NINE

John Bull was being published successfully each Sunday and Monday. By
the end of its first twelve months, it had sold a remarkable 476,000 copies -
an average of over nine thousand copies each week.

To save the interested but busy reader from having to turn all its pages, this
chapter gives a sample of the newspaper's contents over the following five
years.

Theodore turned the satirical guns of John Bull onto new targets - two of his
rival newspapers, The Morning Chronicle, and The Times 'for its lies and
inaccuracies' - and onto the Whigs and Radicals especially Hume,
Brougham, and Sir Robert Wilson. John Bull supported the King : 'God
Bless Him !'.

Theodore's success brought him much-needed money. He was able to have

his engraved watch repaired. Someone carried the following note (dated
November 1821) to collect it from Mr Barcorn1 -

Mr Hook will thank Mr Barcorn to send his watch by the

bearer if it be done. It has the Crest, Motto and Cypher on
the case similar to the Seal annexed. The bearer will pay
for the repairs.

Theodore had successfully wounded the Whig cause : now his enemies
fought back - even though they had no proof of who was the editor of John
Bull. On 2nd December 1821 Henry Grey Bennett MP prosecuted the
newspaper for libel. Shackell and Arrowsmith pleaded guilty. Their sentence
was

fined eleven hundred pounds, each confined for nine

months and to be farther confined till such fine was paid,
and securities to be found in five hundred pounds.

This was heavy punishment. But readers sent in money to John Bull's office
to pay the fines.

On 6th January 1822 the paper reported that it had been found guilty of
libelling the late Queen. It fiercely attacked the Morning Chronicle -

145
 During the whole of the successful career of this paper, we
will venture to say, that never have so much gross
scurrility, personal invective, and libellous vituperation
appeared in any of its numbers as are contained in a letter,
signed Publicola, in the Chronicle of Friday, of which we
are personally the subject.

The issue of 4th February 1822 reported an interesting discovery about

Britain's national anthem which pleased Theodore -

It will be seen, by a curious coincidence, that the national

anthem of "God Save The King" was composed, in the
reign of James, by Dr. John Bull. 2

Anybody could be a target for Theodore's wit. Percy Bysshe Shelley had
published a new epic poem in eight volumes -

Shelley styles his new poem "Prometheus Unbound", 3

And 'tis like to remain so while time circles round;
For surely an age would be spent in the finding
A reader so weak as to pay for the binding.

John Bull's Editorial on 3rd March teased about the continuing mystery of
who its editor was -

It seems that our paper is in a very extraordinary state -

every body praises us - every body reads us ; but, as to
writing us, every body disowns us.

First of all, we had Theodore Hook, with his back up,

because he was suspected to be BULL ; as if he would not
jump for joy if he had written any one of our articles.
Then we have a certain nobelman, now on the continent
(who shall be nameless) "vowing to God he never wrote in
BULL". Then Mr Croker, by implication, assures the
country that he has nothing to do with us. And, at the
same time, the Morning Chronicle's 'gentleman in every
respect' (who goes by the name of Luttrell 4) denies the
charge of being our Editor. Mr Croker's lashing of the
Scotch Doctor was so admirable, that we cannot find it in
our hearts to be angry with him for cutting us. We knew
all along he had nothing to do with us, and that, to the best

146
 of our belief, he never wrote a line in the Paper ; but we
were not such noodles as to come forward and say so - his
name is a tower of strength - why should we be anxious to
disavow him?

It is curious enough that the Bishop of Norwich has never

been suspected of our editorship. We have heard it
whispered that we are indebted to him for some jeux
d'esprits - but we do not believe it. It is not likely that a
person of his cloth and character should descend to trifle.
Some talk of his son, the Archdeacon, but he is not clever
enough.

It therefore appears a curious fact, that every body denies

BULL ; but the wonder ceases when we remember, that
the right men have not yet been hit upon. We do not wish
to involve people in hot water - but let any Whig ask
Creevey whether he wrote our song of the 'Black Wig' -
and hear what he will say by way of answer.

The Whig MP, Joseph Hume, was ridiculed in an editorial on 31st March
1822 beneath the unflattering headline -

'Hum(e)bug'

In another part of this paper it will be seen that we

doubted whether Hume had been admitted a member of
Brooke's Club, or of Brooke's Dissecting-school in
Blenheim-street - but the latest information confirms the
earliest - the St. James's-street Club has him for its own.

In the same edition, Theodore commented favourably on architectural

developments in London by John Nash5 -

The splendour and magnitude of the improvements

connected with the new Street, Pall Mall, and the
Haymarket begin on every side to open around us, and
present to the eye the most astonishing proofs of taste and
judgment of design, and greatness and expedition of
execution.

One of Theodore's circle of friends was Sam Rogers 6. Stories about Rogers

147
often appeared in John Bull, sometimes concerning the paleness of his face -

One day when he had been visiting the catacombs with

friends, Rogers was last to emerge : "Good-bye Rogers",
said Lord Dudley shaking his hand, and everybody
understood the joke.

Sydney Smith advised Rogers, when he was having his

portrait drawn, to be portrayed saying his prayers with his
face in his hands.

and -

Sam Rogers, the poet, the pleasantest creature on earth to

look at and to live with, was on the point of drinking a
glass of cherry-water, at a certain great house not a
hundred miles from Albemarle-street, one evening early in
the present month, when the Dowager Duchess of
Richmond came into the room. "Here comes the Duchess
of Richmond," whispered Luttrell to Rogers ; upon which
Rogers, with a quickness that set the bye-standers in a
roar, said - "So she does !!!"

It is quite impossible to describe the convulsive effect

produced by this extremely happy turn ; those who know
Mr. Rogers will know that he often says things equally as
ready.

John Bull contained a regular theatrical column. It was written by Theodore

but the material was usually supplied by Daniel Terry. The current star at
Covent Garden was Grimaldi the clown, who

has not much to do, nor is he ever so delightful as when

painted white, and red, and green, with a scarlet tuft upon
his head, rolling about and dislocating his limbs, and
knocking his nose up against posts.7

In April 1822 the Beer Bill was being disputed in parliament over the
question of the monopoly held by the brewers, 'those most impudent jobbers
in malt and Radicalism' as John Bull described them.

The Earl of Albemarle attended a party at the time 8 :

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 Wit and beauty have seldom been crowded into so small a
space as occasionally found admittance into Mrs Norton's
tiny drawing-room at Storey's Gate, in Westminster. One
evening, during the debate in the House of Commons on a
Beer Bill, I was present at one of those agreeable
reunions. Theodore Hook formed one of the party. I was
on a sofa, talking and laughing with Mrs. Norton's sister,
Mrs Blackwood - or 'Nelly' as she was called by her
sisters. "Now Mr Hook," said our hostess, "tell us
something about Nelly and Cozy", the name of the
character which I played in Lady Dacre's comedy, and the
soubriquet by which I was known to the ladies of the
Sheridan family. Hook immediately went to the piano, and
to a tune of his own composing, sang a string of verses
which began somewhat thus -
If any one here is stupid or prosy,
He has only to look at Nelly and Cozy;
and some fifty or sixty verses to the same air and the same
rhyme. His supply of ludicrous associations seemed
inexhaustible. There is no knowing when he would have
come to an end, if Lord Castlereagh had not come in
thirsty from the House of Commons, from a debate upon
the Beer Bill, and helped himself to some brandy and
water. The impromptu battery was now turned from Mrs
Blackwood and me, and pointed to the new-comer.
Suddenly changing his tune, the improvisatore sang

"Hallo ! my Lord 'Cas', what do you here,

With your brandy and water instead of your beer ?"

and so on, till some new incident furnished fresh fuel to

the fire of his muse.

Unfortunately Albemarle's memory of this occasion was at fault. The Beer

Bill and Castlereagh were features of 1822. But in 1822 Caroline Sheridan
was aged only fourteen and did not marry Mr Norton until five years later.
Tom Sheridan had three daughters. The eldest, Helen said to Disraeli 9:

Georgy's the beauty, and Carrie's the wit, and I ought to be

the good one but I am not.

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Tom Sheridan's second daughter, Caroline 10, married George Norton, an
aristocrat and magistrate, in 1827 but soon they lived separately : she had a
liaison with Lord Melbourne, a Prime Minister of loose morals, whom her
estranged husband sued unsuccessfully in 1836. The youngest daughter
named Georgiana11 became a duchess.

Albemarle's memoirs continued -

The town was at this time running after a foreigner who

played, or pretended to play, tunes on his chin. How he
produced these sounds I do not pretend to explain. All that
I know is that his execution was wonderful. I remember
listening a whole afternoon to his variations on 'The Last
Rose of Summer'. The then chairman of Ways and Means
in the House of Commons was Mr Grant, who, to
distinguish him from two other members of the same
surname, and from a remarkable protuberance of his lower
jaw, was popularly called 'Chin Grant'.

I was present one evening when, in some most amusing

verses, Theodore Hook descanted upon what he called the
Swiss and Scotch chin-men. Both, he said, had one object
in view - the 'Ways and Means' ; but they differed in the
attainment of their end. The foreigner depended solely on
the chin - the Scotchman on the eyes and nose (Ayes and
Noes).

On 19th May 1822 Theodore continued a popular feature in John Bull -

We have not heard lately from our fair correspondent,

Miss Lavinia Ramsbottom.

'Letters from the Ramsbottom family' were an occasional series of invented

letters from an eccentric lady who used Malapropian absurdities and puns.
Her letters, penned by Theodore, were extremely popular with readers at the
time - but do not read so comically today. Mrs Mathews wrote in 1844 that
Mrs Ramsbottom's unique correspondence must be
mirthfully remembered by all its readers.

She added that the model for Mrs Ramsbottom was a lady of title and
fashion known to Theodore : but there are close parallels with two previous
fictional characters - Winifred Jenkins in Smollett's Humphrey Clinker and

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Mrs Malaprop in Sheridan's The Rivals.

A typical extract from a Ramsbottom letter started as follows -

Having often heard travellers lament not having put down

what they call the memorybillious of their journies, I was
determined while I was on my tower, to keep a dairy (so
called from containing the cream of one's information),
and record everything which recurred to me - therefore I
begin with my departure from London.

Resolving to take time by the firelock, we left Montague

Place at seven o'clock by Mr Fulmer's pocket
thermometer, and proceeded over Westminster-bridge to
explode the European continent.

I never pass Whitehall without dropping a tear to the

memory of Charles the Second, who was decimated after
the rebellion of 1745 opposite the Horse-Guards. His
memorable speech to Archbishop Caxon rings in my ears
whenever I pass the spot. I reverted my head, and affected
to look to see what o'clock it was by the dial, on the
opposite side of the way.

Charles Dickens quoted one of these letters in an invitation to a friend 12-

Dine with us...we shall be as Mrs Ramsbottom says 'a

pleasant little tete a tete of four.'

Theodore's health was not what it should be. He suffered from occasional
fierce 'bilious' attacks. He wrote from his home in Kentish Town in May
1822 to Charles Mathews13 -

I have been laid up, and confined to my bed and room for
nearly three weeks with a bilious attack, which has pulled
me down, and made me like unto a shadow. Owing to my
hurried circumstances, I have been here very little of late,
and next week propose quitting it altogether. I was very
sorry at not being able to go to Charles's private
theatricals 14, but I got the tickets in the middle of my
illness. Will you tell him so, and thank him for
recollecting me ?

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 I would very much like to go to you, and dine some day
quietly, if you would let me ; for I think the sight of you
and Mrs Mathews would do me good. I enclose you a bit
which I took out of a magazine for the year 1760 - the
date is with it - about Boruwlaski, which makes him older,
I think, than we calculated. What a wonderful little
creature it is !15

I hear that you are doing wonders this year ; and I am not
surprised ; for I think the subject is particularly good,
when the hero of such adventures is present. As you are a
good fellow, I dare say you will excuse the unnatural
paper upon which this is written; I have no other in the
house ; and I was anxious to write to you to thank you for
your calls, and to return my acknowledgements to Mrs.
Mathews and her son, and believe me, Dear Mat, yours
very sincerely, T.E.Hook

On 26th May 1822, John Bull reported that

The sentence of the law has again been passed upon us,
and we are again subjected to fines and imprisonment.

Undeterred, John Bull's attacks on its rivals continued, as in this editorial on

the 7th July -

The extraordinary vulgarity, and dense (to use a favourite

cockneyism) stupidity of the Old Times must be evident to
the meanest capacity...

On 27th October, Theodore included a withering comment about Alderman

Mathew Wood -

We continue to receive the most satisfactory accounts of

this once celebrated gentleman. He has at length come to
his senses, and when we last heard of him was travelling
through the country on his own bottom - (as the trading
phrase runs) - in the hop line. The Honourable Member
for the City of London carries a bag of samples with him,
and takes his own orders.

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 The Honourable Member does this from a suspicion of
bag-men, who are very apt, he says, to cheat their
employers. The Honourable Member ought to know.

We never had so high an opinion of the Honourable

Gentleman's instinct - sense we cannot presume to call it -
as we have now. Conscious of the failure of all his efforts
to be any thing better than nature intended him to be, he
has, with great propriety, let himself down to his proper
level.

We pity his poor wife and daughters, because they were

lugged into notice against their will, during his prancing
season. We suppose they are living at some cheap
watering place, out of the way, and probably will not be
heard of till that unique sample of hops, my Lord Mayor's
show-ball, which takes place next month, when perhaps
they may get a treat.

'The debts of Theodore Hook' were the subject of a John Bull editorial on
17th November. Back in April, Grey Bennet, the Whig MP, had pointed out
in parliament that all the papers relating to the Hook case, if printed, would
amount to seven or eight hundred. The Commons agreed that Bennet should
be left to make a selection and chose two hundred pages. How could the
Tory government have left such a responsibility to the hands of a Whig?
asked John Bull -

This, as the winding up of the three years' deliberation of

the Audit Board upon one case, is a pretty fair specimen
of the justice and impartiality of the Commissioners.

We never saw such malevolence of expression, such

unwarrantable insinuations, such shameful assertions as
are contained in the last report of these people ; we need
not repeat proofs of the private animosity and personal
feeling with which the document teems....

We have before this had our attention called to these

authors and their clerks, who are maintained at a charge of
somewhere about ten thousand pounds per annum - so that
having employed themselves for three years to enquire
into a deficit of about nine thousand pounds, they have

153
 cost the country somewhere about thirty thousand pounds
in doing it.

Theodore's elder brother James, a respectable clergyman, had secretly

written a novel. Called Pen Owen, it contained a lifelike description of the
previous year's Cato Street conspiracy. It was 'puffed' in John Bull on 19th
May 1822 -

We have been worried to death about the new novel,

called Pen Owen. We have received letters asking our
opinion about it, and questioning us as to who the author
could be, as if we were in every body's secrets. We have,
however, been induced, from the noise made about it, to
read it ; and have been very much pleased, as well as
surprised, at the vigour of the language. A sketch of poor
Tom Sheridan, under the name of Tom Sparkle, struck us
as peculiarly characteristic ; and indeed the whole book
abounds with that sort of knowledge which is not to be
attained but by a most intimate acquaintance with the
world in its best circles.

Sales of the book were good ; it was reprinted so James started on second
novel.

Next year, on 27th April, there was more news of one of Theodore's
favourite Aunt Sallies, Sir Robert Wilson -

Our readers may be surprized, but very few of them

displeased, by hearing that Sir Robert Wilson, the
Member of Parliament for Southwark, has actually left his
constituents in the lurch - and in the teeth of the Foreign
Establishment Bill, passed a few nights since, proceeded
to Spain to take a command in the Revolutionary army.
The Neapolitan rebels would have nothing to do with him
- the Spaniards, it seems, are not so nice - and the people
of this country, we conclude, have done with him.

The same edition carried a long commentary opposing the Abolition of

Slavery in the West Indies. John Bull agreed with the Whig MP, Brougham,
that abolition would not work. On 1st June the newspaper attacked MPs who
advocated abolition but had voted to further their own financial interests in
sugar. It published the names of MPs who had voted in committee in favour

154
of 'the equalisation of East and West India Sugars - but who also had
personal interests as proprietors of East India Stock,

not, however, meaning (with the fear of Newgate and one

of Mr Manners Sutton's16 warrants before our eyes) to
impute a motive to the conduct of any Honourable
Member whatever.

On 12th August 1822, Viscount Castlereagh (also known as Lord

Londonderry) committed suicide by cutting his own throat - said to having
become 'of unsound mind' perhaps caused by overwork. He was
simultaneously Foreign Secretary, Leader of the House of Commons, and
had agreed with the Prime Minister to also supervise the Home Office.
Speaking recently in parliament he had denied knowledge of a document
which was actually lying in front of him. 17

In April 1823 John Bull was sued for £200 for libel by Mr Fysshe Palmer, a
Whig MP, for alleging that he had said in a private billiard-room in Reading
that he would have a good dinner to celebrate the suicide of Lord
Castlereagh. The paper named witnesses who had heard Palmer say it.
Nevertheless Palmer won his case and was awarded £200 by the court.
Shackell was not punished this time, being already confined in the Kings
Bench prison for another libel.

On 15th June, William Hazlitt, the writer and critic, published a book called
Liber Amoris. Hazlitt, aged 50, had taken lodgings in a tailor's house. The
tailor had two daughters, one married, the other named Sally aged 17 or 18.
Hazlitt fell for her and wrote about his passion in the book. John Bull
denounced Hazlitt fiercely -

The dirty abominations of the raffs of literature are far

below notice, but when to innate stupidity, grossness,
vulgarity, and impudence are added the most degraded
practical sensuality, the most inveterate ignorance, and the
most depraved principle, it becomes necessary to take a
double view of their abominable struggles against taste,
decency and morality.

This was followed in the next issue by the full text of a personal letter
written to Sally by Hazlitt from Scotland where he had gone to try to
divorce his wife. 18

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Pungent news of Wilson appeared on 29th June -

It was currently reported last night amongst Corporal

Wilson's friends, that he had been arrested at Oporto. We
doubt this at present ; it seems like a trick to stimulate
subscribers, not but that he deserves it richly.

...and three weeks later -

There has been some fighting before Corunna - Corporal

Wilson was wounded in the leg, and however satisfactory
it must be for that exemplary gentleman at last to have this
honourable certificate of good behaviour in an action, we
should think the sequel will be less pleasant - as he has
been pleased to take the oath of allegiance in Spain, to
wear a Spanish uniform - (having no English one) - and if
he has fallen into the hands of the French, who cannot
forget his eminent services in the cause of Buonaparte's
post-master Lavalette - his situation may be less agreeable
than glorious. Good God, what fools some people are !

The reference to Lavalette recalled a 'Scarlet Pimpernel' type of incident.

Lavalette had been condemned to death in Paris for High Treason. Wilson
and two aides helped him to escape from prison in December 1815.
Lavalette's infirm wife used to come regularly in a sedan chair to visit him
in prison. He changed clothes and places with her. Once outside Wilson
provided Lavalette with a false passport and an English uniform. But a letter
to London was intercepted, and Wilson and his accomplices were put on
trial in France. They pleaded that they had granted asylum to Lavalette, but
were found guilty by a jury and sentenced to three months' imprisonment in
1816. The commander-in-chief of the British army, the Duke of York,
issued a public notice expressing his 'extreme displeasure' at Wilson's
actions.

On 14th September, the newspaper began a campaign against women being

sent to the Tread Mill - with more details in a 21st December article -

Each woman is on the wheel eighteen minutes, and off

eighteen minutes - they work from nine until one, and
from two till four in winter, and till half past five in
summer.... We call upon the nation to stop this unnatural,
un-English punishment : we relate facts, because we

156
 fondly love our country, and would wipe such a stigma
from its reputation.

Three weeks later, Byron's latest poetry was the target of a withering
comment -

Three new cantos of this precious performance have made

their appearance. The publication of this "work" at this
reduced charge is boasted of by the bookseller as a
triumph over Lord Eldon, who has made it a rule not to
give protection to the copyright of blasphemous and
immoral books... Perhaps however - as we shall shew - it
matters little what Lord Byron says. The twelve-penny-
worth of his Lordship's labour now before the public has
more folly, less talent, more blasphemy, less humour,
more indecency, and less poetry than any of his former
efforts.

...and a perceptive attack on Byron :

There are hundreds of men in the world who would rather

be called knaves than fools ; amongst the number, is
Byron. All the attacks upon his immorality, his indecency,
his profaneness and profligacy, are ineffectual either in
mending his taste or curing his vanity ; but when he is
shewn up for folly or plagiarism, or for doing that, which
he frequently does, writing nonsense, his pride is
wounded, and the hope of doing him good greatly
strengthened.

Amongst all his works, his Prisoner of Chillon is with the

author an important favourite ; to say that part of it is
trash, would be to talk sacrilegiously - to say that the most
affecting lines in it are stolen, would be to talk
ridiculously. But when we have requested the attention of
our readers to the following Enigma from the 'Temple of
Wit !' and subsequently to one of the most beautiful
passages of his Lordship's Poem, we shall have done our
duty to the original author, whoever he may be.

ENIGMA

157
 As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives,
Each wife had a sack,
Each sack had a cat,
Each cat had a kit,
In the sack along with it ;
How many kits, cats, sacks, and wives,
Were there going to St.Ives ?

Now read we the following palpable imitation -

There are seven pillars of Gothic mold,

In Chillon's dungeon dark and cold :
There are seven columns massy and gray,
Dim with a dull imprisoned day ;
And in each pillar there is a ring,
And in each ring there is a chain,
That iron is a cankering thing,
For in the limbs its teeth remain.

They chained us three to a column of stone,

And we were three, yet each alone,
And thus together, yet apart,
Fettered in hand, but proud in heart,
'Twas still some solace in the dearth
Of the pure elements of earth,
To hearken to each other's speech,
And each turn comforter to each.

That this is perfectly sublime there is not a boarding-

school Miss who is allowed to read Byron's works, who
will not readily assert. Let us ask what it wants to make
the imitation of the original perfect, except these lines :

How many youths, rings, chains, and columns of stone

Were there in Chillon's Dungeon lone ?

On 17th November John Bull pointed out that William Wilberforce 19, at the
time of the Abolition of the Slave Trade in 1807, gave a pledge that 'he
never contemplated, or would concur in any measure, for the emancipation
of the West Indian negroes.' 20

158
On 9th January 1824 a murder trial popular with the public came to an end
when John Thurtell was hanged at Hertford. Thurtell had lost a large sum of
money at gambling with a solicitor named William Weare. He accused
Weare of cheating. They settled their differences ; Thurtell collected Weare
in his gig near Tyburn, and they drove together to Elstree. On the way
Thurtell produced a pistol and shot Weare - who tried to escape but was
stunned by the pistol and then had his throat cut. Thurtell designed his own
gallows and they were afterwards 'preserved at the exhibition of Madame
Tussaud'.

Sir Walter Scott, among many, enjoyed Theodore's succinct summary -

They cut his throat from ear to ear,

His brains they battered in.
His name was Mr William Weare
He dwelt in Lyon's Inn.

On 18th January 1824 John Bull widened its campaign against the tread-mill
for females by saying that it is also dangerous and excessive for men, and
quoting a long list of cases of male offenders.

On 25th January it reported favourably on a different kind of surface for feet

-

The progress of MACADAMIZATION in Regent-street is

hailed with universal satisfaction and approbation. This
most magnificent avenue from the Regent's park to
Carlton Palace is now sufficiently complete to give a
perfect idea of the taste and talent with which it abounds,
and all that was wanting to render it perfect was that
which the new system will now give it. The constant
traffic (as the phrase goes) through this popular
thoroughfare will enable the public to appreciate the
advantages of Mr Macadam's invention and
improvements, and secure him as much popularity
amongst the towns-bred gentry as he has already obtained
from country travellers over his admirable roads. 21

On 15th February 1824 John Bull reported with satisfaction that two Whig
MPs, Henry Grey Bennett and Sir Francis Burdett 22, had introduced a bill
into the House of Commons to abolish the use of the tread-mill for untried
prisoners.

159
Yet the practice continued - as an extract from the weekly police broad-
sheet Hue and Cry of 27 January 1827 shows -

Several of the pick-pockets who were endeavouring to

make themselves familiar with the pockets of the persons
assembled at St James's on the occasion of the Duke of
York lying in state, were not successful owing to the
vigilance of the Police, and not being able to give a
satisfactory account of their way of living, have been sent
to make themselves familiar with the tread-mill.

Theodore wrote a verse in a form of which, much later in the century, came
to be called a 'Limerick' 23 -

Oh, did you not hear of Will Lotcho,

Who made a complaint of the Watch O !
So sad was his doom
That philanthropist Hume
Made a speech all about him in Scotch O !

On 7th March 1824, John Bull had a neat poem about Sam Rogers's
paleness, under the title 'Human Life' -

Cries Sam, "All Human Life is frail,

E'en mine may not endure ;
Then, lest it suddenly should fail,
I'll hasten to insure."

At Morgan's office 24 Sam arrives,

Reckoning without his host ;
"Avaunt !" the affrighted Morgan cried,
"We can't insure a ghost."

"Zounds ! 'tis my poem, not my face ;

Here, list while I recite it."
Cries Morgan, "Seek some other place,
We cannot underwrite it."

News arrived in London that Lord Byron had died on 19th April 1824 at
Missolunghi. Theodore wrote in John Bull -

160
 Letters have arrived announcing the death of LORD
BYRON. This announcement will, of course, excite grief
in proportions varying with the feelings and principles of
those to whom it may be made.

That LORD BYRON should have died so early, must be a

source of regret to all - even to those who least valued his
talents, and most detested his immoralities. If he had died
some years since, it is true his fame and reputation would
have been clearer and more pure. Had he lived some years
longer, he might have redeemed them. He has, however,
quitted the world at the most unfortunate period of his
career, and in the most unsatisfactory manner - in
voluntary exile, when his mind, debased by evil
associations, and the malignant brooding over imaginary
ills, has been devoted to the construction of elaborate
lampoons, alike unworthy of his genius and his
accomplishments.

On 23rd May two distinguished visitors arrived in London from a distant

corner of the world. Theodore gave a short report, with a witty sting to the
tail -

The King and Queen of the Sandwich islands, as every

body knows, are arrived in a whaler on a visit to this
country. Her Majesty is nearly seven feet high and smokes
cigars with evident satisfaction. It is a curious fact that she
and her husband are remarkably good whist players. They
have brought over the bones of the celebrated Captain
Cook, which are to be consigned to some suitable place
for interment.

The King's travelling name is Tirahee Tirahee, which

being translated signifies Dog of Dogs. How Her Majesty
is designated, as the female of so noble a race, we have
not yet heard.

But in July, there was sad news. Both the King and the Queen of the
Sandwich Islands caught measles - and both died from it. Someone told
Theodore -

"Have you heard the news ? The king and queen of the

161
 Sandwich Islands are dead."

Theodore's couplet was -

"Waiter, two Sandwiches,' cried Death.

And their wild majesties resigned their breath." 25

Another sensational novelty was hot-air balloons. On 13th June Theodore

used a brief announcement - that 'Mr Graham respectfully informs the
public, that his intended ascent on Friday is postponed till some future day'
to pen a cheerful song of twenty-three verses (which are set out in Appendix
F on pages 454-6). It began -

In these days of bubbles, when ev'ry thing floats,

Docks, bridges, insurances, gas-lights, and boats -
Allow me to sing to a popular tune, 26
The honestest bubble - old Graham's Balloon.

Theodore's persecution by the Whigs continued. On 5th September the John

Bull offices were raided by the Sheriffs of London. Goods to value of 1,300
pounds were seized in payment of fines. John Bull protested in the next
editorial that the fines had been paid two years ago and they had receipts to
prove it. Lushington, Chairman of the Colonial Audit Board, wrote a letter
to the Morning Chronicle that the fines had indeed been paid in 1822.

Theodore attacked Lushington in an editorial, on the basis that of course

John Bull was not directly involved with Lushington (whereas in fact the
opposite was true since Lushington was in charge of investigating
Theodore's Mauritian debt) -

In our sphere of life we are not likely ever to come under

the clutches of Mr Edmond Henry Lushington, in his
capacity of Chairman of the Colonial Audit Board for
which we thank our stars. For a Tory before a Whig
inquisition would be nicely picked and pulled to pieces.
But we must say, that if it ever should be our misfortune
to be so afflicted, we should sneer with contempt in the
midst of our torture, to hear a lecture upon official
irregularity coming from the lips of an old gentleman who
does not know the dates of the commonest transactions in
his own office.

162
On 10th March John Bull started another campaign - against exorbitant
turnpike charges :

It is three weeks since we noticed the exorbitant and

disproportionate charges of the turnpikes on the
Hammersmith-road. We are happy to say that the cause of
complaint is removed, and that the gate at Hyde Park
Corner clears all the way to Hounslow, not excepting the
side gates. The enormous profits made during the
existence of this extortion, may be guessed at by the
possibility of relinquishing such a vast proportion of them.
The Uxbridge trust must be next looked to: and, above all
things, we recommend to the notice of the trustees, the
toll-keeper at the first Bayswater-gate from London, who
for insolence and abusive language, has not his fellow on
any road round the metropolis.

John Bull was so successful, that inevitably imitations began to appear. The
Real John Bull had appeared on 21st January 1821, smaller in size and with
fewer pages. John Bull's British Journal appeared on 25th February 1821
but only lasted for three editions.

The only imitator which contained any merit was The John Bull Magazine
and Literary Recorder. Who edited this monthly Magazine is uncertain. It
could be Theodore Hook : its humour was of high quality ; it mentioned all
the wits of the day except him ; in one letter to Croker he wrote that 'a new
number of the Magazine will be out this evening' 27.

Its edition for September 1824 (on its page 118) contained an ingenious
erratum in verse -

The haste with which our last was printed filled it with
blunders, which according with due custom, we shall
hasten to correct. But who would take the trouble of
reading this stuff? If we must have a list of errata, why not
in verse ? and therefore here goes-

Errata for last Number :

The reader who (page 76) looks for sense,

For 'theme' line 11, will be pleas'd to read 'thence' ;

163
 Line 14, an improvement will shew, sir, be sure
If you delete the comma that stands before 'poor' ;
In line 36, better sense you will find,
If you read for 'inclusive', what we wrote 'inclined'.
In page 77, for 'law', - which is stuff,
Read 'laud', line the fourth, and there's meaning quant.suff.
'Theologie' is wrong ; so pray place 'theologue'
In line 24, where we're speaking of Hogg.28
Turn to line 25, I mean page 79,
For 'renown', lege 'venom', which much mends the line.
Page 80, line 8, there for 'starved', (whence 'tis hard
To extract any meaning) be pleased to read 'starred'.
Read in line 32, for 'Inica', I mean ;
We quote both the lines, that the sense may be seen ;
"Who, praise to the stars the vile fellow who wrote it,
(The chapter I mean) and scold me who but quote it."
In line 36, from 'far-famed' delete 'far''
And the verse will read smooth without grating or jar.
So last month's errata, we thus have got through,
In rhyme 'tis a feat has been practised by few,
We ne'er saw it before, nor good reader did you.

In its October 1824 edition is an old joke, but a good one -

Tom Campbell, on a visit to his native land, was

particularly struck with the beauty of a pretty
chambermaid. He went to bed, and dreamed of her. He
was gently awaked, and to his great delight, saw this
charming girl standing by his bedside with a light,
seemingly a little embarrassed. "Would you, sir" she
stammered out, "have any objection to a bedfellow ?"
"Objection !" said Tom, starting up, "how could I ? I shall
be delighted, overjoyed." "Oh, sir," replied the girl quite
pleased, "I am so glad. There's a drunken loon of a rider
below - and we have no bed for him, so I made bold to ask
to turn him in with you, for no other body would endure
him and I'm much obliged for your so kindly consenting."

Theodore told a story of his own on similar lines 29. One midnight he had
arrived at The Talbot ostlery needing food and a bed. The widow in charge
provided him with a meal but said that every bed was full. She herself was
having to sleep with her own sister. The widow gave him more drink, then

164
said that if he promised to exactly do her bidding, there was one bed
available.

"Take a drop more punch," says the widow. "It's a double-

bedded room, and the other bed is occupied by a lady who
is 'a sad invalid' but who sleeps soundly. You may have
the other bed if you go in quietly, remain perfectly quiet,
and I shall come and take away your candle."

Theodore agreed. The curtains round the other bed were drawn. He washed
and slipped into his bed, and the landlady came in on tiptoe and took away
his light.

He lay quiet, wondering about the age of his companion. He could not hear
her breathing asleep, so assumed she was awake and coughed gently. There
was no reply. He crept over to the other bed, looked inside the curtains and
saw the sleeping form of a young woman. But unluckily his foot knocked a
chair - and the noise roused his landlady. She came in immediately, ordered
him downstairs, and complained that he could have ruined the reputation of
her inn if people knew she had put him in the same room as the woman. He
had to leave, and found a bed in another inn nearby.

In the morning he saw a funeral procession, and enquired who had died. He
was told it was a young lady who had died the previous evening at The
Talbot, and had been left to lie in a double-bedded room overnight.

In the November edition of The John Bull Magazine is an article asking

'Who is the editor of John Bull ?'. It suggests, and rejects, five candidates
including Theodore -

1. Mr Secretary Croker MP - but he denied it in

parliament so it would be a breach of privilege to suspect
him,
2. Mr Theodore Hook - but he has been too much
persecuted by the government, and occupied with his own
affairs,
3. Mr Luttrell - too much of a dandy to be so stiff a
representative of the pugnacious parts of our national
character,
4. James Smith - but he has never been known to tell any
of the jokes before-hand and never to sing any of the
songs afterwards,

165
 5. Horace Twiss30 MP - but the epigram made by George
Colman -
They say I'm John Bull, exclaims Twiss. Nay alas
You mistake, my dear Horace, they call you Jack-ass.

The original epigram, which led to this biography being written, appeared in
The John Bull Magazine31 -

In the 109th Psalm, the 18th verse, are these words :

'As he clothed himself with cursing like as with his
garment,...'
"Pray, sir," said a lady to the Irish chief-justice Bushe 32,
"what is the meaning of that expression ?"
"Evidently, madam," replied his lordship, "the person
alluded to had a habit of swearing."

Some of Theodore's writing is surprisingly topical today. In John Bull's

Bubbles of 1825 he wrote the following verse about the Channel Tunnel -

A tunnel underneath the sea from Calais straight to Dover,

The squeamish folk may cross by land from shore to shore,
With sluices made to drown the French, if e'er they would come over,
Has long been talked of, till at length 'tis thought a monstrous bore.

The identity of the editor was still a tight secret. Theodore had a brief but
fierce dispute with his friend Daniel Terry - who, he thought, had breached
their security. Terry wrote to ask for a favour on behalf of a headmaster
friend 33 -
Wednesday 2 March 1825
My dear Hook
John Henderson has received a letter from Knapp in which
is the following paragraph - "If you see Terry, will you ask
him to do me a favour, if it be in his power, - and that is -
my book of "Every Day Occurrences" comes out
tomorrow and I wish something kind said of it in "Bull"
on Sunday "to give it a lift".

Perhaps this is not impossible - that however must be

yours to decide - my duty is to lay the above before
you...if a wish of mine can influence it - that wish I here
express in Knapp's behalf. Poor Knapp. A melancholy
business this of young Cooper for him. I am sure it will

166
 affect him severely 34.
Mrs sends kindest remembrances.
Yours faithfully, Daniel Terry

Theodore replied furiously to Terry35 -

Private
I never received a letter which more vexed or more
surprized me than yours of last night.

That Mr Knapp should make an application to you about a

favourable notice in John Bull seems to me to be
something like madness. That you should have returned
any answer but that you have no influence in the conduct
of John Bull surprizes me ; but that you should even seem
to have any connexion with it at a time when the fate of
your lawsuit in Scotland entirely depends upon your
having nothing on earth to do with it, is still more
surprizing.

That you should think it your duty to lay Mr Knapp's

request before me is the most unaccountable thing upon
earth. By what authority or in what character am I
addressed at all ? What have I to do with John Bull ? Or
why, if I am supposed to have any influence over the
proprietor of the paper, am I not applied to directly by Mr
Knapp...

But putting all this out of the question which concerns

others, how upon earth could you reconcile it to yourself
to ask me to get a book favourably spoken of when you
yourself have declared it right and left to be the most
execrable truth ever put to paper...

But above all I conclude this part of the case is accurate

and that Mr Knapp is no party to it, that at a moment
when the future if not of Eton itself, surely of Mr Knapp is
actually pending, when the son of a nobleman has lingered
in the agonies of death for four hours, and has expired
from actual neglect in the Knapp house, when some
flagrant remissness is made evident that the lives of pupils
are confided to the care of a servant Maid and when the

167
 whole town is agitated the most dreadful event which has
ever occurred at a public school and with the mangled
corpse of a favourite pupil lying in his house, that a
thought of a novel and its success should be allowed to
have a moment's place in his mind and in the minds of his
friends seems the stretch of all human impossibility.

Most singular is the fact that Broderip 36, who was at Eton,
was dining with me when your letter came. I had secured
his son as a pupil for Mr Knapp - and at the instant your
letter was brought into the room, he was saying "I have
promised you to send my boy to Mr Knapp's - if you hold
me to my promise I will still do so, but I think you will not
for I never should have a happy hour while he was under
his roof. I pity Mr Knapp from the bottom of my heart. I
esteem him and like him and I know what his present
feelings must be ; and I cannot bring myself to believe
however careless of his character that he can be interested
only by his book at such a moment...

I will tell you what Bull might do, and what perhaps he
will do which is support Mr Knapp professionally at a
crisis when every Etonian is crying out at his neglect.

I have written this fully because I am sure it is for your

interest to deny all connexion with Bull. You never had
any concern with it, you never wrote a line in it, why then
incur the odium and the professional danger of affecting
any connexion with it. I had hoped that you did not even
know anybody who had any connexion with it, for if you
do the secret was assuredly confided to you and as I am
convinced you would not betray a confidence am the more
surprized at the answer you gave to the extremely
impudent application of Mr Knapp misjudging friends.

Daniel Terry replied with a calm explanation 37 -

My dear Hook,
It fortunately happens that the feelings under which you
wrote your letter to me yesterday (and which I should
have been truly mortified to have justly excited) have
entirely arisen from an error caused by the very hasty and

168
insufficient manner of my writing.

In the first place then, I have never seen either John

Henderson or Mr Knapp's letter to him - and have never
returned any answer to either of them upon the subject.
Mrs Terry dined in Maddox Street on Tuesday last (I think
it was) without me, and it was to her that John Henderson
read Mr Knapp's letter (which, bye the bye, was written
previously to the sad affair at Eton) and requested her to
repeat to me that part of it respecting his book, to which
she simply and very sensibly replied "that she would
certainly do as he requested but at the same time she was
not aware how I could do any such thing, or could have
any such influence as Mr Knapp seemed to expect".

This she did not deliver to me till just at the moment

before I wrote to you, and it was upon our own mutual and
private communication only, never remembering that you
would not be aware of that, that I wrote the letter which
had thus vexed and surprized you.

In the perfect security therefore of our common

confidence concerning Bull all my intention was just to
hint that if a lift - bad as the book was, might be given to
it, for the author's sake personally, to give it the better
chance, by making the author's wish (since I could do it
safely) known to you, and all I meant by thinking it my
duty was merely a solemn trifling of manner about a trifle
- to express that I was bound to impart all such knowledge
to you for your use and behoof, never intending to imply
that it was a duty imposed by another to whom I had
either committed myself or betrayed you. I never did and
trust I am never likely to betray any confidence reposed in
me and had John Henderson shewn his letter and made his
request to me, my reply would have been as guarded and
as proper as my wife's was to him.

You must therefore, now, totally absolve me in your mind

from deserving the lecture you have written me, and to
which if I really had deserved I should been indeed vexed
and sorry. I dine today at the Hendersons and if John
should mention it to me, I shall only (as I intended)

169
 confirm the incapability of my interference for such a
purpose which was expressed to him by Mrs Terry.

I have heard nothing further from Yates 38, yet. Let me

hear from you again and immediately. Mrs joins in all
kind wishes and believe me, Dear Hook, yrs always
faithfully sincerely, Daniel Terry
4th March 1825
13 Alfred Place
P.S. I have since seen the details of the business at Eton of
what when I wrote I had merely heard the general part. It
is indeed a shocking and blameable affair.

Their misunderstanding was resolved, and Theodore continued his

anonymous writing. On 22nd May John Bull included a witty verse to show
that a stable keeper was more able to live by his 'muse' than the great poet
Milton -
'Whitsuntide Poetry'
Epigram on Mr Milton, the Livery Stables keeper

Two Miltons, in separate ages were born,

The cleverer Milton, 'tis clear we have got.
Though the other had talents the world to adorn
This lives by his mews which the other could not.

The House of Commons debated a report about the trade of Mauritius. A

speech was made by Sir Robert Farquhar, the Governor when Theodore was
there ; he maintained that slave trading had been stopped. Theodore, in a
John Bull editorial, felt obliged to point out - anonymously - that his patron's
reassurances should be treated with 'indulgent scepticism' -

Under the fostering hand of Sir Robert Farquhar, the

colony of Mauritius became British ; his honourable
solicitude for its inhabitants and their interest has been
repaid by the most affectionate gratitude ; and although
under the circumstances, Sir Robert Farquhar is actuated
by the best and kindest feelings, yet when speaking of
Mauritius, he should be attended to with that indulgent
scepticism with which we listen to the praises bestowed
by a fond parent upon an affectionate family ; for it is but
justice to Sir Robert Farquhar to say that the relation in
which he stood with the inhabitants of the island seemed

170
 rather that of a father than a Governor ; of a friend, than a
superior.

We should attend to the statements of a Governor,

touching an illicit trade, with less certainty of their
accuracy than the statements of any other individuals in a
colony. The nearest and dearest friend of a governor might
be one of the most extensive slave dealers ; and yet he
would hardly be so foolish as to make a confidence upon
the subject with the individual who of all others was

1
. Reproduced by permission of the University of Iowa Libraries (Iowa
City), reference MsLH781.

2
. Dr John Bull (1562?-1628) : latest scholarship considers it unproven
whether he composed 'God Save The King' but he is the most
authentically probable source.

3
. Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822) ; Prometheus Unbound was a
lyrical drama in four acts, written in Italy and first published in
London in 1820.

4
. Henry Luttrell (c.1765-1851) ; the natural son of a lord who was
Irish commander-in-chief ; wit and poet 'with an amazing power of
repartee' ; famous for his 'Letters to Julia, in Rhyme' published in
1820 ; friends among both Whigs and Tories ; the Rev. Sydney Smith
said that Luttrell would have described Heaven 'as eating pate to the
sound of trumpets'.

5
. John Nash (1752-1835) ; architect.

6
. Sam Rogers (1763-1850) : poet who lived on an inherited income of
£5,000 per year, of whom the DNB says 'no man toiled harder to
produce less' ; mordantly sarcastic but a good angel to his friends ;
refused the Poet Laureateship on the death of Wordsworth in 1850.

7
. Joseph Grimaldi (1779-1837) : English-born clown with an Italian
grandfather. The DNB says : 'As a clown Grimaldi is held to have
had no equal. His grimace was inexpressibly mirth-moving. His
singing of 'Tippity-Witchet', 'Hot Codlins' and other musical ditties
raised the wildest enthusiasm : with him the days of genuine
pantomime drollery are held to have expired.'

171
 bound to check the traffic, and punish the trader... The
Slave Trade did exist in great force in Mauritius for ten
years after the capture... The proximity to the great slave
mart, the value of the article comparatively with the risk
run, the habits and prejudices of the inhabitants, all
conspire to render the trade in their minds as venial as it is
advantageous. We have no hesitation in declaring our
belief that not one vessel has been captured out of twenty -
nay, out of fifty, which have been employed in the traffic ;
the skill with which the masters of the schooners engaged

8
. George T.Keppel, Earl of Albemarle, Fifty Years of my Life.

9
. Helen Sheridan (1807-1867) : first became Mrs Blackwood,
afterwards Lady Dufferin, finally the Countess of Gifford.

10
. Caroline Sheridan (1808-1877).

11
. Georgiana Sheridan (died 1884) : became Lady Seymour and later
Duchess of Somerset.

12
. Letters of Charles Dickens vol 1, published 1965, edited by M.House
& G.Storey, quoted by permission of Oxford University Press.

13
. Mrs Anne Mathews Memoirs of Charles Mathews.

14
. A play put on privately by the Mathews's son at the Theatre Royal
in the Strand. Such an offering, said his mother Mrs Mathews, 'is
notoriously a nuisance to be shunned'.

15
. Count Boruwlaski, only twenty-eight inches tall.

16
. Charles Manners-Sutton (1780-1845) ; elder son of an Archbishop
of Canterbury ; Speaker of the House of Commons from 1817 to
1835, after which he became Viscount Canterbury : a close friend of
Theodore.

17
. Years later, Theodore suggested to Barham that there had been a
different motive (see Appendix E page 426).

18
. A full discussion of the letter appears in the Review of English
Studies, volume 17 (May 1966) pages 163-170.

172
 in it contrive to "make the land" at dusk ; the
communication by night fires on the mountains ; the
"build" of the vessels so well adapted to the coast, the
coral reef - a natural bar to strangers, the creeks and inlets
into which the cargoes are conveyed, all bid defiance to
detection. But when detected, what has been the result ?
The schooner seized is condemned in the Admiralty court
and publicly sold on the exchange ; not a Frenchman will
advance on the lowest bidding, and she returns to the

19
. William Wilberforce (1759-1833) ; won a huge sum at gambling one
night from friends who could not afford it then stopped altogether :
elected MP for Hull in 1780 and became a close friend of William
Pitt the Younger : toured the continent, underwent a religious
conversion, and was persuaded by Quakers to take up the cause of
abolition of slavery in parliament : was encouraged by Pitt who told
him "Otherwise the question will be taken up by another" : received
support from Burke and Fox but parliament rejected his bill in 1791;
a motion for gradual abolition was carried in 1792 but supporters of
slave trading concentrated on delaying legislation, the Napoleonic
wars intervened, and a bill finally was passed in 1807.

20
. Trading in slaves ("the slave trade") was abolished on 23rd February
1807 by the British parliament. But slavery was not abolished by the
British parliament until 1834.

21
. John Loudon Macadam (1756-1836) ; decided, after experiments in
his native Scotland, that roads ought to be constructed of layers of
hard broken stone broken into cubical fragments, no piece to weigh
more than six ounces ; the layers of stones were gradually
consolidated by passing traffic : his method was adopted all over
the world. Parliament appointed him the nation's General Surveyor
of Roads in 1827.

22
. Sir Francis Burdett (1770-1844) ; popular campaigner for freedom
of speech ; first elected to parliament in 1796 ; committed to the
Tower of London by the House of Commons in 1810 for denouncing
it for having sent the president of a debating club to Newgate prison
for desiring parliament's debates to be reported by the press.

23
. A Limerick is a form of nonsense-verse : the OED gives 1898 as the
first identified use of the name. Hook's verse is in the form of a

173
 hands of her original owner, for a sum not equal to the
value of her main-mast.

The 1819 Report of 'The African Institution' in London confirmed

Theodore's assertion39 -

There is too great reason to believe that, since the

signature of that treaty, many hundreds of slaves have
been imported from Madagascar into the Isle of France.

limerick even if too early to be called one.

24
. Later, the Equitable Insurance office in Blackfriars.

25
. Samuel Carter Hall's Memories of Famous Men.

26
. To be sung to the tune of 'Derry Down'.

27
. See page 131 of this biography.

28
. James Hogg (1770-1835) ; Scottish poet known as 'The Ettrick
Shepherd' from his birthplace and first occupation ; friend of Sir
Walter Scott ; visited London for three months in 1832.

29
. Gilbert Gurney.

30
. Horace Twiss (1787-1849) : wrote an address for his aunt Mrs Sarah
Siddons at her farewell stage performance (as Lady Macbeth) in 1812:
elected MP 1820 : when out of parliament he originated summaries
of parliamentary debates in The Times, his daughter marrying two of
its editors in succession. The DNB says 'though inexhaustibly fluent,
his manner was ... very flippant and unbusinesslike'.

31
. in 1824 on its page 159.

32
. Charles Kendal Bushe (1767-1843) : Lord Chief Justice of Ireland for
twenty years, known as 'the Incorruptible'.

33
. University of Illinois, Rare Book Room : Bentley archive : Terry,
Daniel L 1.

34
34. Cooper, aged 14 a son of the Earl of Shaftesbury, fought a boxing

174
 And it is to be feared, that there does not exist amongst the
Europeans settled in that part of the world, any sincere or
hearty disposition to discourage such importations but, on
the contrary, a determined hostility to any measures for
the prevention of this enormous evil.

On 20th June more news of Sir Robert Wilson -

A proposition was made in the House of Commons on

Friday for restoring Sir Robert Wilson to his rank in the
service. He is so good-natured a person in private life that
nobody would much care if he was reinstated, but what
advantage (except so far as the scanty pay goes) such a
measure could possibly be to himself, we do not
understand. We were glad to find however, that all his

duel to settle a dispute with fellow Eton pupil Wood aged 17 ; the duel
was watched by most of the school, lasted two hours and sixty rounds
of boxing. Cooper was plied with half a pint of brandy by his second.
Eventually he fell on his head unconscious and was carried to his bed
which was in headmaster Knapp's house. Cooper's brother said he was
sleeping if off but four hours later he was dying and a doctor was
summoned. At the inquest the jury's opinion was that 'it was a fair
fight', but the coroner accused Wood of manslaughter.

35
. University of Illinois, Rare Book Room : Bentley archive : Hook,
Theodore, L 2 (folder 1 of 5).

36
. William John Broderip FRS (1789-1859). Oxford graduate ; called
to the Bar in 1817 ; helped found the Zoological Society with Sir
Stamford Raffles in 1826 ; magistrate at Thames police court 1822
-1846 from which eventually resigned from deafness with a high
reputation for good sense and humanity : close friend of Theodore.

37
. University of Illinois, Rare Book Room : Bentley archive : Terry,
Daniel L 2.

38
. Frederick Yates (1797-1842) ; actor, and old friend of Theodore ;
played Falstaff and Pickwick ; managed the Adelphi Theatre from
1828.

39
. John Bull of 3rd April 1825, page 109.

175
 friends and advocates spoke of his errors, and implied a
contrition.

There was a vintage Hook song on 4th September, called 'Curious

Coincidences'. All its seven verses are given in Appendix F on pages 458-
459 -
'Tis curious to find in this overgrown town,
While through its long streets we are dodging,
That many a man is in trade settled down,
Whose name don't agree with his lodging.
For instance, Jack Munday in Friday Street dwells,
Mr. Pitt in Fox-court is residing ;
Mr White, in Black's buildings, green-grocery sells,
While East in West-square is abiding.

However the cleverness of this song was surpassed on 9th October 1825 by
Theodore's celebrated song about 'London Clubs'. The set of ten ingenious
verses is given in Appendix F on pages 460-1, the first being :

If any man loves comfort, and has little cash to buy it, he
Should get into a crowded club - a most select society !
While solitude and mutton-cutlets serve infelix uxor, he
May have his club (like Hercules), and revel there in luxury.
Bow, wow, wow, etc

On 27th November Theodore was challenged that his satire was weakening -
We see, just as we are going to press, that Mr Lawyer
Williams, the Queen's Counsel - the over-looking Devil of
Lincoln - stated yesterday, in a libel case, that "The fire of
JOHN BULL was nearly completely extinct" - meaning
our fire.... we will endeavour to show this worthy that our
fire only requires stirring.

On 11th December 1825, John Bull's editorial discussed the new idea of
Joint Stock Companies. For several years the City and the stock market had
been in a state of headlong uncontrolled bullishness. It was the first of the
great nineteenth century booms after the final defeat of Napoleon in 1815.

The Annual Register recorded the financial crisis -

Early in the year public securities showed a tendency to

fall ; joint-stock companies had declined from the

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 extravagant prices which they had attained. The state of
the money-market became still more critical. Large sums
invested in foreign loans and in distant speculations
brought back no return. Confidence began to be shaken.
Merchants looked to their bankers. But bankers, had been
induced by the abundance of money and the low rates of
interest at the end of 1824 to lay out their funds in bills of
unusually long dates - and could not therefore lend the
help that was needed. Some considerable banking houses
stopped payment. All classes of persons hastened to draw
out their balances. One or two failures doubled the alarm.
At the beginning of December these embarrassments were
at their height and for some days the agitation in the City
exceeded every thing that had been witnessed for many
years. Lombard-street was nearly filled with persons
hastening to the different banks to draw money, or waiting
in anxious fear of hearing new failures.

On 16th December bank notes were to be temporarily

issued for country circulation. The Mint coined one
hundred and fifty thousand sovereigns per day for a week,
the price of bullion being lower than the Mint price.
Meetings were held in London and most trading towns in
which resolutions were adopted for the support of
commercial credit, and these had considerable effect in
restoring some degree of mutual confidence.

The peak of the crisis arrived on 3rd December 1825. It was only avoided by
Nathan Rothschild personally replenishing the coffers of the Bank of
England with £300,000 in gold obtained from the continent using his own
private message system.

A series of inquiries followed. Legislation was passed by parliament

permitting the establishment of joint-stock banks outside a radius of sixty-
five miles from London. Within a few years, joint-stock banks were
permitted in London too. The crisis was averted.

Theodore's love of humour led him to record good jokes in John Bull - such
as these from 9th April 1826 -

We remember reading in the Evangelical Magazine many

years ago, an advertisement which, from false

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 punctuation, read thus: 'Wanted a Coachman to look after
a pair of horses of a religious turn of mind.' But we do not
remember ever to have seen a more beautiful mixture of
the spiritual and temporal seriously set before the public
than the following, which appeared in the Old Times -
'Wanted, a confidential man as presser and measurer in a
woollen warehouse. A man of evangelical principles
would be preferred ; and none need apply whose thumb is
not two inches wide !

Those who know the value of a thumb's breadth in

measurement will understand. It reminds us of the
evangelical grocer's dialogue with his apprentice -
"Malachi," says the grocer to his apprentice, looking out
of a back parlour into the shop, which was shut up for the
night -
"Malachi, have you put the sand into the brown sugar ?"
"I have," says Malachi.
"Have you watered the rum ?"
"I have," says Malachi.
"Have you chopped the birch-broom into the Congo ?"
"I have," again says Malachi.
"And the beans into the coffee ?"
"I have"
"Then come into prayers."

Three years previously, in May 1823, the government had decided that the
National Lottery was contributing too little to its funds. It would be
abolished with effect from 1826.

On 10th December 1826 Theodore published the following charming rhyme

to argue that 'Lotteries Not Abolished !'. Instead he argued that the real
lottery remained - 'Will your future wife turn out to be a prize ?' .

Are Lotteries over, abolished, suppressed !

Is the wheel of Dame Fortune for ever at rest !
Shall we never more feel a pecuniary wish,
Puff'd up by the florid inflations of Bish40 ?

40
. Thomas Bish & Co were stock-brokers who attained a dominant
position selling lottery tickets as 'lottery contractor to the
government'.

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 The Government wills it ! the dark deed is done,
And Goodluck and Co.'s occupation is gone !

The remaining seven verses are given in Appendix F on pages 462-3.

On 18th March 1827 he included an affectionate Rothschild story -

We have often noticed the mistakes into which foreigners

fall, not more by confounding sounds than by mistaking
meanings, in their intercourse with this hard languaged
island.

Of confusions of words accidentally, Rothschild's

observation on venison would serve as a good illustration,
were it not now so common. However, perhaps some of
our readers may not have heard it, and we will repeat it.

Somebody asked the Baron Rothschild to take venison.

"No," said the Baron, "I never eatsh wenshon. I don't think
it ish so coot ash mutton." "Oh !" said the baron's friend, "I
wonder at your saying so ; if mutton were not better than
venison, why does venison cost so much more?" "Vy ?"
replied the baron, "I vill tell you vy - in dish world de
peeples alvaysh prefers vat ish deer to vat ish sheep."

To celebrate the defeat of a parliamentary bill which would have legalised

the sale of parts of dead bodies, Theodore penned a comic poem called
'Mary's Ghost'. In full, it is in Appendix F, on pages 465-6 :

'Twas in the middle of the night,

To sleep young William hied ;
When Mary's ghost came stealing in,
And stood at his bedside.

John Bull appeared like clockwork every week. 41 Theodore earned a steady
income from it. Lockhart wrote that

Hook's diaries reveal that his receipts 'were as high as two

thousand pounds per year 42 from John Bull but that, a few
years before his death, they had dwindled to a

41
. John Bull appeared continuously until 1893 when it was taken over.

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 comparatively trifling amount.

An unsigned handwritten note in Hammersmith archives states 43 -

Thos Hill told me on the 28 Oct 1832 that Hook received

every Saturday £37.10 for editing John Bull from Shackell
at the Spring Garden Coffee House - that no person but
Hook ever wrote the Theatrical Paragraph in that paper -
and that Terry furnished the materials. The sum was
reduced I believe since that time to £20 - and was for a
long while at Esteys Hotel Southampton Street but latterly
in Matesloe-place. For the last year or two Hook made no
secret of his being the Editor at the John Bull, that Smith
the brother-in-law of Mrs Bartley 44 was his sub editor but
that nothing appeared in that paper without his
approbation - this he told me himself - and that in the
instance of a young lady who made an unsuccessful
appearance he prevented the insertion of a criticism by
Smith not in her favor at the request of Charles Young. 45

Despite Theodore's success with John Bull, he was still hounded over the
debt he had incurred in Mauritius. The Whigs were determined to have their
revenge. And his friends the Tories were reluctant to lift a finger to help
their own ally.

NOTES -

42
. Two thousand pounds per year in the 1830s was worth at least fifteen
or twenty times as much in today's values.

43
. Hammersmith & Fulham Archives ; unsigned note near end of
DD/134/27/109.

44
. Mrs Sarah Bartley (1783-1850) : actress : Leigh Hunt considered her
'the second tragic actress of her day' after Sarah Siddons.

45
. Charles Young (1777-1856) ; actor overshadowed by Kemble, Kean
and Macready.

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