【幸福人生講座 - 如何做一個真正如法的好人】　蔡禮旭老師主講

（第十三集）2004/11/23 海口市孝廉國學啟蒙中心 檔名：07-002-013

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Talk on Happiness in Life:

“How to be a Truly Decent Person”

By Teacher Tsai
(Chapter 13) November 23, 2004 (Haikou) File Ref. 07-002-013
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諸位朋友，大家下午好。我們昨天談到的是「夫婦」這一倫，而夫婦這一倫在古代是最受重
視的。我們從古代的禮儀來看，最莊嚴肅穆、最隆重的莫過於結婚之禮，也由於它非常隆重，就
代表它是一生當中最重要的一件事。婚姻能夠幸福，家族和樂，下一代的教育也能夠成就，所以
夫婦關係特別重要。

Good afternoon everyone! Yesterday we talked about marital relations, a relationship which was of
utmost concern in ancient China. The rites of a wedding were the most solemn and majestic rites to
the Chinese even during the ancient era. The solemn and prestigious nature of a wedding also
indicated that it is the most important matter in one’s life. A happy marriage can bring peace,
harmony and happiness to the whole family and clan as well as ensure a good education for the next
generation.

我們在古代結婚禮，雙方的家長在孩子結婚前三天是不熄燈的，那三天是耳提面命告訴自己
的孩子，以後如何當好先生，以後如何當好爸爸，以後如何承擔一個家庭的責任；面對自己的女
兒就會告誡她，如何當好一個太太的角色，如何當好一個媳婦的角色，如何當好一個母親的角
色，所以以前都是三天不熄燈。我們從這個禮儀看得出來對於婚姻的重視，相信絕對不是那三天
才臨時抱佛腳。最重要的一定是從小到大，父母就表演夫妻的和樂給下一代看，而且在很多機會
點上都會引導孩子如何對待另外一半，如何對待異性。所以因為耳濡目染，再加上結婚前諄諄的
叮嚀，所以孩子對於當先生、當太太的一些職責、一些本分就非常清楚，不會混淆不清。

According to our traditional Chinese wedding ceremony, the families of both the groom and bride
would not switch off the lights in their houses for three consecutive days just before the wedding.
During these three days, the groom would be imparted knowledge on how to be a responsible
husband and father and his obligations to maintain a happy family. For the bride, she would be
advised by her parents on how to be a good wife, a filial daughter-in-law and a responsible mother.
Judging from the solemnity of the ceremony, we can see that the ancient Chinese attached
paramount importance to marriage. Those three consecutive days were never an eleventh-hour
effort because the most important education was always given to children since they were very
young and continued throughout their young adulthood. More crucially, the parents showed their
children a happy relationship between a husband and a wife in their own marriage, and gave the
children much guidance on how to treat the other half and opposite gender. Due to the long-term
and imperceptible influence from the parents along with the advice given before the wedding, the
groom and bride were very clear about their individual obligations and knew their places.

而現在我們年輕男女，可能都還沒準備好如何當一個太太，或者如何當一個先生，都沒準備
好，也沒想到要承擔家庭的責任，結果就怎麼樣？可能就踏上地毯的那一端，所以心理上都沒準

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備好。不只沒有準備好，自己還有很多不對的想法，這個時候長輩有沒有奉勸他？有沒有及時教
導他？現在很多長輩，自己的孩子結完婚，有一些狀況不好，他們也沒去管，還會說一句話，
「年輕人有年輕人的想法」。我每次聽到這句話就很緊張，「養不教，父母過」，不只沒有把孩
子教好，現在對他的婚姻也置之不理，這樣可能不只是孩子沒教好，連孫子、連後代子孫都會沒
教好。所以這些與人相處、與異性相處的態度對他一生至關重要，而我們為人父母跟老師，很可
能在他二十歲以前都沒有在這方面去引導他、去教導他。

However, in the modern era, it is common that men and women have the faintest idea of how to be
decent husbands and wives before getting married, not to mention the obligations of managing a
happy family. So what’s the consequence? They’re mentally unprepared on the wedding day. Not
only that, but they also have many incorrect ideas. At this moment, do the elderly at home advise
the groom or bride what to do? Do they teach him or her in time? Nowadays, many of the elderly
just could not care less even if their children are not faring well in their married lives. They would
even say: “The young people have their own way of thinking!” Whenever I happened to hear this, I
was greatly alarmed. “A bad upbringing is parents’ fault.” Not only did parents fail in the upbringing
of their children, they also turn a blind eye to the children’s marriages. In the long run, their
grandchildren and future generations will not be properly educated too. So, the right attitude to the
interaction with others and the opposite gender is very important in one’s whole life; and, as
parents and teachers, it’s most likely that we’ve never taught and guided our children how to
handle things in this aspect before they turn twenty.

而古代，我們看「夫婦」兩個字，其實就已經把如何為人夫、如何為人婦，融入了這兩個字
裡面。所以古代不管是文字，不管是藝術，不管是點點滴滴生活的東西，都融入了教化的意義在
裡面。

In ancient China, the Chinese characters for “husband” and “wife” clearly explained the respective
obligations of both the husband and wife. Regardless of the Chinese characters, Chinese art or the
dribs and drabs of daily life in those ancient eras, there were always educational elements embedded
in them.

我們看這個「夫」字，它含有「扶」的意思，扶持的意思。所以為人夫要扶持一個家庭的生
計，為人夫要有恩義、情義，還有道義，為人夫要孝順父母，所以要盡恩義，所謂夫義婦德。為
人夫，他維繫一個家庭，要現報恩，所以表演好樣子，表演孝道給他的下一代看，所以是盡一分
恩義。對於太太，要能夠讓太太的生活安定，讓妻兒的生活安定，所以有情義。為人先生還要有
道義，什麼道義？把下一代好好教育好，這樣才對得起自己的父母、祖先，這樣才對得起妻子，
這樣也才對得起社會。所以為人夫要有擔當，要能盡恩義、能盡情義、能盡道義。

Taking a closer look at the Chinese character for “husband”, it conveys the meaning of “support” –
to support the whole family with gratitude, affection and honor. Being a decent husband, he should
maintain good relations within the whole family, show gratitude and exhibit good exemplary roles
to the younger generation. As far as the wife is concerned, the husband should ensure that she and
their children enjoy a stable and happy life. Besides, it is an ultimate responsibility of the husband
to educate his children properly so as to bring grace to his wife, his parents, ancestors and the
society. So a dutiful husband is a man with high moral conviction, he is grateful, affectionate and
honorable.

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 這個「婦」就含有負責的意思，所以太太最重要的職責是相夫教子，維繫一個家庭生活的安
定，這分責任她要盡心盡力去做到。而一個先生在整個事業的發展過程當中難免會有起伏，這個
時候太太有德行，太太能及時給予他規勸，給予他勸告，他可能就不會犯下一些難以彌補的過
失，所以要相夫。再來要教子，要教好孩子。所以夫婦要當好榜樣，演出孝道，演出夫婦和睦相
處給孩子看，所以這是教子。所以我們古代特別重視婦女的德行，所謂「婦女四德」，就是指
「婦言、婦德、婦功、婦容。」，指我們女性的四個德行。第一個是「婦德」，就是女性她很有
賢慧的特質，內心很厚道，這是婦之德，而這個德行就會無形當中潛移默化影響你的下一代。

The Chinese character for “wife” conveys the meaning of “being dutiful” in the sense of caring for
her husband and her children, and maintaining a peaceful and happy family. A wife should do her
best to fulfill the duty. Her husband will inevitably experience ups and downs in his career. Hence,
the wife should use her virtues and provide useful and timely advice to her husband so that he
would not make any irremediable fault in life. Next, the wife should educate the children and
educate them properly. Therefore, a married couple should first set a good example to the children
by showing filial piety to the children’s grandparents and by maintaining a good relationship
between themselves. In ancient China, the Chinese placed a great emphasis on women’s virtues and
conducts, generally termed as the Women’s Four Virtues – Women’s Speech, Women’s Virtues,
Women’s Chores and Women’s Demeanor. Among them, Woman’s Virtues denote that a wife should be
kind and wise so that her virtues could subtly influence her offspring.

我曾經在很小的時候看過我母親有一幕，對我影響很大，那一天剛好我跟我的母親還有我的
姐姐一起回外婆家，在回去的過程當中，剛好這位計程車司機技術不大好，結果開的時候，有一
個輪胎掉到水溝裡面去，後來費了九牛二虎之力把它拉上來。結果因為掉下去的時候有一點衝擊
力，所以把他的排氣管震搖搖晃了，所以後面的路途是車子一邊開，後面的排氣管一邊晃，叩叩
叩叩，這樣就開到目的地。開到之後，我的母親就要把車費付給他，在付給他車費之後，我的母
親額外，那個時候我才五、六歲，又額外拿了一百塊錢給這位計程車司機。當我母親那個動作拿
過去的時候，我的眼前閃出了好幾行的字幕，那個字幕就告訴我，母親因為覺得勞動的人非常辛
苦，賺錢不容易，今天他還要去花這個修理的錢，可能他這個月的生活會很拮据，他家裡的妻兒
也會受影響。因為我們家裡的狀況還算比較充裕，所以母親就把這個錢拿給他。技術不好不是我
們的責任，但是我母親會去想到他的困難之處，進而多給了他修理的車費。

When I was a kid, I witnessed an incident about my mother, and it exerted a great influence on me.
One day, my mother took my elder sister and me to see my maternal grandmother and we took a
taxi. But the taxi driver was not very skillful, and one of the tires slipped and was trapped in a ditch.
With much effort, the car was finally retrieved from the ditch. However, the exhaust pipe was
partially damaged and was shaking terribly as we continued our journey. After arriving at my
maternal grandma’s, my mother paid an extra one hundred dollars to the driver on top of the taxi
fare. At that time, I was about 6 years old but could figure out why my mother was paying more to
the driver. My mother felt that it was not easy for the driver to make a living. He also had to pay for
the repair costs which could mean a difficult month financially for him and his family. Since our
family was in a better financial position, my mother gave him a little more money. Although we
were not responsible for the driver’s poor skills, my mother thought of the hardship that the driver
faced and hence paid him extra.

所以當我感受到母親這分存心，我的內心就很感動，長養了我們的仁厚之心，所以常常我母
親都說，「你們姐弟都是濫好人，都是濫好人，處處只會替人想」。我會跟我媽媽說，「其實妳

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也是濫好人」。我是在這幾年從事教育之後，會從家庭對我的影響去思考，所以當我跟我母親談
到這件事說，妳記不記得小時候計程車司機開到水溝裡這件事？我的母親還記不記得？根本不記
得。所以為人父母的人，不經意的一句話、一個動作都會影響孩子自身，而當母親很有的德行的
時候，她的舉手投足，一言一行，都在對孩子產生教化的影響，所以婦德特別重要。

So, at that time, I was really touched by my mother’s kindness which gradually helped nurture our
sense of compassion. Thus, my mother often tells us: “You and your elder sister are always too
considerate of others and overly nice!” However, I would tell her that she is also an overly nice
person and remind her of the incident about paying the taxi driver more, but she just could not
remember it at all. It is in the recent years after I started teaching when I began to think of the
influence that my family has had on me. Therefore, as parents, even a single unintentional dialogue
or action of ours could influence our children for the rest of their lives. So, Women’s Virtues is very
important because a mother with noble characters would constantly give a positive influence on her
children through her speech and actions.

再來，「婦言」。一個母親的言語，假如常常言語很大聲，常常會跟人家起衝突，會跟人家
吵架的話，那她的兒女從小看他母親言語這麼潑辣，會怎麼樣？會受影響，甚至於會覺得不敢跟
母親一起出去，覺得很丟臉。當然母親的言語假如有所謂的太多的惡語，口氣太差的話，可能這
個孩子在胎裡面就已經受到不好的胎教了，在出生以後又受到母親言語的影響，因為人與人溝通
最多的是什麼？是言語的互動。所以常常我們會看到，到一個人家裡面去，他們每一個家庭分子
講話都非常大聲，好像都用吼的，不知道諸位朋友有沒有遇過這樣的家庭？確確實實一個家庭會
互相影響。母親講話大聲，孩子講話就大聲，母親講話不給人留面子，可能孩子點點滴滴都在
學。所以當母親的言語非常的柔和，母親的言語非常的寬容，孩子就感染這個氣氛，所以我們說
家風家風，一個家庭的家風，女人家操之大半。所以一個家庭的安定因素，女人超過男人。所以
婦要有德，婦要有好的言語。

Next, comes Women’s Speech. If a mother always shouts at the top of her voice when talking and
often argues with others, then her children would be influenced by her foul language or might even
avoid going out with her for fear of being humiliated by her ill-manners. In fact, if a mother is used
to speak impolitely and indecently, her child is most likely to have received negative prenatal
learning while in her womb. After the baby is born, this negative influence continues from the
mother and is eventually emulated by the child, because speech is the most commonly used
communication medium in human interactions. We often see that if one family member speaks
loudly, other members also respond loudly. Have we ever seen such families? Indeed, family
members do influence each other. If a mother shouts while speaking, her children will follow her
bad example. If she never allows others to save face while speaking, her children will copy her. On
the other hand, if she speaks softly and forgivingly, her children will follow her decent example. So,
children always learn from their mother. When we talk of family tradition, women take over half of
the responsibility of creating and maintaining it. In this aspect, we can say that the mother has
predominantly a bigger share than the father, that’s why mothers must have virtues and appropriate
speech.

再來，「婦容」是指我們女人的容貌，這個容貌倒不是指說長得漂不漂亮，最重要的是婦女
的整個外貌端不端莊，讓人家看起來會不會覺得很賢淑、很舒服。假如我們在家裡都非常邋遢，
頭髮都是亂七八糟，很可能妳的先生一進門嚇了一跳，趕快又衝出去，以為他走錯地方了。所以
當女人不重視邊幅，不重視她外在的一個外貌，可能先生看久了之後，他就覺得不想回來。這個
容貌倒不是在家裡要畫得這邊紅一塊，這邊青一塊，也不是這個意思，就是看起來讓人家覺得很
舒服，愈看愈歡喜，這個很重要。而且不只是給先生一個好印象，更重要的是給孩子一個好榜

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樣，他時時刻刻看到母親都是這麼端莊，都是這麼有禮貌，那孩子從小看的都是母親最多，他自
己也會非常重視他的儀容，不至於會邋遢，不至於會讓人家因為他的衣著而輕慢他，而輕視他，
所以「婦容」也特別重要。

Next, comes Women’s Demeanor which denotes women’s appearance. It does not refer to a woman’s
physical look but refers to her genial composure. If a wife’s appearance were untidy and scruffy
inside the house, her husband might enter the house but instantly ran out of it thinking he had
entered the wrong house. So, if a woman is always scruffy and does not look after her appearance,
her husband might be reluctant to go home. However, it does not mean that the wife should put on
fascinating make-up to attract her husband. Basically, a wife should be presentable and has a neat
and tidy image that brings others a sense of comfort. Apart from giving the husband a good
impression, more importantly, it is to show a good example for the children. Whenever they see the
mother, she is polite and tidy. As children most often look up to their mother, if she likes to be clean
and tidy, her children will surely emulate her good habits and unlikely to be disdained by others for
their untidiness. Thus, this is why Women’s Demeanor is an indispensable asset for a mother.

最後，「婦功」，這個「功」在古代是指女性在家裡的一些藝能，比方說縫衣服這個女工，
甚至於是在家裡煮飯這些能力，這是「婦功」。現在女人需不需要這些工作能力？當然社會在
變，現在妳還在那邊織，可能也沒必要了，因為現在衣服也很便宜，也很快，但是女人還是要有
一些能力，會讓整個家庭氣氛不一樣。比方說假如這個婦女不會煮飯，每一餐都到外面吃，這樣
好不好？保證兒子三、四年級身材就怎麼樣？就要去參加減肥班，因為外面的食物保證不均衡，
外面的食物大半太鹹、太油。所以我們婦女有這樣的能力的時候就能夠保住孩子的健康，再來還
保住了先生的健康。我們有一個朋友，他的身體非常強壯，看起來很有精神，雖然他已經快五十
歲了，他就說「我的健康是掌握在我太太的手上」，所以他說十多年來，他太太每天為他準備的
早餐都很豐富。

Finally, comes Women’s Chores. In ancient China, these chores included cooking, tailoring and other
domestic skills. As time goes by, clothes are now cheap and easily available. However, a mother does
need to have at least some basic domestic skills, like cooking, so that the whole family can enjoy a
scrumptious meal amid a warm familial ambiance. Take for an example, if the mother does not
know how to cook well and is used to dine outside, we can be sure that her son will be overweight by
primary school Year Three or Four. He will need to go to a weight loss clinic because most
restaurant foods are not a balanced diet and they are either too salty or too oily. So, if the mother is
good at cooking, the health of the entire family will be greatly ensured. We have a friend who has a
sturdy body and is always full of vitality despite the fact that he is almost 50. He often says: “My
health rests in the hands of my wife!” Because for the past decades, his wife has always prepared
nutritious breakfast for him.

我們說吃食物，早餐要吃得像皇帝，中餐要吃得像平民，晚餐要吃得像乞丐，其實這個道理
是對的。為什麼說晚餐要吃得像乞丐？因為晚餐我們假如吃很多，甚至於現在人都吃宵夜，宵夜
一吃下去，比方說吃一些肉，吃一些比較油膩的食物，吃下去過一、兩個小時，他就去睡覺了。
諸位朋友，睡覺的時候，你的身體還有哪些器官在動？只有兩個器官會動，一個是你的呼吸，你
的肺；另外一個就是你的心臟，這些都是自律神經控制的。而你的胃馬上會跟你說，「對不起，
我關門了，明天再來」。但是你吃下去的食物，它經過一個多小時，剛好泡在胃酸裡面，然後又
不消化。我們平常拿一塊肉在手上，差不多一個多小時就開始會有異味了，而現在是把肉泡在酸
的裡面，而且還要六、七個小時以後，它才開始消化，所以這六、七個小時，肉就在你的胃裡面

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開始發臭，而這些毒素就會在你的全身血液裡面循環毒素。所以很多現代的人嘴巴都有口臭，為
什麼？常吃宵夜，這個毒素慢慢積累上來了，就往全身擴散。所以吃宵夜的習慣確確實實會讓身
體一天一天惡化下去。

We often say: “For breakfast, eat like a king; for lunch, eat like a civilian; but for dinner, eat like a
beggar.” In fact, it is very true. Why eat like a beggar during dinner? If we overeat or even have
supper only a couple of hours before bedtime, say, some meat and oily food, what will happen? Dear
friends, which organs will be actively moving while we are asleep? There are only two under the
autonomic nervous system – our lungs and our hearts. Whereas our stomach will refuse “to work
overtime” and protests: “Sorry, I’m closed, please come tomorrow!” However, if we have supper an
hour before bedtime, the food we eat will remain soaked in stomach acid and hence not be easily
digested. Normally, if we hold a piece of meat for more than an hour under room temperature, it
will begin to emit a foul smell. Now, if the meat is soaked up in gastric acid in our stomach for six or
seven hours while we are asleep before it is digested, it will decay and produce toxic substances
which will be spread to all parts of our bodies via blood circulation. Most people nowadays have bad
breath because they are used to take supper and thus toxic substances are eventually accumulated
in their bodies. So, be forewarned that taking supper is a bad habit that can jeopardize our health
day by day.

所以太太假如懂得這些健康之道，太太也懂得如何去把食物調理好，又健康又美味，這樣先
生的健康、孩子的健康就能保得住。我們說健康是幸福的根基，沒了健康，人生就不可能有幸福
可言。當家裡人的健康失去之後，縱使我們再有地位，再有財富，可能都會覺得人生已經很難圓
滿。

Hence, if the wife is health-conscious and knows how to cook delicious and healthy food, then the
health of the whole family is guaranteed. We say, “Health is the foundation of happiness”, without
health there will be no happiness in life. If the health of our family members is at stake, even high
reputation and wealth cannot bring us happiness.

我們剛剛提到的，夫要有義，婦要有德，其實丈夫也要有德，其實德跟義是相容的。我們來
看一下，丈夫需不需要有「夫德」？當然也需要。丈夫需不需要有「夫言」，丈夫的言語依然要
是孩子的榜樣。丈夫的容貌也要端莊，給孩子當榜樣，總不能一個父親在家裡穿得邋邋遢遢的。
再來，「夫功」。所謂「夫功」就是說家裡很多要力氣比較大的工作，我們男眾就可以去做，包
含要爬得很高上去修燈泡的，這些也要學習，也要有這種能力。不然你現在任何家裡一些小事都
去請工人來做，不只要花很多錢，現在工人好不好請？也不好請。所以我們當先生的人也要就這
些生活能力做一些學習，做一些提升，這樣夫婦配合起來就能夠把家裡很多重要的事都做得很
好。所以我們從中國對夫婦的定義，對夫婦的一種教誨，可以感受到中國聖賢人對於夫婦之道的
重要性的重視度。

Just now we mentioned that a husband should be righteous and a wife should be virtuous. As a
matter of fact, a husband should also be virtuous because righteousness and virtues are inseparable.
So let’s have a look. Does a husband need the “Husband’s Virtues” and “Husband’s Speech”? Indeed,
he does. What a husband says is also a role model for his children. Next, the “Husband’s Demeanor”.
As a role model, a father should not wear sloppily even at home so that his children would not
emulate his untidy habits. Next, the “Husband’s Chores”. There are many chores which ought to be
done by the husband like carrying heavy household items or climbing up high to fix light bulbs. So,
as husbands, it is our duty to learn to do these chores because it not only costs money to hire a

6
specialist to do the job, but it’s sometimes not easy to find one. Therefore, to improve the skills and
knowledge in housekeeping is not a bad idea at all for us husbands. Teaming up with our wives, we
can successfully deal with many important household matters. From the traditional Chinese
definition of and teachings for husband and wife, we can see that the Chinese sages attached a great
importance to the appropriate way husband and wife should follow.

我們昨天提到了家庭裡面最重要的一件事就是教育小孩，所謂要後繼有人，這個認知就是家
庭的共識，所以一個家庭的維繫要先建立在共識之下，所謂「見和同解」。昨天我們提到家庭裡
面有兩件事情，一件是家庭的經濟生計，家庭一定要有經濟收入才能夠維持生活，還有小孩的教
育。另外一方面就是教育小孩，所以才說「夫婦有別」，別在他的職責劃分，職責劃分清楚就能
夠各盡其力，先生也能夠感受到太太在家庭的辛勞，所以也會對太太有恩義。我們常說先生對太
太要把她當恩人看，當什麼恩人？當幫家庭、幫家族承傳後代的恩人。因為承傳後代，生育、養
育特別辛苦，所以先生要常常對太太是當恩人看，緬懷太太的恩義，太太也要感謝先生維繫這整
個家庭的生計，所以夫妻之間彼此都能互相感恩，互相珍惜，那家庭氣氛就會很好。

Yesterday, we mentioned the utmost importance of educating children, which is about passing on good
family traditions and values to future generations. Sharing common understandings and beliefs,
such as this one, is the basis for establishing and maintaining a happy family, apart from focusing on
the family’s financial support. As far as educating children is concerned, “there are differences between
the husband and wife” which lie in the different duties to perform. With a clear division of duties, the
husband would be grateful to his wife for working hard at home for the family. So, the husband should see
his wife as a benefactor because she helps pass on the family’s virtuous traditions and values to the
younger generations. Giving birth to and educating children are tiring and difficult tasks. Hence, the
husband should really cherish the vital role that his wife plays. On the other hand, the wife should also
appreciate her husband’s effort of being the breadwinner of the family. So, by working together side by
side and cherishing each other’s contribution, there will be peace and harmony in the whole family.

我們昨天也有提到，男主外，女主內，但是現在很多女性都在工作，甚至於忙得照顧家裡的
時間都沒有，我聽說香港女性比男性還多，甚至於女性的主管還比男性多。我們來思考一下，真
正的女強人假如把一生都放在追逐名跟利，她這一生會不會覺得很充實？這個值得我們思考。人
生往往幾十年走下去，我們才開始思考值不值得。俗話講「從來富貴都是夢」，名利的追逐事實
上是很虛幻的，而孩子的教育是等不來的。所以當我們在社會上有財、有名之後，孩子沒教育
好，其實女強人的心中會怎麼樣？還是會有很深的遺憾。很多女性就說了，那我這麼好的能力就
這樣浪費掉了嗎？其實我們這麼好的能力不要耗在名利追逐，我們這麼好的能力要用在教育我們
的下一代。

Yesterday, we also mentioned that “the husband looks after business matters, the wife looks after
matters at home”. However, nowadays, many women are working and some even do not have time to
look after the family. I have heard that in Hong Kong there are more women than men, particularly
more women holding management positions than men. So, if women are constantly in pursuit of
fame and profit, do they really feel fulfilling in life? This is something that’s worth serious
consideration. More often than not, we only begin to evaluate life until decades have lapsed. So goes
a Chinese saying, “Wealth and status are but a dream.” Going after fame and profit is in fact
delusion, whereas educating our children cannot wait. Even if women are successful in gaining fame
and glory, they would eventually regret and feel guilty for neglecting their children’s education.
Many women might think, “Then should I waste my great talent?” But in fact, such great skills and
talent can be put to good use in educating their children instead of going after fame and profit.

7
 諸位朋友，為什麼現在社會這麼亂，亂在哪？亂在沒有賢德之人出來，亂在社會沒有好的榜
樣，喚醒每個人心中這分善良的心，大家都覺得「天下烏鴉一般黑」，所以人心愈來愈下墮。假
如這個時候出了一個范仲淹，這個時候出了一個孟子，不知道可以喚醒多少人的良知。而為什麼
會有孟子？為什麼會有古代這些聖賢人？一個最重要的原因在哪？他有好的母親，母親把她一生
的這些才華、這些智慧傳承給孩子，點點滴滴的指導教誨，所以這件工作不是虛幻的。名利的追
逐是浮雲，而教育孩子是無量功德，你把這個孩子教育好了，他會帶給社會非常好的榜樣，會造
福於人，甚至於他的這個風範還會傳承給他的後代，還會影響往後的人類。所以「江山代有賢人
出」，而賢人最主要就要有好的母親。所以把孩子教育好確確實實是最大的事業，最有價值的使
命。所以當家庭裡面都懂得夫婦工作分配好，這樣子孩子的成長、家庭的穩定就有保障。

Dear friends, why is the society so chaotic? Because there are few people with noble characters who
can become exemplary role models to awaken the innate good nature of humans. As a result,
everyone assumes that “all crows under heaven are as black” and people are as bad anywhere in the
world, hence the degeneration of moral qualities. How nice it would be if there were a Fan Zhongyan
or Mencius in our modern era, so many people’s conscience would be awakened. Why was there a
Mencius or other sages in ancient times? Because he had a mother who devoted her whole talent,
wisdom and life to her child and gave Mencius all-round guidance and education. Hence, educating
children is certainly not a meaningless job. The pursuit of fame and profit is but a floating cloud,
whereas educating children has infinite merits. If we could shape our children into useful people,
they would in turn benefit and influence the society as exemplary role models. Besides, they would
pass on the virtuous family traditions and values to future generations. To move a step further, this
influence will no doubt affect the whole of humanity in the future. Hence, “generations of sages are
produced”, mainly due to efforts contributed by virtuous mothers. So, educating children is indeed
the greatest career and the most valued mission. Hence, when there is a clear division in duties
between the husband and wife, children’s upbringing and family stability are ensured.

當然不可諱言的是，有一些太太的工作能力特別突出，剛好她的先生又特別喜歡做家事，喜
歡炒菜，有沒有？有，但是比例不多。我們在教很多孩子的時候都明顯發覺，五、六歲的孩子叫
他做家事，男孩就喜歡做比較粗重的工作，好像做起來他起勁；女孩就喜歡疊衣服，就喜歡洗
碗，所以陰陽剛柔不同。但是假如妳的先生燒了一手好菜，整理家裡乾乾淨淨一塵不染，又很有
耐性陪孩子成長，那妳們或許可以換一個角色，但是還是不離一個原則，就是職責劃分好，這樣
家庭經濟，還有孩子的教育，都能夠得到穩定的發展。

Undeniably, there are some women who are extremely capable at work, while their husbands love
housekeeping, such as cooking. However, these cases are only a few. When we ask children to do
housework, the 5- or 6-year-old boys usually choose heavy and tough jobs, while the girls like
folding clothes and washing dishes. Hence, we can see they display the characteristics of yin and
yang, being gentle or tough. However, if your husband is a brilliant cook, is excellent at
housekeeping and also has much patience in raising your children, then there is no harm in
switching the traditional husband and wife roles. But the rule of thumb is having a clear division of
duties so that the family’s financial standing is maintained and the children’s education is ensured.

教育孩子當中，我們還要注意一個重點，就是夫妻還有整個家庭的長輩對教育孩子的原則要
一致，不能爸爸一個樣，媽媽另一個樣，甚至於爺爺又一個樣，那孩子聽誰的？到時候他就無所
適從。而且他不只無所適從，他會慢慢抓到當我犯錯的時候，躲到誰的背後去會僥倖逃過，他就
會開始抓到了。所以我們常常看到現在的孩子特別聰明，但是他的聰明都用到哪裡去了？用到如

8
何要到他要的東西。去講一些好聽的話，爺爺、奶奶就給他買東西，爸爸、媽媽給他買東西。用
到當他犯錯的時候，他都很清楚躲到誰的背後去會沒事，這個現象多不多？多。當孩子犯錯的時
候，他是想著我怎麼逃脫的時候，那他這一輩子就麻煩了，他這一輩子就形成逃避責任的習慣，
他就不是去面對責任，去改正過失。所以當孩子有錯的時候，所有的家庭長輩要有同樣的原則，
絕對不能通融，不能偏護，這個就很重要。

In the process of educating children, there must be an emphasis on the consistency of education
principles. So, parents and all the elders of the family must share consistent principles rather than
having the father adopts one approach, mother adopts another approach, and the grandfather adds
in another approach. Who should the child listen to? In the end, the children would not know who
they should follow. Apart from that, the children would gradually conclude which senior family
members they can take advantage of when they do something wrong. Nowadays children are very
clever, but how is this cleverness being used? They would use it to get the object of their desires. For
instance, they would behave nicely and say nice things to the parents and grandparents so that they
could get what they want. When at fault, these children know very well who would get them out of
trouble. So, are these cases common? Pretty common. If they get into the habit of giving excuses or
evading responsibilities as children, then they will forever be in the habit of evade responsibilities
and never want to rectify their mistakes in their whole lives. So when the children make a mistake,
every senior member of the family should never ever be lenient or side with them. This is extremely
important.

我記得我小時候一犯錯的時候，我的眼睛就看著我的爺爺跟奶奶，因為我是長孫，特別得到
疼愛，不過這個時候我的眼神再哀淒也起不了作用。我的爺爺會跟我說，你自己犯的錯，你被處
罰是應該的，他就跟我奶奶就上樓去了，我那時候都看不懂，只覺得他們怎麼這麼無情，現在搞
教育看懂了。雖然爺爺、奶奶沒念書，不識字，但是他懂教育，難怪他能夠教出四個大學畢業
生，其中還有一個是博士畢業，所以都不是偶然。所以教育孩子可不是憑你的學歷，教育孩子是
憑你有教育的智慧跟經驗。

I remember during my childhood, whenever I made a mistake, I would always look at my

grandparents because they pampered me the most, being the eldest grandson. However, under
circumstances as this, no matter how hard I pleaded with them, everything was in vain because my
grandpa would tell me that I made a mistake and deserved to be punished. Then, they would go
upstairs leaving me behind to face the music. At that time, I was so ignorant and wondered why
they were so merciless. Of course, now I can see the wisdom behind this. Although my grandpa and
grandma never received an academic education and they are illiterate, they know how to educate
their children. No wonder there are four university graduates in our family including a PhD.
Therefore, it was never a coincidence. Educating children has nothing to do with academic
qualification but with life experience and wisdom.

前一陣子有一個報導，調查了全國很多年考試的榜首狀元，結果調查下來，沒有一個狀元的
父母是當教授，很有味道吧。沒有一個狀元的父母是當教授，而很多的狀元家裡都是農民，父母
都很刻苦工作，而這些狀元孩子從小生活困苦，而且非常勤勞，幫助父母，又很有孝心。所以我
們看到這個報導也能夠去推論出，這些狀元在讀書的時候是不是被逼的，他的動力在哪？在他的
孝心，在他的報恩心。他的動力絕對不是一台數碼相機，他的動機絕對不是一台高級電腦。所以
教育孩子真正你要教對，不是你的學歷，也不是你的金錢能夠辦得到的。所以教育的原則一定要
抓對，要統一。

9
Recently, there was a report about a survey done over several years, on the top academic
performers in the national university entrance exams. The result showed that none of their parents
were professors but mostly farmers. As life was hard for them, these outstanding achievers were
very hardworking, helpful and filial to their parents since childhood. So, from the report above, we
can conclude that these successful academic achievers were not forced to study. But, what actually
was the driving force behind them? Filial piety and the wish to repay kindness to their parents. So,
their motivating force (rewards) had never been a digital camera or high-tech computer. Hence,
when educating children, we must adopt the right and consistent approach from the beginning, and
it has nothing to do with academic qualification or money.

每次我父親在責罰我的時候，我的母親在一旁一句話也沒有插進來，這個就很重要。現在很
多先生在責罰孩子的時候，太太就怎麼樣？就插手進來了，可能當時候還沒有處罰孩子，夫妻兩
個就先吵起來了，那到底給孩子什麼榜樣，所以我們教育孩子要很敏銳，要有理智。那個時候我
母親在旁邊聽著，然後頭都低低的沒抬起來，因為她怕我又怎麼樣？又看看她，她怕她於心不
忍，所以她都靜靜的聽。我在長大之後，有就這些事情跟我母親做探討，因為我母親也是老師，
我就把我小時候體會到這些教育的這些體會跟她分享。我母親就對我說，她說小時候你爸爸在訓
你的時候，我都想說年紀這麼小怎麼聽得懂這些大道理，但是我跟我媽說我確實聽得懂。諸位家
長，您不要小看小孩，縱使父親很多的言語我們不是完全了解，但是可以很深刻了解父親那種望
子成龍的苦心，真的不是喜歡罵你的，從那個言語、從那個眼神當中，可以感覺父親那種對我們
的一種疼惜、疼愛。

Whenever my father scolded and punished me, my mother just kept quiet and stayed by the side
(which is a positive and vital attitude). Nowadays, when a father scolds his children, the mother
immediately buts in, and before the children have a hard time, the couple starts to quarrel. This, in
fact, sets a very bad example for the children. So, we must be acute and rational when educating
children. Under that circumstance, my mother was just listening by the side, bending her head very
low. Why? Because she was afraid that she could not bear seeing me being punished. So, after I
grew up, I used to discuss these incidents and share my learning experience with my mother, as both
of us were teachers. Then, my mother told me that when my father was scolding me, she doubted
that I could understand it all. But I told her that I did understand what my father was saying. Dear
parents, never underestimate our children. Perhaps they might not fully understand what we say,
however, they do feel your caring love from our words and eyes.

我父親最常講的一句話就是「你要自愛一點」，要自愛一點，我媽媽說你真的懂嗎？真的
懂。常常在你的成長過程當中，父親的這句話就會浮起來，時時伴著你去突破很多的逆境，甚至
突破很多的誘惑。

My father used to tell me: “You need to have self-respect!” So my mother asked me: “Do you really
know what self-respect is?” “Yes, I do!” I said. And because of this, I did use “self-respect” to
overcome many setbacks and temptations.

所以夫妻教育的原則要一致，當太太覺得先生這麼教不妥當的時候，當場不能講，什麼時候
講？私下過了之後，趁先生情緒不錯的時候再去跟他做這些溝通，因為畢竟夫妻兩個都有一個共
識，都是為了孩子好，所以溝通也急不來，欲速則不達。只要你有那分耐性，有那分誠心，慢慢
都會因為這個共識取得一些共同的好的做法，所以凡事還是要憑我們的這分存心去解決問題。

Therefore, there should be strict consistency and a common understanding between the husband
and wife in family education. When the husband’s approach is not appropriate, the wife should
remain silent on the scene. When the husband is in a better mood, the wife can then seize the

10
opportunity to communicate with him in private. After all, both husband and wife want the best for
their children, and rushing to get your point across may bring in opposite results. As long as you are
patient and sincere, you will work out a better way to iron out the problems. All remained to be
resolved from this good intention.

再來，夫妻教導孩子的過程也要密切配合，我們說的一個家庭裡面要有一個黑臉、一個白
臉，假如家裡人都是白臉，孩子會怎麼樣？每個人都對他百依百順的，保證他會騎到父母的頭上
去。假如每個人對他都是黑臉，凶巴巴的，他會怎麼樣？他從小就沒有自信心了，甚至於父母跟
子女之間的情感就會比較疏離，因為他太怕你。中國強調的是中庸之道，所以家庭當中也要恩威
並施，恩就是白臉，威就是黑臉，要恩威並施，這樣對孩子的教育才有好的影響。你有威嚴，他
就不會不守規矩，不會造次；你有恩施於他，他跟你感情就會好。

Apart from that, there should be a close co-operation and consistency between the husband and wife
so that one parent plays the bad cop and the other the good cop. If both parents are good cops, then
children will become dominating and disrespectful. However, if both parents are bad cops, the
children will lose their confidence from a young age and the parent-child relationship will drift
apart just because they fear their parents too much. The Chinese emphasize the doctrine of the
mean. Thus, there should be a justified reward-and-penalty practice in family education – with
justified rewards, the children will be close to the parents; with penalty practice, the children will
not disobey the rules set by the parents.

我們來看一下，誰當黑臉好，誰當白臉好。現在我以一個我自己親身的例子，我的姐夫工作
比較忙，我姐姐常常帶著我的外甥到我們家裡來，那個時候我就變成黑臉，她就變白臉。我對我
這個外甥很奇怪，我從小就不對他笑，你們很難想像。因為我第一年教書的時候，第一次對我的
學生現怒目金剛，跟他們訓斥完之後，走下樓來，全校的同事都看著我，他說你還會發脾氣？他
們都不相信。要不要發？要。你不發脾氣對不起學生，你該訓斥他的時候不訓斥他，那我們失職
了。但是當老師的人要練到發脾氣的時候，外面發，裡面不發。我曾經在訓斥學生的時候，罵到
我自己都掉眼淚，不是氣得掉眼淚，是對我的言詞覺得正氣凜然，自己都被自己感動得掉眼淚。
所以確確實實我們在責罰孩子的時候，在訓斥他的時候，內心還是在愛護他的，而不是在發脾氣
的。

Let’s take a look, who should be the bad cop and who should be the good one? I will take my elder
sister’s family as an example. As my brother-in-law was always tied up with work commitments, my
sister used to bring her son to our house. Under that circumstance, I became the bad cop, whereas
my sister became the good one. There is something strange about me – I have never joked or toyed
around with my nephew since his childhood. During my first year of teaching, I once seriously
scolded my students in class and taught them a harsh lesson. When I went downstairs, all my
colleagues gazed at me in disbelief, “You do get angry!” Should I scold my students? I should,
otherwise, I would not have fulfilled my obligation as a teacher. However, a teacher needs to learn
the trick of performing anger but without the slightest real anger in him. There were times when I
myself was moved to tears when giving the kids a harsh lesson because I felt what I said was
righteous. In fact, when we are scolding and punishing children, we are actually truly caring for
them, but not being angry.

我的外甥生出來第二天就到我們家了，結果我去看他的時候，他的眼睛轉來轉去，我一看，
才第二天的孩子，眼睛就能轉來轉去，這個孩子先天太聰明，太聰明的人會聰明反被聰明誤，只
要沒有人壓得下他，他以後一定無法無天。所以我一看他的眼睛轉，我的臉就肅起來，從此以後
就沒有好臉色給他看。我記得他一、兩歲的時候，常常很多的親友到家裡來看他，然後大人一看

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到小孩就開始逗他，在這個逗的過程，逗到最後他們就不逗了，他們會說一句話，到底是我在玩
他，還是他在玩我，你看這個孩子有多聰明。而聰明的人都容易脾氣大，為什麼？因為他覺得這
麼容易的事你還不知道，就容易看人不順眼，所以脾氣特別大。

My nephew came to our house on the second day after he was born. When I saw him, I noticed that
his eyes kept moving and looking at things around him. It was only the second day and he could
move his eyes so smoothly – this child is so clever. But those who are too clever are likely to be
troubled by their cleverness. If there is no discipline and they will one day become lawless. From
that time onwards, I decided to show him my stern looks to keep his behavior in check. I remember
when my nephew was about one or two years old, many relatives visited our house and teased him.
After a while, they stopped doing that and concluded that it was actually the little toddler who
teased with them rather than the other way round! See, how clever the child was! But smart kids
are always bad-tempered. Why? Because they dislike people who do not understand simple things
and tend to flare up.

脾氣大到什麼程度？有一次犯錯，大哭大鬧我們不理他，把他抱起來放在嬰兒車上，那個時
候才兩歲左右，放在嬰兒車上，他繼續大哭大鬧，拳打腳踢，結果嬰兒車翻倒了，整個頭栽下
去，叩，抱起來這裡裂了一痕，血都噴出來了，脾氣大不大？大。他脾氣大是他錯，這個時候你
能不能心軟？養育孩子要理智，我姐姐不動聲色，拿著東西趕快幫他止血。當我姐姐在止血的時
候，我突然覺得殺豬的時候豬很痛，因為我外甥那個聲音就跟豬聲沒有兩樣，那個叫得真是昏天
暗地，死命的喊。因為小時候我們附近有一個豬寮，每次在殺豬的時候那個聲音那是震天，很淒
慘，他的聲音就跟那個沒兩樣。所以脾氣這麼大的時候怎麼辦？面對孩子脾氣大，你一定要給他
一個非常重要的一個態度，就是告訴他發脾氣絕對解決不了事，大人絕對不會接受你脾氣的威
脅，一定要給他這種非常堅定的感受。

To what extent did he flare up? He was about two years old back then, he made a mistake and cried
on top of his voice. So he was put into a pram, but continued to cry and kicked about. As result, the
pram turned over and he tumbled with his head hitting hard on the floor. So, blood gushed out from
a cut on his head. Whew! That was the extent of his bad temper which inflicted harm on himself.
His bad temper is his fault and it is never advisable to give in to this unbecoming attitude. When
raising a child, we should always be rational. My sister calmly took out the first aid box and
attended to his wound. However, this uncompromising kid was suddenly shrieking hysterically on
top of his voice again, like a pig being slaughtered. There happened to be a slaughtering house near
the place where we stayed in our childhood and the terrible cry of agony from the pigs was no
difference to my nephew’s shrieking cry. Hence, when facing such improper behavior from our
kids, we should always adopt a very stern and rational attitude – to make them know that parents
will never accept the threat from such an indecent attitude and that flaring up one’s temper cannot
overcome problems.

有一次我們一起吃飯，剛好大年初一，吃飯的時候，他拿筷子就拿在筷子頭，拿筷子頭那筷
子就髒了，我就把他的手拉起來，我說「阿偉，筷子要這麼拿才乾淨，不然你手上細菌都在筷子
上」。他看看我，我把他的手放下之後，他又抓回來，然後又看你，他在挑戰你。然後我又慢條
斯理跟他講，「這樣拿起來，不然會髒，要聽話，舅舅在教你」，他又這樣，三次。這個時候我
怎麼辦？「算了，算了，隨他去」，那還得了！這個時候我一句話也沒發，就把他抱起來往我的
房間走，我的姐姐神態自若，繼續吃她的飯，我的媽媽看不下去了，你看當外婆、當奶奶就是沉
不住氣了。我媽媽就說，「今天大年初一就別打了」。要不要打？要不要處罰？大年初一就不用
處罰，太囂張了。你大年初一不處罰，他就知道啥時候犯錯，他就不被你處罰。

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Once, we were having a reunion dinner on the first day of the Chinese New Year, my little nephew
held the wrong end of the chopsticks, so I showed him the correct way to use it: “You should hold
your chopsticks this way, Ah Wei, otherwise your chopsticks will be dirty!” My nephew glanced at
me for a second but persisted in his own way. In fact, he is challenging you. And again, I said to him
calmly: “Use the chopstick this way so that they will not be dirty. Be good! Uncle is teaching you.”
So this went on for three times and he still did not heed my words. What would I do now or should I
just leave it? No way! At that moment, I held him up tight without saying a word and took him to
my room. My elder sister kept on having the meal calmly, however my mother could not stand it
and said: “Don’t punish him! Today is the first day of the Chinese New Year.” Well, if we decided
not to punish him just because of this, it would give him an excuse to act even more outrageously.
“One cannot be punished on the first day of Chinese New Year”, he would learn and he would know
what time he can get away from punishment by you.

所以我一抱進去，他就開始哭了，哭得稀里嘩啦。他用哭聲要幹什麼？要搬救兵。所以我馬
上讓他所有的救兵都趕不上了，到我的房間裡最好，把門關起來，叫天天不應，叫地地不靈，結
果他還是哭。我覺得這個孩子真的是不見棺材不掉淚，真的是那個脾氣，我們說一個人的怒真的
會讓一個人失去理智。所以中國字，我們看「怒」字怎麼寫，上面一個奴隸的奴，下面一個心，
脾氣不好的人，他的心都當了壞脾氣的奴隸，脾氣叫他到東，他就必須到東；脾氣叫他到西，他
就到西去，完全自己主宰不了自己，所以你看脾氣大的人常常幹一些自己後悔莫及的事情。

So, when I took him to my room, he started crying pitifully. He was using this psychology to
summon for help, however, everything was too late as I locked the door behind me. In spite of this,
he kept on crying. What a big temper he had! That’s why we say anger can make someone lose his
senses. The Chinese character for “angry” consists of the word “slave” on the top and the word
“heart” underneath it. It indicates that if the “heart” of a person is “enslaved” by a bad temper, then
this individual has no control over himself. That’s why people with a big temper often do things that
are regrettable.

所以他繼續哭，我說，你哭得愈大聲，舅舅處罰愈嚴重。然後你要眼神看著他，不只要打，
眼睛要攝受他，捶下去，當然都有一個內勁，不會傷到他，只是要用那個氣勢要攝受他的那種怒
氣。差不多打兩下至三下，他就知難而退了，就慢慢不敢再哭了，知道我跟他玩真的。結果我這
麼一處罰完他，他慢慢就比較沒有這麼囂張，他這麼一不囂張，我們又不是喜歡處罰孩子，慢慢
我們也就沒這麼凶，就比較緩和下來，採取給他教誨教誨，好好跟他說。結果因為一開始的時候
很緊張，後來我又慢慢跟他講，一慢慢跟他講，他的情緒就鬆懈下來，結果一鬆懈下來，他的褲
子就尿出來了，就尿濕了。因為一開始很緊繃，後來我慢慢跟他講話之後，他就放鬆了，結果就
尿褲子。所以我打過他三次，他兩次尿褲子，結果都尿在我的床上，真是惡有惡報。

My little nephew kept on crying. So, I warned him that if he cried harder, I would punish him more.
Apart from hitting him two or three times (without causing any physical harm) while staring sternly
into his eyes, the more important part was to let our stern disciplinary actions dominate over his
arrogance. Gradually, he dared not cry anymore and sensed that I was not just trying to scare him.
After this punishment, he began to soften his arrogant stance. We certainly don’t like punishing
children. So once he was less arrogant, I also softened my approach and taught him a lesson. And
because the tension had been eased, my nephew became more relaxed and consequently urinated on
my bed. I had punished him three times and he urinated twice on the same bed! This proved the
saying, ‘a bad cause brings a bad effect.’

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 這樣給他教完之後，他就能夠知道不能用壞脾氣威脅大人。當我把他處罰完，我走出去，走
出去之後，我的姐姐會馬上跟進來。所以教育孩子這一場戲可要大家一起配合好，效果才會顯
著。我姐姐馬上走進來接棒，一進來的時候，孩子因為剛被處罰完就開始撒嬌，就往我姐姐身上
撲過去要抱，我姐姐就把他推出來，「你剛剛錯在哪裡？自己說」。然後這個孩子又撲過來，我
姐姐很堅持，都把他抓好，「剛剛錯在哪兒？自己說」。一定要讓他清楚錯在哪，而不是把情緒
留在被處罰，要讓他正視到他自己錯在哪，為什麼會搞成這樣。當他講完之後，還不夠，「去跟
舅舅道歉」，要收尾收好，整個教育的過程才告圓滿，所以他還要到我的面前來跟我道歉。

So, he had finally learned not to threaten adults with his bad temper. After I finished teaching him
the lesson, I walked out of the room and my sister came in. So you see, educating children needs
collaboration from all sides before positive results become visible. My little nephew dashed towards
her to seek for asylum, but my sister pushed him aside and asked him: “What have you done wrong
just now? Speak out clearly!” Again, this little kid kept on rushing towards my sister but was
stopped by her. “Do you know what wrong have you done? Do speak for yourself.” The kid must
understand why he was punished, instead of sulking at the fact he was punished. The key was for
him to realize what he did wrong. After admitting his faults, my sister demanded him to come over
to me and apologize: “I am sorry, Uncle!” Because an appropriate ending is very important. After
that, the whole episode of education was perfectly completed.

大年初一處罰完，大年初二剛好我安排帶我父母還有外甥去爬爬山，結果在要去爬山的過
程，我剛好走在前面，我這個外甥跑過來就把我的手牽起來，我的氣都還沒消，他已經沒事了，
所以小孩他不會記恨你，他很清楚誰錯了，自己錯了，他只是拗不過他那個習氣而已。所以當他
不對的時候你處罰他，他打從心裡是尊敬你，所以他最怕我，所以後來只要我在的時候，他特別
規矩，吃完飯還會給我檢查，「舅舅，我吃完了」。所以家裡面一定要有讓他能夠敬畏的角色，
就是黑臉，孩子才懂得要守規矩。所以我回想我們小時候父親哪用罵我們，當我們行為舉止比較
不規矩的時候，父親的眼睛一瞪過去，馬上我們就知道要收斂一點，所以家裡面黑臉、白臉要配
合好。

The next day - the second day of the Chinese New Year - I brought my parents, including that
naughty little nephew, out for hiking. I was leading in front and my little nephew ran up to me and
held my hand by the side. In fact, I was still a little fed up with him but it seemed that this kid had
forgotten all about the punishment. See, children never hold a grudge against us because they know
they are wrong and should be punished. They just cannot control their temper sometimes. Despite
being punished because of misbehaving, he still respects and fears you. From then onward, as long
as I am present, this little nephew never dares to misbehave. Even when he has finished a meal, he
would show me the empty bowl. “I have eaten all the rice, Uncle!” So, we do need a bad cop,
someone whom the children would respect and fear, so that they know how to behave properly.
Recollecting my childhood memories, there was no need for my father to scold us for misbehaving.
As soon as my father gave us a stern stare, we immediately knew that we must behave well and be
more disciplined. So, there ought to be cooperation between the bad cop and the good cop at home.

現在的男人都不扮黑臉，喜歡扮白臉，為什麼？我們追究原因在哪？因為現在很多父親太忙
了，所以自己忙了之後，心靜不下來照顧孩子，就會覺得有一些愧疚，所以每次出門就拿玩具回
來給孩子。孩子一開始說「謝謝爸爸」，把玩具拿回去，久而久之，孩子衝出來「謝謝爸爸」，
連看爸爸也沒有，只看什麼？只看玩具，所以父親在孩子心目當中就是有求必應，沒有他的威
嚴，所以孩子現在壓不下去。結果黑臉沒人演，誰來演？太太演，太太又要演黑臉，又要演白
臉，因為媽媽本來就是母愛，天性，所以常常就很細心關心孩子，所以有時候又要很凶，有時候
又要突然又要關心他，一下要變黑臉，一下要變白臉，所以現在女人有一個病特別嚴重，叫做

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「內分泌失調」。常常這樣，她累得半死，壓力特別大。所以我們為人先生的人要能夠看到很多
太太的需要，在教育孩子方面，應該多跟太太好好配合，該對孩子凶的時候，該給孩子一些規範
的時候，我們當爸爸的應該走在前面。好，這一節課先上到這邊，謝謝大家。

Nowadays, husbands don’t like playing the bad cops. Why? As they are practically
tied up by work and hardly have time to look after their children, they try to
compensate by buying toys to please their kids. At first, the kids would say: “Thank
you, Daddy!” before they take the toys. As time goes by, the kids take it for
granted and a casual “thank you” has just lost its intended meaning because the
kids are more interested in the toys rather than cherishing their father’s kindness.
In the children’s eyes, the father is only someone giving them whatever they want.
Therefore, without stern fathers, the kids are difficult to be disciplined. So, who
is going to play the bad cop? OK, the wife has to play both the bad cop and the good
cop. The nature of a mother is showing motherly love, and hence the good cop. But
then when the children misbehave, the mother has to go against her nature, play the
bad cop and appear fierce. That is why endocrine disorders are not uncommon among
women nowadays. Because of this, most mothers are extremely stressful and feel
heavily pressurized. As husbands, we should work closely with our wives in playing
the role of a stern father and be responsible to discipline our children. Well,
that’s all for today. Thank you.

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