Jonathan Goldstein

In 2008, Sven received a letter for jury duty.

Sven Berger

Lots of people would say, oh, this is such a boring thing. Oh

no, I hope I don't get jury duty. But I was more curious and
interested in the process. And I liked watching stuff like Law
& Order, and other things like that.

Jonathan Goldstein

SVU, Criminal Intent-- Sven liked them all. He was a software developer,
newly married. And he and his wife had just bought a new house-- his
first. The house had a flagpole in the front and a hammock out back.
After work he'd come home, relax on the couch, and watch his legal
dramas. Jury duty was going to offer an inside view of the TV shows he
loved.

Sven Berger

I wasn't fooled into thinking it was some weird, glamorous

thing like that. But I thought juries were interesting-- the idea
of judging your peers right or wrong. I've always sort of had a
sense of civic responsibility.
Jonathan Goldstein

In my book, the only thing that makes responsibility less appealing is

adding the word civic to it. Paying your taxes, appearing before a zoning
board-- not for me. Like most, when I appeared for jury duty, I prayed for
dismissal.

Not Sven, though. During the selection process, he engaged with the
questions the lawyers posed as best he could. And when he was asked
how he felt about capital punishment, he answered candidly.

Sven Berger

I believe bad people should be punished in that way, or could

be punished in that way. And so I wouldn't say I was strongly
for it, but I wasn't against it. And consequently, I got on the
jury.

Jonathan Goldstein

The case was The State of Texas versus Paul David Storey. Storey was a
22-year-old accused of the murder of Jonas Cherry, the manager of a mini
golf course in Hurst, Texas. Storey and an accomplice forced Cherry into
the back office, made him unlock the safe, and put the money-- a few
hundred dollars-- in a bag. And then they shot him multiple times.

Storey's trial lasted two weeks, and would have felt familiar to anyone
who watches TV courtroom dramas. There were lawyers with thick
binders full of ballistics reports and medical examinations, character
witnesses were called, and disturbing photographs of the victim's body
were shown. The only thing missing was any suspense about the verdict.

Sven Berger

There was no doubt that he was guilty of murder and robbery.

And so really, as a jury, all we had to worry about was
sentencing.

Jonathan Goldstein

The jury had to decide between life imprisonment or the death penalty. It
seemed the victim's family knew what they wanted. "It should go without
saying," the prosecutor announced to Sven and the other jurors, "that all
of Jonas's family and everyone who loved him believe the death penalty
is appropriate."

The prosecutor asked the jurors to sentence Paul Storey to death. The
instructions stated that for the death penalty to be imposed, the jurors
must judge three things to be true-- that Paul Storey was guilty, that there
were no mitigating circumstances-- like, say, mental illness or
provocation-- and lastly, that Storey posed a future threat to his
community.

Sven Berger

That was the one I had issue with. I seriously doubted that he
would be a continuing threat to the prison community.

Jonathan Goldstein
 And what was it about Paul Storey that made you feel like you
just didn't necessarily see him as a continued threat?

Sven Berger

A couple of things. His testimony--

Jonathan Goldstein

The young man Sven saw in the courtroom appeared confused, in over
his head, and remorseful. This was his first offense. And some of the
evidence suggested that it was Storey's accomplice who had been the
mastermind behind the horrible crime, as well as the one who had fired
first. Sven was certain that Paul Storey should be punished, but he didn't
think he should be put to death.

Sven Berger

But in the jury chambers, there was a very different feel.

Everyone else was in favor of the death penalty. And so faced
with almost a dozen other people who already felt strongly, I
didn't think I could convince anyone of what I was thinking.
I'll be honest-- I was scared.

Jonathan Goldstein

At 27, Sven was the youngest juror by several years. And he was the kind
of guy who avoided speaking up at all costs. At home, if his neighbor
parked in his space, he let it go. At the office, if his boss told him to do
something, even if he disagreed, he did it without question. In other
words, even though he'd been looking forward to being a juror, when he
found himself in the jury room, Sven wasn't exactly Henry Fonda in 12
Angry Men.

The way he understood it, the jurors had to reach a unanimous decision.
And the idea of swaying 11 strangers over to his way of thinking seemed
impossible. He was also afraid that if he opposed the group, it would
result in a hung jury and a mistrial. They'd have to start the whole process
over again with a new jury. Everyone would be mad at him. So Sven said
nothing.

An hour and a half later, Paul Storey was sentenced to death by lethal
injection.

Sven Berger

It was hard to look at him during the sentencing. We sat

waiting for the judge to ask us, what's the sentencing? And
everyone was really tense. And the woman next to me--
another juror-- began crying. She was trying to hide it. And I
gave her my handkerchief. And she just wept.

Then the foreman announced the verdict, and I think his

mother cried out. They had an exit for us to go through after
we collected our things. And we were out of that courtroom
fast.

It felt like a mistake right away.

Jonathan Goldstein
Sven went over to his parents' house, where he had dinner and drank
scotch with his dad. He told his family about the trial. And then he went
home, where he had more to drink before bed.

Sven Berger

And then that was that. Then it was over. And then I went on
with my life.

Jonathan Goldstein

Or at least he tried to.

Sven Berger

But what did you do with these feelings? I was just stuck. It
was done. It was cast in stone. And-- yeah, no, I felt terrible. I
felt massive amounts of regret. I felt guilty, sending someone
to death row.

Jonathan Goldstein

When you think about the people that a trial effects, you think of the
victims and their loved ones. And you think of the accused, their families,
and what they're going through. You don't usually think about what it
does to the jurors. But for Sven, the trial wasn't something you could put
behind him at the crack of a gavel.
In the days and weeks after the verdict, he read every article about the
case he could find. But the more he read, the more shame he felt. So
eventually he just stopped.

Sven Berger

I realized it wasn't really healthy.

Jonathan Goldstein

At the time, Sven was a regular drinker.

Sven Berger

And it only got worse after the trial. It got a lot worse after the
trial.

Jonathan Goldstein

He was drinking more, beginning as soon as he got home from work, and
spending more days hungover. His wife didn't understand what was going
on.

Sven Berger

It may have contributed to my divorce, which was the

following year.

Jonathan Goldstein
A year after the trial, and Sven's life had changed. The new house with
the hammock and the flagpole was sold, and Sven moved out of Texas.

Sven settled in Olympia, Washington, to start his life over. He found an

apartment for himself and his cat, Niku. But he couldn't shake his
memories of the trial. When a friend bought a secondhand silver Nissan,
Sven couldn't stop thinking about how that was the same car the victim,
Jonas Cherry, had driven. When addressing coworkers, the name Jonas
would accidentally slip from Sven's lips. And Paul Storey, who still was
on death row, was never far from Sven's mind.

He tried to escape through alcohol, but it didn't free him from his shame.
Sometimes, after a night out drinking, he'd return to a Facebook page
Paul Storey's mother had made for her son. One mother had already lost
her son. And now, because Sven had been too afraid to speak up, another
mother was going to, as well.

Sven Berger

I'm not trying to excuse his crime. It was terrible. But to send
a guy to death? The presence in your mind, the recurring
thoughts about it-- can that go away?

Jonathan Goldstein

For all the bad rap it gets, shame offers a certain safety. It provides a
comfortable hole to hide in, away from the judgment of others. But it can
also lead to isolation and inertia. And for eight years-- eight years in
which Paul Storey sat on death row, awaiting an execution date-- Sven
barely talked about the trial with anybody.
But then, in 2016, the year after Paul Storey's federal appeal had been
denied, a reporter writing a series of articles about the judicial system
approached Sven about his experience as a juror. Sven was tired of being
all alone with his regrets. And so, for the first time, he opened up about
his feelings.

"I felt guilty," he told the reporter, "and sad, and a little helpless. I don't
think I made the right call." Sven had hoped that talking about the trial
might help. And it did-- up until the article was published. That was when
Sven received an uncomfortable phone call from a lawyer who had read
the article.

Sven was at work. Fearing his coworkers might overhear, he took the call
outside, behind his office building. It was there that he learned that, eight
years earlier, he had misunderstood a key part of the jury instructions.

Sven Berger

I thought incorrectly, essentially. I believed I would have to

convince everyone to choose life imprisonment when, in fact,
all I had to do was decline the death penalty. And that's all it
would have taken.

Jonathan Goldstein

Preventing the death sentence only required one dissenting vote-- a vote
Sven could have cast. So there would have been no mistrial, no hung jury.
And instead of the death penalty, Paul Storey would have gotten life in
prison without parole.

Sven Berger
 That would have been nice to know. I could have changed--
well, I could have let him live.

Jonathan Goldstein

After the article was published, something else happened-- something

Sven never expected or wanted. Paul Storey's mother, Marilyn, got in
touch.

Sven Berger

She reached out with an email filled with sentiments of

forgiveness. She had forgiven me. And if I wanted to, I could
reach out and talk with her. And knowing that there is that
forgiveness-- it felt so weird, like it wasn't something I could
completely understand.

Jonathan Goldstein

For Sven, it didn't make sense. Why would Marilyn want to speak with
him? How could she, of all people, forgive him for something he couldn't
forgive himself for?

Sven Berger

I didn't know how to deal with-- I still kind of don't know how
to deal with that. And I couldn't match her message.
 Jonathan Goldstein

How do you mean?

Sven Berger

Well, I wasn't sure how to reply with something as powerful

as that. It just floored me. I didn't know what to say.

Jonathan Goldstein

Sven was never able to write Marilyn back.

Sven Berger

I did-- began a reply, but I didn't have the courage to finish or

send it. It's just, there's so much pain in there, and-- I feel like
I really wrecked things up.

Jonathan Goldstein

A few months after Sven received Marilyn's email, an execution date was
set. The state would put Paul Storey to death on April 12 of 2017. But
then something unexpected happened. Glenn and Judith Cherry, the
parents of the victim, came forward.

It seems that, at the trial, the prosecution had lied. The Cherrys, in spite
of their son's murder, are and always have been against capital
punishment. In a video they released publicly, Judith Cherry presents a
statement which reads in part, "We do not want Paul Storey's family,
especially his mother, to witness the purposeful execution of their son.
They are innocent of his deeds."

Based on this testimony, with only five days to spare, Paul Storey's
execution was postponed. When news of the stay of execution reached
Sven, it felt like a second chance, an opening to finally respond to
Marilyn's email. But he didn't.

It's now been over two years. He's remarried, doesn't drink anymore-- but
he still hasn't contacted Marilyn.

Jonathan Goldstein

And so at this point, what do you want?

Sven Berger

I need to apologize for not doing what I should have done to

begin with, for not following my gut, for not trying.

Jonathan Goldstein

Shame leads to inertia. And as even the most casual reader of the
fundamentals of physics will tell you, an inert object will remain inert
until it is acted upon by an external force. In other words, it takes a little
nudge. And who better to supply a little nudge than a little "nudge?"

And so I write Marilyn a letter. "I know this is a really sensitive and
deeply personal issue," it reads, "and I hope I'm not being too forward." I
ask Marilyn if she remembers a juror by the name of Sven Berger. About
a week later, I receive a note back via email-- "Thank you so much for
your letter," Marilyn writes. "I have no ill will toward Mr. Berger. I have
offered him my email address, as well as my phone number, with no
reply."

She also forwards her original email to Sven-- the one she sent two years
ago, the one he can't stop thinking about. When I read it, I'm expecting a
grand gesture of forgiveness. But Marilyn never mentions forgiveness--
never even uses the word. Instead, it's just six short sentences in which
Marilyn thanks Sven for the article, and says she shared it with her son.
Her tone is breezy. She ends with, "have a great day," exclamation mark.

I understand that Sven, consumed by guilt, would read so much into so

little. But what I don't understand is why Marilyn sent him the email in
the first place.

Jonathan Goldstein

I know you had jokingly mentioned breakfast.

Marilyn Storey

Oh, I was joking.

Jonathan Goldstein

I have a couple little things, if you get peckish at all-- some

croissant, some of this stuff. I don't know, some cookies.
 Marilyn Storey

No, I'm fine.

Jonathan Goldstein

Yeah? OK.

Marilyn lives in Fort Worth, Texas. The two of us meet in a hotel suite
downtown where I can't stop offering her food that she can't stop
refusing.

Jonathan Goldstein

Do you want to have a coffee, or a tea?

Marilyn Storey

No.

Jonathan Goldstein

Marilyn is tall and stately, with smiling eyes. She's in slacks, boots, and a
cropped blazer, all in black. She sits on the end of the couch, next to an
empty armchair, and tries to give me a sense of what her life was like
before the trial.

Marilyn Storey
 I was always the life of the party. I mean, I was a jokester--
oh, make sure you have Marilyn there, because she's going to
keep the party going. I was always kind of the one that
everybody went to. People knew you can call me in the
middle of the night. If you need somebody to come pick you
up, call Marilyn. She'll get up. She'll go do it.

Jonathan Goldstein

Since the trial, Marilyn doesn't feel like the same person. Every day, she's
reckoning with the horror of her son's crime, and worrying endlessly
about his safety in prison. Her friends have fallen away. The thing that's
hardest, though, is how the people who remain-- the people closest to
her-- now look upon her son.

She says that everyone's passed judgment on Paul, written him off as
worthless and un-redeemable. And they blame him for her pain.

Marilyn Storey

And I even had a family member where-- Paul is the cause of

all of this. And that was very hurtful. It's like they wanted
everything to be OK, but that's my child. And I love him. And
I'm not going to ever stop fighting for him.

Jonathan Goldstein

Fighting for him meant working with her son's lawyers to change his
sentence to life in prison.
 Marilyn Storey

Paul's appeals were exhausting.

Jonathan Goldstein

It took up all of her time and energy, which affected the hospitality job
she worked out for over 30 years.

Marilyn Storey

It became extremely hard for me to concentrate at work. And I

feel like it cost me my job.

Jonathan Goldstein

After losing her job, Marilyn then lost her house. She was forced to move
in with her younger son.

Marilyn Storey

So it's like, at my age, where I thought that I'd be getting

ready to retire, I'm starting over. So that's a hard thing.

Jonathan Goldstein

10 years after the trial, and everyone-- her friends, her family-- have all
moved on. So when Marilyn read Sven's article, she saw in him someone
like her-- someone who had never gotten past that final day of the trial.
 Marilyn Storey

When they actually gave the sentence-- the death penalty-- I

thought I had died. I thought I had literally died. It didn't even
register. Because I'm just like, what just happened? What have
they done? My whole time there, I was just looking at the
jurors to try to read, OK, what are they thinking? What are
they doing? I wanted them to know, if I could only tell them
what kind of person he is.

And I want people to know-- they assume that if you're

involved in a heinous crime like that, that you're a monster.
But he wasn't a monster.

[PHONE RINGING]

Jonathan Goldstein

I think that might be him. So he's going to come up.

Marilyn and I have been talking for about an hour and a half when the
front desk phones.

Jonathan Goldstein

I think it probably--

Marilyn Storey
 Now, how do you pronounce his name?

Jonathan Goldstein

Sven.

Marilyn Storey

Is it "Sven?"

Jonathan Goldstein

Sven-- S-V-E-N.

Marilyn Storey

Sven, yeah. Sven.

Jonathan Goldstein

Sven, yeah.

Marilyn Storey

Sven. I hope I get that before he gets here.

Jonathan Goldstein
But before we get a chance to practice our Svens, Sven is at the door.

Sven Berger

Hi.

Jonathan Goldstein

Hi, Sven. I'm Jonathan. It's very nice to meet you.

Sven Berger

It's nice to meet you in person.

Jonathan Goldstein

Marilyn is here.

Sven Berger

Hi.

Marilyn Storey

Now, how do you pronounce your name?

Sven Berger
 Sven.

Marilyn Storey

Sven.

Jonathan Goldstein

Sven lingers in the door of the hotel room.

Jonathan Goldstein

Here, sit down. Have a seat over there.

He's bespectacled, and neatly dressed in a collared shirt and sweater. He

looks around and clears his throat.

Sven Berger

I'm a little nervous. So there was--

Jonathan Goldstein

The last time Marilyn and Sven had been in the same room was 10 years
ago, at the trial. Marilyn was seated behind the bar. Sven sat in the jury
box. But today, he sits down in the empty armchair beside her. He can't
quite bring himself to look at her. As he tells Marilyn what it was like to
receive her email, he gazes down at his lap.
 Sven Berger

It was very surprising. And I read it, and I reread it. And I
even began several letters that never went anywhere. I didn't
know what to say. What do you say about that? I don't want to
write a letter that's trying to make me feel better. Do you know
what I mean?

Marilyn Storey

Mmm hmm.

From the moment the vote was cast, I had regret. I thought, I
am doing the wrong thing. And although it was great hearing
that you forgave me, I couldn't forgive myself, exactly. And I
can't even imagine how you must feel.

Marilyn Storey

First of all, I want to say I don't want you to feel shame,

because my son was involved in a crime. He made a wrong
choice. And I don't ever want you to feel that you did anything
wrong. You did what you felt you had to do at the time. But
you came back. And for you to come out, and for you to say
hey, I made a mistake-- you right your wrong.

Jonathan Goldstein

I can tell by Sven's face that he isn't convinced. He doesn't feel like he's
righted anything. This is because for years, Sven has been avoiding all
traces of the case-- no googling, no newspapers. He never even read the
article he'd been interviewed for. So he doesn't know what Marilyn
knows, which is the chain of events that his article set in motion.

The jury instructions for Paul Storey's case were written in dense legalize,
and nowhere in their nine pages did they state that a single dissenting
vote can prevent the death penalty. In fact, courts in Texas are prohibited
from telling jurors that. In theory, that's to encourage them to arrive at a
consensus. But what it means is Sven's confusion wasn't his fault.

For years, legal advocates had wanted to bring a bill before the legislature
that would clarify the instructions. But they needed someone who could
say, I would have done things differently if I had understood. Marilyn
explains to Sven that with him, and the things he'd said in the article, they
had finally found that person.

Marilyn Storey

There are senators in the state of Texas who have introduced a

bill based on you to change the way the instructions are given
to a death penalty jury.

Jonathan Goldstein

Sven, slumped in his chair, straightens up.

Sven Berger

Really?
 Marilyn Storey

Yeah. You have no idea what sort of impact you had.

Sven Berger

I don't know anything about that.

Marilyn Storey

You were very instrumental.

Sven Berger

This is-- I'm shocked.

Jonathan Goldstein

While his eyes have tended to dart around the room, looking at me or
down at his hands, right now Sven is looking directly at Marilyn. She
tells him that had he in fact voted against the death penalty at her son's
trial, these attempts at reform might never have happened.

Marilyn Storey

I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason, because

this is not just about my son. It's about other mothers' sons
that are on death row, as well. So if this can help any other
 case outside of Paul's, then we've served our purpose. You
came forward. So I look at you as my hero.

Jonathan Goldstein

Sven physically shrinks from the word hero. It's as though she's placed a
large, awkward crown atop his head.

Sven Berger

Wow. That's not the way I'd considered myself, or my actions

in any way. I don't feel that special.

Marilyn Storey

Oh, to me.

Sven Berger

But I appreciate all your words.

Marilyn Storey

To me, you are.

Sven Berger

That's a lot to process. I had no idea.

Jonathan Goldstein

You didn't know any of this?

Sven Berger

No.

Marilyn Storey

Oh, the articles-- there is a really good one in The Texas

Tribune. I actually printed it out for you, but I wasted
Coca-Cola on it, so I didn't want to give you an article that
was-- but you should look it up.

Sven Berger

This blows my mind. Sorry, I'm a little at a loss for words.

Walking in here, I didn't know what to expect. And I was a
little nervous. I do feel, even just now, a little bit of weight
taken off my shoulders.

Marilyn Storey

I can tell.

Sven Berger

This helps. This helps so much. Oh, this helps so much.

Jonathan Goldstein

After all these years, Sven is finally able to accept Marilyn's forgiveness,
even if he still isn't ready to forgive himself.

Sven Berger

It chews me up, today, that I didn't express a dissenting

opinion. I should have spoken up, at least. I mean, I didn't
think he would be a danger to the prison community. I didn't
see a hardened criminal there. I got the impression of sort of a
kid who was in a situation he didn't know how to handle. I
saw someone who made a terrible mistake, and someone I did
not believe would do it again.

Jonathan Goldstein

As Sven speaks, Marilyn's eyes well up.

Marilyn Storey

I kept looking at the jurors, and I was like, it has to be

somebody on there that feels, and that can see through all of
this that the prosecutor is presenting, and everything, to know
that my son is not a monster.

Sven Berger

No. No, never. I never saw Paul as a monster.

Jonathan Goldstein

After the crime, Marilyn's family never saw her son the same way again.
From that moment on, he was nothing more than a murderer. And on the
final day of the trial, 12 jurors confirmed that judgment. Her hope had
been that maybe someone had seen something else. It wasn't a hope for
someone to recognize in her son anything special or good. She just
wanted them to see him as something other than a monster.

Sven Berger

I didn't see that.

Marilyn Storey

Thank you. I appreciate that so much.

Sven Berger

Throughout the trial, I never saw that once.

Jonathan Goldstein

Paul Storey is still on death row, and Sven still can't reverse the sentence.
But in speaking aloud the words that Marilyn's been repeating to herself
for so long, Sven's made her feel less alone.

Marilyn Storey
 You have-- some of the hurt that I have carried on my heart
for the last 12 years. You just lifted it. You have no earthly
idea what that meant to me. It meant a lot. And for you to say
that-- it really eased my heart.

Jonathan Goldstein

After years of worry over what to say to Marilyn, Sven's finally found the
right words.

Sven Berger

I'm sorry I never wrote back.

Marilyn Storey

That's OK. I totally understood. That's a lot.

Jonathan Goldstein

Since Sven and Marilyn's meeting, a judge made an official

recommendation that, based on Glenn and Judith Cherry's testimony, his
sentence be changed to life in prison without parole. Though the Court of
Criminal Appeals still has to make a final ruling, Storey's lawyers are
hopeful-- and so is Marilyn.

As for Sven, after finally responding to Marilyn, he decided to send a

letter of apology to Paul Storey. "I couldn't find the strength to speak up
in the jury room," he wrote, "and that is a mistake I will carry forever."
Sven has yet to hear anything back.
Ira Glass

Jonathan Goldstein is the host of Heavyweight. His producer for this

story was Stevie Lane. Heavyweight just started their third season with an
episode about comedian Rob Corddry. You can find their podcast at
gimletmedia.com/heavyweight. Or you can just Google or just get it
wherever you get your podcasts.