
Wanderers Stadium, Johannesburg
9.00 Sky Sports News Round-up of
the sports news, with live analysis
and comment, plus interviews
with the latest headline-makers
10.00 Sky Sports News
10.30 Back Pages Tonight
A look at the sports headlines
in tomorrow’s newspapers
11.00-12.00m’t Sky Sports News
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC3
FV 23, FS 179, SKY 115, VIRGIN 107
7.00pm Ruck Stars The Under 18
academies of two of the
biggest teams in rugby (1/5)
7.30 Live Match of the Day
England Under-21 v Croatia
Under-21s (Kick-off 7.45).
All the action from the
friendly at Craven Cottage
9.50 Jerk When Lily announces
she’s pregnant, Tim thinks
she’s lying but goes along
with it and proposes, and
Idris plans a stag do to
remember (5/6)
10.15 Jerk Lily’s plan to scam
the wedding venue is
jeopardised when Tim tries
to help. Last in series (6/6)
10.40 Project Icon: The UK’s Next
Music Star Promising but
unsigned artists vie to enter
the music industry (1/6)
11.40-12.10am Eating with My Ex
Geordie Shore’s Bethan
Kershaw wants to know if
her ex-boyfriend was the
one who got away (2/10)
ITV3
FV 10, FS 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
7.00pm Heartbeat A woman is
admitted to hospital after a series
of burglaries, and Nick and Jo
start planning their life together
8.00 Midsomer Murders The
discovery of a priceless music
score may hold clues to the case
of a man found battered to death
10.00 Blue Murder Detective
Janine Lewis suffers a close shave
when a colleague is murdered
just metres away from her (1/4)
11.30-12.40am Wycliffe Two
widows lay claim to a corpse (4/8)
PBS America
FV 84, FS 155, SKY 174, VIRGIN 273
6.05pm The Lost DNA (2/2)
7.15 1066: A Year to Conquer
England As Dan Snow’s
docudrama continues, King Harold
has to take on two invasion forces
and a Viking invasion (2/3)
8.30 WWII in the Pacific (2/3)
9.30 Britain and the Sea David
Dimbleby learns about invasion
and defence in the South East (2/4)
10.50 1066: A Year to Conquer
England Documentary (2/3)
12.00-1.05am WWII in the Pacific
A bloody and brutal war (2/3)
Sky Comedy
SKY 114, VIRGIN 112, BT 346
7.00pm Futurama
7.30 The Office (US)
8.00 The Conners
8.30 The Office (US)
9.00 Barry (1 & 2/8)
10.15 The Late Late Show with
James Corden Talk show
11.15-12.15am The Tonight Show
Starring Jimmy Fallon
Sky Premier League
SKY 402, VIRGIN 512
7.00pm Premier League 100:
Dion Dublin A look at the
former Manchester United
and Aston Villa player’s career
7.30 PL 100 Club Alan Shearer’s
260 goals in the Premier League
8.00 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox The
presenter talks to Paul Scholes
8.30 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox The
presenter talks to Robbie Fowler
9.00 Newcastle: The Entertainers
9.30 PL 100: Thierry Henry
10.00 Premier League Icons
10.30-12.30am PL Retro
BBC4
FV 9/24, FS 173, SKY 116, VIRGIN 108
7.00pm Great British Railway
Journeys Michael Portillo
visits Great Yarmouth
and Norwich (14/15)
7.30 Canal Boat Diaries Robbie
Cumming battles his way
through blanket weed on the
Shropshire Union Canal (1/4)
8.00 As Time Goes By Lionel
finishes his book (1/7)
8.30 The Mistress Helen finds
out about Maxine (6/6)
9.00 A History of Britain by
Simon Schama A look
at the impact of the
French Revolution (12/15)
10.00 Horizon: Cosmic Dawn: The
Real Moment of Creation
The moment the first stars
appeared in the universe
11.00 Restoring the Earth:
The Age of Nature
Documentary series about
nature’s resilience (1/3)
11.55-12.25am A Pembrokeshire
Farm The project is
interrupted by nature (2/5)
ITV4
FV 26, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
6.45pm Live Snooker: Tour
Championship Coverage of the
evening session on day two,
featuring the conclusion of the
second quarter-final in Hull
10.15 All Elite Wrestling: Rampage
Hard-hitting, high-flying wrestling
action with AEW’s biggest stars
11.20-12.25am FILM The Purge
(15, 2013) A family takes shelter
at home during an annual night
when all crime is legal, but cannot
escape the violence outside.
Horror starring Lena Headey
Sky Arts
FV 11, FS 147, SKY 130, VIRGIN 140
7.00pm The Art of the Garden
Cleve West’s work on Horatio’s
Garden South West (5/6)
8.00 Skinner & Mina’s Literary
Road Trip: Pope & Swift The
summer when Jonathan Swift
reunited with Alexander Pope
in England. See Viewing Guide
9.00 Cirque du Soleil: Alegria The
troupe present a televised version
of the acclaimed stage show
11.00 Rodin: In His Time
12.00-1.15am Les Miserables and
Victor Hugo A look at the novel
Comedy Central
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 344
7.00pm Friends
7.30 Friends
8.00 Friends
8.30 Friends
9.00 FILM Paul (15, 2011) Comedy
with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost
11.10 Impractical Jokers
11.40-12.40am Greatest Ever
Movie Blunders
Aiden Markram is set to captain
South Africa against the West
Indies (Sky Main Event, 4.30pm)
More 4
FV 18, FS 124, SKY 136, VIRGIN 147
6.55pm Escape to the Château:
DIY Dick Strawbridge and
Donna McDougal’s search
for the armour in the lake
continues. Tim and Krys
struggle to get the attic
converted in time for the
first guests of the season
7.55 Grand Designs Kevin
McCloud revisits a home
built on an airfield in
Strathaven in Scotland
9.00 Home Greek Home
As the build comes together,
Sarah’s focus turns to
finessing the interiors (5/6)
10.00 24 Hours in A&E A 26-year-
old man arrives after an
accident at work involving
an electric saw, and a 68-
year-old woman breaks
her ankle after falling
down a flight of stairs (7/11)
11.05-12.10am 999: On the Front
Line Paramedics treat a man
who has been stabbed in
the leg and the head (2/10)
E4
FV 13, FS 122, SKY 135, VIRGIN 106
7.00pm Hollyoaks Maxine joins
Tony and Diane as they await
news on Eric’s sentencing
7.30 Married at First Sight
Australia Two new couples,
Rupert and Evelyn, and Hugo
and Tayla enter the experiment
9.00 Fred’s Last Resort A group
of unusual VIPs descend upon
the hotel for a photoshoot for a
luxury dog fashion brand (5/8)
10.00 The Inbetweeners
10.35 The Inbetweeners
11.05-12.10am Naked Attraction
Sky History
SKY 123, VIRGIN 270
7.00pm Forged in Fire
8.00 Mystery Places Visits to
worldwide regions that boast
something worthy of note
9.00 U-Boat Wargamers The
battle hit a turning point and
Donitz unleashed a torpedo to
flip the momentum (6/6)
10.10 The Abyss: Rise & Fall of the
Nazis How the failed putsch on
November 9, 1923 eliminated
Hitler’s movement (2/10)
11.10-12.10am Paranormal:
Caught on Camera
Gold
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 343
6.45pm Dad’s Army
7.25 Dad’s Army
8.00 The Vicar of Dibley Alice
suggests an unconventional
nativity play with herself and Hugo
9.00 The Cleaner
9.40 The Cleaner
10.20 The Vicar of Dibley
11.15-12.15am Live at the Apollo
Sky Cricket
SKY 404, VIRGIN 514
4.30pm Live International T20
Cricket: South Africa v West Indies
Coverage of the third and final
T20 in the series from DP World
Wanderers Stadium, Johannesburg
9.00 You Guys Are History Mark
Butcher explores the journey
of England’s Black cricketers
10.00 Talking Cricket The story
of South Africa’s most successful
captain, Graeme Smith
10.30 Talking Cricket Featuring
a profile of Dennis Waight
11.00-12.00m’t SA20
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Sky Atlantic
SKY 108
6.40pm Succession Logan and
Kendall have their first
meeting together with Josh,
a major investor worried
about the feud (4/9) (R)
7.50 Game of Thrones Jon
organises the defence of the
North, Cersei tries to even
the odds, and Daenerys
comes home (1/7) (R)
9.00 The Gilded Age As Bertha,
Marian and Aurora visit
Dansville to hear Clara
Barton speak, Marian’s
interest in Mr Raikes grow.
Period drama (5/9) (R)
10.00 The Plot Against America
Riots and conspiracies
spread across the country
in the lead up to election
day (6/6) (R)
11.25-12.40am I Know This Much
Is True Drama, starring
Mark Ruffalo as identical
twin brothers in an epic
story of betrayal and
forgiveness (1/6) (R)
Dave
FV 19, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
7.00pm Richard Osman’s House of
Games With guests Anita Rani,
Chris Ramsey, Janet Ellis and Jamie
Theakston taking part in the show
7.40 Richard Osman’s House of
Games Trivia-based games
8.20 QI Hosted by Sandi Toksvig
9.00 Mel Giedroyc: Unforgivable
With Craig Revel Horwood
10.00 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled
With Stephen Mangan
11.00 World’s Most Dangerous
Roads A saunter in South Africa
12.00-12.40am Would I Lie to You?
Sky Max
SKY 113, VIRGIN 111
7.00pm Stargate SG-1 A dormant
android is discovered on a barren
planet and transported to Earth
8.00 The Flash Barry feels guilty
for what happened to Caitlin
9.00 Peacemaker Tension and
mistrust build within the team (2/8)
10.00 Freddie Down Under
Andrew Flintoff and Rob Penn go
snake-catching (3/6)
11.00 S.W.A.T A young boy is
abducted from a shelter
12.00-1.00am A League of Their
Own Road Trip: Southeast Asia
W Alibi
FV 25, FS 156, SKY 132, VIRGIN 125
6.00pm MasterChef Australia
7.40 DIY SOS: The Big Build
9.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build
10.00 24 Hours in A&E An
11-year-old is rushed to A&E after
being hit by a motorbike
11.00 999 Rescue Squad
12.00-1.00am One Born Every
Minute Amazing birth stories
BT Sport 1
SKY 413, VIRGIN 527, BT 430
9.00-11.00am Live A-League
Women: Adelaide United Women
v Wellington Phoenix Women
(Kick-off 9.00). Coverage of the
match from ServiceFM Stadium
12.30-1.15pm Rugby Tonight
7.00 MotoGP Rewind
7.15 Live EuroCup Basketball:
Paris Basketball v London Lions
(Tip-off 7.30). Coverage from
Halle Georges Carpentier
9.30pm-12.00m’t WWE Monday
Night Raw Wrestling action
1.00-3.15am Live WWE NXT
The Purge
Rhys Wakefield stars in
the 2013 horror where all
crime is legal for one night
ITV4, 11.20pm
Sky Documentaries
SKY 121, VIRGIN 277
7.00pm The Vietnam War Richard
Nixon wins the presidency,
promising law and order at
home and peace overseas,
while soldiers on both sides
witness terrible savagery
and unflinching courage
in Vietnam (7/10) (R)
8.05 Devil’s Advocate: The
Mostly True Story of
Giovanni Di Stefano
Documentary about the
convicted fraudster, who
acted as a criminal defence
lawyer before it emerged
that he had no formal
legal qualifications (1/3) (R)
9.00 Bruno v Tyson The story
of the boxing rivalry
between Frank Bruno
and Mike Tyson (R)
10.50-12.35am Mike Tyson:
Undisputed Truth The
former world heavyweight
boxing champion performs
his one-man show in front of
an audience in New York (R)
Drama
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 143, VIRGIN 130
6.40pm Last of the Summer Wine
Compo accuses Foggy of lying
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine
Marina enlists the trio’s help
8.00 Dalziel & Pascoe
An embalmed body is found
washed up on Whitby beach - the
first in a spate of mysterious and
seemingly unrelated deaths
10.00 New Tricks The squad
re-examines the disappearance of
an actress. Imogen Stubbs stars
11.20-12.30am Cutting It
Gavin’s salon comes under threat
Nat Geographic
SKY 129, VIRGIN 266, BT 351
7.00pm Air Crash Investigation
Taking a look at the Ethiopian
Airlines Flight 409 crash in 2010
8.00 Air Crash Investigation
A turboprop crashes in Papua New
Guinea uncovering a deadly flaw
9.00 Car S.O.S In Somersest
10.00 Drain the Oceans: Deep
Dive Intrepid Marine
archaeologists shine a new light
on graves long lost to the depths
11.00 Air Crash Investigation
12.00-1.00am Airport Security:
First Class Documentary
SKY 109, VIRGIN 126
7.00pm Person of Interest
8.00 Death in Paradise (1/8)
9.00 The Diplomat
10.00 Miss Scarlet and the Duke
A famous mystery writer is at the
centre of Eliza’s investigation
11.00 Without a Trace
12.00-1.00am The Doctor Blake
Mysteries Mystery drama (9/10)
BT Sport 2
SKY 414, VIRGIN 528, BT 431
6.15pm Rugby Tonight
7.00 MotoGP
8.00 MotoGP
9.00 MotoGP
10.00 MotoGP Chequered Flag
11.00 One Day International
Cricket New Zealand v Sri Lanka
12.00-2.00am Live College
Basketball The first semi-final of
the NIT basketball tournament
2.30-4.30am Live College
Basketball Coverage of the
second semi-final of the
NIT basketball tournament
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Film guide
Film4
FV 14 FS 300 SKY 313
11.00am Hobson’s Choice (U,
1953) Comedy with Charles
Laughton and John Mills
1.15pm Bugles in the
Afternoon (U, 1952)
Western starring Ray Milland
3.00 Cowboy (U, 1958)
Western starring Jack
Lemmon and Anna Kashfi
4.50 The Admirable Crichton
(U, 1957) Comedy with Cecil
Parker and Kenneth More
6.45 Finding Your Feet (12,
2017) Comedy starring Imelda
Staunton and Celia Imrie
9.00 Jumanji: Welcome to
the Jungle (12, 2017) Fantasy
action comedy with Dwayne
Johnson and Karen Gillan
11.20-1.40am Anchorman 2:
The Legend Continues
(15, 2013) Comedy sequel
starring Will Ferrell, Christina
Applegate and Steve Carell.
Talking Pictures TV
FV 82 FS 306 SKY 328 VIRGIN 445
6.00am False Colors (U,
1943) Western starring
William Boyd and Andy Clyde
7.15 Four Star Theatre
7.50 The Bad Lord Byron (PG,
1949) Drama starring Dennis
Price and Mai Zetterling
9.30 Interpol Calling
10.00 Impact (PG, 1949)
Drama starring Brian Donlevy
12.15pm The Man in the Sky
(U, 1957) Drama starring Jack
Hawkins and Elizabeth Sellars
2.00 Eastbourne:
Sun Trap of the South
2.20 Laughter in Paradise (U,
1951) Comedy with Alastair
Sim and Joyce Grenfell
4.15 The Undercover Man
(PG, 1949) Thriller with Glenn
Ford and James Whitmore
6.00 Scotland Yard
6.35 The Bargee (PG, 1964)
Comedy with Harry H Corbett
8.45 Look at Life
9.00 Maigret
10.50 Cellar Club
with Caroline Munro
10.55-12.50am The Return
of Count Yorga (15, 1971)
Horror with Robert Quarry
GREAT! Movies
FV 34 FS 302 SKY 321 VIRGIN 425
9.00am Crash Site: A Family
in Danger (12, 2011) Thriller
starring Charisma Carpenter
10.50 GREAT! Movie News
11.00 The Nightmare Nanny
(12, 2013) Thriller with Ashley
Scott and Mekenna Melvin
12.50pm GREAT! Movie News
1.00 A Wicked Vendetta (PG,
2018) Thriller starring Katrina
Begin and Joey Lawrence
2.50 GREAT! Movie News
3.00 If Looks Could Kill (15,
2016) Thriller with Stefanie
Estes and Andrew Appleyard
4.50 GREAT! Movie News
5.00 A Healthy Place to Die:
The Gourmet Detective (PG,
2015) Crime starring Dylan
Neal and Brooke Burns
Robert Quarry is Count Yorga
(Talking Pictures TV, 10.55pm)
6.50 GREAT! Movie News
7.00 The Novel Murders:
Garage Sale Mystery VI
(PG, 2016) Whodunit starring
Steve Bacic and Eva Bourne
8.50 GREAT! Movie News
9.00 Cash (15, 2010)
Thriller starring Sean Bean
11.10-1.05am The Hatton
Garden Job (15, 2017) Crime
drama with Stephen Moyer
TCM Movies
SKY 315
6.00am Hollywood’s
Best Film Directors
8.20 Off Set
9.00 The Gun Hawk (U, 1963)
Western starring Rory
Calhoun and Rod Lauren
10.55 The Cowboys (PG, 1972)
Western starring John Wayne
and Roscoe Lee Browne
1.30pm Fighter Squadron
(U, 1948) Second World War
adventure with Robert
Stack and Edmond O’Brien
3.25 Operation: Daybreak
(15, 1975) Second World War
drama with Timothy Bottoms
5.50 How the West Was
Won (PG, 1962) Western
starring James Stewart
9.00 24 Hours to Live (15,
2017) Sci-fi thriller starring
Ethan Hawke and Qing Xu
10.55-1.10am Hell on the
Border (15, 2019) Western
starring David Gyasi
Sky Cinema Premiere
SKY 301 VIRGIN 401
12.10pm Mr Malcolm’s List
(PG, 2022) Drama starring
Freida Pinto and Sope Dirisu
2.15 Tad the Lost Explorer
and the Curse of the Mummy
(U, 2022) Animated adventure
featuring the voices of
Trevor White and Alex Kelly
4.00 Boonie Bears: Back
To Earth (PG, 2022)
Animated adventure with the
voices of Joseph S Lambert
and Siobhan Lumsden
5.50 Where the Crawdads
Sing (15, 2022) Drama
starring Daisy Edgar-Jones
and David Strathairn
8.00 Mr Malcolm’s List
(PG, 2022) Drama starring
Freida Pinto and Sope Dirisu
10.10-12.10am The Black
Phone (15, 2021) Horror
starring Mason Thames
Radio guide
Times Radio
Digital, web, smart speaker, app
5.00am Rosie Wright with
Early Breakfast 6.00 Aasmah
Mir and Stig Abell with Times
Radio Breakfast 10.00 Matt
Chorley 1.00pm Mariella
Frostrup 3.00 Jane Garvey
and Fi Glover 5.00 John
Pienaar with Times Radio
Drive 7.00 Pienaar and Friends
8.00 The Evening Edition with
Kait Borsay 10.00 Carole
Walker 1.00am Stories of Our
Times 1.30 Red Box 2.00
Highlights from Times Radio
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Zoe Ball 9.30 Gary
Davies 12.00 Jeremy Vine
2.00pm Anita Rani 4.00 Sara
Cox 6.30 Sara Cox’s Half
Wower 7.00 Jo Whiley’s Shiny
Happy Playlist 7.30 Jo Whiley
9.00 The Jazz Show with
Jamie Cullum 10.00 Trevor
Nelson’s Magnificent 7 10.30
Trevor Nelson’s Rhythm Nation
12.00 OJ Borg 3.00am Sophie
Ellis-Bextor’s Kitchen Disco (r)
4.00 Owain Wyn Evans
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Rachmaninov The composer
has to take on the running
of the Ivanovka estate
1.00pm Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert A concert forming
part of the Barber Series in
Birmingham. Beethoven (Trio
in B flat, Op 11 — Gassenhauer)
and Erod (Piano Trio No 1)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Janacek (Taras Bulba);
Diepenbrock (Clair de lune,
from 5 Melodies); Reger
(Maria Wiegenlied); Berg arr
von Borries (Passacaglia);
Schumann (Symphony No 2 in
C, Op 61); Elgar (Cello Concerto
in E minor, Op 85) and Berg
(Three Pieces for orchestra)
5.00 In Tune Music news
7.00 Classical Mixtape
A sequence of music
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert Maxim
Emelyanychev conducts the
Orchestra of the Age of
Enlightenment in an all-Saint-
Saëns programme. Saint-Saëns
(Phaéton, Op 39; Cello
Concerto No 1 in A minor, Op
33; Danse Macabre, Op 40 and
Symphony No 3 in C minor,
Op 78 — Organ Symphony)
10.00 Free Thinking Anne
McElvoy hears about a new
history of East Germany
10.45 The Essay: Re:Cycling
Andrew Martin considers how
a traditionally working-class
transport is counterpointed
with the idea of the cyclist
as supreme individualist
11.00 Night Tracks Music
for late-night listening
12.30am Through the Night
Today’s pick
Magic Consultants
Radio 4, 9.30am
How many consultants does
it take to change a lightbulb?
It depends — how large is
your budget? Boom, boom.
Worth hundreds of billions of
pounds a year, consultants
stretch across almost every
industry, government
department and international
border. Since the pandemic
there’s been perhaps an even
greater demand for their
services and many believe
our future is determined by
what they think and do. But
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
8.31 (LW) Yesterday in
Parliament Political news
9.00 The Life Scientific
9.30 Magic Consultants
New series. Adam Shaw
investigates consultants, and
how much they influence
day-to-day life. See Choice
9.45 Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible (2/5)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
10.00 Woman’s Hour
11.00 The Spark Helen Lewis
meets Rochelle Burgess to
discuss social prescribing
11.30 Art and Resistance in
Taiwan Documentary
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
12.04 Call You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Rental Health: Solutions
With two pioneers in the
houseboat community
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: The Voice In My
Ear By Claudine Toutoungi
3.00 Short Cuts Audio
adventures on life on wheels
3.30 Costing the Earth The
benefits of sounds of nature
4.00 Law in Action (4/4)
4.30 A Good Read With Donna
Leon and Margaret Heffernan
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 You Heard it Here First
7.00 The Archers Natasha
needs to come up with a plan
7.15 Front Row Arts news
8.00 The Today Debate
8.40 In Touch
9.00 Poison in the Womb (r)
9.30 The Life Scientific (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: How
One Becomes Lonely (2/5) (r)
11.00 Please Use Other Door
Satirical sketch show (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible (2/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Tuesday 28
what, precisely, is that? In this
new series Adam Shaw, above,
takes an even-handed view of
their work, disentangling the
stereotypes and showing how
much they influence our lives.
Ben Dowell
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Wake Up to Money
6.00 5 Live Breakfast 9.00
Nicky Campbell 11.00 Naga
Munchetty 1.00pm Nihal
Arthanayake 4.00 5 Live
Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport 7.45
5 Live Sport: Scotland v Spain
(Kick-off 7.45) 10.00 Colin
Murray. Late night chat
1.00am Dotun Adebayo
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
5.00am Early Breakfast 6.00
talkSPORT Breakfast with
Laura Woods 10.00 Jim White
and Simon Jordan 1.00pm
Hawksbee and Baker 4.00
talkSPORT Drive with Andy
Goldstein and Darren Bent
7.00 Kick Off 10.00 Sports
Bar 12.00 Extra Time
TalkRadio
Digital only
5.00am James Max 6.30 The
Julia Hartley-Brewer Breakfast
Show 10.00 The Independent
Republic of Mike Graham
1.00pm Ian Collins 4.00
Vanessa Feltz 7.00 Jeremy
Kyle 8.00 Piers Morgan
9.00 The Talk 10.00 Tom
Newton Dunn 11.00 Petrie
Hosken 1.00am Paul Ross
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am The Goon Show 8.30
For Better or for Worse 9.00
Who Goes There? 9.30 No
Commitments 10.00 The
Good Companions 11.00
Paul Temple and the Geneva
Mystery 11.30 Lord of Misrule
12.00 Sweet Sorrow 12.15pm
Flying Visits 12.30 Cleaning
Up 1.00 The Goon Show 1.30
For Better or for Worse 2.00
Who Goes There? 2.30 No
Commitments 3.00 The Good
Companions 4.00 Paul
Temple and the Geneva
Mystery 4.30 Lord of Misrule
5.00 Sweet Sorrow 5.15
Flying Visits 5.30 Cleaning
Up 6.00 The Goon Show
6.30 For Better or for Worse
saturday review 43
7.00 Who Goes There? 7.30
No Commitments 8.00 TED
Radio Hour 8.50 Inheritance
Tracks 9.00 Mastertapes
9.30 The Ice Princess.
Thriller, by Camilla Lackberg
10.00 Comedy Club: Mark
Watson Talks a Bit About Life.
The comedian considers
whether people should work
hard or relax 10.30 Innes
Own World 11.00 The Damien
Slash Mixtape 11.15 Fabulous
11.30 Old Harry’s Game
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am The Newsroom
9.30 The Documentary:
The Hidden World of Global
Shipping 10.00 News 10.06
The Arts Hour 11.00 The
Newsroom 11.30 In the Studio
12.00 News 12.06pm
Outlook 12.50 Witness
History 1.00 The Newsroom
1.30 Discovery 2.00
Newshour 3.00 News 3.06
People Fixing the World 3.30
Business 4.00 BBC OS 6.00
News 6.06 Outlook 6.50
Witness History 7.00 The
Newsroom 7.30 Sport Today
8.00 News 8.06 The
Documentary: The Hidden
World of Global Shipping
8.30 Digital Planet 9.00
Newshour 10.06 People
Fixing the World 10.30 In the
Studio 11.00 The Newsroom
11.20 Sports News 11.30
Business 12.00 News
12.06am The Arts Hour 1.00
News 1.06 Business Matters
2.00 The Newsroom 2.30
The Climate Question 3.06
Outlook 3.50 Witness History
4.00 The Newsroom 4.30
The Documentary
6 Music
Digital only
7.30am Lauren Laverne
10.30 Jamz Supernova
1.00pm Craig Charles 4.00
Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc
Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe
12.00 6 Music Artist in
Residence 1.00am A
Beginner’s Guide to the Blues
Virgin Radio
Digital only
6.30am The Chris Evans
Breakfast Show 10.00 Eddy
Temple-Morris 1.00pm Jayne
Middlemiss 4.00 Ricky
Wilson 7.00 Bam 10.00
Amy Voce 1.00am Sean
Goldsmith 4.00 Steve Denyer
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music
Breakfast 9.00 Alexander
Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie
Minhall 4.00pm John
Brunning 7.00 Smooth
Classics 10.00 Margherita
Taylor 1.00am Bill Overton
4.00 Early Breakfast
44 saturday review
Wednesday 29 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice
The Big Door Prize
Apple TV+
It sounds like a new ITV game
show, but The Big Door Prize is
in fact an intriguing ten-part
comedy drama based on MO
Walsh’s novel of the same
name, adapted by the Emmy
award-winning writer David
West Read (Schitt’s Creek).
Chris O’Dowd (The IT Crowd)
plays Dusty Hubbard, a
good-natured high-school
history teacher in smalltown
America, who appears on the
surface to have everything
you could wish for. A
beautiful, loving wife and
sassy teenage daughter;
known and liked by everyone
in the town; and popular
with his students. But you can
sense that there is something
lacking — O’Dowd, right, is so
good at playing this, doubt
flickering in his soulful eyes.
Could a change be provided
by a mysterious machine that
appears in the grocery store?
It looks like an ordinary
photo booth, but for just
Wellmania
Netflix
This lively eight-part Australian
comedy pokes fun at the
wellness movement and
companies such as Gwyneth
Paltrow’s Goop (which Netflix
has also given a platform).
Celeste Barber plays Liv, an
Australian food critic living in
New York who lands herself a
big-time job as a judge on a TV
talent show. However, after a
brief trip home to Oz, she hits
trouble when she is refused
entry back into the US unless
she passes a health test. Liv is
forced to throw herself into
a world of intense exercise,
unpleasant cleanses and
woo-woo weirdness as she
tries to get fit enough to take
up her dream job. JC
Catch
up
Paula
All4
If someone presented Paula
Yates’s story as a novel,
readers might call it far-
fetched. She was the
sparky TV presenter who
conducted interviews on
a bed, married Bob Geldof,
had a child with the INXS
frontman Michael
Hutchence (who died in
a Sydney hotel room),
and found out late
in life that her real
father was the
Opportunity
Knocks
presenter
two dollars (it also requires
your social security number
and fingerprints) the device
claims to be able to tell you
your life’s true potential.
While the rest of the
townspeople eagerly queue
up to be given their new
destinies — including
magician, guitarist, biker,
storyteller and candlemaker
— Dusty is reluctant to give it
a go. “I think I have everything
I ever wanted,” he says. But
is this true? How long can
he resist the lure of the
“stupid machine”? And why
have blue dots started
materialising on his backside?
Each episode focuses on a
different person from the
town, with the second part
all about Dusty’s wife, Cass
(Gabrielle Dennis). She’s
been a bit off since the
machine arrived in town. Is
she happy with her safe and
predictable life with Dusty?
Joe Clay
Race Across
the World
BBC1, 9pm
As we enter the second week
of the race to travel across
Canada from coast to coast
(eschewing flights), father and
daughter Kevin and Claudia
have a slender lead, albeit one
that cost almost a quarter of
their budget. There are just 17
minutes separating the leaders
from the team in fifth place,
brothers Marc and Michael.
Their next destination is
Dawson City, which is located
in the vast wilderness of the
Yukon. There are no regular
transport links so the teams
must hustle for lifts, which
proves easier for some of the
participants than others. JC
Hughie Green (also the subject
of a recent documentary,
which you can find on My5).
And then she died from a drug
overdose in 2000. It’s no
wonder that she was a tabloid
favourite in the pre-Leveson
days when celebrities were
often deemed fair game. This
two-parter aims to reclaim
Yates from all those salacious
headlines and
remember the
talented, vivacious
person. The director
Charlie Russell’s task
is helped by heaps
of archive footage
and there are
many moving
contributions from
friends, including
the pop star
Robbie Williams.
Ben Dowell
Elizabeth R
BBC4, 10.10pm
The 1971 period drama starring
Glenda Jackson as Elizabeth I
is the latest series to be
resurrected from the BBC
archives (it won’t be that dusty
— it was repeated for the first
time in decades in 2021).
Before the screening of the first
two episodes, at 10pm Jackson
recalls what it was like to star in
the production, which won five
Primetime Emmys (including
best actress for Jackson). The
interview will hopefully provide
enjoyable insights such as
the ones she gave to the Radio
Times in 2021, when she
revealed how painted yoghurt
pots acted as royal ceilings and
how she would fall asleep in
her chair during make-up. JC
Regional programmes
● BBC1 Wales As BBC1 except: 10.30am
X-Ray. Lucy Owen is in Porthcawl (r)
11.00-11.15am Weatherman Walking (r)
● BBC1 N Ireland As BBC1 except:
10.40pm The Prime Ministers of Northern
Ireland. How James Chichester-Clark
reacted to the outbreak of civil disorder
in August 1969. Last in the series 11.10
Dating, Halal Style: Love, Faith & Me. A
Muslim convert tries to find love
12.00midnight-12.25am Jerk (r)
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC2 except:
10.00-10.30pm The Irish League Show
11.15 The Cockfields. Everyone visits
Aunty Rose in her nursing home 11.45 The
Prime Ministers of Northern Ireland
12.15-12.45am Cunk on Shakespeare (r)
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC1 except:
2.15-3.00pm Politics Scotland
11.30-12.25am Debate Night (r)
● STV As ITV1 except: 10.30pm STV News
10.40 Scotland Tonight 11.05pm-
Midnight Peston. Political magazine
show 3.50-5.05am Night Vision
● BBC Scotland 7.00pm Getting Hitched
Asian Style (r) 8.00 Inside Central Station
(r) 9.00 The Nine 10.00 Scotland’s
Greatest Escape. Three getaways are
judged as part of wildcard week. Last in
the series 10.30 Debate Night
11.30pm-Midnight Scottish Questions
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Dating, Halal Style Films of the day
BBC1, 10.40pm
And Then There Were None (PG, 1974)
Love, Faith & Me, the series Talking Pictures TV, 9pm
exploring what faith can teach “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your host speaking. I have brought
us about love, relationships you here to charge you with the following crimes . . .” Agatha
and family life, continues with Christie’s classic is relocated to Iran for Peter Collinson’s somewhat
an episode following Muslim melodramatic although star-studded adaptation. In their hotel
convert Chiedza. She was deep in the desert ten guests are informed by a mysterious voice
raised a Catholic but converted (that of Orson Welles) that they will be punished for their crimes.
to Islam three years ago Right on cue one of them dies. Then another. A bored-looking
and has completely changed Oliver Reed plays a bolshy businessman, with Elke Sommer,
her lifestyle in line with her Charles Aznavour and Richard Attenborough among the other
new faith. Now she is looking guests. We also have two James Bond baddies present: Gert
for love (and, hopefully, a “Goldfinger” Fröbe and Adolfo “Emilio Largo” Celi. Sommer is the
husband) and will be following only one of the ten actors still living. (98min) Chris Bennion
traditional and Muslim dating
rules. So as well as a marriage
introduction day at a mosque
she tries a Muslim-only dating
app. “Sometimes you’ve
just got to take that leap of
faith and put yourself out
there,” she says. JC
● S4C 6.00am Cyw: Shwshaswyn (r) 6.10
Nico Nôg (r) 6.20 Digbi Draig (r) 6.35 Sam
Tân (r) 6.45 Amser Maith Maith yn Ôl (r)
7.00 Abadas (r) 7.15 Oli Wyn (r) 7.25 Y
Crads Bach (r) 7.30 Sion y Chef (r) 7.45
Cacamwnci 8.00 Bing (r) 8.10 Loti Borloti
(r) 8.25 Octonots (r) 8.35 Anifeiliaid Bach
y Byd (r) 8.45 Cei Bach (r) 9.00 Guto
Gwningen (r) 9.15 Caru Canu (r) 9.20
Sbarc (r) 9.35 Pablo (r) 9.45 Byd Tad-Cu (r)
10.00 Abadas (r) 10.15 Oli Wyn (r) 10.25 Y
Crads Bach (r) 10.30 Sion y Chef (r) 10.45
Cacamwnci (r) 11.00 Blociau Rhif (r) 11.05
Ein Byd Bach Ni (r) 11.15 Dwylo’r Enfys (r)
The Great Gatsby (12, 2000)
11.30 Caru Canu a Stori (r) 11.40 Asra (r) BBC2, 11.15pm
12.00 News 12.05pm Dan Do (r) 12.30 Sandwiched between Baz Luhrmann’s dazzling 2013 adaptation
Dan Do (r) 1.00 Adre (r) 1.30 Cheer am starring Leonardo DiCaprio as Jay Gatsby and the much-admired
Byth (r) 2.00 News 2.05 Prynhawn Da
3.00 News 3.05 Cynefin (r) 4.00 Awr 1974 film with Robert Redford is this lesser-shown yet mightily
Fawr: Caru Canu (r) 4.05 Y Crads Bach (r) handsome BBC-backed take on F Scott Fitzgerald’s novel. Directed
4.10 Oli Wyn (r) 4.25 Sigldigwt Byw 5.00 by Robert Markovitz, it is rather more prosaic than the more
Stwnsh: Dewi a’r Ditectifs Gwyllt (r) 5.10
Y Dyfnfor (r) 5.30 Oi! Osgar (r) 5.40 famous versions, but also more faithful to the text. Toby Stephens
Boom! (r) 5.55 Ffeil 6.00 Cegin Bryn: Y strikes just the right note as the brittle, enigmatic playboy, while
Dosbarth Meistr (r) 6.30 Rownd a Rownd Mira Sorvino is a desperate Daisy Buchanan. There is plenty of
(r) 6.57 News 7.00 Heno 7.30 News 8.00
Pobol y Cwm 8.25 Pobol y Cwm. Kelly
painstaking period detail in the recreation of the mansions and
gets cold feet 8.55 News 9.00 Qatar: cocktail parties of 1920s Long Island, while the soul of the movie
Cymru Ar Ben Y Byd 10.00 Y Byd ar is provided by Paul Rudd, above with Sorvino, as Nick Carraway.
Bedwar (r) 10.30-11.35 Noson Lawen (r)
(90min) Joe Clay
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
BBC1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Morning Live
10.00 The Moment of Proof 10.30
Animal Park Summer (r) 11.15 Homes
Under the Hammer (r) 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt (r) 1.00 BBC News at
One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Daniel
gets a concerning phone call 2.15 Jay
and Dom’s Home Fix. Jay turns two
uninspiring dining chairs into a funky
bench (r) 3.00 Escape to the Country.
A couple looking for a home in Essex
(r) 3.45 Antiques Road Trip. Items
include asparagus serving tongs
and an African birthing chair (r)
4.30 Bridge of Lies. A family team
take part in the gameshow hosted
by Ross Kemp (r) 5.15 Pointless. Quiz,
hosted by Alexander Armstrong (r)
6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather
6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
Race Across the World (9pm)
7.00 The One Show Magazine show,
with stories of interest and
reports from around the UK
7.30 EastEnders Rocky enlists help
in the search for his wife, and
Lola is overwhelmed by her
family’s unwavering support
8.00 The Repair Shop The team
restore a military bugle for
Blind Veterans UK, a portable
radio, a clock shaped like Big
Ben made from matchsticks
and a pair of children’s shoes
9.00 Race Across the World
The competitors leave the
indigenous island of Haida
Gwaii and embark on a 2,000
kilometre journey north to the
second checkpoint, Dawson
City. See Viewing Guide (2/9)
10.00BBC News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News
10.40 Dating, Halal Style: Love,
Faith & Me A Muslim convert
tries to find love within her new
faith. See Viewing Guide (2/5)
11.30 Jerk Tim and Lily have
some big news (5/6) (r)
11.55 Jerk Lily’s plan to scam the
wedding venue is jeopardised.
Last in the series (6/6) (r)
12.25am Live NBA: Philadelphia 76ers
v Dallas Mavericks (Tip-off 12.30).
Coverage from the Wells Fargo
Centre 2.55 Weather for the Week
Ahead 3.00 BBC News. Headlines
Also available online and on tablet
Digital subscribers can now use our interactive seven-day
guide with comprehensive listings of all TV channels
thetimes.co.uk/tvplanner
BBC2
6.30am Walks of Life (r) 7.30 The
Moment of Proof (r) 8.00 Sign Zone:
Take a Hike (r) (SL) 8.30 24/7 Pet
Hospital (r) (SL) 9.00 BBC News at 9
10.00 BBC News 11.15 Politics Live
1.00pm Impossible (r) 1.45 Eggheads
(r) 2.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Pubs That
Built Britain. The Lake District (r) 2.45
Celebrity Painting Challenge (r) 3.45
My Unique B&B. The team help turn
a school project into a unusual B&B
in Oxfordshire (r) 4.15 The World’s
Most Extraordinary Homes. Four
homes in Israel (r) 5.15 Flog It!. From
Norfolk (r) 6.00 Richard Osman’s
House of Games. Lucy Beaumont,
Shazia Mirza, Joe Thomas and Jake
Wood test their skills (r) 6.30 Coast
to Coast Food Festival. Colin Murray
and Edith Bowman discover tips and
treats in St George’s Market food stalls
Coast to Coast continues (6.30pm)
7.00 Your Home Made Perfect
Architects Damion Burrows
and Will Foster compete to
remodel a 1990s build in Milton
Keynes for a couple (6/8) (r)
8.00 Great British Menu: The Finals
Eight regional champions cook
their main courses in a bid to
secure a place on the menu
of a banquet celebrating
animation and illustration. Sir
Lenny Henry is guest judge
9.00 Saving Lives in Leeds
A cardiac surgeon operates
on her longest-waiting patient
who needs an urgent triple
bypass, and a professor aims
to perform hand surgery on a
teenage patient whose fingers
are bent inwards (5/8)
10.00The Cockfields Saturday finds
everyone visiting Aunty Rose
in her nursing home (2/3)
10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the day’s
events, with Kirsty Wark
11.15 FILM The Great Gatsby (12,
2000) A smooth-talking
socialite uses his wealth and
position in society to romance
his former love, with tragic
results for all concerned.
Starring Mira Sorvino and Toby
Stephens. See Film Choice
12.45am Sign Zone: Rip Off Britain:
Holidays (r) (SL) 1.30 Make It at
Market (r) (SL) 2.15-3.00 Saved and
Remade. Games consoles (r) (SL)
ITV1
6.00am Good Morning Britain
9.00 Lorraine 10.00 This Morning
12.30pm Loose Women. Topical
studio discussion from a female
perspective, featuring celebrity
interviews 1.30 ITV News; Weather
1.55 Regional News; Weather 2.00
Dickinson’s Real Deal. David Dickinson
sets up shop in Blackpool (r) 3.00
Lingo. Contestants from Hemel
Hempstead, Merseyside and Northern
Ireland take part in the quiz hosted
by Adil Ray (r) 4.00 Tipping Point.
Ben Shephard hosts the arcade-
themed quiz in which contestants
drop tokens down a choice of four
chutes in the hope of winning a
£10,000 jackpot (r) 5.00 The Chase.
General knowledge quiz hosted by
Bradley Walsh (r) 6.00 Regional News;
Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
Joe Armstrong in The Bay (9pm)
7.30 Emmerdale Noah comes clean;
Charles tries to convince Alex to
fight for his kids, and Gabby is
happy about her relationship
8.00 Coronation Street Aaron makes
a confession to Summer, Amy
shares her torment with Tracy,
Stephen lies to his workforce,
yet again, and Brian celebrates
the result of his DNA test
9.00 The Bay Dean is faced with
another life-changing event,
and unable to deal with his
grief, he returns to work. With
tensions running high, Jenn
fears he may resort to doing
something he regrets (4/6)
10.00ITV News at Ten; followed
by Weather
10.30 Regional News; followed
by Regional Weather
10.45 Peston Political magazine show
hosted by Robert Peston, with
interviews with MPs, topical
guests and cultural figures
11.40 Heathrow: Britain’s Busiest
Airport An airside officer
has a potential environmental
mess on his hands (r)
12.00 Teleshopping 3.00am
Customers: Are We Being Served?
Tonight (r) (SL) 3.25 Save Money: Lose
Weight. Lisa Riley’s ‘honesty diet’ (r)
(SL) 3.50 Unwind with ITV 5.05 The
Secret Life of Our Pets (r) (SL)
Wednesday 29
Channel 4
6.10am Countdown (r) 6.50 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.15 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.40 The King of Queens
(r) 8.05 The King of Queens (r) 8.30
The King of Queens (r) 9.00 Frasier (r)
9.30 Frasier (r) 10.00 Frasier (r)
10.30 Undercover Boss USA (r) 11.25
Channel 4 News Summary 11.30
Emergency Helicopter Medics (r)
12.30pm Steph’s Packed Lunch 2.10
Countdown 3.00 Tool Club. The team
race to complete the Wobbly Shelf
bookshop 4.00 A New Life in the Sun.
A B&B owner swaps Brighton for the
Costa del Sol (r) 5.00 Four in a Bed.
Rob’s Wolds Wine Estate 5.30 Come
Dine with Me (r) 6.00 The Simpsons.
Featuring the guest voice of Michelle
Pfeiffer (r) 6.30 Hollyoaks. Maxine
joins Tony and Diane as they await
news on Eric’s sentencing (r)
Phil Spencer & Kirstie Allsopp (8pm)
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
8.00 Kirstie and Phil’s Love It or
List It: Brilliant Builds Kirstie
Allsopp and Phil Spencer look
back on two sets of couples
who struggled to decide
whether to stick to their roots
or move on to pastures new
9.00 Grand Designs Architect
Kevin McCloud meets a retired
racehorse breeder and his wife,
who met in 2005 and wed two
years later, living in a 17th-
century farmhouse until
illness struck in 2018 (r)
10.00Rise and Fall Reality contest,
which sees a diverse group
from all walks of life become
part of a social experiment
that questions the impact of
wealth and power on people
11.05 24 Hours in Police Custody:
The Honeytrap Murder
Two-part special following
the case of a naked man
found stabbed to death in
Luton, which leads police to
discover this may be one of
a series of murders (1/2) (r)
12.10am 24 Hours in Police Custody
(r) 1.05 24 Hours in A&E (r) 2.00 FILM
Before We Go (12, 2014) Comedy
3.35 Remarkable Renovations (r) (SL)
4.30 Location, Location, Location (r)
5.25 Food Unwrapped (r) (SL) 5.55
Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free (r)
saturday review 45
Channel 5
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Jeremy Vine
12.45pm Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly.
A destructive English bulldog and two
Pomeranians who attack anything
that comes through the door (r)
1.40 5 News at Lunchtime 1.45 Home
and Away. Felicity’s secret drinking
takes a sinister turn (r) 2.15 FILM A
Reservation for Death (PG, TVM,
2021) A travel writer witnesses a
murder at a hotel in Malta and
becomes ensnared in a web of
intrigue and espionage. Mystery
starring Nathalie Kelley and Colin
Donnell 4.00 Bargain-Loving Brits in
the Sun. A couple who compete with
local bars by offering bingo, quiz
nights and British food (r) 5.00 5
News at 5 6.00 Cash in the Attic (r)
6.30 Eggheads. Quality of Mercians
take on the experts 6.55 News Update
British Airways 24/7 (8pm)
7.00 The Gadget Show: Shop
Smart, Save Money Helping a
family find ways to upgrade
their garden parties, and Jon
Bentley pits the iPad against
a budget competitor (5/12)
7.55 5 News Update
8.00 Inside British Airways: 24/7
Charting the highs and lows
of the multi-billion pound
airline, offering a behind-the-
scenes look at what it takes
to keep the airline running
and passengers happy (1/2);
followed by 5 News Update
9.00 Tyrant: The Rise of Adolf Hitler
Fresh from invading
Czechoslovakia, Hitler now
turns his attention to his next
target, Poland, and orders his
army commanders to plan for
the invasion. Last in the series
10.00Casualty 24/7: Every Second
Counts An advanced clinical
practitioner orders an urgent
CT scan to assess a 79-year-old
man after a fall at home
to see if he has sustained
any brain damage (r)
11.05 Motorway Cops: Catching
Britain’s Speeders An urgent
call leads to a multi-vehicle
pursuit to rescue a child,
as a PC tracks down the
suspect on the M6 (3/10) (r)
12.05am Police: Night Shift 999 (r)
1.00 The LeoVegas Live Casino Show
3.00 Around the World by Train (r)
4.15 Never Teach Your Wife to Drive
(r) (SL) 5.05 House Doctor (r) (SL)
5.30 Fireman Sam (r) (SL) 5.40 Paw
Patrol (r) 5.55 Peppa Pig (r) (SL)
46 saturday review
Wednesday 29 | Primetime digital guide
TalkTV
FV 237, FS 217, SKY 522, VIRGIN 606
6.00am James Max
6.30 The Julia Hartley-Brewer
Breakfast Show
10.00 The Independent Republic
of Mike Graham The host
takes a look through the
morning newspapers
1.00pm Ian Collins Hard-hitting
monologues and debates
4.00 Vanessa Feltz The host
guides you through the
big stories of the day
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live The voice
of the people takes on the
issues that really matter
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
The host offers his verdict
on the day’s global events
with an hour of debate and
straight-talking interviews
9.00 The Talk A panel of famous
faces debate the hot topics
everybody’s talking about
10.00 First Edition An energetic
look at tomorrow’s news
11.00-12.00m’t Piers Morgan
Uncensored
ITV2
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
7.00pm Ninja Warrior UK (2/8)
8.00 Superstore Jonah is tasked
with giving out flu shots (3/11)
8.30 Superstore Everyone is
obsessed with a mannequin that
looks exactly like Jonah (4/11)
9.00 Loaded in Paradise
Plutus ejects Jason and Pricey
from the Spender Trio
10.00 Family Guy
10.30 Family Guy
11.00 Family Guy
11.30 American Dad!
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
Yesterday
FV 27, FS 159, SKY 155, VIRGIN 129
7.00pm Billy Connolly’s
Great American Trail The
comedian embarks on a
journey across the US (1/3)
8.00 Bangers and Cash Derek
navigates the dry stone walls of
the Peak District to collect a very
original 1988 Opel Manta (4/15)
9.00 Joanna Lumley’s Trans-
Siberian Adventure (2/3)
10.00 Bangers and Cash (1/8)
11.00 Abandoned Engineering
12.00-12.30am Great British
Railway Journeys Travel show
Discovery
SKY 125, VIRGIN 250
7.00pm Kindig Customs
8.00 Expedition to the Edge
9.00 Gold Divers (1/2) Shawn
and Vernon embark on a
harrowing rescue mission
10.00 Gold Divers (2/2)
11.00 Moonshiners Josh
returns from Brazil
12.00-1.00am Expedition Bigfoot
Sky Main Event
SKY 401, VIRGIN 511, BT 440
6.30pm Live Women’s Golf
Coverage of the opening round
of the Augusta National Women’s
Amateur staged at the Augusta
National Golf Club in Georgia
8.30 Sky Sports News Round-up of
the sports news, with live analysis
and comment, plus interviews
9.00 Sky Sports News
10.00 Sky Sports News
10.30 Back Pages Tonight
A look at the sports headlines
in tomorrow’s newspapers
11.00-12.00m’t Sky Sports News
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC3
FV 23, FS 179, SKY 115, VIRGIN 107
7.00pm Top Gear A jungle
adventure in Borneo in a
pair of very old cars (4/5)
8.00 Glow Up: Britain’s Next
Make-Up Star The MUAs
take on London Fashion
Week, assisting make-up
artist Pablo Rodriguez for
Brit designer Mark Fast (7/8)
9.00 FILM Beautiful Boy (15,
2018) Fact-based drama
about a family’s experiences
of addiction, relapse and
recovery over many years.
Starring Steve Carell and
Timothée Chalamet
10.55 Bend It Like Bollywood
Gender non-conforming
dancer Vinay puts on the
biggest show of his career,
with hopes of launching his
“Bollyqueer” dance classes
in his hometown and finally
feeling accepted there
11.40-12.40am Top Gear The team
transforms a disused hearse
into a family car (3/5)
ITV3
FV 10, FS 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
6.55pm Heartbeat Nick, Jo and
Katie prepare to leave Aidensfield
8.00 Lewis A businesswoman is
murdered in what appears to be a
botched blackmail attempt, and
Lewis realises an old secret lies
at the heart of the case (4/4)
10.00 Blue Murder The discovery
of a child’s body presents Janine
with a particularly tough case (2/4)
11.30-12.35am Wycliffe The
tranquillity of a rural community
is shattered by the disappearance
of a sheep farmer (5/8)
PBS America
FV 84, FS 155, SKY 174, VIRGIN 273
7.00pm 1066: A Year to Conquer
England After months trapped
in a port in northern France, the
winds finally change and Duke
William leads his vast invasion
fleet across the Channel (3/3)
8.15 WWII in the Pacific (3/3)
9.20 Britain and the Sea David
Dimbleby follows the trade routes
of the west coast of Scotland (3/4)
10.40 1066: A Year to Conquer
England Dan Snow presents (3/3)
12.00-1.05am WWII in the
Pacific Documentary (3/3)
Sky Comedy
SKY 114, VIRGIN 112, BT 346
7.00pm Futurama
7.30 The Office (US)
8.00 The Conners
8.30 The Office (US)
9.00 Curb Your Enthusiasm (6/10)
9.35 Curb Your Enthusiasm (7/10)
10.10 Curb Your Enthusiasm (8/10)
10.45 The Late Late Show
11.45-12.45am The Tonight Show
Sky Premier League
SKY 402, VIRGIN 512
7.00pm Premier League Stories
7.30 PL 100: Paul Scholes
An interview with the ex-
Manchester United midfielder
8.00 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox The
presenter talks to Dimitar Berbatov
8.30 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox The
presenter talks to Alan Shearer
9.00 Premier League Stories
Behind the scenes of the top flight
9.30 PL 100: Jimmy Floyd
Hasselbaink Top-flight goals
10.00 Premier League Icons
10.30-12.30am PL Retro
BBC4
FV 9/24, FS 173, SKY 116, VIRGIN 108
7.00pm Great British Railway
Journeys Michael Portillo
heads from Attleborough
to Skegness (15/15)
7.30 Canal Boat Diaries Robbie
Cumming explores the
canal-side village of Kinver
in Staffordshire (2/4)
8.00 Chris Packham’s Animal
Einsteins The world’s most
intelligent animals (4/6)
9.00 Queen Elizabeth I: A
Timewatch Guide The life
of Elizabeth Tudor (3/4)
10.00 Glenda Jackson
Remembers…Elizabeth R
Glenda Jackson remembers
her role of Queen Elizabeth I.
See Viewing Guide
10.10 Elizabeth R Award-winning
period drama starring
Glenda Jackson. See
Viewing Guide (1/6)
11.40-1.10am Elizabeth R The
queen is pressured to
produce an heir. See
Viewing Guide (2/6)
ITV4
FV 26, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
6.45pm Live Snooker: Tour
Championship Jill Douglas
presents coverage of the evening
session on day three, featuring the
conclusion of the third quarter-
final at Bonus Arena in Hull
10.15-11.15pm FILM Coogan’s Bluff
(15, 1968) An Arizona sheriff
searches New York for an escaped
killer, but his disregard for the
rules antagonises the local cops.
Don Siegel’s crime drama, starring
Clint Eastwood, Lee J Cobb,
Don Stroud and Susan Clark
Sky Arts
FV 11, FS 147, SKY 130, VIRGIN 140
7.00pm Portrait Artist of the
Year 2017 With sitters James
Norton, Raleigh Ritchie and
Lesley Manville. Frank Skinner
and Joan Bakewell host. (3/9)
8.00 The Directors The life and
work of Vincente Minnelli (10/10)
9.00 Discovering: George Clooney
A profile of the American actor
10.00 FILM I Am Burt Reynolds
(12, 2020) Family and friends pay
tribute to the Hollywood actor
11.45-1.45am Cameron
Mackintosh: The First 50 Years
Comedy Central
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 344
7.00pm Friends
7.30 Friends
8.00 Friends
8.30 Friends
9.00 Kevin Bridges: A Whole
Different Story
10.00 FILM Jimmy Carr: Laughing
And Joking (18, 2013)
12.00-1.00am Live at the Apollo
I Am Burt Reynolds is a tribute
film looking back at the man
and his career (Sky Arts, 10pm)
More 4
FV 18, FS 124, SKY 136, VIRGIN 147
6.55pm Escape to the Château:
DIY Billy and Gwendoline
want to hire their chateau
out for weddings, while
Clive and Tanith hold an
open day at their hotel
to win over the locals
7.55 Grand Designs Kevin
McCloud follows a couple
building a unique home
near a West Sussex estuary,
turning a swampy pond into
a biodiverse waterscape and
floating the house above it
9.00 24 Hours in Police Custody
A man emerges from a hotel
lift covered in blood, and
claims to have killed
someone (1/5)
10.00-12.35am 9/11: 102 Minutes
That Changed America
Amateur footage and
audiotape of the attacks
on the World Trade Centre
gives an insight into the
experiences of New Yorkers
on September 11 2001
E4
FV 13, FS 122, SKY 135, VIRGIN 106
7.00pm Hollyoaks Tony receives
an unexpected call from Eric
7.30 Married at First Sight
Australia Jesse confronts Adam
once again, before Adam makes a
confession to both Jesse and wife
9.00 Fred’s Last Resort The group
deliver a fine dining experience to
a group of discerning guests (6/8)
10.00 First Dates Ireland A woman
from Kildare and a man from
Limerick discover a lot more in
common than their tattoos (2/14)
11.05-12.15am Gogglebox
Sky History
SKY 123, VIRGIN 270
7.00pm Forged in Fire
8.00 Secrets of the Lost Ark 19761
4080 Solomon’s son took the
stolen Ark of the Covenant (6/6)
9.00 The Curse of Oak Island The
location of the gold signature in
the Money Pit is narrowed down
10.00 World’s Greatest Treasure
Mysteries Matty Blake travels to
an old mining dredge believed
to contain vast riches (5/10)
11.00 Digging Up Britain’s Past
Exploring periods in history (5/6)
12.00-1.00am Forged in Fire
Gold
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 343
6.40pm Dad’s Army The platoon
takes part in an efficiency test
7.20 Dad’s Army
8.00 The Vicar of Dibley Alice
and Hugo’s baby is christened
9.00 The Cleaner
9.40 The Cleaner
10.20 Live at the Apollo
11.20-12.20am The Vicar of Dibley
Sky Cricket
SKY 404, VIRGIN 514
6.10pm Best of England v South
Africa A chance to relive a match
between South Africa and England.
Here, the sides clash in the first T20
in their 2016 series in a match that
went all the way to the last ball
6.30 International T20 Cricket
Action from the third and final T20
in the series between South Africa
and West Indies held at DP World
Wanderers Stadium, Johannesburg
11.00-12.00m’t Pakistan Super
League Highlights Action from
Multan Sultans v TBA in the final
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Sky Atlantic
SKY 108
6.45pm Succession Logan and the
team head to Virginia for
a conservative political
conference, where Roman
finds out surprising news
about his mother (6/9) (R)
7.55 Game of Thrones
Daenerys receives an
unexpected visitor, Jon
faces a revolt, and Tyrion
plans the conquest of
Westeros (2/7) (R)
9.00 Django To celebrate
Sarah’s return, John
decides it is time for a
masquerade ball and the
gate of New Babylon opens
to every stranger for a
memorable night (9/10)
10.05 Django Elizabeth assembles
an army to attack New
Babylon. Last in the series
11.15-12.25am Succession The sale
of media conglomerate
Waystar Royco to tech
visionary Lukas Matsson
moves ever closer (1/10) (R)
Dave
FV 19, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
7.00pm Richard Osman’s
House of Games
7.40 Richard Osman’s
House of Games
8.20 QI Aisling Bea, Roisin
Conaty, Jessica Fostekew
and Alan Davies take part
9.00 Mel Giedroyc: Unforgivable
With Katherine Ryan
10.00 World’s Most Dangerous
Roads A saunter in South Africa
11.00 Have I Got a Bit More News
for You With Alexander Armstrong
12.00-12.40am Would I Lie to You?
Sky Max
SKY 113, VIRGIN 111
7.00pm Stargate SG-1 Jackson
prepares to sacrifice himself
8.00 S.W.A.T. A young boy is
abducted from a homeless shelter
9.00 SEAL Team While struggling
to accept the unit’s newest
member, Bravo works with
all-female militia the YPJ (4/10)
10.00 A Town Called Malice
Cindy leads Gene on a mission
to evade police suspicion (2/8)
11.05-12.05am A League of Their
Own Road Trip: Southeast Asia
Highlights from the series (6/6)
W Alibi
FV 25, FS 156, SKY 132, VIRGIN 125
7.00pm MasterChef Australia
8.00 Emergency: First Time
Medics Zak treats a 90-year-old
after paramedics gave her CPR
9.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build
10.00 24 Hours in A&E
11.00 First Time Medics
12.00-1.00am One Born Every
Minute Medical documentary
BT Sport 1
SKY 413, VIRGIN 527, BT 430
9.00-11.00am Live A-League
Women: Sydney FC Women v
Perth Glory Women (Kick-off
9.00). Coverage of the top-flight
match at Netstrata Jubilee Stadium
7.00pm MotoGP Highlights
The Grande Premio de Portugal
8.00 The Football’s On A look
at the week’s football stories
with Ian Stone and guests
9.00 WWE NXT Wrestling
10.45 WWE Raw Highlights
11.45-12.45am WWE NXT UK
Classics Women’s match-ups
Beautiful Boy
Timothée Chalamet plays
a young man with a drug
problem in the 2018 drama
BBC3, 9pm
Sky Documentaries
SKY 121, VIRGIN 277
7.00pm The Vietnam War
President Nixon begins
withdrawing American
troops, news breaks of a
massacre carried out by US
soldiers, and an incursion
into Cambodia reignites
anti-war protests (8/10) (R)
8.05 Devil’s Advocate: The
Mostly True Story of
Giovanni Di Stefano
Documentary about the
convicted fraudster (2/3) (R)
9.00 FILM Robin Williams: Come
Inside My Mind (12, 2018)
An intimate portrait of
the life and work of the
beloved comedian and
actor, Robin Williams,
featuring previously unseen
footage and interviews
with those closest to him
11.15-1.25am FILM McQueen
(15, 2018) Documentary
following the life and career
of fashion designer
Alexander McQueen
Drama
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 143, VIRGIN 130
6.40pm Last of the Summer Wine
Compo reveals a musical talent
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine
Foggy finds an interest in
camcorders. Brian Wilde stars
8.00 Sister Boniface Mysteries
Sister Boniface investigates
when a contestant in a beauty
pageant meets an untimely end
9.00 Strike: Lethal White
Robin goes undercover once
more to befriend a suspect
10.20 New Tricks
11.20-12.30am Cutting It
Nat Geographic
SKY 129, VIRGIN 266, BT 351
7.00pm Air Crash Investigation
The investigation of a plane
that nosedived into the Indian
Ocean after leaving Singapore
8.00 Alaska: The Next
Generation The Alaskans
work to replenish their vital
meat stores during spring
9.00 Snakes in the City (3/8)
10.00 Dutch Caribbean
Coastguards Documentary
11.00 Air Crash Investigation
12.00-1.00am Airport Security:
First Class A flight from Lexington
SKY 109, VIRGIN 126
7.00pm Person of Interest
8.00 Death in Paradise (2/8)
9.00 CSI: Vegas The CSI team
investigates the death of a
competitive eating contestant
10.00 Evil (1/13)
11.00 Without a Trace
12.00-1.00am The Doctor Blake
Mysteries Detective drama (10/10)
BT Sport 2
SKY 414, VIRGIN 528, BT 431
6.45pm Premier League Stories
A round-up of the latest news
7.15 Gallagher Premiership Rugby
Highlights Action from the 21st
round of fixtures, including
Leicester Tigers v Bristol Bears,
Saracens v Harlequins, and
Bath Rugby v Exeter Chiefs
8.45 Rugby Tonight BT Sport’s
panel of experts are joined by
guests and a live studio audience
to discuss all things rugby
9.30-12.30am UFC Marlon
Vera v Cory Sandhagen
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Film guide
Film4
FV 14 FS 300 SKY 313
11.00am Dragoon Wells
Massacre (PG, 1957) Western
starring Barry Sullivan
12.55pm Hangman’s Knot
(PG, 1952) Western starring
Randolph Scott, Donna
Reed and Richard Denning.
2.30 Billion Dollar Brain (PG,
1967) Espionage thriller
starring Michael Caine
4.40 Eddie the Eagle (PG,
2016) Biopic starring Taron
Egerton and Hugh Jackman
6.55 The Day the Earth Stood
Still (12, 2008) Sci-fi remake
starring Keanu Reeves
9.00 Resistance (15, 2020)
Marcel Marceau biopic
starring Jesse Eisenberg
11.25-1.15am Swallow (18,
2019) Premiere. Thriller
starring Haley Bennett
Talking Pictures TV
FV 82 FS 306 SKY 328 VIRGIN 445
6.00am The Detectives
7.00 South of Panama (U,
1941) Spy thriller starring
Roger Pryor and Virginia Vale
8.20 Desert Mice (U, 1959)
Second World War comedy
starring Alfred Marks
10.00 The Onedin Line
11.00 I Wake Up Screaming
(PG, 1941) Thriller with Victor
Mature and Laird Cregar
12.35pm Look at Life
12.45 Mark of the Phoenix (U,
1959) Drama starring Julia
Arnall and Sheldon Lawrence
2.00 Upstairs, Downstairs
3.00 Saddle Up
3.05 California Conquest (U,
1952) Western starring Cornel
Wilde and Teresa Wright
4.40 Saddle Up
4.45 Last of the Redmen (U,
1947) Adventure with Jon Hall
6.20 Saddle Up
6.25 The Westerner
6.55 Law of the Plainsman
7.25 Thursday’s Comet
8.00 Gideon’s Way
9.00 And Then There Were
None (PG, 1974) Mystery with
Oliver Reed. See Film Choice
11.00-12.45am Grace Quigley
(15, 1984) Black comedy
starring Katharine Hepburn
GREAT! Movies
FV 34 FS 302 SKY 321 VIRGIN 425
9.00am Final Recourse (12,
2013) Thriller starring Teri
Polo and Chazz Palminteri
10.50 GREAT! Movie News
11.00 The Twin (2017) Thriller
starring Brigid Brannagh
12.50pm GREAT! Movie News
1.00 Cries in the Dark (PG,
2006) Thriller starring Eva
LaRue and Adam Harrington
2.50 GREAT! Movie News
3.00 Stolen Daughter (PG,
2015) Drama starring Andrea
Roth and Nicole Munoz
4.50 GREAT! Movie News
5.00 Death Al Dente: The
Gourmet Detective (PG,
2015) Murder mystery
starring Alissa Skovbye
Jesse Eisenberg stars in
Resistance (Film4, 9pm)
6.50 GREAT! Movie News
7.00 Fixer Upper Mysteries:
Deadly Deed (PG, 2018)
Drama starring Jewel Kilcher
8.50 GREAT! Movie News
9.00 Escape Plan 3 (15, 2019)
Thriller with Sylvester Stallone
10.55-12.45am Braven (15,
2018) Thriller starring Jason
Momoa and Garret Dillahunt
TCM Movies
SKY 315
6.00am Hollywood’s
Best Film Directors
7.45 TCM Shorts
8.15 Off Set
8.30 Cattle King (U, 1963)
Western with Robert Taylor
10.20 Law of the Panhandle
(PG, 1950) Western starring
Johnny Mack Brown
11.35 Murder Ahoy (U, 1964)
Agatha Christie mystery
starring Margaret Rutherford
1.30pm How to Steal the
World (PG, 1968) Adventure
starring Robert Vaughn
3.20 Mary, Queen of Scots
(PG, 1971) Historical biopic
starring Vanessa Redgrave
5.55 Apache War Smoke (U,
1952) Western starring Gilbert
Roland and Glenda Farrell
7.25 Hired Gun (U, 1957)
Western starring Rory
Calhoun and Anne Francis
8.45 Off Set
9.00 Hell Ride (15, 2008)
Crime thriller starring Larry
Bishop and Michael Madsen
10.45-12.50am Unlocked (15,
2017) Thriller starring Noomi
Rapace and Orlando Bloom
Sky Cinema Premiere
SKY 301 VIRGIN 401
12.10pm Mr Malcolm’s List
(PG, 2022) Drama starring
Freida Pinto and Sope Dirisu
2.15 Boonie Bears: Back To
Earth (PG, 2022) Animated
adventure with the voice
of Joseph S Lambert
3.55 The Voyagers (PG, 2022)
Adventure starring Matteo
Schiavone and Fabio Bizzarro
5.50 Where the Crawdads
Sing (15, 2022) Drama
starring Daisy Edgar-Jones
8.00 Mr Malcolm’s List (PG,
2022) Drama starring
Freida Pinto and Sope Dirisu
10.10-12.10am The Black
Phone (15, 2021) Horror
Radio guide
Times Radio
Digital, web, smart speaker, app
5.00am Rosie Wright with
Early Breakfast 6.00 Aasmah
Mir and Stig Abell with Times
Radio Breakfast 10.00 Matt
Chorley 1.00pm Mariella
Frostrup 3.00 Jane Garvey and
Fi Glover 5.00 John Pienaar
with Times Radio Drive
7.00 Pienaar and Friends
8.00 The Evening Edition with
Kait Borsay 10.00 Carole
Walker 1.00am Stories of Our
Times 1.30 Red Box 2.00
Highlights from Times Radio
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am The Zoe Ball Breakfast
Show 9.30 Gary Davies
12.00 Jeremy Vine 2.00pm
Anita Rani 4.00 Sara Cox 6.30
Sara Cox’s Half Wower 7.00
Jo Whiley’s Shiny Happy
Playlist 7.30 Jo Whiley 9.00
The Folk Show with Mark
Radcliffe 10.00 Trevor Nelson’s
Magnificent 7 10.30 Trevor
Nelson’s Rhythm Nation 12.00
OJ Borg 3.00am Sounds of the
90s with Fearne Cotton (r)
4.00 Owain Wyn Evans
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Rachmaninov The composer
embarks on a new full-time
career as a concert pianist
1.00pm Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert A recital by pianist
Pavel Kolesnikov from the
Elgar Concert Hall at the
University of Birmingham.
Schubert (Impromptus D899
No 3 in G flat and No 4 in A flat)
and Schumann (Kreisleriana)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Bartok (Intermezzo interrotto
from Concerto for Orchestra,
Sz.116); Schumann (6 Studies
Op.23 for 2 pianos); Schutz
(Selig sind die Toten, SWV 391);
Mahler (Blumine) and Brahms
(Symphony in F minor)
4.00 Choral Evensong
From St Michael and All Angels
Church, Barnes, London
5.00 In Tune Music news
7.00 Classical Mixtape
A sequence of music
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert Keith
Lockhart conducts the BBC
Concert Orchestra and
Streetwise Opera. Bernstein
(3 Dance Episodes from On the
Town); Copland (Music for a
Great City); Emily Levy (City of
Bee-ting Hearts); Michael
Betteridge (Manchester
Rain) and Nicolas Lewis
(The Spirit of Manchester)
10.00 Free Thinking Rana
Mitter discusses a new gallery
display of Chinese history
10.45 The Essay: Re:Cycling
The uniform of the cyclist
11.00 Night Tracks
12.30am Through the Night (r)
Today’s pick
Archive on 4: Celebrating
50 Years of From Our Own
Correspondent
Radio 4 Extra, 8pm
From Our Own Correspondent
— or “Fooc” as it is known by
the wags at BBC Broadcasting
House — has been running
for nearly 70 years. This
programme, first broadcast
in 2005, marks what was
then the 50th anniversary
and features the glorious and
authoritative voice of the
journalist Charles Wheeler,
right (who died in 2008 but
would have been 100 this
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
8.31 (LW) Yesterday in
Parliament Political news
9.00 The Patch
9.30 Please Protect Abraham
With Sam Holder (r)
9.45 Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible (3/5)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
10.00 Woman’s Hour
11.00 Rental Health: Hunt for a
Home Documentary (r)
11.30 China’s Accidental
Activists Documentary (r)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
12.04 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Rental Health: Solutions
Kirsty Lang talks to founders
of communal living and
co-housing spaces
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Passenger List
Written by Lauren Shippen
and John Scott Dryden (r)
3.00 Money Box Live
3.30 Desperate Calls
4.00 Art and Resistance in
Taiwan Documentary (r)
4.30 The Media Show
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Ellie Taylor’s Safe Space
New run. With Ooobah Butler
7.00 The Archers There’s
life in the old dogs yet
7.15 Front Row Arts news
8.00 The Moral Maze (12/12)
8.45 Lent Talks The closing
words of the Lord’s Prayer —
“Deliver us from evil”
9.00 Costing the Earth (r)
9.30 The Media Show (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: How
One Becomes Lonely (3/5) (r)
11.00 Jessica Fostekew:
Sturdy Girl Club (1/4)
11.15 The Skewer (8/8)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible (3/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Wednesday 29
week). At a time when the
debate over BBC impartiality
continues to rage, the sound
of reporters simply telling
things as they see it and
without editorialising is
a tonic. Ben Dowell
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Wake Up to Money
6.00 5 Live Breakfast 9.00
Nicky Campbell 11.00 Naga
Munchetty 1.00pm Nihal
Arthanayake 4.00 5 Live
Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport 8.00
5 Live Sport: Arsenal Women
v FC Bayern Munich Ladies
(Kick-off 8.00) 10.30 Colin
Murray. Late night chat
1.00am Dotun Adebayo
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
5.00am Early Breakfast 6.00
talkSPORT Breakfast with
Laura Woods 10.00 Jim White
and Simon Jordan 1.00pm
Hawksbee and Jacobs 4.00
talkSPORT Drive with Andy
Goldstein and Darren Bent
7.00 Kick Off 10.00 Sports
Bar 1.00am Extra Time
TalkRadio
Digital only
5.00am James Max 6.30 The
Julia Hartley-Brewer Breakfast
Show 10.00 The Independent
Republic of Mike Graham
1.00pm Ian Collins 4.00
Vanessa Feltz 7.00 Jeremy
Kyle 8.00 Piers Morgan
9.00 The Talk 10.00 Tom
Newton Dunn 11.00 Petrie
Hosken 1.00am Paul Ross
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Hancock’s Half Hour
8.30 Life, Death and Sex with
Mike and Sue 9.00 Nature
Table 9.30 The Small World of
Dominic Holland 10.00 The
Good Companions 11.00 The
Sand Leopard 11.30 Lord of
Misrule 12.00 Sweet Sorrow
12.15pm Flying Visits 12.30
Women Talking About Cars
1.00 Hancock’s Half Hour 1.30
Life, Death and Sex with Mike
and Sue 2.00 Nature Table
2.30 The Small World of
Dominic Holland 3.00 The
Good Companions 4.00
The Sand Leopard 4.30
Lord of Misrule 5.00 Sweet
Sorrow 5.15 Flying Visits
saturday review 47
5.30 Women Talking About
Cars 6.00 Hancock’s Half
Hour 6.30 Life, Death and
Sex with Mike and Sue 7.00
Nature Table 7.30 The Small
World of Dominic Holland
8.00 The Archive Hour.
Charles Wheeler celebrates
50 years of From Our Own
Correspondent. See Choice
9.00 Short Cuts 9.30 The Ice
Princess 10.00 Comedy Club:
Conversations from a Long
Marriage 10.30 Daphne
Sounds Expensive 11.00
BBritish Muslim Love 11.30
This Is Craig Brown 11.45 Gus
Murdoch’s Sacred Cows
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am The Newsroom 9.30
The Climate Question 10.00
News 10.06 Documentary
11.00 The Newsroom 11.30
The Documentary 12.00
News 12.06pm Outlook 12.50
Witness History 1.00 The
Newsroom 1.30 Digital Planet
2.00 Newshour 3.00 News
3.06 HARDtalk 3.30 Business
4.00 BBC OS 6.00 News 6.06
Outlook 6.50 Witness History
7.00 The Newsroom 7.30
Sport Today 8.00 News 8.06
The Climate Question 8.30
Healthcheck 9.00 Newshour
10.00 News 10.06 HARDtalk
10.30 The Documentary
11.00 The Newsroom 11.20
Sports News 11.30 Business
12.00 News 12.06am
Documentary 1.00 News 1.06
Business Matters 2.00 The
Newsroom 2.30 Assignment
3.00 News 3.06 Outlook 3.50
Witness History 4.00 The
Newsroom 4.30 Food Chain
6 Music
Digital only
7.30am Lauren Laverne
10.30 Jamz Supernova
1.00pm Craig Charles 4.00
Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc
Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe
12.00 Freak Zone Playlist
1.00am A Beginner’s Guide
to the Blues. Two editions
Virgin Radio
Digital only
6.30am The Chris Evans
Breakfast Show 10.00 Eddy
Temple-Morris 1.00pm Jayne
Middlemiss 4.00 Ricky
Wilson 7.00 Bam 10.00
Amy Voce 1.00am Sean
Goldsmith 4.00 Steve Denyer
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music
Breakfast 9.00 Alexander
Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie
Minhall 4.00pm John
Brunning. Including the
School Run 7.00 Smooth
Classics 10.00 Margherita
Taylor 1.00am Bill Overton
4.00 Early Breakfast
48 saturday review
Thursday 30 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice Jason &
Clara: In Memory of Maudie
ITV1, 9pm
During Christmas 2010 the
two-year-old second daughter
of the actor Jason Watkins
and his wife, Clara Francis, a
fashion designer and actress,
displayed symptoms of what
they thought was flu. Maude’s
temperature was very high
and she had a persistent
cough, so they took her to
A&E and she was given
antibiotics. On New Year’s
Eve her symptoms were still
extreme, so they took her
back to hospital and the
doctors told them that she
had croup. Treatment
calmed Maude down and her
temperature fell, so she was
discharged. That night they
put her to bed in the room
she shared with her older
sister, Bessie. “On New Year’s
morning Bessie came in a bit
subdued and started to play
on our bed,” Watkins told
The Sunday Times in 2017.
“ ‘I can’t wake up Maude,’ she
said after a bit. I remember
Six Four
ITVX
Kevin McKidd, for ever frozen
in time as the doomed Tommy
in Trainspotting, is excellent
in this compelling four-part
thriller, playing a police officer
whose daughter is missing.
McKidd is DC Chris O’Neill,
and we first meet him and
his wife, Michelle (Vinette
Robinson), a former
undercover cop, as they
identify a body. It’s not
their daughter, and Michelle
tries to take control of the
situation by going to London
to look for her — against
Chris’s wishes. Chris stays in
Edinburgh, where he becomes
involved in another infamous,
unsolved case in which a
local girl went missing. JC
Catch
up
Nazanin
All4
Nazanin Zaghari-
Ratcliffe was arrested
in 2016 as she was
about to board a
flight home from
Tehran with her
baby daughter,
Gabriella.
Nazanin, right,
had been in Iran
working with
a charity when
she was falsely
accused of
spying, and spent
six years in jail. Her
husband, Richard
feeling a sort of dread. When
I walked into their room I
could see she had died.” At
the inquest into Maude’s
death it was discovered that
she had sepsis, which occurs
when the body overreacts
to an infection and starts to
damage tissues and organs,
and Jason and Clara, right,
have been campaigning ever
since to raise awareness of
the illness. With the couple
preparing to move from the
house where Maude was
born and died they feel that
it’s time to tell her story.
“It’s still difficult to talk
about,” Watkins says. “It’s
about breaking down the
taboo of child loss,” Francis
explains.”It’s so grim and
unspeakable, people don’t
know what to say.” They hope
that making the film will
help not just them, but other
people. It’s a moving, brave
and gut-wrenching tribute to
a treasured little girl. Joe Clay
Gordon Ramsay’s
Future Food Stars
BBC1, 9pm
The foodie version of The
Apprentice returns, with
Gordon Ramsay searching
for “the UK’s next food and
drink entrepreneur” with
the searing intensity that he
brings to everything he does.
It’s £150,000 of Ramsay’s
money up for grabs, but first
the 12 contestants must pass
a series of challenges. First up
they travel to Glenapp Castle
in Scotland, where they are
tasked with creating a five-star
banquet celebrating Scottish
cuisine. Sampling their wares
are the Royal Edinburgh
Military Tattoo. Deciding who
stays and goes is Ramsay. JC
Ratcliffe, campaigned tirelessly
for her release — lobbying the
British government and going
on hunger strike for 21 days
— until she was freed last
March. Darius Bazargan’s
observational documentary,
five years in the making,
has exclusive access
to the family’s videos
and correspondence
— including footage
that Nazanin shot
while detained in
Iran — to tell the
gripping story
of the fight for
her freedom.
There is
exclusive
footage of the
family’s emotional
reunion at a
British military
airbase. Joe Clay
The Triumph of
Black America
BBC2, 9pm
The actor David Harewood has
been a fan of American culture
since he was a child, and in
this entertaining two-part
series he travels across the
country while revealing some
of the pioneering African-
Americans who “shaped his
life”, as well as exploring the
impact that black America
has had on the world. Starting
in the 1960s, Harewood’s
personal odyssey will appeal
to all, with contributors
including Smokey Robinson
and Nile Rodgers helping
him to explain what makes
African-American culture so
influential and distinct. JC
Regional programmes
● BBC1 Wales As BBC1 except:
10.30-11.15am Animal Park Summer (r)
10.40pm Talk Disability: Invisible
Disabilities. Chris McEwen explains why
he believes his bipolar diagnosis saved
his life 10.45-11.45 Question Time 12.15am
Dark Land: Hunting the Killers (r)
12.55-1.25am Would I Lie to You? (r)
● BBC2 Wales As BBC2 except: 11.15pm
New Voices from Wales: Foxy Music.
Cameras focus on a female-led grassroots
music collective 11.30 New Voices from
Wales: Hiraeth. Stories of five Ukrainian
Refugees living in Wales. Last in the
series 11.45-12.15am Cunk on Britain (r)
● BBC1 N Ireland As BBC1 except:
10.40pm The View 11.20 Question Time
12.20am Newscast 12.50 Jerk (r) 1.20
Would I Lie to You? (r) 1.50-6.00am News
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC2 except:
10.00-10.30pm The Prime Ministers
of Northern Ireland (r)
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC1 except: 11.15am
Bargain Hunt (r) Midday-1.00pm First
Minister’s Questions 12.40 Jerk (r) 1.05
Jerk (r) 1.30 Weather for the Week
Ahead 1.35-6.00am BBC News
● ITV1 Wales As ITV1 except: 8.30-
9.00pm Wales This Week 10.45 Buy Back
Your Health? NHS Vs Private: Tonight
11.15-11.40pm Coast & Country (r)
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Taskmaster Films of the day
Channel 4, 9pm
Control (15, 2007)
Just as “Little” Alex Horne Sky Cinema Drama/Romance, 10.25pm
must keep coming up with Decades spent documenting the egos, excesses and emotional
innovative new tasks for the fragility of the world of rock music stood Anton Corbijn in good
contestants of Taskmaster, stead with his directorial debut. His subject here is Ian Curtis, the
TV journalists have to keep troubled singer who gave voice to his demons as the hollow-eyed
coming up with interesting frontman for Joy Division, but who succumbed to them aged 23.
things to say about the show Expressively shot in black-and-white, the film lends an
without just listing who is understated beauty to the Victorian backstreets of Macclesfield.
taking part and what they are We’re introduced to the singer (played with conviction by Sam
doing. Safe to say that Horne Riley, below) as a teenager with a poet’s soul. Somehow the introvert
is much better at his job than flowers enough to win the heart of Debbie (Samantha Morton)
I am. Taking part for the sixth and talk his way into the band that will become Joy Division. Riley
series airing on Channel 4 evokes Curtis’s tortured stage presence. (122min) Wendy Ide
(the 15th in total) are Frankie
Boyle, Ivo Graham, Kiell
Smith-Bynoe and Mae Martin;
the tasks include organising
the first dance at a wedding,
unravelling a ball of string
and another that involves
commandeering a barge. JC
● STV As ITV1 except: 8.30-9.00pm
Scotland Tonight 10.30 STV News 10.45
Buy Back Your Health? NHS Vs Private:
Tonight. A report on people turning to
private healthcare 11.10 The Jonathan
Ross Show (r) 12.05-3.00am
Teleshopping 3.50-5.05am Night Vision
● UTV As ITV1 except: 8.30-9.00pm Rare
Breed: A Farming Year. The working lives
of farming families 10.45 Buy Back Your
Health? NHS Vs Private: Tonight
11.10-11.40pm On Assignment (r)
● BBC Scotland 7.00pm Iain Robertson Saint Frances (15, 2019)
Rambles (r) 7.30 Scotland’s Greatest Film4, 1.20am
Escape (r) 8.00 The Great Food Guys (r)
8.30 The Scandals That Shocked Scotland This film tackles abortion from an unapologetic rom-com angle.
(r) 9.00 The Nine 10.00 Scot Squad (r) Funny, light and perforated with wicked one-liners, it takes the
10.30 FILM Last Breath (2019) initial premise from Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up and drives it
11.55pm-Midnight Loop
● S4C 6.00am Cyw 12.00 News 12.05pm
into different and eminently more satisfying territory. The
Sain Ffagan (r) 12.30 Heno (r) 1.00 Cymry novice screenwriter Kelly O’Sullivan also stars as Bridget, a
ar Gynfas (r) 1.30 Y Byd ar Bedwar (r) 34-year-old waitress with faded literary ambitions and a sense of
2.00 News 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News
3.05 Corau Rhys Meirion (r) 4.00 Awr
life opportunities passing her by. At the same time as becoming
Fawr (r) 5.00 Stwnsh 6.00 Cheer am Byth a nanny for high-achieving helicopter parents, Bridget becomes
(r) 6.30 Yn y Fan a’r Lle (r) 6.57 News pregnant with her occasional partner, Jace (Max Lipchitz), and it’s
S4C 7.00 Heno 7.30 News 8.00 Pobol y the subsequent termination — instantly decided upon (they argue
Cwm 8.25 Rownd a Rownd 8.55 News
9.00 Pawb a’i Farn 10.00 Am Dro! (r) only about the cost) — that gives the drama its narrative impetus
11.00-11.35 Galw Nain Nain Nain (r) and confident dramatic weight. (106min) Kevin Maher
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
BBC1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Morning Live
10.00 The Moment of Proof 10.30
Animal Park Summer (r) 11.15 Homes
Under the Hammer (r) 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt (r) 1.00 BBC News at
One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Rob and
Karen’s big night out takes a shocking
turn 2.15 Jay and Dom’s Home Fix.
Jay Blades constructs a bird bath
from old crockery (r) 3.00 Escape to
the Country. Margherita Taylor is in
Somerset with a couple on their
maiden house hunt (r) 3.45 Antiques
Road Trip. Raj Bisram and Charles
Hanson arrive in Shropshire (r) 4.30
Bridge of Lies. Quiz show hosted by
Ross Kemp (r) 5.15 Pointless. Quiz
hosted by Alexander Armstrong (r)
6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather
6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
The chef Gordon Ramsay (9pm)
7.00 The One Show Magazine, with
Alex Jones and Ronan Keating
7.30 EastEnders Chaos ensues when
Rocky’s wife turns up at No 45,
and Sonia invites Reiss to visit
Bangkok with her to meet Bex
8.00 Dragons’ Den A surgeon-
turned-inventor thinks he’s
solved a universal problem
for parents, low strength gin
gets tastebuds tingling, and
a couple pitch their children’s
storage baskets with a twist
9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s Future Food
Stars New series. The acerbic
chef invites 12 of the UK’s
up-and-coming food and drink
entrepreneurs to compete to
earn a £150,000 investment
— secured from Gordon’s own
money. See Viewing Guide (1/8)
10.00BBC News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News
10.40 Question Time Fiona Bruce
chairs the topical debate
from Bristol, inviting a panel
of politicians and other
guests to answer questions
from an invited audience
11.40 Newscast BBC journalists host
a weekly political round-up
from Westminster
12.10am Would I Lie to You? With
Stephen Bailey, Asim Chaudhry,
Gemma Collins and Sally Lindsay (r)
12.40 Have I Got a Bit More News
for You. Adil Ray hosts the satirical
current affairs quiz (r) 1.25 Weather
for the Week Ahead 1.30 BBC News
Also available online and on tablet
Digital subscribers can now use our interactive seven-day
guide with comprehensive listings of all TV channels
thetimes.co.uk/tvplanner
BBC2
6.45am Escape to the Country (r) 7.30
The Moment of Proof (r) 8.00 Sign
Zone: Paul Whitehouse: Our Troubled
Rivers (r) (SL) 9.00 BBC News at 9
10.00 BBC News 12.15pm Politics Live
1.00 Impossible. Quiz hosted by Rick
Edwards (r) 1.45 Eggheads (r) 2.15 The
Hairy Bikers’ Pubs That Built Britain.
The duo uncover historic pubs in
Manchester (r) 2.45 Celebrity Painting
Challenge. Three celebrities battle it
out in the final — with a Strictly twist
(r) 3.45 My Unique B&B (r) 4.15 Grizzly
Bear Cubs and Me (r) 5.15 Flog It!
From the Blickling estate in Norfolk (r)
6.00 Richard Osman’s House of
Games. Lucy Beaumont, Shazia Mirza,
Joe Thomas and Jake Wood test their
skills (r) 6.30 Coast to Coast Food
Festival. Sean Fletcher explores the
annual Neath Food and Drink Festival
David Harewood in America (9pm)
7.00 Your Home Made Perfect
Two architects compete using
virtual reality to win the
opportunity to remodel a
four-bedroom house near
Stockport. Presented by Angela
Scanlon. Last in the series (r)
8.00 Great British Menu: The Finals
The eight regional champions
cook their desserts in a bid
to secure the last place on
the menu at the banquet.
Morwenna Banks, voice of
Mummy Pig on Peppa Pig,
is the guest judge
9.00 Get on Up: The Triumph of
Black America New series.
The actor David Harewood
travels across the US to meet
his heroes, and discovers some
of the true stories behind the
artists who inspired him.
See Viewing Guide (1/3)
10.00Mock the Week Guests include
Angela Barnes, Rhys James,
Ria Lina and Josh Pugh (2/8) (r)
10.30 Newsnight The day’s important
national and international news
stories with Victoria Derbyshire
11.15 Murder in Mayfair Reporter
Nawal Al-Maghafi investigates
the murder of Norwegian
student Martine Vik Magnussen
in 2008, who was killed in a flat
near Mayfair after a night out (r)
12.15am Saving Lives in Leeds.
A cardiac surgeon operates on her
longest-waiting patient (r) 1.15 Sign
Zone: Scarlett’s Driving School (r) (SL)
1.45 Inside Our Autistic Minds. A
rapper hypersensitive to noise (r) (SL)
2.45-3.30 Saved and Remade (r) (SL)
ITV1
6.00am Good Morning Britain
9.00 Lorraine 10.00 This Morning
12.30pm Loose Women. The women
put the world to rights once more and
invite a guest to chat about what they
are up to 1.30 ITV News; Weather
1.55 Regional News; Weather 2.00
Dickinson’s Real Deal. David Dickinson
is joined in Crewe by dealers Fay
Rutter, James Layte, Simon Schneider
and Jo Brayshaw 3.00 Lingo. Three
teams try to work out words that
appear in the Lingo grids. Presented
by Adil Ray (r) 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben
Shephard hosts the arcade-themed
quiz in which contestants drop tokens
down a choice of four chutes in the
hope of winning a £10,000 jackpot (r)
5.00 The Chase. Quiz show hosted by
Bradley Walsh (r) 6.00 Regional News;
Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
Mandy and Paddy (7.30pm)
7.30 Emmerdale Billy and Dawn
attend the custody court,
Alex makes his move, and
Paddy needs a friend
8.30 Buy Back Your Health?
NHS Vs Private: Tonight
A report on people turning
to private healthcare
9.00 Jason & Clara: In Memory
of Maudie The actor Jason
Watkins and his wife Clara
Francis tell the story of their
daughter Maudie, who died of
sepsis aged just two and a half.
See Viewing Guide
10.00ITV News at Ten; followed
by Weather
10.30 Regional News; followed
by Regional Weather
10.45 The Jonathan Ross Show The
host is joined by acting stars
Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston,
Brian Cox and Ruth Wilson, and
the comedian Greg Davies.
With music by Arlo Parks (r)
11.40 All Elite Wrestling: Rampage
Hard-hitting action with many
of AEW’s biggest stars (r)
12.35am Teleshopping 3.00
Unforgotten. Sunny and Jess get
closer to the truth of what happened
on the night Precious was murdered.
Crime drama starring Sanjeev
Bhaskar (r) (SL) 3.50 Unwind with ITV
5.05 Dickinson’s Real Deal (r) (SL)
Thursday 30
Channel 4
6.10am Countdown (r) 6.50 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.15 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.40 The King of Queens
(r) 8.05 The King of Queens (r) 8.30
The King of Queens (r) 9.00 Frasier (r)
9.30 Frasier (r) 10.00 Frasier (r)
10.30 Undercover Boss USA (r) 11.25
Channel 4 News Summary 11.30
Emergency Helicopter Medics (r)
12.30pm Steph’s Packed Lunch
2.10 Countdown. Levi Roots is in
Dictionary Corner 3.00 Tool Club. The
team wishes to build a performance
space 4.00 A New Life in the Sun (r)
5.00 Four in a Bed. The guest house
owners visit Dovestone Holiday Park
in Greater Manchester 5.30 Come
Dine with Me (r) 6.00 The Simpsons.
With the voice of Kathleen Turner (r)
6.30 Hollyoaks. Tony receives an
unexpected call from Eric (r)
Taskmaster returns (9pm)
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
8.00 The Dog Academy New series.
A crack team of Britain’s top
specialist trainers instructs
beleaguered owners in dog
management skills and dog
psychology. Among those
under their charge is a
ferocious cockapoo (1/8)
9.00 Taskmaster New series.
Frankie Boyle, Ivo Graham,
Jenny Eclair, Kiell Smith-Bynoe
and Mae Martin battle to win
an elaborate joust to become
the 15th Taskmaster champion.
See Viewing Guide (1/10)
10.00Rise and Fall The power
struggle continues in the reality
contest involving a group of
16 people from all walks of life
involved in a social experiment
asking how wealth and power
shape the way people behave.
Hosted by Greg James
11.05 My Massive C**k Men with
exceptionally large penises
reveal how this has affected
their lives, from people staring
and difficulties with clothing,
to uncomfortable sex (r)
12.05am Night Coppers (r) 1.05
Tempting Fortune (r) (SL) 2.55
Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (r)
(SL) 3.45 Couples Come Dine with Me.
In Stockport (r) 4.35 Food Unwrapped
(r) 5.05 Kirstie’s House of Craft (r) 5.15
Location, Location, Location (r) (SL)
saturday review 49
Channel 5
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Jeremy Vine
12.45pm Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly.
Graeme Hall treats a rescue dog that
steals food and barks at the front
door (r) 1.40 5 News at Lunchtime
1.45 Home and Away. Despite
Felicity’s hesitation about resetting a
wedding date, Tane ploughs ahead
with plans (r) 2.15 FILM The Surrogate
(PG, TVM, 2023) A woman poses as a
nanny to infiltrate a famous couple’s
household and learn the truth about
her daughter’s tragic death. Thriller
with Catherine Dyer 4.00 Bargain-
Loving Brits in the Sun. A catch up
with some of the big characters from
the season (r) 5.00 5 News at 5 6.00
Cash in the Attic (r) 6.30 Eggheads.
Challenging the might of the quiz
goliaths today are the Fine Young
Bramptonians 6.55 5 News Update
Presenter Dan Walker (9pm)
7.00 Motorhoming Wales with
Merton & Webster Paul Merton
and Suki Webster explore
Snowdonia and pitch up at
Lake Bala, where they try
paddle boarding (6/6)
7.55 5 News Update
8.00 Isle of Wight: Jewel of the
South Following more of the
residents who live and work
on the Isle of Wight, and
exploring how the locals
cope with the challenges of
a busy tourist season (5/6);
followed by 5 News Update
9.00 Live: Vanished: The Hunt for
Britain’s Missing People
New series. Dan Walker
investigates cases of missing
people, and speaks to loved
ones, families, friends, police
and experts from charities
10.00Predator: Catching the Black
Cab Rapist Documentary
examining the investigation
into serial rapist John Worboys,
who attacked more than 100
victims in his taxi between
2000 and 2008. This film’s new
analysis of the facts explains
why it took years before
Worboys’s violent campaign
of terror against women was
finally brought to an end (r)
11.30 Killer at the Crime Scene
A corpse found in a ditch by a
dog walker in 2013 leads to a
hunt for a serial killer (2/12) (r)
12.30am 999: Criminals Caught on
Camera. Using CCTV to fight crime (r)
1.25 The LeoVegas Live Casino Show
3.25 Egypt’s Great Treasures with
Bettany Hughes 5.05 Wildlife SOS (r)
(SL) 5.30 Fireman Sam (r) (SL) 5.40
Paw Patrol (r) 5.55 Peppa Pig (r) (SL)
550 saturday review
Thursday 30 | Primetime digital guide
TalkTV
FV 237, FS 217, SKY 522, VIRGIN 606
6.00am James Max An insight
into the day’s top stories
6.30 The Julia Hartley-Brewer
Breakfast Show
10.00 The Independent Republic
of Mike Graham The host
tears his way through the
morning newspapers
1.00pm Ian Collins Hard-hitting
monologues and debates
4.00 Vanessa Feltz The host
guides you through the
biggest stories of the day
7.00 Jeremy Kyle Live The host
investigates the future of
Britain’s Armed Forces
8.00 Piers Morgan Uncensored
The host presents his
unmissable verdict on
the day’s global events
9.00 The Talk A panel of famous
faces debate the hot topics
everybody’s talking about
10.00 First Edition An energetic
look at tomorrow’s news
11.00-12.00m’t Piers Morgan
Uncensored
ITV2
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
7.00pm Ninja Warrior UK (3/8)
8.00 Superstore Amy brings
her daughter to work (5/11)
8.30 Superstore Amy and Jonah
become competitive (6/11)
9.00 Loaded in Paradise
Two woman are elected to
become the new Spenders
10.00 Family Guy Peter builds a
tunnel directly to the local bar
10.30 Family Guy
11.00 Family Guy
11.30 American Dad!
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
Yesterday
FV 27, FS 159, SKY 155, VIRGIN 129
7.00pm Billy Connolly’s Great
American Trail Billy visits
Kearny, New Jersey (2/3)
8.00 Bangers and Cash A Dutch
DAF 66 — in daffodil yellow — lands
at the North Yorkshire showroom
9.00 Hornby: A Model World
Contributors pick their top 10
products and innovations (11/11)
10.00 Bangers and Cash
A collection of five iconic cars (3/8)
11.00 Abandoned Engineering
A town in the Amazonian rainforest
12.00-1.00am Bangers and Cash
Discovery
SKY 125, VIRGIN 250
7.00pm Kindig Customs
8.00 Expedition to the Edge
Fears of overwintering in the
Arctic becomes more real
9.00 Naked and Afraid Four male
survivalists who failed in previous
challenges seek redemption
11.00 Naked and Afraid
12.00-1.00am Expedition Bigfoot
Sky Main Event
SKY 401, VIRGIN 511, BT 440
1.30-6.30pm Live PGA Tour Golf
The Valero Texas Open
7.00 Live Premier League Darts
From Mercedes-Benz Arena, Berlin
10.30-12.00m’t Live PGA Tour Golf
12.30am Live NBA Basketball:
Milwaukee Bucks v Boston Celtics
3.00-4.00 Live Formula 1
Coverage of the Australian Grand
Prix first practice session
4.00-4.45 Live Formula 3
Championship The Australian
Grand Prix qualifying session
5.45-7.15am Live Formula 1
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC3
FV 23, FS 179, SKY 115, VIRGIN 107
7.00pm Top Gear Freddie Flintoff
heads to Iceland to compete
in the world’s maddest
motorsport (5/5)
8.00 MOTDx Jermaine Jenas
reveals more of the lifestyle
and culture that surrounds
the Premier League
8.30 MOTD Top 10: Premier
League Midfielders
Counting down the
best midfielders
9.00 Life and Death Row With
seven days to execution, a
former US Marine meets a
son he fathered on the run.
His murder victim’s sons
boys recall the impact of
their father’s death
10.00 FILM Game Night (15, 2018)
A group of friends become
entangled in a mystery
when the brother of one
of them is seemingly
kidnapped. Black comedy
starring Jason Bateman
11.35-12.05am MOTDx
ITV3
FV 10, FS 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
5.35pm Downton Abbey The
annual cricket match brings out
Robert’s competitive side (8/9)
7.05 Heartbeat A former PoW
causes chaos in the village
8.00 Vera DCI Vera Stanhope
investigates the case of a
murdered entrepreneur whose
legacy of debts and ruined lives
leaves no shortage of suspects
10.00 Blue Murder A recently
released prisoner is strangled (3/4)
11.35-12.40am Wycliffe A schoolgirl
is found dead after a disco (6/8)
PBS America
FV 84, FS 155, SKY 174, VIRGIN 273
7.00pm The Normans The
expansion and ambition
of the Norman empire (1/3)
8.15 Tutankhamun: Allies and
Enemies Yasmin El Shazly and
Mahmoud Rashad delve into the
story of Tutankhamun (1/2)
9.30 Britain and the Sea David
Dimbleby sails along East
Anglia’s coast to explore how
the sea inspired artists (4/4)
10.45 The Normans (1/3)
12.00-1.15am Tutankhamun:
Allies and Enemies (1/2)
Sky Comedy
SKY 114, VIRGIN 112, BT 346
7.00pm Futurama
7.30 The Office (US)
8.00 The Conners
8.30 The Office (US)
9.00 Sex and the City
9.40 Sex and the City
10.15 Miracle Workers: Dark Ages
11.15-12.15am The Late Late Show
with James Corden
Sky Premier League
SKY 402, VIRGIN 512
7.00pm Premier League:
The Big Interview
7.30 Premier League Stories
8.00 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox
Gary Neville unites with his former
England colleague Ashley Cole
8.30 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox
With Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink
9.00 Premier League:
The Big Interview
9.30 Premier League Stories
10.00 Premier League Icons
10.30-12.30am PL Retro Liverpool
v Chelsea from the 2013/14 season
BBC4
FV 9/24, FS 173, SKY 116, VIRGIN 108
7.00pm Great Asian Railway
Journeys Michael Portillo
sets off on the first leg of
a 2,500-mile adventure
around South-east Asia
7.30 Canal Boat Diaries Robbie
Cumming explores the
village of Saltaire (3/4)
8.00 Jet! When Britain Ruled
the Skies Part one of two.
Advances in aviation in the
1950s and 60s, beginning
by exploring military planes
9.00 FILM Jesus Christ Superstar
(PG, 1973) Musical about
the life of Christ and the
Disciples, seen from the
perspective of the traitor
Judas. Starring Ted Neeley
and Yvonne Elliman
10.40 Marti Webb: Tell Me on a
Sunday Filmed concert
performance of the
one-woman musical show
11.25-12.25am Queen Elizabeth I:
A Timewatch Guide The life
of Elizabeth Tudor (3/4)
ITV4
FV 26, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
6.45pm Snooker: Tour
Championship Live Coverage of
the evening session on day four,
featuring the final session of the
concluding quarter-final in Hull
10.15 FILM Rambo (18, 2008) The
one-man army travels to Burma to
rescue a party of missionaries from
a sadistic military officer. Action
sequel directed by and starring
Sylvester Stallone, with Julie Benz
11.55-1.00am The Sweeney A
gynaecologist’s suitcase is stolen.
Drama starring John Thaw (12/14)
Sky Arts
FV 11, FS 147, SKY 130, VIRGIN 140
7.00pm Harold Lloyd:
Hollywood’s Timeless Comedy
Genius Documentary about
the life of the actor, comedian,
director and stunt performer
8.00 Discovering: Greta Garbo A
profile of the Swedish actress (2/14)
9.00 The Directors A look at the
life and career of the acclaimed
director Ridley Scott (2/10)
10.00 Icon: Music Through the
Lens Life on tour (2/6)
11.15-12.15am Discovering:
Peter Sellers (6/13)
Comedy Central
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 344
6.55pm Friends
7.55 Friends
8.30 Friends
9.00 South Park Triple bill
10.30 Mike Judge’s Beavis &
Butt-Head Animated comedy
11.00 South Park
11.30 South Park
12.00-12.30am Key & Peele
An episode of The Directors
explores the life and career of
Ridley Scott (Sky Arts, 9pm)
More 4
FV 18, FS 124, SKY 136, VIRGIN 147
6.55pm Escape to the Château:
DIY The clock is ticking
for two sisters as they
try to sort out a winter’s
worth of problems.
7.55 Grand Designs Kevin
McCloud follows the
progress of a musician as he
sets out to build a house
wrapped around an ancient
oak tree in rural Suffolk
9.00 24 Hours in A&E A man is
rushed in after his fourth
epileptic seizure of the day,
while a 12-year-old girl
requires extensive surgery
after breaking her leg (4/11)
10.00 999: What’s Your
Emergency? A family has a
brick thrown through its
window by a cannabis
dealer, and a mother is
assaulted by her son (4/4)
11.05-12.05am 24 Hours in A&E
A 71-year-old is rushed to
A&E after falling head first
onto a tiled floor (10/11)
E4
FV 13, FS 122, SKY 135, VIRGIN 106
7.00pm Hollyoaks A suspecting
Ste questions James on his early
morning disappearance
7.30 Married at First Sight
Australia It is the morning of
the third Dinner Party
9.00 Gogglebox The households’
opinions on shows including Killing
Eve, The Apprentice and Ant &
Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway
10.00 Naked Attraction
A woman from Northampton is in
search of husband number three
11.05-12.10am First Dates
Sky History
SKY 123, VIRGIN 270
7.00pm Forged in Fire Four smiths
are tasked to create san mai blades
8.00 Pawn Stars Do America
Rick Harrison, Corey Harrison
and Austin “Chumlee” Russell
arrive in San Francisco (3/8)
9.00 Forged in Fire Three
bladesmiths compete in a
nautical-themed competition
10.00 Forged in Fire
11.00 Paranormal: Caught on
Camera A haunted cemetery
12.00-2.00am History’s
Greatest Mysteries (3/4)
Gold
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 343
6.55pm Dad’s Army Double bill
8.15 The Vicar of Dibley
9.00 Billy Connolly Does… New
series. Billy tackles heroes and
villains, both public and personal
10.00 The Young Ones’ 20
Greatest Moments
11.00-1.05am Vicar of Dibley:
Inside Out Favourite moments
Sky Cricket
SKY 404, VIRGIN 514
6.00pm Women’s ICC World T20
Cricket Another chance to see this
year’s final, which took place at Six
Gun Grill Newlands in Cape Town
10.30 Women’s ICC World T20
Cricket Australia v India. Highlights
of the first semi-final, which
took place at Six Gun Grill
Newlands in Cape Town
11.30-12.30am Women’s ICC World
T20 Cricket England v South
Africa. Highlights of the second
semi-final, which took place at Six
Gun Grill Newlands in Cape Town
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Sky Atlantic
SKY 108
6.40pm Succession In the
penultimate episode, the
Roy family come together
to attend a wedding in Italy,
and Kendall confronts his
father and demands to
speak with him (8/9) (R)
7.50 Game of Thrones Daenerys
holds court, Cersei returns a
gift, and Jaime learns from
his mistakes (3/7) (R)
9.00 Billions A spontaneous trip
to a Metallica gig causes
Axe to question his freedom.
Meanwhile, Chuck must
assess his own father’s
business dealings. Starring
Damian Lewis (4/12) (R)
10.05 Billions Axe disappears,
and Chuck makes a
surprising arrest (5/12) (R)
11.10-12.15am Django John puts
on a masquerade ball to
celebrate Sarah’s return and
the gate of New Babylon
opens to everyone for a
memorable night (9/10) (R)
Dave
FV 19, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
7.00pm Richard Osman’s
House of Games
7.40 Richard Osman’s
House of Games
8.20 QI Sandi Toksvig hosts
9.00 Mel Giedroyc: Unforgivable
Mel welcomes Richard Ayoade,
Ed Gamble and Sindhu Vee
10.00 Have I Got a Bit More News
for You Clive Myrie guest hosts
11.00 Would I Lie to You? At
Christmas Comedy panel show
11.40-12.40am Have I Got a Bit
More News for You
Sky Max
SKY 113, VIRGIN 111
7.00pm Stargate SG-1 (1/2) A
malfunction on the Stargate
plunges the Earth into jeopardy
8.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 Karl
Pilkington heads to Alaska,
where he watches whales
and take part in other activities
9.00 A Town Called Malice
Kelly does Mint Ma’s secret
bidding back in London (3/8)
10.05 Rob & Romesh vs Ballet (1/4)
11.05 NCIS: Los Angeles
12.00-1.00am Resident Alien
Starring Alan Tudyk (2/10)
W Alibi
FV 25, FS 156, SKY 132, VIRGIN 125
6.00pm MasterChef Australia The
Top 8 contestants must battle it
out in the MasterChef kitchen to
earn their place in Finals Week
7.40 Inside the Ambulance
8.10 Inside the Ambulance
9.10 DIY SOS: The Big Build
10.10 24 Hours in A&E
11.10-12.10am 999 Rescue Squad
BT Sport 1
SKY 413, VIRGIN 527, BT 430
9.00am-12.00noon Live AFL:
Western Bulldogs v Brisbane
Lions (Bounce-up 9.20)
6.00pm Live MLB: New York
Yankees v San Francisco Giants
(Start-time 6.05)
9.30 Premier League:
The Big Interview
10.00 Ligue 1 Show
10.30 ESPN FC Presents: Gab &
Juls All the latest news
11.00 Live Baseball Tonight
12.00-3.30am Live MLB: Houston
Astros v Chicago White Sox
Annika
Nicola Walker plays
a cop serving with the
Marine Homicide Unit
Drama, 9pm
Sky Documentaries
SKY 121, VIRGIN 277
7.00pm The Vietnam War
South Vietnamese forces
fighting on their own in
Laos suffer a terrible
defeat, while a re-elected
President Nixon announces
Hanoi has agreed to a
peace deal (9/10) (R)
8.05 Devil’s Advocate: The
Mostly True Story of
Giovanni Di Stefano
Documentary about the
bogus lawyer, who claimed
to have clients including
Saddam Hussein (3/3) (R)
9.00 FILM Dogtown and Z-Boys
(15, 2001) Documentary
charting the history of
skateboarding, from its
1970s emergence to its
current status as a
widely-practised sport.
Narrated by Sean Penn
10.50-12.50am FILM Bobby (PG,
2016) Documentary
celebrating english
footballer Bobby Moore
Drama
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 143, VIRGIN 130
6.40pm Last of the Summer
Wine The trio try to craft a
vehicle from a wheel
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine
8.00 Shakespeare & Hathaway:
Private Investigators Comedy
drama about an oddball pair of
private detectives
9.00 Annika New series. Annika
(Nicola Walker) and the team
are called in to solve the murder
of a man found in the Clyde
10.00 New Tricks
11.20-12.40am Cutting It
Nat Geographic
SKY 129, VIRGIN 266, BT 351
7.00pm Air Crash Investigation
Investigators struggle to gain
access to the remote site
where a Santa Barbara Airlines
flight crashed in 2008
8.00 Car S.O.S Breathing new life
into a 1973 Porsche 911 Targa
9.00 Wicked Tuna: Outer
Banks Showdown
10.00 Alaska: The Next
Generation
11.00 Air Crash Investigation
12.00-1.00am Airport
Security: First Class
SKY 109, VIRGIN 126
7.00pm Person of Interest
8.00 Death in Paradise (3/8)
9.00 Murdoch Mysteries The
death of a key witness leaves
Murdoch physically unsettled
10.00 Good Cop (3/4)
11.00 Without a Trace
12.00-1.00am The Doctor Blake
Mysteries Detective drama (1/8)
BT Sport 2
SKY 414, VIRGIN 528, BT 431
6.30pm WWE Monday Night Raw
9.00 WWE NXT Highlights
10.00 UFC Fight Camp Interviews
and features with fighters
10.30 The Football’s On A look at
the week’s football stories
11.30-12.30am One Day
International Cricket
1.30-10.30am Live One Day
International Cricket:
New Zealand v Sri Lanka
Coverage of the third ODI in the
three-match series, which takes
place at Seddon Park in Hamilton
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Film guide
Film4
FV 14 FS 300 SKY 313
11.00am Arizona Raiders (U,
1965) Western starring Audie
Murphy and Buster Crabbe
12.50pm The Wackiest Ship
in the Army (U, 1960)
Comedy with Jack Lemmon
2.55 Run Silent, Run Deep
(U, 1958) Second World War
drama starring Clark Gable
4.50 The Man in the White
Suit (U, 1951) Satirical Ealing
comedy with Alec Guinness
6.35 Sahara (12, 2005)
Adventure starring Matthew
McConaughey, Penelope
Cruz and Steve Zahn
9.00 The Spy Who Dumped
Me (15, 2018) Comedy
starring Mila Kunis, Kate
McKinnon and Sam Heughan
11.15 The Death of Dick Long
(18, 2019) Premiere. Comedy
starring Michael Abbott Jnr
1.20-3.30am Saint Frances
(15, 2019) Drama with Kelly
O’Sullivan. See Film Choice
Talking Pictures TV
FV 82 FS 306 SKY 328 VIRGIN 445
6.00am Honey West
6.30 Born Of The Sea (U,
1949) Drama with Dorothea
Paul and Betty Williams
7.25 Danny Boy (U, 1941)
Drama starring David Farrar
9.00 Black Saddle
9.30 The Great Flamarion
(PG, 1945) Crime drama
11.05 Love In Pawn (PG, 1953)
Comedy with Barbara Kelly
12.35pm Beware of Pity (PG,
1946) Drama with Lilli Palmer
2.30 Crown Court
3.00 Melvyn’s
Talking Pictures
3.10 You Only Live Once (12,
1937) Drama starring Henry
Fonda and Sylvia Sydney
4.50 Melvyn’s
Talking Pictures
5.00 The Lone Wolf Strikes
(U, 1940) Comedy caper
starring Warren William
6.20 Busy Bodies (U, 1933)
Comedy starring Stan
Laurel and Oliver Hardy
6.45 Wings of Danger (U,
1952) Thriller starring Zachary
Scott and Robert Beatty
8.00 The Saint
9.00 Justice
10.00-11.55pm Walk East On
Beacon! (U, 1952) Spy thriller
starring George Murphy
GREAT! Movies
FV 34 FS 302 SKY 321 VIRGIN 425
9.00am Secrets of My
Stepdaughter (12, 2017)
Thriller starring Josie Davis
10.50 GREAT! Movie News
11.00 Mother’s Crime (2017)
Drama starring April Bowlby
12.50pm GREAT! Movie News
1.00 Dangerous Company
(PG, 2015) Thriller starring
Alicia Leigh Willis
2.50 GREAT! Movie News
3.00 Surrounded By Lies (PG,
2019) Thriller starring Sarah
Roemer and Jon Prescott
You Only Live Once
(Talking Pictures TV, 3.10pm)
4.50 GREAT! Movie News
5.00 Eat, Drink and Be
Buried: A Gourmet Detective
Mystery (PG, 2017) Whodunit
6.50 GREAT! Movie News
7.00 Concrete Evidence:
A Fixer Upper Mystery
(PG, 2017) Crime drama
sequel starring Jewel Kilcher
8.50 GREAT! Movie News
9.00 Unbreakable (12, 2000)
Drama starring Bruce Willis
11.15-1.20am Basic (15, 2003)
Thriller starring John Travolta
TCM Movies
SKY 315
6.00am Hollywood’s
Best Film Directors
8.20 TCM Shorts
8.40 Fighter Squadron
(U, 1948) Second World War
adventure with Robert Stack
10.35 Ice Station Zebra (U,
1968) Adventure with Rock
Hudson and Ernest Borgnine
1.30pm Will Penny (12, 1967)
Western with Charlton Heston
3.45 How to Steal the World
(PG, 1968) Spy adventure
starring Robert Vaughn
5.35 The Spy Who Came in
from the Cold (PG, 1965)
Thriller with Richard Burton
7.50 Law of the Panhandle
(PG, 1950) Western starring
Johnny Mack Brown
9.00 Above the Law (18,
1988) Martial arts thriller
starring Steven Seagal
11.05-1.40am Lethal Weapon
4 (15, 1998) Adventure with
Mel Gibson and Danny Glover
Sky Cinema Premiere
SKY 301 VIRGIN 401
12.05pm Mr Malcolm’s List
(PG, 2022) Drama starring
Freida Pinto and Sope Dirisu
2.15 Boonie Bears: Back To
Earth (PG, 2022) Animated
adventure with the voice
of Joseph S Lambert
3.55 Where the Crawdads
Sing (15, 2022) Drama
starring Daisy Edgar-Jones
6.05 The Voyagers (PG, 2022)
Adventure starring Matteo
Schiavone and Fabio Bizzarro
8.00 Mr Malcolm’s List
(PG, 2022) Drama starring
Freida Pinto and Sope Dirisu
10.10-12.25am Call Jane (12,
2022) Drama with Elizabeth
Banks and Sigourney Weaver
Radio guide
Times Radio
Digital, web, smart speaker, app
5.00am Rosie Wright with
Early Breakfast 6.00 Aasmah
Mir and Stig Abell with Times
Radio Breakfast 10.00 Matt
Chorley 1.00pm Mariella
Frostrup 3.00 Jane Garvey and
Fi Glover 5.00 John Pienaar
with Times Radio Drive 7.00
Pienaar and Friends 8.00 The
Evening Edition 10.00 Henry
Bonsu 1.00am Stories of Our
Times 1.30 Red Box 2.00
Highlights from Times Radio
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am The Zoe Ball Breakfast
Show 9.30 Gary Davies 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Anita
Rani 4.00 Sara Cox 6.30 Sara
Cox’s Half Wower 7.00 Jo
Whiley’s Shiny Happy Playlist
7.30 Jo Whiley 9.00 The
Country Show with Bob
Harris 10.00 Trevor Nelson’s
Magnificent 7 10.30 Trevor
Nelson’s Rhythm Nation 12.00
OJ Borg 3.00am Sounds of the
90s with Fearne Cotton (r)
4.00 Owain Wyn Evans
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Rachmaninov The composer
builds a home in Switzerland
1.00pm Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert The Aris Quartet
perform at Birmingham
University. Schulhoff (Five
pieces for string quartet); John
Woolrich (Another Journey
Calls — from The Book Of
Inventions) and Schubert
(String Quartet no. 13 in
A-minor — Rosamunde)
2.00 Afternoon Concert Ian
Skelly presents recordings
by the Royal Concertgebouw.
Julius Röntgen (Con moto
e con delicatezza from
Symphonietta humoristica;
Gubaidulina (Reflections on
the theme B-A-C-H); Chopin
(Barcarolle, Op.60); Schumann
(Symphony no.3 in E flat, Op.97
— Rhenish); Johann Kaspar
(Kerll Missa pro decunctis)
and Shostakovich (Cello
Concerto No. 1 in E flat, Op.107)
5.00 In Tune Music news
7.00 Classical Mixtape
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert John
Storgards conducts the BBC
Philharmonic. Rachmaninov
(The Isle of the Dead);
Tchaikovsky (Rococo
Variations) and Shostakovich
(Symphony No.15)
10.00 Free Thinking
Discussing Dziga Vertov’s film,
Man with a Movie Camera
10.45 The Essay: Re:Cycling
Andrew Martin discovers the
delights of rural Derbyshire
11.00 The Night Tracks Mix
11.30 Unclassified (r)
12.30am Through the Night
Today’s pick
In Our Time
Radio 4, 9am
A Room of One’s Own,
Virginia Woolf’s 1929
examination of the social
and financial pressures
faced by women wanting
to express themselves,
is the subject of today’s
discussion. Melvyn Bragg’s
guests are Hermione Lee,
the academic and writer of
a 1996 biography of Woolf,
right, as well as Alexandra
Harris, professorial fellow at
the University of
Birmingham, and Michèle
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
8.31 (LW) Yesterday in
Parliament Political news
9.00 In Our Time The
history of ideas. See Choice
9.45 Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible (4/5)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
10.00 Woman’s Hour
11.00 From Our Own
Correspondent (9/9)
11.30 Arthur Briggs: The Brit
Who Brought Jazz to Europe
Profile of the jazz trumpeter
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
12.04 You and Yours
12.30 Sliced Bread (13/13)
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Rental Health: Solutions
Kirsty Lang investigates how
Barcelona has been rolling out
a radical housing policy
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Passenger List
By John Scott Dryden (6/6) (r)
3.00 Ramblings Exploring
Great Alne Park retirement
village in Warwickshire (9/9)
3.27 Radio 4 Appeal (r)
3.30 Open Book (r)
4.00 The Infinite Monkey
Cage Insights (6/6) (r)
4.30 BBC Inside Science
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Meet David Sedaris (6/6)
7.00 The Archers Jim grills
David for some information
7.15 Front Row Arts news
8.00 Law in Action (4/4) (r)
8.30 Rental Health: All Work
and No Homes The housing
crisis in the Highlands (r)
9.00 BBC Inside Science (r)
9.30 In Our Time (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: How
One Becomes Lonely (4/5) (r)
11.00 My Teenage Diary (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible (4/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Thursday 30
Barrett, Woolf scholar and
professor of modern literary
and cultural theory at the
School of English and Drama
at Queen Mary, University of
London.
Ben Dowell
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Wake Up to Money
6.00 5 Live Breakfast 9.00
Nicky Campbell 11.00 Adrian
Chiles 1.00pm Nihal
Arthanayake 4.00 5 Live
Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport 8.00
5 Live Sport: Chelsea Women
v Lyon Feminines (Kick-off
8.00) 10.30 Colin Murray
1.00am Qasa Alom
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
5.00am Early Breakfast 6.00
talkSPORT Breakfast with
Alan Brazil 10.00 Jim White
and Simon Jordan 1.00pm
Hawksbee and Baker 4.00
Drive 7.00 Kick Off 10.00
Sports Bar 1.00am Extra Time
TalkRadio
Digital only
5.00am James Max 6.30 The
Julia Hartley-Brewer Breakfast
Show 10.00 The Independent
Republic of Mike Graham
1.00pm Ian Collins 4.00
Vanessa Feltz 7.00 Jeremy
Kyle 8.00 Piers Morgan
9.00 The Talk 10.00 Tom
Newton Dunn 11.00 James
Whale 1.00am Paul Ross
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am The Burkiss Way
8.30 The World As We Know
It 9.00 The Unbelievable
Truth 9.30 Clare in the
Community 10.00 Blithe Spy
11.00 The Sand Leopard 11.30
Lord of Misrule 12.00 Sweet
Sorrow 12.15pm Flying Visits
12.30 On the Rocks 1.00 The
Burkiss Way 1.30 The World
As We Know It 2.00 The
Unbelievable Truth 2.30 Clare
in the Community 3.00 Blithe
Spy 4.00 The Sand Leopard
4.30 Lord of Misrule 5.00
Sweet Sorrow 5.15 Flying
Visits 5.30 On the Rocks 6.00
The Burkiss Way 6.30 The
World As We Know It 7.00
The Unbelievable Truth. With
Holly Walsh, Henning Wehn,
Tony Hawks and Sally Phillips
saturday review 51
7.30 Clare in the Community
8.00 Steve Penk’s Radio
Nightmares 9.00 Great Lives
9.30 The Ice Princess.
Thriller, by Camilla Lackberg
10.00 Comedy Club:
Meet David Sedaris. The
humorist reads his essays My
Corona and A Better Place
10.30 Radio Five 11.30
Richard Herring’s Objective
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am The Newsroom
9.30 Assignment 10.00 News
10.06 The Forum 10.50
Sporting Witness 11.00 The
Newsroom 11.30 The Food
Chain 12.00 News 12.06pm
Outlook 12.50 Witness
History 1.00 The Newsroom
1.30 Healthcheck 2.00
Newshour 3.00 News 3.06
The Inquiry 3.30 Business
4.00 BBC OS 6.00 News 6.06
Outlook 6.50 Witness History
7.00 The Newsroom 7.30
Sport Today 8.00 News 8.06
Assignment 8.30 Science in
Action 9.00 Newshour 10.00
News 10.06 The Inquiry
10.30 The Food Chain.
The business, science and
cultural significance of food
11.00 The Newsroom 11.20
Sports News 11.30 Business
12.00 News 12.06am The
Forum. The history of cacao
in Latin America 12.50
Witness History 1.00 News
1.06 Business Matters 2.00
The Newsroom 2.30 Digital
Planet 3.00 News 3.06
Outlook 3.50 Witness
History 4.00 The Newsroom
4.30 Heart and Soul
6 Music
Digital only
7.30am Lauren Laverne
10.30 Jamz Supernova
1.00pm Craig Charles 4.00
Steve Lamacq 6.00 Steve
Lamacq’s Roundtable. The
week’s new releases 7.00
Marc Riley 9.00 Gideon
Coe 12.00 New Music Fix
with Steve Lamacq 1.00am
New Music Fix with Aya
Virgin Radio
Digital only
6.30am The Chris Evans
Breakfast Show 10.00 Eddy
Temple-Morris 1.00pm Jayne
Middlemiss 4.00 Ricky
Wilson 7.00 Bam 10.00
Amy Voce 1.00am Sean
Goldsmith 4.00 Steve Denyer
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music
Breakfast 9.00 Alexander
Armstrong 12.00 Anne-Marie
Minhall 4.00pm John
Brunning 7.00 Smooth
Classics 10.00 Margherita
Taylor 1.00am Bill Overton
4.00 Early Breakfast
552 saturday review
Friday 31 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice
The Power
Prime Video
Naomi Alderman’s 2016
bestseller of speculative
fiction imagined how the
world might look if the
patriarchal power balance had
been reversed — women had
developed the power to
generate electricity from their
hands, which gave them the
upper, er, hand and the most
senior positions in politics,
media and religion. Which
is an intriguing premise
for a TV adaptation, and
accordingly Prime Video has
been hyping this eight-part
blockbuster for some time.
The first episode takes a while
to get to the electric-women
conceit as it imagines how
“the Power” begins — via
unhappy female teenagers.
We are introduced to several
of them, including Allie (Halle
Bush), a mute girl in America’s
Deep South being abused by
her foster father, and Roxy, the
tough-talking illegitimate
daughter (Ria Zmitrowicz,
Hendrix and
the Spook
Sky Arts, 7.30pm
When Jimi Hendrix arrived at
St Mary Abbots Hospital in
London on September 18,
1970, he had already lain
dead for hours in his Notting
Hill hotel. But had “the coolest
guy on the planet” — as he is
called in this 90-minute film,
first shown in 2020 — actually
been murdered? That is one of
the possibilities considered in
what is part rock biography,
part true crime documentary.
Featuring reconstructions of
Hendrix’s last moments and
interviews with surviving
friends, it’s heady and
speculative stuff.
Ben Dowell
Catch
up
Bali 2002
ITVX
Rachel Griffiths and
Richard Roxburgh are
part of the cast for this
four-part Australian
drama exploring
the terrorist
attacks on the
Indonesian island
of Bali 20 years
ago. Two of Keta
beach’s busiest
nightclubs were
targeted in an
atrocity that killed
40 local people and
162 foreign tourists.
After establishing
particularly good) of a nasty
London mob boss (Eddie
Marsan). Each is oppressed
in some way and soon
going to discover their
electrocuting powers —
ones they can use to take
vengeance. In episode two
Toni Collette, right, enters
the fray playing Margot
Cleary-Lopez, the mayor of
Seattle, who is trying to keep
order in this unravelling new
society. She says: “The world
as we know it may never be
the same . . . this power is
evolution!” Alderman has
spoken of how her friendship
with Margaret Atwood
influenced this feminist
allegory, although this often
has a more international,
young-adult feel than The
Handmaid’s Tale. It’s also very
classily done, full of ideas in
its interweaving storylines.
The first three episodes are
out today, the rest weekly.
James Jackson
Redemption
ITV1, 9pm
As it reaches its halfway point,
this Irish crime drama remains
more doleful than dynamic.
Yet the investigation by
DI Colette Cunningham —
looking into her estranged
daughter Stacey’s death in
Dublin — has a quiet realism
that can hold the attention.
By now it’s confirmed that
Stacey’s death wasn’t suicide
and that her boyfriend is not
quite the charmer he appeared
to be. And so she treads the
streets, knocking on doors of
potential leads and
methodically unlayering what
happened. In the lead role
Paula Malcomson has
a sensitivity to go with the
usual toughness. JJ
some of the characters who
will be caught up in the attack,
including the British newlywed
Polly Miller, played by Claudia
Jessie (Bridgerton, Line of
Duty), below, and the
AFL footballer Jason
McCartney (Sean
Keenan), the bomb
blast is recreated in
harrowingly graphic
detail. Griffiths
and Roxburgh
then broaden
the scope of
the drama,
playing a
plastic
surgeon and
Australian
Federal Police
commander
respectively.
Joe
Clay
The Cleaner
BBC1, 9.30pm
Greg Davies’s offbeat comic
anthology continues with his
crime-scene cleaner Wicky
arriving at a venue where a
fatal fight broke out among
the all-female audience of
a male-stripper show. “One
does what one must to ensure
the survival of the theatre,”
says the owner, played with
old-luvvie relish by Simon
Callow. From there a theme
emerges about one’s need to
have a dream — a mime clown
named Strazzamo arrives and
explains how he gave up a
top job in finance to follow his
heart. Wicky is unconvinced,
and another fitfully amusing
half-hour of verbal sparring
is under way. JJ
Regional programmes
● BBC1 Wales As BBC1 except:
10.30-11.15am Animal Park Summer. The
keepers have a challenge on their hands
when two-year-old porcupine Spud goes
missing (r) 7.30-8.00pm Truckers: Life on
the Road. Ian makes an important speech
● BBC1 N Ireland As BBC1 except:
7.30-8.00pm Farm to Feast: Best Menu
Wins. Scallions and crab form the basis of
the next culinary challenge 10.40 Keepin’
’Er Country: On the Road Again. Nathan
Carter travels to Spain for a week of
performances in the sun 11.10 Question of
Sport. Guests include Anthony Crolla,
Eilidh Barbour and Eboni Usoro-Brown
11.40-1.35am FILM Pretty Woman (1990)
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC1 except:
12.35-1.35am A View from the Terrace.
A sideways look at Scottish football (r)
● ITV1 Wales As ITV1 except: 7.00-
7.30pm Coast & Country. Sean Fletcher
and Ruth Dodsworth explore the
delights of Dinas Mawddwy
● STV As ITV1 except: 7.00-7.30pm
What’s on Scotland. Movie news and chat
about favourite TV programmes
10.30-10.45 STV News. The latest
headlines 3.55-5.05am Night Vision
● UTV As ITV1 except: 7.00-7.30pm UTV
Life. A slice of UTV Life with the best of
local chat and music plus a few surprises
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Late Night Lycett Films of the day
Channel 4, 10pm
Minions: The Rise of Gru (U, 2022)
Stepping into the Channel 4 Sky Cinema Premiere/Now
Friday night live-and-chaotic Gru, the arch-villain voiced by Steve Carell, and his yellow
tradition of The Word, TFI stooges return for this second animated prequel. The film
Friday and The Big Narstie opens in 1976, when Gru is 11¾, below, and developing fast as
Show comes the comedian a criminal genius. The big villains of the era are the Vicious 6
and professional mischief- (mischievously voiced by Jean-Claude Van Damme, Lucy
maker Joe Lycett, adding Lawless and Dolph Lundgren), who have (literally) jettisoned
“a touch of showbiz sparkle their leader, leaving a vacancy for a new member. Could Gru
to Digbeth” — because this — who really wants to be good at being bad — fit the bill? The
will be broadcast from director Kyle Balda has lots of fun with the Seventies setting
Birmingham each week, — devilled eggs, pogo sticks, Evel Knievel and Tupperware
promising “to end the week parties feature, and there is a funny James Bond-style credit
on a high”. He will be joined sequence involving the Minions in silhouette. (88min) Ed Potton
by “celebrities, Brummie local
legends, friends, family and
LGBTQ+ heroes” for an hour of
sketches and mayhem. Lycett
was formerly on The Great
British Sewing Bee, but
something tells us that this
will be more over the line. JJ
● BBC Scotland 7.00pm The Seven 7.30
Live Sportscene: Championship Live. Ayr
United v Arbroath. All the action from the
match at Gayfield Park. (Kick-off 7.45)
10.00 Still Game. Jack and Victor board a
Dial-a-Bus tour (r) 10.30 A View from the
Terrace 11.30pm-Midnight Growing Up
Scottish. Entertainers give their take on
Scottish family life and movies (r)
● S4C 6.00am Cyw 12.00 News 12.05pm
Caru Siopa (r) 12.30 Heno (r) 1.00 Richard
Holt: Yr Academi Felys (r) 1.30 Pobl a’u
Gerddi (r) 2.00 News 2.05 Prynhawn Da
3.00 News 3.05 Gareth Jones: Nofio Adre
Kind Hearts and Coronets (U, 1949)
(r) 4.00 Awr Fawr: Shwshaswyn (r) 4.10 Talking Pictures TV, 5pm
Caru Canu a Stori (r) 4.20 Nico Nôg (r) They had it good in 1949 — in a two-month period Ealing Studios
4.30 Pablo (r) 4.45 Ahoi! (r) 5.00 Stwnsh: released Whisky Galore!, Passport to Pimlico and this, the best
Ar Goll yn Oz (r) 5.25 Siwrne Ni (r) 5.30
Prosiect Z (r) 5.55 Ffeil 6.00 Nyrsys (r) and most demented of its output. Alec Guinness deserves all
6.30 Adre (r) 6.57 News S4C 7.00 Heno the praise for playing nine members of the D’Ascoyne family.
7.30 News 7.55 Live Rygbi Ewrop. Scarlets His vocal variation and commitment to character are wildly
v Brive. Coverage of the European
Challenge Cup last-16 encounter at Parc y impressive; as grandfather, son or aunt he never condescends
Scarlets. (Kick-off 8.00) 10.05 Y Stiwdio to the role. The family are targeted by a disgruntled heir, Louis
Grefftau. Snowdonia National Park sets Mazzini (Dennis Price), who picks them off one by one (the
the challenge of creating a bench for
stargazing. Last in the series (r)
arrow to the suffragette Lady Agatha’s balloon is a high point
11.05-11.40 Gwely a Brecwast Maggi of absurdity). A black comedy, with beautiful writing — the
Noggi. Cefin Roberts helps Maggi Noggi screenplay, co-written by the director Robert Hamer, is a joy
with the advertising for her B&B (r)
— and flawlessly silly film-making. (104min) Kevin Maher
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
TV newsletter
Sign up to our TV bulletin offering the best TV and film tips, direct to your inbox every
Friday. The newsletter covers the TV Editor’s pick of box sets to stream, along with
tips on the best programmes and films around. To start receiving it, digital subscribers
can go to thetimes.co.uk/bulletins and tick the box next to “Television”.
BBC1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Morning Live
10.00 The Moment of Proof 10.30
Animal Park Summer (r) 11.15 Homes
Under the Hammer (r) 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt (r) 1.00 BBC News at
One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Hope Street.
When an ATM machine is stolen, new
detective Al crosses a line to save
someone he loves 2.30 The Repair
Shop (r) 3.00 Escape to the Country.
Ginny Buckley helps a couple to make
a new start in Cornwall (r) 3.45
Antiques Road Trip. Charles Hanson
and Raj Bisram embark on the final
leg in north Wales (r) 4.30 Bridge of
Lies. Quiz show hosted by Ross Kemp.
Last in the series (r) 5.15 Pointless.
Quiz hosted by Alexander Armstrong
(r) 6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather
6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
Gere and Roberts star (10.40pm)
7.00 The One Show Magazine with
Alex Jones and Ronan Keating
7.30 Question of Sport With guest
panellists Anthony Crolla,
Eilidh Barbour, Eboni Usoro-
Brown and Adam Hastings
8.00 Beyond Paradise Panic spreads
when an arsonist targets three
businesses, bizarrely invoking
the Three Little Pigs fable.
Meanwhile, Martha has some
serious thinking to do (5/6)
9.00 Would I Lie to You? With Tom
Allen, Sarah Greene, Ugo Monye
and Morgana Robinson (9/11)
9.30 The Cleaner Wicky suffers a
nightmare trying to clean a
blood-soaked auditorium.
See Viewing Guide (2/6)
10.00BBC News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News
10.40 FILM Pretty Woman (15, 1990)
A ruthless millionaire hires a
prostitute while on a business
trip. Realising she may be useful
in helping him keep up a
successful appearance, he pays
her to accompany him for a
week as he associates with the
rich and powerful — but falls in
love despite their differences.
Romantic comedy starring
Richard Gere and Julia Roberts
12.35am Michael McIntyre’s The
Wheel. Chris Hoy, Georgia Toffolo,
Robert Peston, Snoochie Shy, Bez, Dr
Zoe Williams and Joel Dommett help
three contestants (r) 1.35 Celebrity
Mastermind (r) 2.05 Weather for
the Week Ahead 2.10 BBC News
BBC2
6.45am Escape to the Country (r) 7.30
The Moment of Proof (r) 8.00 Sign
Zone: Gardeners’ World (r) (SL) 9.00
BBC News 10.00 BBC News 12.15pm
Politics UK 1.00 Impossible (r) 1.45
Eggheads (r) 2.15 The Hairy Bikers’
Pubs That Built Britain. Cornish pubs
at the centre of the smuggling
industry (r) 2.45 The Big Painting
Challenge (r) 3.45 My Unique B&B.
A lighthouse on the Bristol channel (r)
4.15 Grizzly Bear Cubs and Me. Part
two of two. Gordon Buchanan begins
training the cubs for their new life (r)
5.15 Flog It! (r) 6.00 Richard Osman’s
House of Games. Lucy Beaumont,
Shazia Mirza, Joe Thomas and Jake
Wood compete for the trophy (r)
6.30 Coast to Coast Food Festival.
Colin Murray travels to Londonderry
to explore the Walled City Market
Philomena Cunk on Britain (10pm)
7.00 Your Garden Made Perfect
Tom Massey and Helen
Elks-Smith come up with
alternative designs for a garden
in St Albans, Hertfordshire.
However, the owners want
different things (3/6) (r)
8.00 Gardeners’ World Adam Frost
gets to work on his veg plot
and plants his first lot of
potatoes, while Rekha Mistry
demonstrates how to grow the
perfect onion from seed, and
has a go at growing cotton
9.00 Great British Menu: Banquet
Special As the final gets
underway, the chefs cook a
banquet at Brighton Royal
Pavilion for illustration and
animation stars, including
Cressida Cowell and Lenny
Henry. Last in the series
10.00Cunk on Britain Exploring the
Tudors, the Georgians and the
English Civil War (2/5) (r)
10.30 Newsnight Headline analysis
11.05 MOTDx Football discussion
presented by Jermaine Jenas (r)
11.35 Get on Up: The Triumph of
Black America The actor David
Harewood travels across the
US to meet his heroes (1/3) (r)
12.35am Sign Zone: What’s Gone
Wrong with Our Housing?: Panorama.
Investigating the fate of former
council properties (r) (SL) 1.05 Parole
(r) (SL) 2.05-3.05 Bill Bailey: Larks in
Transit. Stand-up comedy at the Royal
Opera House, Covent Garden (r) (SL)
ITV1
6.00am Good Morning Britain 9.00
Lorraine 10.00 This Morning 12.30pm
Loose Women. Interviews and topical
debate from a female perspective
1.30 ITV News; Weather 1.55 Regional
News; Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real
Deal. David Dickinson is joined in
Cosford by dealers Mark Stevens,
Tracy Thackray-Howitt, Laurie Scully
and Simon Schneider (r) 3.00 Lingo.
A mother and son from Oxford,
Chelmsford twins, and a mother and
daughter from Belfast compete (r)
4.00 Tipping Point. Ben Shephard
hosts the arcade-themed quiz in
which contestants drop tokens down
a choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot (r) 5.00
The Chase. Four contestants take on
a quiz genius (r) 6.00 Regional News;
Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
Crime drama Redemption (9pm)
7.30 Emmerdale Amelia gets two
offers, Gabby and Nicky have a
lot to say, and an arrest is made
8.00 Coronation Street Amy shocks
Summer with the truth about
Aaron, Michael confronts
Stephen over his deception, and
Beth ignores Glenda’s advice to
steer clear of old flame Marco
9.00 Redemption A visit from
Organised Crime confirms
Colette’s suspicions that there
is more to Stacey’s death than
suicide. Drama starring Paula
Malcomson and Abby Fitz.
See Viewing Guide (3/6)
10.00ITV News at Ten; followed
by Weather
10.30 Regional News; followed
by Regional Weather
10.45 FILM The Fast and the Furious:
Tokyo Drift (12, 2006)
An American teenager living in
Japan gets involved in illegal
street racing, but ends up
owing money to gangsters
after losing a race against a
driver with Yakuza connections.
Action adventure starring Lucas
Black and Nathalie Kelley
12.30am Teleshopping 3.00 The
Jonathan Ross Show. With Liam
Neeson, Mel Giedroyc and Munya
Chawawa (r) (SL) 3.55 Unwind with
ITV 5.05 Ainsley’s Fantastic Flavours.
Chef Ainsley Harriott demonstrates
recipes featuring nuts (r) (SL)
Channel 4
6.10am Countdown (r) 6.50 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.15 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.40 The King of Queens
(r) 8.05 The King of Queens (r) 8.30
The King of Queens (r) 9.00 Frasier (r)
9.30 Frasier (r) 10.00 Frasier (r)
10.30 Undercover Boss USA (r) 11.25
Channel 4 News Summary 11.30
Emergency Helicopter Medics (r)
12.30pm Steph’s Packed Lunch 2.10
Countdown 3.00 Tool Club. There’s a
frenzy of painting to finish the new
hub for the LGBTQ+ community. Last
in the series 4.00 A New Life in the
Sun (r) 5.00 Four in a Bed. The winner
is announced 5.30 Come Dine with
Me. An administrative assistant is
the final host in Leamington Spa (r)
6.00 The Simpsons. Homer is sent
into space (r) 6.30 Hollyoaks. The
McQueen’s get some good news (r)
Late Night Lycett (10pm)
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
8.00 Highclere: Behind the Scenes
The team prepares to host their
first charity gala in three years
in the castle’s iconic library,
but staff shortages put them
under pressure to deliver
top-notch service (3/5) (r)
9.00 Gogglebox The armchair critics
share their opinions on what
they have been watching
during the week, with cameras
capturing their instant reactions
10.00Late Night Lycett New series.
Host Joe Lycett catches up with
famous faces and big-name
guests from the worlds of
comedy, television, music
and film in a lively chat show,
direct from Birmingham.
See Viewing Guide (1/5)
11.05 8 Out of 10 Cats Does
Countdown Jimmy Carr hosts,
as Sean Lock and Harry Hill
take on Jon Richardson and
Rosie Jones. Mr Swallow, aka
Nick Mohammed, is in
Dictionary Corner (r)
12.10am FILM Brawl in Cell Block 99
(18, 2017) Crime thriller starring
Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Carpenter
2.25 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares
USA (r) (SL) 3.15 Come Dine with Me
(r) 5.25 Food Unwrapped. A look at
peas (r) 5.55 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
saturday review 53
Friday 31
Channel 5
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Jeremy Vine
12.45pm Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly.
Graeme Hall helps dogs that go
overboard protecting the family
home (r) 1.40 5 News at Lunchtime
1.45 Home and Away. When the baby
won’t settle, Ziggy blames her failing
mothering skills (r) 2.15 FILM A
Deadly Mistake (12, TVM, 2022) After
an accident leaves her boyfriend in a
coma, a woman accepts the kindness
of a stranger, with deadly results.
Thriller starring Christie Leverette
4.00 Bargain-Loving Brits in the Sun.
A struggling fitness instructor
organises a street party (r) 5.00 5
News at 5 6.00 Cash in the Attic.
Helping people make money (r)
6.30 Eggheads. Trying to topple the
experts today are the Winstonians
from Essex 6.55 5 News Update
TV movie A Deadly Mistake (2.15pm)
7.00 Motorway Cops: Catching
Britain’s Speeders An officer
tracks down two men who
were involved in an assault
and chases them on foot
through a field (5/10) (r)
7.55 5 News Update
8.00 Motorway: Hell on the
Highway Cameras reveal
what happens when a driver
dozes off behind the wheel
in Tennessee, and a Texas
tornado gives one driver an
unforgettable commute (4/6);
followed by 5 News Update
9.00 Amazing Railway Adventures
with Nick Knowles The
presenter explores Malaysia,
including the Batu Caves. He
also takes the jungle train from
Mentakab to Gua Musang,
and the high-speed mainline
from Ipoh to Penang (4/6)
10.00Live Boxing: Harlem Eubank v
Christian Uruzquieta
All the action from the super
lightweight bout at York Hall
in Bethnal Green, London.
Eubank is undefeated in his
16 professional bouts to date,
and will be expecting another
victory against the Mexican,
who is more experienced
than the home favourite,
but was stopped by Lewis
Ritson on his last visit to these
shores in December 2021
12.05am Police Raids: Caught by
Surprise (r) 1.00 The LeoVegas Live
Casino Show 3.00 Egypt’s Great
Treasures with Bettany Hughes 3.50
Egypt’s Great Treasures with Bettany
Hughes 4.40 Friends (r) 5.30 House
Doctor (r) (SL) 5.55 Peppa Pig (r) (SL)
554 saturday review
Friday 31 | Primetime digital guide
TalkTV
FV 237, FS 217, SKY 522, VIRGIN 606
6.00am James Max An insight
into the day’s top stories
6.30 Jeremy Kyle
10.00 The Independent Republic
of Mike Graham
1.00pm Ian Collins Hard-hitting
monologues and debates
4.00 Vanessa Feltz The host
guides you through the
biggest stories of the day
7.00 Plank of the Week
Mike Graham presents
the ultimate panel show
8.00 Friday Night with Nadine
Nadine Dorries presents
her take on the week with
a mix of topical guests
9.00 Psychopath with Piers
Morgan Through intense
prison interviews, Piers
Morgan revisits the crimes
of convicted serial killers
10.00 The Best of the Talk A panel
of opinionated famous
faces debate hot topics
11.00-12.00m’t Friday Night with
Nadine Topical discussion
ITV2
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
7.00pm Ninja Warrior UK (4/8)
8.00 Superstore The employees
are given a chance to win a cash
bonus if they hit a sales target (7/11)
8.30 Superstore (8/11)
9.00 Loaded in Paradise
The pairs gather at Plutus’ fifth
and final Safehouse on Rhodes
10.00 Loaded in Paradise The
four remaining pairs face an epic
final test. Last in the series
11.05 Family Guy
11.30 Family Guy
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
Yesterday
FV 27, FS 159, SKY 155, VIRGIN 129
7.00pm Billy Connolly’s Great
American Trail Billy visits the
Grand Ole Opry in Nashville (3/3)
8.00 Train Truckers A Great
Western Railway ’Modified
Hall’ steam engine needs
a safety inspection (3/8)
9.00 Train Truckers A wartime iron
workhorse needs moving from
Staffordshire to Oxfordshire (4/8)
10.00 Bangers and Cash (5/8)
11.00 Abandoned Engineering
12.00-12.30am Great British
Railway Journeys Travel show
Discovery
SKY 125, VIRGIN 250
7.00pm Kindig Customs The
Pontiac Tempest build continues
8.00 Gold Rush The Claytons
must make a big move
9.00 Mystery at Blind Frog Ranch
Duane makes a costly mistake
10.00 Aircrash Confidential
11.00 Naked and Afraid
12.00-1.00am Expedition Bigfoot
Sky Main Event
SKY 401, VIRGIN 511, BT 440
7.15-8.15am Live Formula 2
Championship
9.30 Live Super Rugby
11.30 Live One-Day International
Cricket: South Africa v
Netherlands The first ODI
1.30pm Live PGA Tour Golf
7.00 Live EFL: Burnley v
Sunderland (Kick-off 8.00)
10.30-12.00m’t Live PGA Tour Golf
2.15-3.40am Live Formula 1
4.20 Live Formula 2
Championship
5.15-7.30am Live Formula 1
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC3
FV 23, FS 179, SKY 115, VIRGIN 107
7.00pm Phoenix Rise Darcy agrees
to a reckless challenge, but
might have bitten off more
than he can chew (3/10)
7.30 Phoenix Rise Billy and
Summer’s first date is
sabotaged by a rival (4/10)
8.00 Glow Up: Britain’s Next
Make-Up Star The Glow Up
Final is staged and the
MUAs must present a
masterclass to a panel of
industry heavyweights (8/8)
9.00 FILM Eaten by Lions (12,
2018) When Pete and Omar
lose their grandmother,
they go in search of Omar’s
dad, confronting him on
the day of his daughter’s
engagement party. Comedy
starring Antonio Aakeel
10.30 FBoy Island NZ The girls
are on a mission to find out
who they can trust (3/10)
11.20-12.05am FBoy Island NZ
Surprise visitors mean there
is more competition (4/10)
ITV3
FV 10, FS 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
7.00pm Heartbeat Blaketon’s
mysterious private life comes to
light when his car goes missing
8.00 Doc Martin Preparations
for the doctor’s wedding run far
from smoothly as a drunken vicar
leaves him with a dilemma (7/7)
9.00 Doc Martin The doctor
encounters his girlfriend from
medical school (1/8)
10.00 Blue Murder Human
remains are found in a lake (4/4)
11.35-12.40am Wycliffe Thieves
target an archaeological dig (7/8)
PBS America
FV 84, FS 155, SKY 174, VIRGIN 273
6.00pm First Britons
7.10 The Normans Robert
Bartlett examines the impact
of the conquest of Britain (2/3)
8.25 Tutankhamun: Allies and
Enemies Documentary (2/2)
9.35 Becoming Frederick
Douglass How a man born
into slavery became one of
the most influential voices
for democracy in the US
10.50 The Normans (2/3)
12.00-1.15am Tutankhamun:
Allies and Enemies (2/2)
Sky Comedy
SKY 114, VIRGIN 112, BT 346
7.00pm Futurama
7.30 The Office (US)
8.00 The Conners
8.30 The Office (US)
9.00 Intelligence Double bill
10.00 Late Late Show Best of the
Week Highlights of the talk show
11.00 The Late Late Show
12.00-1.00am The Tonight Show
Sky Premier League
SKY 402, VIRGIN 512
7.00pm Premier League Preview
7.30 Premier League:
The Big Interview
8.00 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox
With Jamie Carragher (1/6)
8.30 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox
With Phil Neville (2/6)
9.00 Premier League Preview
9.30 Premier League:
The Big Interview
10.00 Premier League Icons
A profile of David Beckham
10.30-12.30am PL Retro Sheffield
United v Wigan Athletic from 2007
BBC4
FV 9/24, FS 173, SKY 116, VIRGIN 108
7.00pm Top of the Pops Vic
Reeves and Bob Mortimer
present the show, first
broadcast on 9 June 1994
7.30 Top of the Pops First
broadcast on 16 June 1994,
featuring Robert Palmer,
The Grid, 2 Unlimited,
Mariah Carey and D:Ream
8.00 Top of the Pops Featuring
the Specials, Captain
Sensible and Simple Minds
8.30 Top of the Pops Featuring
performances by Dannii
Minogue, Gary Clail On-U
Sound System, Chesney
Hawkes and James
9.00 Elkie Brooks: In Concert
The singer performs a
selection of solo hits
10.00 Joan Armatrading
at Asylum Chapel
A performance by the
singer-songwriter from 2021
11.55-12.55am Queens of Song at
the BBC A selection of
songs by female artists
ITV4
FV 26, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
6.45pm Snooker: Tour
Championship Live Coverage of
the evening session on day five,
featuring the concluding session of
the first semi-final, held at Bonus
Arena in Hull. John Higgins booked
his place in last year’s final with a
10-7 victory over Luca Brecel, but
went on to lose to Neil Robertson
10.15-12.15am All Elite Wrestling:
Dynamite Hard-hitting action from
the world of AEW, featuring Jon
Moxley, Chris Jericho, Bryan
Danielson and Claudio Castagnoli
Sky Arts
FV 11, FS 147, SKY 130, VIRGIN 140
7.00pm Discovering: Jimi Hendrix
The life and career of the guitarist
7.30 FILM Hendrix and the Spook
(2020) Documentary examining
the circumstances surrounding
guitarist Jimi Hendrix’s death in
1970. See Viewing Guide
9.30 Classic Artists: Jimi
Hendrix Friends and fans of the
American musician tell the story
of one of rock’s great icons
11.30-1.05am FILM Prince: Sign o’
the Times (15, 1987) Concert film
from 1987 by the musician
Comedy Central
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 344
7.00pm Friends
7.30 Friends
8.00 Friends
8.30 Friends
9.00 FILM Beverly Hills Cop III
(PG, 1994) Comedy adventure
sequel starring Eddie Murphy
11.05-12.25am FILM Jackass 2.5
(18, 2007) With Johnny Knoxville
Prince: Sign o’ the Times is a
dynamic concert film from his
1987 tour (Sky Arts, 11.30pm)
More 4
FV 18, FS 124, SKY 136, VIRGIN 147
6.55pm Escape to the Château:
DIY Dick and Angel try to
keep costs down when
shopping for baths
7.55 Grand Designs Kevin
McCloud follows an
ambitious build in Cornwall,
as a couple transform a
derelict 17th-century flour
mill into a contemporary,
three-bedroom home
9.00 Astrid: Murder in Paris
New series. A famous lawyer
is murdered in front of 12
witnesses, but somewhat
bizarrely none of them
appears to have seen or
heard anything. Detective
drama starring Sara
Mortensen. In French (1/8)
10.05 24 Hours in A&E A 24-
year-old arrives after
a head-on collision
with another car (9/11)
11.05-12.15am 24 Hours in A&E A
man is rushed to St George’s
with internal bleeding (5/11)
E4
FV 13, FS 122, SKY 135, VIRGIN 106
7.00pm Hollyoaks James goes to
extreme lengths to raise money
for his sister Juliet’s treatment
7.30 The Farmer Wants a Wife:
Australia One farmer’s ladies make
an agreement to not kiss and tell
9.00 FILM Alien: Covenant (15,
2017) A crew of colonists sent to
populate an alien planet have their
mission diverted by a mysterious
signal. Sci-fi thriller starring
Katherine Waterston, Michael
Fassbender and Danny McBride
11.20-12.25am Naked Attraction
Sky History
SKY 123, VIRGIN 270
7.00pm Forged in Fire. Eight
former competitors return
8.00 Salvage Kings A sweet
opportunity pushes Justin to
re-evaluate his place on the
salvage team (9/10)
9.00 History’s Greatest Mysteries
Lord Mersey’s investigation into
the 1912 Titanic disaster (4/4)
11.00 The Proof Is Out There
11.30 The Proof Is Out There
12.00-1.00am The Witches of
Salem How the Salem witch trials
rapidly found women guilty (3/4)
Gold
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 343
6.40pm Dad’s Army
7.20 Dad’s Army
8.00 Vicar of Dibley: Inside Out
10.00 Knowing Me, Knowing You:
With Alan Partridge
10.40 Knowing Me, Knowing You:
With Alan Partridge
11.20 Inside No 9
12.00-12.40am Newark, Newark
Sky Cricket
SKY 404, VIRGIN 514
11.30am Live One-Day
International Cricket: South Africa
v Netherlands Coverage of the
first ODI in the two-match series
from Willowmoore Park, Benoni
8.00pm Best of ICC WT20
8.15 Best of ICC WT20
8.30 Best of England v Windies
8.50 Best of England v Windies
9.00 SA20 Highlights
10.00 One-Day International
Cricket South Africa v Netherlands
11.00 Talking Cricket
11.30-12.00m’t Talking Cricket
Saturday March 25 2023 | the times
Sky Atlantic
SKY 108
6.45pm Succession Shiv, Kendall
and Roman join forces to
confront their father, and
pushed to the brink, Tom
makes a life-changing
decision. Brian Cox,
Jeremy Strong and Sarah
Snook star (9/9) (R)
7.55 Game of Thrones Daenerys
fights back, Jaime faces an
unexpected situation, and
Arya returns home (4/7) (R)
9.00 Drift: Partners in Crime
Ali and Leo make an
important discovery (3/10)
10.00 Drift: Partners in Crime
Maryam receives an
anonymous threat (4/10)
11.00 Der Pass Junior police
officer Yela Antic finds
herself working under the
guidance of Ellie Stocker (R)
12.00-1.10am The Wire Marlo
tries to win favour with
Vondas, and Freamon
and McNulty continue with
their scheme (4/10) (R)
Dave
FV 19, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
7.00pm Richard Osman’s
House of Games
7.40 Richard Osman’s
House of Games
8.20 QI Christmas Special:
Seasons Greetings
9.00 Mel Giedroyc: Unforgivable
Mel and Lou are joined by Stephen
Mangan, Josh Pugh and Ellie Taylor
10.00 QI XL An extended version
of the quiz with a difference
11.00 Have I Got a Bit More News
for You Jo Brand guest hosts
12.00-12.40am Would I Lie to You?
Sky Max
SKY 113, VIRGIN 111
7.00pm Stargate SG-1 A salvage
operation goes wrong
8.00 Rob & Romesh vs Ballet Rob
Beckett and Romesh Ranganathan
perform in Swan Lake (1/4)
9.00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Greg Davies hosts as the comedy
music quiz returns (1/7)
9.45 Peacemaker Tension and
mistrust build within the team (2/8)
10.45 Strike Back: Shadow
Warfare Dalton’s mistrust of
Kamali creates issues (3/10)
11.45-12.40am SEAL Team (4/10)
W Alibi
FV 25, FS 156, SKY 132, VIRGIN 125
7.00pm MasterChef Australia
8.00 Inside the Ambulance:
Coast and Country
9.00 Emergency: First Time
Medics Zak treats a 90-year-old
after paramedics gave her CPR
10.00 Outnumbered
10.55 Outnumbered
11.45-12.35am Outnumbered
BT Sport 1
SKY 413, VIRGIN 527, BT 430
9.30-12.30pm Live AFL:
Collingwood v Richmond
(Bounce-up 9.50)
7.00 Deaf Away Days
7.15-10.15 Live Heineken
Champions Cup: Leicester Tigers
v Edinburgh (Kick-off 8.00)
1.00am Live: WWE Friday Night
SmackDown Wrestling coverage
3.00 Live Isuzu UTE A-League:
Wellington Phoenix v Melbourne
Victory (Kick-off 3.00)
5.00-7.00am Live A-League
Women Coverage of a match
Astrid: Murder
in Paris
Sara Mortensen and Lola
Dewaere star in series two
More4, 9pm
Sky Documentaries
SKY 121, VIRGIN 277
6.50pm The Vietnam War The
Watergate scandal forces
President Nixon to resign,
while North Vietnamese
troops pour into the south,
and Saigon descends
rapidly into chaos and
collapses (10/10) (R)
8.00 Maralinga Documentary
shining a light on the
Maralinga people of South
Australia, who have
survived colonisation
among other tragedies (R)
9.00 George Carlin’s American
Dream (1/2) The life and
work of the legendary
stand-up comic whose
inspirational career spanned
five decades. With insight
from Chris Rock, Jerry
Seinfeld and more (1/2) (R)
11.10-1.20am George Carlin’s
American Dream (2/2)
The life and work of
the legendary stand-up
comic (2/2) (R)
Drama
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 143, VIRGIN 130
6.40pm Last of the Summer
Wine The OAPs get excited
about a portable gas barbecue
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine
Compo and Foggy drink too
much at Ernie Mordue’s funeral
8.00 Father Brown An old foe
tells the priest she has arranged
the death of her former lover
9.00 Annika When a body is found
on a boat in the Clyde, the case
takes the team to the Isle of Bute
10.00 New Tricks
11.20-12.40am Cutting It
Nat Geographic
SKY 129, VIRGIN 266, BT 351
7.00pm Air Crash Investigation A
captain tries to stop his plane from
crashing into the South China Sea
8.00 Drain Alcatraz Cutting-edge
visuals drain the water around
Alcatraz to reveal why the
infamous prison was inescapable
9.00 Draining the Bermuda
Triangle An exploration of the
mysterious area of ocean
10.00 Lost Treasures of Arabia
11.00 Air Crash Investigation
12.00-1.00am Inside Turkish
Airlines Documentary
SKY 109, VIRGIN 126
7.00pm Person of Interest News of
Northern Lights hits the media
8.00 Shakespeare & Hathaway:
Private Investigators (4/10)
9.00 Death in Paradise (4/8)
10.00 The Diplomat (5/6)
11.00 Without a Trace
12.00-1.00am The Doctor Blake
Mysteries Detective drama (2/8)
BT Sport 2
SKY 414, VIRGIN 528, BT 431
1.00-3.45pm Live MotoGP
Coverage of the Gran Premio
Michelin de la Republica Argentina
first practice session
5.15-8.15 Live MotoGP The Gran
Premio Michelin de la Republica
Argentina second practice session
8.30 Premier League Preview
9.00 The Run-In
10.00 WWE NXT UK Classics
11.00 Scottish Football Extra
11.30-3.00am Live MLB: Miami
Marlins v New York Mets
(Start-time 11.40)
the times | Saturday March 25 2023
Film guide
Film4
FV 14 FS 300 SKY 313
11.00am The Admirable
Crichton (U, 1957) Comedy
starring Kenneth More
12.55pm Gideon of Scotland
Yard (PG, 1958) Police drama
starring Jack Hawkins
2.45 Carry On Regardless (U,
1961) Comedy starring Sid
James and Charles Hawtrey
4.35 The Colditz Story (U,
1954) Second World War
drama starring John Mills
6.45 The Eagle (12, 2011)
Adventure with Channing
Tatum and Jamie Bell
9.00 Kingsman: The Secret
Service (15, 2015) Action
comedy starring Colin Firth
11.40-1.35am Chopper (18,
2000) Fact-based Australian
drama starring Eric Bana
Talking Pictures TV
FV 82 FS 306 SKY 328 VIRGIN 445
6.00am The Man in the
Mirror (U, 1936) Fantasy
comedy with Edward Everett
Horton and Alastair Sim
7.35 Lilli Marlene (PG, 1950)
Second World War drama
starring Lisa Daniely
9.15 Marked Men (PG, 1940)
Crime drama starring
Warren Hull and Paul Bryar
10.25 The Lost City
12.20pm The Hillman
Minx in the 1960s
12.40 Tonight’s the Night (U,
1954) Comedy starring David
Niven and Yvonne De Carlo
2.30 Crown Court
3.00 Piccadilly Incident (U,
1946) Drama starring Anna
Neagle and Michael Wilding
5.00 Kind Hearts and
Coronets (U, 1949) Ealing
black comedy starring Alec
Guinness. See Film Choice
7.10 Home to Danger (PG,
1951) Mystery starring Rona
Anderson and Guy Rolfe
8.30 Dial 999
9.00 Cellar Club with
Caroline Munro
9.05 Four Sided Triangle (PG,
1954) Romance with Barbara
Payton and James Hayter
10.45 Cellar Club
with Caroline Munro
10.50-12.15am Indestructible
Man (PG, 1956) Sci-fi horror
starring Lon Chaney Jr
GREAT! Movies
FV 34 FS 302 SKY 321 VIRGIN 425
9.00am Black Widow (12,
2007) Thriller with Elizabeth
Berkley and Alicia Coppola
10.50 GREAT! Movie News
11.00 White Hot: A Sandra
Brown Mystery (PG, 2016)
Crime drama starring Shenae
Grimes-Beech and Sean Faris
12.50pm GREAT! Movie News
1.00 Murder 101: If Wishes
Were Horses (PG, 2007)
Mystery with Dick Van Dyke
2.50 GREAT! Movie News
3.00 Murder 101: Locked
Room Mystery (PG, 2008)
Mystery with Dick Van Dyke
Eric Bana stars in the drama
Chopper (Film4, 11.40pm)
4.50 GREAT! Movie News
5.00 The Gourmet Detective
(PG, 2015) Mystery starring
Dylan Neal and Brooke Burns
6.45 Holy Man (PG, 1998)
Comedy with Eddie Murphy
9.00-12.15am American
Gangster (18, 2007) Drama
with Denzel Washington
TCM Movies
SKY 315
6.00am Hollywood’s
Best Film Directors
7.45 Off Set
8.00 How the West Was
Won (PG, 1962) Western
starring James Stewart
11.05 Operation: Daybreak
(15, 1975) Second World War
drama starring Timothy
Bottoms and Martin Shaw
1.30pm Code Name: Emerald
(PG, 1985) Spy adventure with
Ed Harris and Max von Sydow
3.30 Law of the Panhandle
(PG, 1950) Western starring
Johnny Mack Brown
4.45 Destry Rides Again (U,
1939) Comedy with James
Stewart and Mischa Auer
6.40 The Spy Who Came in
from the Cold (PG, 1965)
Thriller with Richard Burton
9.00 USS Indianapolis: Men
of Courage (15, 2016)
Fact-based Second World War
drama starring Nicolas Cage
11.45-1.40am Empire State
(15, 2013) Crime thriller
starring Liam Hemsworth
Sky Cinema Premiere
SKY 301 VIRGIN 401
12.55pm Minions: The Rise of
Gru (U, 2022) Premiere.
Animated prequel featuring
the voice of Steve Carell
2.30 Boonie Bears: Back To
Earth (PG, 2022) Animated
adventure with the voice
of Joseph S Lambert
4.25 The Voyagers (PG, 2022)
Adventure starring Matteo
Schiavone and Fabio Bizzarro
6.20 Minions: The Rise of Gru
(U, 2022) Animated comedy
prequel with the voices of
Steve Carell. See Film Choice
8.00 Elvis (12, 2022) Drama
starring Austin Butler
10.40-12.50am Where the
Crawdads Sing (15, 2022)
Drama with Daisy Edgar-
Jones and David Strathairn
Radio guide
Times Radio
Digital, web, smart speaker, app
5.00am Rosie Wright with
Early Breakfast 6.00 Chloe
Tilley and Calum Macdonald
with Times Radio Breakfast
10.00 Matt Chorley 1.00pm
Ruth Davidson 4.00 Cathy
Newman with Times Radio
Drive 7.00 Ed Vaizey 10.00
Henry Bonsu 1.00am Stories of
Our Times 1.30 Red Box 2.00
Highlights from Times Radio
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am The Zoe Ball Breakfast
Show 9.30 Gary Davies 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Anita
Rani 3.30 Anita Rani’s Wonder
Years 4.00 Sara Cox 7.00
Michelle Visage 8.30 Michelle
Visage’s Handbag Hits 9.00
The Good Groove 11.00 The
Rock Show 12.00 Romesh
Ranganathan: For the Love of
Hip-Hop 1.00am Frank Sinatra
— The Dream Concert (r) 2.00
Radio 2 Unwinds with Angela
Griffin (r) 3.00 Radio 2 in
Concert (r) 4.00 Sophie
Ellis-Bextor’s Kitchen Disco
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Rachmaninov The final
chapter of Rachmaninov’s life
1.00pm Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert The Barber Series
reaches its journey’s end. Clara
Schumann (Er ist gekommen);
Ireland (Sea Fever); Hensel
(Über Allen gipfeln ist ruh);
Berlioz (Vilanelle); Hensel
(Mainacht) and Chaminade
(Viens ma bien-aimé)
2.00 Afternoon Concert Ian
Skelly presents recordings by
the Royal Concertgebouw.
Wagenaar (Allegro marciale
from Sinfonietta Op.32);
Chaminade (Callirhoe Suite,
op. 37); Dvorak (Sonatina in
G Op.100) and Tchaikovsky
(Francesca da Rimini, op.
32, symphonic poem)
4.30 The Listening Service
Stravinsky’s Petrushka (r)
5.00 In Tune Music news
7.00 Classical Mixtape
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert Nikolai
Lugansky plays piano music by
Rachmaninov at the Wigmore
Hall. Rachmaninov (10
Preludes Op. 23; Variations on
a Theme of Corelli Op. 42 and
Etudes-tableaux Op. 39)
10.00 The Verb Ian McMillan
visits poet Michael Longley (r)
10.45 The Essay: Re:Cycling
Andrew Martin discusses the
reasons to get cycling
11.00 Late Junction
1.00am Composed
2.00 The Music & Meditation
Podcast Calming music
2.30 The Music & Meditation
Podcast With Maude Hirst
3.00 Through the Night (r)
Today’s pick
Design for Murder
Radio 4 Extra, 10am
It’s 50 years since the death
of Noël Coward, who died
in Jamaica on March 26,
1973. But did the polymath
add sleuth to his many
achievements? Well,
probably not, but before
the Second World War there
is a gap in his memoirs, and
Marcy Kahan’s playful drama
imagines a murder mystery
set within those days. First
broadcast in 2000, Malcolm
Sinclair, right, stars as
Coward, Eleanor Bron
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
8.31 (LW) Yesterday in
Parliament Political news
9.00 Desert Island Discs (r)
9.45 Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible (5/5)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
10.00 Woman’s Hour
11.00 The Battle for Liberal
Democracy Tom Fletcher
looks at which system better
delivers justice (3/3)
11.30 Ability New series (1/4)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
12.04 AntiSocial (12/12)
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Rental Health: Solutions
How Singapore made it
possible for most people to
own their own homes (5/5)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Who Killed
Aldrich Kemp? By Julian
Simpson. Clara finds herself
back amongst friends (2/5)
2.45 Understand: The
Economy How prices work (r)
3.00 Gardeners’ Question
Time Listeners’ queries
3.45 Sunil Patel: An Idiot’s
Guide to Cryptocurrency (r)
4.00 Last Word
4.30 Feedback
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 The Now Show
7.00 The Archers Helen and
Tom are at loggerheads
7.15 Add to Playlist A musical
journey of discovery (8/8)
8.00 Any Questions? A debate
8.50 A Point of View
9.00 National Health Stories:
Omnibus Decisive moments
in the history of the NHS (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: How
One Becomes Lonely (5/5) (r)
11.00 Americast
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
Humanly Possible (5/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Friday 31
is Lorn Loraine and Don
McCorkindale is Dunlop
Hoskins. Other parts are
played by Kristin Milward,
Tam Williams, Nicholas
Boulton, Gemma Saunders
and Joe Dunlop. Ben Dowell
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am The Big Green Money
Show 5.30 Wake Up to Money
6.00 5 Live Breakfast 9.00
Nicky Campbell 11.00 Chiles
on Friday 1.30pm Kammy &
Ben’s Proper Football Podcast
2.00 Elis James and John
Robins 4.00 5 Live Drive
7.00 5 Live Sport: The Friday
Football Social 10.00 Stephen
Nolan 1.00am Laura McGhie
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
5.00am Early Breakfast 6.00
talkSPORT Breakfast with
Alan Brazil 10.00 Jim White
and Simon Jordan 1.00pm
Hawksbee and Jacobs 4.00
talkSPORT Drive with Andy
Goldstein and Darren Bent
7.00 GameDay Countdown
10.00 Sports Bar 1.00am
Extra Time with Martin Kelner
TalkRadio
Digital only
5.00am James Max 6.30
Jeremy Kyle 10.00 The
Independent Republic of Mike
Graham 1.00pm Ian Collins
4.00 Vanessa Feltz 7.00 Plank
of the Week 8.00 Friday Night
with Nadine 9.00 Serial Killer
with Piers Morgan 10.00 The
Best of the Talk 11.00 James
Whale 1.00am Martin Kelner
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Steptoe and Son
8.30 Babblewick Hall 9.00
Act Your Age 9.30 Trevor’s
World of Sport. Comedy
10.00 Design for Murder.
Mystery speculating that the
gap in the playwright Noel
Coward’s memoirs was
because he spent some time
as a detective. See Choice
11.00 The Sand Leopard
11.30 Sherlock Holmes with
Carleton Hobbs 12.00
Sweet Sorrow 12.15pm Flying
Visits 12.30 The Gambler 1.00
Steptoe and Son. Classic
comedy 1.30 Babblewick
Hall 2.00 Act Your Age
saturday review 55
2.30 Trevor’s World of Sport
3.00 Design for Murder 4.00
The Sand Leopard 4.30
Sherlock Holmes with
Carleton Hobbs 5.00 Sweet
Sorrow 5.15 Flying Visits 5.30
The Gambler 6.00 Steptoe
and Son 6.30 Babblewick
Hall 7.00 Act Your Age 7.30
Trevor’s World of Sport 8.00
Fast and Furioso 8.30 A Good
Read 9.00 The Curious Cases
of Rutherford & Fry 9.30 The
Ice Princess 10.00 Comedy
Club: The Ultimate Choice
10.30 Beauty of Britain 11.00
The East Coast Listening Post
11.15 Lenny Henry: Rogue’s
Gallery 11.30 Listen Against
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am The Newsroom 9.30
Science in Action 10.00 News
10.06 The Real Story 11.00
The Newsroom 11.30 Heart
and Soul 12.00 News
12.06pm The Fifth Floor
12.50 Witness History 1.00
The Newsroom 1.30 Science
in Action 2.00 Newshour
3.00 News 3.06 HARDtalk
3.30 Business 4.00 BBC OS
6.00 News 6.06 The Fifth
Floor 6.50 Witness History
7.00 The Newsroom 7.30
Sport Today 8.00 News
8.06 BBC OS Conversations
8.30 CrowdScience 9.00
Newshour 10.00 News 10.06
HARDtalk 10.30 Heart and
Soul 11.00 Newsroom 11.20
Sports News 11.30 Business
12.00 News 12.06am The
Real Story 1.00 News 1.06
Business Matters 2.00 The
Newsroom 2.30 Stumped
3.00 News 3.06 The Fifth
Floor 3.50 Witness History
4.00 News 4.06 Real Story
6 Music
Digital only
7.30am Lauren Laverne
10.30 Jamz Supernova
1.00pm Craig Charles
4.00 Steve Lamacq 7.00
The People’s Party with
Afrodeutsche 9.00 Nabihah
Iqbal 11.00 The Ravers
Hour 12.00 Indie Forever
1.00am Emo Forever
Virgin Radio
Digital only
6.30am Chris Evans 10.00
Eddy Temple-Morris
1.00pm Jayne Middlemiss
4.00 Ricky Wilson 7.00 Ben
Jones 10.00 Rich Williams
1.00am Olivia Jones
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am Breakfast 9.00
Alexander Armstrong 12.00
Anne-Marie Minhall 4.00pm
John Brunning 7.00 Smooth
Classics 10.00 Margherita
Taylor 1.00am Katie
Breathwick 4.00 Sam Pittis
556 saturday review Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

MindGames
Samurai Sudoku No 864 — Medium Sudoku No 13,928 — Fiendish Square Routes®
No 211 — Easy
Ian Simpson & Richard Heald

*
* * *
*
* *
* * *
Put one letter in each cell so that each word on
the right can be spelt out by moving from cell
to cell without using diagonal moves. You can
use a cell more than once in a word (including
backtracking into a cell you’ve just used), but
double letters (eg, the LL in ALL) must use two
adjacent cells. The words start in the coloured
How to solve Sudoku. Fill the grid so that every column, cells and the vowels are shown by asterisks.
every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9
Solution on Monday
Stuck on KenKen, Killer or Sudoku?
Call 0901 293 6263 before midnight to receive four clues
for any of today’s puzzles. Calls cost £1 plus your
Answers
Friday’s solutions
telephone company’s network access charge. KenKen No 5849 Sudoku No 13,925
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).

Killer No 8797 — Deadly

© PUZZLER MEDIA
Solution to last week’s Samurai Sudoku Sudoku No 13,926 Sudoku No 13,927

Our five-grid Sudoku will test your

powers of logic and deduction.
Fill each grid so that every col-
umn, every row and every 3x3 box
contains the digits 1 to 9. Where
the puzzles overlap, the rows and
columns do not go beyond their
usual length. The interlocking
nature of the grid gives you more Killer No 8795 Killer No 8796
clues — and more complexity.
Remember — don’t try to solve
each Sudoku grid in turn; the puz-
zle has to be tackled as a whole.

Stuck? Call 0901 293 6263 to
receive four clues for today’s
Samurai Sudoku. Calls cost £1 plus
your telephone company’s network
access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202
3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm)
Fill the grid so that every column, every row and every
3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells
joined by dotted lines must add up to the target
number in its top-left corner. Within each set of cells
joined by dotted lines, a digit cannot be repeated. Train Tracks No 1895 Codeword No 4857
For solutions to KenKen, Sudoku & Killer see
Times2 on Monday
KenKen No 5850 — Medium

Tredoku
No 1778 — Hard
The Listener
4753 19 Down
by Hedge-
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM

Tredoku is similar to sparrow

Sudoku: the digits 1 to 9
must appear once only
in each 3x3 box and in
each line of nine con-
secutive cells. However,
since the puzzle is
three-dimensional, the
lines may be straight or
bent around angles.
Follow each line’s direc-
tion in search of clues.
Sudoku/Killer © Puzzler Media
KenKen™ Puzzles are used with permission
of Gakken Co Ltd and Nextoy, LLC
Puzzle content © 2009 Gakken Co Ltd
Tredoku © Mindome Ltd 2009. TREDOKU®
is the registered trademark of Mindome
Extra words in
clues gave
“Introduction
and Allegro;
flute, clarinet,
string quartet”,
referring to a
piece Ravel
composed to
showcase the
Érard Company’s double-action pedal harp.
The highlighting forms a harp shape, with
“strings” joining paired letters of an octave from
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. C to C. More details at listenercrossword.com.
In each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top The winners are Paul Ankerson of Farnham,
left-hand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells Surrey; MJ Tomkinson of Glasgow; Serena
in the block, using the operation indicated by the symbol. Binnie of London SW15.
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 saturday review 57

Solve Cryptic Quintagram every weekday online

Go to

Cryptic Quintagram® Word Watch Scrabble® Paul Gallen Chess David Howell
Solve all five cryptic clues using David Parfitt The former world champion set of letters, which resulted in a Solidarity ordination between the two ar-
each letter underneath once only mies. All of Black’s units attack in
Adam Logan is regarded as one bonus word on his next turn.
1 Lover eating large pastry dish (4) Clour
of the greatest Scrabble players Chess has returned to Parlia- harmony while their counter-
a. A bump on the head
of all time. Alongside his world ment. On Wednesday a match parts are scattered bystanders. 26
---- b. To blush h :
took place between the House of gxh5? This loses without resist-
championship success in 2005,
2 Judge doubtful for a moment (5) c. Thick fog
he has won numerous inter-
o Lords and the House of Com- ance. 26 Ng1 was the final hope,
----- national tournaments, such as
:
scribing mons. Participants included Lord curling up into a ball and asking
3 Steer car in site of famous Querimony
the US and Canadian national
:
t Winston and Rachel Reeves MP, Black how he intends to break
university (6) a. Perplexity :
pi
championships, and he rarely fin- the current Shadow Chancellor through. After 26…Bxg4! 27 hxg4
b. Complaint
ae of the Exchequer. The Commons Qxg4, however, it is difficult to
------
4 Successful person’s attractive Sierra
c. Cross-examination ishes outside the top five in any
event. snooke R s eventually claimed bragging imagine the white king surviving
stolen (7) Brimborion Logan is widely renowned for euoi t rights, prevailing by a score of 8.5 È
the onslaught. 26…Rxe2 27 Rg3È
a. A valueless thing executing a strategy of fast yet i to 3.5.
ÈÚÈÚ Ú Ú
-------
5 New life in urban area brings bad b. A drum with bells accurate moves. He plays ex- t This clash between politicians
Ú Ú Ú pÈ
coincided with the opening cere-
luck (10) c. A citizen of Birmingham tremely quickly, particularly in :
a
the early stages of the game, tak- : :
mony of a UK versus Ukraine ÈÚÈpÈÚÈp
---------- Aslosh ing a matter of seconds on each
move in order to put his oppo- In a separate game, Logan
Solidarity Match. British No 1
Michael Adams will take on
pÈ ÅÚÈ0Å
A C D E F F F F a. Deluged with water
nent under severe time pressure instantly found the only bonus Ukrainian grandmaster Andrei ÅÚÅÚÈÚÈÚ
b. A Phoenician goddess
F H H I I I I J
c. Diagonally and induce errors. He has been word available from the following Volokitin in an eight-game series ÚÅÚÈÚÈrÅ
L L N N O O O O relatively inactive over the past rack on the main board position with £37,000 on the line. ÈRÈÚ ÚÛÁ
decade, so his appearance at the below. Can you find the 92-point Volokitin will technically start
R S T T T X Y Y with the home advantage, as the ÚÆÚÈÚÅÚÈ
2023 Canadian Scrabble Classic move, declaring the blank as L?
Answers below Answers below first four rounds are taking place È È
was a welcome sight for Scrabble AHLSVY at the Ukrainian Embassy in White appears to have finally
aficionados. Logan was a class Finally, can you find some of
above the rest of the field, win- London. Nevertheless, Adams achieved some counterplay. If the
5 0 6 7 2 1 3 7 8 5 Solution to Cryptic Logan’s other bonus words from heads into the match as a slight Black queen moves, the g7-pawn
1 7 9 1 2 2 Jumbo 1603 ning the 23-game event by four the event using the racks below?
9 7 2 5 6 5 5 1 5 games. Here are some positions favourite. The Cornishman’s will fall with check. Adams now
2 5 1
The winner is
from Logan’s games in the tour- CEELNOS form has been strong lately, as ev- finds a knockout blow that dis-
8 3 7 0 3 2 9 8 7 5 1 5 2 1 7 Mark Piggott of
5 2 6 6 Richmond, Greater nament. AEEIRST + Y idenced by two impressive victo-
ries in the German Bundesliga.
pels any illusions. 27…R8e3! No
game can be won without at least
Facing the board extract oppo-
20 3 2 6 0
1
1 7
7
6
6
6 7 5 5 8 3
6
8 3
London
site, Logan led by 19 points with
ADEINRT + G White: Aleksandar Indjic a bit of a calculation. That being
5 1 7 5 0 6 7 5 6 7 5 1 (solution beginning with G) Black: Michael Adams said, with a safer king and the
7 5 2 7 7 the following rack.
Schachbundesliga, Schönaich more active pieces, it is only logi-
6 2 1 2 8 5 3 5 6 80 3 7 2 1
AHIJRY 2023 cal that any tactics should work
8 0 8 5 7 2
Logan found a move that Definitions
2 6 8 7 7 3 2 6 7 5 English Opening in Black’s favour. 28 Rxe3 There
7 0 2 1
2 7, 6 I 2 7, W WLH
scored 40 points using only three W HW H W H 1 c4 e5 2 Nf3 A rare and provoca- is no salvation. 28 Rxg5 Rxh3#
6 20 0 5 6 7 8 6
1 2 6
tiles. Can you find it? This easily OH I tive move order. 2…Nc6 In trade- was the idea, with a beautiful
2 1 2 8 5 6 20 1 7 2 3 overlooked option kept a strong : WHSLG O H mark style, Adams avoids an checkmate. 28...Qxe3 29 Kh1
1 7 3 1 5
6 6 8 5 3 8 6 2 1 7 5
opening debate and postpones Rf2 White resigns A smooth and
Collins Official Scrabble Words is the word authority used.
2 0 6 2 7 Word positions use the grid reference plus (a)cross or (d)own. any difficult questions until the instructive victory.
5 3 3 3 5 6 7 6 6 middlegame. 2...e4 is the acid test
8 7 1 2 8 1 double letter triple letter double word triple word
6 5 8 0 1 7 80 5 7 2 1 square (dl) square (tl) square (dw) square (tw)
of White’s early play: 3 Nd4 Nc6
when both sides must show accu-
Winning Move
S C H E M A T I C H
O S T I L E W H I R R Solution to times2 Letter racy. 3 g3 Nf6 4 Bg2 Bc5 5 0-0 d6 Black to play. Gungl-Adams,
H E A H U O E N A E N A Jumbo 1603 : : : values 6 e3 0-0 7 Nc3 a6 8 d4 Ba7 9 h3 Baden-Baden 2023. How can
I M P E R C E P T I B
L E T U R K S H E A D
N T C O G S H N T S O
The winner is Nigel :
o : S L W Rb8 A useful waiting move, hint- Black break the opposition’s frag-
Louth of Abridge, ing at a later …b5 push. 10 a4 Stra- ile defences to gain a decisive ad-
G L A M O U R C H O
R A L E E M E R S O N
v : :
aeiou
L H B A B W F S R E Essex
g a
tegically this feels like a mistake. È
vantage? È
E L E C T R O N V O L
T S U S T E N A N C E : :
lnrst 10 dxe5! would be my preference:
D O A I S L E T N
Cell Blocks 4740 u r :
10…dxe5 (10...Nxe5 11 b3 gave
ÈÚÈÚ Ú Ú
A P R I L B I L I N
G U A L P A R R I E D S L W
G O U A L I N R A U moi dg White an edge in Grischuk- r ÚÈÚ pÈ
G I N
R
G E R B R E
N B R
A D
A
T
O
E E
S
T O T A L L E
V B
R
A ea S L W
McShane, Moscow 2012) 11 Qxd8 ÈÚ ßÈÚÈÚ
Rxd8 12 b3. This structure tends
I M P
E E
R E C A T I
G A
O N
I
R E S
O
P I R A T I O
D L M
N
C
:
lew :
bcmp to offer White promising chan-
ÚÈÚ ÚÈ0
V E R B O S E R E S H U F F L E O R A T E no ces. The g2-bishop is potentially ÈkÈkÈÚÈÚ
S L W
E F B U H N T N G
Suko 3759 fegs powerful while the a7-bishop is ÚÈÚÛkÅÚÈ
D R O W S I N E S S L A T I N A M E R I C A fhvwy
R E A T S D M B N P nailers :
staring at a concrete statue on e3. ÈáÈÚÈkÈÚ
H U M D R U M I M P R O V E S A G U A R O : : k 10...Bf5 11 Nh4 Bd7 12 d5 Ne7 13
A A V A C R R C R T S
Kh2 Bc5! Another typical Adams rÈÚÈÚÃÚÈ
I O N I A N S E A O R N I T H O L O G I S T 0 : :
jx
F C N T N U E O N A O L 1 move. Many players would be È È
A V E R T E X A L T E D O R D I N A N C E
: :
qz tempted to lash out prematurely The first correct entry drawn on
2 : : :
with 13...g5 but there is no need to Thursday will receive a copy of
Mindset Word Watch: Clour (a) A SCRABBLE® is a registered trademark of J. W. Spear & Sons Ltd ©Mattel 2023 rush. 14 Rb1 a5 Black closes the Collins English Dictionary and
1. {QUIET} — P (musical bump on the head (Collins). queenside, taking the b4-outpost Thesaurus. The two runners-up
notation); Querimony (b) Complaint Polygon Roger Phillips Cell Blocks 4741 under his control. 15 e4 c6 16 f4 will receive a book prize. Answers
{CIRCUMFERENCE, (Chambers). Brimborion (a) A Ng6 17 fxe5 17 Nxg6 fxg6! 18 fxe5 on a postcard to: The Times Win-
DIAMETER} — PI (ratio); valueless thing (OED). Aslosh dxe5 leaves White struggling for ning Move, PO Box 2164, Col-
{EON, LET, PEN} — follow (a) Deluged with water (Collins). a plan. Despite the structural de- chester, Essex CO2 8LJ, or email
PIG; {CHIME, CLINK, Polygon fell, flesh, floe, flue, fects, Black has a very healthy to: winningmove@thetimes.co.uk.
RING, TINKLE} — fuel, fuse, hell, hello, hole, position. 17...Nxe5 The black Open to 18+, UK and ROI resi-
synonyms of PING; {STOP, hose, hosel, house, hovel, lose, knight has become the most in- dents only. The answer will be
MOTION, louse, love, lues, ousel, ovule, fluential piece on the board. 18 b3 published next Saturday.
ANTHROPOMORPHIC, self, sell, shelf, shell, shoe, h6 19 Ne2 Re8 20 Bb2 cxd5 21 Solution to last week’s puzzle:
CLAY, BIRD} — PINGU. shove, shovel, shovelful, sloe, exd5 Nh5 22 Nf3 Without mak- 1 Rh8+! wins: 1…Rf8 (1…Ke7 2
2. 14 91 62 53 64 96 48 11 00; slue, sole, solve, vole. ing any clear blunder, White has Qg5+) 2 Qg6+ Ke7 3 Qg7+ Rf7 4
© PUZZLER MEDIA

ignoring spaces these give the Scrabble JAY (B4d) (HAJ in been utterly outplayed. Analysis Qg5+ Rf6 5 Qxf6 mate
first ten square numbers in the same place also scores 40 engines already advocate the sad The winner is Ernie Shippin of
order. points but keeps the less bonus 22 Bc1 to prevent Black’s queen Edinburgh.
Using the given letters no more than Divide the grid into square
3. Trial and Error. friendly IRY?); LAVISHLY once, make as many words as possible of reaching g5. 22…Nxf3+ 23 Rxf3
{STRUGGLE (synonym of or rectangular blocks, each Qg5 24 Qf1 Re7 Simple yet effec-
(H4d); ENCLOSE/ four or more letters, always including
TRIAL), SHEEPDOG containing one digit only. Every tive. All of Black’s pieces are
YEASTIER/GRADIENT. the central letter. Capitalised words,
(precedes TRIAL), plurals, conjugated verbs (past tense block must contain the number ready to join the party. I have suf-
Literary quiz 1 Blood Meridian
TERRESTRIAL (ends etc), adverbs ending in LY, comparatives of cells indicated by the digit fered on the receiving end of Ad-
2 In Cold Blood 3 Wise Blood
TRIAL)}; {MISTAKE and superlatives are disallowed. inside it. ams’ spider-like approach count-
4 Harry Potter and the Half
How you rate: 15 words average; Yesterday’s solution, left
(synonym of ERROR), Blood Prince. 20, good; 29, very good; 38, excellent. less times. His pieces always
ROUNDING (precedes Cryptic Quintagram 1 Flan Answers to Friday’s Polygon are to the
seem to arrive on the right
ERROR), TERROR (ends 2 Jiffy 3 Oxford 4 Hotshot left. Today’s answers are printed in squares at the perfect moment.
ERROR)}. 5 Infelicity. MindGames on Monday 25 g4 Rbe8! Compare the co-
558 saturday review Saturday March 25 2023 | the times

MindGames The Times Crossword, Latin Crossword, Saturday Quiz and

Suko are in the back of the main paper

Codeword No 4858 The Listener Crossword No 4756 Soldier On . . . by Demoniacal Bridge Andrew Robson
Senders of the first three Reader Gordon Scott sent in
correct entries drawn will this rather amazing deal from
receive Brewer’s Dictionary of his Tuesday afternoon dupli-
Phrase and Fable or may cate. The swings were simply
choose from a selection of massive.
other books (see below). Send Dealer West E-W Vul
your entry with contact
details completed to: Listener ♠Q76543
Crossword 4756, 63 Green ♥Q953
Lane, St Albans, Hertfordshire ♦K74
AL3 6HE, to arrive by April 6. ♣-
♠- N ♠K82
♥J84 W E ♥76
Listener 4753 solution ♦J9 S
♦ A Q 10 8 5 2
on page 56 ♣ A Q 10 7 6 5 3 2 ♣J 8
♠ A J 10 9
♥ A K 10 2
♦63
♣K94
Tables One and Two
S W N E
Prize options and more at 3♣ (1) Pass Pass
listenercrossword.com 3NT end
© PUZZLER MEDIA

(1) The adverse vulnerability and bro-

More information about ken suit putting West off opening 4♣.
Chambers books can be found
at chambers.co.uk West at Table One looked no
further than the fourth highest
Name........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ club lead. Declarer beat East’s
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number from jack with the king (throwing a
1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears at least once. Use the letters already Address ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. diamond from dummy), cashed
provided to work out further letters. Enter letters in the main grid and the the ace-king of hearts, led the
smaller reference grid. Proper nouns are excluded. Yesterday’s solution on page 56
Postcode .............................................................................. Phone/email..........................................................................................................................
In each clue the wordplay leads to the answer with an extra letter that is not entered in the grid; the ten of hearts to the queen, and
Stuck on Codeword? To receive four random clues call 0901 293 6262 or text extras are 25 different letters, each used either once or twice. Answers to clues giving the same advanced the queen of spades,
TIMECODE to 64343. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network access running it when East played
charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution call extra letter must be entered at each other’s grid positions. In clue order, 13 consecutive extras spell a
low. A second spade went to
0905 757 0142. Calls cost £1 per minute plus your telephone company’s network access restriction from a play, minus the one unused letter. The author’s name is a jumble of the grid’s the jack, the ace was then
charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
circled letters and the extras from the asterisked clues can form the source. All letters in the grid cashed (felling the king), fol-
times2 Crossword No 9174 except the one not used as an extra letter must be erased. The Chambers Dictionary (2016) is the lowed by the nine. At trick nine,
primary reference; the answers to clues 6 and 17dn are in Collins English Dictionary; one answer is declarer crossed to the nine of
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
an abbreviation. hearts (remember he’d sensibly
Across Down unblocked the ten), whereupon
1 Summary of life’s work present in story 1 Prompt sergeant-major to stir char (7, two dummy’s two long spades could
reflected distinction (5) words) be enjoyed. Eleven tricks made
8 9 10
5 Politician representing fellow in Midland 2 Clown upturned the cycling pump (6) and N-S +460.
county impresses (6) 3 Nobleman once reformed Oriel (4) Meanwhile at Table Two,
10 Ian’s one flying personal aircraft (9) 4 Came close to housing dead buried in West was (wisely in my view)
12 Forward among airborne troops protecting Edinburgh (6) unwilling to give up a cheap
11 12
banks (8) 5 Old poet’s funeral service, for example, club trick. Which red suit to try
14 Affirmative answer not in U-turning fast (3) following that of the lady (5) was something of a guess but
13
15 * Microwave temperature suitable (3) 6 Primate and boa suffering eyesight out popped the jack of dia-
16 Trounce French woman right at the end of condition (9) monds. Bingo, as they say.
14 15
shortened knife handle (6) 7 Raised pup due to be distributed (5) Declarer forlornly covered with
17 * Stand to dry one aboard rescue ship 8 Waving hat’s meaningless without dummy’s king but East could
16 17
regiment brought back (5) understanding another’s feelings (7) win the ace and cash five more
18 Poet’s free work excursion (3) 9 * The Ambassador Eisenhower tour (4) diamonds. At trick seven, he
18 19 20
20 Happy, vacant place with lack of 11 Demoniacal roughness, fundamental for advanced the jack of clubs and
ostentation in charge about to wake from Orpheus? (4) West scored the remaining
21
dream (11) 13 The Galápagos’ largest, originally sculpted seven tricks with his clubs, beat-
23 * Fool left out of top of Ben Nevis? (3) marble seal (9) ing declarer’s king with the ace.
22 23
26 Opening quickly, pawn bound to lose 17 Deceased industrial designer shedding That was a somewhat unusual
momentum in the end (5) hormone (7) nine down and E-W +450.
28 Angrier mother pursuing Iran (6) 19 Ed’s examiner apparently asserted rule (7) That was not the best E-W
29 French resistance’s first half year a carefree 21 Surgeon content with cracked skin (6) score, however. Not even close ...
24 25
period of life (3) 22 Admitting shock, Spanish welcome fair Table Three
30 * Sends a telegram, ignoring electronic tax game (6) S W N E
collectors in DC (3) 24 Cargo, tons set out on voyage capsizing (4) 4♣ Pass 4♦(1)
Across 22 Replete (5) 31 Action held up, took a walk in Hollywood 25 Local mother shields daughter: she’s young Dbl Pass 4♠ Pass
1 Converge on with focus 23 Small marine food fish (7) (8) and precocious (5) Pass 5♣ 5♥ Pass
and precision (4,2) 24 Length of service (6) 32 * Tissues keenly deployed by divorcées (9) 27 * Rigorous development of tenors (5) 5♠ 6♣(2) Pass Pass
4 Nervous (2,4) 25 Sport played at Flushing 33 No longer complement beer by pub (6) 28 Spokespeople coming up second equal (4) Dbl end
8 Shook noisily (7) Meadows (6) 34 Rowed, unsettling a rodeo (5) 29 Shock uprising of extreme northerners (4) (1) You do not remove a Four-opener to
10 Respond (5) LISTENER STATISTICS, plus personal record, for last year are available to senders of an SAE (over- your own suit so this (excellent) bid
11 Informal conversation (4) Down seas stamp exempt) to JE Green at the above address. Envelopes measuring approximately 230×160mm showed a good diamond suit with a
12 Capital city of Hungary (8) 1 Swiss financial centre (6) may carry a normal stamp; larger envelopes will require a “Large” stamp or two normal ones. modicum of club support, helping part-
ner in the bidding and with the lead.
14 Card game also known 2 Take back (a comment
(2) Bouyed by the void.
as pontoon (6-3) or statement) (7)
North tried the five of
18 Remaining, surplus (8) 3 Lazy, shiftless (4) Mindset by 700 Literary Quiz spades lead v West’s 6♣ dou-
20 Lather (4) 5 Character recounting the
events within a story (8) 1. The following words can be divided into five sets of size 1, 2, 3, 4 The Times Literary Desk bled. (Perhaps a heart lead was
and 5. Each set is associated with a word of that length, and these called for — West’s 6♣ bid did
Solution to Crossword 9173 6 Place (fabric) loosely imply a spade void.) Declarer
over or around (5) words grow incrementally (eg A-AN-PAN-PAIN-PAINT). Saturday Bloody Saturday
What are the sets? ruffed and led the jack of dia-
7 Car with extended monds to the queen — phew
ANTHROPOMORPHIC BIRD CIRCUMFERENCE Fill in the blanks in these
boot space (6) CHIME CLAY CLINK DIAMETER EON LET No 1. He then led and ran the
9 Courageous, resolute (9) sanguinary titles. jack of clubs — phew No 2.
MOTION PEN QUIET RING STOP TINKLE
13 Wind instrument (8) Declarer next led a second
15 Feeling (7) 1 Blood – (Cormac McCarthy) club to the queen, cashed the
2. Put the following numbers in another logical order: ace felling South’s king, then
16 Small cupboard (6) 00 11 14 48 53 62 64 91 96 2 – – Blood (Truman Capote)
3 – Blood (Flannery O’Connor) led a second diamond to the
17 Smouldering coals or
4 – – – – – Blood – (JK Rowling) queen. He now cashed the ace
pieces of wood (6) 3. Identify the two linked themes: of diamonds felling North’s
19 Low bed (5) MISTAKE, ROUNDING, SHEEPDOG, STRUGGLE, king, and ran the suit. He was
21 Soft French cheese (4) TERRESTRIAL, TERROR soon chalking up a breathless
13 tricks. E-W + 1,740. Wow.
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0905 757 0143 to check the answers.
Calls cost £1 per minute plus your telephone company’s network access charge. Answers on page 57 andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm). Answers on page 57
the times | Saturday March 25 2023 saturday review 59

For more crosswords and your favourite

puzzles go to thetimes.co.uk

Jumbo crossword No 1605

Cryptic clues 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Across Down
1 Belted out ditty about drink (7) 1 Lying on back finally makes you
5 Person who “liberates” a bit of ache (6) 13 14
Assam? (3,4) 2 Daughter endlessly teasing
9 Returning half-sober answer on upwardly mobile miser (7)
occasion (2,5) 3 Without introduction, congregate
13 Very ill-informed GP rationing to play Caribbean music (9) 15 16 17
shot (3-8) 4 Sample ultra-romantic fragrance
14 Ruthless examination for PhD? (5)
(5,6) 5 Sustenance for tramps (5,3)
15 New Year in French style for 6 Fittingly, apartment lay empty (5)
18 19 20 21
southern African native (5) 7 Admitted removing case of
16 One putting down every single Lenten wine (7)
22
English philosopher (7) 8 Fine, delicate wind instrument in
17 Unobtrusive observation of black box (6,8)
Prince devotee by sleuth (4,2,3) 9 Ace sundial transformed area in 23 24 25 26 27 28
18 Sort out details, and finish off Spanish autonomous community
letters (3,3,2,3,5,3,2) (9) 29
23 Oddity of bachelor eschewing 10 Letter and article on former
intemperance (8) reservists (5) 30 31 32 33 34
25 Film about life and work in 11 Real men swooning over slim,
British Isles, initially convincing wealthy film star (7,8)
(6) 12 Prescient woman getting Victor
27 Articulate girl yearned for out of harsh southern sierra (7) 35 36 37
believer in spirits (7) 19 Unaccompanied male carrying
30 Reviewed notable books in turn garden tool for personal security
(5) (7)
32 A Scottish dear concealing 20 Up before the beak after a grand 38 39 40 41 42
accident, half-cut in Corsican port battle (9)
(7) 21 Ran off after Turpin regularly 43
33 Supervisory body recalling both messed about (7)
pistol and round (9) 22 Well-travelled Florentine gives 44 45 46
35 Salt introduced to processed Puccini clothes (8)
cereals and veg (9) 24 Norris and I leave out rum for 47
36 Dim male relative content to rebels (15)
leave alligator (7) 26 Professional writer in bar (9) 48 49 50 51 52 53
37 Soppy people ultimately shed 28 Tedious book containing
tears (5) intellectual's original research (8)
38 Temporary Head of IT coming on 29 Educational functionary runs
board during semester (7) away with cake decorator (7,7) 54 55
40 Tell dog to follow sappers (6) 31 Simple dons produce lace and silk
41 Leash may wound terrier (8) (7)
44 Impulsive peer group producing 34 Plant starts to grow elegant red
something out of nothing (11,10) blooms over time (7)
56 57 58
48 Weary workforce that upholds 39 Explosive project in part of NYC
standards (9) (9)
50 Dickens sold in Wick without 42 Left fashionable fool wearing
front covers (3,4) extremely outlandish garment (9) Name......................................................................................................... Prizes
53 Reform in pursuit of constant 43 Royal icing (8) The prize for each of the first
faith (5) 44 Puts up with singular idiots losing Address..................................................................................................... correct solutions to the Cryptic
54 Mysterious magician let out (11) diamonds (7) and times2 Jumbo clues to be
55 Alcoholic beverage is found in her 45 Drew attention to combat opened will be a collection of
Times reference books —
office, sadly (5,6) operations moving north (7) ...................................................................................................................... including The Times Universal
56 Provide nourishment for bear (7) 46 Required New England Democrat Atlas of the World, Collins
57 Informal evening turned into to interrupt fuel supply (7) English Dictionary & Thesaurus, and Bradford’s
regret for entourage (7) 47 About to throw up over jacket (6) ...................................................................................................................... Crossword Solver’s Dictionary published by
HarperCollins. Entries should be marked “Cryptic” or
58 Loves assimilating the lines for 49 Briefly spotted extinct bird in part “times2” and sent to: The Times Jumbo Crossword
Shakespearean role (7) of Polynesia (5)
51 Northern European’s pronounced ............................................................ Postcode..................................... 1605, PO Box 2164, Colchester, Essex CO2 8LJ; or
emailed to: jumbo@thetimes.co.uk, with “Cryptic 1605”
stoop (5) or “times2 1605” in the subject line, to arrive by April 6.
52 Oddly withdrawn, Warhol Open to 18+, UK & ROI residents only. The winners and
Phone number...................................................................................... the solutions will be published on April 8.
interrupts retired fine artist (5)
times2 clues
Train
Across 44 There is less time left than one may 12 Type of cloud (7)
Tracks 1 Commonplace (7) believe (2,2,5,4,3,5) 19 Loss of memory (7)
No 1896 5 Small underwater vessel (7) 48 Italian restaurant (9) 20 TV continuity person (9)
9 Child’s word for farm animals (7) 50 Lacking in purpose (7) 21 Hot paste in North African cuisine
Lay tracks 13 Not showing strong feelings (11) 53 Sphere of activity (5) (7)
to enable
14 Sorcerer (11) 54 Without special knowledge or 22 Distance from a point on a graph to
the train to
travel from 15 Black wood (5) experience (11) the vertical axis (8)
village A to 16 Voracious fish (7) 55 Inclination, tendency (11) 24 Rough assessment that is too low (15)
village B. 17 Body orbiting a star other than the 56 Devon town known for lace (7) 26 Cartoon technique (9)
The numbers sun (9) 57 In deep sleep (7) 28 Grave crime or sin (8)
indicate 18 Run away (4,1,5,4,2,5) 58 This evening (7) 29 Like some suits (6-8)
how many 23 Causing skin discolouration (8) Down 31 Archangel; painter (7)
sections of 25 Involve (6) 1 Very poor person (6) 34 Moment (7)
rail go in 27 Cherish; upbringing (7) 2 Burdensome (7) 39 Illegal taking of money by force (9)
each row 30 Drink of fermented apple juice (5) 3 Not identified by name (9) 42 Lack of essentials like food and
and column. 32 Producers of responses (7) 4 Firm, dry, brittle (5) warmth (9)
There are 33 Slide between notes (9) 5 Large baboon (8) 43 English county (8)
only straight 35 Travel standing (on a train or bus) 6 Synthetic fabric (5) 44 Communicating (2,5)
rails and
(9) 7 Light for tanning (7) 45 One with an amassed store (7)
curved rails.
The track 36 Vehicle’s base frame (7) 8 Expert in unicellular microorganisms 46 Holding, retaining (7)
cannot 37 Self-evident truth (5) (14) 47 Deep red precious stone (6)
cross itself. 38 Make less intense; satisfy (7) 9 Single-celled animal (9) 49 Dance; distort (5)
Solution 40 Garden insect (6) 10 Legendary holy chalice (5) 51 Mass communication channels (5)
on Monday* 41 Small booklet or leaflet (8) 11 Not important (15) 52 Small carnivore (5)