CODING OF RESPONSES OF THE PARTICIPANTS

 Participant 1- PB

Responses Meaningful Primary Codes Secondary Sub Category Category

unit
Codes

Um, uh, I wasted a load of years,(Pause) uh, Participant has failed Past Failure Past Negative Negative Impact of
like my, um, I, I was, uh, trying to crack NEET exam Experiences Experiences Failure on
NEET and, uh, then I failed again and again. countless times feels Self-Disappointment Due to Failure Participant
And that was, uh, pretty disappointing for my have wasted many Hopeful Future
Family Hope for
parents, for myself also. So, yeah. Uh, then I years Disappointed
chose, uh, psychology and now I'm doing it, Positive
and that's the thing that actually changed my Family Disappointed Recent Positive Future
life. And you're, if you're talking about ups by failure Changes Presence of
and downs, those are the downs. And now it's Then decided to Support
like the ups are going on, so, Yeah. pursue psychology

Um, I'm happy with myself and, uh, like, um, Participant happy Self- Satisfaction Support
I have some friends and, uh, they are with life and have
supporting me right now.Um, and also, um, I few supporting Friends Hopeful Future
told you like, uh, I was trying to crack friends Support from
something and I couldn't, and now that, uh, Friends
I'm doing something in my life. So, yeah, Feeling positive for
that's other positive things right now. pursuing psychology Recent Positive
Changes

Um, yes. I mean, not exactly (fidgeting of Participant hesitantly No Suicidal Non-Suicidal Trying to State at
hand). I mean, I can say that I wanted to, um, said not thought of thoughts Cope intense committing
specifically I do not want to go for suicide or suicide Negative view of stress through NSSI
ending my life specifically. I never thought Self-Harmful Self maladaptive
Harming herself thoughts
of that, but, harming myself or like, uh, when nothing works Self-Disgust Helpless technique
nothing is going right and uh, maybe I'm just
a bad luck or, something like everything is, Only bad things keep Hopeless Forming
happening that is bad and it, it'll happen happening negative sense
Helpless of self
again. Feels bad things only
happen to her Intrusive thoughts
Um, bad thing happens with me only those
are the thoughts that actually those are like Feels the thoughts are Negative Self talk
intrusive thoughts in my minds. Um, so yeah. intrusive and comes
naturally to her

Mm, pretty bad sometimes because, uh, When participant in Bad Situations Trying to cope with
every day is not the same, right? So, when, bad situations and situations
um, I'm already down and, uh, everything is worse things happen Helplessness
happening that is bad or not good for my Trying to Distract
situation, particularly, uh, at that point of Feels can’t take it
time, I feel like that I can't take it anymore. Trying to Distract
And, maybe, uh, maybe I should do
something to distract myself and that do
something is not the good thing.

Like, I know some people, I know some Participant Pessimism As positive coping Positive
friends, uh, those people are like, if, if you pessimistic in nature not working thus Coping Styles
can just, continue with your hobby and, you Positive Coping trying to distract not helping Failure of
can distract yourself by that also, like, Gardening, dance never worked through any means Positive
pursuing your hobby and, just, , dance or do didn’t work as coping
Negative Intrusive Coping Styles
your singing and, or learn something new Pessimistic in times
Negative thoughts Thoughts of stress
that will help you. But, uh, I think in my dominate
case, um, I'm a pessimistic person I guess Self-Conscious
so, , it's, it's, it never worked for me. The No regret but aware
positive things. Every time the negative its bad to self harm
thoughts are, Those are the dominant
thoughts. So that is why I did, I mean, I'm not Prevalent use
ashamed or I'm not regretting, but definitely I of Negative
did some really bad things. Coping Styles

Uh mm Yes. I've tried something positive Tried positive and Positive Coping not Problem to deal
and negative both. I mean, rather than the Negative Works with stressfull
self-harming I try to use, um, uh, I mean, situations
some substance use, like alcohol and all. I try Tried Alcohol Trying to Distract
to, uh, drink alcohol and forget about it. And Tried Shopping
also like, I try to do shopping, like to distract
myself.

I, I am a shopaholic. And, um, even in that

case, it was harming me, not, uh, physically
or mentally, but definitely financially. Um, it
was harming me because,I, I remember one
time I did shopping for like 30 or 40,000 in a
month. So yeah, at, at that point of time, I, I
felt like no, no, no, this is, uh, becoming
another, uh, type of addiction, so I should
stop.

Uh, sometime it's, uh, pretty deep cuts and, Deep Cuts Blades, Sharp The Severity of
um, sometimes it's, uh, not that deep. objects Injury
Depends on
It depends, um, I mean, uh, only the Sharpness of Blade Addicted The objects used
sharpness of the blade because, the blade is
not always available to me. Mm-hmm. Um, Feels addicted Cut Wrists,thighs
but definitely, uh, like whenever I, mean, it's Inclination to cut
like an addiction only when I need to do it. I,
uh, I try to find like a sharp object and then I Cut thighs and wrists
cut myself on the wrist, most probably the
wrist because, uh, um, there are times when I
actually cut my, uh, needs and, uh, thighs
and, also like the other parts of my body.

But, uh, those are the rare cases. Most of the Rare case of Severe No Suicidal Non-Suicidal
time it's my left hand. And, actually there is a Injury to other ares Thoughts Wounds Lack of
thing, I, I, I mentioned it before. I don't Take care of herself
Support from
wanna die. Okay. So it, it is, and I mean, Participant Don’t Conscious of after self injury Frustration Society
always it's in the back of my mind that I don't wanna cut herself to Damage while Self about
death Injury Trying to Hide
wanna cut myself to death. I don't wanna cut Disclosure
wounds
myself, uh, cut my nerve or vein or anything. Participant don’t Care of Wound by Presence of
So I always try to cut my hand, like, uh, want to cut Nerve or self only Conscious
elbow side or like in, in the middle part of vein
my wrist and elbow. Those are the parts. Uh, Not Visiting
most of the time I, I cut myself there only. Deep cuts in elbows Hospital
So, uh, yeah. So those, those are deep only
Not Telling anyone
Sometime, uh, sometime I feel like that, uh, I
She never went to a else
need to, uh, stitch the wound, but, um, I
Hospital
never went to hospital or, any medical help Hiding Injuries
for any kind of medical help.I always like, Put medicine herself
um, putting some medicine or like any Wear full sleves
betaine or anything, the, the primary Goes to places
wearing full sleeve Lying about Injuries
treatment, whatever. So I put that and I
waited for like, um, the blood is going to, abd cover it up by Using paper cutter
stop flowing and, uh, then. That is the thing. I bangages
took the, uh, bandages and, then I wrapped
Don’t tell Anybody
myself up and, then wherever I want to go, I
mean, like college or market or wherever but Tell them its fracture
I, I actually, uh, don't tell anybody that I did
it most of the time. I may, uh, wear full Tried cutting with
sleeve, um, tops or whatever the dress is. I try paper cutter
to cover it up that people can see, um, almost
of the time if I can't wear, uh, uh, full sleeve
top or anything, I, uh, it's not available at that
time. So I try to put, uh, crep bandage or
something like that. And, uh, whenever, like
people are asking me that, what happened to
your hand? I told them like, it's some fracture
or like, I hurt myself in the train or
something like that. So, Yes, the paper cutter
once. Paper cutter.
Judgements
Uh, it isn't it obvious? (Frustrations and Participant frustrated Frustrated with No expectation from Society
Raised Voice) I mean, obviously they're by questions asked Questions from from society
Others Not
gonna ask questions and everybody is not the for her behavior Society
Society making Understanding
same if you are going for help, okay? like
Feels her emotions Not wanting help small of her her
you are doing psychology or, um, like if I'm
going to a therapist, uh, she or he will tell me are neglected from others feelings
Not asking
what to do.How can I control myself or how Thus don’t want help Frustrated with Professional help help
can I control myself harm or something like from doctors or having her emotions
that. I am pretty okay with that when people someone who doesn’t neglected
are understanding the situation and not, being understand
judgemental. But, um, even if you are going Not Understanding
to a doctor, like for, for primary treatment, Welcomes to seek her circumstances
not talking about Like all the doctors, but treatment to
Psychologists Fine with help from
most of them, like if you are going, they will
professionals Lack of Faith
tell you people are dying from cancer and Neglect and in Society
this and that.Uh, and of course you have Judgement
nothing. Okay? from Society
You, you are, you are, um, uh, pretty okay. Feels Pressured Emotionally Emotionally Ruining of
You have, uh, no disabilities, I mean physical because of Neglected neglected neglected mental peace
disabilities. And, um, you, you are a pretty Emotions
woman, you, you are this, you are that. So Pressured due to Need for mental
why are you doing this? Okay? So that is Mentally disturbed previous disclosure peace
like, um, create more pressure on me and Need Mental Peace Need for mental Judged without
when I'm already mentally disturb. that thing peace in stress being understood
happened to me already twice rice. So, uh, I Participant gives pain thus donk ask for
don't wanna go through that again and again, to herself through Judged without help
it's, it's just, um, it's, um, I, I, I just need my cutting for mental being understood
mental peace and that is why I, I'm cutting Peace thus donk ask for
myself, okay? I'm taking that pain just help
Feels judging herr for
because I want some mental peace. And
her actions when they
they're the doctors or like other people, they
don’t know makes
are judging you are telling you what to do,
her more stressed
what not to do.They're not the experts. And
they are telling you just by saying that you So to escape
can do this, why are you cutting yourself? Negativity don’t Seek
Okay? And so, Those. I mean those Help
comments tho those are like the things that
actually, um, it's, it's very, uh, negative. So I
already have a lot of negative thoughts in my
head, so I don't want more negativity from
people.So that is why I never seek for help,
like medical health actually

Mm, when I was 14, I started it because, uh, Started in 14 years First Start of Self Scared of meeting Scared of Parental
that was the age I think I was, studying in age,when in 7th Injury in 14 years Parental demands meeting Stress
seventh Standard. And, that was a time I standard Parental
actually, um, math was a like, very difficult Failing to meet demands
subject for me. I hate math personally. And, Not good in maths parental
um, that time I was trying hard to, like solve but good student all expectations
my math problems and all. But, um, actually, over
Scared of being
um, That was not going well.And, um, when Almost Failed in scolded
the result came in the school results, um, maths
suddenly, um, I was a good student. Not the
best, as best, but definitely I was a good Scared of Dad’s
student. Um, and, uh, suddenly my result scolding
was, um, so bad, so bad. It was, almost I
Not meeting dad’s
failed. So, uh, when I saw my mark sheet, the
expectations
first thought came into my mind that, what
will my father say?So I loved him so much.
So like, I was scared that if, he's gonna find
out about that and, he's going to like, uh,
scold me or like, um, basically, uh, he's not
going to be happy. That was my first
concern. And, so I came and, um, I was just
12, and, um, I was like, okay. Um, the result
was good. Everything was good. and that,
that, that happened then, uh, obviously
Marksheet came, and they saw my original
marks. And just for that reason, I don't know.
My father was really angry with me and he
stopped talking to me now, he was a very
important person in my life.

I mean mm-hmm. fathers are important to Father stopped Communication Neglect from father Neglectful Parental
daughters most of the time Yeah. He was talking between Father and Parenting style Stress
really important. And, when he stopped daughter stopped Emotionally
Participant wanted to
talking to me, I felt like okay, he was really to make it up by any Felt hopeful Unavailable Father Emotional
angry and I think I, I had to do something means possible Blockage
better so he will be okay. Mm-hmm. , there Showed Positive Feeling of
was, there was hope actually, but, two year Felt there is still hope outlook by trying to Disowned
passed and, um, When I was 14, I, uh, went to mend her mend
for, uh, shopping and, uh, uh, in a local train. relationship
Assulted and when
Like, in, a random man, aged man. Actually, Assulted by a man neglected
he assaulted me. I couldn't do anything, but,
I mean, when he escaped and, um, I told my When disclosed Felt disowned
parents that he did that to me. Um, my father participant’s father
just, uh, calmly said that, um, you know, that ignored her
happens. It's very normal. You don't have to emotional feelings
like, um, don't have to shout or make a big by normalizing the
deal about and deal out of this.So that was very incident.
the point. I felt like he wasn't just angry. I'm
Participant was
dead to him. Okay. And that was a big shock.
angry,shock and felt
I couldn't took it. And I came to my house.
dead to his father
That was the first time I hurt myself. So that
was the starting. Started Self Injury to
deal with it

Maladaptive
Coping
No. Um, I. I mean, it's not like planned or Not Planned Cutting as a reflex Reflex Action Coping Strategy
something.It just happened. I, I really need to action to relief mechanism to
hurt myself. You, you see people sometimes Instinct for Relief Distraction deal with
when, uh, you are very angry and, uh, you Self harm distracts Disownment
Cutting because of from disownment
are punching your pillow. You don't know Reflex to deal stress
that, uh, that will, um, that will give you
some relief or not. You're just punching that Blood and Pain
because that just your reflex. So same thing distracts participant
happened to me. from thinking about
the disownment from
It's just, uh, there was a blade and um, here parents
I'm sitting and uh, suddenly I cut myself and
I felt like this physical pain or this, blood,
it's, uh, I mean, seeing that blood is coming
out of my own, that is like giving me some
relief. That is giving me some, um, Kind of,
uh, distraction that I, I don't have to think
about that incident instead of that I can think
about this only.

So yeah, that's, I think the reason. Okay.

Yeah. First time they knew My father's First time of Self Parents had Unresponsive Response of
reaction was pretty normal. He was like, he Injury Parents Knew Knowledge about Father Parents
was like, um, it happened. Just that no Self Injury
reaction at all. My, um, brother got like, uh, Casual about Injury Caring response
pretty sentimental and uh, obviously mothers by Father No Response from from Mother and
are like always emotional and also, yeah, my Father Brother
Brother was
mother reacted the way, uh, a mother can Sentimental and Brother and Mother
react. Mother was Cared
emotional

I'm still not talking to my father. I'm not even Participant not
communicating with No Comunication Relationship
interested and, um, I think same goes for him present between No desire of Deformed
his father communication pattern shared
and. Whenever we want to, uh, share Father Daughter Familial Ties
from both ends in Household
anything. I mean, like, we need to They communicate
communicate, we communicate through, my through someone else Supportive Mother No bond
brother or my mother. That is my don’t talk directly shared with
Normal relationship
relationship with my father. And, uh, uh,
right now with my mother, uh, there were Deeper between Brother and Father
differences, obviously. I mean, because of Understanding with Mother
this age gap or generation gap. , we always Moher
fight with our parents and stuff. But, uh,
definitely right now my mother is the most Receive Support
supportive, person in my life.And, uh, she's from Mother
supporting me like with everything, Differences with
everything that I'm doing or that I want to do. brother but have a
She is, uh, very supportive. And, uh, with my cordial relationship
brother, um, obviously there are, um, uh,
sibling, Fight and, uh mm-hmm. differences.
But, um, uh, I think we have a very deep and,
uh, pretty cool relationship with him.So, uh,
we maintain that, um, fight and love thing.
Like it, it's pretty balanced right now, so I
guess it's, it's fine.

Like, like I said, uh, we communicate No direct Deformed

through someone else. We never talk to each communication with No communication Familial Ties
Monetary
other. We are not bothered that, um, what, father
Dependency on Dependency
what is happening or like, um, he doesn't father for money Parental
Father not bothered
know about my situation.I'm not bothered Desire to be Owned Dependence
and vice versa
about his situation. It's just, like I need his Not loved
Lack of
money because, um, I have some needs, uh, Dependent on
No love for her financial
for my study or like other stuff. Definitely I father’s money father Independence
need some money and the only earning
member of my family is my dad. So, I need Participant feels Not cared by father
his money. And I guess, uh, he is just, um, father gives money
because that’s Emotional Void
uh, just doing that, common responsibility,
feeling that gap that, uh, okay, I, I have to expected of him from Desire to be Owned
give the money or what, I mean people will society
say, Oh, you are not giving your money to Feelings of not being
your daughter.You are a cruel grandfather. I loved by father
guess he's that person. He can. Take those
comments. So that is why, uh, he's helping Feelings of not loving
me. Otherwise, there, there are, there are no her father because of
reasons that, I mean he, he, he don't love me, it
uh, or like, care about me or like, as I said,
Father is not bothered
like he, he is not bothered about me. What
about participant
I'm doing, what I'm, what, uh, I mean, what
is happening with me?Am I sick? Am I
good? Uh, am I doing my study? Uh, am I,
um, uh, like, uh, going to college or like
going to a friend's house or, or like anything,
anything. He doesn't even care where I'm
going, what I'm doing, what I'm eating,
anything. So we are just living together.
Feelings of
I don't want him to talk to me. I'm okay I don’t talk to him Hatred towards Hatred towards Hatred toward Hatred toward
without him. And if you are, uh, asking me father Father Father Father
what I'm. What I feel about my father. I I hate Him
literally hate him. I really hate him. Like, not Hatred as an Feelings of
I hate him as a person Individual Incompetents as a
just, like if you, if if you think that, uh, I, I
hate him as my father, it's not just that, Um, I He is orthodox and Father
Calls Hism
don't know why this happened, but, um, Hypocrite Orthodox and
when I, uh, started to observe him not as, just
not as my father, uh, but also as a, as an Hypocrite
individual, I started to hate him more because
as a person, he is not, not, what can I say?It's, Hates as a Human
it's not just good. I mean, he is an orthodox Difference in
and he's a hypocrite. Um, and according to thought process
me, Um, he's not a good son or father or
husband, uh, everywhere. He failed. Uh, even
as a human, if someone is asking me as a
human, uh, rate, father, I'll give him not win
zero. It's in negatives. So yeah, that much.

It's good because, um, mm-hmm. , he is the Good relationship

only child now for him at least. So their between father and
relationship is pretty good. They are okay brother
with each other.

Yes, of course. And that is pretty obvious. I Participant used to Feelings of Being Neglect in Family Interpersonal
felt that, but uh, now, uh, I'm used to it and I feeling neglect Neglected Conflicts in
don't care about it anymore. Most of the time, Disownment Family
like, uh, whenever something is, uh, not Not introduced as Feelings of being
going well or not happening, I, I felt like that daughter by father in disowned
only in, in, in festivals or. Where, uh, like as festivals
Irritated frustrated
a family, we have to go and he is introducing Participant finds it about father
his son, but, not talking about me. Of course, irritating and
those moments though, that hurts. But, as I frustrating when
said, like I'm, I'm used to it right now.It's, it's being talked to by her
completely fine. Now, uh, if he is like, father
talking to me like, indirectly, but uh, if he is
talking to me or tried to say something, I feel
like irritating or, it's very frustrating. Okay.
When it, it's like, I don't wanna talk to him
and I don't want him to talk about me.
Uh, I burned myself once or twice. Mm. Uh, Participant burned Burning Emotional Distress Unable to deal
I, um, got myself with, um, glass, I mean herself with
mm-hmm. , um, little glass pieces. Mm- Cut with glass Emotional
hmm. . And, um, also I broke some things Throws glass in fit of conflicts
anger Throwing things in Severity of
like pretty expensive things in my house and, rage Harm
uh mm, no, nothing more than that Cuts with it

Um, actually I was, uh, I think very angry Participant was Pain to Reduce Maladaptive
and frustrated and, uh, as the this so frustrated and angry Anger Coping Strategies
frustration and this, uh, anger increases, I felt and tried ti deal with
like I need more amount of pain in my body. it Maladaptive Coping
Strategies
So that is why like, uh, that time I was
thinking, what can I do? I mean, okay, uh, I
already cut myself, but that's not enough. So
let's burn, uh, let's cut myself more, let's do
this or that. And, uh, one thing led to another
and that.

Lack of
Participant used to Trying to hide
Like, uh, previously, before doing it, Uh, Frustrated Expectations
shout and cry Earlier shouting and wounds from
how was in which state you were and after with Societal from Society
crying accompanied Society
doing it, in what state of mind you were judgements
Not eat food or drink
actually, um, uh, the situation has changed, Not eating food or Self care after Self
water for days Conscious
uh, like a little bit, but it changed because, drinking water for injury
um, previously when, uh, I went through all Kept herself locked days about one’s
of this, um, I cut myself and then, um, I think for hours wellbieng
I.Cried, I shouted. And, like, people were Locked in room
trying to like, calm me down and, um, uh, I Now no ideas that
was completely like, um, not eating food or she has committed People knew
not drinking water for days and, uh, locking self harm something was
myself in the room. So, actually, uh, I don't wrong
know, but, uh, that time, uh, people knew Feel less stress as no
that I'm doing something, u I'm doing societal judgements Now no one has any
something means, uh, something is idea
happening in the room and I'm not happy.I'm, Less stress because
I'm not doing great. Um, maybe I'm of societal
depressed or maybe I'm sad. That much idea judgements
they had initially, but now situation has
changed that, um, They doesn't even know
that, I'm upset and, uh, what hap what is
happening with me? Uh, as I said, like I cut
myself silently. I feel the relief that, uh, okay,
fine, this happened now

Okay. It's, it's something like, um, uh, it's like

taking drugs. Like, uh, if you are not taking it Addiction to Self-
and you are craving for it, and, uh, suddenly Harm
when, when finally, uh, you are taking it, it,
it's like, Numbing your nerves and you, you
are feeling that, Okay, fine, now I'm good. Hampers daily
It's like that only, now I feel like that I pray functioning
for it.Something I, I feel like that, okay, fine,
I have to do it, and I do it. Then I feel like,
okay, now I guess I can continue so I don't
cry. And sometimes people doesn't even
know what is going on. Uh, I, I don't stop,
uh, eating food or drinking water. I follow
my routine normally. I pretend that I'm
completely okay.

I laugh with people. Uh, even sometime I'm, Participant don’t let Person don’t let Frustrated with Unsupportive
it happened that I'm going to a party and, uh, other realize about it others know Societal Society
uh, I'm just, uh, dancing with friends, casually parties and judgements
shouting with friends, and, Like, people can't haves fun after self Past experiences of
even say that. okay, fine. This girl is Injury being labelled as
depressed or something, or this girl is doing attention seeker
something. It's just pretty normal.Whatever is Participant felt being
called an attention Feel relieved after
happening, it's just me. so yes, that's, that's hiding from society
the situation. Like initially, those days, those seeker
days were like, um, uh, when I was shouting
and all, I, I felt like after, after a certain point
of time, I felt like people, people are thinking
that maybe, maybe this girl is doing it for
attention or relief, and I stop, completely,
stop at least in front of them, according to
them, I stop.But, uh, now I do it alone and,
uh, I feel relieved. And that is that.

just, uh, before cutting myself, definitely I Participant feel Helplessness and Intense stress Indicators of
feel, feel stressed, pressured, and most of the stressed, pressure and Hopelessness due to lading to Negative
time helpless. Uh, hopeless. Uh, I feel like, helpless stress depressive Behaviour
that, um, there is nothing that I can do right symptoms patter
now that hopelessness and I also know that Feelings of Hopeless Anergia
there is nobody, uh, I mean, Nobody can help Negative coping
Participant feels Self-harm as means style relives the
me in this situation with this situation.So that nobody can help her to release stress
is why I need to do, I, I need to act. But, um, feeling
I also feel that, uh, I don't have the energy to No energy to act Addicted to it Indicators
act it out. So that is why whenever like I'm
Relieved after cutting Coping through self
cutting myself, I feel relieved. I mean that
harm
stress reliever kinda, so I feel relieved. And Addicted to cutting
when that stress is not in my head, I feel like,
okay, now I have the energy.I guess now I Participant cutting
can think and I can act. So that is why like when feeling helpless
every time when I'm cutting myself, um, after hopeless to relief
that, I, I feel like, okay, now I think I, I, I can from stress
deal with this. Every day, you know? Yeah.
And, and, um, you know, it's, that is why it's
pretty addictive. Like even right now, I know
that, when I'm feeling helpless, hopeless and,
upset and, and all the negative feelings out
there together whenever, So I'm like, Yes,
okay.This is the moment. If I'm doing it,
definitely I'm gonna, it's like Red Bull to me
and I need to drink it like coffee or Red Bull,
and I'm gonna, I need some energy for like
my further work or whatever I'm doing that
time. So, yes, that's the reason.

Yes. Because those stress you're talking Participants feels Emotional Emotional Emotional
about is just as you said, uh, like daily life daily stress don’t Exhastion acting as exhaustion with Exhaustion
stress.Those are not the triggers. My trigger trigger her self harm trigger addes stress leading to self
is the emotional exhaustion. Emotional harm
exhaustion. That is the only thing that can Self harm triggerd by Emotional Negative coping
trigger that thing. And if I'm emotionally emotional exhaustion Exhaustion along style to deal with it
exhausted and bad things are happening with added stress
Situation will be out Self harm to
continuously, and there is nothing I can do of control if not Distracting by self distract
about it because I already did something that depended on self Harm
that lead to, I mean, this situation or, um, harm as coping
maybe even, even if I did nothing, just, just Emotional
situation is out of control.So that time I, I Weak to hamdle exhaustion leading
need to do it because emotionally I'm mental pain to not using positive
exhausted. And if I'm emotionally exhausted, coping strategy
Physical pain will
I can't think straight. So, um, when, when I'm
Numb the Mental Physical pain to
actually distracting myself by cutting my
Pain numb mental pain
hand or harming myself, that actually, uh, uh,
it's like, uh, energy conversion. Like one Weak to mental
energy converting to another. It's like my pressure
mental pain or mental stress.It becomes the
physical pain or physical stress. I can handle
that. My physical pain, I can handle that, but
I think I'm pretty weak to handle my mental
pressure and mental exexhaustion. So I can’t
take that, that's my trigger. Mental
exhaustion.
Mm. Mostly when my close people, uh, uh, People can’t Not being No Support in Being alone
they can't understand my situation or, um, understand her Understood times of trigger not being able
like I'm alone or I'm feeling lonely. Mm- situation to share in
hmm. because, um, uh, see, um, that much Lonely Using maladaptive stress leads to
matured that I know people have their own Participant feels coping depending on
life and obviously they have some work and, lonely when no one is Emotional Trigger self harm for
uh, they need to do it. Nobody can, uh, like there to share with Not finding to share relief
fulfill my need for attention or like, um, those her
No support in stress
kinds of things.They, they can fulfill it all the
leads to Self Injury
time. Okay. If I'm talking to my friends also,
um, There are certain point of times, I mean,
they have to go, they have to do their own
work. So at that time, if I'm feeling totally
lonely and something is in my mind that, um,
continuously bothering me, but I can’t share
it with anyone, uh, that also a trigger I can
say.

I mean, like, um, I try to talk to my friends or

my mom, uh, when I'm, uh, feeling this, I
mean, initially I'm feeling that, okay, I'm
upset and, uh, it's, it's, uh, actually, uh, pretty
bad. It's getting pretty bad. I try to talk, but if
nobody is there and, um, It's increasing and
continuously it's happening. And, uh, then
another stress, I mean external, something
that came and, um, it, it, it just, it just
happened.

Hmm. That whole, I mean that, uh, total

pressure that, that I can take. If I can share, I
think I can control myself, but if there is no
one, I think, um, it's work like a catalyst

Suffocating first. Frustrating, disgusting Tried to run away Suffocation, disgust, No financial
hatred.Actually you can skip your home if because of hatred Independence
you don't have any money. And all the suffocation,
money that I have, that's my father's, uh, Tried Escaping Trying to escape
when I escape. I took his credit card only, Participant having no the control
money No Money
and, uh, after some days, uh, he knew where
was I, uh, because of the credit card.And, uh, Participant forced to Financial
he called the hotel. And, um, I mean, uh, my come back Dependence No Control in
mom called me and she said, uh, come home, one’s own life
Always feeling No Autonomy in
or your father will like, uh, close the credit leading to
controlled household
card and then a lot of thing can happen. Mm- felings of
hmm. . So, yes. Uh, as I said, like that 30, being stuck
40% control is in like his hands. So yes. Uh, I
came back and, um, those are the times like I,
I, I felt like, okay.
Lack of
Nothing is in my hand. Right. It's just, um, Control
everything he's controlling me, at least
financially, the definitely he's controlling No Control in
one’s own life
It's just, um, They, um, they wanted me like, Participant was Forced marriage Forced leading to
um, to agree with the fact that, um, I'm gonna forced to marry Relationships felings of
marry the boy that my father will choose and, someone of her Not accepted choice
of romantic partner Not Ready for being stuck
uh, I'll never do any love marriage or, uh, father’s choice
will never go for, uh, love or any boyfriend commitments
Asked not to think of Denied rights of
or anything. Mm-hmm. . So that was too marriage chosen by
much. I mean, it's my life, it's my decision. I Love marriage
particpant
felt like that was too much.
 No choice over her Financial
own life problems

Um, right now I don't think I can survive Participant cannot Financial Financial Financial
without my father's money. Mm-hmm. right survive without her Dependence Independence Independence
now, I, I don't think I can escape from my father’s money Needed Needed
house. Uh, but, um, I don't know. I think, uh, Not able to escape
in near future maybe there is a chance. Participants wants to household
but cannot escape
Right. And having enough money would help house Need of more
to solve many of them. Uh, I can say our life, money
but in my life, definitely money will solve a Money would help
lot of problems. her solve her
problems

I told you about my father. He's not, I mean, I No support from Unsupportive Father Issues in Support Lack of
don't know what to say. It is just, um, uh, father from Parents Parental
there is no word in his dictionary. I mean, Supportive Mother Support
support word there, there is nothing like that. Support from Mother
But yes, my mother and my brother, they are and Brother
fully like, very supportive, very, very Mother very
supportive. supportive even with
financial problems

Even when he's not supporting me with Problems

anything, particularly, my mother always related to
tried to support me. Even it is, uh, something father
with my financial problem. Even with that,
my mother tried to help me a lot of time,
although she is a housewife, so obviously,
um, she's not capable. Uh, that, I mean, if, if,
if she is, uh, trying to arrange that much
money, she, she can't.But, uh, definitely, uh,
she is still, she's trying to support me with
everything.

P-No because, uh, in India basically there is a Father treats brother Partial treatment at Partial treatment at Partiality
thing, uh, sons are, you know, uh, like they more importantly home home
are pretty important when you are running a
family. Sons are, um, the most important Father has normal Differential
family member because he's the future. He's relationship with treatment by father
gonna earn the money and uh, he's going to Brother irritates her
take care of their parents. Mm-hmm. So that Irritated and Forced to to behave
is why, um, he's getting the right treatment frustrated in ways parents
from my father. Mm-hmm. seem fit
Societal pressure to
Um, Uh, initially it was pretty, uh, irritating, behave in a particular
frustrating. But, uh, right now I'm completely
okay with this because I know that, uh, my
father is treating my brother differently, but
my brother treats me like really well.He
never treat me like that. Uh, you are the girl,
child of the family, and you should, um, you
should behave like this or that. He always
supports me with everything, so I'm okay
with it.
Participant feels Triggered by
Mm. Yes. I mean, this kind of controlling
triggered being under constant Control
situation and controlling my life, um, when Lack of
control
I'm already stressed about a lot of things, uh, Need of money for Constant Control Autonomy in
when this, uh, controlling part came into my Participant is education and other by Father House
life and, uh, I feel like, Okay, I need dependent on fathers basic needs
Monetary
something. I, I, I need this money for this. money for basic
ependence
needs
I, I mean, like, for valid reason, I'm not
talking about, uh, shopping or girly stuff. I'm Feels stuck
just saying that, uh, when I need the money
for my, something that is very important to No control
me, uh, even that time, if someone is giving over life
me a condition that if you will do this only
then I'll give you the money. Mm-hmm.
That, that feels like it's, it's pretty disgustin

30-40% Control Lack of Control

See, uh, I told you that, uh, that 30, 40% Still
Participant stopped Few Social Support Social Pressure hopeful Optimistic
control that I, I don't have, but, uh, that 60%
from doing Anything
control, obviously I have.And when you have Currently confident Hopeful Future
one people who is like, um, stopping you 4-5 suport her
from doing anything, but you have like four Positive apporoach
or five people in your life, those people are Feel more Confident
Exploring
continuously supporting you and, um, they
Participant exploring
are pushing you towards the positive thing. Hopeful about
her options in life
So all this, obviously, the ratio of this thing is Present scenario future
definitely increasing. person feels things
are going well
Um, So this is why I feel more confident. I
feel that I'm still exploring myself, but
whatever I'm doing right now, uh, sometimes
as we, like, we started talking about ups and
downs, I guess. And, uh, those, those were
the incident when I was pretty down with my
life. But right now, yes, there are all the ups
with me and, um, I feel pretty confident and,
uh, I feel good about myself. So I'm not
saying I'm completely okay. Definitely there
are some things, but, um, I think I, I can
handle it. Right now, I'm that much confident
that I can say at least myself that, uh, okay. I
can go on.

Paricipant not sure

about her future future not Secure
Um, I feel like that, um, my future is not very
Worried aboit Financial problems Anxious of
secure because of the financial issue. Only if
financial problems Unforeseen
there is no financial issue, I know I can work Family issues Unsure Future
it out and, um, I will achieve what I have Participant scared Future
already started that my, uh, for study or about family issued
higher study.Um, I, I will go there, but, uh, if
there is any financial problem or any kind of
this, uh, family issue, um, I think, um, there
will be a lot of problems. So that is why I'm,
I'm not completely sure. I, I can't see myself.

Participant love Pets

Oh, I love pets. I have a lot of pets. I take
care of them. Um, I never tried gardening Normal Positive Lack of Positive
exactly, but, um, uh, this other positive thing coping strategies Coping Strategy
haven’t tried Development Positive Strategy
is just, it's just very, uh, common things for Building
me.

I do it normally. I, I, I don't, um, I don't use

this kind of things. Uh, my, uh, cope as my
coping, coping mechanism. Mm-hmm. , it's
just very normal with me if I'm, uh, like
taking care of my. It's not because of, uh, it's
my coping mechanism. It's not because of
that I'm feeling low. Uh, it's just, it, it, it
comes very naturally to me.

Tried medicines to Desire to Fix

calm maladaptive
with medicines they tried to calm me and, uh, Medicines for a behaviour
uh, I guess those medicines just, um, uh, did But no long term brief period Desire for
the work or something. But, uh, after that, benefit Medicines developing
again, something happened. And again, um, healthy coping
my mind was just disturb. And again, that's, I strategies
mean, it's like a cycle only.
Sl No Primary Code Secondary Codes Sub-themes Themes
1 Past Failure Past Negative Experiences Negative Experiences Failure in Past
Self-Disappointment Hopeful Future Due to Failure
Family Disappointed
Recent Positive Changes
2 Self- Satisfaction Support Hope for Positive Future
Friends Hopeful Future
Support from Friends
Recent Positive Changes
3. No Suicidal thoughts Non-Suicidal Cope intense stress Negative Coping
Self-Harmful thoughts Negative view of Self through Strategies
Self-Disgust Helpless maladaptive technique Implemented
Hopeless Trying to cope with situations Forming negative sense
Helpless Trying to Distract of self
Intrusive thoughts Problem to deal with
Negative Self talk stressfull situations
Bad Situations
Helplessness
Trying to Distract
Trying to Distract
Cutting as a reflex action to relief Reflex Action Coping mechanism to
Self-harm distracts from Distraction deal with Disownment
disownment Maladaptive Coping

Pain to Reduce Anger Trying to cope through self

Negative Coping Strategies harm

Pessimism
Positive Coping never worked
Negative Intrusive Thoughts
Self-Conscious
Positive Coping not Works
As positive coping not working Positive Coping Styles Failure of Positive
thus trying to distract through not helping Coping Styles
any means
Pessimistic in times of stress
Positive Coping not Works

Lack of Positive Coping Strategy

Development
Medicines work for a brief Desire to fix mal
Tried medicines to calm
period adaptive behaviour
But no long term benefit

Deep Cuts Blades, Sharp objects Injury inflicted on Severity of Injury

Depends on Sharpness of Blade Addicted oneself
Feels addicted Cut Wrists,thighs The objects used
Inclination to cut Using paper cutter
Cut thighs and wrists

Burning Type of Injury

Cut with glass
Throwing things in rage
No Suicidal Thoughts Non-Suicidal Frustration about Lack of Social Support
Conscious of Damage while Self Take care of herself after self Disclosure
Injury
Care of Wound by self only
Not Visiting Hospital
Not Telling anyone else
Hiding Injuries
Wear full sleves
Lying about Injuries
Participant frustrated by questions
asked for her behavior
Feels her emotions are neglected
Thus don’t want help from doctors
or someone who doesn’t understand
Welcomes to seek treatment to
Psychologists
Emotionally neglected
Pressured due to previous
disclosure
Need for mental peace in stress
Judged without being understood
thus donk ask for help
Earlier shouting and crying
accompanied
Not eating food or drinking water
for days
Locked in room
People knew something was wrong
Now no one has any idea
Less stress because of societal
judgements
Participant don’t let other realize
about it casually parties and haves
fun after self Injury
injury Not understood
Trying to Hide wounds Lack of faith in Society
Neglect and Judgement
from Society
Ruining of mental peace
Frustrated with Societal
judgements
Conscious about one’s
No expectation from society wellbieng
Society making small of her
feelings
Professional help
Judgements from Society
Understanding her
Not asking help
Emotionally neglected
Need for mental peace
Judged without being
understood thus dont ask for
help
Trying to hide wounds from
Society
Self care after Self injury
Person don’t let others know
Past experiences of being
labelled as attention seeker
Feel relieved after hiding from
society
First Start of Self Injury in 14 years Scared of meeting Parental Parental Parental Stress
Failing to meet parental demands Disappointments
expectations
Scared of being scolded
Communication between Father Neglect from father Neglectful Parenting
and daughter stopped Emotionally Unavailable Father style
Felt hopeful Feeling of Disowned Emotional Blockage
Showed Positive outlook by trying Relationship pattern
to mend shared in Household
Assulted and when neglected No bond shared with
Felt disowned Father
Parents had Knowledge about Self No desire of communication
Injury from both ends
No Response from Father Unresponsive Father
Brother and Mother Cared Caring response from Mother
and Brother
No Comunication present between
Father Daughter
Supportive Mother
Normal relationship between
Brother and Mother

No communication Monetary Dependency Parental Dependence Conflicts within

Dependency on father for money Desire to be Owned Lack of financial Family
Not loved Independence
No love for her father
Not cared by father
Emotional Void
Desire to be Owned

Hatred towards father Hatred towards Father Hatred toward Father

Hatred as an Individual Feelings of Incompetents as a Conflicts in Family
Calls Hism Orthodox and Father Partiality within
Hypocrite household
frustrating when being talked to by
her father
Hates as a Human
Difference in thought process
Feelings of Being Neglected
Feelings of being disowned
Irritated frustrated about father
Father treats brother more
importantly
Father has normal relationship with
Brother
Irritated and frustrated
Societal pressure to behave in a
particular
Helplessness Hopelessness due to
stress
Anergia
Self-harm as means to release stress
Addicted to it
Coping through self harm
Emotional Exhastion acting as
trigger
Emotional Exhaustion along with
added stress
Distracting by self Harm
Emotional exhaustion leading to
not using positive coping strategy
Physical pain to numb mental pain
Weak to mental pressure
Not being Understood
Lonely
Emotional Trigger
Not finding to share
No support in stress leads to Self
Injury
Suffocation, disgust, hatred
Tried Escaping
No Money
Neglect in Family
Disownment
Partial treatment at home
Differential treatment by father
irritates her
Forced to to behave in ways
parents seem fit
Intense stress lading to Indicators of Self Harm Triggers of Self Harm
depressive symptoms Behaviours
Negative coping style relives Self harm caused due to
the feeling emotional exhastion
Indicators
Emotional exhaustion with
addes stress
Negative coping style to deal
with it
Self harm to distract
No Support in times of trigger Being alone not being
Using maladaptive coping able to share in stress
leads to depending on
self harm for relief
No financial Independence No Control in one’s own Lack of Control in life
Trying to escape the control life leading to felings of due to Parent
being stuck
Financial Dependence
No Autonomy in household
Forced marriage
Not accepted choice of romantic
partner
Denied rights of marriage chosen
by particpant
No choice over her own life
Triggered by constant Control
Need of money for education and
other basic needs
Financial Dependence
Not able to escape household
Need of more money
Unsupportive Father
Supportive Mother
Currently confident
Positive apporoach
Exploring
future not Secure
Financial problems
Family issues
Forced marriage
Not accepted choice of romantic
partner
Denied rights of marriage
chosen by particpant
No choice over her own life
Constant Control by Father
Monetary ependence
Financial Independence Needed
Issues in Support from Parents
Social Pressure
Hopeful Future
Unsure Future
Lack of Autonomy in
House
Financial Problems
Lack of Parental Support Lack of Parental
Support
Hopeful about future on Future Perceptions
some aspects
Anxious of Unforeseen
Future