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    Bhapsi Sidwa novel

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    Bhapsi Sidwa novel

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    877 views145 pages

    Cracking India

    Uploaded by

    Natalia Cardona Villa
    Bhapsi Sidwa novel

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    of 145
    Praise for The Crow Eaters ‘A delightul and perceptive view of Pace family’s rie from rigs to ches ... A most umelligent and enjoyable novel” Paps Shue] penne Chare.and herb swarm an vital 2 furnny”— Mla Hen The descriptions of Parsee customs and of life in Lahore Fascinating Bombay and London ate tc incor sound and aroma "Completely charming and very faiy"—New Ve N thar] recall the past in charming desi: Ap ‘Wonerfully comic... Lively and entertaining” —Washingse Po Aa entirely refreshing, siev and satirical book:—Plin Dealer A charming visit co India in the ealy fragrances sounds, and tctle aspects 0 The wit is sparkling. The ahore ae more entrancing than Praise for An America Brat Sidwa's writing brisk and funny, her characters painted so vividly you York Tome Bot Rene can almost ear then bickering The pluses and minuses ofthe prevalling American culkure of individual i avetsos novel takes long. affectionate exctic ward ofthe ih” —Economit modern Parsee communsy end its ancient Zora ihe ‘Aceh by maderm immigrants"—Lse Anger Thms “Sethwa writes wich cunning knowledge of modern Lahote and its Parte New York Newsy Affecting, amusing, and profoundly enjoyable."—Washugiow Pat Book Wood CRACKING INDIA A NOVEL Bapsi Sidhwa MILKWEED EDITIONS 3 1223 07245 7576 For the Kemmanis Zerses, Cambayses and Behr Baku and Koko And Deepa Mi Chapters Sha hn len of he sighing ok ‘Am the rose tle yi lence year afer yer? The fe of vee ses me cure aud bids me no mono Be aa With ds my owt, Ia abject Ged | make my complain Somaru You fr our rl then comets with You af 1a som 9 ay 50 Bly. Yn a we ke than we lata: “Comphine ro God* ly egy ort ‘My word is compressed. Warr Road, ined with ran gutters, lies between Queens Roed and fail Road: both wide clean, orderly stroets atthe affuent fringes of Lahore. Rounding the right-hand comer of Waris Road and continu {ng on Jail Road is the hushed Salation Army wall Set high, at eight-foot intervals are the walls dingy eves Mr child's mind is blocked by the gloom emanating from the wire mesh screening the oblong ventilation sits | feel such sadness for the dum creaure | imagine lurking behind the wal. know is dumb because | have listened to is silence, my eat t0 the wall. Jnl Road ako harbors my energetic Blectricaunt and her adenoidal son... large, slow, inexorable. Their house is adjacent to the den of the Salvation Army, Opposite it down a bumpy, dusty. earth-packed drive, i the ‘one-and-s-half-room ahode of my godmother. With her dvell het docile old husband and her slavesster. This i ny haven. My refuge from the perplexing unreaities of my home on Waris Road ‘A few furlongs away Jul Road vanishes into the dense bazaars cof Mozang Chungi. At the other end a distant canal cuts the road at the penphery of my worid. Lordy, lecing fn my bey elingpeam. immersed in dreams, my private world is rudely popped by the sudden appeat- ance of an English gnome wagging «leathery linge in my ayah’s face. But for keen reflexes that enable her to pull the carriage up shore shete mght have been an acideat. and blood spilled on ‘Waris Road. Wagging his finger over my head into Avah’ alarmed face, he rut-tuts: “Let her wilk Shame, share! Such a big it in pram She's at least four” He emilee down at me ie brown eyes twinkling intolerance ook at him politely, concealing my complacence. The Englishman is shor: leathery. middle-aged. pointy-eared. like im “Come on. Up, upt” he says crooking a beckoning finger, “She not wak much... she get tired,” drawh Ayah. And si- rultaneousl I aise my trouser culf to reveal the leather straps and wicked steel calipers hamesing my right boot Confonted by Ayah’s quid eyes and prim gloating and the triumphant reveltion of my caliper, the Englishman withers ut back he bounces hobbing up and down. “So what?” he says, resurrecting is smile. “Get up and walk! Walk! You need the exercise more than other children’ How wil she become strong. sprawled out ike that in her pram? Now, you listen to me...” He lecrures Avah, and prancing before the cariage which has again stared 10 roll says, “I want you ro cell her mother ‘ah and | hold our eyes away efecsively dampening bis sood Samaritan exuberance... and wagging his head and euening about, che Englishman quietly dissolves up the diiveway from which he had so enthusiastically sprung. “The covetous gances Ayah draws educate me. Up and down. they look at her. Stub-handed ewisted beggers and dusty old beg- gars on crutches drop their poses and stare at her with hard, alert eyes Holy men. masked in piety shove aside their pretenses ro ‘pl her with lst. Hawkers car-divers cooks, cools and cyclists ‘tum their heads 2s che pastes. pushing my pram with the un cconcem of the Hindu goddess she worships. ‘Avah is chocolate-trown and short. Everything about her is RB cightaen yeas old and round end plump. Even her fice. Full-blown cheeks. pouting mouth and smooth forehead cure to forma cecle ‘with her head, Her har is pulled back in tight knot And, asif her looks were not stunning enough, she hat atol- {ing bouncy walk chat agitaes the globule of her buttocks under her cheap colorful saris and the half-spheres beneath her short sar blouses. The Englishman no doubt had noticed, We cross Jail Road and efter Godmother’ compound. Wall: ing Backwards, the butflo-hide water pouch slung from his back the waterman is spraying the driveway to settle the dus for eve- ning visitors. Godmother is already fited into the bulging ham- mock of her easy char and Slavesster squats ona low cane stool facing the road. Their faces brighten 2 | scramble out of the pram land run towards them. Smiling like roguish children, softly capping hands they chant. "Lampe deen Pasay bere Tavebt mots, paz nahi” Freely cansated, “Lame Leanyt Thee fora penny: Fully ‘pants and fine fanny!” Fiving forward | ling myself at Godmother and she lifts me conto her ap and gathers me to her beso kiss het. insatably excessively, and she hugs me. She is childless. The bond that ties her strength to my weaknes, my fierce demands to her nurturing. sy trust t her capacity to contain that rust—and my loneliness to her compassicn—is sronger than the bond of motherhood. ‘More satisfying chan the tes berween men and women, leannotbe in her room long without in sone way touching her. Some nights clinging to her broad white bac like bug. 1 sleep with her She wears only white Khaddar sars and white Khad- dar blouses Beneath which is her cane bindagetight bodice. I all the years I never saw the natural shape of her breasts. ® Somewhere in the uncharsed wastes of wpace beyond, is Mayo Hoeptal, We are on a quict wide veranda running the length of the fire floor The cement floor ie shining clean, a Colonel Bharucha. awesome, bald as pink-skinned as an Englishman, approaches swifly along the corridor. My mother springs up from the bench on which we've been wating He kneels before me. Gently he lis the plaster cast on my dangling right leg and suddenly looks into my eyes His eyes are a complex hazel. They ae dvect as an anioal's He can read my rind Clone! Bharucka is cloaked in thunder. The terrifying aura of his renown and competence ate with him even when he i with- cout his posse of house surgeons and head nurses, His thunder is teRlected in my mother's on-your-mark attentiveness. If he bens she bends swifter, When he reaches forthe saw on the bench she reaches tfrst and hands it 0 hum with touching larry. Ie isa frightening arm'sength saw. I belongs in 1 woodshed. He with laws from his pockets mullet, a hammer and a chisel. “The sigroris pink head, bent in concentration hides the white cast. ook at my mother. | turn away eo look a a cloudless sky. | peer inquisively atthe closed windows screening the large general ward in font of me. The knocks of the hammer and chisel ang the sawing have ceared to slam. Lam confident ofthe doc- tors competence. am bored. The crunch of the saw biting into plaster continues a the saw is worked 10 and fro bythe surgeon. ook a his bowed head and am amested by the spltch of Blood jue vile on my shin through the crack inthe plaster. My boredom vanishes The blood demands s reaction. “Um, ..," moan dutifully. There is no response. "Um. Um..." I moan, determined to draw attention. The sawing stops. Colonel Shorucha straightens. He looks up at me and his direct eyes bore into my thoughts. He cocks his head, impisly detying me to shed crocodile tears. Caught out | put ‘a brave face on my enbarrasment and my nonexistent pain arnt look away. leieall so pleasant and painless. The cast i of, My mother's ‘uilt-driven attention is where it belongs-on the steeply fallen arch of my right loot. The doctor buckles my sandal and helps me from the bench saying. “Ie didnt hurt now, dit" He and ny mother talk over my head in cryptic monoeyllables, node and sig- nls, am too relieved to see my newiy released fooe and it valu- able deformity intact to be interested in their grown-up exclusivity (My mother takes my hand and I limp away happily, Iisa happy interlude 1 am sent to school. ply “I sent a let- ‘er to my fiend. ..”" with other children. My cousin sow, intense, ‘observant sc watching "Which of you's sick and s not supposed to eun2” asks the teacher: and bound by our telepathic conspiracy, both Cousin and I point to Courin, He squats distributing his indolent weight on his sturdy feet and | shout, play laugh and run on the ripe of my toes T have an overabundance of energy It can never be wholly released The interlude was happy. & Lie on a whiee wooden table ina small room. I know i is the same hospital. have been lured unsuspecting to che rable but | get 4 wif of something frghtening. | hare the smel with ll my hear, and my bear pounding | ry to get ofthe table Hands hold me. Colovel Bharuch, in a strange white cap and mask looks at me ceolly and says something © a youngand nervous lady dostor The cbnoxious mel ows sronger aa fightening muzzle is brought loser so my mouth and note [scream and ick out. The rmuzale moves away. Again i attacks and agin twist and wrench turning my fice from side 10 sde- My hands are pinned down. [ cat move my legs realize they ate strapped. Hands hold my Ihead. "No! No! Help me. Mummy’ Murmny. help me shout panicked, She too i aligned with them. "'m suffocating” scream “Learie breathe. There ian unbearable weight on ny ches. 1 smoanand er {lam held capeve by the brutal ell Iehar vaporized into @ silky clo. flat round and round and up and down and fll horrendous distances without landing anywhere fighting for my 6 life's breath. Lam abandcned in that suffocating cou. Ioan and imy ghoulish voice tums me into something despicable and eerie and deserving of the termble punishment. But where am? How long wil the horror last? Days and yeats with no-end in sight. emus have ended. TV yeitch amake fo maddening pain, sting up in my mother bed ering. | must have been crying’ lng tims. I bosom aware oF the new plaster cast on my leg. The shape of the cat is akered from the lest time The toes point up. The pain from my Jet radiates all over my small body, ‘De something I hurting!” ‘My mother tells me the story of the litle mouse with seven alls “The mouse comes home crying.” My mother rubs her knucke les to her eyes and, energetically imitating the mouse, sobs. "Mammy, Maram. do something. The children at schoc! esse ime They sing “Freaky mowey with zeventaiht Lousy mouicey with seven tai’ So. the litle mouse’s mother chops off one tail. The next day the mouse again comes home crying: "Mummy, Mum, the children tease me. “Lousy mousey with x tails Freaky mousey with si tit ‘And 5908, until one by one the litle mouse’ tals eal chopped off and the story winds 0 ts Inevitable and dismal end with the baby mouse crying: “Mummy, Mummy, the children tease ime. They sing. ‘Freaky mousey with no tail: Lousy mousey with no tail” And there i no way a tai ean be tacked back on The doleful story adds to my misery. Bur soially beating my pain forthe duration of the tale. out of pity fr my mother's w face and my father's exaggerated attempts to become the tragic mouse. once again succumb to the pat My mother tells my father: "Go next door and phone the doc to 19 come at once!” I in the middle ofthe night. And iis cold Father puts on his dressing gown and wrapping sarf round his neck leaves us My scaring loses its edge of panic. An hour later, exhausted by the puin and no longer able to pander to my mother's efors to distract, | abandon myself to hysteria, ‘Daddy has gone to fetch Colenel Bharuch” soothes Mother 6 ‘She carries me round and round the room stroking my beck: Finally, pushing pas the curtain and the door, she takes me into ‘the sitting room. My father raises his head from the couch The bitter eruth sinks in. He never phoned the doctor. He never went to fetch him. And my mother collaborated in the betrayal. {realize there is nothing they can do and I don't blame them. ‘The nighe mast hive pasied-as did the memory of farther pain As news of my operation spreads the small and entire Parsee community of Lahore, m ducking cluster descends on the Sethi hhouschold. | don't vish to ce them. | ery for Godmother. fee nly she can appredate my pain and comfort me. She sends her obese emissary. Mink Aunty, who with her dogged devotion to my smother—and mulilicty of platitudes—only aggravates. "My, my, iy! So here we are! Flt on our backs like old Indies!" She dicks het tonne. “We've no consideration for poor Mummy. have we?” Asif l've delberately committed surgery on my foot and meaked ny leg into 2 cast! But, preceded by the slave, Godmother comes. She its by my bed stoking me. smiling her eyes twinkling concern her gray going-out sar pretty border of buterfies pinned to iron strands of scant combed-back hat. The intensity of he tenderness and the concestraion of her attention are navcoti. Trequite no one ese All evening long Mother and Father st in the drawing room, long-faced and talking in whispers answering questions, accepting advice exhibiting my plastered leg When Colonel Bharucha makes his house call at dusk hei ushered through the steng room—hushed by his pasage into the turer by the offcating and anxious energy of Eletrc-aunt. Fax ther cradling me lth a bak. carries me in ‘The visiting ladies form quiet ring round my cot a6 wth 9 lise mallet the doctor checks my wrist. knees elbows and left 7 ankle for refleyes. and injects 2 painkiller into my behind. Cousin, watching the spectacle, determines seriously to become a doctor or a male nurse. Any profession that permits one to jab pins into people merits his consideration. Taking advantage of Colonel Bharucha's beef presence Mother reads out her lst of questions. Should she sit me out in the son? Mascage lke thie. or that? Use almond or mustard oil? Can che sive me Mr Phailbus's homeopathic powders? Cocbliver oll? “Tm to blame.” she says. "Left her tothe ayahs. ‘A month later, free of pain sit in my stroller my right leg stuck straight out in front on account of my cast, as Ayah propels me t0 the 200. | observe the curious glances coming my way and soak in the commberate cucking of tongues, weating a plite and sonchalant countenance. The les eitention | appear 19 demand the more attention I get And, despite the prowneatve agitation of Aval’s bouney walk, despite the gravitational pull of her moon-like face, am the star attraction ofthe street. When we stop by the chattering monkeysin the zoo, even they through their cages ogle me.I stare at the white plaster fore- ing my unique foot into the banal mold ofa billion other fet and. | ponder my uncereain furure. ‘What will happen once the case comes off? What if my Soot merges immaculate, aul free? Will have to behave like other children. slogging for my shave of love and other handouts? Aren't Ito old to learn to throw tantrume—or hold my breath and have + fier While other children have to clamor and jump sroxnd to arn their candy, I merely sit or stand, wearing my patient, butter- vouldn't-melt... and displaying my calipen—and | am showered, with candy. What if Ihave ¢o labor at learning spellings and reciting poems and strive with fory other driven childven to seand fst, second or thied in clave? So far Tve heen spared the idlacy—I am by narure uncompetitive—but the sudden emergence from its cocoon of a beautifully bilanced and shapely foot could put my sanguine personality and situation on the line [fla briefly, with hope. Pethaps. in his zea, Colonel Bharacha hav overcorected the defect—and I wze myeelf limping gamely on the stub of my heel while the ball of my foor and my toes waggle suspended. Lam joked out of my troublesome reverie when {realize that Aah is talking to Sher Singh, the slender Sikh z90 attendant. and I hive been rolled before the lion's cage: There he lies, the ferocious beast of my nightmares looking toothless and tnnogent. . lying in aie 1 spring fully dentured, into my dea Father stirs inthe bed next © curs “Jamar” Mother says softly, propping herself up on an elbow, Ti sill pretending sleep. She calls him Jan: Me. Inthe faint flow of the nightlight I see him enttey buried beneath hie quile liken grave. Mother hates when he covers his face, as if he 4istancing himmelf from her even in is sleep. She knows he is awake, “Jana?” she says again. groping for his head “Don’t cover your face lke that... You'll suffocate.” “Sor” says Father drowsly, hanging on to the heavy cotton. quik and unveiling only his eyes “You'l bea meny widow. You'l Blow every pice Phe saved” ean almost feel a languorous happiness settle in my mother's AResh, He sounds teasing affectionate. as she says he did in the first veat oftheir six-year-old marriage. Don't say tha, jana. Even asa joke,” Mother sar her voice plaintive, grateful, husky. She rol over and molding herself to his back makes small burrowing. yearning movements Father tums and lfsing the quilt buries his head in the breasts she has inherited from a succession of bountifilly endowed Parsce grandmothers Having polio in infancy is lke being bom under a lucky star. It has many advanages—ie permits me access to my mother’s bed in the middle ofthe night “Baije Wake up" Avah tape Mother's hand urgently. "Baje™ My lids y open. Mether looks startled and her eyes stil slased with dreams, stare fixedly at Ayah, “Something's happened to Papoo. ve puther inthe nurs- ery! whispers Ayah. "You'd better come Incone starting mavement Mother pushes away the quilt and sxving fr feet co the iy floor. Her calves gleam creamlly inthe pale ligt seeping in chrough the narrow windows Shanta, iny cighteemfearld avah, pushes the red fel slippers towards her mistresssfeet and holds out Mother's pashinina shawl {sit up. whimpering, and Ayah swing: me up and places me ‘on her hip.I know Lam heavy with my cat. tc is warmer in my nursery A thin woolen daurrie covers the brick floor and the sweepers daugheer is ving on icin front ofthe slowing cods ofan electric heater She is three years older than me, a bie aller, but she weighs lets Pm sure. Ayah phces me in my cot and squats beside my kneeling smother. feel a sickening lurch of feat—and fury. From the way she lies ashen, immobile—the right side of her dark cheek and small mouth slightly askew, 2 thread of saliva stretched to a wet spot on the dhutrie—t think that there is something teribly wrong with Papoo, "Has Maccho beaten her again” I ask fiercely Ayah looks up at me. shivering inthe sleeveless cardigan worn cover her cotton tal Her hair alicheveled and her large eyes are dilated with anger foo. °“Shush.” she says "She'll be allright” The shawl she has flung aside earlier lies in a heap on the floor. “Papoo,” Mother seys smoothing back ber straight, sun- bleached ait. “open your eyes child. You're safe. Comer” Bus the gel normally 0 responsive, es absolutely sill She fooks unbearably il shnnken, her small fextares barely defined showing milky ciescenes beneath ber lids “Weed better get her to the howpital” Mother say. standing ‘up “TM ell Sahib 9 mind Lenny.” Papoo remains inthe hospital two whole weeks She has a concussion. Het mother sas she fell off er bed, bt we know she's ving. Muccho malereats her daughter, When Papo retums from the children’s ward of the Ganga Ram Hospital she is sprightly defiant. devilish are as delightful [My patents st on wood-bottomed chaits in Colonel Bharucha’s consulting room. Mother holds me I've been fated to twice my size by knitted underwear, pullovers, a five-loot Sahai shawl and a quil ‘Colonel Bhanucha ts applying 2 stethoscope f9 the emaciated chest ofan infant, A woman in a sably black burka holds the chil. The infant coughs so severely thit his mother har to hold him upright Colonel Bharucha removes the stethorcone from his ears and Jets it hang from his neck ikea talisman, “How long has he had this cought” he asks The father, sanding deferentially to one side, bends towards his wife She turns her veiled face to hin and whispers. For a week, door sabi,” the man says His head and neck are wrapped in a mufler and his gaunt face i careworr. “How often does he thiow up” asthe doctor ‘Again the man oops and, relaying his wife's words. says “Quite often, st "Once a day? Twice a day? Ten times a day?” the doctor booms impatienty. | feel Mother’ arm twitch, This time the woman addresses the doctor directly, looking at him through the nevting covering her eves,"He vomits every time he has mil She couldr't be more than ewe, I think surprised. “Why dide' you bring him eater” the doctor soar. Tm sory, sic” the man says. “She dice’ ell me." “She didn't tel your Are you a father ora barber? And you all vant Pakistan! Hov willyou govern country when you don't know what goes on in your own house? ‘The man, shivermg slightly im a shore, scatfy jacket and ooe- ton trousers, hangs his head and sles sheepishly. His patients anderstand Celonel Bharucha, The move he wars and sce the mote likely he isto elfect a cure. They have a+ much faith in his touch asin his mixtures. “Take ths tothe dispenser,” Colonel Bharucha says handing hima prescription. “He wont charge you forthe medicine.” fee sit times day.” Her voice is incredibly young. 2 Your fees sit” The man thee out » handfal of grubby one: rupee nots from his coat pocker. ‘No need.” Colonel Bharuch says with adixmissive gesture, and turning to us asks, "Well ‘The nan salaarss and shepherds his wife our of the tiny room, “Its Lenny” says Mother. "You sad you'd remove her plaster ‘today! She has a cold... dont know if you should, ..” Her voice tral of on a quavering nove, I quake. The news comes as 2 complete shock. I thought Iwas seeing the dector for my cold. Misinterpreting my devotion to the cast which conceals my repsired foot. Mather thinke Vim merely scared of being hurt and has kept the true purpose of the appoint: iment from me. Not" scream, unable to bear the thought of an able-bodied future, The sispense—although ithas given my forehead premature ankles of worry—is preferable co the certainty ofan alered, labo Hous and loveless Topen my mouth wide and baw ae loudly a Iam able and leave to my mother “Ie won't hurt, aa” soothes Father gently “Don't you remember? It dide't hurt at sll ist ime,” carols ‘Mother brightly. "Dr. Bharucha would never let you hurt Father waves a crisp ten-rupee note before my nose as turn my face from side to side to abe terapeation and establish dis- ain, Je isa touching gesture of extravagance on Father's part would appresiate it in any other circumstance. Tut trade my future for ten rupece? CColone! Bharucha moves his spindly chair closer and looks elo- quently at me, iemplying: Now whats all this fuss about? I wor't tolerate nonsense fur my terror ir genuine and the doctor compromises. "I only want to have a look atthe plaster.” he says, and displays hands in- nosens of sa, chisel or hammer. “See? I have nothing.” He shifts hir eyes to Mother, “How do you expect me to ex amine her though allthis quilking?™ And standing up from his desk, tall and stooping, directs: "Bring her to the table” Mother briskly removes the quilt and hands i to Father. She tumine the shawl, removes my coat and trousers and lay me on the hard and treacherously narrow table that i covered caly by an iodine-stained white sheet. "Take her clothes off, woman” the doctor holes. "She has such an awful cold and fever...” says Mother hesitantly “Then take her home and bro her! If you kaow what's good for het. why bring her to me? ‘Mother and Father hastily strip me of my pullovers and knitted underweat sparing nly my cotton knickers ‘The doctor apples his cold stethoscope. Im stil trembling from the thunder of his angry rears—and now I shiver alo fom the cold. “She hasn't gota fever” the doctor declares severely. He signals to Mother and she covers my naked and trembling torso withthe shawl At che décction of «ave and secret signal I miss Father and Mother move to either side of me and firmly troke my arms and shoulder: and, at my instant alam. make soothing ‘Lie sil” the doctor order: and petefed by histone, ie stil CColonet Bhanucha saws, hammers and chisel at my cast, and using both hands, rears tt apart “Seet No pas,” he says moving his eyes dose to mine "Hare 1 Took," he offers helping me sit up, Mseher husilr winds ee shawl round my shoulden and Lexemine the doctors handiwork et go mw breath in-2 masive sigh of relief. My rig le looks dead: pathescally thin. wrinkled and splotched with dis colored and pale patches. The shape of my ankle has definitely changed, Itjoins ny foot a¢ 1 much moee teasonable age. On the whole I'm surrsingly pleased. My leg looks functional but i ‘remains gratiyingy abnormal—and fer fron banal! 1 am drested and etcod on my barefeet. My heel stil tears the flor. Colonel Bharucha tis brieiy€9 press my heel down, "Muich beter” he announces looking up. “See the differ- encet” My parenis' twinge of initil disappointment is a once replaced by readjusted expectations. They ned thet heads with admiring smiles of atifaction, ‘Mind you. she must wear her calipers fr sometime.” save the doctor, and turning to me he adds, “We'll get you new ones.” 1 sould hug hie. “She sill needs care... Massage, ultraviolet rays, physical therapy.” He raises my right arm and bends my torso t0 the left. "Her right side is affected: she wil have to exercise and stretch her wats like Mother's eves are brimming with tears her beautiful mouth, working Colonel Bharuch places his arm around her. “What's here to worry now?” he says gruffly, surprised at Mother's agitacon. "By the time the grows up she'l be quite normal” Mother blows hee nose in a daintily embroidered cambric hhandicerchiet and tsking the doctor's hand presses it to her eyes Father siffsand clears his throat "What sbout her schooling?” he asks. masking his emotion. 1 ‘san'tell fe is inordinately pleased by the condition of ny leg— ‘ov inordinately disappointed, “She's doing fine without school isnt she?" says the doctor. “Don't pressure her, ..her nerves could be affected. She doesn't reed to become a profesice.” He turns ts me “Do you want £0 become 1 professor” \ shake my head in frm negative “Shell marry—have childien—lead 2 carefree, happy life. No need fo strain her wich studies and exams" he advises thereby sealing my fate Mothers mouth is agsin working—her eves agiin brimming ‘And driven by unfathomable demons again her put surfaces "Jdon't know where I went wiong,” she says “Its my fault, [neglected her—left her to the care of ayahs None of the other children who went to the same park contracted pola.” Ik'sno one's taut realy,” says Colonel Bharucha, reassuring Jer as sual, “Lenny is weak. Some child wich only the sympeoms ‘of «severe cald could have patted the virus” And then he roars a shocking portecript: “Itanyone's t9 blame, blame the Brvich! There ‘var no patio in India tl they browghe it here as ‘As far ae 'm concemed thie is inrurgence—an open declars- tion of war by the twa hundeed Panees of Lahore of the British Empire! | am shocked because Colonel Bharucha ir the president of cur community in Lakore, And, except fr a few designated renegades. the Pasees have been careful ro adopt.a discreet and politically naive profile. At the last community dinnet, held on the roof ofthe YMCA building on the Mall Colone! Sharucha had ‘sautioned (between the blood-chilling whines of the microphone): “We mst read carefully... We have served the English faithfully snd eamed their trust. So we have prospered! But we ate the smallest minority in India... Only one hundred and twenty thou- sand in the whole world. We have to be extra wary, or well be neither here mor there, ..~ And then, surounting his uncharac teristic hesitancy, and in thunderous voice, he dedaimed: "We must hunt with the hounds and run with the hare!” Everybody clapped and gravely sali: "Heat! Heat” as they al- ways do, reflenively, everytime anyone aiss« British proverb in ‘sieably ringing tones “The goddanmn English” I think, infected by Colonel Bharucha's starling ferocity at this “dastardly” (ove of Father's favorite words just as “plucky” is Mothers instance of British treachery. "They gave us polio!” And notwithstanding the com> patible and sanguine nature of my relationship with my diseate, feet it is my fist personal involvement with Indian politi the (Quit-ndia sentiment thet as fired the imagination of a subject people and will soon sweep away the Rejt ‘Ayah andi, arrested by a discordant bugle blst, come to a dead stop outside Godmather's gate: There is 2 brief roll of drums. The nal cin-sheet gates of the Salvation. Amy compound opea and the band and marchers emerge from the leafy gloam of neem tees fermenting behind the wale Iris always s shack eo see the raw hands and faces ofthe English exposed to the light of day: and asthe column moves 2way ‘my mind transforms i into dick red and white caterpillar. its legs marching, marching. its hundred sightless eyes staring ahead ‘Ar startling interval the caterpillar bursts into sound, Drums, bugles and tambournes clash—and as it curves out of sight round, aa bend in Jil Road ic manufactures a curious vibration, like a tunizon of muzsled votoes ried in cong: Tseand transfixed, wating for the creature's return Ayah tries to drag me avay but I resist, and she leans resignedly—and attrac- tively against the white-washed gatepost When the caterpillar retums, now marching on our side of the road, the red jackets and white saris separate to take the alien shapes of Englishmen and -women. Observed in microscopic ton the head of the centipede is formed by 2 strutting Englishman holding the stout pole cf a ed fag diagonally arose hie chest, OF ite own volition hie glance didee to Ayah and. eurning purple and showing off, he wields the fag lke an acrobatic baton (Coe behind, crifies slued to convoluted brass horns. strut two red jackets: and on their heels forming the shoulder and chest of the creature, « tight-packed row of red jackets beating drums, cymbals and rambourines, thelr leaden eyes attracted to the magnet Jeaning against the gatepost. “The saviors move away and the bits and pieces of Englishmen tnd women fe together again co form the clengited and illusion. ary caterpillar of Jail Rosd We no longer use the pram to visit Godmother's house: itis & short ten minute wal. Bat vhen Avah takes me up Queens Rox past the YWCA, past she Freemason’ Lodge, which she ells “The {Ghost Club” and across che Mall tothe Queen's satue sn the park opposite the Assembiy Chamber. im sil pushed ina pram Lote i {Queen Vitoria cas in punmeal i matic massive, vere powering ugly. Her statue impotes the English Raj in che park. Ie ‘orawed on the grass any head in Ayab' lp. The Falteis Hotel cook, the Goverment House gardener, ad an elegant. compactly snusced head-and-bedy masseus sit wth us. Iee-candy-man is sll- ing his popscles tothe ether groups lounging on the grass. My mouth waters | have confidence in Aysh’s chocolate chemistry lank and loping the Ke-candy-tman cometh rake advanvage of Aya's admires. Manage me!" I demand Licking the handsome matseut He loovens my ace and unbuellee the straps gripping my boote Taking a few drops of almond oil from one of the hotles in his cue set he massages my wasted le and then my okay leg His fingers work deft, kneading. punmell- ing. soothing. Tey are hnoving Singers, very clever, and some- times, late inthe evening. when he ané Ayah and Lae alone, they massage Ajah under her sar Her lids close. She grows stl and languld. A pearly wedge gleams between het lps andshe means 3 frag, pteous sound of pleasure Very careful, very quiet maneuver my eyes and note lee dark bus now and then # dart of ewig illuminates 2 sklearstry. My nose inhales the fragrance of earth and grast—and the other aprance chat dsl ssights 1 {intuit the meaning and purpose of things. The secret rhyehms of cxeation and mortality. The estence of ruth and beauty. I recall the choking hell of milky vapors and discover that heaven bas 3 dark fragrance “Thing love to eral beneath Ayah’ ar. Ladybieds. glow worms Ice-candy man’s toes She dusts them off with impartial * rnonchalance:1 keep an eye on lee-candy-man’s toes. Sometimes. fn the course of an engrossing story. they trave so cautiously that both Ayal and Tare taken unawares. le-candy-man i a racontewe Hei alo an absorbing gosip, When the story extra goed and the tentacve toes polite, Aya toeraes them Sometimes toe snakes cut and ere in on is tnget with such lhening speed that Lhear of che attack only from Ayah’s startled “Oot.” Once in a while I preemps the big foe's romansic Jmpube and catching it mid-cral or mid-stice, eis it Ik ina measure to keep the candy bribes coming eam ako to detec the subi exchange of signals and some ofthe complex ites by which Avas admirers coexist. Dusting the srs from their clothes they shp away before dar, leaving the one Juck, ofthe by. favors | soni enoy the gardeners tum because nothing much happens exespe tal. He talks and Avah tll, and he listens and Ayah talk. Lescape into daydreams in which my father tums loquacious and rw mother playful Or to heroisin which 1 rescue Godmother from the drooling jaws of her cannibalistic brother-in-law who ia doceor and visits from way beyond the perimeter of ny fair world eam fast | gun Ayat’s goodwill and complicy by accom rmodating her need 10 meet frends and relates She takes me to fair chesp restaurants and slaughterhouses. cover up forher and tmaineain a canoy silence aboue her doings Heam ef human needs fries, crucees and joy | aio Teen from her the tyranny mag nets exercice over metals Thave many teachers My cousin shows me things “You want to see my marbles” he ask, and holds out che prety colored pass balls for me to admire and touch—if 40 wish toplay with He has just reumed from Quetta where be had 2 hema operation. "Let me show you my sat.” he offers unbutton- {ng his fy and exposing me to the glamorous spectacle of sched scar and a handkul of genitals. He too hay clever fingers “You can touch "he offers Hi expreson is disarming allan. | touch the fine scar snd pingety hold the genial he transfers co-my palm. We bch seudy chem. “Lam also having my tonsils removed” he says | hand back his genitals and look at his neck. I visualize ated, sal- Japed scar running from ear to eat Ie a premonition. Sometimes | spend days and nights with my limber elect aunt and my knowing and instructive cousin. "See this pillow?” he tasks one night—and as it moves nearer it resembles a mule. scream, Frightened, he covers my scream with the plow and sts cmt. I struggle madly a fis and then feeby, and cautiouly be allows me to emerge steamlest The next day. when we are alone my cousin's face looms cor~ spiratoraly close and he says. “Come on. show you somethin He leads me through wite-mesh doors tothe buck veranda. He drags 2 wooden stool close 10 the whitewashed wall and climbing con it points to a hole in a small white china object stuck to the wall. "See thi” he asks. Put your finger there and see what hap- pens.” He jumps down and almost lifts me to the stool He isa couple of years oder than me [aise my hand, index finger peinted, and look down at him expectanty. He nods | poke my finger into the small derresion and an AC current teaches me everything | will ever need to know about gulibility and shock ‘Though my faculties of reason, deduction and logic advance with the years, my gliblty and reaction to shock remain the same as ‘on the day I tumbled screaming, hi, nerves and limbs spread: cagled, ro my cousin's arms. My electric-aunt is resourceful widow addicted to quick dest- sions and ewiftreruls. The speed at which she moves from apt # spot—from dium to dusk—have exmed her a citation. She is called in moments of need and gratitude. Bl: a word that inthe various Indian languages, with sight variations, stands foe both electricity and lghening ‘She is alo addicted to nary blue She and her son share # bedroom. It has navy-blue curtains navy-blue bedspreads and nayy- blue linen doves on the dressing able. Iris, dependingon my mood, cither a restful ora gloomy room. The night of my lesion ka sullibley and shock | find i gloomy. My cousin and I spread mattresses and slep on the carpeted floor ofthe cheerful siting room next tothe bedroom. ‘That night | have the fst nightmare that connects me to the pain of otiers Far avay Fhear a siren. Tee-too! Tee-too! it goes alarming my heart. The nocturnal throb and shrieking grow louder, dosing in ‘coming now fram the compound of the Salvation Army next door. Its tinsheet gates open a crack to let out along khaki caterpillar ‘Centipedsl lps marching, marching, i cures. and 25 i approaches EBlectric-aune’ gate it metamorphses into a single German soldier ‘ona motorcycle Roaring up the drive the engine stops. as know it mus, oatside Hecricaunt’s doorstep, The sten’steet00 tee-t00 Is now deafening, My hears pounds atthe brutality ofthe sound The soldier, his cap and uniform immaculate, dismounts. Careally femoving black gloves from his white hands, he comet «9 get me. Why does my stomach sink al the way t0 hell even now? | had my own stock of Indian bogevmen. Choo; witches with ttumed-about feet who ate the hearts and lives of straying chil den. Bears lurking, ready to pounce if didnot finish my pudding. The 200 lon, No one had taught me 1 fear an immaculate Nazi soldier. Yet here he was in nightmare after nightmare, coming t0 get me on his mocoryce {recall another childbood nightmare from the past, Cildeen lie im-e warehouse. Mother and Ayah move about sliitounly. The atmosphere is husnesike and relaxed. Godmother sts by my bed smiling indulgenly 2s men in uniforms quiety sie off. child’s arm here, lg there She strokes my head as they dismember me, | fee! no pain, Only an abysmal sense of loss—and a chilling hoor that no one is concemed by what's happening 1 pick up « brother Somewhere down the line 1 become aware of bis elusive existence Hei four—a year and s month younger than ime ¥ dow recall him Tearing to exaw! orto walk. Where was he? Ie doesn't matter ‘My brother i alpof Vil and alr. he inhabits another sphere of interests and private though. No doubt he to is busy picking up knowledge, gaining insights. am more cuious about him than he about me. Hiscunosity comes liter 1am skinny. wrzened, sal- tow: wigy-hated, ugly He is beautful. He ts the most beauifl thing, animal, pewon building, river ox mountain that Lhave see. He formed of gold mercury, He never stands still enough tose. He tums, ducks moves, looks away. vanishes The only way I know to chim his undivided attention i 0 gethim angry. I learn to ate him. His name is Adi cll him Sisy. Hes too confused o recalite the fist few times I call him by his new name Atlas: "My name ix Ad,” he growl. lowering The nextday I pers He pretends not 10 notice. I the eve- hing holding up 4 sa-lad doll sy. “Hey, Sy look She ust like yout” ‘Ad ates hit head and looks quately from the dl 9 me His et eyes are wbrant His Rushed face hold che concentrated beauty and venom of an angry cobra. And ke a cobra sikng in one sweep he temoves spiked boot and hurl it at me [stare at him, blog blurring ry vision. And he stares back communicating cold fury and deathly warning Its not that he doesn't want to play with me. Is Just that L carit hold is attention for more than a few seconds His unfath- cmable thoughts and mercurial play pattern aber him. Squatsing before comer orblaak wal, head bent. frets bat, he eancen trate on tains. bricks. mudball, strings Quickly he shits to another heap of toys and garbage in another comer or out the doors into the garden, or vegetable patch or servants’ quarters at the back of the house. ‘Ac night’ inc his nightstand fast asleep whe Ym sil soaking my hiblained es in scalding sale wate-—o standing on a secol brushing mv teeth We sleepin outsize elongated cos Like our losely tiled clothes with huge tucks snd hem, our cote ae designed to lst lifetime. (My brother ourazew his coe. sil into mine) Avah tuck inthe mosquito net and rutches off the faint lighe Is there anything to compare with the eazy blss of stugghing beneath a henvy quilt with a hot-water bag on a freezing night an unheated room? Paricuiaty jf you've jut dashed from the bathroom over abate lick floor? And you're ive years ol? An free 0 go ove the excitement: and evaluate the experience ofthe day and weave them into daydreams tha dif nto seep? Thats provided the 200 lon doesnot roa. If he roats—wich at night is rare—my daydreams tum into quaking daymares: and these t0 ‘ightmares in which the hungry lon. cating acoss Lawrence Road to Birdwood Road, prows fram the rear of the house to the bed ‘oom door. and in one bare-fanged leap crashes through to snk his fangs inco my stomach. My stomach sinks all che way to the bot tom of hel Whether he roare at night ornot. awake every morning 9 the lion's roar He sete shouts atthe crack of dawn, bghting my dreams By the time | dispel the fears ofthe jungle and peep out of my quik Adis akeady out of bed. A great chunk of bis lifes lived apart: he goes toa epular schoo. ® Spring flowers birds and butterflies sent and calor the aic. Ie fe the end of March, and already i come indoors and see my brother embedded in the sag oF char poy. fat adeep. We gently tum him on his back and propped on elbows scrutinize his face hot in the sum Cousin and I He's put on lipstick" Cousin says. es." agree His face has the irresistible Bloom of spring lowers. Turn by tum Cousin and | softly brush our lips and cheeks aginst his vel ver face. we pry backa sleek lick of dark brown hair and kis his forchead and she cushioned cleft im his chin, His vuhnerbilty i breathtaking and we ravsh ie with scrutiny end our childish ses CCared away by our ardor we become rough. Adi wakes up and ‘open indulgent ewel-iet eves They are rusting and kind a a saint's “You've put om istic” ask, inviting confidence “No he says mid "OF coure he hast” says Cousin, ‘No 've not says dt "Can I rub some tistue and find out?” ask courtecusy, ‘Oka." he says Taeroke the Klenes aero hi lips and look at eis un- blemished moisen it with my tongue ard rab harder Cousin it armed with his own tssve- Adi withstands our vigorous scouring with the patience ofthe blameless. [notice blood on the Kleenex The natural red in his lips has camouflaged the Bleeding. Aston- ished, we fray believe him. He should have been a gi” says Cousin By mew Adi sally awake. I watch helplesly as mercurial preoccupation vels his eyes He becomes remote. Hi vdnerabiey vanishes He hicks ove. pushing back our hands with the esues He ‘sin conto. Passing by, Ayah swoops down on him ard picks him up, After tugging him and auszling his fae she abrapely pts im down agai, saying: “He is my litle English babat Last evening Ayah took us fora walk in Simla-pahari and 2 pasetty, no doube impelled by her spherical aitation exo spouting small ll ingatred:“s he an Eagli’s sr” “Of coune not” said Ayah imperiously, However, vanity softening her conzempr: the added: "Can any dough faced Enghh’s som match his spice? Their loks lack sl” x Ayah is so proud of Adis paucity of pigment. Sometimes she takes us t9 Lawrence Gardens and enoourages him to-run across the space separating native babies and English babies. The ayahs of the English babies hug him and fuss over him and permit him :0 romp with their privileged changes Adi undoes che bows of litte sis with blue eyes in scratchy ongandy dresses and wrestles with tallow-haived boys in the grass Aysh beams, * ‘On bitterly cold days when ice sles plummet, le-candy-man transforms himself into a birdman. Burdened with enormous cages stuffed with spamows and common green parots he parades the paths behind che Lahore Gymkhana lawns and outside the Punjab ‘Club. Ae srategic moments he plants the cages on the ground and rages: “I break your neck. you naughty bird! You da too much ci ‘chi What will the good memsahibs think? They'l think I no teach You. You like jungly lions in 200. Leut your throat!” He flourishes a barbers tazor. es an infalible baie Clutches of tenderhearted Englshwomen, sporting skirts and tennis shoes, abandon their garden chairs and dainty cucumber and chicken tea sandwiches to rush up and scolt: "You horrid man, Don't you dare cet their dha” “Them fresh parrots, memsahib, They not learn diny words yet I catches them today," soaxes Birdman. plunging his crafty hands into the cages. “They only one rupee for two birds. His boneless fingers set up such a squawking and twittering among the parrots and the sparrows that the ladies become frantic. ‘They buy the bitds by the dozen. and, cooing, "You poor litle iney-biey things" smuggle them to their bosoms ‘After the kissing and the cuddling, holding the stupefid birds aloft they release them, one by one. Their valiant expressions and triumphant cries enthrall the rapt crowd of native grwkerr av they exclaim; “There! Fly ay. hele birdie. Ga, you poo Hele ching! Sauatring on his heels Biréman surveys the tearful and spirited ‘ems with open-mawed and marveling admiration. Conjuting rwefl litle nods and a catch to his voice, he remarks: “Ito straight to mams-papa.” Or, sighing heavily, “ify to hungry little babies in nest. ‘And today, foreshadowing the poetic impulse of his future wiping team and pointing at a geil spinning and chirping spat row, Ieecandy-man says: “Look! Litle sparow singing, ‘See? Sect | free to mad-with grief wife ‘Ayah, Adi and I watch the performance with concealed glee Every now and then we heighten the histronics and encourage sales by shouting, ‘Cut their throats! Cut their throats” We cheer and clap from the sidelines when the birds are released Iece-candy-man resorts to his change in occupation nly two or three times a year, 50 is ingenuity works. He usually clears & packet, And ifthe sae has been quick and lucrative, as on this Sat- urday aftemoen just before Christmas, he treats us 0 a meal at Avah's favorite wayside restaurant in Mozang Chung We are regulars. The chom proprietor acknowledges ts with 2 solemn nod, He i a pabifuan: a wresler. Covering his massive torso with singlet in deference to Avah’s presence, he approaches. Despite the cold, his shoulders gleam with sweat and a striped lungi clings to his butocks and legs We are directed to st on a narow backles bench. Opposite us Iee-candy-man drapes his lank and flexible length on another bench, and leaning across the table ops Avah. He staightens somewhat when an wichia-apprenticeplonks down thre tin plates heaped with rice and a bowl of vegetable cry, The tice i steam ing and fraprant. We fill toi silently. Ayab's chocolate fingers told the rie into small golf balls which she pops into her mouth, She eats with her right hand while her left hand reposes in her lap Halfway through the meal | sense a famikar tension and a small flurry of morement:Ie-

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