Donjuan 1

Domenic Donjuan

Dr. Sharity Nelson

ENGL 1302 223

10 April 2023

Coming Out to Faithful Families and the Consequences

Introduction

Religion, religious families, and the LGBTQ+ community have not always been very

nice to each other. Across the globe, churches have different teachings about homosexuality.

Some say that it is only natural and should be accepted. On the other hand, some churches say

that it is not normal and should not be accepted, according to their sacred religious texts.

Similarly, the opinions and views of those who surround the parents of sexual minority children

could have an impact on how the parents react to their kid disclosing their orientation. Positive

reactions would allow a queer individual to feel good about themselves, which will help them in

maintaining a positive lifestyle. Contrarily, negative reactions from parents will cause a child to

feel regretful and turn to drugs/substances in an attempt to heal from the situation. Each outcome

is different for every household all around the world. Still, it remains uncertain what exactly

influences a religious family to be supportive or unsupportive of their LGBTQ+ identifying

child. Some religious families struggle coming to terms with and accepting their child’s sexual

orientation because of homonegative things that are taught at churches, which can cause harm to

a queer child’s mental and emotional health.

Religion and the LGBTQ+ Community

The religious beliefs that a family has could identify as a major reason as to why they

may or may not accept their sexual minority child. This all depends on what the family is being
 Donjuan 2

taught at church, as churches can sometimes promote different things around the nation. For

example, Yen and Zampelli state that “most religions teach that gay sex is unnatural, disordered,

and sinful” (197). On the other hand, other religions could teach that such actions are completely

normal and should not bother anybody. Conflicting teachings from different types of religions

could explain why some families are more queer friendly than others. Similarly, certain religious

people might have learned negative things about the LGBTQ+ community from any religious

texts. For example, Ward explains that “[h]omophobia in black churches is … directly related to

the authority given to a perceived literal interpretation of scripture” (495). People, at least those

in black churches, have formed negative perspectives on the LGBTQ+ community simply

because their religious texts say that homosexuality is not normal. These people will refuse to

listen to any other opinion on the LGBTQ+ community; they will follow through with whatever

their religion states. Additionally, Leach and Gore have found that some Christians want “to take

[LGBTQ] members away from their congregations” (86). Christians want absolutely nothing to

do with the LGBTQ+ community while they are doing their religious practices. However,

recently, the “views and attitudes” from Christians on the queer community continue to “become

more positive, especially with the support of civil rights movements and overall exposure”

(Leach and Gore 86). While there may not be a specific religion or church that causes a family to

condemn homosexuality, it all comes down to what they are exposed to while becoming more

involved in their religion.

Coming Out to Family

Each family has their own ways of handling things, including how they react to their

child disclosing their sexual orientation to them. The consequences of a queer child doing so can

be positive, negative, or even a mix of the two. However, D’Augelli et al. state that “disclosure
 Donjuan 3

to families … [is a] critical [factor] in the adjustment of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth” (367).

At some point in a LGBTQ+ person’s life, they will have to tell their family about their sexual

orientation whether they want to or not. The action of disclosing their orientation to their parents

has the possibility to be life changing for the individual, depending on the reaction from their

family. In fact, this is the reason some queer individuals choose to keep it to themselves.

LGBTQ+ identifying kids are sometimes reluctant to let their family know about their sexual

orientation because the action has the possibility of becoming one of the biggest issues in their

lives (McCormick and Baldridge 33). The last thing queer children want is to have problems

with their own parents. They may try to suppress anything that could make them come off as gay

to their loved ones, especially their father. Within the immediate family of the queer individual,

the father is most likely the one to have the worst reaction, as “negative reactions [are] twice as

common among [them]” (D’Augelli et al. 365). This is most likely a result of the father

attempting to portray an image of being very masculine, and to them, being homosexual is the

very opposite of that. Each coming out experience and reaction is different, per the LGBTQ+

person’s family.

Rejection From Family

The process of coming out to a highly faithful family and being rejected by them can

have negative effects on a LGBTQ+ person’s daily life and health. According to Bybee et al.,

“[g]ay […] men and women have a greater lifetime incidence of anxiety disorders, mood

disorders, and substance-use disorders” (144). After a person is rejected by their family or loved

ones, they experience feelings they have never encountered before. Those thoughts and feelings

can cause a queer person to feel insecure and uncertain about their future. Additionally, a

LGBTQ+ person rejected by their family could possibly turn to drugs that they have never used
 Donjuan 4

before so that they can numb their feelings and forget about what happened. After disclosing

their sexuality, members of the queer community may experience “loss of friends, or parents

distancing themselves” (Gattamorta and Quidley-Rodriguez 755). These actions can cause the

person to feel as if they are alone and have nobody to reach out to, especially if the relationship

with their parents changed negatively after disclosure. People being distant from the LGBTQ+

identifying person right after they come out is common for religious families and friends who

might feel as if homosexual feelings are being forced upon them by that person. If a family is

extremely serious about rejecting their queer child, they might consider sending them to

“conversion therapy in the hopes of redefining the self as heterosexual” (Leach and Gore 86).

Conversion therapy is a type of therapy that attempts to change a LGBTQ+ person’s sexual

orientation to heterosexual. Not only does it almost never work on people, but it is very harmful

and dangerous to a queer identifying person’s health. Such “therapy” can ruin a person’s life and

leave them traumatized. There are still many other ways that a LGBTQ+ person is affected when

they are rejected by their loved ones. However, not all people will experience rejection upon

coming out.

Acceptance From Family

There may be times when a LGBTQ+ person is accepted and supported by their religious

family. For example, accepting parents of the individual are likely to say that “their love for their

child would not change under any circumstances,” resulting in “fewer relationship disruptions

following the coming out discussion” (Drumm et al. 141). Such assurance from parents to a

queer identifying child will make the kid ultimately feel glad that they disclosed their sexual

orientation to their parents. Additionally, unconditional love makes the bond between the parents

and the child stronger, as the mother and father feel like they can “stay connected with their
 Donjuan 5

child’s life” now (Drumm et al. 144). As the bond between the LGBTQ+ person and their

parents becomes more passionate, it removes any negative thoughts in the queer person’s mind

and allows them to share almost anything with their mother and father without the fear of being

rejected or denied by them. Similarly, according to McCormick and Baldridge, “[a]n LGBTQ

young person’s risk of suicide is cut in half when families are moderately accepting as compared

to young people with highly rejecting families” (34). Queer individuals who are supported by

their loved ones do not feel the stress and regret that rejected LGBTQ+ people have undergone.

Instead, they feel relieved that everything is going their way, and attempting suicide is the last

thing on their mind. A queer person being accepted by their mother and father makes them happy

and to want to continue with their life, knowing that their parents have their back.

Conclusion

In conclusion, as homosexuality is sometimes negatively stereotyped at churches, it

influences a family household’s thoughts and opinions on the LGBTQ+ community, which

makes it difficult to know if they will be accepting or rejecting. There is no specific element that

can determine if a family will support their sexual minority child or not, as each situation is

different. However, the support or non-support from their mother and father can impact the queer

individual’s health positively or negatively. The information in this paper is important because

anyone who does not identify as LGBTQ+ has no clue about the challenges that queer

individuals face upon coming out. The stance that is presented on this topic should help people

understand that LGBTQ+ people are human too, and they suffer from their own battles like

everybody else. In today’s world, as more children come out of the closet and reveal their sexual

orientation, it is important that people make those queer individuals feel loved and supported.

Somebody disclosing their sexuality to a loved one or a close friend signifies that they have a lot
 Donjuan 6

of trust in whoever they are telling, so the last thing somebody should do is react negatively to

such action. Personal beliefs and religion should never make somebody of a sexual minority feel

belittled or unimportant.
 Donjuan 7

Works Cited

Bybee, Jane, et al. “Are Gay Men in Worse Mental Health than Heterosexual Men? The Role of

Age, Shame and Guilt, and Coming-Out.” Journal of Adult Development, vol. 16, no. 3,

Aug. 2009, pp. 144–54. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-009-9059-x.

Drumm, René D., et al. “‘Life Is Getting Better’: Understanding Stabilizing Factors in

Conservative Christian Families Post-Coming Out.” Journal of GLBT Family Studies,

vol. 17, no. 2, Mar. 2021, pp. 135–49. EBSCOhost,

https://doi.org/10.1080/1550428X.2020.1800544.

D’Augelli, Anthony R., et al. “Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Youth and Their Families: Disclosure

of Sexual Orientation and Its Consequences.” American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, vol.

68, no. 3, July 1998, pp. 361–71. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.1037/h0080345.

Gattamorta, Karina, and Narciso Quidley-Rodriguez. “Coming Out Experiences of Hispanic

Sexual Minority Young Adults in South Florida.” Journal of Homosexuality, vol. 65, no.

6, June 2018, pp. 741–65. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2017.1364111.

Leach, Erica, and Jonathan Gore. “Culture, Religion, and Homonegativity: A Multi-Level

Analysis.” Mental Health, Religion & Culture, vol. 25, no. 1, Jan. 2022, pp. 85–

98. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.1080/13674676.2022.2027353.

McCormick, Adam, and Stephen Baldridge. “Family Acceptance and Faith: Understanding the

Acceptance Processes of Parents of LGBTQ Youth.” Social Work & Christianity, vol. 46,

no. 1, Spring 2019, pp. 32–40. EBSCOhost.

Ward, Elijah G. “Homophobia, Hypermasculinity and the US Black Church.” Culture, Health &

Sexuality, vol. 7, no. 5, Sept. 2005, pp. 493–504. EBSCOhost,

https://doi.org/10.1080/13691050500151248.
 Donjuan 8

Yen, Steven T., and Ernest M. Zampelli. “Religiousness and Support for Same-Sex Marriage: An

Endogenous Treatment Approach.” Social Science Quarterly (Wiley-Blackwell), vol. 98,

no. 1, Mar. 2017, pp. 196–211. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.1111/ssqu.12306.