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Running head: EXPLORING GENOGRAMS

Genograms: Exploring the Past to Enlighten the Future

Elizabeth Cuttle

Wake Forest University

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Genograms: Exploring the Past to Enlighten the Future

McGoldrick (2011) relays in her book, The Genogram Journey, “We are born not just

into our family, but also into our family’s stories, which both nourish – and sometimes cripple –

us. And when we die, the story of our lives becomes part of our family’s web of meaning” (p.

59). Therefore, it is crucial to realize that our family history impacts us – either positively or

negatively – in ways we might not recognize. It is impossible to examine an individual’s

problems without first examining it from a systems perspective and “shifting from a view of ‘the

self or others’ to a view of ‘self with others’” (McGoldrick, 2011, p. 331). The Genogram

Journey has assisted me in examining the who, what, when, and where of my family’s history,

and how that has impacted future generations. Genograms are not simply ‘family trees,’ but

rather, a complex web pertaining to family facts, specific information about the level of function

or dysfunction, and relationship patterns among family members (McGoldrick, 2011). By

viewing genograms in this light, one can gain insight about how certain life perspectives,

patterns, or dysfunctions originated. Gaining this historical family knowledge can help

individuals break harmful family patterns and make a change for future generations

(McGoldrick, 2011). In examining my own family genogram, I have specifically focused on

patterns of divorce and instability, social class, and sibling relationships.

The pattern of marriage and divorce in my family is one of the topics that stood out to me

the most in exploring my family’s history. My maternal grandparents were never divorced, but

all five of their children (including my mother) experienced divorce and remarriage. For

example, my mother was divorced twice and married three times, and her sister Rosemary was

married and divorced at least four times, along with a multitude of other sexual relationships and

affairs that produced children. This sparked a curiosity as to how a seemingly stable family, with
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no history of divorce, could raise five offspring who all dealt with marital issues and multiple

divorces. McGoldrick (2011) explains, “Only by understanding what led to those behaviors can

we begin to understand the dark side of ourselves and learn to relate more fully to others” (p. 21).

In a discussion with my mother, she revealed that her childhood home was actually very

unstable, despite her parents staying together. Her father, George Dewey Stewart II, was in the

military, so their family moved around to different cities and states quite often during her

childhood – sometimes as many as six moves per year. My mother revealed that she and her

siblings were impacted negatively by this lack of stability and constantly moving around, as they

were not able to keep relationships with friends or neighbors growing up. Since the children were

never able to initiate and sustain meaningful relationships over the majority of their upbringing,

perhaps this is why they could not function successfully in marital relationships. This seems to

have started a family pattern trickling down into the next generation because most of my siblings

and cousins have also experienced marital relationship issues.

Another aspect of my family I found interesting in light of McGoldrick’s book was the

issue of social status. My mother grew up in the lower class, and she tries to hide this or even lie

about her family-of-origin’s social class. McGoldrick (2011) shares, “Those without class

privilege battle against the devaluation associated with ‘not having’ and feeling judged to be

‘less than,’ which is likely to breed a vigilance about how they ‘present themselves’” (p. 299).

Even though my mother is solidly in the upper middle class now (mostly because of her marriage

to my father) she is still very sensitive about how others perceive her. For as long as I can

remember, my mother has always been obsessed with owning a luxurious, beautiful home, and

as a child I can remember her looking at houses and house plans for hours at a time on the

Internet. This obsession of longing for an outward display of wealth perhaps stems from
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childhood memories of feeling ‘less than’ because of being a poor child from Appalachia. My

mother often tries to conceal this by changing the subject to instead talking about her Irish and

Scottish ancestral roots, which she is quite proud of, probably because it does not have the same

negative connotation as rural Appalachia.

Continuing on the subject of social class, my half-siblings had a much different

upbringing than I did. My mother had my oldest brother when she was 17 and her next child

when she was 19, so my brothers grew up very poor. She and my father married many years

later, and she ascended into the middle class. I have frequently sensed some feelings of

underlying jealousy or animosity because of my more privileged upbringing. McGoldrick (2011)

relates, “Class differences such as these are a common source of conflict and resentment in

families, where strong feelings may develop between siblings about who got more and who

deserved more” (p. 301). I have rarely felt close to any of my siblings because of the large age

gap between us and strikingly different social class backgrounds. Moreover, I have often

resented the fact that I did not have a sibling my age. When I was a young child, I was obsessed

with drawing fabricated families in my doodle notebooks, in which the siblings would always be

close in age. I did not previously recognize the origins of this behavior, but I believe it is because

creating an idealized family and starting anew is what I longed for most in life. McGoldrick

(2011) reveals, “It is common for people to try to distance themselves from their past, their

families, and their cultural legacies in order to start anew” (p. 280). This is exactly what I had

always dreamed of – starting anew with a family of my own – which may explain why both my

mother and me had children at young ages.

Overall, McGoldrick’s The Genogram Journey has provided me with valuable insights

about both my family-of-origin and family patterns in general. I realized that home instability
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can wreak havoc on children’s lives and ignite patterns of dysfunction, as in the case with my

mother’s upbringing. Moreover, I was also enlightened to potential reasons why my mother is

sensitive about others’ perception of her social class. Various aspects of my relationships with

my siblings, particularly as it deals with social class change and extreme age gap, were also

explored. Examining these family patterns and new insights can prove extremely beneficial

because it helps one understand the origins of particular maladaptive behaviors and make a

change for the better. Exploring the family genogram aids in one’s realization that “the thread to

your past is the ladder to your future” (McGoldrick, 2011, p. 28).

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References

McGoldrick, M. (2011). The genogram journey: Reconnecting with your family. W.W. Norton &

Company.