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3 years ago in Asceticism

The Practice of Silence for Lay People

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Silence. It’s a word that is both appealing and terrifying. It is a word that can either connote peace
and calm, or frightening isolation.

While some might nd the idea of silence appealing, the truth is, most of us don’t do well with
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perfect quiet. Have you ever sat alone in a room, only to hear sounds you had never noticed before?
The ticking of a clock. The whooshing of
air moving through ducts. The hum of a
refrigerator. A lawn mower running in the
distance. It is all a bit unnerving.

But perhaps the thing we fear most

about silence is being alone with our own
thoughts. When confronted with true
quiet, we begin to hear the mad and
chaotic rush of thoughts lling our minds.
The anxieties, the deep longings, the
painful questions all seem to come
bubbling to the surface of our
consciousness—and it makes us
uncomfortable.

We fear this confrontation with our innermost selves, the struggle with the complexity of our
hearts. So our natural tendency is to drown out silence with constant noise. In the car alone, we turn
on the radio. At home, TVs run constantly, not so that we can watch them, but for a comforting
“background noise.” A spare moment in line is lled with compulsive checking of our smartphones.
Anything but silence.

Silence and the Saints

Yet, despite the disquieting nature of silence, countless saints have counseled it as a necessary and
indispensable practice for growing in true holiness.

“In silence and quiet the devout soul advances in virtue and learns the hidden truths of Scripture,”
says Thomas a Kempis. “Guard against much talking,” advises St. Dorotheus of Gaza, “for it puts to
ight devout thoughts and recollection in God.” St. Maximilian Kolbe declares that, “Silence is
necessary, and even absolutely necessary. If silence is lacking, then grace is lacking.” Many more
examples could be given.

Through the centuries, many religious orders have put this advice into practice, with not a few
prescribing silence to various degrees in their rules. Perhaps the most famous and strict of these
orders is the Carthusians. Their disciplined quiet is so well known that a documentary lm about
them was entitled, “Into Great Silence.”

But why? 
Without question, all the great saints, mystics, and spiritual masters prescribe silence as a sure
means to holiness. But why? What’s so special about silence?

It is important to understand that silence, like all the tools of the spiritual life, is not an end in
itself. It is a means—a method for coming to know Jesus Christ. Silence is necessary because our
intellects are wounded and fractured by the Fall. Communion with God our Creator once came
naturally and easily, much like seeing or hearing does now. We were constantly aware of His
presence. But now, sin has disrupted this communion and damaged our ability to know God at the
deepest level of our being.

Our fractured intellect, once perfectly in control, is now a chaotic storm of thoughts, feelings and
emotions—like a restless cloud of gnats on a hot summer night. Calming this spiritual and
emotional storm is incredibly di cult, and the only way to achieve it is to face it head on. This we
can only do when we are quiet enough to hear just how chaotic our souls really are. Indeed, this can
be frightening, and we’d rather not do it—but doing so is absolutely essential for spiritual progress.

Moreover, silence is necessary to hear the promptings of the Holy Spirit and to receive and
preserve grace. God does not shout. He speaks quietly and softly, in a “still small voice” (1 Kings
19:11-12). The promptings of the Holy Spirit are never heard in busyness and anxious activity, but
rather in stillness and quietness of heart.

Silence too helps us to preserve the graces that God sends to us. Scuba divers are careful and slow
with their movements so as not to waste unnecessarily their precious reserves of oxygen. Likewise,
holy souls speak speaking carefully and prudently to preserve their reservoir of grace.

How to Practice Silence

Now, you may be wondering how it would be possible for a layman with a job and perhaps a family
to practice the virtue of silence. I know my wife would not appreciate it if I began gesturing to her
with monastic hand signals rather than speaking! But while the practice of silence for a lay person
might look di erent than for a monastic, it is still possible and even advisable. Here are some
practical suggestions.

The rst way to practice silence is to refrain from frivolous speech, realizing that “when words are
many, transgression is not lacking” (Proverbs 10:19). That is, don’t speak for speaking’s sake.
Social media especially encourages wasted speech. I’ve logged into Facebook to see people
complaining about hangnails, discussing their digestive problems, or posting cryptic statements
that beg for attention (“I really wonder if it’s worth it anymore,” and the like). If you’re tempted to
engage in this kind of speech, don’t. Speak only when you have something worthwhile to say.

Second, silence can be practiced by restraining our tongues when we desire to complain. 
Complaining is the opposite of gratitude and thanksgiving, and it is actually a sin. It is so easy to
complain about a meal, a rude person, or the weather. But does this contribute to anyone’s well
being? Hold your tongue unless you have something praiseworthy to say.

Third, we can practice silence by refraining from sharing our opinion on every topic imaginable.
Whenever a crisis emerges on the national or world stage, it seems that everyone everywhere
immediately declares their infallible opinion on the matter. But the truth is, many of us don’t
understand these events very well at all, and the world is not in need of more opinions. Keep your
opinion to yourself and you will be considered the wiser for it.

Fourth, we can resist the urge to ll every spare moment with noise. If you are driving, try leaving
the radio or music o . If you are home, leave the TV o . Avoid mindlessly checking your phone
while in line or in spare moments. Life is full of moments where we can be silent. Embrace them.

Finally, we can keep silence when we desire to criticize others. How easy it is to notice the faults of
others! And it is even easier to repeat these faults, true or not, to others, tearing people and
harming their reputations if only to make ourselves feel better. To keep silence when we feel the
urge to criticize is di cult, but it is also life-giving.

Conclusion
“The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity,” says St. James. Words have
power, though it be unseen, and what we say will echo in eternity. While we are not cloistered
monks, we can learn to practice silence in the state to which God has called us, restraining our
tongues wisely so we can hear the voice of Christ and come to know him better.

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