READERS’ & EXTRAORDINARY

MINISTERS’ RETREAT
Our Lady of Lourdes, Newent. 23rd April 2016.

RECEIVING GOD’S LOVE 11:20 – 12:00

Introduction to the day

I want to add my welcome to Fr. Aidan’s and say an official thank you for asking
me to come and talk to you. This should be a really good day, because the Lord
has inspired Emily to ask for less liturgical training and more of a special
retreat experience for you – and that is exactly what you are going to get. We
are going to have four short hours of our lives away from it all. All the people
and thoughts and jobs you have at home will still be there when you get back,
but for fear of Fr. Aidan’s displeasure, you have all decided to come here! And I
wonder if a little retreat experience may not be exactly what we need…

How do you know when you need to get away to make a retreat? Most people say
they feel in need of a recharge – and that is not a bad description of what can
happen in your soul. But I think that for a day like this, many of us might have
come simply because we know we have accepted the discipline of doing it. When
you were commissioned as a reader or extraordinary minister you knew that
there was a promise attached to it – to take some time out on retreat – and you
agreed to it, so you came. And that is good. Because it is not hard to lose touch
with the needs of your soul, is it? It is really easy to go charging off without
realising how, secretly, you are crying out for God. So we have made a decision
to discipline ourselves to get in touch with our real needs - and perhaps we will
even allow enough time for God to answer them.

The theme
This morning, I want to begin by focussing on RECEIVING GOD’S LOVE. That is
the theme for the first part of our day (RECEIVING GOD’S LOVE) and if you
survive that, you get lunch! If you get bored with me, or if you have a question
during the talks, or if you need to get out and do something else, then please do
it, or interrupt me by putting your hand in the air – I won’t be offended and I
will do my best to answer. But please, please, please, if you take anything away
with you from today, take the first message I’m going to give: that you are
loved by God. I may not be your kind of retreat giver; you might have preferred
more of a training day; I might say something you disagree with. That’s all fine.
But don’t let this poor messenger get in the way of you receiving the message.
You are all readers and extraordinary ministers, but you can’t give what you
haven’t got. If you don’t receive God’s love, you won’t be able to minister God’s
love and then everything we look at this afternoon, when we look at
MINISTERING GOD’S LOVE as part of your liturgical roles will be a complete
waste of time. In fact, without receiving God’s love, even coming to church
would be a waste of time, because being a Catholic is all about allowing God to
love you. If someone were to sit in church, closed to God’s love, even though
they would be completely enfolded in invisible sunlight, sitting at the feet of
Christ’s throne, and being in the very place God wants them to be – it would do
them no good, because they would not believe it and the gift would be spurned.
So take this as today’s headline: you are loved by the Creator.

In principle, at least, most of us have no difficulty in believing that. It is only

when we get down to the specifics that barriers start popping up. What do I
mean by that? Well, put your hand up if you believe that God loves everybody. …
Thank you. Now put your hand up if you believe that God loves you personally… …
Keep your hand up if you believe that you are special to God. …Thank you. Do you
see? Inside ourselves there are deeper levels on which we can receive Him. Put
your hand up if you believe that He wants to communicate with you personally.
Thank you. Put your hand up if you believe that you need to receive His love
more deeply. There! Receiving God’s love is very simple, but we have so many
issues with ourselves that we end up keeping Him at bay.

I read this book a while back - ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. It
was really to help me in counselling people with their marriages. Many of you
know that I get a lot of travellers coming to see me, and they often have some
painful problems in their marriages. And I must say, it has improved my
counselling; but for me this book has had much further reaching consequences
than that. God used it to tell me something about the way He communicates with
His people – and to do that He needed to show me something about myself.

To help you understand the basic part of this, I’m going to show you a short clip
of a girl giving a resume of the book. It’s very quick, so don’t worry if you don’t
pick it up all at once. We can talk about the idea of the book afterwards and you
can ask questions.

[Show 5 Love Languages clip 4:48.]

Have you got it? The idea is that love is communicated in different ways – five
of them – Gary Chapman calls them ‘languages’ - and we each use one or two love
languages more than the others. In some relationships, one person may be
expressing their love in a language that the other does not recognise and so the
other person feels unloved as a result. By learning our own primary and
secondary love languages we can understand ourselves better; and by learning
and using the primary language of the people we love we can ensure that our
message of love gets through. Can you remember the five types? …Any
questions? …Good isn’t it? I can recommend the book: it’s £11 and you can buy
this brand new one at the end if you like.

Okay. I said that God had used this book to tell me something about the way He
communicates – and that to do that He needed to show me something about
myself. First He needed me to learn what my primary love language was. That
was easy enough. There is a personal profile test at the back of the book which
I took and learnt from the results which language I use most, then my second,
third, fourth and fifth preferences. In a minute, I’m going to talk about where
He took me next and how He helped me see the way He communicates more
clearly. But first I want to invite you to see where you fit into this story and –
if you are willing – to take the profile yourselves. It is really easy and it only
takes a few minutes.

[Distribute profiles & pens.]

My primary love language is acts of service, swiftly followed by quality time. Did
anyone have any surprises or want to share their results?

Now that we have acknowledged our communication preferences, let’s return to

our theme of receiving God’s love. When I first took that test and humbled
myself to acknowledge that I understand some love languages better than
others, it was the occasion for the Lord to show me something about His love.
He prompted me to ask questions… questions like: “How does God communicate
love? Does He speak the five love languages? If He does, then am I deaf to any
of them?” It may not sound like it, but these are very powerful questions
because they just won’t let you rest until you find the ultimate answer. Let’s say
you were asking the first one (‘how does God communicate love?’) and you
decided to answer, what might you say?...

The answers I came up with were just like yours and they all led me back to two
things: word and sacrament. The Scriptures and the Eucharist. Readers and
extraordinary ministers! The Bible and the altar. …God loves you and me, and
the two great ways in which He proves it are in word and sacrament. Everything
else follows on from these two things. The longer I spend working with people of
different religions – and in Oxford that is quite a lot of people – the more I
realise how blest we are as Catholics to have these two things. The simple
existence of the Blessed Sacrament and the Bible are a gift of love which
provide a foundation for us that keeps us so secure, we probably don’t even
think about them that much. Word and sacrament are like pillars of the earth
that hold everything else up. Padre Pio once said that it would be easier for the
world to exist without the sun than without the holy Mass. I agree with that.
And what about the Word? Try to imagine what the world would look like if the
Lord hadn’t inspired the Bible. The Scriptures would never have been there in
art, architecture, music, language and literature, in belief, law, social reform,
politics, preaching and missions, in the individual soul, home life, and of course in
Church. We would have nothing. Word and sacrament are the cornerstones of
physical, social and spiritual life because they are the two ways God
communicates His love, and without His love nothing would exist.

That brings us to my second question: “Does God speak the five love languages?”
What do you think? You might ask: “Why should He? After all, He doesn’t have
to do what we do!” And if we have said that He speaks principally by word and
sacrament, maybe we should conclude that He only uses two languages. I would
say that that is a fair point, but let’s remind ourselves that we are not just
talking about neutral, impersonal communication. We are talking about the
communication of love – and love has to speak a language the other person can
understand. So if human beings speak five love languages, then God must be
fluent in them all. And when we look at word and sacrament, we might say that
God’s love overflows into the categories of the five love languages rather neatly.

Let’s remind ourselves again of the five languages: quality time; words of
appreciation; gifts; acts of service; physical touch. We’ll take them one by one
and ask how we receive God’s love by word or sacrament in each way.

1. Quality time. Does word or sacrament offer us an expression of God’s quality

time? I’m sure that Jesus never lets any of us slip from His mind for a minute
and that we always have His complete and undivided attention. Since the
resurrection we can receive that care anytime, anyplace, anywhere. But nothing
says “I love you” as much as the special time away together which we call ‘quality
time’. For me, exposition of the Blessed Sacrament is the way He offers me
that time. The Lord is never idle. The Psalms say His Spirit makes wars cease to
the ends of the earth (Psalm 46.) He has dominion over everything and He rules
nations (Psalm 22.) He gathers scattered people and heals the broken-hearted
(Psalm 147.) He sends snow and frost then melts them with warm breezes (Psalm
147.) He arranges the stars (Isaiah 40.) He leads heavenly armies of angels and
saints (Revelation 19:14) and simultaneously sends dreams and visions to holy
men and women (Joel 2.) Our Lady said that He casts down the proud and raises
the lowly (Luke 1.) And even when we are worn out by thinking of how active He
must be, Isaiah says: “He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding
no-one can fathom” (Isaiah 40.) Basically, He is pretty busy! But by giving
Himself in exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, He wants to show me how much
He loves me personally. The gift of His time and presence in exposition of the
Eucharist is love expressed in the language of quality time. Whether or not
there are other people in church during adoration, there is something about the
quality of that time... And it is this: through His body and blood, He makes each
of us feel special and shows us how special each of us is to Him. God’s quality
time.

2. Words of affirmation. Does word or sacrament offer us an expression of

God’s words of affirmation? This may seem like an easy one. The word of
Scripture is the word of affirmation, surely? It’s an easy match. But Scripture
is not exactly a list of exclusively complimentary comments which say that
whatever I do is wonderful. - Many of its words are more challenging than
immediately affirming. So I can quote verses like Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:14-
15: ‘If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father
will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will
not forgive your sins.’ Yes, the word is a real, verbal expression of God’s love,
but can we legitimately say that through it God is offering us words of
affirmation? Well, I think the answer is: ‘Yes, we can’. …Although there are
other types of love language in the Bible, there are clearly hundreds of verses
of affirmation and encouragement. Just because it is not all affirmation does
not mean that none of it is. So I want to be open to receive that loving
affirmation through the readings at Mass. Just think of these verses: ‘From far
away the Lord appeared to us, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”’ (Jeremiah 31:3.) Or Isaiah 40:31:
‘Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings
like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.’
This is receiving God’s love! These words build me up and make me feel ready to
face the world. ‘Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask
or imagine, according to His power at work in us, to Him be glory forever!’
(Ephesians 3:20-21.) God’s words of affirmation.

3. Gifts. Does word or sacrament offer us an expression of God’s gift-giving?

We don’t walk out of church with something in our hands, so perhaps God
doesn’t do material gift-giving… We do walk out of church with something new in
our minds and hearts of course. And what is that? It is wisdom. It is knowledge.
It is fresh vision for our lives. It is the power of God to conquer our anger and
fears and the Spirit of God to steer the course of the day. The word is
obviously the source of the wisdom; the sacrament brings us the Spirit. But
here’s the interesting thing about God’s love language of gift-giving. Through
word and sacrament we receive fellowship in the Holy Spirit which makes us
members of the Church. Let’s pause for a moment to take that in. Through word
and sacrament we receive fellowship in the Holy Spirit which makes us members
of the Church. And it is through the Church that we often receive material
gifts from each other when we are in need. Those material gifts come from God!
God speaks the love language of gift-giving in the effect of both word and
Eucharist by inspiring the generosity of the brothers and sisters around us in
hundreds of little ways. Being a reader or extraordinary minister is not just
about a moment at Mass. It’s a full-time job! I will never forget the kindness I
have found in this parish when my mum died last year and I had to answer the
door to a little queue of people bringing me cooked meals to keep me going! I see
God’s hand in that and I believe it flows straight from the readings and the
altar. God’s gift-giving.

4. Acts of service. Does word or sacrament offer us an expression of God’s

loving acts of service? You might think that the best answer to this question
would run along similar lines to the last one. That is, that the words of Scripture
and the power of the sacrament inspire the acts of service we receive from one
another when we leave church. And that is certainly true. But for me, there is a
more direct connection between Christ and me. I think that the way we receive
Jesus’ acts of service comes from the hearing of the word of God. Let me
explain. Acts of service are about accomplishment and the readings at Mass are
God’s primary way of giving us the message of what He has accomplished. This
loving ‘accomplishment of service’ or ‘act of service’ is an important Scriptural
love-language. For example, we hear: “Greater love has no-one than this, than
that a man should lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13.) And: ‘God so
loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in
Him should not perish but should have everlasting life.’ (John 3:16.) By receiving
this message, I receive the benefit of the original act of service, and all the
graces of Christ’s sacrifice flow into me. That is the salvation on offer to each
of us: God’s acts of service.

5. Physical touch. Does word or sacrament offer us an expression of God’s

physical touch? …I’d like you to consider a deep mystery. John’s Gospel says:
‘No-one has ever seen God’ (John 1:18.) But in Luke, Jesus says: “Look at my
hands and feet. It is I! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and
bones, as you see I have.” (Luke 24:39.) Aren’t these verses contradictory? Can
you see and touch and yet not see and touch? In the context of Mass, can any
of us say that we have been physically touched by God? We can’t even see Him,
so how can He touch us physically? Yet that is exactly what He does in the
Eucharist. This is my favourite God’s love-language! It is so paradoxical! I can’t
see Jesus’ physical body and blood in what looks like a flimsy piece of bread, but
I believe that by giving me that host the Lord is making intimate physical
contact with me through my body. This is the most extraordinary reality of
God’s love. He makes Himself physically vulnerable at Mass. He touches my body
with His body and He loves me enough to want to be that close. It is divine love
speaking the language of physical touch.

So God is speaking all five love languages in the word you hear or proclaim and in
the sacrament you distribute and receive. Quality time and physical touch in the
Eucharist; words of affirmation and acts of service in the Scriptures; and the
giving of gifts in both word and sacrament. If we could divide up into small
groups now, I’ve got some questions to help you discuss receiving God’s love;
then we’ll come back briefly for a plenary session at 12:20.

QUESTIONS ON RECEIVING GOD’S LOVE

1. Do you enjoy focussing more either on the readings or on the

Eucharist at Mass, or do you find you an equal sense of God’s love in both?
Why do you think that is?
2. Having identified your main love-languages, could you say how they
compare or contrast with the ways you like to receive God’s love-
languages at Mass?
3. Is there anything you would like to do which would enable you to receive
God’s love more deeply?